The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. 221 – suCk my PNC

Episode Date: August 20, 2020

yup.

Well, it's fall finally about time. You know what that means? Balls get longer. It's uh, it's all about face Aesthetics now. Oh really? Uh-huh. So I can't see body anyone body goes away. Sun's gone guns gone It's time for swords. Oh, that's not face. I I guess I didn't really think about this. That's true. Someone sent me a sword an actual recently Yeah, there's sword showed up in my mail in my house yesterday. It's sharp. They're throwing knives with it. Nice You want it? I guess I'd have to take a look at it aesthetically. Yeah, it's yeah, is it like a What was it a saber in or Eastern?

You know, I'm getting real tired of offering free shit to people like well, I need more information Uh-huh. It's like I'm trying to get rid of a All the fucking bedroom furniture that I bought just as like it needed I needed this shit So I went to Ikea a year ago, right? I just bought shit. Yeah, and it looks like shit Just give it away for free shit. You are shit pal hit the bricks That's what you're saying to your manners to my to my to your error and as just do a curb alert dog Uh, I did I tried to give it away for free and no one get no people are like, well, I just posted on Instagram And then somebody suggested that's not the best way. That's crazy because what you're gonna get is people that know

You're gonna talk to them at least three exchanges now. Yeah You're gonna get his guys that were being ignored. Yeah, they're like, oh, what? Oh, yeah, I'll come by I just wanted fucking st. Cloud. I wanted to go to a black woman of color who's also a business Yes, to a melanated business voice Because that's really who after seeing the George Floyd video. I was like what needs to happen right now is I need to buy Cappuccinos from melanated voices. Absolutely Yeah, you want you want your fucking nightstand to be used. Yeah solely to store cocoa butter. I give my my my brimnas Custom bed and headboard set up. Yep to anything other. Oh, I thought you had the Malm

You know, I think about it. I do. Thanks for knowing more about my I used to have that bed the Malm I used to have the Malm we have now in The dark color at the black. That's a classic ebony Malm. Yeah, ebony Um, what do I have now? I have just uh, like a metal Platform hmm. Yeah platform bed Um, I have a low. I have a low metal one myself for the time low is within style the time being I'm going back You're just sleeping on the floor. I love it. I already test ran it. I'm still good to go. That's your roots. Yeah Well, I mean I wake up. Yeah, you put it just a little futon mattress. It's perfect

You know, I mean the only reason I had it was a women's fault that I had. Yes Guess what bitch? Yeah, no headboard. Yeah, nothing now now the apartment will be empty You need to you need to go back to like, you know, like a beach chair PS4. Yes, enormous television on the floor. Yes. Yeah, absolutely. That's it B Y O C when you want to come hang out at Nick's spot. It's stack a high times magazine. Yeah, pizza boxes that you've made I had a friend Andrew when I was like 17 he was like 23 and his roommate was probably 24 25 and that guy's room was so funny Yeah, hell yeah, and because it was like it literally that like a fucking twin size

disgusting With like just a single comforter that was like make its way halfway across room stack a high times magazine and one of those Like boom boxes for Mexican. Yes, dude. That's just in like a magna box, right? That's in like the broken electronic section of Best Buy shit. That's like open box and fuck Yes, yeah, like a real cool. I am all in boom box, right? It's it's very defined the base circles. Yeah, it's like a different it's like red Red circles high times magazine a lot of infected mushroom coming out of that. Oh God. Yeah. Oh, yeah Yeah, that was that was a hilarious setup

I've never been a floor mattress guy But I do go back spring and I've been low mattress and I'll be low mattress for the rest of my life Because of I like the height it is when you fuck Uh-huh. I like to be able to stand up and fuck from behind You had a box spring and it looked like that stop getting in bed look like that video that bulldog That couldn't get on to the pool chair. It did not look I haven't seen it. It did not look like that We're gonna pull that but it was but it is cute when I get into bed But when you when you miss when I successfully get in I don't miss it. He misses. I don't miss my own bed

That's why I like a low bed. Yeah, here's here's stop trying to get into bed. Oh Oh my god, it's adorable. I haven't seen the video. You literally have that ass. Oh Hell, yeah, that is me, but I get it literally. Yeah, that's you trying. That's me sneaking into pussy That's me getting my dick in pussy. Look here's you trying to get into the right position Wow, sure here comes let the people get some of the music Yeah, this is from your stop Tell them tell them to link He fell off the chair so you can follow along at home. That's a bulldog in a beach chair

Yeah, if anyone wants to watch it Nick found it on the wolf wolf Facebook page Which he is a moderator of I am a moderator did I tell you I had a I had a roommate John that I lived with him for like a year and a half. This is a fake name and I Lived with him for a year and a half and he was like he's like actually I'm the moderator for the Facebook page seltzer. Yeah, we never had seltzer in the house or anything I was like, you don't even like seltzer that much. He's like, it's all right. Actually I was like, why'd you start the page? He's like, they didn't have a fan page for seltzer Did he ever fuck off of that?

Off of his seltzer thing. No, I don't think you should be able to get pussy off of doing something like that or a couple dollars I'm sure there's at least one woman. That's like, oh my god. He's sort of the Facebook seltzer. That's what I'm saying There's got to be a couple people that post so much in that. Yeah, it does matter to them Yeah, I want to get like a Santa Claus outfit and a bell And then like a little like a frame or whatever and it has like a red shield on the top And a frame what like a little like a sign? Yes You know red shield on the top and it says pussy for Santa And just stand outside of Macy's and ring the bell and then as a woman walked by just be like, ma'am

Then when they look closer, yeah, like do you want to have sex in my car? Yeah, just point to just point just point to a fucking Nissan. Yeah pussy for Santa is the point to a Nissan maximum We're out here getting Santa's penis wet. Yeah Either you can have sex with me or you can donate money to go towards a high-class Escort because I won't be fucking some street Santa doesn't get bad pussy How about like just like a junkyard and there's an old guy with like white hair and a white beard and he's carrying like a Girl that's covered in like bug bites and like a raggedy andress and she's got dirt all over her face Yeah, and he's walking through all the garbage and he looks at the camera. He's like, hi, these kids need pussy

These kids need some motherfucking And the Christian get-and-pussy network. Yeah for the cost of One pussy a month and one American pussy a month you can buy these kids So would he be carrying some junkyard pussy and he'd be so the girl he's carrying she needs pussy She needs pussy. He's taking her to get pussy. Yeah, he's taking her to get pussy. That's awesome And it ends with with him like walking out of the junkyard, and then we see that this is just a set And he's actually in Hollywood. He's on a sound and now he's on the sunset strip buying a prostitute for the junkyard kid And she eats she eats the prostitutes pussy

It's a hard knock life for us instead of pussy. We get Bust we have to eat a bunch of bus Honestly is bus. I would be really pissed if I wanted pussy and I got semen instead We have to eat bus I would be checking the mailbox every day. I would be freaking Myth yeah, if I had to eat calm instead of have sex with a woman Yeah, that would that would freaking piss me off too brother. Thanks, man. I'm glad we're on the same page here You know, it's like statistically almost if you make it to like 35 years old if you've been going to restaurants your whole life there's a

Almost a 100% chance you've eaten bust nice because it that's a lot of people think that it's nobody's doing that in restaurants But every restaurant I worked every single every single one. They're putting but there's always somebody nutting in the food Yeah, it was me. Yeah, I I bet you the percentages are nice. Mm-hmm. Do you think you've eaten somebody's pews? I bet you you have Adam people don't hate you. Yeah, I will be poisoned, you know, it's weird to know the way you're gonna die Actually, there are two possibilities. Yeah, but I know that it will be one of two. What is it one will be a poisoning Mm-hmm from someone. I don't even really know that well, right, you know someone that I've pissed off So badly and I don't even you're not even aware. I'm not even aware of it

Maybe our enemies from the Red Scare. Oh, yeah, maybe that could be Anna will poison you No, you're like Adam. I have some cool clothes for you to wear that we both The same size Adam except my shirt should be bigger because of my tits. I thought I'd extend an olive branch and put our pants we can share Yeah, and I'll give you the you can dress like a 1920s lesbian But little do you know the buttons like fucking the poison clothes classic the classic poison The other way will be you can both look like fucking Howard Hughes's friends Yeah, here hold it now put the golf club on your shoulder. That's right. That's how you activate the poison

I want to re-watch the aviator. I only saw it once. Well, you're not allowed to okay. Sorry I'll ask you you have to go to the hospital for your medicine. Yeah, uh-huh The second possibility will be I'll have a sneezing fit during while driving And I'll just slam into a wall Interesting, but it'll be one of two. It'll either be an a catchy and poisoning You know as a funny move it's like being in public and saying cheese while taking a selfie. That's very yourself. Yeah Like I'm yeah I'm new I'm you to selfies. I'm new to hold the whole

I What well you were texting about yesterday now. That's a good idea. Yeah, a guy I'm gonna see a guy having sex and as soon as he comes lay out the scenario He busts. Oh, yeah, that's very good. Oh, why would just listening to backcountry? Yeah, imagine a guy just busts and immediately plays events on puts on back country on this phone Doesn't talk to you're listening to your divorce kid playlist That playlist was never finalized. There's only three songs on that. Uh-huh back country and what else? I forget probably like trapped

Yeah, who bestank Yes, and the reason is I'm gay. I am crawling in your ass Yeah, well basically the idea behind that song is I was thinking about like a really fucked up magic school bus Yes, Carlos gets raped. Yeah, and so Yeah, well, they don't do a rape kid miss Frizzle makes a school bus tiny and this kid's driving to Carlos's ass to find The semen from his rapist Investigation they cover the school bus with cotton. Yeah, so they go well the school bus Yeah, it shrinks down goes into Carlos's ass while he's asleep

Mm-hmm, and then while he's it while they're in there and miss Frizzle's like look kids. That's the HIV virus Oh, no, and and it's killing Carlos or whatever and then the nerd What's his name Arthur? Yeah. Yeah, Adam. He's an atom. He's like He's like, what's this button do and miss Frizzle's like don't press that button. It turns off the magic And he presses it and the bus becomes full-size and in his in Carlos up and it fucking yeah, it tears his ass Completely open to the size of his whole body you this is to the size of it No, the sad truth is that the rest of him is fine. His ass is just torn torn and Carlos is like

Adios And then that's that was sort of the idea behind the song crawling crawling in the dark crawling in the dark Yep by uh, by who was saying? There's a guy that we used to call who was thank at Greek church camp. Why'd you call him that cuz he smelled no He was good at singing who was saying Wow That's a great look like the guy and he would fucking shy, but he would crush singing who was think just outside And we'd be like hell yeah, who was think?

Everyone's playing basketball who was thinks just fucking crushing this acapella versions. Yeah, but Cuba Gooding Jr. Stank. Yep And they're like, I'm crawling in the dark. Why don't you show me the money? Yeah, I'm calling in the dark somebody suck that baby's dick They just stank and the reason is my agent Tom Cruise I found a reason to be straight. I don't I can't think of it Like those years were such dog shit, there's really just those two the reason and then crawling. Oh wait Yeah, oh now now. I'm thinking of Lincoln Park's crawling. Yeah, that song's good My balls they are now empty

Something like that. Yeah RIP Chester RIP Chester Mike Shinoda is holding it down for you. I have it on good if you're on your note I actually killed him. No way dude. Don't put that out I You fucking samurai sliced him up. Oh, man Not a day goes by where I don't think about Chester and Bradley from sublime Now Bradley I don't think about anymore. No, he'll but Chester. It's still so fresh. No Bradley It still hurts ever since he died in 1994

Dude, I used to absolutely rock with sublime Dude, I remember like do you remember like wanting to be a stoner like before you were course ever got high There was like an older kid at camp and in retrospect It's one of the gayest things anyone's ever said. I mean literally half-baked is probably the reason I Yeah, yeah, it seems so cool. Yeah Uh, but he was doing the voice before you've ever smoked weed. He was like dude. Yeah, man Fuck you. Fuck you. Yes, you're cool. Oh my god. Yeah, that would be so John Stewart's parts pretty I've never seen a bag of a $20 bill. I literally knew that I would recite that before I saw half-baked

That's all the movie I was like, oh That's where this is from. Yeah, but the older kid was like, dude You got to start smoking weed and when you do you got to put on a little sublime I thought that was the coolest thing anyone's ever said. Oh, yeah. Yeah, do you guys kiss after that? No I remember I was like that kid like they kissed. Yeah, we kissed be honest They made a movie called smoke me by your weed Jewish plays yeah The older gay man that teaches the younger

Homosexual Jewish boy about weed Uh-huh. He penetrates it to Santeria. They've got an apple that he shows him how to turn into a pipe and they puts his cock in It sucks his cock. He sucks his cock. Because they both have blue-ass Jewish dicks by the way. Yeah, that fits in the middle of an apple. Yeah Smoke me by your weed. Smoke me by your weed. Yeah The Adam Friedland story Honestly, if that movie and the dad's like you don't have any idea how jealous I am I've been waiting to have gay sex

For decades Damn, it is perfect in that regard. Yeah, well, it's real That's part we have an argument wasn't I the only one who said that he's gay now I think I just I just didn't participate in the conversation my father. Well, your dad. Yes, but also the dad and call me by your name Oh, yeah, he is gay. You find out at the end of the movie I feel like I was the only one who's arguing that were we arguing about calling maybe I was arguing with Elvis I think it doesn't matter whether he's gay or not. He's definitely gay. The point is is that he doesn't love his wife That's true. That's what we can all agree. But it's all women are not gay and not love your wife

So yes, it's cool. Exactly. And that's yeah a nice wife homo. Yeah That's what I love saying the the moral of the story is you can either choose To be gay To or be a bitch who doesn't love his wife or be a cool guy that gets pussy on the side His more his dad's moral failing was not not coming out of the closet living as himself But it was it was not cheating on his wife who gets boy boy pussy on the side. Does she? Well Well, whatever. What about instead of Gary Busey? It's Gary Bussey. Gary Bussey. Yeah, yeah

Okay, you know how cool of a movie call me by your name would be if it was if it said an army army hammer It was a lady with big ass tits sucking off for like a regular. Yeah an older hot chick. Awesome. Yeah What is it army hammer was Arleigh army? Who's that? Oh the army guy drill instructor I Damn it boy. I love the taste of your cock The only thing that comes from Texas and steers and queers thank God you're not a steer look at it all covered in shit Looks like a Snickers ball

That would be awesome. Yeah, just pounding your ass viciously army style See I would worry about the aftercare with Arleigh army what he could we cuddle the way army hammer did Bullshit I'm a very sensual lover. Yeah They'd have sex with you on Steven. What a cool guy to be that is an awesome guy Just be it. You're just so what you are that they just like all right. You get to be you in movies Yeah, well, I mean cuz it's like yeah I had a friend girl. I had a friend growing up that that a call that like just knew he was gonna be in the military

I just knew like he was yeah from when we were very young He was like I'm gonna be a marine right and then he was a marine then he got blown up now He's an airplane mechanic or something, you know, but uh, is he able to limbs? Yeah, he was I mean Yeah, it was like I think he was in a car So there'd be like a cheap or something he didn't lose any home see but I know he had spent time in Walter Reed And he took his like GI Bill or whatever to go to like airplane fixing school Liz in the Pacific Northwest doing that. Okay, but He yeah, I mean it was just like all he ever wanted and he only I mean he took clearly like modeled his personality off after

Arleigh even his children Yeah, so I guess I kind of like project that on to Arleigh or me himself, right? But the idea of a guy that's just like I'm just gonna scream and this is gonna be me for my entire life Right, you know, it's like that's perfect. That's beautiful. Yeah. Yeah, you know just yeah Just one gear one note. Yeah, just crush it though. They did it great and then he became famous for right, right, right? You know was he was he was actually in the army. Yeah, it was a marina or drill. He's exactly what he's played every time It wasn't surprised. It wouldn't be surprising to me if he just wasn't in the army at all I don't know if it was like how it went down

But I you know remember reading that like they needed him as like a consultant on full milk jacks up like that Kubrick was just like you just do you're perfect. Yeah You're perfect for this That's what I mean about a movie what happened to Adam in a movie called smoke me by Gay guy to explain how sucking dick works. Well, you know how like Holly can you just do it? Yeah, Hollywood they have a lot of problems getting gay right in movies. Yeah, so they have to bring in extra consultants. Absolutely. Yeah, that's I'd you know that Harrison Ford was actually discovered because he was sucking dick on the set of Star Wars. Yep He was hired as a cocksucker

There's a fluffer and they Which they needed for because they had to have it seemed they got ultimately cut out Well, a lot of the puppets were very complex and it required not only the use of your mouth hands arms and legs But also your penis had to be hard and yeah, and Frank Oz was like He you know to make Yoda work because he's already doing Java and fucking Chewie right arms and legs Yep, he would need a guy and they shot all those at the same time. Yeah To save money. You don't know this. He's a very low budget. They were saying they were shooting three scenes at once With one guy playing all three scenes where R2-D2 and Yoda would have to be having a conversation with Chewie

And land though and so they would have a Frank Oz's one of his foot feet would be in blackface Momos Yoda and yeah, and then they would in the middle of it all they would have to have a Chewbacca and so they would have to someone have to suck his cock to keep his dick hard Mm-hmm, and that's Harrison that was Harrison that was Harrison for job. He may have been a carpenter I may be well, you know, that was it. It was I think it was he was sucking Frank Oz's dick So that yeah, he was a blue-collar style rent boy. Yeah, yeah He would do whatever you wanted. Sometimes it was carpentry. Sometimes it was getting your dick hard That's actually where Adam Corolla got his start

He was a lot of people know this but he had to suck Jimmy Kimmel's dick That's right to keep Jimmy Kimmel hard so that Jimmy Kimmel could play And with his arm yeah, all his he would also be his famous Carl Malone meets Chewbacca And R2-D2 sketch. Yeah, that's right And what's really crazy is that they met while he was on radio. Yeah, love line Yeah, but that's how he got into character. Yeah, he was he was it had to still work visually. Yeah he was He was sucking penis

So true it is so motherfucking true actually So I You guys probably could have guessed but the three of us right now. We have DNC fever. Oh, yeah I can't get enough of it personally. I didn't pay attention. So we're not gonna talk about it. Okay. I haven't watched the single I just want to say shats out to Colin Colin Powell Colin Powell, uh-huh For being the DNC speaker, you know what I call him. What's that? You don't want to know Yeah, you're right

Yeah, I call him war machine from Iron Man cool. That's awesome. That's pretty cool. You give him too cool And then black Iron Man He was black iron man. Isn't that the story? It's like fucking Iron Man makes a suit and he was like now to make a shittier version for give the old they used the iPhone 6 the suit to a Melanated voice. Yeah, it's a dog. She has actual combat experience. Yeah. I'm just a rich prick. Come on, man Come on, man. You got to give me a better suit than this. I mean, let me get one that makes my dick bigger, man

Yeah, oh Terrence poor Terrence getting owned and then just giving the rule to Don Cheedle for no reason. I Love Cheedle, man. Yeah, he's cool. He's so cool. I Just watched What do you call it with JLo? It's funny because he's in a hotel Rwanda Yeah, and it's okay for them to ask him to do like an African accent, but imagine you make a movie with like I'm trying to think of who like the leading Chinese actors or Asian actors are Jackie Chan. Yeah, but Jackie Chan

The guy from like a regular fresh off the boat that I guess there aren't any. Yeah, there's a bunch of there's a bunch of like Korean actors. I feel like What do you call it chow chow young fat? No, man There's a handsome. They just announced. There's a guy who played Korean Jim on the office for one gag I guess this is like the something the biggest Asian Eugene Park is that his name the biggest Asian stars are like people that were already famous in Asia And then they came over here. Yeah, cuz you're trying to make that international bank money Yeah, yeah, yeah, but it would be funny if you had like an Asian actor that speaks perfect English cuz he's from Chicago Yeah, they're like, yeah, this is this movie is called Hotel China

And that guy's name is not you know, can you is there any way that you could make your voice? Randall Park, I don't know why I said Eugene Park Randall interesting name for a Chinese guy He's fluent English even better grew up here. He's exactly the guy you were talking about just now Yeah, well, that's like, you know There's no way Randall is his Korean. Well, they do that with with furio from the soprano from Jersey Yeah, he's America apparently they auditioned people in Italy and no one got it cuz they're so bad at acting They were too busy trying to have sex with the female casting directors. That's true. Can I see you pussy please? I don't want to do the audition. I want to make a love to you

You have a be on your head. You have a be on you hat. You know, you know, I believe you guys will listen to talking Sopranos It's good. I listened to like a little bit of the first episode. I love it cuz it's my friends Hear anything about the Sopranos. I'll just close my eyes and listen going to my own head They said that apparently Jerry Stiller was supposed to play hesh really, but he dropped out Wow, that would have been cool. Wouldn't that have been awesome. They would have been really and that's the kind of tidbits You're missing by not listening. I love tidbits Jason Alexander was supposed to play Tony Really they have a similar vibe could you imagine how bad that show would be if all the characters are Jewish?

Tony's the only guy that's not in therapy Yeah, he's like, yeah, I'm trying out a drinking. I'm trying out getting pussy. I've been trying I've been trying to get I've been trying to commit crimes It's really just I'm trying having confidence All the other Jews are like something's wrong with more things or something's he's we have to kick him out of the law firm He's not allowed to be a part of the child the pedophile ring This thing is not allowed to be a producer anymore. Yeah, we're gonna be making spy kids for without him How about this this sting of ours this thing like

Oh, that is the only that's my go-to sting song That shit we took over Greek I was there the summer it was a hit it's blast and everywhere in Greece, dude I'm like 13 Everybody's blaring desert rose and It's Remember seeing it on SNL. I think the desert rose. Yeah, well, he was a musical guest. Yeah Yeah, he got like what did you think what possibly else could I thought that they did a sketch where they're like About sting maybe the joke is that he doesn't bust because that's the thing is that he likes tantric sex for hours and not busting

I could could not be me. That's an also fucking lame, dude. Are they even coming back? What do they do? I don't know they're gonna take you zoom. I'll tell you what it doesn't do is it doesn't get my dick hard What do you do about that? I don't know, you know what in fact, I'm gonna go piss. Well, maybe you Yeah, I hate when my dick doesn't get hard when I watch SNL Oh, it's just in case, you know, if there's a what? Oh, I thought you were gonna give us a copy. No There's no copy. I don't have my phone with me. Of course you don't One of the basic tools of the trade Podcasting missing. No, I was trying to what you're a constant on your phone every other episode the one time

It's not here. No, I was trying to not have it. So it's very listen. It's very funny Anyways, the promo code is come town in case I'm not probably back. I just got a picture. Okay. So go ahead I just set up my phone. So I actually can't sign into my Google But listen, here's the thing about talking. Are you got a new phone? It's the same one I just the apparently they're coming out with new ones. My screens all fucked up I have insurance. So they just gave me the same one. Oh, so I'm just gonna wait until the new ones come out I'm getting yeah, hopefully four cameras this time. I might try to get rid of the smartphone if I can but I don't know Go to a flip. Yeah, well once we quit the show

We'll just all get flip phones getting the little cabins never get on Twitter ever again zero pussy anyways I'm gonna go piss Okay, it's gonna be pissing out of his soft little dick But yeah, you want to be a man and piss out of a hard big dick Yeah, what you need to use is blue motherfucking chew if you're a guy like us you like to piss hard Dude, I love pissing hard the stream is you don't know it's uncontrollable In fact, it's like a fire hydra the alpha move is to fuck soft and fuck soft piss hard Yeah, so don't take blue chew before you fuck slather your little fucking wet

Fucking soft cock into a pussy the girl's like what the fuck's going on here. You're like shut the fuck up, bitch I'm soft right now and you're loving it. Aren't you and you're like I guess and then as soon as soon as you're done Uh-huh soon as you but as soon as she comes she comes which will be from your soft, which will be almost instantly because she feels What an alpha you are right how much you're about to go and you're like the whole time? You're fucking rubbing your little nub in a pussy. You're like I'm about to go piss hard you fucking bitch Cuz as we don't even get the hard dick. I enjoy my hard dick Exactly and so being domed so hard like that. She fucking busts loads All over that's right because the female orgasm as we all know is not a physical thing

It's an emotional thing. It's emotional and mental and you have to treat her poorly So she'll get a little violence to her pussy exactly So she'll get off emotionally to your soft dick. Yeah, then immediately afterwards you pop a blue chew pop a blue Chew bring her into the bathroom tell her to lay on the bathroom in the tub I heard Trey songs does this really in between sex sessions He'll tell the girl to go to the bathroom lay in the tub play with her pussy, and then he'll piss on their face It was all over black Twitter today. I didn't realize that this is the This is the black Twitter minute from coming Adam Friedland

Hit pop so you're not talking about the No, we're talking about it. We're saying you should piss. We're saying you fucks off and you piss hard We're saying that a real true alpha gets his dick hard and then pisses on a woman. Mm-hmm as a means of Marking one's territory much like a dog would and look maybe you're not into that kind of advanced kind of sex But if you love sex you're gonna love blue chew doctor We want men to know it's okay to need or want some help to boost confidence to allow for better sex I want men to know I want men to know that the other thing too about blue chew is that it is a 100% black female owner. That's right

Company these are melanated voices. That's right. They run this company. Yes when you buy this Yes, the people that sealed your little the hands that sealed your pills. We're wearing big long acrylic nails Yes, and it's not just the workers It is the people at the top to the board members the ceo the workers are white men who are new workers are white men Yeah, that are wearing gimp outfits Yeah, the people that own the company are all black billionaire. Yeah black billion. Have you ever seen if you guys Street is exactly. They probably went took it went to a time machine went to Tulsa got black wall street before it was You know firebombed or whatever which was fucked up

And they stay they took them to the future and then they now they own blue chew calm and all the workers are the white Guys that were gonna do the terrorism against them. Yeah, if you like sex, you'll love blue chew calm That's right a lot of the people like another thing that is The blue chew would also a lot of the guys down at the orphanage They take it to make to make the busts for the orphans, right? Because they can't get pussy they can't you imagine how hard it is you dick hard after just the endless bust thing Right, not even in a way being milked like a cow. You're being milked like a cow to make food for homeless children Mm-hmm, and you know, I mean it's it's some would say it's sexual exploitation of the man of the man

But you know your boss is your boss is a black-owned woman, right? Black-owned woman. Yeah a Black woman owns your ball. She's a melanated voice. Okay, gotcha. She's a melanated character, right? Yeah Anyway, you know, you know, you get hard about the same medicine as the regular shit. How about water melanated? No, I don't believe Maybe not in the middle of a yeah, nah, we gotta get it's the thing is is we're doing these protests to help out water Melanated voices, right? I'm gonna double down on no, okay

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Yeah, right That's why I used to beat off into condoms when I was a kid Right to practice for one one day. I was gonna have sex with a girl where first time I saw condom and sex that I beat Off into it, and then I didn't use a condom for years. I think I did the exact I've never beat enough into it. I was like I think when I was like, yeah the seventh grade 13 Yeah, health class. I'd be off into a red colored lifestyles condom Yeah, why they always give like banana flavored condoms in health class. There was shitty ass condoms. That's what was left. Yeah Um

There's a kid at my school chewed on a strawberry condom. It's a bit. It's pretty funny. That's fun. That is pretty funny Every guy has performance issues at some point in their life blue chew duck not me though I just not us. No you guys I do a lot of yeah every guy listening and Stop I'm man enough to admit that my dick doesn't get because his bed was too high So you'd have to struggle now that I have a low bed. It gets hard, but you're struggling I used to have the struggle for hours to get it thinking about that bulldog again. The girl would be like do you need a hand? And I'm like no. Yeah, I'm not there gay sit there and play with your Oh, I'll be up here. I'll try and to get on the bed. I'm trying to get on the bed to fuck

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Yep And that's another ad. Yeah promo code come down Promo code come down the company to make sure you don't actually use the promo code Make him he's gonna make make sure it looks like our performance is bad Tell him come down the new bait is losing all of the sponsors. Yeah Yeah, because it would be funny it would be funny it would be so hilarious and we're out of back And we're back to the regular part of the episode. We're back to having six Show me pussy, please. I give you hundred dollar. I can't wait to have sex in my ass

Show me your pussy what what if every time you just do a show like this and It's the very And then are you but you commit to it to doing for the whole show? No for years And then yes, but the podcast because people will still listen to or something Which ends then they go from Iran to Mexico they never figure out what race what that is That's how I'm good to me Me. What are you doing? Whoa, what the fuck dude? It's not we're doing holding your eyes like yeah, it's not funny. I thought we were doing different acts

Take the tape off your eyes. Yeah, where'd you get that hat on this is just like last week when you said the n-word We had to bet we had to suspend you for a whole show. We pretended you were doing something to cover for you I went to with an intensive therapy this week Yeah, and we made her we made him repeat to her exactly said it say exactly what you said on the show and That black woman sat there while Adam screamed We got to get these boop out of and then I think he stopped himself. Yeah, call correctly. Yeah, it sounded Yeah, okay, right anyway, so Um, yeah, I was I've learned a lot and then a single tear went down her face

I can glory right and he was like, can you please say I'm cool Sam good Can you say I'm a good guy? Yeah, but I got kicked out of therapy because I thought she was giving me a vibe It is very funny. They're now in particular. There's there's a lot of white people that are like Just that like stupid white people that just desperately want black people to say they're okay to launder They're like they're having like they're having like a religious experience with black people, right? Like just so pathetic there's this like you've clearly never spoken to a black person Yeah, in like a regular way ever in your life. Yeah, and now you're like yes, you're the best Me and my me and my friends and it's like just a selfie with three black people they met four months ago. Yeah, yeah

No, there's this. I don't know what it's maybe on Instagram people have like reposted it on on the on the feed But this girl like interviews white women and ask them who famous black people are and it's just the most Uncomfortable shit in the world. Do you know what I'm talking about? It's about the Z way show Z way. Yeah. Yeah, that's what yeah I think you try and catch someone being racist Yeah, but I don't get what it is that you she gives them a quiz on I haven't seen a show I just I see sometimes it gets reposted. Yeah, it just seems to me like Knowing who black people are isn't the entire problem. I couldn't tell you. Yeah, whatever

Yeah, but then she gets like these girls that are like so I think she tricks dumbasses into saying exactly like they want to be publicly humiliated and With the I don't know the carrot on the string is that they'll be Accepted or freaking I have no idea. Whatever. Okay. Yeah, I don't even really know what I'm talking about but it does pop up every once in a while, but I Haven't watched it. Well, it's lucky for me that I know who every single one black person is I'm too busy watching Lone wolf and cub movies you guys seen those no they fucking rock cock. Yeah, they're incredible for real You'll love them. It's like an assassin is a son. Yeah, I got it

Well, and they're on the demon path to hell. I got a calm down I got some stuff I got to take care of before I can go back to watching movies. I had a nice run there, but now I'm like you stopped Yeah, yeah, I think for me, it's like I'm round up I'm just watching Basketball day and if basketball is often watching movies I have like periods where I just have to get things done and then once that's over then I can like Recharge mm-hmm and go back to either watching or reading

But if I'm like if I get stuck in like a pussy if I get stuck in like a thing where I can't like it's like I should be working and I can't right, you know, I got these I get you know You derive no pleasure when you feel like you should be doing something. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's like that's you know It's like not having because it's not I mean if you have like a day job You get that right a second you're off the clock. Yeah, then you can go but yeah with this it's like It's it's You need to have something else that makes you feel like you put effort into something. Yeah, I know you mean For example, I'm starting straight-to-gay conversion

So I can get some cock. He's starting a gay conversion camp go from straight to gay. Yeah That's an that's a good spin on things Pray away the straight. It's weird that the Nazis didn't just try to deal with conversion camps Oh to make to make them not there had to have been one guy in the pitch meeting That's like can't we just make him be Christian? Well, yeah, we'll dye their hair. Yeah, we'll contact. Yeah, at least the ones with big tits I don't know if we need to kill them. I mean, it seems like a little extreme. They're not gay They're not gay or gypsies Mm-hmm

Those two we can all agree on I'm just saying you don't hear the gypsies. You have too much about the Holocaust It's because they're too busy tricking people into you know playing playing five-card month. Yeah, exactly They're too busy hiding a fucking acorn You know, they they're like still around like in the United States, you know, Ohio, there's like a ton of Roma. That's awesome. Yeah They're it's weird. They're like, they're just like red next basically. It's awesome Wow That's awesome, dude. Yeah, what else do you can you tell us about Roma?

Was a good movie I Haven't seen it. Do you want about them? Do you want to do a little book report on the movie? Some Mexican people Mm-hmm. They're all in black and white. Yeah, you liked it. Oh, yeah, I thought it was I thought it was great. Why? Because I have I have a tenderness for the country of Mexico. No, you don't yeah, I do What would you like about it? Oh, cuz you know, yeah. Oh, it was really cool But why? I saw it once. I thought it was I thought that the scene with the

The riots was awesome. It had it had a tracking shot that was similar to the one he didn't children of men Where are the movies? Yeah, the movies sort of explodes and it's like and that comes out of nowhere They remind you of when a man's cock explodes in your face No, it is that what it was it was next question. Okay, okay So on record, that's why you liked it because the tracking shot remind you of a guy exploding on your face Just to be clear Hey, God his ass Yeah, you're right. Yeah

You why don't you al suco my cock a run? You're a cuckoo roger Well, I don't know about any of that, but I definitely want some chips and salsa I would love that. I would eat a burrito. I Want to go watch jazz I'm gonna go watch jazz. Yeah, um Yeah, the jazz play the fucking nuggies It's cool having basketball in the middle of the day. I love it so much, dude. I don't have to think about anything

I'm back on cannabis. I was telling you guys Welcome home. Yeah, I've been getting so fucking high that uh, I fall asleep like watching the late games I didn't get to see the end of that Lakers. I had to wake up to watch the end of the Lakers I think you were texting me in your sleep last night. I literally I would wake up and text you and go back to sleep But yeah, it's nice man, I love sports for just tuning out the world Yeah, I'm gonna start gambling the world is hell the world is a vampire The blood sucks my penis The world is my penis. It's fucking big shit

Yeah, I'm fucking gay I'm fucking gay I'm secretly gay I am gay My dick is small as shit I don't know the rest of that song. Yeah, I wish there was something else that's happened recently to talk about But it's are there any more riots is that girl? Oh girl Kamala, dude. No, yeah, you got a girl Kamala in the mix Biden's gonna lose probably it's gonna be funny

Yeah, I mean Fuck this stupid election Damn, I'm not voting No, no Not even like it's no Not no, I'm voting for Ken Bone I'm voting for epic if Ken bone one if somebody does call me by your name where I get to play Timothy Chalamet and the army hammers a lady with big ass fucking tits. It would be funny if that was the movie about like a

17-year-old boy that just like gets pussy from some like hot 23 year old. Yeah No, it was you have to be older to be in her 30s. There's an army way older. Yeah, but he's like late 20s in the movie He's supposed to be like 24. Yeah, he's like really graduate student. Oh, I I thought he was older Yeah, but it would be funny just about a family going on vacation and some 14-year-old boys. Just getting like just choice 27-year-old person That'll be awesome. That's the kind of movies we need more of enough for this gay shit All right, you got that when you got moon like I imagine that movie came out okay, people just be like what was The movies called the movies called the awesome kid

It's called blank check A gritty reimagining of blank check where he fucks the lady. It's yeah blank pussy check The movie blank check, but it's about a kid that finds a gun Yes, and so he just can get whatever he wants. Yeah, because he keeps pointing the gun people He gets a mansion and a butler he gets pussy. That would be cool because of the gun Yeah, because of the gun interesting these girls that are school like wow just like my dad Yeah, if you have a guy you're pointing a gun at me just like my dad does when he gets pussy Okay. Wow. Yeah, interesting turn. Well, that's that's the

Circle the circle of life That's pretty interesting. All right. Mahatma or whatever the fucking dad's name is in Lion King. He takes Simba He's like look out look at where everywhere you see the sun when you look down and you see These women being abused by their fathers Then later you will abuse them in the same way. That's the circle that life That seems kind of fucked up dad And I don't remember if I'm the guy that says this in the movie or the the parrot Could be the parrot I don't think there's a pair. It's a bamboo. No, there's a fucking parrot dude Ozazu. Yes

Yes Is he a pair of toucan? I don't know if he's a that doesn't make any sense because aren't toucans in like fucking bullies Yeah, I thought they're it's that South America. No, yeah, I Think you might be confusing Zazu and toucan Sam. I might be it might be the same guy God I want more coffee shut the fuck up Shut the fuck I'm gonna get my coffee. What's that? No, no damn two breaks and two breaks and one I'm the only Iron Man. I'm Cal Ripken. Yeah, I'm not pissing. I'm not drinking coffee I'm over here laughing saying what what about if a lady had a big taste about this about me too can Sam

Okay Now we're talking and he's like follow your nerves directly into the pussy without permission The kids are like, I don't know Oh, so he's a he's an advocate for Ray. He's an advocate I But he had gotten raped. Yeah, it says he's got to be some kind of African bird They got parents in Africa. Do they yeah Zazu the lion king. Let's all put your nose in a woman's pussy

Tell us you'll never get on they're both British Tell her she wants to be in rush hour, too She'll let you put her nose and your nose in a pussy Yeah, the most bird cartoons I I see is Jewish Because of the beak. Yeah, that's racist over you. No, well, it's I can be racist But it is to me. That's internalized anti-semitism. Yeah, and while you're getting the coffee We found your journal that said I don't talk about my journal. I hate black women. Don't come on man You know, it's fucked up. You said that it's in your just right here in your journal page one chapter one

Come on. I thought it was really put chapter Chapter one my dick is small and I hate black That's not what Adam Friedland story one day. I'm gonna be a star One day everyone's gonna know the Adam Friedland name and Mm-hmm, and second to that but in the mind Black women and I get pissed when I see a black and I can't wait to hide my secret hatred for black one No, come on, dude, you know, it was weird that you wrote that in the diary in your diary. It's the date here is written January 4th 1992 Wow

You're fucking four years old. I was very eloquent for my age But I had some I had I was kind of messed up issues. No, it wasn't about that My family had to leave South Africa where I was a prince because black people demanded too many rights And so now I'll take it out on them That's not what I'm taking out. You know, that's not what happened. No, I don't know. I'm just reading your diary Yeah, we can't make you out my time your journal your diary Mm-hmm, which one's Gary diary? He's been through the iron All right, okay folks, I know you've been waiting for we got an answer here Zezu is an uptight red-billed hornbill

That's what I thought That's what I thought the whole time And his role is that he's like the the princes like A consort. Yeah, well, he's like a conceded ly area to fucking Mufasa and he trains Simba on how to be a king. So the baboon is like a priest Yeah, they should do a lion king where where Mufasa has to go to therapy And then there's a lioness He's like what part of Africa are you from?

Yeah, what part of the she's like, I'm not I'm Italian He's like that's that's a part of Africa Have you ever seen That fuck I'm blanking on the name they get this fucking brother He's a fucker We think all gay people a fanok. Yeah, I'm fucking my fanook brother He's running around with all these hyenas just trying to take over the fucking the desert One of the hyenas is whoopee Goldberg. It's a fucking desert now somehow used to be used to be fucking grass

Everything's fucking dried up The business ain't the same. I can't have to diversify. I came in at the end of this thing Oh fuck dude, I love that movie of the child Of course, it's a classic and then you found out that they were supposed to know come on And then you said dear diary. I don't like this betrayed. I don't like this besmirching of my of my good name Hmm interesting of my name, which is completely unimpeachable and in public. That's true Think do you think I do you guys ever had athletes foot? No, that's fungus, right?

Yeah, I've been wearing my shoes a lot now my feet itch No in the house. It's him tough acting to acting. I'm about to go right there That's right. John Madden John Madden here for a foot fungus cream Bam I'm gay. Bam. I'm gay. I Won't take a plane anywhere to acting you spray it on your cock and then you're gay Yeah, I heard the reason he would stay he wouldn't do planes cuz you can't have sex Yeah, that's the thing about my boss as you get on the bus and you have gay sex, bam Yep

Thing I love about your penis You got your balls right here and the penis comes up this way this part of the arrow. That's where it's going into my mouth I Got to you got ball here on the left side ball on the right shot left right hang a little bit lower than the other one Tug on the cock You get this back and forth action the bulls of the skin and the balls go up and down Fuck Shots out to Johnny Madden. Is he alive? Yeah, he is he's alive and he's like fucking. He's only like 72 years old

You know, I don't I feel like he's one of those guys where it's like I don't remember him dying But there's no way he's so you think so. No, he's still a lot. No way 84 years old That's crazy Well, cuz you know, it's like Irish people look like they're about to die when they're like 37 That's true. Yeah, he looked like he was 80 when he was coach of the Raiders in the 70s. This is him at 18 years old It's Pat summer also alive. No, he's gotta be dead Boom you put your penis in my ass You fuck me in my ass. Oh, he died in 2013 damn

That was looking bad I love about having my nipples removed and placed higher on my chest But that's the only place they use markers In the breast enlargement videos I've watched yeah, I love those those are great The YouTube comments on them are all like Muslim kids from countries. We're not allowed to look at porn So they're like such a beautiful surgery. Thank you Yeah, it's the one thing that gets through the filter. Yeah Medical breasts

Yeah, she has such beautiful breasts. I've seen a couple of those. I could probably You got my asshole here and it opens up and then the Kakos in there and they call that uh, they call that getting fucked in I got like that he's gonna hold on it was not until the very end This is offering play-by-play commentary Yeah, you're gonna have to reach back tickles nipples. I'm just doing my fucking rip tour and they're very It's One call Get fucked in your mouth and you laugh so hard to come comes out of your nose ends up back on the balls

And they call that blown out the birthday cake I call that they call that move the birthday wish Fuck Of course, you can't tell anybody about the wish or it won't come true. I won't come true Keep it to yourself. That's one of my wishes Pat I'll tell you is that I I get hemmed up on a bullshit charge and I get violently raped by a prison guy They see me as you know some some Some simple to take advantage of get me drunk off bathroom wine Fuck me to death in a makeshift covered wagon

So that's wonderful John. How do they make wine in the in the in the toilet? I think shit just ferments. Yeah with a ferment poo. No, you don't shit. What are you talking about? You don't shit in it You take stuff and you leave it in the toilet you clean it out. They get grapes or something. I don't know I guess Maybe grape juice. Uh-huh. I actually don't know how they do it That should be they should market that Toilet wine I agree be pretty cool. It probably tastes really good. Yeah

We can start like sponsoring parties, but toilet wine starts sponsoring parties. We do like the picture in front of the wall Where it says toilet wine in the background get some celebrity influencers repeat do a step and repeat That'd be pretty sick. Yeah, do you have a party here? Let's have an illegal COVID party. Oh I would love that. You know a party here that one time. It's pretty fun Which time? A while ago. It's like a big party Here? Yeah, maybe years ago. Yeah, probably when I moved in or something. Yeah, it might even been literally the housewarming. Yeah But it was fun. Those are different days

I was thinking about how I want to have a big-ass party and then I was like, oh wait, you can't your crib No, it's great for parties. I know I'm fucking pissed The living space is huge. No humongous, but I'm getting tired of it. My fucking landlord put the place up for a sale The building or building. Oh, wow. So I might have to getting you spot. You might be getting squeezed out Yeah, and I'll make him squeeze something. I'll tell you that much. Oh, he better squeeze. All right You know what I'm talking about. Oh, yeah, I can balls with his ass That would be nice Well, tell you what if you want to squeeze into a t-shirt you can go to come dot town and buy a t-shirt from the show

That's right or a stop. He dot biz for that matter, but they're different. They are different. Those aren't that's not those aren't options as far as typing in Different URLs and landing at the same spot come dot town This is different operation. It's absolutely different operation. Oh stop rush shirts But those are the only two The the important thing is that you do go to those two. Yeah And never a third one if it ever starts and I'll tell you what folks. That's how, you know, the show's So, you know, the show's uh-huh, that's right. We finished that plug there. We plugged our t-shirt businesses Hey, you know, I think about plugs is you want to

Put one in the middle of the show or you put another one at the end Yeah, well, it's kind of like getting your your asshole plugged up Really and in what way John? That's interesting to think about John. I guess I didn't really Think about it. I think someone always drunk a lot of the time people say yeah, I think so too pretty cool Mm-hmm. I think that was a primarily drunk profession sports announcing. Yeah for all of history until recently This should be a drunk profession. That's sure that would be cool if we started getting it would be great if yet And then just have no recollect really not remember what it was on the show starts spilling some real tea

Yeah, I'm surprised that comic hasn't tried that yet. They're like you're listening to blackout podcast Just killing himself. Yeah, I've been doing mics for 17 years I Had I started headlining things are going pretty good COVID hit and now Now, you know, I'm just gonna get I did premium blend But since then I've mostly just been working at a Panera bread But that all changes now it has to be a real thing is the blackout podcast And today we're talking about George Floyd and I got some ideas

On how we're gonna fix this thing and we're taking a look at this issue from both sides I love the like mental health podcast That are because it's comedians at sardine and it's like You're the because well comedians the least healthy Yeah, all time, right exactly. It's like why the fuck would anyone listen? It would be very funny if you lost literally just 10 pounds And then we're like Need help dieting making lifestyle changes your guy. Yeah, right. Have you tried ordering not an appetizer and an entree every time? Yeah, you don't have to eat the fortune cookie. Just get a second on track

And the fortune is that you will die. Uh-huh. Good night. Bye. You