The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. 251 – suckdictionary

Episode Date: March 17, 2021

and its guys pretending to suck a famous persons dick and u have to guess who it is based on their body language

Buh-da-da-da, what'd you say? What? Where's your shit dude? Where's your- Find your stuff. Where's your microphone at? He's lost his microphone and his heads. Your channel too.

Headphones. Where's my shit then? Why don't- you've lost Davros' stuff. You've lost- Stop. Now I can't hear Nick. Yeah, maybe- Nick or Adam, you just fucked something up dude. You're a fucked up guy dude.

You're trying to fucking ruin the podcast. There you go. I'm one. Okay. Check, check, check. Where's my hands? Here you go. Can you turn off this DVD menu of Diagnosis?

No, it sounds weird. It sounds fucking awesome. Keep playing the same song. Yeah, I don't know what you're sticking to. Don't pull this. It needs to be closer to me than you. Adam, you're starting the podcast with a bad attitude. You're starting the podcast with a bad attitude.

Well, because you guys are calling me fat. Unplug your headphones. Not yet, but that's the whole point. And then we're going to do this. And then you can plug your stupid headphones right here. Yeah, you're not fat yet, but you will get fat. Okay man, we get it. It's really-

You know what? Yeah, we should turn it off. Well, it's not going to pick up in the back. Because Adam is- I just don't want to keep listening to the DVD menu. Why? Is it distracting? Of diagnosis murder. It's like jazz, bro.

It's relaxing. It's the same song. Is it? Yeah. For 30s. Is it the same song? Stop playing it on the podcast. The fans don't want to hear this, dude.

We're going to get DMC- They want to hear about our lives. Yeah. They want to hear about the rich tapestry of our dating lives. Yeah, we need to do a Tinder update. They want to hear about dating in New York City. They want to hear about a couple of girls in the city. Can you believe it's coming up on five years of this show?

No. Yeah, dude. Five years in May. Are you serious? We were just kids. Now we're all grown up. No, it's not five. There's no way it's five years.

Four years. Five years, dude. Five years, right? Because it was before the election. Oh, fuck. That's fucked up, dude. That's sad. Shit.

Well, we got to end it. Yeah. It's weird to even think about being 27. Wow. We were just young boys. My dick was so big back then. Yeah. Mine was small, but it's big now.

It's small now. Well, mine was small, but it's huge now. So if you hear such a thing, know that that's more of a recent update. But back in the day. Back then, dude. I'm telling you. I was having sex with women back then.

That's true, dude. That's crazy. Now they're having sex with hot chicks. Yeah. Now they're having sex with men. You're fucking absolutely ponying your home. You're getting your whole pony. Get those chips out of my fucking face, Adam.

You fucking snake. You treacherous fucking snake. I was just a guy on the lower east side playing accordion. Selling fruit on my car with other Italian immigrants. My monkey. Those were the first couple of Chinaman showed up. Yep. And they started the Boxer Rebellion, whatever that is.

That was when that was going on. When the Chinese were getting... When they decided to fight back. We tried cutting to the Italian fruit market. Back in the old Lower East Side where people would hang their laundry across the streets. Yeah. Everybody was getting pussy from bitches that look like Strega Nun, huh?

Yeah. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do. Women yelling out out of the windows? What, the diagnosis murder thing? Yeah. Do-do-do-do-do-do. Yeah. Suck on my penis, I'm gay.

Suck on my little dick. Diagnose murder is a very good ass show. I do miss the New York that was... Shut the fuck up. What? Shut the fuck up. Doing it as a joke and then this on the serious note bullshit. What?

We've been here for five years, six years. Yeah. Times Square used to be all porn. Literally the only thing that's changed in five years is you pretending you like Avatar starting today. That's true. I saw Avatar yesterday for the first time. Interesting.

Curious. It's what America does to people all over the world. Very curious. We rape them for their resources. And we dress up in their clothes. There should be a show like Diagnosis Murder but Dick Van Dyke is like, he's in his office and Scott Beyo comes in. He's like, yeah, Doc, Adam's got a new opinion.

We've got to figure out where he came from. Where did this opinion come from? Well, I could just open up Twitter and probably find out in 14 sessions. I don't look at Twitter. Let's go ahead and look at some of the other things. I just do my tweets. I just do my tweets. I don't look at it in solidarity with our former president, Mr. Donald Trump.

You know what, Jackie? I get my stuff out there. You know what I used to do? Bro, I used to text. I used to text my tweets. My friend Jonah used to do that too. Yeah, because I didn't have a smartphone. I used to literally text my tweets and check them at my work computer.

I would use a desktop. Yeah, dude. I'd have to dial in from a terminal. That was the way to fucking do it, man. This is one of those old-timey mainframes with the drum memory. It spins back and forth. I don't even remember those. That sounds awesome.

I want one of those. Yeah, like Ram used to just be two drum discs. Yeah, it would just spin back and forth to access. That's pretty fucking tight. Yeah, old computer rooms used to be slick looking. Yeah, the big giant ones. Now it's like what's in a fucking Tamagotchi. It's the same computing power as that entire room.

Yeah. But really the most despicable thing you did, Adam. Let's hear it. Suck dickable. This is the most suck dickable thing you did. Let's hear it. I'm sure it'll be a real fair appraisal of my behavior. Your good friend is trying to better his life.

And you know it's my off day where I don't... My first two meals, and we're recording this fairly early, as soon as we wrap you, I have to go home to eat a rich meal with 35 grams of carbohydrates. That's nothing, too. 35 grams of carbs, protein, and two cups of vegetables. Right now, all I have to sustain myself was a salad that I made with chicken breast and cabbage,

and I had a Greek yogurt. So what do you do? You have two... Usually you don't even eat. You have two meals in front of you. I had two lunches. Two lunches. One before you recorded the premium that has already happened.

And now... And then you get a fucking... And then you're like, you know what? I'm fucking... I'm hungry. And then not only do you get yourself a fucking sandwich, you come back with a big bag of chips for the whole team. I just...

Listen, I just... A whole fucking bag of chips. And I have to sit here and watch you fucking snack? I just read a book called Fat Like Me, and it was about how I... It made me realize I want to live a day in your shoes. You don't have the gumption to live a day in my shoes. You're going to be the hot guy on the show.

I can't be the hot guy. First of all, you've never been hot. I can't be the biggest piece of ass on the show. You've never been hot, and you could never. I'm the guy whose dick used to be big back in the day. Yeah, that's true. That is who you are. I'm the guy with the small...

I can't be the sex symbol of the squad anymore if you're going to lose your way. Adam, you could never in your life be fat. You don't have the fucking personality. You know how much people would hate you if you were fat? You barely get by on being Jewish in Brooklyn. If you were fat and disannoying... It would be a Harvey Weinstein situation immediately.

Immediately. It would be some Harvey Weinstein. I don't have the power to wield over impressionable actions. But in hindsight, women would see a picture of you and then in their memory, they'd accept themselves that they got raped when they had consensual sex with you. Just from what you look like now.

I would just look like a fat lesbian woman. You'd look horrible. Yeah, we'd look like menette. I would look like menette. So don't even joke about that. I can't wait for our next special. It's so easy to be a fat guy. You walk into a room, you say,

where's the party, everybody? I'm the fun-loving fat guy. You try it. Everyone thinks that most people hate fat people. Everyone sees you, they're like, you're fatty, they put a lay on you, like you're in Hawaii. Here's what it's like.

Being fat is like it's a giant ramp, right? Most people struggle to climb it. They get too tired, they're too fat, and they fall asleep, and they roll back down to being a loser. But if you have enough sauce, if you're swagged out enough, you use that hill as a ramp to fly into the sky.

And that's what I do. But it takes a lot of fucking effort. And you don't have it. But instead of a mountain, it's a buffet. You just keep eating, brother. But for a little bit, you're at the top. And you're eating sugar buns after you had plates and plates

of wings and general salads. This never actually gets that bolder. In this one, he does. In this one. In this version, he does. They should offer it. You know what would be a cool, like a Chinese buffet and you get a little earpiece?

And there's judges that do, like, color commentary on what you're eating and doing. I would love that. I would love to be... I would love to compete. And he's going back to charge you. I would love to compete. And then in my retirement,

I would love to be like the Charles Barkley of that. And then become the commentator. And then just become like a hater. Yeah. You can't be in this game if you have respect for yourself. You've got to be going 120%, 150% of the time.

You've got to be blowing past your blood pressure. About how soft everyone is. Or not soft enough, perhaps. My eyes used to bulge out of my head. I had my blood pressure was so high. And these boys are over here taking fucking Zantax. Zantax 75. They're juicing.

I know that as well. It's a number of guys out of the spectrum. You're right. That's today. Not in his life. Not today. I've been with you guys all day watching Diagnosis. No, we met at 11.

So you had a lot of time. I told you I had a call this morning. Yeah, with guys to fuck them. Well, not 75 of them. That's for damn sure. Just one. One of them was... The call was with one guy

who was critiquing how much sex you were having. It was a business call. Well, 75 guys fucked your ass. I took a business call. He was like, all right, that one was good. That one wasn't so good. Yeah, those chips were disgusting. They were very bad.

Okay, let's give a review. Good. I'm glad. You bring those Kettle Brand Potato Chip Korean BBQ flavored. Not good. Good. And that's what you deserve for your fucking treachery. For your treachery.

All I'm saying is you weren't missing much, dude. Yeah, but I smelled it. You know how hard I took... I would have long looked. Damn. I took those. Five servings at 140 calories. That's like 700.

What is it? I had to sit here and I had to meditate until those were done. Yeah. I'm sorry to do that to you. You're not. I slipped. You're not sorry. No, I...

You caught... I slipped. I shouldn't have done it. And you know what? Maybe you should get fat for the show. I'll get fat for the show. You should get fat for the show. I mean, I always thought it was an audio product.

We don't actually have to lean into the... But it's about the energies. Yeah, that's true. And you're not a good enough actor. I would get even more sluggish. Or maybe I'd be faster because I wouldn't be as like anemic and hungry. We'll never know until you put on at least 50 pounds. I feel it.

I had too much to say. How much do you weigh? Me? 140. That's so fucking funny. I weigh literally... I just stopped when I double you. Mr. Rogers' weight.

Was it? Yeah, remember that part? He loved weighing 143 pounds because when you line that up with the alphabet, it's I-L-Y. No, I-L-Y. I love you. I love you. Yeah. Is that real?

No. You can't even come up with that. No, it was in the documentary. I'm just misremembering what it was. Dude, 143 pounds is the weight of women, you fuck. Not the weight you are. That's pathetic. I don't know.

I could never... 143 pound woman? Mr. Rogers weighed 143 pounds. Give me that. Give me those fat titties and a nice fat thigh. And the constant pattern accounted for another constant in his life is weight. For 30 years, Rogers weighed exactly 143 pounds. Uh-oh.

Proanomuch. In fact, he checked his own weight daily. This man had an eating disorder. Wow, he had a problem. I don't check it daily, but I am around that weight. And I have been probably... Every day, Mr. Rogers refuses to do anything that would make his weight change. He neither drinks nor smokes nor eats flesh of any kind.

What? What? Who's eating flesh of any kind? Meat. Yeah, you eat the inside of the flesh. No, flesh is skin. No, flesh is fucking meat. Okay, well, who would know better?

I would. Thank you. Me or you? I would. Me. I know what flesh is. The answer is me. It's definitely not.

The answer was me. If thou, if they said he sucks on the flesh of a man's penis, you would know that part. Imagine if Stavros was straight and had sex with me. Okay, it's done. No imagination. No place. Don't have to change anything, everyone listening. Just keep imagining the way you were already doing because that's what it is.

And you're imagining the Twilight Zone. You're not imagining, you're just going about life as you were before Nick asked that question as Rod Sterling. Honestly. In a crazy world. In a regular world that we currently exist in. That's different. That has no change whatsoever.

It's a hypothetical world. It is not hypothetical. It is based in the reality that we are currently experiencing. And it's the Twilight Zone. And it is the fucking normal time. And it's a small town. It's a regular... It's just...

If you're in a small town, it is a small town. If you happen to be in New York City or Los Angeles... Strange occurrences. It's a big city. Regular occurrences. Turn purple. Clouds are white. And Stavros is having sex with girls.

That's true. That's the only true thing he said. In the Twilight Zone. In the Twilight Zone. In the... Case closed. In the regular zone. It is not the Twilight Zone.

Nick is gay. Nick is gay. Nick is gay. That is the song. Thank you. Anyway... Maybe that's the song in the Twilight Zone. I'll give half of the song.

It's not the song from the Twilight Zone. It's the song in the Twilight Zone. It's the song from the Twilight Zone. The show that we're all aware of. No. Because it's a piece of media. From, like, the 50s or wherever the fuck. And they were so prescient that they knew about a fake world where Stavros is straight.

It's a regular world. It's a fake... It's the current world. It's a Twilight opposite zone world. And by the way, the Twilight Zone isn't always opposite, necessarily. Having said that, I'm not in the... I'm straight... Don't press down.

In the regular world. And I don't... Exactly. In the Twilight Zone, I don't know what sexual I am. I could be straight. I could... Whatever. I don't know.

If it was the Twilight Zone, I would not get a lot of pussy. No. No, no, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, you know what? Sorry. It's that I love you. I has one letter.

Love has four letters. And you has three letters. That's weird, bro. That's disgusting. I don't like that. That's the first negative fact about him that I've ever learned. Yeah, yeah. People have tried to be like fuck that guy for a while.

It's actually because it stands for I fuck kid. Kid? That's it. That's why I liked the 143. How do you feel about, by the way, Adam, to keep you on the hot seat today? Yeah. How do you feel about Fero versus Alan? Well, actually, the hot box.

Actually, because I was sitting on the box again today. You're relegated to the box. You guys are on the couch in a world where Adam doesn't sit on the box... Okay, this is a first straight. No, no, no. And he already said okay. The first part is this month. And he already said okay.

The first part can happen in the twilight. And let's go to the box. Did he say okay? Who cares what the box says? We're going to the box. The box doesn't matter. Do or die. The box is in the twilight zone. The box now has a chance to confirm. No, don't fall. The box don't fall forward. It's up to the box. Here's what's the problem. Nick is in a perfect position because if the box says something he doesn't agree with, he'll just say it's in the twilight zone. But if the box says something he agrees with, he'll say good. That's awesome. I'm confused, honestly. Yeah, your mind is too frail for these high-level games that me and Nick are engaged in. You guys are playing some wicked games. We're

playing wicked games. We're like cute. We're on a different level of logic. You know what I heard? I heard that guy was gay. Who? What? John Delancey? What's his name? Chris Cross? Not Christopher Cross. What's his name? The Wicked Games guy. Chris Isaac. Chris Isaac. Yeah. Very handsome man. Where'd you hear that from him while he was fucking your ass? No, from someone. Dude, that would be awesome if you fucked Chris Isaac. If I fuck Chris Isaac, I would be bragging about that on the show right now. Adam said this is a very handsome man. Isn't he? No, dude. He doesn't look good. I thought he's on the beach with that chick. He looks good, no? She looks good. Oh, you're gay. Let me see. You're gay and

you're a bad taste as a gay man. No, if I was gay, I'd have a great taste. No. Yes, I would. No chance. What a wicked dick to suck. How does he look like? He's an ugly dude. He's like, you and you are as well. Give me a phone. That's the other thing. If you were fat, you don't understand how much uglier you would be. Chris Isaac. Chris Isaac. You wrote that song in jail, actually. What a wicked game to play. Trading me for cigarettes. Not at all, brother. No, when he was young, you look good. Let me see. Show me a picture. You look good right there. Maybe he's holding the electric guitar. Maybe that's where it looks. Yeah, that is the kind of shit that attracts you. What a bitch I ask you to play

acting a bitch. Why is your Adam? Let me ask you a serious psychological question. Yeah. Why is your reflex to call a man handsome? Well, because I want to build up my my brother. That's good to know. Then I was that's I'm so sick. Honestly, I'm so sick of us tearing down our own people. I agree. Men man on man crime is running rampant. I fuck in our community. I actually agree with you on that one and it's time for positive. It's time for us to do crime. You know what Adam and you know what Adam you would. You could maybe pull off being fat. How about that? Thank you. Thank I appreciate the compliment. Yeah, if you bring up any guy, numer from Seinfeld. He's a pretty good looking guy because he's

a good because he's a fellow. He's a fellow. I'm looking for a new man. Yeah, I sign his penis. That was crucial to sign his ass. That was crucial. You want some to Kramer his car. Kramer's car. He wants to laden down on the bed and suck his Ben is he turns into a putty in a man's hand. He's looking for an oval teen male fat boy sex with. He tried to go into the straight guy stores, but they're like, we have to ban you from this place because you're gay. We have to ban you from it. Who else? I'm cool. I already said sign your ass and felt it with come. Were you not even listening? No, I missed that. That was at the beginning. It was the very first one. Why would a homosexual sign someone? He's

Andy work. If I met a famous gay person, I'd ask him to sign my ass. John Waters. If I make Clay Aiken, I'd be like, will you sign my ass? I can't do it. I can't tell you how many nights I was out in Baltimore at the bars at Club Charles and there was a fucking line out the door. You guys trying to get your ass signed by John Waters. I would do it. No joke. I would love that. My ass signed by John Waters. I might get it as a tattoo over his signature. I have but the just the cheek right on the cheek with the hole not around the hole with a heart. I would love to get the oh and John. It's one of those special signatures that incorporates graphic design. That guy is a genius. He is man. How

do you come up with that old asshole thing? By being gay. Fuck. What else? Do I have anything else to bring up to the group? Oh, I watched Hard to Kill 90s ago. Yeah, it's great. Incredible film. Yeah, Hard to Kill and Out for Justice. He was trying to fight. He was in a great shape. He had a full head of hair. He didn't though. He had plugs. Hard to kill is the first one, right? I believe it's the first one. Then Out for Justice is the second. It's been a while since I've gone through this. He's just kicking people's ass. He's in a coma and the nurse in the coma looks at his cock and she's like, I hope you wake up some day. Literally. Then he cures himself from being in a coma by lifting weights three

times and doing karate. It's awesome, dude. I haven't finished it. I'm going home. Above the law is the first one. Oh, really? Yeah. That's it. Yeah, because if you watch above the law, his hair is fucked up and then in Hard to Kill it's fixed. Oh, yeah. Hard to kill. He's got a beautiful head of hair. Yeah. And the lady in Hard to Kill could absolutely get my percadel like you wouldn't believe. She's like, I don't know if she's actually British or she's playing British, but she's got a red hedge, British. I would absolutely fuck a girl that kind of checks those boxes. Yeah, me too. Could not because you said it. Yeah, because you're copying. I'm not copying. You're absolutely copying. Honestly, we mentioned

her. We will mention her in the future, but I had a biology teacher who had red hair and that's a big reason I want to fuck girls with red hair now due to the fact that I jacked off to her quite a bit. I like I like red hair now. Copy her. No, I just I'm recent Converter. Copy your just where like, oh yeah, it's just where life. You know what? I'm going to I'm going to drop it, but you copied a lot of stuff from me, dude. I didn't. We've already been through one of the main things you can start that. Yeah, I'm about to watch this when I get home. Niko has a six degree black belt in Ikea. Oh, yeah. Nice. And family in the mafia. Do you know why I love you? You don't live the way other people live.

You officially suspended this guy. Feds come in the doors close. Nobody hears smells or sees anything. What man just made number four on the most wanted list. Wow, dude. One obsession. I want to be getting one. You guys think your thumbs a lot. I was fucking great like old Don LaFontaine trailers. When does he start talking like a black person? A glimmer man. Is that where it is? I think so. Because right now he's right now. You can tell his influences are from the Orient. Yeah, in in hard to kill. What's the guy's name that he plays? Jackie Chan. No, no, no. It's an awesome name, though. It's not matrix matrix is which which which movie your name hard to kill the one I just watched it. What's his character's name? Yeah.

Geno no no no no no no. Geno Jalante. It's an awesome name, but I forgot Jalupa, Janardo. Jalupa Janardo. That's it. I mean, honestly, nothing's better than the Seagull TV show. Yeah, that was awesome. Yeah. But you know what? That was awesome for another reason. But I actually had never seen the early ones. So for me, the first in the first year Mason Storm. Mason Storm incredible. The first three are kind of tight. They're awesome. They're Oh the chick is Kelly from Weird Science. Oh, is that her? Yeah. Ah, dude. I could tell now for justice. They could wrongfully accused is a fucking R rated movie, dude. They need to go. They need to make some back to making hard R movies. I want to. I want to make one

just like a hard. No, I mean it like the like because a lot of our moral combat. Have you seen it? All R rated movies now are like the soft day version of like movies used to be we need old school. I literally agree with you and moral combat looks like a hard R action movie. Yeah, just like ripping people's greatest like fascist cop movies. Yes, exactly. Especially in this political climate. Imagine. Can you imagine a movie about a cop that just fucking like yeah kill some black? You make you know. No, here's what you're doing. Here's what you're doing. What? Go ahead. Talk about drag the cross country. That's that's exactly what you describe. No, I didn't even get to describe it because I said here's what you're

going to do six times. And then you said say here. I don't know where my chips went. I didn't. Where's my boyfriend? I think I left my you didn't say it, but your eyes. Where's my person? I think I left my chips in my purse. You could your eyes. You were lost. You're scared. You're your fucking gland said where's my boyfriend. I need him. So a cop a cop that's shot to death and unarmed black teenager and he's been put on suspension because there's a bunch of protests. But then he there's only one crime that he can solve by going outside of the law. And then he has to do it behind the scenes because the rest of the police department is like secretly feeding information and beating people up. Oh, well, like the

media smears this guy. Well, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for interrupting that idea. I think it's a good idea and then the message of the movie. It's not even like a redemption story. It's just then he ends up getting away with no one. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The case just sort of dries up. Yeah, I want I literally do want I'm going to write an action movie like that. It dragged across. It's going to be called no, it's called fuck the law. That's pretty good. It's called fuck justice. My my my guy is going to be named Puscio or fuck yo pussy getty. And he's an Italian hitman from CIA Frank binge. And I'm literally writing that movie. Frank Bench was addicted to cocaine. Oh my fucking God, this is good shit. Yeah.

One day, his penis shrank. Put your hands up, you fucking faggot. He's reaching for something. The kid was 13 years old. He was seven years old. But his dick was huge. I could see it through his pants. I could see his dick through his pants. I thought it was a gun. It was a guy's dick. I've been doing this job 20 years. I don't give a shit what the fucking lies. Fuck the law. Fuck the law. The law. Starring Steven Dorff is Eric fuck. It's fuck dick. It's detective fuck dick. Hard R rated hard R for multiple uses. The N word gets used a bunch. Only white people say it. But you're trying to relate to the black characters. But they're using the hard R. You know what they think of you? I think you is nothing

more than a boob. Not me though. I'm not going to say it. I'm the one that's different because I understand the gruff reality of the streets. I'm Irish. I'm Irish. That's an Irish guy. I can relate to what you're going through. Because he's Irish. Hey just a sonny I heard your wife shot herself in the head with a gun. It's none of your business pal. Shut the fuck up. And his wife killed herself. So now he has to get pussy while solving crimes. Half of the pussies he gets are questionable. Most likely. He's basically rapist. This is rape. No one would believe. She doesn't say yes. She just stops saying no. It's almost certainly rape. 85 percent of the time. The quintessential meeting in a bunch of cargo

boxes in a seaport area. You got the stuff. Do I get the stuff? You got a fucking attitude. This is what you brought. Yeah. I miss those movies. Yeah dude. I'm about to watch. The suspenseful like xylophone music. Yeah. The montage is always a good ass montage. Nothing says like slick crook like a big old town car limo. Yeah. You know. Oh yeah. Fuck. Yeah dude. I'm literally I'm going to quit comedy and just try and produce those one of those moves through now. I'll take it back to those movies a year. Yeah dude. We'll just bring back Canon films. Yeah. We should. We should burn. His wife was killed by ninjas. But he was cheating. They were gay by the way also. They were gay ninjas. But he was getting pussy

on the side. Do we have any. What. Do we like any product. Oh shit. Yes we do. We like Mack Weldon. How the fuck has it been 30 minutes. Damn. We're rolling baby. Yeah. That's good news. Yeah. I'm going to have fun. That's why. Make a note of this because 30 31 minutes. Yeah. I'm going to. I'm going to guarantee you. I'll scrub through it. And I'll forget and I'll be like we didn't do the read. Mack Weldon is the premier underwear company for gentlemen who like to have underwear underwear on their cocks. If you like sex you'll love you'll love Mack. Well then and John binge. You know what kind of underwear he wears while he's raping. Don't lie to me pal. I got a pair on the wear on with a swastika right

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I put I get dressed opposite where I put all the clothes on except the Dick area last interest. So you do you wear a lot of chaps. Yeah. Dickless chaps. I wear Mack Weldon style. Unlike the under the assortment of department store brands that make up your dickless chaps drawer. Mack Weldon's basics have a consistent fit that you can count on. I love that one stop shop for men's essentials from socks shirts hoodies underwear polos and active shorts Mack Weldon promises comfort and a consistent fit. I love that. I love consistent. Your dick will always look the same. Your dick will look awesome. By the way here's some it's such nice fabric and it feels a cling so tight that you could if you wanted to have sex pull your cock through

the hole and it would act as a sort of cock ring keeping you erect. And that's not something they advertise. I think so. Rectorino. Why else would you wear for fashion. I thought it makes your your dick vibrate or something. You there's certainly a vibrating kind. Yeah. This is Adam pretending like he does. He hasn't looked into cock rings. You warned out of all of us you've definitely worn cock rings more than us. I don't know how many times you want to come. Never worn a liar. I don't know. Cockrings Adams tried every type of dick growing pill. You have worn a cock ring. Don't lie to me. I've never worn a cock. Why are you fucking doing. Well I wouldn't lie. You're hurting you're hurting humiliating things. You're lying and I know you are. I'm

not. I just have never done that. So what Nixon would call a limited hangout. Why dude. I've never you would say yes I'm gay to hide the fact that he's wearing a cock ring. Old dick came up with that. I've got an idea. I'm going to tell people I'm gay. I'm gay. I'm gay. Now no one knows that I wear a cock ring. That I got it. Mack Weldon dot com. Mack Weldon offers a wide range of customized fabrics that can keep up with you no matter what your day looks like. 18 hours silver air knit X dry knit warm knit and the full grand wizard. That's not what it's called. Mack Walden blue program has created a totally free loyalty program. That's right. Level one grand dragon. No it's no it's not that

because you're free shipping for life. Once you reach the electric wizard level. Okay maybe I don't think that's that's kind of cool. It sounds like whiz. No like the black wizard of Oz the whiz. So electric wizard sounds like that's awesome. That's what it really looks like. Observation. Yeah. What it sounds like one of the words in it. We got a real mind of men see it. It's not it's not an observation. It's just you know something that you could say it feels like the whiz. Maybe that's what you meant. Yeah. The whiz because it's the whiz is a movie. Yeah. It feels like I don't understand that. All right. Oh you don't understand that. I try and bail you out and then you try and rejuvenate when you put me in jail.

Now you're bailing me out. Yeah I am. That can happen. Mack Walden using copyrighted music and adding to them. Mack Walden is brought to you by electric wizard. I love that. Mack Walden sponsored officially by electric wizard by the band. Is that a band. Yeah. It's a very famous band. I don't know them. I know most bands. I don't know who I don't know who Bob Dylan. I've never heard of Bob Dylan. I haven't on a list of the gayest guys to like musically. Why. I don't know. I swear I heard of Mack Walden gives you 20 percent. Oh I've also heard him on a list of guys to say the n word in their song. Yeah. The hurricane wide wide penis that song to get a guy out of jail come fuck me. I'm wrongfully accused

of a crime and he kind of spoiled the story and it was the movie wasn't as good because of that. Once you reach level two by spending $200. Mack Walden gives you 20 percent off every order for the next year. Had to say the n word in that song. Otherwise the guy wouldn't have gotten out of jail. It's pretty good. Yeah. You should apologize to Ruben Carter and Bob Dylan. I apologize. I don't apologize to anyone. Mack Walden is 20 percent off every order for the next year. They want you to be comfortable. So if you don't like your first pair underwear you can keep them and they'll still refund you. No questions asked. That's so awesome. Remember use promo code come town 20 to get the same deal. But before you spend

the 200 the first one and if you don't like it they'll refund. Oh I think that's the same thing. Yeah I think so. Yeah. And if you want to wear clothes on your chest pretty cool and honestly honestly yeah. Yeah we'll just chill on this. Some people listening might not. I'm kind of vibing right now. This is a great episode. 10 minutes later on the read just hanging out. Let's give diagnosis murder going back. I'm so this is what people want. I've heard people refer to this show as a friendship simulator. Oh hold on you hear that. This is what it's like to have friends. Hang out. This 100 percent is reminding me of college. Some guy would absolutely throw this on and derail the derail the momentum of the hang

and be like just chill with him. Yo just imagine we had a black felt. What genre would this be. Like Doom or Stone metal. Stone metal. Oh shit. I love getting. Same kind of same I'm the kind that's just penis. Sock! What band? Sleep? Never heard of them. Yeah.

Stoner metal. I'm more into Ingevay Malmsteen, mega death. If you want clothes, you can go to cum.town. That's right. Pick up a t-shirt before they sell out and I never release shirts again. And go to stopy.biz. We got a new t-shirt.

We got a dream to imagine ponytail shirt. So it's a beautiful fucking piece of merchandise you're going to want to pick up. Go to stopy.biz. We got a little merch. I'm going to try and release some t-shirts myself. Cool. Check those out.

Adam, what do you want to plug? I'm coming out with a t-shirt. I'm coming out with an app. I think I'm the app developer in India. If anyone wants to. All right. All right. The iOS and the Android store.

That's awesome. I'm ready to get it approved. That's really awesome. And thanks. So check out. And there's a zero bullying policy on the app. So just to recap, go to cum.town.for.shirts. Go to stopy.biz.for.shirts.

And then finally, the app is coming to the stores. Perfect. Perfect. All right. Back to the episode, folks. And we're back. That's cool. That's cool.

They're like, metal's too fast. What if we made it slow? Yeah. Yeah. I love that. That's a good idea. It's for people that couldn't keep up intellectually with death metal.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're like, what do you mean, Satan's your father, dude? Slow down. I'm too high. I'm on too high. Dude, I'm honestly on a Ying Wei kick. Yeah.

He rocks. Well, we're back to the show. Just in time. In the name of God. Just in time to tell you about my bookie. People are going to be like, wow, the first 20 minutes will be like, they're really on a roll. I'll be like, hell yeah, well.

Yeah. We're just going to coast into the back half of this one, folks. I hope you enjoyed that first half. Sorry. We got caught up. We got caught up. We got caught up.

And we're not doing any extra time. Just chilling, listening to some cool music. Bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum. Anyway, my bookie, what a fucking really cool website. Well actually, let's just chill for a minute before we talk about that bookie. Yeah. I'm down to chill.

I love chilling, dude. Same. Oh, you know what? I have something that could be good fodder for the podcast. OK, yeah. And you know what? Fod away. I forgot.

It's just again, this is another. Yeah, this is something else for you, Adam. Another one of your transgressions. All right, considering something that I did. You tricked me weeks ago into taking a shitty pair of your headphones that I don't know, I saw you. This is classic, Adam. I saw you, we both had our headphones, they got tangled,

you inspected the headphones, put them in your pocket, and I took what I assumed were mine, and then I plugged them, no, I have them. Just because I'm laughing. Yeah, because you're fucking guilty is why you're laughing. Just because I'm laughing does not mean I'm laughing. Because I had the official Apple headphones. Why, headphones are Apple too.

No, no, no, no, no, they're not my friend. What are they? You have some bullshit, like fake Bluetooth, you put in and they pair, and I know those are yours because I put them on at your house one time by accident, and I was like, these are bullshit, they're not mine. Guess what, guess what? I got, are you, I actually got you a gift.

Oh, really? Yeah. What's the gift? But you have to say that I'm innocent. I can't say that, I can't in good conscience say that. All right, well. Say you're innocent, and then let him say. You're innocent.

Like AirPod Pros. Innocence, you're old's ass. You're innocent. God damn it. Once again. Yeah, sensual. You're innocent, so homosexual. Innocence, gay man.

Yeah, what says? Fucking yes. Here's the thing, I'm giving you your bullshit headphones. I don't want to. You have the headphones? Yes, I do. I didn't take your headphones. Yes, you did, and you know what I know?

Maybe you didn't do it on purpose, maybe. Is that that I inspected? You inspected, I saw you look. How bad are these headphones? They're horrible. Don't act like you don't fucking know because they're your headphones. I only use Apple headphones.

You're such a fucking liar. Apple corded headphones are the lightning. I bought them directly from Best Buy, and I come, this is the first day I fucking was using them. Fresh. Fresh. And my levers are your house. Let's see your headphones.

I have two pairs, I have one, I have my actual headphones, and I have your bullshit ones. And when you plug them into your phone, they do a fucking annoying beep, and then they pair. Okay? You know these are yours, man. Don't fucking lie to me, bro. Those are clearly these headphones.

If you're just joining us, we're not in X-Airphones. We're just joining us, we're in the Adam's Lying Secure. You're fucking lying. And the thing is, all right, maybe you didn't realize that we recorded, but there was a moment when you plugged them in and listened to music for the first time. I'll say this.

That they did beep, and you said, you didn't say to yourself, oh, I must have gotten Stav's headphones. You were quiet, you're like, if Stav brings this up, that's, you know what, that's a problem. You were like, if Stav brings this up next week, I'll cop to it. But it's been weeks, okay? And I let it simmer.

Because I wanted to see what's going to happen. And here's what happened. My good friend Adam betrayed me, played me for the fucking fool that he thinks I am. All right, all right, here's what happened, right? I used my headphones after that, and I thought that the headphones got fixed. Oh, you just assumed they were fixed

when me and you had a very obvious headphones mix up. You thought they just got fixed. That they were another human beings headphones. Not even a friend of mine, another human being. Oh my God. My assumption was, oh, what a piece of shit you are. My phone thought that they were both beats. Uh-huh.

Why did, why, and you, I don't know, don't ask me because they're your fucking headphones. I thought that they got fixed. I thought that they got fixed. In a random switcheroo. Are you listening to this? I know, he does this all the time. I just do this all the time.

You do a lot of pieces. I'm the fucking fool. You make a lot of mindless, careless mistakes that benefit you. Thank you, yes. It's all, oh, I thought this was my box of cupcakes. You've been caught, return my headphones, and it'll all be good.

I just had to, I just, I have you with me as well. God damn it, I don't want those headphones. Those headphones suck. I didn't realize that I took your headphones. I really did, but God damn it. He also just straight up stole the headphones from my house. Which headphones? Another set of iPhone headphones.

You have AirPods. I know, and I bet I used the headphones. My AirPods are broken. They disengage. God damn it, these were really great for a couple weeks. Yeah, they were, because they're fresh out of fucking Best Buy. Oh, they are very white. They haven't yellowed yet.

Yeah, he stole mine too. I was wondering when they were like this. How are you going to act? Excuse me, I have a separate crime. Well, let me go find your shitty ones. I did think those headphones were, got fixed. And while stops finding those headphones, you can check out my bookie dot A G where you can place bets on whatever the latest upcoming thing is, which Adam, you what,

what is that? We got a lot of sports this week. NBA finals are here. The NBA finals are here in like four months, I think. We have what, what else is going on in sports? We have a March madness. March madness. March madness.

And we are having, we have our brackets out right now. We've got our picks. I think Maryland number one, they're the 10 seed, they're going to win. We're going to see a bunch of 16 seed upsets in round one. This year is poised for that. Let me just, I'm going to do this. What are the, let me see if it beeps when I plug it in. Yeah, let's see, we've got upcoming fights.

It seems like we, we can place bets on this on March 18th. We have visions of abolition, black women's fight to end racism at the end mass incarceration at MoMA PS one. So go online. They're giving a 30 to one odds in favor of racism. What the fuck, but well, I guess we have two working sets of headphones now. It has this weird fucking, no, come on. I don't have that.

That's not mine. Plug it in. You know, they're yours. March 18th. No, you know, you were shopping for some bullshit for some bullshit. No, I'm online for fucking $3 cheaper than the actual UFC Vegas 18th, Friday, March 19th. The UFC Vegas over reimbursed Volkov live results discussion.

You got a bet on that at the United States disaster response venue. You can go to my bookie dot A.G. my bookie dot A.G. That's where you want to go. My boomy. That's not it. My bookie. My bookie dot A.G. Yeah, they do.

Don't they? And let's say it sounds so bad on anything, anywhere, any time, first deposit bonus up to a better weather. Adam was lying. And tell you what, it's bracket season, 50% sports welcome bonus, 150% casino bonus up to $750. And you can bet with Bitcoin. That's right.

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in the online gaming industry. They'll just tell you what to bet on and you'll, you're guaranteed to make money. That's not a good selling point for a casino meticulously handpicked professionals refined skill set. What you want is because if you're trying to attract customers and you're like, everyone who sets the odds is a mental, he's never heard of this. They don't know how to gamble. You're smarter than it's your time to beat up those retards in my bookie.com.

Let's go ahead and just fix this for them. Everyone who works there is a mongoloid who's never been able to read. They're not. They're handicapped, not handicappers. That's right. And you're better than them. You're smarter than them. You're more handsome than them.

Forget the sports book. They can't even figure out a coloring book. The only spread they know how to read is the Nutella all over a piece of wonder with the crosscut on it, their model is providing unique personalized and stress free gaming experience for every client according to your preferences. Your customer service is available 24 hours a day, seven days a week to offer assistance and aid for all your concerns by phone, email or chat. What are you waiting for?

Open and fund your my bookie account today and start winning information about us. We'll click on that instead of looking up the copy. My gaming pioneers created my bookie in 2014, vowing to improve services for so many other brands. Yeah. I can think of one brand has failed. Yeah. A former brand that used to advertise on this podcast.

Yeah. Say it. We can't. Do we not say they're now they're going to sue you. Just a reminder to all of the lawyers who represent the companies that advertise with us. This is a joint venture and each of us are independent contractors. So neither of the other ones are legally responsible for what the other ones say.

That's right. And have I run that by a lawyer? No, I haven't. No. No. I have not checked. It's probably not true. It's probably not true.

It's not true. And now back to Electric Wizard. That's not to mention providing an always expanding selection of sports odds for players at all levels. That's so fucking awesome. It's the industry's most rewarding loyalty program 24 seven English speaking customer service. That's right.

I love that. That's fucking Hindu. Yeah. Right. You call another sports book and they're like we speak English around here. Yeah. That's awesome. I love that.

I hate when I'm fucking calling. I'm calling because my fucking bookies ripped me off and I get a guy and I get a guy and yeah, I hit a triple parlay and my my fucking it's not paying out and I call the customer service line and they're fucking speaking in Urdu. That's one of my biggest fucking pet peeves. All right. So here we got Gonzaga plus one seventy five Baylor plus six fifty Illinois Gonzaga under defeated on the year.

So plus four fifty Michigan plus seven fifty Michigan. You got fucking John Howard over there. That's pretty fucking tight. You know about college basketball. I know a little bit about it. Yeah. Because you're not a fucking real man like me. Yeah.

You know. March. This boy is basketball. March. Madness rules. Honestly. When I say I know a little bit I literally started paying attention last week because March back.

There is nothing better on the real. This is said Steph was at Davison. Here's the here's a real actual. I am not. Look again we do a lot of lying on these ads. I'm not a big gambler for the most part. For the most part. But this week you're literally going to want to go to my bookie daddy.

There's nothing more fun than betting March Madness. There's a fucking hundred. The only lie I've ever told in the show is that my penis is small. Well no. It's a lot. You just did. It's a lot. That's not true.

Right now you just know it's a lot. It's a lie. I was lying. So you're this now you're not true that it was a lot. It's a lot. You're lying. The lying part was that me the statement was me. The lie was my penis is small when the truth is Stav's penis.

That's not how lies would. Yes it is. It doesn't. It doesn't necessarily mean. My dick is big. It's. That's not how I was. It's.

It's. That's not how I was. That's not how I was. That's not how I was. That's not how I was. It's. That's not how I was. That's not how I was.

That's not how I was. It is. That's a completely different statement. No. I don't even know how the fuck you're trying to spin that one. The point is you do have a little dick and you were lying. The lie was saying my dick is small and the truth is that your dick is small and the lie is the word my so anytime you say a sentence that isn't my dick is small Stav's dick is

small. You lie. If you take a sentence and a part of it can be swapped out for another thing then that's a lie. So truth. So no because the the the the the force the operating force the Jusance of the sentence is a dick being small. That's what you're saying.

Being small. All right. But it's it's who's it belongs. What about what about if you said my dick is orange. My dick is blue. Yeah. Hmm. That would be a lie because your dick is small and I think it's a blue it's fucking it's

a nice and you have blue blue. My dick is not blue and you can find out in my book you bet on what color. My dick is. What size is your fat. Do you not have the veins on your penis. What are you talking about. Well you know like if you're buff you have like veins in your arm right. You're vascular.

How fucking dare you. But if you're not you steal my fucking headphones. I'm asking. And now you're over here. You're having a painless penis. Do you not have any. Get on my fucking nerves right now. If I were you I'd be on my best fucking baby for the end of this show because you stole

from me. And I let it slide like a medical question. I'm asking you a medical question. You've got my head. You've got the stolen goods on you. You've probably walked in the same room as me multiple times. I didn't know that they were your headphones. I knew that.

Yes you did. I got. I saw. I just walked down by someone else. So I said my headphones. Listen. Something registered. Someone else swapped my old working.

Something registered for these pieces of shit and what I never would have bought. And you try and fucking pay it. Pay the shit forward. You're the opposite of Joe Lawsman in that movie. I thought that they you're a fucking an agent of shit. I just thought that they got. I told you. I said it.

Take. Oh they got. I thought that they stopped. Not Adam got. Adam got fixed at my bookie dot age. All right. You can use promo code something come down 20 probably or come down promo code come down 20 beautiful fucking something else.

You get a nice something on your bet and probably get like a hundred bucks or something to play. Is it come 20. You got something nice to come down or come down 20 for they do the match but they do a match. The matchbox 20 special and our promo code so smooth to get $20 for free mail to your house and you get to get pussy from Maria from the song Maria Maria Maria Maria suck my dick like it's no bus business.

It was just a medical question going down on my I have a band on my penis. I have a nice vein. I have a nice central vein and I have a secondary vein to all right and it looks cool. It photographs well. Yeah. It gives it some shading. I got. I got too many veins.

It's looking like the back of Darth Vader's head. Wow. So you got a vascular dick. Ah, sure. Vascularity. Yeah. You better be asking these questions only because you're curious because you're going to get fat for the show.

That's why I was asking. Yeah. That's actually we discussed that off Mike but Adam's getting fat for season five to come down. That's the only way we can keep the show going. Yeah. We're stealing the idea from it's always sunny. But I will be getting.

But the audience has been asking for Nick will be getting the surgery to make you three inches. I'll get fat dude. I'll get to 150. You literally couldn't even do that. It's always penis. You eat one sandwich and half a bag of chips and you have to lay down for five hours. I am feeling sleepy from lunches.

You're not built like this bro. You don't got it in you. Come on dude. You're not. You know I'm different. You know I'm exactly the same as everyone at your fucking summer camp. That's how you're built. We had some fat people.

We should get a we should get a full Darth Vader out. We had a couple gay people. Come on. I gotta be Darth Vader. Fat Darth Vader. I don't want to be Darth Vader. I'm good. Actually psyched the Sith get pussy.

The Jedi's don't. So yeah I am Darth Vader. Oh yeah. Jedi is like like a priest. They can't fuck. They don't fuck. I want to get some dumb costumes. You should do.

You should become a cosplay guy. No I might just like a like a big like a ghillie suit to just wear. I like that. A ghillie. What do you mean ghillie? No what is ghillie? It's ghillie. What is that?

Don't tell him. Okay. Sorry. Normally I would but you fucking stole from me and you denied it for minutes at a time. I didn't know that I stole from you. I knew that. I knew that. Here's what's really bothering me.

I didn't know that I was with you. You are doing what Nick said. I knew that it was a switcheroo. What am I supposed to tell him? It's not everyone that I've ever met to say oh did you have headphones in a proximity of me. Stop. It was a switcheroo.

What you're doing is despicable right now. What is despicable about? You are doing what Nick said. The Richard Nixon half lie. You're only copying the part of it. You're trying to get off on manslaughter instead of murder right now. You premeditated stole my fucking headphones. It was not premeditated.

It was not first degree. Okay. And you knew what happened. It was not first degree. Afterwards you knew. And guess what? You were in proximity with somebody that you record with every fucking week and who who an hour tops before you discovered your headphones got magically fixed.

You had a fucking mix up with motherfucker. I wasn't listening to music because you know what I did. You know what I did when I got home. I was like oh fuck these are must be Adams gay ass head off the box. You don't deserve to be on the couch. It was hurting my bum. You don't deserve to be on the couch right now hurting my bum to sit on the box just admit.

You admit the treacherous behavior. I am sorry. No, no, no. You I don't want this apology. I want you to admit the pure treachery. No. And then I have forgiveness in my heart for you. I am a man of principle.

But you aren't. You aren't. You are a crime that I didn't. You committed. You committed. You are at the very least guilty. You were the victim. Listen.

You were the victim. Listen. Of a of a random chance occurrence. I am letting you. I am that I don't have the proof that you stole them on purpose for my arm around you. I don't have the pro. I'll admit this. I don't know.

Oh, you're stealing them again. You fucking prick. I don't have. I don't have the proof that you stole them on purpose. But I know in my heart that once you discovered that they were mine, I didn't know you were the victim. You didn't even attempt to ask about it. I apologize.

But I didn't even know you were on the list of suspects to admit that you. Absolutely. All right. Okay. If it'll make you feel better. Yes. I will admit to it. I planned it out.

No, that's not. That's not what I said. And it out for you. What you did. I was a Matt. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Don't you dare. I knew you.

You don't you fucking there. I need you to admit. Why am I mother fuck when I see one and my mother fuck because I flipped on you. I saw you wobble into my apartment. Oh, you're fresh. You better shut the fuck up right now that it was because here's the thing. What I need you to admit to is that you fuck. Once you discover that you had my headphones, you didn't even attempt to right the wrong.

All right. All right, Nick. I'm trying to go to the zoo and meet the animals. That's a good idea. Is it open? Oh, yeah. It's open all year. Dude.

They just get they get parkas for the apes. Yeah. Yeah, gorillas and apple bottom jeans and fucking Canada goose knockoffs. Sorry that you were the victim. No, that's not what I need the apology. I need you to apologize. I'd love to become the director of the Bronx Zoo and then draw attention to zoo with like planned controversy by having like trans awareness day at the zoo and we just put lipstick on

like the gorillas like big dangly earrings and shit and fucking high heels. Stavros. Can I say some of you? Go ahead. Hello. Stavros. I don't like this. Whatever that is.

So what they got at the zoo. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So if you fill in the gorilla enclosure, you put a bunch of like toilets in there. That's awesome. No. Like it's like they're always in the bathroom.

Yes. And then, you know, something that says give them all cool names. Welcome to the DNC. Oh man. Yeah. And if you do a little math, folks, you can see it's even there's even more layers to that. Yeah.

The Democratic National Congo. Okay. That's good. Yeah. What's the Congo called? Isn't it called to something? Yeah. Democratic Republic.

Zaire. Go ahead. I dare you to say it in the fucking fact. See how quickly I hit the mute button on your ass. Stop muting me. I don't want to. You're doing too soon. I was trying to see.

I don't want to. We've been on good terms lately, actually. You sold, you stole Saf's headphones and sold them and used the money to buy me dicks and smallening pills. So you wouldn't be a liar anymore? No, because my, yeah, I didn't want to be a liar. I got surgery to make my dick small to protect my integrity. Something you would do a lot to learn about.

Yes. But unfortunately, and you know what, Adam, this was really an opportunity for you to admit to admit the treachery and we could move forward and it would be, you know what, it'd be like, it'd be like the prodigal son where if you cut, if you cut a piece of rope, you really need to learn about him and other lessons and other lessons from the Bible. If you have a, here's a sermon I remember from, Adam, you've been quiet the whole show too. My volume?

Oh no, you just weren't talking. No, no, no, I just had the microphone down. Yeah, you're being lazy. No, but I was, I'm sitting in a different spot. If, can I tell you something, Adam? I remember a sermon from when I went to church. Oh, like this, the Apple Watch said, you did it. You stood up and I didn't.

I just leaned forward. I guess you just discovered a new Apple hack. AppleHacks.com. Also, patreon.com.com. If you want to go there, if you want this story to continue and you find out exactly what Stav did to Adam's body as punishment for stealing the headphones. There's a video of what happens. Come Town is now a mystery show.

On the premium. We introduced a mystery on the regular to get to the bottom of the who done it. You got to listen to the premium. That would be awesome. Diagnosis come town. Honestly, we should do. We should have a little cars be mystery spin-off. That would be cool.

Yeah. Damn, did he have a mystery spin-off? Somebody. Yeah, it's like who fucked the... Ladies and gentlemen, somebody in this room sucked my dick. The suckest is on this train. Very well, maybe the person speaking right now. To prove it wasn't me, I will remove my pants and try to suck my own penis in front of you.

You will see it's impossible. Yeah. I'm too rigid. As you can see, I've bent over as much as I can to the extent that I've sprayed shit all over the wall in reducing the longitude of my abdomen. Clearly, I cannot suck my own penis. It must have been someone else. Oh, fuck.

Anyway. Yeah. Anyway, Adam, the point I was making is... So listen to the premium to find out that it was Adam that sucked them. I mean, to find out who sucked my dick. No. That's not what you find out. I want to use a simple metaphor for you to learn.

Okay. There's a rope, right? I'm going to tell you I'm sorry. And two people are holding each side. If you cut the rope and the relationship is severed, they're completely apart. But then when you tie it together, that second rope is closer than they were even at the first part. You learned that in church? I learned that in church.

So what you did by stealing my headphones is you cut the rope. You severed it. I gave you the opportunity to tie it together tighter. So make us closer friends. Friends that understand that sometimes mistakes are made. And what do you do? You spit in my fucking face. And you keep...

And you know what? I'm taking my half of the rope and I'm running. He's running away. I don't want anything to do with you. That's the end of everything.