The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. 262 – wuhwuh

Episode Date: June 2, 2021

and its like wa wa but for people with downs syndrome. how about that u fuckin pieces of shit

Make me suck my dick in my ass and call me a little faggot. Make me suck your dick in bones. Make me suck your fucking penis. We're talking Charlie and the chocolate fact. Charlie and the semen factory. Charlie and who's- Charlie and the penis factory. Who's cocktail I gotta suck around here, a lottery factory.

And it's the story of Adam. Yes, it is that. What do you got, looking at your mail? Oh, my meal check-ins. Nice. Let me look. Oh, breakfast. A bowl of semen.

No. Launch a bowl of, a bigger bowl of semen. No. And asparagus to make my piss smell and taste better. Yes, so on today's episode of Chapo Trap House, we're joined by Dave Weigel to discuss the trailer for the, in the Heights, the Washington. Once upon a time. I have to piss.

Wow, this looks like- Far away land called Washington Heights. Washington? Shut up. He's speaking English the whole time. He's speaking English, but also it's like, that's not how George Washington said his name. So true.

Well, I mean, I understand. It's not like a, it's not like a Spanish word. Right, right. Well, that's what, why would you choose that name to throw a little fucking stank on? Yeah, the rest of it. Yeah. All the other words. I agree.

I mean, it makes- We're doing the show and I'm gonna piss, so you gotta tag in right now. It doesn't make any sense. What are we talking about? We're talking about the in the Heights trailer. Let's discuss. Let's discuss. On today's episode of Chandler's Japanese.

Once upon a time. It's a far away land called Washington Heights. Washington Heights. Because he just says Heights. Yeah. He just uses that word. Yeah, it should be Heights. It's corny.

I agree. He's like, I was walking down the street and I came up to this stop sign. Why that one? I agree. It's not that it's corny. It's also not like- It is corny. It's a lot.

It doesn't make any sense. That's what bothers me about it. Well, no, because it's a Puerto Rican Dominican neighborhood, so that's how they pronounce it. So therefore it becomes their- Yeah, but that's also how they pronounce every other thing in that sentence. That's exactly my problem with it as well. Yeah.

I guess symbolically he wants to throw a little stank on the neighborhood. Listen. The point is it's Lin-Manuel Miranda who's a fucking dork. They disappear. Washington Heights. And then the kids say it wrong. Say it right. No, they don't say it.

They say it's in Washington Heights. Yeah, well they say Washington Heights, but he's in Puerto Rico with actual Puerto Rican kids. And he's telling them, say it. Right. And they say it in the colonized way. Yeah. Which has left their colonial way.

What I will say is- Hey, uh, good morning. It's like, so it's just a whole musical about what it's like to ride the subway and buy toilet paper. Because like what about this is like distinctly- Yeah, how to clean the floor with- How to clean a floor with Fabuloso. Yeah, they're like, when you're waiting across the street and there's rats because there's

a garbage problem in the city. Yep. And also now what- And the Sandra Yang guy, what's his deal? What's the- When is this like supposed to take place? Um, I think- A block that was disappearing. The genius is back! Yes, ask her out right now!

Hey! There's something on your shirt. And of course the guy's a cock. The guy's like a cock. Who's the girl? Now we're getting into what this really is. Because they layer all this Puerto Rican bullshit over the real story, which is a guy that doesn't get any pussy.

Which is fucked up. I'm not trying to watch media like that, bro. I'm trying to watch Pussy Getting Media. Which also, it's like, is that even true? He's a hot Puerto Rican guy. He can dance. You were probably the one- Lin-Manuel was probably the one guy in Washington Heights that had this problem.

Oh, right, right, right. Yeah, yeah. Everyone else there has three families. Absolutely. It's like a Chinese guy that's like, yeah, I just feel like there needs to be more Asian representation. Here's a musical about what it's like to have the biggest dick in the entire world. Which is, uh, maybe it's just me, but I don't know. Yeah.

Smooth operator. This is an avatar for Lin-Manuel, this guy. This guy is so much sexier than Lin-Manuel. I feel like in 10 years, it's gonna be like, you know, he's gonna be like the Joss Whedon of Little Puerto Rico. He kept making jokes about putting his finger sasa into my pusasa. I don't know what that meant. Because neither of those are English words that he was- Yeah, yeah. Joss wasn't trying to fuck, right?

He was just a mean gay guy. I think he was playing with girls' minds. Is he gay? He's not gay? No, he fucked up. The guy who did Buffy the Vampire Slayer is not gay. No, he cheated. Yeah.

What? I think I just wanna see the whole world rise. Who did he fuck? All the dreamers. It's time to make some noise. And this is where it really starts to bother me, is when the dancing starts. When it's, you know- We had to assert our dignity in small ways.

Is choreographed dancing of any kind just fucking lame? I don't- I do- Oh, how do you feel about the Beijing opening ceremonies then? Yeah, that was- That was one of the coolest things I've ever seen. And there was mostly feats of strength. No, there was drums. So wildly choreographed, these people couldn't go to the bathroom, dude.

They were fucking on taking diapers. That was one of the coolest things I've ever seen. Yeah, but see, they're mentally choreographed. Mm-hmm. You know, so it doesn't even- That's just an extension of something they're already doing. I know what you're saying. So, so true.

That's true. Little details that tell the world who we are not. That Lin Manuel style of rap singing. It was the moment when you do better than me. I have to go to the bathroom, but my dick is too small, and my balls are small too. And I showed you my dick, and you laughed at it. And you put the pictures online,

and now I'm crying because everyone's making fun of me. And my little pp is too small. And so are my balls. In Washington Heights. In Washington Heights. I will say that- Let me take a picture of that. Before I got the Yankee Fitted,

I would have laughed at someone saying Washington Heights, but now the city has really changed. But you got the Yankee Fitted. I got the Yankee Fitted, and now I go to Chelsea Pierce. Chelsea. No, I go to Chelsea Pierce. I live in Chelsea Heights. I want to tell you about a neighborhood called Chelsea.

It's a neighborhood that's disappearing. It's called Chelsea. Say it so it doesn't disappear. Chelsea! Chelsea! That's right. That's right, kids. And it's about being a 57-year-old gay man

that's done every generation of HIV medicine and now owns seven buildings. And now he's the richest man in the world. It is funny. You know, I've been in the world of being the richest man in the world. It is funny. I see them at lunch all the time.

They love lunch. Yeah. They love going out to lunch. They love meeting each other at lunch. Going to meet at lunch. Just sitting there. And they're always happy. They always use their phone the same way.

They're always sitting there. People can't even see what you're doing. But Nick is just... He has perfect posture. His breasts are out. Everyone's like... They got the perfect posture. The tits out.

And then just like making the tiniest smile at their phone as they can. Gay guys look at their phones. And brunch, waiting for their friend. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's also the thing that... They're going to live forever. There's also the thing that gay guys do

when they're on. They'll use... They talk on the phone. Never use AirPods. Always the wire headphones. And then they hold the... They hold the mic. They do hold the mic.

And then for whatever reason, they walk when they do it and when they're walking, the other arm has to sway wildly. Like it adds this extra... It's a counterweight to them being still. Exactly. It adds this unbalance to their gait

to be on the microphone. So they're like, I'll talk to Todd. And then you can figure out where we're having the most. They do love to hold the little microphone right to their mouth. They do.

Another thing about them is they're fucking degenerates. Yeah, it's so fucking... That's absolutely crazy. No, we're just that part. It's only Lynn. Only Lynn. Only Lynn.

He's not gay, is he? No, I think he's man. No, he's probably... I'm telling you. Sex pest. Yeah, sex pest. Yeah. Yeah.

And you can't really... You can't just say shit like that because it's fucking libel or whatever the fucking lawyer can say. On Minecraft. Yeah. On Minecraft, this guy rapes girl.

So wait, Joss Whedon got pussy? He... I think he's... Because you can see a future that I can't... You made all of this? This is me. He's like,

you made all of this? And this is... It's just her bedroom and there's like four drawings of dresses. I thought it'd be a funny scene in a movie where somebody goes into somebody's apartment and they have like a bookshelf with like seven, eight books on it.

And they're like, did you read all these books? Two of them, yeah. And I'm working on these. Not even. Just have it hit where the person, the camp process, I've done with the question.

Now they're calling... The critics are calling this the event of the summer. That's what I've been calling it. I mean, people love to fuck... Once something is seen as good, like everyone said Hamilton was like the best thing that's ever fucking been made.

See, I thought the event of the summer was gonna be in three weeks when Dr. Joe Biden is raped by President Xi. I thought that would be... Is that on the docket? I don't know if that's on the books. I've got some of my... A little bird, a little Chinese bird.

Some of your sources in Chinatown? It would be funny if that happened and Joe Biden had to be like, this has to stop. That's the love of my life. Yeah, this has to... This can never... This is the last time that this happens.

Dude, Joe would get the fucking nukes out, dude. You don't take Joe's pussy like that. No, Joe would offer to fist fight. Would you say that video of him? He settled that nine-year-old girl. Sexy. No. Jesus Christ.

No, it's not... Honestly, it's like a harmless video people are making, some out of nothing. Well, out of context... I mean, just what you said that sounds horrible. He's just like so

crazy and deranged. There's a little girl at something and I guess she's dressed like she would be in a... She just looks like put together or whatever. So all Joe's trying to say is that, oh, look at her.

It's like cute that a kid looks like a fucking adult. Going to see the president or whatever. But he's like, look at her there with the little pigtails and like a 19-year-old. With her legs crossed. It's like, just come on, man.

Come on, sir. People already... Oh, he didn't use the term sexy. No, no. Okay, I was going to be like, God damn. No, no, no. If you work hard,

if you live by the rules, the money will come, the things will come. You ready? I've been saving up all my pennies and my piggy bank this day. Today's all we got, so we cannot stop.

This is a block. In the house, I'm like on display. Cheers. I think it's like... I also never want to be any part of a community ever. So that...

What do you mean? Why? You're part of the tapestry of Bed-Stuy. Absolutely. One of the pillars. You're one of the pillars of the community.

Do you know what I mean? Yes, of course you are. I would love to be part of a community. See, I don't like that. I'd love to be part of a Sesame Street style community. I think it's a slippery slope. You have communities,

and then you have nations, and then you have fascism. That's how Israel started. The Jewish community. Yeah. Every man, you really want to fight against it. You got to be a cowboy, dude.

Yeah, right. Like your own compound. You got to be in West Texas. On a steel horse I ride. That's right. I'm a cowboy. Just me and all the other... On a man's cock I suck.

Me and all the other individuals, individually listening to Bon Jovi in concert. That guy's a real outsider. Yeah. A real outlaw. He's a real outlaw. Imagine you're in a saloon

in the Wild West, and Bon Jovi comes in. Oh, I can't imagine. One second said man would be sodomized. Oh, yeah. He's hotter than any woman in the Wild West. That's got to be the prettiest woman I ever saw. Oh, his teeth.

I think I heard of the story. His ass is probably so clean compared to a prostitute's pussy in the 1800s. I've got a man claiming to have had sex with John Bon Jovi. He claimed to have... Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Really? Yes.

Can you fill me in here? No. No, we can't. No, we can't. What the fuck? It's a secret. It's a secret. You just said it on the fucking podcast.

The thing is that a man claimed to have sex with John Bon Jovi. Well, don't say who the man was. I don't know even what the man's name was, but we heard tell of a man, and it sounded like he was making a joke, and then they thought about it, and they were like, did he fuck John Bon Jovi?

Yeah, yeah. Interesting. Very funny. Do I know this person? You don't. No, it's... Nick and I... He's one of my secret associates.

Yeah, I hang out with a couple of rough customers. Don't go any further on that one. I won't. Interesting. You have a secret associate that talks about having sex with men, huh? With John Bon Jovi. Okay. And it's true.

You don't want to get into it. Let's not make something fucking... And you two don't want to get into it. We're not going to do something crash here. You have a secret associate who's gay. Fuck this, dude. I don't even want to hear it. I got to calm down now.

I'm just saying, man, it's a little fucking... It's a little interesting. All right, I'm better. I feel better than that. Do you feel better, dude? Okay. Well, if you ever need a time out... I feel like I want to watch WrestleMania in 2007.

Dude, hell yeah. Who's in the main event in 2007? Triple H, maybe? Probably. That's when it was good. You know, I remembered Finger 11 out of nowhere the other day. Hell yeah. Yeah, I was taking a shower.

I'm like, yeah, that was a gay band. Wait, what was their song? They had a big one, didn't they? They did. I can't even fucking... I don't remember the name of it. I just had to look them up, but you'll recognize. It was about an 11-year-old.

Yeah. It's actually their number one hit, Tom Sizemore. Tommy motherfucking Sizemore. Finger 11. Paralysers. Yeah. I'm not paralyzed, but I'm a fucking fag. I'm gay.

You know that song? Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, this song. Yeah. A girl like they once told me about seeing like a big fat guy in a doorless Jeep Wrangler blasting this. Oh, yeah.

That's a funny visual. Yeah, man. She just was having the time of his life. That sounds a little... Free. Free from fucking society's judgment, dude. Fat as shit. Went through his fucking titties.

Just with like wet, wet, curly hair. Yeah, the air drying while the finger 11 takes him away. That song sounds a little bit like Franz Ferdinand. No, it doesn't. You remember that band? Yes, everybody remembers that. That's not a fucking interesting political thing. I like the name of that band.

I like the name of that band because it was history. The Archduke. Yeah, dude. Who got his shit clapped and then... That's how the war started, baby. If he had just worn a helmet. If he'd only worn a... This doesn't sound like Franz Ferdinand.

Cock strong, I'll suck you off. Suck dick, that's what I love to do. Suck off, anyone. If you thought the joke would be different. You're wrong. If you were expecting something different. If you were expecting some new stuff. You're wrong.

You're wrong and your dick is small. Maybe. Check out patreon.com slash come town. That's right. Oh, yeah. For a big surprise this week, we went an entire episode without doing any... We're doing more inclusive. If you feel underrepresented.

Yeah, I was... You should check out the Patreon this Sunday. We're doing the Uno Reverse on... Bluejay. If you want something. Everybody says this is sort of like a fascist grift. Yes. People are saying that.

Call me Pusolini, you know what I'm saying? Call me by your name. But if you want a woke show... What was Mussolini's first name? Andrea. Benito. Benio. Benito's a great name.

Benito Andrea Mussolini. Benito Pusolini. That's me, dude. I'm Benito Pusolini. Joseph Robinette Biden. Benny Pusolini. There was somebody else that had a fucking... Richard Gears middle name is Tiffany.

That's awesome. Yeah. And then there's another one I saw recently that was very funny. It was like Stephanie Katelyn, like Rebecca Hitler. Yeah. Devin Booker, NBA star, middle name. Armani. Sick middle name.

That's an awesome middle name. That was my name with Stauffer. The theaters are fucking back, dude. I love... I've had so much fun last week. You love the magic of the cinema. Yeah, dude. When the lights go down.

Big soda. Fucking peanut M&M's. Oh, fuck. My dick just got hard. Just at the concession stand. They're like, that'll be $38.52. Take it. Yeah.

I'm like, go ahead. Run the card. Run the card. It's a business expense. It's a business expense. I'm in media. I'm James Bond. I will be taking $100 worth of snow caps, please.

I'm a podcaster. When's the next James Bond movie coming out? I don't know. Soon, right? Is it still Daniel Craig? When are we getting a new one, dude? We've had Daniel Craig since we were in high school. I think it might be his last one.

I need some new blood to jack off to. He'll be Melissa McCarthy. I mean, Daniel Craig is the best James Bond. Probably, I guess. Yeah, it's Daniel Craig, Sean Connery, then fucking Pierce. George Lazenby. The Lazenby and then Dalton and then fucking Roger Moore is the worst. Oh, Roger Moore is my number one.

Really? Because he's a proper British man. He's classy. I feel like Pierce Brosnan was too late. But when he was young and hot, that would have been a nice piece of ass. I feel like we all like it because the video game was so sick. Video game rocked. Yeah.

And also, by the way, the GameCube James Bond games were awesome, too. I don't remember. I never played any of them. They were fucking good. I just remember Goldman. And you were actually a couple different James Bond. You were Sean Connery for part of it. Wow.

It was pretty fucking cool. That's what they should do. Goldman and 64, man. What a time in history. What a time to be alive. It was. It truly was. And it sucks.

It's like video games aren't like movies where you can... Blitz. Video games aren't like movies where you can go back and... You can't return to it. It's over forever. Goldman sucks dick. Sucks hard cock. Did you try to play that shit now?

I played through the campaign because I got that little thing from Ukraine. Emulator. It's not an emulator. It's just a cartridge you can put an SD card in. Sounds like an emulator, bro. It's not because what an emulator does is it emulates... My dick in your mouth. And you love it.

Fucking idiot. You've heard his feeling stuff. Good. Fuck him. Why? Why? Why? Why?

Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?

Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?

Now I... Sorry. You feeling better, man? Yeah, my parents are divorced. You're not getting back together anymore. Yeah, sometimes I just get into... You've got to do that. .. such a dark zone.

A lot of people, they don't know what it's like. You're in a lot of pain. Honestly, the number one song for that is Papa Roach. The beat and what it was. How my life end the pieces. Suck my dick into pieces Oh, what's this? This is trippy, man. This song's actually sick. This is pretty good.

I have a little dick! My dick is small! I can't get hard! I can't be small! Let me suck a dick! I'm gay! Should we move back to Maryland and start a band? I'm fucking gay! We should definitely start a Maryland.

Maryland hardcore metal band? Yeah, I would love that. I'm gonna start this song. Why you get my dick sucked? That's what they seem back up. Yeah, yeah. Live at Maryland Death Fest, fag! To PHAG.

Yeah, we should be PHAG. PHAGGE. With an oom lot? Oom not over every single letter. Fag, it rants headlong. I push my finger into my hands. It's the only way that I can back in town. Oh, shit.

Well, imagine it four minutes ago. Yeah, I was thinking. Four minutes ago, we got cushy dreams. Yeah, imagine that. About four minutes ago, we started smoking cushy dreams. And it was so good that we forgot. And it's kicked in fully. Cushydreams.com

It's the only thing that gets me sort of high. Legal CBD. It's just like real weed. Promo code, come down. Or come down 20. Cushydreams.com It's some of the best CBD in the whole goddamn market. But it's premium flour.

It's the good shit, bro. It's not fucking oil. What are you fucking a baby? You drinking oils, you're drinking gummies. Smoke the stuff. Smoke the good shit like a hard dick. It's all like the people that were in the Cultural Revolution. They were smoking pans.

Yeah, nice, bro, right? Yeah. Get your fucking CBD, bitch. Get CBD now. Officially sponsored. Official sponsor of Godsmack. Sully from Godsmack's favorite brand of CBD. You guessed it. Cushydreams.

And that's how he landed the plane. You've never seen my dick. Don't say it's mine. Anyway, so, yeah, CBD, what do we get? They got four straight and five four straight. They got tons of different flavors. They got hustle, peace, fucking dream, create. Energy hustle.

It's the good shit. Gay conversion therapy. If you want to be like me and live in a gay conversion van. That's what I'd do. I tell people, yeah, I do gay conversion. I got a gay conversion van. You drive around town and we fuck each other. Yeah, I get all these people trying to fucking turn there.

It's like a gay bang bus. Yeah, you see a guy just hitchhiking on the road. Afraid, scared, doesn't know where he is. Some hot 19-year-old who's parents want him to be straight so he can go to college and not do gay shit. You're like, don't worry. You get a shirt and it's got a middle finger on it so it says convert this.

The crucifix jammed into an ass. Yeah. That's right. Yes, that's awesome. A big pair of butt cheeks and you can get that at cushydreams.com. And you go and actually cushydreams.com loves gay shit. You, is it C or K? KUSHYdreams.com.

Check this out. They got the 10s, the nitro-sealed 10s with an eighth of weed in there. Or you can get the pre-rolls. The pre-rolls, the half-gram joints that come in a little... I love the half-gram joints. A little busted buster pack. I love the half-gram joints. And then they got the vials, the science vials with the fucking blue blunt.

The full, the full-gram joint. And they are all fentanyl free. Fentanyl laced. All of you will die. Laced up with fentanyl. They also sell fentanyl that you can dip your... Try to take your CBD pre-roll joint and dip it in a little bit of mercury. You can ride the quick silver.

I like dipping it in femaldehyde, put it in the microwave and then sparking that shit up. Spark, spark it up. Spork it up. Yeah, if you dip it in mercury, you'll be able to tell the temperature perfectly after you smoke that shit. There's a movie called Mercury Rising about an autistic boy that Bruce Willis needs to help him get high. He jams his thermometer up his ass and you watch his dick get hard. Yeah, starring Brittany Grimes. And he goes, oh, Biscay, up, oh, Biscaydeo's motherfucker.

What are you doing now? Another piss? He's going to the bathroom for the fourth time. You started the episode pissing. And he shut the doors when he started shooting. So listen, what you're going to want to do is go to cushydreams.com, use promo code COMTOWN. Actually, maybe pause the God smack while we... Go to cushydreams.com, promo code COMTOWN, and get 20% off your next order,

whether that's fucking the eighths, the joints, whatever the fuck it is. You're going to love this high quality motherfucking CBD, it's going to suck your fucking cock right off its handlebars. My dick is fucking small, I'm sully, my dick is gay. My dick is small, I'm gay. I feel bad about leaving for the last 20 seconds, so I can all admit what I had to do. But I felt like I needed an extra wipe. Your ass cheeks were dirty and you could feel it sitting down. I feel like you're sitting there shitting my $700 chair.

I'm sitting in a camp chair from... No, this is an Eames chair. No, it's not. Because I'm going to neems you to suck my dick. That's so true. He is going to neems you to do that. That's awesome, dude. Thanks, man.

Just chill out for a minute. This is fucking... This is vibe, dude. Just chill out for a minute, bud. My dick is small. Look up the sponsor for the next show. I can't do this. This really is the Monday Rock fucking block right now.

I really do love Stone Temple Pilots, so I can't... Yeah, we're not just... Suck in on a man's dick cuz I'm gay. I wanna taste the same air. I'll push my fingers into my ass. Real quick, between ads here, I wanna say, come watch a live show. We got Funny Moms every Monday.

That is not the first Monday of the month. And then we also... They've been really fun, guys. They've been fun so far. Tomorrow, Thursday, I'm hosting Pantheon, a show at the Bell House. We got Joe Parra, Sydney Washington. We got Chris Rock is gonna be on the show.

Go check that out. And then... Chris Rock from the new song. He's there, yep. Black people are white people. Chris Rock will also be at Union Hall in the 22nd, where I will be with Ian Fydance. And also, most importantly, Rochester,

I'm doing a weekend of shows there from the 17th to the 19th, The Rock. The first time on the road, please come out and suck my little fucking prickadel. We would love to fucking have you, folks. That's Bill's country right there. And then also, Fat Tuesday is the last Tuesday of the month. But a lot of good shows coming up.

Thanks to everyone that's been coming to Funny Moms. And again, patreon.com.com. Slash Chris Rock. And check out patreon.com. Slash Stone Temple Pilots. Go to Stavi.biz, by the way. For all that stuff, I forgot to say. Yeah, you should check that shit out.

Maybe rewatch Cheers. Yeah, you should go to Stavi.biz. Or rewatch Cheers. Either one of them. Thanks for listening to the podcast. If you're having an all right time with this, maybe check out that fucking show. Taxi.

Taxi's good. Danny DeVito. He's a little fat guy. Oh, my God. Danny DeVito. You got Danny DeVito. You got fucking... Judd Hirsch.

Judd Hirsch. You got... What the fuck is... Celine Dion. Mark. Mark. No, no, no. You don't have Mark?

No, it's what I call Kaufman. Lenis Plussman. Lenis Plussman. That's an awesome name, dude. That is literally a 70s character actor's name. That's... It's not a weaves. It's not what that shit is.

Yeah, let's figure that out. What is going on with the weaves? There are a lot. That's the response to that. Yeah. You remember that? Yeah, it's awesome. I love that the dog pound response.

Yeah, yeah. Arsenio, dude. Dead move. I remember being like, damn, I want to be in an audience. Yeah, dude, I want to be doing the hood. I want to be in a cool audience. I want to be in an audience where I get to boo teenagers that don't listen to their parents. I had a friend whose dad was so racist.

He slapped his son when he saw him doing the who, who, who. He was like, no, black people do that. We were like, what the fuck is wrong with this guy, dude? Oh, it was... I've mentioned him before. He's a good old Haralimbos. Whoa. He was the guy who said...

Wait, so this motherfucker's named after a gorilla. And he's gonna... Geronimo? Haralambi was his name. Harambo most. Yeah, Harambo most. Yeah. I hope Brandon Wardell's doing okay.

It is the fifth year anniversary. It's way more. It's like eight years, dude. No, I think it's five. Oh, Brandon Wardell, of course, of the dicks out for Harambo. Right. That's what I'm saying. I hope he's doing okay.

I know it's an important gorilla to him. Yeah, I check in on him because I'm like, what's he doing now? Brandon's in a movie now. Yeah, he's like famous. He's in Vancouver shooting a movie. Shout out to our boy Brandon. What's he shooting? A half Asian twink's volume six.

Yeah. He's in the hangover seven. He's getting his ass blown out right now. Yeah, he's doing well. Dude, is twink a slur? No, right? Twink? Yeah.

It's just a term. Maybe it's an identity? Well, it's like a slur for Taiwanese people. No, it's not. Yeah. If you're being specific, because you do want to respect the geopolitical boundaries of mainland China. To me, that's...

It's when you want to be racist against a Han Chinese, but also respect their sovereignty. Right, right, right. Okay. So I'll stop using it then if that's the case. But if you're a Beijing fan, then it doesn't matter. Right. Because they don't even acknowledge the existence of twinks. They're like, we're all...

No, they don't say that. We're not that. But if you had to, use the CH one. Don't we use the TW one? That's very funny. What type of soda is that? It's a Cherry Cola Zero. Did a Cherry Cola Zero in there?

Yeah, dude. Fuck. Can I have a sip? No. Oh, damn. I always miss out on the diet. They had a couple, dude. Go get there.

Honestly, though, I don't really like it as much as diet. Cherry Cola Zero. No, it's the same thing. You get a little... It's not the same thing. Diet Vanilla Coke. Diet... I love Vanilla Coke.

The best of all of them is that you can find like that. No, fuck you. I give you a sip of my ice coffee. Yeah, but you didn't ask me if I wanted anything. Remember? We litigated this on the Patreon. We already litigized it. You can have some.

I just wanted to say... But don't put your lips on it. Oh, waterfall. Waterfall it. Or better yet, pour it into your cup. It's got water. I don't care. No, I don't want it.

Drink the water. I'll drink my water. I don't want it. You can have some. You do want it. Don't fucking lie to yourself. I just want to try it. You know what it tastes like, motherfucker.

You don't want to try it. You want something. I don't know Cherry Coke Zero. You do know it. What do you mean you don't know it? I don't know Cherry Coke Zero. Wow. Wow.

You said you were going to waterfall it. You put your fucking DSLs right on that, motherfucker, dude. So you're admitting I have nice lips? No. I said you could take sucking lips. What a clever play by Adam to ask to borrow the soda to drink it in a roundabout way to get you to admit he had nice lips. Yeah.

It was all chlorine. He did drink. He did put the entire bottle. I don't really have an outlet for this. I'll just go ahead and say it. But the other day I was saying, what do they call Ocean's 13 clams casino? It'll be Ocean's 8, sorry.

That makes a lot more sense. I was confused. I was like, I don't get it. Whichever one, the bitch one. The bitch one was clams casino. That was not that good a movie. Have you ever ordered a clams casino? It's delicious.

No, I've never had a restaurant. I've had it made. What do you mean you've never had a restaurant? I've never had clams casino at a restaurant. You've made it yourself? I've had other people have made it for me. Interesting. I can do Easy Mac.

I can do fucking hot dogs on the stove. Yeah, I was going to say clams casino feels like a little bit above your... They're just baked clams with fucking sour cream and shit. I still think you would fuck it up, man. Just crush up a bunch of nuts, sour cream and onion chips. You would put like fucking tuna in the blender and eat that shit. Yeah. You can't do clams casino.

I can do clams casino. No chance. First of all, what I would do is I would put tuna in the blender with hot sauce and mayonnaise. Not just tuna in the blender. And then you make a paste. God damn, that sounds so fucking horrible. The fucking pictures you would send in that era if you're eating were hilarious. Yeah, because at some point it's like, let's just see how bad I can...

Yeah, you were eating like truly shit that they would be in prison. Like if you made that in prison, you would get fought if they saw you eating that. Because it was mostly prison ingredients too. It was like beef jerky and shit. Stop, if you went to prison, would you be the guy that got really good at cooking? I would do fine in prison. Like I would love to stop and do great in prison. He'd just be half a bowl and he wouldn't have to do shit.

He'd just sit at one of the cafeteria tables and then people would come over. He'd hold court. They'd give him bread in exchange for, you know, like podcasting. I would get ahead from like the cutest guys too. I would become gay. I don't know, dude. There's some big guys in prison. They wouldn't want to fuck me, dude.

But compared to the big guys, you're like a lot shorter than them. But I don't know if you'd be at the top of the pecking order. First of all, you would 100% be at the bottom. So let's not fucking talk about that. Yeah, we're not debating that. We all know that. Adam would flee to Israel and they'd refuse to extradite. Yeah.

Yeah. Classic Meyer landscape. Yeah. Too bad we'd get you in the fucking airport, bitch. I would execute you. Yeah, I think I could do okay in prison. Just that video of that stewardess getting KO'd. No.

Some bitch punch her in the face. Jesus Christ. Really? Yeah. It's pretty cool. I haven't flown yet. I'm not flying. When I go to Rochester, I'm taking the fucking Amtrak.

Oh, nice. It's going to be nice. How long is that? Like nine hours? No. Six and a half. Yeah. Wait until there's delays, pal.

Yeah, wait. You're used to the beauty of the northeast regional. You're not ready for real Amtrak. Really? Yeah. Literally just for criminals. You should take the Erie Canal up there. That'd be cool.

What's the Erie Canal? Some shit. I'm taking the fucking train. I just told you. I can't ride. I can't drive the train. Get on a river boat up there off the Hudson. That would be fucking annoying if it's nine hours.

But at the end of the day, I like the idea of taking the train up there. Reading a book. Doing some work. Yeah. Trains are nice. Yeah, they are, aren't they? Smooth sailing. Smooth operator.

Or should I just rent a car, maybe? I guess I could fly there. Don't you have a car? I don't know. Driving. Oh, you popped all the tires again? No, I've never done that. Yeah, I did.

First of all, I've never done it. You remember you sat down all four and popped it once. How would that happen? I'm one man. Even if I'm a fat man, it's not. That's what it is. God damn. 15 times that's half.

There are much fatter people than me that ride in cars. Okay, what if two small people that weigh about the same as me got in a car? Impossible. Well, I'll tell you what, mybookie.ag. Oh, it's time to bet, folks. It's time to bet. It's time to bet unless you're gay. Mybookie.ag.

That's so funny, yeah. That is a little fine print that we have to... That was part of the conflict. We've been getting in trouble because all our fans have been betting and they're like, oh, this doesn't... They're getting rejected and we didn't know why, so... Yeah, you're breaking the law if you're going... Sorry, guys.

But.ag, a lot of people say what is.ag stands for. It's a type of company that only exists in Switzerland, which is where they set it up so that they can do offshore betting completely, sort of legally. Yeah. It stands for Mybookie.anti-gay. Yes. Mybookie.ag is something about Antonio Brown. Antonio Brown is on the way.

We got the NBA playoffs going on, folks. We got big playoff action. We got the Lakers locked in against the fucking Suns. Who's going to win? Who's going to lose? It depends on the AD. The AD is hurt. Is he going to come back?

He's probably sitting out the next game. Are the Nets going to get it? Mybookie offers competitive odds on everything, better odds than Vegas, I think. Yeah. You have big time, much better odds than Vegas. What critics are calling big time odds, they offer super spreads, super spreaders, point buckets. Yep.

Three... Live in-game wagering. Live in-game wagering. And you can bet on the election. Double down, split, shake downs. Triple double down, double shake downs. Shake down, money touch, fuck offs. Money touch souffle.

Omaha. They got the triple Omaha's. They got the Omaha biscuits. They got a big old pair of butt cheeks you can lick. They call it the Omaha biscuit. That's right. Especially. It's kind of like the Apollo where you rub the tree stump for good luck.

You lick the Omaha biscuits for good luck. Country gravy that comes out of a statue of a golden bowl with its penis exposed. Oh yeah, the cock is nice too, by the way. And it goes all over the eggs Benedict that you must bring. It's just a reminder that the eggs Benedict... Crucial element. B-Y-O-B-E-G-G Benedict. And other than that, the country gravy is free, comes out of the bowl's penis.

Fully available at mybookie.ag, home of... Straight gambling. Sex gambling. Sex gambling. Straight sex gambling. Home. It's the absolute home of the Swiss moneymaker special. Oh yeah.

And by the way, you're guaranteed to make money, by the way. You're guaranteed. 100% guaranteed. Or you get your money back. You get a bonus when you sign up. That's a real part of the copy. You get a bonus and you sign up. They'll match your deposit up to $1,000.

Then that's free money. In credits. In irredeemable credits. Yeah, they will never... You're not allowed to take it anymore. But you can keep betting them. You can keep betting them. It's sort of like, if you've lost a lot of money in Bitcoin recently, you want to check out my bookie.

Yeah, you want to go to the old-fashioned style of gambling. Because it's like Mark Twain always said, your luck doesn't turn around until you start betting even more money. Bet more. That's right. Take out a mortgage on your house. Interest rates are low right now. Money's cheap. What you want to do is lock in a low interest rate.

Bet all the money on sports gambling. With our friends at mybookie.ag. Get a government loan. Don't pay it back. Fuck the government. Fanny May can suck my Stavey Cock. Fanny May sounds like a fucking niny. Sounds like a niny.

Get them. Get the ass, Nick. I did, I believe. You did, my friend. Freddie Mac was that Bernie Mac? Yeah, so true also. Stop trying to steal my... I was on a roll there.

I shouldn't have stepped on you. I said, Fanny May, it sounds like a fucking niny to me. That was better. That was a really good roll. That was better, I'm sorry. They call it the high roll drifter. Listen, I'm cool. Available only at mybookie.ag.

Only at mybookie.penis. Is it website review? The power is in the control. That's absolutely correct. And so you go there, do you use a promo code? Use promo code, come town or come town 20. For the deposit match or some shit? No, they give you some kind of...

I think they give you like $5,000 or something. If you're a listener of our show, you get 5Gs on the house. You know what? Tell them come town. Grottis. Well, I'll tell you what, because I know from the B2B side, is that of all the semi-legal sports betting websites that we have had the displeasure of knowing.

Mybookie.ag is the only one that's actually paid. From a conducting business standpoint, they have scratched the bare minimum. And we can't offer any more of a ringing endorsement than that. That sounds pretty good to me. They seem to be on the up and up with not just going out of business. At the very least, they won't stiff the podcast they advertise with. If you sign up with promo code XXXX,

mybookie will match your deposit halfway up to $1,000. Huge. That's free money right there. That's mybookie.ag promo code XXXX. Probably come town. Remember what company had come as the promo code? That was awesome. They just chose come.

Respect to them. That was an early one. They never advertised again. I remember that. Well. Whatever happened to that boot company that we accused of raping children? There's something to do with the Holocaust. It is promo code is come town.

There you go. I found the copy from years ago. Awesome. And tell them we sent you. Tell them we said. When you're sucking off the country gravy bullcock, let them know come town sent you. And let them know come town sent you.

And also tell them that, tell them they're gay. Should we go to a fucking casino? I'm mad that you, I'm mad that I thought for a second that you and Stephen went to go shoot guns in Jersey after I suggested it. No, no, no. Stephen went to see his dad. Yeah, but for a second it looked like you guys. No, I was in Vermont and I inspired one shop. What happened?

But I'm still. I think he's still holding on to it. I'm choosing to believe. It was scary. That I was. Disrespected. I would love to go shoot and maybe look less gay doing it. No, you'll never, you'll never will.

Yeah. No, guns are like classic cars. You always look like a fag. Yeah, I think so. No matter what. I had a lot of gun fags on my Instagram mention saying that I was holding the gun the gayest way. And then a lot. One of the guys was an adult wearing.

The nice thing about that. Beautiful. Nice thing about those guys. Like you fucking pathetic loser. Nice thing about that guys. You can almost be guaranteed that some of them will actually kill themselves. That's true. Which is nice.

Either accidentally or on purpose. Well, listen to me. You're killing yourself and you're gay. God. I don't. Yeah. Die doing what he loves. Karate.

Mm hmm. Well, if, if you die in an embarrassing way, you could throw, throw the Gion. Like if you guys die, I'm going to put you in a Gion. I'm going to say you were defending me against ninjas. Yes. And that's a hero's death, even though you probably killed yourself. The guy from California being like, yeah, I'm gay. I'm gay.

I'm gay. I'm gay. And this is my husband. His name is gay. And I'm gay. We're gay with each other. So funny that the guy's name was gay. Who's name was gay?

That guy gay. Thelisse, the writer. Oh, I was thinking about the name guy, which is gay. If it's French, right? Yeah. But then if it's California. Gidemopoulson. He's a gay.

He's a French. California. And if you're gay in California, you're gay. Right. And they're just doing whatever the hell they want the language. It's really funny that that lady is so true. And it pisses you off, huh? It makes me mad.

Because you're a purist. As a New Yorker. Let me tell you. Sure. There's nothing that boils my blood. Yeah. Quite like a bunch of Armenian pieces of shit. Okay, we're going to blame them.

Yeah. Wow. You think it's them? Hearing from old Kurt or Rooney Dooney. I'm not a Kurt. No, Kurt. Kurt is calling my friend. No, his real name is Kurt.

I thought you were accusing me of being Kurdish. Because we're talking about our own. There are people without a nation. Much like the Palestinians. Solidarity with the Kurds. Yeah. I remember last like two years ago when it was like, Trump abandoned. He's abandoning the Kurds.

Like dumb thing online. Yeah, we never. It's like, all right. No, we've never hooked the Kurds up. What am I supposed to care about Trump abandoning the Kurds? No. First of all, if you really cared about them, you wouldn't call them that. That's their name, dude.

No. Kurdistan is where they're from. I refuse to believe that. It does it just because it rhymes with turds. Kurt is cool. I didn't even think about that. Yes, you did. No, I'm blind.

That's the first place you thought of. No. You didn't think of that, Nick? It seems like something you would have thought of. Aren't they, don't they beef with the Turks? I had to say, if like imagining like a solidified turd made out of cum, solidified cum, what would it be called? I guess you could say that.

It would be called the Kurd. See, you're the one who brought the cum element. I was just saying, well, that's where the cum comes from. Well, I think it's funny and I'm tired of pretending it's not, Murray. You can't say that, Joker. You can't call them cum turds. Or what's going to happen, Murray? You're going to cancel me?

You're going to fuck my ass, Murray. Are you going to get me fired from being retarded, Murray? Dude, Joker 2. So what, Joker? Just because you're retarded and you get money from the government, you think you could say slurs? That's exactly what I think. What's that?

They're making Joker 2. Joker 2, brother. Todd is back. Todd's back. Todd Phillips is fucking back. Friend of the show is Todd Phillips. No. He hates you.

No, he's a friend of... He hates you. Turd Phillips. He's not a friend of the show. He does hate you. You know what I remember? That lady's... That lady named C.C. Peniston.

That's awesome. Yeah. I forgot about that lady. Yes, that's not to hurt. She's pretty fucking tight. That song she made is pretty good. Also, I guess they found out today that the girl from the Dry Blowjob video... Ellie Kemper?

Ellie Kemper is in the KKK. What? That's not real. No, she did a dance. She did a racist dance 35 years ago. Yeah. She did? Yeah.

Something like that. I guess she's rich from St. Louis. They had like a rich people's ball where they picked the hottest teenage girl that they... All the rich people want to fuck and she was that. And everyone says that she's racist now. But honestly, personally, I would still fuck her. That's the kind of guy I am. That's the kind of gumption I've got.

The forest gumption. The forest gumption. Yeah. But I'm always saying... What if I told you I was... Everybody hates me because I'm an Adam Lanza type of retard instead of a forest gum type of retard. That's not why they hate you, Joker.

You're annoying. You're annoying and you're kind of gay. Nobody would have a problem with you killing those Wall Street guys if you'd stop doing that thing with your shoulder. We think it's actually pretty cool. Everyone here would be on your side if you weren't wearing makeup and doing that weird thing with your shoulder. I hope he gets...

I guess... I hope there's a Harley Quinn type. There's this thing... Every movie that comes out is like media dorks will be like, this is Girl Joker. If it's like a movie with a girl. Yeah, people love saying that. Well, they like that because it works no matter what because every movie now it has to be... The women movies have to pass the Bechdel test.

But real women in real life don't. So it is sort of this anti-hero psycho fantasy to imagine a woman whose entire life isn't dictated by her relationships with men. That's true. So no matter what... Even if it's like the bitch that works at the newspaper, if most of it is her, I'm going to decide what I want for lunch. You know?

Right. Crazy. Absolute psycho. If she's not thinking about cockies, she's the Joker. Any woman that's not trying to get stuff up. That's my film criticism. Yeah, I'm with you, bro. Like this Cruella thing.

I don't know what it's about. But I guarantee you she's a bitch. Yeah. I can guarantee you that. Amen. Right now. Apparently, Dalmatians killed her mom, and that's why she hates Dalmatians. Oh, her mom got fucked.

Got by some Dalmatians. They fucked her to death. Gang bang by Dalmatians. Yeah. Who plays the two British Stooges that she has from... I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

Your boy. Your boy from... Benedict Cumberbatch? No, no. Your boy from that Clint Eastwood movie with the fact, Security Guard. Oh, Richard Jewel. He's in that. He's in Cruella.

That guy's cool. Yeah, he plays one of the buffoons. I think so. Yeah. Oh, so that you answered the question. Cruella, how was wondering if maybe we could get some pussy from you? Miss Cruella. Joker, do you think maybe you and this Cruella bitch could give each other pussy and then

you could be normal? But I don't want to be normal, Murray. I want to be a fucking weirdo. But think about how good it would feel to get your dick sucked. I guess it would feel pretty good. I guess. What do you get when you make a weird retard? Fuck a dog-killing lady.

You get the summer event of the summer directed by Lin-Manuel Murray. Honestly, I do firmly believe if we gave... If more people got pussy, there'd be fewer problems in the world. Yeah. If Lin-Manuel Miranda weren't being... Dude, if that guy got pussy, we would never have to hear his fucking gay-ass musicals. Yeah. I think...

I am Alexander Hamilton. My dick is fucking small. Yeah. I don't think that's in the musical. It is. No, it's not. It's the Adam Friedland chapter. And also, just because he's bad doesn't mean all musicals are bad.

Here's what I have to say to that. If you want to see a good musical about Puerto Rican culture, you see West Side Story. Yeah. Or Carlitos' Way. Carlitos' Way is the best musical. I would watch a musical version of Carlitos' Way so fast. My favorite line from that movie is when Al Pacino is like, When they saw my Puerto Rican ass cross.

That's actually the monologue at the very beginning, right? Yeah. Yeah, he ruled, dude. He played Carlitos' Way and then... Girl! I love when he fucking... He plays with his family. Scarface.

I never heard anyone to get pussy from a woman named Gale. It's funny, but... That was the love of his life. But Al Pacino. Yeah. Yeah. He should have killed... What's his name?

Billy Blanco from the Bronx. Benny Blanco. Benny Blanco from the Bronx. Yeah. I love... When I was like 13, I loved that movie. Sean Penn. He's a fucking incredible movie.

Sean Penn's hair is the best. Yeah, he rules. Kleinfeld, the best. Yeah. Oh, he's a great... He's a great character. He's so good. And then they had him in Vice City.

Yeah. Yeah. Dude, when I fired up Vice City and they had Kleinfeld from... Probably that's why I was like, oh, we're in for it, dude. That's one for that movie. Dude, where the fuck is the next Vice City? That pe... They'll never...

No, there's gonna be a new one. Yeah, but it's not... It's gonna suck, dude. I hadn't known. Grant, I thought it was not been fun since... No, the last one was good. It just hasn't come out in a long time. Six or whatever.

Five. Five. The one with three characters? That's five. That came out eight years ago. Eight. It was a long time ago. Nine years ago.

Well, they came out with Red Dead after that. Four was better than five. Is that the one with the guy in Niko? Niko Bellic. Yeah, the... I like... But I don't know, five was good. It's fine.

I literally... I've been playing it for the last nine years and I'll play like three missions... Yeah. Each, and then I get fucking bored of it. But yeah, you play the games for real, bro. I just like to fucking get exploding bullets and fuck people up. Yeah. Red Dead is a million times better.

And the original was, too. I remember when the original came out. I was like... Yeah. Like, honestly, I just want to fucking update a version of Vice City. Make it the exact same game with good graphics. Yeah, just make it us. Just make it Miami.

And make us the main guy. Make me the main guy. Make me and you and you. No. No, you don't have what it takes. Why do you want to tell you... I was being generous. We should have...

We should have a radio station on the new Grand Theft Auto. Yeah. Come on, guys. Let's make it happen. Let's make that happen so we can quit this fucking show, dude. Rockstar, please. I'll suck your cock. We do one 30-hour episode.

That would be incredible. We get all the drugs we want. And by the way... That's right. And by the way, folks, if you're like, oh, cool. An extra... Like, extra content, no. No.

You're getting that. That's going to be... The final episode. That's the last ones we ever record. We will portion it off one hour. And then anytime anybody listens to even a second of the show in the game, one million dollars. Right? Yeah.

I guess for that money's gone. Liposuction for Stavros. I don't need that. I like my body. And we're going to do it behind his back, literally. Yeah. To piss me off. And it'd be very funny if Stavros walking around, he doesn't...

He's just like a thin man from the back. Yeah. And he doesn't see it. There's just like a weird gradient where he just becomes much fatter as... I would be pissed off if you guys snuck into my room, gave me a little liposuction every, like, week or so. And I was doing really good with my diet. A little anesthetic in your sleep apnea mask.

Yeah, dude. How's that? You still have the CPAP machine? Yeah, dude. Yeah. I'm going to live forever. That's what... Look, a lot of fat motherfuckers die off that shit.

Yeah, that's true. I thought about trying it out myself. You should. Seriously, that's... When people just fucking die out of the blue, it's a lot of time because of that shit. Really? Yeah, because it's like... Imagine your body just getting like two hours of sleep at night, basically.

I don't snore. It doesn't necessarily mean... I have... Basically, I'm like trained for infiltration. Yeah. And it's been nice. Yeah. You sleep still.

That's why I don't smell. No one's ever smelled like that. Yeah, that's so true. You know, it's like Ronan, sort of a... I feel you. Ninja kind of... No, actually. You have none of that.

I was waiting for you to... Even attempt... Yeah. No. Actually, what you are is a blown-in. A blown-in? Because you suck, guys. Oh, I'm a blown-in?

No, because I've been blown-in. No, no, no, no. Yes. You're a blown-in. Yeah. I've got it. A blown-in does the blowing. No.

He doesn't... He doesn't get blown-in. You haven't even seen Ronan. Yes, I have. Yeah, well, what color is it? Fucking boathouse it. I don't fucking know. No, no, because that's a fake question.

I know that at least that's a fake question that they try and get. What's his face? Sean Bean. What color is the bathroom at the retarded school? There's no house. It's blue, Murray. I know it's a trick question. There's no fucking house.

And I blew you. That's a good joke, Chuck. Stop telling everyone that joke. I tried America. I sucked Murray's dick before the show. He's gay like me. Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up.

Murray kills him. Murray kills him. Murray kills him. Murray kills him. Murray kills him. Murray kills him. Murray kills him. Murray kills him.

Murray kills him. Murray kills him. That'll be a funny movie. I might be doing for a Joker rewatch because we saw it. I liked it in theaters. ou-aja-joker-re-watch. It was fun and theaters. Yeah.

And then, I put it on again at home like six months later, and it wasn't doing well for me but it might be time. Yeah, I've only seen it that one time. Yeah, I don't really feel like I need to rewatch it. I'll see you the second one but... There is not a second one. It literally is. There is?

Yeah, it was fun. I wasn't joking. There was because I was doing Murray. No, no, I'm not that weak Wait, so Ellie Kemper did a racist dance. No, no, she was at a racist dance They found pictures of her sucking my cock some years ago Because Because Nick's penis looks retarded They thought she was raping a retarded boy because it looks it looks small. They're like Ellie Kemper raped a baby retard

It's got a helmet in a backpack This is a little propeller at the top All right, bye