The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep 209 – Summer Pussy

Episode Date: May 28, 2020

dueling soundboards? yeah, its summer alirhgt

That's actually gay. It's actually don't like it. It's actually one of the gayest things. We've ever seen one of the gayest things on record What many it birds being gay many experts are referring to the gayest thing they've ever seen Yeah, I was over here and apparently when you go on YouTube, you got a son in That's fucking gay. Yeah, they're calling it one of the gayest things of all time It just gets funnier than we What many you're referring to yes many you're calling let me sign it. Let me use my official Background wait, hold on. It's just I just posted it. So nobody's watching it yet. Okay, and then we're gonna switch the gallery view here Mm-hmm interesting. Oh, I just kind of what? And you had a sign made

Yeah, every doctor told me and it doesn't make this sign. Yeah, well, it doesn't make any sense and then you had a sign made I Had to tell you that just for I can see now here that when you move your hand. It's It's a background is fake. So no, yeah, it's a virtual background whereas you could have just made a sign No, you could have very digital now You could have very easily made a sign hung it on the wall. You didn't do that much, which means the sign is fake That's not how that works brother. Absolutely live in a digital world. We live in a social distancing world This is a digital sign pal. There's no spring

There's no string. There's none of this whatever is going on over here. Yeah, it looks nice. No, I dressed it up What you have is a fake sign That speaks the truth. It's extends to the nation on it. All right Well, you know what I actually bought a program that tells you tells us the most true statement in the world So why don't I play? Why don't I run that program? First of all, I don't for starters You know, we'll just I I'm not gonna refute all of the information, but I'm certain that every doctor in the world didn't tell you that Every single one man, I don't know what to tell you and why would you wish it wasn't true because I don't want you to have a small dick You're my friend

But you're my friend and I want you to have a small. Well, that's that's what we're different kind of guys I root for my friends. I root for my friends, too. I want you to triumph over hardship Well, I know you don't have it. That's that's the sugar. Who the fuck is rooting for a guy with a big dick? I Want my friends to have every advantage in life. Yeah, that's the kind of guy I am. I Know you couldn't handle having a small dick. You couldn't live in this world I'm like I'm quietly praying for all of my black friends to become white and prick I just want them I've dear god, please fix Marcus's skin. Please his skin. It's too much melanin make him white Yeah

Well, the cop. Yeah speaking of that cops have been murdering people and Also, uh, they got that sexy bird or guy. It's funny that that's like the only thing from the pre corona world That's still going on Every other bullshit type of news story that like everyone stopped caring about it's like Like because you know seven months ago. It was like stop the presses Leslie Jones tried on a miniskirt. Yeah And then that's nobody cares about that anymore. No, no, that's that's happening like, you know a trans kid fucking

like Did Tiananmen Square to yeah fucking a picture of Donald Trump or something. Yeah, but now The only thing that's still going on is the cops are like, let's Let's just keep doing it. It ain't no problem. I've been cooped up too long my murdering fingers itching Yeah cops are like look the world's got to go back to normal Why not us what we'll start it off and it'll be a beacon of hope that things will get back to normal as they were before the pandemic Yeah, we'll get to keep murdering people. It's funny. They're just doing that because they're bitter that like once again You know 9-11 happened and everybody's talking with the first responders and they're talking about firemen, right?

And then you know, that's come on say us too. Yeah Well, we're putting it on the car anyways, we're putting on yeah, we were there sort of we were driving around And now this happens they're like now it's a turn because we got to be out here and then it's like Grocery store guys. Yeah, dude. They got jumped completely Grocery nor nurses, of course, but then even grocery store guys delivery guys They're more heroes to me than cops easy This is this is like Copland happening to them. So that's the salon who they thought was a retard Yep, groceries to retard bagging groceries at the grocery store

Wanted to be a cop, but Because I'm deaf and one here All I can do is which it's like I never made sense to me It's like what I feel like you could be a cop if you're deaf and one ear especially considering that like he's knows all these cops Yep, they're covering up for their friend who murdered somebody. That's right And they're like, what are you talking about rig the system to let a deaf guy in? We'll get 30 years There's no way we could get away with that. We gotta do things by the book now. Help me grind up this child's toes

Yeah, what if somebody whispers something sensual into his ear? Then everybody thinks we got gay cops on We can't do that. We couldn't have that What if somebody tries to bribe him and he doesn't accept it? He doesn't hear the bribe. He can't hear it Because he's a fucking ear toad Damn salute Copland. I enjoyed Copland, but it was one of the it was a movie. I saw just highest shit Yeah, I mean that was like part of the when I was a teenager. Was that michael mangold? Is that who did that just jewish michael man?

Yeah, michael mangold. Yeah, james mangold mangold director I think that's who it is It was a good. It was a solid one. Who would it michael raport plays the guy who killed someone? Yeah, he was cute in it. james mangold. Yeah, somebody told me that um Yeah, james mangold did uh logan too. Oh Hell yeah best movie of all time, bro Fuck the godfather to logan. That's the best movie. Yeah, and then ford versus ferrari and walk

Oh, dude, this man has nothing but bangers No, he's a good director. He's made he's made some good movies heaters from james big james Yeah, copland girl interrupted katin lia polled identity, which was kind of a piece of shit Uh, it's identity 310 to yuma remake, which I liked people say that's good. I should watch it. Yeah Yeah, bell. I fuck with ross. So is that uh, the The other guy the fucking wormy guy ben foster. Oh, yeah, whatever happened to ben foster What's he up to these days? He must have gotten some kind of strange put all those guys got pussy that didn't deserve. I wonder who he fucked

Yeah, he died of coronavirus What? This would be a really convenient way to double up on conspiracy theories and And I guess that is what they said was going to happen right that they were going to kill all the pedophiles or something After the jails. Yeah, I mean that's kind of that's got to be the end of q anon That's that's the point where you got to be like, okay, this is fake I feel like they're gonna marshal on brother. I don't know what could possibly you know, just pay attention to the clues I know we said that there were underground tunnels where they're arresting

They're going to arrest started pedophiles and it didn't happen. But that's just one of the clues It's part of the clue. It's part of the clue mentality the clutality of a Q genius Yeah, shouts out to q anon They really are all keep hey keep digging brothers. You're almost there People keep saying this Karen thing is like, uh They're like, it's basically like using the n-word. I love that. Mm-hmm, which I mean

Can we start using it that way? Yeah, because I've seen Karen fly if we can say the if it's like the n-word then what the hell Yeah, there was a couple of uh, oh shit. I know man I knew I forgot something. I got you bro. Go ahead. I don't know what I forgot to do was record the podcast That's all right, we can get it off the feed. What minute is this minute fucking seven? I clapped hard as shit We'll get it off the feed. We'll just uh feed. We'll just wait until somebody else steals it and yeah We'll just take one of this one of those old ones and reupload it. Yes, sir

Damn Honestly, it's crazy how quickly something is fucking a word becomes fucking horrible and useless and yeah Care I hate I don't want to hear about Karen anymore People people say what what else this way? I don't I don't Karen The only Karen I'm interested in is the big titty bitch from will and grace How about care ends? and it's c a r e hyper

hyphen hyphen and then in and then an asterisk You know like you got a bunch of care ends all over the timeline complaining about something again because they care Yeah, so caring n words caring Is what you would get classified as a mess someone who cares about anything care ends. Yeah What is that something I think I think if you say Karen you should have to post a picture of Megan Mullally with her tits out Because I'm thinking about her from will and grace and I want to see them I want to see the fucking girls the big fat titty titties

Yeah The bird guy was hot though. I will give him credit even though he was a nerd You see him which bird guy Well, so because the cops murdered a guy they they upped the racism Times a thousand versus that lady who was going to like call the tried to essentially get the cops to Murder that oh the guy that made the video. Yeah. Oh, yeah, I forgot that he was a bird watcher He's a bird watcher. It's a fucking nerd, but he was hot. He was ripped Well, that's what I was I was thinking is so funny is like we see the other side of the video and that guy's like seven

for his three and he looks like Ronnie Coleman And he's just like like he's like I was doing my knife tricks He's just got like a like a kente cloth shirt on that says ie white bitches for breakfast And he's just taping her he's like, can you put your dog all the way? And she's like I please get away from please Yeah, this guy's just the scariest looking dude of all time, but with such a cute voice Right well because the voice makes you you're thinking like, you know fucking silo green. Yeah, that's what I was picturing Just a guy with like a scarf on and a little like

Session musician hat Like a fucking pork pie hat with feathers on the side A little fat guy that loves watching fucking hummingbirds, right? He looks like he's just wearing nothing but samples from Diane's fabrics He's just sash hanging around the park. I'm trying to watch birds Can you make your dog? Please tell your dog to stop Ah, he's scaring the birds Yeah, yeah, well What are you gonna do man?

Shots out to America That story that video is great. That's an all-timer. Yeah, I'd actually watch the whole thing There's an african-american man threatening my dog and my life Threatening my life. Yeah What a dumb bitch. It's great because it's like just this fucking like storm of the worst kinds of people in the world All tattling on each other to death. Yeah, it's just it's just the natural end to the tattletail Mexican standoff Yeah, yeah, because honestly, it's like even if that woman had not made that call Then that guy's a fucking asshole. Yeah, you give a shit about yeah, like

Who cares whether the dog's on a fucking well Apparently the reason they have to be on a leash is because they eat birds Dogs eat birds so her dog was eating a bird. I don't fuck. I didn't actually read anything into it But apparently it's the reason those leash things are there because dogs go buck wild and fuck up even even if Let me ask you if you were walking through the park and you saw somebody without their dog on a leash Would you start making a video and trying to shame them on social 100%? No, of course not So that's oh, so he just made the video without even asking her beforehand or I have no idea But I mean even if it's like truly I would not yes

I wouldn't even say if somebody was Cutting in line for a Claire's Yeah For you know something near and dear to my heart the way this man cares about birding Yeah, if this if say if it was somebody Stole one of my tokens for the getting pussy factory. Yeah, which is something I hope exists. Yeah, maybe I'm taking my phone I'm saying excuse me. I was in line to get pussy and eat a Claire's before this person Maybe I would I mean because the the the other way that video goes happens probably all the time

Which is like fucking him making that video Putting it online think he's gonna shame or it doesn't take off But it's still causing all this fucking undue stress to this woman That's just like just walking her dog and letting the dog off the leash in a fucking empty park. Yeah. There's nobody there Right, right, right, right. I mean, it's like you are being a fucking tattletale and the dream was exactly you got exactly What you wanted out of that lady. They're a beautiful. It's Jordan. I mean it ends with him going. Thank you Because it's like oh now I get to be famous. Yeah, he just I'm sure he was like fucking It was a Christmas morning the second she said there's an African-American man threatening my life

Oh, dude, absolutely. That's that's tattletale. That's that's a tattletale fucking you bet it for the cycle there He had a fucking tattletale grand slam with that one. You hurt me. It's all the same people It's all the same fucking people and they created a tattletale world thinking that there was more than one spot for the teacher's pet That's right. It doesn't exist. Nope. So you're gonna have to yeah You wanted it. You wanted the gauntlet and you got it He the yeah, it is funny how racist you have to be to make people side with a fucking tattletale nerd Well, they're all they're all the yeah, they're all the tattletale Yeah, yeah, I know but her tattling is

Racist dumb bitch tattling versus. I mean, she's yeah, she's fucking stupid They're ending my life. Yeah I mean, that's not a card you ever pull like if that This I mean that even your mind would go there She got mildly Incompetent she was like I'm gonna get the cops to kill this mother This you threaten the person with your fucking dog. That's as far if you want to be a piece of shit You go like get him boy

get sick him Fucking sick the dog on the person And you know if the cops had killed that guy she would have been crying and been like he tried to rape me You know What would have happened how much she would have lied if there was no fucking camera Yeah I mean She made that call and the cops were in prospect park like two minutes later beating up a 14 year old from Sri Lanka

Like we got him we found the guy we got him They just go to they go to a fucking a jungle gym a small community jungle gym just beat up a child a baby. Yeah, baby. Hmm They got a super soaker filled with piss Just spraying a baby in the face with urine We're responding we're first responding. We're doing essential. We got him. Yep. We got him check I'm sorry. Hold on. Yep. We got we got him. We're fucking up little black boys We got a super soaker filled piss and we're gonna shoot it into his mouth Also next day

What was that last part? Well cops are liars Everyone knows you're right. Yeah We meant he was straight. Oh, what the hell? So if they lied Yeah, yeah, fuck that lady it is funny. She was like she worked for an investment bank and they were like We can't have a racist here at this investment bank at this fucking Yeah, only uh, we only want the most upstanding people Fucking getting people out of their homes Upstanding. I don't think we have a read today, but I finally got the uh

Mack Weldon finally came through with the Nice the shits Whatever I was talking about Not the check the uh Underwear. Yes nice. Yeah, they were supposed to give me a code a couple weeks ago when they did the other read It didn't happen, but I got it now Hell yeah, dude. I got some underwear company and then we got a new sponsor. I gave them your address. It's a surprise Oh, really? Hell yeah

I don't know if we can see what it is. It's probably the least useful thing for you, but What is it Well, you'll see and we'll do the read. I'm sure you'll find a creative way to use it Okay, and it's it's only just recently become a thing that I can use interesting Oh, it's all okay It's something to have gay sex with because you just became hot enough to have gay sex. I just became hot enough to have gay sex I get it that makes sense. Yeah, I won't have any use for that. That's for sure Um, that is interesting though because I actually bought a program for you. I got something for

It's nice to just be like being like just getting my foot in the door and to be in gay hot How's it feel like it took a decade to become Like to cross the boundary from like regular hot to now just being like a gay too Yeah, absolutely. Hey, come on. You're a gay six. Yeah Just like working in the mail room at gay ink Like um, yeah here first thing in the morning ready to work boss Anything I can do for the company. I'm ready to move up Finally, you don't look disgusting any spits in your mouth

Just just filing letters in some 1930s fucking Some big building their steam. It's early morning. Yep. Just taking wow scoops scoops of calm and putting it in different fucking Pneumatic tubes to go into different different ball gay bosses cups of coffee Now I want to rewatch hudsucker proxy Mm-hmm with my shot about Tim robbins and vencil loop Interesting. Yeah, that's the whole movie. Yeah, that's my synopsis. Yes. Yeah No, thanks. It's one of the shittier cullen brothers movies. Oh, that's them. Mm-hmm

Damn, I just watched uh barton fink I love it solid-ass flick. It's one of my my top 10 movies. Love that love frazier's dad in there, too Yeah, love to see frazier's dad cut loose being a good actor. Yeah, not just being like boy. My sons are gay Yeah, him is that fucking Faulkner character is like amazing. Yeah, he rules when he's just fucking throwing up in the bathroom from the alcohol poisoning And then he comes out a good afternoon Dude, that was the dream imagine if that system existed, dude Somehow off the strength of this dumbass podcast We get to just have a contract with a film

Studio and they just bury all our work and just pay us to do nothing Yeah, I don't know if Faulkner actually wrote movies and if that's based on like a true story or something But there was a period where it was either like Fitzgerald or one of those That era of like esteemed writers had a period where they were just writing pictures But yeah, you just go out to Hollywood and just pump out garbage. Yeah Like literally because they didn't couldn't have algorithms if they had algorithms they would just use that. Yeah, but it didn't exist like listen Faulkner we need a wrestling picture He either needs to get pussy or he's got to have an adopted child. Yeah, love that dude. Yeah

I wish I could do that shit and then get pussy for my secretary. There's so many great great performances that fucking scene with I don't even know that actor's name, but the the producer The big studio head when Barton first gets all that guy rocks, dude. That guy is so fucking good in it Yeah, he's unbelievable. That's such like a it's such a Hollywood vibe Which is like we love you everyone's obsessed with your shit You can't wait to see what you do and then in the second it's not like Like exactly what they want What the fuck is your problem? You're actually my enemy and I will fucking kill you. I will kill your family. Yeah

I loved it. I loved I uh All the uh internalized anti-semitism that was a nice part of it also. Yeah them just saying it to each other The caseler That guy rules. What else? Yeah, where is it? What else has that motherfucker been in? I don't know probably like probably on wishbone and Tony Shalhoub out there Tony Shalhoub a lot of people are horny for Tony Shalhoub. I feel like what do you mean? I think that's out there in the in the zeitgeist and

Um, is that a nazi word zeitgeist? Yeah, I mean, it's german. Mm-hmm, but uh No, that's I don't think it's nazi I think it just sounds cool zeitgeist and where the nazi's using it ever No, it feels like too uh Too about gay stuff for the not the nazis weren't about culture and stuff, you know they're all about You know killing

Gay guys and Jews and gypsies and stuff. Okay. Michael Lerner is an american character actor Nice nominated for an academy award for Michael. I'm a learner how to suck this dick Barton Fink You got nominated for that Yeah, he got nominated for a best supporting actor for respect. He deserved it. Mm-hmm Let's see. What else is he in here? He's in a movie called he's in a movie called busting Whoo hell yeah

Hell yeah, yeah, it's a 1974 film directed by peter hyams and his theatrical debut Starring ellie gould and robert blake as los angeles police detectives. Oh hell, yeah And oh is the inspiration for starsky and hutch Wow, let's see at what point do a couple of detectives that could not help but bust in their pants. Yeah, I mean i'm hoping They were famous for coming Um, is it a comedy do they bust? What is this? Do they bust? Do they look like he's uh, mr. President, uh, do they bust in the movie? Yeah, the movie busting. Yes

Mr. President, let me be clear. Yes, they bust and uh, Michael butts but cheeks liano Channel six news do in the movie busting. Do the characters busting their pants? Uh, yes, they do And also Michael, uh, you're gay You're gay, uh, dude. I actually talked to barack obama and I asked him what is what's one way that we can solve the pain What are two things we need for to solve the pandemic and you know what he told me nick what? Gotta them rips And pussy too What wow, that's really interesting mr. President

Um, what is that from his book? No, I don't know. I just saw it on the internet Got to have them rips and pussy too And honestly, I respect that's actually that's what I think you have to have too somebody should teach donald trump a uh, like to get him to do like a perfect barack obama impression And then he's just doing obama every presser. How funny would that be? He's like breaks into it. Oh, I don't know about the virus, but I'm gay Hey everybody, it's me It remembers me

You know, he's sucking dick folks, you know, he's being gay That's good. Is that your obama face? What is that? Is that deniro obama? Hey Um, I'm I'm fucking I'm the parents over here. Hey, I'm uh, I'm fucking meeting the parents. Yeah Uh, you know the parents you gotta meet them then stillers gay. Oh, you gotta you gotta meet the parents You gotta when you when the parents show up you gotta meet them Okay, so simple

Uh, you can't can't go away with not meeting them. You gotta meet the parents. You gotta meet the parents One of the gays You gotta uh, and I'll say I've said it before I'll say it again. I'm a I'm a dirty grandpa. Yeah I'm getting pussy From that one bitch who's in every comedy for you know, you got rocky and you got bullwinkle And they're friends with each other and You know, there's bad guys Bad guys in the movie

Oh, you can't you can't you can't be a bad guy you can't be a bad guy rocking bullwinkle No, he's in it. He's the bad guy. I think so. Yeah, hold on. Nice. That feels more like Danny DeVito to me, but probably not It's probably too slight Oh Fuck it's hot. I think the movie. Yeah, it was him and like Fomka Jensen as the bad guys Oh Why don't you funk my dick? Uh, then she's a rockin bullwinkle Uh, the 2000 American live

Live actors Robert De Niro who also co-produced the film. Oh, look at bobby d getting in the mix Boris badnov with jason alexander And natasha fatale renae russo Okay, renae. I don't know. Yeah, it was not Fomka Jensen It was not Fomka. Yeah, she was so hot dude. I don't know who that I don't remember who that is Yeah, you do. You know exactly who Fomka Jensen is It would have been nice to have been married to her for from like 1999 until 2003 Oh, yeah, and then I go back to rehab

Oh, damn, she's hot as hell was You wouldn't smash now Absolutely not she's She went off the rails with surgeries and stuff. Uh, that's a big shame Mm-hmm. That's a shame going off the rails surgery Mm-hmm. Sometimes, you know, just age gracefully. I'll we'd still let you suck us off guys like us good guys Guys like us. That's our movie Mm-hmm. Just a couple fellas let an old woman suck us off

Yeah, provided they haven't had any Fucking plastic surgery. I'll tell you that you got plastic surgery around it All right, we can't get plastic surgery If if a bitch gets plastic surgery This is a very visual impression You're doing your eyes like the nero You talking to me? No, but it's about bomb is always saying stuff. That's like he's just mentioning Robert De Niro Are you talking to me are you talking to me?

I don't I don't see anybody here else here. You can't you can't talk to me Oh Can't be can't be talking to me Did you fuck my wife? Yeah It's all the suggestions we can tell you Fomka Jensen is Jean Grey Star Trek Sophie Turner James Martin actress Hansel and Gretel height beautiful surgery the faculty wallpaper taken The Wolverine thigh

What's wrong with the thigh? Yeah There's some nice fake nudes on here on here from her. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, there's some good fake nudes on here Yo, Femka come over here and suck me off, please Femka Jensen. How about fuck my assin? Mm-hmm funk That is correct. Funk assin That's right. That's right. That's right

Oh I love these. I love the way you'd google any female celebrity and it's like you No matter what there's always exactly what comes up is uh Fomka Jensen completely unrecognizable as old bitch Some dumb bitch got old sad Jane Fonda absolutely you will be shocked to see how much of an old bitch She's turned into Who uh, she once had a juicy pussy now dried up and no good to anyone I know

He was she was married to Todd Williams Who the hell's that generic ass name? He uh, he directed paranormal activity too Wow Damn, dude Femka fell off. She should have direct. She should have gotten married to somebody better Somebody better. That's why she had to get those surgeries. She wound up not even the first paranormal activity dude The yeah, that one. It was actually pretty good. Yeah Fuck Femka dude. I'm out on her now. Yeah. Yeah. She's uh,

She's a dumb bitch But they should let guys do some canceling and we're canceling women from getting old. Can you imagine that the new york times headline? controversy surrounds Fomka Jensen looking gross now And so we've talked to everyone in her life to demand accountability We we've quoted we've quoted powerful men. We've quoted everyday men as saying. Yeah, I don't know just I can't even get hard anymore When I check off to her pictures, I can't get hard to her pictures anymore When when is she gonna be held accountable for me not being able to get hard when I look at her pictures anymore? Yeah, that's what I want to fucking know

When we're gonna get our it's our turn. It's our turn to cancel. It's our turn to cancel For Sandra Bullock, you better keep it tight. You're on my radar the summer of guy canceling I found out somebody was a lesbian cancelled Yeah, I was trying to fuck that girl from twilight I was going to put vampire teeth all along my shit and have her suck me die my dick But turns out she's a fucking lesbian There was something I don't know why I was trying to look something up when I looked up Fomka Jensen and now it's I escaped you my brother everything. I've had a lot of things escape me today. I feel that

I've taken I took some Adderall to clean my room and honestly, I've just I just got very focused and just beat off to One person like I just you know when you're scrolling x videos, then you go through a whole Like let me find this person's entire body of work. Yeah, no to the best picture. No, I don't I don't do much beating off anymore You don't beat off anymore. I'm too subdued. I got up. I've been getting up early You can't use any of your life force to beat off. No now now my new thing is I wake up Ass early 545 a.m. And I start doing yoga Whoa, what are you doing? I'm doing whatever. I got some down dog app that everybody recommended. Okay. Is he good?

I will see. I mean, I'm like so Like inflexible or whatever that I just need to see like what like establish some kind of like baseline to progress from because just everything is like Everything's fucked up. I want it. I want it so like when quarantine ends if I can ever get back in the gym to make sure that I'm like As lean as possible and then also as mobile as possible. Love that So because you know, I'm I'm like in my 30s. It's like I can't really get away with like Jim's back open now. I'm gonna go in. I can't touch my toes and I'm fat and I'm like expect anything other than to just like get Slightly less fat or more and then injure myself. Right, right, right, right, right? So you try to be flexible

You try to have a dancer's physique in your 30s. Yes I love that for just a little ballet, dude You start wearing tights everywhere the tights start putting like a little salami on at the front of it to make your dick look bigger Yeah, just wearing just a bit of salami that goes all the way up to my chest and pokes out of the top of the Taking bites throughout the day. The leotard just sucking on the tip of it It's what it's where I keep my meal. I'm gonna die lunch. I'm gonna die it I'm getting lean the fucking

Yeah I can't eat it. I fucking It's a snack. Oh, you're just sucking the juices It's to keep me on my fucking diet because I'm getting lean for when the gym's reopened In line at the fucking post office wearing nothing but ballet tights and a fucking big ass a fucking Six foot salami. No, I don't have anything to mail. I'm just hanging out It's under your mask. I'm just hanging out People are like new york's back

We got new york back I love they got Nature's healing itself new york's turning back into a guy's sucked deep throwing a pepperoni A guy in a ballerina outfit hanging out at the post office sucking sucking a salami out of his shirt Hell yeah I decided I would have sat you have the guitar. I get the sax for a good riff Yeah, my soundboard's my soundboard's busted. Oh, that sucks. I mean, it would take two seconds to fix But I haven't enough weeks. Sorry man. Don't worry. I got it. Nick is gay

Hey, that's cool. They take his gay computer. Yeah, should I run that again? This is the most work you've done for the podcast in four years Do you want me to run the computer again because it might have been wrong? No, it's cool. You should um, you should make music What'd you get like a little vocoder? Is that just all like one app? It's one app. Yeah I was thinking about getting a vocoder to plug into this thing I would love a vocoder. I'm gonna get like a whole like apex twin setup. Fuck. Yeah, dude. Hell yeah Yeah, the fucking technological fucking arms race has begun. Yeah That's like an 80s style, you know, that's cool, but this is just standard just regular

I can't wait, dude. Yeah, hold on, dude I want to run it again because I you know, it said you were gay, but I just want to double check. You're my friend I want to make sure I just checked again. He's even gayer than I calculated the first time I'm sorry, dude. I'm how many things it says a soundboard. What do you got on there? I got a soundboard. That's a full featured soundboard. I know dude. It's fucking tight. That's very nice Got to have them ribs. Yeah. Yeah, that's great. God damn. Those are really those are really good soundboard selections I want to do it, but I gotta I'm gonna have like an iPad that plugs into the board. Yeah

It's like a no separate thing an iPad would probably be good. Yeah Oh Fuck yeah, it is the most work, but you know what I enjoy just This is fun to have sounds. Yeah, because it's like that's how we do You know, we're living in a digitized world now digital world. You got for example, you get digital signs that are true It's funny. It's like we're finally living in like the the technological dystopian nightmare They predicted in all those 80 science fiction movies except

Except we don't nobody says, you know gay 80s slang. Yeah, that's true and TVs are flat That's true, but it is basically this. Yeah. Yeah, you know, they're gonna track us on our phones That was the thing too is like they in the 80s they could make the the world look like a dystopian Technological nightmare only because the technology at the time sucked Right, so they would project their own shitty technology into the future. Yeah, big ass fucking cathode Yeah, right there like imagine you just have to talk to your family through this shitty box and it's like, okay Well, my regular TV is like 8k. So yeah I have a 70 I can see the pores on my grandma's face. Yeah, I have a 75 inch screen

I can get closer to my grandma that I couldn't realize because she would die from the disease and also she smells bad She smells like she already smells like death them teeth are looking at a fucked up I'll tell you that last time I saw my grandpa. He asked me to clean it like fix his vacuum Nice, and it's just filled with death There's just like decaying just skin that came off of them and it's old man dead skin. Uh Yeah, it's like no, how much more vacuuming can you possibly have to do? Eventually again, you're gonna suck yourself into this fucking. That's right, brother. Just chill. You're done Yeah, you've got maybe three more vacuums left in you and you want to fix this thing

Get get into a boat and just fucking set sail never come back. That's it It's crazy. You get to that age and you're still doing bullshit chores Oh, I will I barely do chores now. I'm not doing chores. No, you can count the days you have left probably what 78 And you're like, uh, fuck. I gotta go get stamps Yeah, it makes you feel well people also say like it makes you feel vital. Some people can't retire But believe me, I'll be able to retire, dude I'm the king and not doing shit. I love not doing anything I'm gonna be one of the people who goes nuts

But I'll probably just have a heart attack when I'm like 55 True and I live in the woods and no one's around so just die from like a very mild heart attack Yeah, it's very treatable. You probably could if you just chewed an aspirin in time, you would have been fine Yeah, but you have no more aspirin because it's all Owl feed. I do want a young child around though. So I'm gonna cry and try to resuscitate me. Yeah And I'm like, I'm not I'm not even dead yet, but I'm so pretending to be dead. Yeah I die eventually but even right even leading up to that. I'm like, let me just scare him a bit Let me just test it out. Yeah, this child I stole from an orphanage. Yeah. Oh wait. No

Oh, goodbye. Yeah. Now I'm gone. I'm dead. Now I'm really dead. Yeah, I'm dead. I'm dead. I'm dead I'm dead. I'm I'm gonna make him an offer. Yeah, don't refuse. It's me Nicholas Cage Obama I'm bringing I'm bringing out the dead So national pussy and barbecue is a national treasure Nicholas Obama Pussy and barbecue pussy and barbecue There's only one national treasure. It's pussy and barbecue That's true. No, that's true. Nick

Nick Cage the founding fathers. They drew a picture of pussy on the back of the constitution This year was originally written. They were really busy. They had to track off to something This original constitution was written barbecue sauce Thomas Jefferson actually fucked so many of his slaves. He became black You won't find that anyway, they're like, yeah, they're like, yeah, most of national treasure 3 was ad-libbed by Nick Cage The budget, you know, the studio, they knew it would be a smash hit So they actually gave us $8 trillion to make the film and we basically we let Nick Cage riff it out for 17 hours straight on on a pez binge

He fucked up his insulin with a he found that a whole lot of vintage pez dispensers Complete with candy on ebay. He ate them went in the diabetic shock and had a fever dream and just Ad-lib the entire movie and then we CGI'd it around them We spent most of our budget on blackface CGI so you could play black thomas jefferson Yeah, but it was worth every penny The only way to get around to get around the security cameras is I have to dress up like dress up like thomas jefferson of blackface It's the only way to do it if you get around there's lasers

Only one man's face is programmed not to set them off and that's black thomas jefferson Yeah, who's crazy how there was like laser grids in every movie for It's like it's like it's so funny that like the the entertainment industry is like hyper obsessed with intellectual property And you know, they had like a whole decade of like maybe we should put grandmas in jail Yeah for you know, they're an F you downloading fucking And then at the same time every movie is just stealing fucking like 19 every movie has a grid every movie did the matrix thing like Still some are still doing it. Yeah, then every comedy parodies it and every parody steals everything

How many times you've seen say hello to my little friend in some form or fashion on a fucking movie. Yeah Yeah, things suck Fuck that. It's so funny. It's like to think back. It's like did I have a good time ever in my life? No, yeah, I think so Uh, not not consuming anything Because we were talking about it's like, you know, oh did like was it the thing or and then you go back and it wasn't actually That's not true with comedy comedy did definitely get fucking worse Yeah, it was fun. Yeah, you know, I mean you go back and you watch stand-up specials from like

2001 2002 they're just infinitely better. Yeah, for sure. I mean there's actual jokes in them Yeah, oh and then that's got to use some you should douglas douglas's pop. Have you seen the trailer? No, I saw someone screen capped it and it was like she was going off on Hogwarts Yeah, well, she's like she's like if I had no trauma Was such a marketable blah blah blah. I would have gotten ripe more than once I mean she doesn't say that but You know, that would have been that's funny to paraphrase No, it's just she says she got raped twice

No, she's just like his run out of she has nothing to complain about. She has no point to make so she just has to go into her material which I'm assuming predated Nanette Or it's like because Nanette was supposed to be Nanette for her is like this Jerry Maguire moment I guess it's for comedy in general, you know Um, like she's we get pussy from Renee's Elwiger. You get pussy from Renee's Elwiger No, I said that and then I kind of forgot with a plot of Jerry Maguire But I from my what I recall is that it's about a sports agent who like stays up all night doing cocaine It's like, you know what fuck this job and he like wrote a book report on you know

I don't remember to be I just remember he's getting pussy from Renee's Elwiger He writes this whole fucking like essay in the beginning of the movie He stays up all night sweating at the computer and it's like how to fucking fuck You know your your job like just like you know like motivating people to be better sports agents And then he like comes in the office and he's like read it, you know and people read it and then Like unlike the real world where people would be like you need to be in a mental institution Everyone's like wow Jerry did it and then he gets pussy Oh nice. Yeah, then Cuba Gooding jr. Helps him get pussy. I've probably only seen the first seven minutes of that movie

I thought something jay more is involved and he's he back stabs him or something Um, no you're thinking the movie fluke and it's not jay more. It's no jay more is jay more is in there somehow. Yeah, but that's uh jerry McGuire I'm pretty sure jerry maguire jay more isn't jerry maguire. I'm sure you're right, but Let's see here jerry maguire is a glossy 35 year old sports agent working for it's crazy, too How young tom cruise is yeah, and I hate I hate realizing how old I am and how I've done nothing with my youth Yeah, tom cruise is 57 years old

Yeah So you like movies. Yeah Well, I guess he's a little older than You know, it's just there's some people how young usher is is insane How how young usher is like r. H Damn south side to usher having herpes. Yeah, no, you would be surprised at how young usher is. He is 41 years old damn that is pretty young

John legend is is 41 also chris brown is our age. He's 31. Yeah, but that makes sense It's like but usher is around since we were like very young, you know Yeah, 10 years older. Actually that checks out the one that's weird is ferrell is like old old, but he looks young and he's been around forever Yeah For else what 63 years old ferrells. Yeah, 75 years old Somebody started to remember that Doug Benson was like 68 years old Like kind of like 10 years ago people were like, you know, Doug Benson's like 65 years old Doug Benson's old as fuck He is old

I do actually remember hearing that Doug Benson was older than he said. Yeah way back in the day Yeah, maybe it was just you being drunk and telling me that Yeah, probably maybe when I said there was a rumor going around and then I was saying that I literally think I heard it from you He's 55 no spring chicken Shouts out to Doug Benson just getting stoned Yeah, I don't believe that. I believe he's older. I think he's older than 55. I think he's 68 years old All right, so all right, so he's back to the show back to the show. Um after experiencing a life Okay, Darth Vader

So after experiencing a life altering epiphany about his role as a sports agent He writes a mission statement about perceived dishonesty in sports management business And his desire to work with fewer clients and produce a better relationship with them. See the fuck this movie. That's gay It's fucking gay. Nobody cares and it's like oh like a hollywood cares That's why this got made is because agents were like, oh my story Yeah Agents are fascinating. Yeah, wow people want to know about absolute parasites that just used their social position that was like gifted to them

by way of their father drunkenly raping another woman at fucking ms emerson and then Yeah, you know being the least successful member of an incredibly rich family Yeah, getting to be an agent getting to be an agent and fucking then you drinking with other people at parties and spending your parents money or whatever Yeah, you know leveraging that position to take money away from artists Ah fuck dude Um, yeah, he was ripped in that movie though. He was yeah He said video that was going around and him saying like somebody gonna fuck that baby or something and it's like clearly not

Is that him? It doesn't look like him at all. I don't know. I just laughed when I saw it I saw it, but people are like, I mean that could literally be any black person in the world It doesn't look like him. I think he like went kind of crazy, didn't he? Yeah, a lot of people go crazy There's nothing wrong with that. Yeah Um, who's cuba gooding senior? That's what I want to know Yeah, he offers a he writes a mission singer. Yeah, the the main ingredient He's hot. He's a hot guy. You know cuba gooding senior is 37 years old

He died on 420 Salute to a real one cuba gooding junior died on 420 or cuba gooding senior died on 420 2017. Yeah Rip a banger for him, dude Leaving the office jerry announces it'll start his own agency and ask if anyone will join him Which only 26 year old single mother dorthy boyd Agreed so this and then she fuck and then he fucks her. Um Uh, yeah, he fucks her he starts a whole business to get pussy

Um couldn't be me Say, you know, so then there's something about I don't know. Yeah, I know I've seen this movie But it's like it's I don't care about anything that happened in it That all I remember is that dumbass kid Renee Zell wiggers face And then him like writing that fucking thing on the computer because I remember like When I saw it like the idea of like a laptop was so cool to me. All I remember is show me the money Yeah, that's screaming Yeah, it sounds stupid. It sounds like a dumbass movie to me. Yeah, you're right

If you got Tom Cruise make that motherfucker jump out of a plane and fight fucking Henry Cavill Yeah, or cavizel. Whatever the fuck his name is that sexy guy. We're about our list. Was that a good show? I got HBO max now, so I guess we'll find out. Oh hell. Yeah, dude. How much is HBO max? I think it's $15 a month, but guess what they have dude someone we've been wanting for a very long time hit me with it Every single episode of man TV. Oh Hell yes, dude, it's about goddamn time It's a lot of people who listen to this show watch this show. They don't know but that is not there's been no way to have that Impossible to get it not on youtube. Good luck finding a good torrent of it

But it was never the entire series and its entirety was never released on dvd HBO just got themselves $15 a month from starvus. How kiss I'll tell you that much Yeah, shout factory for a while had like a chunk of them. I think Maybe shout factory had the whole run, but like, you know, I mean you couldn't find those Damn. Hell yes, dude. Hell yes. Yeah Fuck yes, dude. I'm trying to see mrs. Swan. I'm trying to see the depressed persian tow truck guy I'm trying to see fucking the two couple different rapist characters that one fat jewish rapist that michael mcdonnell plays I'm ready to smoke. We don't

Donza, oh, dude and watch fucking mad tv. Oh my god. It better it better rock If it doesn't rock, I'm gonna be I'm gonna fucking kill police officers Dude, this is the first we should zoom watch mad tv We should dude. We should twitch stream we should twitch stream mad tv and do commentary on it explain why it's funny Just getting high and be like hell. Yeah, dude pausing this show to Explain jokes explain mad tv comedy to people Well, you have to understand the nuances of the steward character So a lot of people think he's supposed to be retarded, but that would be too obvious

That's why he's a quote-unquote 10 year old boy a joke most likely stolen from the movie cliford Now you would say to yourself, okay, well, they're making fun of retards are doing in a way where they're not even being explicit about it and the character itself is stolen why is this funny and it's because All of those things just elevate How funny this stupid character is and also my favorite part is at the end of cliford or what cliford, right? Yeah, yeah at the end of that towards the end he just started getting very sexually explicit like there was there was a joke where he was like he told someone not to

to shut up or I remember there's one joke where he's like next time I hear from you the only time I want to hear your lip is when I jiggle my zipper I was like what the fuck I remember watching that being like Your sexual awakening was imagining sucking steward's penis Yes, steward. Yeah, isn't it your old boy? No, I wasn't imagining that you're thinking about a grown man playing a retarded character Forcibly sought like fucking your mouth and you're like what you're scared I'm scared, but I'm hard. My eight year old dick is hard to shit. You used you love mad tv

But now it's molesting you and you're they're like what? I'm sucking his penis. It looks like my dad's dick He's got the dick the size of my dad's and I'm sucking it, but it's it's the retarded character No, that's not what was happening. Now he's going pee pee in my mouth Time to go time to go eat an entire loaf of bread No, I wanted to fuck the black lady with the big titties and that fucking sketch where she runs down Hopefully that's uncensored on hbo max And we get a look at the parrot paradonzo

Dude, if it's uncensored, I'm gonna I'm but I'm about to get I'm about to beat off. I'm about to masturbate to sketch comedy Baby I can't wait to beat off this sketch comedy What the fuck was her name the biggest titties deborah wilson. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah I'll tell you what if I was tom hanks. That's the cop. That's a couple of wilson's. I'd like to have with me on island Ha, we're fucking titties Yeah, they would call her if I was if that was me and I was on the island they called me tom Thanks because I'd be saying thank you for letting me tittie fucker

Oh, yeah, and I would have been work if the the plane I would have been working for would have been a federal a fed sex plane I'll tell you that much I've been having sex on it. Yeah, and then uh and the Where's he he lives in jacksonville in the movie? Yeah, let's say he does He got no it was somewhere because that movie came out and like the timeline was he missed like the nfl expansion So he's like in some town that got a team. Oh, so it must have been jacksonville. Yeah, I think so

jacksonville or carolina Yeah, the panthers. Maybe I can't remember but he He uh, he's like, oh, we got a football team now and nobody told me He came back What if he came back the movie ends and he's with his family and he's like I got an island accent That's been four years on the island all the time on the island make me go crazy, man It's the island that give you the accent man. It's not the people It's all the time in the sun in the sun. I've been having sex with christmas presents for the past four years, man

They wash up they wash up on the shore and I'd be having sex with the christmas presents Damn, I've never seen that movie. Is that what happens? Yeah christmas. That's wilson's a christmas present How unlucky dude because you know if that was a Care a present day movie. There would be a lot of pocket pussies being mailed at least as gag gifts. Yeah There's probably a lot of weed in the mail. Oh, yeah Damn, I need a weed sound effect Yeah, now I just started looking at porn it's crazy how that happens Yeah, let me look up deborah stitties again deborah

I might I might just fucking put my name in the hat at a temp agency. I guess the economy's fucked so there's no jobs but just get jobs at like offices And then immediately just start looking at pornography on the It would be an awesome game for us to get temp jobs. Yeah, so you can get fired faster We should do that, dude We should start we should transition more into like a jackass vibe for the show and start doing pranks Now that you've got a sound board. We've got to up the technology. We've got to start calling people and shit

That's right. We do. Yeah You want to play a game? It's you show me your pussy The game is you show me your pussy. I love that dude saw Do you want to show me your just okay fine if you show me your pussy Or i'll uh, we'll saw off that guy's penis I just don't put a key in his ass You route me into that. Can I just see your pussy?

We'll figure out how to route you in man. Damn. I'm gonna I'm gonna be the saw guy. I'm sorry, dude I'll tell you what it is. We got to both get dueling the the software is called voice mod Yeah, let me see. Oh hell yeah, dude. I'm looking at her tits right now. Let me see if I can You want to play your game? How do you do it? You want to play your game? You want to play a game game game? You want to play a game? You want to play a game? Let's see tone Right tone tone. You got it, man. You want to play a game?

In the meantime, why don't we hear from your penis? Hey, it's me. Let's game it. Do you want to play? This is how I sound because I'm real. Do you want to play a game? Game? Game? Game? I have only been stuck by men and they've all been ugly. I've never been stuck by a woman. Do you want to play a game? Anyway, I'm gonna go now. I'm gonna go think about a man's ass and get hot. Oh, I'm gonna get as big as two in a hat. You want to play a game?

Bye, Gary. You want to figure it out, man? Do you want to play a game? Do you want to play a game? Now you're just doing tech now. Do you want to play a game? You want to play a game? You want to play a game? Do you want to play a game?

Do you want to play a game? The game is called Let me see your pussy and let me and you can suck my dick. I can't believe you waited that long to drop the fucking the saw on it because it's like you know the comedian in me is like come on put more effort into it it's got to be more than just you show your pussy and then you get something. But the not comedian in me, the guy that quits stand up to just do this fucking bullshit podcast is like yes. That's it. I just found out about this about a minute before the show. And I was like yeah he's gonna keep asking to see your pussy. You're already kidnapped her. She's tied up. She's

fucking being slowly fed into a furnace underneath an abandoned elementary school. And he's still like come on let me see the pussy. Come on just put up a little piece of it please. Let me see one cheek. Let me see one of your pussy cheeks. Just come on. I just want to see one. I have cancer bitch. I'm dying of cancer by the way. I'm teaching my daughter how to fucking do the job because I believe women. You're not even gonna give me a peek of both single pussy cheek. Damn. I wish I need to get that dude. We got to have dueling. But see I'm on Mac so I don't know if it's probably like if that even exists. It's like cost $85.99 a month. Probably some bullshit like that. And then all the features are like you can

sound like you're from France. You know you can be from you can be on a French Macintosh from France. From France huh? Yeah. Oh bonjour mon frère. Would you like to have how do you say guess X with me? What even what filter is that? What is that even supposed to be? It's just not you're just doing a French accent yourself. You see you hear the like the Romantic Spanish the background vocal. Yeah, I thought it was more French the music but it's called Romantic Paris. I was really hoping for an accordion or something. Yeah. That's why you got to check your voices beforehand folks. Hey, what are you going to do? Oh that's it. Let me see your pussy. Yeah. Can I just play a game? The game is called I see your

pussy. So dick or die. The choice is yours. Oh fuck man. Oh Jesus Luis man. Well that's another one in the book. What do you got for the day brother? What are you going to do? I'm going to make some food. What's on the docket? Chicken peppers. I mean the same shit maybe a banana. That's the thing the diet ended but I'm like it's still a quarantine. It's still a quarantine so it's like you know I guess well I'm still cooking for myself and it's going to be bad. Yeah, you know. I'm making baked chicken wing my boy. I thought I was moving out. I thought I'd get tired of eating like eggs with egg whites in the morning but it's like no I kind of I just had regular eggs and I kind of developed a

taste for the regular eggs are too creamy for you dude. They're just yeah the two robbery rich. Yeah too rich so just lighten them up with some extra egg whites in there. Maybe like maybe like a three to one ratio and then I kind of like turkey bacon now. Damn. Yeah breakfast was nice. Three eggs, splash of egg whites, four slices of turkey bacon and a piece of toast with some peanut butter and cinnamon. Oh peanut butter and cinnamon that's cute. Yeah that's fucking cute right there. I'm about to have some cinnamon right now dude. I've been making some squash. You ever fuck with acorn squash, bake that bitch? I don't know about acorn squash. I've had a lot of spaghetti squash and I might pick that

shit up. If you bake acorn squash put a little coconut milk in there, throw some cinnamon it tastes almost like rice pudding. It's good as fuck. Really? Yeah. I was thinking actually about making rice pudding. Yeah maybe make some rice pudding. Acorn squash is cute. The quarantine started and I bought I was like well I guess you should get rice now and I got one of those like bags at Costco that are for like people that haven't learned English yet. Yes absolutely. They're like fucking a hay bag. Yeah. Like I thought oh I'll probably go through this in a month. I'm gonna have that rice for years. Yeah you're a single man. Yeah. That's meant to feed like a Korean family of 12. Yeah well it's time to have

some Korean kids. Dude you should. You would be a great white dad. Yeah I feel bad. I mean I would knock up an Asian for sure. Who wouldn't you know. Yeah amen brother. But you can't God forbid you know you have a son. Oh yeah. You can't you've seen those those the half Asian subreddit you know how fucking angry those guys are. Yeah that's true that's that's a real coin flip. That's a weighted coin flip because if you get daughter great daughter's fine. Very hot. A woman can deal with being half white half Asian. Fucking a man cannot it's it's all of the problems of being Asian without the chill factor. You're as unshilled as a white guy but you're fucking Asian on top of it. Imagine being a white dude that

also had to be Asian. That sucks. You're like this fucking sucks. What's wrong man you're like I'm fucking Asian. You're like oh that's the white guy he's upset about. I think it's feast or famine I think they they can be yeah the worst the worst case scenario is very bad though I knew with you. Yeah but I've seen a lot. I think I could I got when me and my brothers go get barbecue for Thanksgiving. They straight up stopped making Blasions. That's true. That's stopped up there. I think Street Fighter got shitty. No I mean really I really I think that's what it is. I think it starts there. Dragon Ball Z went off the air and Street Fighter ended and then that was sort of what created the Belasian invasion.

The Belasian invasion. How do we get it back dude. Yeah you know you got to get you got to get black people back into Asian culture. I think they're in it. You know what I think it is. It's made it's become mainstream. Yeah so it's not it's no longer you're hanging out with a bunch of Asian guys to watch anime black guys all watch anime together. I think the reason is is that it's like it's a type of race mixing that doesn't destabilize anything and so the powers that be stop pushing it on people. I see yes which is how to be clear that's how all race mix all race mixing happens that way the powers would be pushing the powers yeah yeah that's true. We could have like an alt right jazz podcast. Just talk about

jazz and then fucking like eugenics and what is it. Phrenology. Yeah hell yeah. Well black people are incapable of creativity. Love that lick. You know their minds aren't capable and then just but then they're both like jazz to store. They know everything about jazz. It's so awesome. They love jazz. Love jazz. Love the NBA. That would be a great type of racist guy. Yeah. All exclusively consumes black. Right. I'm like even even rock bands it's like he likes was that what's the one color me bad. No hoody in the blowfish hoody in the no there's the one bad brains maybe bad brains. Yeah they just pick the three black bands like fuck what's there's one one black band has an awesome song. I'm racist

and the only musician I like is Darius Rocker. I've never seen a picture of him. I have no idea what he looks like. But I tell you that man said the way he sings frees my soul. Eat me the ass boy and fuck my whole I want to get fucked in my ass so I'm fucking gay. I'm gay shit. Damn. All right. So come on dick boy and fuck my ass. I want to get raped and deny it later. If anyone asks. I'm just looking at Debra Wilson's tits right now. It's pretty cool. Someone photoshop Debra messing onto a lady with big tits. That's the fakest thing I've ever seen in my life. Yeah. Well. All right folks. Some really bad Debra messing fakes here. Oh yeah. Brutal stuff. Yeah you said my big joke when I was like 10 years

old is that was that the reason Jack and the fucking will are gay is because Debra messings tits suck. That's a really good one for 10. Dude I was fucking. That's the thing. It wasn't a journey. You had it brother. I was here. You had it. We've all been who we've are who we've been the whole time. Yeah. You know I was out there. I was out there the life of the fat life of a party. Yeah. From a young age dude. Yeah it's funny because it's I think back and it's like always so miserable and it's like well no I just now know how miserable I was but in the confines of being just a fat retard that can only make jokes. It's like. Oh yeah. Is that the ideal. Absolutely was. Yeah because you have to distract yourself.

You can't look at a mirror. It'll kill you to do so. Absolutely correct. So you're like well I guess I better make jokes. Yep. And then it's nonstop. And now and now we know about the matrix dude. Now you know about the matrix. Now we're Joey Pantheliano trying to get hard to get back in there but we're doomed. Well I wanted some steak. Just him having that romantic dinner with Agent Smith. Yeah I'll do it but I want to suck your cock. So what are we doing? We're going back to your place. Yeah. Just Agent Smith all stoic getting fucked in the ass by Joey Pantheliano. And he's like and after this you give me the codes to Zion. He's like no I told you I don't have him. I can get you the guy who has him

though. There's one thing I want. You want Neo. There's one thing I want. You gotta let me fuck you in the ass. Just wearing the suit top still but his ass is getting fucked. No bottoms full suit up top. Yeah. All right well. Okay folks. Yeah. We'll see you Sunday. Buy Nick shirts come downtown. This Friday I am doing a Stavey solves your problems on Twitch with guest Tim Dillon. Check that out. It's also on YouTube Stavey solves your problems. We just had Ian this week. It was really fucking good. So check that out if you want to watch some visual comedy. Other than that. You know buy the shirts. Hopefully we'll be able to tour sometime next year. Who fucking knows. I just bought clippers. I got like real deal

clippers coming. Nice. Me and back in the cutting my own hair. Love that. Yeah. Do anything with the beard or just the hair. Just the hair. I'm gonna see if I can. I'm seeing do a good bald fade on myself. Respect. I can't wait to see it. Yeah. It's gonna look bad. It's gonna look horrible. I'm gonna keep learning because it's like I'll probably go bald eventually. So see listen man. You can't be saying stuff like that. I'm sorry. You can't be talking like that. I'm sorry dude. It's just first of all I don't care. I have a beautiful full head of hair as you can see. Yeah. It's growing out. You can already see my shit's fucking. My shit is out fucking there. Put your fucking hat down man. You can see it. It's already

fucking had that. It's already got some recession here. Shut the fuck up. Every year that sneaks back a little bit. Shut the hell up. This side is mostly fun though. I honestly I don't even care. Little devil horns. That would be cool. That would be cool. Yeah. Cut your own hair. I'm excited dude. I'm growing my shit out. I cannot wait to have a fucking eye honestly. The only thing that's getting me through this is thinking about being on a beach with a fucking ponytail. Just absolutely a fucking earring. Dude we should go to the beach. Silk shirt open. Look we got we should both get tested and that way we can fucking hang again. Still do the show remotely. Yeah. But go back to being regular friends. That

way this can finally be the job that it should be. No greed. The French percent. We can keep the friendship discrete. I love that podcast. We should go to Puerto Rico. Have a fucking nice nice little vacation in Puerto Rico. All I want silk shirt fucking earring blowing in the wind. I want to be eating a woman's pussy who's on a hammock and she's tugging my hair with the ponytail. Two cigars at once. Cigar. No joke. I've been thinking about smoking cigars again because it's nice on the porch to do something and I don't want to smoke weed. It's nice. It's nice on the porch. We get a little cabana. You know we go out there or we can Puerto Rico. Maybe I take the day to go visit the rainforest and

go on a nice little walk. You can go whoring. You can go whoring. And then at night at night we get drunk off absent and go bet on the cockfights. No joke. That sounds awesome. Post Corona is this is this is now this is when dudes become male men dudes. Dudes become male dudes. Geo male dudes. We evolved to Raya dude. That's right brother. Yeah. Yeah. Oh wait. All right. All right folks. See you next time. Bye.