The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. 211 – Welcome Back

Episode Date: June 11, 2020

The return of Adam Bender!

We had everything figured the fuck out and then somebody had to make a coffee. Oh, that's right. It's Nick's fault. No, it's probably your mic. You probably have a bad mic. It's not my mic. Yeah, you might have to go buy a new one. It's not my mic. Don't you dare say you got to go buy a new mic, new computer. Oh, yeah. Absolutely. Yeah, we've been down this road before. Your computer was fucked up. My computer was fucked up. Yes. Okay. But it was not my fault. All right. I got it back. I'm in. I'm all in. We had to pretend you were dealing with an emergency while you spent three weeks upset that you had this buying new computer. Adam was haggling. I had to spend fucking... I had to go stay with my parents the entire month to cry about having to

buy a new computer. Oh, fuck. What's going on, fellas? I'm pissed my soundboard's not working. I had a new sound that was going to be like, I had a boo set up. So whenever one of you... I was going to be like, what do people think about Nick's penis? And then I would hit it and it would go boo. And I'd be like, what about Stiles penis? And then I had a cheering one too or it'd be like, yeah. That's cool, dude. That's basically all I had ready for today. You should have had a nice fart loaded, you know what I'm saying? Yeah. But the thing is, I can't go back to not having... Like a digital fart. Honestly, that's true. But I can't go back to not having a soundboard. I'll have to bring in my own soundboard to the live, to the in-person ones. Yeah. Yeah, I believe so.

I kind of consider myself to be like a Michael Winslow style human. That kind of shit. Yeah. I do the old dial up noise. Oh, yeah. Yep. That's one. That's in my repertoire. That's good. I like that a lot. It has to be back in New York, guys. Yeah. Why? It sucks here. Well, it really sucked where I was. But that's true. I was contacted by the Black Lives Matter movement. They said they need me back here. So you had to cut you had to cut family time short. Yep. Black Lives Matter needs me. We need someone to do a Bob Dylan cover. They said they need a song. We need to end it all. We need somebody to do a hurricane remix. But make sure he says more and words. Yeah, you got to add a couple more. You got to

sprinkle in a couple more n words. I got to say, I'm not going to name names. Yeah, I don't. I know one guy whose New Year's resolution was to stop saying the word who has been very active in the protest. And it's cool. I think it's good that people are grown. That's a hilarious New Year's resolution because you just can't tell anyone about it. Yeah, who was it a white guy? Yeah, yeah, I think it was like, you know, I mean, it could be a it could be a black guy. A black guy that's like my New Year's resolution is to stop saying the n word. And it's like, oh, look who doesn't look who suddenly now wants to use the n word. Right? Because you want to use it more if you're angry. You know, in the protests. So as a form of anger and solidarity, you scream it. If

you're a black guy. Yeah, you see the point that I'm making here. I see the point you're making. And it's it's solid. It's a solid point. I guess I don't know. I've got like heat stroke or something. You got you don't have an AC in your shit. I don't have my AC in solar. Not in this one. It's in the living room. So it's on the other side of the apartment. Oh, you guys got to fucking you got to get those titties ice cold. What are you pretty uncomfortable? Are you being hosed down? I have I have a crew that comes in and mists me. Yeah, and scrubs me down with ice cold water. The hose crew gets underneath each titty. Those are my my titties are my main flaps. You've been going through car washes. It's got to stay cool one way or the other. I put on I put

on a one piece bathing suit with the straps and I go through car washes. Pretty cool. A romper a romper style put on a romper 1920 style beachwear. You guys see that the New York something health something or other said that they don't suggest you have casual sex but if you do maybe consider a wall or sexual positions where you're not face to face. Really? They said a wall like a glory holes baby. Oh, because kissing is the state sanctioned glory holes brother. Well, they said something about rimming asses being dangerous to uh oh for COVID no kissing no rimming asses. You're out of luck Adam. That's your favorite two things. Those are the only two things I do. Kissing eating ass with your pants completely in your with your cock completely in your pants.

It's honestly guys. It's really nice to be. I'm so scatterbrained. There's been shit that I fucking okay here it is good. I'll send it to you. Do your shit. We'll wait. No. Talk about eating ass and glory holes. I just said my dad's grinder account. You know these folks. You know these old folks with the technology. I always find there's a read to do. I always find I find the email before we start to show then something else fucking happens and I click out of it and then it's like fucking like where the fuck did this fucking thing go and then it's buried in 15 emails. Yeah, I don't know how the fuck you should star it. I need to just get a regular job. I need to not hit star. I need to stop fucking trying to be a businessman and having definitely don't need

to be a businessman but you can't have a regular job. I need to just yeah get a job at McDonald's boss at this point we're completely can you imagine if I had to go go back to working minimum wage. You say you want to work. You never sell Volvo. I've had days in my life where I've made fucking like $80,000 in a day. I have to go back. Go back. I was like for a while I was like you know what maybe let's just get a job at a grocery store. No, just like fill in my mornings do something be a part of the community. Yeah. And then I just did some quick ass math about how little everyone gets paid and I'm like oh absolutely not. I will not be doing that. Do you remember getting paid $100 for stand up? Dude, my dick was on double hard. I remember like getting $100 for the

first time and I was like if I make this every single night I'll make $36,000 a year. Yeah. Yeah. If I if I never. That's what $9 is paid to me every single night is every night he gets paid $40 million to stand up. So at the end of the year he makes $18 billion. Who? Jeff Bezos? Dan Ninen. Oh, Dan Ninen. Why don't we do corporate? We should start doing corporates man. There's got what about like what about like I will do fucking whatever I don't care dude. It's like fucking it's like as soon as you hit 30 it's like I will do literally I will have gay sex with mice. I will put mice in my ass for money. That's it. I don't care what it is. I like how you're spinning this is a neat as a as a age thing you're like as soon as you hit 30. No it is. It's literally I do not

give a shit I just want to fucking out. It's true. It is an age thing. It's like I've you know I mean in my 20s there was shit that I would fucking turn down. If I got like offered like at this point now I know I wouldn't get it but if I like still had management and they were like do you want to do SNL? I'm like well figure out if I do one if I somehow got it they would at least have to pay me for the day before they fired me. You know what I mean? Or is it like 27? Yeah. I would you know my blood early was like yeah I'm not I don't want to do that. I don't want to audition for it. But now I will have gay sex on camera is my point. If it means if it means I can get a house with a fucking garage and not have to worry about the bank taking away from me in five years. Yep.

Fucking dude why can't we just steal a house? Yeah. If anything these protests have told me is that people power. So if the three of us we show up we get a fucking house we got guns and shit. Dude we should get a place in West Virginia dude. West Virginia? Yeah just something you could cruise out on 70 from your place but we'll start off your place barbecue. Love that. Hit the road. Backyard Greek town barbecue. Quick two hour drive we're in fucking WV Panhandle. We're zooming baby right up 70. Pass for it. We stop at Catonsville we go to Honey Pig right off 70 right now. Yeah we do. We get a little Honey Pig. Yeah. You get meal number two. Meal number two. Fuel up and then it's out to I'm thinking at bare minimum 40 acres somewhere

West Virginia Panhandle. Yeah well we stop at Hagerstown of course. We stop at Hagerstown taking the sights you get that classic Hagerstown by any time I've been in Hagerstown it's like this is there's already enough of this you know. There's already enough Maryland that looks like this. What the fuck is Hagerstown? Why is it here? Absolutely. I want no parts of this. It's always funny because it sounds like a drunk person trying to remember Gaithersburg. You're like I was called something like Hagerstown or something. Oh fucking Hagerstown. Yeah it's like Hagerstown and that's what it is. It's just like the same place except on the other side. But shittier to be fair. A little bit shittier. Yeah closer to West Virginia. Closer yet the economy

out in Western Maryland is all propped up by one prison I think. Yeah I think so. Everyone takes their turn going in and beating prisoners. They have a shift just hitting prisoners in the kneecaps. They're all both their own correctional officers and the prisoners themselves. Monday, Wednesday, Friday you're the prisoner. Tuesday, Thursday you get to be the cop. Yeah during the day they do the musical and at the end of the night they swap and then they switch. It's nice. It's a nice system they got there. They change roles. But anyways West Virginia you get fucking 40 acres. You get a mule. Okay as is our right. That would be a fun move as a white man is to buy myself 40 acres in a mule. No one's gonna be technically mad at you. It's just something

that I wanted. It's something that I wanted for myself. I worked real hard and I got myself 40 acres in a mule. I feel like I deserve it. Just posting pictures on Instagram of my 40 acres and my mule. Why was a mule part of it? Was that to do farm work? Yes. Why didn't it be strong? They also can't, mules can't procreate. You should have been able to choose between 40 acres in a mule or just like 60 acres no mule. Yeah. You buy your own fucking animal. Well the mule was because you need the 40 acres. You need it for planting shit. Yep. Like you want to make broccoli or collard greens. Yeah broccoli, rob. Make those pork sandwiches. Yeah. If you want to make some. There's an awesome roast of pork sandwiches of broccoli, rob. But have a sandwich farm. Mules

mules are like tractors. They didn't have tractors back then. So you do like cook. What about ox? You don't you want a big ass ox? I think that's the you go you're going even further back then. Oh really? Yeah ox is like old timey shit. Mule was like new technology. That was like I didn't know that. We got little fat ass horses. We got little fat ass horses. That was the Tesla of everybody was making fun of 1800s Elon Musk for just fucking around with donkey singing man all the time. Yeah just spitting donkey spitting horse come into a donkey's pussy. Yeah. See what he got. And then you know and then they damn it's hot. It is. You know and then yeah they had a mule and people were like oh this thing's like it's like a freaking Zamboni

machine you came up. It's because of fucking Zamboni over here. We got a fucking Zamboni over here. Yeah. We got a regular grass type Zamboni. Zamboni. That's a fun word huh. Oh yeah. I got a Zamboni for you. Yeah. Kind of a Chaliana a little bit. Yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. You guys you guys have been seeing what Ice Cube is posting. I did. He's just doing full on like anti-Semitism. It's awesome. It started as like Donald Trump. Then like he was on he was there with Epstein and then he was like he first he he starts just saying anti-Trump stuff pro black stuff. Everyone's like yeah hell yeah Ice Cube. Then he like posted a picture of Trump with Epstein. Everyone's like oh hell yeah. And then he's like and then he's like and Bill Gates was on that

island too. And people are still like okay yeah I guess Bill Gates was on the island even though he's like kind of talking about vaccine. He's sneaking vaccine stuff in. And then he's talking about the black cube of Satan or some shit. And then and then like oh damn we're full on conspiracy theories. And then today he posted a picture with a black cube of Satan is inside of the Star of David. Beautiful full on old school black anti-Semitism. Dude I was like off the internet for a week. And then I went back online on the plane back to New York and then I just saw Nancy Pelosi in a kente cloth and I was like this is amazing. Salute. Salute to her. She's really fucking crushing it. What a beautiful time. Honestly. It felt so good to be so removed

and then to get back into it. I'm like oh this is this is great. This is so good. Right into the fire. This took seven days. Yeah. It literally took seven days for this to happen. Yeah. And now they're saying they don't want shit. They don't want it to fund cops of course not. They're not even going to do it in Minneapolis. No no I mean the Democrats. So what does that happen? They'll put on a kente cloth. What does that mean that the cops just go around naked. They just yeah no guns. No belts. No pants. They got to know they get a belt but that's it. They get a belt and their cock is out. And they get the little hat too and shoes. And a ticket book. One ticket book. And that's why if you if you're smart and you put the ticket

book on you do it in a certain way over your belt it can cover your cock if your cock is small. But maybe not your balls if they say if they say hello. So the small cocked community will be the small big police officer community which is the majority from what I understand will be fine. I went on X videos a couple days ago and the top post was say his name George Floyd. And it was a video. Wait is there really a George Floyd porno. Yeah yeah there is. And I was saying but the video was called say his name George Floyd. No dude. I mean respect to him for getting it in. He got it in. Was the girl hot. Yeah she was she was attractive. Oh yeah. RIP. Yeah I mean I I didn't know he had to

watch it but not masturbate it too. Of course you watch it as a sign of respect. You watch it out of respect but you know you don't be your meat. Yeah well you can't even meet George Floyd. Thank God white women didn't catch on to the fact that he's also a sex worker because it. Oh my god you're right. How bad it is that they're already personalized against so many different ways. If they're like he's he's me. I'm the same. That's 24 hour camathon for George. Stephanie. It's I'm a slut. Just like slut George. Oh well you're going to slut shame George now because he reminds you of me. You're absolutely correct. Yeah. God damn once again first and foremost about sex workers rights you can figure out the racial implications later. I'm I'm I'm

going to solicit recommendations from people. What what just bum fuck middle of nowhere place in the country should I move to as my my my mental faculties fall to pieces. I actually do think West Virginia is not bad. West Virginia is not bad. It is close to close to Maryland. I will I prefer to be close to the East Coast. I prefer to be closer to like the beach. You know I mean I guess there is hiking in West Virginia but it's like you know I use the Appalachian Trail and shit but yeah no I'm not with that. You're right. Yeah. I don't know. No I don't need to be super sure. Well that's still expensive. That's not I mean yeah even like the dog shit bar like why Comico County and shit like that. Yeah. I mean it's not cheap. You know I mean it's like

it's certainly not as cheap as like you like if you lived in fucking like I don't know if like the Gulf States or oh yeah hell yeah dude get the floor Bama shore dude. Yeah but I'm only driven through those places. I have no idea. Alabama. I can't imagine like because it's like you know people like there's people go too far because they make assumptions about the South where they're like oh it's just all like dumb ass racists or whatever and it's like well that's not true but certainly it's like it's this part is close to that. Yeah. I mean it's not like it's not that you know there's ten cool guys sure. Right exactly. But there are a lot of mostly those ones. You can get avocado toast there but also there is plenty of racist fuckers there. Yeah

right. Yeah. Yeah. Not even like I wouldn't mind it if they were like because there's it's the problem is that people always pair racism with like local pride where it's like you shouldn't be able to do both. That's the same problem with the police. It's like you can be racist but then you're also like on TV crying and demanding respect. That guy was awesome. Yeah. That guy was like they're calling us animals. They're saying they're telling us to leave our neighborhoods like but you know before we're off our shift and we drive two and a half hours at the Long Island. We all live. We all live in rural Pennsylvania. Yeah. It's also like communities that we fixed. Yeah. And we keep them in line. It's like I mean the protests are happening because they're not

fixed. Yeah. The part where he was like mothers are saying they're scared their black child might get killed by the police. He's like that does not happen. It's like well it does though. I don't know what you mean. Like you know it's like it was weird watching watching all of those cops talk. I mean admittedly I only saw two of them at that thing but like all of them they should just let them be actors. Yeah. They were pretty. They were pretty. Pathos. They do and but they know they're just saying lies. I mean they know they know it's bullshit. Yeah. Yeah. Cops lie. Everybody knows cops lie constantly. Yes. So they get to just lie. That's part of the job. It's one of the perks. Yeah. You just lie. But I mean I would watch those guys in a Scorsese movie. Every single one of them.

The Baker boss guy. I know about a movie. I want them in live theater. I think they need to be. They need to feel the electricity of a crowd. Back when back when they guys were performing dude back when they made boys dress up like women so that the actors could kiss them. All the all the cops have to start playing little girls and women Shakespeare Shakespeare Shakespeare is garbage. Hell yeah. Go off my brother. I fucking Shakespeare. I don't know why they teach you that shit. But Twix and without with on that kind of shit. It's not even an English. Yeah. Speak clearly. Right. Lady Macbeth was she even hot. How did she get him to do all that. She was the hot wild or get the lady Macbeth must have sucked good ass dick. Well it was a boy in the play. Well here's

the thing. If Lady it's implied that Lady Macbeth sucks good dick because otherwise how could she get him to do all that stuff. Why don't we get a scene where she's sucking his cock. Why don't we get to see it. Why don't we get to have to be showed on tell show don't imply. Yeah. Because otherwise Macbeth doesn't make sense if we don't know that Lady Macbeth is good at sucking dick. Then he's just bitch wife gets him to do whatever she wants. Fuck that dude. You know what I'm saying. Uh huh. I think I'm making some points here. I had to. I read that in high school and I chose it because it was the shortest Shakespeare. Is it the shortest one. I think it is. What are some other of his Romeo and Juliet.

That one's dumb. Obviously a Caesar. Oh would they get his ass. That's kind of cool. That was not bad. I like that one. He's getting God. He gets God. Yeah. That one's pretty cool. Yeah. But Macbeth like I said there's a huge plot hole. I was in Shakespeare in fifth grade. What was in the mid summer night stream. I played a fair one of those gay guy. Yeah. I played. I played Puck the the sprightly mischievous fair. Oh you said you're probably so excited to play Puck. Um the trick. Which I was pretty embarrassed. The trickster. A little trickster. But I did identify with him. He breaks. He breaks the fourth wall and talks directly to the audience. Yes. Is that what he does. He does. Yeah. I don't know that. I haven't read that one.

I think it was a kid's version. I don't think it was the full play. I'm fucking dying. Everyone sucks and fucks on that one. Right. Yeah. And they're like making people fuck each other. You know tricking people into fucking. Okay. Well that one sounds pretty good. I like that one. And then a cello. A cello. Yeah. It's about a black man. Can't catch a break. Yep. That's you know that's not bad. Eternal story. Merchant of Venice. Cheap Jew. I like that. My problem with the cello is that they stole the character of Yago from Aladdin. That's true. He's stealing. Do you ever see that there was like a BBC production of our cello with Bob Hoskins as Yago. No. That's great. Bob Hoskins rules. I do. Damn. I feel

like I just ate a bunch of Indian food. What's wrong. I'm going to like I'm going to start going to the doctor and saying things like that. I just feel like there's just a bunch of like I'm like my head feels like there's like Indian music. You know like just I'm having to like hear India. I'm going to send a lot of pain and it keeps like everyone. I'm just like I'm like nauseated like I'm just smelling Indian stuff. He's like yep. I get it. Yeah. No I get it. Yeah. You're maybe you're just racist against Indian people. I'm going to prescribe you not being around minorities. So I'm going to prescribe you a nice that's what that's when the that's when the House of West Virginia comes in. Do you remember the the the the first time you went into a second Indian

person's house. You don't remember. You know what I mean. Like you go to one you go to one person Indian's house like as a kid and you're like oh okay. All right. Sure. You know that cool guy. Fine. You know. Yeah. Then you go to a second Indian person's house and you're like what's going on here. Yeah. What do you got to get to the bottom of this. What are you guys doing. What's going on. Why is this so frank. What the hell is going on. My my the one that fucked me up the most. It was not my Indian friends. It was my friend Tommy. His house smelled like the way when he farted. That's how his house smelled. Yeah. Like you go into his house and it smelled like exactly the way Tommy's fart smelled. Yeah. Family has a particular smell. Yeah. I don't

think my family does. But then again maybe I'm I think it was all the B.O. covered it up. My dad smelled like shit. But yeah. Yeah. Tommy's house was fucking some people like that. There was any family that had like dogs that they loved their houses smelled fucking terrible because they would never wash the dog dog. Just some like fat fucking Beagle. Yes. And you know it was like infected. Right. Like it's the dog smelled like fucking it's always a limping shit just limping up to you. It's supposed to be youth and it has open wounds of just eating everybody's cookies and shit. Yeah. They're like this is Bailey and it's like get the fuck away from me. Get this fucking and they're like she's a love bug. It's limping. The dog's wearing socks.

The dog's got. Yeah. They're in there cooking liver for it. Yeah. Like it can't eat raw foods anymore. The dog just got lost. Right. The dog the half it's everything is just linoleum floors in this dog in in wet socks. Oh yeah. Cracked linoleum. Yeah. I know the vibe exactly. Yeah. You can't love your dog. You can't have a big fat ass dog that you love too much. Yeah. My dog absolutely does not respect me anymore after three months. Yeah. I started I started crying and she did not care at all. Does your dog recognize you. Does your dog think you're in Afghanistan. Yeah. You should have come back in full fatigues. I told them to say that. But you should have come back. I did it. The conceit of those videos not explicitly but like

kind of you're supposed to feel like the dogs approve of the war in Iran. It's probably the animals. The animals know it was just war. Yeah. Those are those. Yeah. Those are those are better than the ones with with like a family because the family it's nice but you're like damn the army took this guy away from this family but the dog used to you don't fucking care about the dogs. You're just like oh yeah that dog that dog's glad Saddam isn't fucking hell. All right. After this immediately Adam let's take a look at a like tables and soundproofing shit and like I already got them. Yeah I'll come over. I might yeah get some of the eat first and then but yeah tables and making pads to you tonight. Maybe and

then like we need we already have mics so three mic stands and then maybe have like we have a couch and then a chair right there. Yeah. I'm going to need a fucking hammock podcast then. Yeah well we can get in the studio. Those are my demands. Yeah. I also want to be blue. In fact forget the studio. We're going to get a biplane which I like that. Okay. I'm back in. Look you said no instinctually because you're selfish and you forget that there's two iterations of blue. Well it's not because I'm selfish because I'm against you. I'm not copying I'm tail about. I am tail so I will be tailspin blue and you can be the cross stressing blue from the King Louis scene. No I'm not the trans blue. You cut out for a second. I'm guessing that's what you

accused me of being. You're the coconut. I'm not a coconut broad blue. I'm blue without the coconut broad but the same guy. I'm wearing the jungle blue because he was a cool. He didn't have a job. You're fucking you're in the system dude. I'm off the fucking grid blue. I'm getting pussy in the fucking jungle. Right. I'm an essential worker with a young boy that's wearing underpants logistics. Logistics. I'm being a father figure. Yeah. Not having sex with him. I'm staying with my people. Other bears. Other bears. That's who I'm dealing with. Yeah that's true. Remember Rebecca was like divorced or something. The other bear? Yeah and there was an episode of tailspin where she goes on like a date with Shere Khan I think or maybe not. No.

Rebecca's not giving up the pussy to Shere Khan. It's some like fucking like French Jaguar or something. I forgot how hot Rebecca was. Yeah but there's this like there's this like jungle cat trying to get pussy from Rebecca and fucking the kid. Does he? Yeah the kid hates the kid's like man he's like fuck that lion or whatever it is. We'll come back to this in a second. I'm searching does Baloo get pussy and I'm not seeing anything. I'm gonna tell you that's kind of fucked. I'm gonna tell you something right now. I recently started removing my body hair. Interesting. Wait you're shaving? You're waxing. I tried it out. No I shaved. I used because you know I have my razor sitting around for my face that I haven't used in a year and I shaved half

my chest and stomach in like just out of boredom to see what you know they do a character in the bathroom. Hell yeah. Doing a lot of bathroom characters. To do the character of man having sex with other man. Well too. And you really immersed yourself in that by the way. Anyways well the way the story goes is this company manscaped they make the best clippers and they actually sent it to Stav because they were like who's the gay guy on the podcast. Absolutely not. And I said well I after your fucking transformation I said I said I'm the one that shaves my chest and like don't we already ran the algorithm and it said Stav's the gay guy. This is so fucked up with you to do without my soundboard. No so because I could run my own

program but I can't do it. Yeah well too bad you broke your soundboard having gay sex. I was not having gay sex. How would you even break a soundboard having gay sex when I'm having sex with the man and I'm pressing the buttons and we're both wearing headphones. Yes. Manscaped is the best in below the belt grooming. True. They removed Stav. Stav has maybe 15 acres of pubic area. That's not a regular amount. One inch of penis. Much more than one. If you imagine if you imagine the scene in The Matrix. At least twice as much. Where Morpheus says welcome to the desert of the real and that it zooms way out. And that scene Morpheus is Stav's penis. No he's not. That vast expanse. No he is not. It's his pubic area which requires a lot of shaving. And so the Manscape

Clippers which they sent to Stav to try out which he did. Which I did and I had a great time with them. And listen here's the thing. I don't what Nick is saying is wrong about how much pubes versus penis I have. Well it's an advertisement so we're not allowed to lie. Having said well we are. No. But we're not supposed to but we are. And that's why you're actually kind of putting our whole contract in jeopardy and I suggest you stop doing that. It's absolutely. The truth is the truth. You know me. I love the law dude. I'm a right wing psycho. That's me. I love the law. I love the police. I love the man. Listen I have a irregular amount of pubes. Having said that I have a nice luscious ball sack right.

As a man with a luxurious fat. Fat extra stuff sack. If my balls are Santa's sack. I'm. It's real. He's about to go to a kid that's been very good. They're very plump and full. And I in the past have tried to scissor cut my own ball here to make it look nice. And brother let me tell you sometimes you snip that. You can't do that. You can't be free-handing. Sometimes I've tried to erase her. I've gotten a cut on my balls and balls bleed by the way. You think they were terribly. They bleed like something fierce. What do you mean you'd think they wouldn't. You wouldn't believe that much. The fuck are you talking about. You wouldn't think there's not like a direct artery on your nuts. It's bleeding like it's an artery. You think

after like this this this what nine eight nine years we've been friends I get like finally like not be surprised when you say some of the dumbest shit I've ever heard of my life. You wouldn't think balls bleed as much as they do. Is what I mean. You cut your arm. Your arm cuts as much as you think it bleeds as much as you think it would. All right. You get a slight nick on your balls. It's fucking overflowing is what I'm saying. And the point is that's a thing of the past Nick. Yeah. Whether your balls and maybe it's made my balls are heavier. I don't know. Maybe your balls don't bleed that much. I who's to say I've actually never cut my ball sack ever. Well I have and that's why the man scaped is such a the fucking lawn mower 3.0. That's why

it's such a goddamn godsend because I took it to my balls. We did a real close cut. I mean these things are fucking you're hairless brother and it's not you're looking like a Siamese cat. They have advanced skin safe technology and I don't know what that means but their engineering team spent 18 months perfecting the greatest ball here looking at each other's nuts ever created. It's like that scene in Apollo 13 where they're stuck on the moon and the guy brings in he's like all right boys here's what we got and he empties out like a cardboard box of shit and he's like now who wants to shave my balls. The top mines at NASA. It's exactly like that. You know what millions of balls. That's right. That's where I should move is fucking Cape Canaveral Cape

Can. That's not bad. Yeah. Move down there. Just hit the Epcot center every day. Learn just start learning. You go to Epcot. You're basically a world citizen. Yep. You know if you use fucking manscaped lawn mower 3.0 your balls will be as smooth as that. I just got center roll through Norway with my fucking balls out. I'm like check this out. I'm ready for the word. Look how clean these are. And the thing is you could you could shave your nuts if you wanted to you in the Epcot center bathroom because the fucking the quiet stroke technology is so gorgeous on these things. It's gorgeous. You can't even hear shit. You not only that but you could do it on the fjord in Norway because they're waterproof. They're waterproof. You're in there

and maybe you have a wild amount of hairy nuts. Yeah. You could fucking you it lasts for up to 90 minutes. You could shave your balls. A lot of people are a lot of people are embarrassed about shaving because they they were told in middle school that if you have hair on your your penis it means you're retarded. Right. I think we can all we all remember that. We all we all remember being laughed at by everybody in gym class. They say because somebody said that means you're mentally retarded. Yes. Oh yeah. For sure. And so you don't want to shave your balls outside of the shower. You got to you got to hide your clippers and bring them with you to the gym membership you pay for just to do weird things in the bathroom. That's right. And so the water have a nice solid bathroom

and the waterproofing is where that really comes into play when you're beautiful New York sports club shaving your your your penis in the in the sink. Yeah. Fill the sink up. Yeah. Dunk your balls in there. You're just kind of laying there. You're laying perpendicular with your nuts and cock down into the sink. And then you got the fucking you got the fucking lawnmower 3.0. That motherfucker is worrying. It's got a 7000 RPM motor with that quiet stroke. It's fucking fucking waterproof. And you come out your balls are looking cleaner than shit brother. Yeah. Nick you have one of these at the house. They they sent one to me and stop to try out. I think US UPS lost mine. Really. Yeah. Just I want to do it. I haven't really been maintaining my

and that's the beauty. That's the beauty. Adam is like whether you have nice fat luxurious nuts like me or a little tiny baby marble nuts like you. Yeah. A lawnmower 3.0 works either way. We all you've seen my testicle and I and I just described I have seen them. Thank you for saying that and I described them accurately. Thank you. So trim that little junk of yours whether you got little baby Adam nuts or big fat stop nuts and get 20 percent off legal to line plus free shipping with the code. Just the right code. I do want to try it out. No no the code is come down. God damn it. Every time man. Every fucking time. Every motherfucking time. You have to look through 30 30 five emails. Whether you have the smallest little baby nuts of all time like Adam or big

nuts like me or medium nuts that are wrinkled and gnarly like Nick because they're getting drained. It's not it's not a matter of whether they're doing it's not a matter even when they're full they're small. If you have balls that are come down also tiny come down all capital letters. So what you want to do see you and 20 percent off plus free shipping free shipping code is type in the code come down all caps at manscape dot motherfucking calm. Yeah. Oh this is cool. It's got an LED light on it. Oh yeah. So you can trim your nuts in the dark. Yeah. That is cool. I mean you were it was like a little like the jeweler's thing. Yeah. You know you're like you're like Vin Diesel in that imperfect. You're like fucking James James

Conn into your eyebrows James Conn and thief. Yeah. It's nighttime. You're fucking shaving your balls on the top of the job. You're on top of the cranking it safe. Yeah. I got to get my fucking balls shaved so I don't leave any hair on the ground. If I leave if I leave fucking hair on the ground they're going to be able to do a DNA test and figure out figure out I was a guy to rob the bank. Let's go chief. And yeah right before you go in there he forces you to shave your nuts in front of him to make sure you got no ball here that'll be left behind. Yeah I don't give a fucking shit what you do. So I fucking I'm a I'm a I'm a smooth ball the fucking bank robber from fucking Chicago and that's the movie that we've all seen. We've all seen thief. We've all

seen thief. We all remember that scene that scene where they won't give him a child. So he's like what about if I take a black what if I fucking shave my balls for you right here in the middle of a fucking in a fucking place I shave my where are you from the fucking suburbs I bet nobody's got shaved balls out there. I bet you got hairy fucking suburban nuts. I don't know what do you got a black Chinese. Let me shave his balls. Yes for a Chinese or a black. He has to go in the he has to go to the prison and Willie Nelson's like just do me do me a favor real quick as maybe you can shave my balls. I love that scene because it's like Willie Nelson clearly has no idea what to do with his eyeballs. He's like let me tell you something man. Being in here

has made me think you know I don't remember. I don't remember. I remember just being like damn that's Willie Nelson and not even really thinking about it. I got I got much time. I got much time left man. You got to get me out of here. I mean it looks bizarre. Yeah I don't remember. I really don't remember but that was a good movie. So anyway if you want smooth balls like James Khan or me go to manscape.com. Use the promo code come town get 20% off plus free shipping. Your balls will thank you pal. What's it like. What's it look like. Let's give me like what is do you have it on you. Yeah let's see the text. We got to get the text because I am interested. I'll bring it might be one of my one of my pews might even be on it because yeah.

I'm interested in and what the what the nick proof technology looks like. What do you use. You just use a regular razor straight razor. I just haven't been taking care of my shit. Yeah it is big. Yeah I don't. Bush is huge. I until and then you know like I said I shave my chest but that's it. You know the rest I leave every I'm never going to shave my fucking beard. Okay. Here we go fellas. Yeah. Okay. Check out the LED. Wow. Listen to that baby per. Did I shave my mustache. Yeah do it. Shave your mustache. No I don't want to shave. You know what do you I think now is the time for you to go horseshoe. No not yet. But just do a little do a little bit. Let's take a little bit off the top so we can see. Imagine Stov's head is a giant

testicle. Yeah I will not be doing that. No we're going to have a good demo but I will man scaped come play. Listen you you drop a fatter bag on me man scaped and we can talk about shaving my head like a big fat. No just a little just a square. I'm not talking about taking a nipple for us. Just fucking right here where it's already like there's nothing. I'll shave my titties. All right. So this is the this is the man. Wow. If you're just joining us now for 15 easy payments of 35 cents. If you want if you're watching is 72 payments of 35 cents a month. And boy and boy is my titties smooth right now. Yeah it is a good feel. I mean I got I got my shit all like trimmed up. It feels if it feels cool. You feel smooth. Yeah it's fucking nice.

I mean like I've never literally have never done it. One time I think I shaved my stomach when I was drunk when I was like when I was 22. I'm not into shaving my but I've always done. Yes I try to trim at that. Now I've been like hairy since I was like fucking like 14 or 15 my stomach. I haven't seen my stomach since then except for that like one time. Yeah never never happened for me folks. You're smooth. You're smooth man. The both of yous are smooth. I'm not a little bit of fluff. Yeah stuff has like you should have more hair stuff has errant hairs like he just looks like he fell on the floor while you're sweating. It's a nice it's a nice layer a nice base layer a cute amount of hair. Yeah nothing too crazy. He

looked like he looks like he shaved his pubes sitting down and then farted and it got they blew up and got stuck all over his body. What am I like. How do my pubes get what below my ass. You're sitting there. You're sitting like this. You're shaving your pubes and then down here and they fart and they blow up all over your chest. You typically shave your shave your pubes in those stirrups that women put their legs into. That's right. I get in those and I call one of my my roommates play rock paper scissors to see who's turn it is to shave my boy pussy in balls. Yeah and I gotta tell you man scape has made it even easier. OBGYN that's got too many letters in it. I think we should trust women with all these fucking letters. There's no way what's

going on down there is important enough to justify using all those fucking letters. Yeah five letters. Call it the whole doctor. That's about it. You know fucking get out of the way bitch. I'll do it myself. Yeah. What do you got here. Look I look I fucking rob banks fucking 25 years I grew up on a fucking orphanage. I can figure out a pussy. I go in there. I fucking take a look at it and I say fuck this shit. I'll just set it on fucking fire. I don't give a shit. You don't want to fuck. How's that my fucking problem. I don't work for anybody. I don't fucking I don't work for you. Just James Conn is a gynecologist from Chicago Southside 70. No it's called gyno gyno and James Conn just chewing on the toothpick.

Yeah I guess I'll take a look at your fucking pussy your cooch. Why don't you fucking show it to me. He's got his ear on it and he's like tweaking the clit like it's a fucking Jim Belushi is safe Jim Belushi is just next to him fucking like watching his breath in a shiny track jacket. It's just in the dark. It's cold out the day. It's fucking it's cold out here. That's Belushi's finest acting moment if you ask me. Yeah. You better according to Jim. I love yeah I love watching people pretend to be cold on film. It's freaking cold out here. I'm fucking freezing. Yeah. Oh yeah. I got a grill boys. Did you? Yeah. What kind of girl. Little balcony grill. You already had that though

because remember we had 4th of July and we took pictures of your penis. I'll send you pictures later. Yeah. Gas or charcoal. Gas. Nice. Gas. Gas grill. Do you like you hate camping. You don't want to go camping. I'm not a camping guy. That makes sense. Not a camping guy. But I'll go I listen I'll get a I'll get a beach house somewhere we could grill up go to the beach. Yeah. That would be nice. You should do that. I should know we do that for a week. Just move the move to the fucking beach. That'd be great. We'd have to suck each other's cocks. We would have to suck each other's cocks because the gentleman's gambit because it's got to be no chicks allowed but I'm not going on vacation. I get my dick suck. You know what I'm saying. Yeah. That's true. So you

do the math boys. I don't want to see a single chick in the house. It is. It is crazy how much quarantine is separated the genders. Yeah. I'm ready to start getting top. I got to be honest. I don't like this. I'm too. I fought my whole life to stop being inside playing video games and not getting pussy. And then the and then God put me back to right where I was when I was 12. Yeah. 12 through 20. See I like it though. I mean I remember being 12 and being like damn I wish I could be a guy that like fucks or whatever. I liked it for the first month but I'm I can't do it anymore. I miss I miss you know a woman's soft touch. I think you're trying to put you're trying to put your dick in the ass. You're trying to put your dick in the ass of life but you realize

it's actually time that puts his dick in you. So true. I wish I could go I wish I could go back even though I'm doing the fucking now I wish I could just go back and unfuck myself by time. Time. I got to get times dick out of my ass instead of thinking about my dick in a bunch of ladies. It probably says that in Proust somewhere. I don't think anybody's read it. So no one has read Proust. Yeah. So you get the first some French French piece of shit that fucking the French wrote that set out to write the longest book ever and people are like wow can you believe it. And it's like this is like it's like it's like it's meaningless as a Guinness World Record. Right. Was that really what we was going to do make the longest book ever. Not really

but it cookie and Tony says this sounds pretty gay. Yeah. That sounds very gay. Of course I just watched it pretty gay. Yeah. This sounds very gay. Yeah. I mean that's the other thing Guinness World Records. It's like that's why I heard that name. I just watched that episode like a couple of days ago. What. The Proust. The Proust. The Proust. Is that the book. Is that the book that Malfi. I think you should get into it because it's a cookie book. I kind of fuck with that eating a book a whole book a long ass book talk because you ate a bite of a cookie. That sounds pretty good to me. I could probably write a pretty long amount of stuff based on a couple of bites of food. Yeah. And you should write a book called Zen in the Art of Trying Every One of the Pepperidge

Farm Vacation Cookies. Instead of going like I decided to see the world Milano Tahoe Sauselito Sauselito. Yeah. Nantucket. Nantucket. Yeah. The best ones are the is the the main one though the fucking chewy soft baked. No I like them the Milano or whatever the fuck Milano's are good. My nose are like the over Milano's are the best of the dipping cookies. I mean ones with the chocolate in the middle. I see this is the thing man this is that this is the the the the whole the trick of capitalism is thinking that you need to pick one favorite when it's like true brother in art. Once we defund the police and we combine Milano or every type of cookie for everybody it's like we'll just have all of the cookies and you can eat as many as you want and you don't get

fat. That's a dream. That would be worth so much more to me than like Tesla building a moon colony or the cure for cancer. If you could come up for the way where I could just eat Milano cookies all day long and I still look great. Yeah. That would be that what we need is a cure for being fat enough. Absolutely. I've thought many times to myself that I wish if I one of the wishes I would have is to like trick my brain into processing broccoli like chicken wings. Yeah. Like I'm eating broccoli but it feels like I'm eating a chicken. Fuck that shit too. How the fuck have we not fit. There's all these food scientists now. They got they're like oh we made a hamburger out of fucking vegetables and it's like boring. Can you make a Milano cookie out of fucking

bugs bugs. Yeah. Cockroach tastes like a Milano cookie. Yeah. What the fuck do I care what it's made of. Just go all chemicals. I would have no problem dying at 40 years old from like just horrific cancer. If it meant that like I'm just eating just all day long Milano cookies Halloween candy. Every day is Halloween. I'm eating Reese's cups. I've eaten an entire chocolate bunny. Now I'm smoking 15 cigarettes. Yes sir. You know. Consume. I love that. Go go go go go eat. Keep going. Keep consuming. I wish I fucking wish mate. What if oh here's a here's a question for you guys that I posed to my roommate Peter. Yeah. What what would if your penis was the most delicious meal you've ever had in your life. Would you chop it off and eat it. Your pee. No. It's leaps and

bounds the most delicious meal you've ever had. It's not though because OK no is the answer right now. But what about when you're 85. What about what. Hold on. What about when you're 85. What a bad question. It's not a bad question. What about what if you're when you're 85 you have no more use for your penis. And it's the most delicious meal of your life. No they got pills dude. They're sucking in fucking. But it's not even about that. You don't you're past it. You're old. You're about that. You're not. You don't care. And it's the best thing. It's the most delicious thing by a factor of 10. I don't know. I'm thinking old lady pussy might be actually very good. They're trying to live life like they're young again. You'd still eat pussy but then you'd get to eat your own penis

as a meal. And it's the best thing you've ever had. You talk to guys that have had it and they're like I can't believe it. No. And they start crying. They're like you could eat great meal. No they start crying. I have. They're like I've never tasted anything close. It's not even it's not even when you ask them what's the best day of your life. They're like the day I ate my own penis and then when my children were born and it's not even close. They say stuff like that. They're like good of a meal. They're like it's unbelievable. You'll never experience joy like this and the most joy you could possibly feel is you're eating your own penis. And I agree with you. I wouldn't do it now. I have too many years left trying to have sex but if I'm like 80 and I'm not trying to

fuck anyway why not. I think I would do it. At least on your deathbed you would do it. Yeah but it would still be annoying to be dickless you know. At least on your deathbed. On your deathbed you well you don't want to eat on your deathbed. Well I'm saying I'm saying the let's say you're just like drugs. Huh. You want drugs. Well okay how about this. You're like you're it's natural causes. You're like 95. You're like you can feel the reaper coming and you're like it's my lat and and there's a there's a way to slice it off my dick. If I had 10 minutes left in my dick it's the most incredible. Yeah I need my dick fine. Thank you. Thank you. All right. Thank you for saying you would eat your own penis. You won me over sir. You're fucking gay dude. I'm sorry what's

that. Adam Adam has a dumb shit question. Oh eating a penis eating your own penis meal you ever had. If it's the most delicious meal you ever had would you eat it at least at the end of your life like Hannibal Lecter. I was laughing imagining Hannibal Lecter in his jail cell and he's got a bunch of like anime pillows and like fucking like you know the little like figurines and Funko Pops all over the wall. Oh yeah. Like he's just got like an autistic girl's bedroom in itself. And he's like hello Clarice. Hello Clarice. Don't mind my Dwight Shrut Funko Pops Clarice. Yeah that'd be pretty goddamn funny. Fuck dude. Yeah so I got a grill. I think I'm gonna grill some calamari. Yeah. And then I told you and I would do his he's doing a show on Sirius I guess.

So I'm gonna zoom into that. You know you should get an octopus dude. Grilled octopus is so good. It's incredible but I think you have you have to beat the fuck out of octopus for a while or like hang it off of having it off a fucking clothing line or something. You buy it to cook. When you kill it you do. Oh maybe. Yeah. I've just seen you have to like bash it for hours. Well to make the meat tender. It's like a homicide. Now Greek people in Greece I just see nothing but octopus hanging out like I don't know what it's doing. Drying out. I don't know what it is. It's smart apparently. Yeah. Yeah some of that octopus fucking rubs me the wrong way honestly. Yeah it's not it's it's weird. I could have I could have sworn we had this conversation before

and you said we did and you said octopus is great. It's delicious. I mean it's delicious. It's an incredible meal but I'm saying as an animal they freak me the fuck out because they're so smart but then yet we still have dominion over them. Yeah. And it scared part of me is like are there is there about to be like some even smarter version of an octopus that's going to come back and get revenge. Like plan of the apes I'm not scared of because it's like we are basically evolved apes. What if there's plan of the octopus. I'm scared of that. Some kind of fucked up big ass squid. It's smart as fuck. It's already strong. Why you come up here on this damn land. And but what if they figure out what if they figure out how to do something

about land. Well then they figure out how to make missiles or some shit or some kind of you know what I'm saying. They get technology. Not worried about it. You're not worried about that. St. Villachio Begel. Yeah remember when we went there. Yeah. Montreal. The bagels were actually very good. They're fine. I like them better than New York bagels. No. Two cake. Two bread. Shut the fuck up. Two bread. Fuck off. I think a Montreal bagel needs actually be brought to the rest of the world. Yeah. Why don't you do that. That could be you. I think that's my next project. Gay Adams bagels. Honestly I'm not eating that kind of food for a long time. Gay Adams Parisian bagels. What have you been eating. Tacos. No. I've been eating fucking locks for seven days.

Yeah. Bring it to your the house of your house of mourning. Right. It's just like deli meats and locks. You must have at least gotten some of that good. What's that shit called the struggle or whatever the Kugel Kugel sucks. No. That shit. Come on. It's like pasta like a pie made out of noodles. Maybe I'm thinking of something else. Not Kugel. Rougala. Rougala is far. Yeah. Rougala. Yeah. But it's all the shit to eat fucking smoke to everything. That's refrigerator. You don't have to preserve it. That should sell them. All that shit's good. Like once a year. Yeah. You can do it for like I literally my piss started smelling like locks. You got to russ and daughters once a year. That's fine. Yeah. That's nice. That place is nice. I'd love you

know what I'd love right now a little bluefish dip. That would be nice. I don't fuck with any of their stuff except locks honestly. Really. I like whitefish salad. But I want Rougala now that I thought about it. Yeah. It's candy. What is Rougala. It's a cookie dessert. Yeah. It's candy. I mean yeah. So what I like candy. Yeah. And you do too. I like talking about that's your fucking biggest you know thing in life. Eat candy. Yeah. That is true. I'm in a private moment between the two of us. I admitted that my biggest thing in life is eating candy and I would appreciate it if you didn't share that. It was not a private moment. It was broadcast to the world through YouTube live. You know Nick is a very private person. I do know that. I do know that. But guess

what. Fuck that. It's time he's exposed. And someone says I eat candy. He likes to eat candy. Fuck. I mean I can I am so excited to not do this over Zoom anymore. Do not do what. Do this over Zoom anymore. Yeah. It'll be the same. We'll get it. We'll get it. It'll be fun for a couple of weeks. They'll be like yeah but it's it's so hard for me to like think that I'm actually talking to people not just staring at a fucking another computer screen. Why is that do you think it's also to what's that. Why do you think that is where is something to be said for being in the same room. I think it's a lot easier. I think I thought that yeah but I think when you can see each other it's fine.

I don't know. I don't have a problem with doing most like I think it's for the most part it's been pretty easy to do most of these shows. I mean not stand up obviously but like podcasts and shit like that. It's also to having the benefit of being able to like bail on one if we don't want to do it. What's that. You know like bail on it if we don't want to do it. Well if we do live streaming we basically can't do that. I don't think anybody watches it fucking live anyways. Who gives a shit. Maybe we don't live stream. Fuck that. No definitely not live stream. We'll upload a video for sure. I mean you can't scale that back. We record again. Yeah because there's you know how it's like you know it's like we would do it and sometimes

like an episode would just be like fucking garbage. You know man I miss the ones we did when we were in Australia. Those were we remember that night we watched the World Series. That was good. That was a great night. I miss Australia dude. I keep thinking about that fucking robe in Brisbane which I found which I found. I think you understand you were on pills that day. I was very fucked up on drugs. You were so happy. You were on pills in a robe. I think if we really fucking figured it out that is the answer. Yeah. It's time to do pills. Right. It's time to do pills. They keep saying there's an opioid crisis and it's like I don't I mean it's pretty fucking easy to get pills. I don't know what they mean by that. Yeah.

Honestly it's an opioid or oasis if you ask me. Yeah it sounds it's better. It's better than ever. Three of my friends have overdosed. That's how much it's crisis. The hell are you talking about. I'm with you folks. Oh my god. It ain't no fucking crisis. Damn. Now I'm just now I got on my on my lap. See the other thing is I like being able to pull up pictures of Ruggola or a woman's titties. Well that's what here's so here's what the setup is going to be. If we do it at Adams Place I'll bring this this the board can go live over there. Right. So bring the board. There's three spots for the mics but then there's three spots for Ivan iPad. I'll get an iPad get an iPad and then Adam if you want to get an iPad you can just use your phone and then longer

XLR to like fucking whatever the headphone thing is. We have individual sound boards that we yes because that's the next thing is individual sound boards and then and then whatever that fucking camera setup Louis has we'll just do like a round table thing and then we can split the camera setup like this and then or we just go back to the fuck the fuck video dude. Who cares. I don't know. I mean I kind of like the video. Do you. Yeah it definitely adds if you want to do like a visual element. Maybe we could even have you know what and then I get fucking you can have like a laptop set up for a share screen and then you can add stuff to the to the feed. You know. Yeah. Listen. I think maybe we should go back to no. We go back to our roots. We don't

even have a sound board. Just three of us. Maybe we're taking turns talking into a fucking a tape recorder and yeah we go low five. Yeah. We go all the way. Maybe we should just all share an Instagram account or share a Facebook account and it's like I would like. Yes. I would like that. Frank and Tina's Instagram account and we can be like boomer parents that have a joint Instagram account so that the husband doesn't cheat. I love that. That is the only reason to do that. That is like there is fucking no jet. Every time you see that it's like oh that. Okay. So she's yeah. She's a bitch. She's a bitch. She's got a secret one with no profile picture. Yeah. He's going to get caught because he doesn't understand technology. He's going to make his penis picture

his status. He's like that. He got caught because he accidentally printed out a screenshot of his his hidden Facebook on the family printer. That's next to the oven for some reason. Next to the refrigerator is the family printer. Wow. Great pussy babe. Yeah. Nice. Him out himself saying that. I can't wait to give a sweet kiss to your delicious fucking koo or whatever. However they talk. Yeah. Kooter. That would be hilarious to say Kooter while sexting. Poon Tang Pie. Oh I'm trying to have a slice of Poon Tang Pie. I want to put that whole Poon Tang Pie in my mouth. Poon Tang Pie needs to make a comeback. You know what else would be funny when you're sexting to say prick. Like oh yeah suck my prick. British people are sexting saying like Willie and stuff.

I think they're saying nob. Dude I sex I've just texted with British girls and they they even they like understand that their language is fucking stupid. Like they're not saying fanny and that kind of shit. I don't. Dude I watched the porno where the guy said suck my bollocks and I fucking I just laughed. I couldn't even come. I just stopped. This is the funniest thing of all time. He's like oh you suck me bollocks. What the fuck. Yeah. She was getting after it too. She was a she was a nice bird. Some big fat English titties. When I was a teenager my friend Brian found some porn video with like an Italian chef and the whole time he keeps going please. Oh please. Please. Please. Please. Fuck me. Bless. Was it that God. Rock. I said ready. I don't know. I mean no

Rocco's got a command of the English language. Yeah. Yeah. Don't you don't you even say that about Rocco. Damn. I'm just the whole destroyer himself. He's so passionate about what he does. I'm pissed that I can't be tailspin blue. That's what I want. You can be tailspin blue. I'm regular blue. Yeah. Get a hat. Get a Hawaiian shirt. I got a story. So let's finish. I get the hammock. You guys get two little little stools. Do you remember when you guys were kids. Did you ever want to sleep in a hammock full time when you were an adult. Of course. Every every fucking kid. I think I did and then I sat in one and I was like oh I mean this is fine but I'm on I'm on I'm on boat trader dot com looking at houseboats. Maybe you'd be a houseboat guy.

Do you have. Do you have any idea how fucking expensive houseboats are. Really. This is get the divorce goes straight to the house. This is insane. How much. How much is a houseboat. Ten million dollars. Three. Yeah. Two thousand twenty. So three hundred and fifty thousand for a nineteen ninety four houseboat. That would dock fees and everything. No. It's just for the fucking boat. Yeah. You don't get a slip with that. Wow. And they're all in Kentucky. It's like what. What the fuck. How do you have a houseboat in Kentucky. Let's see. Now I want to see. Hmm. Yeah. Oh yeah. These are fucking expensive. Yeah. I don't see myself being a boat guy. Yeah. I mean it's like for what a houseboat is.

I mean just relegating yourself to that level of trash. You know what I mean. They should cost twenty dollars. Yes. If you if like the thing is is like it should be a houseboat is something you should buy from like an elderly Chinese guy in a gift shop. You know and he's like you can have a houseboat for twenty dollars. You must live in it forever. Yeah. Loving it is the part where it should be cheap. That sounds like a great deal. Yeah. And then a month later you're like nobody's nobody will fuck me in my houseboat. No. I think people will fuck you once in your houseboat but never more than that. Yeah. You don't get any repeat. Yeah. You could probably fuck a lot in a houseboat but never anyone over

the age of twenty three. Just a lot of like you know. No I think I think I don't think age is the issue. I think it's respecting yourself and being how drunk you are. Yeah. I think you get plenty of drunk like you know what it's like high young and then it dips but then it comes back up and you have a lot of like divorcee trashy bitches. Yeah. This one is swanky bar. Look at this. The night. Forty six year old. Look at this. Oh yeah. Teased teased out hair. Absolutely. Those bitches are fucking on houseboats. One hundred percent. This place is fucking swanky. Okay. This was not bad dude. Two hundred grand. Two hundred K. and Rogers Arkansas. And how does this work. You get a mortgage. Do you have like a lot of water mortgage

or what. Dude I'm not trying to live on a boat. This shit looks fucking stupid. It does look stupid but imagine me just like an anchor forearm tattoo. That's good. Yeah. A big cigar. Well what's up boys. You ready to do the podcast. We have to go to your stupid houseboat every week. My houseboat. I'm like shit. The Internet's not working again. I'm just like pulling some line some wire in from the water. This is where it hooks up. Yeah. It hooks up to the ocean or whatever. That would be good. An anchor that goes down. Oh it's an 86. Oh no 2000. Yeah. What's 86 mean. I get one of those little whistles. Let's start the show. Damn. I can fuck. How do you make that noise. I guess they have a whistle. It's not just their hand. I can't. I can't

whistle at all. You know what I can't whistle but I can't right now for some reason. I mean I can do this. I can just go but I can't know. I could never be able to go. This one's hard. I can't or that. Yeah. That's not hard. You just you know you keep your fingers in your tongue. I mean I can do this. No I can't. I can't do it. I got nothing. Wow. Big show off over there. Damn. I'm gonna pass out. Very nice. Very fucking nice mate. Yeah it's cool. The beard helps. You think the beard helps. Come on boy. Come on boy. Get what.

Help. Yeah. Well that's the whistle show. That's what it's gonna do for us. How about this. Every show from now on is us trying to learn how to whistle. Or a different skill. We should all do. We should all do a Rubik's Cube together on the next one. I like it because I thought we're like I can't get worse than whistling but at least whistling is an audio skill. I would love to get to the fans. People are like wow finally there's video and then just ruins the show because we're like today we're learning origami. And then you just get fucking an hour of me being like mine doesn't look like a frog. Why does it mine look like a frog. Yeah. Hell yeah. Well all right fellas. RIP everybody check out the shirts if you want we got a new one up and then I guess

I'll just slowly release shirts until I kill myself. Yes sir and please check out Stobby solves your problems. We had Tim Dillon on this week. Shout out to everybody on Twitch. We raised 15k as a channel that went to a bunch of good causes and it's every Friday 6 o'clock or you can go to my YouTube channel youtube.com slash Stobby baby and we got all of them. We had Ian we had Tim Dillon and this Friday with Bonnie McFarlane. Where did you give the money. Where did it go. It's a bunch of different fucking. It's a bunch of different. We did. He went to Boston market. He went to. It's not Boston market. Yeah. No. Not a not that. Panera bread. At first it was Minneapolis this week. I did a bunch of Louisville because of Breonna Taylor. David McAtee or

McCatty. I don't know if you say his name but the guy that got killed by cops in the protests. They're they're disbanding the police in Minneapolis. Yeah. That's pretty tight. And so what's and then what happens they just replace him with like private military contractors that are even probably black water even further shielded by the fucking law. Perhaps or perhaps it could work out and be nice. You know you got to be so negative Nick. Yeah. We can hope maybe it'll be a bunch of like you should always be negative. Great. I think it'll be a lot of cute people. Maybe they you know maybe they don't kill homeless guys. Listen. When has anything in your life ever gotten better? No. And my life is better. What are you talking about? It's better right now

that it was you know. But everything in general always gets. No it's not. Your balls are bleeding. Your sound board doesn't. Not anymore. Not that I got the fucking long over 3.0. I know but it's still going to take a while for the noise. That's a powerful noise. It reminds me of these guys. How come you don't see those guys anymore that are like I had throat cancer. It was just my problem and now it's everybody's problem. Now I got to make everybody uncomfortable. Yeah. I think it was hot. All right. All right. That's going to do it folks. Let's see you next time. Let's stop the show.