The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. 266 – bathroom break

Episode Date: June 30, 2021

okay pal sure, "go" pee pee then. right in my mouth why dont you

Well, once again, we had a fun little back and forth really nice early bid and it's gone. It's gone. The first 45 seconds were fucked up, which actually not even fucked up. I could have just continued going and mixed all this down at the end, but then the file would have been that it costs us money now. Yeah. And you know me about business, but it was as a reporter. Yeah.

And as a reporter, I'm saying I'm here with a big fat guy. No, first of all, it had nothing to do with being a fat guy. We're here at the Epcot Center. You are changing it. Thank you, Adam. Yeah. Just for the record. Thank you.

I don't like lying to the guys. Mr. Five-Line, maybe it's six million now, is accusing me of being... It was always six million. It was always six million. It was always six million. Thank you, stop right now. And I'm with you on that one, Adam. Oh my God.

I'm supposed to say that this guy's a Holocaust revisionist, but he's like, who actually was seven million. Yeah. He's bartering. Yeah. Maybe he was eight million. He's trying to get another million tacked on to the final tally. I don't really know what purpose that would serve.

To get more reparations from Germany. But yeah, but the reporters, you know, just doing like, I'm here, it was one of the classic kind of content. I'm one of the biggest, most classic bits. Just a nice one. I'm one of the biggest classic bits, but just a reporter. Just a nice piece of business. Just, yeah.

A nice solid way to start off an episode. Adam, a lot of the, a lot of the, here's a little behind the curtains sort of thing is often we'll finish a show and Adam will just start immediately laughing about the one thing he said and being like, dude, that's one of the funniest things that we've ever done with you. Well, I meant it. I mean... I compliment his...

I never said that. But to be fair, he had nothing to do with this particular thing. I didn't say anything. It was like 45 seconds. I was waiting to chime in, but it seemed like you guys were running with it. I let you run with it. The episode airs and Adam will sit at home on YouTube just googling variations of like Adam's bagel story.

Yeah. Adam's story about being 13 and seeing a girl and being ashamed of sex stuff at the bagel story in Israel. I never... I don't know that. The best story on the show. The biggest story on Israel. Well, I didn't say that.

Adam, I was getting a bagel. The YouTube commenters may have said that. And there was a girl. I could see her nipples through her shirt, and I had to go into the bathroom to text my cousin, my Jewish, then we went to synagogue. And that's... Yeah. That sounds like a pretty good story.

This is a classic metaphor. We went to synagogue. We went and we got some... And then the girl was at synagogue, and it turns out she was my cousin. Oh, my God. Yep. And I got my dick sucked. I got my dick, and I was 13, and I was Jewish.

And she was seven, by the way. She was... But it was in Israel. There's no balls again. My story is in Israel. The fucking... Outback, dude. No rules.

That's right. The outbank. The outbank. Yeah. Boy, welcome to the outbank of Israel. We're sniping toddlers that have water guns in their hands. Outbank staycats. Outbank staycats.

It's your finest Israeli food. We've got kangaroo hummus, no rules, no tipping, just rub. All of that. That reached a pretty predictable conclusion. Still good all the same. Predictable in terms of hilarious. Yeah. Still good all the same.

No, no, I meant that too. Yeah. Outbank staycats. Yeah. Outbank staycats. Outbank staycats. Outbank staycats. Outbank staycats.

We're expanding. Every week there's a new restaurant further into what used to be Palestinian territory. We're opening a new location in the Golan Heights. What's another part of Palestine? Well, I think the whole thing is Palestine, but that's just me. No. That's just me as the good kind of view. No.

No. No, you don't. The no can really shift to being a Baltimore guy. No. No. No. Thank you, Adam. Thank you for keeping me on track.

Yeah. Sorry. No. We're doing Australian. No. You gained. Yeah. Yeah.

So let's just, let's go ahead and we'll walk through the whole thing. Okay. You got the outbank and what kind of animals they got there? They got a kangaroo that's got a change purse. Right. And you know what? I'll say this. It looks more like a rat.

I, yeah. It looks like a big rat. It's a fucked up rat. Yup. As I'm imagining myself as Chuck E. Cheese. From a couple of weeks ago, which I've spent, I don't know if I made it clear, but my version of the Chuck E. Cheese outfit, there's no head. It's my own head.

I like that a lot. I've balded at this point. So I've got like a shitty comb over it. Yes. I've painted gray and there's a fake snout, a fake like ratty snout. Oh, nice. Just a nose that you like put on. Yeah.

Put on the rubber band in the back. Yeah. Fake ratty ears. I like that a lot. Byte marks it. And that's, that's. And by the way, it's body paint. So you can see your cock is just gray.

No, I still have the rest of the suit on. No, no, no. It's gray spray body paint. You can see your dick and balls and they're just painted. No, the bottom of the suit has to be all fat. And you. With big rat legs in the tail. Well, you've gotten fat.

Yeah. But not fat enough to, to, it has to be all at the bottom, down where my legs are. We have to be a big thing, like a big ball sack. Maybe I have elephantiasis of the balls. Yeah. I like that. And that's a big rat belly.

And I have, maybe I'm just actually a rat. You've turned into a rat. And yes. You've turned into some kind of mythical half rat. Back to Jewish outback state. And I'll say I, here's how naive I am. Not naive, but I was running it. I thought we were going West Bank,

not just the bank, the Jews. Yeah, I was confused about that too, but I didn't want to do a fact check kind of. No, it's either, either. It could be either. But that's actually what's beautiful about it. Okay. It's a verse.

Kind of a catch-all. It's verse as a joke. It gets fucking fucked in the ass. It, it, it fucks in the ass. Yeah. I kind of always have hated dual puns, like two-way puns. What do you mean?

Like something like that where it's like the bank, because you're going out bank, but then which direction do you go from there? It splits off. Right. There's two different paths for it to go. Well, did you choose your own adventure? Well, no, because it, it,

there's an implied non-specificity there, even though it may seem like elegant and complex. It's, it's a, it's sort of dissonant. Well, you need to understand, you need to, you need to understand that there's elegance in the unknown. What's lazy is, is you. Well, I've never seen that.

There's somebody that doesn't say, you've done, brought nothing to the Jewish outback state, well, we only have one pitch on that. That doesn't make sense. No, you went into a Chuck E. Cheese thing. I've revisited the Chuck E. Cheese thing. No, okay, you said let's. Because in my mind, we're at the strip mall

that has both an outback, steakhouse and a Chuck E. Cheese. And I'm going into all the stores. Okay. Saying how could this be more Jewish? Right. Okay. You're doing the work.

Radio Shekel. They got that there. I like that. Okay, now we're going to do a mole. They got a Barnes and Noble. He did. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. What's. Hmm. Shofar is in noble. Shofar is in noble. And they sell those trumpets. Yeah. Jafar is in noble.

And it's Jafar. Yeah. You guys don't deserve the shofar. I got to be honest with you. Why? It's fucking too cool. I mean, anyone could buy one. Just get your own shofar.

It shouldn't be a part of your religion. It should be a part of a cool, old, like, mystic religion. Fucking wizards and shit. I don't know. We're the people of the book, you know. When's the last time that you did a real magic trick with miracles? Jesus? It's been a while.

What do you mean? Oh, with miracles? No one's actually had magical powers. A container store, but it's like a... One of the containers from a shipping container. Like a boxcar. That they're doing sex trafficking? That's that kind of container store.

How about that? Is that still a Jewish thing? Yeah, you know, because of the trains and stuff. A little bit of a stretch. I have to. All right. But I'm thinking of other things that are in the shopping center in my mind. I get it.

I just think that you have a more direct tie to being Jewish. A Panera bread. Yeah. A complainera bread. Okay. I'll go with that one. That one makes more sense to me than a shipping container store. The Jamba Jews.

Okay. That's a dunk right there. Jamba. And what does Jamba mean? I think it's like a jungle. I'm pretty sure it's racist. So it's a bunch of Jamba Jews. Jamba is kind of like a tropical.

It's a bunch of Jews in blackface with loincloths. It's like a Lenny Kravitz type of thing. What do you mean by that? Okay. All right. Okay. And you buy them there? I don't know.

We're just, we're taking a stroll down the strip mall. We're just trying to take a stroll down the strip mall. Because I've become so pissed at Adam that we had to leave. Chuck E. Cheese. No, we weren't in Chuck E. Cheese. We were at the Outback Steakhouse. Outbank Steakhouse. Outbank Steakhouse.

We didn't have to leave that. We did. Well, we went to Chuck E. Cheese for a second and you got mad. You got mad. You were like, I thought we were at Outback Steakhouse. Well, you just said it. It's because you're not even paying attention to where we are. I've been laser focused.

I've been mad. I've been trying to pay. No, come on, Adam. No, I have. I've made a mistake. Yeah, maybe laser cut diamonds, maybe. Yeah, because of the Jewish involvement. But you sell them for the real price.

They're lab grown diamonds. Oh, they're fair. But you say they're the beers. Oh, that's nice. I mean, it's better for the, you know, better for the world. You should be charging lower though. What do you mean? Lab grown, not the same.

I hear it's just as good. I'm disrupting the wedding industrial complex. You're dissucking. You're dissucking. These are blood-free diamonds. The Stavros penis complex, which includes my penis, my balls, and the top part of my asshole, otherwise known as the gooch. I guess the bottom part.

That's the Stavros penis industrial complex. And you're dissucking it. Okay. And you're really having a good time. You're throwing me, and then you're taking your tongue from the tip of my dick all the way to my gooch, almost to my asshole. While the penis is in my mouth still? No.

You're taking a break. You're spitting on it and jacking it off while you're licking my balls. The home beep-o is there. And the beep refers to the sound that the ATM makes when you enter your pin code. Oh, I thought you were going to go with the slur thing, but okay. You just don't really say slurs that much. I'll give you that. We don't say them in public.

That's true. In private. Do you guys, is there Jewish confession? No. We keep secrets until the day we die. They have a limited two. They have a limited 1.75. Oh, because it's less.

It's a little bit less. Yeah, I like that. It's cheaper. Let's see. What are some other stores in the mall? Anteans, what kind of stuff? Rossburg, Dress for Even Less. For Even Less.

Yeah. Antean, Franks. Antean, Franks. There we go. You have to sneak into a little closet to get pretzels. Marshalls. Marshalls. Yeah.

Dress for it. Marshalls. Yeah. How can we get Shlomo in the mix? Let's do the rare one. Shlomo Depot. Shlomo Depot. We already did Home Depot.

Shlomo Depot. Shlomo. Yeah, he did Home Depot. I forgot. So you haven't been paying attention. I'm kind of curious though. It's a store built completely around the beep sound of an ATM. Yeah.

What gets sold there? What does it look like in there? This is why we're not going into any of the stores. We're just seeing the... We're doing what they call in the intelligence community world building. And by intelligence community, I mean people that are smart enough to play tabletop games. Oh, yeah. Some of the smartest people.

I don't mean CIA. We need another tabletop game to replace. Well, that's one of the stores is the Wizards of the Coast is there and they have tabletop games. And the wizard is... A Moyle? Maybe the... What's Wizards of the Coast?

Is that a real store? I think it's a store for nerds. It's a store, yeah. I wouldn't know. It's a store that... I wouldn't go to the pussy-getting store. It's a company that owns the Magic the Gathering store. Oh, that's what it is.

Or Magic the Gathering game. And I think they had retail installations. I did that. See, I would never know that because of my dick being too fat on account of that. Not being a fucking loser. Wizards of the Coast. There we go. There you go.

All right. I like that a lot, actually, because that's what a rabbi is, basically. Yeah, kind of. You got that. Yeah. They do... Are there any rabbis that have a pointy hat? No.

I mean, they were skull caps, I guess, yeah. And then they got that big furry round thing. Yeah, that's true. That's kind of a wizard look at that. And then the blues brother is kind of one. Those are all the styles. The blues brother ones, they can get close. It's not very pointy.

I'm going to just Google search. It's pretty all close. The cowboy hat is the wizard hat. And if you wear like a wizard hat, you look stupid. But if you wear like a cowboy hat, people think you're like the coolest guy in the world. Right. What's a wizard hat? It's like a dunce cap.

It's like a cone, no? Yeah. I mean, it's like a witch hat. But that doesn't look like a cowboy hat. What are you talking about? A cowboy hat has like a dip in the middle. It doesn't point. It just has the dimple.

It doesn't have a point on it. I guess a witch hat has a print, too. Yeah. I guess point taker. I'm not sure where any of witches had. The point guy. That'd be a cool look. The style.

Yeah, the style. It's like a New York City fashion style. Yeah, this is a pointy hat. There have to be ways that we kind of become, you know, find our own things. Yeah. Well, the Lower East Side gay black guys, they kind of stole Carmen Sandiego's. They did. A couple of years ago.

They absolutely did. Yeah, it's annoying. Yeah. Are you mad about that? Yeah. Are you going to bring it back? Yeah. It was an idea of mine that they probably heard.

Too good dark wing duck. Yeah. But you know what? I gave it to them because of Pride Month. Yeah, because you were at Pride Month. Damn. I would fuck this lady. Yeah, I agree with that.

I typed in witch hat and the first result is a woman. And now we're going to run through these real quick and let you guys know if we'd have sex with the woman in the picture. There's a lot of just hats. Oh, man, look at this guy. This guy sucks. Oh, hell yeah. See, the wizard hat, it sucks because it's...

But that's not quite a wizard hat. It's not a witch hat. This is more of like a fucking... That's a fedora version of a witch hat. Yeah. I like that one. Farlow wide brim hat. Yeah, fuck that.

But you know what? I'll say it's not just the gay lower east side black eyes. It's really all black eyes. What? They all dress like Carmen Sandia. That hat is in the mix for, I would say, the majority of the black... Well, Pharrell kind of like... Pharrell's definitely...

Pharrell started it. Well, no, but that's a different hat. What the fuck? I've been hearing like a resurgence of Pharrell and Bruno Mars just around people listening to it, which always struck me as like music for people with Down syndrome. I don't think that's true about Pharrell. You could say that maybe about Bruno Mars. Oh, Pharrell, too.

I wouldn't say that about him either. Really? Yeah. I think he's got an undeniable talent. Ooh, I love this, dude. This big wide oatmeal guy hat from a store called Lack of Color, which... Do they have any models wearing it? She looks.

Yeah, I'd fuck her, too. She looks like she's got a nice little fat pussy area. Yeah, you could press down on it while you fuck her. Yeah, I can't... A little of the zoom in on the face. Let me hear it. Let's go to Contacts. Yeah, Contacts.

I would have sex with them. Can we contact the company and ask them if they have any pictures of the model's breasts? Sail, inquiry. Do you have any... Do you have any pictures of the model's breasts or what her pussy area looks like? Who would make concern? Who would make concern? I'd like to see the area direct.

You don't have to show me her actual pussy. Oh, look, we're getting there. Oh, there we go. That's close, actually. We've got some more of her pussy here. Huh. Oh, okay. Okay.

Oh, yeah. Are these all the same women? It's the same dumb bitch. Interesting. Let's see if the booster shop... Don't miss out. Oh, wait, hold on. From Purine.

Maybe we can... Purine. Maybe this is... My dick is Purine. Search web. We can... Heinrich Purine? Maybe we can find...

Purine pussy. Search that. Oh, that's the photographer. Yeah, we can go... Maybe he has a picture of her and he's tagged her. He has a picture. This looks very similar. Doesn't look like her.

That's a different blonde bitch. No, I found this woman. Let's click on the one where you kind of see her pussy. Compare the pussy area. Computer enhanced. Computer enhanced. I think this might be it. I think you're not wrong, actually.

Yeah. Natar... Natar... Natar... I don't know how to say her name here. Natar... Natar... Natarja.

I guess it's... What's that? Go down to the one where you can kind of see her tits a little bit. Natarja. Right kind of this one. Oh, this one. Yeah. Yeah, she's got a nice little pair of titties you would expect.

Anyways, I guess she's... She looks like she lives in whatever the red flat. Sweden? Is that Sweden? I think it's Finland. No, Finland's blue and yellow. That's Sweden. I think it's Denmark.

No, blue and white is Finland. I think it's Denmark. Denmark's red and white. It is Denmark. You didn't nail it. I nailed it, bro. You said Sweden, then you said... No, I fucking nailed it.

My final guess was Denmark, if you would... Because we ran through and already eliminated all the other... No, we didn't. No one thought it was Finland, but you're a dumbass. Adam said Finland. Adam can't even see. No, I never said Finland. Adam's not even looking.

I can't see the pictures of the girls. I'm operating the computer. Once again without them. Anyways, if you're Natasha from Finland, just know that it's Denmark. She's from Denmark. You fucking idiot. I wanted to get a matching witch's hat with you and suck your fat pussy area. Honestly, I do think she has a fat pussy.

Watch this, this gets back... Like, fatter than you'd think. This is going to get back to this woman, and what I'm saying is going to be the highest crime in Finland. And I'm going to be extradited to Finland to serve time for soliciting a pussy sale. Soliciting a pussy snack for the queen of Finland. Yeah, hell yeah. Yeah.

She looked better on her Instagram than she... Actually, I don't think that was the same woman modeling the hat. You don't say. I don't think so. She's hotter than that lady. Well, what am I gonna... See, that's a different bitch, my friend. Well, whatever.

You want to email any woman and just tell her. Tell her to come down and censure. There's some bitch from Denmark with fat tits and a kind of... It was just clicking on the... Oh. Now I hold on. Let's see if we'll look at the comments. Somebody's like, do you know who this bitch is?

Yeah. And they're like, yeah, this is her phone number. You should text her. She'll probably want to fuck you. Right on Instagram. Yeah, she's having sex with guys from Instagram coming. If you wanted to check in. Adam, how are you feeling?

I know you had a little fucking stomachache. I didn't see any of the girl. You don't need to know about the girl. The girl's about me. Me and Nick is about... I took a pep-toe biz and I'm feeling better. A pep-toe jiz-mole? No, it wasn't jiz.

It was a pep-toe... It was cum with some pink food dye in it? No, that's not what it was. A pep-toe jiz-mole. I took a little chewable tablet. It was cum with some food in it. It made me feel better. Pep-toe tastes awesome.

It tastes like bubble gum. It tastes great. Like a minty bubble gum. I love it, dude. Why don't other things taste like that? It's a great question. It's a great flavor. I got out to them.

And this is all off of a piece of pizza. Your stomach was fucked up. No, I had pizza last night and then I had a... From the table pizza this morning. Oh, you had overnight pizza. I had overnight pizza. Overnight on the... I shouldn't be having dairy.

Wow. Yeah. This is boring for the audience. Wow, dude. You fucked the money up. It was very dramatic. Dude, I remember being like 20 and I could just eat anything. Sorry.

I could just eat Chinese food left out overnight. I had that kind of confidence this morning for no reason. No, you're an old man. You're 47. My stomach's back, dude. I ate a shit ton of spicy ass Indian food the other day. I was like, this is going to kill me, but I don't even fucking care. Nice.

Quarantine's over. Yeah, that's right. Time to shit my bridges. Dude, I love Indian. So it's like, you know, restaurants are packed now because everything's like open back up. But I went and I got Indian food and Indian restaurants are exactly the same as they were, which is like, you go in, there's always literally absolutely no one there. Right.

It looks like somebody's living room. There's a guy. There's two guys. There's always two guys there. They're both wearing like fucking like business man. Yeah, like concierge outfits. Like the world's worst comb over. And then the waiter comes over and they like whisper to you.

Yeah. I was like, what do you like? I would be willing to get you. But yes, very good place. Yes, very good. That's like a big part of the Indian rap. It's like, are you worried that someone will hear us? Yeah.

Why are we allowed to be here? Why the fuck are you whispering? Because he's a fucking horny dude. Yeah. Yeah. If he talks at full volume, he's going to bust. He's being sneaky. I raise my voice.

My penis. Well, raise with him. I have to. I have to. I have to. I have to. I have to. I have to.

I have to. I have to. I have to. I have to. I have to. I have to. I have to. I have to.

I had to run all the ways. I have to. I have to. I have to. I have to. I have to. I have to. I have to.

I have to. I have to run all the way. I have to. I am going to my penis, which is good. But I have to. I have to. I have to. I have to.

I have to. I had to. I had to. I have to. I have to. I had to. I had to. So I had to.

I had to. My penis partnership. I had to. I had to. But the business women, you know. wrote it down yeah so like

right around the slide and then there's always like there's like silverware on the wall as decorations mm-hmm remember the fucking indian buffet in baltimore yeah i don't remember the way it looked i just remember being blown away by how shitty it was it was shitty but that was a good time man

I used to eat there all the time it was a funny day funny day good day yeah the audacity to charge me full price for the buffet and there's nothing in the buffet and then i wasn't allowed to go get second yeah dude i feel like i just loaded up just instinctually because that's how i handled the buffet to begin with but you only get one plate

i go to small plates oh yeah you go tapas uh... yeah well i like that i respect that i like that i feel like i get my worth if i've had multiple trips i respect that the buffet for me is making multiple trips

yeah well listen the secret is you know how you can do both yeah fucking load up dude we gotta go to chinese buffet now the now the quarantine is over in new york's back mm-hmm we gotta drive outside of new york city to go to some to get worse food to get chinese buffet

yeah dude i saw a fucking i saw like just a just some lady sitting down inside of a bulletproof chinese restaurant having her own having like low main i was so jealous wow i want that wow

adam it's below main yeah it's below main it's below main you eat you sucking a picture of you sucking a guy's cock i eat a picture yeah that's below main you eat a picture

but you've done it also by the way you've blown guys and you look at you eat pictures of people blowing each other i thought you had this picture man when there's no cock you get fucking sad so you fucking pouring out pictures of guys sucking each other's guys and you put your shoe on it like it's bubblegum i got a portrait of a man's penis

i got a head shots of some guy's penis that he eats they're not like dunkaroos he rolls them up and he dips them in coma yeah and they're called comers and they serve it at the out bank at the out bank steakhouse out bank steakhouse i thought it was chinese

yeah you would think that a blow man there's a lot of first of all we've been to australia we know how fucking heavily influenced it is by asia you would think that and you would think that you would think that a great type of thing

if anybody would think that it would be you damn the Thai food was off the fucking hook adam only eats guy food pack guy pack guy guys see you some guy named tom suck tom

a guy named tom's penis that's also on the menu so guy food is just food it's food for men guys guys that's how you trick people into eating cock with you you say that you tried to trick me that way guys don't even eat penises

yeah you do though it's not proper gay i'm just some sort of cannibal alright we don't have to look man you don't have to try and explain you know i've had a bad stomach today you know my defenses are down you know it's like

you know you're taking advantage of me a sick man that's true i had table pizza it's fun ah sorry i got distracted by something on my phone i believe we were calling Adam a faggot i believe we were calling our associate here lord of the dance

is what they would call him back in the back in his river dance days back when a lot of people know this but river dance was actually made by israel to make ireland look bad oh really we need at least one country to look gayer than us that guy michael flatley

he's like ireland had one shot what do you mean for like a hundred years they were like like we really shouldn't let ireland participate in like western culture at all what about the cranberries they had one shot my dick's small i'm gay

and they were like we've been waiting for this forever it's like look at this and we were like alright we'll check it in 2100 we'll give you another century to figure out something

oh yeah they're almost as bad as the native americans alright don't get with your agenda your fucking agenda your anti-native american agenda first peoples i'm trying to get sucked off by

a squaw sucks off do we talk about doing a glandic no she's a girl do we talk about doing a glandic acknowledgement they don't have girls but i like that

they do have girls stop accidentally admitting you was gay with a glandic acknowledgement you do gland acknowledgements i get sucked off by chief sucks off let's not forget who eats a picture of a man's penis who loves blow mane which is a man's penis

or either that or a picture of you sucking a man's penis that's the difference between northern and southern gay chinese there's a shanghai's blow mane so the guangzhou fuzhou fucking blow mane and you

you love both of them you like both of them well i'm a man of the world you go to the zhan famous foods and you're like excuse me do you have the picture of a man's penis style

what do you call that dan dan noodle is that what dan dan noodle is that's you sucking two guys name dan off in the west it's where adam adam knows one of them is fucking adam in the ass and the other one is fucking him in the mouth

and adam rocks back and forth like a rocking horse almost in between the two of them you can be a fun ride at disney world it's like the pirate ship that goes back and forth but it's adam on all fours and there's a dick

that's awesome and then another one and he just rocks back and forth going into each one of them that's a good ride and children ride on his back i don't know if people would want to it's the come town amusement park

that's awesome we should build that we should have an amusement park where would we do it where can we get enough land you know the six flags rides where they put like eight billion dollars into the line aspect of the ride we go in this place

and the man being like i'm stolen all the common Gotham city and he's planning on drinking it i got all the tv's i was like diamond played steel everywhere adam and women's makeup you'll never get that you'll never get to come back batman

and it's still a batman themed yeah of course that's the weirdest part about six flags it's half of it's like it's batman and bugs bunny it's bug and welcome because disney had all this other shit and water brothers isn't really kind of centralized

this is just the rest of the shit yeah they're like welcome to the wayans brothers porky pig ride and i guess cnn maybe the anderson cooper ferris wheel yeah oh yeah you can do the wolf blitzer get pussy experience

that would be sick because you know my man you know wolf was cleaning up after 9-11 yeah uh we gotta talk about super organics here super spesiosa it's a crate and let's also talk about the prince of pleasure tour that is now launched tickets

go to stave.biz and buy those and also if you're i'm coming everywhere and if you're in new york this week tomorrow go to the bell house pantheon i have a great show me, samarill, david cross, marie faust

and larry owens great show tickets to that folks but if you're not in new york and you're not going to any of the many cities that i'm going on tour what you're going to want to do is fucking drink or smoke or super organics or take a pill of cratum

or put it in a water or powder or some fucking shit you're going to want to do that super spesiosa over at super spesiosa isn't that right nick yeah super spesiosa getsuperleaf.com slash come town

now there's definitely going to want to do that there's something that they're saying that this stuff is like coffee for your dick for your cock it wakes it up like you wouldn't believe they're saying if your dick it doesn't work i don't know if you can i don't know what that means

it's like a cup of coffee for your prickadel well it's kind of like a cup of coffee for everything that's right your cock is pushing your ass i feel like coffee probably makes it harder for my dick to work with some superleaf with some superleaf cratum i don't know i guess it's like

they say it's energizing i think it depends on you or maybe it's just the kind that i had because they sent me a bunch and i yours chilled you out you know me i hate learning so they're like there's three kinds and i was like

i don't want to hear it pal i'm just shoveling it into my mouth i never learned things i'm not learning it i learned two of the things stoplights red green got that i don't know what the fuck yellow whatever i want during yellow

yellow is that doesn't it really is stupid that yellow even exists it's what it's it's a trans life they're like ooh i think i'm a girl and a boy i can only be here for a minute i have to go out with my girls

i only have a couple of seconds to spend with you while i let red and green do all the work in society while me it's the chinese trans color kind of like the me of the that's true you're more like the stop you're more like red

no nick is stop you're go i'm go yeah i'm yellow go go go um no you're something else yeah nick is like stop i don't like that you know stop is like just go

pussy food yeah yeah that's true that's true you got me there me that's two of the things i love me i'm connected i'm connecting the two you're not that to be clear you're not yellow in terms of go in terms of pussy and food whatever you just said and going

yes that's me a lot of people say you're like the walk sign or the don't walk sign or something that's not even involved in the driving you're like a sign they put it up in a preschool that's like everyone do a single file line to go to the bathroom oh you know what i am

i'm the train thing ding ding ding ding yeah that's me in the circle that's me adam you're probably like you know what you are you're the sign that's the road narrowing sign because it kind of it always looked like

a big vagina to me when i was a kid that's what adam is stop you can continue being the green line i'd like to be the green light i think the traffic light analogy is cleaner because it's three and we're three but it's really not clean it doesn't make

any sense all right okay yeah this is adam that does look kind of like although you know it's also curvy it looks kind of like a woman you want to fuck well if you imagine that's the asshole and that's the pussy yeah when i was a kid that's i always said so the assholes wider these are the legs so the legs are split open that's the pussy

that's the bottom of the butt cheeks i see yeah i like that i like that i think i could be something else also though what do you mean you don't want to be green anymore that's not good i could be green but everyone loves green yeah

green was a compliment stuff don't fucking don't act like you said it like it gets like i'm lucky calm slash calm town yeah you want to go to that its creative allows you to chill out enough to have these kind of all chill out and energy you know here's adam

here's that the detour that's true that is you maybe yield the yield sign i'm warning big get pussy area i remember as a kid as a kid so yield

signs were you want to hear i'm the welcome sign to hershey park that's me dude you might have some chocolate and have a good time you might have a nice day welcome to hershey park yield signs are always red and then occasionally

you would see a yellow yield sign and as a kid that was like rare yeah i was like man i love that i don't remember the yellow yield sign i'm not a freak i love that

i used to teach defensive driving so if you go to what website getsuperleaf.com slash come town you can get 20% off no they got all these from southeast asia it's legal shipping

it's very good if you're trying to withdraw from heroin we've heard we can't say that legally that seems to be what people mostly use it for but it's just good i remember one time years ago a friend of mine

said you gotta try this stuff it's good shit and this is a guy that did a bunch of drugs in the past and he said you know what this is fucking good stuff i don't need to do drugs he's a nice he's a good guy a touring musician

if you're good at controlling yourself then it's probably great first thing in the morning you get a little cup of cratum instead of a cup of coffee it does wake you up but it chills you out you get a cup of coffee with a percusset that sounds awesome

and if you can't listen if you can't get super leaf maybe just put a little percusset in a cup of coffee this stuff it's pretty good it's clean they got the cratum association of america the american kennel association

awarded it the best in show in terms of fake drugs narrowly beating out cbd at the west minster which cbd they also i think these guys have that but we were mainly talking about they do

but we were mainly talking about the cratum they got this new shit now also the corner store in my neighborhood they sell delta 8 but they were like we also have just complete weed like i've never been in there before he's never seen me

i was looking for a fucking diet doctor pepper and he's like yeah we just have weed dude delta 8 edibles are straight up you're just high it's fucking marijuana it's not like k2 scary stuff dude no it's literally edibles and you get fucked up you go to getsuperleaf.com

but yeah good if you don't have access and look we're lucky we live in the greatest city in the world where you can get drugs illegally at your fucking bodega that's right but for you fucking humps in the middle of the country

that's what they do i don't really have pain well you're asshole it says aging millennial and you're new to aches and pains first of all if you're new to pain in your 30s mid 30s

then you haven't you haven't you haven't really experienced the life you haven't experienced heartache and loss you grow up yeah if you hurt your back pull a muscle unwind with a glass of kratom tea cool

you know what i will say i will push back i don't like the idea of just uh you know it's like you just you put i put it in a little mason jar and i do it shot style and i down it because and i'll tell you this

no matter where you get this stuff it tastes like fucking dog shit it really does really because it's a plant that's like a dried out plant even plants that are supposed to taste good taste like fucking shit that's true i don't know i think the mario

what about the coco huh what about coco yeah what about mint mint taste alright well then dry out a bunch of mint grind it up and put it in a cup and see if you like that see if you like that adam that's true see if you like that

actually that sounds awesome isn't that what mint kratom is the secret supplement that influencers don't want you to know about why are they hoarding it for themselves it's a great pre-workout supplement it helps you write jokes we took a bunch of it oh it's a cousin of coffee

i didn't realize plants can have cousins yeah they do which is very funny to imagine the plants like yeah my wife's brother fucked a bee

sucked my wife's brother's cock and spit it into that lady's pussy over there they call it the birds in the bees but it's really the plants in the bees yep that's right the bees are just dipping them taking a bath and flower come yeah they're fucking flowers

um fucking freaks it comes in tea powder and capsules that you can put anywhere your pockets your backpack your suitcase your ass your ass your pussy everyone's got residual covid blues sure super speciosa

can pull you out of your rut uh yeah i mean i did at the beginning of the year i didn't really have i don't even call it residual covid blues but everything was unholding the year clicked over it's like alright now biden's president

and uh nothing i mean it's just the same bullshit i did have to i did need supplements to not kill yourself to not just start drinking again

which you know i'm proud of you it's been a while creatinum can help improve your mood deliver energy and reduce pain helps people feel better also use to relieve stress and take the edge off every batch every batch of super speciosa has a qr code to scan and view the exact lab certificates

that's awesome that's pretty cool dude more shit should have that have a qr code on the back of their neck that you can just hold your phone up and it tells you their exact race they're 23 meters and how much pussy they've gotten how ran through they are yeah

how fresh is that pussy i want to know the qr code super speciosa wants you to come again with unlimited use of their 20% off promo code come town get superleaf.com for 20% off your entire order

superleaf.com slash come town promo code come town that's a 20% off your order it's huge and you can also check out com.town a different website that has t-shirts for sale a lot of things

newly restocked we got some new designs hidden in the store as soon as they can manage to go a single month without where things running out of stock oh and uh oh yeah t-shirts now why nick

why only put money in nick's pocket make sure it goes to me too are my t-shirt just good no, nick is better mine are more universal they don't just say stavros halkias okay we don't have to take fucking shots

i was complimenting your t-shirts maybe you could say no your t-shirts do have nicer art don't walk it back now it's pictures of you and i said look are they as good as nick's no but buy some from me anyway if you want a stavroshirt

go to stavroshirt we got into the political arena and i created a shirt that says capitalism can suck my little ass dick does it say that? alright that's a universal thing if you have a little dick maybe you just got into theory

you know what i'm saying you're one of these fucking guys just fucking buy the shirt i'm selling a shirt that says i love new york but the heart is the logo from the band hymn that's good hymn new york that's a good one

so go over there and then also here's just a list of cities i'll be in and go to if you want to see me portland, seattle, salt lake city, denver minneapolis, san antonio, cleveland phoenix, madison, detroit, columbus tampa, boston

and maybe a couple more but that's where i'll be through the end of the year starting in mid august so i'm excited to see you little fuckeroonies on the road and as always folks, patreon.com slash come town you can get the entire archive all of the bonus episodes

that's where adam gets to that's where adam thought of monetizing the podcast it was my idea and so adam collects $90,000 a month from the show well, we were tied up in litigation for a while but adam knows all the rules

adam, the lawyer the lawyer is the natural cousin of the podcasting i don't know what you mean by that but the lawyer and the third guy on the podcast i'll trust the i'm the train

ding ding ding ding ding stops the green light and adam is some sort of parasitic vine growing up the side of the utility pole with a little shitty worm on the top of it controlling some kind of worm controlling the vine a little worm with a little dick by the way

that's telling the plant what to do how to suck resources from the two sides how to dry rot the utility polar carries the electricity to the hard working sides so am i the vine or the worm you're the worm and the vine

it's a symbiosis but you're the worm mostly to be clear but you control the vine i wish this, i wish, you know you ever feel like you were born in the wrong era no imagine 8,000 years ago we could just be doing this but in the middle of town

and then people are like tell us how the gods made the mountains and we're like well adam's and his worm friends tell us of the gods and how they made the rivers and mountains well the rivers came out of adam's ass originally he got fucking the ass

by the sun and they're like well we need to write this down where's the only man in town that knows how to write and adam's like i'm the jew and they're like write this down you came out of your ass and then i change everything to sound cool but we don't find out for a generation

because you can't read we can't read we're too busy getting pussy and farming smart man wrote the book that's me i mean you guys wrote it i just changed it a little bit you edited it honestly the fact that

and frank's dad was like maybe i could sell this make a little funny i think two birds are having sex it's not she's not coming back one way or the other they're fucking they're fucking nobody cares

two birds are fucking oh wow dude that bird is horny dude that was kind of a one pump that's why they call it the birds and the bees i thought birds laid eggs and the male bird came on them

they jumped on her back and did one pump and then they flew away but she was screaming she was begging for time she was fluttering yeah that's pretty cool that's pretty cool that kind of got me horny dude you know what gets me horny is guys

no pre-come the first taste of pre-come there's big long mongolian trumpets blaring what are those yeah that gets me horny there's a horde coming to fuck your ass

damn i would love to be that son just putting my fucking arm down being like do not disrespect the train don't you fucking dare get to stop my friend is about to be here ding ding ding ding ding ding

they be like what's up dude the train yeah i got this i got it buddy dude it's so good to see you we got i got this are you taking fucking car parts from Mexico that's awesome I will see you on the way back i will see you when you head back to Mexico

I'll hold it down here fucked again It's kind of a longer process. They're in the tree now. I'll be holding it down here in wakita. Yep. Wakanda wakita Wackita I Think I feel like it's pretty special. I I've never seen two birds fuck before It's the only time in our entire lives now. You just want to talk about this because you saw it first Yeah, this is the only thing we can talk about is the one thing you brought to the show I have been since I bit went away to coast you've been waiting playing paying a little bit more attention to nature It's a wild that's something that I learned you reconnected sounds like post a rica when you talk about

I'm not boasting. I'm just telling you guys about how it's boasting you love boasting on my vacation What other kind of realizations did you have? Realizations. Yeah, you said you stop. Do you feel like you ever have squealizations? Yeah, no, why would I have this like a pig I don't get A. I don't get it B. I don't know why that would apply to me. So no Yeah, it's just a picture of like Like star the cartoon stave in an elementary school Mm-hmm, and he's like pointing to his head and it's on like the like, you know the Bolton board that they have

Yeah, yeah, it's just like like fucking like a worm like you tell him kids to read Okay, and then stops the pig and it says get oink spired get on expired Yeah, and he's pointing to his head. That's good and then the worm is and then and then and then the students have to watch it an hour and 30 minute documentary about the train sign It's the most important sign You must always respect it. No, no, no respects the train. So everyone does everyone takes a piss on what? No It imagine everyone says fuck this sign. No, don't respect it at all. It's okay

You know what they respect is the train the train sign is Not people don't want to die from the train. No one gives a fuck about the gay ass sign The sign is the gay little hype man Respect the sign is actually it's it has a Necessary and it doesn't understand that without the train. It's no body Yeah, that's final destiny the arm is part of the sign You know the arm at the sign is the sign the arm is the thing that no Adam come on we had him here and you got a fucking room and it was

The plane is the fucking what are you fucking talking about the arm? No one we need the sign of it didn't have the arm and it has the arm Why do you gotta give him a arm is a part of this? But the point is guess what come just came by the logic train Ding, ding is the bell, that's not the sign. The bell is gay, the sign is gay, the only thing that's cool is the fucking train. A logic train, and it just was derailed by a pig,

stuck on the track. The pig is riding the train, giving the sign the finger. And it's about to get pussy from a hotter pig, with big tits. Yeah, this one does. This is not a regular pig. This is a boss hall. Pigs are police officers?

No, no, this is the boss hall. This is the boss hall. Sometimes they drive a semi. This is the boss hall. That's it, pigs are never conductors. It's taking the train to get pussy in Mexico, where the car parts come from. I'm going to look at it, just to prove you wrong.

Because there's hotter fucking pigs down there. I'm going to look this up right now. The boss hall is going to get exotic types of pig pussy. Conductor, because I guarantee it, no one's ever even thought of it. I don't know, I don't know what that is. Yeah, he's not the conductor. The boss hall is not the conductor. He's riding the train that people respect,

and giving the finger to the gay little sign. And the worm is riding the pig on the pig's shoulder. He's getting eaten by his friend. No, no, no, no. He's kind of his ratatouille-style friend. No. And it's like, you got to ride from a train. I got to ride from my pig friend.

Actually, boss hall for real is like the cop in Dukes of Hazard. Well, no. And guess what happens constantly? The Dukes of Hazard jump over a train track, and boss hall gets stopped by the sign. The sign is not what stops him. It's the train that stops him. He doesn't care about the sign.

The sign is fucking gay. Once again. And also, we're talking about a real hog, not the fucking character from Dukes of Hazard. No, we're talking about a fearsome hog. Who's you stalk? No, a fearsome fucking warthog that gets pussy in the wild. That's who we're talking about.

I don't even know what the, we don't need to be fucking. Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. Put them over there. No, we need to be stopping this. We do not need to be watching this. I don't even know what this is, man. I think it's a clip, man. That's less than two minutes from here.

Well, you know what? I'm not watching this. I looked up Dukes of Hazard, boss hall, and then had a picture of Bert Reynolds with Ariel Winter. And now I'm looking to pick some Ariel Winter, really big ass titties. You know what, yeah, you can't see Adam, there you go. Oh, whoa.

Hey, look, there it goes now. I'm going to look up Ariel, but I have to pee. No, we're looking up now. All right, look at titties. A movie where a chimpanzee is a doctor. God damn, man. This is, I just real know this has to be a deep fake. God damn, these are fucking big ass titties.

Is Virgil Texas in jail? Yeah, he's in jail. He's in jail. Look at this movie, Spy Mate. He's in groom jail. What the fuck is this? Here it is. Where a monkey is an FBI agent.

No, I think that was after the Dunstan checks-in craze. They got some nice fakes of Ariel Winter with her titties out. Like, I know this is fake, but I got no qualms with it. Oh, yeah. That's perfect. That's what you call, right up my god damn alley. Oh, man. Yeah.

Yeah, pretty cool stuff. What? No, man, the show is not over. We're still looking at breasts from people. You appear like we weren't on air. Is the show over? We're on air. We're just looking at breasts.

We're live. We're live here on location with a fat man that's afraid of a train sign. Not afraid of the train sign at all. Controlling a plan. The train sign is for fucking losers. No, dude. Oh, shit.

I did not mean to look at a leaked picture of Ariel Winter, which appears to be getting fucked, but I am now currently. It seems looking at it, and I didn't mean to. But, you know, damn, these are huge tits. Anyway. Anyway, I don't have my phone on me, so. What?

Look, this is a picture of me fucking at him in the ass. Why are you thinking that? What is that? Dude, the fucking train sign is so fucking gay. The train sign rules is so fucking gay. Why would you want to be that? Ding, ding, ding, ding.

Why would I want to be that? Ding, ding, ding, ding, I'm fucking gay. That's not what it sounds like. You know what I am. No. You know what I am? Meanwhile, the ball song's like, I'm getting pushed. It's just a green stop sign, and you're like, oh,

I just want to get out of everybody's way. Everybody have a good time. I'm not a green, dude. I'm the ball song. No, you're the green sign. I said I'm the welcome to Hershey Park sign, by the way. And I'm definitely a welcome sign. You know what?

I changed my mind. Because everyone's having a good time when they see me. Everyone's having a nice time around me. You know I changed my mind? What are you? I'm the sign that says put your towels here in the ladies locker room. I'm the sign that says towels go here.

So you're fucking peeping Tom. I see ladies. You're fucking peeping Tom. I'm just a sign that I didn't put myself there. That should be a girl. I'm just a sign. That sign should be for girls. No.

So you know what? You're right. Because whoever picked. That's just my job. They wouldn't know where to put the towels. You're a girl. Well, I get to check out a hot chick's all day long. But you have a pussy now in the locker room.

You have a pussy now. No, I'm a sign. Yeah, you're a sign with a pussy. What a. I picked a really cool sign just now you could admit it. What are you watching? It's a video of different trains, huh? Yeah, it sounds pretty fucking stupid to me.

The train is the only fearsome thing there. With Verizon Fios, you can make your new homework even better for you. That's true. Oh, look. That could be like this interracial gay couple. Easy. That's the only way I know how to buy internet is if I see

myself represented in the commercials. Yeah, I know. Hello again, rail fans. A question that I've been getting frequently recently, for some reason, is about railroad grade crossing signals. Automatic signal activations. How do they work? How does the signal know when the train is there?

How does it know when the train is gone? Well, I'm going to give you the simple answer to this, because, frankly, it's the only one. All right, shut up, you fucking shit. Dude, just get to me. Dude, that guy's you. Doing my job. No, he's not.

He's crossing US Highway 92. He was already on the crossing when I got there, but you can still see how this works. It's a conventional track circuit system. When the train passes into the detector circuit, the wheels shunt the two rails and begin changing the impedance of a coded circuit in the track. The electronics in the signal box trigger the crossing lights

and bells. As the train gets closer, the impedance keeps changing, letting the software in the signal box know that the train is coming toward the crossing and to keep flashing and ringing. Here comes Q453. Here comes my co-worker and friend that we see each other outside of work sometimes.

No, he's like, shut up. Yeah, the sign is kind of like the Stevie. It's absolutely. You're absolutely the Stevie of the train. Yeah, the Stevie of the train. The train is Kenny Powers. The train's 100% Kenny Powers. The signal guy.

And the ball sogs hanging out with Kenny Powers, doing drugs, about to get pussy. No. Riding Kenny Powers to get pussy from my pigs. Stop before the crossing, the motion detector would sense that the track impedance stopped changing and after a minute. What a great noise.

You fucking freak. What do you mean freak? I can't wait to get my curly ass Boss Hog dick just fucking saturated with pig pussy juice while you're fucking waving to the train that doesn't respect you. I can't wait for you to dive hard attack. Well, it's not going to happen, dude. It's not going to happen.

I can't wait for you to get convicted of child porn. No, I can't wait for you, Boss Hog, to go to jail for the crimes you've committed against. I am not the Boss Hog. Maybe you're both the things you guys have said, because you're thinking of Boss Hog from Dukes of Hazard, who I guess is a pedophile that's going to have a heart attack.

I'm in the ladies locker and minding my own damn business. Me, I'm a fucking animal. I'm the Boss Hog of the forest, and I ride the train to get pussy from pigs in Mexico. You're not, you are that train. You're minding your, or you are that sign, but you're a girl. We've been through all of this. And I clearly come out on top, and that's

all that needs to be said. I'm a cool lesbian that everyone likes. Why don't we move on and talk about the Free Brittany conservatorship controversy, and how we're all pro-Britney spears here? I'm pro-the-father. You're pro-the-father? I trust the courts.

You trust the courts? And until the courts say otherwise, that's the way I'm going to go. I say free Brittany bitch, personally. I haven't really been paying attention. Well, I don't know what's happening either, but I'm always going to side with this person who I've jacked off to more in a dispute.

That's just kind of how I'm built. Well, that's kind of my philosophy. Well, I'm honest enough to admit that I was probably not able to jack off at the time of her, the peak of her celebrity. What are you talking about? She was famous when we were like fourth grade, dude. No, no.

Are you out of your mind? I'm not out of my mind. Brittany Spears. I'm just being honest with the audience. Brittany Spears first single. What was it called? The one where she dressed like a schoolboy. Hit me, baby, one more time.

Hit me, baby. We were in elementary school. Comes out in 1998. Yeah, we were in elementary school. 10 years old. Yeah. I was not jacking. What about the one where she's in the fucking red

pant leather suit? What's that one called? I don't know. I was having sex by then. No, you weren't. Yeah, I was. Don't lie to yourself. Yes, I was.

Brittany Spears red jumpsuit. Oops, I did it again, of course. How could I forget? Oops, I shit it in my pants. That comes out in 2000. Oops, I shit it in my pants. That was good. That was good.

2000, I'm 12. I messed inside my pants. I shit it in my pants. It would be incredibly unfortunate to shit your pants in that red jumpsuit. I mean, where's the shit going? That would be incredibly uncomfortable. All the way down to your ankles?

How do you get out of that damn thing? They make special suits for children with fragile X syndrome because I like to shit. What's fragile X? It's a congenital mental retardation disease. But one of the symptoms is they love playing with their own shit. So they make these suits for the kids

that are like they just seal at the neck and the ankles. So they can't play with their shoes? They just fill up with shit like a water balloon so they can't get their shit. It's like a full body diaper. Did you just make that up? No, look it up. It kind of looks like the kid from Big Daddy.

Prominent broad fore had large years, long face. As a star, would you ever be in a movie called Big Fatty? I guess it depends on the role. That was pretty good. I guess it depends what the role is. That was pretty good. I don't think it was. What about instead of fragile X syndrome,

it's static X syndrome. It's like that band, static X. Do you remember them? OK, never mind. Yeah, see what happens when I don't yes and the joke on this fucking podcast? Yeah, toileting issues in fragile X. Don't forget who fucking makes the laughs

happen around here, Adam. Next time you say that was pretty good. Because I could have fucking backed you up with that horrible fucking joke. It was horrible. If that got a little laugh from me and I said, yeah, that sounds right. If it wasn't a real laugh, I don't want the real.

I don't want the fake one. I want you to keep me honest. That's what you think. And that's what a real friend does. You want me to keep you honest? You're not going to like how this podcast goes for you, Pal. All right, keep me honest. Starting now, we're keeping me honest, OK?

We're starting now. We're never going to lie to each other again. My job is to lube up the fucking pod, all right? Don't forget who greases the fucking wheels around here. The next time you say pig fatty was a good one. OK, that's all I'm saying. It was cool. Just next time, just remember how the fucking,

how the fucking laughs roll around around here. I'm trying to look this up now. It looks like I may have completely made up that thing about that. Yeah, it sounds ridiculous. I think that is that what Doug Flutie's kid has, or is that just regular? I don't know.

Child playing with own feces, suit. Oops, I sucked on your dick. It tasted bad. I fucking hated it. Yeah, preventative, preventative suit. They make it. Oh, it's autism. Fecal smearing and how to help reduce this in children

with autism from specialkids.company. That company? That's the name of the website. Fecal smearing or poo smearing is a topic that can no longer be ignored. It's uncomfortable. If we ignored it for a while, it was ignored. This is already going to be funny,

but let's crank it up a notch. It's uncomfortable for most people. To talk about and happens more often than we want to acknowledge, specialkids.company helps you to make this behavior of the past or at least minimize its impact. Tips on how to deal with fecal smearing in children with autism.

What should be in your cleaning kit? We've made a short list. Proper gloves, cleaning clothes, toilet paper, bucket. Dude, this is brutal. Imagine having a kid with autism and you come home and they're like, I painted. The walls are covered. And God, life could be just so shitty.

You know? Absolutely, dude. That's your fucking kid? Yeah. In the old days, there used to be a way to fucking handle that. Olds, they'd kill you. Kill yourself.

You kill yourself, of course. You leave the kid a nice big pile of chocolates and then you fucking take a nice fucking find a nice big rock and jump off it. Yeah, you disrespect the train sign. The train sign is like, whoa, pal, where are you going? You're like, I'm killing myself. My son keeps sparing shit.

Yeah, you can't do shit about it, by the way. You're a fucking gay ass little son. No, the sign's like, I got you. No, the sign's like, no, no, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. You go ahead and you can go. Listen to me. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. I'm keeping out of it.

People are like, stop that guy. I'm like, leave him alone. He knows what he's doing. Ding, ding, ding, the train is coming. Wait, listen to the train sign. Let's how about this. Ding, ding. Let's listen to a different sound.

No, dude, you know what it's going to be. It's going to be an oink sound, you know, so I'm taking the power away from you. No. Like Eminem from, like Eminem from, he's like, yeah, I am in a trailer park. My mom is a slut. Yeah, exactly, yeah. That's what I'm doing right now. That's what I do.

I do that every episode. No, you don't. You're right, I'm gay. What is this? Pig squealing. OK, great. This doesn't even offend me, because I don't sound like that. Go on, drop him like Eminem.

You're too far for you. And yeah, the pigs are agile, by the way. Yeah, that's not me. Doesn't do me no never mind. That's you. It's not me. I feel like that guy was being mean to the pig. No, no, I feel bad for the pig, no.

That's the kind of shit you fucking just. That guy is harassing me. You know what I'd love to do? I'd love to take that guy, like take that guy and kidnap him and his daughter. Take him down to a basement and then watch him, force him to watch as I spend a week killing his daughter with a razor blade and a salt shaker. Yeah, I don't know. That's what he deserves for bothering that pig.

That's what he gets for bothering that pig. I'd really love to just. You're vacillating wildly between pro and anti pig. So what I'd do is I'd tie that guy to a chair, take his. See if I'm not doing this. No, this is not even a real pig. This is a man making pig noise. Boss hog call.

Wait, that's a guy imitating a pig? He's a guy imitating a pig, whereas I played a video of a real pig. I thought we said we weren't lying on this show. I didn't lie. You said that that was a boss hog call. That's what he was doing, a boss hog call. That was a man sound. Well, I don't have time to pull up a fucking real ball.

This looks like a good video. Cop begs for her life after fugitive pulls out gun. It's in a related video. It's a big squealing. I think that's just your algorithm. This would probably be satisfying. Hey, everyone, welcome to Forward. We are a new kind of doctor's office.

It's doing primary care different. Imagine doing an ad for this video. A police officer walking down a dark road. She's checking out a suspicious vehicle without a state plate. Hello? In this police body cam video, she questions the driver behind the wheel.

What are you doing? Park's back here. Do you happen to have a driver's license on you that I could see? He seems nervous, fumbling for the license. It's suspicious that you're back here. This doesn't normally happen. The guy tells her he doesn't have a license.

I just have to make sure you don't have any warrants or anything, which I'm sure you don't. What officer Breonna Tedesco doesn't know is that the man is a fugitive, wanted for murder. He gave her a fake name of James Duncan. They're not finding a deal, a driver's license record for James. Can you try Duncan donuts? Yeah.

Yeah. Can you try Duncan my nuts in your mouth? Do you have anything in the vehicle with your name on it? That's when all hell breaks loose. He pulls a gun on the officer. She begs for her life. Jesus fucking Christ. They struggle for 20 seconds.

From another angle, you can see the backup unit as Officer Tedesco struggles. Her backup opens fire. He killed both of them. His real name, Kenneth Martel. And he was wanted in Pennsylvania. Damn. That was a real sound.

I'm a real person. It did sound a lot like the pig, though, to be fair. Yeah, it did sound like the pig. Those two videos sounded a lot alike. And I didn't like either of them. It didn't sound as funny as the name. Well, hold on. Here's what we're going to do, guys.

Yeah. We're going to calm down. We're going to forget that that woman's a human being. Yeah, that's a person. And we're going to say to ourselves, fuck around, find out. Find out, yeah, yeah. We're going to remove. Abolish.

Because she's part of a system. OK? Yep. All right. And you know what? When you're doing that, go to Stobby.biz. If you have a problem with that, maybe you can look up the history of the United States.

Is that true? Because there's a lot more of worse stuff there than in a video that I think is good. I don't think it's good. I think it's good. But she's a cop. I think it's very funny. I thought, yeah, I thought you're the number one cop.

You know, I went down to the border, and we showed this video. And I said, we need more of this. And they said, well, what is this? And I said, I think it's a Tupac music video. It's a Tupac music video. It's an intro that all lies on me. It's a music video for my favorite musical rapist, Tupac.

Tupac Shakur. I still would smash Kamala, though, to be fair. A lot of people, they say, Kamala, now that you're vice president, are you giving up the pussy to the fourth caller? Today's 100th caller. And I said, yes, two tickets. Call up 98 Rock.

Call up 98 Rock. I want two tickets. You get two tickets to see her, and you get to fuck my pussy. I want to go see Theory of a Dead Man, and Marijuana Post-Prividian, and get a piece of pussy from the vice president. That's not a bad afternoon. You called up.

There would be some power to get fucking the vice president. Oh, my god, Doug. I'm so envious of him. Tug. No, not Doug. I'm saying I fuck her. I'm just saying, that's his life. That's where we're talking about fucking Kamala Harris,

and Adam's mind is like, what would it be like to be a man? What do you mean? Doug gets a fucker, whatever he wants, man. Who the fuck is Doug? You're fucking awesome, man. I'm like, boo-da-boo-da-doo-da. That's what's going on in this guy's head. That's how what I'm thinking about it, man.

And then he's imagining being a tiny man. I wish I was a little boy that could get puberty. I'm imagining the guy that gets to smash. Oh, Patty, your dick is bigger than mine is. How do you do that so good? Oh, Patty. How did you do that so good? Because you're gay.

Patty, why is my dick so small? Is it because I was circumcised? Doug, Doug, you're fat. My boyfriend, Doug's a fad. I'm telling everyone at school, the Doug's penis wouldn't get hard. Does he ever get Patty Mayonnaise's cheeks? They get married, dude.

They do? They spend the rest of their lives together. I didn't know that. That's fucking lame. I'm going around the school telling everyone, Doug's a fag. Oh, is that Roger? Yeah. You're a dick.

You're me. I'm green, and my dick is big. I got a big, green dick. That's so true, Ari Roger. Oh, fuck. You know Roger's first name? What does the friend say? Honk, honk.

He goes like a noise. Skeeter? Yeah, he does like a honk. I don't even know what does Skeeter sound like? I don't remember. Skeeter, Doug. Proof that Skeeter Valentine was black. That's the first video.

Yeah. Just skip ahead here. We'll just skip ahead here, I said. All right, there's just music in this video. The Skeeter teaches you how to dance. Hey, Doug, here we go. Here's the honk honk. 998, 999, 1,000.

You have done it. I've loved you. Just fucking get to people speaking. What is with the Doug fans? The diet going, wha! Uh, doughnuts. Yeah, a pre-built. And I'm like, uh, a man's penis.

That's not a lady. That's not a lady. She's one of those big shit. Oh, I love the smell of a man's penis. Mm, delicious, delicious. Can you put it in my mouth? Anyways, what we're talking about, how did we get to that? That's what I'm thinking about when we're talking about having

sex with Kamala. Oh, yeah, because you said Doug. Must be awesome to be Doug. You know, I went down to the border and I told them who I won't have sex with, who I will not have sex with. She didn't say that. There's a man boy obsessed with the show, Doug, when I'm trying to give Pussy to his podcast hosts.

When his co-hosts on the podcast that he's friends with. That's fucking true. Hey, they keep asking me, where's Kamala? Where's Kamala? Why is she here? Why is she here? Why is she here giving out Pussy to the White House? She's down there at the pussy, getting fucked by ours,

turning open Anthony. And I sit down there giving Pussy to the podcast, guys. We have Matt and Shane here at the White House next week. And we're doing a dick measuring contest. We're having Matt and Shane put their dicks together and then have Hunter stand next to them to see if their powers combined can even come close to the size of Hunter's cock. That's awesome, man.

That would be cool. They killed this dog, Champ. Oh, yeah. Champ got got for being too fucking rowdy. Yeah, for biting too many penises around the White House. Oh, fuck. All right, I got to piss. It's time to end the show.

It's time to go do a bunch of fucking drugs at 2 o'clock in the afternoon. It's time to do cocaine by myself in my apartment. What if, you know?