The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. 295 – clapo cheeks house

Episode Date: January 20, 2022

I owe the government so much fuckin money lmao

2016 where it's like, what's, what's the Trump presidency going to be like? Yeah, you should get the audio from that show, Mansers on Spike TV. And before it's a passion, Adam forced me to kick the power crowd. I'm really sorry about that. I'm sorry about that. Well, you were you were pissing me off. You've done a couple of faux pas. You will. That's you pissed. Well, I said it's I was just so he said third week in January, but to the fans who we care deeply about. We're not pre recording a bunch of episodes again. We've had some sponsors drop out so the CEO of

Thursday boots. And I don't I'm I'm just going to tell you the facts. I'm not saying anything about causality. Wait, that's the one we lost because we did that extended read about raping children in their fact. I thought it was a holocaust. It was a combination of the two. Yeah, but we were in talks to renew for this year three weeks ago. The CEO gets the booster shot. Oh, and yes, we're completely axle. He was beaten to death by his boyfriend in a domestic violence. It's just you you guys do with that information what you want.

We're just putting it out. I'm just telling you what the facts are. We never said the word method. I never said anything about causality. I'm just asking. I'm not even asking questions. Yeah. Well, I'm pissed off at him because we have our good friend Felix here as a guest. And I said, Adam, why don't you sit on the camping chair and let Felix have the big chair? Shoes off his hands and his pants. My hands in my sweater quietly talked Felix into sitting into the chair. He was like, let me get you a chair. Adam, Adam, every time we've had a

guest thus far. Oh, is this is it? No, that's a new chair. That is the new chair that I bought for Nick to replace the one I should. Was it this? Was it the same type of chair? It was the same exact. No, no, this one's a little bit more padded than the. Okay, then I probably won't shoot. Yeah, like that's usually let's let's AP fact check whether this one's a little bit more padded. It is. I feel it's comfortable. Like I don't feel like I was. This was pawned off. You don't need to be diplomat. Listen to the man.

Stop leading the witness. I'm just saying our guest is over here. He's alert. He's kind of fucking upright. This man. You are loud. You're the most comfortable man. I don't need this chair. I can sit over there. I was placed on this chair. No, I've been placed on this chair and look pulling thread normally. It's fine. Enjoy the chair. I like to see you comfortable, but I like to see our guests more comfortable than I want you to be comfortable. We just want you to be self aware of the discomfort you cause everyone in your life.

I am to some extent to a certain extent and look me and Nick always sit on the couch. We can't we I'm happy being on the couch to I've been placed on this chair. No one I was on the box. I was on the camping chair. I pooped the camping chair. Yes, I was on the box for a while as a punishment. Yeah, I did my time. Listen guys and I don't change man. This is not as nothing to do with our normal sitting seating arrangements. But when a guest is here, I think it would be nice to give them the big chair. That's all I'm saying. All right. For the future. We're probably we didn't have any of the other guests

sit here. When Ian was here when well you brought that bicycle with the weird seat to sit on. Yeah, it was that going up and down. Well, I guess it's because you caught you set it up preemptively. You know, you must have. Oh, I'm aware. Oh, yeah. Well, let's run the tape on that. Let's run it. Well, there is none. It's been a race. That's neither here nor there. What's done is done. Felix is in the camping chair and we're very happy to have you buddy. We're happy to have you. It's been. I think this is the first one since the pandemic. Wow. The first one. Yeah, right. So I think

yeah. No, because we didn't do any like in 2020. We did. We did one at a different was in your apartment, Adam. The last time we had Felix on. I don't remember. No, it's been too long. That's definitely. Yeah, it was a different place wherever it was. Jackie chandemic. Okay. I love you. That could be construed as being anti-Chinese. I just panic because Felix's shit is not recorded. It's the. Oh, it isn't. Well, the the master track is recording and that's the one that gets used anyway. Okay. But this one in case. So just be very careful to not say the N word. That's

fine because it's very difficult to strip it from the from the master. Well, did different rules than regular chop. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. On chop. Oh, it's interesting because I just did an episode and that's how they warm up because they all say it like. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. But they're saying the N word. The sound of music. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But they never say it on the episode, which they get out of their system. Yeah. But we went over an hour and I could see will shaking because you really wanted to say it. Yeah. Popping out of his parking. That's I mean, there are a lot of

secrets to the show, but it is. I mean, it's a Parkinson's show. We all we all met. You have Parkinson's. Yeah, we all met in like Parkinson's rehab. You beat it. I did. I mean, you'd see that will is relapsing. Yeah. He just, you know, he likes, he likes going back to get Parkinson's for the attention, but I don't really feel that way. I'm having you guys edit out when I say I have Parkinson's. Yeah, this is definitely getting edited. Check the time. And so so you're saying Michael J. Fox. He's an addict. He was an addict. Yeah. Is he dead? He died. Yeah. Really? Yeah. He was he was he passed away.

I didn't know that. Like five years ago, right? It was one of those things where it's like just real quick. Yeah. Yeah. Just absolutely. Yeah. Thanks for sneaking that in there. Yeah, you're welcome. I'm wondering if two people have Parkinson's if you're fucking girl and you both have Parkinson's. That's a woman's and you're shaking. That must feel good on her clit. I don't know. It's you know, like a vibration. I haven't tested it personally. It's something to think about. I'm sure at some point based on family medical history, I will be able to try that out. Let me know when you that is not funny.

That's not cool. I'm mad now. You're mad at me. I'm mad. I was looking for a reason to I think it's like, you know, it's like when a Southpaw fights orthodox fighter. Yes. It's like about fights a lot. Well, like it's like a pitcher. Yeah. Like a left handed pitch. There's the right hand a batter. Like that's what you want. Of course. It's the best match up is Parkinson's non Parkinson's right because like what do girls like the most they like like just not sure. I don't know what they are. Like omnidirectional shitty like pumps like right. Yeah. Of course. Yeah. But if you both have it,

you sync up and she's not feeling she's not feeling right of that, which is the friction. Right. Right. Right. That's true. It cancels out to shaky motherfuckers cancel out. That's true. Well, if they're on the same wavelength, that's true. If they're on a different one than they're extra shaky. That's the whole problem though. They're only on the same wavelength when they're twins. It's the only time that happens. So okay. So twins can't fuck each other. No, everyone else is parking. It's different for people with Parkinson's. Serena Williams. God forbid they ever get Parkinson's. They're not twins.

Twins. Venus is older. Venus is older. I thought they were twins. No, they're just both black. Whoa. Are they Adam? Yeah. I thought they were planets. That's why Nick. Nick was saying that racist. I've never said anything. You thought that Tia and Tamara and the smart guy were all they are. They're not triplets, but there's a way. Who's the smart guy? Taj. Maro. Moury. Now. What the fuck are you even talking about? I don't even know what you are. But who's the smart guy to have a younger brother who was in the show. No, not Roger. Not Roger. Roger who got raped, right? Didn't he get molested?

That was a little Bow Wow on the set of Tokyo Drift. The best rumor, the best like post 911 rumor after the Dancing Israelis was that Bow Wow was being raped at the twid. Yeah. Yeah. Well, just of that era that it was like, I think it was like based off of nothing that his bodyguard raped him. Yeah. Well, I remember that which I believed whole hard. I believe I believed until this moment. Yeah. I thought that was fact. No, it was some guy like you or me. Some like, you know, who just said it. Yeah. Some hero. Yeah. Yeah. Somewhere in the country came over the really good. Well, didn't B2K get molested by somebody?

We know all about white boy band molester Lou Perlman, but there's got to be a black blue Perlman somewhere and Eric Adams molested B2K. I guess he was a cop. He could have just arrested their tour bus and then fuck them all. And what were they going to do? Yeah, there's nothing they could do legally. I'm mad. We never got that John Madden bus. Although there might be a chance to get the actual John Madden. Yeah, he's all right. Yeah, show some respect. John Madden insist on being buried in the bus. That would be like a fucking like King Tut. Yeah, that's just that's his fucking. That's his fucking pyramid is the bus. He fills it with fucking other. Al Michaels has to do play by play. He's encased alive

doing play by play while John Madden does color. That would be sick. And they're still putting his name on the games. That's a little weird. It's a state makes them after he's dead. Yeah, it's a ghost game. Yeah. No, it's like sort of like a nightmare before Christmas. Luigi's mansion. Well, I make you wonder if there's going to be songs in the new one. Really? You're wondering this is how it makes you wonder if you go a little something like this. Kind of wonder what is this going to be like the freaking nightmare before Christmas with John Madden. Me at the stand in a week. Sometimes that we should John Madden was calling play by play on Tinder dates. Yeah. Oh, we got a sticky pussy right on that one. Not Chinese enough.

There's a valley. There's a valley you want to be in. Click over to Chinese, but then there's a weird toothy kind. The freckle toothy kind. You know what I mean before it comes back to the good stuff. Yeah, that's good. That's a good chunk. John Madden. Yeah, not mad in Halloween and tinder dates chunk. That's a funny word. Isn't it folks? Everyone's being really nice about him dying. Of course. He was like he was like a joke. I thought everyone made fun of what I'm not. I'm not. You're pissing me off for real on my TV. They made fun of him. I was joking. Everyone said that he was so boring. I was joking about the chair. I'm sad. He done what you're saying right now is fucked up and I'm pissed off at you. I'm just saying that people didn't celebrate him

in his life like they should have been. Yes, they did. He was the best just like you and Kobe Bryant. You eulogize the man that you despise. Look, but when he was alive, it was fun to hate on you. Loved him dead. You love him dead. I do. I don't love him dead. I wish he was alive, but he's dead. Great. You're loving. He's one of the great. How you doing? I'm John Cranham. Ah, fuck. We should. Why don't you say I can't believe this. It's legal. Why don't you save that for in about three minutes? Don't we selling Cranham? There's so much you can do with that one. Oh, that's a little. That's a little fucking preview. Folks. You might be hearing from John Cranham in a couple minutes. Possibilities for that one.

Oh, fuck dude. Oh, damn Felix. What's up, man? What's up? Would you have for breakfast today? Let's do a day in the life. Felix breakfast go because I had it. I had a fucking gawad bacon egg and cheese at sandwiches. What did you have? I had two pieces of toast and an espresso pod classic to toast. Just a little little butter. Very very very Philip Marlowe. That's fucking that's like a that's like an efficiency. 1940s efficiency apartment breakfast. You got to smoke a cigarette with that. Yeah. Well, I smoke a pipe through your chest problems. Have your two pieces of toast. Take a look at the globe and just say damn. Yeah, I like yeah. No, it doesn't matter how like, you know, embarrassing or fruity your lifestyle is it doesn't matter if you have three

monitors. Yes, you do that. You roll out of your Murphy bed. It doesn't matter if you're using like an espresso like one of those devices that was made just for mills. Yeah, of course. You're just getting that two pieces of toast. Oh, pretty noir. It's got to be. Yeah, it is. It is in the war to be a private detective now. Oh my god. You like wake up and you smoke a cigarette and then you look out the blinds and then you just Google. Yeah, yeah. Someone's Twitter. Yeah, their Instagram. Yeah, you never run into like some sexy evil woman on link dude. That's to spend the day trolling through some dumb Indian bitches tweets. Makes me miss the war. At least then you could feel the bullets whizzing past your head. Now the years go by. I will go ahead. No, no, I just

wanted to talk more about how good how cool the evil evil noir women were that I love watching wars because it's like the whole time. The whole job is not getting pussy from insane bitches. And I would have failed spectacularly. I would have every single daffy. Well, it's not to not get pussy is to recognize that you get the pussy, but they're also trying to get something out of you. Right. So you never give it to them. Yes, you got to smack them up a little. The end of every noir book is and I still hit. Yeah, but I still hit bitch. No, our guys are probably the only people allowed to get pussy in like the 1910s 1920s or I guess 40s. What do you mean allowed to get pussy? Well, like that wasn't a lifestyle, right? Like people weren't really getting a lifestyle.

No, yeah, I think in the 30s people were getting absolutely. I thought everyone was a family man in the 30s. What are you talking about? People were getting pussy even in like colonial times. Yeah. This is the way they write about it is like and I spent I spent tomorrow with Esther's wonderful flower. Yeah, honey. Yeah. Meanwhile, it's like their fingers in the ass. You know what I think? Flappers are getting fucked. Imagine. Imagine you go on a date with a bitch in 19 or 1780. Right. I'm listening. You get back to her place. It takes four and a half hours for the both of you to get undressed. Right. It's like, what are you going to do? Just steal a couple of smooches and hit the bricks? No, I don't think so, pal. You're raping that late.

Like stop. Yeah. Think about this. Like, yeah, if people take all these podcasts and like your posts and like, like, like your stand up, your body of work, like a hundred years after you die and they write about your life using like primary and secondary sources. Sure. Or like for any of this. I don't want to like. No, no, either way. Right. Yeah. They're gonna be like, wow, people back then were three hundred and eighty pounds and five foot four. Okay. Two seventy five and five seven. Thank you very much. Back in the day, everyone was. Everyone was bald and Tuesdays and three. I have hair and I have all my teeth. Not getting pussy and I am getting pussy. Thank you very much. They wouldn't think to like make a note of someone you fucked three times over two

weeks. Right. Right. Just the last thing you said to each other was, oh, I'm thinking about going to the parquet court show. Yeah. And then you like forget to reply and you're like, oh, I would look stupid if I reply three days later. It makes you wonder. It's like probably everyone in the middle ages was like they were like six to and they were fine. But then there was just like three or four guys are like, can you believe this shit? Yeah. Look how fucking gay I am. I got no teeth. I don't know how to read. And people are like, wow, this is the guy. I guess I just thought everyone got married in the forties. They over wearing suits, but you're right. I guess what it was, it wasn't respected or it was they were thought of as like the dregs of society to get pussy. Some people

and then I guess you cheated. You cheated on your wife. Well, yeah, it was like in the 50s. That's why you got a secretary. It was like skipping to like, you know, if you got arrested for any crime back then, you're just the dumbest piece of shit. Yeah. And if you couldn't get a job, even dumber because you just go to a new town and say you're a doctor. Yeah. Do that forever. Yeah, that's cheating the same way. Right. No one can go to your Facebook. You're right. But like everyone did it. But it's just like they're not going to, you know, like, yeah, what's your wife going to do? Use the car. She's not allowed to drive. Yeah, the city. Yeah. On your lunch break. You could go 10 miles and just fuck a woman that would never

interact with anyone, you know, yeah, absolutely. That's so awesome. That'd be like a different yeah, like all these airline pilots pretending they're quitting because of the vaccine mandate. The reality is, is like the me too movement did more damage to like what I'm just not supposed to fuck some tie bitch. Get in the bends. Oh man, pilots really. That's that's that's like fucking an alien. If you were, if you lived in New York, you fuck someone in fucking Kansas. Well, everyone respected a pile and everyone respected pilots. They were probably they were getting so much fucking gashola. The best thing is, you know, like when we're all gone, the thing they're going to use to write about their our lives because they will write about us. That's

so funny because we're on the right side of history. We support the science and all that shit. They're the most the primary source they're going to use is like the longest and most mutually wrong arguments you've had with girls over text. Yeah, the shit where it's like, oh, well, I didn't seem excited maybe because I woke up early so I could see you like pages, like gigabytes of that. Yeah, and back then you couldn't like a state, you know, it cost actual money to send a letter. Not now. Everything was all I serious saying everything was off the record. Yeah, like you wouldn't. I think we have no proof of them getting pussy, but they were getting pussy. You would have to love fighting with women so much to do the telegram. Yeah,

you're right. You fucking dumb bitch. Fuck you bitch. Would you would you do? I think I might do it. I've been doing some letters. Yeah, I hate fighting really. I really do. I have trouble picturing you do a little bit. Huh? I have trouble picturing you doing it a lot. I don't like to fight. Yeah. Well, no, you do fight, but you fight. Honestly, I'd like I think about relationships I've had where it's like there's there's two kinds of ways people fight. There's people that like grew up in those quiet dinner households where everyone's mad at each other, right, and they do that like I just I just don't know what to do like that kind of bullshit drink myself, which is awful, right, and then there's the kind that's like gives your life vitality. That's fine. That's like who

the fuck is this bitch on your phone, right? You're like some bitch. I don't know. Yeah, the fuck yeah, and that is easy to deal with very easy in fact that it does. It helps things, right, because people say what they mean. Sure, right rather than privately retiring into these feelings that they think have like way more emotional depth than they do, right? Is like no, you're just spiraling. Yeah, yeah. I guess I also like haven't been in that many like serious relationships where like, you know, and I say this with authority as someone that has had numerous types of failed relationships, right, right, right that all fail for the same reason. Yeah, but my inability to handle it in different ways. Yeah, stuff like yes. You don't even this is the

biggest tip I can give you because like please I'm not like here comes a big tip. Yeah in you. I'm not. Have it says he's having sex. Yeah, I get it. I got a pretty big tip. Actually, Michael guys can also get a sex but but I'm listening Felix. Okay, I'm trying to get life advice from my friend Felix. I know I'm I was just getting I get more in there. Doing my job. No, if there's an opening has to take it of course you don't like look you don't have to be in a committed relationship like to fight like you can do it with pretty much any woman and you should like I'm not I've given that's the whole point of bureaucracy is just regular citizens can go in somewhere and for two hours being a relationship with a large

black woman. Go to the post office you say well the fucking tracking thing said it was here. She's behind nine panes of bulletproof glass eating a fucking Popeyes box. I guess I like what I look for it in here. Yeah, it ain't. I don't know what to tell you. I've streamlined all my relationships where real quick though. Sorry, but oh yes, John Krayton. John Krayman. Super Spend your time. Well, I want to run. That's ripped torn now. It's my flawless rip torn. It's actually just wow. Tim Dillon doing a rake up when I want to cry them super special. So raw leaf pure creative engineered by nature. Wow. Wow engineered by nature. Yeah, so it's not a lab

Lee Krayton. That's awesome. It came from a bat pussy. This is oh yeah, this is the best kind of pangolin GMP qualified vendor our creative meets American creative Association standards for good manufacturing practice. And you know that's a very strict governing body made by nature perfected by us. That's pretty encouraging. Hold on a second. It sounds nice. Just like cigarettes. Our creative is made originally from a plant. That would be awesome. Just like the powerful cocaine plant in the jungles of Colombia. Our Krayton is originally grown by what will be described in the future as slaves. Since 2016, we've been perfecting but now right now to be clear certifiably reliable ways

to bring you Krayton as it was intended unaltered, untouched, uncompromised. And you know that's true because it tastes like shit. That's right. It does taste like do you feel like you're eating dirt like you're eating in nature and but luckily they have capsules also. So if you're not into the dirt thing, I'm always kind of a dirt guy. You know, I've never been that like let's put the mushrooms into something else kind of thing. Oh, I love it. I ate dude in LA. I had mushrooms. I put them in the middle of this like cream filled donut. It's awesome. I just eat him. I had a fucking you're a real fancy bit. I had a cup of coffee and then I had my lunch. But it's awesome. Yeah, super special. I had an eighth of mushrooms in

a donut. Some plough in a place in Eagle Rock that Jamel told me about and they were really good. But what I love even more than that is super special. So I just found a cool thing on their website and stop. You might like this. It's a it's an article called Krayton Craves Breakfast Recipe Edition. Wow. These are Krayton. Yeah. These are a little Krayton on your toes. So the first recipe is a Krayton overnight oats. That sounds nice. And then they got a Krayton acai bowl. These are for the athletes. Yeah. They have recipes on their website. Krayton protein pancakes. They got recipes. Yeah, full recipes. I know they listen to these ad reads. Yeah. I don't know how much overhead it would incur, but you should really send those recipes out.

They should sell a book right, but there should be like a book. They should do a sample recipe that comes with, you know, an order or whatever. They should give us Krayton pancakes to eat on live on air. I don't know about those just because the protein pancakes are fucking. That's the biggest mistake. What a fraud. They're not good. They're not good at all. Dude. Every two years I like buy some say to because I forget that there's the ones with the bear on the worst one. It is the worst one bear would never eat. Even the box itself looks inedible. And I know that you can say that about a lot of boxes, but if you were to eat boxes. Oh, so you're not even saying the vibes the box. Yeah, it's like it's like a physical box.

Yeah. Looks like you don't want to eat it. Right. Interesting, but it's not true with super special. It's not true at all. They also have a when I said I don't know about the pancakes. I meant I do know about the pancakes and there's some of the best pancakes. There's a I felt like I was at I hop sitting down with my good friends Bob Evans and Louis Simmons from West Side Barbell and we're getting fucked up on Kratom with John Madden who can't stop talking about the nightmare before because he's dead. Adam, do you have something you want to read? Yes. Or I mean remember and say so basically volition. Yeah, something I want to remember is that the URL is get super.com slash come town and the promo code is come town. Really? Yeah,

that's really cool. I think it's a good idea. Like if you have a family, like if I have in the next few years, I have kids is something I'll do. I'll be making them by around the time they're five around the time I get them the boosters and sure stuff. I will be like making them Kratom I say bowls and pancakes. Yes, not protein. Is it I say it's a sigh? You know what? You can just say whatever. It's like no one no one knows and what is it? It's a berry. It's a berry that gives you energy. Yeah, it like helps you recover after you work out anecdotally. Yeah, I don't think it does. Are you still working out? Do you have a gym again? Yeah, you're already. I'm just wearing it. I'm wearing a baggy shirt, but I'm going to the gym. Yeah, you look awesome. Thank you. I'm honestly

looking fighting. I'm salivating. I'm trying to suck you off. All right, so there's some. I just wanted to remember some mandatory benefits that we have to reference and that's that's just added off the top of your head. Just you love them so much just spitting this off the top of the dome. Super specializes Kratom is a hundred percent natural with one ingredient Kratom leave can help improve your mood, deliver energy, reduce pain, and it helps people feel better. Kratom is used also to relieve stress and take the edge off every batch of super specials as a qr code that you can scan and view the exact lab certificate. I love that. So you know you're getting high quality product and if you're not completely satisfied, super specials that will

give you your money back and n i q q r code. Super specials that wants you to come again with unlimited use of the 20 percent off promo code come town. So go to super leaf get super leaf dot com slash come town for 20 percent off your entire orders. Get super leaf dot com slash come town promo code come town for 20 percent off. Also I saw on their website. This is kind of cool. They got a home page by the way. They have an article that says how to buy Kratom with an a c h a c h e check. So basically what you do is you put in your routing and have a debit card. Yeah, you put in your routing and your account number. Wow. And then and people say Obama did nothing for us. Yeah, and that's huge. I give everybody a c h checks to buy

Kratom with and you could also buy with cryptocurrency. So for all that's awesome for all. What the fuck are these ape thing? I can't keep track of their J pegs that people buys NFTs. They're getting stolen. It's awesome. They're getting stolen. People have them in their crypto wallets and then they're like that is here. That is funny. I thought the guy spent eighty thousand dollars on this ape cartoon. No, there's no joke. These people think that these things are actually good. It's really funny. It's a pyramid scheme. People are getting their shit stolen from their wallet. Somehow you know I wasn't. I wasn't going to just from the hip say NFTs are bad because I don't understand them. I don't understand like the argument about

like them using too many computers. I don't know what that means. I don't either. But I look so gay that I just am running with it when I publish Chinese Barney for a modest twenty five hundred dollars and received zero takers. I thought this community is poison. This is toxic. You need to plug Chinese Barney on the show. I'm sure you can get twenty five. I don't know how it actually I just I learned enough to make the thing and put it on the website. Nick is selling Chinese Barney right now. God for three Ethereum. I don't know how to collect the money. You got to get it on. There's a crypto wallet. I have that. There's an exchange like link to the thing to the marketplace. Yeah. Do you put it on like open see open. I don't

remember. Literally I took an hour to figure out how to turn Chinese Barney. People didn't know that it was comedy genius Nick Mullen. I thought it was just a race. I think it's well because it was a regular race. This is a struggle. This is the like baby show. The Jimmy Fallon paradox where it's like nobody will accept me as a serious artist. I think it's got to be a joke and it's right. No. What if Barney was a Chinese. That's so what can you imagine. Well a Chinese dinosaur is a Chinese dinosaur. But also he's still he's still Barney. Right. And you can't say it's racist because you could know you can't because what is racism. I think I think you have to be able to answer that question. In this case the eyes is what makes it racist. But but this is

he's a dinosaur. Right. So he's existing for Chinese people. So he happens to have eyes that a Chinese guy would have. And because of the limits of our language there's no other way do it. That's what a T-Rex. Right. They call him the king of the dinosaurs. Yeah. Am I supposed to believe that's actually a king that they've got a society. Right. No. Of course not. No. So you would understand as a rational functioning adult it's not you know so at this racist that's racist this racist you'd say OK it's a dinosaur that happens to look Chinese. Furthermore he's working with children who can't understand things outside of that lens. Right. The easiest thing to tell them is like look don't worry about it. At this stage in your life you have to just believe he's some

you know rice paddy buck tooth you know gobbledygook fellow. OK. I think that's when we really start getting into the racist. But no when you're older we explain that it's just a way for me to make money off crypto. I think it's super special to dot com. I really I think you could make it. I don't mean with the promo code. I did. I did. Promo code come down come down for twenty percent off. What are you saying. I think Nick could legitimately make like a five figure amount off that like if you if you plug it. Yeah. No. I there's some fucking moron that'll buy a fucking come town NFT for sure. Well what I'm doing is curious George but with a big old donk. I like that. That's my that's my fun to believe. It's so funny how they like why is it just those fucking

stupid monkeys. Well it's funny too because it's all ripped off like the guerrillas artwork. Yeah it really is just shittier versions of that. That was a good band. Boom. Boom. Boom. Boom. So what is it. Is there is there actually a legitimate argument as to why NFTs are bad other than that's just gay. Well I do think they use some kind. I don't know that it's it. I don't care like they're they look stupid and the people like culturally it could be bad because it's the idea with them right is that this is like a like half understood explanation so I could be totally wrong. Yeah. But the blockchain proves ownership right. And the thinking is what about the cock chain. Nice. That I would like to also do that. Yeah. It's like my mistress controls my

clock. Yeah. Like in the future like everything everything will be like owned by someone that's like linked to a blockchain. They prove their ownership through the blockchain. Everything but something is not just like a slippery slope argument. It's like what's there's no evidence that NFTs are going to like first of all not only like be anything more than what they are now like everything else in crypto that never evolved past like a just a dumb money making scheme. But beyond that like ever fully like encapsulate and make worse like the problem of intellectual property to begin with. Well the argument for it is that like if profits like keep declining if you keep running out of things to make money off of you just increase rent seeking behavior

and existing things. So it's like you know OK we're not inventing anything. So the new thing is that every JPEG or every gift like you can own the gift of Drake clapping and you make like 0.09 ETH when some like dumb shit post it. But there's no way to there's no actual like there's no like existing infrastructure to do that. Right. Yeah. So why the fuck these people are they buying these fucking ugly ass. So it's it's like it's the sort of just like intellectual implication of NFTs of like what isn't even really possible. Yeah. And and also just like the electricity usage of like you know Bitcoin farming and all that shit. But it's I mean it's it's also like everyone everyone does everyone takes a flight where they could have like taken

a train for six hours or some shit. There's an argument to be made that everyone's making like it feels like one if you're if you are into that like and yet you use an iPhone probably doing yeah yeah. Anyways now whatever. So if they look fucking stupid and only dorks that don't get pussy seem to like them so they make they make a lot of money. I don't give a fuck dude because it seems like that would be perfect. That's why people are in like only fan shit is if you just NFT you're fucking pussy because that's like if I mean again it's the same problem as like rights management or whatever because the value in that is the image itself where the NFT thing is like no one actually thinks this ape has value and also it's like it is like it's not you're

not paying for the privilege to look at it. Anyone can do that. Right. You know what I mean. You're paying for the pledge of making your profile picture on Twitter. That's what you yeah. I mean it's just it seems like another like grasping at straws ways to like validate the crypto space is having literally any utility whatsoever right and it doesn't and it's another because that was the thing with like a theory and blew up in price and it's like okay what can you actually use a theory and for the right because there's no more fucking silk road yeah there while there's crypto kitties and it's like what the fuck is this it's the fucking neopets but it takes nine hours to find out that your cat died yeah I mean basically what'll happen with crypto and all this shit is

like just a bunch of rich guys will have stolen more money from dumbasses yeah and then it'll just stop existing probably yeah there are three things I think it's like legitimately can be used for and like one of them you can't really do anymore one of them is like an inflation hedge which like yeah okay right um but that's not really like using it as a currency too is um you know like when we did it like fundraiser to like like for shouldn't palette these three organizations or two of them were in Palestine it's really hard to like send money to people in Palestine and I was thinking like okay if I went through the trouble of doing all this but then you have the same problem they have to change it that guy with the beard walking through the rubble

and the flies everywhere being like for the price of a goofy ape number 37 you can sponsor some sickly malaria yeah he's filled with bill gates's vaccines yeah they're destroying their ability to reproduce and not have autism he's trying to give the Israelis a bored ape so they turn the electricity back on but and the third one is yeah buying drugs online which you can't really do anymore I do I do love the irony of it being you know this whole thing and the preeminent example of it is a bore ape can you imagine it's a piece like a monkey right he's stupid and then he's bored too right yeah that is fucking but it's also a monkey yeah whatever it's fucking gay but I don't know I mean I'm only defending it because I got back into buying DVDs DVDs are

cool you can watch them how more the people you know you can watch NFTs you can watch they're not good so use it as your pfp that's pretty cool and then other people can copy paste it and use it as theirs and you get mad yeah I don't think they're actually getting mad though are they I think it's like I'm I think it's a conscious choice either like individually or like well all crypt like all crypto millionaires are just like fucking some like like a like Filipino guy that made 800 billion dollars by accident that he cashed out and then he bought like 19 suits and he's like now I'm a CEO yeah it's always guys who are like one left turn away from like they'd still be working at geek squad right now they're like writing books about the optimal work

day yeah I do think it's like they want to be screenshotted they want like yeah they like want a guy who's still arguing about the 2016 primary to be like this website's free and it's like a guy freaking out but he's knowingly playing it everyone's knowingly playing everything now it's the similar to declining profits right there's declining attention profits of course yeah it's not yeah I'm with you dude that shit is fucking that's why you got to get off there and then just fucking get smoke some fucking weed watch your Michael man's the insider maybe perhaps take a pill to make your dick hard get pussy and sometimes the only way to do that is with a pill to make your dick hard make a dick hard bow look at this my cock dude John penis here for blue chew

you John hard on John Harden this episode is sponsored by blue chew say with us blue chew blue chew blue chew blue chew it's making waves of bringing more confidence to the bedroom by offering chewable tablets that can help men also stronger and longer lasting bringing conflicts to sitting alone in your apartment or rewatching ronin on a rainy day hard as shit by yourself yeah yeah and sometimes you take a blue chew you fuck a woman the next day you beat off your dick is still really hard that did sound really nice now it's rainy outside neck to watch ronin with your dick hard with your dick hard imagine that you're married to that Irish bitch sounds really nice she's just wearing big sweaters and complaining about you doing nothing

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so although I find it does delay this is just anecdotal man really you're not from my past I maybe I shouldn't say anymore I think my dick is fucked up maybe technically technically I shouldn't even be taking these drugs it kind of even hurts a little bit because of my foreskin can I say something just between the fellas no with this like oh like oh fuck me hard like that thing is like when you actually do like a that kind of sex I got 15 to 30 seconds in me so that's where I'm lucky because my heart gives out before anything else really I need a breather being fat as shit I pound and then I'm like oh I literally have a sex I run out of breath on the bottom oh interesting I I've been no I've been ever since I've moved to my gym being walking

distance I've been doing the heavy bag and assault bike again and now for the four lucky women a year the one time I have sex with them the publisher's clad showing up with a big picture with dick balloons on it I won I can do it for Hector I won what'd you say somebody's going to fuck me from a podcast it's the sweepstakes that every woman in Brooklyn and lower east side in an open relationship with a guy they don't really like me coming me coming by me me looking at a phone at a bar like who please yeah me me me talking about a guy who wrote articles that used to be my friend yeah me me giving me giving a strong blue tube by the way right you I take the blue tube I have enough cardio five minutes of to fuck me hard then she says something that shows

that she watched porn at two formative an age and is asking for something she doesn't actually want she's asking to be like punched in the mouth yeah take my dick out because I'm like freaked out then we can go I'm rock hard and we can go directly into the argument yeah yeah yeah yeah and then you put on Ronan and you know what I'm Ronan and here's the thing blue chew is a that helps women in an argument because if a man has a blue chew erection all the brain all the blood isn't in his brain it's at his dick so it's kind of an even playing field now yeah you take the blue chew you thought it was gonna be a nice night she starts yelling at you and then every time the notification sound on your phone goes off your dick gets a little bit harder

he's like look your program like no I'm not it's from the blue chew when you even if you're alone even if you don't you're not lucky enough to have a woman to argue with right like you know god has a plan for you she is coming right right you can everyone we all do the same thing right we just type in the names of girls and watch stories on instagram and if it's hot what do we do we spasm our hard cock and our track pants like looks like a dog having a nightmare yeah we send it to all of them right you can't do that with a soft dick no not even your regular or non medically hard 75 percent hard 75 you're barely moving it at the base I will say you're an Olympian I will say a blue chew dick photographs really well boys so if all you want is to send

it out there take a chewable tablet from our friends at blue here's the thing you can send that out there I sent a blue chew dick bill dick pic yesterday okay it was great do you crop uh like your fat out or no okay I don't need to do that you can see my penis very well I mean crop it out like you know no I should I everyone who fucks me knows what they're getting into chief all right that's one of the good things about being unapologetically myself sexually yeah you know I don't have these body hang on he's doing him these horrors love this fat ass my question was about photography not psychology yeah how do you what do you do you know let me go from underneath I'm not going to show you but I'm going to look at it you can't go from underneath

why that's cheating that says yeah it's terrible no no it's not you can see where God diffused everything underneath where the body is imperfect and this thing that just sort of flow underneath you can make it look bigger than I'll tell you exactly what it was I'm holding my dick I unzip my jeans just a little a little pointer on a board walk us through walk us through I'm looking at the picture right now um and you know I'm I have gotten fatter over the holidays so it is kind of like a top painted like a candy cane but you could see my stomach you get some belly you see my stomach you even see the fat around my cock I'm not gonna hide I'm you know what that's impossible you can't hide that if you're a cheater you just press your hand down

she's like looking she's looking at it she's like is this a picture of you fucking woman backwards picture of you putting your dick backwards in the room so I'm wearing some nice jeans a green jeans and some black underwear from a different sponsor that I'll talk about maybe next episode and you know what I'm just coming over the top my dick as hard as hell and you have it in your hand I have it in my hand a little bit you have a thumb on top I have you know what it's actually just kind of I'm just kind of guiding with you yep yep yep that's the you that's the optical okay you got to push the pubes down but I gotta mash the I had read what you just trim your I had recently trimmed my name so I'm not I don't have what do

you mean you don't trim your I've been a bush but you have a Phillips one blade uh-oh no no I lost it get another one they haven't CVS or dirt cheap I don't trim your fucking people you animal is there like it doesn't matter I guess I don't have to have a girl for your beard grows real fast but but yeah that she don't like yourself you can I can I be real with you yeah she doesn't like it because it's prickly I've heard that not all the way off no way off even if it's trimmed even if it's trimmed you don't do I said that it's prickly I got I got rid of all my shit one time and the fucking the itchiness and pain when it grows back is unbearable oh my god yeah no it's horrific I thought like I don't know what I thought I thought I was being like courteous by

doing it no no one liked it you're trying to be polite especially if you're like I don't know what if they don't like this but then you forget like women like we don't even send dick pics for it's for us it's from guys like women like it's nice a girl being like yum or right no girl is gonna jack off to it no they jack off to like like a memory from 13 years ago of like a mean geometry teacher but like women jack off to is like they're like tell me what dress to wear and you're like the wear the silver one yeah and then it's like they're sexual they don't care about like so many women have told me that they don't get horny for my cock at all and the problem was the thing wasn't taking bluetooth tuple tablet before promo code come down bluetooth five dollars

and twenty you get your first month with shaving your shit if you're hairy elsewhere is then you just look like a dog yeah nice can I give you a nice testimonial I shaved my chest and my stomach last year and then when I gave up on that the growing back was unbearable I'm yeah it's it's like it's there for a reason like wearing shirts when you have like less body hair than you're supposed to wear it just it's a new feeling of discomfort you didn't know you could have yeah it's awful it's got put that there for a reason yep mm-hmm yeah it's been weird getting back into just like shaping my face even I forgot how fucking uncomfortable it is yeah you'd be bringing the beard back dawn of the beard I don't know so we need another pandemic I do want to say this

working on it I also want to mention this folks my dick hard and unhard will be in Las Vegas 27 through the 29th I'll be a wise guys I'll be in Sacramento the following weekend the third through the fifth and then Houston on the 16th Austin I'm at the creek in the cave the 17th through the 19th and then I'm in the Addison improv on the 20th San Francisco Vancouver st. Louis Chicago fucking Burlington Vermont Charlotte Nashville Atlanta Toronto Providence the 2022 tour and then Philly and watch the DC improv to close out the first half of the year going home stavi.biz for tickets all the tickets should be up now and yeah buy some tickets see me on tour and the special will be out probably in late February maybe early March some shit like that

so yeah folks come fucking see your boy and buy my calendar as well we got the stavi baby 2022 calendar it's looking gorgeous not too late it's not to knock out 11 months you still need the calendar wake up at 1 p.m. you can get a calendar as late as March exactly exactly and I'll be selling them at the show I have some dates coming up Chicago guys Chicago Chicago Chicago Chicago and Boston gonna double team you yeah the two fellas Chicago and boy's town that's nice you could do the Lincoln Lodge in Chicago Lincoln Lodge in Chicago but the day might get moved for for Omicron Omicron when are you gonna be there I'm there pretty late I'm in there in March oh shit okay yeah I'm not gonna book anything until there's like this the shit's done because we

still and apologies if this happened to you but I don't think they returned like most of the money for the Australia tour oh my god what yeah they just kept the fucking money yeah wow well Vinny beetle if you're listening we want you to send the money back also I don't know what happened but I had a tour lined up in March of 2020 that I had to get canceled and I don't know what happened with that ticket money okay I'll be there I'll be there March 11th and 12th that okay answer your question I think I'm gonna be there in February I'll announce the next show anyway boys well last show the one last show yeah and you just got you had to get that over there I do I'm excited to go I haven't been in Chicago in a while I do fuck with your little town there I would love to I wish

I like overlapped with you guys when you're there yeah I've been doing it a lot yeah yeah we just come out I like miss you guys but like a week off and there's a couple of times I've been there I don't do shit I just do I've done the shows and I just go back to the hotel I think the last you'll last visit the Jussie crime scene last time the last time I was there yeah I just sat and like did my taxes if I have a good ass time if I'm there if you guys all have shows and I come back I'll like make my mom have like just open up all the guest bedrooms yeah well the dinner party with my mom's friends I can't wait I would love to get sucked off by one of your mom's friends dirty horrors we were born in 1951 that sounds awesome dude like have you ever seen pose before

my mom's friends if you're listening to this I'm not they are listening they are they're definitely like Diane Felix said he shaved his penis remember when we used to do that you were curious about the flapper yeah yeah yeah I love the idea of old people only listening to the entertainer yeah the only thing they listen to get your pussies out girls it's fucking season you know how you like you're saying like it's like anxiety provoking to book things now yeah we our next tour is entirely the south yeah hell yeah like we've it's already but doesn't even matter so like yeah it's open for business it's in late that's why I want to do a southern tour because it should nothing's gonna close yeah Florida Texas forget about it no one gives the fuck

down president to Santas if you ask me it's just a guy drinking kerosene out of a 32 ounce big golfing like I tell you now vaccine I love the idea our listeners there they're still like there's still our listeners but they're like just like they've never worn anything but overall yeah Liz bumpkins yeah but I'm sick of these guys I'm sick of these fucking chuds dude yeah they're dressed like that but they have little circular glasses yeah that's the only difference just the dsa guys of like that of like deliverance yeah they unionize yeah we should all get to share the boy pussy we rape one of my one of my favorite tweets from one of the times I was getting like dragged on social media is there's something like fat dsa guy in the south that was like

how am I supposed to explain come town to my 50 year old black organizer friend that's like you're not you know the but yeah it was a post it was like really he was like this 83 year old black woman had never voted and I like to register how can I explain this to her and it's like how are you she's 80 are you gonna explain podcast yeah what the fuck why would she need to know about this like how am I gonna explain for hentai to her friends like yeah my mom has 83 year old friends and it's like and then the appeal just tell her oh he has a radio show yeah exactly the appeal then is like what like what he's calling for is for people to just say the show is bad on twitter right so you're not calling you don't want anything what do you want that's the call to action yeah

yeah is people need to say the show is bad what a fucking loser we do that ourselves if you're listening you're a fucking loser but the show is bad i don't want to drop any hints forget the guy's name but i remember he looks exactly like auto from beetle juice nice i don't remember what auto i'll pull them up glen shattix nice that's a cool name glen shattix said bad stuff about your show yeah damn dude fucking losers why do you this guy let me see my man oh he's cute he does look like that's kind of what i was like that's what i was imagining but with fake dyed blonde hair hair for some reason i think this is the year that i do a really shitty like bleach blonde job that's awesome yeah just to yeah to further obscure my age it was looking about it i might i might

disagree it would look so fucking stupid it would look really stupid but it's so bad i want i want to do that i was honestly thinking about doing it this year but i was like nah the long hair is enough to zoom or the hair looks good thanks man maybe what'll happen is if i become a beach bum if i like go to grease for like what you got to do as soon as you get the little ponytail get that and then eyeliner i'm getting an earring for sure yeah you should get some you should get some beads in your hair like you like a white girl that just went to jamaica absolutely i'm going to go to grease for like i'm going to reach for a month i'm going to come back with just dyed blonde hair with fucking beads in it and the fucking earring i'm going to look awesome i'm going to be so tan

i'm i'm going to be gone at least a month maybe six weeks i'll be in grease this year oh i love that dude sisterhood of the traveling pants yeah literally make we should just do i want to go dude we should do a summer thing so down and you guys just come for a week because there's this there's a place near athens that george's family goes to that's a cool little town and we could like rent like a fucking mansion i really want to go and just fucking hang for a week yeah yeah we need an eppstein island we could get that i would love that there's a little island one for one for adult one yeah yeah exactly it's like i know adult whores i know what everyone's thinking yeah and it's like why can't you just like fuck them and like brooklyn or manhattan

i don't know i need something to do yeah it's a little project and when somebody we build our own little temple flies it like we get a balloon to fly us in one of those aquatic planes i would love a balloon personal pilot yeah that'd be sick yeah well join us at patreon.com so that's good to find out