The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. 290 – guile kittenhouse

Episode Date: December 15, 2021

thats my new years costume.

Yeah, he never came on the show though, who let's get him on he called he called once no he didn't yeah he called me once he called you remember we were doing the show he called me I don't think and it was like just fucking hang up I don't remember that you're like just fucking hang up we're not talking to this guy I don't remember oh yeah psycho psycho Savage Joe Savage Joe yeah he had a Colorado area code if I remember correctly my favorite video of his of all time one of the most powerful displays I've seen in my life it's like okay this is really fucking interesting and I'm five five one or whatever it's like I'm not fucking five when it gets on like a scale with like the measuring thing with shoes on

he measures himself and he's five six he's like five fucking six bitch yeah savage psycho yeah yeah yeah savage psycho Joe yeah she after the gym and all the training spent a few hours with them around the city yeah that's when he goes to clients oh his personal training class just like one of the oh yeah that was his whole thing is he talked about how he's a trainer and that he had hot women as his clients yeah this is awesome yeah he just finds pictures dude look at this yeah just one of the worst photo shops I've ever seen no this is real she's next to him a room filled with fire I can make her smile you're the the part I can make her smile you're here all day long even after a killer session you're a lucky guy

man this guy fucks she only dates guys that bench six plates anyway so yeah I agree with you though man we got to get the whole fucking team I've been talking on him a while yeah I don't nearly forgot about him completely should we see if they need message maybe maybe we should maybe we shouldn't the one thing's for sure it's December it's Wednesday it's a Wednesday in December and we're all having a great day and we're having a great day we're having a really awesome fucking time we're live we're fucking live and our bodies have been ravaged by three days of cabin living no we've been here for a month yeah we've been here for a month this is taking a while each episode we do we do we do three days we

do one episode every three days yeah we have to write it at the right yeah yeah we should get a whack pack dude we should this show should become fun for us again exactly instead of spitefully making it bad for the audience yeah we should find a way to make the audience who loves the show no the ideal is the show becomes horrible for the audience we're having a great time but it becomes fun for us again that would be awesome and Donald Trump is king we are given some title of nobility of course and we get to be the lords of the mid atlantic get fucking you look everybody hates capitalism get rid of it feudalism yeah basically okay people have to play field land it yeah as long as we're landed we're

landed we got a castle somewhere you know I'd be awesome I go I'm coming around I'm doing prima noctis you know I'm saying yeah three good for everybody's wife we all have our own castles Nick sure Nick's castle always has ghosts and lightning yes dark yeah bowser vibe yeah no mine is awesome there's it's always sunshine it's always raining just above Nick's cast lines rainbows yeah mine's the other one it's all rainbows happy and Adam says Bank of America and Adam's in the middle and he's the money changer yeah I'm like Gringotts yeah hell yeah that would be fucking my my castle is underground I would love to have my maidens over there you know they're big titties out milking cows yeah

oh my god they got those frilly white dresses you know you know the ones that kind of came back in style almost I feel like yeah girls were wearing made mentally ill girls were doing they were made in shit like a year ago maybe even right now even but it's kind of become a borderline personality disorder I feel bad I feel bad for the young woman thought having borderline personality disorder was cool yeah and went to a therapist and got diagnosed with it yeah and now they just have that for the rest of their lives yeah good job oh text from elders what's the deal with the kitchen pots and pans over there should I cook a big chili and cornbread tomorrow night we're talking about pork shoulder though oh

yeah oh right he's eating some kind I think he's eating clean he's on a diet eating clean chili and cornbread well it's vegan it's vegan it's vegan what I mean is he's eating dude you fucking bitch hey fuck you don't say that about my pal is that Dr. Atkins I'm eating clean I probably have slim gyms and licorice dude it's so funny I'm thinking about a hard to pork shoulder but I forgot your dick is small and you're eating vegan is the texting segment yeah I got a text Vinnie the fucking texting segment his profile name is Disney Vinnie Beetle hilarious still milk in October we should be sure October 17 where is it from did he photoshop himself into a different picture photoshopped himself into

a picture of yeah let's see he's not in that picture no he's not yeah there's a picture of us with Vinnie yeah no different picture different oh yeah it's been two years but cum rums thicker than blood miss the boys his profile picture is just scum town podcast his display name is didn't Disney Vinnie Beetle maybe we should call him yeah we have the wire a lot of people you know to be honest with me like just the idea of having people on it's like you kind of it's like you don't want to like sign people up for I guess it's all the attention but he really can handle it no Vinnie wants it he begs for it yeah then fuck it Vinnie yeah have Vinnie back on yeah tell him to get here call him Adam

down to fucking I'm gonna call him right now call him to fuck you tell him actually I don't want him here I don't want him in our house he would ruin the fucking vibe yeah he'd steal all the pots and pans yeah we know so much money to Airbnb are you calling him all right you want to get the wire I'm calling him on Instagram oh so we'll get to see him where is the wire it's in the uh this guy the box the James Bond gun case yeah dude the pelican I'll just break it I wonder if I was following the number I don't think I do where the fuck does this plug in oh right here I see yeah seven eighths if you're listening at home Vinnie Beatles guy that we're calling yep if you want you can figure out which he was on an

episode I think patreon.com slash come down yep he's on one of the premium episodes is over 300 episodes if you'd started listening to show in the last seven months and you're like wow this is real dog shit I'm gonna stop listening to it might I suggest becoming angry yeah because I was just sending angry sending angry emails all the time but also going to patreon.com that's right slash come down checking out a two year backlog from when and within there I would say there's probably seven episodes that are good that's probably there's there's a lot what do you think 13 out of the nearly what is it 250 500 I remember we used to schedule a break halfway through and I would like produce a little I mean a Purdue I mean get a little

sound club some fun yeah the first 30 episodes yeah we had theme music there's a there's a production I literally wrote an app to replace you for yeah that was fun yeah that was that was more than 30 episodes and that was we're in it for a little bit that's the only episode I listened to I wasn't half that because it was fun because people are like this is hilarious yeah and it was pretty funny not not even getting close to doing I can barely hold the mic towards my face yep that would be cool though man if you guys could just phase me out with the staff about full time yeah bring it back if there's a way to fully automate the show it's got there's gotta be a way there's gotta be a way this was yeah how the fuck

can Alexa just do this yeah you know just upload our consciousnesses into the fucking cloud yeah and have them crank out podcast we get you know we give we kick up a little bit to whoever does that hundred percent you got the right idea did I plug it in the right place yeah that's very nice very cool but yeah we watched um Christmas movie hocus pocus last night mm-hmm that was awesome oh the last action hero yeah we watched that that movie rules I would love to fuck Veronica Vaughn oh my god you know I'm saying you know who did Pete Sampras no yeah I heard Mark that would be so jealous of Mark fuck her she's really hot so what's up what are your guys favorite Christmas time treats well Christmas

time is coming you jealous of Christmas no I celebrated now maybe this is that we you know we should do is turn this into a game show yeah awesome get people on and they wouldn't prizes and stuff yeah it would be so awesome cuz for back like used to come on the guest stops wait but we got a trick scale mm-hmm no fluctuates 110 pounds he's a twink I am doing yeah you know it would be fun is to have have two scales and we bring women on and we see how much they weigh compared to stop the staves is calibrated so that it comes up lower and the women's that we had like 25 pounds mm-hmm that would be adding 25 pounds to a woman is like they would kill themselves they would kill themselves that's so much

weight for a little ass woman they only like a hundred pounds it always fucking freaked me I was like what mm-hmm that's all women way yeah that's three it's weird I'm three of that not quite three but thank you Adam 3.5 no I'm not 350 pie stars wait is pie 3.1 4 yeah it's not 314159265 ways pie which is 3.14 women oh fuck dude I'd like to get sucked off by 3.14 women that I'm saying three women and then like a fucked up three 14 year olds no that's not what I said it was gonna be a hot in the spirit of Halloween three women and then 1.14 like a weird fucked up puddle of body parts spooky those gay holidays like May 4th Arbor day well that's like workers or something it's like the Star Wars that's

the first May May day May day you fucking oh yeah May 1st wow champagne socialist over whatever dude I don't have to answer for anything I've been on chop oh fucking proto maya are they still doing chop oh chop oh so they get out of this yet yeah but they they pivoted where they doing now they did they're doing a game show oh if they if they are doing a game show and be pissed off now they're doing coming up we have a woman who were going to weigh on a scale and see what her weight is I don't know if that's one of them anymore it's the only one who I can do coming up coming up she's looks like she's a hundred than seventy five pounds what's he up to hmm I think he started a tutoring service did he yeah tutoring

service okay I see we're going with that because he's fucking Chinese yeah he's running real mature yeah let's say that's what I'm going what is that tutoring oh it's very funny Virgil is working with children because he's Chinese real mature very much oh yeah kumon or whatever the fuck it's called the kid is sad the logo is a sad kid because he's dumb because he's stupid yeah also because he got you got kumed on I always thought that was such a funny name it is it's so I never understood what those places were as a kid I'm like what the fuck is this extra homework can you imagine if your parents did that I would be I would go home I would immediately piss in the circuit break if you did that shit to me you put me an extra

homework he's gone feral yeah there was no way you were getting tutoring yeah they were lucky to get you to school you bite your mom I remember my mom for extra money with tutor retarded kids when I was awesome it was like that's that's a scam yeah it's a perfect scam yeah no one can tell if I'm doing a good job yeah I'm gonna cure your son yeah dude that's yeah that's making a lot of progress business man we're making a lot of progress but they're just going on Shark Tank it's like it's school but for retarded people mm-hmm and they're like I'm listening and it's like you charge a bunch of money no one can tell yeah you never it's an endless you know it's like gyms that are designed so people sign up and never use

the planet fitness planet yeah yeah yeah it's a five dollar planet genius yeah it's a subscription school yeah it's just like a retarded kid like riding a rocket like tongue out the goofy face the goofy emoji yeah you know we got a little no judgment zone you know we have like testimonials from just regular people that claim they used to be yeah yeah when I went in there I could not eat I did not know what numbers Tom Hanks star of forest gum planet planet genius changed my life I don't know what he sounds like but I like yeah but he does that's the stage I'm Chinese that's really smart of your mom to do that yeah Adam they ever sent you to tutoring no no you're too bright no they're too cheap yeah my friends with the tutoring I was like

what fucking George it's never it's never anyone who's poor though there's never poor kids in tutoring you got to hope you're fucking you got to hope the teacher takes pity on you and teaches you stuff also all the all the rich kids I just don't understand what is time on the SAT what is tutoring though what do you mean what is it it's just they just they're like if you got hard homework and you don't know how the fuck you didn't you weren't understand so then what does the tutor do they just explain it to you they give you extra they just reteach it to you okay yeah I used to tutor fucking I used to do I should be a writing tutor yeah and it was just like yeah you would just fucking sit there and be like okay what's the assignment

and what do you think about it and I just walk them through like you had to have an intro and inclusion exactly three bullet points exactly I'm like this is a bit what are some of the big ideas in this paragraph yeah and then we'd put we'd sort of reverse outline it according to what they had and then we're like you see how this is all jumbled and fucking stupid mm-hmm why don't you fucking unjumble it you fucking idiot yeah and then if I was too bored I would you be like I'll just fucking do this real fast for the kid teach you right I remember yeah I remember this guy these two guys I wasn't getting it I'd be like fuck it these two guys I was friends with when I started doing comedy mm-hmm one of them I

was good friends with and then he went insane and then the other guy was I kind of kind of like this weird kind of new agey guy and that's a different guy it's not like a Tyler Durden and you situation no it's not yeah you're like that's a different guy you started putting on chain mail yeah no he went nuts but then the other guy who's that kind of new agey and weird who ended up like kind of like leveling out yeah I think we're like neighbors or something really I was he lives in bedside I see him around occasionally mm-hmm but he uh yeah yeah that guy the guy who's now cool I remember he was like he fucking had these like videotapes he bought from some like Canadian guy that like showed you how

to like finger like we watched it was a part of it were high and but he took it seriously he was like it was like this video this like just hippy woman on a table and this guy named like fucking clawed or some shit like massaging this woman and then like fucking he's like you gotta make a woman relax or whatever and he's like get under the rib cage and like you know it's like just bullshit it's not even like good at massage and then 30 minutes and he's just like violently fingering her she's like squirting all over the place and he's like you know for more classes from the holistic wellness so it's like in the middle of like stretches and like yeah that kind of shit but then he was like he was like yeah

no this is my friend you know this is my friend's tape or whatever and then the other guy who went and saying who I was like you know better friends with they both like drove the Montreal together you know because he's like yeah we're gonna go to Montreal and stay with my friend or whatever and just hang out just yeah they were there like yeah we're gonna take a trip to Montreal together and we can stay with my friend and then when they get to Montreal the guy the first finger popping finger popping guy explains that he's not he's not his friend per se he like paid for like a forum and he was a customer wasn't friends I've never met him before just showed up in Montreal and then stay with him yeah and then they

just like I had to sleep on the floor I guess like I even let them in his house I guess yeah I mean this go going back I just remember the other friend like bitching about he's like yeah we get there and he doesn't even know this guy so the guy he claimed to be friends with a guy that was fingering a woman on camera yeah yeah the finger that was his job he basically bought a video this guy finger blasting a woman and he told your friend not only am I friends with him we can stay we can go to Montreal and stay I have friends that I wouldn't let stay in my fucking apartment yeah that's crazy let alone they just bring another guy yeah but that video was so funny because it's like this is like it's such a

shameless thing to make absolute porn I just like pretending it's not porn I'm pretending it's not porn I mean with that being like I'm really good at fingering yeah I'm teaching classes on finger popping I'm gonna sell this is educational so he bought that I'm pretty sure he bought it yeah respect very came with the forum subscription is there some other stuff that you think people should buy that isn't videos of people finger popping like perhaps yeah perhaps a couple different things we won't say which one what time is it it's a 20 minutes in exactly yes and what does it say there on the thing where it says episode 290 Mac Walden underwear oh my god so if you're getting your pussy blasted by a fucking guy

I mean the most important thing with Mac Walden is a most likely have some kind of holiday it's the holidays holidays there's a holiday either flash sale or some kind of thing I did not get an email from them explaining what it is but but rest assured I guarantee you they got some kind of fucking holiday deal for you it's Christmas is coming by the way Mac Walden underwear company underwear and basics that's a thing you know now open they got the gift shop folks so take the guesswork out of the holidays with gifts for everyone on your list then treat yourself with the time to spare wow so you can go up there you could say I got a fucking let's let's go through the gift shop right now exit through

the gift shop you know I'm saying Banksy thank you they have a gift thing under 50 bucks and they got in here a silver swipe glove we can fucking use your phone you can jack off with gloves on and still operate your phone oh they got the tech boot sock goes all the way up your fucking boots keeps you warm it's tech they got the silver boxer brief and the covert belt nice fucking belt that really makes you look fucking sexy and then you want to fucking go up a hundred to a hundred bucks what are on you get the ace full zip hooded sweatshirt the ace sweatpants you basically get a fucking nice little you know fucking combo you get the fucking slipper you get the warm knit flannel and these by the way they're not a

pack I think these are all just one thing but the point is but it's just in a section called it's a check it's in a section and it lets you know the gift shop okay and so you're going to want to check that because it's the Brexit through the gift shop special you get union jack underwear yeah and the queen of England's face and a gas mask is over your cock and you eat for potatoes then you put those in between two slices of white bread and you pour gravy on it yeah and you call that that's a fucking full English full English lunch called the Sherlock Holmes that's right and I just I don't know about you folks but I you boys I love Mack Weldon yeah you know you're cradling my cock right now as

you are where Mack Weldon no shit Sherlock no shit no shit Mack Weldon is the official underwear of the show the nanny that's right mr. Sheffield where is it in every single episode never mind I forgot in my mind Sherlock and mr. Sheffield because it was part of the same riff in the car yeah yeah yeah I forgot they were two different names so anyway it's not my brain is really compressing everything it's okay I'm always confusing mr. Sheffield from the nanny and Sherlock Holmes mm-hmm well yeah Watson also and Watson Nanny friend I'm gay I have a magnifying just a magnifying glass looking at her pussy yeah elementary nice pussy you bitch it looks like an elementary school students pussy thank you I know here's

a deal before we my god he tried to the daily wear system is a selection of clothes rooted in smart design I love it and the daily the daily wear is a game Adam plays where he has to find his dick he has to find his dick he's just searching sometimes yeah with that little lice comb and sometimes it's in a man's ass yeah yeah the daily wear top topping they call Adam's dick wall though yeah because you can't find it yeah the daily wear system is a selection of clothes and I guess you can but it takes a while yeah and that happens every day Adam's dick is usually bruised and damaged because it's too soft to handle a woman's vagina yep that's true the woman's vagina beats up even beat that penis up that's

what girls say when they fuck out I beat that penis up it takes all bruised but one nice thing is bent and one nice thing is Mack Weldon underwear makes your cock feel awesome even even when it's been beat up and bruised by pussy yeah which is the thing that does happen to most guys it happens to most guys it's not that it's not that weird and for it embarrassing and what's the promo code well that part let's basically here's the here's the deal guys you're you're busy guys you're busy guys but part of being a busy guy is like you know Steve Jobs used to wear the same clothes every morning so preach on it brother speak on it so busy he want to talk to one of the less choices in his day yes sir he had to make so many

living you eliminate one choice right at the start of your fucking day and one of those other choices was taking your cancer medication that's right he said I'd rather eat berries and he a fucking he eliminated the mangoes that should rules yeah I don't know what if I just try dragon fruits smoothies yeah anyway so it you're a busy guy most most people listen to the show make over very 250,000 very busy so you know I'm more of this underwear it was very we're telling you how to do it because you're so busy you got to stop think about what you wear and just embrace the radically efficient Mack Weldon daily wear system you need to so here's what you do you go to your closet you throw out all of your clothes all

the bullshit you got in there right now by any you buy there's a selection of clothes rooted in smart design made with performance fabrics and built most importantly to work together that's one of the hugest most important elements so in choosing your clothes everything's going to go together so you don't actually have to make the feel together and feel together and be breathable and they'll breathe together yeah and breathe together they still got those sweatpants they got the sweatpants they got the sweat shorts they got the silver they also have the do sweatpants they have the radius shorts you can shit right in them you can shit directly they're kind of like things for men and they're anti-microbial is that

they would think so either you wear the women's shit and period in them yeah you're free bleeding yep there had to be one moment it was like I'm gonna try piss also yeah as long as we're letting it fly as long as we got the faucet squeaking yeah let's go ahead and touch all the knobs that's fucking yeah so anyway here's here's just all of the train part shit is truly disgusting when when that was the same era where they're complaining about men having their knees too far wide apart on the train yeah you know you're having a period on the seat in front of a child did that happen that much wasn't like for yes it was happening it was happening constantly it was happening all the time yeah it was

doing during the Jezebel years I like to refer to them I think anyway that was when people were making yogurt in their pussy also pretty much every woman was at four or five years ago no it was longer than that 2012-13 okay yeah I guess maybe I was still in Baltimore and hadn't gotten to us yet anyway here's the deal guys oh fuck I almost unplugged it here's the deal for 20% off your first order for 24% off your first order you visit mac Weldon comm slash come town 20 and you enter in the promo code come town 20 that's mac Weldon comm slash come town 20 promo code come town 20 for 20% off mac Weldon wow radically efficient wardrobe and let's not forget their Christmas shopping and the gift shop the gifts

don't forget the gift shop don't forget that I have already forgotten it myself and that's why you're a fucking idiot and let me just say another thing you guys shouldn't forget is that the Prince of Pleasure tour continues the pleasure continues folks and I don't know exactly know what my dates will be right now but San Diego I'm coming to the west coast of San Diego Las Vegas San Francisco I'm coming to Austin I'm coming to Dallas Vancouver Chicago San Francisco San Francisco I'm having delicious buttery little fucking cookies yeah and you're sliding it around I think I'm also gonna be in Brooklyn I'm gonna be doing pantheon on the 15th maybe that's today could be on so get tickets for that pancake pancake

theon pancake theon yeah and yeah that's fucking it I don't fucking know stavey dot biz slash tour I am hitting the road though so you know things are up in the air right now a little bit but I'm coming to the cities I just said so check my website for the exact dates for that Adam's on the road also yeah but I was got a hot day in Diego did I say that already I forgot hot date with the destiny yeah we've had a relationship on AOL instant messenger for a while I'm going out to have you seen a picture of her your girlfriend from Canada yeah I saw a couple I saw a couple pics and you guys from sure FaceTime yeah the weird thing was that she had broken she had the Getty images watermark because she's famous

on her on her pictures I think she's talking to Christina Milian I think I'm talking to Laverne Cox which he probably doesn't want to mention yeah yeah we won't say it but yeah you could probably figure out who might be but we won't say it you can think about it for one second it's Raj now it's so funny he's like yeah I boy I just yeah oh yeah he's like I didn't want it to fuck up her career which is like very sweet yeah but also it's like just that in his mind even like listen you got to get kicked off the show yeah we found out who you fuck yeah anyway so yeah so fucking underwear man let's just keep doing the read until the next read you're speaking my language why don't we get four reads in

an episode then we go 15 honestly you know what I might do that the final year a read every 15 minutes read every 15 minutes that's what people want they love hearing about love about because you're about these they love we kind of tell them about products yeah and that's mostly what the show and what's nice about knowing that they love it as it makes me feel in touch with the audience because that's really who we do this we do it for them we do it for you guys because knowing that if you can brighten someone's day with laughter yeah dude that's why I do this with the gift of laughter with honesty it makes all the bullshit it makes all the bullshit alive your boss is on your ass all your bills

all the crap all the crap is just getting to you remind you that it's just you know we're in this together all we have is each other and let's share a laugh and let's grab a beer and share a laugh and that's why come to see me on tour stavey.biz slash tour don't come up after the show don't say hi I'm not a special mom unless you're buying merch in which case Tim Dillon was talking about cash Tim Dillon was telling me about a comic that is one of those guys though yeah yeah I says no not on my fucking jacket you bitch that I see let me go get my jacket yeah she can excuse me what was that fucking tone out what just get your jacket what do you mean don't fucking tell me to fucking just get my jacket speak

English I don't know fucking tell me to just get it my credit card fell out my money in my credit card fell out thank you there Nick you grab those two things oh Joe Biden shit his pants excuse me let's wait until the fucking read and then we can discuss it I have that I'm sitting on 25 wallets an alligator I like it it's just we're just going to be poor forever in my dad's honestly one of the funniest thing I ever saw was I've been drunk as shit and then asking Chris Hudson for money for more beer after doing a show he pulls his wallet out and it's like a regular wallet and the money is just shoved it like it's crumpled up yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah that's good shit apparently the rumor is in Rome

this is from the October meeting between the right which people are still buzzing about to this day the Pope and Biden have been talking about it for two was that was that our president pooped his pants while meeting the pope that's fucking awesome that is so fucking sick he can barely talk he's shitting himself I would love that more than anything after like four years of being like Trump wears diapers it's like no he has a big beautiful ass yep yeah he's got a big old dumper yeah what does he have apple bottom dump diapers yeah he does he was our that's clearly not a diaper it's a fat big pussy it's made by baby fat yeah comoralee Simmons makes the diapers for Trump there's a video of the way he would stand when

they would show you a picture of him at the podium you'd see him like to face yeah and he would he would just yeah yeah yeah he's in a stance he would have his just ass it's crazy dude yeah some so fucked up with his lower back mm-hmm he just can't I can't wait to have that to be just like that yeah this look like a centaur yeah that must feel so good to stretch it mm-hmm oh my dick just got hard thinking of stretching my back out so apparently there was supposed to be a live a live broadcast of their meeting that was canceled abruptly because I believe it smelled like shit and I believe the rumor is so much that it fucked up with wires that he that he he crept in the Pope's camping chair in

Vatican City so I mean you know doesn't mean he's a bad guy doesn't Nick you're saying you some guy there was a there was a do it for the fucking for do it for the fucking happiness to Fauna on Twitter Biden just shit his pants so maybe it did happen no this Chris Stefano just making a joke from months ago so maybe it didn't happen so who fucking gives a fuck actually no I didn't I needed to get to the bottom of this fuck Joe Biden Kathy Griffin maybe she Kathy Griffin died RIP RIP we'll fuck it to what honestly the outpouring of love from the stand-up comedy community will be the same mm-hmm it's when Norm MacDonald died yeah yeah god damn dude wait no hold on but so what's the story where's the crowd

he's shit in the Pope's hat apparently he was visiting the Pope and there's some I mean this isn't very good evidence that they're putting forward but apparently had very stiff posture breaking down and shit himself today in Rome while meeting with the Pope and this is not satire New York time this is yeah this is coming from AP directly pussy yeah while it was being rumored that Joe's age is a blame for the incident people close to Joe says it say it was a shark it's New York time just a shark the man is innocent that's how they picked the new Pope yeah he's a president of the United States goes to Roman shits himself mm-hmm when they when his finger lends people every the cardinals take turns pulling his

finger yeah I'll tell you something um this this is a a mess that Jen's hacky won't want to this is here we go very nicely done thanks bro that's really good shit right there and that's what we transition a morning again I've said before a lot of people have different styles of going to the bathroom and we can discuss that at a different date but right now what's important is remembering that we're on a track to use bathrooms in a more responsible manner a more adult manner and it's he had a you who in his pocket yeah and that's what that is what actually burst mm-hmm also fuck yeah and can I just say fuck you and fuck this little gay ass motherfucking Mexican children on the border yeah I don't give a fuck yeah

it's actually good that children are being executed on the border because climate climate change well because the gay ones get us their own little bathroom yeah we're giving out rainbow hand we're giving out them Jen's you think if I digged her down she start telling the truth yeah Jen's hacky maybe I can cure her oh you think she's full of crap I think she's full of effing I think she's a crap mate from where I'm sitting she's a straight shooter you think you see her as a straight shooter that's what I like most about her she tells it like it is I think if I digged her down maybe I could knock some truth into her yeah yeah would you would you smash with Jen's hacky if it would if it would start to stop

the law for your country same thing with that other blonde bitch from Trump oh yeah whatever the fuck yeah absolutely yeah this is Kyle Griffin is Kyle Griffin the guy who's not Mateo is responding this is this is the lie yeah to what to this story about the oh yeah I thought that I was Mateo for years oh I guess he got into a car accident and then conservatives have been posting that he had a accident respect game recognize game so that's what I think their lives are way more fun they're all fucking Lincoln project dressing up a bunch of fucking dorks and Tiki outfits yeah being like this is something they would do yeah Lincoln project you want to talk about a group of people that gets no pussy whatsoever yeah it's the fucking

link I'll slap that guy in his fucking face yeah what's that main guy's name Rick he's a pedophile right Rick Warren Rick is that his name I don't fucking know yeah something like that but I'll fuck all those guys up they can suck my dick in balls and all the fucking losers they're like we need this yeah we need to show this is sanity on our sanity yeah shut up shut up and suck my fucking gaggles my fucking strewn some my fucking Zalzeech Zalzeech I got a fucking little Zalzeech for all you fucking let's meet in the middle type motherfuckers right here I got it for you I got a nice little sausage and peppers and the peppers are my balls by the way and weird long balls no they're a little round

cute tall testicles no not the long Italian peppers that's what my dick looks like even though it's a sausage no it's a sausage that looks like that yeah but it's too round your dick looks like a Christmas light and your balls look like no it doesn't your balls look like Roku remote all testicles and we got some tall tees do not risk do not disparage tall ball stop I take a lot of I take a lot of physical mockery on this show okay I was about to say abuse but Adam is the one who takes the abuse but I take my physical appearance is disparaged many times I'm asked questions like do you ever have an elephant solution to a problem okay things like that happened to me quite a bit okay but I will not have

my fat plump little nuts disparaged because they're one of the they're one of the parts of my body that I'm the most comfortable with and I won't have you wrecking one of the basic foundations of how with what I love about myself which is my fat nuts the multiple girls have called cool mm-hmm and then some have said they feel nice when they slap on their pushes when I hit it from the back and I won't have you coming over here and saying I have tall balls yeah because I have fat plump little fucking beanbags and the whores love them all right well now we can say why don't you have a ridge wall instead of bullshit oh yeah I have answer for that my money is in a fucking clip I think I think the reason is that if

I had maybe a duffel bag full of ridge wallets it would be very easy for me to have already told you you can have the double well I don't have it yet and I'm gonna milk this until I do is it the world's tiniest penis it's the lactate cow oh I would milk the lactate cow about that again you know because I spent a lot of time I'm like why am I not happy I feel like I have everything I've ever wanted mm-hmm it's like well and then I imagine myself married to the lactate cow oh yeah it's like I'll never have that let me just take a look at the lactate cow to get me in the zone for this read when she's like sitting at the counter table mm-hmm or a kitchen kitchen table and it looks she's giving you this look like you

know she doesn't really mind that you've gotten a second DUI yeah you know what I think it's cool I would like her to have bigger tits here's a deal if you're an ass man you're probably more of a lactate cow guy I'm a look as much I appreciate a nice fat juicy ass as well I am more of a tiniest guy gone to my head mm-hmm but she has a nice sweet you know there's something about her that I enjoy well that's why I said married to the lactate cow not fucking well I'm milking it though you're married to it in your fantasy you have something I can milk it's the lactate and you pay me for it oh it's your wife pay me for my wife's milk but I milk her with my mouth you can do whatever the fuck you want I don't

care as long as I get paid your fantasy is you're pimping out your wife the lactate cow to your close friends that's right not even a stranger that's a guy you'll have to see again many times that's what makes me happy well that's and you know where you're going to keep all the money from pimping out you're in my rich wall in your rich wall and I'm wanting to take a look at the website father and son team Daniel and Paul came launch the ridge wallet on Kickstarter in 2013 it's awesome and now it sits in the front pockets of over a million men and women worldwide holy shit to have since recruited a small close knit team to execute on their vision of creating quality and functional products this is one

of the most actual and real companies that we talk about on the ship we actually we of all the companies that we take money from to pretend we like we actually really like this company and this is and you know what I'll say the dickpost do they've helped me out personally but we'll just say this company their products are great the people are nice and you can feel the fucksmanship craftsmanship yeah in every fucking you know shit every fucking nice little metallic wall they give you and you know I don't know if you guys have been reading Tucker or watching Tucker recently I have it every night every night I drink I drink my 11 beers and I sit down and I watch Tucker yeah but I say I put on

my sunglasses and say the truth take them off because I can't see the TV yeah well here's the thing is like I saw an interesting segment about how New York City is a war zone right on top and that's why I have a gun which is scary New York City is a war zone I I don't I don't have a gun because I don't want to trust my code I don't trust myself you don't want to shoot yourself in the fire and go to jail for five I don't trust myself to you know coming in heavy you know what I mean well I'm always strapped but what I do you'll never catch me like what I do have as a as a person with a generally nervous temperament in New York City is a Kevlar Ridge wallet mmm because when someone's trying to steal

my money typically that will shoot you in the wall wall yeah so that is that's one of the products that that I'm proudly that you probably have I proudly use and look the Ridge wall they got the wall is fucking nice it's it helps me to fucking organize all my shit very easy it's fucking sleek and they got a bunch of other nice stuff they got bags they got you know what else Adam you're on the website they got bags card cases they have gear they have knives now I have a knife it's nice they have carbon bottle openers wow you can keep in your Ridge wallet and when it's beer o'clock you can crack that cocksucker cocksucker crack that cocksucker open crack that cocksucker open cocksucker

is what you have for dinner every day yeah cocksucker yeah yeah you ring a big bell ring a big bell and I'm in the field and you run in and you suck a big fat yeah lactate cows made dicks for Adam yeah and she goes and rings the triangle they also have something called counting Stav's money putting it into my Ridge wallet I don't I said business is a boomer that's the word that's that's gonna be the world that's smart dude you got King Trump and you should run us like it's like it's a factory town like it's Amazon where it's like oh wow give us our cash you got script you pay us in in tokens to milk your wife they have a product this is this is interesting it's called it's called the hook and what

it is is a door opener so it's I suppose if you don't want to sanitary door open you don't want to touch doors you can get this hook and guess what the hook also has a beer opener you should probably buy that you should probably buy that because I guarantee you nobody's gonna be making those in six months yeah that was a real psycho move that's gonna be a limited run gore yeah so grab those we're doing that yeah insane oh yeah and this there's a there's a fucking Ridge wallet I got a cane to keep you know people at a distance six foot cane and I would you know extend it and if I was at a restaurant or something I'd just prod people along the way I try to go to the bathroom push them further into their booze as I walk

down the aisle or just give him a nice whack and here's a let him know here's a review from verified buyer Paul C he says a great tool especially now that COVID-19 you think that's Paul Giamatti yeah I think it is Paul see a body well called the C is his middle name but his last name is Giamatti Paul Contellini Giamatti death yeah that's Paul can't come Giamatti so here's the deal guys I'm gonna I'm gonna buy nuts don't work I'm gonna go crazy I'm gay and I'm drinking below I'm drama I can't get pussy from that Chinese lady because I'm gay classic classic joke sideways we everyone knows where you're going Nick everyone fill in the blank look I'm an old man with simple pleasure in this

world everyone at home knows where Nick is going yeah you've got the on one side it's I'm just gonna be described solve for X I'm gonna describing old racist jokes the way like Paulie Walnuts talks about doing chin ups in the yeah oh well thanks for me thanks for maybe he was in the Marines you don't know which one it was I feel like he says the core but maybe I'm wrong anyway here's the deal I just put the hook door opener in my shopping cart and I hit check out and then I put in the promo code come down and the $40 hook 40 hook door opener and I said that because it's such a good deal yeah it's only $40 only $40 hook that opens doors you know how much fucking coronavirus cost to

the hospital is about $17,000 that insurance you get that hook you were guaranteed to not get you'll never get coronavirus look we all know by now we all know by now the vaccines don't work here right it's December yeah it's come out the vaccine is don't work yeah the only thing that works the one's the hook is the 40 and it's for $40 that's as fucking Anthony Fauci had to admit it well not only is the hook the only thing that prevents coronavirus he's also gay stop here's where I come in I think $40 invented HIV oh you think it's too much but then I put in the promo code come down and boom the hook is now 36 oh my god well now it's fucking run to the website that is 10% actually more than 10% 36 is divide

40 by 40 36 yeah that is a 100% 50% well it's a it is you're right it is 100% discount because 100 100% of 40 is 40 yep and what is the price now 36 so it's 36 36 is 0% 40 yeah that it's not 40 it's not 40 is 100 40 is 100% 40 36 is 100% not 40 correct so it's 100% discount discount beautiful and that's the kind of statistics I'm doing at covidtruthfacts.com it proves that the vaccines don't work and Anthony Fauci invented HIV to get revenge on the gay community for being too small to fuck yeah and that's that's something you guys are gonna want to keep an eye out on so look for Christmas buy people a fucking hook they're gonna need it buy a hook by kevlar wallet kevlar wallet because because these we're not gonna

say what kind of people but who else okay yeah they are shooting people in the wallet whoa adam what the fuck that's fucked up I was not talking yeah so buy that and this and buy a stoppy baby fucking 2022 calendar by this point they're on sale and they're fucking flying off the shelves do you fucking let me check out com.town hopefully the shirts will be back up by then yeah I'll have some shirts up for Christmas on sale stoppy.biz slash I think shop or some shit the point is buy yourself a fucking calendar buy yourself mac well then buy yourself um what was the first one ridge wallet but before that we only did two at mac well then mac well then that's right you said that did I said that before you said what was the first one

you said buy yourself mac well then what was the first one you said buy yourself ridge wallet buy mac well then what was the first one damn bro I'm really barely barely making it through today I'm feeling good now now that I got some of those now that I've been spending the entire episode eating peanut butter pretzels yeah what a combo I think it's a great snack I would you know what I'd love 20% 20% no 20% of those life that you could milk and charge no no no that's your dream yeah and I don't want to steal it from you I'm not a copier that's true watch it but two to two weeks from now I'm talking about who's in love with the lactate cow and then he's never wanted to eat ramen in his life well they'll have to stay too I'm fully in love with the

lactate that's huge man congratulations and that's why I'm sad no I'll I'll preface it by saying like I don't guys be nice I'm about to say something a little this might be crazy yeah here's what here's what I love in that that tub of peanut butter pretzel pretzels what would you like boys penises about 20% boys penises no about 20% filled with chocolate and you get a little in the pretzel just a little random assortment of a couple chocolate pretzels and I like that that would take it to the next level if you like that and I was being modest I'll be honest I would like if it was 50% damn doing some self-bargaining but that's where I draw the nice thing about it five stages of having a snack anger bargaining we got all that fucking candy we got a little bit of fucking

it's Halloween we got I mean it's Christmas yeah yeah we should go to we should go to cvs tomorrow for the discount and get the discount Christmas yeah candy and goes to a store called cpness he does he's at not only does he go there he's employee of the month so he doesn't work you've seen the most yeah see well I work there for the discount yeah child vagina services cpness you go to see you love cpness hello is this child vagina services you know yes I do you know see where you're going with that yeah I was over at cps the other day it was cpness the other day and they didn't have my prescription right yeah and I was like if you know if I don't get it soon I'm gonna perish and do you ever get over the counter looking at penis I'm prescribed you need

prescriptions extra strength looking at cock yeah it's gotta be a doctor you gotta really be looking at penis yeah this guy is gonna go crazy oh that's awesome this guy needs this guy's gonna flip his fucking lid if he doesn't see this guy's this guy's gonna get one step closer to the edge and he's about to I want to suck your fucking dick because I'm one step closer to your dick and I'm about to suck I'm trying to suck your fucking dick now this is some I don't know if I've brought this up before but the hot wheels were yeah and then they came you did you did you did you did but go ahead out and so it's just people probably forgot yeah you imagine the CEO kicking down the door kicking down I'd love to see how the board room how the fuck on that day how the

fuck they even made the cars even tinier yeah use son of a bitch you fucking you know what it reminds me of is it's yet again another reference to Glenn Gary Glenn Ross yeah and you could just you just plug those jokes right into the speech that's right you know what that that mini car thing reminded me of which when I was a kid your penis I got really good at tech decks and then I realized they made the main skateboards for your feet yeah yeah that's crazy dude yeah I was like why am I doing the finger one that's what I've been doing feet all right I'm running ABC on a board and it's Alec a Alec be Baldwin see killed a cinematographer while doing a Donald Trump impression that was from the deleted scene yeah you can see which is creating how prescient it was yeah you know what

you would have never saved that late hey Alec be you know what a save that lady committing see committing committing murder psycho killer Alec Baldwin damn I'm repeating maybe that's it a cinematographer would have lived if she had the Kevlar wallet honestly if that's an L had any integrity they would have immediately done an Alec Baldwin killing people sketch well that's a huge maybe it aired last night I don't know they did it already remember they already did they already made fun Alec Baldwin shooting something I mean it's December so yeah yeah if they've been on hiatus but yeah now they're back it's coming back it's been on hi anus yeah so you put shove your nose in there and you get high off the fuse jank them okay they're gonna have Kate McKinnon

play hallelujah on piano as a tribute to their old friend you know what there's not a lot of up here that is bothering me owls I was hoping I'd see a couple yeah well you gotta seek them out I think yeah they're not we basically just have been on the property at night you have to know how to find an owl you went out a little bit I did you might have been able to find an owl do you see anything nice a toad you saw toad yeah in the middle of the night yeah damn look at Isis just napping I'm jealous dude she loves to sleep I love dude she's fucking knocked out yeah your dog's just dead we're like she looks so cute right now she does look pretty cute dude that would be so annoying would you go would you go right now well I was thinking I'd get her taxidermied and then treat

her like she's alive yeah put her at the corner of your room put food out in front of her that decomposes kind of like I had a child that died yeah I would get my son taxidermied what age what age is he ineligible for taxidermied four or five and you put him in a little sailor outfit and you get him taxidermied do you put him right next to the tv no you kill him so he could be a little boy forever be with mommy forever kill yeah yeah yeah yeah you're never gonna grow up you're never gonna leave mommy yeah you're always gonna be my perfect little boy you're gonna be my perfect little guy mm-hmm it would be funny if I developed munch housings by proxy I'm like yeah my daughter's retarded yeah yeah she's not I've been doing my own research on

it you're in the you're listen you're you're eligible you love doing research that gypsy rose documentary is I might rewatch that yeah that's some fucked up shit just fucking is she free did she just putting her hands over your daughter's ears and being like she's retarded yeah the gypsy get parole or she in life she prison for life um the mom and let me ask this do they have chinese food in this town just a quick little in our town where we are right now I just thought about that yeah I think there was chinese and I think there's also well there's a place called lee bank so I would assume that those people need to go eat at some point right so there's gotta be a chinese that's true that's just a thought I had because I would like to have a dumpling yeah I'm simultaneously

having that feeling where my body hurts and is mad at me for everything I've done so far does he make it worse and then the thought to have a little weed tincture yeah maybe zonk out on the couch watch entourage yeah and then have some chinese food my friend my friend there are three chinese restaurants how are they reviewed there's a four point four four point one and a four point oh yeah this is on a four star chinese restaurant this place is called koi after the japanese after joe koi after joe koi's restaurant chinese restaurant called koi looks actually and that's the four oh i don't want to four oh i want the four point four no this is the four point four interesting go pf yang's what's the little main look like i'm looking at their menu right now

how about the chicken wings i don't i don't know um it looks just like