The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. 298 – owning the chuds

Episode Date: February 10, 2022

lmao we absolutely destroy the chuds on this episode, joining us is genderqueer revolutionary Starbucks Lorenzo to talk about copoganda in cooking mama 2

it is no reason to dress up the thing here we are folks come town the dawn fry cast we watched the end of rocky 2 then we watched dawn fry versus Takahiro Yamahara and now we're watching a whole retrospective on the secret Nintendo secret Nintendo DSR or not yeah oh shit he's about to fight a big fat guy oh yeah Taki bono just about to fight Taki bono okay this is big Goku motherfucker why don't they show the fact I think yeah where's Taki bono interesting yeah this is gonna be we're really in the zone now in terms of watching stuff yeah that podcast just gonna become oh dude he's fighting a

really yeah this guy so folks we've been watching cable recently this is just a YouTube video yeah we're back this is called the legendary power of dawn fry from the world of boxing this is the minute 520 and he is fucking up a really fat guy dawn fry who's a me and Nick were kind of bonding over how cool and hot he looks he's got a great body he's got an incredible body great look great idea look really he's yeah yeah my local kind of looks like that instead of like if instead of boxing he had been a guy that just built the houses and drank beer all right right right yes he's got like the I mean he's so ripped it's

fucking sick yeah he's got that like box he's got that receding hairline where it's like a box but it's still thick he's got a thick-ass mustache I'm really jealous he looks like jacked freddy mercury I wish I could grow just the fucking bushiest mustache but alas God has not given me anything no he's giving me nothing and I've done the best I could yeah I can draw a girl big beer but then I look like a like a like a wizard you look like a yeah a homeless person a cold like a mind like a dwarf another word that starts with home no you're close yes you better you better contribute something to this episode you're gonna come in

take shot I'm not watching the dog you're not you haven't watched the second of the dawn you're watching videos of Mark Marin playing guitar we've been watching we've been watching really hot girl soloing on Instagram yeah soloing what do you mean on the electric guitar can you turn it down a little bit a little bit it's a little bit loud I think I'm having a heart attack for real you really yeah are you okay this has been the final episode it comes what's wrong and make it this there's three and a half minutes to the dawn Friday all right you get a little gas no I just felt like oh it's like pressure and I

know it used to happen but back when I had to go to the cardiologist to go but you're right a little bit you've been a little too much fun maybe it's good we didn't make that call we were considering yeah maybe we're gonna call some girls over should we do a podcast where we're all getting our fucking cocks or get our minds I think we already did that yeah yeah it's called a gay sex karaoke yeah oh wait did they really do that they may have done that they did blowjob karaoke that's awesome yeah Ralph told me about it and he's like yeah next week we're doing blowjob karaoke it's what we do karaoke while getting our

dick sucked my face of the old right modern fascism got points I was coming into blow as well we you know that's I have to say that's pretty cool at this point now I think it is when we were 27 and drenched in irony we're like that's fucking cringe now when you're in your 30s you're like that sounds fucking cool yeah badass I would love to I would love to interview Brett Michaels yeah my dick sucked by I'm by a Sebastian Bach while a woman that looks like some bad shit but with huge faked it she's not a mouthful of cock but she can still sing I gotta say I wonder if I could maintain I have a hard time I feel like

I would get nervous yeah me too I feel like my dick would go soft yeah once the cameras go up now I've had this weird thing happen where I'm into my dick not working right it's like yeah that shit ain't gonna work and then that makes my dick hard oh interesting so that's a sense let's drill into that I recently my first get it my first fucks that's first time getting post covid you just had sex for the first time and I was like oh yeah you know look at this guy over here you are being a little snippy today right I'm not being snippy at all and I won't say today I say on this part on this one let's clean the slate

love you determine we can clean this way you've made that and a little bit I'm gonna go piss in there here's what's really gonna happen okay I'm gonna go piss in there you want me the attitude adjustment and if it smells like shit still we don't get to clean the slay I'm going needle you because you shit I could tell you if it was a smelly one or not it was not because you should against by the way against Nick's wishes he doesn't want you shitting in his house you know what you can do here on your phone number which you've done that's true you could do that I could and you do no it's not gonna smell like

shit I can assure you we'll see it was a fast one I'm gonna wait it was solid there's no funny business I'm gonna wait a little longer before I piss okay and if it smells like shit you're in trouble mister if it smells like a shit and it talks like a shit you're in big fucking trouble chief I'm in big trouble oh fuck yeah just hanging out you know that's been nice we've done a nice little impromptu marathon day yeah where it's pretty I like this cuz the episodes are way out of order it's been an incredibly gloomy Monday they're bad you can do about it except stop listening to the show and guess what we win if you do that

too we've got you in the fucking in a pincers movement or whatever the lobsters trick the con the cunning of the lobster the lock the cunning lobsters yeah pincer that's that's our new name the cunning lobsters I love that dude I love that a lot cunning linguist yeah you said it was what is it blue Monday Adam today is technically blue Adam read a psychology today article when he showed up trying to impress no I was told I tried to impress the girl woman told me on the phone they're trying to impress the girl that was here no I was I would never try to impress another girl yeah other than your girlfriend other than my

girlfriend you try to impress everyone I constantly fail at impressing her I found out about this thing recently acts of service right we have to do nice things not on like a birthday or valid the concept of acts of service you found out about just found out about this thing of doing something nice for your girlfriend yeah you do something nice even just because like leaving not because it's deal with the mice not because it's mandated no the mice are done oh the mice are done mice let's get a mouse update we've had a four-day clean streak okay basically we closed up all the holes we threw poison back in the holes it was

a nightmare it was two months of hell and you really think it's over now I don't I honestly should not have said that because I feel like it's jinxed it yeah because I've said that twice already throughout this ordeal your upstairs neighbor is just chucky cheese my upstairs neighbor has a cat and has no issues oh my wow so that's why you're fucked all the mice stop at you I've offered to loan you my cat numerous I know but that what you're doing is you're getting them at the end of the process you got to hit them at the beginning you gotta find their eggs no you get a net you get a poison that gets on their

well how about let's let's put it this way poison everyone you've tried it your way for months on it it's not my way I've been calling my landlord and she's been pretty unresponsive many times where is it what's a mouse nest sounds like a plan the landlord I don't know it's the plan the plan what's the plan the plan is to fill your apartment with mice so they can take away your civil liberties maybe that's so fucking true for today it's mice and they say all right well maybe that's not now to be to deal with the mice we got to let black people vote so we can steal the election right and guess what you what is going on what is

happening I used to be straight mm-hmm I used to hate looking at guys cocks having sex with women used to feel good doesn't anymore it's kind of bad what is going on what's going on when it did suddenly become better to fuck guys which it is yeah which I love to do and if you're having sex with a guy today there's gonna be a lot more of that tomorrow yeah man Tucker asked the hard questions what is the day today for this I don't know why you asking me you think I get I know where the fuck's going on your hood on your headphones over the hood it's like an M&M style that's a weird I don't like

that you always have to do something weird what I'm wearing a hood you're doing this that's seriously I want to I want to say that Nick is giving you no you never want to say that I do I do I do plenty of times actually okay I do yeah sometimes I go in on it back but okay plenty of times when Nick's a little what am I doing a little too the headphones over you're wearing a hoodie yeah and you put your headphones over it and you use to wear their headphones normally not anymore now they act like fag now they're gay now they're gay I'm kind of trying to do more than eight and the Democratic Party wants this also

it's not that cold in here it's not cold enough for you to be wearing a hoodie it's cozy this way it's blue Monday I just I feel nice this feels nice to me why does this it sucks I don't say that to you about your big-ass fat body anything I don't choose to come on I'm wearing a hood I'm wearing a hoodie on my head yes so what and you're like oh I got a look at that you're putting your foot you're putting the headphones over the hood it's a stupid look I'm doing it's cozy I don't know and by the way you want to cozy being fat as shit is very cozy all right that's what I have a little sympathy for me no I have no

sympathy because I know I'm not naturally I have no sympathy I have to wear sweaters and hoodies and stuff to get cozy you came out of your mom's pussy fat and cozy I'm cold my hands and feet are cold your head isn't cold bro my head feels nice right now you look stupid okay guess what it's not a visual medium you know what I'm taking a picture I'm taking a picture why are you taking a picture so we can vote on the internet does that look stupid don't don't don't post about you know what do you mean don't post don't do that stop's got a popping page this could do a lot for my metrics don't post them on

the internet I've been watching Hype House okay I don't want people zooming my apartment I'll edit I'll edit him out of your apartment don't edit anything I'll edit your apartment put me on an island I don't want to edit him out of your apartment put me on a tropical island I'm gonna put you I'll know yeah okay I'll let the people decide you look stupid let me tell you something the people are nothing if not notoriously fair and democratic especially when it comes to me that's true they always keep an open mind with you they're always incredibly solemonic Solomon honestly dude he's getting too much credit it wasn't that

smart cutting a baby in half not that smart no so what I think he was doing was freaking them out and scaring them so they're like oh we better get along he's playing mind games what Solomon a bitch with BPD fuck that yeah do you like me or not Solomon yeah I want my king to play checkers I want checkers the oh shit Nick's got the blue lights on yeah there's blue lights fuck we're in the aquarium right now I feel like I'm in back in the Baltimore waterfront this shit is cool huh I do like it and I do want fish in here I think I put it dude yes a fish tank would rock tiger fit or an octopus that I feed tiger fish

oh dude you could an octopus without smart you I don't want the octopus to hang one of its arms over the side of the tank he'd eat the cat you know it'd be dodged up yeah yeah it's been like no dude the octopus would eat the cat fine the cat knows where its order is the order of death would you eat your own octopus no just asking I love octopus so delicious it would be cool to have a lobster tank in here though I just make fresh lobster damn now I like at the supermarket yeah if we had if this is damn dude if you had lobster right now just having lobster and we should call the cocaine guy lobster tank and people

could come over and I can say which one do you want dude that would be the host the cunning lobster oh yeah the lobster that's right I could just turn my apartment into a restaurant what bang the microphone on my to the microphone you're fucking idiot who's got a fat body now idiot you're fucking stupid hoodie you're fucking dumb ass headphones I'm about to piss soon I feel cozy what are you anything Macklemore is up to all right he had that awesome costume you see yeah you got canceled for the awesome Jew costume he just came out with the biggest fake nose he basically he

basically painted the wicked witch of the West but it was like just flesh color on the end yeah it was awesome and he was like it's not I'm not being anti-Semitic this is just an ugly guy cost mm-hmm yeah oh over bucking him palace what do you think about Prince Andrew being stripped of his medallions and his military means a lot to me means a lot to me because I've always respected our armed services that's got it if you're a king looking down he's no longer my commanding officer right you know I gotta say monarchy has fallen if you can't even fuck kids mm-hmm that king used to be able to do whatever they wanted

mm-hmm we were talking on a different episode Michael Jackson you can you can sing and dance so good you can fuck kids but the king of the king the Prince of England can't fuck kids it is funny that and that's I mean that's societal progress but as a monarch you should feel ashamed the German Empire ended in their last guy you know cuz they were just into like mustaches and spiky feathers will helm or whatever and then they're like let's do Nazis you know were they still with I thought there's a line our public but it didn't last that long I I wish I was a prince so I can really get my streetwear line off the

ground mm-hmm make everyone buy it that would be undignified what do you mean I wish you were a prince I could drag you out into the public square and chop your head off yeah but little do you know that the public adores no chance yes you would be one of the most hated princes I would be loved I would do stuff for every princess Adam I would be I would be universally loved I would I would I would be up in a tower they'd call me they'd call me stavros the jolly mm-hmm and everyone would feed me cakes on my birthday I would just I would wage war yeah Nick would be feared he would be fucking do anything domestically but we

would definitely try to take over the world mm-hmm and then once I had all that power I got nowhere to go for Nicholas wept and there was no more exotic cock to suck yeah it would be funny if we found out Alexander the Great was just conquering all that land to taste different kinds of dick yeah he probably was it's true about Alexander the great the grape mm-hmm and he's like one of the raisin guys California raisins how y'all know how y'all doing I want to take over purge California used to be filled with raisins now it's filled with garbage it's dirty garbage that I can't stop putting up my

ass no you think somebody clean it up maybe I could shove it in my ass oh man dude I love being stupid mm-hmm it will never stop being funny to me right you do just a bare minimum kind of impression of someone and then you add on gay that's the recipe oh that's the formula I can't wait to just be a fucking 60 year old man doing shit like this you think you're gonna make it that long 60 I think I could get to 60 the 60 yeah I don't think much longer than 60 but 60 is not that old anymore you know yeah well I mean mortality is gonna yeah most people are don't have kids until then anywhere you can really have a fun

you know it's gonna drop people are like wow like look how long people live but it's like you know those those generations all had it's gonna end with fucking like you know people live in a 80 90 they're 90 years old or a hundred years old that's done after this in 20 years it's gonna be like people are back with dying in their 70s why do you say that because that everything's fucking good and bad yeah everything's getting bad yeah let's consumer protections you just had two years of your life taken away by a pandemic true yeah like you know that I don't understand how the economy works but everything's more

expensive that's just gonna get worse we're never gonna expand the social safety net you're gonna take your social security away at some point well I'm gonna have a farm upstate yeah all right where I make myself fresh what happens when the farm ends up in probate court what happens when the fuck is probate what happens when I figure I would get ready for that get ready what about prostate court yeah it's a judge putting a gavel up your ass and they don't like it's making you come like state your case and he's like well about two weeks ago the defendant mr. Maus he is a tree fell and damaged my fence in my

yard he's like hold on a second I gotta go to the bathroom okay we're back on prostate court back on prostate court all right you want to go again oh sorry I got a rush to the bathroom again if that was the case if you were a judge you want when you just wear a diaper yeah you got you got to be a fucking robe is this you partner do you have trouble peeing or going to the bathroom you can't tell if it's a penis or your prostate well Liberty Mutual offers a camera an inspection camera that you can put it up your ass and it connects directly to the iPhone or an Android that your children bought you

just ask your grandson can you help me show this camera my ass I'm sure it'll be glad to help you I'm Sam Elliott and also I'm gay there it is the capper I'm Sam Elliott and by the way he's just turning around in the cowboy hat I'm gay but in case you didn't realize I'm also didn't really come up in the first part of the bit I'm poor I'm a homo but I'd like you to know Liberty Mutual I'm so can dig for prostate inspection cameras price is subject to verification only available in the lower 48 states Medicaid subject to approval by the way I'm gay by the way the guy the guy saying this and also the guy the

worth copy a disclaimer guys and if you're straight but you're also gay gay insurance mm-hmm what if insurance was gay what if I know what you're thinking how the hell could insurance be gay that doesn't make any sense well maybe you're a fag and maybe you're perfect for our insurance maybe you need maybe you need insurance to make sure that you don't turn gay here at Liberty Mutual we're offering gay son insurance you've got a newborn son you're already buying baseball gloves what happens when he wants to wear a dress and says he's a girl well naturally you want to kill them up against the wall

and watch the life leave his eyes take him out as easy as it came in now you can just get a million dollars wow Sam why don't you skip the part about killing the kid and you just get some money if he turns out gay okay we'll try again that'd be a cool fraud I'm Sam Elliott you're standing over the lifeless we don't have to kill the little gay kid and also weren't you gay earlier and you know how I survived a payout from the farm insurance company my father burned down the farm because he was so angry about me coming home I didn't know I wanted to grow must ask for different me my father lit himself on

fire and burned the farm but he could have just had the money Liberty gay ass mutual gay insurance introducing gay son insurance brought to you by me gay yes that is correct just down 1-800 GA Y GA Y G AY it was pretty hard to get that number we hope you all enjoy 1-800 1-877 GA Y F-A-G-S call now and make sure you use your penis now we'll be able to tell our operators are standing by waiting to suck your dick this is fucked up Sam Elliott is from Sacramento California what fucking he's not even a real cowboy no dude I don't think he is well born in Sacramento I guess Central California's

I grew up his parents were originally from El Paso Texas there you go Sam Elliott from California wait he moved from California to Portland Oregon when he was 13 what this man is not a fucking cowboy at all dude some fucking thought Sam Elliott was straight guess again he's actually from Sacramento California moved to Portland Oregon at age 13 what happened how did guys like this become our icons growing up I had pictures of Sam Elliott all over my bedroom I wanted to be a tough cowboy just like him but it turns out he's a California homosexual he moves to Portland yeah dude dude what is he some

sort of suicide girl stripper I think he is what is he some sort of the article star tattoos get the ass Adam get the ass lit the ass up with turf bangs hell yeah let him hear it what else what is he some sort of what is he an ethical non monogamous relationship what is he some sort of boyfriend girlfriend boyfriend girlfriend husband wife girlfriend what is he he they he the same what is he fucking he fucking get $9 donuts for breakfast you guys got to watch that Louie through documentary about the about Paulie couples in Portland oh yeah this guy's wife is just banging out her boyfriend

wait a second don't we have to sell something yeah we might have to sell something what oh damn yes we're having fun with gay Sam Elliott time flies when you're when you're phone in an episode and this one is brought to you by our friends in my bookie not F.A.G. yeah I was about to say what do you think that stands for don't look at this screen I just want to see what don't look at the screen what date is it don't look at it who nine don't look at it it's my birthday in a couple days I was birthday in a couple days and guess what it's super the Super Bowl the big game the big game the big game is coming up

when I have a bird I'm doing a birthday show in Los Angeles 211 and then after that I'm in Houston I'm in Austin I'm in Dallas San Francisco Vancouver St. Louis Chicago stavi.biz for tickets and this week in Burlington Vermont Charlotte Nashville Atlanta go ahead like this weekend I'm in Chicago at the this weekend I'm Chicago the how about how about we do the read and then you can do the plug this week and I'm in Chicago the watch the next week in Boston thank you never you can bet on which one of those shows is gonna be better yeah I'm the heavy favorite it's close to off the board stop in Houston that's a that's

the even money right there anyway so my bookie that a g it's the fucking big game this weekend folks who are you gonna put your money on I know I'm betting on it's a big it's the big game in the packers the Jacksonville Jaguars are squaring off against the it's the Atlanta Falcons British Columbia yes so and I for one cannot wait for the big game this weekend and you can bet on all of it at my bookie dot a g we're live and we're doing this live we're at the Super Bowl at the Super Bowl Taiwan has fallen and it is now part of China Joe Biden is dead executed that'll be so funny what a waste of an assassination

mm-hmm well the funniest thing to happen would be Joe Biden getting COVID and dying of COVID that would be pretty good Trump guy COVID everyone's like I hope he dies Trump ate that like it was nothing yeah because it doesn't honestly winning elections doesn't matter you know because it'll just be like I won the election right but if Biden got COVID and died from COVID you know Trump could know my god they don't exist they would have to they would not be able to let him on Twitter for 24 hours I can get banned after that but give him 24 one day I got it look we all know I got it we got it and I was fine it was fine folks

who's the better man and he was fine but it's Super Bowl LV oh that's a nice round Super Bowl Las Vegas yeah but it's not Las Vegas I think it's in Los Angeles oh I'll be there yeah you'll be a try and go of course and stop is gonna be performing at halftime with Bruno Mars also talk about my bookie dot AG their team of meticulously hand-picked professionals with a refined skill set stemming from years in the online gaming industry they have a vision that's redefining the gaming scene by establishing my bookie is the world's leading online sports betting and gambling website their models proving a

unique personalized and stress-free gaming experience for every client to enjoy according to your preferences whether it be athletic or sexual yeah ours they have 24 7 customer support to offer assistance and aid for your concerns and phones and email or chat and it's the moment you've been waiting for the NFL play officer here Antonio Brown is on the right go ahead no this is the old copy that's in us the copy for but I can't imagine it's for anything other than now that's the fucking big game Adam Adams Adams wedding yep they're betting on that and embarrass himself with his wedding there

boyfriend would you marry Eric Adams for a million dollars Adam depends if I get my fairytale wedding yeah it the wedding is crazy it's awesome oh it's gorgeous there's like wearing the cutest dress you ever like slow flakes coming down before the playoffs kickoff way just gown wager on your pick to take home Super Bowl 56 that's right Packers are looking like obvious favorites but you can't count on the defending champ or you can't you can't can't amount out can't count out not can't count on the defending champion buccaneers the field they took care of business is wide open this is the field

is Adam's ass so head to my bookie and black your team all the way back it's back I was getting a little like a pun like a fun marketing I guess most of the guys on a football team are black right yeah it's time to get black to business with coca-cola yeah but I'm just thinking about you know I'm trying to oh things that are the car I want to open up an ad agency after because I think I've really revolutionized his way people think about marketing I agree yeah before us no one was doing 13-minute meandering barely barely counts as commercials you can double your first deposit with your initial deposit 10%

cash bonuses up to 200 holy 150% casino bonus exclusive access to the my bookie discord famously with the January 6 right that's not where they were that's not where they were you can't say that it wasn't not I can't say that it was not nothing to do with how would you know unless you were there stop you know where it was organized I just know it wasn't on that because they're very good very fine people over at my bookie that wouldn't want to be associated so we'll say it was an act that was as bad as 9-11 may have been also I hate when they do that they keep doing that thing

we're like Trump said Nazis were very fine people but they like completely remove the context and look the way he said it yeah which he's like so some of these some of these people are fine yeah we got some fun ass these are so fine boring yeah I mean if you listen to the video he's clearly just trying to have sex he's trying to fuck some of those whores yeah he was doing those Long Island Republican whores I don't know that's what I would say if I was you know a bus driver or a guy that was using my bookie dot AG to place a wager on the Super Bowl they match your deposit up to a thousand

dollars can you imagine such a thing that's incredible you get a twenty five percent sports reload up to five hundred dollars I love having my sports reload and I guess fill me up my fucking two hundred and fifty percent your sports bonus or if you want your sports reloaded you have to bend over in a bathroom in front of AOC's boyfriend what is it going on yesterday I received a drawing of AOC putting his feet into my ass don't believe me take a look at my bookie dot AG so what's the promo code Nick what is it we don't use

that kind of language I don't know what the fucking promo code it cost at me it's come down or come down 20 you guys know the deal just fucking figure out when I think right I think you I got yelled at once we're using that for my bookie well that's because you did it on purpose I didn't do it on purpose it's another hoodie thing no I didn't do the hoodie thing either it's another hoodie thing just I'm just now you're lashing out because of my honest virtuous mistake thinking I came up with that express this man that was a mistake of shit a chivalrous mistake yeah the kinds that Arthur the nights at Arthur's

round table would make yeah and if you're in Chicago this weekend I'll be at the Lincoln Lodge on Friday Arthur's round hole that's true and what's more important is that if you're in Los Angeles this weekend I'll be at the good old large room on my birthday the 11th and then again Texas and Francisco Vancouver St. Louis Chicago oh it's time to piss and find out if Adam shit very smelly and I gave you a whole hour so fit smells you're in big trouble mr. he may be about 15 minutes trouble little China I saw that's a funny name right little China yeah right China's enormous it's enormous and it's got a lot of

people they got a billion folks over they got a billion motherfuckers over there yeah and yeah you wonder why they're squinting all the time because they're so close together mm-hmm you figured they'd be able to see each other yeah well that's just something too densely popular that's just one of my many thoughts I had this morning I woke up and have my coffee and I get the laptop out and I say time to get some writing done what the hell is it with Chinese people's eyes yeah yeah what is this think we've touched on that what is this the squinting convention I don't know where the hell am I squint con yeah what

do you think they're trying to see I don't I don't think that yeah they're trying to read the fine print you know what probably is that's it's all the goddamn ingredients and they're fucked up food yeah a lot of weird chemicals yeah so they're reading the list they're like I want general so's chicken and they're looking at the label they're what the hell is this mono sodium glutamate that would be cool to live there and where am I Chernobyl to have a general so is everything sounds like rocket fuel yeah mono sodium glutamate isn't that what they were dropping on people in the concentration camps in the showers yeah

I think those zyclone be zyclone be where the hell are we Chernobyl zyclone be this guy's you sound like you're speaking Chinese over here yeah he's one of those Nick is one of those awesome question this comedian yeah I love it where the hell are we Chernobyl Chernobyl that's a dumb name it sounds like a car dealership right Dennis Miller will be at the regatta in Atlantic City this week yeah Chernobyl they're having a meltdown on what gotta see your pussy we're gonna financing yeah check this out check this out baby cheese dick check this out baby cheese dick why don't I suck you down

and get your 1988 dynasty no questions asked as is third chance finance I love it it'll be just like it'll be just like the Parthenon when Homer showed his penis that's one of the most storied events in ancient Greek history so let's do a smell report on the back you know I'm a I'm a fair man yeah I'm a non-biased impartial reporter who are non-binary I'm I thought you said non-binary sorry what was this what was the whole idea we're gonna reset we're gonna do a clean slate clean say it starts clean slate starts now starts now because I will I'm happy to report because you just think Adam I was rooting for you stop asses doing the

TV he's like please get off of me here is it dude I don't know where the fucking remote is fuck maybe it's in my pussy shaking take a little break sorry folks just give us a second we're looking for the remote we need to get a verdict on the smell in the bathroom oh it's right there you're holding it it wasn't my ass after all was it how was close to your ass thank you this innocent okay let's hear okay and like I was saying Adam I was rooting for you yes that's the thing I'm never not rooting for you you are sometimes you let me down constantly so I would say a lot of the time you let

me down they let this Kyle Rittenhouse kid off I won't say constantly I'll say 50-50 I feel like Kyle Rittenhouse let us all down yeah but by going there with a gun I agree let's be honest let's be honest 15 a case a 47 1911 right what the hell is next 9-11 the gun the yeah gun that you to plane a 9-11 the gun mm-hmm is that what's next I think it is they got B-50 everybody's watching this show euphoria you for who me not for me not for me pal that's not what I want to watch I'm trying to watch Andy Rooney so he's dead so Adam I will say smell test good you pass I was watching RuPaul's drag race the other day and the

whole time I'm thinking to myself what the hell is wrong with these women why are they so sexy why they do it for me way more than these I don't understand it's just a show about women wearing clothes yeah and who are their gay friends that prepare their outfits yeah before they get changed I hate those ugly gay man these gay guys make their outfits I wish it was just the hot chicks men wearing women's clothes oh don't spoil it for me I'm still on the 3700th episode I haven't gotten to the end of it yet but they tell you it's actually gay man I hate I just finished RuPaul's drag race I got to the final episode guys the

whole I had no I did did anyone see that coming yeah it's a better ending than lost yeah that's me mm-hmm I never saw lost yeah what's that a show about these people that they they can't find them or something yeah yeah yeah so I think so I had trouble figuring that one out I like this character a lot he's a good guy you got a bottled water now do they have different bottled water for the blacks got about it is interesting to me the second that they don't do fountains anymore they integrated the fountains people like oh let me just get mine in a bottle I got my own thank you I'm bringing it yeah by the store have you

ever seen that Andy Andy Rooney 60 minutes thing on the bottled water no him not understanding the concept he goes in on bottled water pretty good he's like I walked around the office and every single woman had a bottle of water Andy Rooney was literally the fucking best there's one there's one that I saw one time I think it was like a kid but he's like he's like every day I go get a cookie at the just complaining about the cookie coming in a plastic wrap and he's like what the hell is it with the plastic wrap on the cookies now it takes 15 minutes to get it off I want to eat the cookie not look at it on television

yeah it's like a primetime slot a lot of people aren't drinking the water that comes out of their faucet these days we've designed this ruining water bottle I'm gonna fill it from the fountain here and see if I can sell it to the women on this floor it was edited that's not the full thing and Adam fucked up again no Adam blows it what is that a clock how come clocks make that noise wait for real that's the intro tonight Andy's getting a bit retarded you could say Andy's water headed this is one of the most popular Poland spring water it isn't Polish it's from Poland spring main this

pint costs $1.35 in the CBS cafeteria I'll just think about that there are eight pints in a gallon so if your car ran on water instead of on gas and you had to fill a 15 gallon tank with this it would cost $162 to fill your tank with water so fucking true the official bottle water of the US open beach nut added fluoride to it's water if you have a craving for fluoride carries a warning this is not an oral electrolyte solution do not use to manage diarrhea for the warning beach I'll be careful not to do that fuck is this way to bring a bottle of water Saratoka spring water ultra pure

Hawaii water says sources of virgin rainforest it claims when does a rain forest lose its virginity anyway there's a fancy bottle up at that bottle cost more than the water the Sonny is owned by Coca-Cola says the water is treated by reverse osmosis thought I tasted something funny we took some of these get there is to a testing laboratory called Yorktown environmental services to see what was in them we talked to the owner Al Patavani a water expert from all the waters I've seen that are bottled waters and I probably haven't tested all of them but they're very much dead water is what I call they have

nothing in them I drink tap water the water that you get out of a municipal supply or a well-supply has more chemicals that your body needs my office is on the same floor with the staff of the CBS early show about 60 people this is I know I say that every time you gotta figure it out but this is the one all right folks this is a very special shut up for a second they carry it with them wherever they just pause we'll get back to Adam come on man sorry come on this is a very special moment for the show what's up a truly we want to stress that this sponsor who has brought us many years of joy joy our good friends at

cushy dreams oh yeah a really good ass mother our good friends with the they have pre-rolls of CBD and Delta 8 oh they do yeah they do oh that's nice to know do you like do you feel like you can avoid stress and anxiety I do I do I really mean we're having trouble sleeping ah I'm in pain right now I'm trying to go to sleep all I'm trying to sleep but we keep having to do this gay ass podcast fucking gay show or maybe you would like to have a calmer brain while you stay active I do want that too well that's where our friends at cushy dreams have solutions that's awesome mm-hmm I hate when there's problems I

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kombucha's my little you better go my little trick my little trick getting drunk off hard kombucha's and pretending I just I'm tired right and then I haven't fallen off the wagon mm-hmm go to cushydreams.com k ush why at the checkout and to promo code come town for 30% off your next order through the end of the year that's right and that might do that 30% that might have just been for the holidays but I guarantee a promo code you'll get something special for extra holiday deals and fun giveaways the Valentine's Day through the website sign up for the newsletter oh yeah you're gonna want the cushy dreams

sign up for the sign Adam up for the newsletter and smoke your CBD with promo code come town and get 30% off today today folks Martin Luther King would have wanted you to have a cushy dream he really would have wanted that I had a cushy dream that one day I would be gay that I would be one of the King but gay Martin Luther gave you and brought that was in the copy by the way ask us to say that word for word they liked it oh also guys I forgot to mention Martin Luther if you're around on February 17 my name is I'm gonna be a Caroline is Martin to be a pushy I'm a side you've already done three plugs this episode no

no I just take a break you've derailed the show what are you talking to do to do all your plugs in one little block I did one don't don't I forgot one plug you already done you've done twice February 17 Caroline's on Broadway thank you now let's get back to you gotta earn that plug you do you do it Martin Luther you do Martin Luther I have a dream that I tortured dogs for the corona virus no poochie has a dog's pussy don't you even remember Anthony poochie it's all jumbled up no it's not jumbled up it was three hours yeah but it might be in a few future episodes it isn't a future episode not for you though you know who

Anthony Poochie Anthony Poochie is and then it gives you the benefit of the week you look like the guy who invented Anthony poochie we're gonna say you stole that I was the guy look you think I mean to you but I'm setting you up he was setting you up I'm like I was confused I thought you were telling me not to I'm Tom from Miller's Crossing and you're like Verna yeah you're not Leo I'm also Leo I'm Leo and you're Verna I'm Leo no you're clearly fucking I haven't watched in a while had a dream but I'm not that I know you're gonna say I'm not him yeah no the fat John Polito's character what the fuck is his name

yeah actually John is he cool I look kind of like that does he win at the end it's a question of ethics doesn't John Polito kind of come out on top I don't know it's getting to be where a businessman can't fix a fight no more that is me actually that's you if you can't fix a fight what can you trust in the world I had a dream that I was a Italian doctor with a dog's pussy Bernie burn bomb is that good got me man I had a good time you guys want to hear the rest of the same Johnny Casper Johnny Casper Johnny

Casper is is John Polito's character does he win in the movie you're asking me if you can kill Bernie burn bomb I say no it's a bad play Leo oh yeah isn't Leo over over his head we was over his head because he's like he's not so for Verna right he wants Verna's pussy and he doesn't realize Tom's fucking her and Verna's just trying to protect her brother who Johnny Casper wants to kill I see and Leo won't let Johnny Casper kill Bernie burn bomb because of his attachment to right so it's the woman that's got Leo fucked up otherwise you know Tom would just tell him let him

whack fucking Bernie yeah who gives a fuck because Bernie burn bomb is a homosexual oh right okay it's all coming back to me that's the twist he's having an affair it's all coming back having an affair with with Fink when you suck on Steve Buscemi who's the Dane who is Johnny Casper is like muscle is gay with Fink and then Fink is fucking burn bomb there's a lot of lentin and interesting layers it is a perfect move it's a great flick yeah you said you would you say you didn't not yet not yet not until there's a silence until I'm done repeating lines from billers-cross as I was you said you would die you said you

didn't care about Leo I said I was do you remember those classic lines for billers-crossing try this one on for size Miller's penis Miller's motherfucking penis Jesus time I just asked you to show me your cock why don't you show me your cock firstly oh that's good stuff okay where were we at I'm going the water that you get out of a municipal supply or well supply has more chemicals that your body needs my office is on the same floor with the staff of the CBS early show about 60 people almost all the women working there have a bottle on their desk it's like a security blanket it's always there they

carry it with them wherever they go I think more women than men drink bottled water to out by the elevator here there's a water fountain the water is cooled very good and the filter is changed regularly I have never seen anyone drink this free water so maybe I'll try and get in on this bottled water boom we've designed this Rooney water bottle and I'm gonna fill it from the fountain here and see if I can sell it to the women on this floor I'm gonna see if I can take a peek at the pussies of the women on the floor he made his own water that's awesome that's really interesting because women

are so stupid that's so sick that that was his job it's like a security blanket for these brawls he's fucking dumb bitches that's cool that guy was really cool he got to just do rants he got to do rants about things he didn't understand fuck dude I'm a girl I'm wearing girls clothes and I'm taking pills to turn me into a girl growing breasts when did that start yeah when did my penis fall off and now I have a pussy used to be I had a penis you used to be I had a cock and I

could stand up when I pissed not anymore not if the Democrats have their way what is going on why am I turning trans that'll be awesome if he was like I am turning into a woman because of the Democrats imagine you're peeing and your penis falls off and then you have to sit down to finish the pee sound crazy no it's real happened to me and it's happening to me happened to me this morning we can't win or I'm gonna grow a president Biden wants it to happen to you I got the DVR recording it fucking BET Friday nights three episodes in New York under oh that's awesome I've been looking for that show on DVD it doesn't

stream anywhere no it's got to be on some no dude no you couldn't find it forever and I mean it when I say like going back to like 2009 I was like searching for that as a class but now when there's a hundred fucking streamers somebody must have had it in the library no really not even like parent like Paramount Plus or Peacock or some shit no no no no no showtime no interesting that was a fucking sick show dude it's awesome yeah I used to watch you used to come on late at night when you suck on my dick and it's oh it's it's it's streaming on philo the fuck is philo it's a Greek streaming service

pedophilo it's $25 a month for philo so expensive well because all their contents probably just for autistic guys like me they're like I guess I have to do I want to I'll do my own voice thank you you piece of shit where does that come from I don't know so say sorry the dark side of the moon say sorry that one from earlier from yet from the future I love going back from the future yeah we had a good dark side of the moon oh yeah dark chocolate it made a lot of sense I remember like most of the things on the show you get 60 channels for $25 a month well it's like live TV I guess it's one of those live Adam

subscribes to be Adam subscribes to a channel called pillow which is a streaming service for people who sit down when they pee why do they do this because they're gay check that's so fucked up it's only on philo we're probably thinking what the hell is philo is it gay is it for gay guys yes Tucker makes a lot of good points is a channel for gay people your children can tune in whenever they want whenever they want oh shit with the cat what's the cat up to just sprinted yeah when's the last time you had some philo though Adam I don't remember I had but I've oh there's a really good place that does

baklava and Oakland gardens and Queens Oakland garden if you're driving out to Long Island you pass it bro there's good baklava and fucking a story we got plenty of fucking here's what's the bread called the palestinian bakery they make a maize bread holla holla bobka bobka damn bobka is good shit because really can you imagine bobka french toast yeah I have I've had it shut up just shut up I've had it just shut up chocolate you out for bobka french where I know a place that doesn't and why haven't you is the question we'll go you know I would love that remember when we had those shitty

dumplings that I've been having bobka french that rest of my sister used to work out in the West Village they did bobka french so crazy your sister lived here for like what two weeks like a year that was a whole year something she was our lives have gone or they're leaving did she ever own apartment or she lived in my old spot oh yeah that's right that was a nice apartment yeah she lived with Tony and Kaley where's this Ted that's Hong Kong fuck yeah dude I'm trying to go through that pink building when you suck on my dick Hong Kong and you fuck on my ass and you fuck my mouth and you call me and I

can't find my dick can we just watch the fucking last Christmas George Michael music video yeah it's one of the funniest things in the world just him pretending because he does this like I feel weird even doing it yeah laughing it's something and he's like yeah but yeah but there's no sound I'm kind of sad it's not Christmas anymore last Christmas music video George Michael YouTube amazing song it's already queued up say you're 45 plus here we go all right sick yes the mountains they're driving up in some cool jeeps that do honestly look awesome yeah yeah awesome blonde like I like Mohawk he's waving to

a woman yeah it's a Joanne's fabrics kind of woman it's about it he's she looking it's Christmas and he's with his girlfriend and he's showing he's got the new bitch cuz she fucked up she fucked up she's like oh I blew it with this homosexual like seeing all the friends he's the most feminine person here new bitch everyone's got a mullet they're going up the ski lift it's a nice video actually he's already talking there's a little sexual tension between him and the boyfriend last Christmas you fucking blew it so now I brought a new bitch and I'm fucking your man he's the bell of the ball everybody loves George Michael

it's a bunch of friends a bunch of bitches with weird haircuts cow upset she is dude I would love to smash that bitch I know she's got a cool hair I like her hair she's fire yeah Adam just keep the mic on the speaker damn about to start crying this is an emotional song it is is he sort of a hero and yeah absolutely yeah because most Greek men try to deny our ancient homosexuality right and he did for a while what he did is he embraced being homosexual but denied being Greek yeah exactly we're still waiting for our Messiah who does both

he's a pet feels just a byproduct of philosophy yeah you think too much dude you'll excuse anything you do enough thought experiments I mean he is the baddest bitch here he's hotter than these women he's got better makeup is that the other guy in Wim it is dude I mean he's fucking if a woman looked at me that way I would get so horny everyone's bored yeah it's having a good time this is what like 1984 they'd be fucking ripped yeah they'd be on fucking they'd be yanked out yeah they're like well our generation's the best we're never gonna die we stop saying the

n-word and let black people live in open-air prisons in the cities oh now he's chasing her they're having a cute little oh man he's gonna get some snow poof I would love some snow pussy by the fire yeah oh they're remembering last Christmas oh and she's fucking doing the brush the next day bitch you gave the heart away bitch I would be fucked up to go on vacation with the bitch that fucking curved you the year before I would never do that you can see you can talk I don't don't worry about it it's a wild move and now put it back though not too much all right they're all the group is all going the group is all going

somewhere maybe they're leaving is that really it there's nothing he's not gonna fuck the old bitch you know what I might do a little Chinese truth tonight not a bad idea I think I'm gonna be like a whole box of cereal go to bed at like 9 p.m. why just cuz Jordan huh just cuz Jordan said it you know I didn't even realize it but yeah yeah it's just got into my fat brain yeah all right yeah I made a joke about what happened he doesn't get the girl back I don't know what I forgot what we were watching he just stays with his new bitch his own dad I started thinking

about general so it's chicken again nice where do you get really good I don't see they're all the fucking same yeah you know get order it's it's more expensive in order from birds of a feather well folks thanks for sticking around for George Michael corner this weekend and to play us off we're gonna have E. Jane Carroll describe burgdorff Goodman's holiday