The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. 296 – plmptwn

Episode Date: January 27, 2022

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And we just sort of started yeah, it's just there's no So our boy Matt Pavich is here Disparaging the professionalism of the show. Yeah in the New York comedy scene I thought everybody was friends with each other everybody Love and they're definitely happy with the amount of money we make for the amount of effort we put in And boy are they right as many as like the old guys couldn't contain it. We were making like $2,000 we were barely making any money which boss is like fuck those fucking faggot Oh

Fuck yeah, welcome welcome to the motherfucking dojo Matt. Thank you. Thank you for having me This is the most successful comedy podcast 20 2003 phonious person in New York 2003 Like a lightning in a bottle Mayor Giuliani gave you a key to the city No lockdown rules for you It's just him all the hot seeds just hanging out Yeah, dude

My my friend has a friends of the NYPD bumper sticker on his car damn that's embarrassing. I don't think he no He's not friends with them Is it the fraternal order of police? Yeah, whatever. He just tries. He just drives drunk all the time Yeah, but then you're good. That's on your car. Yeah. Yeah, who cares. I don't know man I don't want you just get pulled over by the drunk guy Hey asshole so fuck is your problem Give me a hundred bucks. We should try pulling over cops with our own lights Haven't did a check up on is there that podcast lady who did the fuck the police podcast? Oh, yeah

Two summers ago, and yeah, I was drinking and dude. Did you hear this story? No, there's some lady I think it's one of the most tragic stories. I've ever seen there's a lady who lives in Long Island But drives into like fucking East New York every Wednesday to do To do to podcast so she has to go to a podcast overhead on a podcast studio where they're like, you know Like do your own podcast. It's basically just a Facebook live. Yeah, like made her pay money money Intelligence Yeah, so she goes there and then her podcast all you know is there like the riots or the protests and stuff So she's like fuck the police fucked their families or what it like

This is the episode where she's saying all that and just drinking on camera on Facebook live Okay, fuck the police fuck all that and then driving home to Long Island after doing after getting scammed into doing a podcast By whoever owns this studio for no one she runs over a cop, but then it's like a cop That's like it's like the one good. Yeah, just some some Greek guy. That's like teaching children accordion Yeah, he's like he just helps people get out of parking tickets. It's like the one cop You don't want to run over she runs over him and then goes out on a high-speed chase or whatever Eventually got her and there's like there's just a video that you know local news or whatever if her black being arraigned And then they coming out of the jail and being put in a cop car and she's crying

She's like, I'm really sorry and then like like the report like what are you sorry for she's like for killing him They're like, what were you doing? She's like, I have a podcast But just one of the you said you you follow it up with I haven't I haven't done a check-in on that But that's a wild tale. That's a top story from podcasting. She's getting a different type of foot long Hey, that's not true What kind of lesbian rape happens in jail? It's like a bus driver type Latina that you know just hold you down I'm licks your pussy with Adam's haircut. Yeah. Yeah, I thought you complimented my haircut 30. No, he said you look like Rachel Maddow Which is true and you have her energy too by the way a little bit. Yeah. Yeah, I'm so thorough

Yeah, that's so well researched. I never really get to the point and I love munching box I don't yeah, I guess I've never thought about what kind of prison rape happens in women's jails I know what happened in orange is the new black, right? That was I never watched it historical piece Yeah, I guess that's true. You can't really there's not a lot to beat off to you But you you can catch a couple you can catch a couple titties. Yeah, okay I'll Donna from that 70s show who I see her smash who I beat off to quite a bit on that 70s I did a lot of beating off to like whatever's was on like WB. Did that jacking off y'all that jacking off That was the nickname for it. Well, there was an arrow back in the day on friends

They didn't wear bras for like four seasons and I jacked off to plenty of those episodes. Yeah You can see corny Cox nipples your family couldn't afford as we Yes, we didn't have cable Beating off the network TV. I had a VHS tape that I said it before but I recorded like although like late night like call now infomercials Yeah, just pop that in jack off to them asking you to call in and a half of it. It's just like static and blue. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you know What's stopping the tape? There's a show love after lock lock up It's about people on the outside falling in love with people on the inside like writing letters and like waiting for them to get out This guy is like waiting for this chick to get out

And he's like he's like but the one problem is is that Her she's got a girlfriend and then the girlfriend in jail in jail And then the the girlfriend gets out. Oh, no And uh, she's then still obviously in love with the girlfriend So she's trying to like orchestrate threesomes and it's still like hurting his feelings because of course having a much better time But he's like, um, he's like a like a latino gentleman. There's there's a line. Mr. Peanut. Yeah, like mr. Peanut You think he's latino, I'd assume so interesting. Yeah, there's a line where he says um He said, oh, she's nothing but a thug. He calls her a thug and it's it's pretty good. Is he hot? Yeah, he looks good

Oh, he's sexy. Yeah, and he's got girls. Just a lesbian. She's girls. Bye. She's falling in love with this other girl Damn, I like how that was the one problem The whole show is about people right? Yeah, what was she in jail for for loving too much? I think for Being bisexual. Yeah, which should be a crime I think transporting methamphetamines By women should be on a watch list They're they are criminals mostly by women. I would say Not a watch list, but a smash list the smash list. That's true

They are they're also on my smash list. Don't get me wrong, but they should be in jail by men on the other hand Now those should just be on a list of gay guys Yeah, yeah, that's not even a list. You just go ahead and cross the top off where it says bye guys. Cross it off put gay Oh, fuck what um, anyway, what kind of network TV were you guys beating off to nick answered adam? I was I I tried tried for a long You're jacking off to Adam's apple. I know they had they would have like they would just have like porn stars on there Yeah, oh, that's true. But that's not basic. That's basic cable. It's not networked it But you're right the cibion the blurred out cibion definitely jacked off. I jacked off

I I tried really hard to jack off to the L word Sorry about the uh lesbian los angeles community. Yes, and uh there's a lot of just uh drama and gossip and about 30 seconds per episode of uh, of breasts Some I feel like that's every shot. I watched a couple of these HBO shows now and it's making me feel like puritanical almost No, no, they're bringing back shows you could beat off to it's but it's like it's why it's just like they're high schoolers And it's a pregnant woman getting her pussy eaten by a trans girl sounds awesome Yeah, but that's sign me up. I'm like, but I don't figure it's she's pregnant. They're probably awesome I don't I don't get what the story

I don't understand what the trans story hot. She's a trans cutie. Okay, but wait, is this really this really happened? I don't know about the pregnant in euphoria. I didn't see that episode, but the uh, Sydney sweeney. Oh, yeah, we've covered this this season. They are showing them. Maybe every episode. That's awesome Well, it's just kind of like the Lakers with LeBron Just know what you got. You got your workhorse 100 city swings to answer the reason that people are tuning in Yeah, they watch the entire episode of that show euphoria and I have no idea I couldn't tell you a single thing that happened. Oh, yeah. I have no idea It's just a bisexual 824 lighting and then yeah, and then people like kids doing texting their ex-boyfriend

And then fucking the back's boyfriend's friend. It's actually a pretty good show But now hold on. There's another text. Yeah, I watched an incredible interview with one of the actors on the show He's he's the drug dealer guy. Oh, yeah, I like him and he must have been hammered. He was hiccuping during the interview That's like Tokyo. Yeah And then they ask him they're like, do you take your work home with you and he's like, uh What do you mean by that question? Do I actually and they're like, you know, do you do you stay in character when you go home and he just goes Yeah

And the interview the character is just him. I know the interviewer goes. This is like good morning America It was it was uh, one of those like internet, uh, I don't know who the interviewer was the hot sauce. Yeah. No That's crazy that that's so successful. It's that's like the kind of idea person with down syndrome They're like, oh, we eat wings and then I ask I ask Billy Eilish what type of shoe she likes and you look and it's like 80 million fucking views And then a bunch I presumably other people with down syndrome are like, I'd also like those shoes Yeah, everyone's like he's such a good interviewer. He asks questions that I'm like, I think that guy thinks He's just got really lucky with the fucking hot ones guys hot ones guys. That guy's boring as shit. He sucks

Monotone. He has tv shows now. That's hilarious. He's got no sauce whatsoever No swag. Fuck that guy. If you're listening suck our fucking dicks whatever his name is and don't order his hot sauces because they're not good Oh, yeah. Oh, he's a charlatan as well. I don't know. I think my girlfriend ordered the hot sauces because she really likes that Sounds like she really likes that god She's about to fuck that guy. How mad would you be if she fucked the guy from hot ones? Literally anyone else I'll be so completely fine I was like, I thought you loved me and you liked the hot sauce guy

She's like but he's famous. It's like it doesn't even count. You're like what? He's like, this is really good pussy He's pouring different hot sauce on her pussy while he's eating He's like The habanero guy's right. Ah, it hurts and he's like, I know I know, bitch You don't have to tell me you think you're the first bitch I've eaten hot sauce off a pussy He's asking your question about you fuck you My friend told me my friend told me a story

About a girl talking about fucking drake, right? Uh-huh. And so he That's not your friend. That's the innest fucking thing. This fucking guy. Where's the spreadsheet? I just I hadn't heard it Oh my god, the line copying spreadsheet. Your friend told you that story. Jonah told me on the phone That was a huge meme I didn't know. All right, sorry. It's also too like clearly one of the fakest stories I've ever heard He put hot sauce in a condom again another Another another story created concocted by the Down syndrome community The lying jewish Down syndrome community

That's so awesome that you said your friend told you that story I don't know. I told you this crazy story about these two towers Yeah, my friend told me this story this guy from apprentice became the president That's so sick. I don't know your friend Well, speaking of speaking of sydney sweeney's speaking of sydney's changing the side Interesting speaking of sydney sweeney's we weren't we were speaking about stories your friend told us the mango Yeah, she's got the best pair, right? Sure, but maybe top Top top two pair. The other one is the true detective. I was entered a Dario, of course

But HBO pulled a wild one and they made the show the white lotus and they put the fourth the four best titties on You don't see them at all. The four the four the four bags of the apocalypse It's just a lot of power on one screen. That is a lot. I haven't seen white lotus. Do you see any other tits? Uh, probably not No, wow ridiculous, but it is very good show I think it's very good. It's just another one of these things during high school and they fuck each other No, no, it's a batter resort and they already did that. It's called digrassy the next generation It's much better. You are digrassy. Your four is digrassy. Like 824 is digrassy. I hate that

Yeah, I want to shout on a camcorder And it's act they cast actual eight year olds that are like I got raped at the chess club They're like, well, there's nothing we can do about that teddy. I'm sorry I'm just going to have to bury it somewhere deep inside yourself. I got raped outside of school I got raped in my ous I got raped in my ous by the soccer coach Have you ever watched digrassy the next generation man? No, it's a fuck it's a fuck eighties amazing I know I remember. I know Aubrey Drake. Uh, Graham was in it. Yeah, everyone knows that. That's a meme. We all know

Oh, he didn't claim his friend told him. He just says he knows it. Oh, so your friend told you about Drake? If you had just said I saw it on the internet. I didn't see it on the internet. I missed it Shut up, dude You're fucking lying. I shant. I shant. You're lying right now. I'm literally not lying Jonah, where did you think Jonah got this information? You thought Jonah knew the girl drake fucked? I don't know. He heard it from someone else They entered that he doesn't know Drake. I know that's why I'm saying that Jonah is best friends with Drake Well, then he almost certainly found out about it. Let's call Jonah right now. Let's call him right now

We don't have to call Jonah's not on trial here You are he can attest to the fact that we were on the phone and I was like, oh, I did not know that Still I guess that does really nothing for really just absolutely nothing for your stance But he would love to be on the show Okay, well, maybe no, but we're not calling him. He'll never be on the show Anyway, sorry to be rude, Matt. We never got to what you beat off to on network television Uh, so my mom was super religious. Oh, wow, really? Keep you off your mom. No

This is the virgin Mary. There's the only woman picture of a woman you had in your home None outfit. Katie's out Cross You're accentuating the cleavage rosary beads between your paint. You're painting a very vivid picture Oh my god, I gotta go to the bathroom To shit again. No, it's a masterpiece Oh, no, and we were also like poor so my mom used to like make up that she didn't want us to watch Uh, tell like she we didn't have to cost money because it'll cost money

But she would say it was like for god, right? Oh for god. So I I actually have like a whole um black hole Of no information on like pop culture Interesting like from like the mid 90s. Yeah, and like my whole life people be like, you remember that and I'm just like Right, you're lying. You're the kid that lied about watching South Park. Yeah. No, I did that too And then you show up. You're like, did anyone watch a new episode of viper? Like what are you talking about? So what so so beating off pickings were slim. It sounds like it in the cabbage household Very very slim. Did you find a porn in the woods or something? No, you grew up here though, too, right?

Yeah, uh, I I I found porn in uh, my my dad used to rent the upstairs houses like apartments in his house And there was some porn in the bathroom there Nice, that's cool. Yeah, that's cool. And I definitely beat off to that Was it like from the tenant or was it like your dad put it out as a good landlord like when you go to It's like Like look we got it's part of the rent. It's like you got Yeah, he got bathroom porn. I love that he had it in the bathroom The guy was just shitting and beating off as it was his plan

Like look as a youth did I have to beat off in the bathroom? Of course Yeah, you take I took a lot of greek magazines which showed titties Pretty liberally and I would pretend I was reading that love the bathroom and I was jacking off while shitting in there Because I had to growing up in england. You just go to these in the newspaper every day Yeah, pretty city. Cool. Did you guys jerk off before you had come? Yes, 100 percent. Yes. Yeah, and it was a much more powerful orgasm From my recollection and then that first time you come you're just like what the fuck is broken. I was so stoked I was pissed. I knew that that's all my friends could do that and now I was one of the guys

Yeah, this adam was had didn't have come until he was 24 I was a little bit of a late bloomer Adam had hairless nuts in grad school. He was in law school. No, it comes out like a like a puff from a glade plug No, it's no you're definitely not a heavy shooter. Don't even pretend you want to call. Do you want to call? Yeah, I do my parents. We're gonna call We're gonna call his lifeline Just waste your lifeline Yeah, tell them I call my wife. Tell Regis. I bust fast and a much. This guy's fucking gay

Hey guys, a fag. Hey dad. Hey dad. A million dollar question Hey dad, it's your son. I'm with Regis Phil. It's your son who comes all comes buckets. Does Regis look cute? Can you give him my phone number? I walked into that one Ask him if he wants to do a show called who wants to be my boyfriend And the answer is I really walked in on that one. He's a good man. He's made a lot of sacrifices for his family Tell Regis I said hello I'm wearing his tie right now. I'm wearing a very shiny tie. I don't know. Those ties look brutal I love them shits, dude. I was just like walking around fattish at 11 years old at church

It's just big. Yeah. Yeah with the shiny eyes Big knot. Yeah Full Windsor. Yeah, that was awesome, dude. I love the shiny tie era. I had a Jerry Garcia tie and a Donald Trump collection tie. I had I had the Donald Trump collection as well. Yeah Damn, dude, what kind of religion are we talking Catholic? I'm gonna break orthodox, but greek people don't really give a fuck about church. Yeah, I my mom switched it up She switched it up. Yeah. Wow Um, she joined the cult kind of

Nice, that's right. That's that's so this is we're talking that sounds like a nice mix of religion and mental illness Uh, I don't want to say that about my mom. Sure. Sure. She's a lovely lady But uh, you know, yeah, she she she's susceptible to right So you were going to different different churches all different types of churches, man We went to like fun evangelical like gospel guitar guitar drums. Yeah Harry Potter is the devil You have to throw out all of our harry potter first edition really Fucking great Britain from my aunt

That would be worth lots of money We have to burn them in a fire. That fucking sucks. No, that's good because she hates trans people. Yes. That's true Yeah, it's flipped around now. So it was good church was right. Yeah It is satanic. It is actually satanic Yeah, and then we'd go to like, uh Catholic church, which we loved because we called it like fast food church because it's only like 15 minutes long Oh, really compared to like these evangelical evangelical churches that were like three and a half hours long Yeah, and then you have to go to youth church

So much church and then there's a potluck and you have the youth group before that after that. What's the pot? You know, I still don't know what a potluck. Everyone brings food. Yeah, but then do you gamble for it? Look, you're right. The luck aspect is misleading. I've always imagined like a casserole cakewalk Yeah, no like bingo with beans and cheese. Everybody's a winner, baby at the potluck Everyone's a winner at the pollock, especially the fact that oh, yeah, so people would be like, what did Martha make this week? Oh, yeah, we're in that none outfit. He's out slaving over a hot stove She's just in the kitchen with her titties out like what? What are they saying about me?

Just on the bottom is just chili. Just chili drying on the bottom That's Texting you Why did you tell them about the true the true story the true outfit I used to wear all the time my true clothes Then I love wearing That you would masturbate to without coming

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Delta 8 is simply a slightly less potent Also the thc that you're probably most familiar with is delta 9 And while both are natural to the cannabis plant diet smoke extracts of delta 8 from him You're impacted. Some might call this a loophole. I call it the secret recipe to getting a smooth stable Adam did you have something you wanted to say? My girlfriend's pregnant. I need this I didn't mean to say that on the show Um Folks you can see me adam freeland on the prince of pleasure tour. That's my tour. Keep doing this bit nick

Okay, uh, you fucking want to say you're doing my fucking thing. You can come see me I'll fuck you you can come see me on the adam xerox tour on the king of pleasure tour You wish bids in at the you don't even know what pleasure is me. You've never felt pleasure I am a I am a man strictly devoted to pleasure. No, you wish Yes, that's why you fucking eat like four little fucking whole grain couscous And I smile you eat a you eat a neutral grain bar with a fork and knife. Okay, all right Put three quarters over there In the refrigerator, you don't know gluttony. You don't like getting random pussy. That's not your life is not about pleasure

Don't even you've never ballooned up to close to three hundred and twenty five pounds You know what stuff random pussy is not as pleasurable as pussy from a girl you love. Okay, so enjoy that Enjoy that and enjoy your fucking enjoy your fucking You can see me on the bigger What is that bigger and blacker or tour? If you're in chicago, you're getting a smooth chicago chicago. I'm going to chicago. Somebody's copying Well, you're going after me. So that's that's I've already been there two times That's okay. Well, I've been there March 11th and 12th. Don't go February 11th

February 11th and 12th is stable and most of them are legal high I'm gonna start I'm gonna start is legal Please in most states, and it's non-prescription. Just check You can die smoke website to see if they ship their delicious gummies to your state You can now you're probably asking yourself. All right And you can I be I try to get you to do your plugs, but you had to mock the Prince of Pleasure tour Okay, and now there's not the name of the tour

This is what you get. It's not the name of the I just thought it was a cool name The dog has been let out of this junk haul I let the chain loose, brother The dog gonna bark Please, please Okay, please this for for my your career quick. You have 30 seconds and then we're going to talk about match projects You can see me on the original Queens of Comedy tour with Monique and stop it Go just do it. You gotta get this out of the way. No, I'm not. We're trying to consolidate plug time

It's better a better experience for the listener. I guarantee you Isolate the tracks. Oh isolate the tracks, but one on one channel And now you have to snitch if you want to hear now you have to try and get my plugs If you're respected your plug if you're listening at home and you want to hear Adam's plugs Switch your headphones to the right ear And if you'd like to hear about what diet does diet smoke really get you high then we'll do the left chain Please Hurry up. Go see me starting now. You can see me. Of course

If you are high you get just power through dude, but he's with diet They're not going to give me your fucking plugs. I'll do your plugs. I'll show you how professional I'll show you how professional I want to do my plugs It makes me feel nice. All right, I'll do them. Okay. If you are in Chicago or between Just do it classic stuff. Remember when he used to say when he used to tell people my tickets were free And he would sing the Frazier theme song. He did that. Yes. You have to just power through after your plug You have to do you have to power through. He's fucked up plenty of my plugs. Here the show's coming. Adam's tickets are free. Thank you. You were hiding me about that If you if you if you are in Chicago, Illinois the 11th or 12th of february

I'm at the Lincoln Lodge on the 17th The 17th of february. I will be at caroline. Good night everybody. Come on. Just do the fucking You gotta find the pockets. You gotta find the pockets to do the plugs. You gotta find the pockets Listen, I've earned the respect to do my plugs after years of getting them interrupted. You're new to the game. All right You're the fucking you guy at the plugs game. Okay, so do get them in it. Get them in the pocket in the game Just let me in the game. Hurry up. Okay If you are in Chicago, Illinois on the 11th and 12th, you can see me and you're looking for If you are in Chicago, Illinois, and you are I will be at the Lincoln Lodge

too wordy Hurry up. Chicago february 11th the 12th fucking carolines the next weekend carolines february 17th And then the next day. I am at hideout comedy embossed in the 18th and 19th And all right 14 carolines boston comedy club March, january 2nd. It's fun. Good. You're done. Funny moms. Funny moms will be returning the 21st and 28th of february as well If you're in new york, I will not be here

Stav stav will be zooming in for those In well the west coast stav will okay, but but naked adam will be there naked adam Let's be honest. Probably just adam. No, don't say that either You're killing my sales It will be me and moe nick at funny moms on the 21st and 28th The comedy legend moe Apostrophe I saw I saw her do stand up once I said more like groanik. Yeah She grew from being fat

No groan groan groan. Oh, sorry. Oh, that's your name now groanik xerox groanik xerox machine the cheese faggot the cheese faggot groanik xerox the cheese faggot ladies and gentlemen the faggot who eats cheese and uh And starting out when cbd isn't enough And traditional thc is too much Dude, we really love delta That he does not get

Anyway Go see adam go see adam in chicago february 11 the 12th next weekend He's in carolines then boston you want to buy tickets and then after that end of february Funny moms is back folks. That's how it's done adam. That was good stuff Okay, you're a professional and I admire you as a colleague. I still look up to you Thank you, and you should particularly at my nuts. I'm nude and you're you're someone who inspires me every day. Yeah, thank you Thank you. That's correct. Um, anyway Matt, what you gotta fuck. Let's talk about what you got going. You just released a fucking album

I did. It's my first one that rocks brother. It feels good. It's called wednesdays at belview Hell, yeah, it was very fun to do were you in belview? Yeah a couple times for the brain or for its mental Cool. No, I'm mentally ill. Yes. Yeah bipolar one. Oh, yeah Real They didn't do electro to me, but there was a couple people in there that were doing electro and I was curious And I was like, what about that ketamine therapy? Don't you guys do currently electro works better than ketamine? Yeah Yeah, but it's not as fun. Yeah, but the electro ones fun dude. They turn you into frankenstein That might that would be pretty cool. Yeah, your hair is just your hair

Yeah, you look like silvestre the cat putting is being tricked into putting his finger in the So lightbulb in your mouth like uncle faster The people that used to come back from electro therapy were in wheelchairs and did not look like it was very fun Oh, shit, that sucks. I mean, I'm not saying it doesn't work. Did they shit themselves? I have no idea I didn't ask too many questions. I think it does work. That's why they still do it. Yeah So that you literally just zap a motherfucker's brain and hope that some shit happens Yeah, I don't know the science behind it. Um, but they looked like they had been through a war. Damn back. That's wild Yeah, and would they put you on with a lot of them have actually been through a war. That's sure

Point of fact, a lot of them are veterans Damn, so did you get ketamine? I didn't get the ketamine drip. Um, imagine imagine you go to iraq, right? You avoid all the ptsd. You're there for four years and you get home and your wife's gained 250 pounds You just have a psychotic break like what happened all that good pussy? Ah Fucking boys in Afghanistan for four years when I come home to this Everyone said just stick to goats. I should have listened This is my this is god's comeuppance for me for becoming an afghani pedophile

Now I just close my eyes and pretend I'm in a moon bounce molesting children It's this isn't listen when in Kabul. Yeah Um, damn dude, what kind of shit they have you on they just gave me a bunch of meds Try to calm me down. I've only been in there for manic episodes. Okay, so I'm I'm pretty I'm buzzing. Nice pretty high Yeah, uh, so they're just trying to get me back down. You ever like paint a whole house while that shit happens or anything wild like that Uh, I've I've done some dumb shit. I've never I've never painted a whole house. I made a whole rap album and I'm Hell yeah Can we play that on the show?

But that's the kind of shit you don't want to medicate away the rap album stays No cutting your cutting your ears off. It was just the it was just the n-word over and over again Yeah, I rap album I know what it is. That's literally Kanye's process is that he's bipolar. He goes off the meds He makes an album in a week and a half and then he goes back on the med. Yeah, I know I I've literally screamed I have superpowers. You've heard you've heard the rogan interview with Yeah, it's crazy. Yeah, because they say language is words, but what if it was ideas

Joe rogan's like, what do you mean by that? He's like, I don't know I don't know joe. I don't have to that's the thing is there's an expectation to answer questions But what if there's just what what if questions are answers? It's like on jeopardy That interview set back mental health advocacy 20 years. No, it didn't. No, it didn't though. It's the opposite because it's like Yeah, not only is it visibility, but he's like, but he's saying he's not mentally ill I mean he is rogan. Joe rogan's like, yeah, I would have just told you to do some kettlebell swings And he's like, yeah, you're right. I should have just exercised I think that's good. I think that's good. Well, you're talking to an unmedicated mentally ill person

That's this podcast system. Yeah, this podcast is sort of like that rap album, but over five years In a lot of ways. So, uh, top top bar. What was your your best bar? You say that i'm wackett rap I'm the antithesis. I'm a son new for life. Oh, very lyrical photosynthesis There we go. That's why polar disorder Yeah I'm a son you for life. That's good. I like I like that. Son you for life's good. I like the sun son Yeah, it's a lyrical wordplay. I was curious. Yeah

You say you would say your main influences were cool modi Yeah, i'm from queen Real quick though, we want to talk about already. Yeah, the whole show is ads We're gonna get four more minutes, right? No, we don't no for 20 minutes 40 minutes. All right. Fuck it. Let's do it Adam, do you have any plugs? I will be killing myself Well, I don't want to interrupt that Let's just all say very still

Let's see if he does it if you are at the george washington bridge Yeah on Dude, don't fuck up traffic. Yeah, that's a funny That's a funny bridge to kill yourself. Fuck up traffic. I'll be in the river. No, that would fuck up You got to kill yourself on the on the the pilaski bridge. Oh, yeah The one on the one and gone green point. That's barely a bridge. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The one that you just like walk over You wouldn't even die. Yeah, you wouldn't even die if you jumped off that bridge. We got a new sponsor That would be so embarrassing. More of the show first time ever

Bird dogs and we're fucking pumped I am personally pumped because I've had bird dogs wrapped around my little nut sack for years Now we picked them up as a sponsor and at first they said well We don't we don't want you doing the reads until we send you the stuff and it's like you think we'd take any of the fucking shit You think we'd give them the other reads are for like like probably lithium Yeah, yeah off-shore gambling fucking lie almost all the time cryptocurrency That's let's you like hide your child pornography in your wallet Give us money. We'll say it's good. We'll say it's good, but this is the rare time

Like yeah, we don't want to do it if you guys think the product is wack We love the I love the product, but I told them stop already where's the client now? I was skeptical because there I thought it was just shorts and it's fucking winter Right, I've already pared down my I throw out all my shorts every winter because I'm like there's no way I make it in another six months And if God forbid I do what are you gonna do hang yourself in shorts? Right like what I did it because it's adult swim shorts or living man's tired, yeah, but But but they sent this stuff and they got these pants and I feel like I'm on star trek. Yeah, they look awesome

I've never dabbled with the pants. I've always been a shortsman the pants fucking rule. Those are joggers, right? If I'm correct, I don't know what they are. I think they're just like mixed-race Zoomer pants That's what they say that's what they're called on the website. Yeah mixed-race frizzy. Yeah broccoli hair Zoomer pants, but I feel like I feel like Luke Skywalker. You do feel like you're in the future when you wear those Yeah, I'm like, are you guys are you and your fucking are you and Ben harassing sand people today? All right, be home for dinner That's the look. I love the shorts personally. I've gotten

I have lost and gained 60 pounds three times over in these shorts folks So and they've they've adapted to my body at every at every stage. Yeah, uh, I I've done I have gamed all day. I've done squats. I've gone on runs. I've gone on very Uh very short walks that put me just as out as breath at a different point in my life They're very versatile. You don't need underwear to wear them. I like that. You know what I'm saying keep my underwear I don't have to be doing fucking laundry all the time. Yeah Yeah, you go to the website and it's a bunch of guys wearing the shorts doing, uh, brazilian jujitsu with each other

But it doesn't look like they know what they're doing and this guy's staring at the other guy's ass and wearing a star wars It feels like he's horny for his ass. So I think it's they're they're it's shorts for gay nerds gay What I can is that from the copy that's bad podcasters or gay nerds Those are the two demographics which sounds disparaging, but when you consider who listens to this show That is 100 of the demigods. Yeah, we didn't have to say the podcast was successful Or dogs that sounds like cool guys to take over the mountain and steal every steal the Snowboarders girlfriends with their expensive skis. No, not at all. These are gay nerd

For people who are lying to themselves about their waist size Yeah, it's not it's not that you don't need to wear underwear with them It's that we already know you don't wear underwear Because you either have just given up and have accepted that there's going to be shit stains on your pants Right, then you're going to shit through the underwear, right? Think of these as a way two real pants. They've already got these are the methadone You can get off the crack of your shitted in sweatpants They're big kids pull-ups If you're 33 years old and still being potty trained

for the second time in life And you're telling everyone you're in a car and there is no shame in that There is no shame whatsoever. At least let me find these pants. I guess these are the pants I'm wearing Again, it's two men on a minibike and one of them's Holding the other one and uh, these are good. Yeah, they are joggers. You're right. They're very nice I was gonna compliment them. Would you like to pair with these are called the wane regret skis? I like that. That's fine. Do you think they get away with that gay bruce? tiger woods, but it's a

W-o-u-l-d-s So those are pants that you could fuck a waffle house waitress in yeah, and they come with or without the liner Oh How about the one you're wearing now liner? Uh, I think they have a lot. I don't know. I didn't check. We'll check. Can you see your penis if you pull them out? I just I just uh, there's a liner. I guess that's a nice navy blue liner in here Kaki pants. You know what? I need pants with built-in underwear said nobody ever That they say that wasn't that's what it says on here. Yeah, isn't that kind of their business model?

Well, I guess they also also offer pants When I see I see yeah, yeah cheeky Uh, jeff pisos ernie musk the bruce wanes Well, that's because these stop being puns. It's just now that now it's just a guy doesn't know how to spell The michael george gordon's Whoops pants, but they are calm. I'm telling you they look awesome. I mean, I've never fucked the pants I'm ready to fuck with them now bird dogs if you're listening

Why don't you send this over and it's weird because these guys look like they're they're wearing the pants to work A child 16 as well. Yeah Yeah, if you make pants for little girls, they do this they show you the duck Oh, these are these are guys wearing them to work But I think these more if you're unemployed these seem like a much better right sort of fit because I'm I'm feeling Never work again vibes. Yeah, they look comfy. We should give these to homeless people. Absolutely. In fact, I think I'm gonna have a little email a little microsoft Zoom session with the head of advertising there and say, you know, we need we need to swap out all the avarex for bird dogs on

New York City's homeless population Think about it. What do people want to look like? Bums they want to look like homeless like a cool relaxed bum. Yeah Like a one that's that definitely is it. I feel like that is what Fucking fashion is now is like everyone's wearing a bunch of fucking layers. Mm-hmm. I'm sick of that. I'm tired of it I'm gonna wait fashion is khakis is khaki shorts from our friend's bird dogs And it's a fucking Hawaiian shirt and the promo code is cum by the way. Is it? Yeah, that's awesome. They just went with cum Good on them. You can check out their their instagram or you can just go to their stories. It's a lot easier than what do you get with the promo code?

Uh, I don't know. They just told me the promo code. Let's just probably a little something off. We'll see We'll see here. We'll just go. We'll add the pants that I'm wearing and it's twice as expensive and with liner With liner of course and then check out. This is the way this is the way to do it. This is the way to check where you get I don't see you See you. Um, let's see it. So it goes from 109. I don't think they added the promo code. Okay. It's not added yet So you can't let's not appear let's say 20 percent. Let's say 20 percent. Who gives a By the time this air this air is literally in two days Yeah, we got time

Someone send an email quick. Yeah Get these mother why don't we call the ad buyer right now on the show put them on the show What's up? You fucking piece of shit. Yo, where the fuck is our promo code motherfucker? Yo, these are fun, huh? These are for stave for sure. I have those. I have those exact that exact pair in a 2xl Yeah, we're calling you from the white excellence podcast Your promo code is not working Absolutely not and we are about to get pissed off. All right from bird dogs. Here we go. Here we go. Here's the e-mail that got So it looks like it is come it is come come as the promo code

So, you know folks you probably get a nice amount off or something free or free shipping or some bullshit Just fucking buy the pass. I'm telling you try one if you don't like it. Adam will refund you personally He will he will Venmo you folks these are products that Venmo Adam. Why don't you let everybody know my Venmo your personal Venmo It is at Stave no it is send an invoice to his home address, which is Should I do it? No shallow the shallow tie I live

Um, I live say something funny. It's better be funny. It better be a joke It better be funny I live, you know a home for battered women. Okay Oh, not that good Not that good. I don't look I'm I live in let's just go don't try just don't try to just go to live in a man's ass Just go to bird dogs and buy the pants. I live in a man's ass. There we go. How did you get uh access to that? Um, it's craigslist craigslist. That's awesome. A orthodox jewish guy showed it to me. I appreciate

It doesn't have a bathroom or I guess the whole thing is the whole thing's a bathroom You shit on the floor the guy shits it out I was once at a party with a orthodox jewish man who was living a double life. Whoa. Yeah. It was fucking cool That's sick. Like so he was just at the party hanging out like yeah He's like, oh, I met these girls at this russian bath house and they invited me to that They I see a ton of them at the baths. Yeah. Yeah, and that's where they get pussy. Yeah, like staring at girls tits It didn't seem like oh really are you allowed to do that? You're not a lot of good I mean you aren't a lot of going girls are in bikinis and stuff. Oh, they're bikinis. I see

Yeah, and he was like, yeah, I have nine children and uh, I didn't even meet my wife until the day of our marriage And I'm very unhappy. So now I smoke weed and do as many drugs Get pussy on the sneak. Yeah, that's awesome. What's his job? I guess you don't know I think he was a jeweler. Oh What's so funny about that? What the fuck do you mean? What's so funny about that? He was a jeweler slash landlord That's a job

It does see It does it. Do you know that I'll I'll look into it and let you know That's so awesome I'll look into it with my what was the party? What was the part where were you like? It was like a small house party Oh, interesting. It was was he was he in the whole get up or no? Yeah He was in the whole get up where the where the girls that he met uh hot girls. They were pretty attractive. Yeah, hell. Yeah Yeah, that's got the sauce. Was he was he like a good-looking guy? Yeah, I mean he wasn't like hideous. Yeah, and I feel like if you're not hideous, you're good-looking as a guy

Totally that is true. Or sometimes if you're hideous and yeah, then it goes the other way. Yeah. Yeah Interesting good for him. Wow in the full he didn't even do a costume change. I would have assumed No, you got to go back. You got to go back to the wife, you know He had the curlies and shit everything that's sick, dude But they they they took the imagine getting your shit getting you're getting uh getting your dick sucked and the girl Just reaches up and pulls on your curlies That's we gotta feel awesome That sounds incredible

Or you're getting your ass eaten and she's tugging the curlies from the back. That's a lot of those guys um in their double odds are into Ladies that have penises Interesting. Yeah, because once you break the taboo who gives a fuck that's that's the thing when you make just any pussy Bad, well, I'm not saying girls with penis are bad, but you once you break the law Yes, you are but once you break the fucking once you break the fucking like uh If you make it so strict and it's like yeah, these motherfuckers will do any wild shit They don't give a fuck because even like looking at a woman's like Thighs

You might as well be getting fucked in the ass by like a guy. It's the rum spring of logic. It's the rum spring of logic Yeah, yeah, that's sick. I'm glad those guys are getting I mean, but Fucking one of those guys must be brutal. I feel like they have some of the worst smelling asses probably Hygiene's not a big thing. Okay Right, I don't know stop. I'm serious. Don't you fucking what are you now? You're a ha seed now. You're fucking. I don't know I just smelled their asses You know what I'm saying. I know that they're human beings and well the high you know, you know, it's not fair to judge an entire group Yes, it is next time

You know what I'm saying. I feel like they smell you you've you've never hit a train with a with a ripe ha seed I ran a train with a couple And we all know where that train went A different kind of shower It is funny to imagine that the reason they smell bad is because they're like, I don't know about the shower Yeah, that's really I don't know. I don't you know, right? Sure. Fool me once. Sure. Sure. Well, they didn't really fool them fool me once But yeah, you Fool me twice. Oh fool me. So you would think you think there stands a little guy

Maybe maybe just fool me one and a half times Maybe maybe you'll fool me once I fool you on Fuck dude Goddamn That's awesome. I've never met anybody living a double life. I don't think really. I think you're sitting next to one right now Nick? Yeah. Yeah, but we all know that. That's true. I am a secret agent. That's barely. Yeah I work for the government Yeah, that's what you meant by that testing out flavors of cock. Yeah, you're a government cock. Yeah, you're a flavor tester. Yes, sir

Anything for america You're a gitmo testing out the cock. Mm-hmm. Because you can they you can there's a pheromone of a guilty man You can sneak a dirty bomb in a cock He's like the the zero dark third or not zero dark third hurt locker Bomb diffuser of the dick diffuser of dangerous cock. He's got to suck it off. Yeah, make sure it doesn't go off Yeah, he's like explosive ordinance disposal. Nice. You got to get rid of all that explosive ordinance That was a good ass movie. Yeah Hurt locker was sick. I've never been a fan of uh, Jeremy Renner's face

Just never liked it. But he was great. He kind of looks like Gretta Thunberg a little bit. He looks like a pug too It's got a they both have that like kind of pincushion face. I know what you mean. Yeah pincushion like a big like a like a little like It's very round. It's very round and it looks like it's you know, you could put needles in it It's it's fucked up that they tried to make him Jason Bourne For one movie. He doesn't have the fucking sauce. No way. He's got he does not have the Matt Damon swag They also made him the oracle in the matrix, which is weird Jeremy Renner. Yeah, after the first lady died. They just had Jeremy Renner's He put him in blackface

I missed that You ain't the one don't you know it's him Don't you know it's him in Milwaukee Don't you know You hear me. You're me. You ain't the one meal Really because I saw that movie and I thought it was just a different black lady, but you're telling me that was a great actor I appreciate his range Oh, so Matt, where could we find your album? It's on itunes and Spotify go get that shit

It's on which one do you get the most for streaming napster? Probably napster. Yeah, check it out on napster Yeah, we're buying it would be the problem by that Buy it on itunes. Yeah, buy it on itunes. It's hot. A very reasonable price. Yeah, and what's called cruising Bellevue, right? Yeah, second thinking Bellevue the math average story What I would do is I'd pin him down and just convince him that the rape was a fever dream from the electroshock therapy Right, that's smart Oh

I would come in full clown makeup. I'd be like this is fair My penis would already be half hard Nick you ever think about popping it over at Bellevue, man No, isn't it still fun? Which Bellevue is the one which is the one that's like all like looks like a haunted house Uh, I don't know. It's like a part of Bellevue. I think there's an old building on like third avenue That was like maybe it's if you're naughty. They tend you it's decommissioned, but they just left it there It's like covered in weeds and it's like an old that's the if you're insane and goth. Yeah, they'd send you there Did you uh, did you ever get puts you off of it? One of them crazy girls you were there?

The girl interrupted. I guess Adam doing his plugs I didn't but there was a couple in there that was definitely uh, uh fucking Oh, wow, really? Yeah, just or at least the guy told me he did. I don't know. Yeah Can you trust him? But she also said it, uh, oh interesting. Yeah, she was uh, she had like postpartum And she came into the room and we were doing a rap cipher Oh, yeah That's it as if I had I'm sad because I had a baby

And then she's I'm I'm sad because I had a baby and I need medicine And she I don't get the attention. I got a rapper dick when I was pregnant. Yeah, I need to go to white rapper dick I need to go to the I don't know if the other guy was white. Oh, he was. All right. Yeah. All right Well, that concludes this week and check out cruising Bellevue On now, sir. Purchase it wherever. Thank you for your tower records. Thanks for having me. Thanks for coming. Matt. Always a pleasure. Yeah, good to see you.