The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. 231 – Vanjagra

Episode Date: October 28, 2020

Gimeet Pusihaha

Check. You gotta wait a second after you hit record, and then you hit play. Nice. You wait until the record turns red, and then you hit play. Welcome to Listen. Listen up with Sergey and Mr. Pusikov. You are listening to the Mediterranean podcast. You are listening to the worst part of the World Podcast. I am going to get me some pussy, man.

This is a podcast produced by the cultures that only had seas. They were not exposed to the beautiful, the life-giving Atlantic. The ocean that created culture. Beautiful, man. It's an inverse component, the Pacific, which creates culture, but it's sort of a mirror image of the Atlantic one. I disagree. What do you mean? I think...

You're wrong. No, I disagree. You're wrong. Welcome to Come Town. Welcome to Come Town. Welcome to Come Town. The show that never ends. This is the show that never ends. Unless we get some absurd amount of money.

Unless... And then I will buy a giant garage and go on this and use it to make a kill-dozer like that guy and then go to war with the state. This is the show that never ends until we have a reasonable amount of money to fund a war against the government. I would love to take up arms against the government with my brethren. What would the first target of your war be? What's the most unjust part of the federal government to you? I don't know. Really, she's not even part of the government, but...

This is our last episode before the election. Really? Yep. Oh, shit. We got the weekend's episode, but we're ready to record it. We already recorded that. This is the last one before the election. Damn.

And Comtown officially endorses Michael Buble. No, everyone voted... For the Nobel Prize in singing. Everyone voted Frank Penis. Yeah. I don't know. There's a couple of things that kind of swung me in the Biden direction recently. Okay, I'm listening.

Let's hear it. One, using Amtrak. Right. Loves Amtrak. Loves Trains. Yep. We should have known. Two, Donald Trump is trying to defund Amtrak.

Uh-oh. Which? Real? Yeah. Fuck that, dude. Biden wants to expand. You know what? You know what I want to do?

Now he's gone too far. Completely defund the post office and replace the post office with Amtrak. Imagine a train bringing mail to everyone's house. Lay down tracks on the sidewalk. Everywhere. Every single street. They're thinking like, what is that dangerous about kids playing out on the street? Fuck them.

Fuck that. Fuck Choo Choo them. We're trying to radically expand. You can take an Amtrak everywhere. You're telling me those kids won't be excited when the mail train comes? Amtrak has its problems, but if anything, it needs even more money. Yes. And what we need to do is any governor or state or local level government that gets

an Amtrak's way, immediately everyone in that executive office is executed. Yep. By train. Yeah. I'm throwing on the tracks like a silent movie. Larry Hogan wants to complain about bag left trains, you know? We're just cutting up the state. We're grabbing by his fat little fucking neck pussy.

We're putting his little watermelon head in the hippo's mouth. That's right. And crushing it. We're going to be like, hey Larry, guess what? You get cancer again. Yeah. Nice try. Good luck going two for two, bitch.

Nice job sounding like a cartoon pig that sells sausages at a gas station. He will name. You know what he did? You know how he's voting for president? He literally, he wrote in Ronald Reagan. What a gay lord. What a fucking loser. I want to have diarrhea in his mouth.

Yeah. I think he wants to run. You're a bitch, Larry. You think he wants to run for president? You think that he, Larry, fat Larry Hogan can be president? No chance. But that's, it's the fatal flaw of not understanding that no, the rest of the country hates Maryland. Right.

They either don't know about Maryland. Not a bit. Not a popular state. You're absolutely correct. Maryland is the worst state. It produces the shittiest people. Yeah. Yeah.

Across the board. I don't know. I know two fine gentlemen from Maryland. Well, that's true. Look, stops from Greece and I'm from the internet. That's true. That is true. I'm an immigrant.

That is true. I'm half from, I, I'm not from Maryland. I am from Greek town. I am neuro atypical. That's right. Yeah. Yeah. That's true.

Cause you go to North Maryland, they're fucking brutal. You like fucking, you know, DC suburbs, DC suburbs, horrible. Yeah. The whole state is different as this sucks. There's a whole state is sure. It's shitty. It sucks dick. One of the worst beaches.

It's fine. Cause it's like what, that's what we have. But objectively it sucks. You have that beach with the horses. The thing is, the thing is, hasn't the island is cool. The state's like, the state's liberal in most part. The middle of it, the middle cut up 95. That's all liberal.

Yeah, Baltimore. Right. But there, there's none of the fun aspects of being a liberal. We're like California where they're like, let's, like all smoke weed and smokes weed. Everyone's chill. It's like, let's be liberal, but then also be uptight fucking assholes. You know, It gets stabbed.

Right. You can get crack. Okay. In most places, But that's not, it's not like, It's not like piece of love crack. You know what I mean? Yeah.

Come on. Share the pipe. How's the crack these days? I haven't. Well, I will say, unfortunately, Greek town, they seem to have to be, to be no pun intended, cracking down. Oh no. And there's, it's, it seems harder to get crack in my neighborhood than it was when

I was a teenager. I was told that the drugs are bad right now because of the COVID they shut down borders or whatever. Get it out of the way. If you want to get crack, you can check it out at come.town. Yup. Yup. I'm now selling crack.

You can also get a stoppy D-shirt. Stoppy D-shirt is where I'm also selling crack. You can also go to patreon.com slash come town. That's right. To buy crack for us. That's true. I'm buying. I'm selling like a CBD style crack.

I'll say this. The amount of messages I get of like people that want to be on the show, but they want to be on the show in the way that people used to be on like Opie and Anthony where it's like, I can come on, dude, you can slip me drugs and staple my balls to like, it's like, I don't want to do, I don't want to hurt you. Dude, you let my retarder brother on, dude, we'll get him horny. Like I'm just dying, like I'm just dying, dude, like conduct medieval torture on somebody. You can come in and put a pyramid into my anus and slowly, slowly spread my anus open

using chains in a chair with a pyramid in the seat. Wow. That would be cool. That would be fucking awesome, bro. That's what the Proud Boys do. You have to name serials, right? You just name serials while they punch you. Yeah, they whack your body with, I think like socks with padlocks in it or something.

What? The Proud Boys do that? What's motherfuckers just want to be in the skull and bones so bad? Sorry, bitch. You'll never be as... You'll never have as much sauce as... Yeah, but I'm... Sorry, you're not...

The guys in the skull and bones aren't even in the skull and bones. No, apparently the skull and bones is pretty good. That's not their name. You don't get to have that name. I'm sorry. It's cool. You're a bunch of fags. Yeah.

But you could be the dead poet society that you are not gonna be the fucking skull and bones. That's such a cool name. It is fucking cool. It's one of the coolest names. Well, what those guys can hope for. Welcome to the Bart Simpson Club of being the guy from the Rage Against the Machine album that set himself on fire.

That's right. That's right. That's my secret society. Bart Simpson Club? Bart Simpson Club of the guy who set himself on fire for Rage Against the Machine. Yes. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Yup. But those were their forces. It's like my dick and fuckpussies. That guy was the real ass dude of the week for sure. Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me. You know what? I like that song because I can relate to that song. Because I said that to my mom.

I wonder if anybody else, when I feel like, I listen to that and I feel like he's speaking directly to me. Directly to me. It's like he took the words out of my mouth, dude. Yup. Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me. I've never, like, heard it expressed. I've never thought that.

So succinctly. And such precise and prosodic thrones. Yeah. You know what, man? You know what? I'm going to go ahead and say it. Yeah. Suck my dick, government!

The government is fucking gay! The bank can suck my motherfucking dick, and the government can just eat my fucking ass. And I will shit into the bank's mouth. Tim, Apple, you can suck my fucking cock. Rage Against the Machine 2. That sounds awesome. I would love that. Get a rap rock group.

We should start a rap rock group. Remember slavery? That was fucked up. But guess what? It's still going on. It's called fucking debit accounts with a fee. Fuck you, bank. Suck my dick.

Yeah, I'm going to say this. I like the audio slave better. Oh, that's pretty brutal, dude. I remember, because I used to love Rage Against the Machine. Yeah, for sure. Rage Against the Machine fan, and then... Chris Cornell's vocals are too fucking slow. When Renegades of Funk came out, it was just an album of covers.

It was like, why did you even release this? It pissed me off. Sorry, man. And then they broke up immediately after. And then audio slave. Yeah. I'll suck on your dick. Kind of an offensive.

Like a thong. It's sort of a slap in the face to Rage Against the Machine. Yeah, that's what the... Yeah, it's like, yeah, we got most of the guys from Rage Against the Machine and Chris Cornell, and we're starting a band called The Music. Boop. And that's mainly why Rage Against the Machine broke up, because we pitched the idea of a side project,

and he was like, he's like, I've spent my entire life trying to free black people through skateboarding. Through having. Through having what? Having threads. Yeah, through, yeah. You have no idea that... I've perfected an idea of black liberation via Skechers commercials.

And you're destroying it by teaming up with Chris Cornell and forming a band called Audio Slave. It is weird, but I will say some bangers on there. Yeah. And I fuck into my ass and mouth. I fuck on your ass like I'm gay, but I'm straight side. Godsmack?

Godsmack is so easy to fuck. I can't remember, I was doing some podcast and they had fucking, that I stand alone song. Like either intro music or something. Lewis was just so getting so into it. I'm like, this is the most Lewis moment. He loves Godsmack. He was like just, ah, stand alone.

That's so funny. Just getting pumped to go to a custody trial. Yeah, I miss Lewis, but it's like, I don't want to do any more podcasting than this show. It's the only context. I've maybe hung out with... The first time I ever met Lewis, we hung out. And then after, since then, it's just been...

We were doing blow in the bathroom at the old stand. That sounds fun. Yeah. Because we weren't even friends. He was like, hey, do you want to do some cocaine? I was like, yeah, sure. We became pals. But yeah, I haven't...

Nobody initiates anything other than Bobby. Bobby the initiator. Bobby the initiator. He certainly is the initiator. So they called him back in Boston. Yeah, they called him the initiator. There's a bunch of guys in the room and nobody wants to say it,

and then Bobby would come in and be like, fellas, let's just suck each other's cocks. Let's just get down to business and suck each other's cocks. We said, well, I wasn't going to say it, but since you brought it up, I mean, it sounds fucking gay, but if you insist... I'll do it.

You know, I'm not trying to... Jason Statham, the initiator. It's a guy who makes everyone have gay sex with him. I kidnap Chinese people. I'm just going to throw it out there. What if we put Chinese people in boxes? I put them in, I got a Chinese guy and I trunk him up BMW,

and I'm taking him to a transporter. That's the part of the movie. I transport things, but then there's a surprise twist. Is that the movie's also about transporters meaning cargo boxes. That's been filled with Chinese people. Oh, by the way, I do karate.

And I do karate in the movie. And I'm gay. And also, I'm fucking gay. Oh, yeah, one more thing. One more thing. One more thing, I get buggered in the ass. It's one of the bad guys. It's a candelabra.

I put all four of the candle holders in my ass. And I take it from a breaker's wrist in my ass. Yeah, hell yeah. There's not enough putting things in your ass if purposes in movies. Who invited this guy to be part of the Fast & Furious? Fast & Furious 7 here, Barack Obama. A lot of people thought it was Dwayne Johnson in the movie,

but I guess that's not coming out today. I thought you were doing Dwayne. I was trying to. Sometimes you end up somewhere else. You can't just be Dwayne Rock Johnson. Sometimes you gotta be Barack Obama. Barack Obama. Let me be clear.

Let me be clear. My dick cannot get hard. It can't get hard. It's very small. Also, I'm the transporter. I'm the transporter. Back at Air Force One, we had a bunch of Chinese people. A bunch of Chinese people.

Turn them into slaves. I don't know what they were doing back there. Okay. What was the premise of the transporter? What were they doing with those Chinese people? I've never seen it. You haven't? No.

He's a driver. He transports things. I thought it was the best of the best. One time he looks in the trunk and it's a Chinese girl. And then she's like, My family have been a kid not the coup. He's like, What do you mean your family?

I didn't think you people had families. I thought you came out of eggs. Like a termite or some kind of ant. I thought you was like bees. They told us in school they explained the birds and the bees. And birds or horse. Bees are Chinese people. At least that was my understanding.

I was too busy doing karate. To fuck you so much studies. What was the birds and the bees? The bees have cocks? It's the conversation about sex. I know, but how the fuck does that even make sense? I think it's just a euphemism. What do you tell a kid?

I've never had that conversation. It's the birds have sex to have kids and bees have sex to have kids. I thought the bees fucked the birds. I'm never going to tell my kid about sex. If they ask, I'll be like, you're never going to get fucking laid. Let me tell you right now, you will never get any pussy. Don't even worry about it.

You just fucking pick up a hobby, get good at posting. You want to come out here in the garage? I'll teach you a martial art I've been kind of working on the last 10, 15 years. That's how I got your mom to leave, is using it on her. Yeah, people said she was too mentally ill to ever leave me well. It's called Diane fuck off. It's a Vietnamese style of kickboxing. Art of dying alone.

Diane fuck off. Diane fuck off. Diane fuck off. Diane no get gone. It's called fuck all the money. Fuck you no pay. Something like that. There's a lot of different variations.

The point is you won't be getting any pussy, so you might as well learn how to do a flying arm bar. How about I just buy you some models? I'll buy you a flashlight and I'll get you porn hub premium. You can really start beating all of them. Yeah, but forget it back. Dad, what's that? You want to spend the entire week at grandpa's house? No?

Okay. See ya. Here's the keys. I'm 13. Homer Simpson Mullen, you get in the car right now. Homer Hunter Biden Simpson Mullen. You listen to me when I am demanding that you do something. Drive to your grandfather's house.

Drive to your grandfather's house and tell him I am drunk. Tell him you asked what sex is and that I am trashed. Yeah. You're probably going to have a really gay sex talk at him. One of the cats in my anus and the silver spoon. A little boy shall just... I'm going to be way too descriptive. Just like my father before me.

You're going to have a daughter and you're going to be like, you should have as much sex as you can. Yes, queen. And then she's going to do it but do it too much. And you'll be like, my dad made me a whore and you're like, I tried to do the opposite. I tried to use reverse psychology on her because if your dad tells you not to fuck then you're going to fuck a bunch of guys. So I'm going to be like, hey, you should be a slut. And she's going to fuck so much she's going to fuck. Of course she's going to get fucked up.

Hey, let the tits, whatever they say, the... Let the good times roll. Let the good times roll. Yeah, if my son asks me about sex I'm just going to put that song on. Just close my eyes and slowly shake my head back and forth. We ask follow-up questions. Let the good times roll. Who sings that?

I don't know. The sucking dicks. I'll be like, look, ask me later, I'm on Academy. That's such a kind of guy. Let the good times roll. Let the good times roll. Let the cars. The cars are yellow or monitors.

Todd Rungren featuring another guy who probably didn't get any pussy from music. The cars, thank you very much. How about that swish? That guy gets pussy. He was an ugly guy with a hot wife. And I actually fucked his wife, which a lot of people don't know. Using Bluetooth. The pill from the future today.

Dippin' dots of dickens. Of getting your dick hard. Dicken rocks. Rock hard cocks. Dippin' dots of rock hard cocks. When I opened Dippin' Dots here in America, I said, if there was only a pill I could take to make my penis hard, I would not have to eat future ice cream.

Well, good news, my friends, because how about this, hump? Oh, my God. And look at your penis now. It's still small, but it is erect. We didn't say we were going to make it bigger. And that's something crucial, guys, because I remember when I first took a couple of Bluetooth, I thought the more I took, the bigger my dick would get.

You know, I made that mistake also. And it turns out, no, your dick will get very hard, but you will also have a bad headache. Well, that's the thing. You've got to take them until you have the headache. That's when you know it works. Because you get the blood in your head, you get the blood in your dick. It's like how they tell you to use the faucet when you're a dishwasher. As everyone who's been on this or listens to the show

has been employed as a dishwasher at one point in their life, probably. Right. It's not currently. They tell you to turn the water hot as you can. And then until you turn it hot on your hand until it burns your hand. Until you see bone. Until it burns your hand, then you back it off a little bit. Right. And Bluetooth works the same way.

You keep popping those pills until your eyes start to, you see, like around the corners, it starts to turn black a little bit. Yes. And you can feel your pulse. You can really are aware of your pulse. You can hear your pulse. And a woman comes over here like, That's who I am. You need a snorkel to eat pussy.

Because your capillaries are so fucking... Yeah. I feel really good. I know my head is red. But just take off my pants and look. Pretty cool, huh? Yeah. Yeah, I know.

I can't move my joints. You're just going to have to ride it. You're just going to have to suck my penis. But look how hard it is. You're just going to have to suck on my penis. Because... That's what Bill Cosby said to me. Bill Cosby, that's right.

I'm... I feel pretty good. And I said, You know what? I took the pill backed off. And I had an extra pill. I gave it to the lady like a gentleman. And now they're saying that's rape.

That's true, folks. Blue Chew has a narcotic effect on women. That's the thing. That's what sets Blue Chew apart. Is that it's the only dick pill that also, if a woman takes it, she goes unconscious and can't... That is not true. Can't remember the last 24 hours.

Blue Chew doesn't want us to say that. But it will make your dick hard. And it's... Listen. Hey, Blue Chew, fuck you. I won't do what you tell me. Blue Chew, fuck you. I won't do what you tell me. Blue Chew, sounds like a fucking bank.

That's right. Sounds like Blue Cross Blue Shield. So true. A bank. A well-known bank. Banks and health care. Same kind of stuff to me. Yeah.

Hey, Frank Adbusters here. Mm-hmm. Have you ever considered that banks are fucking the same thing? Yes. That's sick. Yeah. Join me and Zach DeLaRocca as we... Banksy.

As we free Chinese people from cargo containers. That's right. Put there by Jason Statham. Jason Statham. I'm Jason Statham and welcome to Chinese Aid. It's my three-day music festival to help out. I learned about the Chinese. The Chinese.

When I was doing a transport. And it's sponsored by Blue Chew. And we save it up money to get them regular eyes. We buy glasses. We go buy glasses and Blue Chew for them. That's right, Jason. Liz, let's focus on their cars, not their eyes. Let me ask you this.

If the Chinese take a Blue Chew that they don't green. No. That's rude. According to colour. That's a rude joke. That's not. Jason, Jason. If you eat ketchup, do you turn pink?

Being rude is part of the British style of driving. Do you turn pink? If you eat ketchup? Peach. If you're... That's what I thought. Now show us your penis, Jason. I went bald from eating popsicles.

I went bald from eating Chinese food. I went one time, got General So's chicken. Four years later on the air fell out. Wow. That's fucked up, dude. But... Now all I want is a little bit of revenge. So you're turning their eyes regular?

So I'm recommending... Making their dicks hard? Blue Chew that I've lost. I've lost my thread here, rather. Well... A big one on a swift view. I don't remember. Another...

Which way? Which way? Well, the one thing to remember is if your dick can't get hard because you're too fat or you're secretly gay or you're just not a very... You have low T. I have all three of those problems. Any of those, then good news because we, the three of us, know for a fact it solves those problems.

And also, it's unconfirmed, but I'm just looking at my friend Stavros over here in his full head affair. That it could... Doctors... That's true. I'm not said or denied this, but it does function as a cure to combat male patterns. That is true. I have been doing an unlicensed, unsubstantiated...

Non-scientific... Non-scientific study. And I have been taking blue chews and my hair has grown back. And you can tell I have a beautiful, completely full head of hair. My hair keeps growing from the blue chews. I have to get it cut. You also look like you've gained maybe a hundred pounds. But it's healthy weight.

Yeah. It's healthy weight. Yeah. It's good. It's old man strength. Yeah. It's old man strength. It's bulk.

Yeah. So, the important thing is to go to fuckingbluetube.com. Other than the old man strength is measured in carrying a box of shit up the stairs once a year. Yeah. But you do it with fucking gusto. Yeah. You can do that.

You're holding something up. Yeah. I feel like, no, it's handshakes. Handshakes are big. It's like handshakes in church. Shoulders. Where like an old man just crushes you. Nice thick fucking shoulders and nice fucking thick back.

They still have strong hands. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. But the rest of them is trash. To finger-pop you with. Exactly. But you can still kick them out. Some nice fat fucking workman's hands working their way around and into your ass.

Remember the first time I came to New York that they stand up? There was some old guy in a diner afterwards that had been in like whatever bar I did it open like that. And he's like, hey, come here. He goes, let me tell you something. You get older. Your hands get bigger. Your nose gets bigger.

Your ears get bigger. Your dick gets smaller. Is that true? It's like. Okay. Oh, thanks. That's good, man. Yeah.

Words of wisdom. Is that true? No. That's the old man in a diner and fucking your ears and your nose. I think it was in Park Slope. Wow. That guy lives in Park Slope? I mean, this was already 40 years ago.

This is back when I was a young man. It's been kind of a crunchy hippie place for a while. So what you want to do though, and it's important to say this, is go to bluetooth.com.com.com or something and put in the promo code COMTOWN or COMTOWN20. COMTOWN or COMTOWN20. It could be either one of those promo codes. And you'll get a... We're not sure.

I think COMTOWN... You'll get first order free. Just pay shipping. Play around with the promo codes until you get more. Until you get something free. And then get your roommate to sign up for it. And then get everyone you know to sign up for it. Because you want your cock to be hard.

Keep getting those free pills. If you like sex, you'll love bluetooth.com. The thing is, it's the same active ingredients. We have to point this out because it's not... This isn't some gas station fucking... No. It's not the same... It's not the Chinese goatweed stuff.

Nope. It's real drugs made by English geniuses. That's right. It's made in England. It's made in the same ingredient. It's actually made in the US. Oh, no, that's right. The US, you fucking...

It's one of the jobs that Trump brought back. Yeah, that's right. It's the same shit as Cialis, same thing as Viagra, but the fucking... But without paying those fucking premiums. And you don't have to go to a doctor and say, Doctor, my dick don't long. Yeah, Cialis. I'd like Alice to see my peanuts.

That's so fucking true. Yeah. Viagra. I'd like to Vi my agra. I'd like to ag my Viagra. Yeah, yep. I'd like to hire Viagra beforeritos, Viagina. I'd like to grab her pussy via my picks.

My picks, yup. I'd like to grab her pussy with... When you're a star, you can rape women. She said it's not part of the read. To be clear, it's bluetooth.com does not condone that. That's a quote from the president. from the KK president. Are we supposed to stay silent when he says stuff like that? Or are we supposed to repeat it? I'm just saying. This is a speak-em-up show, right?

Let's speak up. Injustices? What are you doing? I'm on, I'm on a podcast every week saying defund the police. We're using our platform. When, when history looks back, and this is not a narcissistic thought, this is very humble. Right. Very, very, you know. The idea of the history. Ethically, ethically, right, ethically a pure statement to say that I am going to be on the right side of history. Yeah, I think so. You know, people are gonna, they're gonna make a statue of me and all the other fat women. Yeah, historians will say that about you. Yeah, that is true. And I wonder if there's a, there's gotta be a guy named historian. Yep. Latrell historian. Yeah. Do you know there's a guy named historian? Yeah. That restocks a mellow yellow

with gas. Drives a mellow yellow truck. There's probably like a backpack hip hop guy named historian. That's actually my dick's name. No, it's not. My dick is named historian. No, it's not. Your dick's name is Barbara. It's got a woman's name. It's Mr. Big. It's Scrooge McSmall. No, it's not. Take it back. You can say, first of all, that, it's one thing to call it small, but to say Scrooge. Yeah, Scrooge McSmall. You're invoking this. And you have three balls, three tiny balls. That's why you're always like, yeah, I got two big nuts. Oh, no, no, I don't have three little balls. Really, it's three small ones. People say QE Dewey and Louie are really. And they're all the nephews. My balls are two and they're big and bigger than average.

And my dick, though small, is not a Scrooge. In fact, call my dick Generous McSmall. That's a nice compromise we can all agree on, right? Can my dick's name please be Generous McSmall? No, Scrooge McSmall. There's got to be a guy named, there's got to be a guy named historian Generous. Historian Generous is good. That is good. But my dick's name is Generous. He's got a little pencil mustache. Generous Mc, almost average. Shows up at the gym once a week, benches four or five, nine times. Yes, absolutely. Yeah. Then just yells, stay in school and then leaves and then goes back to his job. In work boots, completely clothed. Yeah. I told you, I saw a guy that you like two guys at the gym, but one of them just a wife beater,

dickies and Tim's, and then he brought a boombox and big respect. It's like just recreating jail. He's about to rape the fucking guy that does that the freshens up the towels. Yeah. Do you hold his pocket between sets? No, Adam, I'm not you. Well, you can't just say that when I came up with the burn. You set him up, but he fucking judo flipped you. Damn, you're so good at you. You gotta you left sniper three starring Tom Banger is me. That's right. That's right. I rewatched Top Gun the other night. Nice. Yeah. It's it's it's it's bad, right? Excuse me. Is it good? I haven't seen it in like 20 years. Excuse 20 years you saw when you were 10. Is that my brother? Did you just I'm sorry, 17. Excuse the words. I saw when I was 28 years old. Excuse me. Yeah,

sorry. Adam, someone's trying to get your attention. Did you just what did you say? Mr. De Niro is it? No, it's not even close in the face. He's doing the frown doing audio. He's doing the it's an audio medium. Look at our fucking listeners doing the squid in the frown. It's not yet. That's it. They should do it like this. He's doing something. No, Robert De Niro's a completely different guy. He's not do the guy do it before. I know it was it's similar. No, no, it's just squinting. But I know they can't see the but his mouth is not going as low. It was a different he isn't dropping his John rewatched men of honor also know the the diving movie which everybody mocks Robert De Niro's southern accent and Cape Fear. But his southern

accent and men of honor is so so much better. Damn. Yeah. You think you're as good as me, boy? You will never be as good as me. Wait, he's a they died. Cuba Gooding Jr. is fighting to become the first black dive Navy salvage diver. Yeah. And he's in one of those like 400 pound diving. I saw that movie when I was like fucking 13. I was like this is the best movie. I thought it was good. That's what I thought about boondock Saints. I was like, damn, that's as good as the Godfather. The the 11 I was like, hell yeah, you thought yeah, boondock Saints. I was like Godfather one a boondock Saints will be about the poon gets in it. Yes. Yes. Yes. That's us. We have to get some pussy Eric. Oh, my Lord, my the we need to taste the father of the spirit in

the holy and the holy shit. I fucked my ass. Yeah, I can't wait to get some pussy. We're gonna beat up that fat bitch and fuck her pussy. God, there's another assassin who's the shittiest comedian that Europe has ever produced. That was funny. And he's bought his art that day. He's in a cage. Billy Donnelly. Yeah, Billy Donnelly. Yeah. I remember what's his name. He was huge. He would just do shit like how you believe what will have defose. I saw a woman's funny. Yeah, that was that was most of his stand up. I went into the bathroom and there's a lady and she's peacing out about a pussy. And I said, Beach. What time is it? Is it pussy Beach o'clock? Yeah. No, that's a good bit. That's so much. Europe's best comedian. I love it. It's like I'm

so glad that nobody talks about UK comedy anymore. It's very bad. It was always bad. There were just there's a snobs. Yeah, Americans, you know, there's stand up sucks. We don't have a president. We don't have a queen, but we don't have a president. And last time I checked, yeah, you don't either. Bullshit. You know, like, oh, Bill Hicks found success over there. It's like, yeah, because it's just an American guy being like, we're stupid. Not that Bill Hicks was unfunny. Yeah, but British people just want to feel like they're fucking smart for consuming the shittiest form of entertainment in the entire. Yeah, but their, their shows are good. Their stand up sucks. What shows? What shows? Yeah, any show would be good if

you only did three episodes. Imagine if Seinfeld was 10 episodes. How good it would be. All the Alan Parcher stuff. Brass I peep show peep shows my brass. I there's fucking what five episodes of it peep show is really sure is my favorite sitcom ever. No, no, that's not true. I looked at your computer. No, what? Shut up. Shut up. Your favorite pocket. The guy in puppies. The guys that go to the car. Yeah, it's funny. Adam's favorite shows. Yeah, it's outrageous. 22 minutes of gay porn Thursday. It's funny. It's must see TV. It's on ABC. Joey and Chandler spin off the two guys that have said coming up. They finally fuck. They finally fuck. They finally having sex with each other. It's Joey and Chandler.

I remember when I was a kid. Chandler bent over that fountain. Yes. Central Park. I thought they do it on the lazy boys. So no one told you Joe and Chandler fucking gay. Well, jokes on you, they're not, but now they're being paid to fuck. That's the premise of the show. The whole show is that they're gay. They're trying to get a million dollars and someone told them they'd give a million dollars. It's the movie in decent proposal, but every single episode and they're always getting pleased. But this time it's different. I'm pretty sure this guy's a millionaire. Just every single episode. Joey's like Chandler. I know you're not going to believe me, but I met a guy on the train. Joey, if he says that he wants

to watch us have sex for a million dollars, don't forget that this has happened 700 times. This time it's different. He's going to pay in Bitcoin. And Chandler's like, that is different. Let's do it. Let's fucking do it, Joe. Let's have sex. And then you see Matt LeBlanc's penis. But it's a get this. It's a prosthetic ass. So they tape an ass on top of Chandler's ass. But he can feel the very tip of Joey's cock on his ass. Oh, I thought you meant Joey's ass was a prosthetic, or Joey's dick was an ass. No, Joey's dick is real, his real dick. But Chandler's ass is prosthetic. But if Joey gets really deep, he can kind of, he feels his dick had almost getting into his ass.

So that way you fucking maintain some of the verisimilitude of gay sex. That's true. It's a really interesting kind of thing. I hate when they don't have verisimilitude of gay sex. I need, in my art, there better be verisimilitude of gay sex. Damn, you know what I want is one of those country cookie ice cream sandwiches. Oh, those are good. I went to a, I was in a fancy supermarket trying to, I was, I forgot why, but I was trying to find something. They had fancy ice cream. You didn't forget why you were on a date. Yeah, I was on a date. Oh, I don't even know why I was in that fancy grocery store. You could have just said you were there. I

forgot. Because you added that, what do you mean you do? Forget why you were in the grocery store. I went to buy food. I was fighting food. What the fuck do you mean? I forget why I was in the grocery store. I'd never been in that one. I forgot why I walked there. Because you were on a date. With the guy. You let it slip, dude. You were on a date. Check fucking mate. I didn't let it slip. You let it slip. I didn't say that. You let it slip. You let it slip. You let it slip. You let it slip. Bro, I was here the whole time. You deduce that. You were kind of giving us fucking subconscious clues. You're like, I was in the grocery store. I mean, maybe I wasn't. I don't even remember

my mind. I was never mind. I wasn't there, actually. I changed my mind. The story took place somewhere else. They had an assortment. They had an assortment of different fancy ice cream sandwiches, different ice cream and cookie combinations, and it was it was very incredible. That's awesome. We're not talking about you. We're talking about me wanting an ice cream. I was just saying like, yeah, dude, what the fuck? If we could just for one second, think about who's going to be on the right side of history. Let's let Nick finish and then I'm sorry, dude. It just reminded me now if I may finish that I was I may finish. I would like an ice cream sandwich. Well, we can go to this fancy supermarket.

I'm not finished. Okay. I would like an ice cream sandwich very much. Now I'm finished. I would like to go. Now you can tell a different story about your life and not copy mine. I would. What flavors did they have? Don't ask him about that. Ask me about what I want. I know what you want. You told me, but I could I could specify. Okay. What kind of fucking ice cream? The blue bell, blue bell country cookies. Yeah, blue bell country cookie. That's good, man. That's a good one. A little south of the border. Choco taco action. Now we're talking Adam. What kind of flavors did they have? They had like a like an oatmeal raisin cookie with the like what you start with. No, but that was like one of but it was like

it wasn't the typical. I'm sorry, Nick. I'm sorry. All right. I'm really fucked. He started with oatmeal raisin oatmeal raisin is good as like, you know what? I haven't had a shitty cookie in a while. You say that third or fourth. You say that third or fourth. Yeah. You open up with the fucking good ones. Motherfucker. They had two chocolate cookies with a peanut butter ice cream in the middle. Now we're talking. That's why I wanted to hear about my bookie dot a g. We're back. So if you want to bet on which one of your friends knows what a good fucking flavor of ice cream is, bro, I fuck you go to my bookie dot a g my penis dot penis. You can go to my penis dot penis. My penis stud ass. You can bet on every

game and how and a lot of other stuff. You can suck my and it's a new season. And Tony was actually on the Buccaneers. Now you just got signed. Satchel Page is on the Odell Beckham blew out his fucking CL. Yeah, that's that. Watch it. Why? What? He said the N word did he said the name of the leagues that Satchel Page was on. No, I don't think so. That was the name of it. But what? What? What was the context? You just drop it. He just it was like a weird. That was so good. It really was because it was like it was really it was so fucking in. Can you imagine if that happened at a live show? I would have been able to hear a pin drop. No, no, because I would have been losing my shit. Yeah, it would have been

silent except for me cackling loud. I wouldn't have been able to process what I've never said anything of the sort. Anyway, my bookie dot a G is one of these cool ass websites that ends in dot a G, which is a mark of a cool websites. It's a very above motherfucking above. You got to have to you are. You got to have an offshore company in Switzerland to even have it. It's got an offshore that has an offshore. It's multiple levels. And the good news is they they're basically I don't even know how this websites fucking it's still a float because every time you bet, you're going to win money. Play bet. When you get paid when you sign up, you get a bonus as my listeners know, I would never

recommend the service that hasn't done me right. It hasn't done right. Oh, all of us love this website. We love it. And furthermore have heard really good things about it. I love the layout. The phone. I bet I've bet and I've won over $17,000. I I I've definitely even I wouldn't have the website. I've clicked on it. I've got looked at either on a phone or a laptop. Even when there's a hyperlink in my email, there's one thing that's true. I've definitely at least visited the website once. I think I have not actually visited the website. I've never looked at the website once in my life. Yeah, but it's good. And you can bet on how many fantasy points prop bets. There are prop bets. There's the super

spreaders in gay super spreader events. Game wagering squares and deals. It's time to play the squares. Bruce Valance. What do you got up there? Oh, it's a boy's ass. I'm eating a boy's ass. Bruce Valance seems like he would suck someone's dick. He looks a lot like Michael Moore. He's a warrior. Yeah. Anyway, what the fuck did he do anyways? I don't know. He wrote a jokes for award shows. No, that's his first job. I think that's what he's known for. How the fuck did he get a fame? That's a good point. I think that's what he's known for. He doesn't do stand up. He's known for Hollywood Squares and what do you mean he's known for writing

jokes for award shows? I think that's just a guy in the room and then people are like, it's so funny how stupid you look and out loud and gay you are. But that can't be his only job. People are not going to believe how gay you are. Can you imagine if you would just stop if we'd done all this fucking 15 years ago, 20 years ago, you'd ended up just on Hollywood Squares. That would have been fun. I used to love Hollywood Squares. Did you? I honestly did. I always hated that show because it was on after school. Anyway, go to fuck at my bookie or whatever the fuck. My bookie that AJU's promo could come town or come town 20. I'm pretty sure it's come town though. I think yeah, probably. If you

guys want to look up that copy, we're trying this new thing where we don't look at the copy at all. Yeah. I think we have it memorized. Which seems lazy. But it's not. It keeps us in the moment. It keeps you in the flow. Yeah, when I read the copy. I learned that from Terrence Howard. Yes. Terrence Howard's like, I'll never look at the script. I always think about what if this character had a much bigger dick? And that's why I like acting is because it lets me pretend like somebody that's got a big dick. Yeah, dude. That's why I like acting too. Yeah. That would be cool. Sometimes I just beat off and everything's the same but my dick is one inch bigger. Yeah, I love it when your dick gets bigger when

it gets hard. So specifically ever know my just you know, you said it to me, dude. No, we also learn, you know, like when your dick gets hard anyway, you're anyway, whatever, they have prop bets. They have fucking in game way in game wagering. They have bet on the movie grandma's way. You can bet on how good. My book is the only website where you can bet on the movie grandma's boy. And that's a guarantee. The happy Madison God damn love grandma. I still love it. You know, that's the funniest thing you've ever said. I spoke with this was that on the show. I think you said I don't know. When I smoke this week, it makes me feel like a grandma's boy salute. I don't know why that's the only way I can

picture opportunity. It's him just looking at a joint reflecting thinking about the grandma's boy. I spoke this way. It makes me feel like a grandma's boy. It's a funny movie. Funny, huh? I can't do Pachino at all. Yeah. Anyway, so by bookie dot a G promo code, come down, come down 20. I'm trying to do Cuomo because he's similar. They get what they get to get some you can go to the website. Yes. And put in your information. My don't you get like some kind of you get some money for so you're basically betting for free. If you up to $1,000, they match your deposit. You hear that motherfuckers? That's just the ludicrous. You're gonna say no to the free money. That's fucking ludicrous. No, you're fucking. So yeah, go echo my bookie

dot a G by fucking they match your deposit, get your deposit. You get something really nice. Just the under part of the head of everything up to $2,000. They take shit. You get something just fucking go and check it out. Motherfucker. Another thing to do is go online, find the video of the guy just walking along the rocks in the lighthouse. And he stumbles on to Middle Eastern men sucking each other. Yeah, that is a fucking classic. Yeah, they're just somewhere like there's an ocean. They're on the black sea, I guess, or just some fucking place respect and the guys got the guys getting his dick suck with his hands. Does he have a really small dick or is it I think he's hard or is he not hard? Yeah, that's my I don't remember

anything about his cock. I can't get what I can't get out of my head is the like music playing. You guys saw that video, the Philly guy getting which they should pair they should pair that video with the retarded guy fucking the car retarded guy fucking the car. But have that. Because it's also it's an Arab retarded guy. Yes. Can I can I go there and just be there like fucking Justin Bieber shake? Oh, no, maybe just mumbling. Yeah, right. That's their music sounds. Yeah, sounds good. I'm just gonna start making those YouTube videos for bodega, guys. Yes, just my two hour YouTube series. Oh, yeah, we are. They're always shaking a finger. Yeah, and it's always like an 11 year old at four a.m. Let's just

watch in that. Yeah. Oh, fuck. Damn, bro. We just watched wrong. My old bodega full time in the old neighborhood. It's the only place that sells loose cigarettes and that means the same neighborhood is just the one. Yeah, the old five box away neighborhood. I don't know what happened to those guys but like every single one of them every guy that works there has gained 100 pounds. They're sad. No, they're all like the one there was one guy that was already kind of fat who is now I remember that guy just massive. The guy used to work the grill sometimes. No, he never worked a grill. Maybe he did. I don't know. I just remember the one skinny guy that would work the front. The main guy. Yeah, that guy

I don't I'd never see him anymore. I don't know what happened. He's a nice guy. Brock. Good guy. I like that guy. Yeah. It's the other guy. Yeah, it's all about fat. Yeah. There was the younger one and now he's like probably I don't know 20 or something and then he's been replaced by an even younger one. Nice. Yeah, they don't sell Lucy's right here. They get Lucy's a fucking the one right by me. I don't smoke though. I don't be smoking no Lucy's. Did you see the video of the Philly guy getting fired on the construction site? I did and it was very good and thank you. I didn't see it but it did feel a little staged can someone explain? Yeah, I think it was fake. It's about the daughter who's a whore.

Yeah, that's an old video. I think it was fake or is it real? It's a stripper. It's fake but that's it's a it's fake and B it's old. And it's fake. It's gay and first. We're here with live election coverage, which I would like to say before anyone it's fake. It's gay and we're first and first by the way CNN first and also what we're covering is fake and gay. I love that. The president is just he goes around like everybody's commenting on the media is how you would comment on YouTube. It's fake. It's gay. Also I saw it first. I'm the first person. You bet. Look, I'm who else is still here in 2020. It's true. He's the only president. I'm the only one like this comment if you're the first one if you're

still listening to this, it will be funny to see what the foot he's probably just going to start a little TV channel beyond the air all he's going to win the election and be president for four more years. If he loses, what do you think he does? I don't know. If he loses, he'll have a TV if he loses, I will eat my hat on the show. All right, which hat which is I've always wanted to make. I'm kind of hoping he loses now so that I can be one of the guys that had to eat a hat. But the not the not that that the Irish little music yeah, I will. I know I've said it. It's not. It's my already made the bet. That is my I won't borrowed for four years. I'm gonna eat it. Oh, you don't eat my hat. Well, then

you better vote for the president. You better hope Donald Trump doesn't lose or your hats getting eaten, pal. All right, that's true. You can go ahead and check me. Eat my hat. Oh, fuck, dude. I can't wait to eat that hat. That's not you. I'm glad this is how this is what you call winning in the cash flow business. This is where you set yourself up for success. Oh, yeah. Tell you something folks. You're listening out there. You want to become a winner? Yes, you become a winner. You want to win. You want to win? Or do you want to be a pussy? You want to be gay? You want to be a pussie? You want to be a pussie or a six? You want to get faked? Do you want to get faked in your ass? You want to get

faked in your ass? If you want to get faked in your ass, what you do is you make a bet. It's a simple bet. It's a bet that if the president loses, you have to eat somebody's cock bet. Yes, I don't know. You never say who's no, man. My boogie dot hg. Fuck. This asshole shot out of company. It was better off when you just blurted out. Yeah, I never did. But at least that wouldn't have cost us money. I don't make no bet jizz ass. I know where is where I wouldn't go. I met me and I met now people will forget the name. Genius. My boogie dot hg. You know, when I invented sparkling water in 1987. Is that true? Yes. Wow. I invented it. Me, Michael Douglas, awesome Mike in my ass. I put regular water in my

ass. I sprayed it all over the wall at the Oscars. Yeah. And they were like, what is this? I was like, it's Topo Chico. That's how they make Topo Chico. And that's the story of Topo Chico. Wow. That's why it's important for you to vote. So true. I'm Michael Douglas and I'm begging you to vote for my boyfriend, Michael Bloomberg. He's doing videos now where he's like, you have to vote for Biden. And it's like you were the Bloomberg guy. I thought his dad was the Bloomberg guy. No, it was him. Really? Yeah. Oh, he won an Academy Award. I did for black rain for Wall Street for Wall Street. That's right. And black rain. What's black rain? And for one flew over the coopers? You're reading something. You're reading something.

He wasn't enough. You dumb. You stupid. No, so I was wondering if we could put the baseball game on. Yes, I'm going to put Danny DeFito in my ass. So what do you want to do, chief? You want to put the ball in my ass? Go ahead, do it. You want to make love, chief? Go ahead, drop me down to a bed. Let's make love. Hey, leave him alone, will you? No, so I was thinking maybe me and you could make love. Not now, Murphy. Not now, McMurphy. So he he's in jail for fucking a child in the movie. Yes. And then his the way the way he gets out of it is by pretending he's retarded. When you get that 15 year old beaver up in your face. What a wild ass character. God damn, boy, you're almost as big as I ever saw. What are

you, like a Chinese or something? You some kind of turbo Chinese. I can't hear you. He's in my mouth. I got some you can hear. It's my ass. It's the sound of my ass. You guys remember when Michael sound of my cheeks getting clapped? What's that? Michael Jackson played that big guy in the mental side of the Simpsons. They deleted that episode from Hulu. Why? Because he fucks kids. Yeah, that's fucked up, man. Because Worldkink. But but Matt Groening, I'm sick of a damn PC. Matt Groening is a child. He's a pedophile. He's on the island. Doesn't matter. None of this is about principles or what's right or wrong. Fuck these about keeping your nose clean and inventing queebie instead of coming up with new good TV shows. I'm on

IP quick. Every time I see the amount of money, a couple Billy, I think they lost. It just it just makes me smile. It was in a couple Billy. Yeah, Jeffrey Katzenberg's dumb ass. Yes, you tell him go off. Yes, Jeff. I didn't listen to me when I saw you at the meeting for Jews from one guy with a hysterically Jewish name to another. Adam Friedland says fuck Jeffrey Katzenberg. My last name is one. They want to kiss. Friedland isn't Jewish. No, it's a town in Austria. They want to kiss each other. Come back me up here. That's a Jewish ass. No, it was changed in when we immigrated. Whatever you say, we're land now. I think is our real last name. Whatever you say. Oh, so you're like Michael Corleone.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Psych. But gay. If when they went from Lithuania to Cape Town, I think it became Friedland. But it's land now. Well, they're both Jewish names, man. No, Friedland. There's a there's a rue Friedland in Paris. I don't it's one of Napoleon's great victories. No, it isn't. Yeah, it's a place called Friedland. He lost there. No, he won. Nope. I just checked it. It's actually a Chinese name. It's a gay guy. No, it isn't an effort. He's Bruce Valencius, six time from two. Oh, he was the head writer for the Oscars. Okay, that's what I said. Not, you know, you said he was a writer. Well, I think for a while, I mean, it probably worked his way up. God. Valencius career in the entertainment industry began

with writing features for the Chicago Tribune. I hate Los Angeles. Just imagine that just I mean, because I mean, it sounds like a nice life, but just being some guy that lives in Los Angeles and like, writes for the Oscars, he became friends. Hey guys, he became friends with that middler. And he wrote comedy material for Miller's Broadway show clams on the half shell. That's co wrote divine madness for her. Valencius the co writer for the Donnie and Marie show 1978 negatively received Star Wars. Have you ever seen that? It's very funny in the short lived Brady Bunch variety hour. He went on to write jokes for Lily Tomlin, Billy Crystal, Roseanne Barr, Rosie O'Donnell, Paul Reiser, Elizabeth Taylor, Stephen Tyler,

Harry Smith and Robin Williams. Ooh, I'm fat and I love sucking cock. I'm gay. I'm gay. Great jokes, Bruce. The jokes are killing night after night, Bruce. You've done it again. There's just a little something for me. Yeah. Interesting. I'd like to hear one joke he ever wrote. I'm sure they're good. Is he funny on squares? No. It's just very good. He was not very funny. If I recall correctly, people go crazy for him though in the studio or Gaga, they would go apeshit for him. The way I'm hoping you're going to go Gaga and apeshit for me at McGooby's joke. Yeah, this weekend, Halloween weekend. I'm back there back where it all started eating candy. I was 2011. McGooby's new community. The year

I come back triumphantly nine years later, Stavros is doing a let's see how much candy I can eat on stage challenge. We're going to do that challenge. All the proceeds go to charity. And then I also charities stripper. Classic closer. The one time I worked McGooby's yes. God damn that week sucked. That was hysterical stuff. The audiences were fine. But I mean, good Lord, another version of that I hear a lot is United Negro College Fund and someone will be like, Well, I got if it's a black guy will be like, Well, I got a son, he got to go to college. I've heard that one. All proceeds. That's pretty good. It's better than charity. Yeah. Anyway, I'm also going to go to fucking Mohegan son, November 20th

and 21st. And then I'm also going to go to fucking bananas and Hasbrook Heights. And maybe I think even Atlantic City. So anyway, go to stop.biz AC on a Thursday. We should go we should go with you. Yeah, if any of you should get would like to buy me a big industrial space or garage in Gowanus. I would really appreciate what about red? That's too expensive to don't be greedy. Is it more expensive? More expensive than Gowanus? Slightly. Very slightly closer to the Fonte sandwich. Yeah. Well, that's, that's you're just thinking about you. You want to go to your little, I'm thinking about you're thinking about red hook because you want to go to a place that's an apothecary to buy knitting equipment. That's

true. I want to go to think about Gowanus next to a place that sells rusted bath fixtures. Do you see that business in Gowanus? It's just like underneath the bridge. No. It's like the BQE and there's a lot of shitty. There's a fucking it's well. It's just like a it's like a fenced off area of like just toilets. Yeah. They're just left out the right side and then it's like all these signs that are like monitored by camera. Yeah. Keep your fucking mits off my goddamn toilets. Yeah. I found a Twitter account for Bruce Valange that hasn't been active since 2011 with one of his fucking. He said, when I was 10 years old, I molested my coach. And that was his last week. I mean, he has a couple

of other ones. Bruce Valange is getting drunk remembering being molested. No, he like, yeah, that's the joke. It's also his last week. And then what we're doing is imagining Bruce Valange. Yeah, I know. I know. I get it. I get it. I get it. And we're doing that without the interruption of no, he but he said that. But what he said is you're right. It is with another one, Adam. Wondering how I got overlooked for the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show again. Jesus Christ. Yeah, Bruce. We gave a millionaire doing shit like that. Yeah. Anything goes this afternoon. Wearing all my ancient swag from Reno, Sweden. There's no, he's not really tweeting jokes. Go to come dot town to buy me a garage and go on

this. Yes, go there because that would be that biz. Adam dot little penis dot gay dot A.G. It would truly make me happy. Look, let's be honest. I'm never going to have a family right, you know, but I can at least have a garage. Yes, sir. We have a place we visit you at the garage. Yeah. Yeah. You wouldn't. I mean, I know you wouldn't. I wouldn't expect you to. Of course not. Why not? Because the show's ruined our friendship. No, but if I was in the neighborhood, I'd stop by the garage used to be friends before the show. And then we did this. Well, we're all like, but the tweet says, and then you just have to. Yeah, I know. It's not even about derailing the joke. We had a nice day. Do you really nature,

which is anti-training? I know. The linear, but we're going on a trip next week, probably shut the fuck up. Why? We might go on a trip. No, we're not. We're not going on a trip. Okay. See you. Have a nice walkers. Have a nice life. Let's go. Let's go Biden. Let's go Trump.