The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. 234 – Corporate retreat

Episode Date: November 19, 2020

bon voyage

Just hurry up, Adam, so we can have lunch. Did you format it? Yes, I format it. All right, Adam's going to the little girl's room. He's going to the... Actually, he's going to examine his own pussy. Yeah. He's going to step over it.

Yeah. He's going to step over a mirror to look at his own pussy for the first time. He's spreading it open with his fingers. He's got to go dilate. Because he got the surgery. Yeah, that's pretty cool. I wonder if we're going to... Now that Biden is president, we're going to have some...

I really feel bad for trans people getting the hole made. Why do you say that? I mean, it's not there yet. You don't think so? No, you got to keep a thing. You got to keep like a fucking... Everyone? I thought that was in the back in the past.

No. You got to sleep with a cucumber in your pussy. You got to sleep with a cucumber in your pussy. Yeah, it'll seal up like a gaged-out ear. Wow. Yeah. But at a certain point, the pussy stays, doesn't it? No.

Why don't they do it like you do a swimming pool? It's a woo. Your body's constantly in a state of something's wrong. Yeah, but what if you just... There's got to be ways to stop that from happening. Yeah, sleeping with a dildo in every single night. It'll also start growing hair on the inside sometimes. What if you put a pocket pussy in the hole?

You'll see. There's forums where people describe like, what do I do about the smell? Everyone in my office is complaining. And it's like, well, I guess maybe you should microwave bananas or something. You'll be like, oh, it's my lunch. Bananas? Yeah.

Why bananas? Because it's a strong smell. Bananas are a smell. It doesn't smell like pussy. You should microwave fish. Neither does their vagina. That's the problem. Maybe it does.

Can you imagine if a woman just stunk up in an office? I feel like I know a couple. I've experienced that before. That's got to suck to be in an office and there's somebody who's like, cheapo surgery pussy is just making the place reek. You're like, look, I'm on the team. I'm happy for you. You're closing the door to the HR manager's office every day,

being like this has to stop. Why did Claudia have to go to Mexico to get this gender reassignment surgery? Maybe we had put pussies on the fucking health care plan. Why didn't we all give that fucking GoFundMe, which we thought was annoying? They're just in their office typing away or whatever, and somebody's coming by and caulking the door. They're like, what are you doing? They say that the door is making too much noise.

They want to put a silicone around the door. He's wearing a hazmat suit. Okay, sounds good. I'll just get back to typing now. I got to believe there's a keyboard just being smashed into pieces. I'm typing a letter. Now, let me ask you this. It's a really shitty law in life.

Don't say it's shitty. It's difficult. Now you're looking down on somebody. I'm not saying that, but everywhere they go, Mexican guys are caulking under their doors. Even when they get out, they have to call them because they're called in. You just got to laugh at them. How far do you think the pussy surgery is?

I think your information is outdated. I think Biden is putting about 60% of the budget into making the surgery better. It used to be out of dildo in there and it didn't seal up on you. That's how they used to do it. As you go in and you get a dildo, you go down a dildo store and you say, let me get an extra wide one because I got a long weekend. I'm not going to be able to bring my dildo with me and stretch it out. Maybe, you know, size of a tennis ball.

You're good till good, good to Memorial Day weekend. That's what we used to do. Delaware days. Me and Bo, we'd stretch out, my friend Eric, he got a pussy. And we'd stretch it out the size of a volleyball, leave on Friday. We'd be down on the shore till Monday. Rehoboth. We'd go down to Rehoboth.

He'd meet guys. He'd have two or three of them, fuck them at the same time. So Eric was a man, but had a pussy. Eric was a man and he had a body. I don't know. He used to be every guy had a pussy. He's so tricky to do. I can do like one or two words.

Yeah. And then I lose. You got the cadence down. Yeah. Yeah. The the corn pop video is just a good reference point. I made it. I see the pattern with which he speaks.

I was practicing and he says not a joke. He like has a long sentence than he has a short sentence. So you've been studying him. I was practicing last night and I got just the word victory. I can do. Okay. Here. A victory.

That's good. That's good. Yeah. That's good. That one was, uh, that's as close as I got. That's pretty good. A victory. A victory.

A victory. Shout out to fucking Joe, dude. My man was getting his ass. Shout out in a presidential election. Yeah. Cause he like, he sort of aped Obama's cadence a bit. Yeah. Yeah.

Totally. Eight years with him. Cause he did such a. Yeah. But it's like it's very slight and you can go into Obama land. It's like he's combining Obama and like a mid-Atlantic guy. Right. But not a heart.

Not a full on. He doesn't do the full. It's just a pinch. And then he's also got kind of like an old person accent. Of course. He's very tricky. Obama's got a little bit more baritone in there. Jim Carrey.

Come on. A second of Jim Carrey's. Not bad. I thought, I thought it wasn't terrible. It's hard to do Biden. Yeah, but we'll find a good Biden guy. One of these days. They have eight white guys on SNL.

One of them can't do fucking Biden. I feel bad for victory. That's it. That's that's that's as close as anyone's ever going to get. That's really good, man. A victory. Damn. The stocks in the, in the Trump comedy, I'll be a president.

You're a crash president that unites rather than divides. That's pretty good. Yeah. Rather than divides, but that's a little Southern divide is a little Southern. It's not divide. It's divides, divides, divides. I don't know. I watched the movie.

That's how he says. I watched the first half hour of a movie where Robert Duvall plays an insane lawyer. You got to, you got to suck the dick down slow. It was a weird. You got to get the dick hard and then you suck it down slow. It was a John Travolta played a fucking ambulance chasing guy. It was like him, Tony Shalube, and the guy from Boogie Nights whose wife cucks him. So we fucking Willie Mesh Macy.

Yes, Willie Mesh Macy. They were like lawyers together and then some kids got cancer. It was a fucking weird movie. That sounds like a good law firm. Not all, not all the kids have cancer. Only the ones that are slow. It used to be everybody got cancer and then we come around and now it's only the retarded kids are getting cancer because they're slow.

I was watching, he's in gone at 60 seconds. He plays like the old guy, like Carthy for whatever. Hell yeah. Really? I got to see that movie. Oh, it's so bad. I can't wait. It's really bad.

And they put on low rider and Nicholas Cage is like, not yet. And he just gets to like the bubba bubba bubba bubba and he's like, okay, let's roll. Dude, that's crazy. We all watched Nick. I watched the rock. I watched Snake Eyes and then Port of Call. I've been on a little Nick run recently. Every movie should have him and Robert DeVall in it.

Well, I watched the rock because I wanted to see some Sean. You don't understand. It's not just the president's man. There's all of the president's men. The president has got men and there's all of them. It's not just one or two or three. It's to talk about every single one of the men that the president has. There's Willie is not free and we're going to free him.

We're going to take, there's a whale and we're going to free him. Oh yeah. That's right. Yeah. He was the trainer. Wasn't he? There's a whale. He's going out of here.

You can't let him go because he lives in a zoo. The whale belongs here in the zoo and if he gets out, he won't know what to do with himself. We're trying to go down there and fuck them all. The whale will? Yeah, I don't know. The whale will try and get pussy from everyone? Yeah.

It used to be a whale couldn't get fucked. I mean, I'm a rapper, I go Bob always without a conversation where I said I fuck. It's hard to go from Duval to buy. He's close because there's a little overlap. Yeah, there's overlap with everybody. That's called the English language. No, no, there's not overlap. What's the overlap between Robert Duval and Michael Jackson?

There's a lot. Yeah. They're Eskimo brothers. Yeah, they both got pussy from Presley. It doesn't matter if your color is black or white. It can't be any kind of color. You can always be my baby. I can't do it.

You don't want to be a color. You can always be my baby. It doesn't matter if you're black or white. I thought always be my baby. Yeah, she also says that. In a different one. I'm trying to have sex for the first time. It's the American people have spoken and they want to let me have sex

for the first time. Damn, dude. I would. I am sexually attracted to Dr. Jill, though. I think she looks good. I'm trying to get top muller from the first the first Italian. Oh yeah, you saw that picture of Kamala. Who is she?

Did Montell get pussy from the vice president? I don't believe so with his glaucoma. He doesn't have glaucoma. He has some kind of muscular dystrophy. I think no. I thought he has. He has a he's a weed advocate because of his glaucoma. I believe he has some kind of body issue.

Dude, she looks so hot in that Montell. Will they should I should petition the government to fill the cabinet with only people I can sort of do impressions of that would be just for the sake of the show. Yeah. Who else? Secretary of Labor Dwayne the Rock Johnson. Yeah.

Who put us in my ass? We got Dwayne Rock Johnson and he's going to be in charge of the jobs. Secretary of the interior Jeff Goldblum and the interior is inside of his ass. He's inside of my ass. Well, there's a department and no one knows what it is. The interior interior of what? Your mind your ass. And we could go in there and make fun videos.

You can laugh. You can dance. You can sing. I may not have got corny ideas, but you'll think of something much better. Oh, fuck, dude. And had a department education, we got Shakira. I guess. Yeah.

Well, fuck not. Housing and urban development. Oh, baby. Fuck man. Fuck my ass. She sounds like meat. One. Yeah.

She has to meet one. Yeah. She's got it back. I like the idea of using whole episodes of the show to just work out one impression and getting kind of close and then getting drifting further and further. Yeah. No jokes. Just just the workshop.

Just that's what the people are. That's what you guys are not paying for. This is a free one. Well, also too. It's like most most of the people that listen to the show, they're really funny and they're they're going to have a future in common. Especially the best ones that listen. Yeah.

The ones we like to hear from the most. They're all going to be successful comedians. It's just they got to just keep getting drunk and DMing people about wanting to get in this to comedy. Obviously, it's it's because of Corona is why. Obviously, that's why, you know, otherwise they would be popping. Otherwise they'd be on Comedy Central. Right.

You know, I certainly we have no idea what we're talking about. No. You definitely it's it's the it's the audience. Right. Right. So a workshop kind of show. And in fact, yeah, it would be good because then they can actually tell us their opinions. No, they can just be shaking with rage, seeing us miss after this.

But we'll get some constructive feedback. Yeah, we could get some notes. I love the notes. Oh, baby, when you fuck my house, you make my person go fast. We wanted to see a show with Shakira. Yeah. From the grave. Yeah.

Who do you think I'm doing? Oh, I thought that was Regis. Oh, yeah, we want to see Shakira. And I tell you, I thought she was black. And we get there. She's maybe Italian. It's just like the old days. Back when the Italians were apes.

When I had to pretend I wasn't half Albanian fucking to rest in piss. Yeah, that's what I say. That fucking scum, that Balkan scum, although RIP to the prince. Alex Trebek. Mm-hmm. He was Albania. No. I'm mad that we did that riff about him after Sean Connery died.

And then he died. And then he died. Yeah. Because that's going on. It probably really hurt his feelings. Oh, it hasn't gone up yet? No. That's hilarious.

Or maybe it has. I have no idea. We should make an official statement. I have no idea what episodes are. Yeah. There's a computer that's deciding at random which episodes are going up. We don't even what we did was me, Nick and Adam all talked for 10 hours separately. And an algorithm puts these together now.

Yeah. It's pretty nice. We don't have to work ever. Yeah. So they got an algorithm. Is that it? Yeah. That's all right.

That's how you say it. That's how you say it. Algorithm. Algorithm. Algorithm is good. Yeah. You slurred it. Yeah.

You know what it is? Algorithm. Every instant, he's so close to just falling into being a dementia old guy. Yeah. And he's clawing back the beginnings of the words. It's where it's like they're probably got to find a perfect button. Perfect. Perfect.

There you go. Perfect. Victory. Perfect. Victory. Joe, we want Joe algorithm. Perfect. Victory.

See, that's the computer talking. Yeah. That was a computer. We're doing a sound. It is so funny. I'm going to find and do Biden word by word. You should not get there. I believe in you.

Biden. Hunter. Hunter. I don't think he says the name in public. He says my beautiful. He says my beautiful son. My beautiful son. That was great.

It's most crack. Beautiful. It was great. My beautiful son. Beautiful. Beautiful. Beautiful son. Kamala.

Vajana. Kamala. Kamala. Kamala. Kamala. Vajana. Is it Kamala? Is that Kamala?

Oh, okay. You presidential presidential presidential. It's going to be so funny when she loses presidential because she has no swag despite being hot. She loses to Don Jr. I'm going to refill my coffee. Go for it, man. Go for it. Isn't the coffee right there?

It's right across the table. Yeah, we're working with a nice big cup, but nice one of those boxes of Dunkin Donuts coffee. Nick let me off for the day. He said, don't worry about it. He said, don't worry coffee, bitch. We're going to make, we've got some Dunkin, a big box of Jew. Don't worry about it.

Don't worry about it. You find pieces. I miss working in an office that just catered things that didn't need to be catered. Had a big fucking thing of Dunkin. Granola bars. Had a fucking espresso machine. Had cereal. I just used to eat so much of.

Shouts out to fucking. Shouts out to the old child porn. Child porn international. Yeah. I remember I was, I used to go to that office and some like fucking black lady when I was in the kitchen. She's like, excuse me, do you work here? Yeah.

Yeah. Oh, I'm sorry. Is this cereal coming out of your paycheck? I know. You have to like make sure that I'm. She went on to have an affair with the boss, I believe. Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah.

There was something about her that you could tell she was going to do some. No, there wasn't. There was a, there was something you could see it in her eyes or maybe the area around her skin. I think it was. No, that wasn't it. It was in her skin. I don't.

Maybe it wasn't her. They said, I don't have enough melanin to be black. Well, I'll tell you black is it's not about the color of your skin. It's about whether or not you're going to use a certain word. That's right. I promise. I will use the word every day that I'm present. Not in public.

I'll wake up and I'll say it with a soft day to my wife, John. What's her name? Dr. Jill. Dr. Phil. My wife from the Dr. Phil show. Come over here and suck my penis, Joe. Well, I look over a big joke in our house. I look over at my wife and I say, you are not the father just like her from her TV show.

Now, why wouldn't you give me head, Joe? That's Dr. Phil. No, it's pretty good. Thank you. Dr. Phil tried to do like a Mari thing and he would bring on like black couples and he'd be like, why are you not paying child support? He's like, we're married to each other. He's like, you got to stop being a deadbeat father and take care of your kids.

I'm a professor. Yeah. I don't even know how we got on this show. Yeah. We're not sure. We just answer. Yeah. Well, I have the results right here.

The results for what? And it's just, just like that drawing of the racist cartoon, the black guy with the cell with the other boards are like, Gabba, Gabba. I don't know that one. That's it. Old braces. There's a picture of that. It is to say you're going on, if you go on, you see the picture.

Big nose and lips. Oh, I see that genre. Is it similar to the racist Jewish one where it's the guy with a really big nose clasping his hands? Yeah. I think that's a, that one's been around this one. Oh, wow. That's very racist.

That's quite racist. It looks like that one's from an age where cell phones exist. Yeah. The moneylender one is, I think that's centuries. Sure. I think that's from maybe the early 20th century. I don't know. It had a modern flair to it.

You think so? Yeah. I think this is from Mad Magazine. Back when they were still kooky. What the fuck? So Mad Magazine has nothing to do with Mad TV? I mean, it's the same brand. But there's a completely different.

Speaking of brands. I love, which I love, something that I love. Let me take a look here. I'm really excited about, because she dreams. Oh, yeah. Tell me the fuck about it. You know, what I could not stop thinking about today is, let me see. Smokable CBD.

Yeah. Yeah. It's really. High quality CBD. Yeah. It's, I really can't, I'm so excited about. Me too, by the way. I'm at the same level as you.

Yeah. Good feeling that way too. Smokable flower. California and Oregon. Yeah. Lab and lab. My favorite part is that it's lab. A lot of people have Georgia on their mind.

A lot of people have Georgia on their mind. For racist reasons. Victory. A victory. A victory. Joe. You smoke some CBD out of my Georgia. Georgia.

Georgia. Georgia. Georgia. Sounds a little drunk. It's good that you need a little piece of that. No, he's doesn't drink, dude. He's a stutter. Yeah.

It's his stutter. Stutter. He got mad at his boys for getting drunk at his bachelor party. Are you fucking serious? Yeah. He's a herb. What? He's not, yeah.

He doesn't drink? In like the 60s, yeah. Did he ever do drugs? Well, I don't think he likes them getting too, too, too, too, too throat. That's why I hunted. Cousin James is one of the best ways to, when I smoke it, I feel, they say there's no drugs in there, but I get so fucked up. I can't weed.

I can't think. Dude, I'm just twisted. Really? I get absolutely twisted. I'll smoke up a CBD. I'll smoke up a CBD from Cousin Dreams. Fuck. Chill out, dude.

Whoa, damn. I'm on a different planet right now. Yeah, dude, we can see it. I can't even fucking, I can't, I can't even probably get a job without. Put your balls back into your onesie. I probably can't even get a job without some kind of form being filled up by the state. Oh, so, so, yeah. Wait, let's-

The joke is that- Cousin Dreams makes, is so good it makes you retarded? No, it's that a retarded guy smoking CBD and pretending to be high and- No, no, yeah. No, I'm not retarded. I'm high. Oh. No, it's sweet or weed.

No, I'm just high off fucking weed. And everyone's like, this is actually high quality Cousin Dreams. It has no THC in it. No, no, I'm definitely, I'm definitely, I'm just high. That's fucking ABC. That's all I got. I can't, you wash me on that one. It's a mess up of guns.

If he smoked, you know, if he smoked full power weed, then it's like, then he would be, you know, come all the way back around to Elon Musk. That's right, that's right. The smartest man. That's what Flowers of Algernon was about, a fucking retarded guy who smokes weed. Actually, I have Down syndrome, and I smoke so much weed that I went past being retarded all the way to being a millionaire genius. Is he a genius?

No. Oh, right? He's incredibly smart. I don't know if he's stupid, but- Hey, I'm smarter than him. Yeah, Elon Musk. I'm smarter than that guy. The guy that's life is much better than mine.

I certainly am not just figuring out a way to construct an alternate reality in which I'm doing better than him. Hey, man, I honestly, his life sounds worse than mine, honestly. In terms of all the work you'd have to do, we come here, we barely do any bullshit. We barely- Yeah, my job doesn't end, dude. I take the files. I go through every syllable.

That's true. I listen to the Biden impression over and over again. I mean, a lot of people, they really don't- they think I don't work at all. You sit in your apartment for hours saying the word victory over and over again. A victory. And say- and take- to get yourself to that. Was that you or Biden? That was me.

Wow. That's awesome. It sounded like Biden. And it fell apart after that, but- Sorry. That was the best one. A victory. That's really good.

Yeah. A victory. I'm gonna do it now. I don't know what it is or something. You were in the- you had it in the ether. A victory. Pretty good. Better?

Yeah. A victory. A victory. Too much old man in the last one. A victory. It's good. A victory. Am I there?

Yeah. You know it would be a- Smokeable flower. That's right. You know it would be a really big victory. Would be to go to cushydreams.com. I'm gonna read the ingredients to this shit. It's at cush.yjreams.com.

Put in the promo code COMTOWN and get 20 percent off your first order or any order. Maybe first. The point is, if you wanna smoke your CBD... because you got it. Smoke your smooth CBD because you can. Because you can. A victory. And that's a really big-

A victory. A victory. A victory. Where the fuck is the copy? Here we go. Alright. your dreams offers a full lineup of premium smokable CBD that specialize in extraordinary extraordinary

CBD rich hemp flower aka bud and pre-roll CBD joints. I love that Joe. Join the group of adults who were sick of vapes and gummies and want to smoke. I'm not a baby. I'm the I'm not a fucking little bitch. I want to smoke my seat. The primary talking points looks like high-quality marrow marriage Juana which would you want to ban feels like high-quality marriage Juana and tastes like high-quality marriage Juana CBD content is up to 20% no this is more than the highest of the game. Smoking your CBD is the most efficient. We forgot about cabinet. Secretary of state. Urban affairs. Housing

and urban development. Robin Williams is black preacher character. Independent lab testing. That's Nick Nolte. Nice. Lab testing shows a compliance and purity. It's going to California and fucking Oregon. Each plan is hand-selected by a group of a whole bunch of scientists. Cannabis flower experts. Yeah I was trying to dial in Nolte too. Bouncing back and forth between Nolte and Biden. Because you do Nolte gives you a little bit of a rasp. Get you in the Biden zone. I was his lawyer. I defended him after he fucked me in the ass. You defend him against yourself. That's the Cape Fear

where he was. I was a public defender. I signed his case. But I was also the victim. He fucked me in my ass. Wow. Wait is that what happens in Cape Fear? Yes. Counsel you are supposed to represent me counselor. And just because I fucked you in the ass. He was both the victim and the attorney. What was I supposed to do? He fucked me in the ass. That's not how the law works. That's exactly what happened. What's his name? Robert Neera rapes a girl and Nolte is his public defender and he suppresses evidence that the girl was promiscuous. Because he beat him up or he beat the girl up so bad. So Max Cady does 15

years in jail and then he gets out and he wants revenge on the prosecutor because he spent his time in prison. But he did rape her didn't he? Yeah he did. So who cares? Yeah and Nick Nolte, I mean he just didn't do his job right. So then Roberts and Eero goes to jail in 30 years. How can I fight you? Practicing his southern accent. How smokes CBD weed you? He practices his southern accent for 30 years and reads books and he gets throw ups. I got three lines. Private reserve, ultra premium, premium. That's awesome. Every can size is three three-and-a-half grams. You've been a nitrogen seal. Fucking shit out of this fucking piece of shit.

It's like mostly what that movie and then he's cheating on his wife too. Oh nice. And then Robert De Niro rapes the woman that he's cheating on his wife and bites off a piece of her face. What the fuck? That's pretty wild. I wouldn't say it's bad ass. I'd say it's just bad. I can't go to the cops. They're gonna find out I was having an affair. Oh so that's why. The perfect crime. He doesn't go to the cops. Who's the wife and that's Jane Fonda? That sounds right. How many movies was she in? I know her mostly is doing exercise. All dogs go to heaven. All dogs go to heaven too. And being like anti-Vietnam that's her

two claims to fame. Someone told me a very perfect crime recently. It's like a kind of a dorm room prank, right? But yeah, hold on. Oh yeah, promo code. Why don't we focus on doing our goddamn job? I thought we did it. We didn't do it. We didn't finish a fucking job. Every pre-roll is one gram. Just say the code. I'm trying to find it. promo code come town for 20 percent. That's right. Cushydreams.com. All right, cash. Relax. Any time, hybrid. I do fuck with I honestly do literally fuck with Cushy dreams. I do be smoking at CBD. I like the hustle.

I got you. I'm actually fucked up on weed is not like I can I speak fine. A victory algorithm. What's the perfect crime, Adam? Oh, it's kind of like a dorm room prank. You piss in a cookie sheet, like and then you freeze it and then you slide it underneath someone's door. That is pretty good. And then it melts into a puddle. I wouldn't say it's a perfect crime because you get caught still. Well, you can't get caught because you didn't open the door. You know, I see. Yeah, it's like that a riddle where someone kills himself with an icicle, right? But then it melts or someone stabs someone with

an icicle. I remember one there was one day me and Dana were hanging out like this was 10 years ago, probably. And I was just like just brutally hung over and and just like her her like apartment at the time they had some like sunroom. I forget them. It was a nice day. I just like that couldn't move right and then just eating croissants in the summer. And I like I guess she started like looking up like riddles on her phone. I don't know where that came from. But one of them was what's what's a crime you can get arrested for attempting but not completing or committing suicide, right? Well, that was the answer. But someone had responded killing every police officer.

That's really good. It's a much better. Wait, you can't get arrested for attempting suicide. Yeah, you can. What? No, you can't. Adam has riddles memorized just in case state capital riddles, state capitals. Let's go. The little the little stinker personality. It's the worst kind of person. Yeah, we agree. But what? Well, how would you get a reservoir committing? I'm gonna do that. I'm gonna put a book together called the little stinker personality kid. Oh, I have so much to contribute capital. Yeah, I have so much to contribute the Adam book. I watched a bright lights big city the other night. What's that about? That guy reminds me of you, Adam, which what's Michael J.

Fox character? Yeah, what's bright lights big city about? It's about a guy that's kind of like a loser. He's just doing cocaine all the time and losing New York. He's got a bunch of cool friends. Oh, that's how big is his dick. But it's like really small. He's dating a model and she leaves him. That is like and then he's like can't deal with it. Is that really the movie? Yeah. And he like fancies himself a writer, but he can't he doesn't litter it. He never gets any right. It sounds pretty much like he never gets any writing that he just sits in his apartment and then goes out and does cocaine. It sounds pretty good. Sounds good. And then the end of the movie, he gets drunk and embarrasses himself

and then just like while still fucked up, cruises along like the west side and pretends like there's some voiceover indicating that like his writer's block is gone. But the things he's saying are like incredibly trite and bad and really just terrible, right? This is Michael J. Fox. Yeah, it's probably the worst writing in the movie is like that closing like internal monologue. Is it supposed to be bad while he eats bread? No, it's supposed to be like it's yet another triumphant. It's a yet another like self centered kind of boomer movie. Yeah, but it there's like a slight self. I mean, it's tragic, you know, so it's not like big chill where you don't really give a shit about that guy who died. Yeah,

I saw the Pope of Greenwich Village, which is a pretty funny movie. It's pretty like it seems like it's everybody. It's me, the Pope. Here I come. You're a saint. You're a saint. Little wings for everybody. We're all going to wear a wing and fuck each other in the ass. Sounds like welcome to Vatican three. It's make you work before his. What do you do get plastic surgery? Yeah, a lot dude. He was like a he was so cute. He's a cute guy. Yeah, he was handsome and his voice was like his voice was really like kind of high pitched. He's a totally different guy. Yeah, his voice. No, it really fucked me up seeing him. Yeah, and diner. He's really cute and he's really and he has like a really like soft like higher

pitched voice, but the Pope of Greenwich Village is so the guy was Eric Robert. You guys know that? Yeah, Julie Roberts brother. Is that really your brother? Yeah, the guy who played the mobster in the in the dark night. Yeah, so he's young as fuck and they gave him like a Jerry curl to look Italian. Cool. And Mickey Rourke also plays Italian, but the movie makes no sense because they act like mobsters, but they're just fucking unemployed. You know, day goes and well, I'll tell you what they can do is they can put on a Mac Walden underwear. Oh, really? I can go ahead and put on a pair of Mac Walden underwear. Yeah, underwear. Yeah, underwear, underwear, underwear, underwear, underwear on the outside of your pants and they called

it overalls and it was big and blue and made out of jeans. And then they got rid of that because it was racist. Interesting. They said it was racist. Mark, I wrote the 1994 crumb ball on the inside of a pair of dungarees and shit. Back then we didn't have pens. You had to write everything in your pants. Your own shit. You had to let a turd poke out of your asshole and write just a little bit like just a little bit like a mechanical pencil. Hey, it's a call me scrolling Joe crazy pants because I had an asshole like a mechanical pencil. Basically, you put a cock in my mouth and then put down a couple of notches, turd to come out my ass. So the cock would push the turd out. That's a good visual. We all

remember the game you play, take a mechanical pencil, you press it out all the way, you put it on your arm and hold the eraser and pretend like you're doing drugs. But the difference was I was doing drugs for real. I was in third grade shooting dope. Really? I was the first guy I took it from the Chinese. I was the first guy on Delaware to Scranton. Scranton Delaware doing Chinese opium. Now let me ask you, why was it a cock? Why didn't you put like a popsicle or a banana? Opium. Opium. Opium. Interesting. Opium. What does he sound like? So why is he so elusive? So Joe, when you were shooting in your pants, where is Joe? You were shooting your pants. Did you have special underwear? Why can't

you do this? You'll get it buddy. Why can't you fucking do this? Stop hitting yourself. Stop hitting yourself. It's because you're gay. No, that's not it. Yes, dude. Mack Weldon underwear is the only underwear that you can wear all the way, all the way to the bank. All the way to the bank? You can take that all the way to the bank. All the way to the bank. All the way to the bank. Yes, sir. This is going to be the next four years of this podcast. Trying to get closer. The radio. I feel like I finally know how to do Trump now that he's almost gone. Wow, dude. Trump like wasn't an easy one. He is. He's very easy. He's people thought he's hard to get perfect at the 11th. At the 11th hour,

there was one guy that did a really good one. There's plenty of guys. There's plenty of guys that do it perfectly. That was an easy impression, but I for whatever reason, I could never do it. Yeah, I guess there are a couple. There's a I couldn't do it Tony. He's difficult. He's very tricky for me. It wasn't easy. But that's like more like younger Trump. I feel like there's like an old guy element to his voice. Whatever the thing is, when you put the underwear on your pussy and your asshole, it feels awesome. You got to put the underwear on your fucking pussy. Just go ahead and put the underwear on your fucking pussy. I'll just go ahead and put it just ball it up. Put it in your pussy. You'll feel fresher

than a daisy. We guarantee that's the Mack Weldon guarantee. They're good for wearing. They're also good for keeping your pussy dry. Or if you're trans and you don't have a dildo dandy, you could ball up a pair of Mack Weldon's put them in your new pussy, keep it nice and open or antimicrobial. They're antimicrobial. So they're not going to smell that sick. There's no one's going to caulk your office. If you have Mack Weldon stuffed up your new pussy, their antimicrobial silver line of underwear is antimicrobial. And that's free silver too. You can and if times are tough, you can fucking melt the underwear down and get the silver and sell that. Yeah. The silver is the new standard. I got HIV. I knew I had to get

special underwear and make sure that make sure that I didn't transmit the virus. So many of the women I was having unprotected sex with Charlie. I didn't know Mack Weldon was good. It can stop age spreading. Tiger blood. We're not positive about that, but it's a good chance that Mack Weldon stops AIDS. Not sure. That's not one of the selling points, but probably how about me, Indian guy? All the way from downtown India. Coming at you all the way live. What do you think of Mack Weldon? I cannot wear it with my part of sandals. Just underwear and a pair of sandals. Oh, my God. I can't wear it to the doctor's office. Wow. I can't wear it to the doctor's office. My name is Brigitte and I learned English from

watching Jeff Gordon. I learned all my English. So Brigitte, the Indian guy that talks like that. Brigitte. Brigitte. I can't wear it to shop English up my ass. I believe in smart design, premium fabrics and simple shopping. That's awesome. Your experience, how easy it is. Wow. They want you to be comfortable. So if you don't like your first pair, you can keep it and they'll still refund you. No questions asked. Hell yeah. Not only does it look good, it performs well too. It's good for working out, going to work, going on dates, just everyday life. Getting pussy. Personal experience. Must include the host's personal experience with the product. For example, what did you buy? How easy was it to use a

website? Which project is your favorite and why? What kind of activities did you do while wearing a new Mack Walden cloak? Let me stop you there. Nick got his ass fucked while wearing the pull. He was wearing them though. That's not fucking true. It's a fucking lie. Yes, it is Nick. Nicholas Pentaleano. Yeah, but Joey underpants here. Joey underpants. Joey underpants. That's good. You know, growing up in Newark, everybody was gay. You have to, you had to wear a scarf down the corner to have gay sex with guys. Really? I watched some interview with him. You sent me that. That was fucking so weird. Really? Like talking about the Matrix and he's like, you know, I didn't understand the movie at all. He's

like, no idea what's going on. Oh, you sent me another one. First of all, he's dressed as hysterical now. All actors do. He's like a backwards Kangol guy. No, no, he's gone to the next level. He's wearing like weird bowlers and like, like purple steampunk. Sort of. Yeah. I'll tell you what, I went to Mack Walden because they, and I got the, I just wear their like their daily jerseys. They got nice underwear though. Yeah. Yeah. I was looking at Nick's wearing them right now. His cock looks huge. And wait a second. He's taking them off. His dick is much smaller. So there's something about it. Well, it's barely a dick now, but hold on. He's putting them back on. Massive. Wow. Juicy. My ass

is drooling thinking about that thing. So that's the kind of stuff. So nice. It stops gay now. And if that isn't a personal experience testimonial, I don't know what it is. If you've never heard of something. If you've was a brand. Yeah, you have to. Yes. Did you watch the Connie Chung interview? Did you watch your mouth? All right. We should do that. You're trying to share my personal experience. We should do that in between. For 20% off your first order. Visit macworld.com and enter promo code. Come town 20. I love it. I love that. Come town 20. Yeah. If you don't like the underwear, you can complain and they'll refund you. You can keep the underwear. No question. I might go fucking buy some underwear. Honestly,

I've been trying to get more, but they've like their like, I guess, had some kind of stock shortage. I was looking for new sweatpants and I went on a list of best sweatpants and Mack Weldon's consistently on all of those lists. I have to say that folks. Yeah. Don't listen to me. Listen to general. You weren't looking for a dress to wear. No, I wasn't looking for a dress. It was looking for a dress. It was a gift for a gift. Wow. It was for a gift. So that's so you're getting sweatpants for somebody, but you're looking for dresses for yourself. Dress to wear to the bathroom. Yep. Getting all doled up. I'm putting on lipstick doing his nails. You should have seen it. It was one of the funniest things

I've ever seen. You know how he is. He goes in there and he kisses guys. He kisses guys. You should see the way he kisses with his Cosby. I don't know. I'm so far gone. Victory. So yeah, go code promo code. Come down to me. That's honestly, you're right. That sounds like straight up Joe Biden. Yeah. But yeah, the public gradage village. First of all, Mark Roberts has plays it so over the top. It's hilarious. But also, Mickey Rourke is just a deadbeat, unemployed Italian man. I'll be right back. That's fine. I'm talking about the public gradage village. Well, we'll continue. Have you seen the public gradage village? No, I haven't. So he's just a fucking he has no job. He's got a kid already that he doesn't

pay for. He's in debt. He says he claims that he has two shy locks to feed, which I don't know exactly what that means. It's money lender. I think exactly. He owes money. So he's got two shies to feed. And but yeah, Eric Roberts is like his fucking cousin who always gets him fired and always fucks his life up. Oh, he's a bad. Yeah. Yeah, Paulie. And and who made it? I don't know. It's a fun movie. But it's kind of fucking stupid. But it was a fun watch. But anyway, he gets their old hand up pregnant. Oh, a hot piece of ace, if I do say so myself. And she's like he gets fired. And she's like, Why don't we just I could pick up some extra shifts? You could get a job as a waiter. He's like, I'm not going

to be no fucking waiter. He's like, How the fuck do I look like being a fucking waiter? And she leaves him and he hits her and then she leaves him. And and he basically chooses this woman who loves him and is willing to do anything. He chooses to instead just hang around Greenwich Village with his stupid fucking cousin who almost gets them killed by and have to fight the mafia. He has to like fight a mob boss instead of just having an honest life with a hot ass woman. And it basically reads like anti Italian propaganda. Like he's supposed to be sympathetic, but he's just a real big piece of shit. But I guess that is the Italian way. If you had your choice between a beautiful blonde, you know, wasp,

yeah, or to kiss your male cousin on the lips, crazy. I just went to the bathroom and while I was in there, your Mac Weldon. No, I thought about my book. It just popped into my head. I started thinking about it. Really? Sports betting. That's awesome. I was actually just thinking about that too and how I would love a good place to continue to bet. Yeah, a lot of money. You see, I got a lost $27,000 betting on the election and my bookie.aj and he like sent the customer service and email demanding a refund because of the cheating because it was cheating. That's awesome. I hope he does not get it because that's just a bad beating. You got to take that, brother. Yeah, that's funny. That's actually the first guy I ever

heard of in my life losing money on my bookie.aj. Yeah, it's probably pretty much the only person. It's basically the only person because this is a website that you bet your money and you will always win. Guaranteed you will never lose. You'll always make money. You'll always make money in the long run. If you're smart, you'll always make money unless you unless you you bet on Donald Trump winning. That's true, which everybody keeps the message of me. I can't find the hat. Adam, did you take the hat back? No, it's at your house. It's literally not. What was it? What was the bet? He has to eat his hat. I'm going to eat that. I said Biden was going to win. I said Biden will win. And he said if he does, that's what

you said you had. I'll eat my hat. And then he said he described the hat that he stole. I remember exactly. I remember that hat, which Adam, why don't you tell the story about how you got that hat? I how did I get it? Oh, I was a I was a truck PA for a indie film and someone left it in the truck when I moved to New York. Yeah, that's what it was. What do you think it was? You didn't take it from your friend from Norway. No, I don't know anyone. Yeah, you did. Dude, that's you absolutely did. You told me you did. You fucking stole that hat from somebody else. Well, to be fair, Nick, that two wrongs don't make a right. You don't get to steal from Adam because he stole from some Norwegian poor fucking Mama

Luke, the trusted Adam. He stole from your friend. But to be fair, Nick, that makes you no better than Adam. Yeah, you stole from your best friend from your best friend and husband. Well, I'm going to eat the hat. I just I got you got to eat the hat. I would eat if I was still in my closet. I don't want to eat the hat. I want the hat. That's why I'm going to eat it. We could share the hat. That's why I'm eating it. You got to find a deal that benefits benefits everybody. Yeah, the dozens. Everybody benefits me for sure. Everybody gets a piece of that. We're going to cut it up and we're all going to eat it. I wonder what kind of odds my bookie is putting on Donald Trump winning 2024. That

would be smart. That's a fun hundred bucks to throw down. Forget about a little Grover Cleveland action. But the thing people don't remember about that election is that the Grover Cleveland went up against Teddy Roosevelt. Chester A. Arthur and Chester A. Arthur was gay. Teddy Roosevelt split the vote or something. No, wait, that's the other. The fat motherfucker cares now that Alex Trebek is dead. There's no reason. No reason. No trivia will never be. Why don't they give us jeopardy? Wait, was Chester gay for real? One of them was I thought. I thought some guy named Pierce was gay. Buster Franklin. Buster. Buster. Buster. Chester. One of them had like one of his boys in the White House and everyone

says they fucked him in the ass. That's awesome. There is one gay president. Yeah, Barack Obama. Walt Whitman. No, he was a gay president. He was a pedophile who went to like a fucking cabinet and everyone was like, Oh, big fucking deal. First of all, all of life was living in a fucking cab. I didn't know is it Trump's the only president to ever be impeached, lose the popular vote and only serve one term ever. Nice, which that makes sense. That he hit the trifecta, baby. I mean, that makes you like imagine fucking up every aspect of becoming president and still beating Hillary Clinton. I still did it. I did it. She's a cunt. I don't want to say it. I didn't say I didn't even say that she was a cunt, but she is.

It's fun seeing he he and Hillary more shit. My book. My bookie dot a g. Mm hmm. My bookie dot a g. What could I say about my bookie dot a g. My bookie dot a g. The copy directly in front of me. So much, honestly, that it doesn't even hard to start. Let me count the ways. Yes, Christopher, Christopher, Mr. Secretary of State, you know, your part eggplant. I love this guy. What is he fucking? What are you Chinese? Yeah, that's funny that you'd say that to me sitting there knowing full well that you're Chinese. That's his comeback. Yeah. Oh, yeah, I'm part black. Well, whatever your race is, is actually Jewish and Chinese. So maybe you can tell me where your son Clarence is. So he thinks that Dennis Hopper is Jewish

and Chinese. Oh, I'm black. Well, you're fucking, you're a piece of shit is what you are, pal. Jewish and Chinese. There's a lot. There's a lot of that combo running around. Oh, yeah, those guys are coming up heavy right now. Guys, I'm not worried about the guys. I mean, the most people fucking did Adam. Adam hears anything and he's like, well, guys, that is lazy. That is lazy. But you know what? It's really good. That's very funny. That's the whole point of the show. Sometimes that those are the best ones. And that one really rocked. It was very funny. Let's hear. Let's hear more about how I'm lazy. I'm lazy. Let's hear more about how I'm not doing my job. Immediately defeated. You're right, dude. I'm not pulling

my weight. I'm pulling. You're right, dude. I'm definitely dragging the show down. I'm not dragging overall. I definitely fucking contribute absolutely nothing to that. I say guys and then all I ask of you gold is once every four years, I take a hat and then eat it to produce further content for the show. Even my act of even my parasitic nature is ultimately right beneficial. That is true from where I'm standing as a guy who doesn't own the hat in any way, shape or form. Nick eating the hat is a big boon to me. That's the national delivery. He takes it from Adam to give to me and Ringo always kept the time. Okay. He never beat out of time. It's time to have gay sex. It's time to pull your dick

out. It's time to pull your dick out. That was it in my mouth. A lot of people are lying and fucking wrongfully accused. It's just like the Beatles said. She loves me. Yeah. Yeah. She loves me. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The line where the woman, it's a new season. Antonio Brown is on the writers. Yeah. He's on the Bucks. He's on the Bucks. They lost big. What are they named after dollar bills? Oh, that's my favorite team. Sexually, it's short for Buccaneers. What? Is there a team called the dollars? I don't know if I can like football anymore. I thought it meant the dollars. Yeah. You're doing an annoying guy. It's a Chinese guy. It's one of your guys. Those guys are coming up. It's Dennis Hopper in true romance.

But to my point is because I'm straight, I'm saying I like that combo of half Jewish, half Chinese girl. Yeah. It's hot. I haven't seen Clarence in years. Last time I saw him, we were getting low main last time Clarence was here. We got low main and then we ate a couple of pennies and I sent him on his way after taking the pennies back. After taking them out of shit. Clarence shows up here three weeks ago says I need 32 cents. I got my chopsticks out and pulled them out of my coin purse handed over to him. That was the last I saw Clarence. So you know, you're part eggplant. I love this guy. We penis. Use promo code come town to suck my penis. Visit my book.com today. My book online today. That's my B O O K I E

and don't forget to use the promo code come town when creating your account. Wait, is it my bookie that online now? No, it's my bookie online. Oh, the cop go online to my bookie. Yeah, you can find them. They they definitely owned that Donald Trump supporter. Yeah, he got fucking big time. It'll be kind of funny watching the alt right turn into like resistance loops. Well, yeah, basically that the screaming woman at the inauguration. Somebody somebody photoshopped photoshopped like a MAGA hat on that woman. And that emails ching chong guy like retweeted it. And he was like, it's so sad that the right has to like Photoshop pictures of the left to express their point.

It's like, yeah, that's because it's like, it hasn't happened. We're gonna break the we'll have that lady. Of course, that lady's gonna happen. She's coming. Yeah. Although that initial lady was so good. Even like you're pissed that he won. Here's the thing, too. This is all it's all just bullshit. Anyways, it's not like really about fucking politics for most people. So just jump ship. Just pretend like, of course I vote for Biden. If you're a Trump guy, just pretend you voted for Biden and you wanted him to win. That's what winners do. You know who would do that? Donald Trump. For sure. 100% you want to be more like Trump. The most Trump thing Trump could do right now is be like, I voted for Biden. I said he was

going to win. I told you so. I was the one saying it. Of course, after I got these people around me, they say, Oh, we got to, we got to keep our jobs. I don't. I'm rich. I'm rich. Oh, if we Trump use network, dude, yeah, TNN, it's going to be sick. I'm ready for him to be a judge on dancing with the stars. Just call the women pigs. He looked like an absolute pig. Yeah, what's yeah? I mean, it I went from feeling like, Oh, Joe Biden, if he doesn't get like 90% it's a it's a fail to now thinking that it's a it's the most logical conclusion in terms of narrative to have like a mentally enfeebled man be Donald Trump after these last four years to literally have America say, we're going to choose a more retarded guy.

It's very funny. It's very funny. I know. Plus Kamal. Let's not forget. She's out there. She's out there with her family. I'm not the first person to give pussy in this office. And I'm not going to be the last. They got dug though. I may be the first person to make a pussy fart into the microphone, but I will not be the last. Yep. She put this pussy first. And this is for everyone who thought they were going to be here and didn't make it. And she puts the microphone down towards your pussy and then just see a sea of women in blue. I'm still with her shirts. Like, yeah, because you know that's my pussy farting. We're people. Yes, we're people in Astoria celebrating Donald Trump's defeat. Yeah, big time. There were people out on the streets. I mean, not

as much as Brooklyn, but yeah, yeah, pop it off, dude. Even the even the white ladies here were they were stoked. Oh, yeah. They were really happy. I bet you a lot of guys got pussy. They didn't deserve on election. People were taking shots on the street. Yeah, around the corner for me. They were very happy about it. I bet you the pussy was flowing like fucking wine, dude. Mm hmm. But I was feeling a little under the weather. I didn't get pussy out of respect for our president. Donald Trump. Mm hmm. I'm not going to fucking till January 20. The movie I was in came out finally. It did. Yeah. The the beginning and end of my acting career. No, dude, you'll get some stuff. You're you're gonna you're

a good actor. I don't know about that, but it definitely is fun. I can see why people like acting. Oh, yeah, I guess I can talk about it now. The movies out. Yeah, it's like they're not gonna. I mean, movie theaters are canceled. Yeah, that sucks. It really sucks. The way the movie you were in is rolled out is very little. Well, I mean, I'm barely and I have like one or two lines. Yeah, but you would have been you would have gone to like the premiere and shit. I did. It was in Toronto. I went up to you went to the festival. Yeah. But it's crazy because like, you know, oh, it's nice that I can finally like talk about this thing. Yeah, because it was it was really it was yeah, it was so much fun because like

working in production when you're like on the truck or whatever and everyone's like, yeah, can you lick my asshole? You're like, I don't know. My tongue's still like dry from having to get all the dust off the lenses with whatever bullshit I had to do, which I'm exaggerating. It wasn't that bad. Yeah, we just had the truck. Can you not? Can you not double park the truck in a fire? And I'm like, just because I'm some fucking on the lowest guy on the ladder. Yeah, they're like, no, I'm a disabled. I don't work here. I'm a disabled person trying to get in there. I'm a disabled firefighter. I need the hydra. But really, though, yeah, when you're like acting in a thing, everybody just kisses

your ass. Yeah, when you're talent. Well, yeah, because they have well, they have to call you that it has to be built into your job title that you're good at your talent because like the people that are very good at it are such like, you know, temperamental fucking like psychos that, you know, I know it is really funny. Yeah, they have to like to just like to make sure that you don't have a meltdown and ruin the whole day. It's like a fucking it's like built in. Yeah, no, it's like being a baby. Yeah, it's like you get to go be a baby for a day. Totally. And it's not hard. Like it's it's it's hard words. Yeah, it is hard to like get good at acting, whatever. But like in terms of physically

taxing, like just acting some shit out. I mean, I guess you're the star or something. It's hard. But yeah, we just pop in for like a fucking scene. Yeah, that's awesome, dude. Mm hmm. Yeah, I think it's a pretty cool gig. Yeah, I really want to know after doing that. I was like, man, if I could just be the guy at the beginning of every SvU that's like, I tell you, I take the trash out next week. Yeah, what the hell is this a dead baby? Hey, Mikey, get over here. I think this woman's been raped to death in the elevator. The first thing there's yeah, there's a woman's pussy all ground up in the elevator gears. What the hell is this? I wanted a hot dog. Yeah. Yeah, let me get a number two with the sausage.

What the fuck is this? It's a woman's breasts flattened out with calm all over it from a suspect. That's the thing, Elliott, they went to get a sandwich and what they got instead with a little girl's pussy. If I was going around all the sandwich tops in Staten Island, changing all the sandwiches, a little girl's pussy, changing them all. Somebody somebody done. Fuck me in my ass. My fellow Americans. Yeah, there we go. Hadine. Fuck me in my ass. The mood that had been the mood. Hadine and fuck me in my head. That's honestly my favorite fucking thing ever. Yeah, my bookie dot ag promo code come town. That's right for something where they match up to like 1000 bucks or something.

That's pretty cool. Yeah, it changes pretty cool man. It's a good deal. It changes every time. It's not the same thing. Oh, also, I should say the show in Connecticut got canceled. The show in Connecticut is canceled. We'll just bang out all the plugs. Come dot town for shirts. If you want this podcast, our host is now doing a little switcheroo. Sometimes the episode is gone or the podcast is inaccessible for a week. Was it a week? I thought it was like two days. It was like four days. But yeah, because they're a good guy like we do with shout engine. And I like them. But them is like four people, I think, right? So when like big shit like that happens and they're inundated with like

messages, there's, you know, you just have to wait until it gets fixed. But otherwise, yeah. Yeah, also, oh yeah, no, yeah. So if you want, if this show ever goes down again, the patreon has a whole backlog. Yeah, because it was really wild. People are like, I'm trying to listen to old episodes. I'm like, what if this is probably the nicest weather I've seen in my entire life? Yeah, if you were on the East Coast and you messaged us about it being down, go outside. I mean, times are tough, bro, you got to change your shit around. Your whole life is fucked up. Dude, I we went with me and Adam went with will and Matt and I guess I got a worse than the rest of them, but I was the same way. I was dreading what

kind of like pain I'd be in and just fucking I was sore from catch. That's awesome. I was so I got like elbow tendonitis from throwing throwing a baseball like fucking 15 home run derby. Yeah, I was literally sweet. Yeah. Swing the bat. Anytime I would check swing having to like stop the motion. It just like in my fucking elbow, my shoulder, my hip, shoulder. Yeah, it's a killer. And it's weird because it's like, you know, you have this memory of like the muscle memory from when you're like a child of like doing these things. And also to just out like the moralizing is to make contact with the ball and hit it as far as that you did when you were eight years old. Yeah, shallow left field. Yeah, right.

A little blooper. Yeah. And it just feels like a home run. I love the sound of the crack. Yeah. I'm horrible at swinging a bat. Dude, I never did. I was scared of baseball. And it was an American ass sport. So I never really played it. My parents put me in base with the peanuts and cracker jack. They put me in because they thought it was the more American sport and it's the less athletic sport. I wish I went in the soccer. Well, that's what makes it more American. Is this for everybody as a game for every guy is for fact. You could be fat. You could be a. You could be a fat guy and play baseball. Remember David Wells? Of course. Everybody. Everybody. Legend. Is that everybody pretty good? That's it. Pretty

good. Everybody. Everybody. Everybody in the club and everybody in the club getting tipsy. We'll get it. Oh, also, I want to say that's so by the time this comes, we'll get it. Yeah, we'll get it together. I'm part of it. I'm part of this by the time this comes out. Don't arrange twenty twenty one calendar should be out. Definitely get the Stavibaby twenty twenty ones. I went to the studio. I hired an artist to fucking whip some shit up. We got we got some nice stuff going. You're going to love it. So yeah, you have all the holidays on all the calendar squares. We got some how we got the major holidays. You have Israel independence. Absolutely not. Certainly not. And do you see Trump unfollowed Israel? That's

awesome. Yeah, so sick. I love him. I love him, too. Took that shit out and hopefully I'll be in bananas comedy club in December or in the city. No, not go bananas, just bananas. And that's bananas in Hasbrook Heights, December. Yeah, we want to name it go bananas, but that was already taken. So we just went with bananas. And also Atlantic City kind of hopefully there is no dream was always to have a club called bananas go bananas. There had to be a banana theme. It had to be banana because what we're trying to do is trick the blacks in the coming in. So anyway, bananas trick black people. Stop it. Stop it. Cut his mic. That's that's what everything was segregated. And I was one of the first people that said, let's call

everything bananas and help the economy to reintegrate. Yeah. And I apologize. The shows in Connecticut got canceled. They were there were some weird restrictions and it just made sense not to do shows in a casino in Connecticut. So hopefully I can go back when Corona's now that Joe Biden is solving coronavirus. Hopefully I guarantee you once it's safe, I will be doing a tour everywhere. I can't wait. Also, we're pushing up the on the deadline to order shirts to come downtown if you want them before the holidays. Just to be safe, you should give yourself like two to three weeks for them to ship the order because if you catch them in between like Prince, then it's gonna be you might get your ass. You might get your

cheeks clapped. Oh, also, I'm gonna be auctioning my chicks clapped. I'm gonna be auctioning off some some paintings before the holidays as well. I'll get them framed to make them look nice. Nice, dude. And it's all going in charity. The guy's name charity. Yeah, it's her. No, it's a stripper guy. No, it's a hot stripper name. It's her brother. Come on, man. It's a brother's name. A girl named charities, bro. The St. Jude's. It's going to St. Jude. St. Jude's penis hospital. One percent of it will be very funny that there's only one Jewish saint and he's the one that's always asking for extra change for kids. Oh, sure. Yeah. The hospital is for sick kids. They put on clown noses and make the sick

kids feel like they're gonna say Jude is the patron saint of asking for maybe rounding up the dollar maybe to two dollars for the dollar and seventy eight cents. Why not? Just give me 12 more cents for the kids and for the for their incredibly well compensated executive staff. It's for the kids. Yeah, they used to have before movies would start if you showed up like 30. I don't know why I've done that in my life show. You get to them like sometimes. I don't know. Maybe it was my dad's fault. I don't know, but I would do that. We would get there pretty early. My mom would do it too. My mom used to do that with like the airport where it's like we have to fly somewhere and she'd be like seven hours

early. Fifteen hours before the flight, you know, and then you're just sitting there fucking pissed. I hated that shit. Yeah. And then she wouldn't let you buy anything because it was marked up prices. Of course not. Yeah. I mean, nobody should buy anything in the airport. You should shop live from LaGuardia. Yep. I stole. LaGuardia. The LaGuardia is asking for it. So easy. LaGuardia is walking through an alley with a mini skirt on. Okay. I'm telling you, LaGuardia should not have been wearing that. I think I'm lost. I think these con bars are lost in this alley. Putting the cash register all the way over by the magazines is 50 feet away. That's right. I usually just eat one while I'm waiting. That's more. Yeah.

I just I breeze past the register and I was like, I didn't want to buy this, but it touched my penis by accident. So I feel weird putting it back on the show. I'm just gonna throw the way out there. I'm gonna throw the way out there. I'm just throwing this out because it touched my penis as I was walking past. It would be wrong for anyone else. I know I was worried a kid might get my penis germs in his mouth. Yeah, I'll keep it down. All right. See you later. Yeah, I'm going to Orlando. Oh, it's my first time in Orlando. What's up, man? Yeah, no, I just saw your your fucking Marlins hat. I thought maybe you were also going Orlando. Yeah, my penis touched this kind bar. Yeah, no, it's first time flying.

So I'm pretty excited. I'm pretty excited, dude. Before this, I've only ever been in a truck. Yeah, the only other type of thing I've been in is a truck, I guess in an elevator one time. Yeah. Yeah, no, I was I was yeah, I was looking at your hat and I walked past and my penis grazed a piece touches my penis grazed all the parfait cups. Yes, you know, sometimes it's because I like using this the whole when I pee. But a lot of times I forget to put my penis back in, especially if it's one of those bathrooms where they say employees must wash hands. It's confusing. Yeah, because, you know, I mean, which is it's weird that, you know, you're only supposed to wash your hands if you have a job, but I'm I'm actually

working it. I've been working it. What's the funny place for that kind of work? Boston Market. Yeah, I got a job there. I start when I get back from I got I'm going on a trip to Orlando to celebrate. I start next week, but I got a credit card and I max it out. Always wanted to see Disney. Yeah, because I just I really wanted my childhood dream was always to ride an airplane. And I didn't know where else to know at Disneyland's fucking cave. But I figured if there was a package and stuff, so it was like $15,000 to stay at Disney World in the castle to stay in the castle and you get to fuck Cinderella from what up from what I've heard on Red Eat website. All right. Time for lunch, folks. Which button

do I press? The red the red button. See.