The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. 254 – Jounry to the center of my ass

Episode Date: April 7, 2021

starring dwayne "me off" johnson

I know you just can't hear yourself shut up shut the fuck up. What are you talking about is that good not really? How about that? That's interesting. You're maybe you were right Adam. I was right which headphones you want But I think your headphones are try that okay. Yeah, you good now. We're good now. It's I would say it's a little too loud Is this you? Yeah, so can you quiet now it is quiet and there you go. That's good, right? That's yeah, that's good right there Pinch up right there. That's good. Perfect. No, I'm too loud. Yeah, you know what Adam? That was fine. You just need to check Check with the fucking no, I can't hear anything. No, you're fucking lying. I swear I Turned him down. Okay

Check check shut up dude. Don't say anything. Okay. I can hold no I could hear no all right, okay? Okay, you're so selfish. I'm not I'm not being yeah, dude I'm on the I'm had to sit on the box this episode. I appreciate you giving me Some time away from the box. I'm gonna I'm gonna get a couple of I'm gonna get some chairs in here It's since we decided we're not for a while. We were planning on getting a studio We had all these plans. Yeah, talk to electricians and stuff. Yeah, but none of us wanted to literally do anything Let me tell you know, but most of the conversations with the electricians. It was like well, so you guys are in the Union, right? Yeah, we're you think it's you you're like you want health care, but you think saying slurs is cool

Uh-huh, and you think anybody that's like woke is a fag and that's correct They're like, what are you talking about like so do you want us to wire the thing? Yeah, they're like we're You said it was a podcast studio and now you're holding a gun to my head Saying that we need to be your your would you refer to as your communist priest? That's right as your calm as your marks Marxism fucking Holy father. Mm-hmm. Yeah Yep, I love communism dude. Mm-hmm. It's so cool dude

That's the thing that bet my favorite part about being being an online leftist is how cool it makes me feel Yeah, definitely not something that was missing in my life as a 36 year old. Nope It found themselves culturally bottom up I'm not replacing a bowling league with pretending to be a communist Yes, for sure. No, I'm replacing liking vocally loving Rick and Morty That is so much less Inoffensive And then also denying that I was a Rick and Morty fan. Yeah, that's a big way Rick and Morty

Season is one and two were fucking good. It's a good show My move is is some of the memory holding the fact that I was a guy that would quote the Dan Harmon podcast In in real life conversations, that's a wild ass move Mm-hmm. I don't know too much about that. I used to the watch community now. I'm a dialectical now I'm a dialectical savage. I was saying and I'd express you fellas earlier than it is funny that You know because it is weird this thing where Like people that are just boring hipsters are now pretending to be intellectual like not even just know what they're talking Everybody pretends to know what they're talking about

Yeah, that there's a there's a there's a space in between sure being a guy that pretends to know what they're talking about and Then being someone who announces themselves is reading theory Yeah, that is and that is my favorite part is everyone pretending. They're reading through shut up Yeah, you can believe the right things and be the only theory I read is called the game And it's about me chicks. Yep Yes, but anyways, just like, you know thinking like when these people should go back to just And I'd go back but like to I don't even know how to set it up that the joke idea, but just that Yeah, they're just they're still appropriating

Black culture, but now they're stealing big words from middle-aged black. Yep They're stealing they're stealing Kangol hat Bluetooth culture. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. I'm trying to philosophize. Yeah They're stealing they're stealing holding you hostage at the barbecue. He got you cornered the tone That's very right. If you if you're too damn Dialectical. Yeah, if you read if you read all those guys tweets while tapping your temple Yes, then it starts making sense. Mm-hmm. Think of it with it with a coofy on those people are saying that shit with a And it's pretty fucking awesome. Yeah, they have a beaded necklace with a with Africa But a beaded off the necklace off necklace that would be tight

Mm-hmm. Oh, I got a necklace for you right here What is it? It's a pearl necklace from you don't have enough come my jack never come in your life I'm your don't you do not okay? You falsehoods and misinformation, but here's how much Adam reaches climax and his dick goes It's gonna tell us whisper gossip to a pussy. I'm gay. Yeah I just found out that Anthony Hopkins second nephew is a huge fan of mine Yeah, it's amazing Dude, the guy that the guy that cuts Catherine's Ada Jones's hair apparently his neighbor used to work with a guy Mm-hmm who was in the hospital with a guy who has a

Brother-in-law. Mm-hmm that guy's kid Went to preschool with one of the guys who went to preschool with it's actually a big wow. That's crazy Yeah, that's just crazy. Just seeing how fast we've grown No, I'm with you, you know in this in this That's amazing in this artwork that we've created Yeah, but not that guy not only is he thinks the show is Not only has he done more than heard it once or twice or sort of knows what it is. He respects us He respects us. He could pick us out of a lineup out of as as and he thinks it's good as geniuses

If I could change one life, then I feel like I've had a life If I could change the world, I would make you shut up and go to jail for saying things I would make you suck my dick and smile while you do it I put a gun to your head and make you suck my dick I would make you wear a dress and fuck your ass. I guess I don't really have to change the world to do that I guess I guess you're about to get that world change, bitches. You're about to change your home Surprise I got a gun putting on some lipstick put the dress on And now suck my dick

I If I could push you in the back of my van Drive you somewhere remote where no one will find you Make you suck my dick and then when it's over kill you Make you suck dick to save your life And in the end your final thought is a damn I did some gay shit for nothing Taking you all the way out there and I'm immediately arrested because who else would do that to Adam? Except the people who know him best

My entire defensive trial would rest on that it's what you wanted I'd make them admit that it's what you want. Oh, they wouldn't get any of the patreon I've made a secret backdoor deal with your family There's a final disrespect. I've paid them off to say That you wanted to be forced to suck dick at gunpoint that murdered in a dress out in the woods That would feel like a massive betrayal Just looking up that happens looking up from fucking Jewish heaven and being like what the hell my family I can't I'm surprised double cross. They don't get the money

Your dad is suddenly blindfolded. I think it's There's a dress that he remembers from when the evidence But this dress is a different size it fits him like a glove Your father says you're just gonna kill me after I suck you You did it to my son I was at the trial and I said can you be sure of that and cock the gun Something deep inside his brain takes over before he knows it. He's throw deep and dick My balls are resting on his chin

The tears are streaming The hot load makes his way down is a soft And then the gun is pressed to his head Yeah, that song is weird. That's a weird song and I'm back on trial guess who's done more bribes My perfect crime of bribing family members to say there was a family of people that wanted to be Forced to suck taking comfort You can get a lot out of Eric Clapton, yeah, especially that song you could I would do an entire show. That's just the song That is a great one of the taking breaks just to do ad reads and then it's right back to

an elaborate criminal raping people I don't know. It was a criminal empire. Can you make a lot of money? You'll be explained by the time we get to the 18th verse, I'll just have to trust the process. It would be like a some sort of life insurance scam. Oh That's true You yeah, it's signing up people up for life insurance and then raping them a gunpoint Yeah, and you take out you take out extra on like rape

Murder you give yourself power of attorney, right? Is life insurance like prop bets where it's like you can bet on the way you're gonna die and like see if you like if It's lightning strike. Can you get double insured for that? Well, I think that you can not get life insurance for certain types of death Like I'm not sure you can get it for suicide I mean, I I don't know what I'm just feels like you couldn't yeah, it feels like that's cheating, right? It does feel like cheating. Yeah, there'd be plenty of people that would be better off Taking it a nice policy and then having a fucking nice lead omelet for a fucking dinner

That's right. If you're thinking about killing yourself audience Maybe frame it and look like an accident. So your to your family can make a little bit of cash on the back end. Absolutely, right? That's smart. Nick. Let's get a little juice, dude. I got a walk after this Oh, is Nancy, uh grace still doing her thing here suck it from under the table. Um, Oh, yeah, that feels good. What are you talking about? I'm not sucking your sky. Adam tell the audience what he's doing I'm not sucking Nick from the back. Oh, how am I doing? Actually, I was gonna say He doesn't get it that I was gonna say how but even if I was my I could easily talk his nicks dick is so small But I'm not doing them fat girls really know how to suck a girl and he's fat

I'm a guy and I'm talking. So, you know, yeah, I'm sucking your dick But my I'm talking so effortlessly because your dick is so small. I wouldn't I don't even realize I'm sucking. I wouldn't put it just it's just it's like it's like I'm not that good. I'm not that good that I can do both. That's not what's not that you're so good It's that my dick is the perfect shape. It's not not at all. It's so small. It's getting caught up between my teeth It's not even so it's it's beyond it's like a fucking popcorn Transcendent it's one of those popcorn skin kernels it exists in the fifth dimension Where it's in your mouth and it's blowing your mind. No, it's not you're communicating

How is that the fifth you're communicating telepath? What is the fifth dimension? It's like when you're thinking you're speaking right now, but you're really just communicating with the universe in a way that everyone knows your thoughts Because your mind has transcended the human plane because you're enjoying sucking my dicks. That's that that's not It's like when avatar people connect their pony tails. Who knows more about dimensions I don't know a guy. It's a tie. It's a tie at zero a guy whose entire body is a single plane That's not it wraps around itself That's not what I have been 3d because you have so much it's so much gravity at the center I'm not 2d. Yes one d or whatever the fuck and you know what we both know zero about dimensions one inch

No, one one d inch. Yeah One inch a d. No, I have much more than one inch of d. Thank you very much. Yeah I'm in 3.5. I'm easily in the fucking five to six range. Damn and we're gonna keep it there You just got knocked all over the ropes on that last Not at all just the various types of truth scenarios. There was no truth said there are different dialectical style Marxist scenario hit the turbo button because I said your dick was so small. I could talk while sucking it Thank you very much and the turbo button indicates if you if you actually read uh

fucking Ingles. Yeah, that's right, bitch. Angle. Angle. Joe Ingles from the jet. You taught jazz. Yeah, sure. That's the only guy That's the only Ingles I gave a fuck about you would know that You were enjoying sucking my dick so much That it blew your mind and there was another dimension that can communicate with the universe telepathically. That's not how dimensions work for the last time Oh, yeah, what does Joe Biden have? I don't know. What do you mean? What does he have? He has a dimension and what can he not do because of it? Nothing, he's not limited. What is it? He's the first member. He can't speak

Yeah, he can't speak so dementia Makes you be able to communicate if I give you just couldn't speak alone Then he would never become a president. You're saying he can he's yeah You have to communicate with the american people Dirk, uh dementia Have you heard dementia puts you into dementia? Has he heard communicated with you telepathic and he communicated with the american people through non-literal Communication and that's what that's what resonated

is the idea Joe you can't see it because it's happening on an astral plane, but joe biden is sucking barack obama's cock And he's enjoying it so much That it's blowing his mind into a demented state that allows him to communicate with the american people In the same way that you people can hear you. I was with you until that last they can hear you on the show No, while you're sucking me on i'm not sucking you and you love it I don't love it and you're like, oh, I hope this meets my i'm on my diet Am I sucking a guy's cock right now? His penis is in your mouth your eyes have rolled back

How dare you betray me? You just have your eyes are white and your brain is glowing. I am not your brain is glowing I'm looking at both and my dick is so big. We can see you getting fatter off of You at least have to say he's dick is small say i'm sucking it, but you at least have to say he's small Oh, you can get us both, but nick is cross-legged and levitating I What about me? You uh, no, you're on the box. I'm on the box. Wow. This is the last time This is the last time I offered to take the box for you

Welcome to the rules of the box, bud This is the last time I offered to take the box You want to play you can't take the heat You better get out of the damn kitchen How dare you fucking I do you a kindness of getting out of the box You want to know something crazy? Adam isn't even here. You're just hallucinating him because you're enjoying sucking my dick

So much. I'm not even here. I'm an astral production in Israel. Yeah Adam's ran away with the show money and I want to keep it going anyway So I've been convinced you that we're still getting paid. Yeah Meanwhile, you've just been sucking my cock for years. How long? Uh, most of your life actually It's like in the matrix you're in a pod I have to unstuck your cock from the back of my head sucking my cock with the back of my head home And you're hallucinating the entirety of your reality because you're enjoying sucking my dick so much

This is fucking bullshit. And I don't really believe it actually So fuck you guys and then the agents are after agent Ian Yeah, I'm trying to trick people into being gay for real Can you imagine Ian cast as one of the agents in the matrix him trying to be serious But then the rest of the agents are still those other guys It's just one guy Ian with sunglasses on and scar tattoos curly like fucking mullet. Yeah That would be awesome. There's clown mullet. Yeah, just to tapping his ear being like there's a breach into security Yeah, trying to fuck one of the programs is messed up. We can't let him get to a payphone

So that day could go back to Zion Oh We got to get the coach to song Oh Fuck dude That'd be a great cast. That would be pretty cool. That would be awesome. Damn should we get a great dream cast? Yeah Awesome crazy taxi or she could dream cast a play there in the show. Yeah, we should yeah, dude

Adam you weren't here me nick. We're talking What are you talking about the next the next fucking? Getaway podcasters getaway. Oh, yeah eastern shore, Maryland or western shore. Maybe who knows I was thinking Miami, Florida, but that sounds even better. No, dude. We got to go back to our roots We got to have bows or I guess, you know, we got to drink bows. We got to have crabs in a bay day I might we should just rent a boat. Fuck. Yeah, dude. Do a podcast on the boat. That'd be so Safe and we could say whatever you want now you're speaking my life international waters, whatever you want because international waters. Yeah Well section 230 just got struck down. I don't know what that means for the show, but what is that?

I don't know some gay silence us, dude. Yeah, we're gonna be we're gonna be uh It'd be tight if everyone got a silence Yeah, you know because it used to be like you think like oh well you know people shouldn't like like this whole uh kind of Kind of hostile attitude towards speech or whatever You know, oh well wouldn't be nice if some of the people doing it got a taste of their own medicine and that doesn't really It doesn't do anything for you. They just cannibalize themselves and other ones pop up But if it were like now it's sort of like uh

Are you in or are you out sort of shit or get off the pot thing? And it's like well if we're not going to have it full stop Then we might as well just have you go to jail for saying shit. Yeah, because that would be fun If it was just strict rules, don't you but we would go to jail Uh You should get it like uh, everything should be grandfathered in. Oh, so we're good Well starting next week, they would be like, all right You're only allowed maybe once a week. You have to pick one race that you can do the voice of and we have to register

With like the office of being like anything else in new york. Yeah, so much. I want to be the boss of voices Yeah, just the new york the new york city public authority of racist impressions You could you'd be the boss. You'd be the guy from suck made a bunch of irish guys in there How come any hall? Yeah, that's where you'd be. That's where you'd be the boss. Yeah, I guess you're Still only one of your fever dreams No, Adam, you can admit he would be the boss of suck cockman He home. I can't admit that. Thank you. All right. We can build with that. That's step one, dude Adam would be the boss of tiny balls

No, come on. You do have tiny balls. I have to admit to see nick. I just have a long scrotum Nick knew how to come back with one of my pet projects Which is saying that your balls are small I chose to agree with sob and this is how you treat me, Nick And this is why I would be a perfect boss of timony home Yeah, I thought I was gonna see that maneuvering understand That was expert to that was like I claudia. I would have been with you on anything But how little your balls are one of our most ancient disagreements power joker

The power joker Um, the power joker is brought to you by bluetooth.com. All right. You like sex You'll love having sex while reading bluetooth.com. Yeah, bluetooth.com is a website. It's not the name It's not the name of the medicine. That's right, but it's a website that sells chewable tablets tablets They're not called chews. They're not called bluetooth. You got a lot of trouble For saying that there were pills because I guess the thing is if you want to sell any kind of drug in america

There's this little organization Called the n double acp That's gotta stick their nose That's the one. Oh, which one do you think? I don't know fda No, I think it's the n double acp. Oh, yeah, it's the n fda That's right. I don't I'm not familiar with that one, but either way fna What are you talking about n nfts? F F F dny. Yeah. Yeah. Now we're back. Yes. Uh, I have a question for the fdny. What is the d and the y stand for?

This is a down all My question Department Can you stop trying to get us to say it? Uh, my question is for the fdny What are the letters d and y stand for? The other two I I'm pretty sure I got a handle on those two. I can fill in the blanks on that bluetooth.com Back to blue blue lives chew blue chews matter blue chew lives matter

Guys who use cocks don't get hard as long as they're buying Tablets from bluetooth.com bluetooth.com your life matters Mm-hmm. You know bluetooth.com is a website Yes a pill not a pill and uh, I've never taken bluetooth. I've taken I have had some blue Chew.com chewable tablets. Yes And they and I will say this they've made my cock rock hard. Yes when you have one Mm-hmm, right and I like them because it's they got the same active ingredients as uh

Viagra and Seattle So if you're in the flavor guy, then they have just what you gotta do You gotta go to bluetooth.com that go there now instead of having us try to List why you're listening to this Go to bluetooth.com. I'll pull up your phone pull out your phone pull up your computer Whatever we're gonna. We're gonna go there. In fact, we're gonna sign up together If you go to go dot bluetooth.com slash come town It'll bake in the promo code right there, brother. Wow. Yeah, so I'm gonna click on that

That's awesome. And now I five hundred thousand blue is sex with chewable tablets right for you Oh, I don't know. I didn't know you're supposed to have sex with the tablets. You rub your bull Are you trying to fuck a chewable tablet Yeah, just a little heads up for uh, whoever a bluetooth put that one in there. Um, you're fired A lot of people don't know this but I actually think has a stake in the company I own the controlling stake in the company. It works Sort of like uh, the marbora points where if you yeah, the guy with the softest dick Yes, to be the ceo if you take a million blue shoes. Yeah, so

tablets You can buy the company That started off. I got all the bluetooth koozies And then the helicopter the generator and I'm the boss of the company So whoever wrote if sex is sex with chewable tablets right for you clean out your fucking disgust sedate so denafil And to dollar fill options with an online provider today Yeah, and they have of course different membership options for the amount of pills you get every month

I'm on the bluetooth pro plan Which is 34 tablets a month I got the 90 I got the 90 tablet month plan get the fuck is that a I mean I guess that makes it a premium secret premium sponsors. Yeah Is that uh, if you sign a I just sent them you can chew one I have my attorney send them like a signed affidavit that says that I absolved them of any like legal responsibility However, I will accuse them publicly of raping me if they don't give me Way more pills and you had your attorney

Your attorney is one of the best in the biz your attorney kind of rubber stamped that one How the hell did your attorney pull that one off? You got one of the best guys in the biz man He's good. He's a real pro. He's a good guy. And so they sent me the 90 pill a month plan. That's awesome I want to say I'm on 14 or something. No, he's this little this guy in the fucking picture He's got the black mind. Don't come in the black shit I did you get those a little black. I believe those are the I think we're both To dalafil guys I do the to dalafil and I think the black one is I like it because it sounds magical

Were you a sidenophil guy adam? Uh, I like the one that is sea alice. Yeah, we're all sea alice guy We're all sidenophil that's only like it because it's the newer one See Alice is the one that hit the market like 10 years later. Exactly. They had the better commercials Yeah, viagra viagra. Oh is now forever tainted as being like those digs for old people. Yep. I'm not old, dude I'm young. I'm young. I'm not secretly gay. I'm a super him. I don't mean communist that has always Been a theory guy certainly not in the last four months when I realized Everything that I've ever liked is now

fucking embarrassing Like rick and morty and harry potter We just need to bring that stuff back. So those guys will stop and this this communism thing I'm doing will definitely last I guarantee you again in two years in five years. I'm definitely going to be tweeting all day every day about communism um instead of what's cool in five years from now, which is the return of

Viagra getting your dick hard generic Viagra with is the same active ingredients Sedena fill and to dial a fill and to dial a fill hard time taking pills up to 40 percent of americans agree Oh, that's why you can't say pills because people They associate pills with swallowing That's why you got to say chewable you get chewable tablets so that you can get swallowed So whatever retard at home is like I can't take pills Beep beep skip delete episode

I can't hear this I can't hear you know, I have people in my fan in my uh very close to me that don't like pills Yeah, that do liquid medicines or crush them up into Into like some of the other animals live in his cage They have to they have to blend the medicines into into the slot. Okay. Let me ask you something You're getting your dick sucked by an animal. Then you've admitted to bestiality. I said checkmate I said you said other animals which means that I'm an animal in this in your little twisted logic Thank you, Adam. No, there's another there's no other explanation

There's another animal here that I already acknowledged before we started the show No, you didn't and that one does not live in your cage. No nice try. You're on real thin ice with that I don't care that your lawyer is the best in the business. You've never been on thin ice in your life. Yes, I have and I've survived it fat eyes You've survived thin ice. I've survived thin ice because I am not that fat and it's solid oral dose At least not as fat as nick makes me out to be and the blue chew dot com There's one here we go. Let's just run through some of the check marks on their website. All right Let's go. You've heard of blue checks on twitter. Check out blue checks on blue

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And it's $120 a month For the low low price of about $1300 a year Now $1400 a year you can have sex almost as much as your hero Stavros pit the pig I don't have that much sex stavros the slam pig I don't have and I'm not using the choose to give to the guys to fuck me by the way the bronx zoos Most popular attraction living the queens

So queens and again, by the way, if you're saying that I which I disagree with you I in your logic you're sucking getting sucked off by a pig only to help you create a fantastical world in which you can live peacefully Which you wouldn't be able to in this. Yeah Oh, I see your dick is like a it's an act a serum to help me Once again, I'm the hero the world needs Not the one who wants by letting me exist in the fifth dimension where I'm a podcaster Yes I would prefer the pig the simple life of the fucking pig

This is without getting my without sucking your dick It's also the kind of thing Chinese people sit around thinking about all day long in their their dumb ass little temples That's so true. They're in there. They're like, you know, would you rather be a podcaster? Or they got a very dialyping a guy head mentality. So go to go dot bluetooth.com slash come town to receive Free shipping or like 20 off your order or something. What is it again? I think it's a free intro Maybe if you just pay the shipping. Yeah, look the point is just go and get your cock hard and it'll change your life Even if you're a woman amen

Yeah, if you're a woman, maybe you're a fuggly ass bitch feed these chews to the fucking guys and their cocks will get hard Yeah, put it change right put in your bedside table with the condoms And by the way, this goes for if you're a fuggly ass guy that gets fucked by guys as well 100 you get you feed them to your your letharios coming in and fucking slamming your cheeks Let's say you're a gay guy and you're getting bored of the dick and you're thinking about pussy You need to stay hard for your boyfriend. Yeah, bluetooth.com go to bluetooth.com slash come town. Yep. All right The movie sleepy hollow, but it's sleepy homo. Yeah It's about you as Johnny Dapp and he's like

I think I'm gonna sleep actually Oh, yeah, just looking for a place to take a nap Is Johnny Dapp welcome to our town Um, certainly you've heard the legend of the gay horse of get dick a bob crane of suck dick a suck dick a lot Suck dick a lot brain. Are you just making this up now? No, no, no, no, it's real. It's on a scroll I read it on I read it on one of my parchment papers

Um suck dick a lot brain Suck dick a lot brain and what does he have instead of a pumpkin? Is it a dick? Yeah, I actually watched sleepy hollow like Maybe a month ago. Is it good? No, it's and he's terrible in it. Really? Really? Yeah, Johnny Dapp His character doesn't make any sense because he's supposed to be like this guy's dealing with dead bodies all the time But he's scared and when he sees them in later in the movie You know and it's not like you don't I don't understand. Yeah, he does a bad job performing in that movie What is the story Ike a bob crane gets his head? There's a he's a he's a medical examiner from the city That is sent out to some dutch

town and like the Hudson Valley To solve this like string of murders and so he brings his like fancy forensic science And then it turns out to be like it's leaning towards it being just like uh some like Money, it's Puerto Rican some money dispute thing and uh, yeah It's like the like one of the guys is set to inherit some big part of the town Two families. I see and then it then it says bitch wife That's actually using witchcraft as some in the real Headless horseman is real and but his wife is doing it. I don't know. It's a fucking boring movie

I just remember that was a but isn't that like a fucking old like a folk tale or something? Yeah Yeah, they made it into and what's the folk tale the That there's the headless horseman. What happens to Ike a bob crane. Does he get fucked up? He fucks the pumpkin He fucks jack Skellington. That's awesome. I am getting raped. I am getting raped Fuck a nightmare before christmas. Yeah That means I talk to somebody talking about fucking a baby to death and then the werewolf being like Ah, even for halloween, this is fucked up. It's a little too dark. You know, we're thinking like pranks You know, maybe like bugs or something

That's a little uh Yeah, the guy who takes it one step too far from on the halloween guys That'd be fun. I wish I wish I was cool enough as like a fourth grader To go door to door just like a cape on but then you draw a picture of a baby getting fucked in his ass and just like Put with string tape it around your face Then you go to door to door and people are like, what are you and you're like, I'm a baby getting fucked in his ass Yeah, dude, you would have been an awesome Yeah, it would have been fucking cool. Isn't that scary call the police and say who is raping you son?

Um, my costume is a baby getting fucked in his ass You're fucking pair is just in handcuffs immediately He's a weird kid No, that would have been an imaginative costume I am getting raped I am getting raped suck my dick fuck my ass fuck me in my mouth and call me Oh, jeez louise Who do you boys been up to now that's getting nice taking fucking strolls and shit? Yeah, I've been doing some strolling. When's your second vacs coming up adam? Uh in a couple weeks time. Nice. Um

What else nothing much I watched godzilla versus calm. I didn't finish it Mm-hmm. I did like it was a perfect allegory for a race war that's happening right now in this country between the blacks and But that's how you read the movie. Yeah, but stop if you want to close your ears for this one. Oh, that's very fun I didn't know what movie you're talking about Oh, yeah, yeah, are you gonna do spoiler? It is a spoiler alert. Okay spoiler. I don't care that much Okay, I don't care. But what happens is the blacks and the chinese need to team up to defeat automation to defeat the robots Yeah, you're right and then to liberate society. And do you think the robots are white people or is it automation?

I think it's just uh, yeah, I don't know what society or is it basically it's godzilla chinese and there's the Automation the japanese well, it's like I think that the mayo asses that are running our society. Yeah are trying to To poise or trying to position blm against stop asian hate and What what what the they find out is well what they do is it's it's kind of like when a chinese guy starts rapping They've teamed up together like jinn from the rough riders. Yeah. Yeah He was very famous on the 106 apart freestyle

Tremendous freestyle. This is king kong. No jinn remember your girl had my dumplings and my egg roll in her mouth I remember that I still remember that line. Maybe let me tell you that made the that made the whole thing jump Maybe you you remember that line because it's very similar to your true reality What do you mean in which i'm chinese now? No, you're a dick sucking Dumplings and egg rolls see we all have a true reality underneath this that we're engaged in a in a fantasy of this Other reality. Let me ask you if I was your dick. Why would you create yourself in my fucking in my uh Fucking fantasy. You're still thinking about why wouldn't I be getting pussy or something? You're still thinking about this and why would I be doing a podcast? You're still thinking about this in terms of a human understanding of space and time. Mm-hmm

Where it's like, yes, the reality could be that you're sucking my dick, but the reality that i'm experiencing is not Strictly that i'm in my own fantasy where i'm forced to have my dick sucked by a pig As an escape yes from the other reality where you have to have sex with women Yes for you that's you would rather have your dick sucked by a pig Then look at pussy close up because it makes sense Okay, as long as you're escaping because i'm straight because i'll admit i'm a dick sucking pig Because i see women as it's also funny that i see women as eagles. It's funny that this uh, i don't think you should do something

That's not why. I don't think you should do something as disgusting as fuck To a woman. I think that's what a gay guy would say. Thank you very much to the pigs in the zoo The space prison in which we all live And women are meant to be married Yeah, and then come delivered to them Ziploc bag and they can choose what to do and they say bring me sons Bring me bring a male air while i take this seed and bring me sons while i

Yeah, it's been the afternoon enclosure afternoon in the garage With the pig in the baby bath Interesting though adam that that was uh You know i hadn't thought of that but it's a really smart thing what you're saying is it makes a lot And then the other thing that they get to know it's another smart move. What's that? Do they get to hold it? It's another smart move. He's buying a ridge wallet. Oh Oh, it is smart. That is one of the smartest things you could do

It's going to ridge wallet.com and say type it use promo code R E T A R D. I don't think that's f a g No In another dimension maybe Okay, I'll agree with you there perhaps in another dimension But currently here I believe the promo code is come town Is the or come town 20 has either come town or come town 20 ridge wallet The problem is that all of these places have kind of the same deal with us

And so I'm like so that makes it harder to remember the same deal But it's a different product because it makes me feel like I'm being lazy I mean he's like, uh, and we know how enterprising you are usually probably the same shit Um But it's but listen before well, let's talk about what a great fucking product it is while you look up that You know because I I can speak for all of us here. We love the ridge wallet It's fucking fucking metal sleek keeps all your cards your idea. You don't need that bulky shit Um, yeah, and it's a front pocket wallet

So if you're a man like myself who's constantly getting pickpocketed who's wearing capris all the time I'm wearing capri pants single pocket I'm in I'm in the blackout room in the back of the the club called the manhole And I but every time I'm there. I just want to meet other cool guys, but I just end up getting pickpocketed Or violated in another way that you're not, you know that open to talking about right now Not at this juncture, but with a little bit of therapy. I will be Yeah, so that's why the ridge wallet is good for you if you're a guy like adam who's getting sucked off against his will and capris The ridge wallet is really easy to keep track of because you just put your hand in your one little pocket

I can't Then they not only have fucking wallets. They got a bunch of shit. They got a whole they got backpacks They're cool. The backpack looks good. I'm still want it We'll fucking buy it. You fucking cheap piece of shit. Well, there's but there's There's what friends of the show. They should be sending some send two backpacks send two of the and me what? Send two backpacks for stop one for the no this reality and I don't need a big pack I don't need a big backpack. The wallets are made out of premium materials like aluminum titanium carbon fiber premium, which is a type of metal I understand

Um, but yeah, the backpack looks really good and I need something to put a laptop in for For travel, which is coming back soon. I'm going to Santorini and Greece. Are you seriously? No, but I would like to sound the wallet read that any is nice Yeah, it's a better way to carry cash and cards and we invented it slim rfid blocking So no one's hacking your shit and I'm probably at the town hall next week and I say rfid What is the eye? I know we'd are in the f stands for but I'm having a little trouble with the eye And they're like, why are you here? Why are you at the fdny town hall asking us about wallet blocking technology?

With questions because I live in subsidized housing for the mentally ill And I have nothing else to do and you're giving out free cookies. Wow the commuter backpack you can get with A power bank. I dated a girl that would like ran a housing program for mentally ill like violently mentally ill people in the city And at one point she was sincerely like, you know, I could get you a house here a place And it's like not as like oh, I can scam the system. Yeah. Yeah, it's like you would easily qualify Yeah, it's like I think you you are my opinion of you is someone I'm in a relationship with Yeah, is that you're so severely mentally ill

That you could be living somewhere in the city for free And you know what that's that was the one person in your life that ever truing you and cared about you Let me just say that right now. That's the only person that was ever honest with you Well, I stabbed her to death a part of a mirror So I guess she was right in the end Wow Ridgewood also offers something called the summit knife 160 dollars

And it's a knife that's made out of grade five titanium and you know, it's another summit adam What is that that you could get? Summit this day You know I really Yeah, I got I got him very I sauntered into that one. You fucking knocked that one out of the park. You know what? I'm speaking french now that was so good. Yeah. Oh, yeah, let's see what they got in the etc section soft goods They got a leather

Goods both of your dicks. Yeah soft and good I'm gonna get I'm gonna get a fucking a Chevy s10 pickup. Oh, yeah, and then slam it to the ground And then airbrush soft On the side girl. I'll fucking show off the blue chute logo a little like Yeah, all the all the sedan all the dick pill logos. Yep Like a not it'll look like a NASCAR, but with different dick pill logos soft and good soft the soft and good

Mm-hmm. Wow. And of course the Yeah, they got a drink sleeve. It looks like they had some kind of notebook. They got sticker packs a lot of good shit They got a t-shirt They got a bandana. They have a tropical ridge wall with like luau theme. What's the fuck is a cavity tray? I think it looks like something that does that go in the wall. Yeah, you put your change in a keys and They're constantly innovating over there fucking ridge wallet. I had an idea for them. I forget. Oh, and uh, no, wait I was thinking like not a knife, but there was some I thought I thought of something that could fit in there

You know would be really convenient as an sd card slot, but only because yeah for us. Yeah for I do this thing the podcast which is a big industry now, and I think they would be right to fucking Incorporate that but it's coming in now I it's funny because I saw Lewis was the first person that had one and he was showing it off at the same time as his fidget spinner Right and look who's still around to the ridge wallet is still around fidget spinner is illegal Lewis it's one of the gayest things I've ever seen and then they sent me one when I had to replace my big leather wallet Because I started making too much money. Yeah Sure, you do keep cash on hand. You don't get trust banks. I walk around. I've never had a bank account

I've got every dollar I've ever made from the podcast is in my wallet. Yeah I walk away or walk around with with about two and a half million dollars Just stuff to the gills That'd be sick dude to be that stupid Meet the man meet the libertarian who doesn't trust doesn't trust banks or even keeping things in his house He's walking around. He doesn't trust his family. It's just safes. Just like uh He just like he's got like a like a like a loony tunes dust cloud around him And then it settles and his wallet's gone. It's been sort of all of his clothes

It just comes leaking out of his ears. Damn. Mm-hmm So, yeah, ridge wall. It's good and Go to ridge wall.com ridgewall.com try out promo code come town. Just play around come town 20 Just fuck feel it out. Feel it out. There's probably free shipping or 20% off. Nice Something along the lines. Just make sure you use the promo code Use the promo code and tell them come towns at the very least buy something and then send them a subsequent email saying I wouldn't have bought this if it weren't for come the me try I'm gonna be like the come town guys. Yep. We have everything by the way here. Yeah every coverage. I used to be a

Neolib chud Until I was radicalized By the come town podcast and now I'm a revolutionary Mm-hmm. Yep all day long but saying like, yeah, not a good look. Not a good look chief check, please Oh, fuck I feel my kids in cages check, please I feel my little that's a definite check. Please. Yeah, I agree That yogurt wasn't yogurt I did not eat your yeah, you ain't I mixed it in my home

You ain't coming now you're pregnant. Yeah, I have a house, okay And we're not gonna convince me that I'm a big sucking dick And even if I was even if I was why would in this reality where I'd be eating your comb This is supposed to be my escape from sucking. You ain't yogurt. I'm just all right. Thank you. I'm pulling the curtain back I watched the zack snider movie sucker punch And it reminds me of this reality about where you're You're going into an alternate reality to forget trauma because this girl is raped and then

Institutionalized and then lobotomized Jesus, but in her brain she goes into a world where she's it all happens in her brain Where she's kicking ass and uh, how's the movie? They should do the happy ending the matrix where the movie ends where her friend escapes and she's just lobotomized retarded What the fuck that should do the matrix But it's like Neo's the whole time like that him coming out of the matrix doesn't happen till the last third of the movie And he's like, yeah one out of the matrix And then he'd like comes to in the tube and he's got pig ears and he's some kind of like pig human And he's just sucking some guy's cock in the tube

And then that's what the real world. Yeah, you think it's the year 1999 But it's actually close to the year 2099. You've been sucking cock in the tube. It's a pig man your whole life And Joe pannelliano, it's like kind of makes you want to go back in, huh? Yeah, before you knew you were a cock sucking pig All right, I mean, yeah, I guess that's something that could appeal to some people I don't really see the appeal personally, but You know

Others might like it Like who? I don't know you Celebrity fitness celebrity John Bay style. I don't think so. You seem to be really really infatuated with this idea of pig people recently I'm an artist John Bay style. Yeah, what a reference dude fitness made simple. I forgot about that guy Just let whatever is going on in your mind Go there so we can we can get to the true reality we can see ourselves. Yeah in true reality I agree with that John somewhere somewhere and then another my real my closer to reality dimension

I'm watching John Bay style infomercials on tv and it's 1997 John Bay Scott, and I got a cup of Italian ice from the ice cream draw nice. Yeah, I would love a lemon ice Dude the box is hot over here. Do you don't buy the sun? I'm telling you the box is it's a different temperature over there There's a climb. There's a different climate on the box. Do you remember how you ended up on the box? No, no I'll end it up there. It's almost like there's another reality And which is controlling and a heat lamp just turned on You are kind of like a lizard We needed to be justified somehow

retroactively so pissed if I'm a pig in a cage right now With a heat lamp if I go to bed tonight I just am a pig just sucking dick. I'm gonna be so fucking pissed off Oh Did we say what the promo code was I think we said come down or come down 20. That's right. I like these bags, dude I like them too. Yeah, I do need a small bridge. I have a big shut up. I'm getting the bag Come on, man. Oh now they got this this weekend their bag And a travel kid. They have a they have bigger bags. I don't need a big I have a big bag

I need a small bag for for fucking zipping around. I might be done with phone cases though I'm done myself now that I now that I just have to pay like a monthly fee for the phone I'm just gonna get into breaking them. What do you mean you pay a monthly fee instead of buying the phone? I'm right. Is that what you do? Yeah I buy I pay like 40 bucks for my phone every month. I just prefer to buy it out, right? Why I don't know I do it. I finance it through apple because you get free apple pay or uh apple care with it You get free apple care. Yeah, you always you should never buy anything you can finance I like to buy things. It's good for your credit. If you finance metal is a good for your credit

But if you have more liquid capital, you can use that to your advantage I'm an old-school type of guy. I don't trust the It's not such thing as an old-school type of guy the people who say that just don't understand how money and that's fine And I prefer that I'm going to start a my own investment. The only thing I'm going to invest in I'm going to buy a house at some point And that's it. Yeah, I'm starting. I'm starting a hedge fund called game and financial game That's awesome. Yeah, and it's a subsidiary of liquid capital. Yeah, gay sex financial and the liquid is calm. Hmm. Yeah Yeah, gay sex financial. That's awesome You could probably do big big money doing that. We do default credit swaps. That's where

Two guys spit each other's calm into each other's mess. It's like snowballing. That makes me hard. Yeah Yeah, thinking about that makes me pretty hard honestly and finances gay. Yep Oh, yeah Um So is sucking my dick, but that's that hasn't stopped you. Yes, it has that's exactly why I don't do it But you want that's precisely why you want to but you don't want to be gay. I'd suck dick, but that's just gay It looks delicious, but it looks cool But it's gated to the bob motion looks cool. Yeah, it'd be fun

You know, it's nice to getting you skill to mastering your skill Damn what ridge wall hit me up with a commuter. I'm getting the commuter backpack Hit me up with a black commuter. I'm getting it You can get it in teal. I don't want teal You get in teal. I don't fucking want teal. Fuck you It looks great. Very simple. Not that kind of slim Not too big A lot like your dick

Now I want to look at what else is in the news rapper dmx is in a vegetative state I think he's beating it Is he gonna come back from a vegetative state? I think I feel like I saw a picture of him giving up the peace sign throwing up the peace sign Really? I hope it's not old. I'm sure he's been in. I'm sure he's been in the hospital Laina Dunham debuted her new plus size clothing line That's um, that looks pretty good. They should call him odmx folks

Yeah, that's true. Have you seen this guy this guy dmx? Apparently he's in the hospital for doing too many drugs. Damn. Yeah, maybe it's not looking good. Maybe I saw an old picture. Yeah That's bullshit. Dmx recently went to a hospital over doing too many drugs uh sound like uh What's x gonna give it to you is uh A bunch of ashes from his funeral home folks That's what he's gonna give it to you Hey, we'll be back with the king's of leon

He's apologized to the asian community and he's now turning his sights on it Uh, dmx was in the hospital thing uh, where my dog's at apparently they're at the the chinese food restaurant Uh, and then he's bringing it back to the chinese He's back to the big races again Oh We tried cutting out the drugs and realized it was pretty funny. It was pretty it made me laugh Dmx said uh, who let the dogs out? It was uh, the chinese people letting the dogs out in the regular restaurant

Wow Is that real? Mm-hmm You know, it sounds like uh, he had a real rough ride to the hospital after Overdothing on drugs Hey, kevin, uh, do you know this guy? He's one of your friends from the from the corner that your neighborhood you guys go hang out your cat houses together Jay, come on man. Come on. Come on. Jay. Come on. Jay. You know, I I don't want to find another job I told you man. Just jay. Just stop being racist to me. Jay. Just at least if there could be one person you're not racist towards

Maybe it's me Fuck you Oh you fucking fuck my dick you piece of shit It's me I don't think this is what you heard about me. Guess what? If it wasn't enough for me to be both Mickey Mouse and Jay Leno There's one other fact about me Oh, I fucking gay Wow

This show's gotten good I'm sucking guys' fucks Imagine if me Mickey Mouse and Jay Leno Because I know this is going to blow your mind But what if I was also a fuck I'm gay I love sucking cock

Have you heard about that? Watch me suck this guy's dick Kevin Yes Oh boy Now that's good stuff Oh fuck We did an hour. I don't think we're topping J.J. and Michael

Fucking Mickey whatever the fuck his name is Who cares? That's a shit Comedy Oh okay damn here we go. Is this going to be one of those weeks?