The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. 275 – oh look its adam

Episode Date: September 1, 2021

wow so glad hes back hah hah

Wait, no joke. Yeah, I saw that too. I was like, I don't know who the fuck this guy is. Dude, you know, it's funny and we're recording, by the way. So say it again. Noah Berlasky did what? I don't even know fully who he is, but he does comms for a pedophile organization for like Nambla or something or not Nambla, but some shit like that. It's got a different name. I'll tell you. And I don't know. She probably doesn't even want me mentioning this on the show, but he like major like, I don't know what you props, respect, props, respect, but like Amber called that shit years ago years ago because Amber's not the kind of person to be like that guy's a pedophile. In fact, she's like against like the whole like accusing

somebody or like, you know, yeah, like, like sexually pathologizing somebody based on their like politics or actions or whatever. Right. Noah is the only person I can think of where she was ever like something's up with that guy. She's like that guy's probably a pedophile. That's awesome. And that was the only the only person I can even think of that. Amber's like called like shot from the hip on. Apparently Liz Brunig said it publicly like months ago, respect, called a shot to yeah. That's that's that's that's shut up to her. She turning around after you shot the three points. She put some pretty nice pastries on the internet. Yeah. Yeah, dude. The point of the funniest and I know

I like Liz, so I don't want to like make the problem worse. She posted a picture of her breastfeeding one time. Oh boy. Like one of the old brother right guys responded with that picture of like the frog in the car with the eyes, the long eyes coming out looking at the fucking Christ, man. Yeah. That's so funny. Yeah. So I don't know who this guy who is. I don't know. He's some guy. But he seems to hate him. He's glad he's a pedophile that next to him. Yeah. Welcome to come. Welcome back to come down back to come town 2021. We're here. There's a lot to catch up on. I was doing one with my boys this weekend. We've got to remember to actually do the reads on this one because the last one we're going

to remember the one we just did this morning was supposed to be the regular one, which you guys will hear on Sunday, which you guys can go to. You can find by going to youtube.com and stolen Patreon episodes with musical guest Don Henley. Yeah. Yeah. Because here's the thing, guys, if you go to YouTube, you can steal the premium episodes of the show, but you're going to be you're going to be missing on all of the audio content, cuss words, the cuss words, the licensed music that we like to play. Patreon.com. You can hear all of Don Henley's music in its entirety. Yeah. His entire catalog. Everything. Every, I stole his private journal and I'm reading it. And we're not afraid of Don. Yeah.

Oh, I know I'm not. I'm not the songs. Patreon.com. Patreon.com slash come town. Come town. Five. And if you think the quality of the show will get better because you, you don't, you unsubscribe the exact opposite. Don't test us. This is a Kamikaze mission. Yeah. Yeah. We're going to drop the quality of the show. We went either way. The Mexican stand either give us five either. We're free. Either the show tanks and we get to live regular lives again or we get rich. Okay. But it's one or the other motherfuckers. So the quality will continue to be worse until the money shoots back up. It's like that Pink Floyd song. The beatings will keep you on your dick. Boys are back in town. Yeah. Yeah. I love that trip. Yeah.

So one of the most classic dude, I love dropping Sid and just watching the Wizard of Oz. I love my third eye playing the boys. I love that song comfortably. Comfortably numb. Yeah. It's like it reminds me of drugs. It reminds you of your asshole before a guy pounds it. Yeah. Once I've been taking poppers, putting icy hot directly on my asshole. Speaking of pedophiles, no, the who the who is there. So the guys in the pedophile in the town's and was well, he's not a pedophile. He was doing research for a book. That's why he had all that child pornography. This is the child. This is the looking at child pornography song. Just tore it. Just gigabyte gigabyte.

Oh, yeah, dude. Oh, shit. The fucking the fuck my penis. Fuck my penis, please. Welcome back, everybody. There was a month away from right from the show, not for you guys. No, you've had the show on time every week on time twice a week. Uploaded with the exception of one day where I forgot. Yeah, until probably 11 p.m. We're pretty good guys and I almost didn't upload it on time because I was watching the assassination of Jesse James by the coward Robert pretty good movie. I'm going to watch them. That movie's come up so often. It's really good over the last five years. I brought it up over and over again. Okay, I saw it when I saw when it came out and I remember being

like like it was like praised. Everyone said it was amazing. And I watched it when it came out and it did nothing for me. Like I didn't understand what the appeal was. And then I watched it again in the last year. And I think I've said this on the show before. But it is truly a good movie. Is that so? Is that what you were? Is that how you would categorize I had to. I love guys like that. They're like this is like you really be like stuck talking them all the time. They like delivers the most banal statements with such gravitas and we went to lunch and I have to tell you listen to me right now. It was a terrific sandwich. The fries was truly were crispy. It was really good. It was good. Yeah, maybe I'll watch

that fucking movie man. Yeah, it's nice to be back dude. Back I was in fucking Greece. I'm in fucking Portland. You guys like what I've done with the place. It looks great dude. Cleaned it up. It honestly does look great. Yeah. Yeah, Nick cleaned his apartment while we were gone. It's looking the lamp is in a right the right place. You got a coffee table. I'm in his new coffee table has been I know it never made any sense. But I got a nice chair for over here and Ottoman that's you know what it is your stuff. You've always had this stuff but it's in a place that makes sense now. Yeah, everything in your apartment made no sense. Yeah, you had like fucking weights in your bedroom. You didn't have a

bed. Yeah, you had the racing wheel just kind of around. Now you've got it now it's got its own dedicated now is a race car section. Now you got a scrollatorium. You got your little fucking that's awesome. Yeah, get two fucking squats in that bitch. Yeah, you fucking because it came up dude. Perfect timing for the show to fail and then I can't afford this apartment anymore. No, no, no, don't worry. No, I have to be outside sucking dick to afford switch games. That would be funny. That's a dark thought brother. So you played Breath of the Wild. It's good. Did you have you played n word sword yet? The new one? I have not is I have a hard time believing that's what it's called. I think that's what it's called.

It's called it's called thinking inner sword. No n word and n word I think is there skyward n word I think it's something like so you think you saying it's n. It's w o r. I think it's called the legend the legend of Zelda. That's just what it is. The legend of Zelda colon. I don't think it is man. I don't know. I haven't heard of that game, but it sounds pretty fun. I mean, all the games are good. Yeah, it's I guess Princess Zelda has been kidnapped by she hasn't been and they're raping her. No, they're good guys in the back of a cat. They're good guys. No, it's not in a catalog either. They don't have cars. Yeah, they have cars, but they're not necessarily Cadillacs. They've used black magic to kidnap

Princess Zelda. Okay, and they're making her take that dick all. Okay, that's demons. It looks like it's called skyward sword. Oh, okay. So it's not called. Oh, speaking of that word, did you guys watch the yeah, they were just saying the n word every telegraph was just different length n words. Yeah, it was all cussing. I watched the Woodstock 99 documentary and they had this like faggot New York Times, like music journalist, critic guy. And it was this it was the DMX performance. And DMX told me about that. Yeah, I imagine they DMX died in the local news guy being like DMX. What y'all want? The legendary rapper is dead. He gets fired. Yeah, he gets fired. But imagine it was like it was for a second.

Didn't somebody do that with Biggie's birthday? Did they I want to say someone might someone I believe did something racist for Biggie's birthday a couple years. Big Man X. Like a journal or a news man, maybe even like a fucking weather man. Oh God. Anyway, so they were like DMX was doing like a big call and response section of his of his performance in the entire like 100,000 people were just shouting that where it was all white. What I heard is he gave them tacit permission. Well, and then so this this New York Times guys like and to imagine like the feelings that DMX was having when he found out that his audience were and word sayers and he used the term and word say no shut up to describe, but like

a to like to like that's what they like claim a story of Woodstock sayers. First of all, he's a New York Times journalist and he said and word sayers. Second of all, to claim that DMX went backstage to cry. And we're so funny. That sounds like one of those like. Do we be the and word say or it sounds like a like like a like a like a midwestern author. No, it sounds like a reply guy that listens to our show. That's like Richard and word sayers. Yeah. No, but if you imagine as a proper name and not just somebody that yes, of course, of course it is replied that it's funny that Twitter turned into that. Yeah, Twitter used to be you just post things and you get replies from people you were friends with. Yeah, just

people just trying to be friends. Yeah, people are trying to be friends in one of the most pathetic ways possible. One of the saddest way. Yeah, I had a good one this week tweet anything and there's like immediately 50 replies. Yeah. Yeah, but you don't even have to turn off your half of them. I don't even understand. I honestly do not read shit, dude. I'll post and go. Yeah, I just get notifications when I follow. Yeah, exactly. Here's the one for you guys. Tell me if you like this. Yeah, as replied. Yeah, we're mutuals. I'm Mufus with Lady Gaga. Yeah, I think she's a good singer and a good friend. She's a good singer. She's got a nice schnoz. How about Lady Kaka? She made him shit. She made him shit or does

she shit herself? Every option as many as many iterations as we can have of Lady Kaka better. Or maybe her pussy is filled with shit. What are some of Lady Gaga songs? You're hot and you're cold. Let's get a fairy again. It's literally the same song. Plastic bag floating in the wind in the bag. And the bag is full of shit. And I'm gonna stuff it in my country. My pussy. You shit in my mouth and my pussy. That's pretty good. Yeah. Wake me up when September ends. The 9 11 green day song. Really cool. I'm gay. His name is Billy Joel Armstrong. It is pretty good. Yeah. Yeah. Michael Jackson. And an astronaut. Yeah. But if you guys like Billy Joel, get a load of this. What if he was also fucking Billy hole when he was gay?

Well, Neil Armstrong. Oh, okay. Yeah. The first astronaut to win the Tour de France. Oh, that's true. Yeah. Look, man, I'm not really successful family. They got a bike guy. They got a moon guy. They got a black guy. The Armstrong. Oh, yeah, they play the saxophone or the yeah. That guy. Does he play trumpet trumpet? Yeah. I love sucking pussy. I give you five bucks. Have you guys ever been pissed on? Have I asked you this before? Well, is squirt P? I think depending on how how hard the squirt comes out. Because I've definitely gotten busted in my face before. It's funny to be like I squirt not by come

and all you guys out there to think about like you're fucking girl and then she squirts. You're fucking girl and she squirts and then the girls like I just squirted and then you're like, no, that's just pee. No, I just I was pissing in your pussy. She's like, it's not just pee. They don't know. I'm like, no, no, no, I just I just pissed. No, I've been holding it in for a while. Just let it go. Yeah, I wanted to rush over. I was gonna stop the gas station, but then I got a fucking an icy. Yeah, I forgot to piss and I just kind of took this. You know how your dick gets hard? You're telling her you're like, you know, your dick gets hard when you have to piss sometimes. So I decided, fuck it, let's put

the piss boner in the pussy. I thought I would you would be plugged to buy my dick and that the piss would just go into where your piss is stored. Right. Right. Right. Right. Piss it out later and be none the wiser. No one would ever know sort of a Danny Oceans scenario where instead of stealing, I'm putting I'm putting in sort of something desirable. I'm giving you something undesirable. My piss sort of an Oceans 11 kind of situation. Oceans four and a half. Yeah. Nick Nick named after your dick size. Because you're the guy in this hypothetical. It's not me. If it was me, it would be Oceans six and one quarter. Yeah. Yeah, I've never pushed this. I feel like yeah, I feel like we have the this exact

same conversation. I sucked a man's dick. I still want to do a puzzle. He fucked my ass. I've been talking about doing that puzzle. No, you don't for months. You don't want to do it. I do. What puzzle do you have? I don't know. That was somebody gave me that as like a joke. A Disney puzzle. Yeah, I don't want to do that one. I want to do an adult one. No, I want to do something. Yeah, I would do a puzzle if there's tits on it. Yeah, you get to see them. I didn't see you at the end. I did a nice one of a man playing accordion for a dog. A man in a raincoat playing accordion. That's nice. But I want like a Heraldic theme or some kind of like mid Heraldo Rivera. It's a kind of feudal big Heraldic with knights

and castles and stuff. That'd be cool. That's the kind of puzzle I want to do. Yeah. The problem with puzzles is you never get to like you just got to destroy them at the end. What the fuck are you talking about? Wait, you just leave them out forever? You laminate them and hang them on the wall, dude. You put them on the wall. Everybody knows that. Everyone really? Yeah, everybody does that. Ah, fuck, dude. I fuck for the listeners. I completely fucked my back up sleeping on the fucked up little Greek mattresses. And then I was traveling so much I haven't had time to heal. So I'm playing through the pain. It hurts when I laugh, actually, which literally is hard for me. Wow, that's sad. You know,

I love joy. I love laughter. I do. Oh, can I do my song that I've been trying to tell you guys? Yeah, please. Okay, it's so I am a Santa. I think I want to have gay sex. Lord, forgive me. That's really good. Lord, forgive me. I think I'm about to have gay sex. Yeah, that was that was it. I just want to suck a bone. Something like that. Yeah. It's Kendrick Lamar. People say it's one of the smartest people in America. I suck. Yeah. Ken Dick. I suck. Yeah. Yeah. Ken. The answer is yes. The answer to that query, my friend is yes. I'm a I'm a penis. I want to get sucked by a man. That's a that's a rich new vein. The perspective of a gay penis. Oh, wow. We haven't explored that. I want to be a man's

ass. Yeah, that'd be funny to do like a one man stage two act stage play of like a gay man's penis. You have like a dick outfit on you go out on stage and you just chain smoking like kind of hunched over like of all the fucking guys, they got to be attached to be a fucking gay. Just fucking homo. There's nothing I want more in this world than to be shoved into a fucking pussy. Shit. Shit in this city filled with shit, Brooklyn with your dirty streets and dirty people hiv coursing through my veins. It's really good. It's really good. It's awesome. Just brooding. It's just an Italian. Let me get pussy one time. One day, but I'm saving up. I got a plan. I got a plan. All right. It's just like, you know,

hiding is like bits of money from like a, like a female pussy that's his wife or some reason or female penis woman penis. Like, where are you? Are you going to work? Of course, I'm going to work. And he's like, well, he gets like called out like the gay guy has to go to like the HIV doctor. So he's not having sex that day. So he comes home and the wife's like, she's not cheating on him, but she's flirting with him with like a dick that's like a police officer. Right. Right. And he's like, you respect that guy. I can see it in your eyes. You know, he's not just gathering shit all day long. He's not cleaning shit out of his foreskin. He's not. He doesn't have a fucking white because he's got a real

job. Some of us have to do it. And he gets pussy at work. What do you do all day? You're just on camera attached to a trans woman. Oh, why don't you don't go so hard on me. You get jacked off by nice smelling lotions all day on only fans while I'm over here in men's asses in the trenches, putting food on the fucking table up to my knees. I was like a multi billionaire. I'd be doing stuff like that dude. That's I think it's a good idea in New York to do those kinds of plays. We can get a black box. The name of the play would be the legend of Zelda, the n word sword. And it would be branded exactly like all Nintendo stuff. Just get sued for your advertising campaign. Yeah, there's no play closes before

one. So I've got to find like a very good actor to just have like he's got to this like dickhead like flopping around. He's like, so what? It's got to be all on me. Yeah, dude. And it's brought to you by blue chew dot and it's absolutely brought to you by blue chew dot. And you because you guys don't know this, but part of the tension in the hypothetical dick we just described is that it is wife doesn't get hard. His dad's retired. He goes to see his dad. He used to fuck a lot. Right. He stopped working. And he's like, dad, you were one of the best. He's like, you know, you know, I'm attached to a guy is 27 years old, right? Yeah, I worked hard. But I got blown out with cocaine, cocaine. Yeah, we

moved to Florida. Yeah, tire blue chew dot com blue chew dot com. So I'm going to talk about blue chew for a second by directing Adam to talk about blue you for a second. That's awesome. Adam, Adam, this episode sponsored by blue shoe say with us blue shoe blue shoe is making waves by bringing more confidence to the bedroom by offering chewable tablets that can help a man get stronger. Holy fuck for longer lasting erections. What? That's awesome. It's in a unique online service that delivers the same active ingredients as Viagra and Seattle is in chewable form for a fraction of the cost. We don't talk about that enough. We don't talk about the fraction of the cost. That is huge. Honestly, this might be the

first time we've mentioned the fraction of the cost. And that's big because listen, I I remember a time before you could get dick pills on the internet this easy. I remember a time where you had to fucking Venmo a guy who worked at a research lab for Indian Indian Seattle generic Seales. You can't go and that it would make your head hurt really bad. Your eyes would bulge. Your dick would get hard, but it would burn a little bit. And you know, those were not the kind of days. Now we're talking and it was prohibitively expensive by the way, because they knew you needed to get your dick hard. But the good folks at blue shoe.com, they provide superior service, beautiful, beautiful, discrete packaging right

to your fucking door. You have to talk to a doctor so you make sure you're healthy. It's not fucking your body up. God knows what I did to myself, taking gas station dick pills and research chemicals for years as a very obese 24 year old. But luckily now, folks, what you have is this fraction of the price. Beauty over at blue shoe.com continue Adam, what are some other perks? Well, basically, you get harder and stronger erections that combat all forms of erectile dysfunction. A lot of people don't know that there are multiple forms of erectile dysfunction. There's being fat. There's being fat, being gay, being Jewish. The three that we deal with the three that the three states of man. No awkward doctors

visits. No awkward conversations. My problem is that the farm I often come before my dick even begins to get hard. Right. The started. But should we I like the joking refer to it to the face of the disappointed woman is taking the shortcut at Wario Stadium. I'm not familiar with Wario Stadium. Yeah, not many people are. But if you play as Yoshi, you can jump over the second half of the track. Wow. In Mario Kart 64. And that's what you would consider busting before your dick even gets sort of hard. You would call that a sort of cheat code. I will tell you this right now. Yes. I said, I'm sorry, I put a little game shark on you. Well, look, bluetooth.com can't help you take the shortcut at Wario Stadium,

but it can't help you have a hard ass fucking dick to pound hole. Whether that's pussy, a mouth hole, it'll help you pound it adult, adult for sure. No, don't be on your Berlansky shit with this with these pills. Yeah. Yeah. Also, they there are two different types of chewable tablets. They have sildenafil and todala fill, which is I like to take todala fill because I'm a yeah, I'm a bit. Todala. Yeah, todala. Pull some silk handkerchiefs out of your dickhole. I like to I have a bunch of it will actually my asshole. I make a so true bouquet of paper flowers. It is out of your ass. Yeah. They're made in the USA. No Chinese fingers fucking bullshit on shit. And they prepared. Listen, they leaked out

of a lab to show you a picture of my penis. Mm hmm. Mm hmm. Yeah. And they prepare and ship directly to your house. So it's cheaper than the pharmacy. So awesome. So if you want to try Bluetooth free, go and use our promo code, come down and check out and just pay $5 shipping. That's blue. Nothing promo code, come down and free to receive your first month free. And we thank Bluetooth for sponsoring the podcast. We haven't done that before. We really think that com is one of the greatest. It's for cocksuckers. We thank them for sponsoring the podcast and for sponsoring our specific cost. Let me tell you something. I'm a cocksucker folks. I suck at I've been sucking crack here at the car dealership. Mm hmm. Since before

they told me it wasn't my job. I was I was doing it but because I thought it was my job. Mm hmm. Listen, they hired me here. They hired me here. It did you to suck cock the car wash Davis Toyota in fucking Fond du Lac, Wisconsin. They hired me here. Yeah, actually, you're from Fond du Lac, Wisconsin 1987. And I get a little something for that. You're over here looking. That was good. No, I say you're you're from Fond du Lac, Wisconsin. Well, apparently the hole in my kitchen ceiling will not be being fixed this week. So that's good. It's not going to rain. The sales manager. No way that there's a hurricane coming right now. The sales manager at the time said we're looking for he was coked out of his mind.

He said to me we're hiring salespeople. We're looking for real cocksuckers. You know, and you took it in a literal sense. I took it literally. Yeah, they thought you mean like someone with low morals. I had been selling cars for 10 years at that point. Yeah, wasn't I was married, but I needed a job. You already you had experienced selling cars at different dealership that closed. So you didn't even try and just sell cars. I sold my first day will look good for you. And the guy said that's great job. But we need to all right. You need to keep going. I said we're looking for real cocksuckers here. And when he said at the second time, that's when I sealed deal. And you know, I had my own cubicle. So I had been

blowing customers. The first couple of times I cried. It was hard for you to it was hard, but to make it that they were just down. No, just out of curiosity, the guy, the guys you suck, they were all down. What was the clientele in 2003 was two years after the towers fell, right? They hired a guy named Vikram Singh, who had a very colorful turbine and the general manager of the dealership. He's a family guy. Naturally, he was a little concerned of course. So they knocked out all the walls in the cubicles and put in fucking glass so we could keep an eye on make sure it wasn't doing terrorism to make sure it was two years after the towers, of course, you can't be sure you can't be too sure. Well,

be too safe. You know, I had been salesman of the month going on, you know, the whole two years point because I was basically in a permanent state of trauma. Right. You know, my wife had left me because she didn't even know about the cocksucking, but she'd look into my eyes and see nothing. Something was missing there. She saw a broken man where once there was a strong provider for her family. She'd see the boiling gelatinous mass of memories that refused to form themselves permanently in my head. As I thought about all the men whose cocks I was forced to suck, just to sell a couple of Toyotas. I guess what I'm confused about is not your... Well, they put the glass in and then everybody saw me blowing

in some guy and they, you know, they said, look, you know, we've been here with us the whole time. Back in 87, we could tell you, we don't hire fags at this place, but this is a new age. We don't have the towers anymore. It's 2003. We can still call people fags, but we can't fire them for it. Now, what the hell are you doing? And I said, remember, Mike, they're like, yeah, the guy that had a heart attack back in 1991. I said, yeah, he said, we're looking for real cocksuckers. And they were like, that's an expression. Right. And then we slowly panned to my face and zoomed in.

You were filming a kind of documentary office, office style, doc comedy. And then we took a look at Jim and then Jim was was puffing out his cheeks and raising his eyes. Eyebrows at the camera. And I, that was the classic Jim. Somebody's been sucking cock when they didn't have to face so it was 12 years. And I call that my 12 years a slave, 12 years a sex slave. So when that movie came out, it was so triggering. I had a manic episode and tore off all my clothes and they found me an Appleton drinking my own piss in a Chinese buffet. Get out of town. And luckily workers cop covered the whole thing. There's luck. That is really lucky.

So I've been in therapy now. I go three times a day. It's about $86,000 a month. You have a mental breakdown off the clock at 12 years a slave and drinking your own piss in a Chinese buffet at Appleton. Because I signed the waiver saying that it's, it's, you know, we're going to say it's nobody's fun. They call it a no fault. No fault. Sure. Where yes, I was been sexually abused by customers for years, but they realized it didn't seem like you were kind of doing it though. They went back and they looked at all of the customer reviews and there's been people that

go in there and said, do we want to go back to Jim? That guy's a real cocksucker. If I am, what are my names? Jim, I think I can't remember your names also. Jim, I think Jim also works there. Jim from the office works there. Yeah. Different Jim. But your name is Jim. And my name's Jim also. I guess what I find most confusing about this is that you found, I guess, hundreds if not thousands of willing car buyers that wanted to get their dick sucked because I'm looking at you. You're not a very good looking man. Who the hell do you think drives Toyota's? Homosexuals.

Guys that are trying to get their cacti by guys. I think so. I mean, I drive a Toyota. I mean, that explains, I don't really want to get my dick sucked by guys. And guess what? But here's the rub. Here's the real answer. Okay. Turns out that I had a secret benefactor that had been paying people to come by Toyota's for me so I could keep my job. Really? Yes. Like a billionaire or something. That must have been really expensive. A patron of the arts. Yes. Because I had written some poetry in college. It made its way to a couple of zines in New York City. Really? Wow. And none other than the guy from Bain Capital. Mitt Romney? Sure. Didn't he work there? I think so. Yeah. I actually worked at Brain

Capital. So Mitt Romney was paying men to get their dick sucked by you. Well, I just thought he loved this guy's poetry. Oh, I like his poetry. He's got really good poetry. I don't approve of him sucking cock. Yeah, I mean, if he wants to suck cock, that's it. I don't think that's Mitt Romney. That's exactly what Mitt Romney sounds like. Or Jit Romney. It mits like a glove. That's what they say. I think he does admit Romney before he fucks his one of his wives. He puts the condom on. He goes, oh, it's like a glove. Who let the come out of my penis? Who let the dogs out? It's the best video ever. Who let the dogs out? Who let the dogs out? Who? Just around black people. It's a song that came out. It's

a song that came out nine years prior, probably. That's awesome. Shout out to Mitt. And shout out, let me just say a solid say thank you for everyone who came out to see me. Thank you everyone for coming to the fucking Prince of Pleasure tour. It's been going fucking swimmingly. And I'm coming to fucking Denver next. I'm coming to Omaha, Nebraska. I'm coming to fucking Minneapolis. That's all next in two weeks. Denver's the 12th. Omaha's the 14th. Minneapolis 16th to the 18th. Then I'm in San Antonio the next week. And then I'm in Cleveland, Phoenix, Madison, Detroit, New Orleans, Tampa, Boston, all the good shit. But yeah, go buy some tickets to Denver, Omaha, Minneapolis, San Antonio for now.

Grand Slam, Antonio. Grand Slam, Antonio. I'm trying to get some fucking, some plus size pussy over in San Antonio. Here's the fattest city in America. I want to do shows. I hope it's got the fattest pussies in America. I'm like, I'm like going towards just to have sex and not do show. That's not a bad way to do it. Put it up on my website. Just go on a pussy tour. Like a like a prostitutes here. Yeah, I'll be at the best west. Yeah, the way the way fucking prostitutes go to strip clubs. Yeah, you're just like, Hey, I don't feel like doing stand up. But yeah, if you're a girl who lives here wants to suck my DM me, you know, in fact, that goes for me too. I am doing stand up. But if you just

want to suck me off, go ahead and sail him north. I got my own. I got my own six foot expandable table that I'll just be setting up outside the best Western where you can you know both form a line and I can meet you and sign something right and I'll put a stamp on your hand if I if you if you've your if you're get put get cock approved. Yeah. And then I have a big air horn, the novelty air horn that says moo. If you're defying, I'll be blowing at your face. Go to stop it.biz slash tour for those tickets. I'll also be selling Nick's sexual tour tickets on that website. I will be sell I'm getting a piece of every little fucking I'm pimping

Nick out. I'll set it up, dude. I'll set up the logistics, but I get 10% of every pussy that you fuck. You have to bring back a little jar of pussy juice and I get to drink it when you come home. This is just make me feel like a real industrialist. Yeah, from the golden age. Of course. Oh, dude, my back is fucking killing me, dude. Is anybody listening a masseuse? I got I got a lacrosse ball sitting on that table right there. I'm gonna I'm gonna I could get a massage right after this actually. Yeah. How about instead of lacrosse and playing lacrosse is playing rich boss playing rich boss and you're like kind of suckers cock thumbs in his ass. So he's an instrument like you're a jazzy man. Blowing into his ass and you're

like you're like you're like fingering him at a rhythm. You're like taking his hat off it on. Like what's the hell? What's the fucking back there? Just playing me like a fucking trombone. So are you gonna buy a land? How many times do I have to tell you? I'm just here for the free cock. Do you have any machetes? Do you have a machetes I could buy? Jim, Jim from fucking fondle like fondle sack Wisconsin. I'm also going to Wisconsin at some point to I think I said that Madison. Yeah. Well come see me. I got raped yet Jim will be opening for me when I'm in Madison Wisconsin featuring the openers Jim from fondle act and Jeff Fox barely. That's a little fucking preview for Sunday's episode. I love doing that. I love

something coming. Jeff fucks barely. That's pretty good. Oh my God. Oh my mother fucking God. I watch tell her high water. The other great flick. I love them. Great. I bought it. I haven't on DVD has been I've watched it like three times when I got it. It's awesome. I'm going to redo that and Sicario. Sicario. Sicario rocks. The second one was not as good. The day of the soldado which is a great name. It should have been it is a really good name. I feel like the pinnacle of my life was when what's his name? Frankie sucked your dick and you fucked his ass. No. He fucked your ass. No. Don't you remember that Adam when he was like bragging about Frankie finally getting Oh yeah. Frankie and the rest of the Jersey

boys rolling was at the stand one night. That's right. I remember that. He said he said very funny great job to me and that will be a feather in my ass. A regular Yankee. That is true. You were smiling biggest shit when you stuck that feather up his dick and then came from doing that and he turns out he loves docking. I remember it's a child trying to picture Yankee Doodle in my head and it was always some kind of like fucked up rooster man. Yeah. Because Doodle. Well Yankee Doodle is a dumb name and I mean you know what I would I imagine like a like the cuckoo cocoa puffs bird and colonial garb. His eyeballs are like macaroni or whatever because the whole song is just I didn't understand. Stuck a feather in his

ass and called it macaroni literally cap every part of a quote unquote American culture from like the colonial period was just I mean just like fully deranged. Yeah. You know. Well they were raping slaves like mentally disabled like a down syndrome person came up with most of it. Yeah. Yeah. That was like a banger. That was what are they have. What is it. Someone came up with Yankee Doodle. Everyone's like I love that. You know I love that track. They came up with that at my bookie dot I did. I didn't know that. Yeah. Which Adam why don't you tell us a little bit about how they came over. In the world at my bookie dot a.g. The world of sports the off season is time to relax and regroup after a hard

fought season. That's true. My bookie gives you the choice to decide when your season begins and that's I love agency. Yeah. I love my season is all year long. Well I'm trying to season the man's penis with your ass. Put on a bib. Voila. Voila. Finish the law almost exile almost exo. You can bet on hundreds of games and leagues from around the world whether it's a game day parlay or a long shot winner. My bookies got you covered. That's so funny. You three game props or bet the live game to shift the odds in your favor and always come out on top. Mm hmm. Yep. And that's that's I always come out on top too when you're on the ground. I had sex. You wished it. You know I would top you anyway. You know I would

top you don't have first of all you don't have the strength. I'll be honest with you. I can't imagine you guys having sex. I would fuck Adam. It's not even a question. No. And you would be you just like hold the hands. No way. I would be like a I would ravage his whole. Let's stay friends. He's not hot enough. But if he was I would fuck him. Adam's telling you about the other guys he's having sex with. You're like I'm just so glad you're happy. No I'm not getting friends on by Adam. I'm getting power. I'm power fucking is masturbating the idea of that happening. That'll never happen. I'm like I just respect you as a friend more and you're like totally totally totally don't you even pretend you're like a brother

to me. Adam's like I've been getting raped in my ass by will from Chapa. You're like oh I'm getting busy. Was a really good guy. No dude. I'm getting will style. Busy dude and will would respect me for it too. Yeah he rocks. He does rock. He rocks and me and him both fuck Adam. Yeah. So will is on his bulls outside in his Mustang honking the horn like Adam come give me some pussy. Hurry up. I need pussy. I need cunt. Stop just at the window. It's kind of like a frosty. He just backs over seeds into the darkness. Okay. See. I don't see you. Come back. Come by later. The drapes. Yeah. Yeah. Because you're in a wheelchair. You broke your leg. This was when you hurt your foot. Yeah. I was fucking

you know what I'll admit when I hurt my foot. I was more vulnerable. Yeah. And you're looking at the window and across the street you see somebody doing murder a murder happens. Oh it's rear window now. Yeah. But I also want to get pussy from Adam. It's but here's what happens. It's stop. Like he's sitting. I'm going to use my phone as an example. He's looking out the window and he's like oh my god that woman looks like she's in trouble. And then they see the murder happen. He's like oh my god he's murdering her. Yes. Can I get a large pizza pepperoni extra breadsticks. What was I doing anyway. All right. Jacking on. And that is the end of that. That's true. But I would fuck Adam for the record. Now finish

the read Adam. I would fuck you. But no chance to read you dude. Finish the read you would never fuck me. I'm too powerful to get fucked by you. I would I would twist you up like a fat little pretzel. You would not. You would not. You wish you would call you and dip you in mustard. I would fucking dominate you sexually bro. You couldn't even get hard. I would. You know what you're right. You're a soft dick. And yet I'm like give me a second. Who needs to fuck in this scenario. So you know I would be like Adam said I'm physically incapable. I would be like Adam suck my balls while I jack off to get hard enough to fuck you. That would be pretty funny. And you'd be like yes daddy. You'd take and you would

say yes daddy. I would not call you. Come on that is beyond the pay. You would. Now you've really stepped over a line. That is insulting to my father. He's my one and only I'm a better role model than your dad. Okay. If you sign up today with my bookie and use our promo code to move on because of the truth. It's either come down or come down 20. You will receive an up to a thousand dollars in bonus money when you make your first folks bonus money. Yeah. Bonus money. And that's what I'm much better than regular money. Yeah that's a thousand bucks extra cash when you make your first deposit. My bookie dot com using promo code that anything any time. Any promo code promo code parentheses promo

code. It's either come down or come down 20. Bet anything any time anywhere with my bookie dot com. You could bet anything. That's awesome. They literally take any form of currency currency that you've made up. Bitcoin. Bitcoin. Stavros coin. Stavros coin. Savvy coin. You should make stop corn. I should. How the fuck do I do that. Stop sucking my penis. You think I suck a guy's cock. You make a coin for me. Yeah. I listen. I just wanted my own currency and I said so much to want it to come up with. I came up with something called Toyota coin. I thought it was going to revolutionize the dealership. Started talking to a couple guys online. We meet up in person. Long story short. I got raped. I got tricked in the sucking

cock and that's why I'm here. So the gray field elementary talking to you kids today to warn you about the dangers of crypto currency. A lot of you have been hearing cool stories about Bitcoin being used to buy downloadable content and video games. It's not happening kids. There's not a single game where that works. Instead I'm now HIV positive going around in schools. Oh Jim. So this is separate from you getting raped in. I've had a hard life. Yeah. Right. It's been a long road. Some people they go through life and they learn a lot of different lessons and some of us learn the same. Over and over and over. Do you think at a certain point it becomes part of your identity and you think

of yourself as a guy who gets raped. You know Nietzsche once said that the only way to find the true soul of a man is to put a cock in his mouth and see how he reacts. And I was told to me by a very wise man. A man I respected who I found out years later was also a sex criminal. Right. What's his name. His name was Robert. I met him at a bus stop. I would find out that he was living at. And by any chance did you suck Robert's cock. I did. Because he said the thing about Nietzsche who I thought it was probably that was smart. It seemed like a smart thing. Yeah. Yeah. You know I thought maybe later he'd buy a Toyota. He was saying he was talking about oh I hate taking the bus. He said I overheard you. He

talking about you're the guy that sells Toyotas right. And I said yeah that's me. And he said boy I'd really I'm really tired of taking the bus. I would love a Toyota if somebody would just you know. But I have too much come in my balls to buy one. Give me the what they slow me down. Slow me down. These heavy ass balls are making it impossible for me to reach for my wallet. Give me the sweet Jimmy treatment. Sweet boy Jimmy treatment down there. The DeLorean Toyota. Toyota is in the future. Wow. Did you get sued by the DeLorean company. No because John DeLorean actually. He was always worried. Jim from fucking was gone from here from fondle. I was getting ready to love it. It just happened. John DeLorean.

We had a whirlwind romance. He took me to Northern Ireland with him when he was planning on building the factories. And I thought it was an interesting life. I thought you said you were married to a woman in my mind. I thought he was was head hunting me for a position as the vice president of sales at DeLorean. But it turns out he thought I was cute and wanted my boy pussy. But he didn't fly you out. That says something. He flew flew me out. I knew something was up when I got there and there were roses and a dress. There was very little discussion of of any kind of job position. And when I asked him about it he said what position I sent you a letter in the mail that said I would love to blow a

load in your mouth. That's a romantic letter for me. And I thought he meant to give me a job. Jim that kind of seems on you man. It was the 80s. It was a different people had a lot. I guess you're right. I don't know all the I don't know all the slang from back then. People talked in a very particular manner in the 1980s. It was the first decade you weren't allowed to openly use the n-word and white people were still figuring out. Right. You're saying new sayings. We couldn't say the n-word but we hadn't yet stolen cuss words black people stuff. Right. So you go around you'd be like hey shit ass. Right. Get your dick ass car off my. Yeah I'm going to blow load in your mouth. I'm going to blow

a load in my mouth. Fly you out to Northern Ireland. Blow a load in your mouth. Hey shit fuck. I'm going to blow a load in your mouth in Northern Ireland. So you're in a pretty red dress. You've seen the letter. I've seen the letter. So you're familiar with it's obviously it's a mistake. It's a mistake anyone could have made down here at the bottom the lipstick kiss. That's funny for a guy who was wearing a lipstick and I said a letter back and I said I'm very open to be put in any position by you with my own lips because I thought that was perhaps some sort of Northern Irish. And that was like so John DeLorean from Northern Ireland. I think he's also from Wisconsin. Okay. Okay.

All letters are sealed. Now are we sure this was a man named. So so you fuck. So in the 80s he fucks you in Northern Ireland and then a decade or so later he hires you and tells you he needs a real sucker. No that you're confusing. I was a man with a manager. I was a sales manager at DeLorean. It was about 10 years apart though. He was about six years apart. So you fuck John DeLorean and then you work at a different. You were already a car salesman. Yeah. So you work at a different dealership. And I guess also in that time you get married. Keep in mind that the DeLorean could travel in time. So I work with the DeLorean dealership and then John DeLorean came to the dealership at which I met him and he brought

me back to the past with him. I see. In the early 80s and we deliver me back to 1987 because and he said good luck proving that in a court of law. And everybody thinks I'm insane like Eugene Carroll. That guy's a real Eugene Carroll. That's what they call you huh. Yeah. And what have you been doing since because that I mean all the stories you've told us the latest time was 2003. So what have you been doing in the I started a podcast about the Westminster dog show. Well I tell you it's kind of defunct now because the first the first couple episodes I had some friends on and it was nice. We just talked about the dogs. Third episode we had a big get. Oh yeah. Lawrence Lawrence Fishmeister. This is a name ring about the first 75% did

yeah. Well there's fish burn but there's an actor. You're thinking of the black guy from the fucking from Morpheus from the king of New York. I am. Yeah. Larry Larry Fishburn. Yeah. The but this guy is was the premier judge of the Westminster dog show. Oh wow that is a big get from 1973 until 1993. What kind of relationship did you guys have. Well we were just going to interview him for the podcast. He got into town early and he said I'm at my hotel and then we have a couple of hours before we do the show. Why don't you come over. And we can talk about some toyotas. Oh wow. But you're out of the game. I said I don't really want to talk about toyotas. I had kind of a traumatic experience. I'm

just told them for years. Oh no problem. We can just and so we got through his visit. I got through his hotel and it was nice. He showed me a word that he had won pictures of him with Presidents. Right. Different different characters. It must be pretty old at this point. Reagan and Margaret Thatcher. He had a picture him and Osama bin Laden. Oh holy shit. So he was a popular guy back in the 1980s and he you know he said you know do you want do you want me to give you a sample. And I said of what. And he said of how I judge the dogs. And I said sure. And he said well get get down like a like a puppy dog on all fours. And he had a collar and a leash and put it on me. And I said OK. And then he had a little dog

snout and smears and he put on me. And you know he's like well go around the room. And I thought it was weird at first but then I kind of got into it. You got into it. You know I'm like whoop whoop. Oh wow. He's like OK come over here. Come over here Jim. And we're going around the room. And he said well you know it's it's not really working because a dog you know doesn't wear clothes. This is really tripping me up. And that's where it you know I said OK something seems like something's up. At that point your spidey sense and start tingling. With the collar on the dog mask. He did have a point. Dogs don't wear. They don't. They wear a collar. So I took my clothes off and I'm going around the the apartment and he said OK well get

up on here in the bed boy. And I'm up on bed on a horse and he reached under my legs and grabbed my scrotum and started massaging my testicle. Oh wow. That was a fellow kind of good at first. And you know I thought it was weird but he's like this is the most important part of the dog show. And I said what are you checking for testicular cancer. And he says no a lot of people don't understand what's going on when the judge I was the guy that invented this. Wow. You know back in the day they they looked at me like I was crazy when I started feeling the dog's balls. Right. But what really sets a dog apart at the dog show. Yeah. Yeah. Is the level of obedience. Right. Of the dog. Right. And it's indicative of the breed. Yeah. Good boy. When you play with a dog's balls.

Right. A regular dog will probably bite you. A show dog knows not to bite you but there still might be an underlying level of tension that the dog is experiencing. Right. So when you're playing with the dog's balls what you want to look for is the tightness of the dog's asshole because that indicates how stressed out the dog. And how do you check for that. And so he's massaging my balls and I noticed my asshole is a bit tight. Right. And he said so this would be a fail. This would be a this would be a not a pass because you're not relaxed. Worst in show. And you know I said well I want to succeed. I don't want to be up stage by a dog and I think you know I did got Lou about his bag and he fucked me. And I said how much more we got three minutes

left. We got three minutes left. So he said as he slid each inch into my ass. Right. And when that's happening what are you thinking just out of curiosity. Just I'm saying I'm a Dalmatian. I'm a Dalmatian. I'm a Dalmatian. I'm a Dalmatian. And then he said he pulled my hair back and he said if you're a good enough boy I'll come by one of your slut Toyotas. And that sent me into a spiral. Right. That was like your sensory recall. And much like a dog I sort of snapped around and I ripped his trachea out with my teeth. Oh wow. I really turned into a to a feral animal. And you would think that murdering a man with your bare hands you know you're you're dredging through his his neck veins and bleeding him out in the hotel room would give you enough

street credit that when you're in very early sentence to 10 years in prison for manslaughter that you'll respect you get respect. Yeah. They found out about the dog thing and I don't even know where they got a kennel to put in jail in jail. But day one they already had toys for me and the little princess dog outfits that I had to wear. Wow. And they said there was a guy named Tyrone that called me as little Bijan freeze. I see. That's me. And boy you know I thought I knew what being rape was before I went to jail. But these guys in there it's like it's like the NBA. Right. Right. You're playing streetball. The speed of the game is so much faster. The speed and the power. When you get into a Midwestern state prison a frigid landlocked hell filled with just the raw

unbridled rage of of maladjusted racial tensions over the last hundred years. A place that's too fake to deal with racism. Right. They really let you let a dog have it. They let a white dog named Jim really let us let us they really put a pound on his asshole. And the worst part about it was I couldn't do my podcast while I was yeah. So kind of know what you guys at the Westminster. So after two episodes we were getting a lot of we were seeing a huge uptick in traffic because that was a big get. We're seeing a lot of good metrics. We're averaging maybe about 750 a thousand downloads per episode. I was getting really I was getting emails from people from all over two or three guys. One of them was in California. He told me his autism.

He's lived with his mom his whole life. And it really it really brightened his day to listen to me talk about dogs and and stuff. And and you know to know that I was making a difference in someone's life really felt good. And he he I saw email them back and I said no thank you. I appreciate it. And he said listen I'm actually going to be in Fond du Lac. Really. And I was out on parole and you know I didn't have anything to do. And he was like well you want to meet me at the drive through of fucking whatever the Midwest or version of Water Burger. Right. Right. And that guy raped me also at Culver's and at Culver's you had a nice custard in your system. Yeah. You had a cheese curds. Jim I got to say pal. And so now

you're out of jail. Yeah. When's the last time you were raped. How long is it. Do you have one of those boards at your house that says days zero days since getting raped. You know I feel like that's a very personal question. OK. You've shared a lot. I don't think I think it's outside of my Midwestern good. Your values. Western value system. Well listen Jim we're all having a good time hanging out. Do you maybe want to come back to my place after this. You know I would love to but I'm meeting with a potential investor down at the Eccano lodge on Route 40. Investor. You're meeting at the Route 40 or Pulaski Highway in Rosedale Maryland. Sure. You're going to get the pod back up and running. I'm going. There's a guy who might buy podcasting

equipment for me but he says I got to suck his dick again. And I think that's just an expression. Well maybe another time Jim. Maybe another time. And that's how you burn 30 minutes. It's pretty good. I love Jim. The guy you think you can't stop getting raped from Fond du Lac. The car salesman. Well folks we hope you enjoyed this one as much as we did. It's great to be back. It's great to be big. I'd plug come to town to buy shirts but there's teas. They've stopped paying me. They just decided to not give me any of the money. Wow. But you know buy the shirts anyways because I like him by the shirts. I got enough money. Yes sir. Those cock suckers. What's up. No nothing. No you're going to plug some of them. I just said go stabby that bitch slash tour get

tickets to the tour get tickets to the air by some fucking shirts. Listen I want to let you guys know I'm cooking up some real nice for the Stavi Stavi baby twenty twenty two calendar. You know it's coming out. Took some pictures already for some old cock. Maybe it's crazy. Full frontal nudity. This is we're entering the last quarter of this year already. It's wild. I know it's flown. I might show balls. I gotta. I gotta have a family. I got balls from the back literally balls from the back. Yeah. That's a good look. So look after the twenty two. The back is tasteful. They call that the Westminster the Westminster. Yep. Balls from the back. I might show balls from the back this year. Only one way to find out. Stay tuned for that. But yeah Adam anything

to plug. I'm going to be. I'm going to be starting a family. Oh wow. I gotta do that. But mine will be bad. Mine's going to be just a nightmare. No we're going to all respect. And then my child will be jealous of yours. We're going to start. We're going to start a band. We're going to start a band. Our family and the family band. Yeah we're going to be incredibly cringe. Yeah. We're going to be the most hated family in America instead of the Westminster West borough Baptist Church. This is going to be a family that's just trying to go viral. Okay. All right. All right.