The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. 224 – its the cops, scram!

Episode Date: September 9, 2020

does anyone want to talk about... *gamestop smile* politics???

Well, now we're starting for now. We're starting at him. So You're being docked to your pay for this break. I Wonder what kind of what he's gonna do in the bathroom Probably look it through but look at pictures of guys on his phone. Let's like he's left this phone here. Let's see Well, look at his own favorites. Yeah Look at his all his what the hell? I'm gonna I'm typing in codes until this phone erases You're just gonna lock him out forever No, it's iPhone is disabled

Try again in a minute. Good luck looking at your phone. Hopefully Adam gets here in a minute or else We'll do it again. Yeah for a minute. I did that to George. He's when we're watching jackass I guess that's here. This is press buttons on a fair and told a fair No, we're here. We got April's phone. We got April's phone. It's it's 3 30 a.m And April's about to get up for work. She's a nurse It has to driving in New York to take care of retarded kids with COVID And we're gonna press buttons on her phone Until she gets into a car accident

Driving in a hospital. We're pressing the emergency button on 9-1-1 We're calling 9-1-1 1-1-1 on people's phones. So they get in trouble. Yeah, my name is Adam Marger and I'm a fag Yeah, I just told the police I'm gay Yeah, this is this is jackass and this is call the police on Adam's phone and tell him He's good. The guy who owns his phone is gay. We're calling the police on Adam for being gay Bow-wow-wow Here he comes. He's

We did the police Tell him stop. Tell him what we did. We didn't do nothing. We didn't do anything Oh Nothing happened. The police come and arrest you for being gay. That's because they had an investigation going. I'm sorry I thought that was a magnifying glass, but it's a router It's a router for the computer. Oh small bad. I thought it was a magnifying glass. I was gonna look at your dick This is it's 5 a.m. We're looking at Phil's dick We're not gonna wake him up. We're gonna this is just gonna look at his dick

I'll play a marshaire. This is look at Phil's penis. Look at my own father's penis. This is look at Phil's penis while he's asleep It's it's it's 11 a.m. in the morning It's it fills a sleep. It's a night vision It's 12 30 Bam, what are y'all doing over there? Come on, Bam. Stop taking a peek at my Don't don't pink don't pink at my damn Don't pink at it. Why are you pinking at my dick when I'm trying to slump? Oh

Dude Phil Phil you used to look exactly like Bam. Yeah, he just gains the 20 pounds every young Phil Young Phil looked I gotta see this And Phil and Bam was about to look it's gonna be funny when old star verse looks like ironic star verse that dude Absolutely. First of all, there is no ironic. I've transcended that. Yeah. Yeah, I'm all I'm one in the same brother Yeah, you live in New York long enough and then you just you become yeah I think people are like, oh, would you like a New York hipster? It's like no you guys we'd come up with it Yeah, you pretend to be us in 10 years to be gay by when you're involved with a good. Yeah, dude, absolutely Uh-huh. Oh, this look is gonna sweep the nation. Yeah. Yeah, you're you're at the vanguard of a new trend

I'm not even joking. I guarantee you I know the wide goatee Goatee hair like Frazier. I've given myself a sling blade haircut I'm going sling blade haircut and mesh trucker. Love it. Nick is. Oh hell. Yeah. Nick has like a prison look Yeah, it's time. It's time to bring back Vaughn Dutch Vaughn Dooch It's time to bring back the stuff that was popular before started jacking off So when he goes to work everybody's like what the hell is this? 2004 well, who's this showing up to the factory is it ashton could choose this Kevin federal on this? Here comes

Which by the way, one of the most one of the finesse lords of all time. Yeah, just Kevin federal on Getting getting top tier triple A pussy in the prom ruining it and then getting fat as hell And getting the kids you know, who's honestly the finesse Hall of Famer of all time is Paul George's current I believe fiance he She he got her pregnant while she was a stripper. He was dating Doc River Cali Rivers doc who's now married to Seth who's now married to Seth Curry. Yeah He got a stripper pregnant offered her a million dollars to have an abortion

She said no, and then and then he sued for custody of the kid He lost and then somehow they ended up having another kid together and now they're dating You fucking did it dude. She they got to retire her fucking heels at the strip club You know what? She's crazy, but he loves her Spam or chair. It's 3 a.m. And this is reading goose bumps on the covers I'm in my bed room. This is getting scared at goose bumps. I'm reading it came from beneath the sink Cover And I'm fucking scared. I just learned how to read again. I'm learning how I'm re-learning how to read

I'm re-learning how to skate and how to read. I forgot somehow forgot how to read English language I spent too much time in Iceland remembering my dead friends I spent too much time learning him I spent too much time drawing hardograms That's that what's he up to man. He's got to come back on the show. He does I guess to become I think he's thriving. He probably doesn't remember doing the shot I don't think he does. That was so wild. He was like just gone dude. You know what? He probably his entire life fell apart. Yeah

He was on TMT Slapping that fucking loser his manager or whatever. That was so fucking funny It says so much that he probably doesn't remember and for me it was one of the best days in my entire life I'm telling my children about it. It was a highlight. It was a high point of my life I mean Jean Jean was the high change my life. Oh, I don't fuck about them or no I care, but it was a double. That's what's so beautiful about it. Wait, can I mean plus bam in the same day? You know, I care until I found out shortly after that that he was going to do Brandon Sagalos podcast also No, he wasn't. Yeah, he was and then he had the meltdown. That's what ruined it. Yep. That's right

We made him. We made him. He didn't do Sagalos podcast. So it was yeah. Well, he didn't We cock-blocked him. Sorry. Sorry Brandon. Not that I have a problem. We love Sagalos, but let's be honest But you know, I mean if he's doing multiple podcasts in one day exactly Yeah, if he's doing if he's doing if we're getting guests that can do sags podcast. Yeah What are we fucking couple of fags? You might as well call call me call us Nick Adam and Stavros Fagolo. You might as well call us the fag crew That's I just get so many tweets for no reason. He's like, what? That's the fag crew

Yeah Shouts out, Brandon. I just want to do a plug real quick Jean started a podcast is called straight talk with Jean He said he was gonna do that for a while. Yeah It's not just would just talk about Italian stuff. Yeah, he said that to us. No, he said yeah, because it's got everything It's got New York that's a different that's a different thing. That's his reality. It was just I gave away too much that was his reality show pitch that involved Italian or Elves and so Yeah, Jean's doing his he's got Italian fans got New York fans and the Melvis and I'm Elvis. Yeah

What's I'm sorry, can you finish doing his podcast is at 8 30s 8 30 on Monday nights on Facebook live And I don't think that's a podcast He's calling it Yeah, he he posted the whole thing to Instagram awesome. So he posts like a two-hour. It's just a selfie video I I listen to some of it, you know, the guy's got it. He's been in entertainment for long enough I'm missing I miss Jean we gotta but I told him I told him on Instagram DMs that I would plug it on the show give a little bump So everyone get a show show some love to Jean all love to Jean all love to Jean

He's he was one of he's one of the greatest people I've ever met. Yeah, we're taking a look at Jean's penis We got Into his house and we're looking at his penis. We're look at we're still in his pubes from the garbage I wrote the Staten Island ferry the other night and went in the bathroom and somebody had just left a Just all their pubes. That's awesome Right before right before a gate you got clean it up before you go get some trim Some Staten Island's going out and getting that Shaolin pussy going out to the islands to get some pussy. Absolutely

I love that. I love that that Fucking rules, dude. Have you ever trimmed your hair in public Adam? Uh, no, I can't say we'll talk about it a little later. Say it the 20 minute mark. Okay. Oh, yeah, I think that's a great idea Sounds good Nick and I on the way here. We saw a Very confusing assortment of bumper stickers on a car what do we got it was for usmc crests Okay, we're in court crests What was it Nick the app the free sticker that comes with Apple mm-hmm with your products awesome

Man is a user of the Apple also experience. Fuck QuickBooks payments. Yeah stealing that's on record $1,200 I know that's not a thing that anyone who's listening to this show is going to use. Yeah No, absolutely put a hard fuck them unless QuickBooks starts making like a And a diet energy drinker, right? I think nobody listening to this show if there's if there's a way to harass QuickBooks payments. Yes for once do something good. Yeah fucking trolling. I don't know how Are you and why in any capacity, but fuck that company who runs it quicken? Is it it's all it's all a company called into it that into it that lobbies the government to keep taxes Complicated so they can continue robbing people. Oh boy

Reason taxes are complicated is because they pay they pay lobbyists so that their software stays relevant So you heard yep So if you want to do if you want to harass them or you want to do a little Tyler Durden type of situation. Yeah You know whatever that you want to start a fight club or whatever, you know, yeah This is this is K-Sex if you want to set the world on fire, that's all it is. Yeah, this is happening Stop whispering, you know, I was thinking about like how You know, like a teachers get caught for pretending to be black or Afro-Latino

Free Jessica Krug or whatever right, but then that but they're they're always doing that, right? It's always like some woke professor that's like on Twitter. It's it's professor shouldn't have Twitter. I think that's sure Yeah, it's so annoying when professor cuz you know what it is. It's the distillation of professors trying to be cool Right when you're on Twitter, that's like the fucking e version of like putting a chair. I have one of those bananas Yeah, yeah, for sure. It really telegraphs that you're trying to get some 18 year old How about a professor that's like he gets out and cuz he's been pretending to be gay He's on social media is like I love Karl Marx. Yeah, there's nothing I love more than the thing We we need to what we need to do is make sure that the straight people

Don't and then people are like how about this video from of you from five years ago where you're like I tell you There's nothing I love more than red lobster I get those cheese biscuits and then I pound my wife's pussy a lot of things have changed since then. I'm sorry You could but you could say you late in life. See that's the flaw in your plan. You could say late in life I became I became gay gay gay gay gay gay gay... George! I'm having gay sex I'm sucking up guys Sucking up guys. You can't be sucking off guys, Jerry. Alright, wait, let me finish the stickers

Well, I'm having gay sex Two Sunoko gas station stickers I call it Suck Noko because I go to the bathroom and I suck off guys two zombie apocalypse investigation unit stickers oh that's pretty cool a New York Yankees NYD cow I'd love for the yeah I'd love for Aaron judge to fuck my ass and what kind of guy was it driving the car Chinese a Mexican flag but instead of the eagle in the middle it had a menorah what that one's the best Italian flag was it oh no it might yeah it's Italian makes a lot more sense

there's a lot of intermixing between those two wretches well the yeah the red yellow or yet red white and green not red golden green rasta colors so then nix sped up to a hundred so we can see what it was of course and it was an Indian man that's awesome Indian Jewish people I mean it's gotta be yes there are country there are really yeah I knew just in there in India like maybe I'll smell a little bit worse maybe you stink a little bit more just a little bit stinky another classic mashup character oh fuck I have to send I have to hit send on an email I'll be right back what is it it's it was gay pornography you have to

say send me what do you have to yes I mean the ways the interesting ways fat people find to be lazy you're like I'll write the email then I'll take a 15 minute break before clicking send I ran out of fingers you're having a piping moment oh stop I do okay first of all I want to publicly acknowledge I went into piss after you took a shit goddamn man with such a big ass mm-hmm and a big belly I got to say really not not thank you not much of us appreciate that yeah well it's not like there was an Indian Jewish guy cooking dinner by the way I was not taking a break yeah I had to send the file and it

takes a while to upload and I forgot thank you very much okay you know how long to take you guys to upload something that's like a gig like on Google Drive a while right I have no idea that long I don't really pay attention that's my upload speed is a bullshit you just see if you can get fire us I would love fire I can't get fires in my neighborhood yeah no Verizon is like Verizon like I guess and I don't remember all the details or any of them really but they so like that you know because they owned all the phone lines yeah they had to provide phone service everybody and like they weren't allowed to like just

discontinued that service even though it costs them a lot of money to keep it going right and so they were like half the time they're like well we'll just take the fines I guess we'll just right you know cut people off fuck them they don't give fuck these people poor people yeah but they made like some kind of deal where if they like promised to roll out fiber to a certain amount of like it's it's it's all all of these goes like here and then I think in uh-huh in like Boston and then DC or something they could cut off phone service if they rolled out a certain amount of like fiber optic networks and then they just

didn't do it respect yeah so wait so now they aren't doing it or they're not no you there's still like a there's no home phone service where I live right and there's only one option for internet yeah I might move dude I might say goodbye to this place yeah you're gonna stay in Astoria I don't know maybe Greenport maybe Park Slope Park Slope's nice somewhere cute me and my I'm talking with a couple and I think they're okay they're looking for a three-to-four bedroom ranch preferably rancher in the Texas oh I love a ranch house why cuz I like one story houses you do yeah I like a big one story I don't know I like it appeals

to me no that's too much with the stairs you know I like to be able to take a segue everyone everywhere you want to be able to rollerblading I like to have a tech startup kind of vibe at my crib that's awesome bro yeah I like to roll her plane throughout the house now to me having multiple stories is elegance oh boy it's big news especially in New York see all I work if you have multiple stories you're fucking Matt Damon I just want a big-ass garage yeah that's the dream that would be I wouldn't hang her and then you just you know that's your world yeah dude you have to fucking bench that's your world you that's it

less you can do whatever you go ahead and fuck me man I don't care go ahead you wanna molest me what's up you want to fucking molest me see if I fucking go ahead kiss me up touch me fucking rock my world home so I don't care suck my balls homey fucking go ahead balls in your mouth man yeah show me stuff let me see something teach me how to fuck a man I don't care hey I'm not even playing with you homes you want to take me into a basement make me do videos with other little boys I don't care I fucking dress up I do shit I don't give a shit put a dress on me hands fucking take advantage of me I don't fucking learn me into your

car see if I fucking if I give a fuck me candy take me back to your place fucking spread me out let's see how wide I can get I don't care who am I gonna tell I keep secrets I don't even care man fuck my ass yeah well it seems that your son Michael was most likely molested and now he's in a fugue state in which he thinks he's a south latin yeah southern California Latino gangster and you know the fugue state that is that is kind of normal but we we haven't seen like a personality split to this degree we're a six-year-old boy from Danbury Connecticut thinks that he's a cholo where do you even have access to

these kinds of archetypes we don't know because the man who molested him was a Jewish male man so it's not even like you know it's possible he was playing training day no he's playing in the background he's playing blood in blood out he was playing blood in blood out it's possible but we're not positive that's okay I don't even care I don't care man can I my switch back give me my switch and give me some fucking game let me get my fucking switch so I can play animal crossing while I think about being molested I don't even fucking care go ahead every single day after school I thought you were my uncle this is why

you I remember my dad saying the whole password thing was stupid and then look what happened six months later I'm fucking molested bro I'm getting my ass fuck bro they tell you they tell you that password thing for a fucking reason I bet you he's got a password on his fucking email he uses to cheat on mom but for some reason when it comes to who's gets to pick me up from school the password thing is quote-unquote gay it's a gay it's gay to have who the fuck is going to pretend to be your uncle to pick you up those are his exact words and now I gotta live like this talking like this man how am I gonna get a

fucking job bro my name is Anthony Wexler I'm seven years I'm six I'm six I'm six I'm six I'm fucking six years I'm six years old now I fucking talk like this I'll tell you what that guy who shaved his pubes in the bathroom of the sat down ferry yes probably could have done a better job if he had been using the man-scaped lawnmower 3.0 or perfect package and he may have been he may have just enjoyed well the thing is with the quiet stroke motor the quiet stroke technology he probably could have been operating the lawnmower 3.0 in the bathroom in a public restroom and no one

would have been the wiser that's how quiet and seamless this motor is and he wouldn't even need to turn the light on because it's got a built-in LED that's exactly correct yeah man-scaped is they're dedicated to helping you level up your full-body grooming game which is that's a really cool that's an awesome thing to do the man go ahead man level up my full body go ahead level level me up bro go ahead come rock my fucking world around a find out come watch me get nasty with it put it out I don't care I'm in fucking second grade I'm not a fucking kindergarten baby I'm not a fucking kindergarten baby who's scared of

stuff go ahead level me up level up my body grooming yeah they actually just released their shears 2.0 nail kit which is the perfect add-on package to the lawnmower 3.0 more perfect package sounds awesome the shears 2.0 is a luxury four-piece nail kit I actually looked it up it's it's cheap as shit it's like fucking really it's like 10 20 bucks nice you think because it you know the other things are like full deal right um they actually do have now I look at their like pricing and stuff mm-hmm now yep now that's time to do an ad now it's time to do an ad it's it's it's very reasonable and good yeah more

than reasonable yeah it's it's it is dog shit cheap no I mean just like they're they're like cuz you think well it's all it's just clippers right mm-hmm and yes it's just clippers but they're also they did something to make sure that your ball skin doesn't get sucked into the clip oh yeah but then this shit it's like it comes with underwear you get this fucking lotion no yeah and I will say I've shaved my nuts with it multiple times it's awesome yeah it is awesome and you best believe that underwear has the branded manscaped around the the fucking elastic so all the whores know your nuts are fucking so you can my

pants aren't dense enough to do a fade and I'm all about fade yeah I do I got slashes through my pubes like yeah I got the Nike swoosh I did the Nike swoosh into my the hair around my asshole that's awesome with the manscaped lawnmower 3.0 with the skin but so no they got this like this the perfect package 3.0 it's you get the lawnmower the crop preserve it's a anti-ball chafing deodorant I'll put that shit on they got a toner and refresher and then a magic mat which is a disposable it's like a diaper it's a disposable shaving mat mm-hmm that you can that used to take a shit inside of

you stand on and you can take a standing dump it's if you're on the train you're wearing a dress because it's New York yes and everyone here wears dresses it's a hot New York day you got that breeze coming up your dress I'm in New York homes and I'm gonna take a dump on the train care bro take a dump right here I hit up the the the manscaped magic mat to take a dump right on there but look you get this you get a travel bag it's a $40 travel I fuck with the bag yeah see I mean you got a lot of shit what they do is they cure a nice toiletries they curate a whole experience around grooming yourself you're

getting your nuts right I think that the problem in prior to this in terms of understanding what's going on is that it's not about one individual product but the the entire process and ritual of self-care and grooming which is what is presented by this company that's right that's why you know you throw the shears on there to take care of your nails I would never take care of my nails you know what I mean yeah but I bite my nails but if I got if I had this package yes I just shaved my nuts and then applied a cleanser and a toner which I have done and it feels great yeah why I like to slap it up at that point I would

take the scissors in the nail kit which I also have and finish the process of grooming yeah circumcise yourself human beings double circumcise our animals of ritual you know and it's it's it's you need you need the entire grooming experience which is why it makes sense that these are sort of grouped into these these packages I agree 100% which are reasonably priced and sexy oh they're sexy they say I do you're sexy probably wearing flip flops and people don't want to see those nasty and clipped toes of yours actually no you're not you're probably putting on socks and shoes and not leaving your house you're dressing

up to sit down at the computer and write your manifesto right but you need to be well grown that's right I love it dude I take my cold shower in the morning I apply dog shit to my face you mean literal dog shit yeah I heat up a knife on the stove and I press it against my body and you know I and then I then I do my end scaping with the perfect package yeah before that you're using a hard knife to shave your nuts before that is about punishment yeah but what I realized it's about ritual you know and yeah you have nothing but these disgusting disfigured marks all across your thighs and nuts but now with

the fucking lawnmower 3.0 those are a thing of the past no it is it is nice though like self-care and grooming or whatever if you get into a habit of doing it it gives you something to do immediately when you wake up and you're not like the fuck am I you know yeah I just said I'm just laying in bed maybe jacking off I never lay in bed I get up and then I'm like what the fuck am I mad about right you know and then I find something oh great yeah whatever this is that there's a Chinese guy going through my recycling perfect package 3.0 comes at the essential lawnmower 3.0 waterproof cordless body trimmer and a

ton of other liquid before me that's cool you can do it in the shower yeah see I wouldn't though you take the shower you apply your shit or whatever then you get out then it's or you start off see I start off shaving then you go for a rinse I don't combine the shower with anything no no I've all I've thought about brushing my teeth I've been thinking about setting a timer so I take the exact same length of shower every single day that would be nice or just to stop watch and then try to train myself to naturally do an hour and 15 minutes in the cold what would you say your showers go for probably five minutes

now at five three minutes wow navy shower yeah no I hop in I fucking lather up especially like you know now my hair is short yeah you don't have to shampoo yeah oh I do shampoo I shampoo when I have short hair when I have long hair I don't interesting because it's the natural oils see I'm now that I have hair I shampoo I condition everything you have more you have more hair than I do now I know yeah way more I know that's crazy it's good see I'm I'm fatter than you are that's true you're also like getting close to being able to grow a beard yeah well I'm sticking with the goatee thank you very much I mean it's a

great look the Tony Stark Prano Tony Stark Prano you gotta tell the guys at home you did that by using you use the manscaped right from my nuts to my face the double chin shaver especially made for me for if you're a man escaped influence a plus-sized man they have the manscaped double chin system because what it what is a double chin if it's not sort of like a second pair of balls and you're on your face yeah right for a limited time subscribers get two free gifts the travel bag which we said was good and then the boxers which we already mentioned that so we already said those things the shears are nice

you want to use promo code come town 20 to get 20% off plus free shipping come town 20 man scape.com try it out and you know I mean yeah see it start your day off shaving your shaving your cock every day your cock every single day I like to go a little like just like a little pencil line around the base of my cock oh that's cool because then you get the optical inch yeah without keeping the Raul that's an awesome name I love giving my cock the Raul and then I put I the manscape sells it also but I have a little um a st. Anthony medallion oh you have to have that but I put around for good luck yeah and then a little wife

beater that goes over my balls that's awesome I have a pair of rosary beads I wrap around my package yeah yeah wow are they the world's smallest rosary there's so small bro do and they're they for ants but check them out 20% off the Zoolander man scape.com promo code come on rosary bead for ants come town 20 for ants what is this a penis for ants what is this a penis for ants yeah that's good that's good Zoolander those are good banana that was a good banana was it it looked a little green to me I love it I like an underwrite banana no I do I don't like a spotty banana I don't like a spotty one either but I don't like an

underripe I like a slight I eat all kinds of bananas I don't like it when they're hard and firm that's true that makes sense yeah I like a nice soft sweet banana hard for a little sweet cheeks go ahead slide that soft sweet banana into my ass see if I care homes I don't even fucking care I don't even you know what I'm on the playground come find me come find me on the fucking playground I'm hiding in the in the slide all the other kids they were smart and they ran away to their parents but I stayed in the slide guess who fished me out guess who fucking guess which the Jewish man fished me out now I'm

fucking now on the cholo man yeah it's fucking blood in blood out blood in blood out the only way out is to be unmolested that doesn't work how could you get unmolested mm-hmm a hot lady fucking you know you have to molest it you gotta molest you have to molest a grown man I didn't understand what people when it would be like the only way out is in a box when I was a kid but like they mail you like how Garfield gets rid of normal that was his move yeah send him to Antarctica yeah yeah we had that debate about whether normal was a guy yeah insane I can see why he was annoyed by normal now oh cuz he's a

gay guy not a hot girl exactly yeah he thought it was a hot chick he got he was getting his dick sucked by normal he went to finger pop him and he's like what the hell is this a cat I'm gay now look at that you can't even see the flame well why did you light a plastic on fire we're gonna smell bad because I'm twisted oh one of our other our other sponsors is the pyro cool pyros for porno porno for porno I'm gonna put that out for pyros that drips on my skin and definitely burns I did that once and I was a kid by accident you burn yourself a plastic yeah I could see you

being a kid that shit lit shit on fire not all the time occasionally just for you try it out yeah I was scared you're scared of fire you're scared the lights you're on fire yeah why I didn't want to get burned I was too pretty no that's that's I'm I'm I'm I was too precious I was taught that I was precious yeah and I didn't want to harm myself this is a fire guy for me theist for me this yeah yeah he was cool yeah you said fuck the God I've got a Promethean mentality you know let's figure shit out this cut let's cut ourselves with the tools mm-hmm Prometheus was like look everybody it

can't just be gods that get to have fucking ribs mm-hmm everybody else should have ribs and fucking wow shit like that is that your patron God no he's I don't think he's a God he's not a God he stole from the God he stole from the gods he's like what's up who's a Hephaestus that's this that's the God that's the guy in the fucking it's the black black yeah that's it yep Hephaestus rocks he is cool he's metal and he's always yeah he's always like in his dark little fucking cave and he's just guys banging shit he's like strong mm-hmm he's a Jesus that Hephaestus is a Zaddy mm-hmm Apollo is definitely a twink I've been

listening to Sabbath again recently hell yeah which which albums technical ecstasy oh shit okay that was that one's got like the gas mask like pilot cover right I think people say that wasn't like that was reviewed poorly but I liked that one it's sick yeah yeah and that's a cool name yeah and Sabbath bloody Sabbath Sabbath bloody Sabbath who sucks on your dick I got this me you're gonna have a phase I think where you learn blacksmith's shit probably not you don't think so you don't want to forge in your backyard now that seems gay to me but you just said Hephaestus was cool metal working sure I could get

into that metal working what's the difference that's one's a you build a forge in your backyard and make swords for other facts no I didn't mean that rents fair like fences and gates and stuff no you know you know it's really into that metal working who Bob Dylan oh my god shut the fuck it is gay I just remember no it's not gay it's first of all I always said it was you always said it was you just said it was cool because I thought Nick was talking about making swords which he thinks is gay but I think it's cool but not for rent fair to slice your enemies up it'd be cool to get into gunsmithing make guns that would

be cool that's cool than making fences you Bob Dylan makes fences and you think that's cool he makes like wrought iron gates what a fucking loser it's not a loser dude he sucks when you type in Prometheus all you get is the aliens from Prometheus fucked it up they fucked up the Google those aliens are bad ass yeah I never watch aliens one and two I'm about to watch the whole rest of them did you like it but yeah they were good although I liked alien the first one better with this dude than the James Cameron one imagine looking like that that's what I imagine when I shaved my head that's what I thought that's what

looked back at me in the mirror now I look different now that I have hair and a goatee this is like definitely that's what they should do when people are going bald there's like sympathy articles or whatever like Bruce Willis for the Jason Zatham the Prometheus alien that's me that was me yeah abandoned that look now this is just what white people would look like if they look like black people it's true mm-hmm if like white people white black if yeah if white people were as white as some black guys are black black yes that's that's what you would look like mm-hmm this guy be like hey son you ever hear about

Adolf Hitler son let me holla at you there was a professor named Adolf Hitler all right and he understood that there was a master race yes just this guy hanging out on Fulton white Fulton everyone look up the Prometheus aliens the Prometheus aliens yeah if you're cool yeah but I'm bum bum bum bum bum just wearing the white version of can't take loss because it's like Scottish tartans yeah damn although I gotta say that's too white yeah vicious traps look at that yeah yeah I know what that looks like cuz that's why I'm gonna get big traps just brushing your hair I do have a brush a friend of mine got me a brush

you said it stimulates hair growth yeah so that's what I'm doing I'll come a forward oh yeah let's see a nice forward you like to come for that's that's a full head hair right that's awesome dude I'm about to be a comb over length for sure mm-hmm oh yeah great visual yeah you guys aren't getting our friends at home or not getting it shut the fuck up yeah just picture stop brushing his hair for that is a great look wow you go bald is so fun yeah well I have hair so I don't know what you mean yeah but it before I had short hair now you know I was telling

you guys for the longest time I have here right I choose the group to have it short and now how now look who's got egg on their face look who's talking now look who's putting egg on their face to stimulate hair growth well first of all anyone should be doing that not just if there was a way like if there was like just like some they cured it right mm-hmm like you take a pill yeah and then it's fucking all back you do it that's a hard question that's a day that's like the X-Men dude would they give would they be normal mm-hmm the pill also makes you lose 150 pounds oh that's tough I'll just be like a like a skinny guy with

hair yeah yeah I lose both my essences at once think about it that's really honestly I am literally it sounds it's not a bit I'm honestly grappling with this really yeah interesting is it might even me if it happens also makes you 63 oh my god oh my gosh and it makes your dick better and harder it gives you at least an average dick doesn't make your foreskin wider that's all I need it stretches it stretches out your foreskin but not too baggy why guess I have to do it but it would be I guess I went you know what it is I don't even mind if all that stuff happened but I'd want to earn it mm-hmm you know I'd

want I wouldn't want to overnight become somebody else yeah I want to have a journey to get there yeah nobody wants to take those pills I you know what yeah I guess I would do it for the hair alone it's not about the destination about the journey it is the Odyssey brother that's a good the Odyssey I want to get pussy on that island where all my guys turn into pigs I want to get tied down so I don't get pussy from the fucking harpies there's a lot of getting pussy involved in the Odyssey yeah there's a lot of betting too a lot of gambling Odysseus is doing a lot of wagering yeah and you know football

season is back no yeah it's back and full is it actually is it back with Antonio Brown or is it back it's Antonio Brown is on the raiders the raiders do we get the cop here no yeah no and Antonio Brown is on the Oakland Raiders Tom how about this Tom Brady is on the Tampa Bay Buccaneers okay wow you're blowing my mind well the NFL is back and this year there's no black people they finally did it they finally took the plunge and said we're gonna be the only sport that's racist all of the other ones that those are gonna be woke sports is there a racist sport left what's the most racist sport now the NFL

pivoted to woke though not really they're trying to the most racist sport I guess there's some black hockey players probably hockey or baseball I guess no baseball's got tons of Afro-Latinos yeah it's all those guys all the white black poppy yeah I'm white man I don't mean it come poppy I mean the black all those guys are like that yeah they like blast hookah yeah um they watch porn in the dugout yeah oh that's awesome on small kitchen TV my bookie dot AG you can fucking do whatever yeah yeah you can do whatever you can do whatever the fuck you can bet you can bet money money you can bet inches of your cock you

can just do whatever you got them well they got a organ trading mm-hmm they organ trail organ trail organ train you can play you can play organ trail mm-hmm oh yeah you can do a lot of that sort of thing your oxen can get dysentery here we go so look if you want my bookie dot AG is winning season returns of my bookie winning season means doubling your first deposit yep winning season means survivor super carpool contest super contests and squares mm-hmm a lot of you may be asking well we know survivor pools are interested in super contests but what are squares did so many good questions if my bookie

winning season means hitting all your parlays and props with your feet up I love that watching your team trounce arrivals that makes her feel awesome rejoice it's time to celebrate the NFL season really a lot of people hard up on cash right now you should invest in your intuition who exactly is doing this right now my name is Martin crap and I just got out of jail for molesting the Jewish well you know we're hopefully you're rehabilitated Martin and he served kids he served his time I got out on the technicality okay because they could not get the six-year-old to say his own name in court he was in a fugue

state and would only identify as a 27 year old Latino man from from Frogtown Los Angeles he said I'm Frogtown's finest and because he would not they couldn't get him to testify or identify me I received an offer to become the spokesperson for my bookie dot a g because they said what are the odds right what are the odds you beat the odds that's what finer yeah website then a man who skated on fucking child charges exactly the it's kind of like in movies where they get a guy is arrested for hacking and they want the best right my bookie they wanted a guy who's the best at beating the odds yep

your regular swordfish I said I don't know anything about gambling I just molester you're still at it huh yeah but I I do say invest in your intuition and use promo code come town 20 double your first new players get up to a thousand dollars free play which is a free play has a different meaning for me so right I'm not exactly sure what it means in the context gambling free play in my household is what no you know we don't know let open the cages in the basement but lock the the door at the top of the steps so the children are able to you know kind of they get this is sort of a

cage-free experience right with the exception of you know if you consider that the the basement is sealed and soundproof right it's like cage free eggs there's no daylight right exactly it's cage free kids somebody would you would call organic most organic kids designed to add more excitement to the sports you love in the games you bet from live betting to championship future every play you want to make is waiting at my bookie and simple maker packs went back clutch or cash use promo code come town 20 and double your first deposit your winning season begins a day only at my bookie.com the only sports book that

has a convicted but one on appeal pedophile so not convict appeal okay so your name that you they they wiped your slate clean your name is good are you on the registry Martin the sex funder's registry I'm sorry an email came in and I started thinking about what I want to eat after this is over and now I'm not Martin anymore I'm back to being me and the Chuck seized on my drill for the second time in six months I'm going to have to send it off to get warrantied okay and I'm pissed you want to slap Nick so he stops talking what can we do to get you to snap out he's just he's trapped in

Martin I guess I could keep talking like it is a good voice Martin has a little bomb this is like a little bomb a little bit of gold is gold bloom Obama my bookie you can have sex with the website my bookie.hg is one of the only websites that you can have sex man having sex with things you can't have sex with is awesome always wanted to fuck a website I'll play bed win win what an opportunity to fuck your computer maybe yes I'll tell you what that's one of the few websites you can load up and just put the computer right right into your ass and type on the computer with your ass muscles using your ass muscles

just says original goblum iMac ads yeah yeah I think dance play you can put the computer in your ass the new iMac you can have sex with it oh for those like orange and blue yeah well that was like that was like apple was like let's be cool they came out of the iMac and those that was that big campaign with goldblum I did think they were cool I was a child yeah but I do remember thinking those were cool computers and being pissed about this you know how easy it is to take your home videos and turn them into movies get an iMac of course get your digital video camera hook it up and start iMovie

they've got effects in there now you can you know make it real fast or get slow motion make it dramatic you can take a piece of music put it under your footage and all of a sudden people are laughing crying I don't know whatever you want I've got cheesy ideas but you'll do something creative make you want to go let's watch that again and again and again oh the new iMac you're gonna load it you can pull up pull up this is really cool they got the they got gay pornography on here and you can look at it you can pull out your cock I don't know I've got cheesy ideas but you can pull out your cock beat off in front of

all of your friends the entire computer will fit in your ass put it in the whole thing around just take off your pants sit down on the top of the computer and keep pushing until it's inside your body oh I'm a shit you're almost literally sharded just now yeah I thought I thought I got a text now the couch is rolling because there's something that's about to pop out of my ass keep it in brother I'm going I'm gonna I'm going to a professional but I was feeling great and now I very acutely know that something has to come out of my ass is your homemade calamari maybe it was a little undercooked maybe

a little bit I've been undercooking stuff thinking like well I eat sushi anyway right but I don't think that that's the correct I like my chicken pink not chicken chicken I don't fuck with like that in that I like my chicken extra pink I like my penis getting some by a computer then who I'm acting can shove it directly in your ass this is cool check this out you can laugh dance sing fuck the computer you're watching family feud on your new host Jeff Goldblum and what do we have here the faggot family um our name is Stevenson yes please stop calling don't be calling son man I don't give a shit

man I know it's your show but call me the faggot family one more time and we gonna have problems I don't care you boys will Smith I just I just watched a great episode of family feud the best thing I've ever seen on it I don't remember their last name but who's the host it was a Steve it was a modern one but the family they had the top two guys were named Rodvis and Spezio and this family was all they were just like fucking they rocked all right final round we got the Miller family versus Jeff Goldblum returning champion go to Jeff name something you can do on the computer oh you can show it in your ass

oh my god oh my god good god let's see it wrong again Jeff somehow still the champion yeah so what are you gonna make it up on the back end I'll just wait till the triple score yeah I'll wait until they blow it until I and Demiqua blows it and then it'll go back to me and I'll steal the round you can shove it up your you can put in your hands well I tell you what you can do with a computer Steve's you can suck on it with me keep playing with me and you're gonna find out Jeff Goldblum name something people think about when they think about Jesus oh god no God no don't make me I believe it's my I believe it's my girl all right Jeff they think about shoving him I'm not

gonna say it I'm not even gonna look at the board do people think about shoving Jesus in the ass it was a good gas god that shuts out to Jeff Goldblum oh fuck yeah flaming Peter's bullshit though you only win $20,000 per game and there's five of you damn the fuck $4,000 worth that man after taxes it's all right Jeff walked to the podium my pleasure he comes up behind the police and his pants are completely around his ankles he's just new who you fucking pants up I'm sorry I didn't I didn't notice I didn't realize I was behind the podium I didn't know my penis fuck god

damn we're some classic Goldblum flicks Jurassic Park you got how do you get famous or jaws I think we're gonna need a bigger anus I think we're gonna go to the ocean we're gonna try going to put the shark we're gonna try shoving the shark into my oh yeah and this is hot things Jeff Goldblum's ass this is off road put things in Jeff Goldblum's ass we got Henry Rollins driving a Humvee while we put ball we shoved things in the Jeff Goldblum's ass see original iMac this is what I made all the CKY videos on Henry Rollins just drives jeep directly into his eyes

shout out to bam what are you gonna eat after this is over Nick probably a little peanut butter jelly sandwich respect oh I love oh who let one fly was that you are not me that's like a cat you really do it's not like a cat smoking tobacco I ate a bunch of bad broccoli yesterday you ate bad bro yeah it was slimy but I figured if I cooked it it would be fine brutal that's awful man that's what's really bad that's really fucking yeah oh my god it's like it's lingering the lingerie right now did you have to yeah did you have that's revenge you're moving the rear view mirror my car I didn't move it my

foot hit it accidentally your foot yeah he has to relax you know those guys he puts a get to my car and just starts kicking the dash like a girl you put your feet up yeah I like to relax baby you're it's a fucking 30-minute ride man it was less Nick drove so fast on the BQE today actually if there's no traffic you can it was doing fucking Grand Torino on the BQE today Grand Torino or Gran Turismo no I was doing Gran Torino he was speeding and saying Asian slurs yeah what's up dragon lady what are you spooks up to hell yeah old man shut up pussy shut up you're getting shut up you fucking pussy that movie is

so funny it's so I want to rewatch yeah I never seen to the supercut of every slur that he says in that movie on YouTube is hilarious as if that guy wouldn't just get the fuck beaten out of him immediately right yeah he's an old man in a world where yeah we're like some Detroit gangbangers gonna be like hold up that's an old man we have to respect right he's being raised gotta respect our elders even though in real life those those two would be 11 year old boys that are six foot three yeah and both on fully automatic AK-47s he would literally just get often to kill somebody cuz it's funny let's kill this

old man so we can laugh yeah oh yeah he gets caught immediately of course yeah he would get straight up one punch knockout he would get knockout game for sure knockout game we're gonna bring that back yeah and then he would just be the video of it would just be retweeted endlessly by sunglass Abbey guys this is these are the people that you say we shouldn't genocide this is who all of them are these these basically orphan gangs and child soldiers right yeah damn damn dude I'm just thinking about that for now I can't even smell it anymore now you gotta let it go man you gotta let go and let God I feel like I

tasted it yeah yeah it was bad it's probably earlier I got a little carried away taking out the garbage and I shoved it all up my ass Jeff are you okay sorry I walked past a litter box and I couldn't help it shove all the cats shit in my ass and then pretend I'm a kitty cat that pisses off the cats the show's dominant a lot of people don't know how to show dominance to a cat you got to take it shit and shove it on your show the cat who's boss all right folks well if you want shirts check out come dot town and we got some new fall sweatshirts coming soon yes go to stop it up is the can I

see your penis design is no longer available because I did receive a cease and desist from Scott stab did you have the fuck is that possible I don't know but wait creed hit you up creed was like what an honor yeah you actually got a cease and desist they look just an email or a real letter oh so I would keep selling them you think so yeah I would see what happens yeah what what what could happen something bad to me I mean we do you get sued and then you go to court but then they would have to like I mean what are they gonna sue you for fucking 100 bucks can you only what would he get sued for whatever you make

off the shirts damages I guess yeah I guess I also don't see I don't see I don't see a way where they win that case either it's parody right I mean that's up for to a judge I guess to decide yeah well I will argue that can I see your penis I mean they would they would embarrass themselves going to court to explain that shirt that says creed as a fucking five people but as a member of the American Bar Association I'll take that court I'll take that case it would be funny that's the thing it would be fun yeah we got to keep this going dude fuck honestly it would be fun and if we start a little rivalry between the show

and Scott step from creed mm-hmm that would just be perfect that's we need new enemies you know what if it was fake what if it wasn't real it might have been what if it's one of those goddamn trolls yeah it's from a fucking yahoo account it could have been a troll I just I didn't see actually because it was just that my t-shirt guy sent to me Eric Jewishman lawyer at large anyway no apparently who you need to look out for is Jack Daniels I've been told from from my now that I'm a member of the t-shirt community yeah they're apparently very litigious really see cuz anytime you go on vacation you

get like a it says like Atlantic City boardwalk yeah it's like that there nobody's going around checking that shit they're not online right but apparently yeah like every band that tries to do like a Jack Daniels inspired thing is immediately fucking shut down by what a what a fucking loser yeah all right bye guys all right later