The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. 273 – parisienne malaise

Episode Date: August 18, 2021

I hope everyone is happy. really. I mean it

Good afternoon. My name is Adam Steen Friedlandberg. I'm the actor that plays Adam Friedland on the podcast Come Town. And I'd like to talk to you for a second about this show, what it means to you and your family, and how you can support it. If you visit patreon.com.com. You can get an extra episode every week featuring me, Stavros, and the other guy. Adam Steen Friedlandberg, everybody. And thank you very much, folks. Adam Steen Friedlandberg. Is it about time you got into character, Adam Steen? And here I go. What's up?

You know, I know we're doing the podcast, but you really are a master of the craft. You are. You're a really good actor, Adam. I don't know what is causing this merit to be showered on to me, but... The way you plugged the painter on there was great. Oh, thanks, man. That was awesome. Appreciate it. If you want to talk about it further, well, I feel a few with that calm little power turds.

Power turds. Chocolate covered espresso beans. Sorry, Adam, I was going to give you some, but I let too many get into Nick's hand. You know, once he has them in his hands, you can't take them back from him. Yeah, his cold, dead hands. Whatever reason, I just remembered the... I'll never forget, it's seared into my memory. It was when I was a temporary seasonal employee at GameStop.

Yes. And the manager called every... You could smoke cigarettes out on a loading dock. And it was either at the end of the day or the beginning of the day, whatever it was. Me and the three other people that have a shift that day. Yeah. See, assistant manager, manager, and then maybe like two guys like me that are just retail employees. Of course.

And the manager is listing like stores and the sales numbers. And he's like... And we, number 5283, he's like, this holiday season, 1.86 million and sitting out. No, we don't see a dime. Of course. Yeah. We also contributed nothing. Right.

We didn't do it. We didn't... You're just in a good location. And the assistant manager, he's smoking a cigarette. And as the guy reads the number out, he's like... And he closes his eyes and he shakes his head. Like that Antonio Banderas gift. Yes.

Like that. Of him at the computer. Yeah, right. Yes. I love that one. Reacting to... Just saying there has nothing. Even pretending that we're salespeople is...

Yeah, you're just in a good location and a good video game came out. It was the holidays. Yeah. It was Christmas. It just feels good. Where did you work at GameStop? Were you on the register, on the floor? I mean, it was kind of...

But you just... It's a retail. You're floating. You're floating. You put stuff back on the shelf. You ring people up. Which is also all the assistant managers do also. Right.

Assistant managers also tell children they're not allowed to buy amrated games. Right, right, right. Assistant managers. You call them the big guns. You call them the fat guy with the fucking... They do all the same work. With the dark wing dark head. But they get all the pussy.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. All the glory and the pussy. Everybody's talking about the dark web. How about the Mark Web? Yeah. The Mark... Who's Wahlberg?

Wahlberg. Internet. Isn't Mark Web a guy? He is. I think it is. Anyway, who cares? Hi, I'm Mark Web. I don't know.

I'm a fucking fag. I'm fucking gay. I'm a Mark Web. Hey, it's me, Mark Web. Can I see your penis? I've got a spider web in my asshole. Mind if I give your penis a smooch? Mark Web is always being like that.

Hey, I'm Mark Web. Adam's boyfriend. I'm fucking Mark Web. No, I'm Adam's boyfriend. I date Adam. Well, but I date Adam and I'm gay. I don't know him. Shut up.

I don't know Mark Web. He's smooching me on the car. Oh, look at that. That's me kissing Adam's penis. It looks like I got it. It was pretty hard to find. I'm using a really, really powerful microscope. Adam's shaped lipstick on my cock again.

Yeah. But you know what's easy to find? His big asshole. His big asshole. Hey, Mark Web. I'm Mark Web. Can I just fuck Adam in the ass? I live in Adam's ass.

Whoa. You live there, Mark? I live here. I have a fucking, I have a 30-foot RV that I put on. Is it hard to get in with all the jizz everywhere? And that's what he gets for saying Mark Web is a real guy. And then he looks at his phone. No, it's about the show tonight.

I was just a comic that's on the show tonight. I had a question. Shut up. It's about the show tonight. Yeah. Is Mark Web a real guy? Yeah. Oh, you weren't looking at that, were you?

No, that would have been helpful. I agree. Freakin' come on. He's a music video director? My dick is small. He's also an American football player for the Los Angeles Chargers. By the way, I fucked a guy named Adam. No, that's not me.

My name's Mark Web. My name's Mark Web. I fucked Adam. I can taste it like shit. Cause he fucked up shit. His dick tastes bad. I hate that I have to suck it. We talked about one time about like not going into work

so you can smoke weed and listen to Danny Callaghan. Sorry, man. The new peps just dropped? Yeah. Nah, I just got to... It's been too long since the new peps dropped. I just got to fucking chill out. Blast kind bud.

Play Gamecube. I remember when my friend... Order Papa John. My friend came over to my house cause he didn't have cable to watch the scar tissue video. Cause that was a big return for the peps. Yeah. And it was playing on TRL.

Oh, wow. TRL was still around during scar tissue. In case people are getting mad about the eating noises, I'll have you know it's a baguette. Yep. It's nice, dude. It's... Yeah, yeah, it was on TRL.

We watched it. I remember in the video, they're all injured and their guitars are like broken and stuff. Hard penis that I love to suck. Yeah. And yeah, there's a cool... There's a cool moment where they use the slide. They kind of started...

They started the bands being naked sort of thing. Yeah. What? Cause their cops were in the socks. I feel like maybe in the 60's they had a minute thing. Rage Against the Machine did it. They all took their clothes off the protest and it's like I can't remember what it is now, but it's like one of those

like, you know, like a save Kony kind of thing. Right, yeah. It's like they're protesting. All of Exxons, they got a new mine in Kenya. Right. And then we're all just gonna show our cops. Yeah, they're just standing there naked. It's very funny.

That's political. Who had the nicest piece? Um, I think Brad Wilk. Their cops were nothing compared to the peps. Really? Yeah. The peps have some of the nicest cocks. Well, what I was going for...

For Shanti? Oh my God. Don't get me started. For Shanti's cock probably tastes good. I bet it's small, but it's very... It's very meat. It's like rich. Actually, none of them really.

On second look and I guess that... Yeah, none of them, but then I forget the name of the drum. Not the drummer, but the bassist. Mm-hmm. Really. Their dicks really were out there, huh? Yeah. And they didn't shave their pubes really.

I guess Morello's got a... Morello, who's the guy or the other guy? Zach Delarroca? No, Delarroca's dick is pretty regular. Morello actually looks like his dick is... Well, this is a child's penis. Yeah, that guy's dick is not looking too fresh. If I was that guy, I'd be like, we gotta pick something else.

Let's... How about we... He's the one who shaved his pubes too. Because his dick is so small. He's like, I cannot give up an optical inch. Look too, in the bigger picture, he's standing as close to the front of the stage as possible. He's trying to fool it. You know how much he's leaning?

He's trying to fool it with perspective. Oh, yeah. That's brave. He's pushing his small dick closer to the audience. Respect, dude. That's brave. I would be so pissed off if I was him. Guys, we gotta start a petition drive.

Dude, this isn't gonna do shit. Yeah, why don't we just... Why don't we all just give some money? Yeah, I talked to the Dalai Lama. He thinks he's really gay of us to do this. We can't do gay shit. Or how about we do fully gay shit and my dick is in one of your asses so no one can see it. They're wearing masks, so they're protesting the vaccine. Yeah.

Oh, cool. That was a vaccine protest. I actually heard Dr. Fauci made it. Made the whole disease. Yeah. Tim Comerford. It was Tim, what's his name, right? Tim Apple.

Tim Comerford. That's his name. Tim Comerford is the guy with the little dick and red hot chili peppers. Oh, yeah. Tim Comerford, Mark Webb, those boys were playing. Comerford remembers being embarrassed by the sight of his penis, which he describes as looking like half a roll of nickels. Dude, poor Comerford.

Yeah, it was as if I came out of the ocean. It was incredible. I was trying to fluff things up to get the blood flow to happen, but it really wasn't happening. Oh, so he's saying it was... I was in a pool situation. Shrinkage. Shrinkage. They were outside, right?

We were on the main stage and we were the first band on. It was right when people started to know us and like us in America. This is our big moment. We went on stage and it was back when Tipper Gore, Al Gore's wife, had just started the PMRC to spearhead the parental advisory stickers. So that's what it was about. Anti-sensors. It was about, yeah, they were against the parental advisory stickers.

So they showed their cards. So they lost that one and they showed the little... Not only which like, in a roundabout way, by protesting this, they're actually protesting the Black Lives Matter movement making money off the sales of t-shirts that lean heavily on that, the parental advisory. And the movie's straight out of comedy. So in a lot of ways, it's so racist. It was a racist...

It was racist showing of your penis. Yeah, to spearhead the parental advisory stickers that they, to this day, put on records. We were against that. We thought it sucked. Cool. Dude, I would not be showing my cock if I was him. You know what? Honestly, I expect on doing a follow-up interview about how small you're doing your dick.

How little he is. And we beat you. Obviously, now we're just like... Even further than protesting is if he was just turned completely around with his arms crossed. And so everybody was just looking at his ass. That would be awesome. Yeah.

And yeah. If I were him, I would have gotten a fake cock. Yeah, we were like, we shouldn't play this show. What we did is just go on stage with our instruments and lean them back against the amplifiers and let them feed back and do it all naked. We had PMRC on our chest. Each guy had a different letter on his chest. We walked out on stage.

People loved it. They were cheering. Little did they know. We weren't playing... We weren't planning on playing a note. After 10 minutes of... Man, it's really hard for me to read these days. Sorry, man.

Power through. You're eating up a nice amount of time. After 10 minutes of standing there naked, what started as cheers turned into bottle throwing. People were just bummed out. And then my dick got hard. And then finally my dick. And it's sort of like that story of the ugly duckling. Right.

Or the little engine that could. A little engine that could get hard. A little penis that could bust. Now let me ask you this. Do you guys remember there being a crossover between the little engine that could in the Velveteen Rabbit? I do remember that. Yeah.

I loved both of those things. I know. I did too. The Velveteen Rabbit was fucking awesome. Of course I don't remember that. Because you were into gay shit. Yeah. Because you watched like Hanukkah movies.

None of your shit was about trains that had a fucking job and worked for a living. What was the Velveteen Rabbit sad? Didn't it? Yeah, it was sad. It was sad. Oh, now you know. I don't know the crossover. The Velveteen Rabbit's a story about a little kid that gets tuberculosis so they have to burn

all of their toys. And the Velveteen Rabbit doesn't want to get burned so they turn it into a real rabbit but then the little boy doesn't recognize the rabbit anymore. That's right. That's sad. It was sad. Dude, I wish I lived in 1880 so I could be like, I'm a child storytorist. This one is about Teddy Bear that's gay and the town kills him.

Okay, a different one. It's a little girl and her legs get cut off by a trolley car, a runaway trolley car. And so she has to be dragged around on a string and they go to the string store to buy it and all of the good strings were used up on fat her children that had to be dragged around. Why do we have to bring fat children up? One of the weak, pathetic strings could never find a job. And then the owner says, well, they said, do you have perhaps a tiny string for my legless gimp daughter to be dragged around?

She lost her legs in a trolley accident, you see. And they say, yes, we've got a little bitch string. And the string, it's called the bitch string. And the string's like, oh, now I finally have a job. He's drunk too. He's an alcoholic. The string's been getting drunk off of ether. So was there a crossover?

Or was it just like they were in the same book? I'd be in the same cinematic universe. The train brings the velveteen rabbit somewhere. The little engine that could? Yeah. And so this is what I mean. Do you remember? Because I can't tell you the details.

I don't know if it happened or not. But that's in my head somewhere. In fact, as part of the come town, we're going to let's look it up. Yeah, dude. I hated sad shit as a little kid. I mean, I hated fucking crying. I still hate sad shit. Crying is fucking gay.

But you said you love both of them. I know. But I hated the pull it had on me. The little engine that could wasn't sad. It was triumphant. Wait, did he die at the end? Yeah, he dies at the end. Fuck.

That sucks. That is sad. Maybe that's why it made me such a sensitive soul. I love that shit. You are one of the most sensitive souls, I know. Thank you. Thank you. It is sad.

Here we go. So Stuff Rabbit is a song for Velveteen who's giving the Christmas present to a small boy. The other boy likes his new mechanical toys and the Velveteen rabbit is neglected. But one night the boy's nanny gives the rabbit for the boy to sleep with and the rabbit becomes the boy's favorite toy. Enjoying picnics with him. This is really the story of like a woman with borderline personality. Enjoying picnics with him in the spring and the boy regards the rabbit as real.

Time passes and the rabbit becomes shabbier but happy. That's right, it gets fucked up looking. It meets some real rabbits in the summer and they learn that the Velveteen rabbit cannot hop as they do and they say that he is not a real rabbit. Do they fucking run a train on him? They do. And then one day the boy comes down with scarlet fever and the rabbit sits with him as he recovers. The doctor orders that the boy should be taken to the seaside and that his room should be

protected and all of his books and toys burned. That seems crazy. Including the Velveteen rabbit. The rabbit is bundled into a sack and left out in the garden overnight where he reflects sadly on his life with the boy. My man is just about to die. He's on death row thinking about the good times. The toy rabbit cries, a real tear drops to the ground.

That's right, I remember the tear being magical. And the tear, a real tear drops to the ground and the marbles, see this is where I don't remember this part. I just remember the story ending with the rabbit being burned to death. No dude. I remember the magical tear drop. I read all of this in Dr. Feldstein's book of children's stories for boys with emotional problems.

Modified children's stories for boys with emotional disabilities. Were nothing good happens? Very steps out on the flower and conference of Velveteen, that would be the Soviet version I guess. And then they burn toy. I read it in that version. The little boy loses his rabbit because he has a disease only homosexual gets. And so they burn all of his toys, his punishment.

But the rabbit tries to become real and so they put him in jail. They feed the rabbit nuclear tea to poison him. To irradiate the tea to kill him for trying to become real. But it has reversed effect and he becomes real and he becomes a sex slave for a closeted homosexual aporetic. Yeah, honestly Velveteen, a pussy man out of Velveteen, probably feel good. What about the bussy rabbit? He's learning how to come, he's 12.

And it's a little rabbit. The rabbit's been in the boys' closet for years because the boy got too old for toys and he's very sad and one day the boy turns 12 and discovers there's a hole in the rabbit that he can stick his cock in. That's really sweet. It's like when Andy plays with Woody again. One for one last time. Imagine if you could put a pocket pussy in the rabbit's ass.

I just had a fun picture to draw which I guess I could have done. It's just like a man bent over and you see his ass and out of his asshole there's just a boot with Andy written on the bottom. That's awesome. You've got a cock in your ass. You've got a dick in me. I wonder if anyone's said that before. Probably.

I can't imagine. You suck my fucking dick. How about a two-fuck my fucking ass. Two infinity. And I'm gay. And I'm gay. Yeah. I'm gay.

Two infinity. And I'm gay. That's correct. That's quite good. That is correct. Two infinity. And I'm gay. It just gets better.

The more you say it, the more you stop expecting anything out of, you know, we'll make some fun of you. It just gets better and better. Just is what it is, man. Two infinity. And I'm gay. And I'm gay. And I'm gay.

And I'm gay. And then I'm just him jumping off the bed post trying to fly. Yeah. That's not being gay. It's falling onto a dick accidentally. You just sound bitter, Woody, because Andy hasn't shoved you up his ass. Andy's been fucking a stuffed rabbit for 12 weeks. And I heard he's HIV positive.

And they're going to burn all of us. Oh, no. That's a good reboot. Toy Story 6. It's really sad. How about Joe Coy's story? Okay. And it's Joe Coy in his home where he likes to pretend to be a 12-year-old boy.

Okay. And it's all of his toys, which both Andy and Woody and Buzz on them, but because they're Joe Coy's toys, they speak Chinese. And so Woody's like, Joe Wang Lo Bao wear my boots. Oh, boots. There's no word for boots. Well, they wear sandals. They wear sandals.

Yeah. They wear blocks of wood. No, that's Japan. Oh. Idiot. Which, by the way, I never understood that. Why are those their flip flops? They seem really impractical.

It seems really uncomfortable. It's very hard to walk in as well. And there's a people that knows all about a bunch of different things. I told you in practicality. You can find out exactly what they did at bluetooth.com. Oh, really? Mm-hmm. So you want to go to bluetooth.com and go Japanese.

There's going to be a bunch of sub, sub fucking. Yeah. Adam, why don't you tell them? Websites. If you love sex, you'll love bluetooth.com. Yes, sir. And so me personally, I love bluetooth.com. I don't know about you guys.

I love bluetooth.com as a man who loves sex. I don't know about you, Nick. He doesn't like sex. Anyway, so... He's not a big guy. He's not big on sex. He's not big on sex. And yet, even though, even still, he loves bluetooth.com.

I love bluetooth. I love you and my penis. Wow. He loves getting his dick hard Brazilian style. bluetooth.com is the best place on the internet to find premium chewables. Premium chewable cock tablets. Cock tablets that get your cock hard. Make your cock stiff as a fucking door.

The cock tablet twins. Yep. Yeah. Fuck. I don't know one of their songs. I'm a fucking gay guy. I have a hard penis. To infinity.

And I'm gay. And I'm gay. So if you... Listen, we've all been there, folks. Our cocks can't get hard. Maybe you're fat as shit. Maybe you're closeted at homosexual. Maybe you're a Jewish man with not enough iron in his system to get a dick hard.

Anemia. Anemic Jewish man with 92 pounds. Yeah. Whatever your issue. Maybe it's these damn cell phones that we're putting in our damn cock. Maybe it's these damn cock phones that are near our cocks and our balls. To infinity. And I'm gay.

They can sit in the saddery now because he's laughing about to infinity. He's just eating a bag of it. The point is, whatever your issue is. He's fucking his hands on his hips. Yeah. I'm gay. And I'm gay. And I'm gay.

I was like, that's cool. Buzz, no one really cares. I'm gay. He's just on his little box he comes in. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, so no in-person doctor business. None of that shit, man.

None of that. You don't need to go to the doctor in person. Yeah. Which sucks. Sucks. That sucks. One time I tried, when I was younger, I tried to get a doctor to get me dick pills. And I had to look him.

He was an old Italian man. I had to look him in the eye. And I had to say, I think something's wrong. I pissed too much. Here's what I tried to say. I tried to say, I pissed too much. I read somewhere on the internet. That's a good joke, right?

I went to this Italian man and I said, I heard, I read on the internet. If you give me dick pills, it'll fix my, the reason I pissed too much. And he looked at me. He knew I was lying, but he was a fucking, he was a bro. And he was like, you know what, man? He was like, I'll give you these. He was like, listen, it's psychological. That's what he told me.

Listen, that sounds like a cool, in-person doctor visit. And I got off lucky. Not a lot of people are going to have a cool Italian man. Most of the time it's going to give you cock pills. No questions asked. And you could really use him as Tim Copperfield from Audio Ground. That's right. With his little ass dick.

If you, if you're a fucking, if you're the bass, is he bass player or drummer? Bass player. What the fuck? What the hell is bass? It's just like a guitar. It's a fat guitar. They got less strings on it? Yeah.

Lower. Lower noises. That doesn't, there's no other type of type of like art that's like that. Like a group of, imagine a group of three guys that do something else. And one of them just does a shitty or he just sucks. No, no, no, Nick. You know what I mean? That's so true.

That doesn't, he's got the tiniest dick in the group. Right. What are you talking about? And he does, but wants to do the cool protests. Yep. He never wants to do any of the cool anti Nancy anti vaccine. Anti vaccine protests. But listen, yeah, you got to go go.bluetube.com slash come town slash come or just use promo

code come town for 20% off. I think a free one, isn't it? Yeah. You only pay shipping. Yeah. That's right. First order free. You only pay slipping and that's slipping your cock.

When you slip your hard cock into a pussy, go ahead and do the problem free or an asshole or a mouth. The slipper room. Yep. That's what I do. Every time I slide into a hot puss is I say it's time to pay the Piper, you know, and that's me and her sex is the payment. Her surplus.

You're getting a couple of pumps. That's my three pumps. That's that's all the fewest pumps you've ever come in. Oh, Adam. Yeah, too. How do you just know that offhand? Is that? It's not true.

System of go pros. Network. Yeah. Yeah. That's pretty cool. That's pretty cool. How many pumps for you stuff? You know, one time with this fucking insane girl with huge tits that had like a shed,

like ferrets or some weird shit. So we're rooms. But like this is not bad. It's not like a pet store. You're like covered in rats. The crawling all of you two pumps. I busted so fast. And I didn't even particularly like this one.

We need to start being proud of this. It was in like it was in like a weird like I'm proud of you. It was in like this weird suburb of Maryland where just like shitty apartments. I don't know how she got for her own place. And we hooked up like two times and I really busted so fast. Both times. No, the second time. I don't know what it was.

I just busted so fast. And honestly, I'm not a quick buster. I've talked about the problems with my cock. Ad nauseam here. Was it perhaps maybe as you were pumping, you were thinking about the pumps at Dunkin Donuts where they put the flavors? Coficulatus? Yeah.

I was thinking about it. The word pump was in my mind and I was like, wait a second. The pump they used for the flavoring for the Coficulatus. I don't think that was it. And I was wearing a condom. It really doesn't make sense how fast I busted. When I was... My foreskin is so fucked up that usually if I'm having a good time, it'll hurt a little

bit and it keeps me from really... It keeps you in the game. It keeps me in the game where I'm not going to bust too fast. Usually I have a couple really nice 20 pumps. Then the fucking foreskin pulls back and I'm like, ah, ouchie. And then I have to get back into a nice fuck rhythm but it buys me time. Oh my God, 20 pumps. What are you fucking...

Johnny Sins? Maybe 10, alright. Maybe 11 or 12. What are your pumps? That's the longest sex of all time. The only time... Can I say, brother? I honestly, it's never been like a two-pump situation but there was one time I was being

blown as a teenager. What was his name? Mark Webb. Whoa, you fucked that as a boyfriend dude. What? What are you saying? That's the even secret or worst part of this story. You fucked my boyfriend.

Your body cams in your house. Dude, it was an inside job the whole time. I said, Mark, it's me, your old blast from the past. I've got a favor to ask you. Remember that time I nutted early? Now I need you to spy on my nemesis to see if he does it. So you were getting blown as a teenager? Where were you in a car?

In a house? I don't want to give too many details just in case. Sure. That guy's a fan. Yeah, in case that guy kills himself. Yeah, but so what happened? There was like... Well, you know, I don't want to give too many details, but yeah, I did.

There was like a spook. Oh, you were scared. I might get caught. I see. It was the thrill of it. Like my dick being pulled out of a mouth, but then continued to be jacking off. I love that, love that. While waiting to see...

While being scared. While waiting for the outcome of whether or not you're about to get caught getting a dick smacked. That's awesome. Like you can't do both and just... It's short circuited you and you musted. Wow, that sounds awesome. That's just a massive load too. That's awesome.

That's a peek into Nick's sexual psyche. You know what? That happened to one of my friends. That exact situation. In college, it was like freshman... He's getting blown in a parking lot and it was that exact thing. Well, you imagine like the press from the 1940s bursting in the front. Pop, pop, pop, pop.

Yeah. Yeah. Caught red-handed. Look at that bust. And that... And you have your ties all loose. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Your hats are all...

Your hat is head sideways. Yeah. They have that thing in the hat. What is it? He's nutting all over. Yeah. Is that their notebook? Press card?

Well, the point is... Mr. Hoover. Mr. Hoover. Any comment on Buzz Lightyear being gay? Adam, what about you? Do you have a fast bus story? I feel like I've shared a lot of bus stories. Well, the point is, folks, we told these stories.

This was back in the day before we needed dick pills. And now you can get the dick pills wherever you want. Bluetooth.com. Mm-hmm. Promo could come town and there's free shipping and... No, you pay shipping and you get a... You just pay for the pills and the shipping. They send...

They sent you a couple dollars. They all said it. They sent you an envelope with $5 cash. And they... That sounds like a good deal. And they work a bit. Generic Seagra or Vialis? Seagra or Vialis.

And they... And it's not generic. It's the same... It's the good shit. It is, I think. It's the same... No, it's the same... What do they call it?

Active ingredients. Ingredients. It's the same recipe as the other shit. Just like mama used to make. Just like grandma's pussy getting hard sauce. She used to put on pancakes. Put on pancakes. And...

I like more than a hard pussy. I love when a bitch slathers grandma's pussy getting hard sauce on her pancakes. Mama's makin' pussy and pussy makin' mama. Derek Gaines reference. Oh, yeah. Yes. Like squeezing your soft dick between a hard pussy. Yeah.

That's a soft dick in a hard place. You gotta have one or the other. Hard dick, hard pussy. What the fuck? Bluetooth.com, promo code, come town. Go.bluetube.com. Listen, you know the fuckin' drill. Go, go, man.

Get your cock hard. Yeah. Do it for us. Do it for us, you know. Send out a picture. Get your dick hard for me. Send a picture of your hard dick. Send Stov the pictures.

No, send it to Adam. Just because you said it first doesn't mean that I can't. Yes it does. Yes it does. Or you're a fuckin' cop. He's right. Send me the pictures. Send me your penis.

I need a penis. I need a penis to shove into my ass. And it's gotta be hard and you gotta be gay. Bluetooth.com, the only person doctor visits is discreet packaging. That's what I'm saying. That's big. That's massive. Discreet packaging.

And I'm gay. And I'm gay. To infinity. Discreet. No strings attached. And I'm gay. It's NSA. No strings attached to packaging.

And I got... Adam's NSA is not small anus. It's very big. Yeah. That's big. And folks, I want to remind our listeners out there to come see me at the Prince of Pleasure Tour. Go to Stavi.biz-slash-tour.

I don't know when this is coming out. And go see Adam on the Prince of Tides Tour. I'll be relating the story of three prisoners who broke out of a local jail and raped him and fucked him in his ass in a major way. So I think I'm coming to Utah this week, Salt Lake City. Then Denver's big. Buy tickets to Denver, Acme, fuckin' Cleveland, Phoenix. Adam will be at Ben Hur doing his play about a gay relationship between Masala and himself.

I'm going to be in France, actually, with my girlfriend. No, you'll be there. Get tickets to me. I hope you guys are happy on your fuckin' vacations while I'm here playing the Mass Effect remake. All by myself. You should go on vacation. You should go on vacation. I've said that to you multiple times.

You absolutely can. You have to be here while you're gone and then have to be here while you're gone. No, that's not. No, you don't. That's two weeks. That's how the schedule worked out. You can take the second half. You can take the second half.

Some of us are just fuckin' workin'. Oh, and that's literally the rest of August. Another announcement is Funny Moms will be returning in September, the second week of September. Oh, yeah. Come see me in Fat Tuesdays and come see Pantheon. A lot of good shows coming up. A lot of good shows in the New York area. Money.

And I gotta suck dick and I gotta fuck ass and I gotta get my pussy stuffed. I need a penis. And I gotta drink up and I gotta eat ass. Damn, think about all the women that started OnlyFans in the middle of the pandemic last year. Yeah. Who are now like, ah, fuck. Gotta go back to work. Ah, and that's just there.

Definitely Snake the dildo way up inside myself for Bitcoin. For Ethereum and it's now lost its value. You know, it's worthless. In a future episode. Yeah, I made an NSA of my pussy and now it's a weird one. I feel like there's ways to... I feel like people have complained about you don't see enough pussy on some OnlyFans. I think some people might have finessed the system.

Yeah, they're just putting like lingerie pics lingerie pics. I don't have OnlyFans, but that pisses me off. Yeah. On behalf of the fellas that do. I need a penis. Yeah, we were talking about... Should I do OnlyFans where I just show my balls? I'm gonna do a lonely fans where it's just me in my apartment and I have my arm around nobody

on my couch and you can Photoshop yourself in there. That's awesome. My friend has a podcast. Yeah, that's him with his arm around me. I would do numbers. Honestly, I would show my balls. I don't care. But not your dick.

I think I need to leave a little sum to the imagination. Yeah. You gotta... You can't... Certainly a little something. No, I mean... You know exact words. They were my exact words, but...

When the tone was the same. You know what I mean. The intonation was the same. I wrote a children's book we were talking about earlier called My Little Something. Really? Yeah. What's it about? It's for boys that are coming to grips with the fact that...

The cocks never getting any bigger? It's never getting any bigger. For 17-year-old boys who's dicks, they've been the same size since fourth grade. Boys in a loose definition. Kind of like maybe up until 24, 27. I can't wait until I have a kid and we can pull the baby out of my wife's pussy with some paw. A grabber?

A grabber and a child is not allowed to make eye contact with or physical contact with any human being. They're immediately put into a white box. Okay. With air holes? They're communicated with through a speaker, but it just plays the shit from McDonald's where it says hello in every language. And then once they get to the age where they're developing, they start to develop some pubic

hair, we'll have a camera on them that obviously sells the images on OnlyFans. The voice will say in every language known to man, please tell us your gender. And only then will we get the answer, which from our preliminary research will be a lot of like feral screaming and feces. But who's to say that's not a gender? That's a gender. That's a type of gender. And some would say the only real gender at which point we'll say your name is raw.

And then the door will open to Times Square and the child will be released as an adult and to the metropolis and be given preferably a job in Bill de Blasio's administration. Bill's back. It'll be long gone. Bill's back 20 years from now. Everybody thinks Trump's going to come back in 2024. Can we get a bill back? It's going to be de Blasio.

And he's saying he's running on the game. His campaign messages. 250. I'm gay. That's a fucking winning message, man. That's a fucking winning message. I've never heard one. He's just in a bus.

That would be such a good billboard. Bill de Blasio. Bill de Blasio. To infinity. And I'm gay. To infinity. And I'm gay. You can see his fucking balls.

To Blasio in the foreground and then behind them is the cast of Hamilton. Just on the side of a city bus. To Blasio for mayor. To infinity. And I'm gay. I'm gay. That would be an interesting movie if that was Buzz Lightyear's whole thing. Who's that fucking video of him eating like fucking food from Shake Shack or some shit

in the middle of the pandemic? Have you heard of that one? No. He's like, oh, it's a pretty good burger. And he comes with, ooh, there's like a fry situation happening. He says fry situation. Yeah. There's like 80,000 New Yorkers are dead.

Yeah. Well, there's like a fry situation. He needs to keep us smiling. Morale is important. There's a fry element. A fry element. That makes more sense. Fry situation is the way a gay nerd would say it.

Yeah. He said it in the gay nerd way. Okay. I mean, really him and Cuomo should kill each other. That would be awesome. They didn't. They don't fuck with each other. I know.

And that's why they're like, it's like Joker and Batman. Who would you root for? I'd root for... Honestly, to Blasio. Big Bill. Yeah, I'd probably with you. Big Bill. Yeah.

After that one picture where you can see him looking at old ladies tits in the reflection of his sunglasses. Smiling. He won me over. Yeah. He's one of us. Smiling looking at tits. Honestly.

Not doing Italian sexual harassment. In the twilight of his term. There's been rumors, and I might as well confirm it. I will be fighting Bill de Blasio and Alice Mania. It was going to be three rounds, four minutes each. Four minutes each between me and Bill de Blasio and Alice Mania. And the winner gets to decide which one of us is gay. Which one of us...

Because we're not... For the rest of our lives... We're not sure yet whether that's good or bad. That would be funny. You'd have to fight someone, then if you lose, you'd have to just turn gay for the rest of your life. You never get pussy again. That's how you fight a genie.

That's how it works. You fight a genie? Mm-hmm. Well, I might want to lose on purpose, then. Turn me homo-style, you know what I'm saying? Why'd you wink at me when you said that? I'm trying to fight. Once I go gay, I'm going to fuck you in the ass first.

No, that's not true. I'm going to top you. You wish. Your LA comics still saying you guys on stage. Oh, you guys sucks. Yeah, I hate that. That sucks. Like what?

Like you guys. The other day, I went, you know what LA comics used to do all the time? And you'd watch, they'd all laugh at some five minute bit. It's like somebody would be pretending to be mad. And they're like, I went to 16 handles. And I walked down the line at 16 handles. You guys, I counted 12 handles. Ugh.

You know, like that kind of shit. And then it would be other like improv people, like dying laughing. And you're like, well, I guess I'm going to drunk drive. How am I going to drive my car drunk? I was good to see you. Nice to see everybody. I don't want to encourage. Why is that weird guy basketball shorts pissing himself?

Respect dude. We're wearing like a long basketball shorts. Yeah. That only reach. So low style. Wait, wait a minute. What am I wearing right now? Basketball shorts.

No, really? We're wearing the same shorts. Respect. Now Adam feels left out. I do. You got your gas sand. In the middle of a couple of buzz, tough guys. That's right.

It's not true. We are tougher than you. They should have had Woody Allen play Woody. Buzz. Buzz sex year. We're having sex with a different girl every year. I can't put the one year. They have a sex with a different girl every year.

You laugh, but I'm going to die at probably 50. I started having sex at 28. I've got some good years ahead. I'm not fucking Alec Trebek over here. I can't. That's at least 12. Which is what they call the cool guy number. Did you run out of baguette, dude?

I did run out of baguette. Also, there's something else we got to talk about. Let's talk about it. What the fuck is this? I think somebody stole my identity again. Oh, that's gay. Well, they're doing shit like signing up for health insurance. I can't really fault them for that.

Oh, yeah, Mack Weldon. Oh, my God. Oh, I love them. How could you forget, Nick? How could you suck my penis for cash? Oh, because he was fucking down on his luck, dude. Go ahead and talk about Mack Weldon for a second, Adam. I pull up their beautiful website.

Some might say the best website. One of the two best websites, in my opinion. There's only two websites I go to when I open up my Windows 98 computer. That's right. I have. It's my home page. Your homo page. My homo page.

I have Mack Weldon.com where I can see this cool, hot black architect. He looks like he's got a cool job. He like drunk off Glenn Lovett at his desk. Wearing some very smart basics from our friends over at Mack Weldon. Tops, bottoms. They've got categories for every type of guy. They got me. They got Adam.

Accessories. That's Adam also. What is that, man? Underwear. That's Adam. Ladies underwear. That's definitely Adam. The summer shop.

They got, remember when I looked like these guys? Yeah. Remember when I used to be in shape? Yeah. You'll get back there. People listen to the show. They don't realize that I used to be like an athlete basically. These underwear look great.

That was basically like a model. Those right there. I have a pair of those. They're nice. A model. Yeah, no, they aren't. Hug your ass cheeks. Which one?

The air knit? Yes. Yeah. I don't have ass cheeks anymore. I had them removed. Oh yeah? Put two coolers in there? Yeah.

Get your gogurt frozen? No. That's not next week. That's on the premium episode. Okay, sorry. Don't worry about that, you check out patreon.com.com.com. But just get yourselves ready for the gogurt bit and sign up at patreon.com.com.com. Summer shop.

It's pretty good. They got the best of the A sweat short. Oh, there's some nice shit here. This is all the radius short. What about the circumference short? That sounds good. Because I need to get, because I keep tearing all of my clothes. You know, when you're about to have a passionate gay sex.

And I keep getting, I've become clumsy. You're your boyfriend, Deandre. I keep, I just smash into shit now and my clothes get stuck on things and I'm always getting my like pockets. You're shorts caught in the revolving doors. Door knobs go into my pockets all the time and then I get like ripped around and I rip the pockets out of my shorts. So I'm like, heaven, I'm struggling lately.

You're like, you're just living like one of the three stooges. Yeah. It's because, look, some of us have a will. The Schopenhauer would put it a will to form. And I can only move in the direction of becoming more of a joke or of an embarrassment. Schopenheimer who the fuck is that? I just, he's a guy. He's definitely.

I don't know. I'm just, I'm letting it. I'm kind of. Just let it fly. Let it fucking go. Let him go. Let him do a little free. This is a little jazz, a little jazz.

Schopenheimer once said, you can only move towards the direction of the ultimate of the being of the getting. There is to get and there is to be gotten to form the being, but then there's the form of getting a stack money pussy. Get stack money pussy. And you get that in Mack Walden dot com. Oh yeah. The daily wear system.

They got a system here. I will say since getting Mack Walden, I've got my dick sucked in Mack Weldens a lot. That's pretty good. Yeah. What color did you go for in the, in the air net? Honestly, you know what I love? Fire starter. The baby blue.

And I love the cream. Strong blue. The strong blue. The banana cream ones. I like a lot. What's that yellow? Yeah. I don't have it.

It's banana cream. Not fucking yellow. They call it banana cream. I'm not, I'm not. But then it creeps out like a wild name for underwear. I'm not the I'm not the former guy over here. I'm not wearing yellows. I'm not yellow.

They have grapevine. Banana cream. Stardust. Stardust and it's a light blue color. I think I have stardust. Honestly, who's wearing boxer boxer guys out there. If you're a boxer guy, kill yourself. It's also briefs too.

I wear boxer briefs. And I have gay guys wear briefs. No, I wear briefs sometimes. No, but boxer briefs, which are the, you know. Yeah, I wear boxer briefs. Yeah. Well, I guess I'm wearing two pairs of shorts. Like a hard dick savage.

I was wearing two pairs of shorts because I accidentally. Shit yourself. Not shit, but didn't wipe enough in the top. The top. The top. The top. The top. The top.

The top. The top. The top. The top. The top. The top. The top. The top.

The top. The top. The top. The top. The bottom. The top. The top. The top.

The top. Straight. The top. The top. Straight. Straight. Straight. Straight.

Now you know. I'm starfying. I'm starfying a thug apparently. Hey. Like we're in a fucking middle school. He's got a good job. What the heck is that? Fucking gotta do that.

Hand-held bidet. And I pick it up and I put it in my ass and I go, this is the president speaking. You do a different voice whatever it is in your ass. You've reached Barry Obama. This is President Obama speaking. Hello. You've reached my personal cell phone number and then I just pick in my ass. That's awesome.

Mr. Vice President? Well, the nice thing is about that, well, it's like an sauna and they have a lot of history. We're going to have gay sex and we're going to, we're going to gesture at each other and court each other like homosexuals. We're going to, you know, batter out and fucking do a ritual. Well, the nice thing about Mack Weldon is the Weldon blue loyalty program. That's a great and they have anti microbial shit and they have anti microbial.

So even if you don't wipe your ass enough, the microbes will not spread. And I'll tell you what, I, like I said, I've been, I do, I really have, like you can see that I tore a hole in this pocket, this one's all fucked up or maybe I, maybe I, maybe I put these on, oh no, that's fucked up and I ripped one of my shirts. I have not destroyed any pair of Mack Weldon stuff. That's awesome. All my other clothes are destroyed and people close to me don't speak to me anymore and stuff.

But the Mack Weldon loyalty program, becoming a level one member is as easy as making a purchase account after that, you'll never be shipping again, never. And level two. I love being in the fucking program. I love being in the zone, the auto zone, the discovery zone, getting the zone, discovery zone, discovery zone, get, get your child ass in the fucking zone now. I love discovery zone. It's very, very, sort of the, going to DZ, the name is a little, what's what you would

call it? Get molestity? Yes. I feel you. Did, did, did, did your family ever take you to a place called Chunky Cheeks? No. Okay. Before you asked me.

You sure they didn't take you? No. It looks like way too. So check this out. Level one, make an purchase with an account. Level two, you spend $200 with an account within one membership year and you get the diamond. Oh, it's defunct.

In columns. Discovery zone. Fucking. Yeah. For years. 2001. Yeah, dude. 20 years ago.

I remember I was trying to go as a 30, as a 29 year old, but wait a second. In Cincinnati, in Union Township, Ohio, there's something called discovery zone that's not affiliated with the original company, but is heavily inspired by it. Wow. So I think we need. Yeah, it's a discovery zone. Discovery. We also owe the Chunky Cheeks, which is like, it's the same kind of thing, but the tubes

are wider. That would, that would have been good. They got wide tubes. You get stuck in a tube. For the fat of boys. No. You never got stuck in a tube? I never got stuck in a tube.

There's another child going into the ball pit and all the balls are like this, you're all flat. And then stop just sitting on a bunch of flat discs. He's like, it was a disc pit. It was broken. When I got here. It's a disc pit. It was always a disc pit.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm waiting for the fire department to get here so I can eat pizza and play the Simpsons game. So I can. Thank you very much. The exit from the tube from when I came, I'm waiting for the fire department or them to get a big thing of Crisco to fucking loop me up either, whichever is here faster. Yeah. It's always.

What is that? The Simpsons episode where Homer gets stuck on the slide. I don't remember. Maybe I'll rewatch that this afternoon. Why not? Why not? People are talking about my balls. They're talking about my penis.

They're trying to see my penis. You don't get to just see my penis. Oh, Mr. Gromo, this is Barry Obama, this is Barry Obama, and I want to kiss your asshole. Italian penis. Can you imagine that, folks? Can you imagine what it would be like? Yeah. The Twilight Zone.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That was good. Yeah. Imagine getting your penis sucked, but by a man, I think it would go a little low, like it is. It would be funny to watch that guy suck cock on camera.

Yeah. The Twilight Zone guy. If I was watching an episode of the Twilight Zone and they started showing the two gay guys having sex, he's like, this is the wrong episode, this is not, we're playing the other one I wrote about the aliens. The aliens would take over women. That would be mind-blowing. You're just watching, wow, this show takes so many twists and turns.

That's what Jordan Peele should have done, instead of rebooting it, he should have edited it and guessed sex. They just sentenced the first of the Capitol riot people. Well, they sentenced them to eight months in federal prison. Nice. Nice, dude. Which one is it? The guy with the podium?

No. That guy was funny. It looks like it's Dave Grohl. Dave Grohl. Oh, is it the Shaman guy? Wasn't there a guy from Mr. Show that was on there? Out there in the Capitol. One of the guys from Mr. Show was in the Dave Grohl band, yes.

The Food Fighters? Rob Hubel was in the... Rob Hubel? That guy was funny. Yeah. I always thought that guy was very funny. Was he on Mr. Show? No, he was on Human Giant.

I remember Human Giant. Disease. Disease Sheer. Got the famous. Yeah. How about, I need you to suck my dick. That would be a good name. Let me see your pussy.

I want to see your pussy. I want to see your pussy. I'm trying to see your pussy. Just something like that. Too infinity. And what? Disease is post-rape special. Hold on.

Let him finish. Oh, and I'm gay. And I'm gay. Damn. I should have watched the Space Jam movie. We're watching for the next ones. Yeah. We should have all watched it together.

I should have waited for that. All we do together is go to lunch. Which is a great, nice thing. I hate going to shit. I love going to lunch. I like doing stuff. I like having my joke around friends that I see at work only. And then having my serious friends.

Right. No joke. I hang out with a bunch of neurosurgeons. Yeah. Scientists. A lot of snobs. We have very quiet dinner parties and I would say, Richard, my inquiry to you last week, did you get a chance to take a look at any of that research?

And they're like, do you mean the email asking me if you could implant gay memories into someone's mind? With a baguette? Do baguettes cause gay thoughts? Do they? No. There's no reason. Is there research on that?

That's interesting. I beg to differ. I think it was a bag. I mean, I think theoretically a baguette could do that. I suppose in my estimation it could. Maybe there's just a lack of, with everything, a lack of funding for the research, I would say. No, I don't think it's a, I don't think there's any mechanism by which eating a baguette

could make you gay for 20 minutes or whatever you say. It's a month. If you eat a baguette, you get to be gay. Danielle. It's not your fault. And the email I sent you. Yeah. The gogurt in your ass saying that.

That's not a medical question. We cannot replant, we cannot sew your balls into your asshole and make it a free show. I don't know what an intercooler is and no. I just like the intellectual curiosity. I'm asking questions. I'm asking questions. I'm trying to be an intellectual provocateur. I subscribe to National Geographic Magazine.

I am an intellectual. I voted for Bernie Sanders and prior to that I was a more of like an adult swim kind of guy. And then after voting for Bernie Sanders, I realized I'm an intellectual and I immediately subscribed to National Geographic Magazine and started asking questions such as, whose fault is it that I'm a fucking loser? Yeah. Is it because I eat baguettes that I think gay shit?

Yeah. Because obviously I'm a genius of some sorts. Obviously I'm a straight genius. All of these esoteric concepts I can easily repeat. So it's more like it's like a salon, you and your friends. You guys are just thinking of like, you bring different like highfalutin things to a meeting and then you present them to one another. Yeah.

I don't think that I know. Who do you have in the crew? Just a couple of neurosurgeons and then some bitch named Danielle. What's she like? She's hot. She's hot up. One of these days you motherfucker. Oh, not yet.

Once I get the other doctors to convince her I'm not gay through science, am I gonna trust the science? Right. Then it's fucking over. It's over for that bitch. It's pussy. Have any of the doctors fucked Danielle? All right.

Be Danielle's pussy. Boom. Fucking whole space. Watch this. She doesn't think I'm gay. It's done for her. She's got... No chance, bitch.

That's the only thing keeping me at bay is you thinking I'm gay. That little blockade is lifted. Yeah. That's the final domino to fall. That's my movie dinner party. It will be on Peacock 2, my streaming platform, my leftist streaming platform, peacock.tv. Oh, fuck, dude. Damn.

I love being a part of leftist media, dude. Yeah, me too. Oh, yeah. You're doing such an important work. We get a lot of respect for it. That's the most important thing. Well, speaking of, I have a, capitalism can suck my little ass dick t-shirt to show everyone. I was going to do a shirt, and it's got Karl Marx, but with the...

You saw me dot bitch slash... He's got like makeup, like Mimi Bobak makeup? Yeah, like a... And it says Karl Marx was a fag. And then in parentheses, and that's a good thing. Which is good, by the way. That's a good thing. But just for me.

And then wear it around. Yeah. Because I wanted a whole sort of... That's exclusive. Of trains, the train series. Shirts you wear one time on the train. See how people react to you. Right.

Oh, I thought it was some other address. Because the masturbating hasn't come back yet. Has it? On the train. I'm sure it has. I've said it before on the show, but the funniest thing I ever saw in the train station. I forget what platform I was on, but you know how they have like those like blocks? Yeah.

That divide. I walked to the end of the platform, and I went behind a block. There was a guy just completely naked. Hell yeah. Hell yeah, dude. He's sort of like just standing there. Just turn around a little bit. That's fucking awesome.

No clothes on. Not dick out. Not wearing a stitch of clothing. Completely naked. Hidden at the end of the platform. Like a glitch. Like just like they store the data model of what a person looks like. Greatest city in the world, man.

That's fucking awesome. I watched the Louie Theroux documentary on the sex offenders through up when he saw your penis. No, but I watched the one on sex offenders this weekend. How do you say his name? Louie Theroux. Okay. Keep going.

Isn't that what they say? What he says? I don't know. I think it's what he says. I'm just trying to respect him. His cousin, Justin Thoreau says it the other way. Justin Thoreau. Justin Thoreau.

He sucked my cock. But yeah, all these sex offenders are on the registry, so they have to live in a hostel together basically. California, yeah. In California, you saw that one? Yeah. What's that one called? Because it's not part of his American series.

It's like, yeah, it's no, his LA series. He has like three of them. That one's hilarious. When he goes in that guy's room, the guy has like the pictures of the young boys on the wall. And he's like, what is this? And he's like, it's just art that I put up in my room. He's like, but you're a pedophile.

There's this, there's this really big little kid. He's like, don't you think this is as well? You're not allowed. He's like, as a person that went to prison for molesting children. Don't you think this is like, maybe you shouldn't? Maybe you should pick like, like a flower. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Skyline. Yeah. Well, the worst guy is the guy that runs the facility and like places them in housing. His name's Adam. No, that's not the same. But at the very end of the episode, he finally feels comfortable to tell Louis what he did and he raped his two sons because he found out his wife was cheating on him.

What? To get back at them. Damn. That's some sons of anarchists in this world. Oh, that's a cold open. I will say, I will say she probably felt really bad about cheating. Well, he's like, well, she thought I was cheating and it turned out she was cheating on me. So I needed to show the power, the power that, and I was on a lot of cocaine at the time.

Jesus Christ. And I was in my mind, in my mind, it made, it made sense to rate my two sons when they were 11 years old. Like both of them. Yeah, both of them. That's the thing, you fuck one and you're like, you don't sober up. But the reason I brought it up was because there's like when that's like when you don't get your security to buzz it back and then you find out they're charging you on top

of it. Also, I will say that's good parenting, though. You can't leave one out. Yeah, you got to one of that. You got to leave him. It's like that Sinatra song. Love and marriage. Yeah.

Can't have one without the other. Yeah, but there is this like fat, fat old man named Adam who wasn't with it. I'm not even bad or and he was like really sweet and nice, but he wasn't like a pedophile. He was a public masterbater and he could not stop. So you were a cape. No, no. He's like I've had. Yeah, he had a phantom of the office.

Public master, but I'm going to start wearing a cape just to do the Dracula move. That'd be awesome. And he says and he's like, it's really sad because the guy's like mentally ill. You know, he's like, I've been doing this since I was nine and he said, I see a woman 40 to 45 years old. It's the same type of woman every time and I just feel like I want her attention and I take my penis out and I start getting it hard and it's not hard all the time. And I make it hard for her and a lot of the times we have conversations and I get their

attention and it feels nice to have their attention. And it's like this guy clearly knows he's fucked up, you know, and that he's like has a problem. But like later on in the documentary, they like come back and they visit him and he's like, how are you doing? And he's like, actually, I'm having a really tough time. I have repeatedly attempted to cut off my own penis. Which is so sad, man.

It's really sad. And he's like, have you have you considered chemical castration? He's like, I take the drugs to lower my libido and I still actually sold my penis to the rest of it. God, you're telling me there's nothing that can be done for that guy to stop jacking off the public? It's really sad. Did he go to fucking jackoff therapy?

He went to multiple therapies. But I mean, it's the same thing as like a woman that's like, oh my, I just can't stop with this local cheesecake. It is the same. Yeah, basically the same. Damn, I hate comedy. I hate doing this shit. But the more I hate it, the funnier it gets.

To infinity. To me. And I'm gay. And I'm gay. Damn, that's a fucked up documentary. It's pretty good, actually. I mean, all of his stuff is pretty good, but that one was pretty good in particular. Yeah.

And then the community like wants to drive them out. So they build the smallest park in Los Angeles County so that technically they would be within a certain distance of the park and then they'd have to find new housing. Yeah. Yeah. The smallest park in Los Angeles County. Is it called Adams Penis Park? Yeah, it is actually.

Adams Penis Memorial. Because it's dead? Because it's dead. Because your dick is fucking dead, bro. Yeah, it's fine. It's all right. So my dick, fuck my fucking pussy. Man, we're only going to see each other one more time.

Then it's going to be like... Are you serious? Yeah, on Friday and then we all go on our way. I'm kind of sad about that. You're leaving. You're already leaving, huh? I'm going. I'm going to go visit my dad and then...

Oh, right, right, right, right, right, right. Well, we're going to see each other Friday. We'll see each other Friday, man. We better make a count. We should fuck each other, is that what you're saying? No, maybe Friday night we can go like to the meatpacking district. Get a table at one oak, maybe. Yeah.

We're going to get a table service. Start at the 40-40 club. 40-40 club. Get those like sparklers things that come with... Everybody's talking about the Dow Jones. Yeah. But how about the little Bow Wow Jones? That's a great question.

Who let the dogs out, folks, tomorrow? Yeah. Yeah, that's one of my favorite little Bow Wow Jones. Who let the dogs out? Who, who, who, who, who? That was... That is a great... That's a solid bit, dude.

That's a solid bit. Well, I'll try that out at the show tonight. And if you want, you can buy a t-shirt at com.town or subscribe to the Patreon at patreon.com slash come town. You get a bonus episode. Slash pussy. Every week. And there's a backlog of three years of this, this kind of bullshit.

Like two-in-a-fit as you get. It's kind of dog shit. Fucking garbage. It's a terrible show.