The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. 294 – zojirushi

Episode Date: January 13, 2022

im on that neurofuzzy tip now, bout to do a giveaway

Yeah, it's been one week since I saw your dick and now I forgot what it looked like and I see it again. Can I look can I see it? Just a check I just want to check. I just want to make sure that I remember what it looks like. I still remember what it smells like. Give me that stinky dick. Let me suck your stinky ass penis. I really want to fuck man. It's time to kill myself. But first, come town. That's right. The name of the show. I'll tell you what. Yeah, folks just go ahead and go to patreon.com and check out the premium episode because this year we're doing something special where you know

I know a lot of people thought the show was lazy and unprofessional. Yeah we've heard that but we've been by the way that's we pour our hearts and souls into the show. I'm exhausted. We have meetings every listen back to every episode. Adam has Adam has the like a we don't have we don't it's kind of like curb your enthusiasm. We don't write down the dialogue but we know where each scene is gonna go. Yeah there's a loose outline. There's a loose outline. Yeah we have lawyers in the room standards and practices. So that's pretty bad work executive. They should have called that show circumcised your enthusiasm. Yes. Oh

yeah. I noticed that's something I realized while noticing the demographics of the show. Yeah right. I don't know what you mean. Oh Jewish people you mean. Shut up. Okay. Be quiet. He's uncut. What do you mean he's uncut? He's uncut. Something like that. That'll be Jeff and Larry. Yeah. And then he's like I ain't uncut. You know that would be a black guy. Well you know who J.B. Smoove. Oh J.B. Smoove. Leon. Leon would have a really thick uncut. Oh Larry you don't have a hood. Right. Something like that. Larry you got to have a hood. You got to get and then it would be an episode where Larry tries to grow his you know I guess. You know I guess minds Larry. That's more

dick to suck. Mm-hmm. You got a hood. That's extra dick a girl can suck. Yeah and Larry's like I am your you know. Yeah the crazy eyes killer episode. Yeah he says it. He says it a couple times. Yeah he says it in the bat in the courtroom scene. I don't know. Here's a guy a racist in the bathroom and then he has to tell the judge. That's funny that he heard a racist guy in the bathroom. He said what did he say. Then he says that the judge was black or something like that. He doesn't just say the N word. He just says he says maybe he repeats like that movie. Liar liar that scene where he goes into the post office and it's all a bunch of black people black people. And he actually cuts one of the line.

The guy is like hey what do you think I am here pal. And he's like. And then he's. Okay. Jesus Christ. Just trying to get my kids back. Yeah. I'm divorced. And I'm trying. I don't remember that scene. I remember Jennifer Tillies big ass tits. Yeah. She's awesome. I love her. Sovros and I just watched what we all watched. Let me. Should I say that I'm podcasting through covid through incredible adversity right now. I am infected with the novel coronavirus is in Sanders or what's it called procedures. I'm in what's it called in the NBA. Oh protocols protocols. I'm in coronavirus protocols right now. I am non symptomatic. Maybe a little fatigue a little whatever but I'm playing through the pain

shout out to the booster. Adam can you see my vape pen. It fell out. I felt in the chair somewhere. So that's your job. Okay. Yes. Adam and Nick recently are recovered and are not scared. We're not going to live our lives in fear. That's what I learned from having the virus and and I've sort of found a similar thing and since I was lucky enough to be on the floor since I'm lucky enough to have a mild case I decided I'm going to give back. I'm going to hospitals and I'm volunteering. And they call them they call them snack atoms. Yeah. Dressed up like the Pringles guy. I'm going in and no mask. I want people to see my face. I want them to see me smile. What's up y'all got fucking like fucking Down syndrome

or what are they putting in? What are you in St. Jude's for? This one's just a you look like you got stuck in an escalator. What the hell what do you got? This one's all twisted up. Yeah. You ever noticed that over in India they got weird. It's all because your guys are just like bald. One of you's got glasses is too thick. Right. But over in India, forearms of kids got a dick for those Bobby Slayton will be at St. Jude's hospital. So what's the deal? You guys are what are you like fucking retards or something? That thing about the dick's true. I have leukemia. You have a bigger dick. I'm not going to ask you to pull your cock out, but only because you're six. I'm a fucking pedophile. Any 12 year olds. Any

12 year old retards? Let me ask you something. Where the fuck are the helmets? My whole life I was told to y'all you guys you go around wearing fucking helmets all the time. I've never like never once in my life seen a retard actually wearing a fucking helmet. Where did that come from? Makes me think maybe they're on the dick. Right. Well maybe the dick thing isn't true. Right. That's a great point, Bobby. Down syndrome. Why do they call it that? That seems like a slap in the face. Why? He's got to be sad. Call it up syndrome. Just because he looks like a Chinese guy. Right. He's got to be sad about that. Yeah. What happens when it gets down syndrome? Right. Did he look double Chinese? What? How do they

know of that? What happens when it with Down syndrome gets sleepy? His eyes get so close to get probably split a fucking atom. That's an interesting question. We didn't even drop the bomb in Japan. Maybe there's a couple of Japanese guys with Down syndrome taking a siesta. Yeah, the kids are all clapping. That's so true, Bobby. St. Jude. That doesn't make any sense. Was he Christian or a fucking? You know, it doesn't which one is it? Right. What's next? Grand wizard fucking Cletus. You know, I'm saying because it's a white thing. Right. And a black thing. Look, guys, I do crowd work. We can't say I'm technically firing all cylinders here. Crowd wise. This kid's more chair than human. What are those

fucking buttons do? Which one of these I pressed? I got a FaceTime with Elmo. Get Elmo on the phone. That red faggot. You know, I worked with him. I worked with him for years. Back in the 80s. Back when I was on, you know, like talk about when I was on stern, right? You're going to clap you fucking ingrate. Look at the elephant ties. This kid's got enough hands for everybody. Why don't you fucking get a round of applause going? They should do that. Yeah. Just have Bobby Slay can go to St. Jude. Yeah. Sure. The kids up. It's the greatest medicine laughter. Nothing better than nothing beats it. Nothing fucking beats that's how you've you've the novel Corona. Like six year olds hooked up to Dallas machines.

Like, yeah, my wife's pussy's trash. It's fucking garbage. I would love to go attend the Pitbulls comedy show in 2022. Yeah. Yeah. I saw him at fucking Gotham like 10 11 years ago. Yeah. Awesome. Yeah. Even yeah. He literally did that. There was a Chinese lady up front. He's like, you fucking Chinese or asleep. I can't tell. And then she like got up stormed out jacket and then her boyfriend like just kind of followed her out and was like silent the room and because prior to that, no, sorry, I fucked up the story prior to that. He's just like drilling in there. He's like, what do you can't knees Mandarin? Right? What's the fucking dip? Why the fuck do you need to do that shit? And then she goes mad. He

goes to sleep. She storms out. And then it's like dead silent there because people like don't really know how to react. And he just picks up her chair and sniffs the scene. He goes, yeah, that's Mandarin. Respect. Yeah. I'd love to see him in a in a crowd. What would he do if everyone was Chinese? Would that be that's a reality he's gonna face when we're in the Olympic Stadium in Beijing? Yeah, it's gonna be tough to crowd work. That would be an interesting thought experiment. Yeah, or just a regular experiment. I guess let's get Bobby Slate in the room full of Chinese people. It's St. Jude's hospital. Any you got to tell you got to have one sick Chinese kid. I'm dying over here. Let's just pretend

this one's Chinese as imagine for a second that this fucking what are you Puerto Rican or something you gotta imagine a kid Jesus look like you were born in a fucking lens crafters. Fuck. Yeah, man. So you know, I'm podcasting through it, man. Yeah, this is my third podcast done. I podcasted last night. And one today already. So so we're getting the hashtag hashtag stop strong going. Stop strong. Stop strong. Exactly. And we are actually you guys. I love saying that we're being a lot of people cautious. We are at St. Jude's hospital. There's a full medical staff that will ignore the dying. I guarantee you like like people like I don't know like 19 18 19 years old have no idea what the Boston Marathon

bombing is and I love that you think so because they wanted they wanted that to be 9 11. So Boston they wanted that you don't get a 9 11 you piece of shit fucking losers like four guys not one guy lost his hand. Yeah. And then they're like they're like and Joe Gar was hot. It's Muslims that did it. They're like well they were Chechen. And then it's like Chechens are sick. He's like don't put too many details in there. People don't know what that is. And they're like, yeah, what is that? I tell you, I looked it up. There's only like fucking 1000 Chechens in the United States. That's awesome. There's like none of them. That's so sick. And one of them did the Boston Marathon. Yeah, literally fucking

one percent of their terrors. Chechens are fucking sick. They're awesome. They're all all of the caucus. They all have chinstrap beards and love MMA and midgets. It's funny. They all get their own little magical wizard. They're like they're Caucasians. Right. The literal Caucasian actual Caucasians. The purest form. But that's like Caucasians. Just like it's I mean it's like pejorative to a certain extent like the right. I mean not in any time anyone saying it. It's like nobody's describing themselves as Caucasian. But they're like probably one of the most depressed groups of people on the earth. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Caucasians face some of the hardest, the hardest to press. Your family's been at war with Russia since

1840. And then you fucking come to the United States and then your dumb mountain means cracker means fucking white loser. Yeah. So what are you supposed to do? Not blow up a fucking bitch ass. You know. Yeah. And then hide and then hide in a boat. Yeah. That was sick. But he was like a boxer. Right. Wasn't he like CTE or something. The older brother Merlin. He got fucked up. Right. Didn't they shoot him. Tamerlin died. And then they shot him. I was in the boat. Yeah. Oh. Johar was in the boat. Yeah. And then they he went to jail. He's still there. Right. Did he get the death penalty. Doesn't that take like 80 years to kill him. No, he's a Twitch streamer now. He's like a socialist. Yeah. He just

puts like, you know, like capitalism, surprise Pikachu face and he makes a quarter million dollars a month. He wears like a bunch of chains. Yeah. Yeah. That's sick, dude. Yeah. He dresses like he dresses like Ian. Oh, I forgot. That's right. Hassan did the bombing. It was Hassan basically to explain the. I forgot. Yeah. I should bring that. I should tell him good job. Yeah. Yeah. Good job on the bombing asshole. How many people did died? Let's let's really do the fucking numbers. I don't know. Have you seen the movie though? Patriots day. No fucking no. I'm pretty good. That bitch. Just movie. Are you serious? You watch that I watched it in a hotel. I thought we watched it in a hotel. No. I guess I did. I guess I did

a lot of misremembering romantic hotel nights. Yeah. No. Peter Berg made it. Who's Peter Berg? He's like the right wing. It's funny to imagine that I'm putting movies on with a woman that he wants to make fun of three people and three people and two hundred sixty inches. That's a lot of interest in the movie and bombing the entire 17 people lost. Lipsy a. Just imagine pretending as he's recreating, hang out, watching movies with the boys. Yeah, but he's producing. Isn't that nice? Zero hits riffs and be like, well, yeah, see a lady won't be. Now I'm the funny one. A lady won't be as mean to me. Let's see here. Yeah. He's oh, he's 28 now. I guess he's been in jail for a while. Yeah. He was born in Kyrgyzstan.

Kyrgyzstan. Dyrka Dyrkistan. He's got a sister named Bella. Let's see if she's hot. She's got to be hard, dude. She's perfect. If she if she hits the tweezers, I guarantee you she's all right. There's a diamond under that rough. Tamerlin's wife was really hot. He like married like a Latina and then made her be Muslim. That's sick. He married like a Puerto Rican girl. It's a shame that you can't do that. But you know, like Mary Latina make her be Chinese raising our kids. Okay. Okay, bitch. Listen to me. Stop calling me stupid. Okay, listen. That's a good move to marry a hot Latina and then make her fucking. We're fucking a Muslim cover that ass over the hair cover that beautiful hair up. Yeah. That's interesting.

Muslims and Orthodox Jews don't let bitches show their hair. The two coolest kind of people that stuff. What are people? What are people going to bust it on hair? I think that's it. No, it's that the husband is the only one that gets to look at a look at the real hair. Why though? Who cares? It's like sexist. I don't know. But why? I don't want to go out of here. It's not look cover your tits cover your pussy. I get that. Everyone knows. Can I ask you something real quick? Sure. You got PlayStation five idea. Where'd you get it? George got it. I don't know fucking George. Yeah, George. Why George is looking at the website that we don't have three PlayStation fives in the crew right now. Hey, I'm pulling

my weight man. Yeah, so my husband there for a year. My husband got it for us because I was like, I'll wait. But now Gran Turismo seven is coming out. You got to get it. It's out. I feel like it's pretty easy to get now. Right? No, dude. It's so hard. Really? Well, I mean, you know, when I like check once a week, right? Like you got to fucking. It's really hard. You got to fucking. You got to read articles. The old white one. You got to read articles about PlayStation five secure. Can you imagine a lower station in life than being like the gizmodo guy that has to write up the PlayStation five restocks came out. Good news, guys. No, all the target is having a restock of and it's like nine paragraphs.

Yeah. And it's like how the fuck? No, it is going into this article. All those guys are now posting about where to get rapid tests. Like for real, like the the like Kotaku guys are used to be like used to be getting Yeezys. Yeah, like air four. Yeah, like a sneaker places and electronics people are like get rapids. I got right dude. I had to buy rapids from I don't want to say that a competitor dick pill company because they sell them. That's bullshit. That's crazy that those companies are the only so they're capitalizing on it. Yeah. I mean, it was a pretty wasn't actually they're pretty expensive. If you find them, you catch one. Yeah, they're like 50 bucks. No, these are cheaper than that ones. I found

really 50. But then I went to fucking go get tested at a just a place in person. Just a double check. And my first charging 200 tests was free. But it was covered by insurance. They've a bunch of shit is like popped up that they're trying to like take advantage. There's no more rules. Dude, it was so fake. It was like it was like a little Malaysian family. It was like three fat siblings. There's two fat daughters and a fat son. One of my favorite. They were good. Pandemic stories is this guy. You probably know him, but he's like he's like a rose emoji like health care guys like that. How's that guy? The health care expert. Yeah. But you know, this whole thing is like, I'm smart and everybody else

or whatever. Health care expert. And then during COVID goes to get a test and like ends up in collections. Wow. Manages to find the one place where yeah, they like, I don't know, like to fucking like charge on his social security. They charge like you got fucking ended up with like a thousand dollar bill for testing. Holy shit. It's such a fucking scam. God. I know. And it's like, I know one, one doesn't lead to the other, but it is very funny to be like, I'm actually an expert on fire departments. I know how they need to be reformed and your house. But not even burns down. You fucking like your thighs rubbed together too much while walking and you incinerate on the street. One time they have to go get

anything remotely medical done. Well, this mother did your fucking these people. It's a little life lock afterwards. Yeah, I mean, that's it's fucking insane. They were charging like 200. And I thought it was just gonna be like a testing center. You just pop into the thing. I guess the way they get around it is they pretend they're a doctor's office. They literally just FaceTime some bitch who was a doctor. And like, have you do you have symptoms? I was like, no. Like, have you been exposed? I was like, yes. Like, okay, enjoy your day. It's like, what the fuck was this for? Yeah. And then just this fat little family was just like taking, taking tests and shit. What's up? Yeah, some we're looking

at your phone for me. Okay, for the listeners at home, the mice are back in my landlord text. Oh, no, the mice are back. The mice are back in the my landlord text me about that the that the super is going to enter my apartment. If I give permission, right? Yes, what happened with the mice? I think it snowed on Friday. And I think I killed I killed nine mice this week yourself personally. I trapped nine mice with what kind of traps traps. Yeah, they have to put down poison. I mean, there's like I can't live. What do you do with them when they're glued to the thing? You're screaming, but they are very cute. They're just stuck to the thing. Yeah, it's very sad to see them suffering. And then what do you do? You just

put the glue thing outside. I put it in the freeze to death. Put it in the car. What do you mean? I should take a hammer and smash the honestly. Yeah, it's like put them in a bag and start fucking tap dancing and they they can freeze. Dude, imagine dying like that. You're naked on a glue. Your balls are on a glue. Your feet, your hand, your balls are all blue. I love that Adams Adams approach is like let me do the nice guy thing and ends up killing them in the most inhumane torturous way possible, which is to have them in stuck to glue, put them in a trash bag, and then they're either crushed or frozen to death outside the garbage. Yeah, fuck them. They're gonna come in. They just get eaten by a rat.

It is. It is true. It's like kind of an analogy for Israel becoming the Nazi state. Yep, because the mice are like kind of like little five volts, right? Yeah. Yep, and I'm not I'm not taking. You know, I call you five. Oh, five. Oh, small dick, gay, hearted, Jewish Jewish, the biggest gay again. Most people can't, but you are stealing jokes, which by the way, we're watching Sex in the City. Is that your first full episode? I watched it a lot in when I was a kid in Greece. I watched it with my mom. I remember back in the day real quick. Let's talk about our friends over at my bookie dot a. Oh, I love betting. Let's do it. The NFL playoffs are here. They're here, folks. NFL playoffs are here. Lot of

regular seat interesting regular season stuff going on the NBA, but most people are betting on the fucking playoffs and you know it breaks my heart. The Schittsburg squealers with that piece of shit. Ben suck dick. Those burger will be in the playoffs. Courtesy of my raiders. The good news is they are going to get their assholes stomped by Kansas City. Okay. Pat Mahomes, you owe this to me. You fucking current the frog voice piece of shit. You got to destroy Ben Roth. He's so uncool. That guy really is his brother. It's the moment you've all been waiting for the worst. The NFL playoffs are here and with my bookie, you can take home your biggest wins of the season. Thanks. They're double deposit bonus.

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of the matter. Well, I'm going to talk about my position. Right direction. Playhouse. Here I was. I think you do. The packers look obvious favorites, but you can't count on the training champion. My book nears. Why don't we have my bookie back your team on the post season, blah, blah, blah. Don't miss out. They'll be first deposit, thousand dollars. Permacode, permacode, either again, come down, come down 20, head to the website. Now hold on. I think you owe them and us to read it all again slowly and legibly. Well, I'm just, I'm doing a first read to make sure. No, he wants to make sure he knows. I'm doing the thing where you make a fist and you put your finger up every time you don't know a word. Right. And then we'll

get the, you know, if it's over, you'll get the thesaurus out. Is that you learned that at special? So I'm going to play as much as a permacode, a thousand dollar promo code. Again, come down. My bookie place your bets and get ready for our match intensity. Bet anything, anytime, anywhere. Oh, bet anything. Yeah. Let me know that your dignity, money, your pain, your pussy. Yeah. Um, guys, crypto is crashing. You might as well start betting. It's the moment you've all been waiting for. There it is. The NFL playoffs are here. Liam Neeson. It's my bookie. You can take on your biggest wins of the season. Thanks to their double deposit bonus. It's easy. Sign up with my bookie and use promo code. Either come

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like. What do they look like? Do they look like Chinese? No, these Packers, what do they look like Chinese people? You look in Chinese Green Bay. They should call this place fucking dog dog. No, they shouldn't. They should call it a fucking math classroom with a serving dog as a snack. No, they should call it if not call it that. Mr. Slane, you have 15. The people of comedy will be doing the last half of this read. Yeah, they call me the pit bull of comedy. And you have to understand the Americans. That's like a scary animal. But it's China. Don't don't look at me like that. This kid's mouse water. Oh, never mind. He's fucking drooling because he's in here for being retarded. Field is wide open. So

head to my bookie and back your team to go all the way to this postseason. That's right. I think this is the Raiders year. Finally, you think so? Since our embarrassing Super Bowl lost to the Tampa Bay. Don't miss out buccaneers double your first deposit up to $1,000 by using promo code. Come down. Come down or make perhaps come down 22. Yeah. I don't know why it was just try a bunch of 20% at the my bookie place your bets and get ready for the unmatched intensity of playoff football. But anything anytime anywhere with my bookie. So so good. I can't wait to be betting my little fucking nuts off. You know, I don't think it matters what the promo code is. Yeah, who knows. Yeah, just fucking try it. I don't

really know how we don't even give a fuck. Yeah, we just use our good friends over at my bookie and let them know come town sent. Yes, they're good. I might do a speculative read in 20 minutes. Oh, guys, also, just in case somebody wants to up the contract guys in February out on January because they put they replaced the guy I know with a couple of women. Oh, and also if I didn't come to San Diego because I didn't test negative, I'm sorry. Yeah, I don't know yet. We're waiting to see if I test negative tomorrow. We kept typing in candy candy ago. I did not do that. And I will be losing plenty of money. It's not just in the search in the kayak search. It's I was not typing in candy ago. We opened

up his web browser through the Frosted Flakes home page. I go to my home page is Frosted Flakes dot com. What does that even look like? I'm about to check. And guys, if you are in Chicago, I'll be at Lincoln Lodge and in Boston, I'll be at hideout comedy and there will be some other places. So I'll be posting the links for those. And listen, if I'm not in San Diego, I'm sorry, but I definitely will be in Las Vegas on the 27th to the 29th then Sacramento. Hey, this is pretty good. It's a good website. Then Houston, Austin, Addison, San Francisco, Vancouver, St. Louis, Chicago, Burlington, Charlotte, Nashville, Atlanta, the whole goddamn thing. Toronto Providence. I will have beaten Corona virus

by that point and will not be canceling. We're calling it the victory. God what's going on? Honey, not Frosted Flakes. Oh, bitch. Yeah. Now I'm listening. And by the way, by my calendar, still January, still got plenty of stuff to mark. Oh, and funny moms will be coming back eventually. I'll let you guys know when after maybe after the virus is over in six years. Also, I will be a hold on the Broadway. The Kellogg's February website has the different serials they offer within user reviews. Interesting. And the Frosted Flakes Marshmallows has three stars. Wow. They let that out there. I would use one of eight of twenty white reviews from Tiger fan one star a year ago. They were great when they first

came out not now. I gave them credit though. They let that out there. We bought these when they first came out. They were great with the mini marshmallows, the small size and generous amount of more. This has to be fake. But why would they put bad reviews bad to make it look real? What to be like? We're humble. No, not to be. We're humble, but you have to understand the mind of men. See, hold on. Grandpa Danny says disappointed. I grew up eating Frosted Flakes and love them still do as I now enjoy them with my grandson. I just came across these new ones. So, of course, I bought them. I had to wait a whole week for him to come over so I could eat them. Nonetheless, I fought temptation about mad

was exited like a little boy. Mad Men see excited. But he spelled it wrong. Mad Men see you. Mad Men. Why would you smoke a different type of cigarette? What are you a fucking retard? Lucky strikes. You got to smoke lucky strikes. I don't know this. I'm with you. My impulse is to say this is fake. Let me ask you something. Why don't you fucking retard smoke cigarettes? You're already in here. You're fucking four and you already got cancer. I'd be smoking two packs a day. The fuck you have to look forward to. More cancer. So true. What they tell you, you're going to get out of that wheelchair. They're fucking lying. Only if you go into a bigger wheelchair. That's so fucking true. You ever

get jealous of babies that learn how to walk? You know, right? Because it's a big baby. It's a baby. You'll never be able to. They'll always be better than you'll never kids crying. We wanted to see John Cena. They said John Stewart was coming. Sometimes jokes can hurt people. It's fucking true. But you know what had a bunch of really good jokes is the episode of the Sex and the City. We watched a really good one. We watched season three episode five in between episodes today. And I think I think it was a pretty exhilarating watch. I agree with that. Yeah. Samantha experienced reverse racism. Black cock for the first time. Well, there's no way she just I don't know. They didn't say first time. They didn't

say first. Yeah, that's not believable. They had an episode where they're all fucking Thai lady boys. I'd believe that. Right. They're like, look, we're all 67 years old, oiling ourselves every day. They've maintained some degree of lubrication. They say I'm more dazzling than women now. It's time to get fried egg on my pussy. I put so much avocado oil on by the woman that glues fake nails to my bony, veiny hands. Although this was in this was in their. When was this? This was in the original season of the late nineties or early 2000s and everyone but Miranda was looking really good. I think Miranda was fine. When is the redhead? I should have been I should have been like a marriage counselor or something

because you know, these asshole marriage counselors, they're all assholes. I married for 28 years. That was a long time. Long time. I was with my wife for 30 years before she passed away. 30 years. 30 years is a long time with a wintryo factor. It was like 130. It's a long time. Does it make it fun? Not making fun of the fact that my wife died. I went through a lot of shit, man. It was the same grief counselor that married us. It's amazing how things come full circle. Laughing at my dead wife. I hope you're happy. But you know what it is, it's a, I forgot what I was talking about. There's so many things on my mind that I have to discuss with you. This is the video to promote a weekend. He's

doing it. Let me ask you something. You like some kind of Chinese guy? Where is he? Let's plug his date, man. We're not sitting on a list. I think this is old. Let's see. This is no events have been scheduled for this committee. He'll come back. He's coming back. He's coming back. Keep an eye out. He's probably taking coronavirus off. Let me get back to that. The anniversary thing. It's very important to a woman because you know what? It's not important to you. Really? No, you can't say this. He's looking at her. Let it go. She doesn't give a flying sock about your anniversary. Do you see what I've done for you here? I don't know. I don't think you've seen what I've done. Okay. When's your

anniversary? What's the date? What? You know? How do you know? Are you fucking his life? How do you know? Oh, yeah. These people, Jerry, Jerry, Jerry. Nice. Nice. You know his anniversary? It's your nephew. What? Family night out? You were there. How do you remember this year? When's your anniversary? May 25th. My birthday? May 25th. That's Wednesday. When's your anniversary? May 29th. Okay. That's that Sunday. That's what happened. Oh, God. This is really creepy. I'm sorry. I got a lot of shit going on here. Well, so, yeah, imagine him. Let me find a better guy. Not so bad about playing that instead of a better video of him ripping into a Chinese guy. Find that. Let's mail him a check after this. We don't want to take advantage.

We should have him on. I'm just searching. Open invite. If you guys know Bobby Slate and tell him to come on and come to. We want him on the pod. We want also if you're a Chinese person, we want to say Chinese adoption. Let's see. Women, you know what? I don't think if you had all the rights and everything, you'll still find something to pick. Now we're talking, brother, which is great. It won't be worth as much. But still, still, it's a thought that counts. That's what's important. You know, there's a lot of Chinese people in the state. Second, Bobby, thank you very much. You have a lot of Chinese people up here, too. You know, I'll tell you why there's so many Chinese people. Now what people are doing, it's a big

thing in the States. And somebody told me up here in Canada also that people are going to China to adopt babies. My cousin did it. One of my friends did it. I want to ask them, what are you going to China for? There's plenty of babies to be adopted in the United States. And what they told me was the red tape and the paperwork was so incredible that it was easier to go to China to get a baby. It's kind of a sad state of affairs. I mean, there's nothing wrong with that. But all over LA, you go to the mall and you see white people with Chinese children. Again, that's fine. But it's got to be so awkward when you go into the foot walker and the kid starts pointing out stuff he made. It's a lot of setup. Even a

guy like Bobby Slayton, it's like, you know, you got to worry about they can't they can't let him go the way you used to. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Here we go. 1987. Now we're talking next performer. The New York Post described his act as sexist, racist, abrasive, yet endearing. Sounds like my kind of guy. Would you please help welcome the pitbull of comedy, Bobby Slayton. Yeah, dude. Clubs used to look. Yeah, dude. Awesome. It's great. Where's the old Carolines? Where is that? The one that was like Hell's Kitchen or whatever. Maybe. You know, it's funny. I'm driving down here tonight. I want to see my agent today. It sounds like a joke, but it's true. And I'm in Beverly Hills and I got this some typical LA and it is this

guy in front of me in a vet. You know, the kind of guys that drive Corvettes. It's always a guy with the thick necks and the little peckers, you know, you don't see women in the cars with these guys. And the guy not making this up. The guy's got personal life license plates with the word macho when he had some number macho three, whatever, like he's got a whole fleet of these. These are the kind of guys you want to shoot out on the freeway. I just love to work in the department of motor vehicles. And this is like a tape thing. So he's doing material. I I'm telling you, you got to see the man live. You got it. You got to get a Chinese guy. No, literally. If you want to see Bobby Slayton, don't wait

till he comes to your town. See if he's going to be in like Berkeley or Chinatown. I do it right. Right. He's doing it. I don't comedy. If he's doing P. F. Chang's in the Bay Area. You know where the the the cradle of Chinese culture in the Bay Area is P. F. Chang's. Yeah, how they like. They love to let us rap so good. I love those so good. If he's doing the hard lock. Yes, sir. Hard in Ross Vegas. That's where you go see Adam. Where should I stay in Vegas? You should stay in the Bay Casino on the 37th floor and room. I should. I feel like everyone forgot about Paddock. No one forgot. No one forgot about him. It's just that he like it's just never figured out what happened. It's the fucking high score.

And yeah, they just don't have like, well, because here's what happened. He was a CIA asset. Yeah, that was selling fucking guns to the Saudis. The Saudis discovered he was intelligence, shot up the concert, killed him and then left everything in the fucking apartment. Yeah, the hotel. Yep. What happened? And they got him. And whatever happened to his Chinese wife, Bobby, she was Filipino or whatever. I think we're maybe Chinese. Yeah. I saw the shooting and made you wonder what happened to his wife. You think you think he fled the scene and said, come on, baby, let's go. And he's walking away with a year boy who just happens to be Chinese. They all look the same as what I'm saying. They all

look the same. They all got a very similar look. I guess she probably had pretty big tits. Some of them got big tits. That's how you know they're the women. They got the big tits. Imagine how fucked up that would be if the women didn't have tits. Then they'd really fucking look alike. So it'd be fucking true. Yeah, dude. Shout out to Stevie Paddock. It's weird. There's two types of Chinese kid you could be the shoemaker guy in the dick sucking guy. That's right. You take a standardized test. Wait, it was an arms. Wait, you're saying it's arms trailer goes or trade that goes bad. And then because it goes bad, they just kill a bunch of people to cover it up. Yeah. That's kind of you could cover really. I mean

that just seems like yeah. It seems like kill him and pretty drastic. What do you say seems like a pretty drastic way to cover up a yeah and arms seems like a little too much dazzle camouflage. Yeah, like fifty nine to too many. Yeah. Yeah, but maybe they just want to do it because it would have been cool. Felt cool. Probably would feel. What happened to the brother, the one that said that any we go to the casino, get sushi. Remember that guy? Yeah, that guy rocks. That guy was the best. Go to the casino, get sushi. You have to understand the kind of guy that Steve was talking to 15 reports. That guy Steve was we're talking sushi, dinners, thousand dollars. Come fucking transition sunglasses. I'm wearing

like a big dog shirt. Yeah fucking board shorts. Those kind of dads. My friends that had those kind of dads. That guy's a hard dick. So those are the best. Those are the best kind of. He's all right. I hope the deep state hasn't taken him out. My my my friend, my friend who had a dad like that. He had a boat. We take out on Lake Mead and he had a sign on his boat. He got a novelty shop or something. I said my boat, my rules. Awesome. Yeah, he let us have beers. That's sick. And he would rape women on there. Yeah, they just try and stop them. He pointed the sign. Yeah, my boat, my rules, baby. International waters. We're on a lake, sir. This is a lake. It's where they call the place the International House

of Pancakes. You go in there. It's all white people. You think you see it, you know, some Chinese, maybe an African guy. Imagine an African guy seen a pack stack of pancake for the first time. Oh my goodness. I can't believe that's more than one African voice within the box. I cannot believe they have more than one. That's expert. Oh, stock of pancakes. Oh my goodness. Some of them have banana. He started the whole place into a fucking jungle gym. He's throwing coconuts at the waitress. Yeah. He's like, how many pancakes is this Chinese guy? Get over here. Let me with a math. Chinese guy wipes a come off his face says, what do you want to pair sneakers? I only know how to suck that can make sneakers.

Well, that guy's got two jobs. He's burning the midnight oil that Chinese guy. They work hard. It's a hard worker. Oh, man. God damn, dude. I feel bad for Bobby Slater's wife died. Yeah. That's sad. Let's send him a fruit basket or something. Yeah. Hope he's okay. Tragedy. I think he said 26 years. I thought I was gonna talk about dumb bitch divorce. I thought you set it up that way. It's where we buried her in the whole time. I'm thinking she's six feet closer to all them fucking Chinese people right now. If you're thinking about it, you die. They just sort of move you towards China a little bit. That's all dying is as you become a little bit Chinese. What are they doing? China blast them in the fucking space. Right. That's so

far. That's a great question. I bet they would do that. They weren't busy sucking dick and making sneakers. If they went over there, and I have sucking everybody's cock and making them leave with a pair of nikes, right? That is absolutely correct. Damn. I would love to dig a hole to the other side of the world. Yeah. You know, that's it right through the molten core of the earth. No, I subscribed to hollow earth theory is presented in the King Kong movies where it's a right monster verse on in the inside. It's all the fucking monsters. Yeah, it's like the floor is is a circle. Somehow I watched that. Who's that the newest one Kong Kong? God's loaded. It was Godzilla versus Kong. That is very good. They had an ancient rivalry.

So anyway in the sex in the city episode season three episode five, right? No if and possibly against starring Bobby Slayton. I know he's not in it. Okay. We just watched it. Nick wasn't you were on your phone. It was on his phone. So when I were, I was enthralled. Both of us were I I so Samantha has sex with a black record producer. I was catching up on the latest drama. What, you know what? Oh, Twitter's. Yeah. Well, you know what? Anyway, I'm drama free. Should we talk about it now? No, I'm drama free personally. Yeah, I'm a fucking I'm a yeah, I only got love in my heart. No if ands or buts but spelled B U T T S. Yeah, is the title of the episode from 2000. Let me just say, I had this Dalai Lama guy.

He's like the king of the Chinese or something. And his whole thing is saying, Oh, you know, don't worry about life. He'll come back. We have reincarnated believe reincarnation. Why would do if I look like every other motherfucker on the world? If you look at somebody you say, is that me? What's that? Is this a picture of me? All right. So yeah, and if ands or if ands or buts, Carrie consider the she meets a actually Carrie is a boring for the for the canon of the show. It's a big moment because Aiden becomes a boyfriend. Second boyfriend played by Bobby Slate. I make a fucking furniture. Don't smoke you bitch. He doesn't like that. Let me see your pussy. He doesn't like that.

He thinks her smoking is a turn off. But he tells you on the first date. This is how unrealistically show. He tells you on the first day. It's not it's not a real world. It's not the smell. It's that it dries you out. Right. Your pussy is absolutely a call. It's dry. He tells her on the first day. He was like the pussy skins made out of treasure maps. It's disgusting. Yeah. So he tells her he won't date a person who smokes cigarettes. First of all, you're going to get the pussy. You're going to get the pussy and then say and then you say it later. No one behaves that way. No one behaves that way except for in the stupid universe where dying

dying of AIDS old Jewish comedy writers are writing puns. They really poisons the brains of a bunch of dumb bitches. So many women became so much dumber. Yeah. They're talking about first kisses. It's like they're thirty in there. Yeah. They're lawyers. Bobby Slate in the title of the video is Chinese haircuts dot m peg. Yeah. All right. All right. Let's go back to that one. We'll revisit the sex in the city. I'm so up. You know you ever go to a barbershop or a beauty salon. You know what they have all the different hairdos on the wall. You think in a barbershop in China they just have like 30 pictures of Moe. Oh yeah. You have the three suges. Moe. Moe. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Moe.

Moe. Are you driving me crazy. I got busy here. Moe. Moe. We are running out of haircut Moe. We have Moe. Moe. I got your okay. Pete Rose. Pete Rose. Yeah. That's awesome. He milked that. Anyway, so Aiden, whatever boring, but then sorry autoplay, but then Samantha meets Samantha meets a hot black a young black professional music record mogul executive producer type for bad big boy records. I believe something like that. Yeah Tommy boy Tommy boy. Yeah. Yeah. It's a Chris Farley theme. We're gonna start

a rap company. They produced a fat guy in a little coat the hit the hit smash single down by the river that guy in a little coat anyway. Anyway, so she meets is she meets a black gentleman and they start a romantic a Trist Trist where she goes black and then her the black guy's sister is a hot chef who's a hot who I would fuck for the hot young black female. What's her name fucking at your mama. She make a pancake what you may wish I want to where she works. Maybe the I hop right. She might work at the I hop with all the Chinese and African guys. The premise of that was there aren't any of those. I'm saying that that's where that's the one it doesn't exist. She probably works there.

No she has a fancy restaurant up town. Yeah in Harlem one would assume yeah and they start they start a romantic Trist and then and then the sister when they're having a date back at the sister's restaurant asked to have a conversation with Kim control. So again looks and I'll say they look good. She's a she's an eleven. She's a piece looking pretty good to catch in two thousand. Yeah she is look pretty big. Yeah you know I like a nice curly shock of hair. Yeah. She was looking. She was looking. She was looking good. I'd like to park her face right on my fucking or pussy. You know what I'm saying. Yeah we get it. Somebody want to translate that for this Chinese guy. Anyway what was I talking about. No yeah

so I'll do it for you ping pong Nintendo tic-tac-toe. Eatie-me-me-mini-mo. There you go. You know the language is that fucking tic-tac-toe ping-pong. That's all I ever say. They're talking about games for four year olds. I fucking love stand up. It's an art form. Yeah. You just fucking you build a house doing that. Modern day brick by brick. A nice house. Oh yeah. Damn that plate. What is this. This is sick. I think it's great. I want to go to some shit like with nature. That's really nice. Anyway. So yeah the sisters like you can't. She says keep your little white pussy away from my brother. She basically says Kim control can't date her date a brother because she's white. She's experiencing racism. They're trying to

keep black cock from Kim control. And she said and then she responds by saying we'll get your big fat big black. No big black ass. Yeah. Yeah. And then they fight for me and then they fight in the club. Yeah. Anyway guys it's a pretty good episode. You think black women got fat ass because it's just all of them sitting around all the time. Right. That's a good question. I'm not working. Is that what you mean. All right. All right. All right. I would say no. I'd say Chinese Chinese. Go back to the wheelhouse. Well the other thing that I that dawned on me while watching this episode is that there is that gay character Sanford and it must. Yeah. You know I don't ever make a show with him called Sanford son.

Right. Unless he adopts one of China. But what if they go shopping for shoes. Wouldn't that get awkward. It would get awkward. Would you make these. I love it because he's like he's like look which is fine. There's nothing wrong with that. But they make the shoes. The baby that you bought over from China. Maybe they're but maybe anyway it must it must suck to be a straight guy in your big breakout role. I don't know if Sanford was really was he gay. Maybe. Interesting. Anyway it's one thing to play a gay guy and you kiss a guy once but if you're on Sex the City you're just every week kissing a different guy. That's got to be tough. Yeah Willie Garson. He just died. All right. P. Willie delay Willie Garson.

Yeah. It'd be funny to find an actor. I might just go on backstage and be like I'm a production. I'm a casting director or there's a new HBO series. Oh no. Stop. You're right. He's straight though. He is mainly known for having played an openly gay man on Sex the City. He was heterosexual. He avoided discussing his sexual orientation publicly saying for years I didn't talk about it because I found it to be offensive to gay people. Oh yeah. Just find an actor on backstage and be like yeah I'm a kid. I'm casting for HBO series directed by Martin Scorsese and we want you to read for the role. It's a homosexual robot that can only communicate using the n-word. You have to say it and you have to say it gaily. Yeah. And that's all

you can in the script is just the n-word over and over again and then and then the character bends over to get fucked in its ass. Well it's a it's a job. Yeah. Yep. It's a day at the office. Damn he had pancreatic cancer. That's a tough one. Sad. He adopted he adopted a kid. Did he get any pussy? It said that he was a heterosexual but he didn't want to say it because he thought it would be no I see that but did they make you wonder where adopted the kid from. It really does. Yeah anyway what else was fuckin anyway that's all I'm saying. I wouldn't want to kiss guys on camera too much. We're off for that matter. I would do anything for money. How much money doesn't matter. Twenty dollars we kiss my penis

twenty dollars is twenty dollars brother. You don't just like you just a little peck on the penis is right on the head though right on the tip but I got a fine and I'm pulling back my force. Oh you're gonna pull it back from for me. Yeah. So you're gonna be a gentleman you mean. I think pulling it back is worse dude. It's you know you would know back and kiss. Yeah. The force going to skin the dickhead is penis material. The force can still be a penis. It's made out of penis. What the fucking time. This is a good boy. A force skin is much closer to the skin on your arm or whatever. Whereas if I pull it back the top of my dick. That's only dick. There's nothing else in the war in the body. Whatever

you say. There's skin on the helmet. The helmet is cock material. It's a different type than force. Yeah. Penis got a helmet. It's like a like a retarded. That's why by the way. Speaking of. No. That's why. When you got like retarded guys don't wear that helmet. You guys call those guys on cut. Right. Like a force game. Right. That's interesting. Damn that's killing me. What is doing the Bobby's Lane. Sorry. Maybe we just got the second time. No you guys are good. I would honestly feel bad. I assume you can't get it. I think the assumption is that the Omicron variant. I think you can get the Delta if you had Delta. But I don't think you have it based on what I'm saying. There's Delta

on now. Oh. And Flurona. Flurona. Yeah. Which sounds like a lady that fucking cleans floors. Flurona. Yeah. She uses the fabuloso. That's keeping. Flurona. Flurona. Flurona. I wish I could give more skin. I'm back here right now. Flurona. Flurona. Straight. Squat your single six. Siesta. Ocho. Anyway. Nacho Libre. Cock head and force skin are two different things. And that's I rest my case. All right. I rest my face. I rest my face. Fuck. What. Because also here's the thing. They tell you that you're more likely to get AIDS with an uncircumcised dick because force skin is the kind of material that's more porous than regular dick skin or some shit like that. So therefore they're two different things. That's one that's

another supporting piece of evidence. Wow. Thank you. So if you had to choose a guy's force skin or the pulled back penis to kiss you would you would choose his penis. I wouldn't see if it's just a peck. I wouldn't see much of a difference to be honest. But you have to pick one. May you say it's the question is okay about this shaft or dickhead shaft is better than dick. Thank you. For skin is shaft. It's basically shaft. It's pulled over shaft is better because that's not where the pee pee come out. I guess for skin then I guess you can thank you. Thank you through your so cratic logic. I'll just go on the record real quick to say that I would not do any of that for $20. Yeah. I wouldn't either. I'm

not gay but Adam is. Yeah. Let's let's just go back. We've had a couple of really good discussions at the end of these two podcasts. I'm going to kiss. I'm going to kiss in PS five secured. You know what I'm saying. Damn. I want PS five so bad. Just get it. I can't what do you mean. Just get it. Dude you have to find it for you right now. I don't. I'm going to find it for you right now. I do really like those Christmas Day pranks where parents get a PS five. I think that's cruel. There was one where a guy put a he put a Timberland. He put a one Timberland in a PS five box. No that's fucked up because we're crying. You could do it to an adult. That's funny. Like Walmart dot com has them eBay. You could get

it by Thursday January 13th. That's in three days. Nick off what Walmart dot com. No that's like that's Walmart resellers. Just sell like a used console. What do you what what's the best one. A new one when it's not used so best buy doesn't have any years and no they don't like this is why I hate any kind of problem you got to solve in life. You're like damn I can't. I can't you know like this. I can't even think of an example. It's like this. Here's the problem. I can't think of an example and then Adam goes why don't you have you tried thinking of an example. That's what people do. I don't know. I'm not following. I can't buy. I can't buy PlayStation five because it's sold out and I you're like what about best

buy. It's like do you think I haven't checked. It's possible you haven't. That's true. Makes you wonder who makes the PlayStation fives. You know what it is. You know it is. It's this damn Biden and this damn fucking supply chain. Yep. If Trump was the president makes you wonder who that is making the biggest. They don't have the best buy. They don't have it on the PlayStation website. The PlayStation website you could register for a chance to buy a PlayStation. It's crazy. It's been out for what a year and a half. There's no way Biden doesn't have COVID or hasn't gotten in the last couple of weeks. There is because he doesn't do anything. He just stays in his Delaware home. Yeah. But people in Antarctica

got this shit. You did. But you know Biden's fucking he probably never leaves anywhere. They probably got a Biden clone. He's probably been dead like the Queen for fucking a year now. This is fucking gay. I would sometimes I think I don't even have coronavirus. But the test keeps saying I have it and George took the same test. I got it. If George got it before you right. I got it before my girlfriend and then she was testing negative for a couple of days. I've been testing positive and then she's tested positive and then it was like two or three days after she tested positive when she started feeling something. That's anecdotal. It's a positive on Friday. Yeah. And it's Monday. Yeah. Been a while. Three

days. I feel a little you know fatigue. We'll see. I mean I'm hoping it's nothing. Maybe the booster. You got the booster also. But what if the French is just we fatty gay. Huh. Oh believe me. I know. I took French in middle school. Just we fat. I think French in middle school as a fat child. I know that it's fatty gay. All I remember from French is just we fatty gay and that won't be my dance to Bush. Meanwhile I don't even think it's for penis. I remember joy the flute means play the flute but it means suck cock. Yeah. And I also remember Kravett mean shrimp. She didn't sweep on Kravett. I'm not a shrimp. I know you want to do your Bobby Slate impression this get us off the show. Yeah. Of course. Go ahead man. Play

us off as Bobby. So they got this Chinese guy. Right. His name is Xi Jinping. All right. I'm on board. Yeah. What was that. I saw him. They said he's the president of China. What is that. A retarded guy. OK. Yeah. And why because his because his eye. What is it your eyes are closed or something. We're not going to tell you. I wasn't really. Wow. The entire episode. I was because I was tired. What is this Winnie the Pooh. No one said Winnie the Pooh. No they they banned Winnie the Pooh in China because people were comparing Xi Jinping. Did they really. You know that dude. That's why you said I didn't know that. No I didn't know they banned I just saw all the memes where it looks like it looks awesome.

Yeah. No Winnie the Pooh is so illegal in China. That's so that rocks. They really fucking know how to do things over there. And they got that one lady who does robots and has big tits. Who. I don't know. In China. Some popped up. She does robot. She's like she makes robots just huge tits. It's a pretty cool person. Yeah. We don't got anybody like that. Yeah we don't. But check out patreon.com to find out who does do the same.