The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. 249 – basketball

Episode Date: March 3, 2021

(theyre playing bas-ket-ball) basketball makes me fuckin horny, I wanna fuck all the fuckin guys

Second on the dick, I'm gay. All right, that's all we got. Welcome to cum sum. Are we going? Oh, nice. Yes, sir. Second, a hard-ass dick, I want some penis. Second on the hard-ass dick.

I want some penis. I had a little lethargy thing going on this week, so it's been like, I'm worried about doing it, but now that I'm getting boosted off crackers. Yeah, dude, now that you're carb-loading, it's about to be fucking on double-triple-turbo this episode. Yeah, get ready for crackers and cigarettes. Oh, yeah, cracker. I smell crackers and cigarettes. I got fucked in my dick hole.

They use it like a pussy. There you go. I am fucking gay. Go ahead with your gay ass, Adam. Busting all the dicks on my cock. Nice, dude. That was awesome. Very cute, dude.

That was really fucking well done. Thanks, bro. Sucking on the middle of the dick, no condom. I just want to fuck a lot of guys because I'm gay. Fuck, dude. That was a real moment in the culture, huh? Yeah. What a time to be alive.

Oh, my gosh. What a great record. What a time to fuck a guy. What a time to fuck a guy. It's me and yours. It's me and mine. It's you and mine. It's you and mine.

It's me and mine. I got a big penis, and I want to get sucked. That was a great record, and it was a horrible time of my life. Sucking, sucking, sucking on a penis. Sucking on a fucking, oh, that dick I'm gay now. I just want to get fucked in my ass till it hurts. Yeah, that was a great time. That was honestly, because Drake was basically Kirby, and he would suck all the rappers below

him and take their powers until he fucking came up against Future, who was too powerful to steal from. Yeah. And if anything, Future actually owned Drake. He got sucked by Drake. That Drake, yeah, Future sucked Drake. Drake didn't suck Future. You're talking, you're listening to Realized Hip Hop Podcast.

Prrra, prrra, prrra. With some Realized Hip Hop heads. Yeah, we're talking about albums from six years ago that we still think about. Six years ago was basically last year, dude. I agree. Once you've acquired age. You know what? The podcast didn't exist when What A Time to Be Alive came out.

Yeah, that's true. We had to mention it. Back when we were like, just getting pussy every once in a while. So much pussy. And then the pussy driver. Texting our ex-girlfriends, being like, just one more time, please. Just fucking getting pussy in my Camaro. Yeah.

I was in my 57 Chevy. I was on the vars. I was the varsity. Me and Adam were hanging out at the back here. At Pussygetters. Pussygetters. At Diner. Yeah.

We were part of a hot rod crew. Yeah. And hang out at Diner. And girls go crazy for classic cars. Dude, you guys were in your fucking little bearings. We just walked in and we were like, er, er, er, er, er. And when women see me drive by in my Ford Model A. And finished in Chinese yellow and baby blue fenders.

Yeah. That's right, baby girl. I don't have a seatbelt because they weren't around. She's like, is that Donald Duck? Then I get out. No pants. No pants. Sailor's fucking top.

A little bow tied around the tip of my penis. Oh, yeah. Why don't you come undo this bow with your throat, bitch? That's the type of shit I would say. My brother went off the fight to hunt. Yep. And when he comes back, you can suck the ribbon off. That was how, that was life six years ago before the podcast.

Before I came. Oh my God. 350 pounds eating crackers to entertain people. Well, we had to keep waiting for, just so I could do Impression. So does anybody know? Suck my fucking dick. Suck my dick, you bitch. I'm fucking gay now.

I was talking to a guy. I want my penis rubbed until it explodes. Come massage this hairy fucking chode. How you doing, folks? Folks, how you doing? I wanted to ask if any of you have seen the movie Grandma's Boy. I watched it in my hotel room last night. Beautiful film.

Beautiful audience, beautiful film. So you got a great family there. Has anyone ever told you you look like Ricky from Malibu's Most Wanted? I'm only fooling. Oh, we're just having fun here folks. I'm sucking off for blacks. Let me tell you, you look like half-tooth Larry. Remember that guy?

He was one of the fabricators on Monster Garage on one of the episodes. Big fan. That's a stretch even for us. We don't know what you're talking about. Shut up. Shut up and suck me off. I paid a child $40 for some top. Hush money is such a funny concept that you rape up front and then after the fact.

You're like, let's settle on. You got me by the bulls here. But be reasonable. He's a very, what's like, that's how, what's his name? Robert Moses. That's how he would fuck children if he could. Really? You get the fucking in first.

Because it's the way to do business. What is it, fuck first, ask for permission later? Sorry, I was getting a call. You're getting a call from a guy? It's from Jonas. Now they're going to find out who Jonas is. All of your friends have names like that. Sebastian's also calling.

No, Christopher's not one of them. It's not Ezra. I don't have a friend named Sebastian. Noem. Film. Noem with a G. Shyam. Shyam.

He's very soft, man. My penis can't get high. My friend Ephraim. Dude, my college roommate one year was named Ephraim. He was Ethiopian. He was awesome. He was fat as shit. You got pussy all the time.

Stop, I want to ask you something. Is my name gay? Tell me seriously, do I have a gay name? He had a girlfriend that looked like him, but cartoon characters have girlfriends. You know how the chipmunks all had these girlfriends? He literally had a hot Ethiopian. She was Ethiopian, she had big titties, she was cute.

Me, she's a donkey. Ethiopian girls are hot. No, that was not her name. Her name wasn't Mr. Doggy Kong. Who's Ephraim? Missy. No. I was very clear with what his name was.

And why would he... Okay. I don't remember her name, but I am 100% positive that was not her name. I have made a mistake. If you excuse me, I forgot to have my afternoon banana. Okay. That happens to be a good, healthy snack, so I'm going to let that slide. Let that slide.

Because I have diabetes. Okay. I think he did have... My blood sugar levels. He did have some kind of health issue, if I remember correctly. It's not a golden banana. It's a regular one. Oh, right.

Because Doggy Kong is golden. Of course, her name is Elizabeth. Mrs. Doggy Kong is a fun pet name between the two of us. Because we love Nintendo. Because she loves Nintendo. And for no other reason. No, not that second part that you tried to sneak in. Just Nintendo.

Oh, damn. Shots out to Afro. I hope he's doing good, for sure. Yeah. They're beautiful. Yeah, shots out to the Ethiopians. Shots out to the Eretrians also out there. Shots out to...

With your fucking big, big, big foreheads. Shots out to going on a date. Those sexy big foreheads. Yeah, they have big... They have big eyes and big foreheads. I'm trying to give you a little smooch on that round-ass forehead. Yeah, they look cute. And they're like tall and slender and beautiful.

You know? When I was sold cars, there was like a... I think he was Eretrian. He's either Ethiopian or Eretrian. This guy came in. He was bald and he had pointy shoes. He looked like a pirate. Hell yeah.

He looked like a Caribbean pirate. Fuck yeah, dude. I was like, this is one of the coolest people I've ever seen. Yeah. And he bought like a navigator with cash. Oh, fuck yeah, dude. Maybe he was a pirate. Came off the tanker.

I watched a movie about a pirate called Captain Blood. He's the captain now. What? I watched a movie called Captain Blood. It's starring my boy, Errol Hurt. Errol Flynn? Errol Flynn. Yeah.

Errol Hurt. Errol Hurt. Me. Errol Hurt. Errol Hurt. My name's Errol. My name's Errol Hurt. My name's Errol Hurt.

My name's Errol Hurt. Errol Hurt. Who's Errol Hurt? My name... From now on, my name is Errol Hurt. That's not a bad name. My name's Disgona. Errol Disgona Hurt.

That's good, man. It's starring my boy, Errol Hurt. Who's a juicy orange? That looks good. Do you want a slice? I'm good, brother. Thank you. Can I get a little piece?

Uh-huh. Thanks, brother. Suck my diggin' balls. You know what's cool about oranges is that the season for them is winter. That is cool. You think fruits and you don't think winter. What the fuck is this bullshit? People are like, oh, fruits have sea.

I've never gone to grocery store and not been to the grocery store. Hold on. It's not a bullshit thing. It's not a bullshit thing. It's one of the most basic things in from the world. No, because I go to a grocery store and I'm like, I need apples. Yeah, they're shittier at certain times of the year. Apples are better in the fall.

Yeah, they gotta get them flowing in. Yeah, you get some bullshit, lab grown apple or some dog shit. That is a good orange. Mm-hmm. Oranges are better in the winter. Stone fruits are better in the summer. I know how to pick them. Apples are in the fall.

Thanks, brother. Have the rest. What is it with oranges and they have like their brother growing out of them at the end? So true. I don't like that. I don't have a son. I don't know if it's a brother. That's not how brothers work.

Well, what if it's Simon? It could be like a fucked up pygmy brother. Yeah. Adam's like getting fucked in the ass by his dad and he's like, I'm gonna have a brother. My dad said I'm gonna have a brother. That's incredibly rude. That's incredibly rude. Everyone in school's gonna be jealous.

My dad's making a brother. I get to have my own brother. I'm gonna have my own brother. Listen, it's funny. Just like mommy made me. I'm gonna make a brother. I'm my own mommy now. I'm the mommy.

That's mean, but very funny. Why is it mean? Suck me on the dick. You're accusing his father of fucking him in the ass. Wow. Yeah, but I guess in the joke, I was kind of the puller of string. No, no, you're getting molested straight up. No, no, no.

Don't even try and flip this in the joke. The brother is the hush money in that situation. Yeah. You're being told you're having a brother, but you're getting molested by your dad. Do you think there was anyone, ever anyone that was molested for Pokemon cards? Definitely. Without question, like thousands of kids. That's probably one of the most common ways people were molested.

This is school, I guess you got a Charizard. Whoa, how'd you do it? Shut up. Don't even... I don't remember. I found it. Dude, without question. Just now and now you're like fucking, you're 28 years old.

You're just like trying to take the DSA seriously to press down the memory of sucking dick for a shiny Clefairy. I was thinking maybe our subcommittee as a fun thing, our mascot could be Snorlax. No! No! I'm sorry. We can do whatever you want. That's offensive.

Some of us may have been raped for that. Not me, but some people could have. Dude, absolutely. A lot of people got molested for Pokemon cards without question. Oh, that would have been a good one. I got fleeced by one of my neighbors. He told me the Japanese Pokemon cards are worth more. Yeah, that's what I thought too.

And he took all my good cards for a bunch of bullshit. You couldn't even read. Shit, I couldn't even read, dude. And you know what, dude? What was really fucked up was he worked... His dad was... My dad was his dad's boss. So I let this fucking man...

You know what I'm saying? Wow, that was the workers. The workers over there. Dude, yeah. How dare these motherfuckers. Dude, you walk in... It's Tom Sawyer, dude. Yeah.

Tom Sawyer. Acted like the rich kid in... The rich kid in Greek town. The rich kid in Greek town who somehow had a shitier house. I think my dad was just paying that guy. My dad just wanted to pretend he was rich, so he had an employee he couldn't afford. Like, their house was so much nicer than ours.

All his shit was better. I mean, he was an only child, but I had... Whereas I had, you know, two brothers, cousin. You got to ski race that guy down the mountain, dude. Well, like, it was also being molested. That's true. Yeah, yeah. You didn't make the house nice to hush him up.

That'd be funny if he got molested. How about shush money? And it's just like, you can tell a couple of people. Just keep it quiet. Yeah. Hush is total silence, but shush... Blabbering around town. ...is usually discretion.

Yeah. Keep it fourth time. Yeah, only whisper it to the fellas. Smell that stuff. You had Pokemon card things very funny to me. Just bad deals. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Damn, that guy really got me. And I didn't feel good about it either. He really... You know what he did to me? He chewed me like Al Pacino. He was Al Pacino in... The Untouchables. ...Glenn Gary and Glenn Ross.

No. No. He wasn't in The Untouchables. Yeah, I know. I'm thinking of Andy Garcia. That is true. Didn't he play... What was Andy Garcia?

He was Sonny's love child in Dot Father 3. His brother that grew out of his ass. That's right. Just like the orange. That's right. Or was he... No. Italians are like that too.

Was he in Carlito's way? No, right? No, he was in Godfather 3. That's what I just... I hope Donald Trump becomes president again in 2024. How funny was that? I would love it. Did you think people were upset last time?

Yeah. Oh my God. And he's gonna... It's like, what does he have to lose? He can't run for reelection. We're gonna keep talking about this is just how Hitler went to jail and he came back. But it'd be funny if this cycle continues and Donald Trump lives to be like 130. And then he'll like...

He'll come back, be an even shittier president, burn down the White House. You know, like fucking... I'm turning... I'm opening an orange, Julius. Why could you get worse and worse every time? Yeah. And then there's just some dickhead, you know, Democrat. And then Donald Trump escapes from prison and becomes president again.

We're like, all right, if he loses, he goes to jail. But if he wins, he gets to be president. Yeah, he just keeps his... And they're like, oh, Kamala's not losing. You better believe. There's no way. He's escaping from Arkham, dude. He's like the Joker.

Dude, fuck yeah. That'd be awesome. It's just like comic books. Did you see that picture of him? He's not looking too good. Trumpy? Yeah. He's looked like shit for years.

Who cares? I tell you, I didn't watch any of the... I saw a couple clips. He's got the magic. I didn't see any of the clips, but just the stills of him at CPAC with his like classic huge ass movie. His dumper is so big. I mean, he has a duck's body.

His fucking skeleton, I would love to see. I would love to take an Elk in an X-ray. I would love to see him without his clothes on. Absolutely. How much shit do you think he has in this hole? We're gonna sit out on the pond, and there's gonna be little pieces of bread. And we're gonna nibble on the bread, and it's gonna be beautiful. Dude, I bet you if that guy got a Kalanik, he would lose like 50 pounds.

He's probably got a lot of shit in it. Although, I respect the Diet Coke. I don't shit, folks. I haven't shit in years. Doctor said it's bad for me. I've been taking a dump in four years. How he stands is fucking awesome. Yeah, his stance is amazing.

I guess that's true, because he's leaning forward a little bit. Always. He's on Twitter all the time, but half his guys aren't ever on the internet. So he goes to CPAC, he probably crushed. Well, he's offline, so I was hoping that he'd really save his best zingers for CPAC, sometimes like the clips I saw were mostly scripted speech. Honestly, it was like watching Chappelle come back. Yeah, it was not quite as good as his prime, but still some beautiful moments.

I went to Africa, my father said, if shit ever gets bad, you got to go to Africa. You got to get your mind right. The white man's trying to take my money away from me. Honestly, he should just tease running and then hire like Shane Gillis and Tim secretly and just start to like treat everything like stand up. That would be awesome. You know, he's the best comedian in the world. Yeah.

Yeah. Whatever he can do to hurt the country. I'm all bored. Suck my fucking dick. It is. Yeah, damn. I bet. What do you think his days are like, man?

Now. Just chilling. He lives at a country clip, bro. He's probably bummed about Tiger. That's true. That was his guy. That was his boy. We used to fuck dogs together, folks.

I am like legitimately relieved Cuomo's getting the axe. Yeah. Because I was a little part of me was worried. Well, now you have to say thank you to the to the gals over at the Me Too movement. Yeah, I'll say thank you. Long and slow. No, I'm not. You'll write a note.

You'll write a nice thank you letter. Long and slow. Yeah, I'm really glad he's getting his come up and see that. But will you think they're going to make a design like the dumb shit. He's hiring defense attorneys. It's always the most. The most pathetic me too. Like Al Franken got canceled for like pretending to touch a woman's this.

Yeah. Yeah. Over like a 12 year old. A flak jacket. Over a flak jacket. And Cuomo's like just horrifically bad at hitting on. Yeah. You know, the youngest I would go is how old are you again?

2524 is the. Do you have a boyfriend? Is he an effeminate dinosaur? Have you ever considered having sex with an effeminate dinosaur? Perhaps Barney if the suit was made out of an old trash bag filled with vomit. I am going to open my penis. Something like that. You know, this is what they do.

It is so funny. He straight up just killed a bunch of old people. But he's getting it for being bad and trying to get pussy. It's so funny. He killed a million old people and covered up the numbers. But like, but yeah, he rules. But he pulls one disease on sorry and he's got to go. Yeah.

That I gave him the clothe. Yeah. I'm sorry for doing the claw. My friend disease taught me this. My friend. It's Randy's. He does a very funny thing. He does a good character.

He's going to be funny for the people that listen to this. I didn't know if you guys switched mics. So I'm quiet. I've just been clipping. Dude, I told you Adam, I told you I had the right mic. You fucking idiot. Well, oh yeah, because you're on the box now. I did you the courtesy.

I've got the box. I did you the courtesy. I appreciate not being on the book. Bluetooth dot com. Bluetooth dot com. Bluetooth dot com. I'm sorry. I took a blue shoe and I have 20 more minutes of maintaining an

erection. They got me. I said. Hmm. They sent me a stern note that says you can't say I took a blue shoe. You have to say I chewed a blue shoe. I guess.

They say blue shoe is the company not the product. Oh, so that in a fill until down a filler. I have no fucking idea. What the fuck. So you took a salad. Oh, I'm sorry. I don't I didn't blow my nose into a fucking Kleenex. Just in case is your first episode of come town.

Say if you're if you're new. Say if you're one of Cuomo's victims and you're looking for comfort in one of the smooths velvety sounds of an autistic man who's ready to make it up to you long and slow. Long and slow. With the assistance of pills sold by the company blue shoe. Right. But not.

It's a dick pill. It's a dick chewable company. Do not refer to blue shoes tablets as pills or blue shoes. Blue shoe is the company not the product. Okay. What the fuck does that mean. Suck my hard ass because of you dick. How about that.

Yeah. Which thank you for that. Thank you for making it hard so that you could suck it. Do not refer to the tablet as blue shoe as in Papa blue shoe or take the blue shoe blue shoe is the service that delivers the chewable. So then it's not our fault. Your branding is so strong.

This is good for you. It's good. That it looks like something called blue shoe. It's literally blue and you chew it. But you know what that's not what it is. Yeah. It's gonna be funny when like next week though like FBI kicks down the door of their office because we refer to it as a blue shoe.

And these people all get Dallas buyers clubbed. Yeah. There's definitely some kind of legal shit. It would be great if Dallas buyers club is about a guy who's dick doesn't work. That would be awesome. Yeah. And everyone in the town's like he's a fucking homo.

You're not trying to fuck pussy. We saw him at the urinal trying to get his dick hard. And I demand we in the middle of the night we took him out to a field and made him get his dick hard. Mississippi limp. And it's brought to you by blue shoe.com. It's brought to you by blue shoe.com. That has a really nice type of product called a tablet.

Yeah. It's a fucking tablet. Yeah. Yeah. I'm gonna iPad or a Kindle. Blue shoe is a unique online service that delivers the same active ingredients as Viagra and Cialis but in chewable form. Wow.

And it's a fraction of the cost. Mm hmm. Here's why it's nice because it's subscription. Yeah. You know. Yep. You don't have to think about it. Once you get through the you do all the upfront stuff you

have a quick little meeting with a zoom meeting with a doctor. Mm hmm. Then the pills just show up there. Sorry. The tablet. The tablets show up in perpetuity. And for God's sakes whatever you do. Don't refer to them as pills.

Because you'll die if you because yep your dick will turn soft. You're gonna get sued. It's an online prescription service and a visit to the doctor. No awkward conversations and no waiting in line at the pharmacy. Mm hmm. And it ships right to your door in a discreet package. And that's a D. I. S. C. R. E. E. T. That's awesome.

The other discreet would mean that it was shipped to you. Really about numbers. Right. Separate. Discreet discreet numbers. Something. That's probably some math shit. Yeah.

But you're trying to sneak in your math days back when I don't have math days. Back when I used to be in back when I never had worked at the Rand Corporation. Yeah I did. He's a think tank guy. Mm hmm. I was I was a fucking I was getting pussy from iron Rand. Blue choose licensed medical providers work with you to find the right.

And Atlas sucked. What's that. There's something about they work with you to find the right. Yeah you go to a doctor. He gives you some tablets. Mm hmm. You chew them. And your dick gets hard.

And I use that. Bada bing bada boom. Why use it. You just get to pick which one you want. But first. Personally. Personally. What are you.

What kind of guy you prefer personally. Personally. Personally. I like the. Sedent. I think this is that. I should download Phil the Seattle. I like to download the.

Phil. To download Phil is Viagra. I like that shit. It has a little bit of a longer run. I believe it's a longer. It's more. Yeah. It's a little slow burn.

Slow burn. Yeah. I'm waiting around for almost victims to come by. Yeah. Exactly. You got you take one a day to always be hard ready for them to make it up to them long and slow. So what did he did.

He did he touch anybody just try the. No. Gay question. That's awesome. We choose tablets they ship directly to your door and they're made in the USA. By fucking tough guys by really fucking hardcore gentlemen. They're forged in Pittsburgh by the cast of Dear Hunter. Yeah.

Here's a special. Street. Try Bluetooth free. Look at John the dead guy with a cancer when you use promo code come town and check out just pay five dollars shipping that's Bluetooth.com promo code come town to receive your first month free. Wow. I mean thank you.

It used to be what was to be like free shipping right. No you just pay the shipping. You just pay the shipping. The same deal. Oh it's the same deal. Or no it's better and now for the don'ts do not refer to blue shoes. Do not discuss or advocate mixing blue shoe with any other prescription or recreational drug.

Did we ever done that. I mean yeah. Probably probably do not discuss or do you have a legal activity with blue shoe for example jokes about sharing prescriptions okay so don't do any of that but here's what you do. You get your subscription to blue shoe and then you rent a yacht you go on the international waters and then you share the prescription with your friends and mix it. Yeah with can I mean with drugs and alcohol finally share it with your friends but the only thing you didn't take out on the yacht was girls and make sure you forgot the girls

you were so you're like all right I'm on the blue shoe one of you guys be on the drugs one of you on the alcohol then you realize wait nobody was in charge of the girls you got the yacht you're playing well we're here the most big yacht now keep in mind it's very important that you do this in international it can't be off the coast of Florida you can't even be by the U.S. Virgin Islands yeah you need to be straight in the middle of the fucking national waters and then you here let me see what else it says jokes about giving it to someone annoyingly so make sure you give it to someone but in international waters we're James Bond live you can go out there and fuck James Bond you get your dick hard on

benzos and fuck James Bond in international waters when you take the tablets provided yes serve the unique online service blue shoe fuck man it's so funny that there's rules I can't wait to go home and take a chewable tablet I gotta I gotta because I fucked up like I still have my prescription going when the quarantine started to so I had like a backlog and then I burned through all of those yeah I'm close I'm close to burn through the backlog myself yeah I tried to go natural for a while but it just don't hit the same yeah no I'm clean shut the fuck up I have been clean you weigh 90 pounds I know that's why it's because I'm in love and I weigh 90 pounds yeah when I was in love my dick work

too pal all right now I'm out here just sucking and fucking and I need pharmaceuticals yeah no there's no shame in saying that blue shoe dot com promo cook come down yeah all right check out do it we should we should have like a mark Henry versus the machine to see my dick my dick on chef John Henry fuck your girlfriend by you masturbate John Henry versus yeah and who's the machine of the computer that you're looking at the gate for and you're watching on I'm finished I am finished well I that would be that would be a funny like some steampunk vibrator on a woman's clip while a guy dressed like John Henry fucks the woman and then there's just a guy dressed like a prospector next to this going on being

like is he gonna do it is the boy gonna do it and then he dies of a heart attack before yeah not from pills not tablets though yeah no from tab oh yeah the danger of pills versus tablets I mean right yeah just make sure you don't do anything illegal well take him so never never do never share them never dose anyone with them dose anyone don't don't do it with drugs yeah no inside or trade it I wonder what would happen if you put if you boofed blue two if you put it in your ass it'll get your ass harder than it's ever been you think your dick gets hard if you put a little absorb into the plug stream you'll get even harder oh yeah I'm gonna try that I'm gonna try that I've been taking blue

two suppositors that would be cool if you're a gay guy yeah you put a fucking dildo shape like a dick pill in your ass and then fuck no or you tell your lover to find the candy inside of your your heinous Andrew blew on that must be one of the most the best one of the best perks of being a bottom is you don't have to often I joke around with people in the office you've seen me do it in public it's the same thing if an aide comes in I say will you suck my penis it's all I'm too old to be threatening what are the actual quotes yes he was like have you ever been with an older man what a loser and why is he doing it to his own aids like because he likes keeping it in La Famiglia yeah you

think anyone's fucked Cuomo like from his you think it's ever worked no he's he procreates through asexual you know what I mean you think this this style of predatory behavior oh she look alright though oh yeah look all right though would you smash oh with consent with with the consent with the consent with the consent to our mother was a gem I call mister pussy he tell mister don't Henry the monge de pussy that's me dude huh I'm the market to Pussy. The Marquis. The Grand Marquis. I'm not going to be like that when I'm old. I'm going to be so chilled on my 20 year old female aides. I'm not going to be like that at all. Your podcaster aides? When I hire 20 year old women to work in my office.

It's going to be because they're qualified. I'm going to be super fair to them. Like a mentor even. One that's so involved in their life that they I ask about their dating stuff. Right. But I do it from a place of you know I'm just looking out for them. Yeah. Of course when I do it like a mentor look I'm all busy. I'm the mayor. You're the mayor. Yeah. You're like wait so he said he said to hit to this chick he says that he was so lonely during the pandemic mentioning that he can't even hug anyone. Wait this is during the pandemic. Yeah. This is like one of them. And then he asked her he asked her he asked her who did she last hug. And Miss Bennett said she tried to dodge the question by responding that she

missed hugging her parents. He said he was like no I mean really hugged. What a fucking illusion. That is so can I get a hug. That is that is so can you please mash your breasts on my nipple rings. Why are you hugging people before the pandemic. It doesn't even make sense. No who did you really. I'm talking about really. Oh the pandemic. I'm I can't get my dick sucked in the office because of the pandemic. You know how everyone. He's like I can't believe he's doing this during the pandemic. He's blowing it. He's fucking doing a horrible job. I'm so glad. Honestly because it's like that that should have all the shit last year. The fucking like Cuomo sexual shit like. Oh it was crazy because he is a fucking fascist.

Yeah. He's that guy sucks. Yeah. He's like you know to see people that are like I would I wish he was president. Do you remember that. That was a threat. Oh I remember that. That gay guy. He wrote a book bro. Yeah. He wrote a book about how he did while he was while he was trying to get pussies killing women and killing all while talking about what a good job he was doing. Don't do any of that shit while taking blue chew by the way. Yeah. Do you remember that guy. Don't take the tablets provided. Don't do anything that the governor is being accused of. Yes. Definitely not. Do you remember during the pandemic there was that like gay guy Randy rainbow. Make songs. The one about Andrew Cuomo that he made up. I don't really

remember the specifics but I know you're I know you're a diehard Randy when the popularized Cuomo sexual shit. Right. I think so. Yeah. That guy stinks. That guy really stinks dude. I just ripped ass and it it's almost as bad as I got to say the smells in this apartment are not good. You guys are going at it for wise. I'm over here by the fucking. I am really not enjoying what I'm smelling. I miss it. It does. It smells like earnest that it has got. Do you remember that. He just died. All right. Peter that guy. When he made brand word throw up. I was like like fuzzy memories things come up on my phone. And one of the pictures is Ernest on the windowsill and one day he had fucking thrown up and then just

like sort of calmly passed. That guy was probably just constantly in pain. Yeah. No. But but but you extremely love it. One of the best guys you know one of the best most chill motherfuckers you know. I'm so lonely because of the pandemic. I haven't finger fucked the 25. I haven't stuffed my dirty fingernails around the girls. When's the last time you really got finger. Well this is the last time you got fucked by talking about your old grandma. I think I'm going to look like an old woman. You already do. You do look like an old woman. I'm gonna know if you put pearls on right now dude you look like a woman. Really seriously. You have a woman's nose. A woman's bottom. What do you mean a woman's nose. You

do bro. And a woman's a woman's delicate bones to your wrists are the wrist of a woman. Don't bring up my wrist. You know about my yeah. I know you're self conscious because I'm self conscious about my wrist. I don't like my wrist. You have weak bones. You have little feet. Yeah. I don't have little feet. Yes you do. I have compared to your feet that only got big from being fat. I have the same size. No that's not true. I am going nuts on nuts on snacks. Yeah this is great. Yeah. You got a pepper in your step man. I love seeing you stacked up. I haven't done this since we went to the cabin. Oh shit. Dude that was I missed that. You know since this pandemic I haven't gone hog wild on pussy. I haven't I haven't

whipped up my hog in front of an assistant that beat off. I'm taking you. I'm having trouble pissing. Can you help man. Any other nice quotes from him Adam or no. She said that he's called he's called Andrew quote. She said that he never tried to touch her but she felt like she was trying to get out of her job. He never touched me but he did have one of those dinosaur grabbers with his own head on it and he said let me just get a nip of puss and he would bite at my vagina with the grabber. But again it was his face doing yes. Yeah he's divorced right. He doesn't have any pussy. Yeah. Wow. There's a different lady to just get a politician and be divorced. Yeah. That's crazy. How many like kids you

have to fuck to get your politician wife. Yeah. I've had enough of this. Yeah. Who was his wife. Did she. She's probably beautiful. I actually fucked her. I forgot I fucked I don't know who she is but I did fuck her. The only reason like because everybody always cheated on their wife. Bill Clinton getting caught. That was an op. Yeah. To destroy the American family. Absolutely. You know. He said let's play strip poker. This guy is like a sixth grade boy. Yeah. No swag. He should go to jail for strip poker. What a fucking loser. That's one of the worst things that sucks. What a what an absolute loser. Oh man. There's probably one woman he fucked. It feels so stupid. Yeah. He used an imitation intimidation

to silence his critics and if you dare speak up you would face consequences. You know it's funny too. This is gonna be a come down original take to go for it. All the people that did that homosexual shit fed into that fucking psychotic narcissist ego so much that gave him the courage to fucking sexually you actually you harass those. So no I mean literally it is the fault of people like Randy Rainbow for fucking like gassing this fucking piece of shit up. Oh dude you know what's fucking none of this would happen if they didn't if they were just like he's doing a good job as a governor it'd been fine. But the fact of like oh his nipple where his daddy nip all this bullshit I deserve some pussy. Right.

I'm going to rape one of my subordinates. Dude that's on you. That's your fault Randy Rainbow. You know it's Larry. Another thing is bring me Fig Newton. His ex was literally Bobby Kennedy's daughter. Yeah. He just married a fucking bootleg Kennedy sloppy Hattie sloppy Hattie. You know they used to call they used to call Ted Kennedy give Hattie. Well they say he got brain cancer from all the semen that would enter into his brain. That's right from sucking cock. So I wonder how would you just put on like a little suit with like a red like a red. What are they called. What are they called. What's it called when you go a little red handkerchief coming out of your pocket. Well he's got. He's dating somebody

named Sandra and then just walk around the White House or walk around just pretend to be a tour guide. They're like well actually a lot of people don't know this but Ted Kennedy was a fact. That's really good man. Oh so they broke up in 2019. Name tag. Belmont. I'm trying to find another accusation but no there was there was two bitches ladies KushuDreams.com provides you with the juice you need to get the juices going. Oh he kissed. He kissed. Oh the governor kissed the governor kissed as I got up to leave and walk towards the open door he stepped in front of me. I thought you were going in for one. Oh my god I was getting a vibe. I was catching a vibe. I'm fucked up off KushuDreams.com.

I smoke too much KushuDreams it made me horny. KushuDreams will turn anyone into a rapist. The governor. That's how much there's smokable CBD. Adam it's time to switch bro. You gotta switch. I told him second out I'd go back to the bottom. I said first ad bitch and I'm being good to you. Thanks for the extra 15 minutes. I'm a good guy. I'm gonna say that in public. Don't try extra 15 minutes on the couch. Don't try and say you told me. Oh my god I felt like the queen of England on that couch. Oh fuck. Now I'm back to the box. Back to the box. Oh it smells way better over here. Back to the box. I smell like kitty litter over here. Back to the box for me. What can we even say about KushuDreams that I remember

that hasn't been said already. A company that needs no introduction. A company that needs no paid advertisement. KushuDreams.com. KushuDreams has sex. You can take a KushuDreams we'll tell you that much. You can take as much KushuDreams as you want. It won't make your dick hard but it will make you fucking feel awesome bro. KushuDreams I should call it GushuDreams because that's how much pussy you're going to be getting. Yeah. And if you have CBD those those bitches are going to be sliding down the hall. Yep. Of your office where because they're going to be so wet off the Gushu. Suck my car. Suck my car. Suck my balls and my peanuts. Well the thing about KushuDreams is that it's high quality high

quality CBD. Yeah it's lab tested. Lab tested. Father approved. Independent lab tested. Yeah mom approved. Yep. Kid tested. Mom approved. Yeah. KushuDreams. They got guys cutting these flowers. They do. They got the girls with the titties out. Yep. Nor cow dude. It's a nor Oregon and fucking Humboldt County. Oh yeah dude. They got Zac Efron up there with his dickhead podcast friend making all the making all the smokable legal weed. That's right. Yep. It's I don't know how it works but there's smokable flowers. The thing is it's smokable. What are you a pussy to choose CBD. Yeah. What do you have any oil tinctures like what the tin man. If I recall correctly that's why I wanted to see the wizard to become

straight. He was like I'll stay metal. Yeah. Just make me make this un unquenchable thirst for cock go away. The lion's like I wish I was brave and the scarecrow's like I wish I was spawned and then the tin man's like I want to get a Dorothy's pussy. Can you make me straight so I can I can say where's my hug. So I can. First of all these accusations are ridiculous to address them quickly. It was a robot created by Donald Trump that looked like me. All of this stuff is politicized. It was the Russians. We're not going to politicize this. There's a virus to deal with that I did a good job on. I did a good job and I'm very lonely. And I need some pussy. I need some pussy. No. Cushy dreams gets me fucked

up and I get some pussy because it does not get you fucked up. It does but not shipping legally to all 50 states. Oh yeah. Is there only 50. Yeah. Last I'd say there's Puerto Rico. Yeah. I can't. It's weird that we haven't added more in a while. Puerto Rico and how the fuck how the fuck are we bombing like 18 countries a year. And then we haven't had any more states and they haven't. There's some of them should be states by now. I agree. I would love to Afghanistan. Probably see like here's what we'll just give fucking Delaware to France. OK. Right. And then Afghanistan is now a part of Texas. Yeah. And we why does France get anything. We teach Afghanistan how to play high school football. Yeah. They're

going to teach him a little bit of some Friday night life Friday night. Yeah. When we teach him boys how to play. When is Muslim Sunday. Muslim Sunday is Friday. Just like Jews. Jewish Sunday Jewish Sunday is Saturday. You can't do. Wait. Muslims get Friday. Jews get Saturday and we get Sunday and there and the so they can't they can't they can't do Friday night life because they're at the mosque. Yeah. But then they stop being Muslim. We show them how to play the ball. Well. Yeah. Sure. We teach them how to play ball. Yeah. Maybe it's you have to choose a cushy dream. Dreams is awesome. It's good shit. They got fucking three point five gram shit. They got whole joints. Yeah. Pre rolls and those are full

gram joints. You know. And if you want the eighths you can put that in your pipe and smoke it. Why don't you put my penis in your ass and fuck it. And what's very exciting about cushy dreams right now is that they have a new point five half a gram little five pack of joints. That's my favorite product. Yeah. Now you smoke one of those and your dick gets fucking extra hard or medically might not. But we can't. But you know what it's where the fuck is the goddamn copy with the promo code code codes come town. The promo code or someone say the Cuomo code code code code code. Let's get out of fucking hate having to read. It's all right. Cuomo code. It's almost is hug me.

We're almost. Hug me why. Yeah. I wish I was just fucked up on cushy dreams right now instead of doing work. I know that's why I tell you what I can't wait until I'm done with my long day work. They were fine. This document. This business made my documents. This business made documents so I could take a load off and smoke cushy dreams fucking drink my non alcoholic beer and watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer order cocaine. That's right brother. Does not get you high next to no THC alternative for people looking to cut back on smoking other things like pole like cock. I'm trying to cut down on smoking other things. So I've been trying raping women. They take the artisan approach every run a small batch organic farming

practices selection includes indoor exotic strains. Oh hell yeah. 100 percent hand trim never machine trimmed. Never. You got three lines of private reserve ultra premium and premium. Every can is an eight probably makes a really big difference. Yeah. You could probably definitely tell a big ass difference. Yeah. They're completely different. Anyway so KU S. H. Y. Dreams and use promo code come town for 20 percent. That's right. Your next order I believe. Yes. Anything you smoke your CBD because you can't because you can. You should try it if you've used oil in the past and it did nothing for you. Try this. I guarantee it actually. OK. All joking aside this shit actually does get you a little buzz of dillo.

Yeah. I enjoy smoking. I literally am going to smoke one when I get home. I would after this but I'm literally too lazy to do. I'm going to eat more crackers. Hell yeah dude. I'm going home and I'm eating marinated chicken thigh. That sounds great. I'm having some I'm steaming an egg too. I got one of those Korean steaming eggs. Oh nice. I'm steaming an egg later. I'm steaming two eggs. What do you mean. Have you ever had eggs steamed. I do want my eggs steamed. I don't know what that is but I want I would love to get my girl just going your ball. I see you probably feel pretty good to get jacked. I want to see I want to see you. I like to get my my eggs poached. That's where you put your balls in a woman's

pussy. And then she pisses on your dick. I'm having a little eggs bent tonight. I'm getting my shit poached. Go get me a fucking English muffin and some Canadian bacon because I'm getting my eggs poached. I don't want to try that if only to figure out like how in which way we straddle the bathtub. Yeah. So that piss doesn't get everywhere. Right. Yeah you'd have to go on the bottom. You just have to get a kiddie pool. She'd have to stuff them up. Yeah stuff. And then pee on to you. Yeah. Well yeah. P above. Yeah try that out for size while smoking some cushy dreams eating an entire sleeve of salty premium saltine. I'm not really salty. I gotta be honest. I can't get enough of salt. Are you really. I'm so

good. Now is I'd like to put a gun in a woman's pussy while eating figs. I guess that doesn't sound so bad. I'm a little non alcohol beer. A couple of things. Fucking dead. I just have a gun. That's awesome dude. That's what that's what you call. Are you moving it up and down in and out or you just gotta let it in and out. You know but you're not really that aroused. They call that they call that taking it easy edge play. They call that one one foot over the edge. Take it easy. Take it easy. You don't have to do hard drugs while fucking a woman with a gun. Maybe you could just have a cliff bar and a glass of crystal light. Why you sort of miles a woman with a glock. Damn I'm going to get some crystal

light actually. Yeah that's nice. I want a little drink when I'm fucking coming down. I miss I miss drinking the powdered iced tea that should the brown sugar. Awesome. You're literally just putting like four tables of sugar in a cup of water and being like I'm having I'm having I'm having I cook this. No it's not the chef thing. No you feel like you made it. You can't you don't even know. All right. I want you don't honestly it is crazy because you a hundred percent. Yes you really don't know what I do. The point of what we're even saying. My parents got sick of buying juice. I don't know why I said that in the Southern accent. My parents got sick of buying juice. They'd get constantly Matthew

McConaughey audio book there. My parents got tired of buying juice so they would make it in my eyes. No no so they got the concentration. There's a retarded man live down the street and he'd fuck me in my ass and I'd fill it with honey suckers. We'd make moonshine in the air on the summer nights I'd shit it out in my father's mouth. That's what my stepfather that is. That was the best fucking audio book I've ever heard in my life. When he just drops getting molested in the back of a van. Yeah I was number one on the soccer team in red cards and when I was 18 I got fucked in my mouth by a man who worked at KB Toys. In exchange for a fucking GOD. In exchange for a Japanese Pikachu but he told me it was worth one million

dollars. One million dollars confederate. Speaking of the confederacy my great god great great great great granddaddy was Nathaniel Bedford founder of the KKK and founder of a bed and breakfast. Better than breakfast when my mother was born 65 years later and I returned to her pussy to try to erase the memory of being molested. Figured if I raped my mother maybe that would create a different kind of trauma the inverse. Like the inside and outside of a fig Newton enjoyed on a fine summer evening while shoving a gun out of a hole. Suck my penis. Suck my penis. Don't let your tiny gay ass dick go live. Oh baby when you suck my dick. Damn I'm ready for a summer this year. It's gonna be fun

do you. Yeah I saw some pictures of summer I was just going through my camera roll. It's nice summer. I looked awesome. I saw pictures that day of the beach. There are pictures of the two of us. We got to go back in the sand that are very romantic Australia. No no no we went down to the Rockaway stuff and went to Cafe Nargis afterwards. Sheep said the best. Shouts out to the Nargis boys. Shouts out to Cafe Nargis. How do you pronounce that. No we just did. How do you mean. What does that even mean. Let me clear my throat. I heard an N and a hard G sound. It's a different word that happens to have some letters. No I'm trying to remember the name of that restaurant. We

just said it's Nargis before you say anything. It's Cafe Nargis. I forgot I need to remember what was it. It's Nargis. The name of the restaurant. I just said it. I'll say it one more time. Nargis and now I'm trying to remember. No no no you know what it is. I've said it five or six times. Not even counting the original time. My tongue. The shit eating grid on next fence right now. The level of self-satisfaction. If I could just remember. He's really enjoying this one. For a second just maybe. This and when he called. Maybe venture a guest. When he called that woman Mrs. Donkey Kong is the happiest he's been. This whole episode. I'll be honest with you. I'm on a cracker high which could be

about the crackers I ate or what I'm doing with the N word. Different meanings of a cracker high. He's using again. I'm using. He's using the N. Yeah he's using. He's banging N. The hard R. He's banging hard R. I started using again. Yeah. It really is. There is sort of a Zen quality to constantly almost saying the N word. Yeah yeah yeah yeah. It's like holding. Yeah it's perfectly balancing something forever. It's like edging. Ending. Ending. You're the sting of the N word. Yeah. I have to use tantric slurs. My dream of N. Yeah yeah yeah yeah. My dick is small. Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah. That's a banger dude. Desert rush. That song is so sick. I laugh to myself. When I say the word.

When I suck your dick. You can make yourself laugh. When I suck your dick. I'll be being gay. I'll be being gay. Don't suck. Don't suck. Don't suck my dick. I'm gay. You don't have to suck on a man's dick. But that's just what that song is. I'm gay. No. Yeah it is. He's telling Roxanne to suck a guy. No. Sucks and is a guy. A woman. A guy. Sucks and is a guy. You don't have to put that dick in your ass. Oh right. Roxanne's a whore. The fuck. That's a stupid song. Actually Sting and the police suck dick. Yeah. Never thought they were cool. They're actually an incredibly dog shit band. Yeah. I've always felt that way about him and Elvis Costello. Elvis Costello is the fucking worst. Elvis Costello is the

worst. But walking on the moon. Walking on the moon. Roxanne and then they have like one other that's like. Don't stand so close to me. Those are good singles. But those stand so close to me is alright. Those first two albums outside of those tracks are fucking absolute shit. Yeah. Never listened. Never will. It's just Desert Rose on the other hand. It's reggae with none of the cool fun. Well it's yeah it's kind of this like it's fucking like a smorgasbord shotgun attempt at like pop music where they combined a bunch of shit and it's mostly. What is it. What's the word. Not busting. No this dissonant. Yeah. It's very dissonant. You don't have to. You don't have to. You don't have to tell me. Yeah. Just

say it was. I took a hard one when people found out I had a small dick. That would honestly make him suspect number one. Yeah. If his dick was that small that he would have to fuck kids busts back. Oh Epstein had a small. Epstein had a small. Why are you saying the Jeremy Corbyn way. I'm saying at the Hebrew in the classical. I kind of want to read the Franklin cover up. That's just that. That is a fun spooky book. What's that. What about the cult or whatever. Yeah. Another child. It's about it's about a child sex ring. There's all that shit true in Nebraska but then it like you know gets big. It'll fuck with your head if you read that book all the way and then you watch who took Johnny and then you read about

Craig Spence and then you realize it's like OK there's like too many overlapping things here. Damn. Yeah. Yeah. That's pretty fucking gay if you ask me. I really want fucking soft shell crab sandwich. That would be really nice deep fried soft shell crab sandwich. You know I was always scared of them when I was little. Why are you doing a show crab because the shell you're in the show. Yeah but I love that shit. I thought I was so cool. I'll eat it now. I'll tell you what. Look at me. I'm like a Chinese when all this is over. We'll go to this restaurant that I like and flushing. That is a Singaporean restaurant. And it's got a soft fried soft. It's got a fried soft shell crab. Must kill Adam. Must kill Adam

to save Singaporean. The children he's molesting. Nick. Nick wake up. Sorry. You're all right. Drifted off and I was having you were having a really true one of my real dreams. I was having one of my classic permission dreams. Dude honestly when I get when I get my second Vax bro I'll eat indoors. Yeah dude. We should go to this place. I think it's got a ridiculously stupid name. Yeah. It's called like yummy tummy or something. I've seen that place. Yeah. It's really good. I'm going to wear a mask. I'm going to keep I'm going to start wearing keep wearing a mask way past when they make us do that shit. Me too because I'm ugly and then I'm going to I'm going to break other rules at restaurants and then pull the

camera out when they kick me out like bringing my you're getting Joe you're getting kicked out for wearing a mask. Yeah. And I'll be like wow the one mask wear in here. Or you get in four years and a mask with a big swastika. I'm like so I can't be in here with a mask on. OK well it was the only one they had left. That's the one. I don't like it either. I'm just trying to be safe. It's a Buddhist symbol of good luck. You got a problem with it. Take it up with the dot heads. It's their thing. No that's actually not true sir. We sort of see what you're getting at even though it's incredibly offensive but you're also wrong. Am I wrong. Buddhism isn't wrong. Am I wrong. Am I. Yes please leave. OK. Can I have my

fake news. You know what honestly the first thing we should do after this is all over get international plane tickets to Toronto and kill that guy from that Chinese restaurant that's now you know what I respect that guy. Why do you respect him. He would disrespect it all. Some guys got a code. His code was that you can't. Then he can I do want to go back. I want to go back to Toronto. I'm trying to go back to Canada but I think it's going to be a while till we're allowed. Yeah. I went for Tiff a couple of years ago. Yeah he went after us after we all went. Yeah I want to put it because that movie I was in premiered there. Nice. And then I was like meeting a friend for dinner and we met at

this like Japanese barbecue restaurant and I got there probably 45 minutes early. Yeah I was like might as well just order and respect you know I didn't want to be rude. Of course so to have a second dinner. Oh yeah I like an entire farm before the guy showed up and then he like was like just eating like the fucking kimchi. Well I guess I'm a drug addict. I'm gay. Yeah dude once once fucking Fidel Castro son opens up the borders. I'm over there dude. Oh yeah you're driving a classic car. Yeah I meant into Canada. Oh it's Fidel Castro son. Yeah dude. Is that what they're saying? Fidel Castro son. How about for smell asshole. Yes. And does he smell the assholes or does he have a smelly asshole. He does.

He does. He's got a smelly asshole. That's awesome. I'm looking at FedEx tracking. I'm not mad at FedEx. I just need to know and make sure I didn't know. They fucked me last week but then. I don't really give a shit. They actually didn't really. I'm not mad. They were very helpful actually. Well then I gotta say they've never been well they fucked me by sending what I needed to Connecticut but they found it very quickly. All of your precious DVDs. Yeah my DVDs. Of you and of you and child pageants. No well yes the only boy competing. Honey juju. Money juju. Was that what you went under? Yeah money juju. That's an awesome name. Very catchy. I was a little queen of the pageant. That's really

cool brother. The Las Vegas pageant circus. Anyway. What's the what are the websites that people have to visit for us? Oh come.town. Stavi.biz. Stavi.biz. We're launching you shirts soon folks. Stavi.biz. And if you want all the content without the noxious ad reads. None of the and honestly really good again. Yeah the best five times better than we say if the ad free best episodes we say for our patreon.com.com.com and I promise I never eat crackers for half the episode. You have access by listening to those episodes to or by paying five bucks a month you have access to. You can chat with Adam. You can meet Adam he's on. Adam is on there. Adam is on cam. I'm on cam. You can check out Adam's only

fans on patreon.com. I've got a lovance in my ass and every time you tip it vibrates and it shocks me a little bit too. It's actually like a dog caller. Yeah that'll be awesome. All right folks well thanks for listening to come town this week and please visit those three websites we just mentioned. Good evening.