The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. 274 – Do it for the comirnaty

Episode Date: August 26, 2021

C'mon yall get da damn shot, it aint about u, its about keepin the comirnaty safe

Yeah, I don't know. Maybe it's because the thing shares a channel or something. Yeah. So we, is this a continuation of the last one or a new file? Yeah, this is, yeah, this is a new file. Okay, we spent about 10, 15 minutes trying to, let me just, I'll give you the, give you the gist. Yeah, this version of it. Here, you hold my mic for me. I got it, bro. Oh, wait. Yeah, just hold my mic. No, I got it, Nick. Don't worry. Thanks. Who let the dogs out? Who let the dogs out? Who let the dogs out? Who let the dogs out? That's good. You know what you did it, man? I got it. See, I told you I could do it. You have to mute the channel. No, you don't. You can't bring the level. You don't pay attention

to fucking anything. I was paying attention to what you're just saying. You do not pay attention. You have to move the jack shit. You got to move the paddle. You got a bunch of hot old dog shit in your fucking brain. That's true in your skull. Your skull is this is on the word hot. It's filled to the brim with sexy old dog. No, and it's the kind that's like turned white basically because flies have been getting all the nutrients out of it. It's just a husk of dog shit. Wow, that's nasty. What do we got there? Little chocolate covered. Don't tell the audience. They're gonna get jealous when they find out we have jealous. They're like, is it raising that? Yeah, most of our fans are in the Chernobyl

zone. Yeah, they're so hungry. Let me see. Let me see what we got here. Let's talk covered on. What do you mean try one? No, this is the only kind of candy you eat. I know. If this was like a watch him a call it or a fucking babe Ruth, I'd believe that you'd never had it. That's true. These are the kind of like, Oh, what is this period blood trail mix? Can I try that? I'd like to try you and your fucking 17 year old girlfriend going on a fucking hike and getting up to getting like getting men's he's covered raisins. Men's he's flavored cliff bars. I don't like the idea of pussy blood being involved in a snack. I have to I have to come out strong against Adam loves that pussy blood is doesn't it doesn't appetize

me when Adam Adam's legs look like the legs of a woman that like doesn't shake. He likes shave his legs. Well, why stop shaving them to give him that likes that lesbian stuff that lesbian sheen. He wants to look like he's making a decision to not shave his legs. I'm wearing pants right now. You can't even see my legs. He doesn't use his fucking cliff bars when he goes on a field trip. And his girlfriend point out different types of skinks and what are you know, I have to say we can listen. Let's let's talk shit on Adam. I have nothing against his girlfriend. She really is a lovely I can't follow you there. I can follow you on Adam being gay. You can't follow me up there because it's up of the three stairs.

No. So you can't follow me. I can do a really good job. Yes, the three stairs. That is it's up in a house baby. I'm on I'm on Stov's and you know what I'm on Stov's side here but it's impossible to come over here and I support you. His side goes all the way around the house. Oh my gosh. No, you're really I support you. And then what do you do? You chuckle at his other three stairs. I could do three stairs easily. He could he could crush three. That's good. You got it. You do have that. I'll give you that. I still just edited that into a separate file. We're bringing the soundboard back. Yeah, the soundboard really breathed breathed some life. The episode is going to be music soundboard. If you go

to no talk patreon.com slash come town and you sign up. Not only do you get the whole backlog of the full 17 years we've been doing this show. Yep. An extra episode a week. You also get Adam's personal cell phone number. That's true. Yeah. And people have been calling in and they've been saying that we need that if we're not going to do any if the show is just going to be you're not even going to watch a movie and mention it. Yeah. If you guys just sort of going to in a very literal sense just talk with no direction for 60 minutes and you know maybe 68 at least bring the soundboard and get Adam's cell phone number and I I'm not going to ever watch another movie again. I'm pissed because I forgot to watch Space

Jam and I wanted to come on dude. Who let the dogs out who left Adam's ass and the cowbell part like in his pants. No. Left Adam's ass. In his ass. I don't know. In his pants. Catchy. Well and also on. On. On. You know what's catchy. You hear catchy HIV. Fucking boyfriend. Catchy is your mascot. Don't even try it. Come on. Let me just have one. You know what this was. Why are we so spicy. We watched two episodes of Diagnosis Murder where we're having a nice day. I bought you guys nice Japanese lunch. Thank you. Thank you. You're welcome. Thank you for the job. Can I be all of the hang details. Yeah. Do you know how many fucking eight you're going to start watching Diagnosis Murder now. Well

I'd like them to know that's I think more people should. It's a great show but it's also our thing. There's a murder that takes place at the hospital. I'm just pissed off because Dick Van Dyke you know I'm a big fan of the show and I think about it constantly and Dick Van Dyke's disappointed me as the star of the show and personally. You mean like politically. Yeah. He's my best friend because because he supported Bernie you mean he's a little screwdriver. It's the year Dick style screwdriver. I was imagining you were going to say that. I predicted you would say something along those lines. He didn't. That's why I use this knowable. That's why I use this to build the world's tiniest microscope

to see your dick. Wow. That's not true. Mr. Mr. Hawkins. And you thought that's not small enough to build the world's tiniest microscope. You thought you had the answer. Didn't you. Mr. Stavros. It's too big for it to for that purpose. I should redo silence the lambs but this time with a body positive. Hannibal Hector. Hannibal Hector where he's a million fucking pounds from eating people. Yeah. He's like I had his liver with a vanilla coke. The big gulp and a coffee. A snow caps. And then I had some ice cream for dessert. And then I froze all of his cum. I'm also gay. I'm gay. Hannibal Hector just eating little little uncircumcised baby dicks like Edamame. And he's throwing away this. No. Yeah. Hannibal

Locca. Hannibal Locca. Like hello Clarisse. Hi Clarisse. Dr. Hector why are we reading people. Well it's free. You don't have to pay for it. I could go to a restaurant and pay a hundred dollars for two people. Or I could just eat my colleagues. It is a good deal. And you would be a fool not to do it. Not to do it. But you have to do all the work. You know. Your time is money too. You got to think about that. I have time. I've got the time in his like his prison cell. There's like half a globe. It just spins. But it's like it's like a semi circle. Well if they didn't want to pay for the whole globe. It did take me a little while to figure out. All right then why don't you say something

Adam. Oh that's a show. That's a show. I got something you can stretch. If my balls to do the bat wing and then I want you to kiss them. Yeah. And in his cell he has a globe and where Israel is it says Jerusalem and where the rest of the earth's land masses it says Israel because he's a he's a Zionist. But why would Israel be Jerusalem. What's that have to do with him being cheap. Yeah you're kind of conflating the kind of ugly thing here about Israel and Jewish stereotypes as we all think we have to protect Israel stuff as much as you'd like me to you're conflating two things. I'm pro Palestine but you're being ugly right now. I'm sorry. And you're also and you're also saying something I don't

agree with. Get it. What do you mean. You're all you're physically ugly. I'm not ugly. Who knows. I'm the cute one. No way. I'm the cute one. I saw there were a bunch of actual there were a bunch of tiktoks about us. I'm the cute one. No. No you're on tiktok. No am I not the cute one. They were sent to me. You're on to say Adam's the cute one. What am I. What would then if you're the cute one who's the rest of us. You're the the great guy. What makes the gay guy. I'm definitely cute. It's totally true. I'm cute dude and you know that's fucking true. Who's out of the three of us. Whose cheeks do you want to pinch. Mine. That's what being cute is. No way. I pinch my cheeks all the time. Yeah

when you're pinching off. Too late to pinching off a loaf and do you typically not in low form when it's an emergency. We were here. It wasn't low. It was a 45 seconds to shit your pants. That would be so funny. We just let a huge log and then mushed it into the chair through his pants like a strainer. That's what happened. And he was like oh no. I asked for a new paper. He's pushing peanut butter through a colander. Just trying to get the fucking the loaf through his pants through his linen pants. Not in love. Did you ever get linen new linen pants. No I didn't. I think I learned my lesson. Wow. The tragic part of all that it was how excited I was about the linen pants. I really think that's

the main detail of the entire saga that's really lost by the wayside. I think we kind of zoomed past it after it happened but with more reflection it's insane. You shit your pants in a house. It really is crazy. Well to me that's water under the bridge. It was what it was shit water into Nick's camping chair. Well I got him a new camping chair that I'm sitting on right now. It's an Amazon essentials. Oh wow. Padded version. Oh you fuck it. You're putting money in Bezos pocket huh. Oh indeed I am. You're helping that rocket ship go up to fucking space. You know I think as an epic epic epic hacking socialist I think we should have done this. Shot him in the space ourselves. Yeah. Jeff Bezos. Eat the

rich. Oh yeah. Or maybe on the moon there could be a guillotine up there. There we go. Yeah cut his fucking head off. Yeah. Bald head off. That guy. The main thing I hate about him is not only is his company evil but he's not as cool as me. Yeah. He got it looks like people on the line were saying he got plastic surgery. Got fillers. If he ever got off the Jeffers and stopped the L train everyone would think he was a loser. A Brazilian woman kind of looked to him. I noticed that last time I saw him. Do you mean you want to fuck him. Is that what you mean by that. What. Does that mean you want to fuck him. Well no I don't. He has a penis. What. He's got big tits and a penis. Yeah.

The Brazilians. The Brazillian special. That kind of look. The Brazilian special. And no pubes. That is that's a look. Indigenous to to Brazil. Yeah. It's crazy to be a place called they were they were really ahead of the curve. It's hard to skin darkening salon for upper west side women called skin indigenous. Skin indigenous. Just like a tanning salon. But no it's a chemical burn that permanently darkens them. Damn. Yeah. Even better than tanning. No you're just injuring someone. Yeah. Just add melanin to them. You're melanating the entire entire being a male ass bitch. We're about to burn your shit. This is a melanated business. It's a melanated ass business. Yeah. Damn much much dummy hurt. Yeah. Much

dummy hurt. Although I will say the Japanese lunch was good. It's nice and light. I really appreciated that. Maybe it was poisoned. Wasn't poisoned. But I will say you know what. Stop is really setting me up for failure on that one. Give Adam his flowers. I said I wanted a nice lunch for the boys. Let's give Adam his flowers and I will accept your flowers because you fuck lunch up a lot. I will accept flowers. And I will say for once I was really had a good I would have liked a little I would have liked the option to order rice on the side. I think that you could. I couldn't. I checked. Really. I checked because I had a I had a thought that my noodles were going to be too saucy and I could use some of the

sauce on a side of rice. But that wasn't an option. They really do go way too crazy with the sauce at Indian Indian cuisine. Yes. It's all sauce. It's all. Yes. Like a fucking bowl of sauce. Two or three pieces of paneer or chicken. You fucking dip. You dip the fucking bread in it. It's awesome. It's too much sauce. It's too much sauce. I think the Japanese are perfect administers of sauce. Let me know if you want more sauce on you. Pussy. I will be over here looking at pussy on my phone. I will be looking at my Samsung Galaxy pussy through my Samsung Galaxy. Let me know if you want more pussy just to drink with the special today is extra pussy and pussy sauce. Oh yeah. That's the kind of restaurant

I'm trying to go to. Welcome to India. India number one pussy get restaurant. The grand Budapest Budapest Hotel. Welcome to jungle to jungle. The Indian. Jungle to jungle. Jungle to jungle. Brendan Fraser. Tim Allen. Oh yeah. I remember that movie. George of the jungle. That was a little fake ass George of the jungle. Essentially the premises. What if Tim Allen's son was Tarzan. He had like a feral native son. Which how did that happen. He busted a nut into some fucking random bitch. Yeah. It's going to happen. You go on the Peace Corps. I forgot how it started. And I remember I remember the movie turned on him using the phrase obligation. I think that was one of the divorce movies that came out

like in the Mrs. Doubtfire era. Her family court makes a man have to go do some shit to get his son back. Right. And Tim Allen has to go to his son. But why how did his son become Tarzan. I think maybe he gets pussy with some tropical bitch. But then why didn't she raise him. Why did she give him to the monkeys. I have no idea. He doesn't get raised by monkeys. It's like tribal people. I think he's like jungle to jungle. Maybe I'm thinking of George of the jungle. You're thinking of George of the jungle which is like Tarzan. If I conflated George of the jungle and jungle to jungle the jungle is the same cinematic that the kid can't talk. He talks like what's mean that dad jungle to jungle is the kind

of the same or similar plot to some other movie that came to some French movie that came out that was also about a boy that has to go to the jungle which I thought they were the same movie when I was a kid. No. Yeah. I don't think that's French. I didn't think they were the same movie per se. But you know how they do like you know how they have like two of them. I thought they always gave like two. They did. They would try every story twice every movie cycle. Yeah. But this jungle jungle felt like I think you were on to it. We're saying it's a divorce movie but it was also George of the jungle following the success of Tarzan and then George of the jungle. There was a jungle theme in the air. I remember

seeing it in theaters and then I remember staying for the bloopers afterwards. Were they good. I don't know but I remember that being like well the movie sucked at least I'll see someone get hit in the nuts. I'll stay for the bloopers. Yeah. Okay. That's how I felt honestly about the hangover. All right. So the best part of the hangover was where you you see his dick and then the the photos. So this guy's a New York City broker. He wants to marry his new fiance but he has to get a divorce from his bitch wife Patricia who left him some years earlier and now lives with a semi westernized tribe in the middle of Venezuela. So that's where he has to travel there to get the divorce. He needs permission. Venezuela. And then what

happens I'm from Venezuela. But upon arriving Patricia reveals that he has a son who's now 13 named Mimi Siku. He attempts to bond with Mimi Siku in a brief stay with the tribe and promises to take him back to New York when he's a man. I want to watch this real bad. I saw it as a kid. I remember it. I didn't know that Martin Short was in this movie. Yeah. Martin Adams. The funniest guy of all time. What? Martin Adams penis. No. His name is Martin Short. That's what I said. No. He played Jim. That's what I said. No. Come on. He's in a ton of stuff. What did you hear? I said Martin is Adams penis. No. His name is Martin Short. Yeah. What did I say? He's a Canadian comedic actor. One of the best of

all time. Perhaps one of the finest people. It's based on Adams penis being small. Wait. We're talking about Jungle to Jungle. Here we go. Yeah. The two is actually that's for the original working title. That little little Indian big city is the French movie that Jungle to Jungle. This was. Look at you. Little Mr. fucking Sinophon. We've talked about this on the show. Who cares. Jungle to Jungle is good man. Really. At least I remember not actually I remember just watching it. I guess it's not good. But I remember as a little kid every time you see a movie you're like nice. I like I saw a movie. Oh me. Me. I'm in a hurry right now. I got to get on a plane. It's got to be back in the museum by five

o'clock to get back here. New York stockbroker Michael Cromwell has an appointment in the Amazon. John LaFarlane in the end. Oh my God. It's Gilligan's Island. He's not sure what he's doing there. If we get to pick our own names. Sorry. He's already taken. But he's about to find out the boy sitting next to the fire over there is your son. That is my son. What am I supposed to do now. He's crazy. So this motherfucker just went to some bullshit ass island. Got pussy. No. His ex-wife left him there to live with the savages. Raw dogs looked by the savages. No. But she can. Yes. Her and her pussy blown out his biological son would raise with these savages. I don't think that that's how that works in real life.

I think it's like yeah. Yeah. Welcome to being a researcher in this you know to be an anthropologist and then you just like well I'm going to have my son raised by these people. Yeah. Me me sick. She fucks. That's how it worked for her. And I think if I had to guess the tribe go your pussy. Yeah. Yeah. I think the tribe probably got really ran through her pussy if I had to guess and absolutely fucked her in the mouth. This is in my suggested videos under juggle the juggle. Hitler's normal voice. What was his talking voice like you only hear him yelling. It's like the Gilbert Godfrey voicemail. He's like you've heard that right where I'm calling David Letterman. No. David how you doing. It's a sad off Hitler. I wanted

to know if you're going to be around for the lunch on Thursday with Ira and you know wait a second. He knows. Yeah. It was. It was good to see you at the Seder. But and Letterman's I got it. It's listen. It's it's about lunch is about to wrap up. I got to go back to being Hitler and doing the quote unquote Holocaust. It's kind of a wink. We're almost through it's kind of a ration secure Israel. It's kind of a ration build up enough good will to get Israel were operation Ben and Jerry. Oh this is interesting. Mimi see who gets pussy off of Richard's business or Michael's business partner Richard played by Martin Schwartz daughter. He fucks her. They're on a hammock and he's getting too excited to

intimidate because over 500 speeches of which audio and video footage. That's what he sounds like. That's that was his right now. It's not. Yeah. Fuck his ass. I'm going to scrub the video here and get to his real voice. Yeah. Let's. Yeah. It's taking a little while to buffer but that's definitely what his voice sounds like. Wow. You really got to check your. It's time to help people customize and save. It's time to just mute these fucking ads. They really are going wild with the ads. I pay the money to not have us crazy. They'll never get me. I do. They broke me. How much is it cost. I think 99 what I'm on YouTube all day long brother. This is the Michael to know that I was going to be working with

him again. As you can see by the makeup it's you know it does a fantastic job. I'm a clean on sir. What does he say. I'm a clean on. Well yes. Earlier before he came up with the air in the makeup for Sylvester Stallone and Carl Weathers and we had met them. A rare interview with Adolf. I can't believe you. He sounds pretty sure. Yeah. Let's see. He sounds powerful. As long as you're making me horny story friends but nice people you know helpful you know and yes sir I'll get on that right away and you know and and it this guy is a total departure from anything I've ever done and so it's a major challenge and they've hired an actor to play Hitler. Well yeah Hitler was an actor. Wow dude. We're

learning a lot on this fucking show. Shit. What 23 minutes. Nice. It's good news. It's bad news because this is because what's wrong dude because it's blue because it's because she dreams. I tell you what happened was let's let's go ahead. If maybe you're the guy that because she Eric or whatever I think his name is maybe it's Sven Sven because she dreams if you're spending because she dreams you may have gotten an email from me this week telling you I'm pretty sure it's at the 20 minute mark. But the truth is is that I was actually so fucked up on cushy dreams. Yeah we started our day off that I forgot that I forgot that I forgot to do the ad read and that's a testament to your product. That's how good it is because

I don't know about you guys but I love high quality CBD and there's no fucking play and you know what but you know what I hate is when it doesn't ship directly to my doorstep. I fucking hate that and I hate when it's not an air sealed packages or pre rules that are easy and convenient to blast and I hate when it's not lab fucking tested. Yep. And I hate the way I hate smoking stuff that has the psychoactive ingredient in marijuana. I don't want to you. I want CBD. Cockball discourse. That's exactly right my friend. And where can we get all of that because we are men of taste high standards is penis discount. There's the penis discount. Cookies cockballs discount. That's right. If you don't touch my penis at

cushydreams dot penis. Mm hmm. And what's that. Sorry. I'm still trying to find it. It's come down. Oh it's. If you go to cushy dream. Here we go. Make sure you sneeze. Directly into the microphone. No. I'm just sneezing directly to my t shirt actually. That's why we can hear it. Mm hmm. Bitch. That's why it makes you hear it. T-shirts don't insulate sound. Well they don't really fucking block out germs too good. Now do they chief. Yes they do. Not really. What have you learned from the coronavirus. Everyone's been wearing t-shirts. Are you wearing a fucking mask. A surgical five pack CBD hemp roll pre joint pre joints available best selling pre rolls are now available in five packs. That's awesome.

Just like the Ninja Turtles. You got the purple one. Relax. Blue dream. These are the official Ninja Turtles pre rolls. Mm hmm. Oh yeah. Purple one. Donatello. Donatello for relax. Five pack. The green one. Lea Lea Lea transio. And he's like I'm the girl. The girl. I'm the girl. And I can do stuff just as tough as the guys can. That's such a sick move dude. What like what's going on in the Olympics. It'd be like to be trans but then be like yeah I'm proving the girls can do stuff just do anything to anything a guy can. Yep. Even though I'm a girl. I'm a girl. I'm a girl and I'm a Ninja Turtle. So I'm on I got a different kind of ooze. Yeah. The secret of the oozing out of my surgically made up

pussy ooze and Oz dream five pack dream is like I said the lead whatever. Yeah they got a lot of nice flavors of fucking yellow the Donatello. That's the five pack bundle that includes all six strains create dream hustle peace and relax. Wow. The red one Raphael bad out of the best one. Yeah. Cool. I don't want any fucking smoke in my fucking CBD. I'm trying to get all these fucking out of Brooklyn. This used to be a turtle. Now it's filled with a bunch of portable guns. You got their portable. Yeah. That's not a slur. Yeah. You know it's reeking your ass after guys. Fuck it. Smells like that's why you had to shoot yourself because you were like oh having gay sex. This was weeks ago. Yeah. But for some

reason it feels like today in the air. I think it's because I've been shitting all day. You've been shitting all day so you're trying to deflect. I'm not deflecting it just I have shit on my deflect from what I'm going to go to every time he goes to the bathroom. He increases his like shooting rate against you. That's right. His hit. Most times not shitted myself. I'm going to tell you something. Let me tell you a story about understand how Shaq tell you a story about a man named Bill Buckner. Okay. He makes one mistake. Yeah. Okay. He's a goat for life and for the rest of the life in the old in the old. I make a mistake. A hundred percent. I make a mistake on the biggest stage of town podcast and my

impeccable record other than this one time. The energy five pack is the Rafael the group the create five pack which is the yellow one which is what is that Trina. Oh yeah the bitch April yellow ranger Trina. I don't know Trina Trina. Well we call April because April wears a yellow jumpsuit but for there's a yellow power ranger. But April Trina Trini Trini Trina. I don't believe it was Trini Trina Tron. I do not believe it was Trina Trina Trina Trong and she was the dog dynasty or I think no a little like little rotisserie Bijan I don't believe that was I think you're wrong on both of those. I'm pretty sure that both of those details which she turned into a mechanical roasted Bijan Freeza that was

She turned into a rotisserie, Mini at your dog, yeah. Whoop, whoop! Hahahaha. Diddle, diddle, diddle, diddle, diddle, diddle, diddle, diddle, diddle, diddle, diddle, diddle, diddle, diddle, diddle, diddle, diddle. And then train travel would be like, That's spay gun lookin' good. It's our car kids. That's what she thought.

Well, she was Cajun. Ohhhhh. And she was Cajun American. Cajun American. She said she'd be like, Stop Cajun hate. Y'all we got a Stongone in this Cajun. It's Cajun hate that's going on. Every time I go down on the subway,

someone throwing gumbo on the tracks. They got to avoid the Andouille sausages shoved down onto the tracks. It's all this Cajun hate that we're on. Cajun elders are being punched by black teenagers left and right. Y'all, the Bay Area is being devastated by this anti-Cajun racism.

I fuck, yep, so somebody has spray painted a swastika on front of the Popeye's chicken. I tell you who's done it is Donald Trump and his rhetoric. Yep, that's right. Fast as he's famously anti-Cajuns. Hustle five pack hit the ground. I wish we had landed on that bit in the middle of a better episode and not in the middle of a library or a, you know,

hustle five pack. That's the green one. Who is who? Lea. Lea trains. They're all green. They're turtles. One of them is the green one.

No, none of them have green because you couldn't see it. No, it's red, purple, blue and orange. All right, we'll skip the rat pack. The piece five pack is blue. Who's that? Leonardo Leonardo. Leo. Tron.

Wait, then who's the yellow one? Trini Trini Tron. Who's the red with the Raphael purple ones? Da Vinci. Donatello. Donatello. And what's he do? Science.

He sucks. Oh, he's the science one? Yeah. No, the blue one's a science one, isn't he? No, he's the leader. The leader is Raphael. No, Raphael is the wild card. The renegade.

The hothead, the renegade. Here, we don't want any fucking. Remember that, Jeff? Yo, I'm Raphael. I got a fucking bone to pick with all these fucking. And what's he saying? Other amphibians? He's actually saying cushy dreams.

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of its fucking, out of its little cavity. Yeah. But it'll hang out. It'll so good. It'll knock it out. It'll knock your pussy out so it's hanging out of your pussy inside out style. And your dick will go in your body.

Yeah. We got Andrui Park on, and says to repark? Yes, Andrui Park. To talk about Cajun hate. We need to cancel Colbert. Colbert got a goal. The other day, he said Mardi Gras was just a rape festival for frat boys.

Denying the long history of women, because essentially showing their big beautiful breasts in exchange for some bees. For some shiny bees. For some shiny bees, much like a robber crab would collect on Christmas Island. The famous, famously Cajun Christmas Island. Oh, and it said the ancestral Cajun homeland.

Oh, fuck. What else do Cajuns have in common? The move in Mulan. Mulan? Yeah. Mulan Rouge. I can't tell you. Mulan Rouge is the Cajun version of Mulan.

I'm tired of sending my child to school, and everybody's calling him Gambit. That's another Cajun thing? Yeah, he's Cajun. Everybody calling my son Gambit or Bobby Boucher. Everyone throwing playing cards at him. Lighting the card on fire. Lighting it on fire.

I say, here you go, Cajun boy. Here you go, Cajun boy. Why don't you go eat you on some gator? Which, by the way. Well, they do both eat alligators. We do eat. That's some we have in common, what the people will make a fun of from the beginning, the regular.

Yeah. Everybody, what would you call, if the Cajun, if you call? Never mind. I'll come back to that one. Just give it a little thick. Something about fan boats, maybe? Think that through. What about, yeah.

I was thinking something about fan boats, myself. Maybe something about the movie Hard Target. Oh, yeah. Yeah. That's a great example of Cajun culture. Hard word. Target. Hard, hard.

Yeah. Target. Hard, hard, target. OK. Moving on. No, no, no, no, no. Maybe rewatching the movie The Phantom with Billy Zane. Where he's purple.

I suppose you're not more of a bigger Billy Zane guy. I don't why would I be that. Look, he's bald and Greek. I'm not bald. You almost said I'm not Greek. You almost said the secrets. You're not Greek. If I wasn't Greek, that would be wild.

You're Turkic. Shut the fuck up, dude. You need to chill out right now. You're a Turkic person. You need to chill the fuck out. How about you relax, because your donor kebab is showing. I'm going to fuck you up. You keep fucking talking like that.

I'm going to let you fuck me up, because that's what I want. I'm going to honestly, I'm going to piss in your ass. How about that's what that was my plan? How about I'm pulling the strings? I sort of have to piss, and if you call me Turkish again, I'm going to piss in your ass. It's just kebab. It's just kebab.

Yeah, it's pretty good. All Mediterranean food. Israeli food's the funniest thing in the world, but they have the audacity to call it that. I know. They stole everything. Yeah. Well, OK, you know what?

I'm going to admit it, Turks. Because they fucked our asses for a while, we do have pretty good food. Because Greek food is a nice little, we take a nice little mix of their shit with our shit. It's pretty good. But you guys didn't steal the. Like, you know, the putting salt on, like that.

Fuck salt bae. He can suck my dick. The salt bae. You know, I even started because they were Muslim, and they didn't want to eat pork. So they just gave us all the fucking, the fucked up pork byproduct, and we made something delicious out of it. You know, that's how al pastor.

The mother of invention. That's how al pastor got to Mexico. Yeah, I know. From Gyrus. I know. From Lebanese. Yeah. Isn't the world amazing?

Where'd they get pineapples from, though? That's what I'm trying to find. Not the Middle East. That's damn. I'm about to fart. Damn, sure. OK, good. They're farting a lot.

Every time I fart, it's like, shit, am I about to shit myself? If you should yourself. This is punishment for doing. I would not. I would not take pleasure in it. I would feel bad for you. Listen to me, I haven't done that shit.

You would think I'd be walking on the razor's edge, but especially with making fun of Adam. But the truth is, is I'm like, I'm a straight shooter, dude. I always go in the toilet. The truth is, I'm just really fucking good at not shit my pants. I'm good at just shitting in the bowl instead of in the chair. Black rifle, coffee. We barely ever shit ourselves.

Four years in Afghanistan, only shit in my pants by accident six and a half times. That's right. Yeah, I got my dick blown off, but I still use the toilet like a man. I still have coffee in the morning. And I insist on standing up to pee. There's an elaborate system of marionette wires

that poised me up in the bathroom. And then I just spray. I just dribble piss out of my, what used to be, cock hole. There's a stream that's about six inches long from top to bottom. It's more of a fanning motion that coats the wall of the bathroom out of a slit carved into a bunch of scar tissue in front of my body.

And I coat the bathroom, and then I walk out and I drink my black rifle coffee where my 382-pound wife cleans up the bathroom and all of our Christian wall art from Target that says, God may not be here right now, because he's gone fishing with you, Jesus. God might be on lunch break, but that doesn't mean he's not doing a beer around later. I'm going to dumb ass.

Yeah, but that doesn't mean he's not a forward man. That doesn't mean he's not. God might not be a forward man, but that doesn't mean he can't afford to drink a couple of beers. A couple of briskies that drive home. A couple of beers at my time. Da, da, da, da, da. Yeah, I got a fucking piss, dude.

It's just diet, Dr. Pepper. The diet is running through me. Diet sucked on the cock. No. No. That's fine. I can wait until you go to the bathroom to say that that's what you drank.

Fuck, I just spilled some on my shirt. Oh, damn. Now you look like an idiot. You look like an imbecile. I don't fucking care. I don't fucking care at all. He looks fun. Thank you, Adam.

He doesn't look like an idiot. You bitch. Fuck you, you bitch. Thank you, you fucking idiot, Adam. Why me? Yeah, suck my dick. That's why. Because I still remember you chuckling at the three

stairs comment. That was fast. It was fast. He was calling me a pedophile in the process. I double should have. I don't even remember what was going on. I just remember you laughing at that. That's the only thing that stuck with me from that exchange.

He said that my girlfriend is in the children's bedroom, which is three stairs up. But you couldn't get there because you're fat. Fuck you. You are a pedophile now that I think about it. Why? Because you laughed at his joke. The three stairs thing was all right.

That's why it was pretty good. And I don't care that I look stupid. You're a pedophile. And I could jump up on three steps very easily. I have the strongest legs here. We shouldn't just be saying stuff like that on the podcast. This goes on our permanent record. It does.

OK, everything you put out on the internet goes on your permanent record. OK, and you can't scrub that from you. You know, it's like everyone you've had sex with, you will be having sex, have had sex with them for the rest of your life. And then if you have sex with someone else, they're having sex with all the chicks

that you had sex with before. Is that how it works? Yeah. So I fucked a lot of guys, too. Because I fuck every guy that the chicks fuck. Yeah. Fuck, dude. You fucked way more guys than chicks.

I fucked so many more guys than chicks. All of us have. By that metric. All of us have. Damn it. Not me. I fucked absolutely zero. All the fucking found a loophole.

Well, you could have sex with virgins, too. That's the only that's the only way that you can't possibly be called a loophole. I don't know. Because you put you put some through it. And you can sneak something through it. It does. That word doesn't make much sense.

It's like stringing the needle going into my George Carl and why do they call it a loophole bit? Yeah. You suck at this. They've got loopholes for loose holes. If your wife is a whore, show her the door. But if the door's closed, put on ladies clothes. Now you're a girl.

He, him, they, them, she, her, they, them, he, she, she, said, seashell, seashells, bye. She got her dick cut off? Amen, brother. Well, take me to Epstein's Island because I'm trying to fuck a kid. Lights off. Lights off standing up.

The last three thinker in history. Age 115, finally released from prison for being accused of raping 75 women in 1912. Here we thought, you thought he was dead. That was cover for arresting him for rape. They found the bones of four children in his player piano, in his mansion. Back when he, back before he became hippy George Carlin

and he was child rape in George Carlin. Famous Cajun entertainer. We got to stop Cajun hate folks. Good job. Oh, Chas, oh, smoky child rape in George Carlin. At mybookie.ag. That's, you can place a bet on how many kids. You can place a bet on George Carlin fucking penis.

It's got to be a really, really small bet, though, if you're going to place it. So for like 15 years, I've been getting somebody's emails by accident because I guess they think that they have my email address. We have the same name. Yeah, I get that. Yeah, I don't know.

But this guy's been making this, Mr. literally like 15 years. That's awesome. And this is like his, his COVID test results or COVID test results for beaches, resorts, sandals. No, but it's for his baby. Nice. Because it's, well, I guess it's not a baby. I guess it's a fucking five year old or six year old or something.

So you have access to this man's child. Yeah, he sent it to me. But they just have their like passport number in here. And this is, I think this is the same person their mom used to email. I remember that. And I would say, because I think they're British or something. And you try to fuck his mom or something.

I don't know if you can take a baby to sandals. I think it's like a couple's only. I'm getting for the whole, their whole family. So this one's also for, this is very nice. They're both of his babies because this one was born in 2018. But I could steal their identity if I wanted to. I could pretend to be a Jamaican baby going on vacation. Meek Mullen.

Let me get some titty mom. How you doing? It's me, baby Mullen. It's me, baby Mullen. Listen, I'm calling you because I need some breast milk. And you're going to, I mean, I'm a baby and I need breast milk. I am a baby. You're like, excuse me.

I'm going to send a man over to suck it and spit it into my mouth. Before you accuse me of not being a baby from Jamaica. Let me just read you my passport number, which I have right here. If you wanted to cross-reference it and make sure that I am, in fact, a baby born on. It looks like November 23rd of a couple of years ago. I am a baby. Go ahead and look that up and get your pussy wet

because I'm going to be fucking you also. Or the guy I sent. The guy I sent. The guy I sent is. To get the breast milk. He has to fuck you. Just forget it. He's probably going to forget this conversation

because he's going to be on liquid coding when he gets there. So if you're, if you don't know, go ahead. I am from Wisconsin. I'm from here to be Wisconsin. Lake Michigan. Lake Michigan. Lake Midrashigan. Lake Midrashigan, bitch.

Change me diapers and suck my eddy. My bookie.aj is a place where a kid can be a kid. A magical place where a kid can be a boy. It's where kids rule. Chucky motherfucking cheese where a kid can be a motherfucking kid. A kid can be a fucking animal, a savage child. My bookie. You get in those tubes and you're ready to fuck another child up.

There's no rules in these tubes. No rules just right. I'm going to shoot it. My bookie daddy. I'm not going to do it. But I'm going to shoot a commercial for whatever it's called. Chucky what? Fuck each sucks.

Chucky chucks. And it'll be like that. It'll be like, you want to fucking get in these tubes and you're going to be fucking you. You know, that'll be so funny. Yeah. Do a sketch. Mm hmm.

Yeah. Yeah. They just go. You know, okay. So the sketch opens and they're like fucking. Oh, well, I'm a fucking chucky. Yeah. I like this.

You're like, nah, dude. No, I'm not a baby. Anyways, why don't we shoot something like that? Yeah. We're always coming up with good ideas. Welcome to the MTV writers room. Mm hmm. You're watching the reality show.

The TV writers room. Yep. Yo, what if we did like it's camera on? He's like, no, no, no, no. And then the fucking they go out on the street and there's a guy there like, yo, we'll give you a new pair of Jordans if you can guess who frame Roger. Whoa. Whoa.

And then, um, listen, can I just have my $600 a day rate and ever since I started this podcast, people have been asking me for betting tips. Oh, yeah. Mm hmm. I always get asked who you got. Lakers or Clippers. And I told, and I'll tell you what I tell them. And this is for next season, of course.

Where you bet is just as important as who you're betting on. I'm the baby. I'm the Jamaican baby. I am a Jamaican baby before you hang up. I can let me give you my passport number to prove that I am a baby. There's two things. The reason I talk like this is because I have the disease, the scientist from being a genius disease. And I'm in a stroller that has a computer that talks for me.

But I'm very smart. And that's why when I come to visit you, I will have a man's suit. But the only way it's lowered is with a boss. I will be inside of, I can't open it or I'll die from the nitrogen and the atmosphere. I need pure oxygen to live. So don't ask to see inside the suit. The best I can do is take the suits clothes off and show you it's been wearing for several weeks. And then you can fuck the suit.

That's the best. This is important. If you want to see your family again, you go to mybookie.ag. And that's why I tell people to bet with my bookie. My bookie's rep is rock solid and they've got the best odds, contests and promotions in the business. They're the only place I trust to handle my penis. The one sports book guaranteed to give me the hardest dick for the national championship college football game on January 11. And it's on very NFL playoff games. You know me and you know that I don't give a shit about anything.

To earn it, you've got to be the best at what you do. And my bookie is the best sports book out there, period. It's simple. Sign up, enter promo code. Come down and or come down 20. And get your deposit matched by a real head boss. Oh, sorry to match halfway up to a thousand bucks. Head over to my bookie. If you want to add a little excitement to the sports you love and the games you bet.

I do love doing that with the best bet my bookie. But now let's talk for a second is that I actually I like these guys over there. Yeah, so yeah, they're good guys. They're good guys. Yeah, you know, and that's I think more important than anything is is once we enter the who your guys economy. As we come out of the recession. And jobs are negatively indicated. Sure.

By the Streisand effect. The Streisand effect on inflation. One of the most fucked up things. That's what I call interest rates is the Streisand effect. Yeah, I don't know what you mean. You don't get why I have to spell it out for you. Yeah, Jay. Now this is some spelling I can get behind.

I don't even think of her as Jay. I think of her as a beautiful. What the hell are you spelling there, Ernie? Well, Bertie got a word here is in. No, no, no. I don't know. I don't know. How did Bert talk?

Well, I don't don't spell that. And then fucking Oscars like maybe you could spell another word. Maybe maybe you can start with a J is something in the word. That's kind of halfway in between. No, not that one either. What Jay? Don't do it. No.

Oh, that one's fine. Yeah. Well, Gordon, today we learned compromise. Well, what do you mean, Elmo? Well, Ernie wanted to spell the N word. Goodbye, Elmo. I'm leaving Sesame Street. What's that?

Nothing. Well, I've been priced out of Sesame Street now. The taxes got too high and had to sell the brownstone. It's been in my family for 100 years and now I'm homeless. Now that autistic muppet lives there. Do you get a good deal? No. Why not?

I had to use the money to move my mother into a nursing home and they abused her. Do you get a settlement or something? No, not at all. I got arrested for getting too loud on the phone with the insurance company. But now you get to live here, Elmo. That's awesome. That's great, Gordon. Good luck, Gordon.

Gordon, did you see what the conservators are saying about AOC? Sorry, Elmo. I'm completely checked out. This is great. I need some space for my podcast duty. It all worked out in the end. I'll see you later, Gordon. I'm going to Maria Hernandez Park, the skateboard until I can give a 19-year-old HPV.

I'm going to be a photographer for Vice, Gordon. I'm 47 years old. Good luck. Good luck moving to Rockland County or something. I guess you're either going to East Brooklyn or jail. Or maybe you'll move with your family back. Gordon, I totally get it. I went to all the protests last summer, you know?

I'm on your side. We really made a difference, Gordon, for those three days. I mean, it's really not that simple, Elmo. You know what? I'm kind of tired of talking about this. Can't we just all move on? Let's just fucking move on, please. We believe in science.

The important thing was just making sure the vaccines got rolled out. And last time I checked, it wasn't red fuzzy people not getting the vaccine. All the red fuzzy people I know, they took the vaccine. They took it at their earliest opportunity. It's maybe a different group of people who naturally, obviously, have a reason to be suspicious of Gordon. But I get that. The orange man is gone. We have a ghost now.

Elmo murdered his newly purchased brownstone. Gordon would go out like a fucking hero for that one. Just because that way it defunds the police doesn't mean I can't call them on you. If I hear Bachata music played too loud too late into the night, I can still call the police. I have to work for two hours. I told them I thought you were mentally ill for letting your dog Bach after 7 p.m. I said I don't want it to turn in to a Tamiya Rice situation. I'm sorry your children were sent to juvie, but they shouldn't have opened that fire hydrant on a hot day.

Gordon, did you steal my fucking bicycle? I'm going to ring doorbell and watch the video. Gordon, I'm sorry for accusing you of stealing my bike. I just got out of a toxic relationship and I'm still processing the trauma. You have to understand that I have my own issues. Maybe we can split your lawyer fees, 75-20. I'll pay 25%, which of course is due back to me. Honestly, no rush.

It's 6% interest annually. I swear, no rush at all. So what's the promo code? Go to my boogie.ag slash Sesame Street and place your bets. Listen, things are baseball. Actually, the NFL preseason will start by the time you listen to this. Fantasy football is just around the corner. Adam's fantasy football.

Again, that's going on my permanent record. Do you have a business license for this lemonade stand? Can I see a permit, Gordon? There's a process that you have to go through with the city before she can make money for her basketball team. Honestly, your tone and the way you're asking me why are you doing this is frightening me. You're leaving me very little option but other than to call the police, which I don't want to do. Ideologically speaking, because I'm a good fucking person, I don't want to do it. But push comes to shove.

I will and I have. I already did. They're on their way. So I would check my tone if I were you, Gordon. I've requested that they only bring tasers and a social worker. If they don't, it's already out of my hands. I'll film it in case you need it as evidence. I'll film it just in case.

Don't trust me. I understand. I do cocaine with a couple of people that work at the ACLU. You don't need to explain anything to me. We often go out and get fucked up and complain about people in the media we don't like. We need them up with fat tits. They have one. Big bird, dude.

No. The nipples are just on the bottom. Really? Yeah. But if you know where to look, you can get a nice show. You can get a real nice show. A really nice show. A really nice penis.

A really nice penis. Wow, great penis, Mr. Stavros. Thank you. Wow, thank you, Stavros, for your addition. Your character gave a small penis. I thought it was really accurate. Yeah, well, it was a stretch for me. I showed my range as an actor.

It was one of the greatest impressions of a guy with a small penis. Yeah, it was impressive, right? You've ever seen. Since my dick is not small, it's pretty impressive how good I was at it. I liked your choice of not wearing any pants or underpants. I channeled my friends, Nick and Adam, equally. Yeah, well, the problem is we're already getting pushback in the suggestion of hiring you. You're dick is so small, it's offensive to people with regular size.

Well, again, I'm doing an impression of Nick and Adam. Because they said representation is important, but you're so far behind. Well, Ed Sullivan, I can make my dick a little bigger. They actually say that your dick is so small, it's offensive to women with enlarged clitoruses. No, they don't say that. Because it makes them feel... And again, I'm doing an impression. Yeah.

We've covered this. Yeah. Nope. I would love to audition for SNL and be like, this is my impression of China from WWF. And be like, oh, my pussy is so big. My cli is so big. I have such a big cli. I'm so sorry, my cli is so big.

Triple A. What the fuck are you doing? A, no one really knows who China is anymore. I never got my back blown out like these before. Even at the height of her fame, she wasn't really an SNL type of impression. She's been dead for a decade. And she was not Chinese. And they're like, you've got the job.

You have the job. You have? Hello, Clarice. Clarice? I'm gay and Jewish. It would be funny to audition for SNL and just do impressions from like 35 years ago. Be like, guy, this aggression will not stand. Bad impressions.

Just what they did on the show. Impressions of Dana Carby doing impressions. Your Honor, I'm fucking gay. This is a guy that's a very smooth talker trying to get off for the murder of his wife by saying that he's gay. So he couldn't possibly have had a wife. Run away. Don't understand how I could have killed my wife.

I'm a homosexual. Doesn't matter facts. There's a point of fact. I am a fag, if you will. And I have sex with a man. Oh, it's our friend. They're like, oh, you got the job. Like incredible job.

Like that plus China, we're going to lead the you're going to do that as a cold open show. Here's my offer to you is you hire me. I will replace every single cast member and writer on the show. And you have to pay me nothing. And the show is just mine for a month. And in exchange, I will give you 300 Bitcoin. It's pretty good deal.

Yeah, that sounds like a pretty good deal. And I'm gay myself. Much like your character you were just doing or maybe you're still doing. It's very good. I am gay in real life. I killed my wife and I'm gay. That's true. I've heard that about Lord Michael's.

I need some time to, I'm going to have to go to, I've got a scam where I've bought the identity of a Jamaican baby and I'm going to go there. No. Just work on that. That was Lord Michael's. Wow. Yes. My passport number is pull up the email.

What if I just doxed a baby on the show? That'd be cool. I'm baby Marlon. This is the baby doxing show. The, the right, the fucking all rights, most hardcore podcast. Yeah. Come down Ruby dox baby. We dox random babies that happen to share the last name of one of the hosts.

And whose father is fucking stupid and doesn't know his own email address. Are we, are you watching any of this one six stuff? What's that? I know they're starting to charge, they're starting to charge people for them. One six. You mean your dick and inches and my dick and inches? Great brag. Yeah.

About the six. Exactly. Exactly. Yeah. You use an impossibly small number for me and a size that's like, probably a little bit generous on your. I used your actual dick size and basically if you round up my dick size, I basically did that.

I did rounding. I looked at they would teach you rounding in school and the only application is the size. There's really nothing else where you ever really round. It's kind of defeats the whole purpose of numbers. Other than lying. That's a good point. And yet very useful.

Very useful. This is my character. Very useful. And he's very useful. I'm very useful. And you can use my and you can use me like a fuck thing. And use my mouth and fuck it. That's awesome.

That's a really good character. But wait. My name is also giant penis. My name is also. I'm sorry. Jai ant penis. Jai ant penis. And people are like, wow, this guy must have a giant penis.

I'm like, no, I have an ants penis. My name is Jai Jai. That's a good trick from Thailand. And my have an ants penis. And you're also very useful. Very useful. Those aren't two separate characters. That's the same guy.

That would be great. We can update today's top story. President Biden signed into law an energy act. The energy climate change bill, which has many people asking, can they climb a tall bitch to have sex with me? Yeah. Climb eight and then ate her pussy. Yeah, I climb eight.

So you climb up early and eat her pussy. And I changed her into a woman that's been fucked. Cold change. Climate change. The climate change would set the $1 and 82 cents. You leave on the top of the air conditioner after you fuck my mom. That's her going right. You just leave.

Is that what climate change is, Mr. Biden? Yeah. John Oliver tonight will be back. Oh, I'm sorry. I thought the climate change. Are you fucking loony? That's like someone with a little dick fucking me in the ass. Someone with a little dick wearing an even smaller dick prosthetic,

fucking you in an enlarged version of your ass, and then calling you gay. That is like that. Oh, I'm sorry. Here's my little ass dick and now you're gay. He does say that. Donald Trump said the vaccines don't work, and then he himself got the vaccine.

That's like dressing up like a lady. But the clothes are for a little girl, and then you go into a children's store and pull out your penis. And then you use your penis to suck the penis of the guy behind the register. Don't mind me just sucking a penis because I'm not gay and I'm a little girl. John Oliver tonight.

I'll be back. Oh, fuck. John Oliver tonight. You're also the Stavros Halkius in your town. Wow. Great. I'm going on tour folks. Stavi.biz slash tour.

I'm probably coming to Denver soon. I forget when this is coming out. My dick as well. But listen, fucking, I don't know, Portland, Seattle, Denver, Utah. Shit's coming up. Buy those fucking tickets with a hard ass dick. Denver, Acme.

Ooh, I'm going to fucking, I'm going to between Denver and Acme. I'm going to go to Omaha, I think. Oh, nice. Peyton Manning, dude. I just figured I'll see a little bit of the fucking center of the country or whatever the fuck it's called. I'm not going to the center of the country ever again.

Yeah. Further west from West Virginia, off limits. Wait, you're not going even to the west of the country? No. I mean, I'll go to like Hawaii. Cali. Calistar. The middle of the country is everything in between Hawaii and New York.

I'm sorry. Just because Cajun is living in Hawaii, you think it's not part of the United States? No, I never said that. Very funny that you think that the Midwest quote unquote, is someplace six million miles away from the actual west coast. I never thought that. That just because there's Chinese,

Hawaii is all bunch of fucking types of Chinese people, that it's not America. No, you've been saying that for years, man. I would, but it's filled with dicks. I thought you were trying to do that pretty much immediately. Oh yeah, you knew that. As soon as I said in my mouth, you're like that fucking kid in class like,

that's what I was going to say. No, that's what you're like. That's you. Oh, shit. Oh, I know the answer. I was going to say that. Oh, I was, I'm mad. I was going to say the right answer.

Say that. You're like the kid in class with your big, big, really big dick. You're blowing. You blew it. You had him by saying that's what you're like. And then you let him out act out you much like you blew a guy with a droopy dog tattoo.

That's true. An old timey elevator. What is a droopy dog tattoo? The fucking cartoon droopy dog. Oh, boy. That guy. Who gets pushed. Main dick.

That's what he said to you. Who, by the way, did have a hot girlfriend in the cartoon. Who was it? I filed, I filed droopy dog away as an, as an icon for ugly motherfuckers that get good pussy. Honestly. Well, yeah, I am like the droopy dog. So I've done a lot of filing as a kid.

He loved the filing. Like secretary style a little kid. Oh, we're a little pantsuit. That's your vibe. Now to put together. Yeah, we were, we were, we were like mail room guys were obsessed with stationery. Coming up.

Just letters flying all over them. Nomadic tubes. Yes, sir. We got, we got to get this shit over. Yeah. Letters being sorted. Yeah. I got it.

My own office. Shut up. My uncle got me. It has my name on the office. No, it doesn't. Yeah. But they just put me in there. They don't give me any work really.

I just got the title. No, you don't. Yeah, I did. Your uncle molested you back at the agency. Your uncle molested you in that room. You got molested. I didn't get molested in that room. You started in the MLE room.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And you worked your way down. About two guys. You had to start kissing. You had to start giving him butterfly kisses on his neck. And work your way down your uncle.

Started in the mail room and worked his way down. He worked his way down to the cock. I'm going to miss you guys this month. Yeah. You're going for an entire month. I'm not going to see a stop. I'm going to see you next week. I'm going to tell everybody why we had to cancel the show for all of September and November

and October. We didn't cancel the show. No, it's all canceled. Then nobody knows until this. Why are you canceling it right now? You cancel it so you could. Why are you telling everybody? Get surgery to.

It's not a good surgery. Make your dick half an inch. Half an inch longer. You're getting an expanded. The show isn't canceled. Expanded in the beginning surgery to child. I'm just I'm not going to see stuff until August 30 after today. The vagina in the middle of your back.

That's not what's going on right now. I wanted to have a hard felt moment. That's tired of you're tired of black teenagers putting batteries in there. Why are you always making about black teenagers when you're on the train wearing a cut on a mid rift. You know I'm a car guy cut off t-shirt and and teenagers are putting batteries in your back. Pushing the drift cut off t-shirt as you're wearing a cut off t-shirt.

No, this is a different kind. Sleeves. Sleeveless. I meant where you get your. Mid rift. Yeah. I don't wear belly shirts. You're wearing a belly shirt with in your back.

If I ever wore a belly shirt, I'd wear in the style of a 1980s quarterback. They call you the energizer bunny on the train. There she go. Yeah, they keep going and going and going. And then they put batteries. They put a bunch of diesel batteries in your back pussy. And you like it because it feels like a cock. No, but you're worried because they're dirty.

You know that's not true. And you're worried about getting back bacterial vaginosis. Bacterial vaginosis. You can't get that from a button. And then and then after they leave someone on the train in the far end goes, are you okay? To me? Just you quietly say, yeah.

And then they immediately go on their phone and they say, I saw someone being harassed on the train and I stepped in between them. I immediately consult the woman. And I was like, like, are you okay? Hey, what's going on? I didn't consult. I didn't confront them because you don't do that. And because it makes it more dangerous.

I just I just held space for them. And then the background as they're tweeting at us being like set on fire by clansmen. And I saved their life. And that's all it takes to save someone's life. We don't need the. It's not that hard. It's not that hard for me. First of all, I'm just a simple hero.

Yep. And I started to go fund me for myself so I could get something. Yeah. The Skyward Sword for Nintendo Switch. Because I earned it and it'll help me recover from the trauma. I the second hand trauma I experienced from the trauma I had for not getting breath of the wild. I want breasts very wild.

You have breasts of the wild. Yeah. You do have breasts. You got a big old pair of breasts. They're not that big. Yeah. I wouldn't buy your shorts so small today. I don't know.

You look athletic though. A little bit. I'm trying to get my thighs tanned up. For what? I don't like them being so. For football season, dude. No. No.

No. You don't have to report to many. Look how fucking white my thighs are compared to my. You're about to go to Greece. You're going to get mad. I know I can't wait. I'm going to Paris France. Are you going to Paris?

To meet Jacques de Pussy. You're actually going to Paris. I've always wanted to go. Damn. Where the fuck am I going to go? I told you. I've told you this a million times. I've told you this a million times.

Why are you saying that? Why am I saying why? That you didn't know that I was going to Paris France. I've told you like 15 times. I don't know. Maybe I thought you meant like a different place. Maybe Paris, Texas. Yeah.

Maybe I thought you were going to like, you know, Jim Thorpe PA or. Making all the beautiful sites. Yeah. Or Dover, Delaware. Wilmington, Delaware. Wilmington, Delaware, perhaps. Maybe we're Hope with Beach. Yeah.

Kokomo, Indiana. Or Broadway, New Jersey. You want to name places though? I was already doing that. It was getting kind of the end of it. Okay. Do you want to just have a bad attitude? Well, it's a bad attitude because I've been catching.

Yeah. Maybe you should turn in your bad attitude and have a rat attitude. You know I have one of the rat. Rat attitude. Rat attitude. Rat attitude. Rat attitude. Matatouille.

Matatouille. Mat about you. Mat about you. Mat about you. And it's about a rat that lives in what's. Paul Reiser's. Paul Reiser's ass. Paul Reiser's ass.

It controls his cock and bulls. No, we already did the fucking one. But what if he lived in the pussy of Helen Hunt. I'm listening. And Paul Reiser's like, what are you doing in there? You doing that little mousy guy? He's like, I'm a fucking rat and I live in fucking Helen Hunt. I live in a pussy.

What if he sucked? What if the rat sucked Paul Reiser's cock while he fucked? Yeah. Or what if the rat. That would probably feel good. Do you think sucked by a rat while you're getting pussy? I don't think a rat would suck dick very nicely. But what if the rat was Paul Reiser?

You're down on yourself like that. I'm trying because that is you. He probably sucked dick pretty good. I'm not a rat. What if the rat was Paul Reiser's best friend, right? But he couldn't stand that bitch Helen Hunt. But he had to stay with her. He had to make it work so he could hang out with his rat best friend that lives in her pussy.

You know what I mean? There's a little rat that lives in fucking. What's a Diane's pussy? What's a Diane's? Yeah, there's nothing really near there to be. That was close. Maybe right after you can whisper in my ears. Yeah, well I guess it would have to be when he says I'm mad about.

Yeah, mad about. I'll tell you why. But who gives a shit? You know, I'm in hour 20 minutes. Oh, geez. Look, you take this. What the hell? All right, I got to piss.

Bye.