The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. 222 – The “R””N” C lol

Episode Date: August 26, 2020

lol think about it

Oh my dick is small. Yeah, we're just gonna go ahead and get started here Let's I love it. Yeah Yeah, I'm trying to see return to that era Yeah, CK why she fell she fell brother. Yeah, I've been on a little death tones I've been on a little she fell kick suck the dick below Because I am gay now a lot of people don't know this but that's them They got the name the name Chevelle of the band comes from it's actually a cool car That they like that their dad like that's awesome cool cars

So they should make a band called Firebird. It's so funny because it's probably a lot of people that makes like shitty music, right? They're still like Definitely more serious artists than the band Chevelle Yeah, for sure, and then you just have to watch those bands become like yeah popular just a dumb-ass band that should have ended All those guys should have worked at Jiffy lube or gone to community college afterwards Yeah, but instead for some reason a band named after a car They so is that them suck the day Just cuz my dick is small

Mm-hmm, that's all about being bad at snowboarding. No, uh, yeah Wait you went on genius No, I didn't go on genius You mean rap genius now. It's just genius is for all types of songs. Oh, wow a fucking rebrand Well, it's for guys like me that are already rap geniuses. We need to become genius. I should start a other Pussy genius It's just a picture of pussy and be like, yeah, that's where you put your cock This is the meaning behind this pussy. Yep

The true meaning and here is the general area where the clit is which I'm I know most of for the most But sometimes I get mixed up damn this guy's a real genius the put the piss holes around there somewhere I still don't get the piss hole I still don't get where that is. It's either right below or right above. I don't think I've ever seen the piss That's the real thing. I've asked every single girlfriend I've ever had where the piss hole is and they're like it's there all zero, right and all Zero and they and all they were like, what do you mean? I'm a guy and my penis is right there at the front of my You keep asking me where the pistol is it's right, but it's where the cum that you eat

Yeah, you keep calling it the lunch hole Come on bro, but it's actually the fucking you say a lot of jacked up stuff about me on here But do not say I have had a girlfriend that I have penises Fuck Just cuz my dick is small and there's stain. There's puddle of mud We're remembering a lot of us Seventeen feels like sucking penis

Oh feels like sucking penis inside of my asshole Below this is all new metal, right? Is that the general? I wouldn't say they're new metal new metals corn. It's be quiet I got him I got his ass seen it. He was trying to talk and I told him to share Don't waste your time on me. I'm all ready Michael Douglas announces his new podcast Shut up for real. Yes My own podcast now with my co-host Adam

Was gay man? Stop it. Would you just stop it? Would you just fucking stop it chill out? So Michael, what do you think of that RNC? I think you should stop Think you should watch your fucking mouth We'll have to do to have to wash your fucking mouth out with cum Not again like your boyfriends. What exactly do I have to do? Michael you are my wife. You have to wash your mouth up with shit Do I have to make love to your mouth with my ass, right? My ass

I put my ass up to your mouth Yes, it's sexy It is so sexy Yes, sir, I put my ass up my ass up to your lips Is that the way it feels sexy to have my ass on your lips Is he really starting a podcast no Oh, no, this is a movie where he's in a law firm and he keeps making 900 number phone calls Yes, and he gets addicted to them right and it's fucking up his ability to be a lawyer

Sucking off too much. Yeah, white shoe high-power Manhattan lawyer. It's on party lines I got a call with my client in three minutes But I got to do something first Michael some of the partners are kind of worried about how much time you've been spending on the phone Listen, they pulled the logs and they saw who you were calling now. It's not a big deal But maybe you want to save that for after hours Why don't you mind your own goddamn business, Scott? Fuck you, Scott. Fuck you. I'm the best God. Don't forget who's won the most cases Who wins the brew who's the breadwinner here?

And suck the dick below just like sucking peanuts A lot of celebrities have to do do be having podcast though. Yeah, they think the Rob Lowe has one I think good afternoon. You're listening to Michael Douglas and Ashton Kutcher And this is Fucking older Ashton the older pussy podcast Ashton did the right he played the Demi Morris pussy like it was stocks. Yeah, he fucking got it. It's all-time high Ashton, let me ask you this got out before the crash and now he's fucking

If you ever put your butt cheeks up to Demi Moore's pussy How did it feel? I don't feel good I feel good to feel that. And the Ashton Kutcher's not even there. Yeah I'm doing a text-to-speech email Damn, dear Ashton, this Demi's bush Big, thick bush all over your ass Now he's shitting in her pussy

You said to me, I'm gonna be wiped, I'm a baby Wipe me with your bush Demi Ashton Kutcher's like, yeah, I think I got an email from Michael Douglas This is weird though. Yeah, we're sending emails. We're sending emails on air You're listening to the Michael Douglas punk to podcast And who better to punk for the first episode than Ashton Kutcher? Dear Ashton, I raped Demi That's a good punk. That's a good punk saying you rape someone's ex-wife

Seriously, send it. Okay, here's what do you want me to say? Dear Ashton, I raped Demi Yeah, ready to send? Your email says, Dear Ashton, I raped your wife Ready to send? Yes, send it Fax that over to me Fax it from my office Send it with high urgency Outlook

This is crazy, I got an email from the desk of Michael Douglas He said he raped my wife What? I got an email. I don't know what Ashton Kutcher sounds like That's good. Yeah, he sounds like Putty This is Ashton Kutcher I changed my voice He fancies himself a businessman now Ashton?

Yeah, he goes on Shark Tank Yeah, he thinks he's good at investments Does he have money? I think he maybe made money from investments and old pussy So that Sam and Ah's show ended and now all of the women that worked on the show are being like, I was raped and traumatized by the show Nah Yeah For real?

And then none, they're like here A lot of people have asked me to talk about Patriot Act I avoid it because each time I relive the experience of being humiliated and gaslit, targeted and ignored I sink back into days of depression Tweeting this will probably not help me or anyone else So let's see what the accusation is Women braver than me have already spoke up The show was a necessary and important one

Has anyone seen that show? No Has anyone seen that show ever? What was it on? Netflix Netflix? It was like a daily show It was projected under my ass

As the first billion dollars I made in film I spent on the world's tiniest projector So I could have Citizen Kane projected directly under my asshole Every minute of every day And this is what makes me so happy And then you went into the weekly political satire, Michael, afterwards? Yes And then you purchased the Patriot Act And played it on your asshole

And then people got bored of it So we watched People were like, this is great I love watching stuff off your ass, Michael If you didn't vote for San Manage You'd get very close to seeing the screen Because Hassan is the same color as Smash It Michael, that's it

Come on, Michael It's not racist, it's a fact Michael, chill out, man That's how an ass works You poop from races? You have a dial and you send it to different colors? Dear Siri, send an email to Hassan New email to Hassan

This is Michael Douglas I was watching a show on my asshole As you know, I have the world's tiniest projector Everyone knows that Everybody knows And we did a bit where you come out of the curtain Which was my hemorrhoids And I got from having my ass licked

By Catherine after she spent the afternoon Trying out new salsas Even Michael Douglas thinks she's a spank? I think it keeps it Latina played well, but I don't know My own Mexican wife Latina played her mind Eating hot sauce on the wife

And sometimes She sometimes eats hot sauce And she eats bread That's extreme So red Like curd I can't wait for people to be like They said the particular stuff about Patriot Act

And then right in the middle of it It's Catherine J. Jones eating salsa out of his ass I had a bunch of friends over to watch Citizen Kane Halfway through, I took a shit And everyone said, what is this, Patriot Act? Is that what we're watching? Is that what we're watching?

Oh, because the show is shitty No, because he's a curtain And he's coming out of the curtain And the curtain is your hemorrhoids Just like my dick is small Send a new email to Ashton, dear Ashton I'm sorry about raping your wife Would you like to come over and watch Citizen Kane?

Because you know I've got the world's tiniest projector I spent a billion dollars on it So wait, I'm just confused Michael, you actually did rape his wife? Yes I thought you were punking him by pretending Well, the punk was that she was raped The punk was the rape, not the email

To really hurt his feelings I don't understand how pranks work Honestly, Michael, I think you should be arrested And taken to the police Michael, that's pretty messed up Anyway, so back to this woman's accusation But I wonder if it was worth the mental anguish I went through over my last few months there

I wish we still had Patriot Act I wish they truly practiced the progressive ethos They cultivated on screen They would really deserve all your love Damn, what were they up to over there? Nope, not gonna tell you what happened She got gas lit though I've been thinking all day about how Prachi Gu

And Amali Kin's tweets on their former workplaces And how much courage it must have taken to speak what Do the lights look weird on there? What do you mean do the lights look weird? They're like stuck at the top That's just, no Okay, alright, no That just means that the

They're maxed out at a certain level? No, it's the, it remembers the settings from the last time You did it So unless you like clear the board by moving them up And then back down It just means that it's set where it should be It just resets the lights It would be a problem if that orange one was all the way down

Yeah, yeah But what you hear is what's being recorded Yeah, yeah, I got it I hear it Just like mighty gifts, huh? Just like sucking penis So that's the accusation And then what did people say in response to it?

Yeah I think there will be a time soon when the people behind the show Dive into some of the problems behind the scene Now here's the first complaint listed A mostly white writer's room, for example So that's a form of abuse now Is it if white people are in the writer's room? Strike one

Yeah, strike one Hilariously tone deaf to publicly mourn the possible future While not publicly supporting your marginalized abuse, colleagues How about just don't ever hire Indian women again? I mean, what's happened? This happened on the Rami show, too No, really? Yeah, the Rami show is like they turned over the writer's room

For the second or third season And then it was like an Indian woman that was like I have been raped by not being hired again That's a good show The Rami show? Yeah I like it I haven't watched a single episode

Nice guy But yeah, they tried to come for him They were like, you know, he fucking... They turned over the entire room It wasn't like they just didn't hire women back It was like framed in some kind of bullshit way on social media Well, Rami's got himself a golden globe So they can suck his golden nuts

Well, I've got a golden... I have a different kind of golden globe What kind is it, Michael? I don't want to tell Do you put it in your eyes? Yes I wasn't... I was hoping people wouldn't figure it out Well, it has the planet on it

Is it like the award or is it just a big golden globe? I have a set of anal beads that are each of the individual planets In order from the sun to Pluto Well, you started the sun? Yeah, you started the sun The sun, the biggest one The biggest one? You put that one in your ass first? The sun goes in your ass first

That's so much bigger than the other ones And I was arrested at the Ben Franklin Institute in Philadelphia for trying to show it to children in a gift shop Was it because there was still shit on it? And that caused problems at my job at the law firm which is the plot of my new film, Philadelphia 2 Even gay at this time That's true

More AIDS That was my issue the first time I saw that movie It wasn't gay The opening scene of... Philadelphia directed by Sidney Lumet The opening scene is Tom Hanks is sweating in a jail cell and Denzel is his public defender It shows up and he's like

So what's going on? I've read in the police report you were putting the entire solar system in your ass at the Ben Franklin Institute Yeah So this is Tom Hanks after the events of the first No, this is just a redoing of Philadelphia A reimagining where it's gayer Yeah, where it's Philadelphia directed by Sidney Lumet

where Tom Hanks is sweating in a jail cell The late Sidney Lumet And Denzel has assigned this case and he's like, you're looking at first degree sexual misconduct You know There's not really any, you know, he doesn't want the case He's homophobic Of course

He doesn't want to deal with this guy And then Tom Hanks is like Denzel, listen I'm gay I'm a fag, if you will How does he talk? It's kind of there So Michael Douglas is not in it though

Uh, I put things in my ass, it's what I do Uh, so It's from the twisted mind of Michael Douglas Right He reimagines it He's the auteur I'm writing a movie for my good friend Sidney Lumet You have to excuse me, I'm not very good at impressions

That was Michael talking And so Denzel shows up and he's like Man Damn How you gonna be putting shit in your ass, man Michael, that really doesn't sound like Denzel From my memory From memory that's what I've met him in dozens

And so then Tom Hanks says Uh, what's up pork chop? One of his classic lines One of his famous gay lines That's awesome, Mike And is there like cocksucking on screen? What makes a gayer this time? This time he's taking blue chew

Oh, wow Okay Now that's something I can get behind The gayest dick pill there is We haven't mentioned yet on this show that we use it for gay The blue tube For having gay sex For gay sex

And it works for both heterosexual and gay sex It's true I wouldn't know about the heterosexual Sex aspect of it, but it very much works for the gay sex Well, I would I've never I've only used it to have sex with girls I get it before I get my prostate milked

That's awesome I chew it up You chew it and do it And then I milk it up Yeah, blue chew is a beautiful product, folks Whether you're gay like Adam or straight like me I thought we were all gay No, it's actually just you

It makes your dick so hard And it's nice because it's the same Active ingredients as Viagra and Cialis Tadalafil and Sedanolilifil Yeah, but you don't need an in-person doctor's visit None of that bullshit Which makes it actually more affordable If you like sex

See you at Labrador.com That's right, listen to this Mexican I'm done Okay Back to you Thanks Yeah, I hate the awkward in-person doctor's visit You pull your dick out, your doctor has to take it out

Your doctor has to taste if your dick is soft or not And then your doctor looks at you and he says That's awkward Well, that's awkward Awkward turtle A performance enhancement for the bedroom Imagine putting a spoiler on your asshole So you can fuck faster

Imagine having a spoiler They're adding me into that I've requested to be put into the Fast and the Furious But he has a spoiler But it's just Michael Douglas running with a spoiler Sticking out of his ass We're regaining it fast and loose Ooh, I like that

Fast, not in fast and loose Not just fast, we're loose Michael is furious Michael Douglas Fully nude With a pair of New Balance running sneakers And there's a spoiler coming out And he's running really fast

And it says bluechoo.com Spoiler Oh yeah, he's oiled up The official NASCAR bluechoo car Bust as quickly as possible A lot of people ask me, Michael How is it possible that you had sex with 10,000 women? It's because I'm not in one pump immediately

Because there's a spoiler coming out of my ass That's sponsored by bluechoo.com That's kind of like their Red Bull Their Red Bull challenge What the fuck is that Red Bull thing Where they're like, make a plane Oh yeah, I don't know And jump into a lake

Do a contest, why don't you try making a plane Okay, everybody loses again this year No one can do it Great job making us look like fucking idiots Just take a hand glider Red Bull is kind of the opposite of bluechoo It's red instead of blue And instead of chew, it's bull

That's true Well, chew sounds like cow Because cow's chew Yeah, they chew Chew, chud, bull Both of them have a U in it There's two L's at the end of bull And then chew

Often a terrace What do you do on a terrace? You chew bubble gum Top floor, penthouse You could be in the basement with the Red Bull Or on the top of that Or on the Empire State Building With a hard ass dick

J.J. Walker J.J. is sort of the opposite of L.L. At the end of bull So J.J. Walker Is at good times And they're moving on up Which is a theme song from a different show It's the Jefferson

It's a different black show And There's two L's in fucking bull So in a way, yeah, chew and bull Opposite word, opposites Damn, he just blew my damn mind Yeah

I love not taking my pills Except for Bluetooth It's the only pill you need And that's why we're not alarmed Because the important thing is Nick takes a pill I take a pill As the doctor said Make sure you take a pill

And we never said what pill Actually, that's not true Michael Douglas is your doctor He's a doctor My name is Dr. Michael Douglas It's like a Dr. Mario situation Where I'm not I'm not Michael Douglas

I'm a separate character I'm a different guy with one of those little things On his head What are those things? I've never seen a doctor wear one of those I think it's reflective When you start to operate by candlelight It's like an old headlamp

Dude, that's when surgery was romantic Fucking slice open a guy's fucking nuts Chubbles can work faster Chubbles can be taken on a full or empty stomach The online physician consult is free So it's cheaper than the other two It only takes a few minutes to connect With a Bluetooth.com affiliated physician

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Order the biggest one over The biggest amount of pills free And then cancel Nationwide Warehouse Suck on my penis Oil Paintings This scene from Terminator 2 I was wondering how they didn't get

Fucked for copyright infringement What do you mean? Nationwide Warehouse, the commercial Part of it is just the scene from Terminator 2 I don't even remember it at all Which scene? The one where Arnold's dick is spitting? Where he's, there's something exploding And he's riding the

I didn't see Terminator Until I was 22 years old So I didn't I probably knew that I don't know why that's so funny No, it's true, it's a pretty grown up movie I'm glad you waited I probably

Had seen that Nationwide Warehouse commercial Did not know the homage Yeah, it's not an homage, it's just a scene from the movie You mean it's literally the movie? Like Arnold Schwarzenegger Arnold Schwarzenegger isn't it? I'm trying to google it, but I had to turn off right after I saw that he

These deals will blow To you away Oh yeah, he's on the motorcycle Yeah That's a famous part Nationwide Bussy Warehouse Now let me ask you this about Blueture I know the read is over, do those pills ever go bad?

No I mean probably Pills have an expiration date They expire, but I don't believe it They work less well maybe So I should take more Because I got a bunch When the fucking pandemic

Do you have playstations for it? I don't know man You should play Doom Eternal You just said I don't know Do you have playstations? To knit to Adam I don't fucking know dude I don't fucking know dude

Get off my back I was at Costco the other day Just accusing a Chinese lady of copying me Like with the shit I'm buying You're fucking copying Stop buying Stop buying four dozen eggs In the ten pounds of rice

Don't fucking copy me That's what they're fucking doing dude The Chinese Did you see that pool party rave they had in Wuhan? Yeah they're rubbing it in They're rubbing it in, that's our favorite kind of shit to do We love pool party raves We're all stuck inside

The Chinese are all grinding on each other That's copying I didn't even know Chinese got pussy like that I didn't even know Yeah I didn't know they liked eating They're like a big pussy getting Bananas over there Little boy got fucked in his ass

Did you see that video Nick with the Wuhanese? Yeah I didn't care about it The one you were talking about There's riots again right The police in Wisconsin shot a guy in the back Seven times It's weird I watched that video And as they murdered the guy

He's alive he's paralyzed In my head I just go Hello Wisconsin I don't know why Because I read Wisconsin Because you remember that 70's show When you see that hanging out That man get shot in front of his kids

I wonder what red would think about the whole situation I think he would say something like this You know Eric Back to Africa Boop So it's like somebody rape my wife I got a fax machine from the future Somebody rape my wife

Somebody got him The TV showed me a letter And said somebody rape my wife I don't think that's Drunk or so I've been raped So many times They keep raping me

That is true Doesn't he get raped in the show Like Eric Some blonde girl with big tits What's that? I think Fez gets raped in the show Does he? Like he talks all a big game about wanting to fuck it

Then the late girl he's with fucks him Can you get your Chinese friend out of my basement please Oh yeah Dream casting Michael Douglas is red What are you guys doing down here Smoking pot You try cocaine

Don't come upstairs You two come with me Just takes Jackie and fucking Donna with him Me and the bald neighbor And his big titty wife are doing cocaine He's just cocking what's the game Nobody come upstairs Me and the bald neighbors

Big titted wife are doing cocaine together We're making love That's such a better show man That's an awesome show Hanging out On my dick Alright Alright

Suck on my penis Stop resisting Stop resisting The cops will literally Darren Wilson Who are the other guys Darren Wilson Leo

What's his name George Zimmerman George Zimmerman Stop resisting Dude, you know cops would literally Make a video game like that They would love it If you put that song together, cops would listen

Absolutely Get hyped up to beat their wives Christopher Dorner No, keep Dorner out of there They would be mad with Dorner What Keep the Dorne man We rest in peace out of that

Starr sock my penis Who are the cops who killed Breonna Taylor One of them has such a funny looking face He's on vacation Another guy who's like You've got a pretty Suggestive gay smile He's trying to

Get you to have gay sex with him in a bathroom He looks like he's like shitting himself Like he's like trying to not shit himself But he does And he's trying to be coy at the same time Oh yeah Look at these fucking people Kill those cocks hawkers

Let's rape those guys Sonya Big titty Vagina Wimp pussy Now that's a great Can you please just read the names No, I'm sorry

I'm horny I have become distracted By Sonya's pussy Pussy lips I want to fuck it Sonya, I've never had sex Please Please have sex with me

Please Sonya Never get me pussy combat Johnny Cage I'd like some pussy Give me pussy That movie makes zero sense No sense whatsoever Imagine how sweet of a job it was

To adapt video games in the early 90s Oh my god Imagine pumping out the script for that piece of shit Super Mario Brothers movie Where they're like, yeah, I mean The game doesn't make any sense They're like, alright, Dennis Hopper is Bowser Everyone's wearing patent leather

Bob Hoskins is Mario And there's another dinosaur world With all sorts of lizards John Leguizamo That's good casting, honestly Not bad I love John Leguizamo Me too

But I do We're not talking about you I'm just saying, when I was a kid I loved him But we're not talking about you right now I just But what I do Okay I'm just saying

It's not your turn We're talking about what Nick likes Okay, well you like them I don't like them that much I'm saying Nick liked them too So you also like them We've got It's Jack Nicholson and John Leguizamo

It's the Mario Brothers It's the Super Mario movie starring Jack Nicholson and Michael Douglas I got There we go Luigi Does this Do these overalls make my penis look fat

The fuck are you talking about? Stop basking me queer Shit man Listen Mario, why don't you shut the fuck up for a second You gotta get these mushrooms or something We gotta fuck the mo- I don't know what They wanna fuck Peach I have no idea what Jack Nicholson

Would be saying in that movie I think he'd be saying I wanna get pussy from Peach He wouldn't say it outright, he's too slick He'd say he wants beaver He's too slick to do a good impression He'd say I want some beaver I fucked you ten minutes ago He'd confuse her into fucking him

Put my dick in your pussy chief Just put my dick in your pussy chief Bob Hoskins is a good Mario too They just fucked the movie up I literally don't even remember the movie at all I remember being so pissed Besides the cast You ever see Mona Lisa stop?

You watch Long Good Friday, you should watch that also That should be next on your list for sure You know what, I'm gonna go watch Long Good Friday today 80's crime British crime Mona Lisa That's my guy Shots out Big Bob

I was so I did not believe it when my mom told me He was Shmi from Hook I was like no he's not He's from Roger Rabbit, you fucking bitch She's in both movies I'm like no Shut up

I literally wouldn't believe her That's how stupid I was a kid He wore a bandana I was like no that's not him That's crazy I remember when I saw Saving Silverman for the first time I also knew who Tenacious D were I did not realize Jack Black was the same guy

That's pretty I just kind of knew Tenacious D as an entity Didn't know the guys Tenacious D sucks I liked it at the time I never liked that shit That Adam Sandler

The CDs Come on dude Those were great Play some of Adam Sandler's CDs and you will see where some of our shit comes from Well not me because I've never listened to those CDs I never liked

I wasn't a huge Adam Sandler At a medium pace Put a shampoo bottle up my ass Dude you gotta listen to Adam medium pace you'll love it The CDs are Mad TV

The movie Clifford Billy Madison is a fucking You didn't like Billy Madison? I didn't see Billy Madison until I was like almost in high school and everyone would just talk about Billy Madison all the time and I'm like oh so it's another movie where he's a retarded guy that screams

Yeah but it's the first one man It's the genesis of where it all comes from You just pick what you're good at and the references are Chris Farley, great Jim Carrey, great Adam Sandler always gave

Chris a role in every movie Tommy Boy and Black Sheep Amazing I saw those movies a thousand times during the day on comedy Beverly Hills Ninja It's a little annoying gay guy and a lovable fat man Yeah that's like our friendship

I'm the lovable fat guy Haru is such a fucking funny character Yeah Oh yeah He's also a dirty work to Saigon whore the bit my nose off They all loved him The funniest guy of all time

She can stuff three cocks in a cheek Fuck, what song is that from? Dude, Adam Medium Paces maybe the funniest was one of the funniest things Stan and Judy was the other one You guys can talk about Adam Sandler for a second

Let me see if I can just pull up his song to play Billy Madison is one of the few movies from childhood that's still funny It's awesome That still holds up There were so many pieces of shit that I liked when I was a kid that you watch again

and you're like that sucks Including Gladiator No Walk off, I just did, it was awesome It's really good Your dick is so small for this one Why both you and Nick have to hurt me today? It's good

You are actually There's so much I don't know, Billy Madison just it's perfect We're just going to play Adam Medium Paces He's going to make us pay dude Who is that Sandler? He can't have enough money

No, but it's we're doing commentary Yeah, this is a commentary track So Him and I are known for having similar singing voices A lot of people say that A lot of people say that

Similar guitar playing styles and tones Nothing new I'm going to stroke my car Adam Medium Paces It's so good It's good It's still funny

Yep, and so we're doing commentary on that So what do you think he meant by that? I think it's An analogy It's an analogy for the The Cultural malaise of the 90s Exactly, the meaver

That he wants rubbed On his face It's opera And art, fine art Don't forget his classic character Opera man, it all comes back It all comes back Dude, I love him so much

You know what I actually love more than The art that he made that I love Is how He's figured out life He's got a bunch of shitty movies But he hangs out with his boys And he gets paid millions He got like a ten movie

Netflix deal And he seems to love his wife He's a hundred millionaire He likes playing basketball He's fucking hooping, he's throwing dimes And every once in a while When he wants to show people that his dick is big He's like, yeah, I'll do a great acting job

I'll be so good at acting people like Wow, he's as good as anyone at acting He is very good in uncut gems I just love him The comedy never really did it for me None of that is, I think he's a bad guy That's what you said And it made me sad

I like all of the Sandler verse films They all You like all of them? I mapped them out actually As being part of fitting in with one another Yeah, I saw all of them You did? I saw Billy Madison late

But I saw Big Daddy I saw Little Nicky Little Nicky is good No, it's bad, but it's funny I still like him Waterboy Happy Gilmore I did like But that's what I'm saying

Happy Gilmore and Billy Madison They're just unfucked with the boy Those are the first two, dude And Wedding Singer too The first three Big Daddy is good too I just remember being pissed because it was a good movie It was like a heartwarming movie

That one sucks, Mr. Deeds Mr. Deeds Yeah, it's funny, what's his name? Tutorio kept trying to smell his feet There's a couple good bits Even in the shitty movies Even in the bad ones, there's still little gems But I agree

I just mean Those CDs literally You compare it to some of the greatest comedies of all time The other guys Old school I'm saying that Sort of as a joke Those are great movies

I love those movies Yeah, we used to dance like that In the old neighborhood, show guys how gay they were That's one of the funniest That's a great movie I remember liking it when it first came out But not fully appreciating I like Wahlberg as a comedian

I think he's very funny Even when he does take himself seriously It's very funny That's when he's funny Four brothers is such a funny movie I haven't seen it actually That's the one with Andre 3000 Yeah, there's four adopted brothers

Two white, two black That's cool And then they meet for their mom's funeral Or adopted mom's funeral And I guess, I don't know if she was killed by gang violence Or what the story is She was a good person They're like

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I get some pussy I got This is a good idea for a movie You smoke the weed Where you're guaranteed pussy in your dream And while you're getting pussy in your dream You witness a murder And then you have to go back

Into the dream to solve But you're getting pussy the whole time You're trying to pick up clues You're trying to stop getting pussy And that can only happen if you're smoking Cushy Dreams CBD, it looks like high quality marijuana And tastes like high quality marijuana

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Looking to cut back on smoking other things And that's me, I've been getting so high On regular weed That it fucks my life up But with beautiful fucking pussy dreams High quality CBD I smoke one of their gorgeous pre-rolls You know, it's called CBD

CBD Yeah C We do not have a sound Because you make that noise And it sounds like piss It sounds like a piece coming out of your mouth

Italians always need a pee And we can all make a peace sound You're doing it right now She fucks Actually, I was saying fuck I was saying fuck I was saying fuck and not bitch It mixes well with other things

You can smoke each batch It's slow cured for two to four months To guarantee maximum freshness And preserved flavor in cannabinoids They take the artisan approach Every one is a small batch Organic farming practices Selection includes endorphinotic strains

She is gorgeous I like this shit When I wake up, I'm stressed to fuck out I take my cold shower I'm like nope, that didn't do it I work out, I'm still pissed I look outside It's a beautiful day

I'm sure it'll continue to be beautiful days Until I fucking die Everyone else does also Everyone I love at least And the whole world is just going to shit And then I smoke my CBD And I go time to go back to sleep And that's what you can only ask for

In my dream, getting robot pussy There's nothing like it Then by sucking on your nuts I'm fucking replicants Blazerotter Replicants had pussies in the movie, right? Yeah, there was sex Sexplicants

That's awesome But they were trying to kill them? Yeah, they had to kill all the replicants What can you tell me about this hair? It comes from a pussy It's a pussy hair Yeah, very expensive Very expensive

You're saying this hair came off of a vagina Damn, and the good news is you get pussy In your dreams, no matter what With cushy dreams Cushydreams.com They have two main product lines The flower and the joints Love the pre-rolls

And guess what's inside of the joints Within the two main product lines You have three lines Private reserve, ultra premium and premium Love that, all that stuff You can either get an 8th and a 10 Which is nitrogen sealed For out the more freshness

Love popping it open and smelling the good Cushydreams Just getting blasted in the face Get the pre-rolls That smells so fucking good That's what I say every time I crack open How am I fucking going? Out here in Calais

We love smoking Fuckin' Pre-rolls Habie Day Yeah, I have brain damage From growing up in California From too much sun Yeah

From driving up to Frisco to huff gas With a girl who's got her eyeball pierced Yeah Really cool stuff Hands up and humboldt Showed us how to shove the weed in her ass I'm not allowed to smell the weed anymore Because the government will take away my skateboard

But that's why I smell Cushydreams Yeah, basically Any person I've talked to For more than 10 minutes Is immediately put a gun in their mouth And blew their brains out Anybody that, I just live with a woman That had this older

This guy who must have been in his 40s That would just come fuck her But I would get stuck talking to him And he would fiddle Yeah, taking the van Up the Frisco this week That guy needed some high quality CBD for Cushydreams

To blow him out And how would he get that, Nick? He could go to Cushydreams.com That's KUSHYdreams.com Dreams with the Cushydreams.com KUSHY Check out, use promo code COMTOWN

For 20% off your first order Wow, smoke your CBD Because you can Because you can, fuck those Listen I need to get I need to get to Costco

And I need to speak to the manager Alright Because I was here last week And a Chinese woman Was blowing me around Copying everyone of my purchases Honestly, that would be really funny That would be annoying

We should hire Chinese ladies to do this That would be a good point There was a Chinese lady Copying all of my purchases And I said Excuse me Ma'am I will rape you

Mike Stop raping people That's not a punk I went back to my car And I watched Citizen Kane Your own ass I got a cosmetic hand mirror And I sat in my car watching Citizen Kane

I put my I have stirrups next to the steering wheel I actually have a I have a I have a special vehicle My second billion dollars In film I spent on a Maserati

With stirrups on the steering wheel From a gynecologist's office And I drive the car with my ass In a steering wheel So I can watch Citizen Kane in a mirror While I drive And it's a mirror that's pointed at your ass There's a mirror on the steering wheel

Which also has stirrups So I can watch Tiny Citizen Kane With my legs Do you get it projected backwards So in the mirror it looks the right way What a ridiculous question You're being ridiculous You're being absolutely ridiculous

You're ruining the movie Can you stop distracting me? I'm trying to drive Trying to watch Citizen Kane And drive Rosebud, am I right boys? Citizen mother fucking Kane Citizen brain

That movie was pretty good honestly I thought it was going to be bad I remember watching it in college With my boy and being like this is going to suck And it was good I was putting something on to get comfortable with the job And I was like stop Stop, relax

Okay Owen, I will Stop, we're just going to have a Hey, we don't need to get upset Alright, I'm sorry We're just putting the movie on A couple of guys watching Citizen Kane You're sexy I'm sexy

Yeah, it feels weird at first I know, I went through this With Michael Douglas Wow, he's like the glane I was just a guy I played lacrosse at University of Texas Suddenly Michael Douglas Comes through us and everyone says

Wow, that's Michael Douglas Yeah, Wall Street And he pulls me aside and he says You want to make a billion dollars I'm still okay Did you get my billion dollars? I didn't I ended up just watching

Citizen Kane But you played with my nuts for a second But that was it Wow Would you guys fuck Owen Wilson? Uh, I don't know He's cute, maybe just kiss I would kiss him

I like his broken nose Yep Owen Threlson Yeah, it would be Tell you what, we can go over to my place Take the Molly there No, I'm good, I'm just going to chill at my spot Owen, thank you

I Would really rather watch it on a TV Than your ass I don't even understand why Did we say the promo code for cushy dreams? Yeah, come town We did And if they try to say we didn't

We'll get the gats out Yeah I would never do that Because I enjoy the product too much Yeah, it's really good It feels good to you It feels good to do It feels good, man

To do the cushy dreams Hey, tough guy, why don't you try to get to make fucking your ass with this? Hey, always be ready That's still probably the funniest line In any movie of all time Always be ready Hey, always be ready Goddamn

Salute to that motherfucker I wish I was that flexible I want to do splits I tried, I can't do it Yeah, I looked out, I found like a Regiment, like a stretching thing I looked at some YouTube guy Who was like, he's Australian

He's like, yeah, I had problems with flexibility So I You know, I started just working on it And it's like, it's a two year Progress before you can do this Two years? Yeah dude, it takes forever to get limber And this is a young guy too, and it's like, fuck that I saw a girl on

I'm 31 I saw a girl on Twitter say she could do splits in like five days That's because women have different jobs Yeah, because they got pushes Because their pushes go split They're used to busting them wide open Hey, always be ready So John Claude

Buses bussy wide open, is that what you're saying? Yeah, well yeah, he's used to busting it wide open Yeah, I love how they work the splits into every film Every movie You gotta have a split It's like a seagull neck snap You gotta have a classic bend There's an awesome video going around Twitter

Seagull Doing a fight recently It's awesome No, no, it was like in a movie And they just cut out real wide Anytime he has to do anything Slow, even sort of Athletic

He's just like Very lethargically moving his fucking Yeah You know what I'm gonna do, I'm gonna have a field day Field day was the best With the giant soccer ball The giant soccer ball, eat those little weak ass hamburgers The sack race

That was awesome Sack race, what else, the egg race also Let's not forget On the spoon Three legged race, no you don't eat it What the fuck are you fucking race No, why would I eat it Why would I eat a fucking egg at field day

When they got all these fucking treats I just want to be a parent I think I'm ready for that Me too I'm thinking maybe both of us Could raise one I'd like for the people in my life to have children That would be cool, I'd probably have no problem

Being like dad friends with you Yeah, raising a kid with your boy That could actually That fucking pussy dude That's my son too Those two guys were fucking gay No Come on dude

Let's go to Uncle Stov's place To watch this again You can't teach your son such uglyness Hatred Calling a guy and his son Two guys A guy and his like four year old son Those two guys were fucking homos

Fucking queer Come on Calling a baby a guy is awesome We would fight club of our kids Nah, I want to be the uncle man So please, everyone have kids Uncle Stov I want my brothers to have kids

Yeah, I just want a kid to help me out With chores and shit Old west style, frontier style Nah, not even Did you do chores I had to do chores But that was working Just playing backgammon

More shit than anything And he was always Because he's not like an easy guy To get along with But he would always have tasks And if it was just me being assigned something I could handle that I enjoy doing that shit

Now I want to impose that Or somebody else Now you're the difficult guy to get along with Now you can have a child To get revenge on the child That's the way it works It's a circle of life My grandfather, his tasks were

Look through trash for something good Wait, like on the street That's cool My man was a horse He looked exactly like Stov and he would dress up in a Tanuki suit Tanuki mark No joke, I do like a bunch like him Hey, get out of my garbage

I don't know Don't know what the fuck you're talking about I'm just a raccoon He flies away He's the original Stop Rose One Stop Rose One, dude He starts running

And the suit gets caught And rips off the bottom And says penis and ass are hanging out He's got a little raccoon The ears on the top And then the tail is still intact As he runs down the street He's a little dick and big fat ball

Running full speed down the street And he's fast He's surprisingly fast How fat he is Is that a raccoon? It's a definite raccoon My man loved the trash And he loved playing the lottery and buying birds

Well, folks It's that time again We need to go back to your own life That was another episode of Come Town And look, check out come.town for shirts And go to stopby.biz For other shirts And there you go.