The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. 297 – camelot
Episode Date: February 3, 2022faer doth ouer coum goe, lourde?...
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                                        Firehouse crackers. They're really good. Homegrown naturally produced sexually active crackers.
                                         
                                        Oh my god, they'll bust in your mouth, not your ass. Designed by the same people who
                                         
                                        brought you the Nutcracker on Broadway. Oh shit. This guy's like, I love Christmas and
                                         
                                        making crackers. The Nutcracker. Don't don't fucking touch all these wire. Get the fuck
                                         
                                        out of here. He's talking to the cat not me for the listener at home. The Nutcracker.
                                         
                                        The plot is you turn into a fucking. What happens like a little girl turns into something
                                         
                                        no like all the Christmas toys come alive come to life. But who's the bad guy? Is there
                                         
                                        a mouse that bad guy is the guy that rapes her and then she has to go into a dream world
                                         
    
                                        where the Christmas toys are alive? That's not real, right? Is there a part where she
                                         
                                        gets raped in the movie? It's like what we realized when we watched last action here
                                         
                                        on the cabin. Oh, of course. Yeah, that it's all the kid is getting raped. This is so safe.
                                         
                                        But there's no evil mouse. I'm thinking of a different movie. There is a mouse king,
                                         
                                        right? Or a raccoon king. Crackers are falling all over the place. Yeah. Rat King Benjamin
                                         
                                        Netanyahu. That's right. Benjamin button button. I mean, he was born Christian, but turns
                                         
                                        more Jewish. Well, isn't he from like Philly? He's was born in Israel, but then he grew
                                         
                                        up in Philly for a while. That's so fine. That's why Americans like him because he speaks
                                         
    
                                        like good. In fact, Americans do not like American Jews like him because he speaks good
                                         
                                        English. That's a hilarious and certain American Jews like him, myself included. You love him
                                         
                                        dude. I love him. You got a poster. I don't like his politics, but you know me. I'm a
                                         
                                        Philly guy. Yeah, dude. Yeah. Shouts out to the fucking Eagles. The Eagles. Yeah. And
                                         
                                        so that is so funny that like the fucking King of Israel or whatever. Yeah, grew up in
                                         
                                        Philly. Yeah. Well, to be like, you know, it's like this. We have a claim of a historic
                                         
                                        claim to this land and it's fucking, there's just no identifiable like local culture. It
                                         
                                        just doesn't fucking exist. It's like a literally a story from six thousand. They had a lady
                                         
    
                                        prime minister who is potentially the ugliest woman of all time. And she's from, she's from
                                         
                                        how did they do with all those? No, she was a whiskey. Are you serious? Yeah. Yeah. Not
                                         
                                        even that bitches from there. No, she's from Wisconsin. Wow. Let me ask you this. How did
                                         
                                        the Jews win all those wars? Because didn't they go on a nice little streak? They won
                                         
                                        like four in a row when you don't play by the rules. They came in the 1870s and committed
                                         
                                        a bunch of genocide, just murdered everybody that lived there and they were like, see,
                                         
                                        nobody's living here. That's not exactly the 1870s. That's not the time. That's a time.
                                         
                                        I thought I thought they got into it because we felt bad about the Holocaust. What happened
                                         
    
                                        was Europe was sick of the Jews, right? There's there's two competing plans. There was one
                                         
                                        was a little more extreme. This one was like, let's give him a place to go. Eighteen hundreds.
                                         
                                        Europe's sick of the Jews. Okay. And so then they have this issue called the Jewish question,
                                         
                                        which is like, what do we do? Yeah, with these with these assholes? That's not actually true.
                                         
                                        It was like and then there's there's the enlightenment or whatever. And then there's no such thing
                                         
                                        as antisemitism after that really. Yeah, that's true. The British, they realize they're like,
                                         
                                        all this woke shit's going to fucking really curb, you know, British. It is PC culture. What if we
                                         
                                        just take a section of our population that are just white people who are annoying and we pretend
                                         
    
                                        like we're giving them their land back and use that as a way to take over part of the Middle
                                         
                                        East so we can get in oil. There's no coincidence. There's literally zero coincidence that the time
                                         
                                        period in which oil becomes like necessary for controlling the world economy. You have like
                                         
                                        this. Oh, oh, what about it? Well, what about giving Israel back the people that speak our
                                         
                                        language and it's 99% overlap with our culture. There's no oil in Israel. There's oil in the
                                         
                                        Middle East. You need to give the Jews Saudi Arabia. How would they give the Jews that doesn't
                                         
                                        make any sense? Well, I mean, if they're just going to give some of their land to the Jews,
                                         
                                        because there is like, you know, I mean, there's so little story. There's some there's some way
                                         
    
                                        you can just wait. Wait, wait, wait. Israel started in the 1800s. No, no. So that's when
                                         
                                        they started putting people started going there and then just killing all the locals. No, that's
                                         
                                        okay. The killing. I'm interested in this. I had no idea what happened was there's this thing
                                         
                                        called Designist Congress. This guy, theodore Herzl and they were like Hertz. They were like,
                                         
                                        we need a Jewish, a Jewish state, right? And so they'd considered a lot of different parts
                                         
                                        of the world for a while. They were going to go to Ethiopia and just make that Jewish which
                                         
                                        would have been chill. Yeah. If Edie I mean took over and just started eating Jewish people's
                                         
                                        brains that it's so funny that they're just like which part which which land that somebody else
                                         
    
                                        owns Alaska was considered Alaska. It makes sense because who gives a fuck about Alaska?
                                         
                                        Pretty sick, but the Jews get really sick at snowboarding. Yeah, that would be funny.
                                         
                                        Just crushing the winter Olympics, fighting bears. There's just a Jewish. What was that guy's name?
                                         
                                        Sean White. Sean White. Yeah. He's, he's like Shlomo White. Shlomo White. He could have had
                                         
                                        Shlomo White doing fucking sick tricks. But no, you had to steal the Palestinians land.
                                         
                                        And then people are like, no, we got to actually go back to Palestine.
                                         
                                        So then they start. These are all just guys that live in like so around like the Ellis Island
                                         
                                        era. So like end of the 1800s beginning of the 1900s. There's mass migration in the 1880s.
                                         
    
                                        So yeah, the first line is Congress's. Congresses were in the 1880s. Interesting. And then they
                                         
                                        decided that they opened like, you know, communes and farms. And they were socialists at the time.
                                         
                                        And then, which is a great word, but sounds like the worst place to live in the world.
                                         
                                        And then there were some Jews that were doing terrorism too.
                                         
                                        Like they bombed. They were doing terrorism against the British though.
                                         
                                        Okay. Well, fuck the British. They bombed the King David Hotel
                                         
                                        though as an attack on the British who died though bunch of British people. Okay. I'm with that.
                                         
                                        That's pretty good. The British weren't fucking Palestine too. That's who gave. I mean, that's
                                         
    
                                        who owned it before they had dibs on palace. I see. I see. Yeah, they got it. They got it.
                                         
                                        I think in World War One from the Ottomans. So they gave the French like Syria and Lebanon
                                         
                                        and they gave trans Jordan. They called it at the time.
                                         
                                        That's good. Trans Jordan is a good name because it could be a guy or a girl's name.
                                         
                                        Right. So it fits either way. Trans Trans M to F. Trans F to M. Jordan works. Yeah,
                                         
                                        it's like a Pat situation. Yeah. Yeah, better. I don't like how I don't like how they choose
                                         
                                        a name that's similar to their old dead name. No, no, that doesn't know. In fact, I would say more
                                         
                                        often than not the opposite. Like Justin becomes Justine. Why don't you like that? You could choose
                                         
    
                                        any name. I prefer that over people taking like liberties and giving themselves really sick names.
                                         
                                        I would try to choose the sickest girl name imaginable. You'd be Esmeralda. Princess Diana
                                         
                                        Freeland. Princess Diana Freeland. That's a little fuck. I don't even know when the one we
                                         
                                        originally talked about it comes out. But yeah, sometimes there we do it. Yeah, we revisit that
                                         
                                        dead bitch. Whoa. Anyways, respect and the Holocaust happens in 1948. The UN gives Israel
                                         
                                        so not including the West Bank and Gaza, right to the Jews. They like that shit. And then there's
                                         
                                        a war and a couple wars. They do ethnic cleansing. So how did the Jews get good at wars? I got to
                                         
                                        be honest. Because they were getting strapped up before Israel was granted statehood. They were
                                         
    
                                        like starting militias. I see. I see. And like American Jews were sending like munitions and
                                         
                                        stuff. They weren't going over, though. But they were sending some money. Yeah, you got it. You
                                         
                                        got to give. Right, right, right. I give and I give and I give. I just would have assumed Arabs
                                         
                                        would have fucked them up. It's been like six, six on one. Would you? And then in 1948, what's
                                         
                                        referred to as the Nakaba by the Palestinians, which is I think like the catastrophe or something.
                                         
                                        They round up Palestinian villages, shove them into the West Bank and Gaza. Damn,
                                         
                                        really? Yeah, they get invaded on day one of statehood by like Egypt and Jordan, a bunch of their
                                         
                                        neighbors, fight a war. How that's what I'm saying. Egypt 67. They they take. Egypt should be a
                                         
    
                                        shame to themselves. Sixty seven. They take the West Bank and Gaza. They say that's ours. Yonk.
                                         
                                        They took the Sinai Peninsula from Egypt in an operation with them with the British, a joint
                                         
                                        operation with the British. Oh, the British because they wanted to build the Suez Canal.
                                         
                                        And then they knew who who's going to play ball. And they were like, we got, yeah,
                                         
                                        you was going to play ball for a couple of points on the back end. Of course. It was a great deal.
                                         
                                        It was a good deal. Folks, it was a good deal. Dude, Egypt should be embarrassed, honestly.
                                         
                                        Yeah, should be embarrassing in general. Getting fucked up by a fucking little ass,
                                         
                                        little ass young Israel. Yeah, but think about it like you guys have pyramids thousands of years
                                         
    
                                        ago. They were the most popping place in the world. Yeah, they're even it's even more embarrassing
                                         
                                        than Greece. And they've never they haven't. They've only had Mohammed's a law. That's basically
                                         
                                        all they've done. Pretty sick. Yeah. They have the best soccer player in the world. No. Yeah. That's
                                         
                                        their first dub maybe in it's been a while. Their food's good, but that's all it's all
                                         
                                        it's all that Arab food. That's good. Kobabs and shit like that. Yeah. I like like Syrian and
                                         
                                        Lebanese food. It's like there's a Egyptian seafood place by me as good as fuck. I like
                                         
                                        the firehouse crackers. Yeah, the firehouse subs. I've never had less. That was a little history
                                         
                                        lesson. So, so Egypt, Jordan, all those motherfuckers, they had all this oil money. They couldn't
                                         
    
                                        fuck up Israel. Egypt doesn't have what we know. I'm saying that I'm sure that I'm sure the guys
                                         
                                        with the oil money were real fans of fucking Jews in the Middle East. Why did Saudi Arabia come in
                                         
                                        with so they had they had Jews that lived in Israel for hundreds of years. The Palestinian
                                         
                                        Jews, there was just like five of them in the room was chill. Right. It was when the European Jews
                                         
                                        came in and then decided to genocide all of the I'm just saying Saudi Arabia, couldn't they
                                         
                                        there's a difference between genocide and ethnic cleansing of which they've done both.
                                         
                                        But I love that they still did ethnic cleansing is still like an acceptable term. Yeah. You know
                                         
                                        what I mean? No, it'd be like if like instead of slavery, like the synonymous term would be like
                                         
    
                                        just putting them to work. No, that's giving them a racially given people job. No, racial
                                         
                                        job, racial employment, job creation, compulsory job, race based, ethnic cleansing. No, it's
                                         
                                        it's a catch. It sounds fucked up. No, no, it's a broader term than just ethnic cleansing sounds
                                         
                                        fucked up. You can just round up a group of people because of their ethnicity and and tell them to
                                         
                                        leave a place. And even if you don't kill anyone that's still ethnic, but I see what you're saying
                                         
                                        cleansing is a pretty positive word. It's pretty racist. Like, like, not next point just from exactly
                                         
                                        cleansing is it's to the connotation is too positive purity. It should be like ethnic expulsion or
                                         
                                        something like that. ethnic friend zoning. Yeah, you don't get any of this statehood pussy.
                                         
    
                                        Get the fuck out of here. She's renamed Gaza the friend zone. Tel Aviv is the clit. The
                                         
                                        clit of Israel. I'm just saying, dude, Saudi Arabia's got like mount indoor mountains,
                                         
                                        like snow ski lifts. Tel Aviv to suck my dick. Yeah. Tell me tell Tel Aviv. Yeah. Tell me to
                                         
                                        suck my dick. Jerusalem pussy. If I forget you down on the block, Jerusalem pussy, Jerusalem
                                         
                                        pussy down on the block. Let's see. Um, I guys are something you can suck on right here. I guys
                                         
                                        a little strip you can suck on. Yeah. Do I get pussy? Yeah, man. Yeah, man. Yeah, man. I get
                                         
                                        pussy so much. Do I get pussy? Lib. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Get pussy. Algeria. Algeria about
                                         
                                        the Algeria. Algeria. Algeria about the bitch who got a pussy fucked by it turns out I did it.
                                         
    
                                        Hey, I'm getting a call from Hollywood, Florida. Oh, it's probably a producer. Let me let's answer
                                         
                                        it. Let's see what he has to say. Hello. Hello. Please listen to this important message. Oh,
                                         
                                        awesome. Can you suck my dick, bitch? Regarding the student loan forgiveness program. Oh,
                                         
                                        bitch, I don't got no student lanes. Oh, that almost works. Let's call it Cheesecake Factory and
                                         
                                        ask if they have cheesecake. Ask them what all the cons are. No, you ask them like, you know,
                                         
                                        yeah, y'all got cheesecake. Excuse me, what y'all got cheesecake? Now, what's the deal? You got
                                         
                                        Chinese food, Italian food, cheesecake. I could I could wait. Not that you think that's good to
                                         
                                        get fucked in my ass. You could wait. I I couldn't you couldn't wait. You personally couldn't wait.
                                         
    
                                        I couldn't I could wait to I couldn't wait. I'm about to I'm about to pull the Kurds out of your
                                         
                                        ass. Yeah. More of a rhyme than a pun. Yeah. Where the Kurds don't have a country do they
                                         
                                        they just rock. They're in Iraq and and Turkey. They get a little piece of the ethnic, the little
                                         
                                        piece of Iraq and Turkey. Well, they don't get they don't have their own state, right? Kurdistan
                                         
                                        they don't have their own country. No. Yeah, what's going on in Kazakhstan right now? I don't know.
                                         
                                        It's wild. I think you don't get to say we're looking at either stuff. Yeah, or we'll look at
                                         
                                        it. I have no idea. No, they're like protesting something. I don't know. And then the fucking
                                         
                                        presidents like shoot the kill them. You know what? Borat did them a disservice because no
                                         
    
                                        matter what, that guy could literally be doing a Holocaust. We'd all think about Borat. I got
                                         
                                        iPod mini. He know afford as Kazakhstan descends into chaos. Crypto miners are at a loss. Oh,
                                         
                                        God, that's their fault. CIS wired magazine. Central Asian country became number two in the
                                         
                                        world for Bitcoin. My kid had the audacity to write such an article as Kazakhstan descends in
                                         
                                        the chaos. Crypto miners are at a loss. Yes, that's the problem. Oh, my God. That's the main
                                         
                                        issue. No. Are they literally killing people? What are these protests? Yeah, I don't know.
                                         
                                        Probably the lockdowns or some shit. No, you don't think Kazakhstan has lockdowns? Yeah, probably.
                                         
                                        Just bugging fuel prices last week, chaos and golf could protest South
                                         
    
                                        the country over spiking fuel prices and vaccine mandates. Oh, I added that part. But now who's
                                         
                                        fucking resulted in police repression. Yeah, so just high gas prices, the removal of former
                                         
                                        political race theory, they're getting that schools. That's, you know, this is the fucking
                                         
                                        shit I hate. Like everything's like bad shit to me. Bad things happen in society, at least
                                         
                                        in the West. Bad things happen to you. No, bad things in my mind, things I would consider to be
                                         
                                        bad. Right. I would consider to be like a shortage of guys, you can. A reduction of the
                                         
                                        supply chain of so guys, so guys, guys, guys, guys. Let's hear. Security council, internet
                                         
                                        shutdown, Russian led troops. They shut down the internet. Yeah, they have a shut off. You
                                         
    
                                        can't even jack off in Kazakhstan. Well, we're gonna have that soon enough. Soon enough, it's just
                                         
                                        going to be, I mean, we already do. It's just not like clear, you know, because the internet is
                                         
                                        like now what throttle shit now the internet has five websites, right? And Congress can't tell like,
                                         
                                        you know, fucking face or Facebook or Twitter, like, Hey, you got to ban this person. But what
                                         
                                        they can do is like, drag them in front of Congress and say, you know, there's going to be serious
                                         
                                        consequences if you don't curb, you know, whatever. So effectively, it's, you know, there's a chilling
                                         
                                        effect. And that's how you have because it's like, didn't you'd have to be stupid to think that tech
                                         
                                        companies really give a shit with fucking course tweeting, they don't care, right? You know, it's
                                         
    
                                        just, you know, protecting their bottom line after being threatened by the government. Yeah,
                                         
                                        I wish we were in China where those motherfuckers just that's what I'm saying. It should just be
                                         
                                        like, I'm that's the reason I'm pro Beijing, because it's like, they're like, Oh, yeah, you
                                         
                                        can't criticize the guy. They're just they're gentlemen. Yeah, we'll throw you in jail. Whatever
                                         
                                        happened to open an honest communication. Exactly. Beijing is a guy that tells you I'm not looking
                                         
                                        for a relationship. Say what the United States strings you along for months. Yeah, hits you
                                         
                                        every time you're moving on. He texts you. It's weak. I saw you look beautiful. Yeah. Yeah. And
                                         
                                        they're like, What are we? And he's like, fuck you, bitch. I can't stand that kind of. I hate
                                         
    
                                        America. I love China. I truly hate this. Honestly, death to America is a sick slogan. So chill.
                                         
                                        Sounds good. Even kill America. Death to America. Perfect. Perfect. We put together on them.
                                         
                                        All right, let's see here. The power grid. Are they are they selling anything or making
                                         
                                        anything in Kazakhstan? Yeah, any products that we might want? Yeah, and about two minutes. Okay.
                                         
                                        All right. Sorry to jump the gun. Grab on with blackouts and power cuts. It's so funny too,
                                         
                                        because like this is what protests look like in other countries, I guess, is the police shooting
                                         
                                        a bunch of people. Yeah. And then here it's like, you know, we're growing a tomato in front of the
                                         
                                        mayor's house. And dressing up like we're going to our first punk show at age 13. Yeah, I saw a video
                                         
    
                                        of, I don't remember some Slavic country where they literally were putting a fucking politician in
                                         
                                        the trash. They fucking threw this cocksucker in the dumpster. They're all like punching him in
                                         
                                        the thighs. They sawed him as Gaddafi with a fucking knife. Damn, that's fucked. I like countries
                                         
                                        were in parliament. I can't believe they did that to my boy, Momar, who by the way, had the
                                         
                                        sickest long face. Momar looked like Ernest. He had the sickest fucking. His guard was just sexy
                                         
                                        whores. Yeah. That's awesome. Also, he was a fucking 10 when he was young. Yeah, he was hot.
                                         
                                        He was hot as shit. His personal bodyguards were all sexy bitches. It's sick. He was like,
                                         
                                        we were nice with the Blinky. That's dude. That's awesome. He was like a military uniform dictator.
                                         
    
                                        And then he just transitioned to like George Clinton, Afro futurist, like,
                                         
                                        like, like his drip was, was impeccable. One thing I will say, Hillary Clinton dresses like
                                         
                                        she's like a kung fu master. That would be cool. That's the one good thing if she was president.
                                         
                                        Yeah, she's got, she got those weird, like fucking she does. Yeah. She's got like row,
                                         
                                        like fucking Morpheus in the simulation. Yes, exactly. Who is picking those? I don't know,
                                         
                                        but I'll give her, I will give her credit on her trip. It's kind of like a doctor evil aesthetic.
                                         
                                        Yeah. Yeah. I respect it. She looks, she looks like a, like a villain. Yeah, she looks like Kim
                                         
                                        Jung Hoon. Yeah, which is fucking awesome. It's crazy. It's funny as shit. Some dumb old fucking
                                         
    
                                        blonde bitch. Yeah, I miss you, babe. What would happen if she just didn't dye her hair at the
                                         
                                        super, super stuff? Oh, yeah. And you know what Hillary Clinton loves? It's super super.
                                         
                                        Get super leaf. Get super leaf. Get super leaf. I think I saw somebody on the internet.
                                         
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                                        We're in a nice stable of celebrity, uh, celebrity endorsers. Super special.
                                         
                                        I don't remember. We're really cool. We're nailing this one.
                                         
                                        Anyway, it's a website that it's, it's super special.
                                         
                                        Google it. Super SP CO said.com. And it's one of the most awesome little things you can put in
                                         
    
                                        your body other than my dick. Um, let's go. Let's just go to get super leaf.com. We're gonna walk
                                         
                                        you through. Let's pretend I'm you. Let's, let's walk you through it. I'm at home buying sneakers
                                         
                                        and barely listening to this podcast that you forgot your Patreon login for. So you can't
                                         
                                        delete. That's right. And you're waiting for your card to expire and you're gonna get a new number.
                                         
                                        You got a mental note somewhere in your head that says, delete my hometown and Pluto.TV
                                         
                                        subscription. And you just never get around to it. Um, it's funny cause like this is
                                         
                                        essentially just a Homer Simpson's happy dude telemarketing scam. Yes. Just send me a dollar.
                                         
                                        Is that, I don't even remember that one. Uh, yeah, it's an auto dialer and he fucking, um,
                                         
    
                                        yeah, there's a great line in that episode where Homer's like, he's like leaving the
                                         
                                        quickie mart or something and the cops are arresting a guy with an auto dialer. And then,
                                         
                                        like, like, I forget, I forget what the line is exactly, but they're locking him up and they're
                                         
                                        like Homer's like, what do you do? He's like, he had an auto dialer to scam people out of money,
                                         
                                        but there won't be any that where this guy's gone. The slammer will be sexually abused.
                                         
                                        Just a year. Justice serve, boys.
                                         
                                        Oh fuck. Auto dialer. Anyway, uh, you can get Kraytum at this website, which is,
                                         
                                        and not just any Kraytum powders and capsules, and they're pronounced somewhere and teabag.
                                         
    
                                        Not that we need it cause we love the product. Adam, I feel like you love to read from this.
                                         
                                        Well, I don't love to read unless it's a smut.
                                         
                                        You love reading pornography.
                                         
                                        I like reading penthouse forums.
                                         
                                        Or letters.
                                         
                                        Yeah, Jimmy.
                                         
                                        You know, it's crazy.
                                         
                                        You've had a couple penthouse type things happen to me.
                                         
    
                                        Didn't you fuck some lady who was walking her dog or was she homeless or something?
                                         
                                        I don't know what you're talking about.
                                         
                                        Some bitch was homeless.
                                         
                                        Some bitch was looking for shelter and you invited her up and you like to leave.
                                         
                                        Yeah, you exploited a homeless woman.
                                         
                                        This costs money.
                                         
                                        They're making something up right now.
                                         
                                        It's not really.
                                         
    
                                        No, I just remember this story and I'm like bragging about it like this girl didn't have
                                         
                                        a place to stay.
                                         
                                        No, that's not what happened.
                                         
                                        The poor fact that it's not what happened.
                                         
                                        That's literally what happened.
                                         
                                        And it would, Adam would have never done that if he was taking cratum from our friends
                                         
                                        at Getsuperleaf.com because it would have chilled him out.
                                         
                                        Hey, what's this thing?
                                         
    
                                        Huh?
                                         
                                        Oh, that's an auto dialer.
                                         
                                        This bird was using it to pull a telemarketing scam, but instead he's going to rot in the
                                         
                                        slammer for the next 20 years, bread and water, icy showers, guards, bumping your ass around
                                         
                                        the clock.
                                         
                                        The only way out is suicide.
                                         
                                        Oh, check this out at Getsuperleaf.com, check out the new Ashley's furniture sale at Getsuperleaf.com.
                                         
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                                        So why, why do you guys say hide?
                                         
                                        You know, right?
                                         
    
                                        Because it's necessary.
                                         
                                        It's, you know, some, some prefer it.
                                         
                                        I'm going to do my own little branding.
                                         
                                        Here's the thing.
                                         
                                        Tastes like fucking absolute shit, but it fucks you up.
                                         
                                        It feels good.
                                         
                                        Well, here's the thing.
                                         
                                        Some people and not me, yeah, like to suck dick with a condom on.
                                         
    
                                        Okay.
                                         
                                        Yeah.
                                         
                                        That's what cratum capsule is.
                                         
                                        Yeah.
                                         
                                        If you want to suck dick, if you want to suck the cratum cock and while it's wearing a
                                         
                                        condom, yeah, then get the capsules if you want a raw dog, do the powder.
                                         
                                        Three or four teaspoons of this thing every two hours, every single day of your life.
                                         
                                        Right.
                                         
    
                                        It's a one-way ticket to Woodstock 69, Mike.
                                         
                                        You're fucking, you're getting trails, visuals, and you're really changing society.
                                         
                                        Venereal diseases.
                                         
                                        You're not even worried.
                                         
                                        Yeah.
                                         
                                        You're thinking about that metaphor I said about condoms.
                                         
                                        You forget to put one on.
                                         
                                        You get the clap.
                                         
    
                                        And Hendricks is soloing.
                                         
                                        Why buy a super speciality?
                                         
                                        You deserve the highest quality product.
                                         
                                        You do.
                                         
                                        You're a good guy.
                                         
                                        You're a good girl.
                                         
                                        Our listeners deserve.
                                         
                                        And they strive to give you that every step.
                                         
    
                                        Every step.
                                         
                                        Unless you're handicapped, in which case every, every, every roll, every breath that controls
                                         
                                        the chair.
                                         
                                        Right.
                                         
                                        Because let me tell you something.
                                         
                                        If you're paraplegic, you're going to be, you're going to love this stuff.
                                         
                                        You're going to have to be fucked up to not, to not spit out the breathing tube when your
                                         
                                        wife is in the other room.
                                         
    
                                        Which the other room texting another guy that's being very supportive about a recently paralyzed
                                         
                                        husband.
                                         
                                        Who's just biding his time.
                                         
                                        He's biding his time.
                                         
                                        Dude.
                                         
                                        And there's nothing you can do about it.
                                         
                                        This is rear window and it's a paralyzed guy and he's calling the police.
                                         
                                        He's like, my wife's fucking a guy across the street and they're like, well, sir, that's
                                         
    
                                        not against the law.
                                         
                                        So he's a, maybe I'd suggest closing the blinds or can you fuck somebody else?
                                         
                                        And then she's like, no, I'm paralyzed or like, was it in Iraq?
                                         
                                        And he's like, no, I, I jumped off a, I fell or something.
                                         
                                        Yeah.
                                         
                                        I tried to kill myself and I got 98% of the way there.
                                         
                                        Yeah.
                                         
                                        They're like, well, listen, buddy, it sounds like she's doing a lot for you.
                                         
    
                                        She deserves to fuck somebody else.
                                         
                                        She deserves to get that pussy knocked loose while you're over there with your whatever
                                         
                                        the fuck.
                                         
                                        No, God damn it.
                                         
                                        No, it's not fair.
                                         
                                        I want to fuck my wife's pussy at the very least, you could fuck a guy that doesn't
                                         
                                        live in the building five feet away from ours, dude, that would be kitchen.
                                         
                                        That would be horrible.
                                         
    
                                        It'd be fucking paralyzing.
                                         
                                        Your wife just takes the tube out of your mouth, fuck someone three inches in front
                                         
                                        of you.
                                         
                                        And you can do nothing.
                                         
                                        You're just blinking hard as shit.
                                         
                                        Well, she's getting her pussy just fucking walloped.
                                         
                                        But I tell you what would make that awesome is get super.
                                         
                                        Yeah, it would really take the edge off of that job of being a cruelly, cruelly cuckold
                                         
    
                                        it.
                                         
                                        We're inches away from your special wheelchair, which means special in Spanish, which is super
                                         
                                        and super and super big, big, big, special, big retard.
                                         
                                        That's a big, big retard, that was the original name, but they couldn't get the patent.
                                         
                                        Something was already as anyone see my chocolates.
                                         
                                        No big retard, but we have creative here for you.
                                         
                                        What's that?
                                         
                                        Shut up and drink just drink it.
                                         
    
                                        I feel even more like myself.
                                         
                                        If somebody wasn't like me, they probably feel a lot like me after taking this.
                                         
                                        Yeah, I feel like I am Sam and the classic hit.
                                         
                                        I am Sam.
                                         
                                        I am Sam, I am Sam, I am Sam.
                                         
                                        So anyway, folks, you're going to love this fucking thing.
                                         
                                        Let me tell you something.
                                         
                                        They got a 30 day guarantee.
                                         
    
                                        If you're not happy, then neither are we or they, neither are they and neither are we
                                         
                                        either.
                                         
                                        We want you to be happy, but only with the products you buy from us, not in your personal
                                         
                                        life.
                                         
                                        I don't give a fuck.
                                         
                                        We don't care about that.
                                         
                                        We don't care.
                                         
                                        We care about you being happy with super special.
                                         
    
                                        So they offer a 30 day money back guarantee on all products, orders placed by 2 p.m. Eastern
                                         
                                        time.
                                         
                                        That's New York time, baby.
                                         
                                        Eastern standard time.
                                         
                                        That's so true, man.
                                         
                                        Why don't they call it New York standard time?
                                         
                                        The same day every day.
                                         
                                        You hear that, folks, 1 57 p.m.
                                         
    
                                        You're rolling out of bed and you're like, fuck, the stuff I was using to get off heroin
                                         
                                        that I still do heroin and, but now I drink Kratom also.
                                         
                                        I'm running out.
                                         
                                        You hit that, you place that order button at 1 59 p.m.
                                         
                                        Boom.
                                         
                                        It's fucking headed your way, brother.
                                         
                                        Johnny Walnuts over at Super Specialist has got that shit in a bag.
                                         
                                        It's being shipped to your house.
                                         
    
                                        So long as it's still legal.
                                         
                                        Yep.
                                         
                                        And it is for now.
                                         
                                        It is.
                                         
                                        So long as Nancy Pelosi is still spending her entire day inside her trading and not
                                         
                                        really worrying about anything that happens to people, this will remain legal.
                                         
                                        That fucking dumb bitch, except that, you know, that's like the funniest thing about the war
                                         
                                        on drugs is like, you know, it was just a thing to put black people in jail or whatever.
                                         
    
                                        And so they decided what drugs are going to be illegal.
                                         
                                        And then we got all this other wild shit that they're like, we don't have time to pay attention
                                         
                                        to this.
                                         
                                        They won't make the other stuff legal.
                                         
                                        Right.
                                         
                                        They won't take the time to do that.
                                         
                                        But like, they just get all these little loophole bullshit.
                                         
                                        Yeah.
                                         
    
                                        But it's not even loophole.
                                         
                                        It's like just more drugs, right?
                                         
                                        You know, it's just like, that's how fucking lazy they are.
                                         
                                        They are.
                                         
                                        They won't even like make the other shit legal or they won't do what we should or get off
                                         
                                        the pod.
                                         
                                        Thank you.
                                         
                                        That's why that's, you know, if I were in Congress, I would work for the people by doing
                                         
    
                                        a podcast in my office once a week.
                                         
                                        It's got to be happening.
                                         
                                        There's that one guy who keeps tweeting, fucking annoying.
                                         
                                        The wheelchair guy.
                                         
                                        They all tweet Madison, Erick's wall, uh, who's that fucking guy?
                                         
                                        He's Chinese Ted, Ted Lasso, Ted Lasso, Ted Chang, Ted Chang, or maybe he's not Chinese.
                                         
                                        Ted, Ted walk, Ted walk.
                                         
                                        I don't fucking know.
                                         
    
                                        Anyway, did we get a promo code on that?
                                         
                                        We still are doing a read.
                                         
                                        Oh, let's keep going then.
                                         
                                        Friendly service.
                                         
                                        Let me tell you about it.
                                         
                                        I love when a place has friendly service.
                                         
                                        They never leave their customers hanging and not at once.
                                         
                                        Yeah.
                                         
    
                                        Unless in the rare circumstance, you accidentally order a 201 B.M.
                                         
                                        Yeah.
                                         
                                        You run out of creative and then you have to kill yourself and you should even so make
                                         
                                        sure.
                                         
                                        Let me, let me just be clear.
                                         
                                        You, you have to and you should be funny if they're branding was just super special
                                         
                                        to us.
                                         
                                        Get addicted.
                                         
    
                                        Get addicted.
                                         
                                        That would be fucking sick actually.
                                         
                                        We never leave our customers hanging a relationship and you is very important to us and we will
                                         
                                        do everything in our power to make your experience a great one.
                                         
                                        It's a relationship.
                                         
                                        100% happiness guarantee.
                                         
                                        Wow.
                                         
                                        Even your wife can't promise you that.
                                         
    
                                        No.
                                         
                                        No.
                                         
                                        Cause she's a fucking bitch.
                                         
                                        She's a bitch.
                                         
                                        And you need something to deal with.
                                         
                                        Yeah.
                                         
                                        How about 100% bitch?
                                         
                                        How about, how about, how about a little treat from the garden to eat?
                                         
    
                                        That's right brother.
                                         
                                        Take your mind off your fucking crumbling.
                                         
                                        You just drink, drink your cranium, chill out on the couch, throw on Danny California.
                                         
                                        Oh yeah.
                                         
                                        Just jam out brother.
                                         
                                        Look up to the sky and say show me.
                                         
                                        Deliver me.
                                         
                                        Yeah.
                                         
    
                                        Deliver.
                                         
                                        Show me.
                                         
                                        And that's how, that's how God will reveal himself to you.
                                         
                                        I actually, I actually, I spoke to God, I was fucked up on drugs.
                                         
                                        And I spoke to God.
                                         
                                        That's awesome.
                                         
                                        That's, I love that.
                                         
                                        Cause have you ever met anybody that like earnestly claims, I spoke to God on mushrooms.
                                         
    
                                        You have?
                                         
                                        That God's like, all right, I'm going to reveal myself to humanity.
                                         
                                        Well, they say that.
                                         
                                        Oh look, the biggest fucking loser in the world, that's who my messenger is going to
                                         
                                        be.
                                         
                                        Yeah.
                                         
                                        That's my, that's my prophet.
                                         
                                        Right.
                                         
    
                                        Some moron in fucking toe shoes.
                                         
                                        Just traipsing around the graveyard and interrupting funerals from the distance.
                                         
                                        We subject our, their products to the strictest quality control standards in the industry.
                                         
                                        Every batch is thoroughly inspected and lab tested for impurities and contaminants.
                                         
                                        And look at these, look at these reviews here from someone named Evie.
                                         
                                        I wonder if she's hot.
                                         
                                        Is she a girl?
                                         
                                        She's hot.
                                         
    
                                        Does she show her tits?
                                         
                                        I wonder if I can fuck her.
                                         
                                        You probably can.
                                         
                                        Yeah.
                                         
                                        Do you think?
                                         
                                        I'm going to need a, I'm going to need the good folks over at super special said to pull
                                         
                                        to give us her email.
                                         
                                        The IP address for you, Claire W. Oh, L and B. Oh, I was sucking my dick.
                                         
    
                                        Ellen B.
                                         
                                        Spamoni garden.
                                         
                                        Yeah.
                                         
                                        So a lot of chicks use this product.
                                         
                                        A lot of girls that it's a good icebreaker.
                                         
                                        A lot of hot girls use this product, just walk around town drinking Kratom.
                                         
                                        And if you see a woman with a cup, you know, doesn't matter what she got, you'd be like,
                                         
                                        ma'am, ma'am, I couldn't notice when you're drinking something, or you also fucked up
                                         
    
                                        on Kratom.
                                         
                                        Are you, are you on Kratom bitch?
                                         
                                        Yeah.
                                         
                                        Or even better, you see one with a cup, pour a little Kratom in there without even her
                                         
                                        asking.
                                         
                                        And she'll see, she'll think of you as a gentleman.
                                         
                                        And guess what?
                                         
                                        It's legal.
                                         
    
                                        So whatever happens after that, you're like, it's not a date rape drug, relax.
                                         
                                        Yeah.
                                         
                                        While you're getting arrested.
                                         
                                        And Jesse are, that could go either way.
                                         
                                        Yeah.
                                         
                                        Jesse.
                                         
                                        Probably a hot chick first.
                                         
                                        Could be Jesse, Jesse's a girl, or Jesse's girl?
                                         
    
                                        Jesse's girl has sucked my fucking dick.
                                         
                                        I wish Jesse was a girl.
                                         
                                        Then I could suck it on her dick.
                                         
                                        I want to chop his nuts off now.
                                         
                                        We're just such good friends.
                                         
                                        If only Jesse could identify as a girl, maybe I put a gun in her hand, and make Jesse become
                                         
                                        a girl.
                                         
                                        I'm going to put lipstick on Jesse's lips, because I'll do anything that I'll be gay.
                                         
    
                                        I'm going to make him wear a dress.
                                         
                                        Uh, just quick links, we'll go to the affiliates links.
                                         
                                        What is an affiliate program, this is interesting.
                                         
                                        Affiliate programs are pretty common.
                                         
                                        I don't think we need to read this.
                                         
                                        I'm, I'm interested.
                                         
                                        Oh, I'm listening.
                                         
                                        They got, wait, hold on, they have a support chat.
                                         
    
                                        So I'll put email or maybe I forgot that gmail.com was my, hey, I forgot my, you know, I left
                                         
                                        a review recently, um, and I seem to, and I seem to have forgotten my address, my address
                                         
                                        and how big my tits are forgotten, uh, my address.
                                         
                                        He's submitting it, folks also, um, give you full permission to release my information
                                         
                                        to me, right now, recently, and I forgot my address and phone number, um, because I moved
                                         
                                        because my abusive boyfriend, my abusive, you got to give a backstory boyfriend kicked
                                         
                                        me out and, and stole all my freedom me out and I was wondering if you could provide me
                                         
                                        with my contact information.
                                         
    
                                        If I am not permission, yeah, information, my backup.
                                         
                                        So long as I am not what you would describe as fat,
                                         
                                        I would say busted, but you know what I mean.
                                         
                                        Yeah.
                                         
                                        What about, I mean, not like BBW because some, because some bitches are big, but it makes
                                         
                                        sense.
                                         
                                        Anyway, so what is my phone number, okay, send message.
                                         
                                        And this is at super speciosa.com.
                                         
    
                                        It was.
                                         
                                        They're standing by for your questions 24 hours a day, seven days away, even on Christmas.
                                         
                                        Yeah.
                                         
                                        You can ask questions.
                                         
                                        You can find out once super deals on Kratom click here and Adam, why don't you tell the
                                         
                                        folks the promo code in the deal, uh, you for 20% off your order, I think so.
                                         
                                        You put in a checkout, come down or come down 20.
                                         
                                        Yeah.
                                         
    
                                        That's a safe guess as to what it and I think it's 20% off in perpetuity.
                                         
                                        I don't think it's your first order.
                                         
                                        If I only one way to find out folks, go to the website and try those things out.
                                         
                                        Try, try some shit out and tell them come down and tell them come down, sent you and
                                         
                                        ask Evie if she'd like to come over and suck our car.
                                         
                                        If he happens to be somebody that found out about Kratom through the show, and she is
                                         
                                        hot, and you're hot, and you'd like to go to Korean barbecue, send an email to customer
                                         
                                        service.
                                         
    
                                        It's support.com and we'll get somebody, we'll get somebody appropriate to, we'll get someone
                                         
                                        on the horn.
                                         
                                        Our, our, um, our liaison for customer affairs for bitches that want to cost a Korean barbecue,
                                         
                                        Mr. Stavros Halkins will be in touch.
                                         
                                        Oh, and guess what time it is.
                                         
                                        Why did we talk about a certain pill?
                                         
                                        Well, it's chewable tablets, yeah, chewable tablets, uh, that, uh, edbluechew.com.
                                         
                                        Sex with chewable tablets, right for you.
                                         
    
                                        I don't know, a person I think you should be having sex with men or women.
                                         
                                        That's right.
                                         
                                        That is a hilarious way to fucking phrase that.
                                         
                                        Yeah.
                                         
                                        Yeah, it looks like this guy fucks the tablets.
                                         
                                        It does.
                                         
                                        Yeah.
                                         
                                        He's almost gay, but he's a straight look in his eyes.
                                         
    
                                        Yeah.
                                         
                                        He's just here for men.
                                         
                                        Right.
                                         
                                        Right.
                                         
                                        That's correct.
                                         
                                        What do you need?
                                         
                                        Oh, there you go.
                                         
                                        Yeah.
                                         
    
                                        And personally, folks, I am a big user of bluechew.com.
                                         
                                        We all are as has been documented through the years, and I've gotten, I'd like to say
                                         
                                        I've gotten fatter recently and my dick works even worse than it used to and without these
                                         
                                        pills, I'd probably kill myself for her, I'm sorry, chewable tablets.
                                         
                                        I'd probably kill myself.
                                         
                                        That's right.
                                         
                                        What do you know?
                                         
                                        We're here at bluechew.com and they also have a support chat.
                                         
    
                                        Let's see if there is.
                                         
                                        My name is Jonathan handsome.
                                         
                                        Okay.
                                         
                                        Handsome.
                                         
                                        And folks, the nice thing about bluechew, my email is chocolate man, chocolate man and
                                         
                                        give a pussy.com.
                                         
                                        Yeah, you're pretending to be like a French black guy.
                                         
                                        Give me pussy.com.in.
                                         
    
                                        India.
                                         
                                        Yeah.
                                         
                                        Do you happen to know he's a man, you know, start chat.
                                         
                                        Start chat.
                                         
                                        Yeah.
                                         
                                        Start chat.
                                         
                                        Live chat, live chat, yeah, we're in queue position one everybody.
                                         
                                        Live support.
                                         
    
                                        Bluechew.
                                         
                                        Go website.
                                         
                                        So bluechew.
                                         
                                        They got a lot of different.
                                         
                                        Is it a break or is it a W?
                                         
                                        Okay.
                                         
                                        Well, hold on real quick.
                                         
                                        Never mind about Evie.
                                         
    
                                        Hello Zareza.
                                         
                                        Zareza is a hot name, honestly.
                                         
                                        What did you say?
                                         
                                        I said never mind about Evie.
                                         
                                        Hello Zareza.
                                         
                                        Are you a nurse by chance?
                                         
                                        Nurse by chance.
                                         
                                        My dick works by the way.
                                         
    
                                        The way I was actually looking for a different website.
                                         
                                        Zareza does not seem to be replying anyways, bluechew.com made in the USA, which is so
                                         
                                        important to us, you know, because they know that our dicks need more blood flow than a
                                         
                                        Chinese.
                                         
                                        Right.
                                         
                                        Right.
                                         
                                        Yeah.
                                         
                                        They're calibrated.
                                         
    
                                        Barely.
                                         
                                        Barely.
                                         
                                        Yeah.
                                         
                                        Let's just say barely.
                                         
                                        Did she text you back?
                                         
                                        Yeah.
                                         
                                        She's being kind of a bitch actually, Zareza is.
                                         
                                        Yeah.
                                         
    
                                        You know, I ask her like what?
                                         
                                        My dick works by the way.
                                         
                                        Yeah, Zareza does not seem to be replying.
                                         
                                        Is sex with chewable tablets right for you?
                                         
                                        Oh, Zareza's typing.
                                         
                                        Oh, here we go.
                                         
                                        We got a response from Zareza at Bluechew.
                                         
                                        What's she saying?
                                         
    
                                        Uh-oh.
                                         
                                        She stopped typing.
                                         
                                        No.
                                         
                                        I think she was typing and then you sent my dick works by me and she stopped.
                                         
                                        Come on.
                                         
                                        So look at that.
                                         
                                        We had her.
                                         
                                        First of all, it's a plan.
                                         
    
                                        It's a prescription, you know, like any medicine.
                                         
                                        So there's four tiers here.
                                         
                                        We got active.
                                         
                                        That's for Jim going guys that are trying to have sex in the shower.
                                         
                                        There's busy.
                                         
                                        That's for the office type.
                                         
                                        The office.
                                         
                                        What's the fuck, the secretary?
                                         
    
                                        There's popular.
                                         
                                        That's if you're in high school.
                                         
                                        You're one of the kids from before.
                                         
                                        Yeah.
                                         
                                        If you're in high school and then pro, which is for Tony Hawk and Sean.
                                         
                                        No, wait, there's a new chat that's popped up.
                                         
                                        What's she saying?
                                         
                                        Okay.
                                         
    
                                        Hello, Jonathan.
                                         
                                        Thank you for choosing blue two or more than happy to assist you with your blue two questions
                                         
                                        related to our products and services.
                                         
                                        Please.
                                         
                                        I was providing customer support.
                                         
                                        You must conduct yourself in a professional way.
                                         
                                        I'm sorry.
                                         
                                        I'm a crypto miner.
                                         
    
                                        And I just, I'm really stressful with what's with everything that's going on in Kazakhstan.
                                         
                                        I'm stressed out.
                                         
                                        Hello, Jonathan.
                                         
                                        We're happy to get your cock.
                                         
                                        But be a professional about it.
                                         
                                        Be a pro.
                                         
                                        I'm sorry.
                                         
                                        I said, I'm sorry.
                                         
    
                                        I'm a crypto miner.
                                         
                                        And as you know, Kazakhstan has fucked me in my ass.
                                         
                                        They say, haha.
                                         
                                        Zareza W has left the chain.
                                         
                                        Great.
                                         
                                        This chat is one of the most stunning.
                                         
                                        Give her five stars.
                                         
                                        Give her the thumbs up.
                                         
    
                                        Stunning women.
                                         
                                        I've had the pleasure of parlaying with the pleasure of parlaying.
                                         
                                        I said, haha.
                                         
                                        Sponsorship for sexually harassment.
                                         
                                        That would be so fucking good, man.
                                         
                                        Oh, yeah.
                                         
                                        So they got, they got four plans are the active.
                                         
                                        That's only $20.
                                         
    
                                        Yep.
                                         
                                        Busy 30.
                                         
                                        Popular.
                                         
                                        50 and pro 90.
                                         
                                        $90 for 34 cock tablets a month.
                                         
                                        So you get to have a day where you have to 34 times a month.
                                         
                                        That sounds about right.
                                         
                                        That's about how you pop a couple pills.
                                         
    
                                        Watch all dogs go to heaven.
                                         
                                        Right.
                                         
                                        You know, and you're like, what the hell is going on?
                                         
                                        So now the hard ass dick, the dogs talk.
                                         
                                        It's a beautiful, wonderful product.
                                         
                                        And if your cock doesn't get hard, whether that's because you have anxiety, your girlfriend
                                         
                                        or boyfriend is ugly, then you can't get hard for them anymore.
                                         
                                        Or you're secretly gay.
                                         
    
                                        RX only chewable tablet.
                                         
                                        Free online consultation.
                                         
                                        Discrete shipping.
                                         
                                        Discrete.
                                         
                                        D-I-S-C-R-E-E-T shipping.
                                         
                                        Right.
                                         
                                        And that is how it's spelled.
                                         
                                        Which is different from discreet.
                                         
    
                                        D-I-S-C-R-E-T-E.
                                         
                                        Is that so?
                                         
                                        What's that mean?
                                         
                                        A separate event?
                                         
                                        Discrete is separate.
                                         
                                        The E-T-E.
                                         
                                        Interesting.
                                         
                                        It's the one spelled like the country.
                                         
    
                                        Why the fuck?
                                         
                                        That's ridiculous.
                                         
                                        You say you remember.
                                         
                                        Because Crete Island is separate.
                                         
                                        Right.
                                         
                                        Discrete.
                                         
                                        That's really good.
                                         
                                        That's a good mnemonic trick for the kids at home.
                                         
    
                                        That's how I do all that.
                                         
                                        Let me say this.
                                         
                                        Desert...deserts are super sweet.
                                         
                                        Deserts are super sweet.
                                         
                                        You get 2-S's.
                                         
                                        Yeah.
                                         
                                        In elementary school my teacher told me
                                         
                                        nobody wants two helpings of sand.
                                         
    
                                        But you know what people want two helpings of?
                                         
                                        That always...
                                         
                                        Is either to dolla fil or to dolla fil.
                                         
                                        Except for those damn terrorists
                                         
                                        that took down the tower.
                                         
                                        To dolla fil, to dolla fil,
                                         
                                        to doable tablets.
                                         
                                        M-mehabil錢.
                                         
    
                                        The same active ingredients as viagra and cealis.
                                         
                                        30 milligrams on the sedentifill
                                         
                                        I think it's nine milligrams of the Tadah, Tadah, Tadah.
                                         
                                        I couldn't tell you.
                                         
                                        And that shit you use promo code CUMTOWN or CUMTOWN20 for,
                                         
                                        what is it, Adam?
                                         
                                        For, you just pay the shipping?
                                         
                                        Free, first month free.
                                         
    
                                        First month free.
                                         
                                        Five bucks for shipping.
                                         
                                        You just pay the shipping, get addicted, bluechoo.com.
                                         
                                        Get a dick hard.
                                         
                                        Get a dick hard.
                                         
                                        Get addicted, get a dick hard.
                                         
                                        Tadah, Tadah, Tadah.
                                         
                                        And it's a beautiful product.
                                         
    
                                        Tadah, old food.
                                         
                                        I mean, it really has done wonders for my cock.
                                         
                                        I'll tell you that one.
                                         
                                        I've changed lives all over this country.
                                         
                                        And I've heard testimonials from men.
                                         
                                        And they've broken my heart.
                                         
                                        I've seen them cry.
                                         
                                        I've cried with them.
                                         
    
                                        They never thought they'd get hard again.
                                         
                                        I know.
                                         
                                        It's a beautiful thing, honestly.
                                         
                                        It's a really beautiful thing.
                                         
                                        Six milligrams or nine.
                                         
                                        I love that it's a slider where it's like,
                                         
                                        let's turn the fucking power up.
                                         
                                        Let's turn the nine milligrams.
                                         
    
                                        Mwah, mwah, mwah.
                                         
                                        Crank that shit through 11.
                                         
                                        Pump myself with drugs and die at fucking 50 years old.
                                         
                                        Yeah, a lot of people are saying.
                                         
                                        Die without a family at 50 years old.
                                         
                                        And somehow I became a fucking millionaire on my couch.
                                         
                                        I became a mint, despite getting much worse at the thing
                                         
                                        I dedicated my life to.
                                         
    
                                        Not even doing it anymore.
                                         
                                        I live without passion.
                                         
                                        Give me the fucking pills.
                                         
                                        Get my dick hard.
                                         
                                        Get my dick hard.
                                         
                                        Literally, I will eat a bunch of dick pills
                                         
                                        and watch all dogs go to him.
                                         
                                        And then spend literally three days
                                         
    
                                        where my only plan is order Hawaiian pizza
                                         
                                        and then I don't even accomplish that.
                                         
                                        You keep talking about this Hawaiian pizza.
                                         
                                        I might have to get some for dinner.
                                         
                                        Then that's bluetube.com.
                                         
                                        Bluetube.com.
                                         
                                        Let's see if we can get another chat going on bluetube.com
                                         
                                        and chat with us, customers.
                                         
    
                                        Oh, I think I'm banned from the chat.
                                         
                                        See, it doesn't seem like you can do another chat.
                                         
                                        Oh, my god, if you're banned from bluetube and...
                                         
                                        Chat ended.
                                         
                                        And then we'll go to...
                                         
                                        Let's open up a private tab.
                                         
                                        Yeah, go to...
                                         
                                        You don't want to get traced.
                                         
    
                                        I'm blue, yeah.
                                         
                                        It'd be funny if the police show,
                                         
                                        oh, yeah, the chat is gone.
                                         
                                        I don't know.
                                         
                                        I'm now no longer allowed to...
                                         
                                        Get a VPN.
                                         
                                        You've been banned from the Bluetooth support chat.
                                         
                                        Well, you get a Tor browser, dude.
                                         
    
                                        Oh, wait, oh, you go to Google Translate.
                                         
                                        I'm going to open a private window,
                                         
                                        but Google Translate.translate.google.com.
                                         
                                        Okay.
                                         
                                        Undetect from English to Chinese.
                                         
                                        My penis is a very child.
                                         
                                        Can you please help me?
                                         
                                        Play it, dude.
                                         
    
                                        You said it perfect.
                                         
                                        Yeah, I speak Chinese, dickhead.
                                         
                                        Now play it from Siri just in English.
                                         
                                        My penis is very child.
                                         
                                        Can you please help me?
                                         
                                        Help me.
                                         
                                        There's a little tally.
                                         
                                        You put a little, yeah, you put a little stank on that.
                                         
    
                                        Yeah, well, I wanted to see more Chinese.
                                         
                                        Let's translate it back into English and see.
                                         
                                        My penis is small.
                                         
                                        Can you help me?
                                         
                                        Perfect.
                                         
                                        I understand the grammar, so I know how to get it to say exactly what I wanted to say.
                                         
                                        Okay, so what are you doing now?
                                         
                                        The chat window.
                                         
    
                                        The chat is back.
                                         
                                        My name, now, instead of Jonathan Handsome, will be Jonathan Chinese, and Chinese, give
                                         
                                        me pussy.com.india.
                                         
                                        Start chat.
                                         
                                        What do you want to see here?
                                         
                                        Keep position three.
                                         
                                        They're busier.
                                         
                                        Keep position three.
                                         
    
                                        Oh, three is not bad.
                                         
                                        Oh, but they, but it's still Jonathan?
                                         
                                        No, yes.
                                         
                                        It's Jonathan Chinese.
                                         
                                        Well, it's like he has an English name and a Chinese name.
                                         
                                        Right.
                                         
                                        Right.
                                         
                                        Right.
                                         
    
                                        Well, we'll just keep waiting on that.
                                         
                                        Keep waiting on that.
                                         
                                        And in the meantime, you guys can go to bluetooth.com.
                                         
                                        These chats are happening live.
                                         
                                        You can view them on the website.
                                         
                                        Right.
                                         
                                        And if you, if you're listening to the show live somehow, really like to see the interaction
                                         
                                        or you can check out either one of the subscription pads, they help you last longer in the bedroom.
                                         
    
                                        They keep you dick hard.
                                         
                                        Keep it harder than you.
                                         
                                        Help you last longer in the bathroom also.
                                         
                                        Yeah.
                                         
                                        And I know what you're thinking.
                                         
                                        You're like, well, it's been all ad reads.
                                         
                                        I hope for the last seven minutes, at least riff, but I'm really quick.
                                         
                                        I just want to say come see me in Sacramento.
                                         
    
                                        Really quick.
                                         
                                        Sorry.
                                         
                                        Sorry.
                                         
                                        I was in Chinese to go over my body there for a second.
                                         
                                        Come see me in Sacramento, Houston, Austin.
                                         
                                        Oh, also in Los Angeles, I'm going to do a February, a birthday show on February 11th.
                                         
                                        So just announced San Francisco, Vancouver, St. Louis, Chicago, Burlington, Vermont.
                                         
                                        My little brother's bachelor party is the next weekend.
                                         
    
                                        Then Charlotte, Nashville, Atlanta, Toronto, Providence, Washington, DC, San Diego.
                                         
                                        I'm sorry.
                                         
                                        I wasn't there.
                                         
                                        We're going to make it up in May.
                                         
                                        So that's that.
                                         
                                        Come see me.
                                         
                                        Stop me that bit.
                                         
                                        It's by the calendar.
                                         
    
                                        Oh, Chavon K joined the chat.
                                         
                                        Oh, it sounds like a girl.
                                         
                                        Oh, also guys.
                                         
                                        You remind me of the gas station.
                                         
                                        Guys, I'm at Lincoln Lodge the 11th and 12th of February and the 18th and 19th.
                                         
                                        I'm in Boston.
                                         
                                        I'm going to be my birthday.
                                         
                                        You're working dude.
                                         
    
                                        Yeah.
                                         
                                        Yeah.
                                         
                                        Come on.
                                         
                                        Take the day off for my birthday.
                                         
                                        You're going to be in LA though.
                                         
                                        Just take the day off.
                                         
                                        Think about me.
                                         
                                        Yeah.
                                         
    
                                        What's your birthday?
                                         
                                        Think about it.
                                         
                                        Oh, hell yeah.
                                         
                                        Oh, they were flying, spawning in Chinese.
                                         
                                        Okay.
                                         
                                        To get started, please make sure you have completed the following.
                                         
                                        That was just an instruction.
                                         
                                        Oh, so when you saying my penis is very small, didn't trigger them to tell you to.
                                         
    
                                        It's very child.
                                         
                                        It's very child didn't have them tell you to be professional.
                                         
                                        They offered a different promo code in here though.
                                         
                                        For the Chinese.
                                         
                                        Yeah.
                                         
                                        I guess Chinese people get a secret deal.
                                         
                                        What's the deal?
                                         
                                        Wow.
                                         
    
                                        It's even another promo code.
                                         
                                        It's not as good as ours.
                                         
                                        Okay.
                                         
                                        Can I just want to see it?
                                         
                                        Can you highlight it so I can read it?
                                         
                                        Yeah.
                                         
                                        Oh, interesting.
                                         
                                        Yeah.
                                         
    
                                        Promo code.
                                         
                                        One.
                                         
                                        Basically the same deal.
                                         
                                        Use promo code.
                                         
                                        Come town 20.
                                         
                                        Yeah.
                                         
                                        Or come town 20% off your order.
                                         
                                        No, no, no.
                                         
    
                                        You get your first order free.
                                         
                                        You get your first order free.
                                         
                                        You just pay the shipping.
                                         
                                        You get your first month free.
                                         
                                        The free box.
                                         
                                        A fire.
                                         
                                        A cracker.
                                         
                                        The sea salt.
                                         
    
                                        The rosemary.
                                         
                                        I fucking love the rosemary.
                                         
                                        Rosemary is very good.
                                         
                                        Do you dip with those?
                                         
                                        Yeah.
                                         
                                        You get a little dip.
                                         
                                        You use with those.
                                         
                                        Sometimes you do a little hummus.
                                         
    
                                        Sometimes you do a little.
                                         
                                        Have you ever had that shit?
                                         
                                        Lobna.
                                         
                                        Sure.
                                         
                                        It's very good.
                                         
                                        Soft cheese.
                                         
                                        I would like it if it was a little saltier.
                                         
                                        Yeah.
                                         
    
                                        It's a little too.
                                         
                                        I put it.
                                         
                                        I put it.
                                         
                                        I put it.
                                         
                                        I want to fuck a labina woman.
                                         
                                        I love it.
                                         
                                        A labina.
                                         
                                        A labina.
                                         
    
                                        What's a labina?
                                         
                                        Latina, but in Downs.
                                         
                                        Oh, with a B.
                                         
                                        Yeah.
                                         
                                        They're all members of the Bloods.
                                         
                                        How about Down syndrome Abbey?
                                         
                                        Have we done that one before?
                                         
                                        I don't think so.
                                         
    
                                        I don't think so.
                                         
                                        And it's like, I don't know how to set the table.
                                         
                                        What's Down to Abbey?
                                         
                                        When's it set?
                                         
                                        At the end of that shit?
                                         
                                        No, it's modern day, Britain.
                                         
                                        Oh, it's modern day?
                                         
                                        Yeah.
                                         
    
                                        But they all behave that way?
                                         
                                        Yeah, dude.
                                         
                                        Are you fucking serious?
                                         
                                        Yeah, that's how they do it.
                                         
                                        I've never seen them show in my life.
                                         
                                        British.
                                         
                                        There's Colin Firth in it.
                                         
                                        Oh, y'all.
                                         
    
                                        It seems like it would be.
                                         
                                        Y'all British.
                                         
                                        Y'all British, folks.
                                         
                                        Oh, y'all British.
                                         
                                        Y'all British.
                                         
                                        Y'all from Britain.
                                         
                                        Oh, y'all British.
                                         
                                        Oh, y'all British.
                                         
    
                                        British.
                                         
                                        All right, Dean.
                                         
                                        All right.
                                         
                                        All right.
                                         
                                        I see, I see y'all in the top hit.
                                         
                                        You gotta tell me how bad on looking like a magician.
                                         
                                        My man said, Aber Cadaba.
                                         
                                        He said, Cheerio Aber Cadaba.
                                         
    
                                        Oh, fuck.
                                         
                                        He said, hocus pocus.
                                         
                                        Hocus pocus suck my shlokus.
                                         
                                        Should we start calling Cox shlokuses?
                                         
                                        Yeah.
                                         
                                        You trying to suck my shlokus, bitch?
                                         
                                        Shlokum.
                                         
                                        Dwight shlokum.
                                         
    
                                        Fucking idiot.
                                         
                                        God is ass.
                                         
                                        We should get Dwight on the show.
                                         
                                        Can we?
                                         
                                        No, I would love that, dude.
                                         
                                        We should start just hitting up Minor.
                                         
                                        I mean, people less famous even than Dwight Yocum.
                                         
                                        Yeah.
                                         
    
                                        And just see if we can get some fun.
                                         
                                        Like Bam Margera.
                                         
                                        Yeah, that was awesome.
                                         
                                        He's been famous.
                                         
                                        Us ruining Bam's life is so funny.
                                         
                                        I don't think it was our fault, I think.
                                         
                                        We were friends for a long, there was a long road.
                                         
                                        It was Vinny's fault.
                                         
    
                                        Vinny's fault.
                                         
                                        Actually, we should get Vinny back.
                                         
                                        And the manager, remember the manager.
                                         
                                        Get that business manager.
                                         
                                        I was wearing that medallion necklace.
                                         
                                        No, you know who we really need back?
                                         
                                        Our man over in the fucking yes.
                                         
                                        Yeah.
                                         
    
                                        He wants to do the show.
                                         
                                        We need Gene.
                                         
                                        He really wants to do the show.
                                         
                                        We got to get our whack.
                                         
                                        Everything they want.
                                         
                                        I'm from New York.
                                         
                                        I'm Italian.
                                         
                                        And I'm Elvis.
                                         
    
                                        You got to think.
                                         
                                        What are the three things people are fans of?
                                         
                                        New York fans.
                                         
                                        You got, because you got New York fans.
                                         
                                        Italian fans.
                                         
                                        You got Italian fans.
                                         
                                        And you got fans of Elvis.
                                         
                                        That was the best fucking.
                                         
    
                                        That was the best moment of the show.
                                         
                                        Yes.
                                         
                                        That weird band interview.
                                         
                                        And then we just bring Gene on.
                                         
                                        And then we call the episode come down with Gene Denapoli.
                                         
                                        And we leave and he's like, fellas, I'm dying here.
                                         
                                        I owe my brother $200,000.
                                         
                                        I hope he's alive.
                                         
    
                                        Remember, he said, we have a disco show.
                                         
                                        We have a black comedy show.
                                         
                                        Yeah.
                                         
                                        Yeah.
                                         
                                        We got a black show.
                                         
                                        Black comedy.
                                         
                                        Did he even say black comedy?
                                         
                                        He said, we've got black comedy.
                                         
    
                                        Yeah.
                                         
                                        Whatever he said was awesome.
                                         
                                        It was very good.
                                         
                                        And make sure you check out patreon.com.com.
                                         
                                        Yeah.
                                         
                                        You didn't like the ads?
                                         
                                        Well, guess what?
                                         
                                        There's a way to get rid of that.
                                         
    
                                        Yeah.
                                         
                                        And when featuring, possibly.
                                         
                                        Well, no, at this point, no.
                                         
                                        It would have been one.
                                         
                                        Yeah.
                                         
                                        Maybe.
                                         
                                        Yeah.
                                         
                                        In the future.
                                         
    
                                        Coming up.
                                         
                                        Yeah.
                                         
                                        Well, you know, go just fucking sign up or whatever.
                                         
                                        And there's a free t-shirt for everybody that there isn't.
                                         
                                        There might be.
                                         
                                        I can do that with you.
                                         
                                        You're entered into a drawing.
                                         
                                        Yeah.
                                         
    
                                        That's what we should do.
                                         
                                        We stay there and enter a drawing.
                                         
                                        Yeah.
                                         
                                        To FaceTime me.
                                         
                                        That would be funny.
                                         
                                        Yeah.
                                         
                                        If I had a FaceTime, everyone would take that.
                                         
                                        No, just one guy.
                                         
    
                                        Yeah.
                                         
                                        I love amaze timing with women on the train.
                                         
                                        Trying to look at their pussies until they spray you in the eyes.
                                         
                                        Yeah.
                                         
                                        You know.
                                         
                                        Ouch.
                                         
                                        There's a lady.
                                         
                                        She is playing out together.
                                         
    
                                        Oh, she hit you with more Chinese.
                                         
                                        I think she won.
                                         
                                        Okay.
                                         
                                        Yeah.
                                         
                                        I feel like they have an email this conversation.
                                         
                                        You should be like, I need a better deal.
                                         
                                        Yeah.
                                         
                                        Try and talk her down.
                                         
    
                                        Yeah.
                                         
                                        What an abysmal job to just copy paste stock answers to people.
                                         
                                        Just people that are looking for questions about day pills.
                                         
                                        Yeah.
                                         
                                        Imagine the kind of guy that needs his dick hard, but doesn't understand how to work
                                         
                                        in the website.
                                         
                                        It's one of the simplest websites I've ever used in my life.
                                         
                                        He's just some old guy.
                                         
    
                                        I'm having trouble.
                                         
                                        Please.
                                         
                                        He's just trying to get his dick hard and just rolling it like that.
                                         
                                        Yeah.
                                         
                                        Fuck.
                                         
                                        I'm working.
                                         
                                        I don't understand.
                                         
                                        I don't understand, folks.
                                         
    
                                        What are we having for lunch, fellas?
                                         
                                        Pussy Chesa.
                                         
                                        Pussy Chesa brought to you by Chex Mix.
                                         
                                        Chex Mix Pussy Flavor.
                                         
                                        It puts the pussy back in pussy.
                                         
                                        It's just like your mama's pussy meal snack.
                                         
                                        You guys ever smell one of those Gwen, the fuck is that bitch's name?
                                         
                                        The first candles.
                                         
    
                                        Yeah, the pussy candle.
                                         
                                        Gwyneth Paltrow.
                                         
                                        I wonder what, like, is it fresh from the shower?
                                         
                                        Or is it like she's been jogging a little bit?
                                         
                                        Yeah.
                                         
                                        After she's getting fucked off.
                                         
                                        It's stuffed with money.
                                         
                                        That's it.
                                         
    
                                        Smell like a pussy wallet.
                                         
                                        If anybody has the Gwyneth Paltrow pussy candle, let me know.
                                         
                                        Let me get a whiff.
                                         
