The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. 239 – ass me up

Episode Date: December 23, 2020

here I come

all right then here we go right oh right oh have you seen Orbson sure you haven't it's not it's a movie we got to watch the last hour and a half why don't we throw it on I wrote after this I did a whole movie while doing karate really yeah you wrote it I wrote the movie and I directed the movie nice dude a lot of people don't realize that in your when you're Jason Statham I think so that's awesome Jason a transporter so they have to then they start doing the Hobbes and Shaw movies because Vin Diesel and the Rock hate each other so much I think so there's too much sexual tension and you know what Vin Diesel can fuck off really

the rock brings so much to that franchise mm Vin Diesel is dead weight wow dead weight yeah he's the emotional center of the movies well I mean the best entry in the series he's only in it for one scene at the end I'm talking about Tokyo Drift that's right right right that's fair but the rocks not in that either to be fair well when they brought the rock they really changed direction they did it became more it became less of a franchise about family which is what I love cars and it became more of like a heist like a sort of like dirty dozen like high super action squad which I like those films in that's that's why they

did it is to get guys like you'd watch them right because movies used to just be for Hispanic teenagers right right right right right guys who were fucking working on the ship it can you believe it's like they had the Honda but also they had the 180 sx yeah can you imagine if you had like imagine having like imagine but imagine if you could like if you could have like both of those cars now before but that's like they did that in the movie like there's a guy who has like he's got the 180 sx but he's also got and you know they did the SR they got the SR swab in that you know and then he's also got like but he's also got

like you know but he's also got like a prelude a trailer yeah he's got like a cool like a like a prelude prelude and then I remember a while ago I think he said like best type of guy to be kind of guy whose girlfriend wears a von dutch hat and drops a bandana to kick off a street race yeah yeah that's that's what that's fucking that's a bad guys who aspired to that guy my girlfriend's busy tonight she's hosting a race yeah I've been that guy before they can't afford lights so they need breasts yeah Adam you've been that guy yeah but I didn't have a car so you don't have a car no what were you racing for shit I

wasn't racing for anything oh your girlfriend was just the center of attention yeah she was just slutting it up for the guys when I was a kid I was in USA at the end there's a woman that comes out and she like shakes her tits yeah and I was always intimidated by that I was like I'm never gonna be a crowd of people and see tits if you beat cruising USA on the hardest difficulty level you can fuck her at the end that's like customers revenge that's what I that's what I did in my life life is kind of and they there's in there's white guys white guys you're kind of playing on easy mode truce dude you should do a

bit about yeah I saw it on tumblr they had this analogy for how white got privileged kind of like playing life on easy right wow like a video game yeah I never thought about life I never heard of that analogy that's clever that's good yeah you know what I heard about cruising USA if you unlock the super extra hard mode there you can play as Al Pacino and suck guys off at every single rest stop you stop at mm-hmm you go back to cruising you do cruise in USA I hope there's some come here knock knock I'm here to suck dick hips ellipse hips ellipse that movie is oh gosh that's a great fun that's a great

fucking flick it's so I just saw a guy and he's got a great ass then I want to fuck and I want to stick my dick all the way up it wasn't you just when I thought I was straight they make me suck my dick again I get my dick sucked by a man again say hello to my little ass dick okay let's think of that gets hard when I see a man something like that yeah Adam you want one do one I was just thought of one but I think Nick's already done it on the show just try it the inch by inch speech from what the instead of saying it giving you a best shot yeah just do

what you cuz I don't remember saying I mean I'm sure we've done this joke exact no I don't think we have my inch I'm taking his cock into my eyes see did you need the fucking you know being outside of the city I feel a lot more loose a lot more like I can try out some bits try different stuff there's not that a wall see what sticks you know there's no laws up here it's just fucking speeding we're in international waters yeah we were thinking about getting a yacht I found one fifty so we can fuck guys in international waters and we wouldn't be gay it's not gay and it's not yeah it's okay we've got a 55 foot

yacht but also if you get pussy in international water so that doesn't count either so it's a double-edged sword and then I can gamble on you know who's gonna come first that's right it's just you know let's wait about think maybe about ten minutes maybe before we talk about stuff we could gamble on yeah I think you're might you might be right give it ten minutes and then let me check my brain nope oh nevermind yeah no more there's not gonna be any kind of gambling for the rest of the year it's Christmas today isn't it was today Nick today is December 23rd wow really 2025 wow I gotta say I'm so glad COVID's

over yeah I see there in mid-November Joe yeah yeah thanks God Joe Biden song yeah Joe Biden he's he's president he believes in science Kamala and Joe just like a male-ass white boy people were getting sick and out again pussy we're all gonna get sick but we got pussy everybody's getting pussy everybody's getting pussy we're gonna make it so everybody gets speech pussy would you say Adam Hillary tweeted oh yeah she's I didn't click on it but Hillary tweeted on an article that said other countries have a social safety net we've got women oh my fucking god that is I thought that's true I don't even know

what that means it means women have stopped me from getting sick many times in my life so I never I've never even used the health insurance I have a girlfriend yeah yeah yeah I think Hillary saying if you get pussy you don't need student loan debt forgiveness okay if you get enough pussy which I had I do by the way but I don't know if that applies you don't have to pay your loans because I get so much pussy I just tell Sally May or wherever the fuck that you're a pussy getting like that's why the student loan crisis happened is because it's not enough pussy to go around well you you put Sally May who respects that I'm not

paying some beach back bitch Sally come over here this better have my mom I don't know Sally may pussy on my dick we don't know the Sally Mays black none like black pussy I was thinking sat word to the motherfucking DJ quick okay oh I see yes yeah I didn't realize the quote would you say Adam I don't know that's what I'm saying Sally may fuck you yeah fuck you fat fat fanny may you think I'm gonna pay some British at the word for British ass yeah it's actually pussy pussy yeah fanny means pussy fanny pussy yeah Google cheeky fanny also which sounds like a pussy sounds like a gay guy that's like spreading rumors in the

office right right right it actually means just like a big fat old pussy really well I kind of like it cheeky fanny you like a big fat sloppy puss why not it's fun but you say fat do you mean the little the lips are the part the pussy part around it oh there's just a different vulva is the word yeah that was that was a classic joke what do you call the useless skin around the woman or uh-huh you know oh right yeah that's a classic sexist joke yeah what do you tell women with two black eyes what's that you beat it beat the shit out or something like that I forget it's nothing I was that classic I think you

already told her twice yeah now you beat her if we don't condone we didn't write that joke and that's not the kind of joke we stand for yeah here you know I don't know no one needs to know and we'll keep it moving go ahead will will has the floor or say on my own podcast is how are women and bowling balls similar how's that because you fill all three holes and leave them in the gutter now that's not funny by the way my favorite street joke of all time is why are there no Muslims on Star Trek mm-hmm because it's the future there's like there's no

religion of any kind there is you know it's like it's a plug-and-play you put anything in there except the other but you're into the closest to Muslims on Star Trek because they have a they have a faith that you know inspired them to do terrorism right and as we know I mean it was justified don't get me wrong yeah they were resisting a military occupation but you know in asymmetrical warfare you know things happen absolutely where it was Captain Kirk shooting down Bajorian children for flying kites no there's the Cardassians are killed the Cardassians the Cardassians were Israel the Cardassians are

Israel yeah lucky yeah the bad guys are what is the Dominion it's the shape shifters the Cardassians and the Vorta and then the Jim Hadar okay and that's wow well you missed it we did a whole Gene Roddenberry thing on the show recently you would have you know Gene Roddenberry yeah Gene Roddenberry got a lot of pussy we found that out well his wife is a recurring character throughout all of the Star Trek series and then open relationship oh really yeah he fucked up yeah he couldn't stop like he's like yeah you know I gotta get my space pussy I invented space you expect me not to clean up on it I'll put you in

green pussy yeah that's the whole point he you get to think up a type of bitch hire an actress to look that way and then fuck her yeah it's truly more powerful than God Gene Roddenberry is a widow because like you know he died I think probably like early into next generation and coincidentally that's in the show start getting good Major Barrett went on to be she played Troy's mother over many episodes of the show there's also the voice of the computer on all of the federations check she steps he stayed in that bag for sure respect respect I was thinking about this the other day because I've been

watching you know I'm doing a lot of self-care recently yeah me like you know Star Trek looks good that's my that's my comfort that's my comfort space right you know of course Cisco is my comfort character yeah but on the on the second episode he's insane by the way every brocks every bro he seems like if you seen that documentary that's like the captain's no no it's just interviews with all the captain's I mean he's my favorite but I can see I can see he has that yeah he's crazy no but in the in the very second episode of next generation which was sort of like a big risk to relaunch the show with the

holy new cast or whatever data gets his dick off on the second episode we second and only time he becomes trans in the second episode data gets pussy yep from who the one who dies in the the blonde haired one who dies what's her name Tasha you're nice damn fucks Tasha yep he talks fucks Tasha you're on the second episode just got to think that you know she fucks he's probably the most fuckable character on next generation it was the second episode and it was like a it was a take on the famous original Star Trek episode with the naked time where they're like on some ice planet and something gets

unfrozen that's like a some sort of pathogen that like when it is introduced into the body like sort of makes people lose all of their inhibitions like bring out their inner most self yeah as comes on to him super hardcore there's the famous line where data says like you know I am fully functional my dick is fully functional just just fucking Gene Roddenberry in a Western suit with his Bolo tie just on the casting cows he's like well on this one well the virus makes you do yeah it's a virus it's a virus that makes people lose all their inhibitions is the idea so we kind of channel that and we'll I'll play we'll

play back and forth and we'll see if you're right for this so you imagine you're infected with this virus I am to and seen let me see your pussy let me see your pussy and we're now in the scene the scene has started and your pussy is not out why why is your pussy one Mississippi to Mississippi before you do not get the role three no there's Texas dose Texas very nice Texas very nice I don't count with Mississippi I count with Texas counting Spanish and I count with Texas why because I got a virus in me I got a virus that is removed my inhibitions see how well I'm getting into the character I still

don't see me no a C.J. no pussy taught that means pull your pussy out let's go let's go I'm burping up sauce over here I'm getting indigestion I have fun I had megas for breakfast I'm burping them up because you're giving me anxiety by now I'm seeing I'm not showing me your pussy I'm not seeing your pussy I'm just imagining lawsuits and that's not where I want that is not where you want me to be okay I drive a coop the villa you know how big the trunk is in that fucking thing you think you're the first actress and I'll pull her pussy out go ahead see what happens see how became the king of

space do that Roddenberry killer instinct you either give him pussy you perish those are your two choices that's that's my prom directive pussy or parish is getting pussy yeah dude so shats out to him yet again the king the real ass dude of the week Gene Roddenberry yeah dude so are you guys enjoying your your sojourn here in the in the Berkshires we've enjoyed it a lot yeah love it here man we said we made the fire today in the other room we got a fireplace yeah we should so we should sit around the fire wash a fucking movie yeah there's a TV in the fireplace room too of course dude we should finally watch

battlefield earth I'm thinking now that we get the Mario Party going let's get Mario Party doesn't have enough boards that's the thing I don't like about and they should bring back the dueling gun it's only four boards right there's no guns anymore the dueling glove sorry I like the dueling was a glove you would slap each other with yeah I'm gonna go I'm gonna do that I'm gonna go to one of these antifa protests and slap somebody with a glove right what the fuck is that I'm like I don't know I feel like I feel like dueling is gonna come you know like these are like all these like you know like like like

Trump rallies and like antifa street brawls like everyone's sort of kitted themselves out with this like you know like you know mint like order-by-mail armor yeah like I'm just imagining someone rocking like to a Nintendo power glove yeah well you should I fuck out of people I want to go to a protest but dressed as like a like a like a foppish dandy like the part is like the scarlet pimper now and bring like a like a like a fencing sword and just see who kicks my ass like you just have a costume that's so in Congress that like it just makes everyone wonder like you know what side is he on help them just help them and

unite against you yeah really cause create be play the peacemaker by getting your ass good isn't there a guy that basically dresses like that there's some guy that dresses like it's the 1800s I would say that like you know in a good chance if you're the more elaborate your costume is at one of these things like the more likely that you're on the the magus side of things right in terms of like armor and like that kind of bullshit yeah like if you're like 300 revolutionary war they're going for yeah they're going for like special forces and they landed moonrise kingdom yeah fucking I like the really fat guys that

are wearing like a bulletproof vest that just like don't even cover their titties come out yeah their side tits are spilling over just squirting out the side that rocks yeah I'm gonna go as a black guy from twisted metal who's got arms as wheels oh that's cool axle yeah fuck you see who gets mad at that yeah I would just go is from road warrior put spikes on yeah I would have a fucking that would be my shit that's how to be mega style I would go as a bowser bowser I would put on fucking like how shoulder pads put spikes is that John Wick Bowser did shoulder pads I'm gonna have tight leather pants I'm gonna stuff so

my cock looks awesome yeah and I get like a deal I found a website that sells pretty realistic looking cocks yeah that I guess it's for trans people to put like they're like super dude they look all they look awesome and I cuz I thought it would be funny to pretend to cut your dick off in front of somebody yeah remember this I put my not those fake dicks I made for the sketch thing yeah those are good thank you those are really good yeah why are they still pretty realistic penises for people who are looking to like cheat on a drug test so I think yeah like the the next the next I mean dude these were fucking there

were so many different types there were so many different skin tones they looked real because I pulled one time to fuck with my roommate I pulled a knife out and then you know usually you pretend you're gonna stab him but I was like I was feeling inspired so I pulled my cock out and held the knife to my dick and I was like fucking you know give me a hundred dollars I don't know what I said but I'm gonna do animal house style cut my dick off and how funny it would be to cut your dick off in front of somebody else so if it's a realistic looking dick to go to go in front of somebody you don't know very well and chop the head

off that would be pretty funny wasn't there some famous like French performance artists that like cut his dick off on stage full of people I was like like right before he did it like a car backfired outside everyone like looked outside they're like what there was a there was a famous it was some like you know Van Gogh famously his girlfriend yeah maybe now maybe you'll suck this now bitch well tell you what there's a place where you can cut your own dick off really yes where's that Mack Walden that's all I thought they sell see that's interesting because as

far as I know they just sell really high quality basics yeah they they well it wicks the moisture away from you this you're spreading you barely chopping off your desk the underwear is so nice that you'll cut your own dick and balls off because you want the underwear to be the clothes show the showpiece not your dick of your body yours that you're your was your central region yeah I'm sick of my bulge I'm sick of my cock to everyone being so fucking disoriented I want to pull off my my old my tired of women using me for my dick I want them to appreciate my underwear yes yeah that's that I find myself I want them to

rub their pussies up and down my underwear I'm tired of being used for my me too mate I'm trying to be used for my if you want to be just a sexual object the Maxwell Mack Walden dot com how many how many times if you had you know you're with a lady it's getting heavy she's unbuckling your jeans yeah yeah yeah she takes your pants off she she's a mackerel than underwear she's like her eyes light up she's like oh my god can you take these off and can I get these in my pussy it gets a bit further she pulls out you know the moneymaker and it's just you know that her face just goes blank yeah you could

see her yeah she's all the way out behind she's like oh man put your underwear like underwear so good she'll ask you to put your dick up back yeah that happens to be all the time well and like I was saying I have to take the underwear off it's because all it up where so nice all it up and put that in her pussy and that's what she has sex with well I'm just sitting there with my soft dick and I'm jacking it off with just my thumb and my first finger and it's not hard this hot because I'm saying do you like this am I fucking slut I'm a fucking little bitch I'm a slut I'm a slut I'm only fans fuck my

not fuck my Mack Weldon fuck my Mack Weldon and so Mack Weldon has cucked me in many shit they just added this year of underwear thing it's it's like you can just get like a whole supply for an entire year yeah which because they only they used to only have like a three-pack and then that this is like I couldn't they were out of stock for a while yeah it's been like months trying to get because your dick feels so good in these in these fucking on yeah no I literally threw out all my other underwear and I only got Mack Weldon shit now yeah but I'm gonna pick this up how much is a year of underwear it's

$272 that's a fucking steal it is the whole year well yes well are you tired of buying new underwear every time you take a shit every single time this box it comes in imagine I would put that in my living room that's a beautiful box when bitches come over I'm like guess who doesn't wear diapers it's not time of year like an advent calendar for a new fresh piece of underwear does look like an advent calendar mm-hmm that's real nice this it's the Christian underwear mm-hmm yep they sell a lot of shit not just underwear not just underwear they also there's some kind of promo code or something there's a promo

code that you could use you could buy shirts crew necks the shit's anti microbial it wicks anti-guide guy clothing all mm-hmm come town 20 good which we'll mention later but I just want to make sure that okay and that'll get you 20 we'll mention it later we don't have to talk about it now I come town 20 is the okay that's the promo code that's the promo code that's the motherfucking promo that's a promo code no I that it's real easy comes in a nice because I like all my shit nice mm-hmm I'm tired of buying for years just living off a pair of underwear from Dollar General I bought after shitting

myself yeah mm-hmm while drunk like well let's see how long this pair yeah and the answer was 11 years state in the rotation yeah get all the bullshit underwear out of the rotation throw out the bullshit underwear I'm telling you gotta you gotta start from the foundation up you treat yourself right you get a nice comfortable pair underwear you put that on you get nice socks mm-hmm you know get a t-shirt get a crew neck wear a nice t-shirt we put all that on and then you stay on the couch all day doing heroin that's right you know yeah you look so good but you feel good and your cock gets bigger it does it makes

it grow now that I'm a another I'm a podcast millionaire I never wear the same pair of underwear like dame dash I only got like dame dashes socks yeah underwear right and I don't I don't you still a paper other I wipe my ass with the underwear of underwear but I'm not I'm not an asshole I'm not just being wasteful I donate all the soiled underwear yeah yeah yeah yeah a lot of people say you know homeless shelters they you know people donate the winter coats but they don't have the socks they don't have no underwear you drop it all off and the woman behind the counter is like what the fuck and it's like that's

not very the army of you soldier right you better fall in line right and you general salvation like that very much and you remind them of their duty who's your commanding officer lady yeah exactly right Santa Claus it's that Santa Santa probably Santa Santa's the Brigadier General that whole fucking shit they still do what happened that's the Santa you never see this no I mean for years it was gone this is another thing I've been out since salvation army Santa gone in the last couple years and also snake guys in New York gone snake guys like a snake guys would wear snakes oh yeah yeah yeah then in like they

disappeared like 2015 2016 that's a shit right I haven't seen a guy with like a python on the side that used to be that used to be a thing there was just always like fucking snake guys did you were you the one or maybe with Christina somebody saw come down 20 Mack Weldon.com 20% off if you don't like the underwear you can call them in complain and they will refund you that's what I was gonna say and you get to keep the underwear and they also have a whole long line of basics like t-shirts sweat I already said that they already said that they got a duffel bag they also got a loyalty program now Mack Weldon blue

you sign up you get that year of underwear you get some kind of points you can spend on the fucking socks or the shirts that's incredible antimicrobial silver line they call my Mack Weldon blue because it's the opposite of what your balls will be yeah it's cops gonna be getting pussy and it's gonna be a cop police only this is veteran owned on it's a veteran veteran own company came up one of the leg holes is sealed up they come pre-sealed up pre-sealed up an extra small dick area sealed up

it's a camo you saw camo dickless underwear absolutely no space in the dick area space for the cock after your dick when balls were liberated from your body of Berlin by a team of the world's greatest surgeons after you have your dick was replaced with pieces of a Humvee transmission that's right don't even bother trying to buy this if you haven't put a machine gun in a Afghani child's face because you won't get it you fucking regular pieces of shit so if you're one of those guys with no dick no leg yeah and you serve the u.s. honorably go to Mack Weldon calm use promo code come town 20 a big thing now

those the like the the former operators who come up from war and don't immediately you know sign up for some private mercenary for us is like they have all these coffee company like black right coffee there's like operator coffee yeah and they're like yeah you know don't don't drink Starbucks like you won't fucking if you're not gay in the culture wars the coffee house is like they think that that's the bastion of liberal yeah or leftist like revolutionary life yeah there's all these things that rednecks like that they like have to just pretend like there isn't an inconsistency because it has

nothing to do with ideology it's just nice coffee is good yeah yeah and then what I loved for a while is that the like cultural nexus of America was small town Starbucks yeah I had replaced whatever mom and pop shop Walmart destroyed just replace the local economy right yeah and then they have a Starbucks where guys would go to like which is a fast food restaurant yeah we came this like public forum you know I mean you could go in there and you like point your gun at the barista yeah exactly right Jesus right Jesus is real on into the pledge of allegiance and you're gonna say the pledge of allegiance with me

and I'm gonna put it I got a GoPro hooked up to my head and this is all being broadcast on twitch immediately that's right they're like sir we can't do that and they're like wow wow really discriminated against so funny that conservatives spent like a decade trying to cancel Starbucks and it didn't work and then now they're getting cancelled and like what this isn't fair what the hell yeah it's nice try rednecks I get Starbucks in trouble for not like I mean what an awful position not that you should feel bad for a company but Starbucks just like they had nowhere to go yeah it was just no matter what

they're making a wrong the putting people's names on cups was the worst thing yeah it's giving people too much too much freedom yeah and yeah no I think I think Starbucks will continue to be a cultural battleground and I think like for a good 30% of the country if they want to get you know a latte or you know nice a nice to moca chino or something they will be demanding that they will be saying what their name is you know Trump was legitimately right right stop the steele yeah stop the steel my name is stop the steel that's my name put it on my name is Starbucks is stuff is gay what the fuck that's my name at

full slap his body you didn't slap his press I'm not you're not gonna say that you're not gonna fucking disrespect me you're not gonna disrespect me where they sell bacon-greer egg bites it was a throwaway call those are good those are awesome very good the suit beat egg bites yes very good yes come down is brought to you by the suit I wish it were I wish it was I love I'm gonna reach out to reach out to Starbucks I like their pastries to people sleep on them yeah they sure fine but the sous vide express the espresso brownies the came really fuck up biscotti it's just well those are just packaged from another

company that's fine what do you think the fucking pastries are you know that's them fresh yeah they have artisan their scones are bullshit making scones tastes like something I'm gonna suck my dick and make it home when I've never gotten a scone I was like let me make shitty bread and put blueberries in it and then I wouldn't having said that I would eat a scone right now I'll make you scones I'll make you scones do you really know how to make scones yeah they're easy is it just what is it it's just flour and water and blueberry and then you get trashed and put it in the oven okay that doesn't sound like I make

blueberry scones they're eggs or just flour and water it's not that would be that would taste like absolute dog yeah that's just that's at home I'd love to see on the bake off on the great British make-up yeah but I don't really know how to bake shit I've been making those like Chinese buns those look good and it's relatively now yeah bow yeah bow making that making that gelatin I still have not figured out mm-hmm but that's the next it once all this is over get there but I'm committing the next three months in my life to making Xiaolong bow that would be awesome yeah Xiaolong bow yeah I just realized bow is the fucking

means dumpling I guess a little bow and Xiaolong it means some other shit Xiaolong is the basket really yeah Xiaolong means like little basket whoa yeah so your dick is a Shao dick hmm no she's a Xiaolong dick because you're a long dick you're right Xiaolong sorry after the stuff is well looks to look who walked right in the no I didn't I said little basket they said your dick is a long dick well no I said I didn't say long yeah you did Xiaolong but dick Xiaolong dick Chao if it's an exclamation yeah I didn't say Chinese that's a funny language I didn't say Chao long dick they're just going around

Ching this Ching what if your name is Ching so how do you tell the difference between that and the rest of the language that's true do you imagine meeting a guy named stop sign that's why you're the best in the business imagine meeting a guy named how's it going that's true that's what it's like over there whoo and then it's an episode where Elaine dates a Chinese guy yeah I loved how Seinfeld every single person that wasn't Jewish was just like the biggest caricature of all time yeah it was like Jewish people than ever like a lithium

like hey man I'm just trying to cut hair yeah it's like the barber yeah the black guy was just an even more Johnny Cochran type guy it's Kramer's lawyer super restaurant guys who told you to suck my penis who told you to give me I don't tell you to suck my penis that guy was a funny character he's a great character yeah I'm gonna try to do like Latino characters but they fuck it all up but second the Upper West Side of New York and like every they try to do a Latino character and he's like a cholo from like East L.A. fucking a flannel like dickies on a shaved head yeah the Jerry man was so what's going on Jerry living

two and a half minutes walking from those neighborhoods yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah I love Danny Trey's episode of Seinfeld you just love saying salsa it makes you wonder how what a Chinese people how would they say how would they say salsa they probably say some kind of some variation of Ching or Chong it's a very complex language actually Jerry suck a dick fuck you you fucking bitch but they'll be great of every episode started with him bombing if you edit it out the laughs yeah it did the last come out fuck you we want to see Elaine's pussy I've gotten pussy where's Elaine's pussy sure sure I've gotten pussy girl

friends 12 years old you fucking rape over the entire run of Seinfeld is anyone like tabulated or like just chalked up how many guys Elaine has fucked over she is trash she Jerry probably fucks a lot more Elaine all the time on that show he doesn't even have a job for yelling because I mean the joke is that like you know oh like he's the loser or whatever but he's dated like 80 women believe me I know Jerry I've gotten too much pussy Jerry my dick is gonna fall off Jerry I'm George Elaine we got to talk about this list someone on reddit Senate to Jerry's got his own subreddit comedian and basically everyone in his

life is stalked and harassed by I put together a list of how many people you've had sex with there's way too many yeah it's too many so I'm gonna we're gonna break up I remember she had some guy fly in from Oakland to give her pussy to give her cock remember that guy and she had to get him she lost fun she didn't get him no no she didn't get him to the airport on top he was annoying she's a sponge to clean up all the calm she was that is what that's is about right yeah you put a sponge in your pussy and it gets the combo yeah I can't believe that was a form of birth control yeah we used to put a lot of things in women's

cunts I believe the the original diaphragm pioneered by French brothels and like I don't know probably the 19th century it was a citrus rind and actually the citric acid does work as a kind of a spermicide really well I wonder how that feels in your pussy probably not great I remember learning in health class the girls used to shake up diet coke and sprayed into the right yeah you put a mentos or diet coke if someone put it up there who that's an abortion it was a viral mark in your pussy blows at the well there was a commercial where a police officer fucks Kylie Jenner and he nuts inside of her and then she's like

now I'm gonna have a baby and he hands her a pepsi revenge or die Pepsi and then a guy another guy from the and then the guy from the Mentos commercial comes out to he's like the baby yep take that you fucking fetus piece of shit you fucking theoretical bitch ass fetus no man because I can't wait for me call me to just come in to and take away abortion and she's banning mental and the Mentos gonna fly Mentos stocks gonna fly through the roof once they fucking overturn row versus Wade yeah and then I and then I then I'll have to have a kid then then they can't get rid of it you love getting abortions I love you love

that plant plant parenthood waiting room yeah all thanks to Amy Comey Amy Comey I like beer I feel like those of all probably already been run through on Twitter every iteration of the Amy Coney Coney Barrett Ponds of her name yeah yeah Amy about Amy Coney 2020 Amy Coby Bryant yeah Amy let's see if we can take it to another level all right okay the fuck is that sound that's the dishwasher yeah oh I got one Ang Lee Coney Barrett that's good that's actually really good yeah and it's the Hulk the director Ang Lee the Hulk not getting an abortion any given Sunday yeah oh just just that yeah

given Sunday you know he's giving the motivational speech in an abortion clinic yeah you're gonna be clawing yeah we're gonna dig around my inch to stop that next inch by inch sell by cell the only thing I'm honest is trimesters I forget I can live this life one trimester at a time yeah any given Sunday's a great movie oh yeah it's like it's a later Oliver Stone but like I it's like it's like a two-hour line of cocaine everyone in it I saw Lawrence Taylor fucking right when I fucked her I saw

Jamie Foxx excellent I fucked her the mask I saw Jamie Foxx on like Conan when that came out he explained that Al Pacino kept spitting in his mouth while talking so I think about that he was like yeah he'll yell and just like he'd be spitting into my mouth like doing scenes actually like focus because I said lately yeah like one of the like the like the white things in the corner you're black and just like sort of like what do you do the fucking place I call like it just it just jumped from his lip just trying to do the rest of the scene like not touching his lips together to get that al juice on him Stephen Willie

Beeman dude okay and James Woods in any given Sunday that's team doctor remember the scenery gets fired the Seymour is a doctor where you prescribed blue chew where Jamie Foxx's dick doesn't get me Jamie Foxx's penis does not work he also talked about his cock in that Conan interview did you did you see that episode of Conan I think I remember the one you're talking about but I don't think I quite remember the what about about his dick well he was talking about fucking both Al Pacino spitting in his mouth and he also mentions that his dick was bigger than everyone else that rocks that's such an awesome thing to

casually drop in there yeah but it's also to they have to like feed the questions of the host so Conan has to be like now your dick is huge why don't you tell us a bit about that so you have a very big dick no just in the the scene with James Woods where he gets he gets fired from the team by Al Pacino and then he's got his like his girlfriend there whatever he's like all right all right fuck it I'm out of here all right let's go and he's like come on babe and then she just goes no I'm gonna hang back and I'm gonna stay here too he's like really all right all right that how do you like getting gang

raped by a bunch of Andrew thoughts it was just like what it's like with James Woods like in that role as in any role with James Woods I really have to question like did he know the camera was on or like he knew the cameras on enough to stop but you could just you could tell like he was like well come on it's where the what he would say I'm the character I'm an actor I just I just really watch Oliver Stone's Nixon and James Woods plays a HR Alderman in that movie and there's a scene where he's complaining about the he's complaining about the Jew York Times not being hard also okay no go go ahead

I'll figure out a way to do it he's talking about the the Jew York Times and he refers to the Soulsburger family as gold merchants from Eastern Europe and again I wonder if that was in the script or that was more just James when you get James Woods yeah that's that's that I remember that and what another thing I remember is that if you like sex is if you like sex you'll love it and also where James Woods famously has a very large cock really I think it keeps it that way through yeah but you but you through but yeah yeah it's also to that's why Jamie Foxx had to bring that up in that interview because it's big yeah

because James Woods was just going around he's like well you bet you didn't expect that from a racist yeah really annoyed black guy that you didn't think I'm racist and I have your thing yeah I'm better at rap and my dick now no matter what size your cock is whether it's small like Adams or huge like mine you want to use blue chew calm to get your dick hard because odds are or whatever your race is or whatever your race is it works make that one almost every race some confusion on the last read when we said Chinese people were not allowed to use we'd like to ask you a correction yeah like your correction

pretty sure on our Chinese people can use it those are bad are allowed we're pretty almost 95% sure I'm so I'm gonna say that they're allowed so here's the thing what you want is to get your dick hard no matter the situation and it's no I want that and instead of you know maybe exercising a little bit more watching what you eat or trying to form a romantic bond with somebody where your dick works solve your problem with the fucking pills baby just like everything else keep doing drugs go to blue chew calm you don't have to talk to a doctor I love the way they taste I take them when I there's no even I

had a chance I'm gonna beat off that that's right it's just it's a day have you tried actually I was gonna ask you guys I've never tried wow well we'll sound like you know you stop have stockpile if you want some I think I'm assuming we signed up for someone who you know like doesn't usually have no problem yeah coming on my fucking body real Jamie Fox move over here will talking about how yours the only guy who's did gets hard on the podcast we're gonna have to edit this is finally the falling out this is falling out you thought it would be the the come town

red scare split the did it in but it wasn't it was will getting his dick hard thank you just think you're dick work yeah that's right because of the like yeah maybe it's not working as well as it certainly just like you know if I take a blue chew will it be like it's you know what you didn't hit the nitrous injection will be like you know do you remember getting glasses for the first time one they're gonna need to wear glasses well that's one day one day you'll need glasses when you need glasses and you get glasses for the first time you're like 20 or whatever and you're like holy shit that's what clouds look like yes

there's all this stuff that you didn't think was just mush right like your dick exactly blue chew and it's like glass what the hell this is will blue shoe help me not bust within 30 seconds no but you will be able to fuck right at like not right after you come on but a sooner than however you normally take you to fuck after busting you will be able to fuck so psychological like it's about 72 hours yeah it'll have your time so you're looking at about 72 hours yeah but look here's what I'll say will look does my dick technically get hard sure if I get it sucked a lot if we stop we get some breathers I'm getting top I'm

getting in the pussy for a second specific specific if I'm in can I take it out if you've got an it's got to stay until I bust or it's gonna be go soft maybe the same generic ingredients is exactly those generic ingredients and now I'm really fucking it's a subscription model you sign up they send the pills to you there's no in-person doctor visit no waiting nothing and like there's no bullshit no hard dick you do a Skype meeting sometimes they don't sometimes they just give you yeah I don't know sometimes they say yeah well if your dick is real small they check but me and Nick never do this guy like yeah

we can tell the the weakness of your wrist based on how you type in the website yeah I'm worried this might be a three-year-old girl so we have to do a Skype meeting to make sure you're not an infant girl a child yeah a baby they made me show my my equipment your car yeah and the back of the they made the hole too yeah because they wanted to know if your prostate was healthy delay the nurse practitioner she said turn around then I had to bend down and I had to cough she's like stick something up your ass and then a bunch of change came out of my right that's my always smuggling I don't

know that's true you got to keep your feelings in there yeah he calls that he goes asshole the annex the secret annex yeah so you get his little bookshelf tattooed on his asshole nothing here not see yeah mm-hmm when they let's the Nazis go in there and find in Frank right but under he's got a tiny diary he puts in his ass yep I snitch on in front blue shoe.com he hires me go to blue shoe.com go to blue shoe.com get your penis so hard it'll make you need I'm gonna give you a dick pill will and I want you to let me know how I go and I know it's just four fellas in this house right now but you got it's you got

to take you having a sleepover you gotta take it yeah I brought some of my best porno we got we're watching porn yeah we're getting chewed watching porn and we're seeing how hard we can get our dicks and we're using promo code come town to get our first order free we pay just $5 for shipping yep yes we are BLUEQ.com that's what happened you cut you the fellas come to the woods and we see who's got the hardest dick yeah we biggest we do we call it the James woods challenge. James woods challenge? may ask you something I'm gonna see what is how does he sound he's got like a weird he's got like a weird I like him a lot as an

actor oh he's great he's he's good in everything cuz you know he's so good the pimp I love him yeah I just watched a movie recently where he plays the dad and he's his character is that he's incredibly anti-semitic virgin suicide no it wasn't that oh my Jewish daughter keeps killing herself who's the girl that plays my Jewish daughter my kike daughters keep killing themselves is that the plot of that movie yeah yeah you find out that they're killing themselves because a woman directed the movie this is too shitty this is too shitty to be a part of

this. I love the godfather. I just saw Coppola. It's a bitch Coppola. It's the lady Coppola. No. No. Get at it. I love it. It's a 13 year old girl being like come on the fuck is this? What the fuck is this? I thought it was a guys movie. I'll say something I just rewatched Godfather 1 and 2. Godfather 1 not that good of a movie. Shut the fuck up. Okay I'm gonna get into it. Oh my god. I just recently watched Apocalypse Now. Yeah. No it's good. I had to knock I had to dock it. It's good. I rewatched the last third of the movie with Brando is pretty shitty. I mean I could be you know attacking. It's not as good as the first. It's like like the first two thirds are incredible but like you can totally tell that they didn't know what they were doing. I agree but isn't it because Brando is fat and insane? Well yeah because like yeah he was fat and insane and like and he wrote his own lines. He wrote his own shit like Coppola throughout Milius is like the last part of his script. They didn't know what to fuck

through the movie. Like Brando wouldn't like show up for like days of time. Yeah. But just the concept of him he's playing like an elite special forces colonel who's gone completely off reservation. He's essentially been living with a guerrilla army in the jungle of Cambodia for like two years just doing like assassinations living in the bush. They show up and he's like morbidly obese. Yeah. Yeah. It's just like I was like I'm sorry. This is I'm with you but I guess I surrendered to the movie and it's just like it's almost like mystical really. Yeah. It's like true. It's like he's got some kind of otherworldly hold on these people and like OK so then and then Martin Sheen kills him and then just walks out of the temple and they're all looking at him. They're like oh I guess he's he's Kurt's now. Yeah. Kill him like what. I know. Listen the end didn't make any sense but it was fucking cool. That movie is just like it's I love a movie where it's like it starts and it never stops. Godfather one is

everyone is acting. Please shut the fuck up too much. Please shut the fuck up. I want to become one of those guys who are the first one. They're acting too much. Dude just rewatching that. What a fucking retarded idea to have over the top. We're sort of on a similar level because like oh we're both guys who refer to Godfather one and Godfather two as just one one and two. Yeah. Yeah. I am like oh you know but Pachino and two though. Yeah literally I am one of those guys. And Adam is a fucking idiot. I don't think I've ever seen Godfather part three. I've seen it once. It is. And in fact I've only seen Godfather part two. Like I like maybe once in my mind I've seen all of them and then I watch Godfather one again and I'm like oh I've just turned this incredibly long movie into three movies in my mind. Yeah. It's so long. It's three hours long. Yeah. Yeah. But also Adam please shut the fuck up. All right man. That fucking take I like the part where you

push the orange peel in his mouth. It makes it looks like a monster. It could just be that you like the movie a lot as a kid. Yeah. It doesn't work on you. It does hold up. I'm sure if I watched Donnie Brasco again I probably wouldn't think it's a yeah. It's a fucking game. Actually I got it. Donnie Brasco gets better at the more times you watch. I've seen Donnie Brasco a million times but that happened with Goodfellas. I watch Goodfellas again. You're wrong about that too by the way. No I'm just saying it didn't do it for me in the way that Casino still works. The agree to the goodfellas is way more watchable. Gladiator which when I was 15 I hated that movie. The second I saw Lerner when I was 15 it was my favorite. Oh for fucking two right now. It sucks. It doesn't suck. It doesn't suck. No it's good as fuck. You're all done. You know what I rewatched like once a year that I still like a lot. Troy. Troy's good dude. I saw it. It's fine but glad

it rocks compared to Troy. What Troy. Yeah. I don't think so. I think it's like I think it's just kind of muddled the cover of the Aneed. Yeah. Yeah. The I do remember when Brad Pitt does his first kill in the movie. It was Nathan Jones. The very tall like a very tall guy. Very tall guy. The video of it's from a very strong man 95 of Magnus Samuelson breaking his arm. I think he breaks Nathan Jones. Whoa. The video is awesome doing like arm wrestling arm wrestling. Holy fuck. That rules. Yeah. Cool. Magnus Samuelson. He's like Scandinavian or some shit. So he's like I feel really bad. I think I broke his arm. Yeah dude. I mean I would watch Troy again. I was I just remember being hyped for Troy because I love Greek shit and Brad Pitt was looking hot as fucking Achilles and I don't know. I just remember it ending not satisfying but I haven't seen it since I was a kid but good

fellas. I just I love it. Troy is very Troy is very much like a like a movie about kind of like tropes of masculinity in different ways to pursue being like it's like a good man project sort of type of movie. I mean the best thing you do when you're home he dies is you wear his armor in battle so that people will think that you are him. Yeah. Right. Resurrect. Well there's all that shit. You know there's the fucking there's Orlando. I'm going to wear your condoms after you die. There's a Orlando Bloom who thinks he's in love with this bitch and is like destroying his father's kingdom and putting all of his countrymen to death so that he could get some pussy. So he's kind of like like the figuring Hector Paris. Right. He's Paris. Yeah. And then I mean who gives a shit. It's not

going to get into the whole. The whole Iliad right here. Iliad rules. Yeah. No it's the Iliad not the Iliad. The Iliad is the sequel where it's you know the refugees from Troy. Oh really. Found the Rome Rome. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's right. That's right. It was Romulus and Remus. That's the different version of the Roman myth and Remus is what I is what I call my dick. I'm about to remus it into some pussy. You're about to remus your remus. Remus is my dick's name because I rempussy. Oh so wait that's a different story than. Yeah. It's a different myth about the founding of Rome and then the needed is but the Virgil is the one who who founds. Here's Magnus and breaking Nathan Jones's arm. Look at how much bigger Nathan Jones is and Sam Wilson just shatters his fuck. Can I

see. Yeah. I used to watch that World's Strongest Man. Oh it was on ESPN 2 and ESPN 2 when I was homesick from school. Oh shit dude. Are you serious. That guy is huge. They crunched his shit up. Yeah. Oh you can you can Google the World's Strongest Man Classics 1995 Samuel Sin breaks. Probably broke him his arm. I feel terrible that I have injured him. Yeah. Me. That's what I say after I fuck. Yeah. I'm very sorry that I've broken your pussy. I'm sorry that I have done that much to your pussy. Your fucking hole has been bruised that I've brought your back out like a cuckoo clock. The door is too tiny and I shove my dick in there and kill the whole dancing family. Oh fuck dude. I wish I was a World's Strongest Man. I want to get fucking one. I want to be a big strong guy. They should do the

World's Strongest Woman competition on TV. Yeah. But it's all about their fortitude. Which don't say they already do. They do. They do do it. But the joke is that nobody watches. Nice. Who was it? Was it Tim Dillon that used to do the joke about like the WNBA just being funny. Like the idea that is like what if we let bitches play basketball. That sounds similar to Shane's Special Olympics premise. No. I'm trying to remember who the fuck used to do that job. I don't remember. Yeah. I don't remember on account of my dick is too hard. Is it? No. From BlueChew.com. No it's not. Well folks. But I am about to take some Pepto Bismol and play through the pain because we're about to get pizza. We're about to get pizza. I'm going to be like any given son. I'm about to get shot up by James

Woods. It's where I get numbing agents so I can play. That's for me tonight. I'm about to drink. I'm going to have so many edibles. I'm about to smoke a lot of joints and I'm about to have Pepto Bismol so I can eat like a whole pizza and some wings. If you're stuck with your family this holiday. It's Christmas is coming up. You don't want to deal with them. Go to patreon.com. P-A-T-R-E-O. That's right..com slash come town and you can get access to and we'll be your family. Our premium market for money though. I think 200 there's probably 200 about just about 200 episodes. Wow now extra to listen to. I know that because of COVID there's new people that are listening to this that don't realize yet that this is a double a fascist show where we've repeated the jokes

over and over again for three years. But hopefully before you realize that you'll spend some money check it out and pick up shirts to it. Come dot town. That's right. That sounds and a calendar of 2021. Stabby baby calendar. You want to get that before 2021. You want to get you want to order before 2021. This is your last chance. It's about to be Christmas. I had the 2019 Stabby baby calendar but you know not 2020 because this year has just been too fucked up. 2020 man. I mean fucking it's a hell year. All right. All right. Thanks folks. Thanks.