The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. 279 – winding down

Episode Date: September 30, 2021

how much longer do u think lol

Yeah, come to Lene, come to Lene. Come to Lene, come to come to come to. Come come. Come. Come. Come. Come. Come.

Come. Hello, everyone. Welcome to come town. Come down. Is your mic on? My mic is on. No, Adam. Adam took the first mic for himself.

Well, it's the closest to where I'm sitting. Oh. Wow. Well, I just wanted to set it up so that the cords had as much slack as possible. You can see, look at this. This certainly looks like it worked out, where the cords are definitely not tangled. Sorry, guys, this is not going to be a good episode because Adam said he was a surprise first.

Yeah, he was going to go get lunch. And we thought it was going to be lunch. Well, I said it was a treat. Well, yeah. How about no more surprises? And I said, and I said, Stav, are you eating treats these days? You just, well. Yeah.

Now Stav has diabetes. The thing is, why did you feel the need to get it originally? Explain to everyone. Because I had it the other day. I said the boy. No, no, no, no, no. I thought to myself that the boys would like these doughnuts. No, no, no, no.

I did. Straight up. Don't change your tune. What's the reason you decided we should get a treat today? What are you atoning for? I'm not atoning for anything. Okay. You understand people are going to hear the premium.

What Adams. On Sunday. Yeah. Yeah. So, what I'm going to be talking about is a little, the cartoon of, not the, you know, when they go to the lobby in the movie theater, but imagine it's like, it's a bank and then there's like, it's like cartoon like nickels and stuff like that. Yeah.

That's his tune. What are you talking about? Like, I'm, you know, if you got like, you know, you're going to go to the movie theater and they play that thing. Imagine if you go to the bank and before you can, you know, you're waiting in line, they play a little video. That'd be cool. And it's all the money.

And that would be Adams. That's Adams. Like a rollercoaster. Adam, shut up. You already apologized. So do it on the, on the main episode at the beginning where everyone can hear you. Apologize to the listeners. Listen, we, for what, you know what?

Apologize for what? Oh, for. Yeah. Well, I, come on. Can we, can we not settle these things? I'm trying to settle in. See, here's the thing. I'm trying to settle into a big fight like gentlemen, but you tried to bury it at the

end of the premium Sunday. We agreed. We were working. I was just trying to eat today so that I could watch a doll go. Yeah. And I couldn't, we could watch a doll go in your ass. A doll. Yeah.

A little chucky doll. I would love to watch that. That's going into Adam's ass. Adam, the thing is, I want you right now on prime time, beginning of the free episode. I want you to say why you got us treats. Because I thought the boys would like these doughnuts when I got, had these doughnuts out of it. No, no, no.

No, I legitimately had that thought. Why though? What did you mess up? What have you decided? What have you finally admitted was a mistake and you feel very bad about? Talking about the breakfast sandwich. The breakfast sandwich. Yeah.

And you said, I felt like, I felt like I, I was defiant and I was being a bad friend. Thank you. And I appreciate that. And I don't mean. The one track mind. Now, here's the problem. I wasn't thinking about it. Adam comes.

We're starving because we don't eat starving. We just, we fucking don't, I don't need for days before the show because I like that. The first one. Keep hunk. Primal hunk. I like that. I like to be fresh. You know, you get kind of in this.

My senses are. Yeah. Sharp. But then for the afternoon, the regular episode, it's Adam's job to go get lunch and it's Adam's job to go get lunch and it's Adam's job to go get lunch. And then I, he comes back and he's got a box of donuts. Right. I said, I'm not eating that.

I got to go get a fucking sandwich. Right. And then I, you know, it's like, okay, well, everyone's eating the donuts and they're pretty good. I'm not going to say that they're great donuts and I appreciate the thought and the gesture of atonement yet again. And they are very. He's not thinking about the reason you go get lunch is so we have the fuel fuel for

the second episode. I do. Imagine, imagine you're the dietitian. And I will say. I don't view friendship as a balance sheet. I wasn't doing that because I had a negative two weeks ago. I did it because I had the doughnuts you first of all days ago and I said the boys would like you do.

Imagine. No, I don't. You're the have a ledger. I don't. You're the team nutritionist. I definitely don't for the for the Denver Broncos. Yeah. And it's the night before the super right and you go and you're like, well, we got a

fuel up. I'm going to go get a bunch of doughnuts. Yeah. No, because now we're going to be crashing from sugar. Right. John always the gay now he's gay. He's a fact. He's got sugar in his blood.

Sweet. Black. He's got too much doughnuts. Now he's got a little sugar in his blood. Now he's sucking cock. He's like a Terrell Davis is giving him a migraine. It's so good. Yeah.

Yeah. And that's what you did to me. I'm okay. I just I thought by the way, Adam, here's the gay stuff. I'm just sleepy. No, you did. You did the gay stuff. No, I'm just you did.

I did it, Nick was smiling the whole time I'm smiling because I'm thinking about how funny it would be if I did something like that, you know, you're smiling because it felt good. That is what I was doing so random comedy. That's why I said it would be random. It's not gay if you're getting sucked off with an invader Zim hoodie on because you're just being random. That's true.

The point is, here's the thing, Adam, people will listen to the episode where you basically said this. These treats were a quid pro quo for the same. I was reminded of the tree. I did. Wow. So don't. That's good.

Don't come up here pretending like it wasn't for that, which is fine. I think that's a nice gesture. You make a mistake. You come through your break. You fucking you have a little dick. You give your girlfriend flowers, which is something, you know, that kind of thing. Constantly. The flowers.

The flower budget. But I will. Flowers for Algernon. Yeah. That's why guys got a small dick is getting his retard girlfriend flowers constantly because she's used to retarded guys with humongous retarded. You think you think a guy that somebody people may know who fucks retarded? Oh, no, no, no, no, he's ever like, you've been with a lot of retarded guys.

I don't think she's like, yeah, but I like your personality. Yeah, I know it is your fucking cock sucker. Come on. What are you fucking Chinese? Oh, you're going to preempt the what are you Chinese going to try and beat you? You want to be the one to be on the record politics to have been the first one to say what are you in my mind that you were not involved with at all in the slight in my mind. I was a two way street over here in my mind.

And then we said, let's do that. The whole episode. Yeah. You, you are coming into YouTube first in the comments. You did do that. Yeah. Okay. But let me say this, Adam, I appreciate the gesture.

The donuts were delicious. However, given that it is lunchtime and given that you're making up for missing a meal, you could at least got a bunch of chicken nuggets from McDonald's. I think both me and Nick were expecting lunch. I said I wasn't going to get sandwiches. I was going to get treats. You never asked. Yes.

I did. I said, are you eating treats? You know what? I was thinking, honestly, I think, and I think I've speak for everybody here. Yeah. You're talking about cornbread as part of a larger barbecue order. There's treats that go, that were going to be involved. See, I thought it wasn't going to be a breakfast sandwich.

I thought we were looking at you. Can I tell you what I actually in the back of my head was kind of thinking? Yeah. You remember how he was mentioning really good breakfast burritos? Yeah. Yeah. Part of me was thinking, well, this is the time. I told you that place is closed on Monday.

I didn't know. What do I keep track of everything you've ever told me? Nobody listens to you. What are you talking about? Nobody listens to you. What about the fourth man, the audience? I think the fourth member of our cohort or whatever. They hang on every word that we say.

I'm just saying, I don't think it would have been out of bounds for you to come back here with a bag of chicken tenders. Okay. Well, next week, man. And then you said, do you want an iced tea or a coffee or something? If I had known we're getting donuts, I would have said coffee. Class of combination. I said, I think I have.

I said, I'm thinking I need something to wash down my lunch with. So I say, do you want to come with me in the car, but like your surprise. So there were. So if it was a surprise, I couldn't say that it was donuts. I wanted. I wanted to thrill you. You know, I wanted to find out it was free donut there and don't call that it was or that it was like a chicken.

They had like fried chicken there. Do they have? Do they have anything savory there? No, they just have drinks and donuts. What's the place called? Come on. What's the place called? Adam, get the little wire.

So we had him telling on wire. Don't call another. What is the place called? You can tell me. Actually, I think I remember. Yeah. I told you. Get the wire out so you can plug the phone.

Where's the wire now? I think I took it out. I think I took it out already. I think I took it out already. He says, as she pulls it out, here you are and plug it in. I won't be spoken to that way. Plug it in yourself. No, I won't be spoken to that way anymore.

Suck my dick. That's sexual harassment. That's sexual harassment. That's sexual harassment. Oh, my dick is being sucked. No, it's not. Dude, that's a good job. I'm speaking clearly.

I'm speaking clearly. There's no... Because this is my mouth. Because my dick is so small. Oh, wait. All right. All right. I'll give them this.

They don't have anything. No, they don't. We're going to call them up. No, no, they don't. Don't call them. I'll call them up. Give me a... But we can...

We can... What the fuck is my phone? Oh, my God. Did I... I'm going to do the thing women do. Well, my phone's gone. I lost it. I lost it.

It's lost. I must have left it at the girl's night. Guys do that too. It's... Oh, my phone is gone and my debit card's gone too. And it's all... Yeah, I will say you're pretty close to a KFC. Yeah.

Well, what I was... I was going to just glue Google a chicken place and call them up and ask if they had fallen asleep. Well... Well, look, it's okay. I appreciate the donuts, but just want to let the... Just want to let everyone know if we run out of steam, it's because we crashed. I did too much sugar.

We sugar-crashed. Yeah. They're really stupid. Really, really poorly thought out by you. Okay. Inconsiderate. Didn't even... A piece of chicken would have been nice.

A piece of fried chicken would have been nice. I did a bunch of rotisserie chicken before this started. So go have some of Nick's rotisserie chicken. I don't want his rotisserie chicken. His fucking three-day-old rotisserie chicken is disgusting. Disgusting. What part of I had to, didn't you understand? Before you painted him into a corner.

I'm sorry, dude. And now you're calling me disgusting in my own... We were here kind of waiting for lunch, you know? Yeah. Being like... I was thinking... I had pretty low expectations, I was like, he's going to Blimpy. They don't even have a Blimpy.

That would have been good. I would have enjoyed Blimpy. They don't have Blimpy subs. And I said, he's going to find a way to go to the even more pedophile sandwich restaurant. Is Blimpy pedophile? It's more than Subway? Yeah. They got into a big lawsuit over that when they found out Subway Jarrett was raping children.

They were like, that's copyrighting. Oh, because that's our thing. That's sort of the Blimpy way, is going up into the clouds and fucking kids. Remember the Quiznos when they set the world on fire with those little... The Quiznos subs? Yeah, they crossed over. You both thought Quiznos was really going to take over? They had a minute, though, of the strength of that ad alone.

Yeah. You both thought I had a roommate in college who said he wanted to drop out of college and start a Quiznos franchise, because Quiznos was the future. I ate Quiznos a couple of times and I was like, yes. It's good. No, it's... Let me tell you this. They heat the sandwich.

Let me tell you this. So there's Subway and that weird little half-microwave, half-other thing. That thing's weird. I'm going to tell you something. Yeah, please do. The chicken carbonara sandwich there? It's very good. They got a chicken carbonara sandwich?

It's very good. It's very good and you eat it and you're like, what the hell is it? What do you got back there? The fuck is back there? It's pre-meat. It's bacon. Who's making these sandwiches back there? What do you got back there?

What do you got? Some kind of fucking Chinese guy back there. I was trying to bait Adam into doing it first, trying to let him once again. I was just trying to have fun with it. There's some kind of fucking Chinese guy back there. You got a fucking Chinese guy back there. What the hell is it? What is it?

Some kind of Chinese delicacy. It's some Chinese thing you got. Oh, brother. Well, where's the Quiznos around here? Is it open? They don't have any. Is Quiznos done? I feel like it's regional.

I feel like there used to be a Quiznos on every corner. There was one in Canton. They really peaked. Yeah, I used to go to the one next to, we call it the club H-E-B, but the H-E-B right off like 35, just north of Hyde Park, I guess, in Hyde Park. Dude, there's nothing but Quiznos for some graveyards. There was a Quiznos over there. There was a free bird burrito.

Nice. It was crossing the Goodyear auto place, and then it shows you all the permanently closed Quiznos. H-E-B. There used to be a ton in New York. A big liquor store. Folks, let me tell you something. They had a Sears, Jack in the Box, and one of those, I think it was, it wasn't called

Wo-Hop. It was one of those. In the south, they have like a chain. It's not just Panda Express. They have other chain Chinese. Yeah, they got like Ching Chong's Asian Karate Bowl or whatever. Yeah, they have like Panda Golden Dragon. Yeah, they have like the Panera tier of Chinese bullshit.

But it's regional. Yeah, it's like way paying, you know, it'll be like a chain of like places where you like just point at the meat and then some, some like- Oh, I hate that kind of shit. I don't like that level of stuff. I want the bulletproof shit. Yeah. I like Panda Express.

I think it's pretty good. Okay, so the closest quiznose to us is Woodrow Wilson Travel Plaza in Trenton, New Jersey. That's far. Yeah. Well, they said get them out of the city. They don't want to be kicked around. Yeah, I think they did. There's also one at Stewart International Airport.

He said it's not Italian food. Italian. Crossroads pizza. Should only be on the turnpike. There's one at University of Delaware. That's where I got my penis removed. I think that I think the new female governor is him with his cock chopped off in a dress. I don't believe that that's not Andrew Cuomo.

She talked like that too. Look at the watch a video and tell me that's not just I've never heard. I've never heard. Huckle talk. There's, there's one in you both more travel. It's me a different bitch. I'm a bitch now. I'm a bitch.

Oh, there's one in Towson, Maryland. Damn. Okay. Rock Raven. Yeah. Why wouldn't there like, if there's a Quiznos anywhere, Towson, you know, oh, they got one at BWI Quiznos seems to really be holding down the airport market. Airports and travel clauses.

That's what that's what Brookstone is now. It's just a place to it's like an airport thing to buy a fucking massage at the airport. Brookstone really was the future dude. They were the pinnacle dude. I felt like George Jetson going in there. Yeah. When I would go in there and I'd be like, dude, someday I'm going to have a fucking hammock at a grill that's also a clock and a fucking robot.

I want to be happy dude. I'm going to be a businessman. Oh yeah. I used to get kicked out of the massage chairs with my friend because you're coming in your pants. No, because they said we were, we were kids and we weren't going to buy the massage chair. And I said, I'm a potential customer. I'm Jewish.

My family is Jewish. You lost another customer. Yeah. Maybe when I'm older, maybe when I'm older, I'll be a successful businessman and I'll buy this massage chair. My family owns the synagogue. We have lots and lots of money and we're going to buy, you know, that's not true. We're going to buy the chair.

How much money do you make owning a synagogue? I don't know if you can own it. Highly lucrative. I don't know if you can own it. It's probably a fucking cash cow. Probably. I mean, it's a religious organization so they don't pay tax. Exactly.

I was thinking about how you can charge for Hebrews. I was thinking about having a bar mitzvah for myself this year up at Bear Mountain. That's awesome. I rent out the reception hall and then, you know, but like do the Torah portion and everything. And the theme of my bar mitzvah is going to be the entertainment industry. That's cool. I don't invite like managers and agents that don't talk to me anymore. And they're all going to be there.

I'm not going to tell any of them having a bar mitzvah, but then they show up and I'm doing the reading. I got the rabbi there. And then I just say, oh, you didn't know I was Jewish? Yeah. In that voice. Oh, no, of course. The whole time it's your return to show, but no, it's the theme is entertainment industry.

I thought, of course, I had to invite you all the things I said they were, you know, I mean, offensive. Yeah. But it's part of, you know, satire, that's an attainment, baby. Listen, it would be awesome because that would definitely that would literally help your career. Yeah, that would. Yeah.

If I invited a bunch of managers and agents to bare mountain, first of all, no one would show up. Right. It's too far. It's too far. You got to do something closer. Maybe that. Well, I really wanted to run out bare man, get rooms for everybody.

Just drop like $15,000. That sounds awesome, dude. Run out the hole for two days. Would you have a carving station? Yeah. I would go. I would go. First of all, I would rent the entire lodge for two nights.

It's awesome. I would go to all the rooms and then, yeah, just get everybody from mosaic in there. And then, yeah, I do the thing. Then we have, you know, we have, you know, it's just like, we got a DJ wearing like a big, like a top, like a fuzzy top. Yes. Yeah. Yeah.

Glow six for the kids. Remix. Yeah. Do it like raising the roof. Raising the roof. Motivational dancers. Yeah. This sort of thing.

The rich kids used to get hot chicks to like dance for the kids. They would motivate the dancers. They get like professional motivator, motivational dancers. Do you think any, anyone ever got their son a prostitute for his bar mitzvah? 1000%. Yeah. That's awesome. 1000.

That's Adam's dad still doing that to this day. What do you mean? Except another prostitute girlfriends. Oh, really? Adam, Adam, Adam, Adam has a woman that's paid to pretend to be. Is that real? Yeah. The woman that had the money like that, dude.

Yeah. She charges it by the money. Well, I actually pay for it. It's the only way we can get him to do the show. Oh, I see. Yeah. Nick's. That's what Adam gets his fucking salary and his girlfriend.

The thing is, people don't know this, but there used to be, the third guy on the show was a black guy. Oh, really? And one time I was about to do a joke and he rifted and it crushed. And I pulled him, well, I pulled him aside after the show and I had to feed him to pigs. Yeah, I had to feed him to a bun. Unfortunately, I had to feed that. Yeah.

I had to, I had to death by pigs for that man because he crushed harder than you. No one is allowed. So then you saw, then you thought, let's get Adam in the mix. I said, let's get that guy we hang out with or I hang out with because he's my neighbor. I have the only reason that's because we're neighbors. Yeah. We're not. She sucked my penis.

I promise I'll never kill. You will, dude. I'll never kill. You will. One day. One day. One day, you'll know what that's like. Well, when Nick's not here, it's, I'm going to Adam actually did really well on the premium

episode this week. What are you going to say? Patreon.co. Oh, thank you. He did. That was a great episode. Yeah. Adam told a really funny story.

That was crushed at the top to bottom. Really, really good. And then he also used the n-word, so if you're a lot, which is going to be edited out in the YouTube version, obviously, but not on the page. Yeah. On the YouTube version that someone steals, you go to patreon.com.com slash come town. You can hear the uncensored Adam saying the n-word blackmail clip that you can then download yourself.

Isn't that already out there and uses a ring tone on your I had it was dropped it. Also this week. No, I had to edit it out. Do you remember when he did it? He was like doing it. Oh, that was really funny. What was that that he was trying to do like a commercial for like an exterminator? He was like, how are you?

He just got so excited to go into a character. It was totally did not need the n-word at all. Anyway, just a hard R this week and then fucking being like, you gotta edit that. This weekend I'm in Nashville with Mike Racine, October 1st and 2nd. And we are at the 3rd Coast Comedy Club that next week I thought Texas was the 3rd Coast. Next week I'm in Cleveland at Hilarides, the 7th to the 9th. Then Phoenix the 14th through the 16th, Madison 21st to the 23rd. Then later in December, we got Detroit, Columbus, New Orleans, Tampa, Boston.

Go to stop.biz slash motherfucking tour and come see me live. The shows have been a lot of fun. Fantastic. Do we have regular reads also? Eventually. What time is it? We've only been doing about, oh, never mind. MyBookie.com is a place where a kid can be a kid.

MyBookie.com is where your kid can get sucked off by a kid's rule. The thing I love about MyBookie.com is it's actually MyBookie.ag. Yeah. Ag, of course, standing for some kind of, I think it's a Swiss legal entity. Which means you can't sue them if they, not that they would, but they never will. They're a really trustworthy ass motherfucking company. In the event they mess up. Yeah.

In case they have what we call in this business, pull a crucial add them. Adam, why don't you tell us a little bit about MyBookie.ag? Well, the football season is back. It's back. And by the way, shout out to the Baltimore Ravens, Justin Tucker, the greatest kicker of all time, Doink Sin, a 66 yarder, to send the fucking Detroit Lions packing at their own home. Suck this fucking purple and black cock with feathers on its nuts.

You fucking Detroit pieces of shit. But please buy tickets to see me on the six. Can you give me this? Can you hear my phone? Yeah, Nick, you have the proper coffee. You have to shut your mouth. Okay. So just do it.

I don't know. Hit it again. No, because I got to forward it to Adam. So hold on. I'll be back. But in the meantime, Adam, just guess what it is. Okay. Am I sitting on it?

What the fuck is the fucking? Are we out of donuts? Damn. We're out of donuts. Fuck. I got six. Six not enough, bro. What do you mean?

Two each. That's nice. In the stead of lunch? It's not. Instead of lunch. It was for a sweet treat between. Come on. You know, it's instead of fucking lunch.

Let's start this again. I'm over here licking the fucking paper like an animal. It sounds like it's in the car sitting on it. Maybe it's, damn, I just stood up. My head hurts from all the sugar. Oh, maybe. No. Sounds like it's coming from, should I call you?

Is it under the couch? Oh, look. We'll be back in a second. We're looking for Nick's phone. You can probably hear his, find my phone noise. Any moment now, folks, we will be finding Nick's phone. Oh, there it is. I was in the couch cushions.

Oh, you're licking on the knife? I'm licking the knife we used to cut the donuts out. All right. Here we go. So we're going to go to my email and we got a message here from Mr. Roy, Mr. Roy from Parley Media. Can you send it to my regular email? I think nine donuts would have actually been appropriate.

Nine donuts seems like that's the number. It's a lunch replacement. It's a lunch replacement. And we probably eat the six at first, but right now, after the first six have worn off, one each more would have been just with the doctor order. But hey, I appreciate it. And thank you. You know, you wake up and you try, you know, I said, thank you.

Yeah. No, because they sent us updated. There's stuff they wanted to, uh, fuck, want me to talk about Aaron Rogers had a thriller. Oh, and Sunday Night Football Sunday Night Football. The Raiders are back. Sorry. It's not Roy. It's Joey.

What the fuck happened to Roy? Roy's dead, dude. Now, you know what, oh man, he's going to, because he listens to the show. I forgot that Joey and Roy are two different guys. He's got pissed off. Well, they're both Canadians. So you talk to them on the phone. They're like, you know, hey, I'm fucking, hey, I'm the, I'm the same.

I'm a different guy. Like the other guy. I'm the fucking other guy. I'm the other guy. Me and the other guy are guys with each other. You got joey's and Roy's. My bookie promotional talking points, Adam, I'll hold my phone up and you can read it from there.

Just, you know, you insisted on having glasses. I'm across the room, sir. I have glasses. I mean, look at me and my glasses. I can see everything. I need them. I read it from there. I can't read.

Try your best. Try harder. I bet you're lying at my bookie dot a g point nine twenty eight twenty one. Here we go. I can't do. I'm a little closer. You're reading like a girl right now. What do you mean?

I'm reading like a girl. This would be where your eyes are moving. That's a girl. No, you're like sit on the edge. You like look like you're looking at a pass me the phone this Saturday. There will be blood had. I guess I have to do it myself. Just pass me the phone.

I'll do it. You know, you're going to fucking, you're going to get your fingers are covered in doughnut goo. You're going to get goo all over this. It's going to be goo everywhere. It's going to be goo everywhere. It's going to be like what the who the hell was such as phones of Chinese Chinese guy was this Chinese phone had the my bookie dot a g and get in on the UFC first blood promotion

when any fighter on the main card bleeds you win. Really? Yeah. So it sounds like if you go on my bookie once a month in Adam's house or at Adam's pants and Adam's cock right under his cock. Yeah. Adam's got a pussy. If you bet on Adam's crotch once a month at my bookie dot a g it sounds like you're going

to win. Because he's on his period. He gets on his period. The second you see blood you get paid with this bet centered around five main card bouts including two title fights, you know, the octagon won't say drive for long. So take the advantage of this opportunity. Make some easy money with my bookie. Nick Diaz has blood in three of his last four fights.

That fight happened. Yeah. I think it was on Saturday. And Robbie Lawler is a leaky faucet. So you know by the end of his five round rematch blood will be spilled on that. I think it was a waller did waller. Yeah. Robbie Lawler won.

So you can bet. So this is actually a really good opportunity for you guys. Bookie dot.com. Yeah. Because you already know who won. Yeah. You can bet on old stuff. You can bet on my bookie.

Now he's promo code promo code. Oh fuck. I bet the Diamondbacks one is it come down or is it come down to one world's here. Shut up. Is it come down or come down to why why what's why why what do you mean why why the shut up because I'm trying to read I don't read like a girl I read like a man where I can only focus on the reading I'm doing I'm not like you know reading and also thinking about my fucking boyfriend or posting pictures of the reading on Instagram or being like oh

I love literature no I read hard yeah every word double deposit bonus that's promo code come down 20 to double your money men's reading some man reads it is so you can double your winnings with my what kind of socks are those that I'm why you weren't I'm inside out I don't know I just I just put them on it looks like you wanted to do something fucking wacky and different why is it what kind are they Nike I think but what's the what's the why is it so much black I don't know it's a he got supreme now he got supreme okay those are nice they're cute you should have worn them outside it wasn't deliberate I wasn't being a manic pixie dream I think you were yeah I wasn't why would you wear them upside

down I'm not I'm not a manic pixie dude I wasn't doing that for attention I'm a manic dude I'm a manic klaxi clan girl my dream is to date a manic klaxi clan girl and that's eternal sunshine of the spotless rays truly spotless mind and that's not all if you deposit now you'll get a free entry into my book is $50,000 NFL survival wow fuck that's exciting that's a damn man I would love to win $50,000 that'd be awesome can you imagine how great that would be life-changing yeah you finally start that quiz knows yeah you know how much money you need to open a quiz knows you probably need probably a million dollars more than that probably probably about two are you serious start up costs yeah for a fucking quiz no

it's expensive sort of franchise yeah shit costs a hundred thousand dollars open a fucking red box what yeah the vending machine yeah everything is everything's a fucking red box that's why it's funny all these like financial advice blogs are like why don't you just open a McDonald's it's like oh are you out of college don't work for somebody else open a fucking McDonald's maybe you could just oh you could own Microsoft she has a lot of wing stops yeah does he a lot of other stuff a lot of black celebrities by wing stops Rick Ross Ross is one of the main investors yeah I would be an on-wing stop the Steve Urkel guy that's a double deposit bonus free money on UFC Jaleel White and a free shot at $50,000 that's what

I call winning season baby baby just win baby just win baby bet anything anytime anywhere with my bookie the penis set website they got a lot of nice cock over the website designed to get your dick hard so hard that you know you fucking get attained a perfect type of bedding so hard you're gonna say what is what do you got back there Chinese guy why is my dick so hard why is my dick so hard is my dick too small to go to the bathroom you'll have questions like that is my dick too and in my bookie they'll have the answers you can bet on all of it you can bet yes my dick is too small Georgia man 25 undergoes double lung transplant due to COVID-19 damn that's gay it just ate away my lungs Blake Bargatze

said Nick Bargatze Blake Bargatze is it's Nate's alter ego well his lungless alter ego damn double where do you even get two lungs I don't know but motherfucker with nice long why does he need to body to swim to swim yeah you can get by on one right yeah you don't need to like when they do a kidney transplant they don't give you two two new kidneys just get one of them maybe Blake's rich got to maybe he wants to smoke fucking dabs yeah maybe he needs to take the biggest rips ever that's a real fucking serious possibility that's true I'm getting sleepy off these fucking doughnuts I'm sorry about that sorry a little protein might have been able to get carry me better but it's not big deal 24 year old

Blake Bargatze went to this concert in Florida where he lived he thought the crowd would be small Blake was not vaccinated he did wear a mask once I got in there there is there's just way too many and I got really hot and I took it off damn this is wild just so just as you guys can we're going to play it back so you can run this back you guys can take this all in yeah it's crazy in March of 2021 let's just stop that here March of 2021 think about that that's what that's a couple months ago that's four or five months ago yeah let's get back to it Blake Bargatze went to this concert in Florida was a concert yeah what is a concert actually what is a concert that's true what the hell is a concert I've thought

about that a lot and I think it's usually when guys play music I don't even know in this day and age who's going to stuff anymore yeah you see they just had this thing they called Lollapalooza in Chicago California Chicago California Chicago very similar Cala Chicago Chicago you can see why many people would be confused yeah between the betwixt the two I always call them the two California Chicago yes I say that I've said I see people and I say it's been a while since I've visited the two that too I love going to Chicago popping over to Cali for a little fucking burrito for dinner I see you will be summering in the two the two baby yeah hitting up Lake Michigan Beach yeah or Laguna or Laguna Beach

or Malibu right down the road right down the road and and so I guess this guy he's from Chicago and he was a Lollapalooza and let's hear his story like Adam Scott's fuck that's stupid you thought the crowd of Lollapalooza would be small this thing is basically it's like the event of the summer it's like the 1938 Nuremberg rally you know I mean it's like that level of kind of event yeah that's how excited you had to be there kind of thing that's the kind of the enthusiasm and vibe that we're feeling in Lollapalooza this year we got all these people that are excited not only see Billy Eilish but also Mayor Laurie Lightfoot she's gonna be there who's gonna be looking like a like a toddler who stole

her dad's suits right with her boyfriend Michael Keaton they are dating and they're gonna be having sex on stage so he didn't wear a mask his mother Cheryl Nucle was not happy with him and when I found out he went to a concert I was pretty upset about it two days later Blake was diagnosed with COVID. April 10th he was admitted to the hospital where things went downhill quickly he had to be intubated and COVID was damaging his lungs his mother had him flown to his native Atlanta where she lived that's where he got the bad news well I'm sorry but it seems to me that the real problem here is being from Atlanta and not a lack of vaccination yeah

yeah that's true if there's always because we see a lot of these stories now but unvaccinated people and they just they plug that in and they don't mention whether they're from Atlanta did you go to fucking Lollapalooza right absolutely you know I've you spent much time in the two at the two at the L2 the dose dose you know that's the kind of that's on the kind of guy likes to do his own research yeah I get that I said let me go ahead and not use a condom with this Asian because I'm cuz I don't think they can get pregnant my research says this feels way better this feels better yeah and I'm trying I'm that's the research I'm doing what feels better condom no condom professor emeritus of a raw dog or a raw dog you a

raw dog university oh yeah and I'm emeritus now but I made tenure the hard way getting my dick sucked fucking pussy fucking ass yeah that's blue collar style getting jacked off and yeah have I got my dick sucked with the condoms to do to do a control group yeah you've done that and it sucks the condom dick so I mean twice in my entire life that seems like a sex worker saying that's romantic I mean I've I was like okay I cannot imagine there's no if I could there's no way I could get off yeah well I was like all right I guess if you want to and then I was like all right let's just fuck cuz it's just ridiculous so you took the condom off and fuck yeah I was like yeah I know you're into safety but we should

just have yeah but the pussies an ideal mechanism that's what I call it's a self oh oh now the pussies not self-cleaning yeah now I got to put a condom on yeah everybody all the rest of my life I'm here in the pH balance is the right thing it cleans itself but now when my cock is inside it doesn't that's it stops yeah I like to have a woman do an acid base test before I go into the pussy do you like your pussy acidic or basic I like it balanced I want a little tang I like it neutral oh you like acid I want a little acid little line well thing is guys asshole is actually self-cleaning the pH balance is there's yeast in my ass it looks clean mm-hmm like a dog's ass yep yep yep and a similar way to a dog very similar

dogs are cleaner if a baby's pacifier falls in a dog's ass you put it right in your baby's mouth oh absolutely don't have to clean it it would be funny to just like a gay guy with like a little bonnet on walking around with a pacifier in his asshole just sucking his thumb and he's like make a Maggie yeah exactly exactly he's fucking prolapsing his ass in and out if you're gay you're listening to the show try that yeah let us go ahead and try that send pictures dad and give us a call so 704 send pictures and Nick you want to give him the 98 rock number again send pictures to 704 524 476 we won't do it that's that's worse than the address all right let's beep that is at 41 40 yeah there's not enough

to phone them but they got the exchange what are they going to do write a program that calls literally yes what are they going to call every one of these numbers until find your sweet heart super super super super special do us a favor and open the drawer and find the piece of paper that contains the information so that we can get paid or by reading about fucking vapors vapor it gives your whole body energy but for some people it's like coffee for your cock or your vagina if you're tired from sex that you've been having taken super specials that can energize girls like a god that'd be cool you think so yeah and then we call mom be like so what are you up to yeah what's up bitch what's going on how'd

you like the show this week how do you feel about the new israeli prime minister yeah and more importantly how big are your tits at the UN naftali Bennett says Iran has crossed all the nuclear right left holly yeah yeah it's a pretty cool name even though he sounds like a bitch and yeah but naftali is pretty cool from the Russian sounding yeah what's up with that yeah well Israel's all just white people that moved there five years ago that's true that's true but they have a historic claim to the yeah yeah yeah not the people that have literally yeah entire families yeah exactly yeah now those people are all well y'all talking about nothing don't worry about it don't worry about it super special so you're an aging

millennial new aches and pains cratum is great for pain relief and if you hurt your back pull a muscle from all that fucking unwind with a glass of cratum tea I love when I when I've pulled my back from fucking which I have done actually yeah I love cratum tea to fucking solve it damn you ever get a charlie horse in your ass well yeah brutal how that feels yeah something you can prevent was you mean when you're special you mean when your boyfriend charlie fucks your ass yeah is that what you call it a nick no getting a charlie horse yeah what's about that pain in your ass when you're having sex Nick charlie what's that pain it's from being the from them because I don't drink water like a fucking girl do

you drink beer I drink nothing but diet dr. pepper yeah if you're only jerking it you develop a wrist injury and you need a little extra push to get to come town super special dances cratum will get you there cratum is the secret supplement that influence influencers don't want you to know about super how does that mean Max yes Addison Ray takes cratum yeah she's doing her little tiktok dances yeah who's the who's the big the big bitch who was in this this week London is there a big bitch in the news yeah there's she used to test holiday who's that you know she is oh one of the one of the big bitches of Instagram she's the one she was like like when fat acceptance was starting to take off she was like the

one of the first big bitches but she's bigger she's like even bigger than most and so people were like okay well this is too far yeah yeah this is what she looks like I see yeah like that's unhealthy that's crazy yeah she was something use yeah some for some reason I guess Adam could finish his little read and then we can go back to cratum helps you write jokes I imagine this is why you're so damn funny cratum is a super leaf it's a cousin of coffee but it's just she's looking good in my book yeah what book is that the menu from fucking cheesecake that's a good book suck my dick show me your tits I'm fucking sick my dick suck my dick super specie of those cratum is a hundred percent all natural

finds barb as her she's so big her tattoos are like stretch well not they're not stretched they take up you know like they have you could really do a portrait of a person that's bigger than her yeah she's she that's that if you're a fucking tattoo artist that's your canvas right there yeah you got to charge more of her ink try it cratum can help improve your mood deliver energy and reduce pain it helps people feel better it can relieve stress and take the edge off I love that kind of super special you say wants you to come again with unlimited use of 20% holy shit unlimited folks good of a fucking deal my grandpa you sell time holy mackerel holy mackerel yeah a fish that's what you would say say holy mackerel

holy fucking so the promo code is coming down and you get 20% off your entire entire order go to get superleaf.com slash come town promo code come town for 20% off let's now that is fucking awesome yeah that's that's that's gonna really do all those things that they said it was gonna do I love cratum man I just slurp it up put it in my cock yeah this is what I saw it was this Daily Mail story about her at Disney World I just thought the picture was funny what happened to her she's just eating a popsicle but she's got Mickey Mouse ears on Nick Nick you must have like a Google for what a fat person does something embarrassing I well it's just very funny you wrote an algorithm you was funny I was literally in target weighing

my options as far as like do I want the giant Toblerone or dark chocolate and then I thought to myself it'd be funny if a fat person was doing yeah yeah yeah and then I just imagine a fat person doing exactly what I was doing and I'm like you dummy you're you're a piece of shit I'm balancing it out with cocaine so I can never gain weight because my heart's about to explode yeah fuck take that take that you fucking fatty fat piece of shit but I don't I see I don't dislike fat people I just think it's very funny to be very fat yeah you definitely have some kind of you just like you did fat issues no I don't when you were a fat child yeah you're a former fat Nick I know but that doesn't that doesn't

mean I hate fat people there's some there there's some you don't hate them obviously no but you have a you have a there's an interesting relationship to fat people well I mean I've explained it before but in less because see you've never not been fat right and then when you're not fat anymore you do notice the difference in the way people treat you and that's when you're like oh shit yeah so if you haven't if you're across that barrier yeah you're really sort of blind to you know you could be an ally to the plus size though instead of being a trader yeah yeah you should imagine for your imagine for a second like how much your life would suck if you weren't funny right if you were fat bald dude don't even

get me if I'm gonna start crying imagine you're not imagine you're not funny but then also you're six three you have a full head of hair and you have all your teeth be cool suddenly none of that other shit matter or was gone but I don't know no it does yeah you would be happy I know I probably would be an easier life for sure yeah I guess that's true yeah I've noticed plenty of six three honestly you know what the thing is is being fat and laughing at being fat is a movement towards like absurdist resignation which is sort of like the key essence to like the visceral comedy that I guess I feel like everybody there is a visceral comedy to a fat guy like falling or something well a fat guy no like

you know what it is like a fat guy like specific well whatever I mean it doesn't fucking matter I'm not gonna go in a comedy theory but the the yeah it is it is very funny no matter where you go in the world people laugh at that that's true I don't think no matter where you go in the world people would laugh at Seinfeld necessarily no it's a universal humor there is a universal humor that's true and I'll say I wouldn't mind if my dick was that popsicle with that fat lady was sucking on that's pretty cool that's the kind of guy I am dude these 18 celebrities have openly discussed having an abortion and here are their stories and uh so we got Stevie Nicks we got a bitch from uh that's how many show which one will be

Goldberg oh will be Goldberg had an abortion like recently yeah I've been nutting inside her for years I found out I was pregnant when I was 14 I didn't get a period I talked to nobody I panicked I sat in hot baths I drank these strange she didn't get an abortion she poisoned herself she's trying to boil the fucking embryo I drank these strange concoctions girls told me about something like Johnny Walker red with a little bit of Clorox Jesus Christ this bitch is drinking bleach yeah damn fuck that fuck that little ass clump of get boarded out dude get that pussy yeah vacuumed out who else is that Chelsea Handler no surprise Chelsea Handler told playboy shit two abortions at 16 years old I'm sure like at a facility

at the white ladies abortion clinic for it's very funny to follow up will be Goldberg saying I drank battery acid I secretly I poured the hot bacon Chelsea Handler yeah my family we had a I was the abortion debutant that year crisis counselor yeah I actually only became pregnant twice with the mixed race baby so she seems like white trash though you think she was rich I have no ideas but the contrast with yeah yeah yeah this last one who else poor whoopee Gloria Steinem Margaret show okay Margaret shows about that that's true her choice yeah Margaret choice I just want a job in the air post doing headlines you would be good at it man the puns yeah Margaret shows she had an abortion I was doing that other

way because they would they fly the you know because with the Gabby Petito thing they're like why are we talking about the Indian right the Indian van life girl and there's a missing Asian girl and I said we're on the world is to Jackie Chan Diego that's pretty good that's really good man that's really good yeah that really works we're in the world is Jackie Chan Diego her name is Laura her name is Lauren Cho so you can probably even get closer to this and the Carmen San Diego Lauren Cho but it's just you know I considered it and I think it's funnier to go Jackie Chan Diego Chan and San rhyming really is doing most of the heavy lifting there yeah but that's really good that's the thing because see a lesser

mind yeah of course come at me and say Lauren Cho already sounds like Carmen San Diego you just need to figure out a way to get Sandy Sandy in there right we're in the world is Lauren Sandy Sandy a Cho okay that's way worse it is way worse because sometimes it's not about what works technically both what's with it's a much an emotional style and tonal yeah flourish yeah and that's where you get we're in the world is Jackie Chan Diego which you know oh look all I'm saying New York Post give me a job they might do that'd be a good second act for you yeah they fucking might chief yeah memory for a little nap you find that Jackie Chan Diego chick or she's still missing is there an Asian girl missing I think they that's

I don't know it's pretty sad actually but like a couple of like well intentioned people they just fucking like got some girl and brought her back to this family's house and she's in tears and they're just holding her down in the you know the squad car and they bring her to the family and they're like yeah that's on her so you live I think they just had a couple of good Samaritan they had just accept that one sort of case right case cold cold case for for good but they meant well yeah I mean and that's it she also went missing in the desert and the sand is you know kind of the same color okay interesting so there's a Chinese woman went missing and because of the sand is the same color as her she was

impossible to find yeah let's go to let's hit the news for the let's hit the fucking news irs would track all bank transactions over $600 under Biden plan what the hell fuck off uncle Sam that's why I'm a cash only cash only I pay for everything with that shit under the mattress $600 that's nothing revolve that's a lunch how am I supposed to buy pussy with my chase a car account yeah sleepy Joe Joe Joe over the limit sleepy Joe we're doing the New York Post Adam stay with it okay okay yeah $600 Biden's and tracking so Biden's books the budget ledger ledger dad beat daddy Biden tracks the money sleepy malarkey money it's a sleepy Joe mosexual sleepy Joe mosexuals budget buffoon re that's good all right next

story yes next sleepy Joe mo sleepy Joe mosexuals budget buffoon re yeah I love it right here you go this is a 25 year old you get the double lung transplant due to the COVID-19 so replacement lungs uh huh to uh what rhymes of the lungs well none of them has a rhyme with lungs it's just will be a new york post headline yeah double could be something um a cloud of breath instagram star loses lungs he's an instagram star well let's just say we later found out he wasn't an instagram star 25 as congress delays legislative actions some communities take police reform into their own hands okay um stand your ground all right so what what kind of communities are we talking about here what are you laughing I'm thinking maybe they're

Chinese yeah how about ninja warrior ninja gaiden collapse last week but as chris van cleave reports some communities aren't waiting for congress to act police respond to a suicidal man in june he's got a knife outside the train station in aurora illinois the officers called for backup from a social worker and after about an hour what could have been deadly and did peacefully we're not afraid to try new things keith cross is aurora's chief of police the 27-year veteran runs the second largest city police department so i guess it does work yeah um we're in the social world kerr is little uh jackie chan from the new york post um social work this cock yeah social work the pole social work uh the prison the uh

rachel dole is all yeah isn't the news this week oh really yeah she's going back to white she got covid rachel dole is all about covid yeah it's ravaging the black community it is and uh that's she's having a real rough time with it and she's saying that proves that she's black oh because moderna so maybe black after all yeah dole's all against covid oh hey reagan reagan shooter john hinkley wins unconditional release nice that's pretty cool that's sort of woke news yeah it's a guy that shot reagan they're just letting him out of jail why do you do it to impress nancy reagan no to impress uh jody foster to impress to impress sandro how about this free at last time to get pussy from jody foster it was fine hinkley seeks pussy from jody foster

she's been saving after all these that's why she's gay yeah i guess i have to say you're no cock until hinkley's out yeah clary's you're going to have to give pussy you're going to have to suck off john hinkley what if i told you you'll have to give pussy to john hinkley i don't want to do that dr lector it's not up to you is where is quarry mr feeney i sucked his penis i fucked him in his ass i sucked his balls i sucked his balls for him i sucked his balls for him i fucked his ass i fucked his ass i fucked them to death i fucked him clary's i fucked him to death clary's it's funny when you it's funny as a concept and then you start thinking about mr

feeney pulling his cock out and he's fucking uh quarry but he's wearing a sweater up top oh yeah nice ore guy his cock is exactly yeah no problem oh hang on hey oh that was a new one I'm gay. I'm gay. Yeah. Yeah. We just uh, we're going through YouTube. We've mentioned it before but shout out to the lady that was in Boy Meets World. How about a story? Somebody sends- Oh yeah, she was hot. How about this? Somebody needs to use the dark web to send

Kamala Harris a picture of their penis and that'll be international news and then I can get a job in New York Post pitching Who Tube as a headline when they're trying to figure out who's dick it is. Right. Who Tube? Who Tube? Yeah. Kamala Jackie Chan Harris shown penis. She didn't want to see this. That's really good. She's in a rush for an hour to not look at that cock. Something like that. Yeah. Mr. Magoo. No, no, no, no. It's a blind. It's a story. No, no, no. He said Mr. Magoo everyone and then he coughed a little bit. I have COVID. Maxine waters does something and they call it vaccine vaccine Maxine. That's good. That's really good. Just got a pussy blown out by a test holidays popsicle. Wow.

Now that's some kind of pornography. I'd love to watch. Yeah. Well, the old bitch and a fat bitch meat porn pop Joe Biden caught with gay porn on his phone in the middle of a press conference or hunting for gay porn. Yeah. What else was on? Yeah. Hunter's laptop. Yeah. He had gay porn on there. No, I think it was just just about meat porn black hunter hunter Wideman meat hunter Biden's shocking 300 pound weight gain. Okay. And predicted soon to happen by the New York post. These pictures show us what it might look like if hunter Biden were to gain 300. Yeah. And it's just they should that's honestly how all their news you should start with the head. Yeah. And then reverse engineer the news from there. I think there

was that was that I'm going to buy the New York Post and the TV show is Boy Meets World where he gets all I saw his penis. Mr. Batman. Mr. Batman. Mr. Batman. I'm going to sock the junkers penis. Mr. Batman. Mr. Police. Show me you could have saved her. You could have saved her. Mrs. Police. But I fucked her pussy. Mr. Feeny. What was that guy up to young? He was in the graduate. Oh, yeah, he was. I also remember there was like a actor strike and he was the head of SAG. Nice. He was like giving a speech. Was it more police or the film actor's guilt? Yeah, the fat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You say good job, Fag. Young Mr. Feeny kind of looks like Adam. What do you mean? He's got a sharp ass nose. Look at

this TMZ video. Remember Mr. Feeny and it's just them harassing him. He's just old as shit. He's harassing an old man. TMZ. Did you ever rape anybody? Damn, my man's iconic role was Mr. Feeny. Your dick is small. Mr. Feeny, I mean, I'm proud that I knew that Crusty the Clown was the son of a rabbi. The penguin from Batman. Yeah, the penguin. The penguin. Yeah, the penguin. That'd be cool. It looks like a lot of fakes. Got anything good, buddy? Find anything good? No, just a lot of fakes. Yeah. And some girls that are doing porn that vaguely look like her. Some girls should make her porn in Topanga. I think there is. I would click on that. We will still play in the Sims. That's got to

be a weird thing to do these days. I feel like they're doing like, yeah, simulating people, my apartment, Minecraft. Yeah, you don't say. I feel like that took over. The Sims was pretty fun. Yeah, I don't play it anymore, but I did when I was younger. Yeah, I liked the roller coaster tycoon about the Sims city. That's good. The Simpsons. They're horny for a bit. Only fans. That's good. Only chans. Missing Chinese sex worker goes missing again. Only chans. Only chans too. We're in the world as Jackie Chan Diego. Yeah. We're in Jackie Chan's Diego is Mr. Diego. That could be another one. Where's Mr. Diego? Where's Mr. Diego's opus? That could be a movie. That could be a movie. Mr. Diego's opus. Mr. Diego's Jackie

Chan opus. Yeah. He's the character played by Jackie Chan. Mr. Holland's Diego penis. And he's a teacher that's got a, he's, he's like, Mr. Holland's Diego penis. They brought me in to teach, teach violin. Why don't we unruly Hispanic kids? Yeah, we can show it. We're not listening to you. And then he pulls out his dick and it's got a little sombrero on the top and they respect it. He's like, what's he's like, what's up now? Make my day. That's a cool penis home. So now we're going to play fucking Moonlight Sonata. I'm so fucking cool penis home. Yeah. Let's get those strings going. Mr. Holland's Diego penis written by the New York Post. That's awesome. You don't even want credit, screenwriting credit. Yeah.

You're a company man. You love the New York Post. New York penis. Mr. Holland's Diego penis. The New Penis Times. The New Penis Times. Yeah. I typed in Mr. Holland's Diego penis into Google and said, do you mean Mr. Holland's Diego penis? That's awesome. How'd they figure it out? Damn. Look at this. The first result is Mr. Holland's bogus by the 10 of eight times upstaging the New York. Yeah. It's a bad review. Yeah. They didn't like it. Krippendorf's tribe is a smutty little so-called family comedy. I remember for anything except it's constantly phallic humor and how two bright new actors wrote but rose above it. A pair of old pros were so fortunate. Mr. Holland's opus. It's it's also with Richard Dreyfus, but he plays

like a like an anthropologist. Remember these names if you haven't already picked up on them. Jenna Elfman and Natasha Lee Young. Whoa. Okay. Okay. He's right about that. Elfman, of course. Natasha Lee Young. You're listening to the reading movie reviews from 20 years ago. Probably 30 years. Mr. Holland's penis. Jenna Elfman. She was in Richard Dreyfus and only Thomas should know better when they read Charlie Peter's screenplay that they sense that the only three big laughs in the first 35 minutes or two penis jokes. Sounds good. It sounds like a fucking good movie. It sounds like it's Tampa Bay. Tampa Bay should show that. The fucking saying. Yeah. Tampa Bay times. More like Campo Bay. Campo Gay. Campo

Gays. Campo. Molestic boys. Bay. Bymes. Tampa Gay Bymes. Now I'm looking up Jenna Elfman Naked. Tampa Gay guys. Nothing too good here either. Why? What was wrong with that? Because we moved on already. Wait. There was one second chance to say something. I missed when I could check off the obvious fakes when I didn't know any better. Yeah. Back in my years. Before you left the Garden of Eden. Before you tasted the apple. Before you touched God's copy of Photoshop. Before that snake. I used to check off so many fake Britney Spears nudes. I love when they're just really smiling and they're just getting plowed in the ass. Yeah. I like when a girl is happy during sex. Not me. You like it when they're sad? Yeah. Jenna Elfman

is Danny Elfman. It's like when they look worried. Shouldn't her name be Danny Elfman? Yes. That's his daughter, huh? Yeah. I thought it was a sister. That's how names work in China. Like if your dad's name is Eric, you're just girl Eric. That's how you go around town. That's awesome. Yeah. That's a good system. And then your husband becomes girl Eric's husband. Oh shit. His name originally is Eric too. If his dad's name is Eric. A lot of Chinese guys are named Eric. In Brazil they all just have a bad names. Right. Yeah. In Latin countries they have like a hundred names. Yeah. That's to honor your gestures. What the hell is Jenna Elfman doing these days? I think she got married to Greg. Greg Elfman. In real life. From

Darman Greg. For real? I don't know. I think so. Fuck her. Yeah. Jenna Elfman husband, Bode Elfman. He took her name? He took her name. For real? She's taller than him too. Wow. Actually, you know what? I would love to fucking take the name of my tall wife. Yeah. They're doing like more of a Chinese style. Yeah. Kind of family. That's awesome. Look at her high ass pregnancy. He's holding his wife's belly and he looks like he's trying to dunk a basketball. It's at his nipples. It's up by his chest. Respect to that guy honestly. Yeah. No respect to Adam of course. Why? I don't know. Why not? It's fine. Whatever it works. Adam, you should start wearing overalls. Why? You should start dressing like Oshkosh

Pagosh. Like Janie from She's All That before they do her up. That's kind of my look already. Fuck. Kind of art girl vibe. Yeah. But you're not fuckable like them. Yeah. Just wait till I get to... I'm going to start dressing like Seth Green and Buffy the Vampire. I'm fucking air walks and big pants and like a property of bum equipment. Dude, I wanted to bum equipment so bad. But it was cool. It's such a funny name. I was like, that's what I want. I'm a cool guy. We got the same tech as the homeless. Butt cheeks equipment. Yeah. All those companies, all those 90s companies just turned into clothes for homeless people. Yeah. Fuckin' Averax. Well, because slacker was an aesthetic in the 90s. Homeless people used to dress professionally.

That's true. Yeah. And then they got... Bones did used to have kind of like a teacher look. Yeah. Addison Ray, it's a starring gender swapped remake of She's All That. Who? Addison Ray is confirmed as the lead role in that gender swap. Oh, damn. I wish I could be the guy in that movie where they're like, oh, well, she's got a day to lose her. And it's like, how about that guy is 32 years old? Yeah. He's hanging out on the high school campus. All the kids think you're a fucking lead man. And he's got to turn him into a cool guy. Yeah. He's fucking racist. And he's a pedophile. Dick doesn't work. Dick doesn't work. He lives in a bomb. Racist old pedophile. Yeah. That would be an interesting movie.

I could change him. I'm like, there you go. Fuck you, bitch. Give me some child pussy. He's all that. It's so funny. Because it's like nobody says all that anymore. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think no part of it is like... It's all bullshit. Yeah. All that in a bag of chips. I'm a gay expression. I heard being forward being like, am I supposed to say that? Yeah, dude. You're supposed to say that shit. I'm supposed to fucking call things all that in a bag of chips. Oh, boy. Well, I'm getting tired. It's been already. We've already... Courtney Hardardashian. That's good. Yeah. She's dating Travis Barker. Travis. Yeah. Sarker. Sarker. Sarkeesian. He's Armenian. Yeah. That's the only reason it works,

because they're both Armenian. Oh, I didn't realize. Yeah, dude. A hard Armenian. Travis Barker's been lying about being Armenian this whole time. Yeah. I feel like I can't listen to Blink when I see the same way. Is Travis Barkesian? Wow, it's so weird. I wish there were more donuts or at least a sandwich or a sandwich or something. Yeah, I'm going to go home and eat some chicken, I think. I'm going to kill myself. I'm going to have a sunny day or an orangeina. Orangeina's good. Yeah. And then maybe a little bit of... Oh, you know what I really want. What's that? Heroin. Chicken liver pate. Respect. That's a nice move. Yeah. You'll cut some gherkin. That's an aristocrat's fucking lunch. Yeah. Well, you know, you're the upper crust. I am,

dude. You know what I was thinking the other day? I'm like Chevy Chase. What do you guys think about me holding a mic like this? It's like a pop punk vibe. Yeah, we should all get new mic holding. Oh, fucking gay. I'm going to start going on New York open mics and holding them. Is this maybe? Yeah. I went like an old song. I was out there. I'm going to do it just like that. I'm fucking a dick and I'm fucking gay. This is the best New York open mic guys. It's like the Italian guys that have so much confidence in their day to day life, but they get on stage and they're like, yeah, so this guy, I'm like... Yeah, it's fidgeting so much. Yeah, uncomfortable doing comedy. And I'm like, are you going to give me pussy in here? Where are we

going to go? But fucking, I don't know. Whatever. Who fucking cares? What else is going on? Yeah, so I live in Staten Island and it's like, it's fucking weird that they even bother calling it an island because it's like fucking, it feels more like a... Fuck you guys. I'm leaving. I'm fucking your fucking hipster. You don't like this shit. You just had a fucking Chinese bitch up here. What is he fucking Chinese? You laugh at the fucking Chinese bitch saying, oh, white people bad, white people bad. Fuck you. I hope she goes missing. I hope they can't find her. She gets lost in the fucking foyer at her own family's house. And they're like, what the fuck is that? Is that me? Did we put a mirror in the middle of the fucking boy? I'm confused. And then they're

like slowly, like just me at the open mic for some reason. Back of the room. Yes. Now that's a Mr. Holland's penis. Now that's Italian style comedy, the way it's always meant to be. Well, thank you for listening, folks. And come see Adam this weekend in Nashville. Yes. And come see me in Cleveland. I also have patreon.com. I also have a Pantheon show October 17th, or I'm sorry, October 13th. And I think we're adding a New York date to the Prince of Pleasure tour. Wow. Gotham Comic as part of the New York Comedy Festival. Wow. I believe the 10th of November. But yeah, stop at that bit slash tour, fucking Cleveland, fucking Madison, fucking Phoenix, all the good shit. And we will talk to you guys next week. Bye.

Hey. Yeah, hit the button. If you're going to show you guys.