The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. 299 – happy love day

Episode Date: February 17, 2022

I wuv u

Happy Valentine's Day, which was Monday. Which was already, which happened February at Penis. It happened already. Well, I was born February at Penis, 19, decade at Penis. Happy Valentine's Day. I'm today, I'm in Houston, tomorrow I'll be in Austin, all through the weekend. I was born in the year 19. I'll be in Dallas on Sunday, then San Francisco, Vancouver, St. Louis, Chicago.

I love it being February. Yeah. And this weekend I'm in Boston at Hyde-Out Comedy. I love that it is February. I love February. It's one of my favorite months. February 3rd, 16th, I like just getting months out of the way and the fact that it's shorter than the rest.

Well, and also it was just my birthday. We all just, we were just all in Vegas for my birthday. Yep. We were just matching the suits and we did a kind of a hangover thing. We did Halkus's 3 where we showed up to Vegas with guns and we were like, give us all the fucking money you got. We sold all the pussies. We sold every single pussie.

We did Halkus's 3. We went to the bunny ranch and we took all the pussies we wanted. Nick was the Chinese guy. He was folded up. What? You were folded up? Yeah. He's the, you were sneaking in through the van to make himself into a pretzel.

Yeah. And he sneaks in. I was both George Clooney and Brad Pitt. I was Julia Roberts. You know, you were a Reuben, the Elliot Gould, you were Elliot Gould, but I'll take that. I'll take that. I'll take that. I'll take the Elliot Gould character.

Elliot Gould was sick in that. Honestly, if me as an old man could have that you're not, you're not, you can't pull that off. The thick plastic glasses. Let's be honest. Let's be honest. Let's be honest. I could, there's a way my life goes where I end up like that.

Yeah, but you don't have the Jewish, the Jewish soul to fill it out. Well, that's not what Jews have. What are you talking about? How's your internet? Nick just got internet. He's checking his mp. He just got internet and cable. And in fact, we are currently watching Texas, storage, storage, storage, storage, storage,

storage, Texas, and it's amazing how many channels you can get on cable these days. Yeah. I guess this is bullshit. Wars is what I call it. Whoa, dude. Chill out. It's all crap. I think you have to use the Apple remote for the app or remote.

It just needs to, to, so you need to, you need to fucking get your sightlines correct bro. You can get a little IR repeater. Yeah. You got to go to Radio Shack for that, huh? They still got those? No. You don't have to go to fucking Radio Shack.

What are you talking about? What are you talking about? You got to go talk to a guy. No, you don't. To get a little censor. You got to talk to a guy about. No. I don't have to talk to any guys.

You got to talk to a doctor since your dick is not working and it's a vagina. All the people I go to see in my life. That's so true. All the people I go to see in my life, chicks. All the peaholes. No. Hot chick doctors, hot chick therapists. Women don't like you, dude.

Nobody likes. That's not true. I mean, it is a little bit, I think, but almost everyone. You're a massage. You're homophobic. You're racist. Don't give me labels. Okay.

I don't believe in labels. You're a homophobic. You're, it's interesting because women don't like you, but it's not like you're that much of a bro either. No. You just don't really have that many corners in the world to you. I'm somehow a welcome, unthreatening and unlikeable at the same time. They don't think I'm going to rape them, but they still they don't want you around.

I don't want to be around. It doesn't mean yeah. Yeah. That's just. That looks awesome. Where's that from? Marcos. Marcos.

Marcos. Marcos pizza. How are they going to just have a new chain pizza? Where's that from? They got it here. Should I go get Marcos pizza with looks very good. Oh, we got Terry Bradshaw on a commercial for publishers clearing house. Whoa.

What the Oh, I was pissed off that he replaced Ed McMahon, but I realized he's been dead for years. Yeah. Well, he's, he's smiling down on Terry, the country singing quarterback dude, Hitzberg Steel. Did you guys think when you were little kids that you could possibly win the publishers clearing house? No.

I could win anything. I always dreamt of it, dude. That wasn't a dream. I dreamt. I was like, fuck dude, I could be rich like from a little I was a little ass kid. I get a big check. That's much bigger than. Yeah.

The big check. Yeah. I remember the first time I saw that commercial when they would like because they didn't they do almost like specials where they would not. They like did extended commercials where they knocked on people's doors and made it look like a TV show, but it was really commercial. Yeah. I remember for like weeks after that, whenever anybody knocked on the door, I was like, oh

hell yeah, it's publishers clearing house. Yeah. How do you even enter for that? I don't fucking know. I was fucking like a fat little six year olds who didn't want to be poor. Yeah. It is true. I did wish that my parents weren't Jewish.

What's going on, man? You got Wi-Fi problems? A little bit. Wow. It seems like Fios is getting one star. It's not Fios. It's probably the piece of shit airport extreme. Well, it looks like Apple is getting one star.

Apple is definitely getting one star. It's funny. I guess I had to cancel Optimum to get this and anytime you need to like cancel service or downgrade service, they just connect you with your retention department. They put you on with this. Would they beg you to stay? Yeah. They put you on with a spicy Latina.

But no, why you got why you leave me? Not even dude. It's like cancel my service like, okay, what's going on? Oh, really? Yeah. What do you mean you need to cancel? They don't even want to seduce you. They're just like.

Okay, why you switched because we can actually get you a better price. They're pushing. Well, you didn't. You had your chance. You had your chance. Yeah. And now I'm gone. You blew it.

You blew your chance with me. You blew it. Yeah. But I have a gun. Now maybe now maybe you can wait around for some Indian guy. Some Indian guy's got a some boring job and then you can take your Otesla generic brand of Primalast. Oh yeah.

I think it's for some kind of skin disease. Yeah. It seems like it's it's if you're addicted to going on boats with 14 year olds. Yeah. From what I can see. There's Adam. Yeah. This guy immediately just gets beaten up.

Seems like a commercial that you know I could maybe go out for some day. Dibs. Dibs on her. She's hot. I would probably fuck her if I was in the commercial. No, you wouldn't. The gay love jacket wouldn't. I would fuck her.

I'd be like, you know, the character is gay, but in real life, I'm unthreatening and unlikeable. Maybe women just want to be threatened. Maybe that's my problem. That's you got to be a little threatening. Maybe they just want to. They have to say this guy is retting. This guy could snap.

Do it. Yeah. This we're doing. This guy could snap, but he's chosen not to rare late night at home. Yeah. Yeah. It's fucking. It's our first late night since the 540.

Yeah. It's been dark out. Adam, what are you doing this evening? I am making dinner for the for the girl. What are you making? I think I'm going to make a bowl in it. I haven't made one in a while. It's a cold night.

Would you consider maybe giving her a plans change text and we can hang out with a friend of ours? Check out the new check out all the channels. Well, I didn't go game to watch cable, but you watch way more TV and we got a Christian movie. It makes the commercials a lot better. Oh, connection. That's pretty much 30 seconds is pretty much all the attention span you have.

That's great. That's great. Yes. Oh, I like that. I like pharmaceutical. Thanks. Thanks for telling me the side effects. Thanks for telling me the side effects.

I haven't done cocaine since. I don't even do it at the cabin. I don't think this time. I haven't done cocaine since the last cabin. Can you wait? Psych. Where did I do it? Psych.

Indeed. I did it somewhere. For some. Oh, I think probably at a guy's house. She was at a, it was at a hot girl's house and she was like, please do this. Take a break from just pounding my pussy so well to do a little cocaine and then all right, if that's what you want, she was just trying to get your dick soft. So she was like, it's too hard.

Yeah. She was, I need something to soften it up. She was like, oh, this sucks. What's one way I can be hard? No, she didn't say it sucks. She didn't say this sucks. What's one way? She's saying this is great.

What's one way? She's getting, but I can feel that in a couple more minutes, it's going to be too much. Just pulling. So before that happens, penis, like a piece of gum saying, like, give me five more minutes or something. I come. Wow. That one.

Nick, look at that. You're going to love that. Oh, you're going to love that. Nick. Look at that. Look at that. Oh, Nick. Come on.

Look up. You're missing. You're going to. That's going to be your favorite thing in the world. That's crazy. Oh, it's a whole rack. It's a Swiss army knife, but it's it's about. What would that be?

Wow. He cut himself. I cut myself. Oh, I have aged now. It has probably a hundred tools. I got HIV and I'm gay. I tell you something about me. This is his name is Victor, which is short Victor for Vinny.

And just so everyone is at home, just so they know. Watching storage. Watching stores were season one episode two. Swordsworth, Texas bounty hunter Bubba Fett. Oh, wow. And we're currently a minute. An episode. I think I believe with the former defensive back. I don't think he's on it.

I think isn't that him right there of the Dallas Cowboys Roy? Well, apparently he does five episodes. Roy Williams was the show on storage wars, not the wide receiver. Roy, the all pro safety. The safety. That was a good. I don't know why that far sounded like Ray Romano. That was a great.

It had like a it smells. It had a Ray Ray Romano cloud. Well, dude, that was textbook. Yeah. When you fart on Mike. That's exactly how you want it. Yeah, no. Bravo.

I'm I'm taking the rest of the episode off. You clocked in. I did my work. Listen, you got your work done early. Well, we were talking about so there was some rich vein of conversation. We were in the middle of tapping. Women like to feel threatened.

No, no, no. Just moments ago. Women like to walk down the street and feel that at any moment she could be fatally struck by a throwing star. That's why they like that's why they like true crime shit. That's why they like the murder news. I think they like true crime because they're in their house, not potentially getting murdered and raped.

It's like the rare time they don't worry about it. Yeah, well, because women don't. They have no sense of community. So they love hearing about the wing. They love hearing about other women. They love to be murdered before because because they're like, you know, that takes someone out of the pool. Oh, I see.

I see. So they're happy. Yeah, they are. That's why women don't really like sports. Now if sports was just like the loser was imagine imagine a football field and there's a hundred women on there and then there's a man with a sniper rifle sitting on top slowly picking all of them off.

They'd be like, I love the Super Bowl, right? And I don't need a guy to watch it. Yeah, I don't need it. And until they get to the women they're about as attractive as them and then they're like, right? This is misogyny. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is misogyny.

Don't don't shoot them. There's like a huge fat bitch. You're like, no, don't shoot the one that's really funny and cool and smart. Don't shoot that one. And she's also beautiful. She's as beautiful as the women you already killed that I didn't have a problem with your killing because they were

probably they had bad personality. I get so fired up about the Super Bowl. So you think if that were the case women would love that. Yeah, they would be more into football. They're just constantly trying to destroy one another. That is so fucking true. There's no French. I genuinely believe male friendship is a real thing.

Whereas I don't understand humanity in any context, which is why the only sport that I like watching is the Meekum car auction. Is that a sport? Yeah. Well, you root for the cars. To get bought. Yeah.

To have a high value. To be purchased. Yeah. To be appreciated and purchased. Whoa, these fat Texas guys got little dartanian stores. I like it because it makes me feel like the three musketeers, which is one of my favorite candies. It's a good candy.

I mean, I'll eat any candy to be honest with you. There's a team on storage Wars, Texas. That's two three hundred plus Texan guys that we've decided are in a romantic entanglement with one. I think they're in a threple. They have a white woman who calls the shots. Yeah. And they're her little fuck.

This seems to be some kind of BDSM out. Oh, he got that. Now look at me. I'm Wally. No, it's a bunch of what do you call it? Renaissance fair. Shit night night stuff. It looks like kebab effect.

Oh, the rings action figures in the box. More toy cars. Basically what we look for is anything we can fit up our ass. We want to put them up our asses. That's everything's bigger in text. That includes a man's colon man's asshole. That's dude. That's interesting.

That's a way to trap Texas guys. It's very funny to be like, if everything's being Texas, I'm gonna put my ass hole bigger to have this on in the background and be like, make fun of this. Make fun of this. Well, what is it got there? Yeah. What is that?

No, no, no. That's in it. I wonder how much that's worth. No, this is a great show. This was good. They're opening a nerd's storage. This is a fucking such star wars shit. I'm fucking jealous.

Would you ever hang yourself with a nerd's rope stuff? I don't think it would hold me. I'm also not going to kill myself. Let's be honest. All right. I love to live. You're slowly killing yourself every day with your habits. Right.

You don't need the big. Exactly. I'm not a drama queen like you who's going to kill yourself at a big time. Guys, I'm going to do it. Yeah. Guys, I swear to God. I dignified.

I've had enough of this mortal play. I'm an artist. Guys, I'm dignifyingly slowly killing myself and having a good time. By the way, I've earned my histrionics by developing beautiful pieces of art such as bitch Superbowl. Such as the goal. Super. You get to be a diva.

Yeah. It's so funny. It's like right before the every episode starts. We don't say this to the audience, but I'm going to say it. Nick is in his dressing room. He's got a fucking like Gatler. Yeah. What do you call it?

A gas seal. Come on, Adam. You had a good thing going on. I'm not coming out. Yeah. No, go ahead. Nick, you're beautiful. Nick, like everyone loves you.

Let's start the episode. They love you. You think I'm some sort of old bitch? Yeah. You think I'm over the hell? I'm doing the old queen from Paris is burning. The one they found a mummy in her apartment. You remember that?

I don't remember. Is that the one that gets murdered by a... Is it Paris Sachet? Is that the name? No, that's a comedian. It's a comment from DC. Maybe it's the same person. They have the same name.

I don't think so. It does sound like a Paris's burning name. But the name is called Paris is burning. And what they do is Sachet. So it's definitely not one of their names. I mean, you know, maybe they're not that creative. Well, no, they're very creative. All of slang comes from black friends.

A little way in the fireman, that was a reference to him putting out the fire. He was going to put his stop to... Whee, whee, whee, whee, whee, whee. What would your Paris is burning name be, stop? Lund Jessica. It would be Lund Jessica. Lund Jessica? Lund Jessica?

Like, yeah, Lund Jessica. Something like that. That's a first draft. I'm trying to remember the name conventions. Yeah, I don't know. They call them legends. Can I say, they come up with the best phrases of all time. Literally, all slang starts there.

But the one that's been going around a lot is serving cunt for looking awesome. And that's great. They rule, dude. Serving cunt is... Oh, I thought it's that you look like you're passing as a female. I just think it means... That's what I assumed, man. I just think it means...

Yeah, maybe, but I think it, you know, trickles down into looking... Yeah, white women are like, yes, I'm doing that, too. I'm serving cunt. I'm actually... I'm also as... Yeah, obviously they ruin... By the time it's gotten to me, it's been ruined. I'm also...

But the first time I saw serving cunt, I smiled so, so big. That's so awesome. Cunt is so good to use in a positive. British pe... That's the one good thing British people do is they use cunt a lot. Eliminate bladder leaks for 12 weeks. Sorry, isn't that called pissing yourself? Take that Monofo.

This looks like an app that you hook up to your pussy. Yeah, you put something in your pussy. It's wires that go to your iPhone and the other half goes into your pussy. And if your phone tells you that you're peeing your pants... That is dark. Dead lady? No, that ad where you need your cell phone to tell you... Watching a different ad now and there's a black woman trying to make dinner...

No, that's not what I meant. Another racist Adam Friedland moment. That's not what I meant. Living... Well, you know, South African, what can you do? A white man from South Africa. We weren't apart. Okay, we've covered this.

He's actually... Somebody needs to do the books. He's actually mouth giverkin. Yeah, that's his... Really? Is that true Adam? He's giving mouth. Yeah, I was from mouth Africa.

For real? That's a country where you suck cock? Yeah, but then like white people came and tried to make the sucking cock all about them. They stole sucking cock. And you were one of them. Enthusiastically. In fact, that's why your dad chose to move there. Yeah, that's why my ancestors in Eastern Europe were like,

Fival, we're not going to New York. Let's go ahead and read it. We're going to mouth Africa. Oh yeah, guys, there's a pretty good one. Let's just go through Ian's tweets. There was an awesome... It's the Ian report. This is the Ian update.

Ian had an awesome tweet that we really enjoyed earlier. And everyone should go, even if you're not on Twitter, sign up for a count. Let's get this thing fucking vile. Yeah, you know, this will be awesome because we are retweets. Okay, to be fair, to be honest, we are pre-recording this one because of some advertising stuff. This is going to be in January. This is literally a month later. So we'll give you the time and date.

Let's get this fucking... Ian is going to... When this episode comes out, this tweet is going to fucking pop off for Ian. He's not going to know why. Perfect. Ian on 442 p.m. at 114.22 tweeted, the gentrified urge to open the third coffee shop on one block in Brooklyn. Okay, so if you're at home right now in February,

you guys are probably feeling good after Valentine's Day. Just give that a little... Give that an RT, give that a like. We want that to have at least 100,000 likes. Have you ever noticed that in gentrified neighborhoods? Coffee shops. They're on the same block. You know I'm not allowed to talk about it.

And interesting, there's an urge to do that. There's a gentrified urge. Hold on a second, you are allowed to talk about it. They got nothing on us. They really do have nothing, but I'm going to take the win. Well no, they raised the money. They got it? They raised the money and they had one anonymous donor give it to them.

That would be so awesome. One anonymous donor who doesn't want his name shared. So anyway, the gentrified urge to open the third coffee shop on one block in Brooklyn. I love when neighborhoods get urges. He's like, he's bringing this thing. He's like, so what is this, like a knife or something? What the hell is this thing? I also have the urge to buy...

DietSmoke.com DietSmoke.com I have the urge to buy high quality Delta 8 gummies. How about the getting stoned urge to buy your third pack of DietSmoke Delta 8 gummies? The long urge to have a transplant from weed over to Delta 8 gummies. Wow, DietSmoke. Wait, hold up, sorry to...

The Swiss Army knife was worth $900. Whoa. Would you like to own that, Nick? A huge Swiss Army knife? No, that's stupid. You have multiple Swiss Army knives depending on what you plan to do for the day. Yeah, interesting. He wouldn't want one master?

No, he has like a wall of them. Yeah, that's cool. He's choosing his tools for the day. Oh, fuck. I wonder what tools you would choose, Adam. What? Perhaps a give-fill-up head screwdriver? Yeah, give-fill-up head screwdriver.

No, what I would choose actually is... That's the only tool you've ever used in your life, and you use it everything. Very clever, very, very clever, guys. My boyfriend's name is Alan, right? No, that's not him. I take it back. You've used two tools.

Very clever, but what I would use is... But you do use both of them every day. Some high-quality Delta 8 edible tablets. Chewable tablets. That's what I would choose. From our friends over at Delta or at dietsmoke.com. And this other one is a hammer, question mark. But I'm gay.

Yeah, that's true. I'm fucking gay. Hammer. Hammer, I barely know her, plus I'm gay. Plus I'm gay, so I wouldn't even hammer, even if I did. Even if I did, because I'm a fan. We all get it.

That's very, very good. So you're probably asking, what the hell is... You do love the give-fill-up head screwdriver a lot, Adam. I don't like it. You love it. You don't like it. You love it. I'm wondering, what the hell is Delta 8?

I know I am. What the hell is... Well, I know I was. I use the product a lot now. So, yeah, so... Yeah, so Adam was Delta 8, and he said, no thanks, I'll take a guy instead. Well, he was Delta 8, and he put it all the way up his ass.

He was. He put all 8 up his ass. And he said, it looks like I got a full house. No. That's right. 400 men were in his apartment. Taking up every cubic inch. Kings over holes.

He's got pocket aces. Oh, yeah. Sorry, folks. There's cards on the television screen. Oh, yeah. You were sort of wondering, probably, where that... Oh, I wasn't even looking at it. I was thinking of fucking Adam,

just calling him gay, but with... Oh, I see. Dealing. I see, I see. But really, what we're going to want to talk about is diet smoke, which is Delta 8. Delta 8. Take it away.

You can bring balance here today. Okay. Delta 8. What is Delta 8? THC. THC that gives cannabis its popular and desired effects. AKA getting you... Blasting your shit off.

Crunchy Gucci. Getting your Gucci crunched up by some fucking weed, brother. By weed to be prepared to watch cable all night. The THC gives cannabis its popular and desired effects. It's technically called Delta 9 THC for all of our science fans out there. Yeah. For all of our... For all the little Bill Nye's out there.

Yeah. Delta 8 THC, also natural to the cannabis plant, is simply less potent variation than the THC, because Delta 8 derives from a hemp plant. It is highly gratifying and legal. So what they call this is a loophole. Right. About the size of an eye of a needle.

Mm-hmm. And they have driven a fucking... Aircraft carrier through that hole. Mm-hmm. To deliver you something that is technically legal. And that's not... Daddy, they use that word in the description as technically. They chose to use the word tech...

So hop in the cab of this aircraft carrier, folks. Because we are going to war with the federal government. We are going to war with being sober. What is hemp? The term hemp is used to describe cannabis. It contains 0.3% or less THC. It's what sits... And real quick, sorry.

In the episode, Bubba Fett, the two obese Texan men... Yeah, the Star Wars... ...found Star Wars action figures that are worth $9,000. Take it away, Nick. Sorry to interrupt you. Let's go back. In 2018, the game-changing farm bill laid the groundwork for the explosion...

I remember that. ...popularity of CBD and Delta 8. Though a few states have banned Delta 8, most have not. Well, Diet Smoke made me high. Delta 8 produces a similar yet mild effects to regular THC. Yeah, it's mild, wink, wink. It's not the same exact thing. How many gummies should I take?

Is this your first time using THC? Start off with half a gummy. If this isn't your first rodeo, you should be fine starting with a whole gummy. It can take up to an hour to experience the full effects of Diet Smoke, so start slow. Yep. Let's see if they sent any copy.

Let's find out, folks. We're waiting with baited breath. Die. Die. Diet. Diet. Diet. Diet.

Diet. Diet. Diet. Diet. Diet. Diet. Diet. Diet.

Diet. Diet. Diet. Diet. Diet. Diet. Diet. Diet.

Diet. Diet. Diet. Diet. Diet. Diet. Diet. Diet.

Diet. Diet. Diet. Diet. Diet. Diet. Diet. Diet.

Diet. Diet. Diet. Diet. Diet. Diet. Diet. similar milder effects to regular THC.

Yes. We've been over that. That's the main point, guys. And they have two awesome flavors. They have watermelon. Yes. And blueberry. Blue raspberry.

I take them together. I like, I'm a user, I'm a customer of this wonderful product. And I can say as somebody who's taking regular, plenty of regular marijuana edibles. How about George Customer Stanza, and he's like, Jerry, I'm a diet smoke dot com. I'm a diet smoke, Jerry. I'm a diet smoke. I'm trying to get high, but a little less. I'm clicking the shop button, and I'm clicking either blue raspberry or watermelon.

So they got something for the girls and the colors. Whoa. Whoa. That's good. That's good. Why is George Customer Stanza? Because I'm one cool customer, Jerry, non-prescription, perfectly balanced, 100% legal in most states. What would the peace of mind per section 297A from the 2018 Fonda?

One of my favorite sections with that bill. I love knowing bills, dude. One of my favorite fucking sections, brother. Delta 8 Metabolos. It's so funny because it's like you, like this is, you use this because you're like hopelessly addicted to weed. Yeah. And you need to just like, step down a notch.

Step down. It's like a guy with like nine DUIs being like, is it okay to have a single low duels? Is it legal? Dude, this isn't even that. This is fucking. No. It's like, can I have this is fun? I mean, let's not even fuck around.

Let's have 90% of a beer is like, look, as a guy who fucking takes weed and Delta 8, I use them interchange. I hear it gives you a nice body, but they shipped to all US states where Delta 8 is legal. They shipped to Alaska, Arizona, Arkansas, California, Colorado, Delaware, Iowa, Idaho, Mississippi, Montana, Nebraska, Nevada, Utah. So if you're in Maryland, Virginia, West Virginia, North Carolina, South Carolina, Georgia, Florida, Tennessee, Kentucky, Ohio, Illinois, Indiana, Wisconsin, Minnesota, Nebraska, let

me see. Nope. We're not doing that. No, not Nebraska, Oklahoma, Texas, Washington, New Mexico, Washington, Oregon. Nice. And that's it. I think that's it. Wyoming, North Dakota, South Dakota, Hawaii, Alaska, El Disrico de Colombia.

And how long will it take for my order to arrive? Let me tell you something. All orders will ship the same day when placed before 2 p.m. Wow. 2 p.m. is checking out time at the Delta 8. At this diet smoke factory. After a long day from 11 a.m. to 2 p.m., it's time to go home and enjoy your profit splits as you're paid entirely in Delta 8 if you worked at it.

It's time to just mail a bunch of basically edibles to children that can't get them otherwise. The shipping time is listed to check out our estimates, not guaranteed, USPS usually takes two to four days depending on location and time of year. So you're going to want to go to Delta 8. You're going to want to do this as fast as fucking possible. Diet smoke. Don't lose a fucking minute, motherfuckers. Go to dietsmoke.com.

Run. Don't walk. Suck. Don't fuck. You're going to want to go to diet, here we go. This is the good stuff. Oh, nice. Feel free to riff the introduction.

Well, consider what we just did, that's the riff. The message you're trying to convey is that sometimes you can't or don't always want to get super high. Right. Right. So diet smoke delivers. And in that case, I love diet smoke. This is the kind of stuff you want to eat like nine or ten of them before going to work

as an anesthesiologist. Exactly. Yeah. Because you don't want to get high on your own supply. Yeah. You want something else to put you on a separate supply. The product is highly functional. Yep.

Like a retarded person. Exactly. Like a... That bags groceries. So he lives a normal life and has his own apartment where there's a key to use the oven. There's a code that gets changed every time his mom texts him whenever he wants to make a DiGiorno pizza. Otherwise, it's a normal apartment.

Highly functional. The key does not have access to, to activate the range. But everything else in that place, the blinds, the controls for the ceiling fan, have at it, pal. You're living a normal life. Remember a product that's highly functional, THC, that comes in the form of a delicious gummy, similar to vitamins. Exactly.

Almost exactly like vitamins. Right. And it's just as good for you. Yeah. In my experience. You know what my problem with edibles is? They move into the fucking neighborhood. Yeah.

They blast their music. Yeah. They call me a gentrifier. Right. We were here first. Even though you don't even have the urge to open a third coffee shop on the same block. Yeah. Sometimes you get so high, it can really be difficult to control, to dose it right.

I know that. There's nothing more to be baked out of your mind when you didn't plan on it. That happened to me one time for one of the first times I ever did edibles. What happened? I had a gig in fucking Lorton. Remember a means gig at the old prison? No, I never did. The Lorton Art House.

It was a good gig. I was opening it. I remember it was a prison. Yeah. It was a converted prison. It was in Lorton. That's what they called them. And I had no, it was the first time I ever did edibles, I had no idea how high I was

going to be. Yeah. So I only gave myself like, I gave myself like a six hour buffer. Yeah. Figuring like, it's weed. The shit doesn't kick in for four hours. Right. And when it does kick in, I'm in the fucking fetal position.

I have to drive an hour and a half to Lord. So scary. Scared out of my fucking mind. At night. Oh my God. At night. I was high. So scary.

High on stage. I went to Baltimore. I stayed high for like, it was one of the worst moments, it was one of the worst 12 hours of my life. Boy, do I wish that I had diet smoke at a time like that because I would have been just a little high driving. Yeah. That's true.

And let that be a testimonial. Yeah. Let that influence your guys's decisions. Hundred percent promo code. Promo code. Nick. Promo code. Sorry.

Slow gigabyte speeds. What are they saying about it? Do not read my searches for four centimeter penis normal. Yeah. Yes. It is normal. You metric. I'm so I'm just surprised at you.

It is. It is normal. Sucking 500 kilograms worth of the normal four centimeter P O E N I O N S. That's not what it says. No, that's how you spell penis metric in Europe. Figure out what the joke is and go with it. Don't know me. I'm sorry.

I thought you were trying to get out of being gay by saying that he doesn't know you're to put it to European. Oh, that chair is nice. Sorry. I wasn't paying attention anyway. So promo code come town. Correct. At checkout or come town 20.

I'm asking how dare you. Why are you just staring at me silently right now and then back to your computer. I think it's given Adam the death stare. He looks mad because what did I talk about? I thought we're trying to make good on this ad. No. That's a different thing. Something else.

You're fucking up even worse. The reason we have to do it is because of you. That's true. They literally said it. They singled you out personally. And they weren't trying to be funny either. They said we looked at the data. These are the same.

These are unquantified. Scientists. You said that I was these guys straight from Tony's fucking lab. Honestly, guys, if you don't have new, if you don't like me talking on this podcast, studies all buy a product or you can buy ad time for five thousand dollars and stipulate that I have to be silent. You have to wear a mask. You really could.

Adam is gay. Dye smoke promo code come town. Honestly, yeah, I would be silent 20% off. That would be awesome. Yeah. I respect the sponsors. Say it again. Nick, I'm sorry.

Dye smoke.com promo code come town. So you are M T U N for 20% off Delta smokes. Dye smokes Delta ATHC gummies or not for use sale or use for use or sale to people under the age of 21. So yeah, I'm sure they're checking that real fucking strenuously. Please use responsibly. There's a real fucking here we go because this is the question I had and I bring this up every time.

Yeah, they call it diet smoke, right? But smoke zero calories are gummy. That's fucking it's the opposite of diet smoke. There's some irony in the name. Yeah, there's a little bit of cow. They're low in sugar, fat free and delicious. Oh, you see that so they are dying, which I kind of like because they're using real sugar.

It's not as aspartame or none of that fucking ethanol shit, a rethrorol or whatever the fuck. Glycoline graphene oxide. What's the one in the vaccines that everybody's worried about? I've seen that one. MRNA. I think that's kind of more of the media you consume. I don't consume any media.

What are you talking about? I'm not familiar with the story. I don't get I don't have any media that I consume. I just look at technical information. Hold on a second. Gaporn.com. What is that, just a gay guy being like, time to beat on. Gentlemen, start your engines.

Gentlemen, start your penises. I did get in trouble in sixth grade for looking at going to tits.com on the computer lab. Sex.com. Tits.com. And let me say it worked for some reason. Oh yeah. They were awesome tits. Oh, it didn't have the school.

The firewall wasn't up for tits.com. I don't know how they missed that. Remember sending people to Japan. You could have been one of the greatest hackers in Japan. Okay. Remember sending people to penisland.com? Oh yeah. Oh wow.

That's a real pen company. Yeah, that's a joke. That's awesome. Your pen is our business. Penis land. We specialize in wood. Oh, that's good. Easy funny.

Can you actually get them? Wood. Pen. Pen. Pen. Pen. Pen. Pen.

Pen. Pen. Pen. Pen. Pen. Pen. Pen. Pen.

Pen. Pen. Pen. Pen. Pen. Pen. Pen. Pen.

Pen. Pen. Pen. Pen. Pen. Pen. Pen. Pen.

Pen. Pen. Pen. Pen. Pen. Pen. Pen. Pen.

Pen. Pen. Pen. Pen. Pen. Pen. Oh, yeah. Anyway, so yeah, get that fucking diet smoke and in case you're wondering, yes, we are in the middle of another episode of Texas storage, penis dot com casual sex adult

affair dating or sex dating. Oh, wow. I'm trying to have an which one an affair with an adult. This one is season one episode one Texas sold them which I believe we already watched. No, that was the the prison guard show. Oh, you're right. You're right. You're right. Which you guys will hear about on Sunday. See, these kids with their fucking streaming, they don't remember what it was like to just watch what was on. That's so fucking true. And then to flip around. I love the scroll. I love the flip. Stop. You have one of those chairs, right? What are they called steel case? I don't steeple, steeple touch. I don't. What does that mean? Nipple taste. Nipple. He has a little chair, nipple chair. I would love

chairs made out of nipples. What's the best kind of office chair to get? I think it's one of those ones. Those steel steel case chairs steel case. Those are good. I got a good one. You do. Where'd you get it? I know you got a deal. You got an e bag. I got a good deal. Oh, you got on eBay. Yeah. Yeah. Steel case. Some dude in Texas found like, I think like a storage thing of I'm not. I'm not big on comfort. So I just got an old vintage tanker chair tanker. Yeah. Yeah. That's the type of desk too. Right. Yeah. It's like those big metal big machine. One of these. Oh, interesting. I got a Pollock chair. It's pretty. It's really nice. I have this chair exactly. It looks cool, but it looks like it would be

annoying to sit in. It is annoying to sit in. But you know what? It's also annoying to sit in. Damn, bro. My ass. They're selling it for $2,700. Your shot of Adam. Sorry. Wait, the chair you have? Yeah, I got it for like $300. Are you sure it's real? It's real. Yeah. Somebody's rethinking that I'll never kill myself statement he made earlier. No, he's going to sell his chair and get another one. What he's going to do. The wolf of damn, I'm so much higher for $2,000. The wolf of the bank. You're not going to sell. No, I'm not going to sell a lady of the bank. This is the one I got. Well, I'll tell you what, they're selling it for $400. I'll tell you what you can also get is Bluetooth. Oh, yeah.

Bluetooth is a type of chair for your penis. If you ever want your penis to sit in something that makes it hard. Well, this is basically that. Bluetooth.com. Oh, yeah, I remember. Is sex with chewable tablets right for you? That's weird. I prefer to have sex with a man or a woman. Nick, you cad. Oh, yeah, you absolute cut up. I am a bit of a card. I will say I'm a bit of a jolly card. Yes, Bluetooth.com folks, a one of love sex. It's Nick's second favorite website after gay porn dot com after gay porn dot com. And let's see. Let's pull up. Let's pull up. No, no, no, don't get on the customer arrest anymore. Start a little chat with the customer service department. Well, you have to ask them if gay guys get

it or if it's only for yes, Adam Freeland. You don't do that. Come on. Don't do that. Email is Adam. Don't do it. Don't do that. Don't come on. Don't put it in there. And that's not my gmail dot com. 42 minutes and 50 seconds. You know that joke motion cashers does about like meeting Snoop Dogg. No, and then Snoop Dogg like goes to give him his email or whatever and people around. So he's like, you know, because he's like, yeah, let's work on something. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I mean, oh, sorry. I haven't heard the joke. He's gonna feel good to reveal it to reveal the joke, but then ruin the delivery. Yeah, ruin the joke. You couldn't have just sat back when you were was going. We're like, you know,

it's like we're supposed to know where it's going. It's like somebody's bringing out a birthday cake for like mentally retarded, terminally ill for your and there's candles on it and everyone's sort of everyone's holding back the tears because they want the kid to think that it's a happy day. Right. Adam walks up sticks his finger in the fucking thing and he goes, is this chocolate? That's exactly what you just eat. It's part of it. He's sorry. I'm sorry. It's not very good. I'm sorry. All right. Well, it is. It is good. Everyone was wondering whether it's good or not. I apologize. Is this email really Snoop Dogg at gmail.com? Was that really? Yeah, he goes, but the room's crowded and he leans in. Yeah,

it's a Snoop Dogg at gmail. That's funny. I wouldn't have killed you to do that. You see how I set that up? Well, because I'm trying to be a fucking professional here. God damn guy. This one's the guy. It's not even my joke. You're interrupting. I'm well, maybe in and of himself. That's why I was interrupting it. No, it was. I was protecting a fellow Jew. No, it wasn't. You have no loyalty to anyone. I spoke to him at least of all Jews, most of all myself. I spoke to him quite recently, three and a half years ago. He's a colleague and he said, yeah, he said one of my biggest regrets in life is hiring you and there's a stain on my record. And the only way you can make it up to me is to make sure Adam

never interrupt. Just make sure you do a good delivery of my one Snoop Dogg joke. Yeah, make sure Adam on your podcast never interrupts it. And it's never interrupted. And then we're back just made an apology. It's public apology. It's over. He said he's like you're a racist. You're a misogynist. No, he didn't say you're on to me. You're on to Nick. But the one thing you do have and I have to admit it is integrity, integrity. And I know you're a man of your word. And I know I know what I say. Please repeat my Snoop Dogg joke on your podcast. Four years from now, four years from now. Please do not let Adam ruin the joke and certainly don't let him sheepishly use our shared ethnicity, right to try and justify his fucking up of

the joke. He's complete lack of conviction. Where were we? Now customer service? No, come on. Stop doing this. Is there a promo? Is there any kind of discount? Any kind of discount? Do you have a problem with our sponsorships? He was veterans. That's a good question. Also, I lost my military ID. And I can't afford another one. This is helpful for the listener. And I can't afford another one. Okay, start to see what we got. And this is at bluetooth.com your home for made in USA dick chewable. They got to Dallafill Salad. So Dan a Phil Sedena Phil and to Dallafill. There's the active ingredients behind you wonder why that fucked up. It's because they were named by the doctors who took the pills themselves and got their

dick so hard that their tongue swelled. That's so true. That's exactly what happened. It was because their tongues were so Teddy's full. It's that guy with his own apartment. He says to Dallafill up the bathtub all by myself. Dallafill on the bathtub all by myself. That's right. Mitchell, make sure we put a key on the bed. Make sure we put another lock. I thought it was just a shower in there. We should move them over to wet naps. Where did the shower go? You became more independent. And once again, this is if you think it's mean spirited. This is about a scientist that came up with blue tubes. Yes. So so get that mean spirited. Shit. We got the Marcos pizza. People call me retarded all day. Where

is Marcos? Let me just search Marcos pizza. You know, here's the thing. You get I bet you that you can't get here. Let me let me let me make this rule right now. Yeah. If you want to get mad at people for saying retard, you got to be dumber than the person saying retard. You know what I'm saying? Yep. Like you're like if you're smarter than me and you're getting mad at me for saying retard, you haven't earned it. That's like well, it's not even punching down. That's like that's like the whitest person in the world telling a mixed race person not to use the end word. You're because you're half because you're half halfway there. Exactly. That's a mixed brain. I will say I will vouch. You are definitely

developmentally disabled in some way in some way in some way probably more emotional than intelligence. 100% U.S. licensed medical providers. It's a headquarter in Toledo, Ohio. Prescription consultation Marcos. Actually, the founder is Pasquale Gianmarco. You hop on a little zoo. You pull a Jeffrey to benign. It's not no John Schlatter situation. We have but the current CEO's named Jack Buterac 30 or 45 milligrams. So Denifil or six or nine milligram to dollar fill chewable tablets. Personally, myself, I go to the nine milligram to dollar fill and I double triple up on them sometimes. Yeah. Do you got I mean, they're not going to like to hear this. Yeah. But you got to double up. You got to double up.

If only for the taste. They taste so good. That's Nick's recommendations on the company. He's no we're speaking for ourselves. Discrete shipping. That's the most important part. You don't want a box showing up at your house. It says my dick doesn't. Yeah. You're not going to the pharmacy. You're not getting laughed at by the Indian lady that works behind the desk at the pharmacy. You're not that happy. But here we go. They made this joke already in an advertisement. They produced for themselves. What the hell? I can't see. There's a lot of visual gags. Nick, I don't know that. Well, it's a guy who's showing up at the mail and he can't wait. I thought it was different

and this was advertising the discreet shipping. He's there with his girlfriend. She's like, I'll get the mail. And then I thought this guy was going to beat her to death to get to the mail. She could see the blue tube. I love mail, bitch. I love mail. Are the treatments offered on bluetooth.com FDA approved as part of the fact. The chewable treatments are have been granted emergency use authorization. Okay. So governments working for us. So while technically they are not FDA approved, they have because of the COVID-19 pandemic and the desperate need to repopulate the United States of America to wage a ground war on the people's Republic of China. We haven't committed to either side. Oh wait, we've got

by the way, speaking of war, like two new messages. We apologize for keeping you waiting. Our operators are busy the moment. Please leave us a message with your email address. Hey, could you please confirm that you are the patient? Yes. And so we'll find out shortly if there's a veteran. He's defrauding them. You're not the patient. Yeah. That's true. You were the patient. They probably just looked up Adam's email and they know he's a customer. Yeah, I've ordered it. That's all they do. Can you confirm you are the patient? I probably shouldn't be saying this part. We just like hello customer service. Can I change my address? Anyway, guys, here's the here's the deal. That's all you have to do. Here's the deal.

You just hijack Adam's subscription. Go to blueshoe.com. You put in the promo code. The promo code. How much does it cost the million dollar question? It costs a million dollars. No, it costs nothing and you just pay five dollar shipping for your first plan start at twenty dollars per month. That's nothing. That's not that's like that's like three net accounts, which we all have. It's great. It's for cancel Netflix, cancel Hulu, get your dick hard. It's for Patreon accounts on the patreon.com slash come and get back into torrenting jack off to the Netflix shows. You don't want to pay for any more. So true plan started twenty dollars per month, a come town or come town twenty the promo code. It's

one of those that you've been waiting for your whole fucking life and you pay just you just pay the shipping on your first order. So you get your first month free five dollars. Your dick gets hard. That's all that's that's that's the math guys. Five dollars hard dick. Who would say no to that? Nobody. Nobody. A fucking idiot would you know who would somebody with the gentrifying urge to open a third coffee shop? That is such a clean joke. It's right on time. Viral potential. Yeah, the meme has been the the the urge meme has been going on. I mean, just just started really started. Yeah, you're getting in gentrification. Joe. Oh my God, vacation is just kind of that's rich vein

to tap into and the coffee shop. So yeah, remember that coffee shop. We're reminding you please read like Ian's tweet from from January 14 January at four forty two p.m. Which right now as as of recording, it has two retweets twenty seven likes. Oh, twenty seven. So he's doing numbers in a gentrified twenty twenty eight likes twenty eight likes a while. The gentrified one to open the third coffee shop on one block in Brooklyn. Let's see who liked it. Let's shout them out. They're the early likers at Castro Holic at Johnny Oroco. Don't don't say people's ads. We're thanking them for liking it. Anyway, let's see. So what's interesting. So Marco's pizza was actually not really until

two thousand two wasn't wasn't a chain a chain. Wow. But industry expert Jack Butterac about Marco's modern penis. And he's like, oh, my penis is doesn't work because I'm a dog. I'm a dingo. I'm a dingo and I live in a living in fucking pineapple under the sea. Oh, they want to say I live in a bottom of the sea doesn't work. Oh, good. And then his friend, what's his name? Dingo. Philbert. Philbert. Yeah, that was that. Now, of course, you would know his name. And he's like, I'm off to get sucked by Adam with his tool. Remember, it was a thinly veiled and somatic truck. Remember Adam's tool. The gift was a turtle, I believe. And you're gay and it spoke. I can't see where a Marcos is, though.

Yeah. So where they even had well, they're buying national ad time during storage, worst taxes. So they have to. The thing is, we haven't opened the single shop yet, but we're trying to get the word out. So we spent $800 million on advertising. And now we're out of money. So I come to you to shocks asking for another $800 million so I can pay off the debt to the advertisers and open a lemonade stand as to work my way up to opening the first pizza restaurant. Oh, they have a thousand locations. Yeah. Okay. You know, it is exciting stuff. Wow. $14,000. You know, you find that place on this story. You got this. You got that. You got Marco and then they go pizza. Now that's how you say the punchline at the

same time and you have a good time. I was just, I just saw the Jewish guy. What do they say pizza? What do they say pizza? What do they say pizza? Marco. Okay. This was a good okay to catch everyone up. This was a pretty lucrative episode. Episode Ricky. Yeah. Mo made $14,215. Oh, Lisa made zero. Yeah. I should just go in the storage facility hustling after this shit fucking but the bottom falls guys are genius. I know I have to switch the crack. Look at those shoes. Money's a little tight. So I'm switching the crack. I'm switching the crack. Okay. Okay. I'm switching the crack. Oh, dude, they fit in a different kind of diet. Wow. He's putting on high heels. This is me. What the fuck is this guy? He's putting

on high heels. He got that guy's got Parkinson's too, right? No, Mo does. Yeah. You see his handshake and all the fucking, you know, I don't think he does. He's like, wow, I found this. Yeah. Some people have a minor shake. I don't think that's Parkinson's. The shake is not from Parkinson's. It's from the medication. It's called dyskinesia. Oh, really? I didn't know Parkinson's is actually the rigidity of your muscles. Get the fuck out. Yeah. And when the full name of that does that make it hard to it's called tardive. Unfortunately, it doesn't. So you're telling me it makes every muscle in your body rigid except your cock. I guess it makes it difficult to move. Yeah. How about a tardive dyskinesia? Have

you heard of that one? No, I haven't. Yeah. I always thought that was a funny name. They would come up on the TV. They said, have you been diagnosed with tardive dyskinesia after exposure to I can't believe it's not butter. Yeah. What happened to that? I don't know. I guess somebody believed it and died. I was a country. We were a country croc family in my house. Well, that's not. I can't believe it's not butter. It was like margarine or something. Isn't country croc margarine? I thought that was just butter. No, no, I think that was also margarine. Let's find out. I forget what I bought. Land of Lakes, I think is what I bought before that butter before Kerry Gold was everywhere. I never use margarine.

I always use butter. As in my family, we, it was called plant butter, which sounds like margarine to me. Adam plants his butt cheeks on a man's car. That is so fucking true. He's like, let me just give your cock a smooch with my ass. He's trained his asshole to make the sound. I think the cock is the one that's being planted in the air. No, no, yes. That's not the case. No, Adam comes to the room. You're describing. He's got his pants pulled down. He's the guy sitting there and he goes, the ass doesn't get birthday. Mr. President. He does say that. All of that is true. A lot of people say I have a similar vibe to Marilyn Monroe. No, they say you fucked as many guys. Anyway, powerful man. Listen, tonight, if you're

in Houston, come see me tomorrow. I'll be in Austin, Texas, then Addison, then San Francisco, Vancouver, St. Louis, Chicago, Burlington, Charlotte, Nashville, Atlanta. Also, stay tuned for my coming up Q and a Adam Friedland tell all tour. Speaking tour, a full hour. You can ask any question you want about Adam's life and I am giving every any detail. Anything I can take up will be when you have to sign an NDA. Sign NDA tickets are $150. If I find out you're reselling the information later, I will have you killed. Thank by FFA Soldiers. I appreciate you. At least protects me. So go to Stavi.biz last tour and look, maybe as a late Valentine's Day present, you buy your significant other. One of my calendars.

Yeah. And yeah, it's February, but there's still 10 more months. And also folks, if you're in Boston, you can come see me this weekend at hideout.com. I feel like if I released a calendar, I would spend $10,000 to get them all printed. And then Joe Biden, we're like, we're getting rid of March. It's not a year anymore. We're getting rid of it. It's not going to be doing a different kind of year. So big government yet again. Now, now it's not, I'm going to be, we got four months now, a month, a year. And now I'm going to be president for 15 years. How much do you think Joe will live? I can't imagine another six months. I truly can't. I don't, I really don't understand. He's the only winner in this whole

thing. All right. Well, check out patreon.com if you want to hear the rest of this story. Yeah.