The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. 277 – did someone die

Episode Date: September 16, 2021

im not paying attnetion

okay all right we're good now today's top story Adam big hater of Glen Greenwald me yeah you're jealous of how many guys he gets to fuck yeah you're like I wish I looked like him I wish I was handsome I wish I was his hands of Glen Greenwald it would be nice to live in Rio that's true yeah there's a lot of dogs that's kind of nice what's he doing down there just petting dogs and eating chips and salsa yeah well he's going it's all fogo to every meal is fogo to chow damn he's just eating meat off swords that's awesome wow damn I haven't been to a nice fogo to chow in a while the last time I had Brazilian

barbecue was in Canada with a couple of fag arenas a couple you you have you have clones of yourself that we were in Ottawa that was actually for such a gay did we get Brazilian barbecue for the gayest part of the gayest door we've been on yep that it was Ottawa Ottawa was without a question for staying in like Roseanne's house and some like yeah that was really funny Nick almost fought a security guard at Walmart and yeah that was the day I slept the whole day I was on I took edibles and slept an entire day yeah that's how gay I was you guys like I'm gonna go home I was like I'm just gonna take so many edibles I

sleep through a day I was going through my camera roll and I have a photo shoot I did of you in the backyard of that Roseanne house we were was it you were smoking weed wearing a Canada cowboy hat yeah send me those pics I'll send them to you I might try to get into edibles I've never taken an edible my don't don't do it you never have no never it's way more than smoking weed you get way higher oh speaking of marijuana I just want to say we did five years ago we did an episode with Andy Haynes where I mentioned this guy Nick 420 CA my friends have been watching smoke weed on the internet for ten years and he

acknowledged us this week it was a major moment shut up dude who cares he wants us to come down a long beach and you can go and do a dab marine Nick 420 dabs can suck my dick I don't give a fuck at all stop he's a new fan of the show he can suck at my old balls of my dick that's where you and I are different I respect every single person that is if that's true we are very different yeah we could not be more diametrically opposed on that matter diabetically in that sense yes we I am diabetically opposed dude I'm if it ain't ice cream I'm not having it I'm diabetically opposed to food I kind of

want ice cream now okay we can make that because ice cream is great in the summer but in the fall once it's like past its bedtime oh it's slutty it's fucking bad you feel like a bad boy ice cream after hours yeah turn you're just sure licking down a big cone I totally say triple scoop I love the triple scoop because that's way too much it's it's unruly it's an unruly amount yeah fuck dude there was such a good flavor ice cream I had in Seattle do you want to try and remember it I'm trying was it under under I couldn't tell you under his penis what are you saying is a pedophile come on here what

oh I disrespect Nick for 20 dabs and now you got to say I'm a fucking pedophile yeah it's good you have me on edge a little bit right now fuck you and fuck him how about that it's Nick see I don't care what it is all right it's a man that I've been watching smoking weed on the internet for 15 you know what and we didn't get to it to the last episode because we got into something else that was really good and I'm not gonna spoil it but it is the best episode we've ever done the next premium might be the best we've ever but I have some grief you know what since you're gonna have this attitude I was gonna let it slide but I

have a grievance against you what's the great I asked for a sandwich this morning I was you asked dude we did anybody want coffee I was at the coffee bean it's like she like like orange is that good orange is nice it's I would put it a little I would put a shade more white in it yeah but I like it no it's like a library like I still a pinch more gentlemen's a pinch more white a pinch gentlemen's penis a gentleman's penis never lies I like this color also the blue that's nice soothing can you do it yeah you can do whatever you want right you can do I have some shit like that whatever you want this world the reds

intense reds too much unless you're doing a brothel yeah purple's nice purple city bird gang Ravens what's up blue that's like a mystical blue I like that icy blue mm-hmm I like icy blue and I like this kind of green makes me feel like I'm in some kind of magic yeah some kind of like magicians layer yeah like a Merlin like if Merlin was doing exactly into my ass oh yeah that'd be cool to shrink it anyways folks welcome to this show I have grievances against Adam okay air it air your grievance okay wait let me cut you off for a second go ahead you're allowed to air it if we resolve it I don't want to have a

grievance out there not gonna not resolve you're not gonna put fucking restraints on my speech motherfucker I'm not putting restraints this is you're not telling me what I can and cannot air I'm airing whatever no I want to find common ground with a friend and I hope to find it too okay I hope to I'm going into this hopeful okay go say it you ask if anybody wanted coffee how about a coffee shop called common ground wouldn't that be that would be really good that should be our business that we start with the money we got that we didn't deserve yeah yeah like a woman would like a woman with her father's money I'm

gonna start a coffee shop called common ground we elevate women colorful fat black women voices this is a fat black woman elevating business called common ground owned by me oh yeah Rebecca Rothschild Vanderbilt hyphen Feldstein mm-hmm hyphen my husband is a lawyer that's good that's the hyphen it's a third hyphen huh anyway can you ask anyone my father's money I spend my husband's money and I am a business owner it's a it's a coffee shop that sells $8 lattes and soap that I make myself by hiring someone else to mm-hmm I put the wick in at the fine I soap on a rope and I helped that's what rich women are they're

like the fucking kid from the Czechs mixed commercial yes 100% like and I helped yeah they wrap a bow on whatever product they have it made in a pseudo sweatshop yeah they're like yeah it's a collaborative effort mm-hmm I really love to shove those ladies down the stairs which ladies rich women rich women that have fake businesses that pretend that they are that they pretend that they earned through their own hard work what is the pocket and they they always have they have a vein that starts in the middle of their foot and goes up their ankle all the way to their brain just prominent vein what what's an

apothecary yeah because those kind of women always own a apothecary yes like a place it sells fucking Edison light bulbs and like a mason jar with a twig in it and soaps yeah bullshit soaps yeah a lot of like recycled paper mm-hmm they don't have bags they fold they're like do you want this gift wrapped and it's like recycled construction paper bowed with time yep wine wine yeah it's the kind of paper you should the other nice ribeye steak should be wrapped in yeah not a not a gift that sounds nice you know it was sounded nice to me at around 1048 a.m. today yeah a sandwich a breakfast sandwich okay I was at a

coffee shop oh okay and what they don't have anything sort of here's for the listeners at home New York is it's like you could fall over and run into a breakfast hundred percent the entire city is built out of fucking breakfast sandwiches yep it's actually less reasonable to say I was at a coffee bean because I know the coffee bean he was at and it is flanked on both sides by a bodega that you can get a shitty breakfast out true a deli where you can get a breakfast sandwich with the flowers in the front right next to your apartment and on the other side is is and give the address to yeah just so

people get an idea well I'll give you a hint because we're not just gonna say the point is Adam if I had two princes okay the point is that I asked I text you because I was getting coffee and it's a nice it's a nice thing Slavia nice thing to do and his brother who's named after a number yeah there was two princes one named Prince Lafayette and the other one named Prince Avenue and their sister 203 and there yeah there's sister apartment and they all live the two Lafayette wait is that as actual no no it's not right no I was gonna I was it listen even even in the middle of this war I would say we should take his

address as Adam so just understand because we are in a war mm-hmm in a conflict want to be in a war of the hoses yeah it's about a gay couple that's getting divorced and they're peeing on their brother they just have their dicks out one circumcised dicks and look like it's Michael Douglas hanging from a chandelier by his dick and Kathleen Madigan but she's got Kathleen Madigan whatever the bitch's name I'm past the age where I'm gonna like I've already I've been in the territory where I can't remember words for maybe four or five years now mm-hmm and now I've reached the age where it's like I don't even fucking

care to get it correct I'm not gonna be like oh what I meant was right when it's out it's out Kath Kath Catherine Donagol plays the other man mm-hmm she's got a peanut in friends she played she played a trans the one from who's who said Chandler's Chandler's mom Chandler's dad became Chandler's who said Roger Landau or whatever the movie sucked Roger Roger you gave a lodging so David Mathau's penis and she plays the bitch the cartoon bitch yeah it's her but in war the hoses it's her with a short haircut cuz she's playing a fucking guy oh she's playing a guy she's not a woman with a penis and no and she's doing a gym that

she's squeezing cuz if Jessica Rabbit somebody looked like Jessica Rabbit and she had a penis I would suck it without even a moment's hesitation mm-hmm just just it's clear how about Jessica fat shit and it's a fat bitch cartoon yeah she's like Roger and 350 pounds no okay that's my impression of her that's that's just thank Roger fat vote your fat vocal cords have a little in common with your retarded voice well you know it's a there's a little they're both smoky smoky yes one from barbecue I guess I guess you have a smoky voice she kind of sounds like a like an aristocratic down syndrome person right in between yeah my

family owned all the candy in the world have candy for months until chairman Mao came into power until Fidel came into power I love candy you could say that I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm simply daffy for candy so is where we have a nice culture here where if somebody goes out to the bodega somebody gets coffee we always offer hey I'm headed here and in the past I believe you know so Nick I think is asked for a muffin from Burley I've gotten it because that's my guy and I want to make sure our recording of chocolate chocolate I've got you the chocolate I'm sorry I got the muffin

that time you got the chocolate well I don't know if they have muffins there I don't want some kind of muffin there's a lot of people that are gonna come to New York to see Adams apartment and they're gonna stop by the famous Burley wearing their come-town branded diaper right and they're like let me have the stov blueberry muffins they can be like stov I want to be like stov and stovby baby I want the chocolate the Nick Mullen chocolate croissant and if they and then they say they don't have the blueberry muffin they're gonna be like they're liars right they lie I don't you know what maybe I got some kind of

biscuit a scone a scone yeah sorry I'm not as familiar the point is the blueberry scone which is a hard muffin the point is I asked does anybody want coffee Nick responds with a food item I do my best to get him that food item that's right because that's the kind of yeah sure coffee is an expression we're out we're getting something you and by the way what what is it radio silence you don't say to me hey pal I'm at fucking you know I'm at the fucking coffee shop they don't have breakfast sandwiches yeah what you say to me is just nothing what you say to me is absolutely nothing he makes you know I think you made him think

you're getting the sandwich but you were like in the absence in the absence he got your response thank you it's back in the absence of a fucking response of course I would assume my friend we is gonna ignore me and not fulfill my wishes no I would never do him like that yeah if on that day the Nick wanted chocolate croissant I get there and I say hey pal they're out of them would you like a substitute well that's something that's sold at a coffee shop Sam breakfast sandwiches are often sold at a coffee shop well they don't even fuck with me right now don't even pretend a coffee shop doesn't half the

time have a sandwich and if they don't they have some kind of this is the kind of some kind of pastry they have some kind of fucking even a savory thing there's something you could eat people say why does Adam get so much shit on the show he's a nice guy you know he seems like they just bully him he's just a punching bag mm-hmm and then you go and do some shit do something like this they go and fucking act the dickhead act the damn motherfucking dickhead on on some breakfast sandwich fucking oh my phone I was too busy I couldn't look at my phone yeah tell me hey pal they ain't got fucking sandwiches here would

you like a scone yeah would you like a kind bar you're going okay okay you're going I'm clearly you're going to a pizza restaurant right to get a pizza even no no no no no no no no no no no no no you go to a pizza restaurant you say hey let me get some garlic knots or mozzarella sticks that's a completely reasonable thank you thank you and you know yes okay listen you're a good friend you're at the pizza restaurant you text me you say hey Adam I'm getting pizza do you want some right well just like I was getting coffee I said stop do you want okay go ahead and then I say no but I really want a MacBook Pro not

even fucking close you piece of shit that's what you're exactly what Nick said that is an item how about this not so about this pizza about this if you find Sam at the fucking pizza restaurant and you say hey I want to fuck it with exactly what Nick said a garlic knot or how about this I want CD and you're like oh this one doesn't have CD how about a slice yeah sure okay fine fucking also how the fuck are we supposed to know you're on a coffee Mac book I'm thinking I'm saying I'm getting coffee stop do you want a coffee and I said no I'd like a fucking breakfast sandwich he he to even and I said this is the he implies I'm

being a little slutty I'm asking a little something from my friend if they had a sandwich I would have gotten you a breakfast you could have said hey at this place they don't have caught because listen my the coffee shop right by me doesn't have sandwiches right well if you would actually interesting you know they have motherfucking croissants okay they have ham and cheese croissants okay they have something cheese croissant is basically exact sandwich that's the same I guarantee you know what about this no no no why don't we pull up the fucking coffee beans menu in fact okay let's pull up the fucking cough if you want to

be mr. lawyer in Mac book pro at a fucking pizza restaurant you fucking piece of shit let's put up the fucking coffee beans you know you know you're bringing you're bringing a lot of ugliness into the you are bite you bring it out of people listen people don't listen to hear friends fight they listen you're bringing the fuck out of me and I'm going to coffee bean calm right the fuck now yes and I'm actually on the one right at your fucking apartment no you're not I am I know exactly the fuck yeah we're friends but we're also co-workers and I'll tell you what yeah if I was a moment wait a sec hold on look

at this drop-down menu I was at my office job and one of my co-workers said I'm getting lunch and they didn't get me lunch I call them a fucking piece of shit in front of everybody I was getting coffee and then getting in my car and by the way because I didn't want to be late for the show by the way you were late I wasn't late but we came here late but you were late too no I wasn't the reason we were delayed is because you listen whatever you delayed the show and by the way I wasn't going to bring any of this up until you jump all over me for saying fuck Nick for 20 dabs whatever the fuck his name is and Nick isn't this

interesting look at coffee bean calm look at this drop-down menu okay what cafe menu cafe menu all they had out were pastries oh a pastry I should have asked you if you want oh so now the tune changes when you're forced when you're fucking when the for your feet are at the fucking fire oh my god let's see if they have said if they have sandwiches is gonna be so funny coffee bean our company car is a coffee bean or like half the coffee bean calm I was grabbing a coffee before getting so do you say that they asked you do you admit to yourself of course they have pastries that's what they have out behind the

window pastries and maybe you could have said to me hey pal they ain't got no fucking sandwiches but how I thought you were just like I don't want coffee but I'm gonna get a what do I want I want something to sustain me I thought you were gonna get a sandwich and you assume that they didn't have fucking sandwich why would I assume that I don't know half the places we get fucking coffee they got sandwiches or something analogous and that's what they had a pastry is not analogous to a sandwich no it's not absolutely you don't like have a pastry for dinner you could have a sandwich for dinner sometime well they

might have a savory fucking pastry they might have a croissant with fucking cheese that's not how civilized culture works and you know you know what's nice here Adam yes you snitched on yourself because the website doesn't list food but you admitted that there was pastries so of course there's pastries is a coffee shop oh now it's a fine now it's an of course situation oh my god so are you going to apologize apologize for offering you a coffee when I was getting one oh my god yes I'm so sorry I'm fucking blue I've been in there and I'm pretty sure they have sandwiches in the can we actually why don't we call the

coffee bean yeah let's call it let's call them on this is this call on the fucking phone no that's against the wall it's not against yes it is shut the fall breaking New York sale okay actually New York is one of the places where you're allowed I think that's true actually all right let's see what they have to say thank you for calling coffee man until if this is how I help you hey do sell sandwiches we have some sandwiches yeah yeah what kind of sandwiches do you have so I have an XL sandwich I have a tuna wrap differently right now I don't have a really I have a vegetable wrap usually do you in that do you have

like a breakfast sandwiches do you do that in the morning yeah we have again has burrito like a breakfast we have a broccoli cheddar quiche okay that's usually that's like in the morning like 10 p.m. 10 a.m. usually I have it all day all day okay great yeah all right great that's all we know thank you so much wow didn't have breakfast sandwich you said you wanted a breakfast sandwich you said bro wow that went worse for you than I ever ever possibly expected why you want to keep why you want to be you're a breakfast burrito oh god damn day those weren't behind the fucking glass did you they just had pastries

out you've been exposed in a manner I didn't even think possible to be getting in this grievance how I will accept nothing less than a full apology with no stank on it from you know I'm just never gonna offer you a coffee again no my god yeah so because you were wrong in this instance you're gonna wreck the beautiful culture we fucking created here over five I was being nice and now you're punishing me for being nice yes I know not I was being nice to you by saying hey I'm grabbing a card I'm grabbing a coffee before I head over to Nick's to do the show you said none of that that's what I was I the text right

before that was hey Nick I'm headed to you and then I said stop do you want a coffee headed to you Nick stop you want a coffee no but I want a sandwich he he I didn't even say breakfast sandwich okay I should got you a tuna fish sandwich you could have said what they have I assume don't just gonna get a sandwich at the deli when you got here this started us a bit but right now the way you're digging your fucking heels in I'm pissed off right now I was being I was being a good for you to keep saying I was being nice of Rasha Shana because I think one of them is you have to get people breakfast Rasha Shana's over no

sir I'm looking at them while we're looking that up you might want to check out bluetooth.com Adam why don't you do a little penance for the audience honestly man I'm I actually what I feel bad about is that you've been exposed as a bad guy to the audience I don't feel bad about bringing this up I feel bad that now people are gonna think of you lower but I you do deserve it but I don't want you to have to go through that because you're my friend but people are gonna look at you in a different light yeah people loved me before they do and they did I don't want them to stop loving you gotta act you did you did

nothing for five years to damage my absolutely that's an unimpeachable name that's within the confines of the show okay this is real life this is the fucking behind the scenes okay now why don't you tell us what how to get our dicks hard before that I want to tell you that if you live in Nashville I'm gonna be there on October 1st and 2nd with micro scene co-headlining Nashville Tennessee ticket links will be up soon anyway blue chew dot com I will be in Minneapolis this very week this episode is sponsored by blue chew at me say it with us blue chew blue chew is making waves by bringing confidence to

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why don't you keep talking about why because I'm still looking up the Rasha Sean rules why are you looking that up because I'm pretty sure you're going to Jewish hell we don't believe in hell no Jews don't believe in hell you got something I'm getting closer even if I have to where do they go if we're where where are the guys who betray their friends go in the faith out of curiosity let me ask you this if you think that's real that Jews don't they don't believe in hell they don't have hell right yeah and this is this is a and this is a sort of a thought experiment as they say in some of the

alt-right circles oh no if if Jews don't believe in hell and you believe in an equitable world right yeah so which means that you know not inequality of outcomes but it like you know like things are fair right wouldn't that mean that some of the Jews should be burning and tortured I don't think I don't balance out I don't actually think you could draw that Christians that are going despite oh I see because a lot of Christians will go to hell sure you can be the most Christian guy in the world it's like you know look somebody's got to get in there there's a limited amount of space it's the fucking clouds

you overfill them people fall through they're falling through they've splat all over in fact you need more people in hell to keep the earth from collapsing in on itself due to gravity in the middle of earth is hell yeah and the audacity of Jews say oh well we don't go to believe we all go to heaven we go to Abraham's buzz you don't go to heaven immediately where you go there's like a spiritual cleansing process and is it at blue shoe dot com yeah promo code go before they go to hell so there's no hell where you if you're bad you just have to get cleansed longer yeah think about like Hitler would have he'd be on

a he's still cleansed he'd be on a heavy wash right right extra extra rinse extra rinse recycle well don't like swallowing pills no problem here because we talked about it we said that verbatim we said we read that to dolla Phil so dinner Phil to dolla Phil Nick I don't know if you heard this but of this analogy but blue choose like a good friend for your penis it's like a good friend for your penis it would get you a breakfast that would get you a breakfast sandwich he did not say breakfast sandwich well I'm sorry you get your sandwich any kind of sandwich you're not helping yourself why I don't understand

here you're playing this little you're attacking my character really the way what the way you responded this road the way you respond to Adam is really like I didn't I'm honestly hurt the way you responded to this why your attitude you you your defensiveness you're digging your heels in you're trying to get me on a technicality there goes again instead of a heart you got a pile of dog shit in your chest you were doing a nice thing but at the same time it's the kind of nice thing we all do for each other constantly pumping a bunch of undigested corn through your veins and you got a fucking you got a like a

little scarecrow peanut brain filled with fucking dog shit that's right you're doing a poo joke right now I'm telling you what you're I'm telling you about your body I'm telling about my body but you said then a film to doffil tablets chewable ready set this and they're made in the USA Nashville Tennessee October second well listen this weekend come to town if you want to buy a t-shirt they are still not paying me they're pretending there's something wrong with the quote-unquote royalties system means I'm sure the company is that Prince the shirts has just gone out of business yep keeping all the money and they're

floating and they're paying themselves out before the whole thing collapsed sounds golden parachute but that means if you want a shirt now is the chance to get it because I will not put the effort in to make figure out a way to do it exactly this because I have been so burned by the experience of letting somebody I tell you when I did it myself everybody got their fucking shirt I messed up maybe two orders yep and as they were switched yep and I did what I could to make it right by blocking the emails of the people and listen this weekend the 16th through the 18th I'm in Acme Minneapolis then next week I'm in

San Antonio for a little midweek delight Wednesday the 22nd Thursday the 23rd San Antonio by those tickets tickets going fast and then Cleveland Phoenix Madison all that kind of good shit stavi.biz slash tour you know I just got a hankering for is the Ben and Jerry's on the San Antonio Riverwalk oh I think I'm gonna go ahead and put that in the itinerary dude I might come down just to have some chips and salt just come down for some fucking little bit of queso listen some fucking car nice Riverwalk maybe meet a big fat I'm trying to get sucked off both some big Hispanic titties a big fat a Mexican family of four

that weighs right around 1800 pounds yep for average height four seven yeah it's a it's a it's a Hispanic family but mom dad son daughter and they weigh as much as a Ford Expedition combined that's right you're like yeah we're going to dinner you're like it's 11 30 a.m. well we already had breakfast and lunch the fuck is it supposed to be called breakfast stupid well then what do you call dinner dinner nine bitch so true we have breakfast lunch dinner dinner two dinner three dinner four dinner single dinner six dinner seven dinner rocho and dinner nine yep and tell you what blue cheese to dinner filling the

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like not cancel but pause it's nice to let you pause the subscription because blue to the whole thing is premised on you getting totally overestimating how much you're gonna push yeah absolutely you're like damn I have 900 pills yeah I should probably pause my shit too now I'm gonna I'm just gonna be buried with these like a like a pharaoh King yep King flock King King fuck uncommon the boy penis King the boy the baby penis baby penis King do not use the sorry damn there's a lot of shit was a lot we and we used to say that's all they'll use be basically the whole ad read yeah it kind of feels like they listen to one of our

early ad reads and said don't do this because it's an actual medication 14 bullet points it's an actual medical product that you can't make you'll like this when I looked up that Rosh Hashanah the rules for Rosh Hashanah half that article were about canceling debts and different rules for how like debts go before the Jewish court Rosh Hashanah uh-huh what's wrong with that oh what's wrong you want to keep people in debt I think usually just them it's just kind of something that maybe a lot nice to cancel debts I just think a lot of people should maybe read reread that part of the rules yeah that's all we're

saying what how much how are you guys indebted to me not you I'm in general okay dude I'm so happy it's almost fall I know you love fall I got my little reading look I got my pie get my pipe out it's pipe season yeah and it's fat guy season it's fact I see it's track suit season oh it's all the best time of the year dude I honestly I can't wait to get head in a card again I wish I was a father I would take I would go on I would get maybe get old secretly a little drunk track suit drive my children to some way I don't know like find a place that has one of those like antique trains that goes upside the

mountain like a coal coal burning train yes sir and then just have some cider donuts yeah smoke a cigar on the train people tell me I can't do that I'm like well the fucking train smoking yep and then we're going back in time and I got little airport shooters that I'm the hidden and my kids aren't really enjoying having a horrible trip but I said someday I'll be dead and you'll try and figure out what this meant that'll keep you going for a while yeah I don't know if that's love but it'll certainly be a moment it's kind of a mystery you're making memories yeah that's love I'm trying to think what's a

good memory I have my father we went to when I was like four years old we went to the Maryland State Fair and I met Raphael the Ninja Turtle maybe when he showed you his penis and you thought maybe one day my dick will be that big mm-hmm and then but then he late me much later in life broke your heart by not your dick by not never you know I used to think that my dick would never reach my father's lengths and then but the thing you have to remember is your look in your memory it's seared into your like through the eyes of yeah yeah yeah I know yeah yeah yeah that's true that's you got me there I've been what

they call I've taken a stroll around the bizarre yeah you were used in a very Afghani way as a boy yeah many could say and I think my dick is probably you know it's not I don't know I would have to look at it I haven't seen my dad's penis in years but I think we're probably maybe that's got me if you call him up and you're like let's settle this one settle the if you're things bigger I apologize that might be the only way it's ever gonna get done that's fair dude that's the only fair way to do it that's one of the Rosh Hashan rules mission to our laws of charity gifts to the poor well it sounds terrible yeah there are

eight levels of to Zedaka good Zedaka shut the fuck up one each greater than the other the greatest level higher than all the rest is to fortify a fellow Jew and give him a gift alone form within him a partnership or find work for him until he is strong enough so that he does not need to ask others for help teach a man to fish exactly of this it is said if your kinsmen being in straights comes under your authority and you hold him as though a resident alien let him live by your side that's so basically what the saying is give your friend to ask you if your friend to ask you to get him a sandwich right not only

are you supposed to build them up you got a sandwich you got a you got to get that sandwich brother all right man I will cuz let's say for example this me what this means is you're no longer do that's fine by me that that's a good thing but when you stripped out of way and you're who you are and you're not you and you're not a white guy that behaves like a white guy that behaves like this good god yeah what is what am I what a egregious terrible you imagine you try to go to like an Irish pub and hang out with the way you are mm-hmm you get the shit kicked out of you mm-hmm still by the by the Pubman mm-hmm I just

put on imagine a bunch of Italians hanging out with you and you're like have you guys seen the new fucking Janice the new Janice shopper movie mm-hmm do you guys know about criteria are you saying the new Janice Janice yeah you see that's so funny to ask they're like what the fuck and they're they're all raping you making sure they watch fucking shit like toy story fucking cars cars too what the hell is this I've never heard a criterion I'm too stupid I'm too stupid to watch a movie I'm not a fucking intellectual that can sit down and fucking up what let some movie fucking seep into his brain and not really care or feel anything

about it but you did it mm-hmm you can check that one off the list yeah you were there you were on the couch mm-hmm the credits rolled yep it's kind of a metaphor for us rolled you out of coffee being without a fucking sandwich I'm gonna go pee I'm gonna go pee right now and I wanted to add I want an attitude adjustment oh yes I do adjust my dick motherfucker adjusted into your mouth you're the one who needs to change his whole fucking shit up really I really can't believe I didn't get my apology I mean we had him dead the phone call yeah he's gonna live that guy crushed his whole defense oh yeah oh no we have

breakfast sandwiches all day we also have non-contestants like oh yeah we do yeah we got raps we got it's like oh my yeah I mean that keep in mind folks that was the coffee bean he was at the exact one this is not this was not even called corporate yeah we didn't call like the fucking you heard him he said I this is ornesto at the two princes coffee two princes of Lafayette coffee shop yeah unreal unreal because you know now you know like a joke's aside you know had sandwiches I was really just fucking with him I was like this will be three minutes of the podcast yeah and he digs his heels and I really thought they're

probably don't have sandwiches of course I just thought it's a pastry it's read whatever yeah you could have texted me back but no big deal right they have a foot more sandwiches than I've ever heard of that's like what's up the amount of sandwiches Sam subway has yeah unbelievable stuff yeah you know yeah and you know what was it for real Adam be honest was the sandwich too expensive yeah what's the reason you wasn't an eight dollar sandwich you just thought the sandwich was a bad deal be honest that you were like just tell me the reason I look behind the glass and I just saw pastries okay and then I was

like all right I'm gonna get in the car and go he doesn't want to cough you call Rod Rico about the fucking board what telling me behind there was no board that lists what sandwiches they had you're set you're acting like this guy on the phone there's some secret menu at coffee bean that people don't know about oh I just got a notification from the citizen app that there is a fire at the Galileo temple oh shit which I'm assuming is a synagogue and it's a kitchen fire at the Galileo temple so you're right maybe there isn't a help maybe God seeks punishment for your actions on earth and it's probably true

there's something here I can't help but think that these two are related yeah kitchen fire at Galileo temple why would Jews name I think it's a kind of Italian thing I think it's the hole was used by the local Sicilian community that's the type of Jewish and was popular in its day with local anarchist groups the fuck okay well a different kind of Jewish mm-hmm I've never heard of this in my life so yeah so finish the question that Nick was asking you Adam okay also you probably want to talk about your underwear no I don't want to talk about my second piece of paper

get the second unfair get the second piece of paper I was asking you get it out now stop okay that's honestly this is that's the most egregious part of your defense why you're acting like you're some fucking saint for asking if I was I want to talk we all ask each other if we want coffees for going to get fucking coffee yeah it's a nice that's a nice thing that I think it's a baseline you don't get fucking credit for being nice yeah if you're bad if you're not nice you're a piece of shit everyone should just be nice okay yeah I buy lunch whenever we go out about lunch wherever there's an opportunity get lunch all the

time lunch to we buy lunches okay and we always ask for coffee you're a busy guy by a bunch stop thinking about what's aware pornography just embrace the red you're a busy guy so stop thinking about what to wear and just embrace the radically efficient Mack Weldon daily wear system the daily wear system is a selection of clothes rooted in smart design daily wear system was that like Trevor Noah's fucking yeah his clothes yeah the daily show daily show wear system he's like oh I prof look you're all going to make well then and I'll go to do rack for my you know my business man's do right business do ring and I

was born in South Africa but from the looks of me you think I was born in fucking the rest of Africa the folks South Africa I guess yeah he could have been born in the rest of the daily wear system and let's move on I'm Trevor Noah and the daily wear system it's a selection of clothes really in smart design made with a performance fabrics and built with work together from breedable t-shirts and polo's stylish button-ups and shorts on the way and beyond Mack Weldon makes it easy for you to dress work leisure and play or wherever something your summer takes you be it to jail for child pornography

order the coffee being doing no polite requests from a friend to purchase a sandwich talk about your favorite Mack Weldon products let's see I like the underwear now these I'll tell you one thing about Mack Weldon is they give me a they there's a separate promo code not come down 20 which is your promo code but a separate one that gets me the shit for free where's my one yeah you haven't told us about that because it's extremely complicated and then every time I went to it wow this is the good friend Olympics today you know what I negotiate I was just gonna say I feel okay okay all right it's also not

limited it's usually does all the work with the ads he gets to have a couple extra pairs underwear it's it's it's usually like a seventy five dollar credit or something right it's mostly so I buy the shit then I talk about liking it but for a while the underwear that I liked was sold out and then I kind of slept on it and then what happens is the fucking code they give me expires like a month to buy underwear I don't even know if I'm gonna shit the ones I have I know and I only get you under if I shit in I know I'm trying to pair because I want I was switching all of my shit over to Mack Weldon but then you

kind of need I feel like I need underwear that just gets filled with like shit in it to get shit and you kind of piss yourself a little bit a little bit sure because put it to wipe come putting a fresh pair of Mack Weldon's on they feel nice it makes me feel like fucking James Bond absolutely which is gonna be a black lady now yeah can you believe that Mack Weldon she wears but Mack Weldon black Weldon black black light ladens Fred from breathable t-shirts and polos this time we said that already yeah but I like the daily whatever their their three-pack is mm-hmm with like the flat collars yes those are nice that's

my shit yeah breathable honestly that's on the way they got they got they got a sweatshorts that'll fucking tickle your nuts to the ace sweatshorts of modern tailoring and prayer perfect there you go for the ultimate laser ultimate lazy Sunday sweatshorts now see I hate that shit fuck a lazy Sunday you got to work hard constantly uh-huh get the ace sweatpants but then you go to work drive as fast as you can in your car on the highway yeah that's one of the things I like to do is a millionaire jet-set millionaire fucking businessman yep is speeding speeding on drugs on drugs of my ace sweatshorts commit actually I do

need a new pair of shorts so I might go let's go let's hear the radius shorts that's the thing that they're offering now let's take a look at that and you know what for weekend travels both near and far mm-hmm the silver knit polo polo amazing radius shorts what is it called Wolf of Wall Street Mack Weldon yeah yeah yeah yeah I'm gonna look up Mack Weldon.com too because I actually need you I need to I need to re-up on all the underwear yeah they really do have a lot of great stuff oh so the pace set or shop the story this is the new thing they got here now some guy running around a bunch of bunch of fucking

flowers smart workout gear engineered for what really moves you mm-hmm which the only reason to work out is to yeah I'm listen I'm a I'm a I'm a I'm a fucking traditional guy I like the 18 hour Jersey boxer yeah dude that shits money it's good shit that's sort of the coke classic and then the rest of the shit is like vanilla coke or whatever the new arrival they got a whole fucking lineup you can get a good I've never tried to come along way dude it's it's hard to even call this a fucking underwear company they're not it's t-shirts I feel like they've wet mm I feel like they don't even want us to say that it's a

basics company mm-hmm let's see what the whole new arrival now the briefs they got those two if you're European or your penis isn't caught or whatever well I'm both and I still go back to you wear a tidy whiteies I don't yeah you do you're like you're like where the hell are you with tidy ways with suspenders that's cute where the hell I'm trying to eat cottage cheese in your clawfoot tub and your fat wife in your lower east side tenement yells at you about being no good stop Rose get out of the tub fuck you I should listen to my mother I'm reading the funny papers in it I wish you would have you fucking I'm trying

to read the fucking cartoons you know good everything you touch turns to shit fuck you you're a two-time loser all right let's see sure maybe if I had a little fucking support in my own house the Maverick tecchino shorts wow radius short that looks no the Maverick shorts that's obviously a tribute to John McKinnon sweatshirt deceased John McKinnon dude I had way too many fucking shorts and then like I was like I got a pair of these down I donated some of them to Goodwill and then I realized I gave away all of my short zero shorts I have one pair of shorts but they got a giant fucking hole in the pocket that sucks

yeah so I need new sure that freaking effin sucks there needs to be they need to make shorts with a like a reinforced pocket so you can put knives in there yeah yep so they got the radius short to Maverick tecchino short the ace sweatshirt two-pack ace sweatshorts stratus active short these all look pretty good but a lot of good stuff you know I don't really know they got they got fucking gators yeah scarves swim trunks bags wallets they got tech cashmere gloves oh their stealth boxer briefs are also listed in the swim trunks section skinny dipping long underwear that's

coming up you're gonna need a pair of long jobs if you're new to the city a lot of folks they listen to this show and they move here and be like stop that's right I need long underwear for the one more than a jacket more than anything look that Adam can tell you the first couple years I was here I was going around none but hoodie and jeans and I stayed warm and that's because I wore fucking long John's long John's and also a layer of duct tape which you can get at Mack Weldon.com check out the duct tape section silver knit duct tape silver and duct tape antimicrobial yeah I missed the days where the reed was all

about the my antimicrobial shit antimic imagine a guy named microbial and he's like I smell like shit because I'm covered in microbes and that's my name micro dirty jobs of my microbial microbial so by some time so with Mack excuse me oh no go ahead what no okay so buy some time this summer with Mack Weldon daily wear system for 20% off your first visit visit Mack Weldon.com slash come town 20 and enter promo code come town 20 that's Mack Weldon.com slash come town 20 promo code come town 20 for 20% off Mack Weldon radically efficient wardrobing horrible oh my god what was wrong with that I try to look at

it now it's not like you're reading off the piece of paper that's what I was doing that's not how you know what I sound natural mm-hmm watch you do it this is about to this is coming from a guy that has done maybe two or three radio okay yeah do it I'm what they call in the business of pro this man's been on Fox you just read I was on Fox news I was in a Geico radio spot stop paying before at some point buy some time this summer with Mack Weldon daily wear system for a percent off your first order visit Mack Weldon.com slash come town 20 enter promo code penis Nazi that's Mack penis ass and fuck me and my pussy that's

pretty good and he's I don't even need to look at I don't even he's got it you do better than I got it down I admit it I'm hey this is a big fuck you to everyone out there in radio city show me a penis and let me suck your dits that's right Mack Weldon com slash come town 20 mm-hmm any are you okay can I fuck you any can I fuck you can I fuck you and your pussy honey let me see your pussy let me feel it with my penis honey and I can I fuck you and your pussy can I fuck you can I fuck you can I fuck you can I fuck you I want to have like a hidden camera show and like you know you just go as you film it across the street I want like a

long stick with a big like cartoon nose on the end big foam nose and I'm just like putting it to like on women's vaginas from like 15 feet away social experiment yeah and then it's a nose it's like a big giant always so you're smelling wires coming out of it to go to my own nose so yeah so I'm just I've got this like big it's hooked up and it's doing like a yeah it's scrunching like it's sniffing it's like a boom mic first the wires go to a backpack and there's like lights on the computer right and then there's a speaker on the back that's like it filthy it's disgusting disgusting yeah nice pussy nice

pussy bitch your pussy smells tasty and then people are like what are you doing and I'm like it's hidden camera look over there and there and there even though you're holding it yeah you're holding you're holding I'm holding camera oh and the nose I've got a GoPro on my head yeah I'm like it's a hidden camera it's hidden they're like yeah it's clear you're filming this what's the name of the show it's called smelling women's pussy the pussy smell a vision hour yeah it's called impractical pussy smell yeah we should do impractical pussy smellers that'd be a good idea go we could probably get listen we could

probably get self-volcano to appear go to equinox and like I'm gonna I make snake the thing into a yoga class I don't want to brag but I'm I'll text self-volcano and say I have an idea it's impractical pussy smellers can you get us a spin-off that'd be pretty cool if you got true TV on board I think we could do it we could do anything we want yeah yeah poo TV yeah poo TV shit on ourselves you take a shit yeah we go to the bathroom yeah it's just people pooing the entire time it's not bad yep yeah about a reality show about people that fold paper airplanes like like Asian people that are really good at it

just regular just regular I mean Asian people fall under the umbrella of regular no but they like do origami so their eyes would assume that they'd be really good at paper not every Asian does origami I'm saying the ones that do the paper folding experts Adam does snore gummy right he tells the street tells the stories got so many unnecessary twists and turns that you fall asleep listen though mm-hmm yeah I do do that Adam here comes another one of Adam's lullabies looks like I got a text from who from Stavros I'm sorry about you what I said about you were being a good friend you weren't all right

thank you you were pretty sure the text I didn't have to read on the show I didn't have I didn't text you shit I didn't have to read I didn't text you shit and you owe me an apology for your conduct this morning I apologize how do we report Adam to the government of Texas for trying to get an abortion that's true I want to do that can we report your ex-girlfriend who we don't have to say the Chinese one they got an abortion what time frame is that we got to beep that we have to beat 56 58 it was when you said it how are they gonna fucking know who I'm talking yeah they know pretty easily I know I can we actually

do know 100% today live in Texas it doesn't matter that the internet you could be anywhere mm-hmm I mean you know that right Texas is giving bounty that's so fucking wild yeah just like if you got an abortion snitch on this person you get 10 grand it's $10,000 I will absolutely tell they got yeah they got Chuck Norris down there what do they take real real Texas Ranger Walker bitch teller on mm-hmm yeah but what's the Walker Texas Ranger theme I don't remember buh buh buh buh buh buh Kalman Police car calf Walker Texas Rangers turns out this bitch got an abortion Walker a girl got remarried and she had to get an abortion

get ten G's and then she's gonna have a little accident with her break break Maybe we can get her pregnant again and kill her even more money. So you snitch on someone? Yeah. Oh, I remember. Oh, yeah, this is fucking good. Good theme. In the eyes of a ranger, the unsuspecting stranger had better know the truth of wrong

from right. Cause the eyes of the ranger are upon you, any wrong you do, he's gonna see when you're in Texas, look behind you, cause that's where the ranger's gonna be. It's awesome. Just kicking pregnant women. This is the louder version. This is when they had to make the show louder because the audience entered their late 80s and they couldn't hear.

Big Samoan says, fuck you to Dwayne The Rock Johnson. What? Who's that? Just a random guy. I don't know. I don't know, man. Cause the eyes of a ranger are upon you, any wrong you do, any wrong you do, any wrong you do, the eyes of a ranger are upon you, any wrong you do, he's gonna see, he's gonna

suck your penis and fuck your asshole, and then he's gonna send you to jail for being gay. The eyes of a penis gets me horny, the eyes of a penis makes me penis, I'm a fucking fag, I am Chuck Norris, and when you fuck me at Kung Fu, the legend continues. When I get my dick sucked by a man's dick, it makes me horny. Honestly, I love this, it's a theme song from Kung Fu, the legend, it's mad good. If you want the legend to continue this week, you can go to patreon.com. That's right.

Absolutely. Otherwise. Otherwise. If you want the legend to continue this week, you can go to patreon.com.