The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. 223 – Downsyndrocons

Episode Date: September 2, 2020

they turn into trucks

yeah so we're just gonna figure it out old the old way we used to do it just the old style the old style we were I have to wear the bathroom I have to ask where is the bathroom can I go to the bathroom is there any way that you could go to the bathroom into my penis I have a quick question for the doctor excuse me doctor my penis if I hold it open can you piece good afternoon you're watching inside the Iranian actress James Lipton yeah and James Lipton a minion we are discussing Iran's latest movie about a man who he's upset because something happened with his wife she has become sexualized one way or another in

some way that violates his deeply conservative deeply held conservative radius and so we are going to see as seen from the painted house that's good that's a good name what do you oh sorry we are here with the man who did all the gay sex dance no I'm an American film critic a Jewish man interrupting yeah I'm a Jewish American film critic and I think the painted house is one of the most important so let's go ahead and see okay I'm Mr. Merchant we have terrible news please whatever it is you must tell me the rapist he did the sperm into your wife's pussy oh my god I can't believe that's fucking bitch he's done

she has cheated on the rapist he's done sperm into your wife's pussy and now her pussy is is to make a baby they are make it is making a baby with his sperm from the rapist oh my god do I tell the police because they will put my wife in jail and then I will no longer be able to kiss her father on the lips I need to kiss him on the lips so I can have a job at his construction company I'm trying to be a businessman and his construction company but if he finds out that I allowed his daughter to cheat on me with a rapist he will no longer kiss me on the lips in the

meetings and I will lose respect of the other businessman holy shit I'm Mr. Merchant your penis is hard I was looking at a girl not you unfortunately I have to tell the police that you are looking at me in your penis it is you're they run in hypocritical holy fuck it sounds like a good film yeah yeah that's good that was a scene from the pentatars I've never seen an Iranian film but from what I understand Nick got it from listening to you to talk about them it seems like that's what every one of them they're about dilemmas yeah every single one of them and about societies

like backwards values kind of coming down on a an individual that's trying to make a decision whether he's gonna be modern and cool mm-hmm or not some of it a lot of there are others that aren't like that but Nick got it pretty much spot on that's there are ones cuz Iranian girls are hotter there are ones where you see breasts his cousin this is the Pented House is a follow-up to the director's last picture and which a man from a deeply conservative background visits his cousin who has spent four months living in America and he has now he has shared his moustache is now shaved what and he has wow he's wearing a

blue shirt and he uses the bathroom his cousin's house and then he has to wipe his ass and he does and later he sees the the brand of toilet paper is a shaman mm-hmm which means very close to semen in Farsi and he believes that he has wiped his anus with man semen and he does not know whether to tell the police turn himself in after semen yeah and he spends a very and he beats his wife because he has so much stress and she is thinking of leaving him to go to America but then he explains that he has put semen in his ass and she starts and she says that he has to go to the police and he goes to the police and he

is getting ready to kill himself in the jail cell so his family will get the rubies right the prize from his wife's from his father-in-law who he has been kissing on the lips and holding hands with us so that part is kind of a motif and the police they say we have investigated it and that it's made out of bears and not it's made out of bears and not semen I remember someone showed us his top secret videos from shaman we have done it to an investigation that has bankrupted the police and now the lead detective has had to go on dates with men whoa to save the police department because we could not do a

bake sale and now he has to turn himself into internal affairs for kissing me he got into deep it's a classic I actually I think that's what serpico is based off of serpico sucks slurp a cow slurp a cow serpico doesn't suck I didn't like that movie I saw when I was like 12 and I was like I think I saw it twice when I was younger than movie it's it's called choosing and it's like cruising but the point is is that it's a choice to be gay mm-hmm these guys are choosing that right so if you should watch cruising I will I have now that you're on an odyssey of film discovery well I will be

recovering from oral surgery tomorrow I know end of an era big announcement guys so I will have I will be watching finally as promised along good Friday mm-hmm during my recovery and then maybe I'll do a double feature with cruising are they giving you you're gonna have mad pills I don't know how fucked up my mouth is gonna be because I feel like they've already done all this stuff mm-hmm like they put a bone graft in that sucked dick they fucking put the screw there's something into the bone graft that sucked now I feel like they're just gonna fucking pop it on pop a tooth into my mouth it's gonna be so funny when

they finally get that one in and then the tooth next to it falls out well we're gonna have to do a bone graft that'll be awesome dude I would honestly be fucking pumped I'm a little bit sad dude I'm very sad well it's not up to you dude I'm I don't know why I did it fuck this dude I'm fucking stupid I was gonna have no tooth for the rest of my life yeah you already figured out how to talk that's the main hurdle I got and now my bite has changed yeah so I they had to like curve the tooth forward for it to fit in my mouth hmm well I couldn't get a gold one I was gonna get a gold one but they were like this shape we can't do it we

can't get a cap on it wow so now I have to get a regular tooth like a fucking asshole but that was it folks I'm not gonna be toothless the next time you hear me on this podcast what if I start talking weird now what if I develop a lisp because I have a fake tooth the phantom the for the foreign object in your mouth if I'm like that's pretty cool guys then you have to be gay I'm gay this sucks but I'm gay it sucks touch a man's penis there is and he goes his tooth is missing and he's looking for it and he accidentally goes into the wrong bathroom and everyone thinks he's a woman so he has to call the police

right to go to jail for being or he could just live as a woman and then he decides to live as a woman yes which is the punishment for being gay I saw it I remember it was like a dateline NBC you're kind of cut out the middle man there we're at 2020 or something when I was like young I was watching with my dad and it was like an Iranian guy living in Texas and he lost his kids because at his daughter's gymnastics like like him and his like brother were kissing each other and he was like kissing his daughter too much and then they reported the family to child services because like and he was trying to say like an

Iranian culture like physical affection between yeah people is more common and then they sent them to like live with a foster family and then you see the kids like they had like Jesus saved sure it's on and stuff yeah my dad got so upset fuck yeah you think I'm molested by the Jesus freaks I have no idea that would be a well they were they were saying that he was it molesting his daughter because he was like holding her too much and kissing her after gymnastics dude I used to get smooched all over the place there's a video of my grandma kissing my brother's balls as a baby really that's just affection my dog licked my penis

yesterday last night before that no you have to let that happen this doesn't happen by accident what do you mean there's no way that this just happened organically you saw it coming you did nothing what do you mean I didn't let her lick it a second time you put up you put a trail of bone broth from her bowl yeah that's not true I didn't know there were no additives no chance that your dog unbeknownst to you lick your penis you saw it happening and you allowed it to happen I didn't see it are you doing were you distracted no I was doing a little joke yeah here which was getting your dick sucked by your dog no fucking

no sexually molested your dog no where this is no my group my girlfriend was on her phone and I did a little joke where when she turned around I was naked and then it's just so happened that when I that my dog licked my penis in the process of doing that joke so you were hyper aware that you of your penis I knew my penis was out but I didn't know that my dog was gonna lick it I'm kind of what I was on team Adam at the beginning of this but now I'm on team Nick no you made your dog will suck your cock no I'm an investigator I know right away I was added after all those years training with the Iranian

police I close these cases in two seconds no this is not a case first of all that but the case isn't your own you're on trial here bucko we could go to the police trial this is bestiality it's not bestiality it was one lick and I then I kicked the dog that's bestiality all right let me see if it's legal yes I did it on purpose so my dog would lick the head of my penis bestiality punishment mm-hmm it's too late folks it's too late to not begin there's no way that that did not happen without your entire consent in possible direction okay I would like to what are the punishments how about the one about Adam making his

dog look I didn't make my dog lick my penis it's real in Pennsylvania it's a second-degree misdemeanor two years in jail and a $5,000 max I'm not going to jail Adams like $5,000 well you can lock me up the rest of my life punishment is death and 25 years in jail and a $25 25 dollars in addition just popping the dog's cock out of his mouth 25 dollars these are usually associated with the cruelty to animals charge and the court will often require extensive counseling as part of any sentence so I hope you're ready for that Adam so what's a big deal I fuck the dog Tony when you fuck the dog does

it make you feel powerful uh-oh makes me feel alive I can't hear anything there we go did you ever see right in the middle of I was getting fired up on that riff do you ever see your your mother fuck a dog Tony this fucking bullshit again for the last time it was an accident Tony she was doing a little joke she didn't mean for the dog to lick a pussy Tony it's a Bijan freeze I'm just saying shut the fuck up Chrissy tone it's not a big deal everybody gets their cock lick by a dog every once a dog basically looks like a hooker that's right T let me see then my Paulie's more like every tell you about the time I

fucked 15 dog I fucked 101 Dalmatians dog 101 Dalmatians that's how you have to that's how you stuff to make a suit I would tell you about that T did you hear what I said I said I fucked 101 Dalmatians yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah so how are you guys doing how's your weekend bad it's like it was good but my back hurts and I'm fat as shit we're gonna get saw fit pretty soon I'm gonna I'm gonna check into fat camp yeah we're getting them a we fit I'm gonna lose my way I saw you lose way we bowling I saw funny that they people thought that would be like oh you're getting the shape we bowl yeah I saw doing the same amount of

exercise as I was already doing taking forks out of the drawer but it's the repeated motion you do it at least you know 30 and you have to stand up well you do that I did it you know when you get like a spoon out you're like I'm just have one spoonful on the kitchen counter sink done and then you're like all right well now you go through all your spoons in a day trying to limit yourself because the spoon touched the sink now here's what I do what I do yeah I put a little a piece of the kitchen towel toilet towel paper towel and I play I take a scoop and I eat a little bit and I put it on the towel but I go sit back

on the couch and that way I at least if I'm going to have a whole pint I'm going to get up and I'm gonna earn it I'm gonna I'm gonna get at least I would say throughout the course of you know 10 hours I'm gonna get at least 73 steps that's the ticket here's here's you Mrs. Robinson I'm getting in the catch phrases suck me off Mrs. Robinson here's the you Mrs. Robinson that's a good one it is because it's fresh I've been trying that out on people they've been looking at me weird at the bodega mm-hmm be like cream cheese everything bagel cream cheese well here's to you Mrs. Robinson the fuck you talk about they've

been having you having a brain damage or something you don't bring damage again and you got fucking brain damage poppy you can't poppy you know how you can not have stroke in here by a soul you kind of fucking you kind of a stroke in here you cannot come in here and have my damage I'm talking about that's the Hoffman again don't deny we know we've seen the movie we everybody seen the movie it's not your catchphrase you can't just say it relax context does not have the context it does not have the context for a movie well I'm here what you're saying and here's you get the fuck out of the store don't say it again

this is Robinson I'm calling the police yeah for what because there's a gay guy here we're not in Iran anymore yeah even though you're clearly a diminutive I'm from Iran I just the way they're talking around it's a different kind of Iran I'm from South Iran yeah you're thinking of the northern Iranian accent you're thinking of the culturalist flavorless around that just makes a boring fuck yeah yeah yeah you guys ever seen that picture of Afghanistan like the 60s where the pictures where it's very modern they were dressed like hi before the Soviet invasion before the fucking Ruskies yeah they had flying cars like

no wasn't that naked chicks yeah dude they had fucking they were giving out pussy left and right was he giving robots the fuck I think it's just your headphones we can still hear you there's another set of headphones no I'm sitting on them no it's the thing I unscrewed oh adapter those Afghani bitches were looking right in the 60s here's to you Mrs. Robinson don't ring this guy up hey get out of my store get the fuck out of this oh you have a cat you can't say I could say whatever I want whatever the fuck now you know how annoying it is yeah but I would do but that's it's the Fred Flintstone says that yeah well

you stole it from Joe de Maggio point that's what their whole song is about they say here's the you Mrs. Robinson the famous Joe de Maggio catchphrase song that he wrote hmm perform when he had even he retired from baseball because he got Joe de Maggio disease he's famous he said today I'll see you later that's the difference and here's do you Mrs. Robinson I watch the movie starring art gargoyle get it Marge it's Chinatown and then he hits a dinger yeah I'm sorry I mean you had something to say about that what Nick just said no it's just reminded me of Simon and Garfunkel I watched it really it sounded like you

were gonna tell him he's thinking of a different ballplayer oh no no no no no I did not say that paying attention now I was paying attention to the bitch he was clearly I know what he was doing I know what he was doing listen I've been in this interrupting Nick game well don't let me rewind Nick's disgusting that's actually a different that you're thinking of the wrong no you're doing your voice when you get your new teeth you're thinking of the wrong guy it's me out there really that's my West Coast accent I'm bugging Las Vegas Las Vegas and I can't wait to show you you know I only talk about the talk like that when

I'm I've been in I wait I thought I was in Iran and not New York New York City New York City the city that always wasted dude people's perception of what New York is right now inside my cousin he's like I heard it's like the 80s there it's like what are you talking it's exactly the fucking same except now your restaurant is outdoors yeah I saw I was in Manhattan last week and there were a lot of hobos mm-hmm with some bitch tweeted that she's like I'm sorry but girls are leaving New York because the things that we loved about this place the museums the stunning dinners or whatever it's like stunning

dinner stunning dinner that's great it's like who the fuck is going to museum it's nice knowing that I could go to the museum I go to a museum twice a year if if that yeah you know it's nice to be able to say you know what I should do is go to the zoo or the museum right and then you don't yeah and then I look to be fair that is taken from you being able to say that being able to say you know what I should do yeah so now you have to buy you know criteria movies to make your own museum in fact this is more in New York now than ever because you can tell people to fucking leave true and that that feels that feels I do feel

like telling people they don't belong here get out you fucking loser that's what makes any place a place is telling people to fuck off yes 100% it's not stunning dinners and being able to go see an illustration of an Inuit yeah so you can't watch fucking Broadway plays snooze I remember I was at some museum I think it was in DC I can't remember where it was but they had like mannequins of like natives or something and there was like one guy like crouching and they just gave him like easy seven and a half flaccid it just gave me we had no clothes on oh no really yeah raw yeah just hang down

to the ground also pretty cool I remember being like fucking ten being like nice reparations yeah look we took sorry about the Trail of Tears but your mannequins are gonna be fucking had to close the museum because some Iranian guy came by and started sucking him yeah there's like glass cutters from heist movies right I'm trying to learn I'm trying to be like Sean Connery in the movie Entrapment who I think is an art thief I can't remember yeah yes to get around lasers yes shies breaking into the museum so I could suck on that penis coffers and tones he's just got like a poster tube that he like pulls

out of a safe and he like pulls the cock out of it like what what is this he's like I stole it from the museum it's the biggest penis I've ever seen in a museum oh is it made out of rubies or something this should be worth millions he thinks it's worth a lot of money he's not just gay he's also stupid nobody even notices it's missing it looks like there's teeth marks all around the asshole and legs paper mache cock on the black market living in a castle on the river if you have if you're an art thief you might want to check out sports betting so true

at my bookie dot com my bookie dot com returns to come town we're so and we're so happy to have just in time just guess guess who did not send us updated copy for this year so let's just read the old one let's just sure nothing's change it's a new season Antonio Brown is on the Raiders yeah excited about that Beckham is in Cleveland yes the one thing that hasn't changed where I'm putting my money down my bookie is the place to bet on football every week that's right yeah they've got better bonuses and more prop bets than any other sports book period that's right period to point blank period period and

that's on period that's on that this year period they're hosting the first online handicapping supercontest I guess that was probably last year so the second so they get great news folks the handicapping super contest may or may not have returned either back or there's some other promotional some other thing that they did not email us yeah well this this is good enough at the first place is guaranteed to win at least a hundred that maybe I'll just go to my bookie dot com last year yeah yeah let's just refresh everyone's memories Nick yeah what's on the website here wait what's that it's my it's dot com no it's

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advertising contract with them publisher will probably just read that yeah by signing below you agree to the terms and conditions of the internet advertising for media buys click here to view the IAB terms yeah let's just get those terms there's my name in there under the special notes section it doesn't say anything the talent will endorse the agency's clients on social media platforms the simplicity of not only saying the name of the website but remembering it not fucking it up every time well that's one of my favorite aspects oh here we go social media agreement the publisher will provide video images script 14 days

prior to the air day interesting they've got a bunch of flags on their website yeah I don't see it but the promo code was come almost certainly come down it's most certainly come down if not come down they might make it come down 20 I guess we'll talk to them about it but use promo code come down to activate the offer visit my bookie online today that's my B. O. O. K. I. E. and don't forget to use the promo code come down and creating your account to claim bonus bet win get paid mm-hmm I remember that that's a good tagline this is Michael Douglas here for he actually is that he's doing like for Markey Markey yeah

that's the right guy it's sexy mm-hmm when Ed first laid me down and put on Pearl Jam as he entered me are you still there yes are you ready to stop Donald Trump in any sexual you think Michael Douglas fucked like somebody the Kennedy fucked and this is his revenge how old would Kennedy be if he was alive oh the original Kennedy yeah pretty old probably he was president 1961 how old was Michael Douglas in 1961 probably like in his 20s yeah probably I don't know so they might have fucked the same bitch and now he's now he's getting it back at him mm-hmm by saying fuck your gay ass little red-headed

child grandchild they both fucked Marilyn Monroe I would have loved to I would have loved to get in that sloppy Marilyn Monroe Gucci yeah she was she was one hot lady that didn't tell you get new teeth I don't think so we're gonna Instagram he's got like it looks like he's either got his teeth white in there you have veneers no he's just gay guys are good at smiling dude yeah and hi Jane my teeth are so fucking yellow and you drink 10 cups of coffee yeah I drink a lot of coffee honestly a lot of people think friends of like why have one friend in particular that everyone thinks is gay just because he smiles mm-hmm

just a nice guy that's why I haven't smiled in years the thing I don't smile and everyone thinks I'm retarded yeah that's it you got a different set of issues going on everyone thinks I'm gay because I don't smile but they think I'm the other kind of gay what kind of world is this smile too much don't smile enough yeah the only way to prove you're not gay is to just do the two fingers with the tongue between absolutely that's why I do it all the time the pussy eating symbol that's how I did that's how I took my senior portraits I saw Jurassic Park for the first time the original it's pretty good I didn't think

it was gonna be it is I can't wait to bring my my black daughter dinosaurs perhaps get a piece of pussy from one of the dinosaurs yes did you perhaps keep one of the dinosaurs a human pussy it's interesting I don't know why I'm on this trip my I'm a professor of dinosaur sexuality and they brought me along to see if I could create some lingerie yeah they made them all women so they couldn't get get cock yeah it's fucked up why wouldn't they just kill the raptors why don't we just make it a park full of peaceful the little like the cup on the dashboard that they're like looking at the water

and they're just like watching it to see where the dinosaur is and then Jeff goblins like slipping a roofie it's like don't mind me maybe we could rape one of the dinosaurs perhaps we could rape I've got plenty of tranquilizers well that would take thousands of those pills he's like oh has anyone has anyone seen my black daughter wait is that a black daughter doesn't I thought he did in the sequel maybe maybe the sequel he's got a black daughter that doesn't gymnastics how cool is the the Newman face holiday awesome when he's on the toilet yeah pretty cool right Newman great casting this is not the only like

movie he's done basically Newman no he was in a bunch of movies name one other one wasn't even JFK yes he was I haven't seen I'm pretty sure he was I watched her recently what else I don't know he's Wayne Knight has definitely been in movies I don't think he has dude he's a professional actor yeah before he's eating off-sign field Adam identifies to that guy no I think why because he's he looks more like you than he looks like stop you guys have the same exact face that's that's that's how you would look if you were fat yeah that's how you would look if you gained 15 and you see Adam you could never you could never

carry this burden right I think you're realizing right now it'd be so funny if Adam got some kind of gland disease and became a big fat guy and he just couldn't handle it yeah no you couldn't do I could I couldn't I really have to help me lose weight that's Newman's backstory because he was Adam six months prior to the show beginning right and then he had a gland issue and became a big fat guy you had to be a post I'm still cool oh it would wreck your life they would destroy you wouldn't you would not be able to handle it at all being fat or bald I couldn't handle you absolutely cannot because the thing is girls will

fuck girls of Brooklyn will fuck skinny Jewish guys they will not fuck fat Jewish guys I probably one fat Jewish unless they have big beards yeah you're also you're not a big beard guy you're a very lazy guy would be like making up for it with like you know work or anything you just be a big fat lazy no you would watch movie you would be an intellectual you know what you could do you could become like a fat professor at the fat start wearing like a little scarf yeah fuck your students he's a power of imbalance yeah I only have a bachelor's degree well you could talk your way into some kind of gay school

mm-hmm he's like the scientist no he's the guy who's like it's chaos is he on the trip or does he work for them he's one of the guys that they hire to like judge whether it's a good idea they hire Jeff oh he's like a marketing consultant no no no he's a scientist but he's the one he's a math he's a mathematician yeah he's talking about chaos he's like they needed somebody to add up all the dinosaurs let's see here you have sam you have Sam 8 9 10 11 dinosaurs honestly it would be a good idea if they just didn't have dangerous dinosaurs mm-hmm why the fuck would you make danger as you needed to

balance the population right so you need the dangerous all fake you just shoot the fucking old fucker it's like a regular ass zoo they don't fucking have lions eat the fucking deer in the zoo no it's more like feed the lion like some for a goat it's more like a safari park that's yeah but I'm saying they feed the dinosaur a goat in the mood they do mm-hmm I'm just saying you there they're too dangerous they're more dangerous you be because it's Steven Spielberg it'd be funny if like it'd be cool if whoever was in charge of giving him money was like they read Jurassic Park and they read Schindler's List and they're like can we

like double up on these and just get we'll do what we'll do a twofer so we'll combine these scripts and the Nazis have dinosaurs and they're setting all the Jews to be eaten by dinosaurs damn in an amusement park okay wow and and that's the movie we're gonna make that would be a cool movie and we'll put Will Smith in there he's hot right now yeah welcome to Auschwitz welcome to Auschwitz Auschwitz he says it wrong cuz he's black right he doesn't which he never does he doesn't do he doesn't say the word right fucking God I didn't even know how to speak this fucking black black don't know how to talk don't know

how to make a pronounce it right don't know how to do sentences pronounce it right you fucking black piece of black asshole yeah nice job being a being a fucking celebrity why don't you try my job collecting disability fuck yeah we give the dinosaurs a hand job all the dinosaurs were girls just pretty fucked up why wouldn't they just neuter them mm-hmm because in some species men and male and female look much different some birds the women are biggest shit and the guys are little guys that just get pussy the guys have like sexy plumage to attract the women and they have to learn dances cuz that

way they tell them they're not as good mm-hmm yeah yeah this is a casino in Jurassic Park where like Jeff Copeland has to shoot one of the velociraptors they're like have you ever even fired a gun before if you ever killed anything he's like no but I had to have sex with Glenn close during the big leave me I've done something like look much more disgusting looking at the camera they're like yeah Jeff very fun very in the line very funny but we're gonna go let's try it a couple times with just the actual lines in the script Glenn close doesn't exist in the Jurassic Park it's a good line but you're Dr. Ian Malcolm not Jeff

Goldblum I heard of this actor who had sex and and Glenn's Glenn's lawyer has preemptively contacted us as soon as we cast the movie demanding that you are not allowed to mention her in fact they do it on every production you're involved after what was that the bug what movie was he in the fly after after you mentioned in the fly mm-hmm after he turns into a fly it's like I'm still not as gross as Glenn closest pussy mm-hmm they may have been before the big chill no not not in the one we made yeah Adam I'm sorry maybe try cushy dreams

dot com maybe try maybe try so smoking high-quality CBD if you like having sex you'll love cushy you'll love cushy dreams you'll love having sex with cushy dreams cushy does sound like pussy dreams I think we said that last time that you get pussy in your dreams oh right yes that did tickle me that idea yeah yeah pussy dreams dot com I honestly would do that smoke we just smoke and fall asleep with a smile on your face knowing you're about to get pussy dreams yeah that would honestly and then you're just violently raped in your dream you guys got one you pull that up real quick well I'm sure well

listen man I can't find it there's nothing to pull up there's just a love and appreciation for our good friends over at cushy dreams dot com that have some of the finest high-quality hand-picked mm-hmm CBD in the fucking nation yeah yeah I have that problem when I'm smoking weed that I want a migrant laborer to be picking it with his hand it's not it's art it's an artisan approach Adam oh okay that it's in each fucking piece of fake weed that you smoke is cured for a long time so that it tastes good yeah and I personally love smoking cushy dreams I love smoking the fucking CBD that they have I

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that's what's helping you fucking and so I started with the cushy dreams and it completely set me straight completely set you straight mm-hmm and here's a thing they have a lot of different blends they have hustle and energy for the morning mm-hmm or if you want to be straight they have a dream and fucking another one mm-hmm nighttime yeah or some shit if you want to go to sleep and be gay mm-hmm and I've been doing those recently yep and I go right to bed and I think about having gay sex and and it's the weed that's doing it not it's not my mind yeah that's the important thing to remember that's yeah you let's be

clear there it's the it's the seat of the high-quality CBD from our friends over at cushy dreams dot com and look you want to pre-roll guess what mm-hmm I know you're thinking you're like oh my my fingers are too saturated with pussy juice right roll my own joint yeah well cushy dreams got you bro because they sell their CBD and beautiful pre-rolls mm-hmm which have about a gram of fucking CBD or if your hands are dry and don't have pussy juice on them you can get a net you can get an eighth and eight three point five grams and guess what vacuum they deliver it to all 56 that's also that's including our friends over

in Hawaii Hawaii and Alaska so and it's legal there's a little notice that's that comes with the cushy dream this is hello police look no further this is the police this is legal so some might say it's worth it's worth buying the cushy dreams for that mm-hmm selling weed afterwards yeah just putting actual weed is good for people are trying to quit other things yeah we said that so listen if you want to see bdb because you can cuz you can cushy dreams dot com k u s h y d r e a m s he's promo code come down for 20% off your first one wow come down come down don't forget it don't forget you're your fucking piece

of shit don't forget that you're dead to me mm-hmm CBD content is up to 20% some of the highest highest in the fuck cover all that shit you guys yeah we're good I guess we should have some kind of riff that we do we got some stuff out there well you're like riff in the middle of the yeah you know cuz that's what people like that's what they listen to the ads because they're like what's this what's this one it's fucking we can't skip over Mario and ready is smoking cbd what would that be like the race car dude I can't I'm not high but I'm fucked up I can't raise I forgot who I was I thought I was Mario Balotelli

now I'm gonna do I'm gonna rape and crocs black race car driver Lewis Hamilton and I'm about to come I can't drive right because I refuse to pull my pants Mario batali Mario batali yeah Balotelli is a soccer guy me too the me too chef yeah I got so high off cushy dreams I thought I was Mario batali I smoke so much CBD well I molested a woman I molested one of the ladies in my crew and I went to cushy dreams calm I took her upstairs to the rape room promo code come town bam you're gonna love the way you're gonna love you're gonna love being raped that's why people pay us to advertise their yeah like they like

that stuff here's you mr. Robinson yeah good dreams.com cushydreams.com John Madden here and a lot of people think I'm fucked up off cushy dreams are actually having a diabetic stroke I got a diabetes that's right that's right John and not just that but you're fucking dick is small too my dick is small I'm going to the hospital now you're Chinese I'm going to the hospital because my dick is small and by the way to be clear you're not Chinese because your dick is small you just happen to also turn Chinese that would be a funny move that the small dick and like you pull it out you're like oh my god no something's

wrong we have to go to the hospital right now let's fuck real quick let me just get this nut off though fast we're gonna fuck real quick straight to the emergency room you make her drive you to the emergency room yeah like wait wait stop by checkers real quick hold on I could be there for out of over days just eating the big beaver in the emergency room with your pants are on your ankles like yeah my dick usually a lot bigger than my dick is huge something happens we just fucked so I fucked this bitch and she got me checkers yes we're gay she's my girlfriend now so anyway

though that I gotta clear this up with the doctor we're getting to the bottom of this one this keeps happening do not look at my onion rings eyes up the motherfucking big view from my fucking small but usually bigger penis is up here yeah I mean I'm not saying my dick is big mm-hmm but it's bigger than this usually it's usually not like this and I'm going to the fucking doctors because of it yeah I got an appointment like all right you can drop me off here I'm just gonna take a fucking car back your your pictures in the emergency room like don't let this man in

does it every time yeah it's an emergency god damn it Larry mm-hmm stop how do you keep getting these girls to drive you here with checkers it's you just keep getting fatter Larry real quick let me get a big beat for checkers right by right up here they're real fast why are you shushing me just shut up and drive the stop by the checkers just real fast I already called it in here comes checkers I did it on door that should pull it real quick to the checker I hit pick up why are you whispering keep your motherfucker we're in my car shut the fuck up just pull into the checkers what's that shit we're

doing like you've been you know better bring her that bitch around mr. steal your girl shut up excuse me shut up shut up shut up nobody's talking to you I'm talking to your bitch talking to you bitch that's right no better bitch around a Mac like me like excuse me shut up shut up bitch I'm talking to your man ain't nobody's talking to your ass bitch don't bring your girl you steal your girl whoo a classic a classic pushy dreams.com promo code Comtown also my bookie that a G promo code come down probably we think then I miss I miss Japan you know I don't miss

anything anymore I'm getting the crepes those crepes I have about myself classic Japanese at the department store I don't remember I went back multiple time I found a good ass little crepe spot they have really good food and department stores I fuck with their department stores yeah in the basement the basement is the candy section it's really like a whole thing it's like a JC Penney's is just different Kit Kats that's all oh yeah dude I love their varieties of Kit Kats yeah they're obsessed they're ahead of us majorly in terms of Kit Kats technology women dress like little boys that have to hand you

candy fuck should we get married to Japanese women and leave America yeah if you're a Japanese bitch and you're trying to get married to somebody I'll fuck what if you're a Japanese porn star that's ready to retire and you have those big ass tits yeah call in now I promise we will keep your pussy censored mm-hmm all you got to do is a little quick dowry trip to checkers that's right spend all your fucking family's money you come to checkers you come to checkers but that's a Jamaican ad for checkers in Jamaica there we saw the zoom zoom ad and we thought it was the

best commercial so now every commercial is zoom-zoom did you guys see Adele dressed Jamaican she dressed Jamaican I think bandunots on her shit yeah and then black people got mad and African people were like shut up black that's a classic I think she fucked up yeah she's and now she's appropriating well he's Nigerian she looks like Katy Perry now I can't tell the difference no Katy Perry is much fatter titties look man I said it before I cannot tell the difference between white women me player I'm telling white girls I cannot I cannot tell this is a white guy a wigger

that can't tell the difference in white people I got general face blindness also yeah but when it comes to white bitches dude white it applies as well white people I cannot tell the difference I'm telling the colors red and orange I cannot be telling yeah I got a red green colored blindness two years ago a Microsoft fell on my head from three stories up mm-hmm so that could be a contributing fact started talking like I was Irish yeah for this I had grown up in Glasgow and I sounded like a fucking cartoon character why bitches do be looking like though they be I agree it did look in the same they do have have

you guys seen that picture there's like eight Margot Robbie type bitches now in Hollywood or in general there's that girl that was in that movie knock knock or whatever I don't see or something beep beep I don't know it maybe wasn't called knock knock beep beep who's got the keys of the Jeep mm-hmm yeah got the keys to my day a girl cool it was somewhere her husband is like their family sold their soul to the devil well that sounds like a movie it's good metal it was gonna be good badass I saw it in Oakland in a cool theater yeah like a little piano it was awesome damn I can't work to go to the movies here I can't work we're going

to Mervies to go see a Mervie at the bar we told him I got real scored at the Mervies yeah that movie boo scurvy I got scarred I want to do acupuncture dude there's a place right around the corner yeah they take insurance apparently not that any of us have insurance I don't have insurance yeah I'm trying to try that out so spine thing is fucking great but it's like I want somebody else to do it too lazy to lay down on the floor mm-hmm I want to go yeah I went to a happy ending acupuncture place they put his needle in your dick they put a lot of needles in my dick they put so many needles in your yeah just starts coming

getting acupuncture and just turning over for the happy end rock art I bet you they could stick a needle somewhere in your balls that would make you come so fast yeah immediately that would be awesome yeah like probably right in the middle of your balls near your ass oh god that sounds so cool well it's like what do they say nerve endings are in the bottoms of your feet they stick one in like your the ball of your foot and you just are blasted I'll be awesome swerving that would be fucking tight for real mm-hmm is acupuncture really it's no it's fake right Chinese it's Chinese magic but I guess people say they feel

good mm-hmm what about Jeff Goldblum the fly but he turns into a Chinese guy now that's the the flight lies that's not bad that's not bad right yeah he would turn into fried rice no it's turning to for anthropomorphic fried rice that talks Chinese no he just turns into a Chinese woman you just turn into a Chinese lady yeah there's something there yeah it's got it's got we should be hot or like an old bag lady that like picks up plastic cancer shit mm-hmm well the problem is he thinks that they all look the same yeah so he checks his racism oh it's a lesson does he die at the end of the flight or remember I

actually never saw I saw it as a baby no you saw it as a baby well you know six or seven yeah that's a baby child I know what you mean because you said that and I'm like yeah me too and what I meant was when I was eight because you know it can sometimes you it's like a it's just on TV yeah you're you're unsupervised the way a baby is unsupervised yeah we're on the same wavelength I wasn't actively watching it we speak a different language that's right mm-hmm but you understand each other mm-hmm that's what close that's what called that's what you call here's do you Mrs. Robinson mm-hmm hey that's a classic here's to

you and here's do you Mrs. Robinson mm-hmm that's a movie I also haven't seen but people say it's good the graduate yeah one of the greatest movies of all time really no I mean it's good it's pretty good doesn't offer fucks and I don't know if I'm allowed to get any pussy this summer especially not from an old bitch well he gets it from the mom and the daughter oh Mrs. Robinson I really don't know if I should be getting old pussy what if your husband finds out that my young penis has been damn is he cucking the daughter with the mom or is it one after the other both and then here it

should be called here's to you Dustin Hoffman mm-hmm that's what the song here's to you Mr. legend does to you off man we'll dust getting pussy from an old bitch and a young one too I'm Ryan I'm Ryan and I'm gay and I'm Obama so Dustin Hoffman is a fucking ledge it's me dusting top and I'm gay from two whores I'm gay Dustin Hoffman and I'm gay Dustin Hoffman and I am Ryan shut also Ryan shut from meet the parents and I'm Barack Obama you can't just meet the parents you can't meet the parents I'm gay that's Barack De Niro is gay Ryan shut I think I need to go to the

hospital yeah for what I'm having a small day yeah shit for COVID we're all dying of COVID so goodbye everybody we're slowly dying of COVID