The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. 229 – Walt Didne

Episode Date: October 14, 2020

Didne fuck my ass?

I can't, I can't wait, I can't wait to be fucked in my ass, please fuck my ass off. Damn, I'm stuffed, stuffed in the gills. We had a nice little sushi lunch. I had the churrasu. I hope you're all ready for a nice sleepy. A churrasu? The churrasu? They unclothed me and delicately placed the pieces of fish out of my body.

I'm not gonna eat sushi without a naked fucking model. Why is that like a symbol of Wall Street bro power? It's like we're gonna get a bitch. I think it's fish all over her body from the Yakuza. Yeah, I guess they did that first. What do you mean? Why is that a symbol of wall? I mean, is that something that's hot?

You know, are they like this? This rocks. You're making a woman. It's like, yeah, it's a plate. It's so explicit and obvious. I don't even know why you would ask that question. Why is it like a Wall Street bro thing to do cocaine and go to a strip club? Well, that makes more sense.

I don't get it. Honestly, that makes more sense. It's like, you know, it's so far from like what I would do to a woman. I would imagine I would have lunch and yeah, I would ask her what book she's read. Of course, I would talk to her. I'm gonna be like, oh, that's interesting. And then just I have a Wikipedia. I'm just saying.

I'm reading about the book. Because actually what I heard was. Yes, that book by. Yes. Neil Strauss. Well, I've read it. I especially enjoy the part about how it's about. Especially interactions between men and women.

I love this. Oh, you're so cute. So much. Oh, Adam is a completely naked Japanese woman. Oh, thank you for. Respecting me and putting food on my body. I have spent the last 20 years in America as lunchbox. That's my point.

I have been charcuterie board for the last 20 years. And now because you respect me and finally stood up to the Wall Street Bros. With their behavior that's so beyond the comprehension. Yeah. Yeah, it is pretty obvious. I think doing cocaine and banging a whore. You get it's the same. Why would you go to a strip club?

They're eating sushi off titties. Yeah, but a woman is just lying there in a strip club. They're making the pussy pop. They're doing they're doing dances off of a poor. Absolutely. That's but this is just there's artistry. They in fact they have a show. They have turned a fucking to me in my mind who actually wouldn't do those kind because

you would absolutely have that woman at your party. A woman to eat. Yeah, you would frame it as it being ironic, but you would be doing it anyway. So you would still be engaging in the behavior. No, I wouldn't. Me on the other hand, the thing I would appropriate is the Yakuza tradition of making people cut off their fingers. Right.

If they've shamed my edit, I got my 32nd birthday is coming up. Right. For the fifth time. Yeah. I'm just kidding. I'm 52 years old. But yeah, no, my 50th birthday is coming up. And whose fingers are we chopping off?

Well, honestly, it's like, you know, I got all the money in the world. Yeah, doesn't mean anything to me. You have a select group of friends come over and a couple of them were to come. And a couple of them were to cut their fingers off and present them to me like a little plush box with like, you know, we're in a big hall and there's like a dragon with like a red carpet that comes out of its mouth and I'm seated at the front. Of course. Of course.

And you know, what are you wearing? We rent out a Lubies, obviously to do this. What's Lubies? It's a cafeteria in Texas. I think they've gone out of business. We're getting there. Yeah. We're revitalizing them.

Bob. We're bringing the fucking dragon in with us. We're at a Bob's big boy. We bring a dragon. We bring a dragon. We're in the carpet. We're going to Perkins. We're running the place out there.

And I say, we're going to do something a little different. People are going to be cutting their fingers off. So can we use your knife? We'll bring our own knives. We'll bring our own knives. We'll bring our own knives. We're going to be nice. And we'll make sure that they don't get mixed up with the chef stuff.

But I will say, we might require one of your chefs to cut one of their fingers. Okay. We'll bring our own chefs. That's fine. We want to make this work because it's got to be Perkins. It fits with the dragon motif. Absolutely. It's the lost limbs.

I think, obviously, I don't have to point out the parallel there, ma'am. Of course. Ma'am, I'm making eye contact with you. Ma'am. Oh, yeah. Well, I know a breast isn't a limb, but you clearly have had a mastectomy due to some kind of malignancy, I presume. Just imagine that I, in this situation, I am the doctor, but also the cancer that you

respected enough to cut your breast off. To chop off for its birthday. Yeah. To chop off. Honestly? Sorry, ma'am. I'm not laughing at you. I just had a...

I just thought I had a funny thought. Sometimes I just react to that. No. I was just... Ma'am, I'm sorry. I'm not... I'm really not trying to offend you. I was just imagining a baby being like, where's the meal?

Where's the meal? You know, if it were to be your son or someone along those lines. But anyways, you see what I'm getting at is that it needs to be Perkins, because... It has to be Perkins. It has to be Perkins. We're doing it in here. And if the answer is no, I'll sneak in. You won't even see me.

I'll dress up as a Muslim. I'll be in here. Try to kick me out wearing a full burqa and see what kind of press that gets you. You're going to be a shitstorm sister that you're not ready for. Before you know it, this place is going to be covered in fingers. I got a lot of friends that are willing to do a lot of things for me. That is honestly... That would be a way for the people that DM you, the guys that DM you trying to riff.

You should require a finger for each DM. Absolutely do not suggest that people cut off their fingers and send them to me. If I receive a single finger in the mail... The show is over. Well, no, you're getting Adam's fingers mailed back to you. No, why my fingers? Because in my mind, it was you that suggested it. Because I brought up the ladies.

I think about the... You started the whole thing, Adam. You started the conversation. Did I say it technically? You knew exactly where I was going to go by bringing up that thing. It's true. I am the puppeteer. You thought, here's an opportunity to let the girls who listen to the show know that I'm a woman respecter.

And also, entrap Nick into getting fingers mailed to. No, it was all according to the plan. I'm just saying, if you're trying to riff... The protocols. I'm going to need to see a couple... The elders of Zion. We're going to bring up, we're going to say we respect women. And boy, that's going to do it.

I have to say, protocols of the elders of Zion sounds awesome. It sounds like a rush out. Can anyone put an audio book on Apple Books or whatever, because I would love to record the protocols of elders of Zion in that voice. You're listening to the protocols of the elders of Zion by Woody Allen, Allen Dershowitz, and Norman Finkelstein. He kind of got caught up in that. Sorry, Norman. Spent a while trying to make up for his mistakes with his first publication with the rest of his career. I wanted to be like, the protocols of the elders of Zion.

Oh yeah, like a Zach Wilde, like a Getty Lee mashup. Exactly. That'd be cool. It sounds like a fantasy concept album. I think it sounds like a reggae. Take the Gentile babies, put them in a stew. That'd be cool. The cover art looks like a yes album.

Exactly, do me a favor. The protocols of the elders of Zion by Electric Wizard. Yeah, like a prog rock. It's prog rock, dude. They go to the mountaintop and kill all the Muslims. If you have a kite, we'll shoot you with a rocket. I forgot about the kites. I forgot about Israel saying that they were under attack by kites.

They're sending flaming kites. And you know why they chose kites. And from the mountains they send the cars, the flaming cars. And we rollers. They hide the banks of Sunder, controlling everyone. And they think we don't control all the banks because they have names like Bank of America. But you know where the banks are rooted. Where the money ultimately goes.

It goes back to a family name that something burns from 400 years ago. They have a giant vault. They have a Scrooge McDock room. And they get drunk off the gold. And by they, I mean us. Us. We do it. In the context of this beard.

We are the ones who sing the song. The song of the protocols. They came with the flying kites. The elders of Zion. The elders of Zion. The little Israel had no choice but to use missiles on them. Damn. Looks like Israel's got coronavirus pretty bad right now.

Do they? Yeah. For real? You know, I'm not going to say it, but haha. What goes around comes around. Way to fucking create it and send it to China. I'm not. You try to play a little funny classic Jewish joke on the Chinese.

That is so us. That is so us. No, I haven't actually been paying attention to the news because I've been down in Borough Park protesting. We've got, we've got. With the faucets. We've got a plan. It's think about it.

The Chinese, we can almost switch everything over them. They've got small dicks. They're annoying. Or the only thing that's missing is the allergies. They're trying to take over the world. If we could just come up with a way to give them allergies. We'll give them, we got a disease. It's called COVID.

And we're going to send it over there. And then what we're going to do is we're going to put it in bats. Just the fucking juiciest, most delicious bats you've ever seen. We're going to have more. When more naturally, obviously we all turn into bats at midnight. We're going to infect more with it. He's going to fly to China at night. He's going to fuck all their bads.

He's going to fuck all their bats and infect them with it. They're regular bats, not the transforming bats. Transformer Jew bats. Not. Not us. Not us. Not us. Vampire Jews that turn into bats at night.

They're regular, delicious Chinese bats. And then they get it. And then they're going to be sneezing, blowing their nose all over the place. Some people are going to say, what the hell is this? Is that a Jewish guy? And they'll be like, no, it's Chinese. They're like, why don't we just do anti-Semitism today? There's a lot more.

They could probably do 16 holocausts and still have 80 million Chinese left over. It's a much better deal. It's a better deal. You think about it. China is basically to Costco a holocaust. It's a holocaust. You could get for the same price to kill 6 million Jews, you could kill probably 6 billion Chinese.

A billion Chinese. It's a better deal. That's how they're taking over the world. They did the inverse move of the deals. That was the problem with the holocaust. It was too expensive. Those dumb Germans, they didn't know how to pinch pennies. And if only the ironic, because you could have helped them cut cars.

I bet like the end of Schindler's list. We'll see how good you guys are at this. Schindler's best of luck. I'll get on the train now. Schindler's list where it's like, you know, at the end where he's like, this could have been a person. And this could have been a person. This is one of the Jewish guys being like, maybe I could have been two buttons.

Maybe three. It's a good trade. I don't know. If you give me four of those buttons, I'll let you guess, man. You're like, what are you talking about? What the hell are you talking about? You're a Jewish bastard. You're a Jewish piece of shit.

Why did I see you? Black bastard. Black bastard. Black bastard. I just wanted to go kill a black bastard. What the fuck was that? That was awesome. I was nowhere.

I used to be a racist. He's just at home. Yeah, Deirdre. I think they're going to want me to go on the news and talk about Black Lives Matter. I don't think that's right, Liam. I don't think they want you to do that. No, I can feel it. You can see I'm pissing myself again.

That's how I know. That's how I know it's time for me to go on the news. You know, a lot of people in America are protesting and it reminds me of a time my friend was raped by a boo. Ireland TV has gone off the air permanently because of Liam Neeson's recent racist fit. That's not my point. It's about how I'm not racist anymore. I'm not anymore. I'm not anymore.

But I used to be. I used to say the N-word quite a bit. I wanted to kill any black bastard. To play the villain in Batman. I've never played a villain before. The only role I've ever played was Qui-Gon Jinn in Star Wars. A lot of people think I've been in other movies and it's not true. That's fake.

It's a guy that looks like me. There's a different guy. I've only played Qui-Gon Jinn and the guy in Batman. Razzal Ghul sounds kind of like Qui-Gon Jinn. I told my agent when I got involved in this business I only want to play Chinese people or Muslims. He said the best we can do is the bad guy in Batman. I probably would shoot what was supposed to be a Chinese person when they wrote the movie and then the producers got their hands on it and said we're trying to sell tickets to this piece of shit.

Not put on the Olympics. Get a fucking white guy to do it. We're not having one of the main characters go around babbling like it's a fucking laundromat. You can call him Qui-Gon Jinn but by god damn he's gonna be a fucking white guy. That's what they said. That's my best guess. And then the same thing with Batman. They said Razzal Ghul, what about this handsome Afghani actor and I said this isn't a fucking magazine.

We're not doing a print spread. We want people to sit there for two hours. 9-Eleven was 15 minutes ago. We were talking about putting a Muslim in the movie as the friendly bad guy. That's supposed to be, how is the audience not gonna see that coming? That the Muslim is a bad guy. It's fucking 2005. You're tipping your hand.

Yeah, fucking retard. Why not just make him a plane? Why not just name him United Flight 93? How about that? And then see if people don't see it coming. And that's how I got my two roles. And that's so to get it. But anyway, back to block people.

I had to imagine that Batman was the same. Batman television has gone off the air permanently. Every two channels, Ireland TV and Batman television are now gone. And we regret to inform you that we have to bring back 24 hours of Riverdance. That's the only thing. Ireland actually exports and then re-imports all of its television content as shit we sold at the Discovery Channel in the 1990s. Why the fuck was Riverdance so famous?

Because Ireland has zero culture. This shit was so boring. Because Ireland is worthless. Interesting for 45 seconds. That guy, what's the name? Michael Flatley. He caked up on that. Oh, really?

Yeah. Is that why? Because there's a Greek, there's like a British guy, a Greek British guy called Stavros Flatley. Yeah, really? That does, he's just a fat Greek guy that does Riverdance. Maybe it's the same family. He stole the beast.

So I was like, why Flatley? Well, I'll tell you maybe something about that, about Manscaped. Yeah, maybe that guy shapes his cock. You think Stavros Flatley shapes his cock? Yeah, maybe Stavros, what's his face? Maybe that guy. Maybe he goes to a website called Manscaped.com and scapes his manhood.

Oh, yeah. Manscaped is the only way to do trans-surgery at home. That's right. They'll lock whatever you want off and they'll fucking glue whatever else you want. Manscaped is a system of clippers and a bunch of other shit in a little toiletry kit. They got a, what's it called again?

The Lawn Mower 3.0. That's it. What was the ceramic blade? Because these bitches need to know my pubes are like a fucking lawn. Oh, yeah. It's like a whole yard and my penis is like a tiny house.

I got a little ash house. I got a Scott's turf builder down there. You look at my shit and it looks like a giant, it looks like a farm. All pubes and then a silo. Little ash red silo. Little ash high enough, fire hydrant. Filled with grain.

And that's why I use the Manscape system to shave down my pubes. I shaved down my pubes and I fill my foreskin up with oats. Yeah. The Lawn Mower 3.0 is also waterproof and it comes with an LED D light so you can manscape in the shower or in the dark.

Yeah. A lot of people, they go to shave their, their dick in the shower and they get electrocuted. Yeah. A lot. I was, what was that? 4,000 people died of that last week.

Yeah. It's actually, if you're a regular listener to the show, you know that I've been building an electric chair to kill myself. That's right. And one of the most important aspects of the electric chair is you've got to be completely hairless for the electric.

That's so true. For the electrodes to work. And so I've been shaving myself in preparation for killing myself in my homemade electric chair. Right. And you know, I mean, with any project you keep putting it off and putting it off.

And that would become addicted to shaving myself. That's right. And, and... Especially your cock and bolt. Especially my penis and asshole. Right. And I leave, I leave a ring around. Yeah.

I like my dick to look like the dog from Little Art Rascals. Of course. Yes. I think his name is Dickhead. I believe so. Pussyface. Where are the names again?

It was skinny. Foghead. Buckface. Dickhead. Fat boy. Chinese Andy. Yeah. Chinese Andy.

That's right. Jimmy the Kike. He's Italian. I don't believe that. He's Italian. He's Italian. Yeah. Folks, he was Italian.

His name was... He chose... He was the... He chose the name. And he was Italian. We all remember Little Art Rascals. We all remember Little Art Rascals. Oh, man.

Oh, yeah. And all those kids, those were all grown men. Yeah. Who shaved their face, armpits, and penis with the lawnmower. Guys. Yeah, it's the 30s. We're all malnourished 30-year-olds.

Never grew past 4-4-1. Good thing we have the Manscape Clippers to shave our penis and balls so we can go in to Mr. Feldman's candy store and steal all of his candy as revenge for his authoring of the protocols of the Elder's Desire. We know it was him.

Boy, ain't we just a group of stinkers? Ain't we just a group of anti-Semitic stinkers? Anti-Semitic stinkers? Little Rascals was an entertaining show about a group of anti-Semitic children that would go around bullying Jewish business owners, which in a modern context seems kind of absurd and borderline offensive in some regards.

But back then, you have to understand this was before the Holocaust, and a lot of people agreed with those ideas. And seeing children realize this sort of affirmed those values for people. In a way that was more touching and endearing and palatable to American audiences in a way a screaming German could never be.

Never. That's correct. Hitler could never do what Jimmy the... we know who. And boy, did they try. And then we cut to a reel of Hitler being like, I'm just a baby! I'm a cute baby! Look at me! Does this work?

Do you like it if I'm a baby? Mm-hmm. And that didn't sell, anyway. It didn't sell. It didn't sell. And so, ironically, it was actually Jewish producers in Los Angeles that came up with the idea for the anti-Semitic gang.

They said, what if we do a show, we could get people to watch it, and it's about this Holocaust thing they're doing. I think a lot of people would like it, but we're kind of losing sight of what we want here, which is to sell clippers. That was the point. And nail kits. Shears 2.0.

The shears. It's a perfect idea to pluck your eyebrows and trim your nails in style. And the nicest thing about Manscaped is when you're done shaving, you can... Eat your pubes. Well, you can mail your pubes back to the company, and they have a Tooth Fairy promise.

That's so true. Where they'll send you, they weigh your pubes, and it's $20 to the pound. So when you get your Manscaped kit, the return address is right on there. They do not actually do this. No, they do. No, they do.

They just mail your pubes to Manscaped. One in a hundred Manscaped avenues. And then make sure to tag them on Instagram saying, look at what a great job you did. We're doing the Manscaped challenge. Using the Manscaped challenge. Make sure to take a picture. Create a burner account on Instagram.

Shave your dicking balls. Tag Manscaped. Show them what a great job you did. Shaving your dicking balls. But make sure when you do it, you're using the lawnmower 3.0. And make sure you hit them with the promo code. What's that promo code, Adam? The promo code is code here.

It's either come town or come town. Back listeners of the show got 20% off free shipping with the code code here at Manscaped.com. So it's probably come town. It's come town or come town 20. I don't have my phone so I can't check. That's 20% off with free shipping at Manscaped.com and use code XXX.

Yeah. It's time to grab it. We should know this. It's either come town or come town 20. Here's how it works. You put the code in. If they say it doesn't work. I'm almost positive it's come town 20. Yeah, because it's 20% off.

But for some reason that does not work. Try come town. 20 by the horns by shaving the front, that front trunk. That's some copy. Go ahead and then Adam thought and shave your penis and balls and tweet a picture to the president. Donald Trump with hashtag.

Stop him with hashtag. He will not suck my penis. Actually, you're fired. You're fired. Hashtag you're fired. Manscaped.com promo code come town 20. And then a picture of your penis being sent to the president. On Twitter.

There's actually a prize. The person who has the most average, if you can find out the exact average size dick down to, it needs to be nine decimal places. And if you can hit that, you're going to need digital calipers here. So you're going to have to callip your dick.

Is that what it's called? Calip? I need to get my dick calliped. Calipso. Calipso music. I love that. I love the calipso. Why don't you guys say some other things about the thing that I might have forgotten that is important?

I think we got it all. They're quiet, right? Quiet, waterproof. Ceramic or some bullshit. They shave your pussy too. They did a bunch of shit where they did like, I guess they made it so that it can't cut your balls. It does it. That's true.

Ceramic. They can't suck your shit into the blades. I have never nicked my cock with it. I've shaved my cock with it multiple times. It's impossible. So you're going to love it. You're going to love clipping your fucking nails with whatever bullshit they also have.

The sheer is 2.0. And make this whatever the subscription thing is. Do whatever the fuck they want. Just go to the website Manscape.com. Look at all the products. Sign up for whatever the fuck they want you to. Do it and or come town 20. Do it or I'll become pissed off.

I'm going to get pissed sexually. I'm going to become sexually pissed. You don't want that. Nick, you were talking about the electric chair. Have you seen that documentary, Mr. Death? Have you ever seen my penis? No. Actually, yeah. While we were peeing a couple times.

Dr. Death. What did you think about his penis? It's the movie The Thin Blue Line. I thought it was all right. The character's name is not right. No, it's about this guy. So basically, my friend recommended I watch the movie. The Thin Blue Line is a documentary about Adam's penis.

That's not true. He's when he's dressed up as Sonic. Well, it does have veins. The veins are thin. The veins are pink. I've got blue veins. I've got multiple thin blue lines. Your penis actually sucks.

I know. Your dick hasn't been used so much since it started to go blue like a corpse's dick. Your dick is actually... Your entire genitalia area looks like the brain bug from Starship Troopers. And your weird blue dick

extends out of the mouth and stabs. It stabs into... It's pink, but it has stalks. It's blue, and it's got pink veins. It's thin. You go to manscape.com and use promo code COMTOWN20 to get that pink penis sent directly to your door.

We got to make sure we hit all those. Whatever the things are. Yeah, we hit all those. I feel like there's something missing. No, they got the they got the trimming kit. They got the shears. The shears are a good deal.

The shears you get. Stainless steel tools. Tip tweezers, round point. Pluck your eyebrows and trim your nails in style. Mm-hmm. For luxury four-piece nail kit. Nail files. Tempered stainless steel tools.

This is the kind of shit they make watches out of, folks. You'll also find... And on their website, you'll find the crop preserver, an anti-chafing ball deodorant and moisturizer. This will help you tame that summer swamp ass with natural hydrators and antioxidants. Mm-hmm.

You'll also find the crop reviver, a testy toner. That's like having cologne that's designed for your balls. What a really useful ass thing. We won't judge you if you can't. If you're in some stank puss, if you're in some stank puss and then you have a business meeting,

you don't have time to shower. And the secretary's going to smell your nuts and you don't want the Japanese because you've got a big meeting with the Japanese. You don't want them smelling that nasty pussy. We've all been there when you pull your pants down to a woman. It's like, oh my God, what the fuck is that? I'm sorry, I had to put my penis in my ass

because it was on the train and there was woman breastfeeding. And I didn't want to get too hard while looking at her. And that's why you use the crop reviver. You need the crop, you need the dick reviver, the crop reviver, because your penis has been shoved into your asshole. Your own ass and some of the shit has run

from the tip of your penis all the way to your balls. It's inside your penis. So go to Manscaped.com because there's life changing products. Life changing products. My life was changed because I was actually shaving my penis while driving and a school bus pulled up next to me

and said what happens? And then now I'm on the sex offender. You got to knock on all the doors. Which is usually a pretty bad thing, but I don't have any friends. So it actually became a really great way to meet people. Right. Now every week I have to go check in with my probation officer

and I talk to people. He's a friend. I say you're a chomo also. And most of the men are mentally disabled. I'll admit. You would think it would be other kind of slick, but for the most part the entire sex offender registry

is mentally enfeebled. People with no support network that... Mentally are 11 years old. So sexually they are as well. And I tell you what, when you're done shaving your penis and balls, you can go on over to Mack Weldon

down. You got this beautiful shaved penis. You're going to want to put in some absolute luxury underwear. You just get on a bike as well. It just cruise right on over. To Mack Weldon dot com.

I love, I love the new chapter. Yeah. I love this. I, I love it more than you, Adam. Because if you're at home and you figured out what's going on now, wait until we're at 5. An app, pal. Yeah.

Wait until the whole thing looks like a fucking stock car. This should just better be made, right? Yeah, yeah. So I don't know about if you guys know this, but Mac Welton is a freemium men's essential brand. It's that belief is smart designs. High quality fabrics. Do I tell you I've been I've been I've been I've been wearing them recently because I've they sent us another promo deal. That's awesome. When we had the recent batch of these come

through. I love them. I threw out most of my other underwear. That's beautiful. I might go get myself a grip on the whole thing that sucks. And you're in luck because for whatever reason, the last time the non fat sizes were sold out. So if you're a big fat guy, now's the time to go to Mac. Well, hold on. I'm going right now. Excuse me, sir. You you're too fat for this. He's actually not folks. If you're a big fat piece of shit, go to Mac Weldon. Yeah, they have fat sizes. It is

very funny that like because with other stuff, it's like I understand this is like the difference in fabric between like a medium shirt and a three XL, but it pales in comparison to the difference in size of underwear. Yeah, like fucking underwear for fat. That is so much more material. What? What do you think underwear for fat people is more than the ratio? Yeah. And that's why I'm jealous of stuff for being fat because he gets a better deal. He gets a better deal. He gets

more T shirt. He gets a better deal. He gets more underwear. My name's Mikey and I'm on the sex offender. I just thought of people are wondering how I wound up there. Well, I got so excited in the ball pit of McDonald's that I ate all of my clothes. I was eating chicken McNuggets and I thought it was a 20 piece actually was five kind of got carried away and just sucked up all my clothes into my mouth, ate them and then well, there you go. Now I'm new to the ball pit and here come

the cops. Yeah. And one of my friends I met at the parole offices, a waiting room, introduced me to Mack Weldon underwear, which is great for me because it's some of the only underwear that actually fits over my head. That's true. Because I don't know how to put on. I have to go from the top top stated earlier, I have no safety net, no support network, no one to put my underwear on for me. So, I go from my parole offices all the way back to my house where I have to spend

hours putting underwear on from the top and luckily Mack Weldon.com makes that easy for me. A mentally disabled man on the sex offender registry. That's right. Mack Weldon's prime demographic and that what they like is that it's a one stop shop of men's essentials. We're talking socks, shirts, hoodies, underwear, polos, and active shorts. Whatever you need. Whatever the fuck you need. Mack Weldon promises comfortable. You're not just going to look great in

Mack Weldon. Their underwear socks and shirts perform well too. When I went out to find that black bastard, the first thing I did was put on a comfortable pair of premium fabric underwear. That's right. From working out, going out, going to work and it felt so good on my cock. The racism just slipped away. That's right. And then I pissed myself. And then he and then I did one of my classic pissing my pants in public moves. And there's so many pictures of him like

that. I was with his pants just absolutely. He's pissed himself like five times. Yeah. Gerard Depardieu as well. There's a ton. Here's the nice thing. That's why you should be so drunk. You pissed yourself on a plane. That's why you should use Mack Weldon because they offer a wide range of customized fabric. They can keep up with you no matter what your day looks like or how much you piss yourself. I'm so jealous, dude. I wish I was him. Yeah. You're the king of the

world. You've played two of the most memorable characters of all time. Yeah. Quite gosh. Two of the best characters ever. And now you just your jet set pissing yourself, going on TV, blowing it, fucking getting drunk, pissing yourself. Yeah. Doing some movie where they're like, well, the premise is is that there's wolves and they're after you. I'll do it. Fuck it. I don't fucking care. I don't give a shit. Do I get to keep the park? Then I'll do it. I want his it's a Canada goose.

Yeah. Everyone on production. You know, I saw a bunch of Chinese people wearing them and I thought those have got to be cheap and it turns out it's fucking $900. I said, where the hell do these Chinese people get the money for that? That's right. Well, if if you know what else is very cheap and you could save money is the Weldon blue Mac Weldon loyalty Wow. Level one gets you free shipping for life once you reach level two by spending $200. Mac Weldon gives you 20%

off every order for the next year. So level one, the amount of inches Adams penises or level two, the amount of inches Nick's penises blue ribbon penis. That's I won the war award at the agricultural fair for best penis. I actually mine is one inch. Best in show. It's number it's I went on with the best small penis and also best in show. No, no, no. You won best small penis and best in show and best in show. You did not win. And best in show and best my penis. My penis

was not win and best in show and best I will do this all show pal. You did not win my penis when the toy the toy category. No, that's what Nick's penis. No, he had small penis. We're also in the toy. You did not. I won best. I won best in show. It only won little penis and it won best in show. No, well, my one, my one tastiest. I didn't win best in show either. A guy with a bigger dick did the both of us. My penis won the sport. Well, didn't want you to

win the award. I ran up to best in show. No, he did not win best in show. Yeah, because I won best in show. No, Mack Weldon.com for winners. That wouldn't happen if I weren't wearing back well and underwear. It did nothing happen, which I got as an award for winning best in show. You did win best in show at the cock award at the sixteenth annual Geneva cock award in the Alps. We're up here at an elevation of 680,000 feet above sea level where

you're only allowed one thought a minute and you have to sip at the air. Well, folks, listen, now a lot of people don't understand the reason they do it up here is because it is extremely hard to maintain an erect penis or even one that's kind of chubby at this altitude. So it really evens out the playing field because there's a lot of a lot of people that are just what you may be familiar with the term. What was it? Fucking show or show or show or versus

grower. That's it. That's the thing I forgot as an announcer here at the penis. You'll have to forgive me. The altitude is so fucking cold. It's got me fucked up. I'm fucked up and my cock is shrinking by the minute. That's why we have to do the cock awards on top of a mountain. And again, sponsored by Red Bull. We'd like to thank our sponsor Red Bull for putting on this 17th annual cock awards. And now to get the show started, we're gonna

everyone's favorite category, the botch circumcision. Bring them out here. A couple of disgusting examples right up front. And but I do like the way a lot of things people don't consider is the way a leash pairs with the scars. You want something that sort of continues those lines all the way back to the owner's hand. That's right. The owner of the botched penis. Yeah. You have to have you could put a leash on your dick and you walk your dick out

under the just you sashay holding your dick on a leash. Oh yeah. And at the end of your dick fucking on a leash, you're just posing. The cock awards. Beautifully done. What masterful. And what is this ESPN three or like I think so. And at the end of the cock awards and then they're sponsored by Mack Weldon. And Mack Weldon wants your penis back in your Mack Weldon. But once again, the award show this year sponsored by Mack Weldon, Mack Weldon.com premium

design smart fabrics for people with all kinds of dicks. We're going to our next category here. We're going into the heart of darkness is the Africa. Hypo spasitus or whatever that thing is called where your dick hole is on the top of your penis. Oh, is that a real thing? I think so. There's your piss. Interesting is all of these men piss into their own faces. We're going to where we have a synchronized show of the hypospasitus players. They're all piss over there are their

own faces while lasers change their urine streams different colors. They perform Fantasia for us here on top of cock mountain in Geneva. So pissing into each other's mouths. What a beautiful site. What a beautiful site. And if you want to watch that while having your your cock with a regular dick hole in nice ass underwear, go to Mack Weldon.com slash come town 20 and enter promo code come town 20 or something. And that's Mack Weldon.com slash come town 20

promo code come town 20 for 20% off Mack Weldon. Moving on to the Belgian tuck category of these men with their penises tucked into their asses which was originally invented on the French public transit system during World War two when Vichy French soldiers were trying to hide their erections from the German soldiers who would kill them for being gay. But the French soldiers were so aroused by being dominated by the Nazis that they had to figure out a way to hide their

erections. Fuck themselves in the ass. That's where the Belgian talk came from. Which is actually a French thing. Which is it's interesting they changed the name because Jean-Claude Van Damme loved doing it. That it was renamed one man rewrote all of history. It was renamed for him after his appearance in three ninjas strike back. Damn that was a good. Shots out the three ninjas. Which he wasn't he he was in a deleted scene where he

demonstrates the Belgian tuck to the ninjas. To the children. Which was later removed due to Jean-Claude Van Damme's anti-semitic comments that he made during the filming. Which they thought. But to be clear showing child actors his penis and putting it in his own ass. That part was fine. That part was fine. Jim that part was probably the best part of the movie. Which as you recall we premiered here at the cock show. Geneva all the way back in 1987. Third year of the

show. Oh fuck. Mack Walden dot com. Mack Walden dot com. Come down 20. And get all the basics or whatever the fuck you want. Yeah they got long. I'm gonna check out some of those long johns they got this. Bro I'm about to go off. I bought a bunch of nice socks and I'm about to go I'm about to go get the nice underwear dude. Oh yeah I got nice socks on right now but I stole them from my cousin. Nice what kind are

they Mack Walden. Something Nike. Mack Walden's. Those are good socks but not as good as the Mack Walden. No because they are Mack Walden's Adam. They are Mack Walden. Mack Walden and Nike's. And now we move on to the cock and a baby sock category. I'm sorry Adam. Are you tired of the cock show. No I like that. I like this bit. I'm sorry. Are you tired of the cock show. No I'm not. Well what would you like to do instead. Do you have any ideas. Yeah. It's a new

season. Antonio Brown is on the Raiders. Levion Bell is with the Jets and Odell Beckham is in Cleveland. The one thing that hasn't changed. Well you're at the cock show I guess we're cutting the commercial exactly a minute and 35 seconds too early. Okay sorry. I thought it was time. And this is the kind of shit that would get your ass pushed in if you were working in post like if you were a field producer like myself Jeremy. Jeremy fuck well. I've been

raped multiple times. I have sucked so many dicks to get into this position as a guy on the camera. There's the guy finally on camera. As the guy happens. I was the PA getting raped by Bob Costis. Do you know how bad it is to be the PA at the cock show. Oh it's a tough gig. Do you have any idea the kind of fluffing you have to do. Who do you think tucks all those Belgians. The Belgian tucks. I need to come here. Tuck me. Put in. Come. Come. Tuck me. Come. Listen to me

asshole. Come here. Tuck me. Fuck you asshole. Put my cock in my ass. I don't have time for these. Come. Tuck me. Hey listen. You fuck guy. Come here. The music fuck guy. It's tuck time. Hey come. Tuck me. Put me in my ass. Come on. Tuck me. Tuck me in my ass. Tuck my ass. Put my cock in my ass. Tuck my penis. Tuck my penis into my fucking ass. You fucked my ass. And that's all I heard for years. And. Wow. 13. We're live. We're live. And we're getting to nine. Eight.

Eight. Seven. Six. Five. Four. Three. It's a new season. It's a new season. With your host Adam Friedland. Hi. Welcome to gay man news. Where the host is gay. No. The host is gay and he's doing gay guys. He's doing the third Adoree to the show. Okay. Antonio Brown is on the radio because he's gay. No. You can. Yes. You don't have to. Get to the story. The show where the anchor is worse than the announcer guys. Del Beckham is in Cleveland.

The one thing that hasn't changed is where I'm putting my money down on all games. My book. He is the place to bed on football every weekend. You can also bet on the weather. Yeah. That's right. Going now to the weather guy who's a different character. Let's see if he can do it. Just come up with a name and do a character that's a weather guy. Hey y'all. My name is Steven and I'm here with the weather. Just his first name. Yes. Steven Tornado. There you go.

The gay weather man gay is the only weather man gayer than the anchor that started. Hi y'all. We I want to talk to you about say Steven Tornado here. Steven Tornado here and I want to nice and I want to talk to you about my bookie.com which has has better bonuses prop bets than the more profits than any other sports book period. They're hosting the first online handicapping super contest. This just in some breaking news. Something really gay happened. Let's go to a different anchor.

We're going live on scene to. Hey this is Deshaun Simpson. Okay. Let's see if we can get through it without saying the n-word. Let's go to Deshaun. Let's see if Deshaun can do three minutes without saying the n-word that we have to delete. Deshaun Simpson here and I want to let you know to the voice. Don't be a pussy. Don't be a pussy. We all know what you meant by Deshaun Simpson. No you could be some you know like a white guy. At least say y'all.

Hey y'all first place is guaranteed to win at least a hundred thousand dollars and what do they do with your deposit and they double it when they shove it up your ass up to a thousand thousand first deposit bonus. Isn't that right Deshaun? That's right y'all. What's your favorite food Deshaun like a crudity like just very close. You almost said crispy. Your mind was going to blow what you were going to say because you didn't want to say fried chicken but you couldn't stop thinking about it. Everyone likes

chicken and it was sublimated into crispy. It's not just one type of person that likes chicken. Basically would you say that my bookie is always the right play Deshaun? Yeah. Is it always the right play follow up question. What race of women are you most attracted to and how fat are they and what body part needs to be the fattest. Well, well that's a trick question because we're on the gay news right now and I just on Simpson or am a gay man. So I'm attracted to all races of women as just as friends.

My bookie.com is live in game betting on NFL games. They've got the most rewarding player perks in the business and for your fantasy guys out there you can even bet on the over under of how many fantasy points a player will score each game. Thanks Deshaun kick it back to the original anchor. Let's go back to the Adam Friedland in the studio. Hey y'all it's me Adam. It's the real Adam. That's why my bookie is always right. Breaking news the real Adam has returned.

You bet you win they pay and the imposter Adam has returned to UCB for more comedy lessons. My bookie has live in game betting on every NFL game. So use promo code come down to activate the offer. That's promo code C U M T O W N. It's me Adam Friedland. Visit my bookie online today. That's my bookie M Y B O O K I E and don't forget to use the promo code come down. Promo code come down. Bet win get paid. I've been fucked in my ass. This just in the president. We cut right now to the president.

Giving a live speech. Let my fellow Americans the president me has been fucked in his ass. Who did it Mr. President? The Mujahideen. That's a little, that's a little previous. The Mujahideen have fucked in my ass. The Mujahideen. I fellow Americans we will prevail. We have all been fucked in the ass by the Mujahideen. Every American is waking up in a routine fine that they have all been fucked. It's Christmas morning here in

Washington and I've been fucked in my ass by the Mujahideen. If you want to see a president not fucked again in his ass you will send 50 million dollars to bank account one two three four five six seven eight nine ten Pakistan bank by noon or we fuck him again and again and again. We gotta do something. The president's up there right now getting fucked in his ass. Did you want to say something? No. Go ahead try it. Just finish the news.

Just finish the news. You're a professional comedian. Okay. On your own podcast. I mean I thought we finished the read. We did but you were about to say something. It is still going on. The gay news is still going on. You doing jokes in the context of doing the podcast. Okay. You were about to say something. We're supporting you. This is what support looks like. I wasn't going to say. This is as close as it gets to being supported. This just in to the gay news.

LeBron James. What about him? NBA champion LeBron James. Is he gay? He's been fucked in his ass. This. I'm the president. I'm the anchor. My fellow Americans. I'm Barack Obama and I'm gay. I'm 12 former president. My name is president Ryan Schott. I've been fucked in my ass. And I'm Barack Obama and I'm gay. And I've been fucked by the Pooja. Oh yeah brother.

The gay news with Adam Friedler. The gayest anchor of all time. He's fucked. He's sucking and he's getting sucked. This isn't just any room. It's a news room. Does he say that on the show? I think he does. I hope he says that. Come on guys. We're not just in a room here. We're in the newsroom. Guy can we go live here please? Can we go live? Kathy Giffords has just been shot in her pussy.

All right. This isn't this isn't fucking clown room. It's newsroom. What do you think this is? A room full of midgets and donkeys? This isn't a donkey show. All right. It's the newsroom. What do people want when they watch the news? They want to see a donkey have sex with a woman's pussy. Maybe in Mexico. But not in a room I'm thinking of. I'm thinking of the newsroom. I'm thinking of a room filled with the news.

Every kind of news that you could possibly read. Oh fuck. Damn my fucking Fitbit's going off. I gotta get 240 steps. 240 steps. You got 240 to go today? It's like a watch. But it doesn't tell time. It bullies fat people into standing up. Into barely doing the bare but not doing any. So they feel worse and buy even more products. What are you saying Don that we make fat people feel even worse than that? That's exactly what I'm saying. I say we get them fat.

We plump them up. We're putting caramel in the cigarettes. We're putting candy in the cigarettes. A way to get even fatter. We can make them smoke and buy bullshit watches. Shout out to the gay lucky strikes guy trying to suck off cell. Iconic. An iconic gay predator. I've actually never watched more than like six episodes of that show. Really? Yeah. It's a waste of time. You don't like it? I thought it was a waste of time. Ah dude it's pretty good. There's pussy. There's plenty of pussy in it.

Yeah. You see a lot of breasts. It's pretty nice. I don't think you see bare breasts in the show. What the fuck are you talking about? It's on AMC. Wait are you serious? You don't see bare titties. Did I just wreck in my imagination retcon titties into it? Yeah it's not HBO. Fuck yeah there's a lot of clothed fingering that happens. Yeah there's a lot of clothed fingering. What does that feel? Does it feel good? You know what? I don't have a problem with cloth fingering. It feels cool.

How does it feel when I put my fingers just out of your ass? Not very good Mr. Draper. Well Mr. Draper I'd like it if you took your fingers out of my ass. Maybe you should just let me finish my pitch. I have three cock awards. I have 15 awards from the cock show. One best in show every year. I'm the greatest advertiser this company's ever seen. Yeah he probably does have a nice one. The character and the real guy. The real guy got in trouble for having two nights of a one. Yeah not too big. We don't know if it's nice.

Well yeah for me big is not nice. You're absolutely right. Thank you. The smaller the nicer. As the third season the producers came to me and they demanded I do the Belgian talk. And first I was disgusted and then I looked into the history of it. And I got really involved in the cock show. And I've been here every year since competing in the cock through dress pants category. I've yet to win. I've yet to win but it's what we saw. Idris got him.

Idris wins every year. And I told Liam Neeson about it. And we were at a bar and he got so mad that he pissed himself in right now. And he just beat the shit out of the first black guy he saw. The first black bastard. And he was just screaming. This is what you get for having a better cock than my dear friend John. This is what you get. And I said Liam this isn't you. This isn't what you. This is not who you are. You're right. This is this is Raaz Al Ghul. And we just bonded over our ability to act.

And just I respected how much he was into the character. He would commit a violent hate crime to make Batman more real. To help Batman to help to help movie be good. He's helping movie be good by being being serious. Serious and real. Serious actor. Oh fuck man. Fuck mate. Oh fuck mate. Method acting is so fucking funny because you know fucking Sean Penn was going around acting like a retard in the 20s. Oh yeah. You know that's got to be like that's probably a bigger kept secret than

all the fucking the planes and secret islands. Oh yeah. His fucking the footage of him when they said cut. Yeah. How he was behaving in his trailer playing with Legos and shitting himself. The collective sigh of the cast and crew. Yeah. After they held this he said cut. I can't. It's nice. Oh god. I didn't mean it. He's doing it again. Pulling his dick out making people look at it. Yeah. Smiling. It's nice.

Tonight on putting Adam on the spot. Just in Adam's game. Adam is being put on the spot again. Okay. Let's go. This time I'm going to start with a letter and you immediately say what first pops in your mind. Okay. What. And Nick finish it. Say the rest of the word. A list. That's not it. That's not what you were thinking. No. Tonight's episode of trying to get at him to say the end word again. I'm just done at the front of a boarder. He flips his page on a big head.

God damn it. Done. What is this? What are you guys thinking? Yeah. I'm going to keep flipping pages and it's up to you to stop me. Don no. Don where's this going? Don I think we all get the part. You know exactly where it's going. And that's how London fog is going to sell umbrellas. Oh did I have you for a second? Nighttime tea. You trick people into thinking you're going to be racist

and then you don't. That's how you get there. We can't do that. Everybody's doing woke advertising now. Well that's where we go different. All right. I think I already did the bid on the show about Don pitching. He's like it's young men in Ohio. He's running a dodge challenger and he's headed to the franchise. Oh yeah. Yes. That's right. Yeah. That's correct. That is correct. And then Kylie Jenner hands a Pepsi to the cop and the cop pulls out pulls down his pants and you expect to see a penis but

he's had a cut off and turned into a vagina. And then Kylie Jenner gets down on her knees and he she starts sucking off. She says this is this is a real vagina and I'm a lesbian. And then she drinks she washes the taste out of her mouth with a Pepsi. And then there's a guy there who turns into a dragon. He's like this is good and everyone cheers for him and then he turns into a dragon and flies away and guess where he goes. That's right. The moon to drink Pepsi. To drink Pepsi.

It's the most expensive ad in history. I know what's the end he pitches coke or something. Yeah. I'd like to buy the world a coke. But at the end of the one with the Charlottesville thing. No at the end of the show. Madman. Oh that's his final pitch. Oh it's Coca Cola. Interesting. It's weird that it lines up almost perfectly with my idea. It's like they stole it for me even though I've never watched. You're in the future. In the future. Yeah. We've got to go back.

We've got to rape her. Marty. I forgot about that. Marty. I figured out how to take a gay car and use it to rape girls in the past. They don't know what DNA is in the 20s Marty. Well I've no way to track me down. That's why we have to rape our own grandmothers. Even if they do preserve the DNA it won't make any sense. Well I think Shree did it to herself.

I don't really want to do that doc. Marty you got to check this out. I shoved a Rubik's cube up my ass and solved it. Well that is pretty cool doc. That's pretty cool. I gotta say this is one of your science tricks. Don't you fucking love science. I love to fuck a guy's ass. Bill. Bill. Bill. Bill. Bill. Not the gay ass guy. Being gay is a property of matter. I'm gay. Folks listen I would like... What's up kids? Today on Bill and I we're going to talk about mass. Do they actually work?

Nope. There's no reason to wear one. It's a fake virus. A fake disease. It's a fake virus by Israel. Bill. Bill. Bill. Bill. Bill. Bill. They sent it to China to accuse the Chinese of being vampires. Yes Bill is fucking gay. Bill not. Folks listen, I'd love for you to come see me do comedy live in person while that's still going on. I'm inacas Pennsylvania this Friday. Pennsylvania. Is it Pennsylvania? I'm in PC �ها1. Friday

October 16th. Where's that? I don't know exactly where the fucking is, but it's Soul Joel's outdoor comedy club and he's not black apparently I thought soul Joe's gonna be an awesome black guy with the fucking this is just a white man with soul white man was Australian so come out to that October 16th and I'm at good ol McGooby's joke house Halloween weekend the 30th of the 31st so come out to that and you know hopefully we'll get some other dates going if it's if the virus if it's proven that it's fake and we'll keep pumping but for now those are the dates come see me then you little

fucking whores and check out come dot town I have probably a couple new products in the store this week waiting on them to be pre-printed that way when you order them they ship faster because usually the way we do it is I'll just roll something out and then they wait until X amount of orders come in before for printing them and I want to put the kibosh on that so I'm pre-ordering them myself so when you hit the store you order them they should ship right away relatively quickly not sure if it's right away don't really trust it will be right away they will do it right away it's gonna happen immediately just in case

unloaded theoretically yes it's supposed to be right away and the USPS is standing by US penis you suck penis you suck penis folks we'll keep the post office but I'm changing the name that you suck penis and that's what you have to call them up and say I suck penis if you want your mail every day well all right time to hit the button hitting the button goodbye folks