The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. 233 – God’s Earth

Episode Date: November 11, 2020

Holy fuckin shit its nice out.

we're playing yeah so so it's like me at like a park bench okay I've got a blindfold on when those little chess clocks and I like I pull my pants down and I tie my balls on top of my dick and then shove my dick in my ass and I hit the chess clock and I go sharp shooter people are like yeah he was in Vietnam yeah it was Vietnam he was the best at putting his balls in and out of his ass yeah that guy's a veteran I thought I thought you meant chest clock like a flavor of flame I just remember that there was a scene in that you put your rifle together right but the yelling sharp shooter is from that that

Hulu miniseries about Lee Oswald oh I never saw that I never watched it it's good it's James Franco it's based on some Stephen King book was that you go back in time yeah Chris Cooper is like a diner owner he's like or as we can stop the Kennedy shooting Chris Cooper the guy that did he's the dad in October sky and in yeah American Beauty yeah the gay neighbor Chris Chris Isaac is who I'm thinking yeah Chris Isaac what a wicked game to play stick your dick in jail in jail actually guess what guess what size exactly got a DUI he wrote that song getting raped over and over with that song in a jail cell in Nashville and

guess what the song did not work yeah my friend Steve Earl told me if you ever want to not get raped in jail just let those pipes fly boy let him know what kind of what kind of magical howl you got in that was some of the worst advice I've ever received in my life I did four years on a third DUI and I probably had sex let's see 365 days times four that's about 1300 I probably had sex with men 16,000 times it was non-stop there was a guy who smuggled in a there was a guy who smuggled in a little little cassette radio plan they had a cassette tape with the Looney Tunes factory and they would they had guys coming and

going from that cell wow what a wicked game to play make me have sex with everyone in the jail this fucking him on that rhythm and then was actually Steve Porcaro that came in to produce on that album and he said what if we went with more of an R&B style production rather than the Looney Tunes factory music and that's what made it a hit because honestly I just I wanted to keep it as the Looney Tunes factory music and and as backing vocals have a porky pig and Elma Fudd you just yes your original view for the song was begging to not be raped yeah it was a parody song it was gonna go on a on a

Hanukkah album a Chris Isaac Hanukkah my phone's dead I don't know what was Chris Isaac sound like someone pull up a Chris Isaac's talking voice yeah I'll look it up see you see the fellas I played gay chicken with they did not respect the rules they were actually gay no matter after you tapped out or what it's like he was gonna keep doing gay shit it's like playing regular chicken with a jihadist well you've been here many many times this is a well-worn path to Australia for you isn't it I love it I love coming Australia it's my favorite place good answer good answer welcome to Australia now we heard you was getting

raped yeah you're in Australia's most popular show people have been raped in the morning it's 8 a.m. good morning Sydney we're talking to Chris Isaacs who was raped in jail over 10 years and times you swallowed heaps come we had you had girl you see to the loony teens theme song well it was a rape I would call it sex there's Australia is one of my favorite places you know it used to be a jail what yeah it was a prison colony originally I gotta get out of here it was just a bunch of blokes raping a bunch of mates and that's where I wrote waltz and Matilda was when I was in

Australia I found out it was a prison I suddenly started having flashbacks to you know Leroy and the guys hold me down playing that loony tunes music just pulling a bed sheet over the bunk and getting that loony tunes music fired up and just just just pumping fire into my soul to this day if I'm watching an episode of loony tunes yeah my asshole will open up the sound of a man eating carrots with his mouth open as I tell you that'll that'll put me right back in the bushes basically I'm in the high jungle there's a smell of napalm all around me and a lot of ways being raped in jail is my Vietnam

that was my generation I hated getting raped and I wish I had just gone to Vietnam oh I had the option to go to Vietnam at least that kind of trauma would have gotten me parking spots they should have that there should be special parking spots for guys that were raped in jail yeah they are vets it's pregnant women get it yeah this should be there should be a way at the DMV you can get I was raped in jail plates so you say just jail rape not regular rape just jail rape uh-huh the aunt the most honorable it's something it's involves the community

it's a type of service right it happened it happened in a government facility yeah I mean you're not a veteran if you get shot that's true you know well then I guess maybe just getting raped in the army it would make sense now those guys don't know okay now they're a disgraced anyone gets raped where we're in the uniform I'll tolerate a lot of what we'll call off color jokes on this show yeah right you gotta draw a line you will not disrespect the army by bringing up those degenerates who got raped to be clear yeah yeah they have their own separate USO show we're Chris Isaac's place

we'll all be over here watching pitbull that's right and then the guys who got punked out they can go see Chris Isaac's in the tent that shaped like a giant bunk bed yeah the whole special 10 everything is a big county jail bunk bed the size of a hanger that they all watch Chris Isaac's and so good to be here in New Zealand you know Australia might not again what a wicked game to play tricking me to not know the difference between Britain and Australia I'm trying to go to New Zealand bro yeah I'm trying to be a get some Kiwi pussy yeah yeah maybe fuck the Prime Minister over there since she

knows how to control coronavirus weird they don't have enough conflict they don't have interpersonal conflicts with that horrible shooting no one's an asshole there you know that's new yeah it sounds like it it's apparently one of the nicest places you wouldn't get it because you like Chinese who are all assholes you like a society that is well there should be a little bit of like you should have the option to not talk to homeless people if you don't have the time you know I mean I feel like New Zealand is not one of those places yeah it's like you have to talk like take them to the library there's only one guy

though everyone gets their week with the one home you got to let him come into your house and take a shower right yeah they're their their relationship with native culture is so funny because they're trying so proud of it it's so hard not to be doing the way we did it where they're like let's fucking name a Pontiac after them or the way that Australian Americans are like oh you we don't want to be named the Pontiac I'm like all right well then fucking enjoy your like fake town in the woods we'll just forget the shittiest the town on the shittiest land we could find either we turn you into a cartoon character or

nothing there's alcoholism and diabetes or nothing yep and casino cuz see they do get casinos they get sick as I love that they just changed the name of the Washington football team thinking that in like such a spiteful move being like okay we'll just pick the worst name that and then people are like okay fine I think it's a cool name yeah nobody is kind of cool it's like a soccer team being named after the place and that's it which is most soccer teams right most soccer teams are just like fucking you know Washington football club yeah FC yeah Porto is you know man I guess man United versus you know whatever but yeah

that's everything it's kind of cool what should the name be Nick what do you think since you said you love the football team so much the Washington Chris Isaac and it's just a cartoon of Chris Isaac bent over holding on to bars in a jail cell and then just like a very racist caricature of a black man but it's not holding onto his shoulders so it's like angry like yeah but they had the face of Popeyes enemy but he's got exaggerated his name is he's Bruto but his he's deaf or something his name is Bruto yeah yeah yeah I a Popeye I can't deal with Popeye I want some pussy from your skinny girlfriend I don't need this guy Popeye I just want

his blue don't want to fuck Popeye sir yeah she got no tits and no ass he's a big guy you'd think he'd want to thick them dude if I was dating I'll break her I would domestic violence I'll just get those vibes from her yeah she'll always come back I don't even want to yes you know she's she's from the 10s 1910s right is that when Popeye takes place I don't know if I said this before but I feel like all this stuff going on is way to distract us from the fact that it's the 20s we've briefly mentioned yeah the roaring to how we should be getting flapper pushing we should we could we should be able to be doing cons we

should be doing cons we should be at gunning rackets we should be a what on different than hosting a racist podcast and getting this is a pretty good con yeah you put the big bill on the outside and on the inside is you pretending to say the n-word for five years yeah you see it's a bina you wrap it around we all buy big floppy hats you me and Jake everything's everything's greasy who do you guys ever see the Robert Williams Popeye what the Robert Williams Popeye you're Robert Altman no Robert the one with the one with the Roger Robin Williams Roger it's made it's made by Robert Altman yeah so you're

kind of close yeah what I say Roger oh it's spinach and then my arms get big but what if it was my dick what if any just picking up a traffic cone what if my dick looked like this oh but what if the what if the large and was the end of my penis what if it was the tiny what if it was the tiny little hand who is the lady that played Olive in that the Shelley Duvall yes she was born to play on she's a very sad story her life oh shelly she's got mental illness and we're gonna make it worse mentally oh we're gonna oh she's gonna go crazy we're gonna make her go crazy put on the shining it's gonna go crazy oh we're

gonna physically abuse her on the set we're gonna turn her out Chris Isaac style we're playing a wicked game here with Shelley Duvall good morning Vietnam good morning Shelley Duvall good morning Popeye you just keep saying that the whole movie good morning Popeye so she was kind of cute as olive well though I won't front she was cute back in the day she was cute I've seen some hot some cute pics of her yeah with her big-ass teeth I kind of like a big one to jump on my fucking prick Adele with those what do you think of that Shelley so what happened to her Adam so that was

bad I don't know she just lives in the middle no she's still around she yeah she's just crazy now apparently interesting what was her last movie oh spinach but whatever it was a kind of shit whatever it's gonna calm whatever it was a kind of shit and I was eating shit and I'm gay and it makes my asshole bigger so fucking true so fucking she was in a movie called hey it's me your asshole she's in a movie called I'm the real boss baby now it's me big asshole and my asshole is big from eating shit from eating a big old can of shit apparently

Shelley DeWall was in a movie called the manna from heaven that was Jerry Orbach's final film before he died of prostate cancer from law and order that's right oh well yeah and one more thing can I see your cock Colombo one last thing one other thing the final clue I wanted to know if I could see your cock for a second gay Colombo return Colombo SVU if I take a quick Polaroid of your cock was this it was this a cock you were forced to suck yes well I don't know but um-uh-oh but uh-uh-oh Colombo Peter Fox shots at the him was that Colombo yeah he was yeah he's a cool legend guy mm what other

shit was he in there was not Colombo he was in that movie husbands are your favorite movie yeah well I always kind of Imagine the three of us would remake that movie. He's in a little bunch. I've never heard of that. There's a bunch You watch about fellas. He shows up at was it Mikey and Nikki. I think the top. Yeah, that's probably Another starring role for him. He's great. I Fuck with I used to watch Colombo my grandma used to watch that shit. Mm-hmm That grandma used to watch Matt lock. Yeah, that was the go-to joke for what old people watch. I think Matt lock. Yeah Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Maybe it wasn't even the good man. I was just stealing that from the Simpsons as a child

Which is a lot more problem. Yeah, old people watch a lot of murder. She wrote and And we'll fortune jeopardy. I used to go over my grandma's house and watch over there Yeah, me too. It would be funny is an episode of murder She didn't watch where she just gets the shit beaten out of her by a criminal and you want to know how I put it together No, bitch She shoots her kneecaps out. Yeah. Well, not even just kicks her legs out from under What was that show about she's an author? Yeah, she's an author and she solves and she's nosy You know the best the best of all of the shows

I'm sure I've said it on the show before but diagnosis murderers. You have definitely talked about that diagnosis murder is the best show of all time Diagnosed they actually have a spinoff called diagnosis homo about you Oh By the way, you're gay What in the hell happened You see when you went out to your car you slipped on a banana peel and a cock went up your ass It's brought to you by being raped

Being raped try it today The gay team might be one of the funniest things Oh, it's an all-time and it was it was just in the hotel room in Cleveland, right? I think and then we tried to repeat it on The show but it that was definitely just it wasn't as good But it was it wasn't as good as that but the magic was so good that it translated somewhat. Yeah Dude, that was a great. That was a great riff. I was a great night a great night of riffing When we go up to when we go up to the cabin we sleep in one big bed together. Yeah, yeah, just do drugs for the Fair here's the plan everybody. We're we're getting a little Airbnb and we're just gonna game record through the holidays

Yep, yep, so if you're wondering why we're doing post-election shit, and we don't know who the president is nor care It's because we know I pretty sure it's Joe Biden at this point. Yeah. Yeah, it's because I need we need to Collectively it's been four years think about nothing but fucking pecan pie. Yeah, dude for like a month and a half Mm-hmm. Yep. I'm gonna go to Baltimore. I'm gonna work on my house. Mm-hmm. I finished the basement, dude Yeah, do a little demo demo right now. That'd be fun. I'm gonna go to Jamaica Meet a Tay Diggs type character. Just get your cheeks blown out. Try to get my groove back It won't work come back with a With a so yeah, anyway, we're gonna one braid with beads in it

I'm gonna get cornrows on the back of my hair one day. I'm gonna get cornrows I have a little look great. Have a little pink purple beads like little girls have play white Iverson before you walk So yeah, I can't wait to recreate Cleveland while we're fucking that's the hardest I've ever laughed What when stave and I ate those edibles and you're reading us that news article. All right It is the hardest I've ever Yeah Yeah, and you guys will never know Yeah, I'm gonna fucking smoke a pork shoulder that might have been the happiest I've been the last five years

Yeah, sometimes something gets you just so goddamn just hit you right there. That's where we're all chasing Yeah, that's where all these riffs are really chasing. I mean it had a couple weeks ago that night getting your dick suck before Christmas Definitely. Yeah, definitely. Absolutely good Pretty good before that a couple nice ones. We had a good one in the car the other day I don't remember what it was. I had one like six months ago laughing about a guy that has like a two-dimensional dick Just be like, oh, yeah, yeah, my dick's a piece of paper. I'm sorry about that Yeah, my dick, it's not I can't really go in your pussy. No, I don't exist. I mean it can cut you up But it's yeah, it's a piece of paper. I

Don't know even now that can't I can't get into whatever the space I was in yeah Made that one do it for me. It's about this a very similar about the moment very similar to the wheelchair thing Yeah, yeah, sure, which you guys may have remembered from last regular class one week ago. They're so jumbled. Oh, they remember Fuck dude, we didn't have lunch between this time Yeah, I know I ate a bunch of trail mix I had a little bit of a little bit of Adams leftover fried rice. That's pretty good. No, it's pretty good I'm regretting not having all of it. They put goji berries in it. You can eat all you can go eat all No, don't finish. I want to eat it up. You can have me except I could not just not his but he said I could I do believe

I'm supposed to eat one of your hats For what is there a Biden one because Biden won so I gotta find that had me I'll give you a hat to eat. No, I'm gonna eat the one he stole from you. You actually like I'm eating the one That you I miss that hat so much such a good hat. Yeah, and it's about to be lunch Come on man. The hat eater. That's you the mad hatter. I remember one time when I was a kid me and my cousin ate All of my other cousins makeup. No, it's like that was one of the best moves we ever did Yeah, I was like, let's eat all our makeup that way she can't tell Like it's what you're gonna say. They ate all my makeup. They won't know how to punish us

Yeah, she did they she could say that and she did and they didn't know what to do That is weird, I'll give you that That is awesome. It's what the Joker would do. That's true. Actually, you know what that was that was Nick admitting He's trans he wanted to send the girl inside of him some makeup By eating it. Wow, that's that's deep a psycho. I say I will shrink you really That's maybe what a first-order brain wouldn't come up with one dimension thinking number one bitch First order, what are you third? How comes razor dude? I'm number one bitch I got the number one time in dangerous territory here. I got to pull up the calendar and see the reeds for next week

Blue Tune Ridge wallet. Okay. Good My phone's at 1% okay, okay, so you've noticed that you the same percentage This is how big your dick is. Yeah, one the one about first percent of not present. I'll yes percent No, I didn't add him don't back him up when he's it when we got him we're right when we want him Look, I know we percent versus I'm rooting for you I'm rooting for you. I'm not rooting for Nick as soon as we got it. I gotta be honest order business I said to myself go ahead. Let him it's math. He'll do himself I know you know what you know what math. I'm always the silent killer when it comes to math out of the three of us

The three of us silent killer is hypertension. Mm-hmm That's fine Fine, that's I'm a silent killer in the same way that hypertension does a lot of Americans in I do you idiots in by actually knowing more math and percentile is Different than percent and one percent of a dick, which is what Nick has is not the same as the top one percentile Of having it could be the same which is what I have. No, it could be no Nick has one percent of a penis I have the number one percent say actually. I'm sorry of a penis. I'm sorry. I take that back

I have the ninety ninth percentile penis. That's the best I just realized and one percentile you can have that Nick and then we'll let the people decide well As I am the silent killer. I can't wait to hear wrong about how percent The one percent like the one percent. No, it's not we are the one percent I take back what I said He has one percent of a penis and he is in the nine in the one percentile of penises I'm in the ninety nine percentile penis out of all the and you understand how come how fucking can Committed I convinced that I am that I'm correct that I I could just say Nick has that and if I'm wrong

I'm wrong, but I'm betting that my penis is the opposite of whatever. I think his is you can bet at Ridge wallet.com Tell us a little bit about this product Nick. You use it. I do use it Bridge wallet is a male solution for men. Hmm. It's a male money solution Mm-hmm. It's a wallet that is truly proven to prevent women from getting their Mm-hmm mitts on your cash. So true. I hate when horse get a hold of my coin I hate it when the broads are always trying to hit me up for cash fucking Sluts, and they the only one one thing women This Nick is holding his hands and making the he's doing the money rubbing in a rare

Display he's being sexist with that Yeah, and not almost always. Yeah, that thing is anti I love in the service of anti-semitism You know what? I just love seeing you mix it up. It's nice to see you mix it up All right, and so they created a wallet for guys. Yes, and also Straight guys lesbians and lesbians and guy and they themselves feeling mask that particular. Yeah, actually It's not for lesbians. There's no way to attach a wallet chain to it So it's true. It's lesbian and Hispanic proof. Yeah

Lesbian and rap rock proof. Wow. That's big. Yeah Sorry, sorry, you can't wear it, but the ridge wall. It's great It's two little pieces of metal or carbon fiber or whatever And they're held together with these elastic bands And it's the exact profile of a credit card. So look at that stuff. I love that all my cards lined up perfectly very beautiful Yeah, you could orderly. You could bounce beast pussy off Or if you go ahead you can go ahead and slide that right down a couple pussy cheeks Easy money and leave or is a big bulky at wallet like what Adam has. Yeah, you could get no pussy

Good luck They're gonna tell you to leave the strip club because you're embarrassing yourself with your stupid fucking grandpa wall No, they want your money. No, they'll take your money. Then they'll fucking kick you out Whereas with the ridge wallet, they say, wow, this is awesome. Thank you for the money. Can you suck your cock nice wallet? Look at this captain of industry This indent on the bottom you push the cards up from the bottom. That's easy access Easy access. You just uh slides right out slides the card right out there. You know, I use the tap So I do that. Oh, look at you

And then I put it away put it right back in that's how that's how quick and they have a bunch of other shit too I think right? Yeah, they got phone cases. They got a backpack. They got a helmet for disabled kids The ridge retard line the ridge The Honda retard the toughest truck The Honda monoloid A truck as powerful as a retard A Available at ridge wallet dot com

Respect So go to their fucking website ridge put ridge dot pussy dot com The ridge dot com promo code hometown to get 10 off the ridge wallet. Wow Steel that's a great deal. Fucking steel. I think Yeah, they might have like free shipping or something but I I mean I can't I can't recommend this thing The man loves his ridge wallet every I truly I know you do this in the underwear. Definitely, uh, which Not not this week not not sorry. No free. Yeah, nothing for free mother. I like the underwear But guess who's not gonna you're not gonna hear the fucking name

You're not gonna hear unless we get fucking paid unless I get sexed in you made yourself cough with your heart You're gonna get sick from that one as long as I as long as I like to get sexed into my clothes This is what is really sticking around the microphone Stop's got self-covid You're putting can you get covered from your own ass? No chance Stop's how it started. Stop's doing the it's the opening scene from midsummer and he's got a hose in his ass You haven't seen midsummer. It sucks. It's well the first The opening sequence is great where the girl kills herself. What?

Spoiler The first two minutes of the movie. Spoiler. Thank you very much. Spoiler train What the fuck I I should I should only look at Greg proofs his twitter feed. Yeah, he's throughout the election He's probably so stoked off by Kamala's going to the top And I'm Kamala, right? Yeah, Kamala, which one Carmella Carmella. It's Carmella Carmella. Oh, that's great. Tony. You think I'm black Nobody thinks you're fucking black You're saying all this shit about Tupac embarrassing us

Go get some fuckers. I can be the Lou I come home. I want lamb rogan josh You're coming over here with all this fucking black shit fucking shit making me watermelon and fried chicken Make me a fucking samosa. I don't want any fried okra and kama greens Indian Tony's friend Who's married the kama Carmella Harris and he's mad. She's black instead of indian Christavara Christavara

I I don't mean to do it in 30 minutes. I what is the fight? What is the matter with you? Tony soprano Very good very very nice stuff. So it's promo code wake up in the morning Have a gun. Have a gun to yourself. Can't wait to drive on the girl bus bridge Take the link on tunnel smoke a cigar Balanen dandering dango dand

Damn mama always said you'd be Married to somebody that's 12. You're going to be married. This is partners I would love to I was going to picking up the money. Yeah the promo code. I don't do you say the come town Ridge wallet dot com ridge wallet dot com slash come town. Yeah, they get 10% off It's a great deal. It really is I would get the carbon fiber one if you want to be like me That's the one I have. Uh-oh you hear that folks if you want to be like me You get this you get this carbon fiber one in two weeks. I guarantee you're gonna have number one podcast. Yeah

That's right. You don't become the Michael Jordan of podcasting by doing anything You just gotta have the just like Jordan if you ever watched the last dance. He kind of sort of fell into it Yeah at the right place right time. You gotta address for the job. How about the Michael Jordan? Yes, that'd be good. He's like I don't take pictures with black people I think for everyone Nick is referring to the chameleon air uh, anecdote where Michael Jordan refused apparently refused to take pictures with chameleon air and says he does not take pictures With the most I believe relatable Michael Jordan

Has a familiar story about how how human Michael Jordan is how he's just like everyone else He's just like everyone else. He's just a normal guy normal guy who refused to be seen in pictures with black people Bobby Kelly has a story where LeBron Uh Refused to take a picture with him at a boxing match Really? That's funny. He's such a nice guy too. I think LeBron was getting pussy or something right at the moment He was taking pictures of a bunch of girls in the audience. Yeah

Yeah, he was getting pictures with a bunch of girls and then bobby Asked for one. He was like no you fucking I don't think he said all that but he just told him to fuck off What if he also was like I don't take pictures with With uh, you know, but what Michael Michael Jordan the story said the n-word Yeah, which in my the way I read that is I think he meant it is to say I don't take pictures with dudes It would be funny. Yeah, of course. That's what you mean. It's like, uh, if Chameleon air said that that story happened when he was 10

And he said he was just an 11 year old boy. That would be awesome He's like the year space champ came out I do like Michael Jordan's at Disney World Promoting space or at Six Flags or whatever the fuck. It's funny that Six Flags is like, oh, it's water brothers It's like is it is it? I thought it was Six Flags Yeah, they got like a loony to them. They got the Tasmanian devil there and shit and bugs. Yeah Yeah, I think I got a bunch of water brother shit. Oh, wow, but I guess Six Flags was its own brand before Six Flags over Texas adventure. Oh, really? Yep. Is that how it started? No way. Yeah, it's a Texas heritage

What is Six Flags of Texas? Texas had six flags The flag of the republic of texas the mexican flag the flag of the united states the flag of the united states and then the Dolly Parton fan club Yeah, then the big ass tits. I'm trying to remember what the Six Flags. Who cares fuck texas I don't know. Texas is cool. Yeah, I like texas if you dig a small Texas almost went to biden Nice man, you got me there. Yeah, no, it didn't yeah, it did it was closer than It's truly wild. We're out here now and texas is a battleground state which no one thought that this would be

Hey, fuck you faggot news man And it's how far texas has come suck my dick you fucking gay news faggot Go back to jew york city And texas has been brought into the 21st century. They've been brought into the fold the austinization of the state Hey, you look like chris Isaac Oh, we got ourselves a little chris Isaac here boys Oh, where's my truck ready to sing for us chris Isaac? We're gonna chain this guy to the back of my tesla Well, yeah, I'm hoping for biden

Carmella Why do you only make you have to make the The divin dalu In such a particular way It has to may be made exactly the way I like it particularly I am I am gone and what the fuck I am gone and they have to They have to bring over she brings over the indian version of a priest

Which I guess is an elephant dal sim dal she has she watches a movie with dal sim She watches movie with Dal sim from street fighter our priest And he's a funuk He's yeah, it still says funuk. He's I'm lucky. He's a funuk Uh, dude, my favorite part of surprise the best joke is when tone maybe uh Maybe tone down the indians stop being so indian sal. I do not have time for that. I do not have it

I don't I was wondering. I love it tea. I just had some to both of tea. I was thinking maybe you could get a bunch of indian guys To hang out with instead of italians That maybe would make more sense Yeah, tone I was wondering how I'm like your nephew Uh, or I'm I'm called Carmola Harris's nephew or something. I'm Kamala, but she's indian too But she's either black or indian. I'm Italian. Everyone else is itralian. Yeah Well, um Fuck I was gonna say something but I forgot. Mm-hmm

What the fuck was it about Ralph Cifaretta? No, I wish it was though. Oh, no my favorite joke was on the sopranos was when uh, Tony Blondetto gets he starts the massage therapy thing and it's uh, it's owned by koreans Obviously and it's next door to a pet store and then Tony comes in. He's like, oh, this will be good if anybody, you know He's hungry and then the daughter of the koreans there and then Chris like a whole other thing happens five minutes later. Christopher comes in. He's like, oh I they got a fucking pet store next door in case anybody needs a snack. It's like they just back to back both guys Are gonna make that fucking joke. Yeah

So beautiful. They both can't help themselves. I don't watch that scene. You're gonna love it folks Work up this morning Have a gun Take a drive in your car or smoke a cigarette and drive the gobbles bridge Go to start an island. Look, there is new york city Oh, now you have to stop and pay the toll And now we are in new work

Here is a pork store And pizza land Thank you wicked game to play Do they eat pork? No, they don't eat beef. I don't think they don't eat cows. They don't eat cows Yeah, I don't think they eat pork. They gather a lot of them are vegetarian, but I guess I've never seen pork on an indian menu. No Interesting and I guess they eat lamb because they can't eat beef. That's right Hmm interesting not a bad trade-off

Yeah, but beef it's a better day-to-day situation. It's a bigger animal too. Yeah, that's true. You won't bank for your buck that way I'm thinking about going vegan again. You were never vegan. No, but I was thinking about it before Oh, you're thinking about it again. I'm thinking about it again. I'm thinking about rewatching, uh, Wallace and Gromit Really? Yeah, but how do you like that? Bitch. It's a fucking pussy. It's a fun thing to talk about Come on, man. Fuck, he got your ass out of him. I'm thinking about rewatching. I'm thinking about going over and rewatching Wallace and Gromit You fucking pussy. I'm gonna watch fucking British baby movies Now are those, is that a show where they have movies only? It's a claymation movie. I know what it is, but do they have shows? They're short movies. They're short stories in movies. How short are the movies? Like 30 minutes

That's not a movie, bro That's a fucking show Um, er, yeah, you slap like three of those together. That's a movie though Bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum Bum bum bum bum bum bum I bum bum bum suck on my dick and my penis Look Gromit, it's pants that suck your dick while you wear them Fuck yeah, dude. The pants that suck your dick

Starring Wallace and Gromit That shit looks so annoying to do claymation. Yeah, apparently it takes forever. He would do it with his ass, too Yeah, that takes even longer. He would put all the clay in his ass. It was all poo He would shit it out in the perfect exact way. Yeah, Robin Williams did all that He would color all the poo. Oh, what if I played with my own shit? Oh, what if I made little tiny gas with all of my shit? And then I took pictures and then stopped and moved them And now they become a different shape and how it's it's animated and it's different and it's fun

And and and maybe I'm Robin Williams and you could do something a little more sexual Okay, shove the shit up your hand or old friend And once the shit is in there, you can get your friend Robin to come by and then I can fuck you in the ass That's right And it's called Popeye too wicked game Wicked game, huh? Yeah Popeye too wicked game Popeye eats the wrong spinach

And it's actually child pornography and he goes to jail And guess what happens in there? He gets mumbled like Chris Isaac Wouldn't Popeye rape back though or stop and then he rapes he drinks the coming to make some strong Oh, very good. Very good. Very good. I like the way this is going Just riff out this movie or call it big chill three No, no, it's the sequel to big chill two wicked drift Oh, I just think it didn't Tokyo. I love that big chill to Tokyo drift It's a bunch of Japanese boomers that get together and remember the bombing of Nagasaki

That would be fucked up stoically. Remember where they're all dying of cancer And they're 40s, but from the fall out, but but but the radiation has made their cocks very big And That's an interesting philosophical question and they can't stop fucking What about their pussies and it's big chill three Tokyo Dr Now does the make it does the radiation make their pussies different size the women are all Korean sex slaves I see from the

period in which Right the Japanese we're doing we're doing that's a story. We're getting accurate Yeah, we're getting doing their own little Getting a little Nagasaki Yeah Okay, that's a great idea. I like this good movie And what if that was a movie? Oh, can I be in it? I'll take my eyes back I've got my own tape

I'm already doing it. I've already brought my own tape put the tape my eyes back We can say think about how much we can save on makeup. I got all this stuff and the mrs. Doubtfire Said we were gonna do mrs. Doubtfire too Hong Kong Sally Oh come to me all made Robin, I know that's you you can't see your kids. Robin. Who's I'm just a Japanese From Hiroshima

Look how big my penis is From radiation Mom I'm not sure that's dad. That is a pretty big cock and it should be small because she's Japanese All right, but if you turn out to be my husband again this time It's curtains for you pal This time I'm gonna fuck Pierce Brosnan in front of you. It's good. I don't know if we'll be able to get Sally Fields for the picture because

A couple years ago. Oh, no, what did you do Jeff? I think we all know A couple of years ago I got a little messed up. I'll figure this and shove Sally Fields up my ass Damn Well, there goes fucking mrs. Doubtfire too Oh, okay. She's Japanese Her name's Hong Kong Sally

Yeah, she's from Hiroshima. Mm-hmm. She has a big dick huge cock because you got blown up Well, I'll check Sally. Yeah, it's a big penis for a woman for a Japanese woman in Hong Kong Sally Blu-chu.com If you're not from Hiroshima, if you want a big cock hard cock And you didn't develop a large penis from nuclear fallout, but you want a hard dick Go to blu-chu.com. That's absolutely correct, Adam You go to blu-chu.com And you don't have to talk to a some fucking bitch-ass doctor and go ahead and type it type your name in with your penis

And then they'll be able to tell you'll be able to tell if it's harder from the font Oh, what if it was what if my dick was small? He's just squishing his dick Yeah He's just pulling getting the holding the skin around the head and squeezing it back Oh, what if I had a little chou? Had a little german chou like a chancellor I'm sign sign. I'm so ready to maxi-man

I'll hit love Vietnam Robin makes no sense Robin stop saying Nazi stuff when we take out We're back on inside the actual studio with Robin Williams Robin tell us what can you please put your pants back on Put your penis back into your pants We'll get to that Robin this is a straight interview. It's not a performance

I have to I have to ask your first major breakthrough role Popeye Did you At any point during the production of this iconic film, did you by any chance get to have sex with jelly? Did you The in-between scenes maybe you and show Back at the hotel it was plenty of downtime I'm on set and they're gonna change the film I have never had sex

I Did Robert Altman fuck Was she fucking Even maybe a boy a steady boyfriend she had that she was bringing around and introducing to people Can you imagine the day we're fucking on set? Fuck yeah, dude, if you like sex you'll like bluetooth.com. You'll love that's right come You'll love it man. It makes your dick hard. What else do you want to know? What else do you need to fucking know man? No doctors appointments necessary

They get you in in touch with a medical professional over the internet. This shit was covid safe prior to it You could already do it. That's right. Tell the medicine is the rave now They were already doing it this way beforehand you go on you sign up I uh You know I actually slowed my shit down I got I put it on pause because I used to I was too optimistic with uh, how much how many bluetooth yeah, I was getting 85 Oh every two weeks

How I did because it's like, you know, we get it or we had a promo code at one point for us It just gets it. I think yeah, and then that's over now And it was immediate. They like what like what do you mean? Do I want give me the maximum options? Yeah, and I just didn't change it after they started charging us. Right. I had like a fucking 10 cloverfield lane Supply. Yeah. Yeah, you know, did those ever go? I not do they go bad? No medicine never goes bad. That's what I heard as well Yeah, it's always good. Mm-hmm Um, yeah, they have generic biagra and Dallafills

They add some kind of nice flavor to it. It's a nice like berries like a blueberry It's not that it tastes like candy. I've actually had trouble eating eating too much. I was giving it to trigger treaters I was putting razor blades in and handing it out to kids Mm-hmm. Uh, and those kids became cutters. Yeah Well, if you there's no better way to commit suicide than get a hard dick and slice your cock vein. Yeah, that makes me sad the Joker Do you want to know how I got this? You want to know

Yeah, let's get a Jeff Goldblum Riddler joke are joke old blow joke or bloom joke. Okay. Yeah Joker boom. Oh, hey Murray when you bring me out What is a Joker? Can you call me? Sure thing faggot Whatever you want Dude, it's fucked up. They he killed Murray. We're Murray due to him. I just thought about Murray made fun I actually guess he did make fun. Yeah, who's there? It's the police. Your son has been killed in a drunk driving Actually, it's a very funny joke. That's one of the funniest scenes in the in any movie of all time. Yeah

We were definitely laughing in the theaters blue chewed calm promo code come town We think you go there you fucking generic Sedala fillers and aphids to Dan will fill you get an intro pack It changes your life. If you know the names of the drugs, you're a fucking nerd Yeah You get a dick, then you won't be able to fuck without it unlike me a different kind of nerd who does Also doesn't have sex, but they don't know things either The best kind of nerd

Just a guy that sucks, you know, I just it's better to be a stupid nerd for sure Just booger from revenge I just think that character was cool. I'm like, he's not one of the nerds He's just a fucking loser. Yeah, I guess I really like yeah, I could relate to that even more of a loser than the nerds Right. He's not good at anything. Yeah, he's not gonna start half. Oh, he's just yeah Yeah, boogers gonna end up working in like batteries plus And like wait like a bit like go cruising into his near 40s Trying to get like a certificate that licensed him to work for like Verizon touching

Touching phone boxes of some sort. That is study. Yeah, they finally put me in charge of touching the boxes Blue chew calm What the fuck else my forget, you know, you got it, you know in-person doctors visits your fucking cock gets hard It works great. It'll fucking spice up the bedroom if you hate your significant other and you can't dick her or him down Guess what buy that relationship four to six more months with dick pills, right? We're all stuck in COVID right now watching the clock waiting for a Vaccine so we could break up the person we live with because it's impractical to do so now, right? Get yourself some blue chew calm and get through those last four months

Maybe six or maybe a year a couple years knows So, yeah promo code come down blue chew calm get your dick hard get it sucked by a guy or a girl or You know a non-gender conforming person or an old guy or an old woman. Yeah So, yeah, send a couple of them to nursing home and see what happens. Oh, yeah, get your Style Fuckin fucking drew coat Cuomo. I love how poorly the videos of him and his brother on Like joking around it aged. I love how bad that looks. I hate them. They were horrible at the fucking time Yeah, like people loved it president Cuomo. I'm a Cuomo sexual

No, you're just a homeless. There you go. Oh Oh, very nice. Oh, I have to take a shit out of my shit Oh, I ate too much trail mix And it really carried me through the beginning of the show, but now I'm trailing Now I'm crashing from two. We've only got about four minutes left. Oh Oh, we're gonna do we barely are going to nice eating all that dark chocolate, but there was a lot of salt in it Also, I wish I had some more

Your blood pressure Don't even make me think about my blood pressure. I've been checked it in a while It's getting kind of up there. It's a fucking disaster Disasters would go to die the best the silver lining is it I probably won't ever get cancer because I'm gonna have a heart attack 47 Fuck dude Wow, I guess I'm just gonna have to go home and have dinner without I miss getting lunch in between the shows and threw me off. I gotta be honest

You know, I have to go upload this fucking shit. That's true You know, I said we be focused postpone that we've got a nice schedule worked out where I can do it the day after right and then But the election threw us off. Yeah, cuz we wanted we're like, all right We're gonna give these guys shows Push for a day and then wait until the election happens But it's like there's not gonna be there. It's gonna be an answer and it'll be boy We finally know for sure. No one will care the most boring. I know what I mean me. Yeah

We'll be a little little dick Joe probably one, right? Oh 99% I wonder if Garfield's cock has stripes like a stale That's a good question. That's an excellent question when you Should answer for two and a half minutes exactly of Garfield to the tale of two kitties Was there any shit? I just get fucking People just call me all the time. Here's the thing. Don't call me because I'm not gonna answer the phone That's right. I usually keep my phone on do not disturb

But I was waiting on a phone call from a customer service department. So I turned it off today but usually Just goes here and you do not disturb guys. Just yeah, do not disturb Please disturb this dick. I'm I'm not I'm trying to make my art right now. Yeah, you know, and you're getting Interrupting my process. You're interrupting my my my artistic process Would you walk in on David Bowie having sex with a black man? And be like whoo Ziggy Stardust, maybe I can call you and right and she'll call you on the phone No, you would never you have too much respect for Ziggy Stardust and how gay he is. Yeah, what makes you think you could do that?

And that's how I heard David Bowie was labyrinth. Huh? I heard he was faking being gay He was faking he tried it out and he said it wasn't for him. He was I mean he gets pussy, dude Yeah, but it's true that him and Mick Jagger fucked each other in the ass That'd be pretty cool if they did that would honestly be pretty cool It would be funny if there was a rock star that was like literally just never fucked and was like lying about it Like Axl Rose is just never had sex That would be awesome, or what's his name the the guy from Poli's and Brett Michaels. Yeah, Brett Michaels No, dude, I watched rock of love that gets pussy. He ran through that whole house

That's why they had to have the show to get him pussy for the thing. He was sitting with his producer That's very pitched. He was like I've never actually had sex Brett are you kidding me? We're gonna make a TV show. I'll call all my cousins and And the bank and the studios and we'll make a show, right? What kind of accent is this in New York? Come on I'm Puerto Rican I'm from the Bronx. I'm Dominic. I'm not a player. I just crushed your life

Yeah, yeah You guys ever watch rock of love? Yeah, yeah, my girlfriend and the time I'm watched every episode Oh, yeah, and flavor of love as well, and I would sit there getting drunk Respect. Yeah rock of love. I see that I find to be better than flavor Flavor of love has some absolute banger moments as well They're both kind of in the way that we were watching those more you are not the father videos They're both a testament to a simpler time Okay, dude, I'm all in on more you are not the father videos recently

Yeah, or just actually you know what I like going in not knowing what's gonna happen I'm not we watched the compilation, but I like watching the whole 10-minute clip I want to be I want to be taken on a journey by mr. Povich I just want to watch daytime TV You know, I miss it's been being like two o'clock in the morning and watching like infomercials because there's nothing else Yeah, yeah Oh, we're winning in the cash flow business Just those like late hours because they're new to you and you're like fucking 11

Oh, yeah, just the fact that you're even up that late. It feels awesome. Yeah, it's like going It's like going to a floor in a building. You've never been allowed to go to before Little do you know most of your life is gonna be in that horrible floor? Yeah I mean I go to bed fucking 10 o'clock now Most of the time I'm up. I'm up at like 6 a.m. 5 6 a.m. Every day Respect. I got it obsessed with the George Foreman grow Infomercial and I made my parents got it. You know what I used to love was the chef Tony You remember chef Tony no knives. How about the Giselle at the Giselle freestyle? Of course that was a classic

Yeah, that guy's hilarious and of course that's such a good look. Yeah, and let's not forget girls gone wild How much do we all beat off to those breasts? Oh, I call now 1-800 fuck my pussy I Sex phone Maybe we should maybe I'll start a phone sex line. I'll get yeah, I'll take cuz now everybody has my phone number I'll just get that. I'll have that. I'll port it over like a desk phone And it just do phone sex just just like yeah, I'll figure out a way to make it like a toll number Yeah, and you have to put in a credit card number and I'll have sex with you on the phone

as Any celebrity I'll do the best I can it's my own type, you know, it's called cameo to Hong Kong And you put your credit card in you specify which celebrity you want to you would I'm not even joking You would make so much money if you did that. Mm-hmm. If you just chores like a dollar a second $1 every 30 seconds. Yeah, yes, hello my name is Bruce Willis

That's good, and I'm sucking your cock right now Yeah, I can feel how hard you are through your pants It's making my ass wet. It's making me pucker up in my eye. You've reached AOL gay phone For gay sex press one Every call is $50 and then every if it goes over four minutes for blowjobs press two for movie times press three Due to the COVID-19 situation our hours are modified and you can only get your dick sucked over the phone

Monday through Friday 8 a.m. Eastern to 4 p.m. us also Easter Dude, that was a rush calling in to see when the movies were dude. I never did it that way I looked in the newspaper. Yeah, I was a newspaper guy. I mean do either one felt like a grown-up looking at my friend My friend would call movie phone. I'd be like, what are you the king of France? I used to love doing it Yeah, no take notes. No, I just have your shit special. Just look in the newspaper. All right

So we're looking up when shows would be on in the newspaper. Yeah, oh, yeah in the TV guy. Yeah Yeah, that was the whole part of that use that fucking magazine To find out when the shows are on. Yeah ridiculous What a fucking stupid life. I used to look up when skin a Mac stuff was on every every Sunday The new TV guide would come out and I'd set up a little schedule. It's so funny how fucking old that sounds now I know that sounds like they went like we were kids and old guys would be like you just have to suck your own dick If you wanted to learn you had to walk 15 miles and lick your teacher's balls Yeah, you know Abraham Lincoln would walk seven miles each way to school. He sounds like a fucking dumb ass to me

Yeah, why don't you take a car? Yeah, we fuck his friends thighs Let's not forget. Mm-hmm. That's cool. Did he do that? That's what people say he was on some gay shit That's that's great. That's great. Yeah, that's nice. It's not that's your culture. Socrates would do that first of all That's fine. I don't care. I'm not embarrassed. Socrates second of all Yeah, one of the greatest presidents ever did some Greek shit and fucked his friends thighs. Sure. Yeah I don't care. I don't fucking care. That's us to me. It sounds cool That's socrates. You know, you know, that's how you don't say in the ass. What is justice if not the opportunity to titty fuck your butt cheeks Mm-hmm to get a butt job from your boy to get to no one's talking about butts

We're talking about to do a hot dog in the bun to your boy. We're talking about fucking thighs. I The straightest for I can't imagine how that would be pleasurable. I What can I tell you that's what I heard about him I'm gonna try and make a Chinese Pork barbecue in the instant pot. That sounds great. I'm really hungry myself Why don't you eat my nuts? Why don't you eat his nuts out? I'm not gonna eat your nuts, please Hey, I gotta fuck. I get a freaking question for you. Why don't you eat his nuts? Thank you?

This is hey, I'm hey, I'm Steven Dorff You've reached the phone sex hot the celebrity cameo to Hong Kong Sally phone sex hotline I'm Steven Dorff and if you want me to suck your cock press to Folks I want you to know that these shows might get canceled, but if they don't go to stop without biz slash tour I'm gonna be maybe in Connecticut this weekend I'm gonna be maybe in Jersey the week in December or by the time this has happened We're all locked down again because of corona fucking those also come dot town. There's a limited run They might be sold out by the time this airs, but there's the limited stock left of the lightweight crew neck t-shirts

They're sweatshirts, but they're like lightweight sweatshirts. I don't like the weight of them So we're running the last of that stock until it sells out. There's probably 50 shirts left. Oh And the calendar is probably out by now the 2021 stave baby calendar Make sure to grab that stave dot biz you little sluts come dot town for the sweatshirts if you want them and if Maybe by the time this is out I might have the the heavier weight crew necks re-released and there's a hoodie up for sale now

Oh, that's gonna fly the slurple brain hoodie a couple people are said can you explain this which don't ever send me that message? If you don't get the joke just quietly not get it to yourself That's right. Yes, and buy it anyway, even if you don't Yeah, act like you get it slurple brain in the the purple rain font Which that's a thing. Yeah, what do you mean? What does he mean? I can't imagine you fucking idiot? I just want to see you giving me some slurple brain Slurple brain It's a banger. It's a good one and people like what another guy was like what episode

It's like shut the fuck up episode suck my fucking dick hit the button that