The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. 240 – hauld my dangke

Episode Date: December 30, 2020

one more year I swear

I just said you hit the record though. I just said Adam. Just go make the coffee Why make the coffee you were the one who asked for it Nick said I'm gonna make coffee Make it I can't hear that stuff. I don't have headphones on hear it because I'm not wearing headphones. Oh Yeah, it's in the the back of my car My car should be locked, but and if it's not the keys are on the code later Just you know you just woke up from a nap. Adam's Adam's taking now. I'm cranky

Yeah, so make some fucking coffee to fix your attitude before I fix it for you. You're yelling at me I'm not yelling at you for everybody. Why are you yelling at me? Nick you're about he's got five He's about to get five across the lips I'm gonna give you a fucking backhand if you I'll give you something else across your lips I would fuck you up at him right now if we fought if we fought right now I would fuck you up. So that's not true. Yeah, I would dispatch you so easily. That's not true Because I fight by Israeli army rules Sorry, bitch. There are no rules white phosphorus. There's that you don't have a man's penises that I will have to

scratch out Gaza by rules just right The Gaza steakhouse Gaza steak. Well, come on into the Gaza steak is Everything comes with him is on it Actually, that made me feel good. I don't need coffee. Oh You better start fucking behaving like going to get in the back of my car go. There's some seltzer I'm not gonna get the back of your car. Why don't you just get in the back of the car? Go ahead and get in the back. Why you keep telling me to go in the back of your car. It's cold outside my station wagon Yeah, yeah, station second station wagon in the crew the state. Yeah, the second. Oh, what are you accusing him of?

Copy, I would have gotten a sedan if it's you know, what do you little 240 percent sedan for sale? But they didn't really What do you say about Adam's charges of copy? Um, I mean, he doesn't even have a car. Stav has agreed with me off the record as you copy here I've never said anything. Yes, you did. You said I'm a neutral observer. He said you got a station wagon I'm stuck at which I'm stuck dick swirling what I got was an old car I mean, it just happened to be my car is old too. It's 16 years old It's your cars your car should not be in the condition that it's in what's the what condition inoperable You have to have your girlfriend fix it for you. She's not fixing it for me

We went out of town and he's like, he's like, babe. Can you help me with the car? You have to have your girlfriend. That's bull. That is what happened. Let's be honest. What are the facts? No, this is you leave and then did your girlfriend fix your car? I have those the facts I left and she there was a flat on the car. She was born who took care of it Who took care of it? I called fucking triple A for her so she get a totally new wheel I had to deal with that. I took care of it because I had a warranty. I had a warranty at Costco She got a new she got a new wheel But she was barring the car for the week in the car and after we were ready upstate

Don't bring my purse. Don't bring my personal didn't even check dramas and didn't even check your car before you gave it To the woman. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, that's recklessly giving a broken car girl friend There wasn't a girlfriend. There's more about you. What do you mean knows more about you? There was a flat tire you're 15 years older than her and she knows more than all right, Nick All right, Nick. How is that there her generation didn't even grow up with cars that doesn't make any sense They have a head pads everyone had cars. It doesn't make it took taxis everywhere It took a lecture. Now you're even losing Stavros on this type of car. What do you mean even Stavros? Well, you guys were both doing a two-for-one and now you're sure he didn't know you did lose me with this car thing

Nothing changed. You did lose me. But what did I lose? I don't know. It's a vibe. I Got too aggressive, but the point Because I got for 15 minutes No, I lost him in coffee. I lost him in terms of the aggressiveness. I was not I did not tell anyone I was gonna make coffee. You did. Why am I in trouble for you woke up? You woke up cranky, right? I didn't wake up cranky. I was I had erection. I woke up with a hard dick and you tried to get me to touch it I woke up and I said stop. I have a I have a boner right now You said I don't believe you I said so you can touch it. I say you can I see it? No?

I say let me see it. I showed you through I want to see your bear cock Okay, well next time I get an erection. I'll show you the bear cock I don't have one right now. The point is listen you woke up. You needed coffee. I didn't eat coffee I'm feel fine right now. You were you asked for coffee. All right If I woke up and I wanted to get my dick hard, okay, right before I took my 15 minute nap We said 4 p.m. Okay, Nick said I'm gonna make some coffee. We'll get it going at 4 I don't remember that. Yes, and then I ended up jump roping. Okay, so you jump roped. I thought you made coffee I just asked oh, I didn't know you had a verbal promise from Nick

I thought you I just asked if there was coffee a Nixon breach your breach of contract. I said I want to have a Cup of coffee. I never said I was making it Adam said do you have a grinder and I said yes It's in the car. That's true. That's true Adam. How do you yeah? You brought your coffee grinder from the city? Yeah, you know what we should actually I didn't bring my I have a better coffee. This is probably tearing the audience what I brought What I brought is they like a little insight to the drama. I brought as a coffee grinder I'm planning on either giving to somebody you're throwing out that just happens to be what kind of a coffee brother I'm like kitchen-aid coffee. Okay Yeah, now that I'm like trying to learn coffee mr. Coffee over here

I got you're saying you're playing giving it to someone that happens to be a woman No, is that what you just said? He didn't say it was a woman. Well, it sounds like you got some Some weird thing. I thought you were bragging about giving garbage to women. Wow, things that you're Adam see this Why I'm saying you a cup of coffee. Yeah, because you're being cranky right now. I'm not being cranky I bought both of you guys Christmas gifts today. He did yes Well, I told you guys what the Christmas gifts are it's already. I don't have them yet. I ordered though. It's already it's already January It's already December 30. I know It's a late Christmas gift you haven't we by this time

I've already given you my incredibly thoughtful Christmas gift. Mm-hmm. I didn't have this here's a Christmas gift Cushy dreams you check them out. Is it? No, there's a Christmas grift to the cushy dreams company by giving them by our friends at cushy dreams If we get we're giving a free Oh, zero effort involved bonus free advertiser cushy dreams on a bonobono check them out Patriot Oh, hold on okay Hey, can you hear me?

It's we're doing the podcast right now. It's it's Robert Kelly really put it on speaker. We can't put it on hey Bob Can I call you back? Can you tell Bobby I said hello? We're doing it right now. Yeah. Hi Bob, but Stavros says hello I'm doing pretty good Bobby. Thank you for asking All right, that's fun doing your wildly popular podcast Okay, we'll call it. We'll put you on speaker. We'll do a wall. I'll talk together Maybe an hour

All right, but Hmm nice to hear from Bobby. It was nice to hear from Bob I did his he's got he had a workout the 30-day less titty challenge is what he was doing I saw I did a workout with him and honestly it fucked my ass a little bit. Yeah, did he lose weight? I lost a hundred pounds. Wow. Yeah, I know that you look beautiful. Thank you It's so crazy you lost a lot of your pounds everything except your breasts. I chopped one of your hot First of all, I don't have breasts even at my fattest. I didn't really have breasts I mean I've grabbed them before not really. I'm very funny to claim that you don't have breasts

I don't really I've left hand palmed you and right hand this way. They could be way worse. That's true I fuck girls with smaller titties than you. That's not true. Well, you know what? That's true But that's on you. That's not my type. That's on you're like that's like saying, you know, I know I like big natural You don't I'm on yours now. Now. We want to talk about copying Mr.. Xerox over. Yeah, I've loved I love Station wagon meanwhile, but Nick bought an old car to work on have you done a stitch of work on your fucking? Carmelo soprano wagon. No, fucker. You haven't done shit. I have done right now You're brought in somewhere replacing the fucking tail. I bought it and immediately got into an accident. Okay, first of all

That was not my and now you rear after after that was bragging about fucking women with small Cannabis user. It was a cannabis user by the way the Long Island Expressway They made a sudden stop and I was following a little control your vehicle Thank you maintain control you can't go from from saying you fuck girls was most small it is to me Which by the way, I thought all types of on your behem. I thought all women with all different sets number one because my tits are not big They're little and they don't look that good if it was on a woman I wouldn't be that thrilled if I had tits like mine now as a fat man These are the best tits you can possibly have but on a lady. These are not good tits

Secondly, you cannot you cannot establish yourself as a guy who fucks girls with titties like this and then in the same breath Claim to love big naturals. I've always when I have been on the fucking record since before this podcast About loving big ass making copy Hey That's you Is your copy of her out of the three of us? It is my thing That liking big in this well-worn in this whole yes copiers jammed on beer asshole number one We've got a dick jammed in the copier. That's number one. That's true. Please empty the copiers mouth. It's filled with cum

error error the copiers Been knotted in and it's jammed up with nut from copying too much so That's you by the way the the copier mr. Xerox All right, man, the Batman villain listen didn't bother me that you got the second station wagon the crew It's just officially the second station wagon the crew. That's all you keep bringing this up as if I give a shit. Oh Cool, I don't care. I'm just I'm just putting something on the red

No, you're not mad dude. I don't sound mad at all. You're being trolled and I had a great nap I have a nice day you have been trolled have a nice day No, that's right. You were you have been you're trolled. Oh, I've been trolling. You're both you're trolled I've been doing a long-term troll on you and then the trap is nearly set Really nearly set fuck you might think you've had little victories all along the way. That's why you're making war but the war I Have fought a war of attrition For years. No war of attrition. That sounds like being trolled to me. That's me. I didn't even know a war was going on I was just having a good time jump roping. That's right eating pizza. That's been left out for three days

I was like, is there any more cold pizza? There's plenty. Yeah, there's all of the this for some reason the meat lover That didn't get touched despite having a huge meatloving copying piece of shit right here in front of me. I Wouldn't describe That way what oh Why would you point a stopper? He pointed at you loving stuff now You're lying to the audience Yeah, and that's I've never lied to the audience and that's something you guys both of you guys every single episode It's be lie after lie these kind souls

You think they're gonna fall for this little fucking stunt I'd love to have an argument for the entire you think this is how this they're gonna fall for this I think it's finally time. We have an argument the entire episode People think the premise of the show is that we bully at him, but the truth is that's never actually happened No, it's never even got we've never even gotten close to bullying. No, no, we just have to we keep them in check I think what you need to do is go make a little coffee. You can't kill a man who's already dead You have to go make a little coffee. Well, you can't kill a man who's not even a man. That's right You're killing a woman a little girl, baby. Who's not even born yet your girl sperm. That's true

Listen, Nick, you're always you're a little sperm with a pussy instead of a tail. Yeah, you're always you're a girl You're a sperm. That's like hey boys. You've always been jealous of me because I'm 18 months older. It's a we all know Everyone knows that everyone who listens knows Nick wants to be a I feel so fucking gay Because my birthday is late. Oh nice is leaving you better bring pizza for the crew if you better bring that made lovers Please any you better bring the whole fucking pizza beat lovers That's right. The beat lovers beating off

So what they call everything bagel at the place you went to the tornado suck Lee's suck Lee's delight. What the fuck only one slice you're fucking insane. There is an entire pizza Give me a slice of that and go have the sausage I'm the guy who ordered pepperoni mushroom. No, I was in his chair the one slice that I found There's a whole fucking I would have brought more slices if there were more sizes Let's see we wow There was only one slice left I guess did you guys are midnight snackers? I had a slice at 340. I was close to 7 a.m. That's what happened

Yeah, it's weird because I'm during the day will and I were hitting the Frank do I'm a daytime guy wake up. No, I'm a night time now. Yes. Yeah 10 a.m. I'm gorging myself starving mm-hmm I cry pattern when I'm really in the fucking eating zone We the first meal of the day is around 5 p.m. Oh, cuz I'm I'm so fucked up off what I ate last night That I can't even stomach the idea of eating anything. I love that dude Walk, so most walk us through most of the day is spent recovering right? I wake up. We should see if we could get Ethan

Sure would Strauss. Yes, the basketball basketball guy. We should see yes. We should get Indiana Jones Who wrote the victory machine who perox? I'm sorry, Ethan the fat Nazi. Oh, yeah. Yes Shut up. You think supply. Hey, I'm sure he's a boy miss world. He's got he's got his own podcast Ethan suckly is about diet and exercise. Oh shit But we should just bring him on and see within an hour if Stov can destroy his life. I probably I don't make I can't be near that guy. I'm a big fan. I'm a big fan, but I shouldn't be around is the worst I just fucking what he would be everything. He's worked for you're his you're his Courtney love. Yeah, he can you can wait to that guy lose like It's awesome. He's having a hundred pounds. Yeah, he loves about four thousand pounds

He was real fat. He was American history. I see his fat. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, it's good now. He's like a powerlifting guy. I can't be around that guy cuz yeah We have a really nice time. That's the thing. It would be an awesome relapse relapses are the best Yeah, the first few the first week of a relapse. There's nothing better in the world That's what now I I get to enjoy November and December and just eat whatever the fuck I want and be like a complete piece of shit Yeah, you know because it's the ant and the grasshopper That's so true. That's what I've been eating. I've been eating bugs I've been eating nothing but an ant and a grasshopper every day. That's very that's like Adam type of amount of calories. Yeah

You know what? I'd like a chocolate covered bugs. Yeah, if I would have to get a bug so I Forgot. Oh, yeah, we need ice cream. We haven't had ice cream once this trip We haven't had ice cream the entire time. We got to get ice cream Tonight's the night fellas. I feel it. If you thought I got high as shit the last I didn't know the same The same the same cousin whose makeup all I ate when I was a kid Uh-huh. I was fat as shit and I would make fun of her for being anorexic because she would get like a salad Like make a healthy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Well, you're having two McDoubles. Yeah, right. I can't breathe

Okay, I just have half a pancake Nothing nine of them Yeah, maybe pancakes for tomorrow, dude I would love to have the flat top buckwheat pancakes tomorrow We need to fuck up the flat top make pancakes make fucking burgers and cheese steaks. We should cook in the fireplace Let's know it's not red dead redemption We should cut off a Chinese guy's skin and make soup out of it Nick's trying to make explosive bullets with butter with butter and fucking

Uh-huh skeet shooting around trying to open up the anarchist cookbook. Hey y'all. I made my own pornography out of awful Now we can set up camp in the living room beat each other off What is awful it's just like dried whole rat is that what it is. Yeah, isn't it? It's a rodent. I think I don't know I don't know gristle. I don't know, but I don't made the mistake of leaving the pizza on the couch Maybe it was a mistake. Maybe it was a deliberate mistake. Maybe it was a trap that I said mistakes have been made I got worried about you last night because one of these days you're gonna just die No, you thought he was gonna die last night when I'm not the one who fucking did How much cocaine all fucking night talking about global warming fake so nothing to worry about over here

Mm-hmm. I was getting high as fuck passing out to John Travolta. You're you also did cocaine. You also did a little bit Okay Okay, to be fair, I forgot I did cocaine I did green and my heart was pounding. I did cocaine green tea and watched money train Did you guys finish money train? I I went upstairs. No, we only made my way through J. Lo is fucking tan in that movie We already fucked her. I fucked her and you know, you know, I fucked her now to say no You know, I did the other no, I fucking woke up and I saw my Amazon. I'd been looking up like how to buy like official vaccination records said doctor you're unvaccinated

To say that you got the COVID vaccine well all of the vaccines because I don't have any no I have I was vaccinated I just don't have my medical records. Oh, I don't want to go like get another Vaccination or fucking can you go? I don't know your mom. Well, but she seems like the fuck a pediatrician You don't know your pediatrician. No, I never had a consistent doctor. Really? Yeah. No never. How about you? I'll go to the doctor when I was I had a very very very sick as a kid. Do you checkups? No, never I'm still that's how my guy dr. Salihi. I'm still very close to my pediatrician You're one of those guys that go that went until he was 27 mm-hmm mm-hmm as long as you're still on the nipple You're allowed to go to the oh, yeah

Mm-hmm, and you bottle feed I put a nipple at the end of my dick and trick Adam into sucking it Mm-hmm. Can you ever do that? Yeah, you have tricked Adam into doing a lot of things I've actually been tricking you to do more things. No. Yeah. Yes. I have like what I Don't want to just buy a station wagon. It adds like pleasure to my life because I have a project and something to work on instead Of a thing that's constantly broken. I have I have girlfriend to handle it for me having a flat tire I don't know what to do having a flat tire you were Because the keys weren't working Can you bring all your tools over here and help me never mind my girlfriend? No, you didn't fix I fixed it

You I didn't do anything. I was staying at home. Wait that happened to me not you your girlfriend Really? No because he lacked the wrist strength to put the key no Nick Nick try to fix He couldn't I did not even come over what happened was what happens Remotely close to your car your girlfriend had to fix it. He's absolutely lying right now. It's so funny. What do you mean? Oh, whoa, I don't remotely come close to the car You didn't go into the car and put the key in the ignition I went you said the wheel was locked the car was not you called me up He said I can't turn the car on or move the steering wheel and then anyone would tell you just pull the steering wheel a bit

That wasn't what happened. That wasn't the problem. That's it. Yes, the battery was dead I said just push the steering and then I came over and it's like a push-start ignition And then I said oh, I don't know what this is But I didn't try to fix your car battery was said and my girlfriend didn't fix my car your girlfriend had to fix your car I heard that you didn't fix it though Adam No, I just I I thought initially there was a dead battery. I was pissed when my keys stopped working That was annoying. Mm-hmm. My car worked and it just I had to pay some of some Greek guys like $700 because they ran dying. I thought they were Pakistani

I try I went to the Pakistanis They were so rude that I had it shipped over to the Greek guys that I can trust mm-hmm Damn that the world that occurs making us dinner and it smells great It smells better than my fucking little dick. It smells better than Adam has ever smelled this lie. That's true You probably haven't smelled better than Bolognese. What? My body. Yeah, your pheromones. No, I'm getting into sense. I told you your pheromones can first of all that's twenty twenty culturally that's Cheating don't worry. I never ever say this word cologne one time around. Can I say this as the last episode of the year?

I just want to say you have an awful attitude today I don't know what happened during your nap I feel fine No, you know what it is. You know what it is. I'm standing up for myself We're not even going after you you like to start it off. You're like you copied my station wagon You don't like the fire. Well, you're the cop. I was lightly teasing you. You know that it was a light tease It was okay. That's fine. I'm not we're not even going. I'm no one's going after you here. Yeah, your attitude is bad I've been trying to talk about PlayStation 5. No, you haven't brought it up one time because I've been trying to and you keep saying

I've only sucked 18 digs. I've never said that you did You've been saying that my I've only sucked 18 digs my car is broken because I had a flat wheel in the mic That's a fix fix my car for me. Mm-hmm. All I'm saying is you should have if you had made the coffee No problem if I have to have you he plans He manipulates the situation to plan to be out of town because he knows he'll get I want to kiss the tow truck driver That's true. And so yeah, okay If that's true, then you're being a good boyfriend if you're keeping yourself out of temptation situations with temptation We're the touch a driver comes do that and he's so hot and he's got so much grease on his overall

What's that movie is the last temptation of Christ about is it about sucking cock? No, it is about no well It's about getting pussy. Yeah, which is awesome. And who wrote that a Greek guy Who scores easy? No bitch. That's exactly and it's about it's about what Adam? It's about getting pussy. Is that the joke answer or the real answer? Both it actually is both in this case. Yeah, all right. I'll give him that it's a great movie I'll give him that it's about getting pussy, which is cool. It's funny that they managed a movie about God and His biggest issue is whether he can get pussy or not And that's the kind of God that I identify with yeah, your God's got power great is our God

I got is a horny God come down this year was brought to you by cushy dreams Oh, this is nice We're doing a little the people we love the most thank our sponsors manscape. We got some new players My book you got a G my book you got a G manscape all of them You can use promo code either come down or come down. Which one of the two folks Yeah, and this is what we like This is the kind of thing that we do that separates us from other podcasts because people that buy the premium they think Well, we don't even get to hear ads. Well, guess what right now. This is not a premium episode

I thought you said it was no, there's just no ads booked for that. This is a regular. Oh, nice Well, it's a regular no ad. Yeah, I got because I fucked up when booking the year and I thought that December 30th or the week of This episode would fall into January. I see you don't book that because it's the radio week and the radio week would fall Into the next fiscal year. What is radio week? I don't know man It's just some shit where there's like there's 52 weeks out of the year and they like people buy ads. That's too many weeks People buy ads for the beginning of the week, but our air dates are like, I don't know I just fucked up there should be 48 weeks and we should get four weeks vacation

There's one week that like fell through the the fucking cracks and it it's this week. So There's no ads sold I see I see that's all right, but we do want to thank all of our sponsors They've all stood by our side Despite numerous multiple Thursday Let's not forget Thursday Allegations which have never been proven. I'm trying to like yeah like negotiate these reads for next year And this is one of the sponsors has like a specific clause that says that if any of the hosts are accused of sexual misconduct They're allowed to cancel

Well, yeah, it's like one of their stipulated I Can assault someone yeah, it's like I can beat a homeless person like you can cancel contract whenever you want Yeah, just like we can stop doing this show whenever that's right Is we may just leave that's right. We'll catch the checks and you'll never hear from us again Yeah, what are the one of the best days of my life? Actually, it was a terrible day It was the one worst days in my life. No, I think about it. That's quite the reversal Yeah, what's a what one of the other? I don't know. Yeah. Yeah. It's like 18

I was working at a gas station and the job sucked. I hated it course My girlfriend at the time showed up and she had a bunch of like booze in the car Hmm, and I was supposed to be working from like 7 a.m. to 8 p.m. And it was like 11 and she was like, let's just go get trashed and And I was like, all right I went into the station and I told the African guy. I was like, I'm leaving. I'm not working anymore I'm gonna go get drunk That was one of the worst days of your life. Well, then yeah, then we've got drunk and fought for two years

Damn man, that smells so good. I know I want I want Um Paula Dean stove top mac and cheese never had it that you ever had that stove top is not baked I think no they do stove top and then she bakes it. Yeah, with a nice crust on the top I like a crust. That's that's that's the good stuff right there. Yeah Fuck Thanksgiving's coming back already happened Thanksgiving's coming backwards. I think I'm hoping Korean barbecue restaurants Were open on Thanksgiving, dude. I'm hoping they did go. You know, I'm taking my cousin my cousin's birthday was several months And so I'm taking him and his girlfriend out to nice

To Korean barbecue if you want to come when when you doing that and next week when I got back In the way Thanksgiving or no, it'll well close the Thanksgiving. Yeah, I'll see because I got I'm probably gonna have some visitors That week I might be yeah entertaining while I'm planning is like just you know fucking make it rain or whatever It's nice Korean restaurant. So oh, yeah, well, that's all are welcome. Thank you. I've already set aside 10 million 10 10 million but I want to I want to do it before they shut the fucking city down. I know Which they have done. Yeah, they probably have done by this they just shut down this or they did shut down the schools on November

18th, that's they shut down the public schools. Did they shut down the schools today or 18th, there's no de Blasio even showing his fucking face in public. I don't think so. Yeah. Oh shit. It's November 18th There's too many goddamn birthdays in November November and April for me are like I just feel like a fucking asshole every three days because I have like really yeah I have a bunch of friends that all have bird birthdays in what is it? Gemini season? Yeah, what is it? Scorpio in April is the Scorpio season. That's very sweet. Nick It's very sweet of you to remember. Yeah, my birthday month. I have like two friends that Let's see what zodiac is it?

Okay, good, that's that's it off. You've done it. Yeah, November. It's like November 17 18 19 20 I have like fucking 10 friends who have birthdays. I've ever run like that in July. Yeah, it's like three friends of my dad See, it's weird. I don't know anybody. I've like rarely anybody that has a birthday in July In fact, I dated a girl whose birthday was in July and I used to routinely have to like find excuses to look at her ID Because I would forget what her birthday is. I knew it was in June at first of all, there shouldn't be two months with the same I agree with that in a row. He just said yeah, yeah, June and July is the same. I used to always forget my mom's Birthday, but I know it now. Yeah But I used to think it was in May and it's in March. Yeah, my dad's birthday is in March

And I'll forget his birthday routine. I'd like I've never I'll never remember it Nice fucking but another other birthdays in March. I know a lot of girls with early March birthdays Oh, yeah, me too. Yeah, and what I'm saying. No, I mean, I know where they live Never seen their birthday. I know their social security numbers and there's nothing you can do To hide to keep me from lurking the birthday. Remember I'm Michael Douglas I Somebody told me it's your birthday. Do you want to have sex? Do you want to have sex you want to show me your pussy? Do you want to have sex in my Toyota to sell?

Beep beep beep. I'm outside It's your birthday And I'm horny is the war of the hoses and it's Michael Douglas and Martin Sheen and they get married and then their marriage falls apart And they have to get gay divorced That's awesome. We should have like a decade of gay divorce movies. I agree. They're coming like gamer versus gamer Yeah, gay guy versus even gay or gay guys. Creamer versus creamer. Yep I like that a lot I was I was very specific. I wanted to deal those in the divorce Mrs. Doubtfire

but this time Mrs. Doubtfire is on keeps the children Sally fields her like cis woman wife is the one that loses her kids to her trans husband yeah absolutely because you have to be trans the courts yeah the courts to a friend to not give custody to Mrs. Doubtfire yeah yeah yeah because they don't want to go ahead I dare you you'll appear at nightmare they're like yeah after the Brock Turner judge lost their job I can't risk it it's definitely the same thing gives a kiss yeah pretty much off social media is that letting a rapist off that pass out girl I'm not trying to end up like that like that

that good judge it'd be funny to be the Brock Turner judge like we also find out that they were dressed like Judge Dredd when making that that's cool yeah it'd be cool okay about to do some wild shit as a judge you should do this you should get the helmet dress up his dress I get that cool helmet I am the glass of eyes I don't think it was that bad that he raped someone you get four months or whatever nice pussy rookie rookie rookie show me your pussy rookie you call it rape in the first degree sentence zero years punishment nothing Sandra Bullock that's a good call rookie good call rookie good call I can't

believe Sandra Bullock would let him off it's not Sandra Bullock it's the second one it's the second one the better one come on dude I really that's a much better I really like that it's so good I recommended it to my dad my dad's like I hated it what you gotta kill your father I'm like I don't understand anything I don't get you it's over for him this seems like it would be right up your alley we got to take him out back and shoot him in the amount of times I had to listen to his like oh I was watching the special features on the Guardians of the Galaxy you're pretend like you're too smart he was like there was I mean

like really nothing like there's no intellectual value to it it's like of course there isn't yeah it's just rocks cock the second from the second you press play till the end it rules yes that's that's the value that's all it's supposed to be the drug that's the people getting fucked up and slow mo yeah he's like it's just people getting shot in the face and slow motion it's like yeah it's a B action yeah it was a fucking loser and the action is really good yeah there's a little pinch of titties if I'm not mistaken a pinch of titties just a little sprinkling not as much as I would have liked I love when

he just throws that bitch off the roof at the end it's so and then she dies in slow motion he's just looking down in the his final line in the movie when at least in terms of all the conflict as he goes yeah and that's it yeah yeah yeah yeah that's a good answer cool yeah shuts out Carl urban call it rookie is that is the penis six and a half inches not that bad looking but probably not not that trouble staying hard trouble staying hard not particularly pleasurable look call it again you must have written it must be jammed sounds like you're getting a wrong read on that right here I am the law so maybe put

turn your helmet and don't stop looking suck it for a second and then do it and read it again it gets much bigger give it give it a suck a couple up and down so then give me another reading maybe like my ass so call my titties eject me off and then read it again but you're gonna my ass is the incendiary round yes quick up lift up my bicycle up and tire on my asshole and then we're the engine do a wheelie into my ass do a wheelie into my asshole key yeah that's a good ass movie bro that's some absolutely good shit what's the

next movie we should watch well let's do some film reviews maybe stop you could tell them that by the movies you've been watching no I don't feel like it alright no one how about that you don't tell me what fucking gets done I say what gets done tell me what gets done then zip just feel your tits that go ahead feel them honestly feel them you're telling me you fuck see you try the much bigger handful than is there no I'm just holding something else in my head try it again tell me these tits are you fucking girl with tits like this that's a handful you're pathetic it's a small handful it's pathetic I've definitely

fucked small handful then they're smaller than this I've I'm just saying that's in the category of small handful I'm not saying it's a big handful whatever man shape like this no my tits aren't shaped like a woman shit they're not they're shaped they're more like horizontal like they don't they don't do a bell curve a nice beautiful they spill over I do need to get the horizontalness of my titties under control it's kind of like a fill fill Margera kind of they go like horizontally no that's not the correct comp I think it is I have a better body than fill Margera I'm just saying it's

the same it's the same genius it's the same phylum no breast you know what fuck you let me take a look at fill Margera's breasts and I'll tell you right now and I'll tell you right the fuck now I don't have big tits though Phil Margera breasts I don't think he does either yeah you're right in comparison to his tummy but instead of film Margera it's film I janna mm-hmm yeah okay I guess kind of similar film I take it back all bam don't feel me would come come on come on bam don't make me into a cream pie cream pie your dad come on but dad it's in your name dad your name is Phil Margera

come on bam don't come in my pussy yeah you're watching Viva LaBang with bang Margera bang my Jaina that's awesome his name is bang now and his dad is Phil Margera bang my Jaina and here's our my mother April my Jaina her name is still April and don don't be don't be don't steal my China and Vagg himself yep that's right and then Ryan come Ryan vagina Ryan you done filled up my pussy with Ryan done yeah Ryan done filled my pussy up with calm mm-hmm yeah that's right oh yeah that is correct that makes me come on my pants did fuck yeah fuck how dark it's about to get yeah it's already I really don't fuck with it 30

right now and the Sun is down such as this is fucked up at winter day such as bust winter on absolutely sucks my dick ashes to ashes but winter absolutely sucks my yeah I agree I'm a summer man I mean fall is the best we got we got to do this again dude we got a fuck we got to go to Puerto Rico in February I'm so anyway Puerto Rico and if for the super special listeners we'll be having a secret show in Puerto Rico we're selling two tickets and you can't look at us you know how big to be a hot girl big tits you got to fuck us that's the secret secret show is getting fucked in the air but you gotta fly yourself going from

room to room in the air B&B yes mm-hmm and then afterwards we're going to the jungle they got there and then we're having dinner in San Juan okay and we're going out to San Juan for I guess we could just get three girls instead of sharing the same girl yeah we're having a secret show where three girls come with us as a Puerto Rico and we pretend to be in a relationship for a weekend that sounds awesome and we don't do the podcast no no we still gotta do the podcast we still do the podcast but we're doing a secret show where we all fuck all three of us pretend to be in relationships with women for about a

year that's too long and I mean to be never really just a weekend we never really commit to the relationship and you've lost the ability to feel any connection yeah and you're one year closer to your 40s when you look back and you're just turning into one of those guys that you just like just disgusted yeah when you were 25 one of those guys that you would look at and be like well at least one of those guys I'm gonna be that fucking little target fixation on and you said oh please god no as you inch closer and closer like you're one of the self-fulfilling profanity conveyor belts in an airport

you just drift through life that's correct listening to elevator music while you become that guy I can't wait and that's the secret show yeah which sounds pretty good I would like to give some Puerto Rican pussy in Puerto Rico that would be cool yeah I wouldn't if I were elected secret shows are actually they'd have to be secrets now because they're illegal that's true yeah yeah I'm not doing any shows till it's outside again oh yeah me too out of you know concern yeah I'm back to being scared about the virus yeah but cool if we could get like a secret show like your own secret show why are you why are you back to being

scared about it because the numbers are going on yeah yeah but it's not a different virus no I know because the numbers that's it and it was in flu season she gets more I don't know just based essentially just because of the numbers I'm not real worried because New York is not anything like South Dakota North Dakota wherever the fuck it's really the put you know everyone's getting their dick hard over there but I'll probably just get back home try and get trying to get jacked in my house and I mean I'm really I'm at the point now where it's like you there is no reason to look at the world and say this isn't

the way it should be and think you have any ability to make it the way you want so you should just look at the world and say this is the way that it is how can I ignore it and fuck off yeah you should you should that's what I'm saying I'm gonna sex in the N95 no no listen I just don't want to be in like at parties or in like you know indoors with a lot of people I'll hang out with a few people and I will absolutely get pussy through this that's one thing I will not mm-hmm I'm not willing to sacrifice that's that's getting top yeah I can go about a week before I start getting very horny and I need to get some fucking muffa

ditch muffa ducheliani but you know am I gonna fucking and should I be doing shows in December probably not as my thought process my sexuality now is I got one of those old wind-up teeth thing with the feet on the bottom I have that guy eat my ass yeah I just put my ass up my desk and I have that guy that sounds awesome are you jacking off or do you say do you just slowly come no that's all I want I just want a little little woodpecker little piece of teeth eating just dentures just chomping at my actual hole yeah nice just pulled on any damage sounds hot yeah I'm one of those little woodpeckers from the

Simpsons we're drinking water and I want that to dip into my ass that's cool every once in a while mm-hmm Adam what about you what kind of toy do you want to fuck you in the ass what would I want to fuck me in the ass or your ass someone I was loved really yeah is that why you're talking about how much you love nice one bro guys earlier do you remember that Nick quick on the draw whatever God damn Christmas time I'm gay I can't believe Christmas I wonder what this week is gonna be like in New York City it's my favorite week of the year mm-hmm no no fucking movie theaters the Christmas brutal New Year's

week is the best week of the year I'm really gonna miss I'm really gonna miss movie there's no movie theaters yeah fuck I took probably gonna suck taking ass and watching Star Wars last year was the best it is empty yeah I took I took movie theaters for granted I was doing it just it shows me before this pandemic how I just didn't do shit ever I did nothing I didn't I lost nothing no friends no fucking life whatsoever I did nothing that's so fucking funny I just fucking like work out need lunch and maybe watch a movie or read a book once a week and that's it yeah dude so in many ways you run effect are you gonna

start living for the first time when when it's over what do you mean when it's over you get a vaccine or whatever nope nice thing he's doing this shit I'm not getting the vaccine Kamala Harris already said we should not get the vaccine she did in the debate she said we're under no circumstance should anyone get that's right that's right she definitely didn't say that yeah no she did say that what if Donald Trump says the vaccine I'm not taking it which was stupid really she says that the vaccine is like oh if it's a vaccine is it ahead if it's a vaccine that Donald Trump promotes she would not take it that's

weird that's smart you think it's smart yeah why because it would make him so happy if she took it and it really hurt his feelings if you didn't it was filled with come I I made come and I made her take it and now she's got my come in a brain they injected it into her brain and I she actually she was the one she said all this is true mm-hmm don't ask her don't anything she's she's lying now because of the way the come is affected her brain but I tricked her she was tricked and she's got my jizz in her body mm-hmm so I'm getting the vaccine and I'm gonna go to Greece oh yeah I'm getting that fucking mother

fucker I want to travel I want to I want to fuck I want to travel to I want to do a fucking us tour this summer I was basically every city I'm just gonna start falsifying my vaccination records and then do that too your mother strikes me as someone that didn't vaccinate her kids oh is that my mom who you've never met that's how she strikes everything that I know about her peaking putting the pieces together yes we're your father strikes me as someone guy who sucks I had sex with your ass that's crazy because he strikes me is that too yeah I'm sorry I shouldn't have

said anything about your mom yeah yeah you shouldn't well his mom strikes me as somebody who sucked my dick also oh my god dude so that's if we're talking about what our mom strike each other with thanks for no problem for you actually it's funny you actually strike me as a guy who is a guy in the dress in a little pink that strawberry dress everybody was talking about yeah you were wearing that no I've been fucking I've had all my back to although I never got to like follow-up vaccines for hepatitis and I had to get that done when I was like 25 because I went to it I got my blood test you get that when you're a

kid you get it hepatitis I think you have to get it to like go to college or something yeah that's that's probably why I never got it right I don't think I got any shots for college but the time at a Chinese welfare doctor and she was like oh you don't know hepatitis I was like oh and then I got those done nice nice I used to love welfare doctors actually you know what I should I should hit up that office because if they knew I didn't have probably every record they might have my records but like good luck what I'd Google Chinatown doctor mm-hmm what if you get all your full records you find out new things about yourself like

what I don't know like you have different parents or something is this somehow this work they'll be kind of cool dude who do you think your parents are Adam who would you wish your parents were it's two women two black women yeah like yeah diamond and silk those are too bad bitches right there yeah but if I'm trying to get my balls sucked by a diamond in my nut my my nuts licked I'm sorry by diamond in my dick sucked by silk mm-hmm and then I bust I wonder what they're gonna do now that Trump when Trump isn't the president anymore what do you mean diamond and silk yeah but what do you

mean you wonder what they're gonna do they're gonna get like a residency somewhere they're finally gonna be on their lunch break which is the thing they've wanted they've skipped their lunch break that for a year those women have been the press for years those men women first time in history have been showing up right at 9 a.m. mm-hmm you know damn with their hard hats on ready to get to work yeah I am not on my lunch break well Donald Trump is president you have my solemn vow I'm here that I'm never on break January 21st they're going on break one they're hitting the vending machine hot fire Cheetos that's

right as much as you can handle mm-hmm sprite remix that's right you have their own private stock yeah they're getting the cabin up here yep being on break they're gonna go on time and silk are gonna get a cabin you're gonna get Cheetos in a hot hot cap Andy caps hot fries fries grow their nails out absolutely yeah their nails are now 17 inches long mm-hmm they're picking up hot fire Cheetos from the other side of the room ooh girl it's the Cheeto she 17 feet the other side of them grabs a Cheeto out of a tiny bag and then as the Cheeto makes its way across the 25 feet of the room she goes girl all the way

the whole time yeah yep and that's sick man that that that shitty little piece of watermelon on the plane on the way to Australia it's still the hardest time I've laughed it's the hardest ever that's pretty good yeah I should go back to Australia I know stop doesn't want to I don't really want to that much I would go but it's just such a fucking you know so far away yeah what have we got a private jet sure what have we got a boat that you could be in a relationship with I don't want that like a large ship mm-hmm again is there girls I can fuck on the boat oh I forgot that how the

hypothetical works because you shouldn't I don't marry it what he shouldn't have given him that he's allowed to have sex with the girls on his course I am what the fuck ship itself is your how do I fuck a ship bro the stern no the sails first of all he's not giving me anything I choose my wife he's offering me a different style of wife are you still hard not so hard I lost my erection fucking loser I'm torqued up my dick is what percentage of in the middle of the night when you're sleeping is your penis hard pretty hard is that just how it is I think so I think in your sleep it recharges you're just for real your dick

is recharging dude it's not fair if you can't get it hard when you're awake but it's tell me about it when you're asleep it's like God is laughing at you mm-hmm that's that's a mean prank I would like to get my dick sucked in my sleep though so in the off chance you're getting your dick sucked in your sleep God is a guy has you has your back but it's not like a sexy boner it's like a pee boner you could be can be pretty fucking you can get it sexy but it's like it can be pretty nice yeah I've only been woken up to get head once in my life and that's something I really would like to fix the numbers on I would love to be a woken

getting my dick slurped yeah that's cool that would be really tight that's one of my favorite stuff things to have happened getting jacked to getting jacked awake mm-hmm that's pretty nice too maybe we should all go in on a Cinnabon franchise I'm listening yeah this is your first this is the first investment thing you said that I'm a hundred percent on board with yeah I would love to just we should use them no time for doughnuts we do it after dinner dude what do you mean after don't crack doughnuts now we got special doughnuts from somewhere we'll got us doughnuts from where I don't crack their niggas gonna

have them all from will showing us what real friendship is what are you talking about we don't really know we think it's all about why are you looking right at me while you say that will is showing you a real friendship is why you laser you're staring into my soul while you're telling me will I don't my glasses on his dark I can't see anything it looks like you have laser sights on me no what you're feeling is energy guess what kind of doughnuts apple cider apple cider doughnuts great I guess first also that I say it first stop got a little bit I think I said I said it first I said it first I don't try don't try I said it

right well we'll see about that no I we already saw and I said it first when you listen back to this it'll be all we'll check that we'll check that way that's fine for everyone at home just know he doctored the tape I don't know how to doctor anything yeah you do you know who's showing somebody in a picture they're cocked and is my cocked on PST it was Eric no I don't think it was well I think it might have been yeah I think it was very cloudy after using Photoshop just again just go listen to that episode there is yeah yeah it was worth it the four years of this show yeah it feels like it just to arrive at

that moment yeah yeah especially because you dick is small yeah let's have a moment of silence for for the Eric and a penis for Adam's penis for being so small damn that food smells so good I know what it how long do you think it'll take to make a bowl in this three hours have a little some snacks I guess my comments about will knowing what friendship fuck will dare he will can go to a little place I like to call gay hell oh we're gonna need a snack that's true yeah yeah exactly and not those donuts because that's the dessert it's dessert you're such a man of restraint I'm not I

just want to go crazy in a certain way you're like an order this monk medicine I'm a fucking I'm a drug addict who knows the order they likes to take his drugs that's true and if somebody fucks it up for me I get like to start off with the upper and then wind down with it I do a donut is definitely a downer yeah damn ice cream should we get ice cream I can't wait to have let's go get a vanilla ice cool no where the fuck do we get ice cream but does anyone know where to get peanut butter for my dog I'm trying to help them take medicine well it's a dick pill it's a day dog is gonna fuck me in the ass what I'm

trying to get at here is I Mickey Mouse huh huh want to make Pluto suck my dick oh I thought maybe get it you get fucked in the ass my Pluto so here's the premise Mickey Mouse the Mickey Mouse show I first pitched in 1919 some of my friends at Walt Disney Studios okay at the time I was just a mouse yeah your steamboat Willie weren't you not yet I was just a mouse okay I said the idea for the show is I work on a steamboat mmm but I have a dog who sucks my cock oh wow and they said maybe there's like a cat or something that your boss I said all right fine I'll do one for you one for me one for me and eventually when we you

know we get this does numbers I want a dog that sucks my dick we're getting a dog that sucks me off and then they came up with goofy because goofy used to mean queer back then queer meant you know he's just a goofy kind of guy a dandy or something queer men goofy and goofy men and they swapped and they switched them you know like pink and blue back in Victorian time right and so goofy was supposed to be a gay man who's a dog the dog's head and I said I don't want to get my dick sucked by a gay guy I wanted to be a dog sucking my dick they said okay well I don't know if we can really get away with that and I came up with the

idea for Pluto which had been a recently discovered planet right so it was hot it was hot hot Pluto was a hot I was on fire back then Pluto it's me and that's where I came up with my idea for 12 rules for life like a self-help guy I thought you were Mickey Mouse but it turns out you are Mickey Mouse yeah oh he does love cartoons I love cartoons cries about like Pinocchio they're gonna change the cartoon so it's not Mickey getting his dick sucked by Pluto they wanted to be Mickey and and and goofy in a relationship together disgusting as far as I'm concerned two men being gay is

gross and not as funny as a man getting his dick sucked by a dog and although it is funny we will admit that it is not as funny as getting your dick sucked by a dog they want to force pronouns on us instead of everybody being a mouse or maybe like a duck that doesn't wear pants I'm Donald the game I want to see don't let me ask you this mr. G Jack how come we can't see Donald Ducks penis that's a good question that's what Marxists want they don't want they want that's a great question you and other Marxists hmm they don't want I'm sorry I did not do my due diligence and I did not know that she's Jack and Donald Duck were two

different people I was under the impression that you were a pantsless duck and that I was a mouse that gets his dick sucked by a dog do you think anyone with that specific speech impediment has gotten more pussy than Zee Jack what do you mean with like a yeah yeah probably yeah I guess he does get that I would I don't think that would prohibit someone from getting pussy but yeah she's like so he's like he has had say eat my ass buck oh Jordan that's not very nice I'll still at least a buck oh didn't didn't JP get a coronavirus who knows if he's even alive no he was like he got his daughters

killed he went to rehab selling his organs he went to rehab for meat yeah he went to rehab for like fucking clonopin addiction clonopin and only he only ate meat yeah but I don't think that'll send you on the seasoned meats I think of like you can you like I think humans are pretty resilient you can live off like there's a Chinese guy that just eats like airplane parts and motor oil yeah mm-hmm we're pretty we're pretty cool in that regard that you can basically eat anything a lot of people don't know that that's true I don't know well look at stop stop eats food I food anything isn't he poo and food it's like all

that guy stop loves to eat anything he's glad doors I've never eaten I've never eaten we each curtain I've never done we don't drive up here we've been feeding him that doesn't even like all foods yeah he's got very strong opinions on what foods you like I think I might be maybe misremembering but I do recall on the 4th of July stop ate all the firecrack I never and then they exploded out of his ass necessity did that 4th of July we had a couple years ago when I was pretty fun you invited a bunch of people over and no one came that was not even what happened no I had like five people and no one showed up because it was me you

Peter Mooth those out of Peter Mooth didn't show we had to go to Peter Mooth's apartment to use his roof to take naked pictures of you and then he came over for sausage no mean you had the whole morning to ourselves and we ate sausage on the balcony and then after that we went over and took naked pictures of you on Peter Mooth's roof I feel like Peter Mooth was there while we were grilling no I have pictures of that day I was involved in a few of the early photo shoots I remember yeah but the point is he was there he was there at some point Peter Mooth it's when he busted out that fucking crystal impression oh yeah

crystal crystal yeah come over here show daddy your pussy what one of the greatest formulas for an impression is the same line over and over again just changing the white trash name at the beginning oh yeah crystal go ahead and suck my ass yeah I don't want to do I want to do this whole bit all right well we shouldn't all be on our phone well now how do you guys know what it feels like I'm never on my phone you're on your phone I'm always actively what are you looking at on your phone he's looking at is it or is it healthy to eat curtains I've never eaten curtain yeah you see

my fitness ball and he's like yeah he's like fuck this is not even on eating MDF dude I'm not Google searching chocolate curtains that's for sure I'm not looking there be a big guy being like why are all the piano keys missing did somebody eat all the piano keys somebody think the black piano keys were liquor yeah he thinks anything brown is chocolate you can't have brown around him that's something nice and brown for you yeah my asshole my delicious little you're unwiped yeah he ate the lawn yeah he went out there and he ate all the firewood he thought it was chocolate he thought it was I did it

looks kind of like chocolate well I guess we'll have to make a pot of coffee here yeah coffee we have a nice dinner coming up dinner and then enjoy enjoy your New Year's guys it's we love you thank you for another year thank you for another year hopefully if it's getting your dick so it's an easy year and the very least the show will continue to get worse and worse yep but you'll have something to you have something to listen to twice a week probably and you could listen to all the ones over again so that on patreon especially we have done patreon.com slash come town you have access to over 200 episodes that are

behind a page right 2020 this was supposed to be the last year of the show but the world the world made that impossible god so yeah it made it so now there is no alternative you literally cannot do anything else other than be a positive and podcast yeah word or sex worker or get fucked on only fans yeah and you don't necessarily even have to get a lot more honor in that sometimes you don't have to get fucked and a lot of your pussy or play with your pussy play with it dot com play play pussy station played play pussy play pussy come on bam don't play with my pussy play pussy play pussy