The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. 263 – cruella summer

Episode Date: June 10, 2021

hey do u guys think stav would fuck cruella

well sir well sir you may you may know this is a show this is a show about nothing this man doesn't even have his fucking is nothing look at this fucking guy Adam's just on his phone where the show has started motherfucker and no headphones come on dude how little fucking professionalism I'm sorry Adam Adam does pro bet pro bethanylism like a woman reacts like a prostitute named Beth per bethanylism pro bethanylism pro bethanyl I would fuck a prostitute named Beth Adam hand me that I've been drinking pro bethazine pro bethazine no you haven't it was the AC remote this one

this is the one you want these fire hook crackers are a shout out to the fire her corporation I like the rosemary put them somewhere because if I have one of God's done they're addicting bullshit I mean this is what they were eating you know back in the Judean times mm-hmm back in the days of King Solomon where you couldn't have 11th bread the Kings of Leon the original Jewish I want to suck dick because I'm gay the Jewish Kings and will you please fuck me Solomon Solomon David Cedric Cedric the n-word say I'm gay and I'm Jewish Bernie made off Bernie made off Mac Bernie made off why was the

Freddie May and Fannie Freddie Mac and Fannie may sound like a black couple from like 1971 yeah that's who it is that's who it is the Jefferson yeah Freddie May Fannie May yeah Fannie May don't you fuck with me Freddie Mac oh Freddie Mac no it sounds like what it sounds like is like like it was like the name of two popular blackface characters mm-hmm you know in the in the days of like not Al Jolson but the borscht bell totally the days of thunder yeah is a thunder never saw that yeah you know a lot of people you know a lot of Jews yeah it's tough being a Jew these days absolutely the anti-Semitism but a lot of Jews are like hey we invented you know psychotherapy and

socialism but we're not we don't often publicize the fact we also invented blackface you didn't invent it you stole it what do you mean we stole it no we from the south from the south we popularize I mean we stole it from black people's faces but we popularize it first of all that's very problematic in the Catskill mountains yeah in the borscht bell just a bunch of Jews laughing at a guy with shoe polish on his face doing song and dance you know that was one of our great inventions we should get cabins in the Catskills it would be nice mm-hmm we should all we should get ourselves genetically modified to look like like

dogs and cats I don't want to be a pig yeah maybe wonder which one of us could be any of us because all of these are fantastical ideas and none of us really look like any of those and would be a good pig I don't want to be a pig what if you replace your feet and hands I don't want hooves what if you had what if you just had hooves so I don't say I don't have yeah but what if you already did yeah you would look like I'm not we're not we're not talking about look like a rightly like pan like one of those Greek with the goats legs have to hold the microphone like this mm-hmm you wouldn't get me a fucking stand hold it

yeah but you have gone through your whole life using your little pig paws to navigate the world so I I don't have them mm-hmm what if you guys had that everything no but yeah we have thought about it okay and one of the ones you love eating pussy right yeah you'd have a snout no you imagine snouting down on a clip on a clip yeah that sounds pretty good honestly I think a girl wrinkling my nose and tickling a clip with my snout exactly but but visually I don't think I want I would want to snout yeah I don't know I'll take a look clear with my current nose I don't have an issue with that just getting in there going

on doing the side-to-side move oh yeah the Humana Humana Humana I don't need to snort I don't need to find that's in a scenario you have to trick a pig into eating pussy by putting a truffle in there so it's snouted out mm-hmm you know you wouldn't even if I had hooves you wouldn't have to fucking convince me to eat pussy yeah and here's my question would women want to fuck me with hooves well your dick wouldn't be a hoove but you know I'd be a freak show it'd be kind of like a spiral is this in a world where some people have hooves it's in a world am I the one guy you're the one guy no it's in a world where other people

I would be I would be some yeah I would be some probably some kind of oh I see I'd be like a flamingo I see how we backed away a flamingo guy yeah that's a long be you stand on one foot yeah I'd stand on one foot the other one up and I have a long beak and you'd be having a snack and I'd use that my I'd be pissed off if you took my snack get some of the snack I would be really pissed off yeah well then I would gracefully fly away with my my egret friends now the egrets wouldn't fuck with you yeah your little gas flamingo ass they would fuck they would fuck they would get sucked off by you respect that I was pink no they

wouldn't yeah they would they would use you as a little pussy you know what you would be used as an even bigger pussy no no egret would fuck me dude cuz I'm basically a man with hooves so I'll just punch them in their fucking stupid bird head well I'm also yeah but they can fly away bite you just a man with long-ass legs long skinny legs and then I turn pink when I have seafood is that is that why they become pink yeah cuz they shrimp they shrimp and they turn pink so if they had a different what if they had like blueberry fago they turn blue we should make juggalo flamingo

juggalo flamingo theme that would be awesome is it the gathering right now is that right I don't think so how about the blathering of the juggalo my god talk tell me about it they won't shut up about about the DSA I bet you getting pussy from a juggalo would be awesome a juggalette a juggalette or a juggalette you want to get a pussy from a guy I guess if he's cute enough I watched somebody went to the gathering of the juggalo and did a video and I you know even though there was something very dirty about a lot of them yeah that's the thing them put them hot ones put them through a spin put them through a

car wash with their pussy out pussy first pussy a car wash pussy first and I'm in I'm fucking some of the juggalettes I saw wonder what the hottest juggalette looks like I bet you there is a smoky a couple smoking juggalettes and if you're out there if you're listening to this and you want to suck a man who doesn't have hooves is cock well he does on a website called the world sexiest juggalette stop on stage and you see he's got the he's got the is that the gathering of the juggalos and he's holding the mic like this the zoos describe it for the people I gotta say these girls aren't too sexy

to me it's not it's how insane they are they're crazy and how they go they go buck wild on a cock is my is my inclination they go like whoop whoop all over your day whoop whoop whoop whoop they're they'd whoop whoop I would love to get my dick whooped whooped and how about juggalos and they're black people that like no no no no no nice try we're trying to look at hot juggalos you think you're gonna sneak that one in there it's like when you fucking you leave a shot you leave some hot dogs out it's like you're grilling and you leave some hot dogs and you turn your back at the dog it's just all over them I remember

because like juggalos they say mm mm fwcl what's that I saw the first time I saw it and I saw a juggalo type it mm-hmm and I my brain was like what's that stand for mad motherfucking wicked clown love Wow and then they're like yes wow I got you guess you're my dude you were meant to be a juggler that was that was like King Arthur getting the sword out yeah but in St. Claude Posse socks I've actually I don't think I've heard a full song they just they're just there I heard that one about miracles what's that stuff you said let's play music I didn't say that there's the one about it's Christian right didn't it

turn out as several albums in the dark carnival series really the message of the dark carnival was to be revealed in the last album and it was and it came out in like 2007 and then they were like it's Christianity y'all the Lord Joker's the kind of shit I'm talking about this girl would be awesome to fuck yeah I mean I'm pretty sure I actually did fuck her before you say it no I did oh yeah yeah yeah oh yeah see not for you all right because you don't know how to get some rough and tumble pussy Adam what are you talking all you get is big city pussy that's so true you only can get pussy in I've gotten truck stop

no no no if you're not in fucking a major metropolitan area your Jewish charms have not have no that is no fucking the Dallas The Dallas Observer.com. There's something called the lovely juggalettes of the 2013 Gathering NSFW right now. Just a few guys. Is the Dallas Observer real? Oh, they observe Dallas. Yeah, there's one of them. How about the Dallas Observer? It's like every, every day the News River comes out and there's one article that's like, yeah, this place is fucking gay. Observation over. Here we go. This is, this is who Adam

blows it with. It's going around. He's like, I think I'm going to fuck a mom. Have you ever, do you know about Criterion? That would be funny. What's up with the clown? Are you guys in like a rivalry with the wringling bros? Have you fun with questions? I don't do a hiss. I don't do a hiss. I don't sound like a balloon. I don't say I'm a man would be the snake. Yeah, the snake. God, whatever that legless lizard is. You know what I'm talking about? It's not a snake. It's just some dumbass lizard doesn't even have a nice cock all over the fucking ground. No, come on. It's a little ass cock. And that's why it evolved to be so small. This is what Adam is. The slow worm. The slow worm. That's

my dick's name, too. Come on, man. I'm cooler than that. Let me see. I'm the coolest one is the flamingo naturally. Well, first of all, I'm not the pig, by the way. Why? I'm the bull. No, I still have hooves, but it's bull. He'll start to use that as a nickname. You can't be the bull. All right. Fine. I'm the buck. Adam can't be a regular snake because that's Lewis. Yeah, I'm not the pig, bro. I'm the okay. How about this? I'm a wild boar. Stavros the pig. Yes, there is. They're unruly. I'm the boss hog. Fine. I'm I'm the boss. Here they go. Then we'll split the difference and we'll refer to you as the common wild pig. No, no, no. Pig is not going to be involved at all. Let's get that. We'll use the Latin

name the sus scrofa. You guys both are the sus scrotums. You're the sus. No, you're sus. Right there. It's not that. I'm a fucking. I'm a wild boar. Wild boar also known as the wild. I'm the fucking warthog. Common wild pig or simply wild pig. I'm not a fucking wild pig. I am wild. I'm a wild pig. Actually, when it comes to the pussy, I'm the wild pig of pussy getting I'm one of those big ass boars with tusks and shit. Yeah, mean I'm a fucked up guy that you don't want to cross paths with. You're a Taiwanese festival pig. If they're cool, then maybe I am. But I have a sneaking suspicion they're not. Oh, trust me. That's the worst kind to be. Well, then I'm not there. They're they're force fed

to be. No, that's not what I am. Here you go. Oh, no, dude, these poor guys. Adam, would you like to see stuff? Jesus Christ, dude, this is fucked up. Yeah, that's you. I'm not that's not me. Here you go. Here's you eating eating at Sarku. No, that's not me. I love Sarku. Look, here he is at Sarku. No, that's a big fucking pig. Okay, I can't really think of what I am. So I'm just going to Google cool animals. Dude, what the fuck is that a real sculpture? No, there's that. That's serious. Good God. Yeah. Wow. Taiwan rules. Cool. It was the coolest part about Taiwan is that it's a part of China. In our opinion. I mean, as a fact, yeah, look at this. Jesus Christ. What? No, that's got to be a drawing.

This is not a drawing. This is stuff that we would chill out with saying that stuff. If you're playing along at home, check out the Holy Pig Festival in Taiwan and then look at the pictures of stuff. I'm a fucking gorilla, dude. No, now you're now you're completely off the mark. Come on, man. We were allowing you wild swine. I'm not wild. First of all, it's wild boar. It's wild boar also known as the common wild pig. No, we're not. It's not also as that. I'm okay. I'm going to Google most powerful boar. And then we'll see what the fuck I am. Yeah, then we'll see. I'm a warthog matter of fact. Do you remember I'm the boss hog? Do you remember warthogs from warthog twisted metal? Oh, I don't know what

warthog was the Humvee. Oh, I'm a rhinoceros. I just realized your rhinoceros guy. No. Yes, kind of colleges. That's the only guy thing that I got a guy. No, sir, a guy, an OB, G Y, an OB, G, Y, and OB, G, Y. I don't know why I helped you out with that one, but it's not it. You shouldn't have because I am firing on exactly one cylinder for the folks at home. My tonsils are swollen. Oh, yeah. I never got second cock on weekend. I never got them removed. You know, the thing that we just do to people Victorian times Adam probably had his tonsils removed. Yes, I did. And what's this like tumor on your face? I have a thing on my chin that I'm getting removed. What is that? It's just my nuts. I thought it was

it for a while. It's my nuts. It's a small. It's a small. And I will remove them when I please. I have a bump on my chin. I'm being I've had a schedule to have it. I've had it like a stye since fucking February or something. This shit won't go away. That sucks, brother. The bump on my life doesn't bother me. Life in the big city. How'd you get it? I think I got it after my mother died. Like from stress? I think so. Yeah. Damn. And then I've I noted. I thought it was a zit. Are you sure it's not just having bad skin? No, no, I asked because you do have a dermatologist. You have a history of horrible skin. I did when I was in high school. I had acne, but no, I went to the dermatologist and she said, yeah, it

could be stress related. And then they shot it with a steroid. And I said, if it shrinks, it got stronger. And it got stronger. Dude, so wait, stress related. You just got a little bump. What if I got really stressed? And my dick kept growing bump by bump. That'd be awesome. Huh? That'd be really awesome. That would be cool, wouldn't it? Like somebody I love dies and my dick gets 1.001 centimeter bigger. That's how it should work. That's how you should. You honestly should get more pain, you know, the bigger your dick should get. Yeah, I feel like that's true. No, because there's some guys. There's some guys that have massive problems and no pain and more pain. I feel the bigger my dick gets. I don't

think that's true. Well, it gets harder, I guess. Yeah, the more pain you feel, you gotta be putting specifically in your asshole, the harder your dick gets. That's what I mean. The deeper the pain inside of your ass gets the harder your dick gets. Famous ICP song. Oh man, I gotta say going through a nude juggalettes, the quality starts to drop off dramatically. There's one girl where there's three pictures of her in that photo series. She's pretty hot. She's massive like the one hot how bad you have to fuck up to be a hot woman to be a juggalette. Yeah, you can just you could just fucking you could just be naked at home. Well, but the thing is, dude, that's even hot women are dumb pieces of shit. You know, it's about

being part of a community. And even even if you're fucking hot as shit, you can still like something stupid as fuck. Mm hmm. You know, yeah, well, I think it's smart. Personally, gathering 2016 crowning Miss juggalette. Oh, do you get to fuck violent Jay and shaggy? Oh, yeah, violent Jay O'Kersen. I mean, not that far off. Just wash the fucking paint off. Yeah. I guess violent Jay is probably not as funny. He's wearing the same clothes. They're wearing style wise, but big J is much fun. Big J is very funny. But he's good at clown rapping. Probably not. So we each have our own skills and talents. Where's some other clown comedians? Uh, me. Pagliacchi. Pagliacchi. Let's think. Yeah, most most of the women

that do comedy. That's right. Clowns. Yeah, they're all fucking clowns. Tell you tell them. Yeah, fucking clown. Put on your fucking red nose. My pussy hurts. Thank you. It was Jay Bozo. Oh, I see. Oh, you want to change people's names? Let's see here. What are fucking clown name? Hold on. Wait. Nice, dude. Nice ripping of the ass. Thank you. Bozo really is just one of the only clown names. Bozo noodles. Noodles crusty crusty. I'll give you crusty. Oh, me. Oh, me. Ronald, Norm MacDonald. Okay, that's quite good. Norm, Ronald MacDonald. Normal. Normal. Normal. Okay. Real quick, I should just mention. I have to piss. Bluetube.com. Oh, thank God. The guys at Bluetube.com is a website selling

the finest. Oh, sexual products. Adam, why don't you tell them about it? Bluetube.com are chewables that are available online. You don't need any in-person doctor visits. What are chewables? Why don't you tell us, for those of us playing along at home. They're two different, they come in two different kinds. It's a lot of fill and it's a lot of fill. Let me ask you something. I'm a regular guy. What the hell are chewables? Listen, you're a regular guy, right? So what are you into? Getting pussy and chewing stuff. Getting pussy and chewing, right? Yeah. And these are instead of pigs' favorite things. I'm not, I guess, I don't, in theory, maybe, but I wouldn't know. So keep going, Adam. These are chewables

that inside of them have the same active ingredients as Cialis and Viagra. To get your goddamn dick hard. To get your dick, and because they're chewable, they can work faster than it's possible. They could. It is a possibility. That is a possibility. And we know you're a professional businessman. You don't have a lot of time in the day. Sometimes you take your Viagra and then the five minutes that it takes to attain an erection might feel a little too long. So why not chew it and blue it, right? Chew it and do it. Oh, I guess maybe, yeah, chew it and do it. Yeah, look. Listen, if you love sex, you're gonna love blue chew dot com. Absolutely. And you listen, you don't have to go to the doctor and say

in person, doctor, my we not don't get home. And then typically when you go in person, the doctor has a job. I collect them now. Oh, yeah. I fired the prescription back up. Just so I was like, let me see how many I can get. Can I have something before you fuck? You have to guess how many there are in the jar. Yeah. And you know, what I what I did for a while, I just took a bunch all the time to just get to just walk around with a hard ass dick. Yeah, it's true. And it feels good. You can get pussy with them or ass or mouth. I like to go or you could just keep your dick on hard at all times to feel the power. I like to chew them and then get a call at the James Bond James Bond. That's true. I like

to chew them and then get asked, you know. Yeah. And then on Monday, I'm back at school. We're all sitting around the, you know, the table. Tyrion. We all tell each other about all the ass that we got. I love gay ass. Yeah. I love getting beaver. No, no, I like getting play, you know, getting some ass. I love chasing muff around. Oh my God. I can't get enough of that sweet pun tang punani. I love punani. I like punani because it sounds like maybe Indian or maybe Hawaiian. Yeah, even one. But what it really is, is that gushy gushy. I like to be. I like to be sitting on a beach. And me and a girl named Keheka Aka Aloha and get some of that sweet pun tang pun tang.

And then make her say her name while she sucks my dick. And she says, and it feels the vibrations feel good. The firestone crackers so I can break one off of my mouth and really, really get real with these people. Firehook crackers, the fire island crackers. The fire is the only it's just just rich with come on. Good afternoon, folks. Where the fire island crackers. Well, we love getting fucked in our asses. We love getting sucked in, suckin' a band stick. I'm fucking gay. It's been 15 minutes since I've seen a penis. And I'm going to kill myself. My heart has grown so sore that my eyes have not lain upon a penis. One is as fine as yours. Boom, boom, boom, boom. The old boardwalk days. Boom, boom, boom.

Let me see your dick, please. I'm going to kill myself. 1920 is probably the pinnacle of being a homo. Oh, yeah. Oh, you could still get killed for it, though, right? Yeah, but I mean, you would just be like, oh, of course I love girls. Yeah, you know, fucking dancing and singing on the boardwalk. People are like, all right, I guess that works. I wonder if there was a regular Jersey boy. I wonder if there was a spike in hate crimes. You're probably right. There's probably some times where it was more chill. Yeah, I think hate crimes spiked in the 40s, but it depends on like how you would you consider a hate crime. Right. Because for some people, it's like, that's just, that's just good science, brother.

Good science. Yeah. 1942 to 1945, I think. Oh, I see, I see, I see, I see. I know. I was thinking more like gay shit. If you want to, if you want to figure out when the best time, you know what I'll tell you, actually, I think is the best time to be gay right now. Because you could go to bluetooth.com, get you and your boyfriend and the 15 other guys in your life that you fuck blue chewables. All the cocks in your life are hard as shit, no matter what, no matter how fat you are, no matter how unhealthy you are. Yeah, everyone that you fuck can have a hard ass dick. And that's the meaning of pride. Happy pride, everyone. And the promo code is Comtown, by the way. And the promo code, by the way, is Comtown.

And you're going to want to do that. You're going to want to log on and get your dick harder than fuck. You can just go to go.bluetube.com. Don't do it. I'm looking out for you. You're right, man. I almost picked up a crack. Put it down. I put it down. Fucking down. Go.bluetube.com. Come on, you know what? I'm going to stop eating after the tail. Okay, you're good friend of solidarity. Thank you, man. I appreciate it. That's that's what socialism is all about. No, I know I know these are these are devilish. They're good. Yes. Go.bluetube.com slash Comtown. That's right. And you tell them that the fucking guys said the fellas say you to get your prick hard the coolest guys in the world. I'm gonna I got a piss. Adam, get off your phone. Nick

needs you. I'm here. I'm here. Nick needs you while I pitch. I was looking for you know I got a wicked throat infection. Yeah, I wonder how you got my dick. No, no, no. You got it from sucking a little bit. Absolutely not. It makes you think like what would Gary Sinise have to say about all this? Lieutenant Dan himself. And he'd say, Hey, Hey, Forest Gump. Did I ever tell you I'm fucking gay? Yeah. I didn't know that. Yeah, I didn't know that was Gary Sinise sound like I picked I was I was driving around the other day and I picked Gene Hackman back up. Try that out for a little bit got very close. Wait, like a gruff kind of ways he's gruff. It's like he talks from he talks from the it's it sounds like it's

coming from the back of his throat, but it's it speaks up here in the front. Do we get that promo code out? Yes, we did. Okay, cool. It's blue two dot com because it's not very easy to turn into your turn on or report like it goes that way too quickly. Yeah, he's a tough one because it's it's distinct. It's you can distinguish it from other ones, but it's tough to it's got like a strain the voice more than anything. Yeah. Have you seen my penis? Yeah, it's not bad. Yeah. What the hell is my goddamn penis? It's Gene Hackman style. It's awesome. I heard a little rip torn. Were you in the bathroom looking at pictures of my penis? Like this kind of stuff. You're gonna want to check out. Yes, pick up a t shirt

where everything we've said on the show will will be memorialized in t shirts. Yep. Everyone I haven't released a new shirt in a while, but the print shop can't seem to keep anything in stock anyways. So now we both now after two years of them being the ones dragging the old feet. I know it's your turn. Now it's my turn to let the business die. Nothing wrong with that brother out of spite. Bad at all. Fuck them. Yeah, fuck them. This is what it's about. The Dodge Brothers. How they're falling out. Yeah, Eric, Eric and Charlemagne. Eric and Charlemagne Dodge. And listen, go to Stavi.biz. You know, maybe I'll have a couple t shirts up there. Maybe some dream to imagine shirts. Maybe I'll start doing political shirts.

You know, and I'm also designing them with some of my famous catchphrases. I want to do a shirt doing the women rarely make history. You should have that picture of you. You should you should do all of those like a picture of you and it says if you go over to someone's house and they don't have books, don't fuck that. Yeah, that's the most obnoxious. Did John Waters actually say that? I think so. Just some offhand comment. Now every like fuck. Yeah, he probably said it in a specific kind of text as a joke. Every gay bookstore, the Strand has that everywhere. And it's like, how about nobody in here gets posted? Yeah, how about you just fucking only don't read books. Watch fucking. I came in here. Watch

commando starring all of Schwarzenegger. I was across the street with modells buying basketballs and I had to come over here to piss. Yeah. So I as soon as I leave here, I'm not reading shit. I'm going back over to modells and fucking first woman walks in and also what does books mean a girl could have fucking like good night moon and babysitters club and I think it refers more to more to men rather than oh to men to other game. There's no reason not to fuck a woman at all. Yeah, no one would ever know. Also not hot. They're like that. That woman was probably the only reason not to fuck that woman killed at nine infants and then sometimes even if now she owns a company that the kidnaps Native American

people and turns them into the glue that makes the that they use in the the they kill black people with the glue. They put they put in the crack in the inner city and her family owns that business and she owns the business right. And she's hot. And on top of that, the last nine people she's had relationships with she's accused of rape and they're in prison. Right. If that woman is hot, definitely have sex. That's a yes. That's the yeah because you said relationships not a guy she fucks once. Exactly. So that's smart. Yeah, that's that's a hell yes for me. That's a hell yes for me. One thing I forgot to say I'll be in Rochester this weekend next weekend the 17th to the 19th. Get your fucking tickets

and yeah, I'll be announcing a tour. So you miss bookies going to Rochester. I'm not going to Rochester named Chester. No, I'll be having unprotected. I will be using a condom when I fuck sweet little twink. Just going to be doing protected sex. I'll be having sex. I'll be having apostrophe. I'll be having condom gay sex with Chester and I'll be doing stand up comedy in Rochester at comedy at the Carlson. You'll be doing it. Go to stavey.biz. Chester will be doing a position known as the garbage plate when you're all Chester. Are you going to allow yourself a garbage plate? No, no. I'm getting I got an Airbnb instead of a hotel so that I could get groceries. A garbage plate that's in Rochester. That's a that's

a regional regional cuisine. Spaghetti with the Cinnabon. That's skyline chili. Spaghetti and chili. Spaghetti with the Cinnabon frosting. Oh right. What you mentioned. But I think I'm going to make I'm going to make spaghetti from scratch. And then you put cinnamon in the dough before you make the spaghetti sounds bad. Then you add shut up. Raisins and raisins and spaghetti and raisins. Yeah. Fuck. It sounds like it's in a spaghetti. Right. It sounds like it's literally like a British dessert. That is a Jewish food called Kugel called spaghetti. It's like a noodle. It's like an egg noodle with cinnamon. There's a you could have a cinnamon raisin. No, you bake it. It's good. It's not disgusting. Well, it's not

fucking spagetti. When I come up with it, you say it's gross, but now suddenly that it's a Jewish. Now it's Jewish. Sounds like sounds like the pig is discovered. Who is the pig? I don't get it. Now the truffle pig. Truffle pig. I'm not. I'm the boss hog has become the pig of the bank. No, I'm the boss hog. You're a truffle pig and the farmer that goes around with you looking for the truffles. The deal. The deal pig. I'm not a deal pig. More me. I guess. Oh, wait. No, no, no. This sucks. What am I thinking of? What's the tasty thing? I'm going to start a website called called deal. Ruggola. Ruggola. That's what that rocks. Ruggola is just a pastry. Yeah. Yeah. Um, yeah, it's just like a pastry

cookie. It's good. Rilla. Also, if that shit's fucking awesome, you guys are into websites and if you like sex, you might want to check out patreon.com slash come town. They already said it, dude. He said come dot town. Oh, true. Patreon.com slash come town where for $5 a month, you can have access to premium episodes. Yeah. Open a website called deal pig and it's already a business that someone's selling. You can buy it for $5,000. $5,000. I could own deal pig dot com. Yeah. How, how fucking website for obese choose fat people that are trying to save money. Couldn't see that's not I'm not a deal pig because I don't give a fuck about money. I let the money fly, brother. We don't like we don't care about

money at all. I let the money fly. I'm going to fucking. I like to buy luxury. In fact, I need new clothes, man. Where should I go to buy clothes? So funny. Look at these people's bodies, the gathering of the draft. Yeah. I'm sure that somebody might appreciate it a bit more. I don't get it. Horrific. They look like shit. You know what, guys? You know what's funny? It's like look at the chair at him sitting in right now. That man is in the same exact chair as Adam. Yeah. That's nice. A camp engineering morpher. I'm off the box. I'm now on a camping chair. I've really made it in life. You're off the boxing and you get no box. I get box. Yeah. How about the blathering of the chuggler? I think

you said that already. Our friends are just fucking decaying. Well, I have a real time. I have a pretty bad infection in my throat and brain. Yeah. And I'm back to eating healthy for the first time. Dude, imagine putting your dick into that area. Whoa. Just fucking like jet grind radio graffiti tattooed over a pussy. But what if her pussy's good? I'm sure it is. It's probably all right. Gushy. It's probably just clown tattoo. She probably has a clown gushy. Honestly, no. Now that I've said it. I want to honk on her click while I fuck her. Yeah, I want to do a little doot, doot, doot, doot, doot, doot, doot. I fuck and the bussining of the inside of those. That's what I'm trying to go to. I'm

trying to get I'm trying to go to the bussining of the inside of those. It's a new festival I came up with. I'd love to go where you're not. You get the women. You got a different role. Oh, be awesome. Rolls and holes. Damn, dude, this is a nice little beach scene. I should have gone to the beach this week. Yeah, I'm trying to get a beach house in late July. I think dude, let's do it. Wait, late July. What about mid July? All right, mid July, whenever Thomas is going to be in town, he texted me. Oh, when is he coming? Well, maybe he'll take Thomas Aquinas. He told me a couple of months ago. He was coming to Thomas of Penis. Who's Thomas? Thomas from Switzerland. Young Thomas. Oh, nice. Thomas. Yeah, the

boy Thomas, the boy. Yeah, I'm going to see him going to a beach. What do you say? He's going to be in town. He texted me today. Gotcha. He said he'd be around. I said I was planning on getting here's also this is this is someone we know, I think. Who is that? Is it someone we know? I don't know. Do you know? I don't know what you're getting at at all. Let me see. I'll show you the picture again and you tell me if it's you or not. Let me stop you right there, chief. It's not me. So you have to answer whether or not. Okay. I see what you're doing. I'm you just have your phone. If you lie, you're gay. I'm not. Well, it's not a picture. Your honor, objection, objection. Look at my phone and answer the question. I'm

not looking. You can't make me answer if I don't look at on the screen presented in front of you. I can't see the picture. It'll ruin it. I can't see. All right. Let me just go to my phone's working. This was my screen. No, it wasn't you switched over. You switched over with some fat guy with some fucking one of those plungers on his tits at the Gathering of the Juggalos. And then when you've pointed to me, you get to your camera and you say who is it? Yeah, it's not on my screen. No, that's not a picture of me. This you say this is not. No, it's not. This is not a picture. It appears to be a picture of you. Stop bro. I can't see it. Looking at my smile. Because you're seeing him. No, that's not

me. You're right. Stop. You really do have hair. Yeah, I do have hair and plungers on your. No, that's not me. That guy's face looks nothing like my face. The fat phobia on this episode is running rampant. It's not fat phobia. We're just saying you're a pig. And then you say I look like an ugly fat guy. No, he's beautiful. He's not. Nice try. No, you don't believe that. I know in your heart, you don't believe that in the context of the Juggalo Gathering, that's the thinnest person I've seen so far. That guy looks pretty good. His face had taken a beating. You know, we're also what would make him look even better is if he was carrying around a rich wallet. Tell us a little bit about that. Rich wallet

is a is a wallet company that's reimagining. It's it's really disrupting the wallet industry by saying what why why is a wallet leather and in the back pocket. This is a metal front wallet. Wallet. Yeah, correct. Pocket wallet. Sorry. They also have a regular wallet to kiss my ass. Yeah, tell your regular wallet. Exactly the fuck off to fuck right off back to you can kiss my off. You can kiss me off. Well, fuck right off. And you can suck my fuck. Throw it away. Suck my dick. A ridge wall. Just tell those other insurance companies to suck my fucking penis. Suck my fucking dick. Suck my fucking penis. Yep. What else do you want to say about it? This is a product that we use and we use. Why use the Chinese

Japanese white white use. I got it right here, pal. So I've got it right here. What? Titanium right? It's a wallet. It's a wallet. You know, if you imagine what the terminator would be. Absolutely. Right. This is what the terminator and guys Adam, you got to get one for it because you I'm telling you how long have you had this stuff? Like a week and you're you're on board. I'm on board. Yeah. I because I you know, they sponsored us right when I like happened to need a new wall between wallets. And I was like, well, I guess I'll use this fucking gay shit. That's what happened to me. I threw my phone. I meant to hit the couch and it actually broke a window. And I broke my phone. I broke my phone because

of the next game. Stopped through a tantrum. I didn't throw it. I was getting my anger out at home. I was getting my anger out in what I thought was a constructive way. And then you had orange slices throwing my phone in a couch. Maybe you had just been looking for truffles. I have no natural ability when it comes to getting truffles. And I was in my queen's apartment. Meanwhile, I was chilling and turning pink. That's my phone. I was turning pink from all the shrimp I was eating. Yeah. And we were looking at ridgewallet.com. Anyway, so I have always been a phone case wallet guy. But I had a broken phone and no case. And I said, well, I got this line around since I got the little dick backpack and I'm still

waiting for the... I'm going on vacation on Friday. I need that backpack. I'm still waiting for my traveler's backpack. I'm still waiting for my duffel bag, which is mine. And I would use it more than the other two people on this podcast. He's always on the go. I did get the worst backpack. So I should get the duffel bag as we've all shown. I'm already keeping my eggs in there. You don't have any eggs. I do have eggs. Here's me on my way to my eggs. You're not a flamingo. You're not as graceful. I'm that graceful. Nope. I'm beautiful. Look at me bringing the sunset. Nope. To the bay. No, you're a little chipmunk. They're always standing in like four inches of water. I'm not a chipmunk. You already agreed that

I'm a flamingo. You're a chipmunk. Hours. You're a chipmunk. I've been a flamingo the entire show. No, you haven't. Yes. You're not graceful. I am graceful. You're not tall. I'm tall and graceful. Nope. In the flamingo. My, my, joire. Is that... Your joire is not that at all. I'm a, I'm a dolphin. No, you're a little... I'm a dolphin. And I can echolocate in. You're the slow worm. You're the slow worm. You're the slow worm. I'm so glad that's... Let me see your ridge. Let me just see it in action. Let me just hold it. You can't hold it. Come on. I'm not going to take your pad. No. So we got, listen, Ridgewall's got a lot of good stuff. I'd love to know what the, you know what, Nick, why don't you give us

a review of the duffel bag that you're using so much. Go ahead. Well, it holds about 15 eggs. Ready to mature. Keeps them warm. You put more eggs. No, flamingo eggs. But you have to imagine that in this world, we're a part animal. I'm like, I basically, a flamingo, but wearing like, what are they called? Spats. And I've got like a, like a, like a thinner kind of suit on. Right. And maybe a little like a pork pie hat or like a 60s G men fedoras. That would look kind of good on you. Yeah. On a flamingo, man. But I'm about five or six times bigger than a regular flamingo. No. So you're about 30 or 40 feet tall. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You laugh at him about bro. He likes he's just a matching. She's

a giant flamingo with a little hat on. Really makes them happy. It's nice. And it's the larger eggs that we take up most of the duffel bag. Right. And it yeah, you know, keeps them warm. I'm ready to see off my offspring. Because as you know, as a migrable bird, so it looks like eggs range in size for about three by two inches and four ounces. I'll scale those up to 3.5 to two inches. That sounds pretty good. So it's a pretty small egg, honestly. Flamingos aren't big birds. Yeah. I wonder what they taste like. The duffel bag is great. The backpack is I love the backpack. Yeah, I like the backpack lots. I like the small little dick backpack that I got. And I'd love to know what the duffel bag was like. Stubbs

got his backpack filled with enough Nutri grain bars to get him out through the day, which is about 87. But they're healthy. They're healthy. They're healthy. It's got Nutra and grain. It's got grain. Rich wallet is actually a joint enterprise between Kellogg's Kellogg's and you else sponsors is sorry is sponsored. No is has it by his own personal volition enjoys the use of the ridge wallet. Let's hear that. Frankie mean is really is according to his Instagram Malcolm himself. Really? Yeah. And he's not paid by them whatsoever. I have no idea. But I were basically we're brothers. Yeah, we're Malcolm in the middle. Yeah, I'm I'm Reese. No, I'm Reese. We're Stevie. No, you're stew. There's Stevie. You already

said you were him. No, I said Reese before you're not Reese. You're Stevie. You're in the wheelchair, except this time you're white. Oh, the black wheelchair kid. Yeah, you don't even get to be the youngest brother. Do we do we that's do we that's stuff and I'm a 40 foot tall flamingo. And a pork pie hat and a little pork pie hat and a suit. That's pretty good. Look, laying eggs. I'm the black kids that black father and I'm getting pussy from he's a nerd, right? Yeah, but I think he gets pussy in one of the episodes. Now, bridge wall dot com will help you get I'm through going through Frank is his fucking Instagram. I don't see a ridge wall anywhere, dude. I think you're lying. Maybe there are girls

that are like, maybe I'm confusing him with a you know, maybe it was a dream I have. It might have been that I'm going all the way back to 2012. I don't see a single ridge wall. You think there are girls that are like, yeah, it was a dream. I had that are like, yeah, I fucked me news this weekend. Yeah, of course, you use fucking Malcolm in the middle. Yeah, but like 2021 just probably woman that did that and she like tells her friends like you're not going to believe who I fucking have no idea who he is. Oh, for sure. And then she's just like, wait, what did I do? And then she was like, I was raped. Right. And he has to go to jail. He has to go to jail. That's probably what happens. Probably happens in

all the time. Poor guy. That was one of the episodes of the show. Yep. He got the girlfriend. I willingly got pussy. He has a girlfriend and she finds out he's a nerd. And she was like, I'm being raped. So he hid the fact that he was a nerd. Mom's like, Malcolm, did you rape a girl at school? What? No, Brian Cranston's like, I don't I don't know. Oh, wow. I don't know who told him to do that. Yeah, I'm naked. Oh, yeah, he's naked. How put your fucking clothes on you fucking. So now I got the tension. I raped this girl. Yeah. And my dad turned retarded. Yeah. Malcolm. Do you think I'm a and that's we've run out of time. Yeah, he's rich, dude. Is he rich? Sure. He's a race car driver for a while.

Nothing got ended. Shout out to page. Now he's a crypto guy. Oh, yeah. Take a page out of that book. Yeah, I would love to look to turn the page over and fuck her in her ass. Yeah, take that. That's what you get for not actually not actually loving the Ridgewall. Yeah, we're going to find your wife and fuck her in the ass. Yeah, I do. More I got the gold one now. Yeah, which is probably too little too rich for the blood of some of the peons that list. Right. You don't deserve it. Sorry. Muna's his wife. It looks like they live in Phoenix. And they're very happy. Oh, Phoenix. Phoenix, Arizona. Couldn't quite cut it. Phoenix, Delaware. She looks like Phoenix, Arizona, all the way to Tacoma, Arizona,

all the way to Tacoma, Philadelphia. And I'm gay. She's hot. I fucked her. I mean, Muna's looks like shit. Dude, dude, what the who cares cause problems for us with the wallet company when they found out that you're besmirching their number one fan. Yeah, dude, which I don't think he is, by the way. Malcolm, why the hell are we being mailed the results of your HIV test? And it says it's positive. My mom's pretty pissed. Did you get AIDS again? We can't afford this. Were you doing gay shit and getting AIDS? We're low on HIV medicine on your father's salary. As a nude retard. As an underwear retard. As the town retard. I'm pretending to read the newspaper. My pants are gone. You're not gonna bust inside me

now. You can't bust inside of me now. You're busting me now. You can put your bust inside of me now. Malcolm. Malcolm, did you let your brother come in your ass again? Malcolm, are you sucking Reese's penis in the garage? That's doing. I'm doing mad. We'll go over there and help your brother suck your other brother's dick already. Now you boys better suck each other's dick. How? Are you teaching the boys how to suck each other's dachs? Are you sucking to me again? Oh, fuck dude. Now that would be a good show. Yeah, y'all remember that show? It really is such an awesome formula for comedy that we've discovered. What the hell is that? He's my slave. You don't get to have a slave. You're my slave. Slaves can

have slaves. This is America. Is that a little kid? Yeah, I'll tell you what. I'll give you your freedom if you give me Jamie. They added, uh, your attitude has been pretty lousy lately. I know you've been spitting in my sandwiches. I mean, I still eat them. It's weird, but now the trust is gone. What's a Reese's up to? Well, Reese's Reese's like, uh, he's like the American version of spinner from the new grassy. They both think I think Reese was in the Capitol right? Was it? I think he maybe that was Malcolm. I think he was there with Malcolm. Did you try to hang AOC? I think he was saying he wanted to kill. He wanted to kill Mike Pence's wife. That's awesome. He wanted to kill mother. My mind to kill mother.

The hottest piece of pussy in America. He wanted to murder mother Pence. Would you get away? He said he wanted to get ahead from her and then kill her. Wait, who's Audrey Pence? My pen's his daughter. 2010 Burfield is chief creative officer of Virgin produced Audrey Pence could kind of let's see. Let's see. Well, I mean, for a politician's daughter, what are you talking about? Are hot? No, none of them are hot. Yes, they are Chelsea, the Bush team. Chelsea's worse. So literally none of them are ever hot ever. No, that's bullshit. Oh Reese's Jewish. Mike Pence's daughter is a liberal who speaks Arabic. Nice. That sounds like she's about to speak to my naked balls. She's about to say hello. Like to pence

her over and fuck her in the ass. Yeah. Page me. I like to say I'd like to take off my pants and put my penis in her vagina. Absolutely, my friend. Have some motherfucking. I like to pull my pants down. Pull my pants down and rape. I guess I guess I don't know if it has to be right. All right. Well, you know, that's you got to find the line. That's what we call Eric. So Dewey is from Worcester, Mass. He's a mass 29 years old, born July 12 1991. What's Dewey up to? Does Dewey have a bitch? I certainly hope so. He speaks a little Swedish. Wow. What about Hal? What's Hal doing? Did you suck my dick? I have a cock. I have a fucking cock now. My mom is trans. My mom's a guy. Oh, I forgot about the fat guy, the

fat. Yeah, the fat Craig, Craig, who was trying to get the pussy from the mom. He was always trying to get the pussy off the mom. Craig Feldspar. I don't know. That name sounds a little bit too close to close to home. Yeah, it's funny because this is like this is like this is this guy was Craig Feldspar is a guy that was like fucking failing at open mics. No future in comedy until 2014. And he discovered he could just be woke. Is he is he? Oh, you know what I mean? That's what it looks like. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the vibe. Yeah. And then and then a handful of girls were tricked by it. But he's still TFW no pussy. And it's that's also the other woke shit's not working out. And it's interesting to see what will

be the next step. Yeah, for the guys in that category. He looks kind of like Josh Gad. David Anthony Higgins. David Anthony suck dickens. David. He's 59 years old now. Wild. Early life in education. If you if you're just doing and we're looking at the Wikipedia page for that guy from Malcolm in the middle. I'd like to put my hog in his mom's bus. Yes, sir. Yeah. Yes, motherfucking sir. Yes, the personal life. In 2000, he married his wife Julia and they have two children. They live in Studio City, California. Yeah, we're porn studios that do chill. Come on, dude. That's nasty. Higgins was featured in the Hollywood edition of the Discovery Channel series body challenge. We worked with a personal trainer. He's a

fan of Laurel and Hardy and Buster Keaton. That's no he's not. He's Buster penis. What the fuck is that on his Wikipedia page? Because he wrote it himself. I suck the fucking dick now. And my dick is small. And my dick got hard. I'm fucking gay. What's the last shit that the mom from Malcolm in the middle has been and she actually is a good actor. In my opinion. And Jane, Jane Krasinski, she was in the quiet place. She transitioned and was on the office. That's right. Dwight. Yeah, she actually did suck Dwight's cock. I remember she was in the Jane Krasinski thing. Yeah. American actor and singer. He is best known for her starring role as my dick in balls. Jen. Oh, sorry. I'm thinking of somebody else.

Jane Krasinski from the 30 Rock. What the fuck is the other bitch's name? I want to suck your hard cock in the middle. Jane Kazmarek. So I guess that's something different than the other name I said. She's married to the fucking the dude from West Wing. Who? Fuckly. Here's my ass, Mr. President. Make with it what you will. Fuckly. God damn it. Thank you. Fuckly. Thank you. Martin Sheen sound like. I'm gay. He sounds exactly like that. Being a president is about something. Yeah, it's supposed to be from New Hampshire. I'm from New Hampshire or something. Yeah. It's me, Martin Sheen. Has there been a president from New Hampshire? Yeah. James K. Polk. James K. Polk. Your ass with my dick. James K. Polk.

Where is he? No, it's from where? No, he's not from New Hampshire. Kentucky. No, he's not from Kentucky. It's from Tennessee. Who am I thinking of? No one, dude. No, Zachary Taylor Thomas. Zachary Taylor Thomas. It's so funny. That was the guy's name. Zach Taylor. Dude, go ahead. Do the bit. Do the bit. Do your bit, dude. No, you do my bit. You did say it as if you had thought of that for, you know. I didn't say it. This is something they can say. This is the beauty of it is that I got all the bits out of the way in my younger days. So now, now I don't even have to use my brain at all. I can just wait for Mr. Steele on it over here. I didn't see it. Rudolph Steele. Yeah, that's you. The mayor

of having a little ass dick. America's Rudolph Eliani. Where he's like, uh, that's two types of black people. That's black people. And then there's the N word. The Chris Rock bit. He does. He steals. There's a Wikipedia page for that joke. And the Wikipedia pages title is just like boob versus black people. That's crazy. I mean, it's like, it's fucking like just like Wikipedia should be able to get in trouble for you. Is it in quotes? No. I put it in quotes for you to say it. Yeah, I say it, but I put it in quotes every time. Let's pull this up now. Oh, it's kind of it's the soft day though. Well, we'll fix that right now because that's not what he was saying. Yeah, Chris Rock had to stop doing that bit

because guys like me were like, you're so right. Yeah. Yeah. I don't like the rest of what this guy's saying. Yeah. Thank you, Mr. Giuliani. Yes, how about I'm not scared of you motherfuckers. How about really, uh, jewelry on me. He's fucking jeweling. Yeah, he's doing jewel. And he's singing dreams last so long. That's a really good Rudolph Giuliani impression. So he's got a list. But he's from New York. That's pretty much all. Yeah, I got something you can root off over here. Yeah. What is that? You just you got to put my cock in your mouth and you try and say every slower. Yeah. If you if Nick's dick was in your mouth, that would probably be a pretty good Rudolph Giuliani impression. It sounds

as if there's penis in my mouth. Yeah, incredibly small one. Yeah, it would be like lisping. Yeah, because Nick's dick is so small, but it would only reach the tip of my tongue. Exactly. I don't like how we had to make this about me. You said it. No, you said it. Well, you're gay. Your dick is small. It's perfect. I would. I was minding my own business over here eating cracker face fire sticks, whatever they're called fire hook. Listen, cracker face cracker wood. We're calling people peckerwood peckerwood. Shut up, peckerwood. I got something good for you right here. So your dick. It's my fucking dick. Awesome. It's my peckerwood. Damn. Now I'm thinking, you know what? Beachhouse would be awesome. Yeah, let's do it. Yeah.

I'm going to go to fucking playing Chinese checkers getting way fucked up on drugs that we already do here all the time. But you're by the beach, dude, by the beach. I honestly do. I am a fucking beach bum. Yeah, dude, me too. I love the beach. No, you're not. Well, me, I like I like being taken the board up. I like driving parking, getting out, swimming 20 minutes, walking directly back, not even tallying off, getting back in the car wet, wet and sand, wet and sand. Fucking upholstery fucking salty as a bitch. Chase, chafing your balls. Yeah, no, I like to I like to fucking be out there for quite some time. Yeah, stop likes to get roasted. I love getting dude. I'm going to get fucking tennis fuck. So I'm

going to go to Greece in August, the first week of August, I'm going on tour. Maybe we could just fucking be on the beach recording. I would love to. We should just record like if we all go together, though, it's because we got the money. We should go somewhere like extremely tropical. Not during the summer. Why? You go to those kind of places. Let's go to fucking Jersey. Go to the New York. Get some pussy from some juggalettes. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Now that I remember there's juggalettes in Jersey. I'm sorry. I meant Guitettes or Guitats. Oh, yeah, we go to karma. Try to get my dick sucked by Snooki or J. Wow. I was thinking we go to Belize and do the show in the jungle. I honestly don't as the fucking

Jersey shore is nice. Yeah, it is. They got really nice. Yeah, you want to do Long Beach? I'd be fine. Go to each island. We go to my dick beach. Yeah. All right. Well, that's the plan. Hope you guys enjoy your summer. You know, whatever you guys are doing. Yep. Keep us updated. No, let's know, dude. Email us at adamfreedland.atom.freedland at gmail.com. Yep. If you want to get us there, you can get us there. It's also an apartment. It's a four. You got to take that out, bro. Why? You don't have to take it out. Don't give us actual address. That's how you address. Come on, man. Just beep it. You know, just do a beep. All right. Just please be. And then you said the wrong apartment. So now my neighbor

is going to get harassed. It's also not your address. It is 100% my address. Is it? That is the number and the street. Yeah, just beep. Don't just beep the number. I tried to pick a number that wasn't right. No, it's one number. Very powerful address. Shouldn't have even given that clue. Yeah, just beep the whole thing. Beep the whole thing. Just the address. They can figure out the rest. I'll pick and choose where the beeps go. I'm going to have to say. Only so I remember. That's the only way I'm going to remember. Because if it's got this has he could have said anything, folks. You don't know what you don't know what he's saying. Well, now I have to make a mental note. It's like, you got to make

sure that that right, right, right. It was just Adam's address. And that was the end of coming down. Why'd you forget and just both go out? And then literally we're like, all right, this shows over. And then I go down because someone hunts me down and blames me for Nick going down. Well, folks. Wow. Ric Flair's Ric Flair's bitch is still hot. Who's his bitch? His bitch that used to go on the ring with Miss Elizabeth or no, that was Elizabeth is macho man macho man. Yeah, she's pretty good. Is this a younger woman or what? No, no, he has a young wife. I think they're just friends. No, no, it's not his wife. Oh, that's not his wife. Ric Flair's wife's like, give it up for 25 nature, boy.

The fucking nature, boy.