The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. 243 – RIp Alex Trebek

Episode Date: January 20, 2021

Dont think we mentioend that back when it happened but RIP to him, bob hoskins also

I'll find it and buy it if that's what you want, if you want to be wasteful. I'll find a picture of your penis and buy it. It's signed by Shaquille. Huh? It's signed by Shaquille. It's signed by Shaquille. Who gives a fuck? He signs a lot of stuff.

Suck off my penis in your mouth. Take a piss and shake off the extra piss in your mouth. Mm-hmm. Yes. Okay. Speaking of stuff that's signed, you know how they killed, they execute retarded people in Texas by making them their vegetables. Yeah.

Is that so? Yeah. I didn't know that. They did it with broccoli. Oh. And they go, no. It is so fun. The whole, like, last meal thing, like, they probably, because I don't think they do it

anymore and they had to stop doing it because, like, you can look at the records and it's so, like... Sausage kiss. Yeah. Ice cream. Two handfuls of Reese's Cups. I want it to eat all, I want to eat a bunch of paper. Graph paper.

Yeah. Edible glitter. Yeah. That's what I want. Welcome to the show. Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba. Welcome to the fuckin' show. Welcome to the show.

We're gonna suck your dick and fuck you slow. Welcome to my ass. Welcome to his ass. He's gonna put you inside of him. Welcome inside of him. And then you're gonna fuck a man inside his ass. That's being double gay. We're gonna have sex.

If you shrink someone. Mm-hmm. Put him in a man's ass. Mm-hmm. And then make him fuck another miniature man in that man's ass. A little smaller. A little smaller, man. A little smaller.

Oh, it's a K-pop? Yeah. Let's return it to another K-pop. Oh, shit. These guys. I thought you don't like the songs. You just like learning about it. See, we can't do this because I get hungry.

Yeah. Because this is in the background of all my favorite restaurants. All the K-pop restaurants. Yeah, dude. You ever been to Barbecue? Honey pig? Honey pig? I want it.

My favorite place of all time. Honey pig? Honey pig? Honey pig? Honey pig? Yeah. My favorite place of all time, honey pig. They always got the K-pop word.

The goal is to turn this into a K-pop show and get all of the people that have been listening since the beginning to kill themselves. Dude, I'll fucking, I'll talk about Jungkook or whatever the fuck his name is. Is that the guy from BTS? I think so. One of them killed themselves? Probably. Someone killed themselves?

Yeah, one of the K-pop guys killed them. I don't forget which one it is. Hyung, Hyung can't, I mean, shot in the dark, probably right. Something like that. Be Young, Young Kim. Yeah, so in the K-pop world they do, they have like a selfie day, and so depending on like which fandom you're a part of, they are assigned different days. Interesting.

So if you're on Twitter, it's like every 17th of the month is like a selfie day if you're a part of the... So what are the big names? Let's make this a reality. There's the one BTS, everybody knows. BTS Army. Yeah. There's, who else?

I just watched a documentary about... BTS Army because they have BTSD. BTSD, yeah. I watched a documentary about Blackpink, which is the biggest girl one. And there's this Thai girl, she's not Korean in the squad. In Blackpink. And she's insanely hot. Fuck, do you think I...

She's very hot. They're all 13, 14 years old. What's her name? She's like 24. She's 8 years old. What's your name, Adam? Adam scrambling to check how old she is right now. Adam is literally scrambling when he's on his phone, right?

You won't tell me your name? No, I was looking up her name. That's right. Ding-Bong Birthday. It's December 7th. No, they changed their names to like... 2014. No, they changed their names to like American names like Lisa and stuff.

That's awesome. No, they don't. Yeah. It's happening. Jaisu, Jennie, Rose and Lisa. I think it's Rose. Oh, maybe that's Black. So, Rose is from the one that's born in New Zealand.

Anyways, they cancel Selfie Day in December because it's disrespectful to Santa Claus? Hyun Kim or... No, on the day... Oh, because he killed himself. On the day that he killed himself. Oh, yeah, Lisa. Lisa is the... Lisa Black Pink.

Lisa Simpson. Yeah. And her birthday is March 27th, which is... What year? What year? 1997. She's 23 years old. Damn.

That's the danger zone, dude. Suck me in the danger zone. I'm gonna fly my neighbor jet right into that danger zone. Ty Rapper. She's the rapper. Yeah. Bro, she's all right. I mean, she's not.

You gotta see her vibe, dude. I really like her vibe. It does put it in context. You think like, oh, yeah, fucking like a 23-year-old isn't a big deal. And then you hear the date. Yeah. And then they're like, I was born in the year 2000. September 11th.

I was a baby. September 11th, 2001. I remember being a baby when Subway Jared was arrested. And you're like, okay, well, stop saying things. Please. Quiet. I have about 45 seconds left. Those are the human events that mattered to you most.

The Subway Jared arrested. Dude, this girl, honestly, I get her vibe might be great. Dude, I really, I just, I fell in love with her when I watched her talk about her. She doesn't look that hot. I mean, she looks hot. I gotta tell you. I gotta tell you. Just her vibe.

Just a regular looking hot girl. It's so funny to me because literally I will never be able to tell the difference between any one of these women. It's the same woman. In any of these groups. Look, it's like type in Dianne. Look at Dianne. I, uh, I main.

What is it? I mean, why you in. D-A-H-Y-U-N. And then tell me if that's a different person than the woman you're just looking at. Yeah. She's different. No. Yeah, dude.

No, they're the same. She's got a different nose. What do you mean? She's got a different nose. She does. She's got. Dianne's got a big nostril. Dianne's got a big nostril.

And I like. Honestly, I would rather fuck Dianne than Lisa. I like Lisa. The reveal that I'm actually an Android and I can't. I can't tell people. Dianne is fucking hot. I mean, she's got a little something going on that I appreciate. All right.

Well, all I'm saying is I watched. Blare some more. Blare some more. Yeah. Yeah. Dude, let's go to Korea. I want a Korean wife. I want to keep.

I want to open. We should have our own Korean barbecue. We should have a late night show. We just bring on K-pop. Yeah. Move this out. Hell yeah, dude. I'm this.

Yeah. Welcome to the show. Fuckers. Yes. I know it's the right. Oh, yeah. This is rock. Dude, honestly, this is a K-pop show now.

Yeah. That was great. I mean, twice. I have only had positive experiences listening to K-pop. Yeah. It's always in the background where I'm stuffing my face with Galbi and some fucking spicy fucking pork. There's only two things.

Red sauce. It's not that spicy. Gochujang. Gochujang. There's a red bean paste that's very good. It's very good. Yeah. I don't know what it's actually called, but I love that shit.

You can't get that. You need it fresh. Either you don't like K-pop or it puts you in a good mood. There's only two options. Mm-hmm. It's not like you're going to sit around and it's not going to be like, you know, listening to fucking nine inch nails. Yeah.

No. It's a pep in this. You put a little pep in your step. Yeah. I really cannot divorce it from... I'm not joking when I say I'm hungry right now. No, I believe you. I am Pavlov's motherfucking big dick ass dog right now.

Well, Lisa is the richest member of... What if Pavlov liked it? What if that was an experiment of seeing if he'd get the dog's dick to come out? Yeah, he rang a bell when he sucked all the dog's dick. It's called Pavlov's tongue. Oh, okay. He would tongue the ball sack of the dogs to get their penis

to come out. But there needs to be some... There needs to be an association. He's got to ring a bell. Yeah. Well, he sucks the dog's dick while K-pop is... Okay. Yeah.

Well, we got... We got twice blaring. Yeah. Out of control. You suck on the dog's dick. You suck on the dog's dick. But then you eat the dog's dick. All right.

They were saying come. Yeah. I thought you were taking it a decidedly different way. Oh, don't... I'm just saying everyone was scared. Until he said come. Very mature. Very mature.

You said they need to come. It's so funny that people get... People call you racist for saying that Korean people eat dogs. But yeah, they do eat dogs. I know. What's racist is saying that there's something wrong with eating dogs. Galaxy brain. Go off.

If you just acknowledge that they eat dogs... French people eat horses. People are like, how dare you say that? It's like, what the fuck is wrong with eating dogs? It's fucking weird. Because they're our friend. I guess that's the reason. Are they?

Pigs are also pretty cool. And they're fucking delicious. Pigs are so nice. Most people didn't eat pigs until I guess they met the Germans. And the Germans were like, yeah. We eat them. We're like Koreans. But our dogs are pigs.

We are the Koreans of the Black Forest. Ah, Stan, Lisa... Just barbarians. Just barbarians in 280D driving around in BMWs. They had those. Yeah, on the Autobahn. Commun느� oily, superspeed, I am a man by the way,

other way. Yeah, so these are honestly kind of hip hop. Oh no, it gets dancey. I'm I'm fine jumping out of my fucking chair right now. How old am I? Maybe three, maybe four years old. You can't have don't they have bad lives that aren't they like under the control of the big machine. Yeah, terrible. No, they go to they go to idle school from the time they're like 13 they drop out of regular school and then they train them to be you know there's

some kind of fucked up Dan Schneider situation going on over there. I I don't know if there's any been any touching that's come out. I don't think they snitch in Korea. That's what I hasn't come out. But it's tight. They do you hold it down a Korean Dan Schneider. Yeah, the only Jewish Korean man is a big bad Korean guy with that haircut. Picture perfectly. Yeah, it almost is fucked up the Dan Schneider Korean.

You know it is. It's probably it's probably sighed. It's sighed. It's probably there. Psy is raping all the idols. Make a TV show at the top of the pyramid. Make a TV show. Nickelodeon saying Nickelodeon everyone just for the record. Well, not even everyone is he is he Japanese or Korean? The Nickelodeon Korean studio is same thing. I guess that makes sense. A Japanese guy would come imperialistically rape

all the all the idols. Yeah. Yeah, I guess that historically I make a the show is Slanty Carly. Also the show dog with the blog. What happens to the dog? Oh, you know what? I have to spare it all for you. No, I guess not Korean Dan Schneider. Damn, they have to go to Idol School. Yeah, I don't think they put up like different configurations. They like mix them

up. Do you look good with this girl? And then they have to they showed like old videos and them like doing covers. So they like and they sing their asses off for these like for I think the state the state department on like a day is like American Idol style and they're just like singing Mary J Blige as hard as they can. These guys just look completely emotional and then walk out of the room should spend like probably $80 million a year sending one 27 year old high

functioning autistic man to participate in the K-pop school in Idol School. Yeah. And then we get we would also get a reality show. There's got to be one guy who loves it. Well, you have to find a boy. They start them off young like imagine Chris Chan at Idol School. And he's like, we're getting ready to dance. Well, I thought he would just happen to be good because Chris Chan wouldn't be good at it. I know that's the point. No, no, I want somebody who's so autistic and locked

in. It just happens to be K-pop is their thing, but they look like Chris Chan. No, we get a like a Susan Boyle situation with the Koreans get as they get to laugh. She look good. Retard makes them feel bad. That's true. What we get is we get to laugh at our own retard doing something that we already consider to be retarded. And then is our what is that? Dancing and singing? I don't know. Whatever. Whatever. I like what I see. What do they just go back to be? The character.

I like when I see a high functioning autistic guy that like found his niche in the real world. I mean, some would argue that this podcast is one example of that. But they're what are you talking about? You know, Adam. Yeah, you know, I can't. I can't. I've been I've not a big football guy, obviously, but you know, when the playoffs roll around and like, you know, the Ravens, you know, devastating loss, but congratulations to Bill's Mafia. Anyway, I listened to a

couple podcasts to kind of catch myself up. This guy Warren Sharp, who is the most autistic guy I've ever heard my life? Who is he? But he just is locked into football. So he takes that statistical shit and it's not bullshit like trains or whatever. He knows everything about football. Oh, I thought you meant Warren sap. That's the mistake I've made as well. The first time I heard his name. Yeah, he's that guy's entertainment. Yeah, yeah, that guy's great. Warren sharp

rules. You combining Warren sap and Shannon sharp in your head. Oh, maybe I would love to see that fusion dance, dude. Just a giant fat guy skip. I'm trying to think of other shows I still love Dan Schneider made. Well, we there could also be all that Lou Pearlman. Yeah, Lou Pearlman would probably make even more sense. He makes a lot more sense. Yeah, the other Dan Schneider shows all that wasn't he like on all that or something? He was like a cast member adult. Yeah, but I

don't I couldn't just like the one I couldn't think any of anything for all that would be Korean didn't watch her face. Uh, that went real crazy. Amanda Bynes have her own show clothes. Great. Great wall that. Yeah. But that's Chinese. That's China Chinese. Yeah. Didn't she have one Amanda explains it always like Clarissa? No, yeah. But yeah, I think it was just called Amanda. Amanda show. Amanda show. Yeah, she went crazy and really should be in jail. He fucked

up. I think all of them went crazy. My my this was years ago, but I think he fucked Drake and John. I think Laurie Beth Dimberg followed my female friend on Instagram. It was like trying to fuck dog. Like very aggressive dog with an upper teeth instead of dog with a dog with a side of a little for net after you eat. You eat the dog with a garnish dog with the little sprig of fucking cilantro on top. Do you think you think he fucked everyone? He didn't you think he fucked

Cal? Is that why he's crazy? Maybe he didn't fuck the fat ones. Keenan is doing good. Keenan's doing great. But Laurie Beth, I don't know. It's a dog burger. Dog burger. There we go. That's a I mean, how did that take so long? That's exactly that was served up right now in the middle of a movie called dog burger. Welcome to dog burger home of the dog. Can I take a look? Can I make you a dog to eat? Yeah. Was Dave Schneider in good burger? He was in the kitchen, right?

He was. Was he like I thought he probably has a cameo on this man. He was giving himself cameos and fucking. Oh yeah. The man was a performer. He's a performer first. He's a lover of kids second. Good Christ. Maybe I'm wrong. Yeah, I'm gonna look him up. He was on the show. He played Dennis Blundon on heads of head of the class. What's head of the class? Sitcom. That's where his career started when he was an actor. He was an actor. Yeah, originally. Damn. Yeah, he was in

good burger. Yeah. Yeah, I had no idea. He was an actor in seven films. A lot of people probably gonna get mad at me for the dog burger. But obviously, there's a different direction to go with good burger by just changing one of the last. Yeah. Okay. And good. That's true. Okay. I ignore that one. Mm hmm. But I'm tempted to do it. No, you already explained it. I think you really don't have the character. I already explained it. But what if I don't know

then Korean because as long as we're pitching out. No, I think it's good. You really knocked out of the park. Take the rest of the day. I think it was funny. I think dog burger was a lot really good made a lot more sense. You could even say in the in the you know, logic of the world. Well, he wrote the Frankie Muniz, Amanda Bynesfield, big fat liar with Frank also went great. Do you think they fucked Muniz? Oh, he definitely hit no one was safe. But wait, he didn't have

anything to do with Paul Giamatti was really the name Malcolm in the middle came from. Oh, yeah, it was a human senator. It was a Oh, I thought it was but he never did with Malcolm in the middle. You think he fucked Dewey? What's Dewey up to? Oh, that kid, I think was either he was or he wasn't. I forget what the story is either he was breaking news. Dewey didn't get fucked or maybe he was severely molested or he's the one that escaped the dragon's

eye. And just the Reese Reese was Reese too old to get fucked. Turn that bright ass light off, please. Turn it up. Is that better? Just so that it's kind of dark in here. I just wanted to do was blasting. I know it was going right in your eyes. Like I was about to give you an so he did Drake and Josh though. So that's why Josh Peck is so annoying. But did he fuck the fat one? Oh, he didn't fuck the fowl. I don't think he did. So what's Drake Bell

doing? Drake Bell seems to be doing fine. I don't know. Was he a gay pedophile? Was he a bi pedophile? No, I think he just did girls maybe. But then who fucked Kel? Because somebody must have fucked Kel because he went off the deep end. Kel got gacked one too many times. Yeah, they filled his ass with clothing. Yeah, he made him well to make weight for all that every every episode they had they fill his ass with. It's like a wrestling to you.

They make way for you. Oh yeah. No, that's that's a fucking true story. It is a true story. It's a true story brought to you by Mack Weldon. All right, Mack Weldon. If you want to fill Kel's ass with guck, but have underwear to make sure you got a bunch of metalody and gas shoved up your ass so you can make it look good in guck. The guck guck guck. I didn't say it that time. You guys don't know. I wasn't stuck like the noise that of a blow job.

I was saying it like guck guck guck. I thought you were saying it. No, we weren't saying that nothing to do with Ginger. It's a show. No, it isn't there. No, it isn't cut. Where the contestants are covered with goo. Okay. Okay, no. A bit ended in goo and Nick cleared his throat. There was an echo far off. It's just regular goo. They have silver ions in the underpants.

Okay, we did it enough time. Mack Weldon. They stand by the product. You don't like it. You get your money back. You don't even have to send it back. Let me say this. For years we've been reading this ad and I have been lying to you because I said the underwear is good. I've never put it on my nuts. Recently you draped your nuts. Recently I freshened up my basics collection and I went fucking buck wild at Mack Weldon and I gotta say my balls

are singing. They're draped in these luxurious micro modal fabrics. I gotta be up to the laundromat is lost almost all of my clothes. My laundromat is it is it is it is a random chance that we did not have Mack Weldon as a sponsor. I'd probably there would be shit all over my they lost all my toilet paper also. Yeah, drop off use toilet paper. Yeah, you should. They was making such a cheapo. Yeah. Well, I remember I tried to do a joke when I was probably 20 about

like at what how at what point are is the laundry more come than close? Yeah, because you're allowed this drop off should use not all over. Didn't we see that? We saw that as a defense in law and order or you didn't watch that episode with me. Bro, don't fucking spoil. Okay, well, if you just brought in if you brought in a bucket of cum with a t-shirt floating right and you're like, can you clean my t-shirt? I came on it. There'd be like no problem, baby girl. There was a

kid. I don't think they if it's a bucket, everything gonna be all right. We can't be a buck. Everything gonna be re it's gotta be 51% fabric. We do all we all do. We do all the Korean Dan Schneider's laundry. It's filled with gook. Okay, filled with. Well, there was a lot. I'm not he called it that okay. Okay, the character. It's filled with guck, which is is a way to say something, you know, disgusting. I guck. No, no, no, not for that. They're not for that. We're trying

to talk about. We're here for Mack Weldon, Korean Dan. I'm sorry. Don't apologize to me. Apologize to Mack Weldon and our many Korean American listeners. Wait, so a kid had his dad's come and his own blood in his underpants and they tried to arrest him for raping his son and they got a scientist to come in this episode a lot ordered to say to say that your come could just transfer over in the wash and then the dad got off and then at the end of the first episode in a very

special two-parter. So you're shot up his school come could transfer from socks, shirts, hoodies, underwear, polos and active shorts. Exactly. Whatever you need for Mack Weldon. Yeah, you have it all in the wash and you come in some socks. It could be on any of those unlike the sort of the the sort of apartment store brands that make up the top drawer of all Mack Weldon's asics have a business a consistent bit. You can bound on so fucking a lot of people

think designer is why is why is whack meldon so awesome. Because from socks hoodies underwear polos and active shorts max, max shell max, Sheldon max Sheldon promises comfort and his promises. And it would be awesome if this wasn't a bit conscious started at this moment. We're watching him lose the functionality of reading. Just become illiterate fit verbability. You're not going to look great in Mack Weldon.

They're underwear socks and shirts from working out going out or going out on a date. Mm hmm. Mack Weldon is a wide range of customized fabrics that you can't keep no matter what your day looks like. 18 hours, silver, air knit, extra and that's called that's the fabric technology promise. Yes, it is. Yes, it is. Weldon blue is totally free loyalty program level one gets gets free shipping for you for your entire life and I'll say I'm a I'm a I'm a

fucking Mack Weldon blue balls member. Yeah, my nuts are fucking once you reach level two by spending $200. Mack Weldon gives you 20% off every order for the next year. So the guarantee is Mack Weldon wants you to be comfortable. So if you don't like your first pair underwear, you can keep them and they'll still refund you. No questions asked. Not bad. They are good underwear. I wear them. I liked probably my favorite underwear for to wear

for days on end. Yes. All of my all of my like Adidas because that before we had them as a sponsor that was like that was probably that you would go Adidas. Well, it would be like where I topped out. I'd buy like athletic boxer briefs before we had my well knows I honestly had a pair of or a pack of Puma's that I really enjoyed but all my all my Adidas shit just fucking is completely bullshit. Everything I've had before my well knows bullshit. And before now, not only that,

I have become you know more of an active man in this in the last since September. I've tried to walk in December. I was the 20,000 step bastard as some of you might know. And it's getting cold out there. Yes. Mack Weldon has these beautiful compression tight stardiff steps. I was the bastard of steps. And I had I would take I would take nine mile walks and I'm done wearing these fucking Mack Weldon tights. Do you think the Apple watch like if you put it on a handicap person, it's

like you don't get you're not getting enough steps today there. Come on, Mike. There's got to be a wheelchair. You can do it at like you got to have a wheelchair. Come on you lazy bitch. What do you think this is Iraq? What do you think you're back? No, it was Iraq. You'd be walking. Yeah, you're not. And remember back when you had your legs and you were so you were so dismayed about your wife cheating on you that you didn't check that fucking can by the road and it turned out to

be an IED. There are a lot of great things that you'd like to leave behind in 2020 and one of the most important being your old underwear drawer. If you're rolling in the new year in the same bunching, chafing and uncomfortable underwear, you've got to you're a fucking idiot. You're a fucking moron. You're a fucking dunce. It's a little cock in some inferior fabrics. You're gonna be this. Well.com and use promo code come town 20. That's right. Well.com slash come town 20 promo code

come town 20 for 20% off Mack Weldon, your first order. And then if you spend enough money, then you get that 20% off for the rest of the year. Can you believe that that's fucking beautiful? That's just free underwear. What do you some sort of rich genius that doesn't need free underwear? No, no. I am a rich genius, but I just see today on Twitter, like a bunch of people were freaking out because they're like a bomb went off and they had to evacuate the West Capitol steps. Yeah.

Then a bunch of people were like these Trumpers, they're at it again. It's a civil war and then they're like false alarm everyone. It was a bunch of homeless people burning the death. No. Yeah. It was some homeless guys like living outside camp to caught on fire. I think the homeless guys fine. Okay. It's very funny. Like, oh, false alarm. It's Joe Biden's fine. It's just another complete institutional failure. Yeah. It's just some veterans that we sent out to

war that came back with the support setting himself on fire by trying to make his own underwear. If only he had Mack Weldon and listen for every pair that you buy. We give a homeless guy a couple condoms. We get a homeless guy. We give him a handful of fucking lifestyles condoms for every pair of Mack Weldon. Yeah. And I know you think life sells this crap, but in Europe, it's a number one. It's number one. And can I just say lifestyles is pretty good stuff. Maybe it's

Durex. Durex. Durex. They love Durex. I personally go Trojan, the thinnest allowed by the Trojan air, whatever the fucking it. Yeah, exactly. The one developed by Apple. Yep. That's why they killed Steve Jobs. Dude, he was coming up with the thinnest condoms all the time. The government didn't want us having that technology. They didn't want us having condoms. They don't want you to feel that good because they need because the thing is the

Jews need you to get pregnant to have abortions and they'd steal your baby. Did you say the juice? What was that? Yeah, the juice. OJ Simpson needs you. Oh, I did watch a hilarious movie, a movie, Facebook video from a Hotep friend of mine from high school that claimed that a lot of McDonald's hamburgers was black babies put up for adoption that Jews remember when somebody found somebody? I don't I don't see somebody found part of an aborted fetus in a subway sandwich

ones. I heard about that. Remember that? How does that even happen? Are you serious? Yeah, I was joking. No, no, no. Yes. And the bit that really happened. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How does that? I don't know. I'm going to be a real wacky mistake at the factory. That's a fucked up or someone. I can't remember if it was. Someone at the ham factories. Pussy is absolutely falling out. Slapstick goof. Maybe the woman didn't know she was pregnant. Her pussy hurt and she's like I need some cold

this is when I was like a teenager. I remember the story. She rubbed some ham on her pussy and part of the she's miscarrying a little bit of the baby gets on the ham. She's like oh it's an I love Lucy situation at the crank gets turned up. I don't have time to get this piece of my pussy slash dead baby out of here. So I'm just moving along. Right. It's a possibility. That's true. Does anyone else have a fucking viable viable spring answer question? Yeah, I'm I'm

what you call viable. Mr viable. They call viable because I keep knocking up just technically I can get I got swimmers. The women at the shelter. Yeah. I'm trying to spread my seed. Yeah. Evolutionarily, the more you come in a woman, the better. Although I will say back to the condom discussion because of my fucked up penis. It is easier for me to bust in a condom a lot of the time than busting on the busted side because my foreskin gets all

mangled. Women must feel so safe. They do. Yeah. I still the warmth from your body. I still insist on not wearing a condom. But the the times I'm forced to not a bitch. Yeah, I'm not gay. I'm not a fucking gay guy. I got what I'm going to get. My dick's not going to feel the actual pussy. It's going to put on a little fucking hat. The most gay gay guy moves to pull out a magnum and then be like we don't even need this.

Well, I'm not even going to. I'm not even going to eat. She opens it. There's nothing inside. It's a complete problem. I found it on the way. Yeah, I'll be fine. And I've found it on the ground. But yes, you're right. Women do feel safe because of the combination of the warmth of my body and the combination. The combination of my warm body and the pussy inside my dick. I'm trying. Oh, it's MLK day. Oh, yeah. Which is kind of a quiet MLK day

after liberal spending entire week sucking the FBI's dick. Yeah. Yeah. Salute to MLK. Fuck the FBI. That's our stance. J Edgar Hoover up these nuts. Yeah, I am. The CIA don't think you're off and the CIA. We got that's right. You're on our shit list too. Alan. Alan you fall. Alan dull. Dull ass. Alan Doldick with his fucking boring ass cock. You know that man didn't get good cock. Didn't give good fucking dick. That's why you had to kill the man with the best dick in

America. MLK. Okay. A side pussy legend MLK. Did they ever find out what Martin Luther King stood for? Okay. They never figured that out. I never figured out what Martin Luther MLK thing stood for. Were you guys just didn't blow your mind? Martin Luther King would call himself MLK. That was never explained what that is. Yeah, which is like you can't give yourself a nickname. Did it? Did it blow your mind? You got to let other people give you a nickname. You can't be

like, Hey, I'm going by. I'm going by cheetah. Yeah, Martin Luther. I knew a guy that went by. You go by Martin Luther quote unquote MLK boxer quote unquote MLK King. It was Martin Luther quote MLK. I didn't know that. Yeah. King Jr. milk. Harvey milk. These are called milky Ernie back milky Ernie. Just coming up on the corners. I don't know about preaching corners. Yeah. Um fuck was I just about to say Oh, did it fuck you guys up when you heard about Martin Luther the

fucking prize? Yeah, I thought that he was copying this. I literally thought that. Yeah, it's copy. And then you hear he's like 500 years before MLK or whatever. I don't care. It's still copy. It's like, well, whatever. Fuck that German. No, but that's how I felt when I first saw the Martin Lawrence gallery in the West Village. Wait, there's a gallery called our gallery called the Martin Lawrence. Get the fuck out of here. That's gotta be hell. No, that better be pictures.

Gotta be fucking. I want to see fucking bad boys stills. I want to see Tommy in a in a boot. Yes, I want to go. I want to attend a bra man autograph signing. I want to see a black night retrospective. Yeah, I'm a federally. God, we should watch Blue Streak today. I would watch Blue Streak. Such a good movie. I'm excited to get lunch. Yes, I'm not. I would like a nice lunch today. I'm already ready for all I've had is a little smidgen of oatmeal to power me for my electric

assistant. There should be a restaurant in Texas for you about the fire guns into the ceiling. Why you to cook the food? There's so many Sam's use the heat from the bullet. Yeah. So yes, you suck it. You say I'm suck. But you suck. Um, gay suck in a cock and fire up the guns. Get your cock over here partner. I'm gay. It's I'm sorry you suck any but you got the HIV virus in your anus. Oh what? What in Darnation? He's sitting on a geyser and it's just could you

he's not moving at all. He's going right up his ass. I'm absorbing it completely. I gotta clear myself out. I've got a date later. I've got AIDS in me. Shots at the gay guys doing enemas man. That seems fucking annoying. Yeah, colonics just constantly putting water up their ass and fucking squirting it out. Yeah, salute the loving fucking that much. You know what I mean? I mean, I like to fuck. Pussy's had fucking shit in them. I'm sure girls would be doing a lot

too. That's what I'm saying. I don't have to go through that to fuck and I salute. First of all, I salute everyone who likes to fuck for the care and love and for all they do to get their ass. Actress named Brianna Genitalia. That is no way. That's a real woman. I'm marrying her. My name. I'm taking her name. Stop her. Stop her. Genitalia. That's my fucking goal in life, bro. I'm a genitalia. Does she live in New York or LA? Let's see. I got a finder, dude. That's also

not her name. I'm just I'm making you read as bad as I did. What is it? As I done. What's your name or something? I don't know. I don't know who this woman is. I was looking at Bobby's World because I was going to make a Bobby's World reference. Well, back to the Bobby's World. Well, Brianna gentle. Well, Genitalia. Smash 100. 100%. Yeah. She was called Brianna. Look at this kid. Amen. Perchelle. Fucking loser. Fuck. Amen. Nice name. Good job being born in

1999. Amen. Amen. More like gaming. Yeah. Gaming suck a suck dick jelly. That's actually Adam's name. I just remembered. If you say silent, then you agree with me. Oh, I just got a New York Times update. Oh, that's sounds awesome, dude. Did your ex boyfriend get married? I can try to do a joke. I can try to do a joke about it. Go ahead. So then it says a video appeared to show COVID patients in Egypt dying when a hospital ran out of oxygen. Officials

denied. That's what they that's why they died. We found out otherwise. Yeah, they ran out of oxygen. Why did they just breathe the air? That's a fucking really good one, man. You guys and how do you run out of for the people at home? You're missing some of Adam's trademark hand movements and eye motions that are really selling this bit. How you gonna run out of damn air? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That must be crazy because they got to turn them all into mummies. Yeah, that must

that was that's why they're backed up. They only have seven. They only have seven going to spend six days draining all the fluids and wrapping the motherfuckers up and getting pyramid in their brains out of the nose. You gotta put on a virus coronavirus ravages Egypt. We're almost out of pyramids. We're running out of pyramid spaces. We says a head doctor head a head witch doctor whose head is a jackal. I don't want to. I don't want to piss off. We're making field

pyramids and any of our fans in Egypt, but they never really got got it back. You know they were really killing it. Yeah, fucking ten thousand ten thousand years ago and they've just been so long ago. They've been it's crazy how long ago that is. Yeah, it was very long ago. They were they were the best. They were the top dog like ancient Greece was what three thousand years ago. Something like that. Yeah. And they were at seven. Like what the how do we even know how do

we know shit about Egypt? That's fucked up that we know anything. They kept it going at a stone. They found that shit dude. They kept it going for a while. How much shit do we not even fucking know about? That's what fucks me up, dude. I don't know what's going on. Six thousand years China China was probably ripping it the forever. Yeah, that's what they say. That's what they say. Seventy thousand years. I appreciate it. Yeah, we don't write anything down. I

appreciate it. We did not have history until uh uh dog burger dog burger. Of course, of course, recorded instance of art in China. But that was made in Korea. Well, back in the olden times, it was all it was all China. That's true. That's why they all look the same in their languages. They're just slight variations. Right. Right. Right. It's a different form of scribbling. Yep. Is that true? Arabic is such a funny looking language. It looks awesome. I think it's really

elegant. Yeah. The swirlies and swoops. It looks fucking cool. Yeah. I think it's cool in the future. Use the English Arabic font for 56 nights. Yeah. Very cool album cover. Shots out to DJ fucking escrow. The coolest DJ in the motherfucking planet. What was he was locked up? Like what was going on in Dubai or something? He wasn't allowed to leave Dubai. So he made those beats in in Dubai jail. I believe so. How do you get a computer in there? Pretty cool. Dubai

jails are like ski lifts. Yeah, they put you in the dam. Dubai. But Dubai seems pretty tight, but I wouldn't want to get there. I don't want to teleport there. It seems whack. It's like nice buildings in the middle of nowhere. You ever see their God, the Egyptians, the movie, the Scorpion. No, no, they're like, oh yeah. Yeah. He's a jackal. Yeah. Yeah. He's cool. Yeah. He's cool. He's like a dog. There's probably so much cool shit. We don't fucking know. I'm just saying

Egypt need like that. They took one L and they never came back. You know, was the one L the Alexandria library fire probably? That was way after dude. Yeah, but they still had culture and knowledge. It's named Alexandria, bitch. What it's named Alexandria. It's not named fucking King Tudda stand or whatever the fuck. I'm just saying they were doing okay up until probably 2000 years ago and they just they've they suck now. No, they just not dude. Shout out to Abu

Kier seafood. It dried up. My favorite dried up. Turn into a desert. Nile Delta used to be a little fertile. And then a couple of neighborhood got a little shitty and dried up. Oh, what? That's I didn't say a fucking thing. I think we're all equally saying offensive things. I'm not saying anything. You want to place a bet on what happened? Yep. You could do that. It's suck my bookie that fuck you suck my bookie that fuck you. This is a premiere. Second one. I'm

sucking off a book. He's a really funny idea. Just you tell him suck my bookie. Just suck it. Suck my bookie. Yes. Kiss my bookie. Kiss it. Shout out to Howard G. Yeah. Um yeah, go to my bookie dot com man. We got the fucking AFC NFC championships coming. Big games. Basketball is cooking. The season keeps rolling on. The Knicks have cooled off a little bit but we're still we're still charging ahead. Adams, Los Angeles Lakers are looking good even though they appear to

be sleepwalking through the season. The continuity is really helping them. Yeah. I've been ignoring you but you're talking about basketball. Yeah and football too. Yeah because they just they said you got to talk about more basketball and also you should go. Oh well stop. Stop. You're fucking worthless money at on this Conor McGregor fight. Oh big Conor McGregor. I saw you just got a one million dollar watch that looks pretty ugly. Yeah. The watch is stupid. Stupid watch.

You know how a lot of people think he made the money back or fighting. He actually made it by betting on my bookie. Yeah, he bet on himself to lose. He threw a couple fights. He threw a couple fights but he's gotten away with it. But here's the thing. It's guaranteed money. Yeah. And my my penis dot F. A. G. ever since I started this podcast. That one got like this. But people have it.

Oh, sometimes one just hits you just right. Yeah, man. There's a lot of good shit to fucking bet on. The people have been asking me for betting tips. I always get asked who you got. Lakers or Clippers. Yeah. Lakers. And I'll tell you what I'll tell you what I tell them where you bet is just as important as you. So fucking right. That's one of the most if you talk to any fucking game but they'll tell you that. That's why I tell people to bet with my bookie. My

bookie's rap is rock solid and they've got the best odds contests and promotions in the business to the only place I trust to handle my NBA related bets. And I love betting brother and the one sports book guaranteed to give me the best lines for the national championship college football game on January 11th. Whatever happened. What is this the 18th? Yeah. Yep. Martin Luther King Day. It's 18 so big basketball day. You will not hear this episode comes

out the 20th. But we have a couple of the really nice games. Warriors Lakers. The Bucks play somebody good. I had that one circled. I don't remember right off the top of my head. The Nets the Bucks play then you look Nets. That would be fun. That's going to be James Harden made his debut at the Nets. Bet on them. Being a good boy. It's the best sports book out there. Period. Period. That's on period. Period. Go. Simple sign up into promo code and get

your promo code. Fine. You get that's fine. If you want to do it that way. Break it up with other words as long as it's a few words in between you could say a couple sentences. I have no idea. I don't know. You've lost the promo code come down or come down 20. Try either one. Either one come to either come down or come down 20 or possibly come down 21. Yes but probably most likely come down 20 and get your deposit matched halfway up to a thousand bucks. Not bad.

That's free money and tell him kiss my buck cheeks. You know what we're going to give you a spin. We're going to give you a special tonight's late games. However my book if you want your spurs. Excitement to the sports you love in the game. Take the Warriors. Kings play the Clippers upset alert. Stavies upset special Kings. Kings. Take the Kings. The Kings of the Martin Luther Kings. Take the Martin Luther Kings. He was one of the first on that tour. Which tour.

The original Kings. Oh OK. Who are the other ones. Frederick Douglass Malcolm X. Baird Rustin. Stokely Carmichael. The coolest one. Cool name. Yeah. His son Gerard of course. How about Joker Lee Carmichael. He's like black people should have their own country. Arm yourselves. You should all have guns and start a separatist movement. Let's all go back to Africa. Huey Newton. OK. It's enough. Marvin. Nick. Nick. Nick got

us. Marvin gay. RIP. Yeah. A lot of the joke prompts for Adam or let's see if he falls into the trap of just naming. I'm trying to flex. Let me flex. Man I'm so excited for lunch. Yeah. What are we going to do boys. Wait did you give them the code. Yeah. Well I got to go. I got to go check out. No you don't. It sounds like me and stop are headed over to Tony Luke's for a couple of cheese. We're going to go to fucking Philly. We're like all right Adam. They got one

downtown Brooklyn. Oh do they. Yeah. Nice. Do they. Yeah they got a Tony Luke's there. I haven't had a cheese steak in a minute. And you guess what you're missing a cheese steak. Because you have to go look at a place with three women's bathrooms in it. Well I told your apartment. I just want women to feel comfortable in my apartment. I need a walk in closet for all of my dresses. And no it's my shoes. With a vanity. It's my shoes. And with a big vanity so I can look

like a star. Well you know I am a carry. I need a built in long cigarette holder into the walls. Yeah. I miss green rooms. Yeah. I miss you know when they go overboard with a green room at a comedy club. Too much. One of my bet Davis. I know what the hell is. I'm going to put my I guess it's for girl comics. If it was back when comedy was meant only they had a dick sucking machine. That's right. They had a dick sucking which they do have in China. It looks

awesome. They had a PS three on the floor. There are some great green rooms out there. A couple of lazy. The Caroline's room is a good green room. I always have a good time. It's a very calming green room. It's yeah it's nice. It's normal. And the stand was just had one and it was nice. There's a TV. Yeah. But it's weird because Caroline's Caroline's and Gotham feel like road clubs. Absolutely. There's honestly no reason for there to be a green room at the stand. The seller doesn't I

disagree man. I like it especially especially because there's two stages. It's like you know the seller at least they have the little back table that nobody you know you're fucking isolated but I don't know. Yeah. I don't want to fucking and then at the stand it's like you have to go up and down. I mean I would host a lot. Yeah. I wanted the green room to just eat pizza and watch basketball. They should we know what they should do is bring the hoses from the soda

machine into the green room and you can suck right under there. They're hooked up to the sprinklers and everyone gets their own little everyone gets their own little fucking like not like you know when they would the nurse would take your temperature. There'd be a plastic covering. Everyone gets their own little hose. Yeah. So you could put it all suck directly off. That would be great. That would be fucking awesome. You come in you get your comp toes. Yeah. You get

45 seconds of hose sucking and you gotta make it make it count. That's how comedy used to be back in the back when it was just the fellas before the whole as long as I could remember I always wanted to suck a hose. I always want to suck a hose full of I always wanted to be a guy that sucked on a hose. I'm getting the phone call from Baton Rouge here. Uh oh. Must be uh oh hello. How y'all doing there boy? What's going on there boy? I don't know. I can't hear anything.

Is everything okay? We got a number that he'll say you would this is the number for the gayest man alive. Maybe it's a little boozy. It's probably a little boozy. Yeah. He heard he heard your thing about cutting your dick off. Man. Don't say that about Korean dance. Don't say dog burger man. Don't say dog bugger man. That's disrespectful man. Come on man. I like that. Reasonable boozy. Yeah. I love boozy. Oh yeah. Don't. Don't ever since I can remember I always wanted to be

little boozy. I always wanted to be transphobic. I always wanted to be a transphobic guy. We had guys so transphobic they started using diapers just so they didn't have to have any awkward experiences in the bathroom. He would he would slice his penis off real thin so it would melt in the sauce. Yeah. I got so paranoid. I thought Karen was maybe a man. I used to make her suck my dick at breakfast every day to prove that she wasn't. Damn. Yeah. I

just I was just watching casino. Great movie. The beginning the credit is so good. The car. Yeah. I've been noticing a lot of dipshits have been arguing about Scorsese recently. That's okay. It's still working. I don't know why I want to fuck. She brought that guy from Baton Rouge on the line. That would have been good. What if it was what if it was Sean's family. Yeah. Sean Patton. Sean's family. Or I thought he's from New Orleans. Maybe they moved to Baton Rouge. Boy you

got to get stop doing that fag comedy and move back on down by the bottom to the alligator country. I want to suck at it. I'm sorry. This isn't Sean Patton. This is another New York phone number that just happens to be a comedian. Or my mistake. Sorry. I'm drunk off gumbo. I'm drunk off gumbo. Off gumbo. Gumbo. That's where instead of tomato sauce. I'm down here in Baton Rouge. Gay New Orleans. Gay New Orleans. You know New Orleans is too uptight. And we sausage sausage

where they take it's made out of four. Saucy foam. It's penis. They cut off a pig's dick. They call it the Pavlov's hog. They suck off a pig. Suck off a pig. So dick. Suck off his dick. What we do down here is try and say the word you're just stupidest post. I am stupid at all. Trying to sound as as dumb as we can. Why do they say why do they say like it sounds like because you're gay. Kind of New York. Correct. Let me stop you right there. It's because you're gay.

The answer to whatever question you were about to ask. It's because you're gay. They say wait no. And it sounds like I already said the answer and it's done and let's move on. All right. It's because I'm next topic. You gotta choose. I don't you're going to say it's because I'm gay. No. Just choose the topic. We got what. Choose. Four more minutes till lunch. Four and a half. Actually we're stopping now. There's nothing you can do about it. I'm looking at Conor McGregor's

watch now. It's stupid. This looks like this looks like the worst gift at the air and space. Yeah. It looks like you got it from fucking Sky Mall. Yeah. Sucks dick. Yeah. What is it? There's a globe in there. There's like this is like fucking Earth's gravitational. This is what happens when no one can kick your ass. Except for end up embarrassing yourself. Floyd Mayweather's illiterate ass beat him. Well that's boxing. Floyd Mayweather didn't have to learn how to read. Right.

I met him once at Red Box. No he didn't. Yeah. McDonald's by my house. What was you getting. He was in a yellow Lambo with two Cedar Lambo with two girls which is pretty cool. If you can imagine that they're sitting inside of each other. He's also kind of small though. Tiny man. He's small tiny man. It was right after the Ricky Ricky hat and fight and I was in college at the time. I said I was said something very embarrassing to him but he was cool with it. Was it the N word.

No I said I said I said me and me and all my I was like money may me and all my friends were rooting for you against Ricky hat. But I kind of was embarrassed that I said did had it hadn't fight him in Pacquiao. Maybe hadn't was the guy that got fat when he wasn't fighting and then lose it all. Somebody slumped him though. Was it Mayweather because hadn't everyone was like pens got the power Mayweather Mayweather be his ass. That was like a great white hype. Yeah. Great great white hope

kind of situation. Absolutely because there was that and he was there was that. Yeah. He was super working class British. Yeah. He was like a Manchester guy. Yeah. And he was cool but he got his ass fucked by both of them. I think yeah. I saw Pacquiao also because he lived in Vegas walking around when I was going cosmic bowling. I was at the at the what he called the fucking sunset casino. But yeah he was chilling just with like 40 guys. Hell yeah. That diner that the fucking neon

diner. The peppermill. I'm trying to go that place is so cool. I'm trying to go there and have some that place is so cool. I'm French toast. It's in casino. They use that as a location. Nice. Yeah. Nice. Yeah. I got my picture taken there one time. I took really I took Matt and Will and Felix there in in February with a bitch. Your picture there with the bitch. It was your cock in her mouth. Of course. That's how they take your picture. Vegas pose. Yeah. Yeah. That

place is if you're a tanny listener of the show if you're in Vegas is a very cool place to go. Yeah. Go over there. And that's where Adam sucked his first car. Get a milkshake. Paper mill diner. Should we move out. Should we all move out to the desert the middle of nowhere. No state tax baby. Really. Yeah. You want to move the you want to stop. How does this sound. Moving the Reno. Hell yeah. Yeah. It's living on a ranch. We get we get we get two

regular horses and one big fat horse for why don't you for like big chores and stuff. Yeah. Draft horse. Yeah. For chores. We do surgery to combine two horses. We sell them together at the back. No dude like a horse has to pull shit. That's yours for a horse. No dude I'm not a desert guy. I need some some water maybe not ocean but like a lake or a stream. I don't I don't trust lakes. I don't like the waters just sitting there. It's a big

enough lake. If it's big enough then that's kind of an ocean. If you go to Lake Michigan that looks like an ocean. It doesn't have to be that big. I'm saying folks if you want to hear more. We do have a patreon patreon.com slash come town and you can unlock two hundred and something 17 years free episodes or well it's free if you pay five dollars for you pay the five dollars a month and you have free access to thousands beautiful

archive and an extra episode every week and if you want t shirts you can go to come downtown and if you none of the shirts are they're all illegal. They're illegal. They're breaking the law. Listen if you want a calendar we're a month into the year it's it's we've now go to Stavi.biz and you get a calendar for ten dollars off. We've dropped the price significantly so go get your last we've only got like a hundred left so go go grab

them while you still can. The Stavi baby 2021 official calendar you fucking mutt. All right. All right.