The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. 218 – Just Skip to 16:00

Episode Date: July 30, 2020

Had to start the show alone, didn't know when adam would be back. It's just me rambling for the first 16 minutes

Okay, well, folks, we're doing something different this week and what we're doing is Stav, he's under the weather, according to him, he may have COVID or coronavirus, I'm not sure, or he could have, he could have had too much, yeah, I'm thinking either cookie crisp or Captain Crunch, one of the cereals that fucks up the roof of your mouth, because he said he had a sore throat, and I don't think he knows the difference between the top of his mouth and his throat, he's not very aware of his body, and so he checked out, and then we had a time set for 4.30 to do the podcast, and me and Adam said on that, and now I'm in his apartment and he's gone, he went to go, I think he went to go shop for records

and leather jackets, he said he had the dead ass, go get cool clothes, no, I'm not sure where he is, but it really doesn't, I don't think it matters, because we didn't book a guest, and most people check in just to hear me clear my throat anyways, so I'm just going to start at 4.30 anyways, and when he gets here, then he can hop in, hopefully he was accurate, and when he said 20 minutes, so it'll be me doing basically rant, like a rant style thing for the first 20 minutes, and there's a lot of stuff that I want to get into that I feel like I really haven't been able to, I haven't really been able to spread my wings, because I've been held back by the politics of the show, so we're going

to start off with that, number one, something that's really been kind of stuck in my craw is a friend of mine recently told me that they volunteered as a hugger at the Special Olympics, and this is somebody that I like, so I had to occur my instinct to be like, you did what at the Special Olympics, and because there's many questions that came to mind when I heard that somebody could volunteer as a hugger at the Special Olympics, number one is I wasn't aware that there was a paucity of hugging going on at the Special Olympics that would require extra volunteers to handle the distribution of hugs, you could have told me that that was an event at the Special Olympics was hugging, and I would have believed you,

but I guess they do have volunteer huggers at the Special Olympics, which is like, it's very funny to imagine that the regular volunteers were refusing to do any of the hugging, that there was a guy who signed up to help out at the Special Olympics, it was like, look, I'm just going to take pictures of the retards, don't expect me to touch them, I will not, I don't know how it works, but in the age of Corona, you can't play it too safe, we don't know how not only this virus spreads, but any other virus, and who's to say, I'm here doing my civic duty, helping out at the races by giving them all fun nicknames and placing bets on them, and then you have me hug them, and then what do we know about the

transmission of the Down syndrome virus, then suddenly my eyes have an extra set of eyelids on them, and I'm lubricating my chin with every sentence, and I need candy to live, here comes Adam's dog, Adam's dog is here, people probably hate this, but this is very funny to me, it's a very funny way to approach doing the podcast is what if out of nowhere I just fired Adam and Stav, and then there's no feedback, it's a complete echo chamber, and I just really get to lean into complete, I don't even know, is that mental illness, one feels, you know, it's funny because this isn't much different than doing the show, but the idea of recording just yourself speaking seems like so incredibly self-centered, which

is there's no difference, I mean it's literally, it's the same thing, you just do it with two other people, but when you do it alone and you're aware that you're recording something that you haven't prepared at all, with the presumption that people are going to download it and be like, let's hear this guy's rambled himself in a room, it's not laugh out loud funny, but it's kind of funny, it's like book funny, it's like Mark Twain, it's the way Mark Twain was funny, and then you don't laugh at it and it's fucking gay, but somebody works at the library, so everybody, if you get one job at the library, you got to pretend to like Mark Twain, I kind of like Mark Twain, I think, I said that and it sounds cruel,

but he does hold up a bit, especially, you know, some of the n-word stuff, where he went hard, okay, I'm taking a look at the New York Times here, where it's six minutes, so one-tenth of the podcast, I could at least fill on my own, an extra six hundred dollars a week kept jobless workers afloat, now what, and then there's a picture of a fat lady here, which, you know, I don't think she's going to have any problem staying afloat, am I right fellas, am I right, how come, you know, it's so funny with all this eat the rich stuff that's going around, fat people must be fucking wiping their brows, because they put themselves in the spotlight, and now, you know, everybody's making this analogy, I see it, maybe, that we're all, you know, stuck on a raft, that America

is now just a raft, a drift at sea, with no safety net, and it's every man for himself, and the classic move is eat the fat guy, that was the way that we would go eat the fat guy, and now, somehow, the fat guys, and the fat ladies have flipped the script, and now we're eating rich people, which they probably taste disgusting, they're all inbred, I mean, not that, you know, I mean, I can't imagine eating a fat, you would want to eat the muscle man, I would probably, I'd pick the gayest guy on the boat, and that's who I would filet, and turn into an emergency snack, if you guys have any thoughts about who you would like to eat, in terms of rich people, and I know it's just an expression, you know, but we've

moved past the age of expression and nuance, you know, if you can't say master bedroom anymore, because people don't know what it means, then you shouldn't be able to say eat the rich unless you're literally willing to cut off and eat Jeff Bezos' penis, which, do you think he, maybe he would agree to that, how much do you think that they love their billions of dollars, do you think, if instead of the tax, we could say that we find the most disabled, like the transist, disabledist, poorest person, and we say, Mr. Bezos, you get to keep your money, you get to keep your newspaper, and Amazon, keep all of your riches, you can even, we can change the name of Amazon to the Amazon Redskins, and I don't know

why we would do that, but that would be the name of it, but we're going to cut off your penis and balls, and we're going to feed it to the neediest person. Are we still saying neediest? I don't know if that's, is that fair? I don't, I'm not up to date on that, the transist, the queerist? Yeah, this sucks. It sucks having to do this, but I don't want to do Zoom, and literally everyone has left New York. There's nobody left in New York. I really don't, I don't know who is protesting. I think the only people that live here are me and then the guy that brings Sierra Miss to my bodega on the truck, and for the most part it's cleared out. I've been having a nice time lately. I watched Michael Clayton

this morning, which is such like, that's such an awesome way to start your day, is pretending you're Michael Clayton. If you're, if you're like depressed, just wake up in the morning, you just, and then watch like, kind of like, fuck you style guy movies, you know, or that, you know, I'm not, I'm not the guy you fuck with, I'm the guy who fucks you. I'm the one that does fuck asshole, fucking shit ass. Just imagine yourself as a bag man, a fixer. Sorry, I'm just, I'm checking my DMs now. It's funny to me, it's going to be the same joke throughout this, where I just, it just cuts to silence because I'm looking for headlines and I'm going to the DMs. It's wild that fucking, that there's people that just do solo shows,

you know, and it's wild that someone's capable of doing that, which it seems impossible to do. I really, I mean, it seems like very fucking hard to effectively sit by yourself and have the confidence to think that your meandering thoughts are, like, could possibly be entertaining to anyone. But then to actually be able to do it, which some people are, you know, I think, I don't know. I mean, who has, who does this by, I guess Garrison Keeler probably, he just fucking makes up bullshit about a fake town. How the fuck, you know, it's funny because I think about the show and it's like, oh, we don't, we got lucky, you know, it's like a time and a place and like specifically, you know, like having two or three idiots

that are friends with each other. I mean, you can find that anywhere. I mean, it's like, I just think it was like this confluence of events and timing that kind of made the thing take off. But then you look at other shit that like predates, I think, like the, the, there's sort of like, there was like a, there's like 9 11. And then there was the cultural version of 9 11, which is the invention of podcasts, which is Mark Maron getting a garage. I think that's, that's what I, that's like the planes going into the towers is Mark Maron pressing record on, on, you know, on in garage band for the first time. And, and then everything that, that, that made like delineated culture from being something that's

like edited to, you know, maybe it's commercial or whatever, but at least some thought went into it and it's produced and then distributed to people to being just a thing where everybody does exactly what I'm doing right now and produces shit. And then we all just eat the shit and then get sick from it. Like a, like a big, like human centipede that's like connected to itself. I think like, but you go, you escape that and you go back and you look at other stuff and there's, there's, it's always been that way. There's always been just like dog shit like Garrison Keeler or defending the cave man. I mean, I guess maybe Garrison Keeler does edit what he does. Maybe he puts some thought into it. But I like to imagine that

the pages are completely empty in that stupid fucking notebook. And he just goes on stage and he's like, oh, it's a fuck. It was windy. It was a windy day in, in Titty Fuck, Wisconsin. The, the sheriff's pants blew off and sorted his shirt and his clothes, all of his cop clothes ended up on the town's biggest criminal. And, and then the criminal, you know, that's like a fucking, that's like an allegory. That's, it'll take people, it'll take English professors years to figure out the moral of that story. And then there was a bitch named, named, named like Helga Sarsgard or like, you know, she's like, and her deal is she's Swedish and fat and she's always, she's got like rosacea or something. And she's always making apple

butter for people. And everybody was having a contest to see who could walk the, the furthest out on the frozen lake. And she wanted to do, she wanted to participate to prove that women could do things. But they were trying to dissuade her from doing it. Everybody in, in Lake Wobagon, they didn't want her to go out on the frozen lake because she, you know, she's a huge fat bitch. She probably weighed more than everybody else in that fucking town. And, and, you know, she was like, Oh, what, you don't think a girl can do it? And like nobody wants to be like, no, you're a huge, you're fucking fat. You're, you're too fat to do it. So they kind of have to like tip down. They're like, no, it's not a gender

thing. And then she's like, well, what is it? And they're like, okay, I guess you can participate in the, see who can walk the furthest out on the, on the ice thing. And she appoints herself, all the other women don't say anything because nobody can be rude to her about her fucking weight. And so she walks maybe two feet out on the ice, immediately cracks right through the thing, sinking to the fucking bottom, dying, you know, and, and nobody saves her because she brought it on herself. And that's just kind of how the way things, you know, work out there, they just, in the Midwest, they just, they pray for you. That's definitely unique that everything that the Midwest thinks is unique about them. It's like the way, you

know, like, whatever, anyways, back where were we like, well, but gone. And, you know, so this bitch is dying. And the moral of the story is now she's caught. She's fucked up this whole gender thing by, you know, stomp, making it this big fat bitch moment when you put any other normal woman out on the ice, and they could have done it. Never mind the fact that walking out to the middle of the lake has nothing to do with talent. It has nothing to do with ability. They choose something that requires a good, are you back? All right, I started the show already. Yeah, I've already started the show. Well, yeah, I'm, I'm, we're just trying to do it, you know, I want to see what it would be like. I do 10 minutes

up top. I've done 16 minutes so far. I started at 430. I'm doing, I'm doing Garrison Keeler. Yeah, it's on. I'm doing Garrison Keeler. Are you doing what Lake Wobe gone? Lake Wobe gone. Well, the whole premise is this, is that I don't think that Garrison Keeler prepares it all. I think his little notebook is empty, and he just goes up and wings it. And he tells stories about Minnesota. I had two stories about Minnesota. The first one is about a sheriff. It's like a big storm. And he goes out looking for the criminal in town. And the wind blows all of his clothes off and directly onto the criminal. And the story ends there abruptly. And the second story, I was in the middle of it. It's about, there's

a competition. There's a kind of middle winner. It's a competition in Lake Wobe gone to see who can walk out the furthest on the frozen lake without falling through. And naturally all the men do it because they're the most brave. But then there's a woman Hilda, Hilda Lundquist or whatever. Okay. Yeah. And she's Midwestern. Yeah. And she's fat as hell. You know, she makes out, she makes apple butters for living. She's a fat bitch. She's a big type. And she's like, I'm like, Oh, I'm going to prove that women are as good as they can do it too. You know, she wants to go. Yes, she wants to walk out on the lake. And they're telling her they're like, you can't you're too much of a I mean, you're a whale. No,

they don't say that because nobody wants to hurt her feelings. They're like, Midwestern playwright. They're like, we don't think maybe you should do it. And she's like, why? Because a girl can't do it. And they're like, no, that's not what we're saying. I mean, a girl could yes, a girl could do it. It's just maybe this time you don't and nobody has the courage to say to her. So it's this competition of all these people that are trying to show how brave they are with some traditional display of masculinity. But the masculinity that would matter that would actually save this woman's life by just telling her she's too fat to walk out into the middle of the lake. They can't do it because they don't want to deal

with the social consequences. They can't. That's a great moral. So they can't deal with it. So this bitch walks out on the lake and of course she gets two feet out into the thing and she cracks through the ice and sinks to the bottom and dies. And no one was willing to save this woman from herself. No one jumped in. No one jumps in and saves her. They're all just sitting around praying for a Hilda Hilda guard SARS brand praying what like Lutheran Lutheran prayers. Are they Lutheran? I think in the Midwest, that sounds like they are. I don't know. That was my assumption. Well, that's that's pretty good. I'm I just want to apologize for being late. Oh, it's fine. I mean, yeah, who cares? You know, we were

due for a bad one anyways. You were here just with the dog in the apartment. Yeah. Oh, OK. Yeah. You've found it suitable. The accommodations. Yeah, sure. I'll recap you too. I told a story up front of somebody. I know they told me that they volunteered as a hugger at the Special Olympics, which I didn't. You know, I told everybody already. I didn't know that there was that they were lacking in hugs at the Special Olympics require. So it's not someone that's special. That's what I said. It's like, you know, perhaps you were just in the Special Olympics. Yeah. Maybe you misunderstood what volunteer meant. I think that's probably true. Yeah. Yeah. It was as if it was a you know, it sounds like that'd be a job you'd give

a retarded person. Yeah, exactly. I mean, it's very funny because there's there's so many ways to go with that. One that they could we're just in it, the Special Olympics. It's one of these setups for a joke where it's like you or they hired retarded people to be the huggers, but they kept murdering people. Yeah. Well, I also like Lenny. I like the idea that they had other volunteers to like hand out juice or whatever. And they're like, hey, can you hug some of them? And they're like, no, right? Absolutely not. I'm not touching. Yeah. I'm not fucking touching any of these retards. I just want to I want to time them. I want to see how long it takes him to run. That's so nice that that's a job.

I mean, I would assume that they give really good hugs. So I mean, some of them, you know, they seem like good huggers, that community, maybe not the ones with the small arms or you know, I guess the Paralympics are people that are missing limbs, right? Yeah, the Special Olympics, you could have a guy with a small arm. You could now. I don't mean to see what's going on. I'm not sure. Let me I think nothing, but I just wanted to get a text. No, but we had to move some stuff around because the average got fucked up. Oh, okay. I just want to make sure I'm not missing anything here. No, we're good. We are good. Yeah, it'll be interesting to see how bad that first 16 minutes of the show. I think they're probably good.

It's not a pretty good to me. Not until I landed on the Garrison Keeler thing and then to just do that to absolute silence. I mean, it's you know, he does it to a live studio doesn't do live studio audience, but it's like it's it's the concept of just sitting here pretending to be Garrison Keeler is very funny. But in in in actuality, it's uh, no, I believe in you. I think you probably do an hour of that. It's well, I could do it. All nonsense. I could do an hour. How how many more weeks it'd be funny to just see how long the show goes on if I just turned it into an hour of me doing improv Garrison Keeler. I think these people take it for yeah, but see how long it takes until there's absolutely

zero downloads of the show is doing week after week. They're like, how about this? There's a dog. There's a dog that's paralyzed. Okay, and some there's an old man that has this dog. Yeah, he loves the dog, but it's paralyzed and he can't walk it anymore. So he places it out in the yard. Okay, but little to see no boy came by and was planting apple seeds okay all over Lake Wobagon and a tree starts growing underneath the dog. Yeah. And then it raises the dog, you know, because the tree grows, the dogs are paralyzed and it stays in the tree until the dogs above everyone in the town, but it's still paralyzed. So it's just pissing and shitting all over. It's finding a way to eat up there. It's eating the leaves

of the tree and the apples. And that's like an American folk folks story. Yeah. And the old man is the only one that knows about the dog. So there's all of this just apple flavored piss coming out of this tree. And everybody's like, everybody, it's a tree that makes juice. It's a tree that's got its own apple juice. Oh, okay. And no one can see the dog. No one can see the dog. It's pissing. It's pissing apple juice into everybody's mouth. They're all drinking it. And eventually one boy, he says, maybe we shouldn't neglect the elderly and he goes inside. Right. He says, you got to come outside. There's a tree that pisses or the tree that makes apple juice. So wait, the old man can see the, see the dog, but he

can't go outside and tell everyone about it. No, he's also paralyzed. Well, he's inside and nobody goes to visit him. And they're like, old man, old man, Wilkerson, you got to come see this tree that makes apple juice. Everybody, the mayor of Minnesota is here to meet the tree and drink piss or drink juice out of the trees leaves. And he goes outside and the miracle and he's saying, actually, that's dog piss. And if you, if anyone had been so kind, what do they think the shit is? They think it's a tree. I don't think they explained it. Tree chocolate.

You like to speak? His tree makes, we're all going to be rich. The president's come to town and he's got shit dog shit smear. Yeah, they get the president. You got to get the president to see the magical tree. There's another day in Lake Wobegon. Yeah, just, just another day. That's pretty good. Just, just garrison killer being like, um, there was a rat, rat 20. There was a batteries plus that they turned into a laser tag place. Yeah. And, and then they had to turn it back into a batteries plus, but the people didn't know where to get their batteries. People didn't know where to get the batteries. And also nobody in the Midwest, they're afraid

of laser tag. Yeah, they think it's real. It sounds like a bunch of Yankee computers. I don't think they're afraid of Yankee. Sounds like a bunch of Yankee doodle computer nonsense to me. I don't know about laser tag. Yeah, we just got regular tag here a couple weeks ago. So they're all afraid of it. So they had to turn it back into a battery story. Now it's a batteries plus again. Um, but the lasers are now haunted. They're now made out. They're now ghosts. And now people say, just, just garrison killer, making up stories like a four year old. But now in the Midwest, they had, there was a dairy farm and the dairy

farm was the biggest dairy farm that anyone had ever seen. But when the, when the, when the president went to meet the cow, the cow farted and it made a gas so bad that it killed all the Japanese people and the president was blamed for it. And so then we had to go to war with Japan. And that's how world war two happened. And that's how, and that's how world war two world off the rape. Yeah, that's right. He got me too. He did get me too. Goddamn. Imagine being out lady, the lady that had to come forward with her garrison killer rape story. Yeah. She had to, she had to talk about the most tragic experience in her entire life and people are like, the guy from the radio. I like to imagine his little

book on stage, his little like Moleskine book. Is that what he takes up on stage? I think so. I have a mental image of him on stage. Yeah. And he's got a little, I know Robert Altman made a movie about it. And, and the book is his, his chictionary. It's the list of all the women that he sexually assaulted. And he's just reading through it and salivating and going into a fugue. Imagining he's having a rape flashback fugue where he's, where he's just drifting off and he's like, and then they, they had a tractor pole and everyone in the town just fucking losing his mind, fantasizing about some small town. How the fuck is that entertaining? The fuck is that shit even remotely entertaining to anybody?

Yeah, I don't know. I think it's, I think people just have it on. I don't know if they actually listen. I think it's just one of those things you're in the car, like on a road trip or something. You just have it on, just to have noise so you don't have to talk to your wife. You know when you're a kid and there's like a part of like culture at large that you can't really appreciate and then you get older and you kind of like, I get it. Yeah. Yeah. When you're a kid, you're like, you know, like everything, you know, you're like, Oh, little river band sucks dick. You know, it's like they, this sucks. Who is little river band?

There's, you know, just some fucking shitty seventies rock band. They do creed and style lonely, lonesome losers. Probably the most popular. I don't know. Yeah. But you know, you get older and you're like, all right, I guess I can listen to this. Yeah. But fucking prairie home companion. Never like that. The older you get, the worse it gets. Does the show get taken down after you raped? Probably. There's like, we still need this show created and hosted by garrison keeler that aired live from 1974 to 2016. That's so long. Yeah. So long. That's a fucking institution. Yeah. That's 40 years. Jesus Christ. It's a herd on 690. Yeah, I just want to see a transcript from one of his little readings. Fuck. Where

is it? Show me something here. Show me, show me something. He sold books. Yeah. He had merch. Let's see. Here we go. This is the first one I find. We're the Minnesota State Fair. We come for annual look at cows. It's like, it's worse than the parodies. No, no. The dog was shitting and pissing on the president. I think it's pretty good. Enormous Holsteins and Swiss cows lying down chewing fairy tale animals, ducks, chickens, geese, sheep, pigs. This is your only look at them all year. Goosey Lucy and Henny Paby and babe and lamb chop all here. It's the home of the slingshot. You get strapped into a chair and then you sit there for the five longest seconds of your life. And then the enormous bungee cords

shoots you 200 feet into the stratosphere and your stomach turns inside out. It attempts to simulate the effect of sitting on a love seat in the living room when your house blows up. A cue, a bunch of dickless, fucking 47 year old accountants laughing. Yeah. There are all sorts of octopus type rides in which you're strapped into your, and you are spun and flung laterally and vertically, which simulates the effect of being in a van as it rolls over and over down a rocky slope. I mean, suck my dick. I just, I really, it's just fucking complete garbage. I was brought up to not waste food because my ancestors came from countries with poor soil, so vegetables were sacred to them. My mother used to say,

starving children in China would be happy to have that tomato. But here's a tomato I don't think the starving children of China would be interested in at all. It's rotten. There are white things swimming in it. Pick it up. It sloshes. There's your sister bending over picking tomatoes. I wonder if you could hit her from here. Go ahead. Try. But that's a story. That's what I mean. I mean, it just sounds like, like, why would you sit down and write this? If it's, it sounds like if someone at a bus stop was saying that you'd be like, yeah, you try to move. And yeah, it's awful. Yeah. Yeah. He looks disgusting. Yeah. I never even knew like this. The big annual tuba banquet. This before it's deadly.

A room full of tuba players. Yeah. No, it was terrible. Oh God. Yeah. I like my, my story is, is about the big bitch with the lake contest. That's pretty good. It's, there's a lot going on there. There's a lot of things you could think about. Well, there's like a morality to it, right? Because like everyone's too afraid to offend her, but not, doesn't care enough about her life. Yes. You know, that has more ambiguity than any of this guy's gay ass earlier. I did call it Mark Twain bullshit. And I tried to clarify immediately after that. I do admire and respect Mark Twain. And I think Mark Twain holds up. My friend told me he's reading Huckleberry Finn right now. He said it's the funniest book he's

ever read. That's too far. I'm reading Charlie Kaufman's new book and it's fucking. I just got it. It's so funny. Is it good? It's really good. He's a genius. Yeah. Yeah. He's, I mean, it's funny for a guy who like, he is kind of one note, I guess, like he, he does sort of make the same thing over and over again. But he's so funny that it's okay. Yeah. He's so good. Yeah. I rewatched Sinect. Sinect. Yeah, it's really good or whatever. I mean, that might be as funny as movie. Possibly. I mean, it's like, it's I think it's the first one he directed, maybe. Yeah. Well, it's definitely funnier than I mean, it is. It is. I don't know. Yeah. I can't think of anything funnier than that. Apparently, adaptation is pretty

funny, but Sinecta key. There's so many good lines in that. Yeah. Where he's in the therapy, where he's in the fucking, the twin brother character is so fucking funny, but that's screenplay that he's writing. Yeah. That scene in Sinecta key where he's sitting in the therapist's office and he's like, he's like, oh, you think it's true. They say about, you know, child geniuses or whatever. And I forget the exact line, but the therapist's like, oh, yes. She's like, one of the best books ever written was written by a four year old. And he's like, what? And she's like, I have it right here. And it's about like, I don't think it's like some Polish name of a guy like a character. And they're like,

yeah, he's a virulent anti-Semite that documents his initiation into the Klan before being brutally tortured in a BDSM cult and then murdered by an African-American man by the name of Jeremiah Washington, Jackson Jefferson. He goes a four year old. She goes, of course, he killed himself when he was five. Oh God, that's so good. Yeah, I heard that he was on the staff of the Dana Carvey show. Yeah. And they, they was like, it lasted for like six episodes. And it like had that like legendary writer's room, which had like Robert Smigel and like a bunch of other guys. Yeah. But he, he wrote a sketch about what about weird Al having a twin brother named weirder Al for he just do parodies of weird Al songs. That's funny.

And it never aired. But even that is like, that's what I mean is like Charlie Kaufman gonna write one type of thing. That's his thing. That's his thing. It's just like, you know, and I think that idea it never aired. It eventually became he worked it into adaptation. Yeah, I know that was like a story. Charlie Kaufman is just like, what if inception was as funny as the Simpsons? Yeah. And that's, yeah, yeah. That's his whole deal. I didn't like the puppet thing. Or I didn't not, not that I didn't like it. I think I fell asleep when I was watching anomalies. Yeah. Yeah, it didn't really do it for me. But it was like a teleplay kind of. Yeah. Like a radio play. I think I find this this fucking this

cushy dreams is what we're folks. Let's talk about. Yeah, we got to talk. So you talk about for a second. You smoked that shit. Oh, I've smoked that shit down. I smoked it to the face. And how did it make you feel? It made me feel better than I feel normally. So that's that's good. It improved my the way I see myself the way I view myself and view the people in my life made me feel like they didn't hate me quite as much as I normally think they do. Who hates you? No, I think everyone that meets me. It's me strangers, people that love me, people that I love. Yeah. Yeah, but cushy dreams, it really lifts that cloud of self doubt. Yeah, here we go, folks. So if you find that cushy dreams, they offer

a full lineup of premium, smokable CBD. So this is it's weed. But then they remove the THC. I'm assuming with dangerous chemicals. Yeah, they yeah, of course, if you like we experimental shit, imagine the Monsanto version of of like of weed. This is factory farm. This is factory farms. The bad guys from Michael Clay Tilda Swinton takes the fucking THC out of the weed herself. Yeah, it's the company from Michael Clay. Disgusting cold bitch pussy. Oh, there's a movie is so good. The movie rocks. There's like one woman in it and she's just a bitch. She gets what she deserves. That scene where she's practicing her speech for the next day in the mirror. Yeah. Oh my God, it makes you hate her so much. It should

just be called the bitch who gets what she deserves. The bitch starring Tilda Swinton. Oh God, that's such a good movie. I want to watch Michael Clayton. Yeah, George Clooney rocks. He's so cool. Anyway, but George Clooney, his favorite thing to smoke is cushy dreams. He smokes cushy dreams when he's on Lake Cuomo with his with his wife. His bitch. Hot bitch. What? Yeah, which is a, any time a mall Clooney comes up, just being like, I think you mean George Clooney's bitch. She's got a name. It's George Clooney's bitch. It's Clooney's bottom bitch. His cum sock. His, his whole nut in. Yeah, I think she's a lawyer or something. Yeah, she's a, she's a humanitarian lawyer.

Yeah. Excuse me, but she's a Michael Clayton in her own right. Yeah, do you know the movie Michael Clayton is actually based on George Clooney's bitch? Yeah, she's a fixer. Yeah, she's a, his bitch is actually based on the character he plays. Anyways, cushy dreams, smokable CBD. You, it's a pre-roll CBD joins, join the group of adults who are sick of vapes and gummies and want to smoke their CBD. It's now shipping legally. It's all 56. So if you're worried about legality, don't be, you know, it's not like buying a, the lower receiver for a fully automatic AK-47 on, on the dark web, it's stress free. You don't have to think about it. No, it's, it's

way simple. It's nothing like, you know, going, downloading the tour browser and going to gunmarket.onion and for the low, low price of $8,000, which you can pay for with Bitcoin. You can go on Coinbase by transfer to a wallet and then transfer, you know, over. That's how I'd do it. The onion router by a, the lower receiver by a fully automatic AK-47 and then use that to kill, to do insurrection, to kill people. Kill, yeah. People who are saying bad things by the president on Facebook. It's not like that at all. It's legal. It's legal. You buy it on a regular website in all 50 states and they ship there. Yeah. And it looks like high quality marijuana, feels like high quality marijuana and tastes like high quality marijuana. I'm like, I don't get

what's wrong with you. You got the, there's something weird going on with my nose. CBD content is up to 20%, which is some of the highest in the game. And you'll be the highest in the game. Not really. Cause you won't get high at all. You won't get, but you get a, a thick, heady body high. The attention to detail is noticeable in every beautiful flower. Wow. They're gorgeous. I like to just look at them. I love just looking at my fake weed, inviting girls over and being like, yeah, you want a monster energy drink? I want to show you something. I got diet monster energy drink and I got smooth. Check out how beautiful this flower is. It's a gorgeous flower. I like to get a bouquet of cushy dreams for special occasions. They're looking at it. They can hear me breathing

through my nose, my erection visible in my sweatpants. So what's up? You want to fuck or something? Yo, you ever listened to the fucking infected mushroom? Yeah. All right, later. Yeah. No, I've never gotten any pussy. Yeah. Now just make sure just screaming from the window so that the neighbor see a woman leaving. That counts, dude. As long as the neighbors think I fucked. All right. Thanks for coming by. Glad we had sex. Oh, what's up, Mike? I fucked her. Hey, Mike, how you doing? Yeah. No, I'm just saying goodbye to this, to this bitch. Yeah. You see the dark spot on my, uh, yeah, it's sweatpants. It's pre come. I pre come a lot. Yeah. Check out the pre come on my sweatpants. Yo, you wouldn't come watch Michael Clayton.

Yo, it's a good movie. You got to come. Dude, I don't understand it, but there's a bitch in it. I know that that gets what she deserves. Y'all remember 2007 and you deserve to, does not get you high. There's no T H G. She is such a cunt in that movie. Oh my God. I'm getting pissed just thinking about it. Independent lab tests shows compliance and purity. It's grown in California and Oregon. They got labs working on it. That's anarchist central up there. Oh my God. Yeah. That's where you go there. If you want to fight the powers of B, you go to California and Oregon and you put on a costume and shine laser pointers all over the place. Yeah. You get some umbrellas as a shield. Each plant is hand selected by a team of

experienced cannabis flower experts. It's an alternative for people looking to cut back on smoking other things, which I don't know what that means. I guess, I mean, I guess it's kind of open ended. Well, it's, it's, it's kind of alluding to men that are living on the down low. Yeah. I think that's what it is. Yeah. If you're a black man, if you're a black man that's sleeping with other black men, if you're a black man that's hiding the fact from your family that he goes clubbing every weekend and takes home guys. Yeah. Maybe you can switch to smokable CBD if he's just ripping poppers. Yeah. It mixes well with other things that you can smoke. I like that these talking points are back to back. It's an alternative if you're looking to

quit smoking other things, but also mixes well with other things that you can smoke. Just imagine like, oh, duals having an ad like that. Mix it with beer. It can help you quit drinking a certain something. You can also mix it with Jack Daniels. Oh, duals mixes perfectly with Jack Daniels whiskey for that little extra something that you may be missing. Yeah. Each batch is slow cured for two to four weeks to guarantee maximum freshness and preserve flavor and cannabinoids. They take the artisan approach. They got, they got Steven Seagal in the factory using his sword on all the plants. Artisanal. Yeah. Yeah. I'm gonna go ahead and slice this damn plant up right here. Go on. Easy slow now. His version of

black guy is so good because it's Cajun black. It's Cajun slave. It's Cajun. It's antebellum. Cajun slave. It'd be funny if like in all the woke marketing stuff, they're like, yeah, we're actually going to get rid of Steven Seagal. He's great because the character Steven Seagal has been playing for the last 20 years. Yeah, we can't. He's racist. My friend told me he's got his hands on the SNL, the Steven Seagal SNL, which is pretty much wiped from the internet. Oh, really? But he has a, yeah, he has a torrent of it. I'm going to watch it. They have organic farming practices. I don't know what that means. So some Democrat shit, you know, the selection includes indoor exotic strains. Indoor exotic. What does that mean? It means it's hydroponically grown

inside, but exotic means that it's like, because that's like, in my mind, indoor exotic makes me think of like a black gamer girl. Indoor exotic. Yeah. Yeah. That's her Twitch stream. Yeah. Like if a girl was like, I'm in indoor exotic, I'm like, oh, okay. So you got like dark skin and big tits and you are obsessed with anime. Yeah. You're not good at video games because you're just washing your tits. An autistic black girl. Yeah. We call a white unicorn. Yeah. That's, I think that's what it's called. 100% hand trim, never machine trim. And they get them trimmed from, uh, they all have papers. I knew an autistic black girl. I think we had a couple fans. Yeah. Her name is Greer and she would talk just like this.

My dad is the best at piano. Yeah. That lady was annoying. She was just lie constantly. Is that a thing that autistic people do? I don't know. They can't lie. Well, I mean, she was brutally honest. She would say things that wouldn't make any sense. Maybe she was just a loser. I don't know. Oh, maybe I'm just giving her too much credit. Uh, smokeable CBD flower. They got three lines, private reserve, all ultra premium, premium, every can size, three and a half grams. So it's an eighth each can is nitrogen sealed for optimum fresh, miss, fresh, miss. Oh God. I'm going to start replacing all ends with dams. It's a cooler way to talk. Like, like, if you know a girl named Natalie, you call her

Natalie. It's got to be after it's got to be the middle of the word. Like, uh, I can't even think of a word. Well, instead of grandma, you would say grandma. You know, people like that. Oh, like a slang. Um, oh, Tim Hortons. I'm trying to go to Tim Hortons. What? What's wrong? I think my girlfriend just hit a car with your car, with her car. She's got her own car. Uh, yeah, we were two car operation. She lives here. No, she doesn't live here. She's just, she's just, she's in and out, but we were just picking stuff up and I think she ran back out. Should I call her? I guess I should call her. Yeah. I don't want to leave you hanging again. I mean, it's fine. It's summertime, you know, the world's ending. So they got three lines here,

the private reserve indoor grown, the ultra premium that's indoor grown and then premium indoor slash outdoor grown. This I don't like. They started the lowest tier is called the premium, I guess, and then ultra premium and private reserve. This is sort of like, uh, we only got three sizes, large, super large and diabetes. You don't like, so there's the regular, I'm going to rebrand this for them. They got the regular one, which is the premium and that's the indoor outdoor grown. And then the other ones I said, um, you can mix it with anything else you like to smoke. I've actually been thinking about trying to cultivate my own opium, which, uh, to get a little poppy plant. And then, you know, I would, I guess I would watch a YouTube videos of Indian

guys, Lansing poppies and then cure, cure the latex myself. And then maybe I'll mix that with my, with my completely legal CBD to turn it into a schedule one narcotic and kill myself with opiates. Dude, you got to get the long pipe. We've been saying this. Yeah. Yeah. The Nick style, but see part of the appeal of like the, the opium thing is that scene in the Nick where you come to and you're just staring at a bunch of Chinese Bush. You know what I mean? Yeah. He would get horse to watch him do. Yeah. Yeah. Which is pretty cool in my opinion and bring your Chinese Bush over here. I want to wake up to it. Oh no. She didn't pick up. Well, what is it? I mean, how do you know she got in an accident? She just texted me when she said that the steering

wheel is in her rib cage. She said, I just hit a car. I think she's okay. Probably. But she said it's fine. So here's what we got. We got six choices of strange specific full flower cans. There's relax, peace, create hustle, energy and dream. And you can go look at the website because I don't know if I want to, I'm just going to get tongue tied here rattling off. Yeah. What these hybrids are, they got pre-roll CBD joints with the same thing. They got Indica, Sativas, hybrids. Yeah. They got things for energy, things for chilling. Yeah. So go to kushigudreams.com, spell K-U-S-H-Y dreams. And then check out use promo code CUMTOWN for 20% off your first order. So you want to smoke your CBD because you can. Every time. Yeah.

Smoke it. Smoke it because it's you have it. Smoke my penis, baby. Smoke my penis. Smoke my penis. Just scroll through the calendar. I see my 32nd birthday. Yeah. What are we doing for that? I don't know. I mean, it's not for a while, but fuck. Fuck. You just get older and older. It's embarrassing. 32 is an embarrassing age. Yeah. It's fucking 33 is pretty embarrassing. Yeah. But I remember when you turned 32 and I was like, that's fucking, that sucks. Yeah. It's, yeah. It's, it makes you feel bad when you think about it really hard. Yeah. But whatever. I don't know. At least I'm not a woman. Yeah. At least my body doesn't have a clock. And like Wobegon, it was the false solstice. You know what that means? Any

woman over the age of 33 was thrown into a giant meat grinder and turned into applesauce. Yeah. Well, all the women without offspring. Yeah. Every kind of woman in the world was there. Big women, slightly less big women, a different kind of big woman. And of course, flat chested women that were also just sort of boxy. Annoying. Yeah. Annoying flat chested boxy women. Oh, God. It was the, the Minnesota fair of all the different types of women. Pause for, pause for polite NPR laugh. There's people that have like, have never actually authentically laughed in their life. They just listen to NPR. They're just fucking like libs and fucking listen to NPR. For some reason, the laughs on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me are more offensive. Yeah. Because it's

Garrison Keeler is like, oh, this is whimsical, but he's not necessarily doing punch lines. But Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is like, we are killing right now. And it is just, it is dog shit. Yeah. And it's, it's all, it's awful. I feel like that would be very funny is if every Garrison Keeler performance ended with a severely mentally disabled man with no clothes on coming out on stage and violently caving his skull in with a ball peen hammer. Yeah. And then, you know, and then Mark Twain comes out and he goes, or, you know, Steinbeck or whatever. And he's like, yeah, ladies and gentlemen, the violent retard. Yes. They get a village idiot from each town in Minnesota. Yeah. They're like this, this week from well, it was Augusta, Minnesota. It was a

warm 44 degree May afternoon, Lake Wobegon and the town's folk had gathered in the square to watch the annual torturing of the mentally disabled boy. And he screamed and he cried and he wailed in his metal cage as they threw apple butter at him as they coated his penis and apple butter and let the squirrels have at it. Well, the old apple butter on the retard's penis trick was once again a huge success. And the second the blood drained down his legs, they knew there would be four more weeks of winter. Something had gone wrong that year. And the hinges on the retard's cage came loose. And he was, he escaped and instead of getting revenge on his direct captors, he raped an entire class of kindergarten students.

Just another day on Lake Wobegon. Yeah. Garrison Helter Scheehler. Just a brutal, just satanic Garrison Keehler. That'd be cool. Just to go do those. Just stories about some coin town. It's like child sacrifice. Yeah, doing sacrifices to BLs above. Yeah. Yeah. That'd be cool. Did you see the Midsomer? I feel like if I was a, if I was like a Gen Xer, I would go do that. That would be, instead of stand up comedy, I would just do Satanist Lake Wobegon monologues. And then, you know, people would be like, so what do you do? And I'd be like, fucking nothing. And then girls would be like, cool. Then I would just, I would get really just, just real garbage, policy problems. Do you remember when the church of Satan would like

respond to Trump? Maybe like, you're an idiot. People would be like, even the church of Satan thinks he's an idiot. Nope. No, no, no. That's very gay. We deserve everything that's coming to us. Oh, we deserve everything that's happened. Yeah. Yeah. You know, it's funny because you know that there was like a Jew on the train to Auschwitz and who is probably like, you know, this is our fault, right? Then you all just said, I've been saying, it's just our fault. We deserve this. We couldn't dial it back just a little bit. You had to fucking ruin it for everybody. It's a Boston to Boston. Yeah. Yeah. Those guys from Newton. Yeah. We had to fucking ruin it for everybody. It'd be funny if they, if there was a, if like the Holocaust happened, but it was

to people from Boston. Yeah, I think it would have been a lot. Wish people have like Hitler just hated people from Boston, which for some reason there were millions of in, in Berlin in, in Europe in the 1930s. The Boston question. Yeah. Yeah. I got to hide in the fucking attic. Ma, where's my fucking diary? Now I got to write about a fucking dream I had. Yeah. They say they're giving us a shower. Yeah. I'm like, what the fuck? You think I'm dirty? What the hell is this gas dirty? What is this gas? What is this gas smells like fucking gas? Yes. This is no fucking shower. They're too stupid for the gas to work. They say it doesn't work on them. They don't use enough oxygen. They're too stupid. They breathe

every 10 minutes. They just, they breathe in lobster butter, just atomized lobster butter. And they do not have any way to get oxygen into their blood. Yeah, that would be funny. Yeah, it would be funny. Wouldn't it? Boston strong. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. That's what, yeah, we'd have to never forget the Boston tragedy. Yeah, it's so funny that people already forgot that marathon. Yeah, who fucking cares? Yeah, nobody remembers the marathon. No, it just became a meme that they were innocent. Yeah, that the guys who did it didn't do it. Yeah. Odd non. Yeah. Or is it odd non? It's weird that there's you don't hear a horror. It's very weird that every city right now is burning except the Boston. Yeah, well, they, they, they hid their

black people. Where? I think in like, there's one day Lawrence Fishburn's character at Mystic River. Yeah, they, they, he's, that's a great performance from him. Yeah, just showing up just at the beginning of the movie. Yeah, we're investigating a murder. It's just him showing up with that stupid. Kind of approximated Boston. Yeah. Yeah. He's so funny, dude. He looks like absolute shit in John Wick. Oh, yeah, he is in John Wick. Yeah. And I think maybe he's in the sequel in John Wick too. Yeah, I think so. But he took the first two John Wick's off of streaming. I wanted to watch them again. I mean, he looks like after they finished shooting the matrix, he went into one of those pods and was just like, uh, can, uh, tank load up the Cinnabon program

sat in there, destroying his body tank, load the, load the Cinnabon and fucking Bailey's minis simulation. And we're going to run that until we film John Wick too and see what it does to my body. Yeah, he looks like absolute. Yeah. I mean, it's not like he looked that great beforehand. It's like black people saved up all the aging and then made him do the, use their portrait of Dorian. Yeah. Black don't crack. Except because we made a deal. Say it was Satan. We made a deal with Satan that Lawrence Fishburne would age on our behalf. There's that classic all black people made a deal with Satan to make sure that Lawrence Fishburne aged on their behalf stereotype. Yeah. Once again, go ahead, go ahead, cancel me for it. Go ahead. I think that

I've been like a Boston guy that just works at like a, like a, like a pizza restaurant or like a a short order cook. No one knows who he is. He has a Twitter account with two followers that he just uses to yell about Boston sports. And, uh, but in his personal life, he's like, I don't care. I'm going to fucking say it. What do you go ahead, cancel me. Go ahead. Fucking cancel me. He thinks he's a victim of cancel. Right. And there's just nothing to cancel. That is the best way to go ahead. Fucking cancel. I feel like I can't even share my fucking opinions. No one cares. Go ahead. Fucking cancel me for, what are you going to do? Get me canceled? Yeah. That's, that's the best guy is the guy that know like that literally is on the fringes

of society that thinks he's constantly under the tyranny of cancel culture or like the open micro that's like, if it wasn't for cancel culture, I would be huge. Yeah. Like doesn't realize that he's just sucks at comedy. Yeah. You know, are there a lot of those guys? I think they're like guys that are like, it's cause I'm too hot for TV. It's, I don't get that dude. You see a lot of people that have failed the comedy that like have some kind of justification for it. And it's like, I can honestly say cause I mean, I did comedy for a decade and it didn't work out and I was broke and there was like no indication that this show was going to happen or anything was going to fucking happen. Yeah. And remember like coming to terms with the fact that I'm like

just okay. Like I was okay enough to get the bare minimum amount of work to call yourself a professional comedian. I think the answer is, is that it's just really hard and you have to kind of be lucky sometimes. Sure. But I mean, it's like, I don't, I like, I, I wasn't getting to a place where I'm like, Oh, well, the reason it didn't happen is the industry. Yeah. It's just like, you have to be lucky right now. Who podcasts that I think no one listened to except for you and Dan Soder that you showed me once that was very funny. Oh, yeah. But his whole perspective was that it wasn't that his was not a cancel culture. His whole perspective was that, that, that PC culture. He had a whole rant against PC culture. I thought it was very good. I don't

remember that. I remember the dating was which was dating. Oh man. I got to go back and listen to that. It was so good. Me and me and then what we're describing right now is a 40 something year old man who's decided. He's got a compliment once from people are going to find out who it is. You really got to keep the details slim. I'll keep them slim. Yeah. Um, but yeah, me and Dan on the way, but we drove back from Boston and you fucking just did like six hours of that show. Just pausing it to laugh at the name is so good. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I think that is like really it is. That is a great character type though, because like, you know, when you're in open my comedy, you're like starting. You are surrounded

by delusion, you know, and it is. It is very funny. Like pretty much there's there is a bevy of people we've met over the years that we're very sure they were going to make it. We're there. I think so. It's funny because it's like it's kind of like you need to be humble in comedy. Yeah. So there's a lot of people that affect that that. Well, prior to like now, I think with like a lot of like, you know, it feels even weird saying like woke comedy because I am out of touch and I'm like, I wasn't doing shows or mics prior to this COVID bullshit. But just from what I see online, like a lot of people that do feel entitled to comedy. Yeah. And they do it. And they do it because like they presume that like comedy was nothing but like rich white men that

are like, this is my place in the world. Well, it's it's two sides of the same coin. I think the guy that thinks that he's too edgy to be successful and the guy that thinks that because he's a pansexual, he can't make it in this industry. But there weren't the same thing. People that were like, I'm too edgy to make it were mentally ill. Those are the best people. You know, you could say it's two sides of the same coin. I mean, I kind of there's probably people on the other side in like the woke comedy world that are like, I'm too, I'm too much of a truth teller. Like they have to have their Tom Myers basically. Exactly. Yeah, they're like, well, because it's because I'm too trans and I'm not successful. And then the other trans comedians are like, sure.

Yeah, that's what it is. Yeah. Oh God. Yeah, I mean, like, I don't know. I remember when I moved up here, I would follow on Facebook, DC Comics calling each other out on Facebook about disrespecting their rooms and saying you're never allowed back in my rooms. Yeah, like the just like the kind of the sort of power that they kind of felt like they had or that they felt like they were expressing was very funny. Yeah, because it's like what you're talking about an open mic and you know, Clarendon on a on a Tuesday. Yeah, you know. Yeah, I mean, people are truly insane. People are. But those. Yeah, those are the most entertaining. I mean, I would rather watch 10 hours of of that

than 10 hours of mediocre, you know, because there's a virtue to being the worst. Yeah, you know, whatever. Yeah, I mean, it's like you at least used to have to like affect some humility though. But I think to even try out stand up unless you're someone that's like genuine. I think very few people like genuinely like, you know, have some sort of calling like they think they have. But for the most part, you have a kind of a sense of entitlement early on, like, oh, this is this is something that you could that is something that a person does, you know, yeah, that's kind of based on delusion. So you should want to be very fucking good at calm. I mean, you need to it's not entitlement, but it's like, you should be motivated by wanting

to be I mean, literally, you should set your sights on being the best comedian that is the right attitude. I mean, yeah, anything you want to do, you should always like think of like otherwise, there's no right, you should set your sights on being the very best person to ever do the thing ever. But then you meter that with like some sense of like, I mean, you just don't be an asshole. Yeah, with exactly. And but like in terms of your work ethic and what you're doing, it's like you should always be trying to make yourself better. Because I mean, competition will make you, you know, and then like if you're ever like, oh, I just, you know, I kind of want to find my place in the thing. It's like, well, you know, then you're just going to suck. I mean,

you're just going to turn into a fucking loser. Yeah, or the kind of person that starts off and assumes that they're good. Yeah, which I think is like there are a ton of people that are of comedy that assume that they're good. Yeah, just absolute dog shit. And like very few people are immediately good. Sarah was when we started. Sarah moved to Philly. She moved to Philly. Yeah. Nice talk to her. Congrats on your move, Sarah. Yeah, she just moved a couple days ago. I remember seeing her at her second open mic. Yeah, when she had braces and she was like, this is my second time. I might go down there and hang out with her. I'd be down to go to Philly. Yeah, I've been to Philly in a while. Are you guys in good terms? Yeah, we text. Yeah. Yeah, she's on me a very nice gift

basket along with you a couple weeks ago. Yeah, what else? Let's say let's let's wrap it up. Yeah, I guess you got to do your birthday party. No, I don't have to do it yet. I had to pick things up for someone's birthday. I actually do have to. I have like, I have the thing I got to work on that I got to start work on, which I guess we fulfilled. Yeah, you know, that's what it is. Folks, sometimes you're just going to get a little bit of garrison keeler riffing in 22 minutes of ad read. Yeah, that's not bad. You know, it's a nice day. Maybe take this one. You get it on the JBL out on the beach. Yeah. And yeah, take it out. Yeah. Take the get a frisbee going. You're out on the beach. Get the JBL out now. Put the podcast on, re listen to it. Maybe

without headphones. And then you can appreciate it a little bit more. Maybe if there's a Hispanic family sitting nearby playing their damn music, playing their music, maybe they'll overhear me saying this and you let they'll pick a fight with you. And maybe they'll be offended. They'll be like, what the fuck is this bro? What the hell is it? There's on your block. There's like a the building next to Amber's old places being sold. Oh, yeah. That like warehouse thing with the real estate agents name is Sandra Maskin. And as I was about to call her up, she's just like, I'm the real estate Asia. Sandra, the one who is Mexican. That's pretty good. Yeah. She's a Southern Mexican. Yeah. She's a Mexican. Yeah. I guess. Yeah. Mexicans don't say that. They don't say I guess black people.

Yeah. From Texas. Same Mexican. Yeah. That's true. Are you a Mexican boy? You want to mess this? Yeah. I don't want my daughter running around with no change of name or the Washington Mascons. I don't even know they were called the Mascons. I really hope they fuck up that new name. Yeah. I'm really hoping. Well, they should just leave it as football team because that really is the Washington football team would be sick. That's what it is. And that's the only name you can use really. That's the only one that's future proofed. Literally anything else you use it's like. Oh, yeah. You don't know. Well, football is offensive in and of itself. It's a barbaric sport. Also paraplegic people. They don't know about people without feet. What about people without balls?

Yeah, exactly. What if in two years there's a trans person that's like, well, my gender is I have a penis, but instead of balls, it's a foot. There's a foot. So I got a foot. So it's a foot. Yeah. Instead of my ball sack, there's a foot that also has a pussy in it. Like you've seen in sex shops and my penis rests on top of the foot. And somebody's like, you know, what do you call these people? Football's and then they're like, that's offensive. You're going to jail. And then I think if someone got a sign is like, you see, they got to change the name again. It cost me $45. It's a really good dance night. It cost me $45 at the name changing office. Last time I had to start a new limited liability corporation. Spending money. What is he rich from six flags? His initial thing was that

when he was in college, he would rent private jets and then sell seats on the private jets to go to spring break. So that's that's clever. Yeah. So he would like rent out an entire private jet and then sell like plane tickets, basically. So he's a party guy. Yeah. And then he would like charter flights to the Bahamas or whatever charging like a shit ton of money for this private jet planes. And because you could only you only have to rent. You don't rent the plane for a day. And then basically, yeah, it's like subletting a plane. So wow, that's smart. Good for Snyder. If I'm like, if I remember correctly, that gate, that's like he made like a million, you know, as like a by the time he graduated. Yeah. Yeah. Doing that. Wow. What a legend. Yeah. Shout out

to the legend dance. Dip into all my playing money. I took my bar mitzvah money, which seems like a scam. It seems like that. Who's it? What's the name of that that that fire festival guy? Yeah, Michael McDonald. Yeah, I think the different Michael McDonald. It's the same Michael McDonald. I was the same guy. Yeah, I was thinking about having a festival down in the Bahamas. I called a jar rule. Yeah, it was like job. Yeah, me and get down to the Bahamas. I got an idea. I have a vision. Yeah, me and my friend jar rule, actually. We work together. He's a very, very, very talented guy. And he he had the idea to rip a bunch of people off. Actually, you know, it's me. We see that music video that song you did with Shaka Khan, Michael McDonald.

It's very funny because he's just like if they're in like a room and she's standing up and he's just seated at a table and he doesn't know what to do with his body. Was it you? The other day was talking about that Louis Theroux documentary where the black Israelites said that they were like he's asking them like what famous people are are actually black. He's like, well, there's there's actually one singer. Yeah, you said that right? Yeah, Tom Jones. Tom Jones. Let me see if I can find this video. We'll just leave on this one. All right. Keep talking. Yeah, I saw a store in the West Village the other day. It was a men's men's wear leather leather store called Slightly Alabama. You heard of this Nick? No, no. I thought it was

a weird name for a for a store for wealthy gay men Slightly Alabama. I don't know. That's that's that, you know, what is that? You know, is that something maybe? Um, sort of. I can't find it. Oh, you're trying to find the Michael McDonald. Yeah, it's very funny. Was he on a beach or something? No, they're in an apartment and he's just like sitting at like a dinner table and then she's next to him and they're not like singing directly to each other. They're just they're just keep talking. Yeah. I watched a rebel without a cause last night. That's a great movie. It's really good. Yeah, I'd never seen it before, but I hadn't I hadn't noticed that our old friend. What's his name?

Dennis Hopper plays one of the young one of the young gang gang kids and I was looking up later. Apparently Nicholas Ray on the set of it raped Natalie Wood when she was 16 and Dennis Hopper and Nicholas Ray had a falling out as a result. Yeah, maybe dated. I don't know. Well, I guess statutorily raped her. You're not allowed to rape anybody. That's messed up, man. Yeah, rape. I don't think that's very fucking cool. That the the funniest scene in that movie is when Natalie Wood tries to kiss her father and he said, he said, God damn it, you're too old for this. She gets hurt that her dad won't kiss her. Yeah, be a reward. I haven't seen it in probably like it's on max seven years. I just got HBO Max. I got rid of all streaming. Well, I just I used my dad's.

Here we go. Here we go. Here it is. And we weren't even married on my apartment once again one more time by myself. And we weren't even married. It's just sitting at that fucking. It's Patty LaBelle, not shocking. I just love his just sort of rotating and that that just no, whoever directed that was like, yeah, whatever. He had a no standing clause in his contract. Yeah, I was so disappointed because I thought for years, somebody told me that fucking that what's his name Marlon Brando refused to wear pants on the set of the score. But that's not true. And they had to shoot it from the way it's not true. There's just there's clearly a scene where he's wearing pants. But

yeah, like if that had been so funny. Yeah, he's so fat. Yeah, he's he's a million pounds. Mikey, you got to do this one for me. It'll be great. It's the last school. It's the last water you're out. You don't have to do it again. I used to be sexy and now I weigh 600 pounds. I can't rely on about Native American stuff. Yeah, it's funny how Hardy got booed for sending Sackage away to collect his money at the award show. Yeah, people hated it. Yeah. Yeah, he's so good. Yeah, it is funny to see just I mean because Hollywood's always just been full of shit. But just now the kind of applause you could get an award show even though 90% of the people are pandering for pandering when I thought that Ricky Gervais set he did maybe the Golden

Globes was very funny. I don't remember it. I wouldn't be like I don't know. I wouldn't like when you remember when I guess it was like, yeah, but it was like none of you people actually Michael Moore was like fuck the Iraq war. And you got boo. Yeah. Fuck you, Mr. President. We do not want this more, Mr. President. You know, he refused to wear pants during the filming of Bowling for Columbine and at the Oscars. Yeah, he was getting booed for his dick. It wasn't actually a stare at all. He had no pants on. Yeah, they didn't show it. But yeah, yeah, Michael Moore just completely nude from the waist down. We do not want this war, Mr. President. We do not want you with an illegitimate election that was stolen. He said you're an illegitimate president. Yeah.

We live in fictitious times. It was a fictitious president in a fictitious war. Michael Moore has never been wrong. I think he's I think he's maybe he's been wrong a couple of times. I said I watched I watched his last documentary to Fahrenheit 11 nine and the only part I didn't like about it was he was really into the parkland kids. He was like maybe these kids got it figured out. Yeah. And I was like, oh, that's that's kind of gay. Well, besides that, I agreed with him. So this works out because we did 18 a little 18 extra to make up for the 16 at the top. So we're done 16 at the top is good. No, you weren't even here. I'm I bet it was I kept slipping up and saying slurs. I get my nervous tick. Maybe listen back to that. All right. Thanks. Until next time

until next time, same funky time, same funky place at the funky guy you listening to groovy one old groove point