The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. 242 – Zer0 (inches) Books

Episode Date: January 13, 2021

Doug Lain of Zer0 Books  joins us to pitch his youtube channel which has community strikes against it, and I twist his arm into making it about big tech censorship. he's not a fascist or glenn greenwald so you're not allowed to get mad about it.

Like you, we don't want to do this either. So we're going now. This is the show. Welcome to the show. Welcome to the show. If you're listening, we're trying out something new. We got the phone plugged into the board. Yeah, we're doing a call-in segment like sports radio style. And our friend Doug Lane. Is it Lane?

Yeah, Lane. We're close friends, yeah. I didn't know if it was a good buddy. It could be pronounced line. Lane, no, it's Lane. Are you and Doug? Are you related to Nathan Lane, perhaps? No, unfortunately, no.

And still differently, I think. We got Doug Lane, famously brother of Nathan Lane. Nathan Lane's brother. Also gay brother. To talk to us about his experience on the set of Mousetrap. That was a pretty crazy movie. Yeah, they got that guy. They got that fake Robin Williams to be in it.

If you remember. Oh, that guy, yeah. The plot of the movie is a mouse has escaped from Richard Gears' ass. And he's being chased around the house. And they got, yeah, they hired three former members of SEAL teams. Real quick though, because we recorded one episode. But I did want to say up top, because it's the first episode we've done since the Capitol Hill thing.

Rest in peace to the guy who shocked. His nuts. So hard he died. And then we can get going. That's the first thing I wanted to say. We have Doug here, and it's good timing, because I would personally like to go off about censorship. But considering the current context, it wouldn't be received as anything other than me being a Nazi apologist. Doug has his own issue he's dealing with with big tech silencing people.

We can have Doug on discuss his issue in a way that won't make people send hate mail to me. Wait, Doug, real quick also. I can't guarantee that. That's fine. It's the kind I can deal with. Real quick. This is one thing I will say, is that the hate I get from like frog Twitter people. They'll just call you a faggot, and then they stop. That's easy to deal with.

It's the people that expect me to go to them for absolution, as if they're like a priest. Defending whoever. Who are these people? The other half of the people on my DMs. I've found that the mute button works wonders. I'm constantly ratio on Twitter, but I have no idea what's going on. Unfortunately, my mind, I don't work that way. And if somebody comes to knocking, I'm yelling.

I can't hold back. You gotta put that shit on mute and go about your life. Go for a little walk and make a fucking salmon. I have nothing to live for. That's true. They argue with people online or watch the grassy. I don't want to spoil my dinner, as they say. Consuming too much to grassy at once.

I want to spread it out over the next year or so. So Doug, you've got, what's going on? I briefly read over what you said, but YouTube is... Also tell our audience who you are. Yes. I'm the publishing manager and publicist for a book imprint called Zero Books. I'm also a writer in my own right. I've written some novels. People should Google me and buy my book.

But yeah, I put out YouTube videos to promote the books that we publish. And it's sort of like a left-wing Marxist, Kami kind of imprint. And so I put out these little, like, faculty critical theory videos. And they are usually, I try to be topical to get the clicks, right? So like I'll be talking about, I don't know, Adorno, but I'll be talking about Jimmy Dore. Very topical Jimmy Dore. Yeah, Jimmy Dore. People are still talking about that.

Extremely topical. Jimmy Dore, you go outside. You ask any 14-year-old who their favorite comedian is. And they'll say Jimmy Dore. Wait a second. I remember those motherfuckers. Corkheimer and Adorno, they were doing some shit, right? I took a class a couple of years ago. What did they say? What did that motherfucker Adorno say? Adorno was a Frankfurt school guy who said that there's no such thing as poetry after Auschwitz.

The fans are gonna love that. He said he famously said Auschwitz was the most beautiful thing that ever happened. There's no way to create a meaningful art because nothing will ever top Auschwitz. Wow, that's fucked up. Someone said that about 9-11 and I kind of do agree with that. Adorno said no one's allowed to have fun if I'm in the room. I think that's what he said. Anyway, a few months back, actually, in November, I created a video about the great reset.

You guys heard about the great reset? Yes. The Prince of England is trying to create a new world where no one's allowed to call him gay. You can fuck as many children as you want if you're the Prince of England after the great reset. We need to save capitalism by making it even worse and keeping the people in power for even longer. But in a different way now. Yeah, that's basically it. The great reset is actually something like the Goldman Sachs, the World Economic Forum, put together as a way to re-brand exactly the same shit they were doing anyway.

Honestly, it's such a Chad move to be like, this is not working. We need to do it over, but worse, it's still us. What's that like? It's like when Stringer Bell renamed the product. Remember when he's going to fucking school? Economic school and they tell him just rename the thing and try it again? Yeah, that's basically this. So I made this, but the great reset on the right is like a big conspiracy theory.

They think the Jews are doing revelation of method. I don't know what they think. I don't know what they're saying. I don't know what you're saying. But I made this video critiquing the great reset, right? But I made the mistake of quoting Alex Jones, like running a clip of Alex Jones at the beginning. And then Alex Jones said something like, COVID is a weapon. And I said, of course, he's right.

COVID is a weapon, a weapon against the working class, just like everything else under capitalism. Anyway, they took it down. They took the video down. YouTube algorithm flagged it or something happened. I mean, I hadn't even made it public and they took it down. Oh, shit. And then I got a community strike or not a full strike, but a warning. Which in the YouTube world is basically like you've been outed as a pedophile and you have to go around it.

Yeah. That's right. So like this is like I violated community standards by releasing this video about how the right wing are nuts. And, you know, Christopher Lash was worth thinking about because that was the other thing in the video. But the thing they accused the video of being is like a misinformation about COVID. You know, like putting forward medical misinformation. So like, okay, if you it's like a 15 minute long video, if you listen to the whole thing, it's our usual Marxist communist bullshit. It's not giving you instructions on how to burn a mask or why you shouldn't get vaccinated or anything like that.

That's not in there. So they're wrong. They're just like this. They didn't pay attention to the video, which of course they didn't. It's a robot. Right. That's like that's kind of the real problem is that not only not only do these companies have all of this power now, but then the power is going to be automated.

So there's even less accountability, right? Right. Yeah. So like the first thing I do when I was taken down and I see this community standard strike is I try to get to some human being through their system. And I can go to a chat window and I'm chatting away with somebody who knows where they are. But there is clear to me after a little while because I used to work at Comcast in the sales department back in the 2000s. Yeah, it was the worst job I ever had. And it was starting to be like, this is just some rep who has no power but has a script.

Like they have no... So like they're telling me, oh, don't worry. If your views are going down, it's probably just because of your thumbnail or something. You should actually try like a picture where you can sort of see a lady's tits. But I have found that those get the most views. And I have also as a consumer found myself clicking, even if it's like some kind of... Even if I know it's a video that I'm not going to see tits, part of me is like, well, maybe. So I don't know.

That's what I would say. It's Pavlovian, you know. So I guess that's what I would say. What I would suggest is to maybe think about that, to lead with something like that. Well, the reason I'm on the show is because I've heard a rumor that one of you guys are fucking Susan Wozyski, the CEO of YouTube. Yeah, well, I used to hook up. She used to eat my ass. I fucked her several times.

I actually fucked her before Nick, though, to be fair. Let's get that on the record. Can you make a video about how Nick lies about fucking women before me? On YouTube? On YouTube. I want that out. I will be glad to make it. The other thing Adorno said was that I fucked that lady.

Whatever you said, no. Well, I'm hoping that you could maybe, you know, talk to her after a session, a little pillow talk about getting a... We don't talk. Honestly, dude, we don't talk that much. Listen, they don't... It's not really a talk thing. Yeah, yeah, she knows. She knows what's up.

My thing with her was more emotional. Yeah, Adam's who you want to look at for talking, but she doesn't respect him. No, yeah. Well, I get emotional. The idea is that you are like what people call shadow band? Well, it seems like it, although it's hard to... You can't really say, right? Because you're, you know, like in the last month, our views have dropped significantly.

But at the same time, we're not putting out exactly the same content as we did before. So it's... And it's December. And, you know, so I don't know, but what I do know is if I get another glitch like this, they will remove my channel. Like I'm on the precipice of... It's all gone. And, you know, it's not a huge channel, but it has like 77,000 subscribers.

Yeah, that's not me. That's very good. So, and hopefully after this... But it's there. Yeah. So I'm hoping that I can communicate with someone at YouTube and have it removed. But also, we gotta... Some of us content creators need to get together and try to make some demands.

Because this is ridiculous. If you can get a community standard strike based on an algorithm, you know, far... Then you're, you know, the whole thing is sort of... It's very precarious. Oh, yeah, no. Not that things aren't precarious enough. We're definitely fussed. Do you have any hope that that'll ever happen?

Because it thoroughly feels like that war is lost. Like that's done now. Any idea that there'll be any way to push back against the idea of like big tech and a handful of like... Maybe companies that you can count on one hand will have complete control over who's allowed to say what and when. And also that it'll be completely automated. I think that a demand that content creators could make if we organize was that when you reach a certain threshold, like basically if you're monetized, then you should be able to talk to a human being about these kinds of things. Oh, that's such a hilarious low bar, but you're so right. There's no way to get a fucking human being ever to talk to you about any of that shit.

Right. So you should have it should be transparent. There should be a process. You should be able to defend yourself. I guess I would agree with that on like from our position, but it's also like I don't I don't know the actual answer, but I feel like something like Patreon, right? It's like Patreon probably makes the bulk of their money off like the like probably 100,000 anime accounts. That have like, like, you know, two or three subscribers, because like we do, we're up there, you know, we're probably like 15, we're in the top 20 or 20 Patreons. Do the math, we really only bring in about like 45 grand a year of revenue for them.

It's like really, it's really not that much money. So they have to be making all their money off of these smaller accounts that are just, you know, they're collecting that 5% fee like all of these people. That sign up and contribute a small part individually, but it's the bulk of their money. So the idea that they're funding our access to be able to tell Patreon what to do and they have no protections whatsoever as much as I don't really like or want to associate with any of those anime accounts. They're all your accounts. It seems in well, they're the ones that are actually there are the ones actually funding the whole fucking thing. I don't see what you mean. How are they funding it?

Because the bulk of Patreon's money has to be coming from those people. So this model is like a flat fee to just have an account is what you're saying. Well, they collect 5%. If there's fucking a million anime accounts, $5 a month, it's making more than one account that makes. Right, right, right. Okay, I got you. Yeah, so YouTube, it must be something similar, right? I mean, it's like an idea of like, okay, well, if you're, if you're monetized and you get access to customer service, it's like, well,

everybody should have access to customer service. The easiest answer should be that these companies don't get to just fucking kick people off. Or if they are, then they should be broken up so that there's more competition and more options. Yeah, but with the problem with that for something like YouTube is that there's so many billions of hours of video going up every day from all over the world. Yeah, a human being couldn't really handle all of it. Like I'm thinking there's a small section of content creators that maybe the top 5% or something are actually monetized and, you know, and even a smaller number that are like making enough that it matters at all. Right.

That's the other thing. Isn't it like, in that case, then the ones that are really making the most money are these like super huge, you know, like these, literally like the Paul brothers or wherever the fuck and like people doing like pranks or whatever with like, you know, 10 million subscribers. And then somebody that is kind of in the like fifth, you know, even let's say 20,000 to 100,000 range, then I don't know, aren't those people sort of like kind of in the weird middle where YouTube definitely doesn't give a fuck about them? Because they don't. I guess so. Yeah, I mean, that's probably right for YouTube.

But on the other hand, you have a platform that has let's say 50,000 subscribers, you have a Patreon and you do affiliate marketing or some shit like that. It's all part of your business. Right. Right. I figure like you should have, if you're monetized at all, maybe you should have some way to have a process for this and not and have it be relatively transparent. And, and I don't think that's a wild demand. Whether the question is like, can we get like what? Yeah, well, like what's our leverage?

And I, but isn't that just an appeal that if you have enough money, you should get special treatment with this company? I mean, because it's like, it's more like if you're an employee, because the other thing is they're, they're changing their model and they're going to, you know, they're going to pay you a little differently. I mean, it almost as if you're an hat will contracted in part, you know, like you're, you're like some sort of contractor with them instead of how the fuck they were doing it before. Yeah, I just, I mean, because I agree with you that they shouldn't be like this. It should not be an automated process that people should just get shut down or whatever shadow band or whatever iteration of like censorship is happening in big tech at large. But the idea that if you're monetized or there's some sort of like income threshold you need to cross before you have protections from that automation is not something I agree with. It should be like a full stop principle that this shouldn't be happening to anybody. Because as things move on, especially if who knows how long this fucking virus bullshit is going to go on where everybody has to work at home or we move into more of an economy where you're dependent on like the online version of the gig economy,

where you're required to like deal with these payment processors or the one or two companies in front of them that insulate you from them. If these processes are automated and you have to make a certain amount of money before you can get any kind of like, you know, look at or oversight into you being automatically banned from these things. It's like furthering a problem that already exists. So it should just be full stop. Nobody is getting banned automatically for anything, not, you know, if you get banned automatically, and you're monetized or you make X amount of money, then you get access to somebody that can look into it for you. Yeah, I, you know, at that point, though, I mean, I can see the principle what you're saying but at that point, really, they just have to change their whole model, because they would have to they just have to make it a lot harder for people to upload content. Well, they would have to make it a lot harder for content to get removed, which means allowing things to stay on there, which means like, you know, it sometimes yet may be offensive or like misinformation. And I guess that's like, that's the balance you have to figure out, but I don't know. I mean, I'm just saying if you have to have a human being involved before things get taken down, like, you know, then you'd have to have human being tired to be going through these videos for, I don't know, pornography and all sorts of shit.

I feel like that's probably how it used to be at all of these companies. If you go back to YouTube in 2006-2007, that's probably how it worked. I feel like there was like a vice-arch or something about some people who just like their job was to make sure there's no like snuff porn or like literally like, you know, people dying or like kid porn. They weren't like, they used to have people that were like screening this shit. And I guess they don't anymore. I mean, yeah, I mean, I can't even imagine the sheer amount of fucking hours of footage that gets uploaded to YouTube a day. Right. Yeah, I mean, I'm just assuming I don't, I don't really know how feasible it is technically, but you know, if you just look at the raw numbers that are out there and the promotional material around YouTube, it looks like an insurmountable task. I don't know, I feel like you should get an appeal to a real fucking person. Like everyone should at least like, I know what you're, I see what you're saying, Nick, where it's like everyone should get a shot at it. Well, theoretically you do. Like we did an appeal, right? And I suppose we would look at it by a person, but that person didn't tell us why they were, they rejected our appeal. Right, right. And we didn't talk to that person. And so like it, you know, it may have been a person, it may have just been somebody who saw the appeal and clicked no, or you know, I don't know what they did. Yeah, I'll say this and then you can like plug your channel and stuff or whatever videos and then, you know, we'll go from there. But like when we so there's been times where we've been worried about like Patreon as a platform for whatever reason, either like the platforming because they're worried about like, you know, a massive amount of reports on our account, or just that, you know, there's like, they've had trouble in the past just keeping the lights on with a couple of decisions that they've made.

So like anyone else on Patreon that eventually transitioned to making all their money off of it, we were worried about like, okay, well, we have to build our own platform at some point. And then once you go into the idea of like distributing content and collecting like subscription payments, the first hurdle you'll get to is you're going to have to choose some kind of payment processor. And there are really not a lot of options. And, you know, I don't want to go into which companies like we went with. But just based on the name of the show alone, we got a hard no. Not for political reasons, not because it's dangerous. We're not selling pornography. It's just the name of the show. And these companies have a lot of money and they'd rather just not deal with it. Now, I got one of the companies to change their mind, because like I just happened to have a friend that knows a lot of investors in Silicon Valley, and I could just ask him for his help. He sends some fucking email to somebody I don't even know. And then two hours later, I get an email saying congratulations, we can work with you. And it's like, that's what I want you to do with for me, but YouTube find some guy. Well, I mean, I will I can refer him to you. You probably know him anyway.

Could I could I expand this conversation slightly because I think this is pretty important, but I just want to open it up a little bit. But you're as a as a head of a publishing imprint and an author yourself. You're probably pretty familiar with books and stop just read this book called the giver. And I just want to know if you've read it or what you think about that. I don't have a lot. Is that about sexual? Yeah, there is. There's a girl named Fiona, who's who's pretty sexy. Yeah. What I recall is a guy who's learning how to come.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fiona was well, I do have an idea for a book that we can if we can talk offline, but I was thinking kind of like a lifestyle kind of like a thing called the hard dick warriors way. And it's sort of like, I don't know if that's the kind of thing your outfit would be interested in. But let's talk afterwards. Yeah, you know, I'm 50. So anything about getting a hard dick. Oh, we've got some for that too, my friend. We got some different. Actually, not this week, but yeah, a different week.

You can bet on it at my bookie. I hope you don't mind, Doug. We're just going to go right into the week. I'm not Marxist socialists like you because at any moment, yeah, go ahead. I have a question for you guys. Before I came on your show, I mean, I, well, no pun intended. But before I appeared here, I kind of looked you up and you like to listen to a few times to your show a few times. I was like, is this like chapeau? Is it not like chapeau?

No, I looked it on Wikipedia. We're a lot like them. Yeah, we're just smarter. We're a lot smarter. By the way, if you're listening, you're not about like politics, but you're about being gay with your dad. Yeah. If you're listening, all you have to do to get on the show is send me an email. And then maybe Google.

A girl took a bus from Pennsylvania once and did the show. It was a girl. It's important that you've never listened to the show, aren't aware of what it is. No, that's so much more important. We do not want like a super fan. Yeah. No, no, you're not. If you've listened to it, you're not allowed.

If your avatar is you wearing chain mail and a Panama hat for some reason. Yeah. I wonder why. Please don't ask to be on the show. But, but I was wondering, like, when you say gay with your dad, you mean it like in the old fashioned, like, you know, we mean suck his cock. We mean you suck his cock, you fuck him in the ass. He fucks you in the ass.

That kind of thing. In the old sense of all of those words, too. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You put on a wrestling one. It's a new season. Antonio Brown is on the Raiders.

Odell Beckham is in Cleveland. That's right. One thing that hasn't changed this year. Are you guys still there? Yeah. We're doing our ads. We're just organically talking about a really favorite website of ours, mybookie.ag. Mybookie.ag, which, Doug, look, if you're worried about your money because, you know, YouTube shadow banning you

and you're running out of places to turn, you have to come on. You have to come on, come down in the last ditch appeal. Can I just be, I don't want to be, I don't want to be mean or anything, but you're fucked. This is not going to work. This is not going to work. You know who else asked to be on the show? Mark Halpern. Oh, yeah.

The guy from MSNBC, they got me too. Yeah. It almost happened. He wanted to revive his... Because I didn't want to publicize it on the show, but Mark Halpern's publicist asked if he could be on the show so he could, like, rehabilitate his image. And at the time, we were still talking with Vinny. And so I approached his publicist and I said, here's what I want to do.

I want to put together the Bam Margera, Mark Halpern comeback boy. And I'm going to have, I'm going to have Scumbag Vinny. Scumbag Vinny. Most of Scumtown podcast. And Vinny was fully on board and the public, like this publicist was like, I need more details. I'm like, Vinny's in jail, but it'll get out. It is going to be out. That's a guy you should look at for the rights to his autobiography.

Vinny, which is last name? It doesn't matter. Scumbag. Scumbag Vinny. His last name is Vinny Beetle. Beetle. Yeah. Yeah.

If we could find a critical theorist to put, like, Scumbag Vinny as understood by, you know, Mark Tuzo. We do it. I think so. I think he knows. He's a big reader, too. That kind of shit, too. Mark Tuzo, yeah, whatever.

Well, I'll tell you what, you know, if you find yourself in a year, you got six grand left to your name, all the money's dried up. You need to double it up quick. You need to double it up quick, man. Hitmybookie.ag. It's the place you bet on football every weekend. They've got better bonus and more prop bets than any other sportsbook period. And that's facts.

This year they're hosting the first online handicapping super contest. First place is guaranteed to win at least $100,000. You probably still have time to do that. Look, go and find out if if Andrew Cuomo is going to get his nipple piercing ripped out of the bill. There's prop bets on that. You can find out if that's going to happen. I think they match your deposit up to $1,000.

All you got to do is make free NFL games against the spread every week to climb your leaderboard and score. I think that's over. That was the playoffs. Go Ravens, by the way. Fuck the bills. Go Bill's last year. Yeah, fuck the bills.

Go Bill's. Fuck the bills. My heart is in Western New York. Adam, shut the fuck up. I would only recommend the service to my listeners. It's been good to me. That's why my bookie is always the right place. You win.

They pay. My bookie is live in game betting on every NFL game. They've got the most rewarding player person. We got NBA back right now, folks. We got it all. So go to mybookie.ag. Put money on the playoffs. Promo code come town.

Yeah, go bet on the play. Bet on the fucking Ravens. We're not losing. Fuck the bills. Here's the thing. Fuck the chiefs. It's too late to make money in crypto. You blew it.

You should have sold it 40. That's going to collapse over the dollars about the fucking collapse. So bet on Lamar Jackson. Big trust, motherfucker. We got this shit. You can't. You'll never bring yourself to buy gold because you're trash. So take the money.

You're not elegant enough to buy gold. You don't deserve gold. You don't deserve to touch it and feel it. No, sir. Yeah. So go to mybookie.ag. Promo code come town or come town 20. And you get a nice bonus.

And it's the best website. It's come town as a promo. Come town is the promo code. Do that place a fat wager and bet on whether our friend Doug gets his YouTube channel back. You know, and I'm going to bet against that. I'm going to put all bet the house against. This is what it's looking like from here. You have your channel.

Doug is really trying to circle the wagons by getting us. Doug, Doug, let me ask you this. So you have your channel. You just have a community strike against you. Is that the case? Yeah, it's a warning. So it's like, if you do this again, you're gone. All right.

So now do you have any, do you have any enemies that are also on YouTube? Uh, well, I would say most of everyone. If you want, you can directly on the left. Yeah. You can direct the listeners to go to their accounts and file bullshit copyright claims to get their channels taken down. Because as we've learned, the only path forward is an eye for an eye. That's right.

I'll tell you what guys, I'm giving exclusives. I mean, I don't talk about in public normally, but there's one channel that I actually hate. It's called Cuck philosophy. Adam, he's going to trash your YouTube channel. You going to let this stand? Well, let's hear him out first. So this guy, I don't know, some grad student with big long fucking, you know, rescue and beard started making videos.

Yeah, he's a real deck, making videos about socialism and Marxism and stuff like that. About a year after I started doing Gerald bookstrap and the videos look remarkably similar. Oh, this is like a thorn in my side. It's, it's, it's like way bigger than us now. It's like way off the chart, you know, like, you know, oh, the Marxism of Shrek and shit like that. He stole your shit. Sorry to stop you there, but that is one of the gayest things I've ever heard.

That's, that is evidence enough that all of this is dead in the water and it's never. Someone's producing videos called the Marxism of Shrek and then it's doing numbers. Somebody's watching that. I don't know, dude. I read a book called philosophy and Seinfeld recently and I learned a lot of smart shit. God damn dude. All right. Well, you heard it here first folks.

Go harass that guy. Yeah. Yeah. To file DMCA flag time and getting him banned. Yeah. That's right. Honestly, really we need more people, more people receiving automatic bans and suspensions. That's the thing.

That's the end road. It all goes to shit. We all get banned and then we start over with an agrarian society. The ideal is that at the end of the year the only accounts left on social media are Chinese state affiliated accounts denying the Uyghur genocide. That's right. Those should be the only accounts on there and then Coca-Cola saying how gay they are and how upset they are about the Catholic.

Because Coca-Cola is sucking a dick in honor of officer Brian Sicknick. Say his name. Say his name. Officer Brian Sicknick here. We suck a cock at the Coca-Cola corporation and spit the cock at the come out. That's right. Absolutely. Well, Doug, what's your channel if you want to plug it?

Go to YouTube, type in zero books. You can find it. Google us zero books. My name is Douglas Lane. My last name is spelled L-A-I-N. All right. Go to Amazon, type that in. There's books I've written or other imprints that you should buy.

What are the latest titles you've published? What's hot this year? Well, you know, we published Against the Web by Michael Brooks. Yeah, you said it. Oh shit. The latest Michael Brooks. RIP. And it turns out that if you die, it's really good for book sales.

So he's doing really well. So are you saying Mike faked his shit? Yeah, he's somewhere in a bunker somewhere. Yeah, he's out there with Andy Kaufman somewhere. No. He got canceled authentically. Yeah. RIP.

RIP. To a hard dick savage. Good guy. We've got a book by Grafton Tanner that's coming out about social media and about big tech. I'm hoping, well, I can't say, but there's some big names in the podcasting world that may be writing a book for us soon. Hey man, 2022, the hard dick warrior's way. We got it coming, dude.

I'm in there. I'm all in. If you guys have a platform, I am a whore. No chance. I will literally write that book. Give me like three weeks. I haven't done stream of consciousness before you finished that fucking guy. Cut philosophy.

We'll meet a video about it. Get that guy. I'm writing a book to right now. Oh yeah. Yeah. It's called the game of the game and it's how to how to how to become friends with other artists. How to pick up on signs that people are using pickup artist style tactics on you and not

actually in law. The unofficial Louis J Gomez. That's pretty good. You should put that on your imprint. That's good. Yeah. The real estate. That is when you met big J.

It's just what I remember of the movie City of God. It's a good movie, bro. I haven't seen it. I want to see it. You haven't seen City of God? Come on, dude. That's a great movie. I'm going to watch it.

I've never seen the sequel. City of Satan. What's it called? City of Man, I think. Oh. You a City of God fan? No, I but I should be right. No, he's a book sky.

He's fucking nerd. He's over here reading shit. He's just never seen it. I watched the Queen's Gambit. Okay. Come on. That makes me turn right now. No, we don't.

That's chess. You know, we don't support women playing games. That's right. Absolutely true, Adam. I don't like it when they play games. So fucking true, brother. Nice, man. Well, we'll let you go.

Thanks, big dog. Thanks for coming on. Good chatting with you. Yeah. I feel like I've been hazed. I've been hazed. Did I get in? Yeah.

No, you got to get sexed in, dude. Yeah. You got to come through. There's no hazing. There's no hazing. You'll figure out. You'll know when you face down, pussy up. That's right.

Put that boy pussy in the air. All right, buddy. Yeah, check out. Thanks, man. Check out our guys fucking YouTube page. All right, guys. Books. Okay.

Nice. All right. Back to business. Charlie's staring. Getting a little disgusting. Really? Not that we're back. No, she was looking.

She looked all right in that movie with Seth Rogen. I saw a recent picture of her and it made me want to throw. No, she could still catch it. Fury Road. She was kind of pushing it with the haircut. She looked really good in that movie, Monster. She made up for it by having her hand ripped off, which I imagine was in my ass. Yeah, I love it.

You clenched that with your sphincter. Different kind of pinching one off. That's right. That's when you rip a woman's arm off. That's your fetish. I would love to see that SVU episode where there's just a woman and she's like running down the street crying and her arms ripped off and like iced tea and Olivia are like getting ice cream.

He's like, I love eating ice cream from the store. And the woman's like, ah, and they're like, damn. And then it turns out there's a guy ripping women's ass and their arms off his ass. That would be the perfect crime for you because it's both you're, you're sort, you are gay, but you sort of are interested in women. And they're no fingerprints. No fingerprints. They're interrogated by them and they're like, of course I couldn't have done it.

I'm gay. They look at each other and we go to commercial break. Yep. They're like, yeah, he's not gay. He just likes putting things in his ass. And then ice tea. And then you're like, oh, by the way, you tested positive for coronavirus. Yeah.

Yeah. We watched another two episodes of SVU today. Yeah, this is an SVU podcast now. Although I don't feel like we talked about the other one at all. Which other one? The last week, I don't think we really talked about it. We just hung out in Jordan our afternoon and then we went back to work. Back to work.

Then we punched back in. Back to ours. But you know, here's what we do need to get back to. What? Jason Statham telling the guys to break out of prison. Oh, was it Jason Statham? I thought it was just a British guy in prison. It's just a British call.

Wait, telling who to break out of prison. You weren't there. In fact, we shouldn't even, yeah. Yeah, you know what? We'll save it for a walk. What are you talking about? When we both take our motorized wheelchair bike. First of all, it's a regular, it's a fucking city bike.

It's an electric boost. You fucking prick. Oh God. What? Listen to Sunday's episode. Listen to Sunday's episode. There's a big reveal. There's not a big reveal.

I've been open about it the whole fucking time. I take a fucking city bike with an electric boost. It's not the same as taking a fucking electric bike. You have to pedal for it to work. You're like Lance Armstrong. I'm lying about cycling. I'm a step below Lance Armstrong. I'll admit that.

You're juicing. You're blood doping. That would be cool. I just had a mental image. I just stopped getting on one of those accordion buses. It's been on the back part. And then it drives off. And then it's stretching the accordion.

Hurry up. I'm just in the back like, come on. We're not even fucking moving. Halfway across the city, it's just stretching. Then the front comes back. It's smashing. This bus sucks. This bus is fucking gay, dude.

Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. My dick's fucking small. Well, yeah, people get in shadow band. That's almost worse than a regular band. Dude, is it? You know, they really got it out for people fucking selling pussy online. People say they're shadow band. And then other people are like, no, you're not.

You're just not getting it. For what reason would they not have a shadow band? It makes way more sense than banning people. What is the shadow band? Just figuring out a way to throttle or limit their content. And people don't really see it. It doesn't pop up in a feed. It doesn't, yeah.

Dude, I fucking posted a joke about how to go to my own. I said like, oh, something about like go to my only fans. I don't even remember. I said, share this if you think I'm hot and it got no interaction. First of all, I'm not shadow band. I say shit like that all the time. I get plenty of hits. Thank you very much.

A lot of people want to suck me off and you're just going to have to deal with that. You're a cine band. Okay. I'm not cine band. I'm sorry. I shatter your little fucking fat phobic worldview that I get my dick sucked. You're a cine band. I did not get cine band.

All right, I never have claimed that. But I put a post and I said, I just said only fans in the thing and it got, it just got immediately taken down on Instagram because it said I was, you know, I don't know, trying to, it's fucked up. You can't even girls like link to their, you can't even know. I think you got to go around it or they get shadow band fucked up. I tried to go on a tiktok speed run and they just started deleting all my videos immediately. And then, then they let the band back up.

And then one of them they took down because I'm smoking tobacco in it. You're not allowed to smoke tobacco. You're not allowed to smoke tobacco. On tiktok? Can you smoke weed? Oh, no. Wow. You can't do shit.

Interesting. Yeah. Interesting. You can just basically show your pussy. Show your penis. I feel like you could show your pussy in like exercise shorts or some shit. Yeah. Or maybe that's not, maybe that's the Instagram one.

I, I, what are those Instagram reels? Yeah. All the reels I get are women with humongous breasts. Or they show, they're showing pussy through work. That's a new trend. Women didn't used to really show off their pussies and they do now. Yeah. And you know what?

I am actually pretty big fan of it. I like to see nipples. Really? That's surprising. Yeah. I like that they let that through. Very interesting. It's not bad.

Very, very interesting. But it's just, you know, it's a type of mentality. I didn't even perceptualize before you said that. I got, now I'm going to go home and just rewatch Black Men Revealed. Yeah. The greatest TV show. That is such a good show. We got, next time we got to watch Black Men Revealed.

Yeah. That is so awesome. Yeah. I prefer a woman to be a natural. It's 47. They're just fully seriously talking about this bull, whether they like pussy hair. 50 years old and they think it should be a TV show on TV. Oh, a nice one, dude.

Thanks. Nice little Louis arms or a squeaker. Trumpet. Oh, satchamo stuff. All fucking motherfucking satchmo, dude. I get no kicks from pussy. Mere titty balls. Do not thrill me at all.

I'm gay. I don't remember how. What does that go after the song? I'm a fucking homo. You said mere alcohol doesn't thrill me at all. I get a kick out of you. I get a kick out of cock. It's a good song.

That's right. Well, folks, if you want to check out, if you like Kratom, we got a new sponsor. Oh, welcome to the family. Kratom company is super organic. Super. It's both super and organic. Super special. Now that is something that is good for me and high power.

And we can assure you this product is good for you. Absolutely. It's super organic. The print shop is always emailing me right when we have to do these reads. Fucking cocksuckers. They're always fucking something up. Fucking cocksuckers. Yeah, yes, we got this super special.

So it's a new Kratom product. That shit up. My phone is charging in the other room. God damn it. I got it. I got no kid. Send an order. So Kratom is a helpful for chronic pain and anxiety and depression.

I have all those things. And we have all that. I'm constantly in pain. I'm just going to go to the website and then we're going to look at it. It's a mild stimulant at lower serving sizes and popular used as an alternate. Kratom is very helpful for chronic pain and depression according to a survey of users by Johns Hopkins. Shots out Baltimore and Johns Hopkins.

Hell yeah, dude. I got waitlisted there. A mild stimulant at lower serving sizes and popularly used as an alternative to coffee. This company is super organic. They sell these little capsules. And then also the regular bags of the shit if you want to just be an asshole and drink it all day long. They sell the little capsules and you just pop a couple of those.

And it is. If you only take a little bit, it feels sort of like taking a percocet with a cup of coffee, which is my zone. That's the best, dude. Oh my God, a little pill. And personally, I would take one little very tiny puff of weed and then have a cold brew. And then due to FDA regulations, we are not legally permitted to state that our Kratom supplements can be helpful for the treatment of the diseases conditions above.

Okay, so they're not legally. It's not in the future reference. That part should come first. They say not after the part that I read. This is the next part is very funny. Instead, keep it vague like 2020 has been a rough year. Kratom can help or get a boost of energy from Kratom. Yeah, be yourself again.

Be your fucking self again. Do this over the counter. Fuck the FDA. The FDA. Fuck my ass. Fuck them for Waco. Fuck the ass. Fuck the ass.

Fuck them for Dallas Buyer's Club. Yep. Yeah. Never forget that the FDA wanted Texans to dive in. That's right. They wanted gay guys pretending not to be gay to dive in. Look, Kratom can't do shit. It doesn't help anything at all.

But let's put it this way. You've already done Kratom and you like it for whatever reason. You should check out the super organics. Super special. Super organics. Yeah. S U P E R O G X dot com. Wow.

They insulted our listeners in this email. No. He was responding to me insulting them. Oh, okay. Yeah. I said they're retards. So I don't know if all of this. This is too much charts.

Can we tell them it's drugs? Some of this info may not matter to your listeners. Parentheses retards. Yeah. No, that was Nick. So Kratom is a blank. And their Kratom supplements contain only one ingredient. Kratom leaves crushed into powder.

That's pure. Pure. They do not. They don't step on the fucking. They don't step on the package. Paravoo, Bolivia. Uncut raw, baby. Mm-hmm.

We do not adulterate, concentrate, or enhance our product in any way. It's only natural Kratom. You hear that, motherfuckers? What separates us from competitors is that most Kratom brands are manufactured in really poor conditions. Sometimes these are home-based businesses selling products out of their garage. No exaggeration. It's quite common.

Most Kratom on the market has potentially unsafe levels. It's bullshit. The competitors are bullshit. Super orgasm mix is the shit you want. They got good shit. And in fact, you've got to be careful with... Apparently, spirulina will fuck you up. Spirulina?

Yeah, it's not even worth taking the shit. Really? Yeah. Because a lot of the times it's just like... It's that green stuff that makes everything taste like grass. Yeah. But it's sweet, too. It sucks.

Well, it's bad for you. It's nasty. I don't fuck with that shit. They say it's a super food. Yeah, it can super duper desuck my dick. Yeah. So I guess legally I have to retract my statement about the Kratom pill taking like a Percocet. Yes.

We're not making any promises. We can't say any of that shit. It is a herbal supplement. But we'll say it's good shit and we like it. It is herbal supplement that is not a treatment for anything other than fucking being bored of shit. Yeah. Like anything else worth doing now in life.

Just pop the fucking Kratom and stop asking so many fucking questions, you fucking pigs. Things like salmonella, E. coli, and mold are common. In other products. Not with our guys, though, bro. Don't read this part. Guaranteed to kill you. Dude. Whoops.

Dude. Dude. They pasteurize their Kratom and then test it rigorously to protect their costumes. Nice, dude. Like the police are supposed to. That's right. They decided to go against. These are real fucking heroes, not the fucking cops.

This is cool. They meet the American Kratom Association standards for quality. Who the fuck runs that organization? Imagine. I don't know. Some guy named Charlie. Some guy named Charlie was living in one of those Toyota truck campers from the 80s. Now this is good Kratom, brother.

Brother. Let me tell you something. I used to be addicted to fucking battery acid. And I decided to get off Kratom was the only thing that helped me quit. And I just want to make sure everybody's getting that good shit. And now I spend all day certifying cram and throwing ninja stars at my bedroom wall. They're passionate about what they do. And they view Kratom as something that can one day help just as many people as cannabis does.

Some day, brother, we'll get there. Yeah. The stories we hear from our customers are absolutely incredible. They're able to ditch their prescriptions and Kratom and lead a healthier, more productive life. I do know, I don't know if I can read this part or should I say it, but I do know people that like fucking did have opiate problems, which a lot of people do now since the Democrats destroyed the economy on purpose to make Trump look bad. That's true.

That's true. And that's what the guy from Zero Books says, not us. But like methadone and suboxone are both like fucking poisons. Yeah, dude. And they put you on that shit and then you can't ever get off it. But I guess this shit is like, like can help with that. Again, I don't know. Again, legally?

I have no idea. This is way worse than the CBD shit because it's like in terms of understanding the legality of it. Right. CBD is just odweeds. To be honest with you, I have no fucking idea. This is odwerewin. Nah, it's something else. It's a good ass supplement and you're going to want to get it at superorganics.com.

That's super. What is it? Orgx? Superogx.com. Superogx.com. That's cool. Promo code? No, so you want to go to superspeciosa.com.

Oh, my mistake. Superspeciosa.com. Superogx.com, I think, is just the guy's email. Okay. Superorganics.com. That makes a lot of sense. And it's superspeciosa.com. Look, that may seem shady that there's three different names.

But consider that our other sponsor today is on a Swedish shadow company domain. Offshore. That's right. This is us moving up in the world in terms of legitimacy. Yeah. There's some guy named Hans LaForce who set them up. All of their money is in fucking, in ingots. That's right.

That they take in off their offshore legal betting office. So go to that superspeciosa.com. Those guys are 20% off. They put the mob out of business. Yeah. That was the last thing the mob had left. It was like fucking sports betting. Yeah.

You go to a mass booth and hang out and fucking... Those guys are bringing so much goddamn money off sports betting. The mafia? Yeah, their last bust was like 15 years ago and they brought in like $12 million in bets in a year. That's beautiful. Yeah. And like, but this...

Yeah. Now it's all like offshore. Now it's all computers and no one breaks your fucking legs. Just go bankrupt. Superspeciosa.com slash come town. That's C-U-M-T-O-W-N. And he says, I will give you a coupon code for 20% off and we can promote that. If you give a link, that's the link.

That's the fucking link. So the promo code is either come town or come town 20. How do you spell a speciosa? Speciosa is the traditional Spanish spelling. Es... E... P... P...

P... P... C... C... A... S... S... S...

S... S... S... S... S... All right. S... S...

S... S... S... S... Go do that shit, buddy. Yeah. I ain't never taken that shit, but I'm about to, just so I can be a moral... You should try it.

I got a bunch in my apartment. be a more fucking educated spokesman, spokesman of the whole damn thing. It was good too if you're like trying to, you know, like if you're starting a diet or whatever, and it's like, you know, you don't want to go like bored, and you don't want to eat, and you just pop one of those pills instead. I've gone back to cigarettes. I've gone back to smoking cigarettes. That's a good, you know what I literally haven't started actually doing that I have not in

years. I think you can get fucking Marlboro as a sponsor. Oh, it'd be so cool. That would be awesome. I think that would be so cool for just advertising cigarettes, cigarettes, cigarettes, bro. Fuck yeah. Fucking. Look, smoking makes you feel fucking.

It's cool. I think they're not allowed to advertise on podcast. Maybe. I don't know. It's the wild fucking West over here. Yeah. You can have it. Are you?

We're going to advertise and we're doing offshore. No, I know. Yeah. We're doing. We screen him in offshore bedding. I just said the thing that put the mob out of business. No, I think they used to have billboards and stuff and like magazine ads and well, maybe Congress made that.

First of all, when was the last time you read a magazine? I read gay guy weekly every week. I read gay guy weekly and the Economist every week, Adam on the cover of gay guy weekly. No, I just want to shoes. Yeah. They're too big. They're too big. They're so big.

Yeah. Her clown shoes. I look fucking stupid. When I was a little girl, I fell out of my cradle and my mom said, what do you want? And I said, huh, two pack. Has Joe fucking said anything yet? About what? Just about anything.

Honestly. Yeah. I just have to speak. You know what happened at the Canada, always capital, crazy. Everybody out there looking like they're trying to go to try and hang out the fair. I don't even know. I'm going to say, go ahead and say it. I know you want to.

I'm not saying it. Say it. No. Rhetoric. I didn't say shit. That was you. No, it was not me. It's better this way.

It haunts you. No, it doesn't. It's around the corner. You're constantly worried about it. Mm hmm. Yeah. You're thinking about ice cream. That's what's happening. I'm thinking about ice cream. So what? That doesn't bother me at all How about me saying that word does bother you staves being stalked by an ice cream that's not stalking

That would be a fucking convenience for me. Yeah, I can have ice cream whenever the fuck I want It's funny that they're called convenience stores. Yeah, you know, what's convenient about They got all the stuff they got all the stuff. I would say yeah, I guess The hell they call it a gas station Because of what just because they got Most of the shit there is fucking You can't be called the chip station There it is your fucking asshole

How about that eBay? What's the east end for electric? And the Bay part is what is that like a port or something? It's pretty good I think it's gay. They should call it fucking gay website. They should call it the gay website. Wow, Terry. I want pussy. I got my new hour coming. We're all locked in. Everybody's talking about work from home. How about home from work? That's what you really are. They got it backwards.

From home, from work. You don't work from home. Work is a place. Maybe work at home, but from I'm worth eight hundred million dollars. I have a billion dollars. My new girlfriend is seven. She's seven. It would be funny if like Leonardo DiCaprio was dating a four year old with double D's. She's got an old soul.

She's got an old soul. That was a line from one of the SBUs we watched today. And then every fat woman on Twitter being like, I would never fuck him. He's done. He fucks young women. The whole world is just people that are upset that they don't have a thing that they probably didn't even really won the first place. Right. Fucking true. That's me. I'm pissed off about not having PS5.

Yeah, me too, actually. I never even turned the PS4 on anymore. Wow, that's cogent. Because I am also pissed, but I do play PS4. Sometimes I play NBA 2K. And that came out, what, 400 years ago? 400 years ago. I got a new game on PS4. I go playing, which is a Jeopardy game, but you play with real episodes.

So you get to, you get to answer. You should have your PS4 taken away from you. That's the gayest thing I've ever heard in my life. You're playing the gay games. You play trivia on the fucking PS4? I don't know. People are hanging out. You get the boys over, play a little Jeopardy. No.

I don't know. It's pretty fun. Boys. No, it's Jeopardy. You watch real episodes of Jeopardy. And before the contestants answer, you and the other people get to buzz in. And then on your phones, everyone has a show called who wants to come. And Regis is like, that's pretty good. Your penis, my mouth. Let's go.

30 seconds. He's jacking them off. Regis is just shouting things out. They're like, come to things. A woman bending over in the middle of the store. She's trying to pick up a quarter. She's jacking them off. Nick is doing a ferocious jackoff motion.

It's Regis. It's not working for me. You only have 15 seconds to come. Suck my nipples, Regis, please. The woman's bending over and you can see how wet her pussy is. It's so hot. There's a Yankee candle display next to it and it's melting. The heat coming off her pussy is melting the candle.

And now she's slipped on it. A photo friend, a photo friend. The titties have come out. And now there's wax drying on her titties. It looks like cum. She's got a big pear. Your time is up. You slip also, your cock goes into her mouth.

It's in there. Come on, bust. Come on, everybody wants you to do it, Derek. They're watching you back in Toledo. They want to see you come. They want to see you come. They want to see you come all over Regis' face. Fill me up. Fill up, Philbin. Let's get it done.

Let's get you off. Oh, they can't do it. He's got stage fright. Get the hell out of here, faggot. Who's going to play next? Let's go to the audience. It would be tough to be in the hot seat. You know what they call it. At home it looks easy.

It looks like it's going to be tough for you. So is this just a one-round game? It's a one-round game. Somebody just comes in and Regis has 30 seconds. How much money? We're playing who wants to come. And what do you win?

Our next guest. Because who wants to be a millionaire and win a million dollars? She's a fifth grade social studies teacher and a fat pig coming. I'll go ahead and just start rubbing you here just to get you warmed up.

Thanks, Regis. Let's get the clock going, 30 seconds. Your husband's late to work. There's a knock on the door. It's a black policeman. He kicks the door down. You're saying, what's this all about? He takes his baton. He puts it against your neck.

You're up against the wall. He rips the basketball shorts off and wearing his panties all weekend. They smell like an entire retarded gym class. He doesn't care. He's excited by it. He's excited by it. His savage penis is hard.

Straight from the jungle, right up into you. Oh, my God! And she's come, ladies and gentlemen. She's come. She did it. She's our winner for the day. Congratulations, you fucking big bitch. The prize is just coming.

The prize is she comes. That's it. You don't get any money. You don't get any money. I keep all the money. You just get it. You just get a handjob from Regis. That's worth the price of admission. That's not bad.

Stay tuned for when Ben Stein's come. Honestly, I would have gotten jacked up by Regis. That would have been a funny story. Welcome to the show. All around me is noise cancelling headphones. And you can suck me off. Wasn't Ben Stein like a Nixon seat rider?

That's fucked, dude. I felt betrayed. Kimmel was his sidekick, remember? I remember that show. Kimmel was making a lot of comedy central bucks back then. Kimmel has fucking fingers and a lot of pots.

A lot of pussies. Regis legend. Is that so? It's me, Kimmel, and the Killers. Kimmel, the Killers, and Panic at the Disco and me. Nope.

It's me, Greg Maddox from the Atlanta Braves. Steve Sharipo lived there for years. We loved having him. How about Mechanic at the Disco? What the hell is this? It's a fucking gay bar.

What is this? A bunch of fucking queer guys or something? Why are the paints so tight? What is it? Like, fuck it. It's 2004 and everybody's wearing girls' paints? Hey, it's me, the fucking, I'm in the Mechanic at the Disco. I had a rivalry in high school.

It was a one-way rivalry. Yeah, we've heard about it. His band got big. We don't fucking care, dude. I hate it. Woo! What are you talking about? Brandon Urie. Brandon Urie.

If you're listening to this. If you're listening to this, Brandon Urie, I haven't forgotten. And I will use all the power that I have massed in my life to take you down. Oh, fuck. You know how my brain works. Yeah, don't ruin the big joke

from Sunday's episode. Oh, shit. This is Panic. Panic at the Disco. Damn. Haven't you people ever heard of? I'm a faggot. I can't wait to suck a penis.

Damn. I just want to dance with my wife at our 40th winning anniversary to that song. And you know that my dick is small. And so am I, boy. So am I, boy. So am I, boy. My fucking dick is so small.

My fucking dick is so small. Michael, we've got another hit. Michael, the world's just incomplete. Oh, God, he's so good. Michael, the world's just incomplete. Oh, God, he's so good. The truth in this life. Suck my dick.

Suck my dick. I don't know how anyone doesn't like Michael McDonald. It should be illegal for a white man to have a voice that good. You should go to jail if you don't like Michael McDonald. Amen, brother. He was at the Capitol. He was. He was the first one in.

Hey, I was wondering if you could tell me where Nancy Pelosi's office is. I'm trying to take a shit in there. I'm going to try and shit in her pussy. Well, I am a dumb bitch. Oh, fuck. Me and Michael McDonald, we broke in there and he was taking a shit in there.

In her frankest. Well, I put my feet up on her desk. That guy was so cool. She had a letter. I didn't know how to read it, but I was off to court or even though that bitch ain't worth it. You hear the part of that interview where he's like, he's like, I put my flag down. I sat down.

He's like, I want my fucking flag back because he forgot his flag in Nancy Pelosi's office. Yeah. I want my fucking flag back. Yeah, he's from Northwest Arkansas, apparently. That gentleman. He looks a lot like Brett Favre,

like on the jets. Remember when he was kind of gray? Breed. Breed. Breed. Breed. It was cool that he was sending dick pics.

They're impeaching Trump. How dare they? What, for caring too much? For trying to save his country? One Trump supporter talks about why he stormed the U.S. Capitol. Doug Sweet. Oh, we just talked to him.

Doug Sweet. That would have been so awesome if you snuck in a fucking guy that was at the Capitol. That would have been awesome. That would have been awesome. Suck me through the penis. Do you remember there was a singer, Keith Sweat?

He said he felt God's hand on his back pushing him forward. I checked with the Lord. I checked with him three times. I never heard a no. Hell yeah, dude. That's my justification for everything.

That's his rape defense too. I asked God three times. But I asked God, should I stop drinking? And he never, I didn't hear a word. I didn't hear no. Sorry I ruined, fucking bring your dad to school day. I'm fucking gay.

Yeah. I'm not going to open a court case saying that Mrs. Clinton eats children, Mr. Sweet says, but I can believe that she might eat children. He rocks. Honestly, I don't know if you want to call but everyone involved is

a kind of hero. And we'll have the full run down on Sunday. We recorded that first. A real human being. Real human beings and my dick can't get out. I'm fucking gay. Dude, I want to watch

Drive again. Yeah. You know that song? Yeah. I thought. Imagine my dick in your ass. Imagine getting fucked in your ass.

Imagine that my dick is very small. Yeah, hell yeah. And you've all seen how small my dick is. And so are my balls. My balls are small.

And the same little bit have a dick so small makes me want to kill myself. Yes. You know Michael McDonald's got a big ol' thing. I would be honestly pissed off

of his dick was small. My dick is big. Just kidding. It's really big. Just kidding. It's fucking huge size. And you know my dick is wide.

I didn't think I was joking. Damn. What song is that? I gotta try. I got a child's penis. I got a child's penis. I have a child's penis.

I got a child's penis. Yes. Yes. That's right. That'll never stop being funny to me, friend. Never, my friend. Imagine trying to make friends with this sense of humor.

In public. Everyone's gotta be grandfathered in, bro. You don't have to listen. You know, you've been talking to them for five minutes. You're like, yeah, I'm just passing through town. You gotta be like, you know Michael McDonald. I know this isn't even close

to a good impression of him. Imagine if all of his songs are about his dick being small. I have a child's penis. My dick is fucking way too small. My dick is small. The only way you can make friends with that sense of humor

is like gay guys in the 1950s. You have to give the other guy a knowing wing. That sounds like something you would know about. Yeah, you know a lot about that. It's when there was honor in being gay. It's from that AMC show Gay Man. Yeah. Adam was offered the opportunity to travel back in time

and rather than kill Hitler, he chose to go have gay sex in the system. It was a real big mistake on my part. I called it a boo boo or a boner. With Don Draper in the restaurant and the black waiter comes by and he's like, let me ask you something.

What cigarettes do you smoke? He's like, well, I smoke Lucky Strike. And he goes, you don't have any gay, do you? I was wondering if you wanted to come back to my place. Maybe I have gay sex. Damn.

R.I.P. Sal, the gay guy from Edmund who Don caught being gay because of a fire alarm, I think. And he got him fired. And then he was a hobo. Really? That's what happened? I think so. I never watched him. I watched for a couple seasons waiting to see

Jones' tits. And you never see them? Yeah, it's basic cable. Shut the fuck up, Adam. It's AMC. They could show a tit once, maybe. Oh, you gotta go to the HPF. Well, they didn't even show her like in a see-through, maybe she's in the bath with a white shirt on or something or a nightie.

Maybe they did, actually. Maybe I just jacked off to that image in my mind. Check, though. I'm gay. I can't wait to beat off. When I get home

I'll beat off. He can't wait. He's jumping at things. He's driving the train. Just so cannot wait to beat off. When I'm on from work all I want to do

is just pull out my cock and beat off. Yeah, hell yeah. But I have to wait. You gotta wait to beat. Beat your penis.

Beat your penis. Just fucking just fucking like 50-year-old black women listening to that in the office being like he's got such a nice voice. Oh, I love him. I did love him.

Beat your penis. Just plastic. On their little office radio. I can't wait to get Monday. Monday. Oh, yeah. I need to get Monday gone.

When I'm home This is a great song. This whole fucking album is amazing. It's good shit. Yeah. What happened to good music, right guys? Okay. You have to piss? I've been holding it for a while.

Why don't you go in between? I'm a professional dude. I'll wait till the end. Nice. Do I suck your dick? Do I lick your balls? Do I lick your balls? All right, thanks.