The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. 300 – ffff

Episode Date: February 24, 2022

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Because Because I found all my banners It is not but I did record already. So you might want to put the kibosh on industry secrets What he said about Jewish guys It's cuz they want to fuck boys That's pretty funny. I I don't think Asian women look like boys to me personally. I Don't think now a stab is not here. So I'm gonna do the thing where I defend a type of woman from Any kind of I think I think you're all beautiful hit me up

Hit me up if you're one of them get my DMS. Yeah, so I can sexually fuck you So I can say I can be a An ally by sexually fucking you You know, I'm getting down. I'm tell you if a lot of people are just checking in to hear how the puzzle is going So I'm gonna tell you how many pieces is this puzzle Nick. It's 1500, but 1500 I mean, I figured to be one or two pieces missing It's it's looking like it's gonna be like 10 or more. What are you about this used? No No, no, I'm just lost the puzzle. You know, I get I get into it. They get stuck to my forearms

Yeah, let's let's get some more puzzle update my meaty forearms. Yeah, Nick's forearms looking great. Yeah, vascular Yeah, if you guys want to post about that vascular cuz I gotta I started I started eating beets Mm-hmm Don't beat pomegranate berry mix up in the Vitamix in the morning to try and save my heart guys We're doing 90 days 90 days to save my life. Yeah, or your life Anyway guys, welcome to come town. It's Nick and Adam today. It's Nick and Adam the classic the classic the original Yeah, we we actually purchased stov from the circus

When the show started they were selling a fat man and I said this is gonna be This is our ticket to ride. Yeah, so I can't be here today because he's on the Jenny Jones Show with his mother. So me and Adam are having one of our classic hangs I'm gonna do a puzzle. Maybe I'll let Adam smoke a cigarette in my apartment. I'm drinking a beer Is that a beer? I might have a hard kombucha and then we're gonna watch Wanda. Oh, man You know what after how's that for a fucking afternoon? It's a great film. It's a great afternoon. It's a great afternoon I'm thinking I'm just trying to curate an afternoon here. Now. Give me one faggot second while I pull up the calendar and

figure out What Shit Figure out what sorry you what were you saying? Nothing. Oh, I was saying stov is on the Jenny Jones show with his mother. I Think that was gonna go nowhere probably it was gonna be something like oh help my Eight-year-old is 900 pounds or something. We're gonna do a fat joke about our friend That's not here behind his back my eight-year-old. Well, I'll tell you the thing about stuff is you're never quite behind his back

You save the bit once again once again, you're never quite Behind his back What's today? 22nd it is a It is the day after president say we are back alive We're not live, but we're back. My shit is all fucked up. My shit fucked up. Well, I don't have I don't have the right Google calendar on here I'm gonna have you talk for 30 seconds. I'm gonna go pull up. I need to figure out what the ad reads are Okay, you're gonna. All right. Yeah, good. Tell him tell him the story about I you're saying your sister was upset this morning

I don't want to say that. Okay. Well, tell him that story. I'll go. I'm gonna go get the Oh Man well guys, here's your chance you this is the Adam show you've been waiting for it for a long time I've gotten a lot of DMs to say you should have your own podcast. You don't need Nick. You don't need Stavros Your talent stands on its own two feet and I appreciate those messages Nick is back now I was talking about all the I get down the computer decided it's gonna install updates. So I can't even I can't restart the episode I can't use the computer. I wasn't even ready to start. What started the podcast. Yeah

No, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter at all. Look as long as it goes up and the ad reads are on there where they're supposed to be Mm-hmm. We just collect the fucking money and then You know, I don't know. We'll just look we work hard We work hard hard, dude, and we play even fucking I spent the weekend in beautiful Providence, Rhode Island shout out to the USS lobster pot. I was in gorgeous favorite restaurant. I was in gorgeous Boston, Massachusetts Which I found out has did you have you been to the North and before Nick? Sure, the North and they have a great. It's it's like they're literally in and It's were black Santa Claus. Yes, it is the North and yeah, and he's like ho ho. He said it. Oh, yeah

Yeah, I wonder where he says that because of their prostitutes. Okay. Oh, oh we got today is my bookie. Okay, great. Um Yeah, they have a great little Italy in Boston. Did not know that. Yeah Also went to Boston's ditto little me. I went to Boston's Chinatown. That was pretty good little China little China face This is what they call it in able neighborhood neighborhood. Yeah, that's the neighborhood I live in Then we got brain damage from too much fiber From being too healthy from being too healthy Thanks to everyone that came out to our show in Chicago me and Nick

I want to get I gotta say, you know, I've never really done cardio in my life like regular. That's not true You're doing jump rope for a while. Yeah, I was but that's what I say regularly. I mean more than like six weeks in a row I mean, that's pretty good. If I could do that if I could do that regularly and not walk around just like a Like a fucking tea kettle constantly, you know, just be subdued. Yeah, that'd be great. Just be relaxed always Yeah, you know anus is always a little bit dilated. Well, you got to start doing poppers Yeah, I would love doing cardio. I would love to just I would love to just be anally dilated and Relaxed from and people are like, what's that smell? I'm like, I'm an athlete What's that open smell

Fucking open in here, it smells like a man's open ass and I'm like, yeah, I've been meditating I've been meditating in my blood pressure down and as a side effect of that I now have an open ass syndrome Mm-hmm that that's such attaining true Zen. I think it's just having your ass a little wide open What's going on with baseball spring training is not happening. Oh Cuz the damn DS a the DS a DS a yeah, I don't know They're doing they're doing a late. They're doing a hecking labor. Oh my god Well, I know that Bernie was trying to save the miners I

Think they were trying to end minor league baseball. No, really? I thought you meant I I think my miners is miners are always every couple of years are getting trapped in one of those mines and at this point It's like, you know what? Fool me want, you know, I gotta know I got no more sympathy for people trapped in mines. It's true. Don't go down there Yeah, don't go down there start a fucking race star. Starbucks is fucking hiring. Yeah, and The pay for your college Okay, let me let me let me put myself in them in the in the shoes and mind of one of these geniuses That decides to you know

Go play mine card mayhem It down in down down at the shores of hell. It's like, okay. Hmm. Oh, let's see I I need I need to make money to feed my family. I can either go into a dangerous Gas-filled mine that could collapse at any point and die 34 or I could learn how to make coffee Help people who have more important jobs get to their jobs by caffeinating them. Yep with the lit with you know a delicious Pumpkin fucking whatever. Yeah, whatever Maybe maybe sell them a John Legend CD, right? And if they so choose as mandated by my corporate, you know manager

Mm-hmm. They can ask me about my race. Yeah, they can ask me about yeah They can say what race are you and I can say I'm white and then You know from what I understand then they there are a lot to lecture me. Yeah about my privilege Yeah, I guess I mean the only benefit of the I'll do that is that you get to you can say the n-word down there You can say the n-word can't do that at Starbucks. You can do blackface to you. They do they that's part of the job That's part of the job. Mm-hmm. And I think a lot of these races are going down to these minds to get their faces covered in coal So they can do a you know a low mammy type of yeah, they used to they would put it They would mr. Bojangles the tricky part is is that you can't tell who's actually black down there

You know, that's why they have a canary and they teach it to say the n-word right and if the bird was ever shot to death or stabbed Then they'd know troubles a foot Some guys not suited up we've got a we've got a natural coal breather. Yep, and I didn't know that that's what the canary was for it But that makes a hell of a lot of sense Yeah, it's figuring out who the black guy is in the coal mine because he'd stab

He'd stab the bird Yeah, upon hearing right the n-word right coming in rage. Yeah, it's a test. Yeah Yeah, and that's a labor history for you guys. You don't hear that from the damn DSA. Yeah, we're telling you actually I've had it up to your working man's play and I'm oh my god me too. I'm just about ready to quit Yeah, I have I've got half a mind to go to the next DSA meeting With a loaded gun and to just start firing indiscriminately. Yeah, I've got half a mind to do that Yeah, I'm not saying I'm gonna I was about to snap the other day Yeah, and I was I was ready to do that, but I found out I went to the wrong meeting. Yeah, yeah

You're at the crochet. I was at the crochet big introduction to crochet it. I thought it was the DSA at the yeah The Kings County County listen you fucking purple hairs. You ruined our solidarity movement. Yeah, you tried to lord over us Nice white men. Yeah, we have the same material interest as you. Yeah, and they were like This is a crochet club. I tell you though I will forever be grateful to the DSA for teaching me how to do a really good television criticism on Twitter Yeah, that's the main that's the main thing that that's the thing that's the main benefit of becoming an intellectual by voting for The first time in my life years ago Yeah, I thought makes me an intellectual now is that now now when I go on Twitter and I talk about a TV show

I can look at it through the critical lens of Marxism of dialectical materialism. It's true I thought that Bojack Horseman was pretty confusing. Yeah until I had it explained to me Well, I was watching euphoria recently. Yeah, me too and I didn't really understand any of the plot But I was looking up really confusing. I got I just was mad that I can't fuck that girl Oh my god. Yeah, it gets me so mad and I watch you for you in the buff and I realize it's not because I'm a fucking loser fact if you wouldn't fuck it's because of Dial dialectical capital. Yeah, a lake late cap. It's because of late late capital. Yes. Yeah. Yeah, it's the late capital capital

Capital capitalization. It's the capitalization of commodities It's a fucking tail is all this time right there, brother And if it weren't for that if we had communism pussy, she would be yeah She would have have Communist the communist states of America branded shackles around their ankles. That's true hooked up to Union-powered machines spreading her legs apart for me to deposit my worker seed Mm-hmm into her body. She'd be kind of like a like a The queen of an ant colony and while I it sounds like I'm describing rape. She's all she asked she wanted that

No, she's she's attracted to me. She's getting the power and it's and labor. I'm I in this scenario It sounds bad, but this is that's all just that's just how things work under communism, brother You don't have to apologize. Yeah, you don't have to explain ourselves, right? She was actually pursuing me Mm-hmm. I'm I was like, you know, I can take it or leave it. I could have sex with any woman I wanted and she's like, please use a giant communist machine to rape me a Diesel power. Yeah, so I'm kind of like stalling Yeah, and and you know naturally I brought this up at the last dsa meeting and they said two things to me first and foremost

Please leave and second of all, this is the introduction to crocheting. Yeah, this is an introduction to crocheting for survivors of rape. Yeah, there was a lot of Just a lot of them doing self earmuffs and going la la la la la. Now we're cooking guys. Listen I know it's a little rocky for the first minute five minutes there, but We really I think tapped into something good there. What's that girl's name? I like that. She's neat. She always looks drunk That's like I like that. She's always crying and looks yeah, they're all the Gen Z kids They all got this they're their brains are like irradiated by iPad So their eyes are dim and it's weird because you know, I have dead eyes and that's mostly a result of I think if I'm I'm being honest. It's just because I don't wear my glasses. Yeah, it's true. I can't see anything

That's true. I sort of look like a blind person. Yeah But but they have it from what from Xanax from Xanax and then living there like interacting with people mostly through screens You don't have to yeah, you don't have to and their parents are also dead I'd but that's because they were all just fucking like, you know, the Gen Xers are all just retail zombies They worked at their parents are Gen X I guess I always think of everyone's parents as being boomers. No, no, no, their parents are Jen It was just weird because your parents were at the mall. You want to fuck them and then you also want to fuck their parents It's a weird spot to be in. Yeah, you think about you know, it's like that the truth. It's the truth

You think about their mom some just Some just like a whore going to college. Yeah, you know, you're a kid and you're like damn What's one of these big gene whores up to they're reading books. They're sucking dick Yeah, and here I am. I'm eight and I'm a faggot It's true. Our generation's babysitters were all of those Gen X. Yeah, big gene mall girls Remember the babysitters club book series. Oh my god. Do I remember maybe I should get it? Maybe you should start reading. I try to start my own chapter. Maybe that's how I can understand women You go back to the source go back to the babies go back to the babysitters club

And then I'll give us a bead on which direction women are you going? That's true. Do you ever read any of those? I can't say I did. Yeah, me either. No, you read any of the boxcar children. Yeah, of course That was a great one. Yeah, it's for homeless They solve mysteries to that I think they did yeah, yeah, they were the old old There's a family of the boys were into mysteries. Yeah girls were into they Nancy drew and stuff I guess they had mysteries to and then if you were a loser you liked encyclopedia brown Yeah, she's a fucking don't encyclopedia brown was the worst of all. She's the fucking Valma of all those books Encyclopedia Brown was a boy. Oh, I thought it was a girl. No, I thought she was some un-fuckable bitch

That was solving mystery. Oh, it was a boy named encyclopedia Once again, I've been caught out on the show. Yeah, it doesn't matter stuff's not here to gas it up Normally I'd I'm loving the one-on-one dynamic. I'm feeling like a really even keel here. Yeah Well, it's because I got my I got my I got my blood pressure down. Yeah, it's true. You've been super chill since Chicago I'm not running. Huh? I had a little heart attack Now I'm feeling better. I'm on the neck had a mini heart attack on Saturday and I very slight heart attack. Yes but it was like, you know, he dealt with it like uh,

All of our grandfathers and their fathers would have dealt with it, which is like sitting at the house Waiting it out. Mm-hmm. And me me and my girlfriend put on Seinfeld and just kept an ear to Nick's room to make sure The I guess I couldn't have heard if you died. Yeah, I'm encyclopedia brown. Everyone's favorite boy detective Yeah, that guy's a fucking loser. Yeah, he kind of looks like you sort of That that does look like a young No, it does I mean look at him that's that looks that literally looks like a 10 year old version here I Guess so yeah

Yeah, he's what he's just got fucking skulls in his room. Maybe I'll maybe I'll after this I'll wrap this up I'll go to the library. I'll pick up a babysitter's club and Maybe that's what I'll do this afternoon I've been meaning For a while, do you remember like cracking open an animorph in fifth grade and being like this is what adults This is like more grown up. No, I did not think it was what I thought I thought it was like I was like Stopping being a baby and starting to be a teen. It sucks. I wish I loved reading now as much as I did back here You read a lot, bro. Yeah, but it doesn't lie to those. It doesn't

It doesn't work the way it used to What do you mean? You don't go into a fantasy dream? I don't go into a fantasy dream world now. No, yeah, that's true And I go I don't like really Get get sucked in. Yeah, I I Never I learned not to appreciate reading because I was Every summer forced to do the summer library Like reading club thing. So it became like something my parents wanted me to do so

It never gave me pleasure. It just seemed like a fucking chore Yeah, I don't know anything about that. Yeah, a summer reading. Yeah, I got a t-shirt. Yeah If you read like 20 like 15 books, you got a t-shirt. That's gay. Yeah, really gay. I Actually do have did get a t-shirt that said don't bug me. I'm reading you read the chocolate war and it had a bug on it What no, no, the chocolate war. Yeah, well, we can really take that in a lot of directions Nick. Yeah But guess what I'm gonna just get back into reading children's books. Yeah, I'm gonna get back into goosebumps, bro Mm-hmm. It's been a while since I got spooked goosebumps is not good Animals might be good goosebumps. It's dog shit. Absolute dog shit. Really? Yeah, I didn't like him as a kid

You like had the I read gay shit, dude. I read fucking I read CS Lewis I read all of CS Lewis when I was a kid like all my own I read I read Lion the Witch and the wardrobe. Yeah, no, I'd the voyage of the Dawn Treader was my favorite I didn't read that one. Yeah, what was it? It's all Christian. Yeah, yeah, yeah Yeah, I moved on a red bear Christianity after that. Oh, really? Yeah, no I was reading Maxim's FHM's. Yeah, young. I read about the hot list. I read a book on how to How does like finger? You did CS Lewis wrote a book on unlike finding the like you do the come here

What did he say? He said that all all women can squirt really? Yeah, what do you do? You pull on their post you pull You try and rip it out That's what they like. Yeah, really that's what that's I mean, that's in I think it's in person Prince Caspian You yank it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, there's a mouse There's a mouse who's a night. He's a giant mouse. I remember that. Yeah, but the lion was Jesus, right? The line yeah as land the lion is Jesus and the mouse teaches the lion had a finger. That's badass. Mm-hmm. Yeah Anyways coming up on the children's book review podcast Bobar Bobar was I always hated Bobar. No always. No, not me, bro. Yeah, I have a bar sheets

Did you yeah, I don't hold bets that there was something too foreign about Bobar to me I liked it because my parents were from Africa made me feel like I was getting closer to my roots. Yeah, I didn't understand it I don't understand why I was wearing a green suit. Yeah, I didn't there was too many things going on with Bobar. No, I mean Bobar was like a He was probably, you know, he was like an African dictator. Yeah, you know, he was kind of Yeah, it's a cannibal. He was a cannibal. He was uh, he was eating. He was eating of the brains of his enemies And he was getting pussy from boy soldiers. Yeah, look at this picture Who's that Bill Clinton and Bobar? It's Bobar and Jeffrey Epstein What's going on they killed Jeffrey Epstein's friend. Yeah, they killed his friend

I really don't have any patience for all the people that are still Epstein people because yeah, Nick said an Epstein hipster Well, I'm not an Epstein. You are I mean and you you deserve to be I'll tell you what the problem is Yeah, it's like if you still want to get into all the Epstein stuff You want to like accuse the elites of raping children and engaging in satanic rituals on an island But then in the same breath turnaround being like anyone questioning the CDC and Dr. Fauci is a fascist anti-vaxxer Is that people are doing that? For sure. It's like either You're into the Epstein stuff and you think coronavirus is fake and the vaccines are popular. That's right and the Holocaust is not It's not real. The Holocaust is real not real ancient history. I don't care

Yeah, water under the bridge doesn't matter to me. Yeah, I'm not gonna fucking I'm not gonna say the Holocaust didn't happen Because frankly whether it did or didn't doesn't matter That's my okay Holocaust you guys can have that debate separately Mm-hmm, none of my business. It does not matter. It's not my job story of Jesus. I don't care whether it's true or not Yeah, I Don't care. It's like Santa Claus. Yeah, you know, but you're saying if you If yeah, if you buy into the Epstein thing if you want to get in if you want to get

Kill himself all this stuff. Yeah, then you got to do the work You got to be here. You got to show up every day. We're on phase two of this thing right now You got to be you got to be on the team night and day Okay, can't be a fair weather because it's all these people they did it with pizza gate They said this is all bullshit. Right turns out. It wasn't right. Okay, I want to pick and choose Where they get on and off the boat. This isn't a buffet Parkland shooting didn't happen, right fake The literally no one died. No one died. Yeah, that's how I mean people died, but they were Well, it's dressed as children coronavirus is phase two of the Epstein thing because they killed him and then they

They've released the virus to cover it up. Yeah, you know, so you can't you can't have one without the other Yeah, that makes sense. Who's his friend now? Jean-Luc Picard has now been found dead in prison. Yeah Yeah, he killed himself too. I was supposedly What are you doing? No, I don't want to do it. You go ahead. No What was it? It sounded whatever it was fucking kids. Yeah, not good No, not really. I was on the island No, you're doing like it sounds like a fucked up Sean Connery kind of no, no, no, that's not Sean Connery It's not iris. It sounds like Scott. It sounds like but bar to be honest with you. But bar is my guy. I told you

but the bar word The bar word Um, what were we talking about? Uh, pandex pandex press Pan express used to be Very good. Did you see that? It's still good. I haven't had a long time. I'm sure it's still good We're gonna go on the road. A lot of people know this. We're doing a tour. Yeah, Nick and I are doing a tour called Called cleaning up taking names

Bringing a gun or bringing We have a gun the tour Um, yeah, I have a gun the I have a gun. Do I have a gun? Yeah And I know how to use a tour and if if What's her name again the girl the young the young lady from the tv show have been masturbating

If you happen to be there, yeah Look out you guys We're about to have a quote unquote revolution It's about to be october 1917 Oh boy, she's she's she's a very lovely young lady. She's a she's fucking fantastic Sydney if you're listening

If you're listening you shouldn't fuck Nick you should fuck me I mean, you shouldn't you shouldn't fuck either of us. Honestly, you shouldn't fuck either of us. We don't deserve it You shouldn't fuck either of us until we have full communism. You're too young How honestly your dick should fall off when you're you're like 32 it wouldn't make life better It should it should fall off and what you should it would make life better. You should yeah, you'd have a window to procreate Right, and then you could spend the rest of your life Just focusing on the things that actually matter Mm-hmm, which is drinking

And and living a living us we're doing wood puzzles doing puzzles getting your heart right down Rebuilding rebuilding a dick so that you can So you can take it back making a diesel powered dick dick machine building a communist dick machine to to to what to To marry the young lady from

How old is euphonium? I don't know. I have to look it up. She's 14 years old. She's not She reads a 12th grade level does she yeah, she's mad smart I'll tell you what I would love what's that? There's a couple of rosemary olive oil triskin. She's 24 24. She's five three two Yeah, damn I'm like, I'm like, oh God damn it. I didn't know that god damn fuck. I was hoping she was four 11 Oh, I have a bitch has to be tall now. Wow, she's a giant. She's she's she's huge She's five foot three

Uh-huh 24 years old Anyway, um, is there anything you want to talk about like any uh, what you mean, uh, my booky Yeah, maybe we gotta wait another two minutes. You're probably got another two minutes. So let's talk about you. We gotta wait another two minutes We gotta wait. I was trying to Come up with new silly voices. Oh, I thought you were doing brando. Just I guess every silly voice is just gonna be brando. Hello. It's me Oh Michael Jewish

Of the of the judy is in fame. I think Michael Jewish has made an appearance before actually, okay Sweeney is a trained MMA fighter Sydney competed in grappling in high school. She knows how to beat people up Yeah, we'll see about that No, I'm having flashes of surviving the game. I'm gonna make a public statement right now I will fight you. I Well, how about this? We kidnap or bring her to like a Montana or something. I would love to kidnap her boret style. Yeah, we kidnap a bag We're tell her we tell her she's the guest of honor

At a remote dinner. We're having it's me you Charles S. Dutton f Murray abraham rucker hauer and gary bucey The squad as we like to call it And before fucking AOC had to right steal our name and we make we we serve dinner And it's a pig with a giant pair of tits roasted And and gary bucey's like you're the guest of honor tonight Mars big day. Yeah We're having a communist revolution tomorrow. She's like, what does that mean? He's like, oh, wouldn't you like to know?

No, I'm like gary stop dropping hints. Yeah, gary. Come on. You're big. Let's leave a little mystery. Yeah Let's let's give let's leave the surprise to the end of the night Charles S. Dutton's like you better be ready to defend them big tits you dumb bitch All day long Oh my god, I it's cool that you're gonna be this movie called surviving the rape I Yeah, I think that's exciting about that is that you get to send that invite so you you can get back into your calligraphy nick Yeah, you can send her a real nice little Dracula letter. Yeah

Exactly. Yeah, send her a real spooky Welcome to my house What I said what if Dracula instead of sucking blood was he uh Rape yeah, and then he was also friends with rocker howl and Charles S. Dutton and Gary bucey F Murray Abraham and oh my gosh from Amadeus and the guy always named John McGinley the who's that the guy from scrubs Oh, the the John C. McGinley the rude doctor. John McGinley is the redhead McGinley, right? I don't know his name. Yeah, we'll look it up. Why are you talking about my bookie guys sports is in full swing

We just had the NBA all-star game, but there's plenty more sports action to come Uh, and you can bet on it all at my bookie dot a g The most trusted name and premiere online sports betting if you're a new york citizen like us Online sports betting just became legal because governor Kathy Huckle has raped her seventh child Sorry, and I'd like to apologize to Kathy Huckle. I didn't need to go that hard Um, nick what are the benefits of this great website? Um, it's uh, there's that so now I'm looking at pictures of John McGinley and his family He has a nice family. Well, it's a I can't make sense of it because it's look. It's like him and his wife

And then they have a son that's a lot of kids sons that seems disabled of some sort Do they have an Indian son? Well, he has two daughters and then there's a mexican boy. Yeah, who's that mexican boy? I don't know a guy that looks like he's 11 years old. I can't understand what this family is It's a cool family. Yeah. No, it's like that. They were like, he's like, I'm getting paid fat off scrubs. I'm gonna I'm gonna get a menagerie of no, no, this is his family. I don't know who the fuck that other guy was So I guess he's just their their house boy. Anyway, my bookie dot a g They're running a great like a bunch of great promotions. You get a hundred percent sports welcome bonus One hundred and fifty percent casino bonus up to seven hundred and fifty dollars. You can bet with bitcoin

They have table games live casino slots, which is what I like to play because I'm I'm an 85 year old woman with emphysema If you're if Sydney Sweeney is listening, maybe you check out my bookie dot a g and take a chance on love with uh with a guy who understands that the The Material capital capital dialectics is the reason because I'm sure she's unhappy like most people. She's not happy You can tell she's not happy and she needs me to save her by telling her about coral marks. Yeah, and then having sex

And the only if you know, I I'm strictly just She would be pursuing me. Let's make that perfectly clear. Yeah. She's the horny one. She's the one that's I'm the vessel of cum I'm just I yeah, I'm facilitating it. I'm just filled with cum Yeah, and I'm yanking the shit out of her pussy and now and I'm ripping her arms and legs off with a machine I would Love and I'm cutting her head off with a fucking sickle and jamming a hammer into her pussy But she's the one she's she wants all these asking for I'm just trying to read Carl marks. Yeah to her like a bedtime story, but she needs she likes it like that

She wants it like that. She wants to be in pale. Anyway, so Their team at my bookie comm they meticulously handpicked professionals with the refined skill set stemming from years in the online gaming industry They redefine the gaming scene by establishing my bookie as the world's leading online sports betting and gambling website providing a unique and personalized stress-free gaming experience for every client according to their preferences Um, and that's good these days. I don't know what else they have 24 7 customer support So, uh, you can they can offer assistance and aid for all your concerns by phone email or chat and they are incredibly responsive um Do we have a promo code nick?

Uh, it's either come down or come down 20. So I give a fuck. This is the last year of this show Uh-huh stops dead. I'm knocking on death's door myself. No, nick. You got your your beats per minute down I did I did. You know what? Yep. I think I I think I might I might have turned that might have been a wake-up call for me I'm just like staring at pictures of woman's tits I've turned a new leaf I've got a new lease on life and I'm ready to fuck Uh, what's this? What's what do we got here a pair of tits? Be still my communist heart

Think not of what what is only what can only be described as rape and under the capitalist paradigm But in communism It's called me getting minds as a worker Anyway, so you can go to my bookie dot ag put in promo code come down or come down 20 You get a lot of great benefits. It's a great company. You get paid on time. You get great bonuses You can bet on sports. You can take out a huge parlay And you can win big and you can

You can send your winnings a screenshot to sydney sweeney and she has to legally she has to yeah Do something something like that Anyway Oh nick what there's a hostage situation in amsterdam at the apple store I knew that would get you going brother and I wonder what that was about Um, so what else is going on? Let's talk about our lives Let's talk about our hopes and dreams, okay Yeah

I kind of want a cigarette But I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I have to be I have to focus on my puzzle Yeah, I have to focus on things to calm me down. You have about 50 pieces left in that 1500-piece puzzle. I know I know i'm getting close. I'm proud of you, brother. This might be the best episode of the show in a while No, I don't know. I'm not sure about that. Yeah, it's very funny that Literally a quarter million people will listen to this That'll never stop being funny to me

It's so weird that you just you don't have to you don't have to put effort into anything in life No, I think you do. No, you don't I think this is like a cosmic accident Yeah, if you think back to what our lives were before the large hard-on super collider There's two particles that's smashed into each other. Yeah, this is some sort of okay fine. We got the millionaire podcast particles but There's another universe in which we have the communist revolution raping the girl before particles That those particles exist. Yeah, and we need to I'm gonna I'm gonna figure out how to take the door off my microwave Yeah, and leave that bitch running. Yeah until that shit happens or at least it cooks my brain

As to the extent that I that's the reality where you can you can hack the multiverse. I can yeah, yeah Because this reality. Oh my goodness This is this is sad, right? Yeah, this world that we've inherited right old sleepy joe Sleep, you know, I forget he's present. I forget it too Yeah But let's let's read about what's going on at this apple store. I think this is what I think this is the news that so So armed police and special units are swarming a busy lead spell line

Square as residents are urged to stay indoors At least one hostage is being held at gunpoint inside the apple store in central Amsterdam I wonder if there's anything we can do about that brother Um, you know, there was another classic hostage situation in Amsterdam Where an frank mm-hmm held the people of Amsterdam hostage. That's true for years because she wouldn't turn herself in It's true. And so they had to live under Nazi occupation. They would have just packed up and left. Yeah If she just left that damn at it. She is in a lot of ways like the unvaccinated The Amsterdamese could have been back the regular life in a heartbeat with the Nazis. They said there's one more

Yeah, if you have the the the roles, we know there's one more family. Where are they? And people were like, we don't know we can't find them. Yeah Very sneaky and then and then, you know, eventually she uh, she left made a little too much noise Made a little too much noise the legalized weed the rest of this history Yep, what do we got here folks? We got we got big news today Jen Sackie has shown her pussy to the White House Press corps and the report the reviews are in. It's disgusting I mean, this is just another move from Sackie a classic deflection. We want answers about Ukraine

Yeah, she shows her nasty ass pussy got her pussy out and it's spraying some sort of garlic slime There is a there is a there is a garlic swarm of flies. There's a garlic mustard slime That's being spewed out of Jen Sackie's pussy directly into Peter Deucey's face And we're going live to the White House with updates I thank you. My name is sector report report that also from Mexico news from Mexico news and Jenna Jenna Pesaki her poosuki is being sprayed all over the periodosis of this

And I want to do more reporting, but I have to go to the bathroom And he's gone and he's gone and we're moving on to the next story. You're listening to come down news Yeah, what Putin really wants is bigger than the Ukraine according to Apple news audio briefing today And what's that? I don't know. I don't know how I'm trying to use the news app So we can just run through headlines bigger than than Ukraine And I want you know what he really wants and that's to be gay with Donald Trump Here we go. Here we go. A headline most amazing mother 31 dies in Long Island house fire

That severely burned her fiance and son. So I'm guessing most amazing is sarcastic. Yes Yeah, she I mean to me that sounds like uh Is it in quotes? Most amazing mother. Yeah, it's sarcastic. I guess it's like uh doing air quotes. Yeah, the most amazing mother Yeah, the fire swept through Long Island, New York home and killed his 31 year old fiance Steven Ortner and Lisa Strowski struggled to escape when a fire spread through the home on Friday morning So that's that's that's a bit of Long Island news for you. Yeah The jury finds Ahmed are Arbery's three killers guilty of federally federal hate crimes

Okay, I thought that happened a while back. No, I think that happened this week. Oh, this is the federal. This is the federal charges. Yeah, yeah Man, they're there's some hilarious looking guys Those are the guys that killed him. Yeah The they weren't cops, right? They were like they were uh, no, I mean and they filmed the whole thing They just chased after him in the truck and then ran up to him and shot him And like, yeah, the only argument was like, why was he jogging in Tim's? That was their defense basically, yeah Well, then they're like, yeah, there's a couple of robberies earlier in the week

And it didn't make sense that he was jogging in Tim's so we murdered him in cold blood in the middle of the night Yeah Wow Pretty fucked up if Ahmed of a mod was another white person jogging with this have happened the way that it did A mod hadn't been using the public streets. Who would this happen the way it did? Prosecutor Christopher penis s in the government's closing arguments on Monday He argued that the racial slurs and memes while not illegal in themselves could help inform jurors about the mindset of the defendants when they saw Arbery run through satilla shores that day

It was in Georgia, right? It was in Georgia. That's a bit of Georgia news for you Biden set to speak U.S. calls Russia actions and invasion ready sanctions Ukraine You say Ukraine or the Ukraine? Um, I go back and forth. Yeah depends on my vibe. I never said I don't know what the Ukraine It's like the Ohio State University. I don't know why people say the Ukraine. Yeah, it's a little I kind of think it's a little bit. Uh,

I don't know like It's too fancy, you know Yeah, it's like it's what you say if you don't and have any information about what's happening over there Yeah, you have no you have No historical context. You don't really know what the dispute is. You just Want to call Joe Biden a shitty president? Yeah, or vice versa. So you say the Ukraine you say the UK and the new thing now is saying Kiev instead of Kiev. Is that how you say it? I don't know people at bread bear is doing it

Kiev you they're they're saying Kiev. They're like, that's the way yeah, they're like, that's the way they say it Oh, it's like, okay. Well, it's not the way anyone has said it Our entire lives until this week. Yeah, I don't know why that I don't and it's the people that like get all in a huff about like Fucking pronouns and shit. It's like Just say Kiev you fucking faggot What are you doing? Wait, so you're saying that fox news gets in a huff about pronouns. Yeah, they get in a huff about pronouns Oh, they get in a huff about people right? Exactly. They're pronouncing like I'm worse. I'm gonna say Kiev special. Yeah You know my perspective on the whole thing. It's one mayos

White white country fighting another mayos white country None of my business. Yeah, I don't care I'll let them know when you got it. So you got to pick one the ukrainian's pocs or the russian's pocs Um, I mean To be honest, yeah, I don't think either of them are white. Yeah, that's not white in my book, brother. They're not No way. No way. We say the promo code for my book

You said come down or come down. That's why that's right and make they double your deposit up to a million dollars Um, yeah So if you put in a million dollars, they give you a free one million you get up to two you get up to 18 million dollars for free We call that that's what they're calling the come down guarantee. I've heard from numerous people that Have signed up with my bookie after Um, hearing about it on this show and several of them are they said it's lifted me out of poverty. Yep My friend my wife was sucking cock for For a tylin all p.m. Mm-hmm

She was sucking dick for for pediolite and uh All it took was I bet I bet 1800 million dollars On the ramps. Yeah, I won now money line. Yeah. No. No, I'm a fucking no Del Beckham first Now I have the kind of money where I can walk into It I can walk on the set of euphoria and they respect and I can I can hold You know who down

And we're not saying who it is and have but you know who have my communist way All day long And and as I walk out People slowly start clapping. Yeah, and somebody says why are people clapping? They say that man has Billions of dollars That man has billions and billions of dollars. Yep from gambling. Mm-hmm And that's the that's you know, that's who people respect pulled himself out of poverty. He did He ripped he stuck his fingers into the pussy of poverty and ripped it out

He yanked it like the sand man at the apollo And how about this Tuesday's announcement suggests that Europe plans to proceed step by step rather than hitting Putin with the mother of all sanctions step by step Day by day day by day very similar to the tv show susan summers susan summers. I wanted to fuck her and patrick. What's his name? uh There was a show about old people Patrick's doing fucking each other There's a bit of old people that had so I thought it was just like uh family matters for white people

Um, yeah, but the whole idea was like it doesn't matter that you've had a triple bypass. You can still Get your red dick hard and fuck your blonde life Your pizza ass wife get your fucking your beat up red penis hard Your old tired red cock. Yeah I went to sir. I said Patrick step by step and it's just how to draw patrick from spongebob. Oh, what's the guy's name? What's the guy and then the duck the dad the nephew. Yeah, the nephew would beat. Yeah beat women Right. Uh, yeah, the nephew was kind of like a stone or idiot step by step patrick duffy is who plays frank lamb bear

lamb bear Yeah, I don't know. They're a belgian. They are I can't wait to take step by step by step I like that show because they had a roller coaster on the opening credits What's to tell you life is a roller coaster life is a highway. Now. Where do they live in this show? They're living in california Yeah, that's why I never liked it. I always hated california. Oh, really? I hated fucking full house. I loved cali Family matters chicago great. There's before I knew chicago was gay, but I thought chicago was on the east coast when I was a kid You did. Yeah, because it was they have a water. Yeah

They have a tall buildings. Yeah. Yeah You learn a lot as you grow. How about this frank and carol mary while vacationing in jamaica after a whirlwind courtship And frank plans an identical vacation to accidentally run into carol. Here's my plan. Who's frank and carol? It's the couple on step by step. Oh, that's an episode. I'm gonna start submitting spec scripts to euphoria Yeah, but they're all just gonna be episodes of step by step. Yeah, then I write down and who's the nephew codie, right? Cody yeah, who beats women and naturally they're gonna hire me because step by step is one of the greatest tv shows That remains unseen by the majority of people who work in television. It's true. It's a forgotten masterpiece. I get the job right

I'm take a little trip over to my bookie. Make a couple make a couple cool billion dollars real quick. Yeah Yep, and then they match it I'm not gonna I'm not gonna spell out the whole plan for you, but you know what the final solution is. You know where we're going You know exactly what After I get that billion dollars and now I have this I can walk I can cruise right past security on the set of Euphony or whatever it's called. Yep. Have you seen the picture of the guy the creator of euphoria? No Oh, it makes it. I mean, I've never seen the guy who wrote crazy rich Asians Please show me just this gay this gay chinese guy

Oh gambling tip by the way guys. I went to the casino in boston this weekend with my my pal kaleb pitts from pot about list and the crazy rich asian slots pays fat If you if you want to make a a lot of money and they play clips. He looks like fucking austin powers It's that guy Yeah, baby Wow, I thought it was william hung that wrote that movie. No Wow that

Wait, but those were like novels, right? They were they were like novels for like Asian moms to read. Yeah faptu for tiger mom. He's got it. Just he's got a wicked style. Damn. I love his style Honestly, he rocks and paisley blazers and fucking he dresses like the gangnam style guy Sort of I always thought he looked like awesome powers. I guess he does. I guess my Reference was racist. Yours Was not. Yeah, baby. Yeah, baby. What did the guy say the show last night? The bore Success

Yeah, we received a heckle last night at funny mom's audience member just said success and it was uh It was really sad What are we talking about we're talking about step by step step by step. Yeah step by step I'll show you also a picture of the guy that wrote euphoria because a lot of people could be like It's actually for adults and it's not pedophilic and then you see a picture of the guy and it just looks a lot worse It makes it look a lot worse castor step by step

Stacey Keenan is Dana Foster. I forgot. I forgot. It's like a Jared leto type of guy Did euphoria It's barry leavenson's son by the way. Oh really? Yeah. Wow. This is him He's got a real like, uh What's it called? Is it 30 seconds tomorrow is kind of vibe That's the guy Uh, yeah, he looks like a fucking freak. Yeah, he made the kid fucking show. Yeah I haven't I honestly I don't I haven't really watched much

I see even watch you. You cannot watch it. It gets it gets put on and And uh, I like uh, I kind of zone out. Yeah, I don't understand. I'm too old, dude Yeah, brother. I don't remember. I don't fucking understand anything in this world. Yeah I understand crazy rich Asians. Do you try to watch that this this afternoon? I understand I understand the You know, um Uh, the fucking babysitter's club I understand maybe I'll pitch. Uh, maybe I'll I'll shoot an email over to a

Certain actresses agent and say we're doing a gritty We're doing a mash-up between the babysitter's club and the boxcar children Called the sexually abused babysitter Who are trapped in a storage container And they have to solve the mystery of how to make me come Yep And when I don't get a response, I'll I'll reply again and say It's about communism by the way. Yeah, it's a it's a dsa show proletariat. It's a pro. It's a

The politics of the show will be good. I can guarantee you that. Oh my god. We're doing good, Nick What are we? What are we? Yeah, we got four minutes and 30 seconds, brother. Wow of hell You're trying to get a little food over there. I ate before I came here, but I'll I'll chill dude. I'll watch fucking crazy rich Asians Yeah Where we can go back into de grassy de grassy now there's a show euphoria could never be no, it's it's it's uh Euphoria really can't capture the magic of it's it's crazy how much because you know, I mean, they're basically the same fucking thing but de grassy is Leaps and fucking bounds better. The thing is is because it's canadian de grassy is de grassy is

Taxi driver and euphoria is joker Yeah, which is a compliment to you for you. I guess. Yeah, it's a worthy effort I mean the women are hotter except for that fat one that sort of just tips the scales all the way to like Just see like sinks the entire ship collectively It's like you've just fed that you're watching that show and you're working one up And then it's just like smashing into a fucking iceberg They kind of iced her out of the second season because yeah Yeah, because too unattractive because she she really looks like I said she looks like Preston from Wallace and Gromit

That's who she reminds me of the robot pit bull that's trying to turn Sean into food She dared challenged Barry Levinson son about the Sexual graphic nature of the show and they're basically phasing her out of the show. Yeah So she got what she she had coming I guess Um, no, but de grassy the thing about it is that because it's canadian There you go. Here is the tone of it is like it's hers. That's her right there. That's what she looks like Wow That's that's really good. Yeah

That's damn exactly what that girl looks like. Yeah, she has that the spike necklace too. Yeah, she has kind of a Kind of a Gen Z dog collar goth thing going on There she is. There's too much sexual Olds nature of shut up shut up. Yeah, it's fucking HBO. It's HBO Their best show is about the mafia. Yeah, the best thing on television has been about the mafia. Yeah, about a guy who Who kills people and cheats on his wife? Pardon me. Is it raining right now? Yeah, dude, it's raining. Damn You want to watch thief?

I don't know. I've seen it so many times. So I've watched it once a month I want to watch crazy rich Asians, baby crazy breach I can't get enough of that damn aquafina. What's the fat girl on euphoria's name? uh, rosanne bar Fat I'm searching fat euphoria She's

I think I think I mean she you search that and it gives you exactly what you're looking for. Well, the internet is a mean place I think she got a pretty face Yeah, I mean she looks like she I'm not wrong. She looks like Preston from all the pretty version of my book I don't know. I'm doing the stop. You're doing the stop thing. But I do think Hit me up. You're the big bitch from before. I don't care Hit me up. I don't look like her hit me up. No, I don't want her to hit me up But I think I think she kind of pretty though. Yeah, yeah um

And I will Throw a borat bag over you. She's not even that. I mean, she's not even that she's not even like fat She just looks she's not that fat. She just looks like Preston from all Oh And um So we got yeah, here's a quote from her. I spent my whole life afraid people were going to find out that I was fat Really? That's hilarious. That's a real quote. Yeah

That's a very funny quote. I hope no one knows I'm fat I do I hope no one knows that finds out my secret Yeah, I hope no one on this elevator finds out I'm fat. It would be very cute of stuff. So But yeah, that would be where is he, Texas? I think he's in California now, but he's coming back next week California, he'll be he'll be here next week on the show come town the show that Show that never ends And that euphoria is cat is not the fat teenager girl trope you've seen before What is it? The goth turned cam girl is on a unique path of sexual discovery

Yeah, that's that was her character in season one, but they they've they've been phasing her out Cat Hernandez is a much needed anomaly in the narrative of fat teenage girls on screen What the fuck was that even mean a much needed anomaly You know what would be how about this why don't we really fucking change up Give me a show with the machine The fucking the diesel The end up stylings industrialization. We call it fucking machine high school fucking machine high school Yeah, but it's all in Cyrillic. Yeah

Right. Yeah, and then I don't care what it takes get a agent on the phone Listen, there have to be some industry people this guy we need her I just give me a meeting this by the way, too. If you know if any of you somehow know Matthew Perry I need I have to speak to him Nick has something really important to I do And it's a business offer it is and and this is like going to be like his the wrestler It's going to be like his revival. It will be like His vicky rork style revival

I mean it literally could be but if you know Matthew Perry Tom, thanks for listening. Bye