The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. 268 – congo

Episode Date: July 14, 2021

its a jungle out here

show to be over and then we just get on the next flight to austin texas to be closer to the god himself are you gonna move are you trying to weasel your way into the joe rogan universe animal? i already have a line into uh... to a couple of the fellas who do you got?

uh... jimmy or what's the name joey coco deez? you and joey coco deez hang out? we're talking about starting another podcast are you serious? what would it be called? uh... there's a couple joey and the homo no that wasn't one of the names we tossed out i think that's a good name for it

hey it's me fucking joey coco deez i love you i love you rogan williams i'm hanging out with rogan williams one time we were talking about we were touching each other's faces and talking about how we were in love with each other

and we were doing fucking we were selling harrowing back in the old back in fucking brooklyn the old days everybody knew sign language yeah we tell stories about the old days but you can see back then people don't understand brooklyn was uh... was fucking overgrown it was still there was still a deciduous forest back in the day there was still plenty of there was undergrowth and the canopy hadn't been destroyed so there's still a home for guys like us deaf gorillas

old school deaf gorillas old school deaf gorillas with friends of rogan williams stuff like that i remember i read a story about a gorilla that was raised by humans and she beat off to uh... i think burt reynolds on tv the gorilla thought she was a human yeah that's always the thing where when

animals get too close to their trainers they start getting horny hey how you doing it's me squirt reynolds squirt reynolds bird reynolds but i got a pussy you know you're gonna get a rain and i can make a squirt p that's awesome does that sound like bird reynolds how does bird reynolds sound how you doing friend

like a real man how you doing i got uh... i'm squirt reynolds i really couldn't how you doing i'm squirt reynolds that's not it how you doing how you doing right now don't you how you doing i'm squirt reynolds it's not

i'm squirt reynolds squirt reynolds baby i'm motherfucking squirt reynolds i'm here to squirt my pussy all over your face bird reynolds pussy squirt would taste so bad oh my god it would taste so good it would be so pungent you know my man eating pie and apple no he's not all day

i ate vagine apple vagine apple squirt reynolds and i ate vagine apple to make my pussy pee face better me and joey cacodee face me and joey cacodee bag are hanging out in the jungle drinking each other's pee robin williams came by and uh... tried to talk him out of killing himself i don't know but it didn't work it didn't work

i don't know the brooklyn jungle what happened uh... you know there's just too many branches in the jungle oh so you turn your back for one second turn your back that guy couldn't wait to kill himself he was trying for years

really i had no idea squirt reynolds yeah remember when burt reynolds posed nude for a playgirl magazine because he thought women would be masturbating to him and he got mad that it was for gay guys the fucking homos are beating off to me that's one of the funniest things of all time i see where he's coming from

what are you talking about that's your bag dude your bag is being sexy all the time remember when you were considering going gay you brought this up i made a fucking joke and you bring this up like i was fucking about to be gay no nick i am neutral in this nick thinks that you brought it up to be closer to bobby

no what nick says hold on how is that neutral on this is now you're turning it into another thing nick was claiming here's what nick one time accused me of you're like all these cool older comedians are actually gay guys no nick accused me one time because i said i would have sex with a trans girl and nick accused me of copying and while i'm saying

no never i think that was what no copying copying like bobby and Ian and all that is true i do think there was an element out of what we've got that was not true maybe it was a joke

maybe it was a joke but i distinctly remember it was me and you sitting there there was coco the gorilla we were in a jungle with joey caca joey caca joey congo well coco is already the name of the gorilla

joey caca decaf and he's like i love what i really love is a nice decaf cup of coffee joey caca decaf joey caca decaf does decaf still make you shit your pants? they call me caca because i used to shit all the time but i had to switch to decaf that's what our podcast is about i went to prison for drinking too much coffee

yeah i was selling fucking illegal coffee in the jungle wow yeah it was causing too much of a shit epidemic yeah i used to suck off burt reynolds in jail but to be diplomatic and i didn't give my diplomatic verdict nobody wants diplomatic

for stav to say that he wanted to become trans amorous to me that is a heterosexual form of love thank you it wasn't you going gay that was the second half of what i was going to say and i said i had a bit and you know what i will even go so far and say it's even kind of a hack bit to talk about how easy it is for gay guys to fuck

and when i was depressed and not getting pussy early on in our relationship here i said it sort of like oh well i'll just be gay and get cock and you have twisted this into me you've tried to say that i was so desperate that i was ready to suck cock that he was a starving man meanwhile i was just making a fucking joke yeah and you've twisted my words ugly a couple times

i'm on sucks and here's the other thing now that i have gotten a lot of pussy now i am open to getting my dick sucked by a man why not that's my stance why not who gives a fuck

i've fucked enough women and i've said this before one time i met a little blonde guy that reminded me of a friend's ex-girlfriend and you know what you'll be denying this in three years no i won't when i bring it out

it's all i record when we're still doing the show in three years if we're still doing the show i will kill myself when you bring this up that'll be the way to do that'll be like my you'll know it's time

that'll be when that's when it's time to just take out a gun shoot my fucking brains out on mic at least let it be on mic in three years the show's just gonna start and be like i'm bingo walldorf i'm the clown from they had a different clown it's hardy's restaurant

go in go in get the whole menu value city coupons the whole book the whole book you can go through and read it backwards read it back upside down

any which way you want it they used to give out loans before before you know the ticket taker on the titanic he was retarded and it's like maybe that's the reason the ship sank

because that was the first a lot of people thought it started with the movie theaters but it was actually the titanic was the first place they had a retarded ticket taker and he led on too many fat women and that's why the boats

they had to make up this thing about the iceberg which of course was also retcon in the people's minds to trick them into thinking global warming was real why the fuck would there be an iceberg in the middle of the Atlantic

they say oh because it used to be colder that's why you take a boat from where was it going? Florida to fucking Africa? yep that's where the titanic was going it was going from Fort Lauderdale that's a warm route

from Florida from Fort Lauderdale to an icy route from the Côte d'Ivoire Miami back in back when it was it still had an English name before it was ruined by immigrants and it was called Tim Hortons what was Miami like in like the 20s?

because there were Cubans Miami Beach had a ban on Jews for a long time oh so it was paradise Jews used to not be allowed to live there they called it heaven on earth also regular heaven and then they changed the rule

also just the normal heaven it was flooded infested some may say so before the Jews and before the Cubans what even was the culture there I think it was really tan white guys called Tim Hortons

and the mayor was actually Chinese really? and they had no this is I'm still doing this you're back to Nick the show in three years in three years the Nick Bones schizophrenia hour

they let the Jews in you'll have a recording of me that laughs every 30 seconds effect affect effect affect effect affect they forget the two of them you mess the way you remember it's A

because always say affect even E effect even if the word is effect ever yes that's how you remember the two the difference between two of them absolutely whatever happened to jazz clubs

are people still going to those I think they are yeah well good for them that's like an option let's go to that or go to a comedy show I don't know if anyone ever got molested to jazz music

that's gotta fuck you up for sure probably worse well there's probably people got molested to like buck cherry and shit well you know that you're a crazy bitch but you look so good on those

ash cast jeans I think it's a high batting average on buck cherry buck cherry and seather getting molested to that I'm sorry that I hurt you that's hubus thinking yeah it is

the reason and the reason is I'm gay and the reason is I thought it would be cool the reason is I think it's so small I thought legally it wasn't illegal I thought it was so small I thought you were 14 and the reason is I thought it would be cool

I didn't yeah I didn't realize it was bad it wouldn't be that cool at all in fact I thought it would be cool I'm sorry yeah this one goes out to Bert Reynolds

I'm sorry that I squirted yeah I love that song it's about me I wrote that song about me I squirted I think that sounds like him I'm Bert Reynolds and I squirted out of my pussy I'm Squirt Reynolds

I know what I'm Squirt Reynolds now it sounded like a fuck why don't you be supportive for once you fat piglet bitch okay I'm supportive a lot thank you very much I'm trying to keep you fucking honest for once impressions

it sounds like when you were doing the guy with the big tits I'm a baby it's got damn it I'm a fucking no Hackman I can't do it all he's never called that's close I mean I get that you're doing it it's close but it's not there it's a little off

if you were dressed as Gene Hackman a little hat a Popeye Doyle hat then I would say yeah that's Gene Hackman listen I know I'm trying to find something get your fucking mitts off your phone listen I just want to show you my penis

I'm just trying to show you my penis can I show you my penis god damn it something like that yeah dude you know what I watched now I'm Bert Reynolds and I'm gay yeah there it is pull that thread

there's a difference there I watched Manhunter recently oh it's such a good movie that movie rocks and it's just a story about you manhunter that movie is really cool that's the Ronan Farrow movie right

about looking for Harvey to catch Harvey Weinstein to catch his dad why do you call catch and kill what do you mean the Ronan Farrow book about Harvey Weinstein I've never read it I didn't read it

I don't want to read those my dick is too hard to read shit like that Ronan Farrow followed me on Twitter and I swear to god for like three minutes that happens to me a lot I got a notification that Ronan Farrow this was years ago

that he followed me and I clicked on his profile and it already hit it already it was like maybe his accidental yeah he was lurking he was like your cock maybe I gotta say

probably thought you were a cool cute guy Ronan Farrow looks like his father Frank Sinatra he does wouldn't be so bad to get your dick sucked by him oh he's pretty how you doing I'm Frank Sinatra

okay if my heart goes below if my heart goes below I'm Frank Sinatra I forgot wait what is in my heart right now I can't go down there's poison in my fucking heart

right right right I got poison in me in my heart that I left in San Francisco with a bunch of fags bunch of fags stole my heart I went to San Francisco and I got mugged by fags oh old blue eyes

that's a good song no one can sing it like him shut up just fucking Frank that guy's got one of the best lives of all time yeah how about Banks and Sinatra and he's like at seventeen I had about sixty five hundred dollars

and I made for my bar mitzvah savings account and I put it in a Roth IRA and compound interest is a hell of a way I continued to just you know put saccima on the away and complain about not having it

but secretly I had a bunch of money and a tax deferred account at twenty one that had already become about twenty two thousand dollars because I got lucky with some stocks that I picked just between you and me

my cousin worked at a company shared Q1 results with me and the public know about them insider trading and then the resistance I would love to do insider trading he's got a bunch he's got a bunch more money I would love to do insider trading

then get caught and then go to jail and meet some hot guys yeah suck cock for a living get strong become Muslim you wouldn't become Muslim in jail you would get fucked even in white collar prison by other Jewish men

by any other Jewish tax avoiding criminals that would be raping you no way stop wants to do insider trading where he goes to white castle yeah and some of the other guys in white castle trade

they assemble they're like pokemon cards for them they give you a brief case of insider trade honestly I kind of love sliders is that just buying sliders? but I don't like white castle sliders in a restaurant that has like bar sliders

you could just eat five tiny hamburgers right right right which is like three hamburgers oh you mean like a gorilla like some kind of deaf gorilla like cocoa I prefer a burger over sliders call me old fashioned

I had a Wendy's the other day for the first time in years how'd you like it where you had Wendy's on the side of the Long Island and where were you going and who were you with and where did your parents live

and where did you go to your parents I got the junior bacon cheeseburger junior bacon cheese fantastic sandwich it brought me back I think no it was about 1030 it was about 1030 at night

it wasn't a proper meal time I got a junior bacon cheese small sandwich in high school that value menu used to really sure it was a frosty $49 for a junior bacon cheese god damn dude remember the little fucking thing on your keychain

where you could get it you got I think 99 cents frosties all summer so cool so cool yeah she's still kicking that Wendy she's still doing alright what were we talking about a porno where we fuck Wendy

an actress that plays Wendy because I just thought I would like to fuck Wendy it would be cool if she was Bendy Bendy Wendy and you could bend her over and fuck her I don't understand people are always like I'm into like flexible women

they say why what the fuck does that matter I also find that even like an average woman is so much more flexible than a man you can really bend up a lady in some shapes that I could not be bent into

well you only have one shape I have a lot of physical how about this you guys couldn't get fucked as easily as women either you're not as bendy as women either I'm stiff I'm like a gargoyle you're not soft

I'm hunched over and perched constantly I have to I get my dick hard and I have to expose it from the back because I'm hunched over Michelle Obama you get fucked like that you're bent over what I do is I just perch on a woman

my dick points directly down it's up to her and they have to put their legs up and then I insert myself you go bouncy on them you're a reverse cowgirl then I make a face to scare away

bad luck spirits to scare away the retarded cum in your balls because you want a healthy gargoyle son a gargoyle remember that show Gargoyles yes who played the main gargoyle

like Bert Reynolds or something yeah I think it was Bert Reynolds and Joey Coco Diaz we're in it and Robin Williams little something oh I'm a gargoyle and I'm like a monkey but I'm also a lion

I have wings hey you know what would be pretty fun to do for my peers jump off and kill myself oh I wish I could get off this building so I could kill myself oh I'm so much joy to people's lives but secretly I'm a sad clown I'm a sad little clown

and I'm a gargoyle and I'm a fag hey hey Robin it's me Bert Reynolds it's me Robin let's get some pussy what the hell are you doing

are you guys wearing fucking underwear are you wearing Mack Weldon under oh I think so I think all of us I actually am I got my Mack Weldies on you see that item

the vagina model the same color as your shorts I'm not wearing Vaginal I'm not wearing Vaginal Mack Weld I'm wearing period panties I'm wearing red boxes with red shorts looks like your clothes are period correct

it is for the 2020s for someone who has a period I don't have a period and I don't take that as an insult anyway because pussies are some of the strongest things in the world yeah and women are even stronger than pussies and I

if it means I can bust inside them and then they have a period afterwards that means I don't have a son or a daughter so that's a win we're doing these reads anymore have they paid us recently? no they have not

have we been given these fucking idiots free advertising? no we have a a contract that I wrote on I wrote it on a piece of stationery from the Hilton's honors and I took a picture of it and I sent it to them

did they ever sign it and return it? what does that mean? I think both parties have to execute a contract otherwise it's not check go on kick off your summer in style

nice this is last month summer in style the brand is reinventing men's basics I love that your penis, your balls now your balls are on top of your penis

it's a reinvention it looks like a bug the balls look like the bug's eyeballs like a praying mantis macaws is so much more than just underwear their full collection includes t-shirts, polos, button ups shorts, pants

swims swims what do you mean it's for the summer? swim trunks swimsuit socksuits not swims I got a socksuit

cool and comfortable all summer from work to working out happy hour to playing with your kids that just makes me think of the Glenn Gary Glenn Rosslin your good dad, fuck you go home and play with your kids

that's what we take here I don't give a shit pal because here we put on underwear if you do have kids and if you don't know how to put on underwear show us your penis let me see your penis you's got

all of you's got three minutes to show me uses penises you hear that you fucking faggots I'm over here on macweldon.com right now and I gotta say I'm loving the stuff in this summer collection they got a nylon rucksack they got a summer cooler that's stylish

fully cocoa the gorilla signs I love you to macweldon they got big ass fucking underwear for giant gorillas like me big gorilla dicks macweldon is men's essentials for whatever your day includes sucking and fucking the vesper polo

getting your asshole blasted out tech chino short and radius short fit inch the short fit inch they named it underwear under after Adam's dick diving the macweldon you heard me

you got a short radius dude you do it's not true diving the macweldon's penis sorry swimline with truck and board short options that are quick to try and a four way penis wrapper

when you're not in the pool macweldon's new maverick tech vegino vegino maverick tech it's c-h-i-n-o vegino it's the chinese

r-a-d-i-u-s r-a-d-i-u-s that's vagina that's pussy hole that spells cunt hole hahahaha hahahaha hahahaha

oh yeah that's what it spells hahahaha you really like that one radius short are the perfect additions to your summer work they really are and let me just say folks

I have them and I've gotten pussy multiple times while wearing them I pull my cock right through the shorts and I get it slurpy slurpy slurpy macweldon makes diapers for Adam also they do they have silver ion technology and they keep him comfortable

and he can confidently power his way through shooting himself that's true we haven't mentioned that but Adam did shoot his pants I think they know they have a free loyalty program called weld in blue which sounds racial

it sounds like a weld in back the blue like almost like a prussian thing you know like a german like an iron cross the macweldon swastika program if you will that's so true

the loyalty program Adam you have a contract no I mean they have to and it's your ass contracting around a man's pee that's true it's like you're giving birth you're having contractions every 10 seconds on a man's pee yeah I was doing the breathing

and guess what kind of underwear is around Adam's ankles macweldon silver brief last silver level 1 gets you free shipping for life so check that out you could die next month that means you're getting free shipping for 4 weeks

that's a bad deal most of our listeners you'll be getting free shipping for at least another 2 or 3 once you reach level 2 by spending $200 you get 20% off every order for the next year so tell your mom

I need $200 to get cool underwear in addition to the patreon we subscribe you give me every month in addition to that and the t-shirts you let me buy I'm trying to put the underwear on so I can go to one of Stav's shows and show them the underwear

please do if you come to my show I'll be like that's awesome and then I also want to kiss Stav and he'll let me do it Stav will let me do it and his body Stav will let me be gay sex with them

I will not be having gay sex stay cool this summer I will say 99% chance I'm not having gay sex with any of our fans but there is a 1% chance that's something I'll take my chance so you're saying there's a chance

all new collections of men's essentials for Mack Weldon but you gotta be wearing Mack Weldon for me to even consider planning that little manhole if you wanna be my lover put them on your page that's right that was their old slogan

I have to re-up there's a bunch of clothes I gotta fucking donate and get new clothes I've been wearing the same shirts for going on 8 years now I remember you did a Kmart run about 8 years ago

I lost a lot of cause I got a little aggressive with ripping the sleeves off you were getting pissed my house of cards shirt that was a great shirt my Mountain Dew shirt sleeves came off of that

the one that just said Chevrolet just doing a free advertisement for the Chevrolet shirt that was the funny I put that shirt on and I literally was just walking around laughing to myself like an imbecile

at the idea of just wearing a Chevrolet it's just being a fan I love Chevrolet Mack Weldon has a free loyalty program Weldon Blue for 20% off your first order visit mackweldon.com

Slash Slash Slash Slash Gash Pussy Slash Come Town 20 M-U-M-T-O-W-N

2-0 visit mackweldon.com Come Town 20 get a promo code Come Town 20 that's mackweldon.com Slash Come Town 20 promo code Come Town 20 for 20% off Mack Weldon Reinventing Men's Basics

they're disrupting reinventing gender word cannot say gender word basics illegal gender word we've got the woke bot here folks you're not allowed to say gender word

you're indian or not the indian woke bot hello you've you've reached the this is the government robot calling you please email

picture of your post picture of your post picture of your post picture of your post picture of your post picture of your post picture of your post picture of your post

picture picture of your post picture of your post figure 8 wait time got an email solo interested to email

that I am. If you want to see your family again, because the taxes, because you have taxes, there is a warrant out for your social security number. And you must email a picture of your pussy by Western Union. This is the robot speaking. No, I'm not laughing. I'm a robot. You have to send your pussy now, because the office is going to be closed. The office is very close to the edge already. And if you could maybe text the office a picture of your pussy now. Yeah, yes. Yes. Anyway, going back to the movie manhunter. Yeah. I didn't realize that guy. I only knew that guy from being on CSI. Oh, yeah. He's hot as shit manhunter. He's been in good stuff. I didn't realize that man, you know, respect

to him. You got to think being on CSI that's a good gig. Oh yeah, that's a pay check. Barely after work. That's a paycheck. Yeah, what other shit has he been in? I'm about to watch him stuff. I'm forgetting. Yeah, he's been in a bunch of stuff. Shut up Adam. Sorry. You're talking about minehunter? No manhunter by Michael Mann. Yeah, we've done a joke about how I said I like Michael man because of the last name, right? Yeah, but it's two and shut up and spell the same way. His Adam loves his movies come thief, the heat of a man's penis before it enters my ass. The blast of the Mohicans all over my face. Oh, he didn't last the Mohicans. Damn, that's a nice little team up DDL and fucking Michael Mann. Do hold

on. There's more. Okay, Miami. Miami suck. Miami vice. Miami suck. Okay, suck. I shouldn't be helping. Fuck, what are the movies? Black Hat. Black Hat Rocks. That's where Thor is a hacker. Yeah, it's very cool. Nice. I thought it, yeah, it looked like shit, but it was very good. It did look stupid when it came out. But I have a recommendation if you're listening. Oh, that Australian movie? Yeah. Yeah, the plumber. I haven't seen it. I know you haven't. Yeah, that's why you had to chime in. I'm going to put it on my list as if you knew what I'm about to go balls deep in the criterion collection neo noir. Yes, my name is balls deep. Yes. I am the architect of the Indian matrix. My name is balls deep. Every

iteration of the Indian matrix as a man who can get any pussy if he wants. And his name is neo. Yes. He's the one. His name is neo deep. Neo deep. I am balls deep. I am balls deep. My name is balls deep vagina. Now you know my name is balls deep in vagina. What do we know? Stop the neo noir section isn't a black version of neo from the matrix. I was pissed off when I went in first. Okay, I just wanted to make sure this is I want to see the cut where Will Smith is neo. You want to see the black matrix. He fucked up, dude. What did he do? Smith the pursuit of happiness or some awful show. I don't know. But that would have been awesome. I mean, shuts out the Keanu. Dude, can you imagine

his run? He would have been the greatest. It would have been a he's already close to being the greatest. But to be in the matrix would be next level. Yeah, because who knows what else that would have done. Imagine him like capping off the decade with the matrix men in black fucking Pluto Nash. Doctor do little doctor do little black night blade. Yeah, blade. Head of state. Black state. Yeah. Yeah. Blue street. Wow. Sister act. Konga. Dunston Jackson. No, he wasn't. He wasn't. He wasn't. The very end of the game. The final the final scene of the final frame, the last frame of the soprano. God, he was gone down fucking dog. That would have been a really good run, man. Poor guy. Felix

the cat. Fuck. Yeah, that would have been tight. I rewatched Dark City again the other night. That's another nice little double feature if you want to do for yourself. Dark City and then this 13th floor. 13th floor of their vibes. Yeah. Who's that? We should program a film. It's Craig Birko as a cool name. Birko. Craig Fucko. Yeah. Craig Fucko. Can you imagine what would that be like? Hello, my name is Craig. I'm God. This is the customer service of Jenny Craig. You need to send pictures of your posted approval have not become fat. Yeah. We are doing this is hello. My name is Jenny Craig and I'm calling to see if maybe you wanted to lose weight. We have a very sophisticated program. You sent

a picture of your pussy. We tell you how many losing weight you can do. Can you tell me how big your titty is maybe for whatever reason the woman is. She's like, Oh, oh, my God. One moment. Those recordings are recording within his mind. I saw the Rob and me, the wires. There was an accident with the wires can please go on. You are saying your boob is big. One of the wires. Tell me more. He looks kind of stupid. He's got like a weird shaped. He looks like this guy. Yeah. Yeah, he's weird looking. I don't really. Yes, he was Tom Ryan in scary movie for the 13th floor, the 13th inch. I went to the cinema this weekend when I was

training. What did you see? I saw that stripper movie. Zola. Was it good? I thought they were all beautiful. Tell us what you thought about the movie. I already read the Twitter thread. Let's go ahead and we're going to pull up reviews of the movie and then ask them what he thought of the movie and see if he says anything verbatim. I like that it was short. I like that it was sort of a lot in common with 85 minutes long or something. Did you see tits? Bear tits. You see tits. You see ladies working pole. Do you see their pussies? You don't see pussies. No, you see soft cock. Soft cock and tit and tit. Yeah, tit and some who's that's weird. We were just talking about whales and there's a movie about the loneliest

whale. Would you know about that the 52 Hertz whale? Yeah, this is what I was talking about. I didn't realize they made a documentary. They made a documentary about it. It's a whale that can't communicate with other whales because it speaks at the wrong frequency. It's voices too gay. It's so sad. So other whales can't hear it. It's like, guys, what are we doing? The other whales are like, what's that noise? He has to swim alone. He swims alone, yeah. That's so sad. It's rated PG for brief smoking and some unsettling whaling images. Whales getting murdered. Who's cock do you see in Zola? A guy from exhaustion. No, you see not that guy, not cousin Greg. I would have loved to see cousin Greg soft cock. You see

a John. What the fuck is coming out to have sex with her for money? Oh, we got a movie called Pig Stop. We got a pig movie and a whale movie. Pig does look cool. It's a summer of stop with the movie theaters. Yeah. Yeah. First of all, Pig does look cool. What is Pig? It's about Nicholas Cage and somebody steals his prize truffle. Then add a movie old. Little as Dick, the Nick Mullin story. No, that's not a movie. I'm looking at the actual titles and making jokes off of them. So that's what I'm doing too. No, that's not one of the movies. Little gay bitch. Look and look. The second Nick Mullin story. Yeah. Is your last letter from your lover? Stop. It's a movie about you and the letter says

I'm a man. Fuck. Cool. Seriously? Jungle Cruise. Uh huh. It's like, okay, how much more of this black LGBT stuff are we going to do? How many more movies? What is that? Like Moonlight 2? Jungle Cruise. Yeah, I see. That's where we go. Okay. The Green Night. Was that one Matt Damon tries to get his daughter back or something? No, that's still water. Still water. Yeah, my name is, I don't know nothing about this movie. We're looking at the title. It's Matt Damon being like, oh, my name is David Stillwater and somebody raped my daughter. Yeah, that's good. I think that's it. My name is David Stillwater and I'm just, I'm down here to be a fucking god. I'm gonna fucking find my daughter. I'm gonna fucking get my daughter

back and then we're gonna fucking get some pussy along the way. And that's the guy. I'm gonna buy that on DVD just to watch him and a little director's chair crossing his legs, being like, well, you really have to get into the mind of somebody whose daughter has been taken. Right. You know, and then it's like, that's true. So I started. That is how you would pretend to be that guy. Oh, speaking of which, if you want to pretend to be a different, if you want to bet on sports, speaking of, then you can go to mybookie.ag. Yep. The best place to bet on sports. Adam, why don't you take it away? This time, I'm going to be the one taking a bathroom break. Okay, go for it. And talk about it because here's the thing. There's a big fight coming

up. You guys already know about mybookie.ag. But there's a there. You are right. There's a big fight. That's right. Conor McGregor versus Dustin Poirier III. Condom, Condom McEnword. What's his name? Condom McEnword. Condom McGregor. And Dustin Diamond. And he's coming back from the dead. Dustin Diamond. We all saw his cock in that one thing. This says the fight is July 10th, by the way. So which would be this Saturday. Maybe. Yes. So just so they keep in mind. So it was a hell of a fight. There are sure to be more fights. There are a lot of fights coming up. There are a lot of fights and there are a lot of bets you can make on those fights. Oh yeah. Currently or last week,

Greg, where's the underdog? Plus 105. Well, he lost last time to Dustin Poirier. That's right. I believe they fought it in Abu Dhabi. Abu Dhabi, I believe. Yeah, fight island. Fight island. Which is where Stav and I like to go sometimes and tell people we're going to fight. But we're really, what are we going to do? We're going to fuck. We're going to fuck. What's beautiful about mybookie.ag is that they're a very fair company. Yes. That's my bookie. Yeah. Very fair. Very on the up and up and very transparent. Yep. Legal. And what you're going to want to do with them is you're going to want to fuck. And look, there's a lot to bet on. We got the NBA finals going on or having already

happened. We got these big fights coming up or having already happened. NFL is right around the corner, folks. Yeah. Okay. Many camps. People are reporting. People are reporting. You got rookies showing up. Well, Aaron Rodgers still be there. Is Tom Brady going to get his fucking, what is it, Aethering, that fucking piece of shit? Something like that. And they also have a nice little fucking, probably some kind of money back guarantee or something like that. A bonus where you sign up, you deposit money and then they add to it. They match it. Or you get to fuck around with more money. That's not your money. How about a movie called Dunstan checks out? Yeah. And okay. What was it? Is he gamble?

He gambles. Yeah. And he, but he's checking into a casino. Eventually he checks out hence the title of the movie. Right. So similar to the hotel. He has to leave the hotel. And the casino is or sorry, it is a hotel. It's a hotel casino there. And he checks into a, I'm trying to remember which casino he checks into or hotel he checks into, but he checks into a hotel and he goes into a closet and he fucking puts a rope or an extension cord around his neck. He checks out. David Carradine style. Where did Robin Williams go? I don't remember. I don't think he was in a hotel. But they're, it's like the world of monkeys. Right. Kind of try and tie what we started the episode with.

He bets on it. It's a casino. That's why it's a casino is because we're doing the ad. Right. That's what it is. Yeah. So he's at mybookie.ag and he's a chimp that's killing himself. I'll love Robin Williams. Yep. And that's. But before he puts a nice weight, and the reason he's doing it is because he can't pay the money. He bet. He could not stand the lose because he's a champ. He's a chimpanzee. You, on the other hand, are a person. Your Honor, there's nothing in the law that says a chimp can't force a woman to have sex at gunpoint. I do declare this chimp is innocent. They probably would just kill a chimp that raped, right? There's nothing in the rule. They would never say he would never stand trial. No, it would show me where it says that in the

rule book. But he wouldn't stand trial. They would, they would fucking kill him. The prosecutor would be a little bit too ambitious. Harambe style. Charge it as an adult, you know, classic prosecutor style. Even those brain isn't. And then hold on here, Chuck. We're looking in the rule book here and there's nothing that says that the pitch is not allowed to look at China pornography on the mound. It's just plain not in here. You can't have sticky stuff, but you can. Rookie of the year too. A child molester. Yeah, a hot prospect that was in jail for 10 years for his molesting a child. How the hell are we going to beat a team with the best pitcher in the world when he's in fifth grade? What if I had an idea that was so crazy, it just might work. All right, let's hear it. We

get a pedophile. New line. Rookie of the year to guess who's getting molester. Oh, so the pitcher would. And you know what if the if you were in the universe of Rookie of the year to the game is looking at pictures of my penis on the mound and showing them to the to the monitors. It's all over my child. My child penis is all over the TV being broadcast out. Well, there's nothing in the rule. All right, chief. They just go to the rule book umpire 35 times in that movie. And then the surprise is they find out that the umpire doesn't know how to read. Right. It's been all over. They had they actually because the major league baseball rule book is that is 85 volumes. It's a cumulative 60,000 pages, which you can read at

my bookie dot ag by yes. And if you existed in the universe of Rookie of the year to you could bet on those games and in 1909 they did in fact make it illegal to look at child pornography on right on the mound and not for just because it was the games were the games would take too long because the pictures would spend half of it. It was still illegal to masturbate in those days, but photography was new. Right. And naturally, as soon as they invented cameras, the first thing that happened was somebody made child pornography. Naturally. And then they ruined it for everybody. Fun, I mean. Right. So my bookie dot. So what kind of deposit bonus are we working with here? A thousand dollars. You deposit a thousand dollars. They'll give you 10,000.

I think it's up to a thousand dollars. They'll match it. If you sign up at my bookie dot ag and you email pictures of your pussy to my bookie dot ag and they will match your deposit a thousand dollars. The match your deposit up to a thousand dollars. And then there's something about super spreads and fucking parlays and all kinds of good shit. All kinds of box options and derivatives and delta. You could really stretch your money. You fucking listen. You got a fucking parlay that you love. You could bet like a hundred bucks. Fucking with when like a thousand or some fucking shit. Don't forget to use promo code come down or come down 20 if if at all you're ever presented with the option. For some kind of something bonus. Yeah. Something in there. Some good

is going to happen. That's what we like to call an Easter egg is finding the part of the website where they track or the performance of the right. It's important that you do that. We're not going to tell you how but it's important to know how to do it and we can't tell you how it's a game. But if you love us you'll do it and you'll do it and tell him we sent you and tell him Tom Seismore says he's innocent. Yeah. Tom Seismore is first of the Cosby out of jail. Next we got to get Tom Seismore. Tom Seismore and then Harvey Weinstein. Yeah. That's more of a you issue Adam. Why me. I thought we're all on the same board. I think you know get all men out of jail. Yeah. Free them all. Free the guys. Leave the ladies and free the men.

Yep. You know what I had recently. Oysters man. They're good. That's the last time you guys had a nice oyster. Not too long ago probably. I like them. I would. You know it'd be a fun movie. It's a movie where it's like Peter Green. Tom Seismore. Mickey Rourke. I like that cat. I'm trying to think of some other guys. They used to be hotter than 90s guys. Guys that are very fucking good actors who just could not not. Couldn't deal. Good. Yeah. Their faces tell the story of the drugs or whatever. Yeah. The last thing a child. Yeah. Tom Seismore's case. And it's like the three of them and they're like Peter Green's the guy from the mask. Right. Yeah. That guy was awesome. He had everything

going for him. Wait. There's also some fucking singer named Peter Green. What Peter Allen Green bomb professionally known as Peter Green. Oh Fleetwood Mac. Oh nice. I don't know. I know Lindsay Buckingham and Mick Flea. They were all sucking each other's cocks and Fleetwood Mac. No dude it wasn't gay. They were just swapping the girls. They're just fucking fucking the girls and trading them. Damn. It's weird that we only did that with that one girl. Who. You know. R. I. P. Wink Wink. Jesus Christ. What. Now people know by now. Wink Wink. Yeah. No that girl we killed. She went on tour and since we called it. We called it the since. The. The. I don't know some and I thought we weren't going to talk about what happened

in Cincinnati at Go Banana. Wink. Wink and since. Wink and since. Yeah. That woman we ran a train on and killed and murdered her. Yeah. Oh now that you're saying it I remember. She wasn't going to tell. You couldn't even remember that. That woman and she was she was like I'm lost. I don't know where my family is. We're like there's a way for you. Like oh I get it. You think we're famous and you're going to take advantage of who are who are you. Yeah. And then we were like zip. Yeah. We said zip. And I was like excuse me. She's like are you doing an impression of an Indian person. No it's a robot. I'm like no actually it's not me. It's the government. Yeah. And then we killed it. Well we ran a train and then we. Well we none of us could get hard but yeah. Yeah it's

true. Well it's still count. It was a model train. I conducted. Adam sucked my soft dick while I dressed up like a conductor drove a train into a dead woman's pussy. I thought that's what running a train was. But yeah your original point does stand. Why was that the only. Yeah we only did that one time. Why we only did it. I mean that's why the show sucks now. Yeah we got to fuck a bitch together. We got to have a reinvigorator. We got to have a devil's three way or four way. This is the way the Democratic Party thinks by the way. It's literally it's like why are why are we losing elections. That's true. We got to run. We got a little less more children. 11 year old girl. I call up Jeff. He will have another one seeing sense. All right. Hillary still got the kind of Hillary's

got all those pictures of me and the conductor out there on the private email server. God damn you know Clintons fucked some like put on some wacky costumes to molest kids. You know he's fucked in like a crown and like a fucking some kind of harness kind of a British judges situation a wig maybe for sure. Or they're just those fucking weird masks. Those weird sex satanic like the eyes or lock or whatever the fuck. Oh yeah. Hey look at me. I'm an owl that rapes who's gonna get raped. Who's gonna believe you guys. Who's gonna believe you. Yeah. They're definitely putting on the Ooga booga mask from Crash Bandicoot. Hmm. Now that was raping the lady. That was a fuck mask I've ever seen. Maybe I'll maybe I'll

play. Well I have Crash Bandicoot for PS4 the remasters that I bought for. Yeah they brought it back. Various women in my life. No longer. If they can wait you ever to play Crash Bandicoot. Run. Girls do like Crash Bandicoot in Spyro. But how about the how about Crash Brandicoot. And it's the woman that Brandi killed. Did she kill somebody. Yeah Moisha killed somebody. I didn't know that. Yeah she like rear ended some lady. Oh with her death. Yeah with her car. Damn. Yeah I call her Ray J sister personally. I think Ray J fucked Wendy Williams. Most most most speed shot. Most speed shot. Yeah. Because of her car. No brakes. Yeah. Yeah. Most speed. No brakes is good. She didn't have the Katelyn out of the Hong Kong. Ish Isha.

Oh right. Katelyn Jenner did that also. Well Bruce did Bruce did. Then she was reborn into a person that's never killed anyone. The perfect crime. The perfect crime. And if she kills again she has to go back to Bruce. She got into a gender offender. Offender gender offender gender. Classic. Yeah. The accident happened and the investigator showed up and they said they pointed at you know Katelyn Jenner's car and they said I think something's wrong with that tranny. Hmm. Talk about the transmission. Yes. Yes. And that's that's one way to work that slurring. That's one way to game the sit out of it. Yeah sure. Yep. Okay. Then why don't you do one. Go ahead Adam. Do one. You have to say a slur. Yeah. You can't criticize the slur. That's why I just

sit him out when he said he either go no or I sit him out. No. Your job is to say no that creates balance. Exactly. It's not to sit there be snarky. I wasn't being snarky. Oh you weren't. I said that's one way to get away with saying the slur. Which is an accurate statement. That's you guys both have the force. We're the four. I'm the Jedi next to six. I'm Han Solo. I'm just getting busy. No force. No change. No force. I'm fine. I'm fine. You're the nerd watching Star Wars complaining that baby. Yeah. In the movie. Oh that's one way to work in that slur. The most you've contributed to the show in a year is literally shitting yourself. That was awesome. I'll do my part again. How are you doing? How are your guts? I haven't

had dairy. Shitting on also my friend Alex who I had dinner with the night before said that he had a very close call that day. So I think we probably what the fuck is that supposed to mean. Oh I heard somebody else almost shit themselves. What did you guys eat. We went to we got like pasta. You know how many fucking hold on. You know how many times I've almost shit myself. The whole world operates. It's the same thing is the same thing as the supply chains. Yes. All right. This shit gets fucking hacked and now gas is a million dollars and it's the shortages all of this out. The infrastructure of the adult world across the board is fake and it's not because of ideology is because no one knows what they're fucking doing. Right. It's not because we have a

broken system. Every system would be broken. All the every adult in the world is going around almost shitting themselves once or twice a week. The difference is that they don't do it. Yeah. You did. I did it. Stav was in the bathroom and I said oh no. It's called homeostasis. Yes. Life is an extremely fragile beautiful gift from God. It can be taken away at any second. All right. We're perpetually in a state of almost shitting ourselves. Yeah. And you as a godless worm. It's true. Who can't help himself but say that to mock me. I wasn't mocking you talking for for using slur against against one one who killed somebody deserve a moment that they killed somebody and I'm not even doing it. I'm saying the cop did the cop did because my point because

you know when a cop gets to a scene they immediately die wrong with the cars. My point and the as it's always been has been that the police are part of it. The industrialized type of right. The character of the police. The police are part of it. An injustice white supremacist part of a colonel colonic injustice. Yes sir. Directed towards my colorful ass trans family. Yes. Well Caitlin's not. And so do I use slurs. Yes but in the service of education and justice. Yeah. Now we're going to show with 20 minutes of Judge Joe Brown defending Bill Cosby. It's a it's a matter of if you go into a court situation and you have respectable doubt that doubt isn't taken away simply by the fact that the accusations have been made because

accusations beyond more lack of beyond a reasonable doubt are simply that and nothing more on they carry no weight. That argument he's making is truly hilarious. It's awesome. It does not for a judge to say that is like. Yeah. I mean for anybody it's just it's like well they're accusations until they've been proven beyond and if they're not proven they're not real then it doesn't exist at all. The reality exists within the confines of the courts. Of course. Yes. Yes. Yeah. You can do a horrible thing. Anyway folks after all. That's not the word to use. Come downtown for sure. Go to stop. I'm on tour baby. I need you to buy some tickets and you can buy the tickets at patreon.com slash downtown. Well maybe you'll put a nice link up there. That

would be nice. Absolutely. Go to stopby.biz slash tour. How about this a secret discount link. No discount. There's it will be a full price or once again free. I'll be free tickets are free but I'm coming to Portland Seattle Utah Minneapolis Denver San Antonio Cleveland Phoenix Madison Detroit New Orleans Tampa Boston. Oh my god. My favorite cities. Some of the best places to get food and to get top at folks. So please come out by those stopby dot biz slash tour. We got fucking funny moms coming up Monday. Funny moms is the first Monday or every Monday except for the first Monday of the month we will be off for August. We will be recent on the West Coast. We will be back in September but get the lot. I got fat Tuesday July 27th and I'm at Union Hall.

The last chance to see me do my hour will be in the city will be July the 20th at Union Hall and I will not be on tour ever again. Please don't ever contact me. Leave me alone.