The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. 304 – Dates

Episode Date: March 24, 2022

I will be at LAUGH BOSTON in BOSTON May 5-7 and HELIUM in ST. LOUIS May 13-14. This show is just for plugs now.

Now you can you're good You're good dude, don't worry about it Dude, it's okay. You don't have to it's all right. It's not a big deal to take your phone call You can take your phone call. You can take your phone call Damn, I forgot to hit record on the master channel. Oh fuck. It's fine But master but just again a reminder whenever that happens you're gonna be we gotta run a tight ship with the Who are you talking to because are you talking to me and ever you're talking to yourself? Yeah, I'm talking to Adam You're talking okay. First of all, you're talking to two of the most intersectional the famous Adam swagged out

Intersectional white good old Adam. Whoa. Come on, dude. That's not his name. That's not my name His name is it Adam. Don't use me. Don't use my huckleberry fin name What if it was very thin? That's a great question. I'm trying to just get better at making it sound like I actually said it right because that sounds good, doesn't it? Yeah, well you do a little bit of the first It's got to be barely in there you guys got to be barely like Yeah, there's got to out of here and you know it sounds like it No, it does don't ever don't act like a fucking right now. Okay. Whoa, dude

That one sounded too good that it made me uncomfortable. Yeah, but I didn't say it. Well, you didn't actually But it felt like you did well isolate the track and replay it I thought you said we can't do that. We could know that's the problem is like I'm recording all the individual tracks But not the master you got to mix them what I used to do is I used to record all of them And then I would bring these in and just use this like as a reference or a backup And then that's more fun for like chopping stuff up But then I started just recording the master and they're not giving a fuck because that keeps the file size down because the blueberry fucks It's in the ass. Yeah, dude. Fuck. Can I say something? Can we cut the quality in half? Maybe?

Yeah, cut the bay with you. It's as low as it can go. I think we should Transition an iPhone voicemail. Well, we had a sweet deal back when we were a shout engine By the way, if you want to start a podcast you shout engine That's who we were with originally and then you know, it was like you couldn't get in contact with them because they were having some kind of issue And the guy was like, yeah, I'd cancer my wife died and I'm like, bro Unacceptable fucking what I look like you're fucking therapy business. I'm I'm you're hosting me on your platform Are you free? You're the company that's been giving us free hosting for years without a single question I expect more

You get you gave this mouse a cookie I'm the most you don't want to don't turn a mouse and do The fable or whatever the story a soft fable A soft rock. Remember how cool that guy was Not really that music was a soft rock. That's that stuff. So how that definitive juxt. All those then I don't remember that guy at all It was a backpack He's a rapper. Mm-hmm. Yeah backpack. This is so cool. I got my hand over the bike Yeah, I know after me saying backpack. I'm gonna get a DM from a pissed-off guy

No, cuz that's what all that music was that fucking no, you're not. Yeah, no one cares a million planets and planets Invading each other for Yeah, like we're like what were those guys fucked. There's a perfect example and it was funny too cuz like John right they had a name for atmosphere yeah, it was all it was all that like definitive juxt record label they had all those guys knows rhyme sayers and And they Jedi anti-con also. There's someone called Jedi Jedi mind tricks Jedi mind. He was real fucked up But real violent anyways, they all fucking uh, yeah, they had a name for it It was like intelligent hip-hop. That's all something like IDM. Yeah something like that. I was like Yeah, I was back when people will be like, I don't like rap. I like hip-hop

Distinction, right? Yeah. Yeah, that was like it was fine. I like my rappers not to get pussy Yeah, I remember having a conversation with a girl one time because throughout my life people like what kind of music do you like? I would just say I don't like music It's such a bullshit question It's like it doesn't fucking man. It's like such you know, it just annoyed me. It's too general a question It's just like she's like you but they're proud. There's gotta be so you know like pressing me on it or whatever, right? I'm like, I don't know man. I guess I like I was like, I guess I like rap or whatever And I forget who I even named so she's like, okay, so you don't like rap you like hip-hop or whatever

I'm like, this is why I don't have this conversation. You don't like rap. You're gonna make this fucking. It's like yeah obnoxious distinction. Yeah Yeah, how about you wrap your lips around my nuts? Yeah, fucking bitch. How about we fucking pull the car? We pull the car over I put I put your head behind the back tire and we crush it like a fucking melon in a hippo's mouth Okay, how about we do that? How about a little extreme? How about I'm extreme dude? They call me the I'm like the Tony Hawk of domestic violence You know, he was the first person to slap his bitch The 900 was like the first thing I I was a guy

Tony Hawk was kind of like the Naomi Russell. Yeah, no shut up. What? Don't try and start this again. I won't I'm sorry everyone just wait till the fuck wait till Sunday I make a really good point. He makes us one of the stupidest points ever. All right Okay, you know, I always thought was a weird coincidence is that his name is Tony Hawk Yeah, but then his skateboard company was called bird. Yeah birdhouse. Isn't that weird? That's crazy That's why you just assigned that company. Yeah, and they had no idea the guy. Yeah, that's named after a bird. Yeah That's life. It's kind of crazy. I might try I might I might do that as a bit Like every knows how Tony Hawk his company's got birdhouse. It's like a G

Yes, who's the bird? Yeah, where'd that come from the guy? He's the bird Yeah, how are you gonna call a man a bird that isn't Jewish? It doesn't have a big old beak. You know what I mean? Mm-hmm. Tony Hawk does have a big nose. I think he kind of does. Yeah, he's so cool Yeah, you fucking fold it fast. What do you mean? Oh We're supposed to be dissing the cool guy ever but your your energy kind of switched first of all vastly He introduced me to some of my favorite music Yeah, the fucking Mighty Mighty Goldfinger is Superman is one of the best

Just Ian just a summon. Yeah, what's going on? It really is so funny that grown men listen to ska. They don't they don't yeah, it's literally just in Because you know in comedy is they you know, they like to gay as shit like wrestling or whatever Oh Batman or whatever. Yeah, there's not a crew of ska comics. I bet you there really is. There is no no no no That's gangstas Scott Scott Scott boys. No Scott Peterson. Maybe it's gangstas Scott Peterson is gonna be Zooming into the No, my that picture that that guy with his red hair is awesome. He was straight I'm just trying to know he got he bleached it like mid like 90s style

I thought it was red. He was driving to Mexico. Was he initially red? No, he had black hair and then he's like I gotta change my look for my escape So he bleached his hair like it got a goatee or something right? Yeah Could have swore he died his hair red. Yeah, and what do you do? He killed his wife Lacey Lacey pregnant Yeah, well that's older acid or pussy with acid while she was sleeping. Well, yeah, she tripped super hard Was he trying to get it smaller? I don't know what he's trying to do. I think he read it in the Hindustan times Is that what you think I think you heard about Scott Peterson heard about putting bleaching women's pussies from the Hindustan times

Yeah, what's it? What's it like a anglop off the whole harming in the cold whole harming Well, I say it's like an indio file. What's the word? Is there a word for it? Where is no one a fan of India? No, there's plenty of people who like that shit Yeah, what is it like yoga? They like you know, you gotta sitting cross-legged at the edge of a mountain curry favor, isn't that it? No, no, there's no like Frank file for India curry. Definitely is the word. No, you're looking for You could curry favor with an Indian if you are what and what Adam is talking about. I'm a hindu dude I hindu a hindu stand. I hindu actually would would make sense. Right? That doesn't make sense. I hindu stand Dear Adam, why why'd you prompt that joke stop it?

Stop gave you the punchline you needed and you just ignore it and go back on your phone No, I'm trying to be like you're like a hawk who isn't a fucking swish Perfect answer that punchline joke reading it and you're looking at fucking like, you know what the the rudeness Doesn't even bother me because I know you were the one being rude Here's the thing. We were the one being rude and you're being criticized Here's the thing when we do a dark alliance episode, which is the name for you guys are the The original or whatever Yes, oh gee or something when Nick and I do an episode. It's no, no, you think it's called classical classical

Yeah, when Nick and I do it. It's the dark alliance and I will say this. He is He is Relatively polite. Wow, but but yeah, it's Business Hearing the rudeness, look the answer is neither this nor that are real Okay, hearing the rudeness coming the real day does nothing because I'm just so happy that I'm with the two of you right, right? So if I if I have both of my friends in this room right now, I will gladly let Nick

Abuse me. Well, what the fuck were you even googling because you brought it up I'm not being so what's the name? I don't know. I can't find how long does it take to figure out because you made fun of me for Googling because you were a hindu same as the answer fucking minute the phone down Stan was the answer. No, but it's not they don't have they have other religions there. They've seek they have Muslims Seek seek seeker seeking arrangements seeking arrangements. There you try get your ass fucked by gyna turban Mm-hmm puts his big sword in your eyes. Mm-hmm. That'll be awesome, dude You know what? I think usually like a sheath daddy. You know what? I think is that those guys actually did have something to do with Really yeah, that's my hot take

Dude last you were sure you guys you guys miss it during my set This guy like interrupted it and I had him repeat what he said It was a take that I've never heard before and it gave me life just here. I was like that is an absolutely new one That's awesome, but he was alleging and you were here for it. He was a leg gave you life, huh? Oh He was serving it sent it sent him No, no, it really like I charged me up, okay He he was a legend. What other thing do you do? He was alleging that the Kramer video was a Psyop, that's awesome. Yeah that the government and the powers that be we've gone a little too far with letting regular-ass people think they

Understand how the mind of the world works. That's right. Well, they just said that guy doesn't even have a podcast They take anything and they say this is a Psyop. It's like what do you even know what a Psyop is? Yeah, what's the goal uh-huh in your Psyop to get the funniest you're just saying some funniest video Jerry Seinfeld ever You're just saying something's fake and let me tell you what pal. Yeah, we're all off King There's no reason for that video to be fake No, that's that was the point that I was making and also the people that are doing this I was the point that I'm making right now the people that were are doing the Psyops are not the ones I want to propagate Antisemitism if you know what I mean, they're probably a little bit of the opposite. I think we know what you mean

the The name of my old scob and actually but it was the protocols of the elders of Zion. Yeah, yeah, it's awesome. Yeah Yeah, you know, it's funny is that could Ian's ska band sockful of pennies That could have been soft full of penis the red hot chili peppers That could have been your band's name. No, why sockful of pennies. Oh Because of I forgot about the scoffing. I'm getting mad at you I'm just sitting here getting mad at him. He's just trying to riding around on that bike to sockful of pain Da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da. That goldfinger song is what if my parents had got divorced

Then I wouldn't be gay Right and I wouldn't wear sunglasses and have sideburns Right now Yeah, I said they wearing a bowler. I don't think people even like scar. They just miss the late 90s Yeah, it has nothing to do with the music itself. It's all just like like, yeah, you know, cold war is over. We still got the towers. My family's still intact. The dot com bubble has not burst, baby. I'm putting all my money in diapers.com. I'm going to be a billionaire. You know, it's funny. It's like most of those, most of the

companies that like they're all things that exist now. It was for there's like 15 years of people have been like, can you believe idiots were investing in these companies? Dot com. Who the hell needs that? Yeah. It's like, well, we all do now. It is a website. Looks like they were good ideas. It looks like the economy is once again, completely unrelated to the value something. Yeah, right. You think anybody was trying to do campsites then? Yeah, they had them. I never got on campsites to. No, I don't think I don't think they have to think the bandwidth existed for that. That's true. People's internet wasn't good enough. Yeah. Yeah, dude, I still remember just fucking going on. There was a website

where they had pictures of girl wrestlers with their tits out. Yeah, that was awesome. I just do the free previews from bangbrothers.com. Of course, a classic move. Just get it out in 90 seconds. That's all you needed was those previews. Still all I need. That was a golden age. So you scroll through, pick the girl. You see the stills. You're like, yeah, I'd like to see her, but they never show you her taking the nut, which that was the only problem with the you got to pay. You got to pay. They show you everything else back then. They got to leave you rarely show you her eating nut, which is one of my favorite parts. A woman eating feeding her feeding a woman your jit, your jism. I in watching in pornography, watching

her eat jism or a cream pie for the you like to see how they how the how they handle a bust. I like the classic cream pie. Then a glass underneath in a glass. She she pisses it out, make her breakfast, breakfast, put it in an omelet, put it in an omelet, treat her right. If you put come in an omelet, you probably could trick a lot of people into eating come. Definitely. It feels like an omelet is one of the the most like seamless places to you could put a little cheese on there. You could hide a lot of shit. Oh yes, a omelet. What would be the number one way to trick somebody into eating come? You think I think omelet. I'm voting omelet or baked good of some sort. Good. Yeah, brownies. You

probably can't taste the calm. That's true. Yeah. That's true, but it takes a lot more time to make a baked good. Yeah, you got to really hate the guy that much more that you're trying to have the same. Yeah, you have a lot of time to think about it. Yeah, you really have to plot. But I also I like omelet because it keeps its savory. You know, I don't want to have a good just I don't want to have a dessert. Right. Come is come is a come is a main course. Yeah, come is not. Yeah, it's not a dessert. It's disrespectful. Yeah, to the meal. Absolutely. I guess milkshake to milkshake. Smoothies in general milkshake is kind of an intermediate intermediate between desert. It's a sweet main course. You could

put it in this green smoothie and it would taste nasty, but they would think it's just the green smoothie. That's the answer. I think you got it. I think you got it. I still think omelet number one. Yeah, but bro, I just want to go to Erdogan and get a $19 green juice. The classic the Erdogan. That was a really nice. That was one of that. Stov and I were staying at Danny Hertz's apartment. Shout out to Danny. What's Danny up to, man? He's a move to New York for two years and we didn't hang out one time. Oh, and then he just moved back to LA. Damn it. We missed Danny. We missed Danny living in one of the one of the like the one of the funniest things ever happened is to bring out your sword, explain that you

have it in case anyone breaks in and then somebody breaks in that night and you just hide in your room. And the second he heard the guy was gone, he came out with his katana. That guy was awesome. That was one of the funniest things that's ever happened to me. But just to like even have that come up that you have a katana to deal with home invasions, right? And then one one of the one of the easiest by just by chance. It happens in your like, you know, your apartment that's behind nine sets of locks. It's above the air lawn in the fucking West Hall in the grove. You live in the middle of the grove, which is a place where only Israelis and grandparents live. Yeah. Yeah. The vibes were hilarious

over there. Yeah. Most furniture was so good. Most of LA sucks at a geek. I like the grove. The Los Angeles. You like the grove. Yeah. Well, I liked I liked my memories of going to the grove with my boys. It makes me sad. Cruising them all. What? It makes me sad. What do you mean? I don't know. Like the like the shopping experience of just like LA just represents like a lie to me. You're so gay, dude. No, I mean, you have to make everything so fucking emo. It's not emo. It's fucking it's a it's a it's a Hamlet Prince of Denmark over here. What does that mean? Now you've made it get, you know, how about I make it about homework? You had him on the ropes. I did it like a dance. I didn't get a little

greedy. I was like, oh, wow, this is interesting. I've never had him for a second. He's never had me. He's never had me on the ropes. This motherfucker. He comes in a little hot and I'm like, okay, well, I got to duck around here. There it is. You let him punch himself. You let him give you an opening for a counter. I understand the difference between the war and the battle. Okay. And I'm up baby. I've been a Hamlet Prince. I want I want to make you think you're up and I'm up. I'm just repeating what I said to you. What I guarantee here's what's going to happen. Ten minutes from now. He's going to say LA is depressed like is depressing. The grove is depressed. Well, no, he'll say it represents a lie. Yeah,

not to nine ten minutes in the like two five. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Next episode. Next regular no, but honestly, I was right. I it does. I enjoyed it. Yeah, it's like, but I never want to live there. They don't I kind of had a great trip and you were working. They create these like little areas that are like, you know, like a shopping experience or nice, but they don't clean up enough around it to make it like, you know, it's two. Yeah, yeah, it's two. Like there's not enough. It's a bat. It's like those bath fitter commercials where exactly we'll repair your rule, remodel your bathroom in seven hours. Yeah, all they do is put it over your. Exactly. It's not enough of a demarcation. So it's like, it's

like this is like I'm supposed to enjoy this arc light theater when there's literally a homeless person under my seat. Yeah, but in New York, we have the same. Now, New York level of New York, New York, it feels like a tapestry though. It doesn't feel like, like that's there's like, there's something different, the homeless or decoration. They're not, they're not, they're decoration in LA. They're just old decorations that they haven't gotten rid of yet. Right. It's this constant process because they don't have seasons there. That's true. They don't have nature to dictate the temple of life in the winter. Right. So they have to do it with like, you know, changing storefronts and homeless people. Confusing

like, if I was going to be homeless, I'd want to live in a place without winter. Yeah. When I was in Boston, I was like, why would you go to the shows ending at the end of the year? So you got to pick up. You got to figure out where you want to be homeless. Yeah, probably um, I listen, I pass through a district. I still think we should get together first week in January. Yeah. Record 72, whatever hours. I'm down, bro. And we'll get another. We'll sneak another year. I'm down. If you want to do that, cut the episodes down to 30 minutes, 30 minutes or keep the Patreon. No, no free episodes, just Patriot. It just becomes past the end of the year. Patreon, Patreon plus all the Patreon episodes are

in their entirety and an ad read. Yeah. Yes. So, and then the patron goes up to $11 a month for ad free. Yep. And then what that means is that we just, we turn off your downloads so you don't get the episode at all. You're free. You can thank us, but as soon as you stop paying, we start giving them back. You get that now. You get the episode. In case you think you're going to be cute and game the system by fucking doing the opposite of that to get them for free. Anyways, $35 fine. Every time you're discovered and we are litigious men. Oh yeah. We have Dershowitz on it and judge Steve Harvey is in our pocket. We're paying them off. Yeah. No. Judge Steve Gravy. Oh, shit. I guess we got to talk about diet

smoke.com. Oh, right. Oh, I forgot about that. Yeah. Dude, the ads are the best, man. Because once you start getting tired of doing the episodes, like, oh, there's an ad and then we can talk for seven minutes between ads and then, well, there's another. That's why we've come up with a system where we do the harder episode first. That's right. And fuck with fuck the listener experience. Well, anyway, folks, diet smoke is the perfect medium high. So fucking true. If you're wanting to bring balance to your day, diet smokes, Delta eight gummies are the answer for you. I agree. Whole fucking cockedly there. And guess what? They're also legal because of the farm bill and some sort of loophole. Yeah. They're perfectly

balanced, a hundred percent legal non prescription. That means no awkward visits to the doctor. I hate having to go to doctor reefer doctor reefer dot biz. And they're hemp derived and they come from American grown hemp. I don't know why it took me years to go easing into the mind. Huge one, too. A really nice feeling. Yeah, it's disgusting. It's dripping right now to be rude. That's a good move. The THC that gives cannabis is popular popular and desired effects is technically called Delta nine THC. Wait, really? Yes, dude. I went to my bodega because I had run out of diet smoke, which I love so much the product which we use exclusively, which I use exclusively if I can. And I had enjoyed it so much. I

gave it to so many friends that I had run out and I was going to go to my bodega to buy more Delta eight, an inferior version. Yeah. And I was going to be sad because I really wanted diet smoke. So I go to my bodega. He was like, Hey, we got a new version of Delta eight. It's called Delta nine. So they're just selling weed at it. Shout out to the bodegas in Australia, man. Just selling weed right now. Diet smoke. Let's go to the website. So Delta HTHC is also natural to the cannabis plan. They got simply less potent. They got two flavors, flavors. One for what I like to call Mayo, America, Blue Raspberry, Delta eight companies. And then they got the watermelon for the place and well, they anyone can have

either flavor. Anyone can have either flavor, but largely you look at the marketing and it's pretty clear what it's, I think that marketing is all pretty similar across demographic. I think you're just reading it. Crips and Bloods, boys and girls, whites and blacks. And this is what we're doing. We're tying our blue band underneath that says perfectly balanced. What do you think that means? That means race racially balanced. They got a white flavor black flavor. Enjoy the smooth buzz of diet smoke designed to produce softer high than Delta nine. Look, you got the scales of justice. Obviously weighed way over on one side, which what do you think that means? Black people go to jail more often. That's

a good point. And a hundred percent legal THC. Enjoy the peace of mind per section 297 RA from the, whatever the farm bill thing. Next thing down here. All right. A piece of paper with RX on it. And what do you think that means? Racially explicit. I think that means prescription. What do you mean? It means prescription. I think that's how the fuck there's RX being presented. That is a good question. I don't know why it means the reason pharmacies have that on it. Because initially medicine used to be for white people. Yeah. And, uh, but also too, it's like, you know, you couldn't make money as a deaf jam comedian. And that's why. And also so medicine was only for white people. That's why we have

voodoo and the East and then also Confucianism. Yeah. Why you're grinding up dragon scales and shit like that. Yeah, they had to make their own medicine. So, but now, but now we let the Chinese make it. Now the Chinese make our medicine. So checkmate. So folks, anyway, it'll make you hot. Was there any other proof you have? Yeah, it has derived and that kind of looks like a flower. But if you if you consider that perhaps instead of a leaf, this is actually a fan that's missing one of the blades. Yeah. Yeah. Nice. Nice. The Sneezy boys. What is the fuck? That one came from deep from my soul. Can y'all bike home, dude? It's a nice day. I got a new bike. Do you see it? It's cute. Yeah, it's nice. Yeah, I'm happy.

It's cute. So it produces similar, but milder effects to regular THC delta nine. Right. Right. But the main psychoactive, which is the main cycle? Delta H show up on a drug test. Absolutely really. Absolutely. Well, how old do you have to be to purchase diet smoke? There is currently no 21. Wink. Wink. Yeah, there's no current. Currently no federal age restriction on Delta A diet smoke is only available for those that are 21 ages of years of older diet smoke lab tested. Yes. All products of ours will come with a QR code that scan when you scan it will take you directly to the lab test lab result of that. Wuhan, China. We shipped to all US states for Delta eight is legal. We cannot ship to Alaska, Colorado, Delaware,

Idaho, Iowa, Montana, Rhode Island or Vermont, which those places suck. Yeah, we call those the States. It's rude. You don't even know what I said. He didn't say anything. He just pressed the beat button. The fucking button. I've never said anything. I've never said a single slur on this show. That is false. How about a, you remember yak backs? Yeah, I don't have a home loan too. No, that was a tiger talk boy. Oh, yak back was like this. You're absolutely right. Wow. This is impressive. Without skipping a fucking beat, without taking an extra breath. These are, these are yak backs. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Say thing. You say something and you play it. This is a little tape recorder, but very distinct early

nineties. I remember you them now branding. Yeah. We can fuck it. We had the fucking translucent shit and the fucking, you know, neon neon ish colors and brightness and she looked at the little circuit board in there, but mainly the lettering is what was distinctly early nineties to me. Anyway, folks, here's what you do. My point is one of these for kids, but it's like a beep, you know, so kids can be like on the playground or whatever, be like, tag, you're it. And it's like, Oh yeah. Well, you're a fucking and then the other kids are like, Whoa. And that's commercial. Yeah. Yeah. It's like, Hey kids, imagine you're calling your friends a bunch of and now you can say without getting in trouble

at school. The teachers like, who has their homework? It's like, who has herpes? You dumb fuck got it from your boyfriend who has fucking fucking. He's sucking off guys around your back. Fucking slut. She's like, go to the principal's office. It's like for saying what yeah. I just know it. Fuck like three or four times by ex fucking. You call me a slut. Be the coolest kid in school. The back beep. Tell your parents to suck your dick. Fuck it. We're still getting, we're still figuring out the timing. There is a delay sometimes. I would love that. I'm going to shoot that as a conversion. It's got to be done in the style of early nineties commercials where the toy is always like it's going to seem

like it's way back. Of course. Like the sensor doesn't like, you know, it's like barely audible in real life. God damn. There was nothing more fucking annoying than getting the actual toy and it was going to detention. Go to the fucking hospital and get your checked out because you got aged bitch. The principal was like, well, I guess he didn't say anything wrong. I guess your wife is cheating on you again with me. A six year old because she knows your dicks too small work anymore. The principal dickhead principal head, cunt. Yep. So that's promo code come town and diet smoke. You'll get a deal. You'll get a discount. It'll be great and you'll get high, but in a mellow way, in a melt, definitely not the

exact way. Yeah, it's definitely different. It's not drugs and not a fucking purely logistical loophole. Yeah, not an accident. Absolutely different. Yeah, it's different and legal and cool. It is so fucking annoying. We can't just buy like edibles. We're about to when starting one. Well, they're legal. So people are like applying for dispensary licenses right now. Are they open in Jersey yet? I don't know. It would be nice to go to Jersey get some fucking. It would be nice. Get some fucking weed. Yeah, it's um, we should do it. We should we should figure out when we're getting the summer knocked out the summer. Dude, we should do a little trip. Let's go to the Jersey shore. I would love my I might

try to get oil. I was kind of jealous. I might try to get like back into weed. Oh yeah. Next time we do a little cabin trip. Oh yeah. Stav and I were off the tank. We were off the tincture like open like whoa. I took the one that's a micro dose and I was literally dying. Yeah, we got highest fuck at that restaurant. Yeah. I mean, you were fucking suited out of our brains. Oh man, you got that chicken pot pie. It was so good. Shout out to the prairie. What the fuck did I have the fried chicken? Maybe I think you got the fried chicken pot pie looked awesome. And I think you did a maybe a two app kind of supplement. Ain't nothing wrong with that, brother. I was an expert order. Nothing wrong with that. He

really goes in with the plan. Damn, I can't wait to take my little brother out for steaks this week. Wow. Adam's penis is so small. Everybody who sees it's like whoa. Black Rob. I think so. Yeah. Wow. Every time a woman sees Tom's penis, she's like, whoa, but in a good way. It's a thug story. No, that's whoa. Whenever Nick sees a man's penis, he blows. That's a great beat. And I have many have commented on my talent for recreating beats with nothing

but my mouth. Yeah. Some of you might have thought we were just playing it back. Yeah. No, that was a box. He was boxing. And here's another one of my famous ones. I don't know that. It's a Harry Potter song. Oh, yeah. John Williams Harry Potter theme. I will be at Caroline's on Broadway June 23rd through the 25th tickets will be available soon. Keep your eyes on the mole dot dog, my personal website, which is fucked up right now. But hopefully I'll have that fixed soon also be in St. Louis. I think soon prior prior

to the Caroline's. Oh, baby. And if you're listening this week and you're in fucking hot Atlanta, brother, I were actually maybe that's next week. And it's next week, April 1st and the 2nd. I'm at the Earl in Atlanta, Toronto. I added a Friday show on 4 15 go by those fucking tickets. Then I'm in Providence, Washington, D.C., Philadelphia. And listen, subscribe to my YouTube channel. Stavi youtube.com slash Stavi baby. I'm posting a lot of stand up there. I'm posting shorts, but I'm also posting longer videos and my special will come out there. I'm going over the final edit soon for everybody asking. Thank you. It means a lot and that should be out in April at some point. So we just got to figure out the final

cut of it and you know, I'll be in LA in June and I'm dropping merch merch soon. There's going to be a merch drop. Yeah, you guys will look out for I'm going to put my paintings on T shirts and I'm actually going to do a balls drop into Adam's mouth. That's not come on dude. That's not a plug. Oh, you'll be plugged. You don't need to plug that for the audience. Yeah, batch. Yeah. Also, I'm going to I'm doing a show in Brooklyn at the bell house for 13, I believe. So get tickets to that, too. Stop it. Stop it slash tour. What do you got there? The puff bar, man? Puff bar plus. Yeah, that's what adults smoke. We got Katanji Brown Jackson is being the new Supreme Court

term right now as the new Oh, I thought she was the. Oh, I didn't realize the Supreme Court. What did you think? The syrup bottle. Why? That's not come on, man. They don't have congressional Supreme Court syrup container. They sound similar. They don't sound even close to similar. I miss her and never as the Senate had to approve who's on a fucking. Who's on a fucking so I'm so my bad. I'm learning politics because I'm trying to fucking like be involved and care and actually I appreciate actually be a fucking person that fucking cares. It pays attention. Okay, pays attention. We'll do better next time and I'm so I'm learning and you're going to fault me for learning. I am when and give me a second because I have

to turn around and in the same breath immediately criticize somebody for not being as not being at my stage of whatever process. Yeah, I used to excuse not reading all of my past and present behavior as my beautiful process of growth and learning, right, which is not me available to you. The only existed to me in my timeline and everyone else is just a person who is stuck in the past and is incapable of growth or they've quote unquote lost the plot because they lose the damn plot. They've lost the plot somehow. I myself I myself and some of these chud grifters learned and discovered now at age 36 that I am a actually an intellectual very smart person and the journalists who just two years ago I sat and quietly pretended

that you know they'd meet me and respect me and we could become friends. This is a new character. No, this is a very old character that I've known for a long time. No, this is somebody. Some of you could say who an amigo turned. All right. What's the opposite of amigo? I don't know. I just put all my own not only not only do I know. Do I not know I guarantee you he does not know either because it's that you don't learn that until you get to level two of Duolingo Spanish which you've decided to learn at 36 years old because you voted one time and found out your grandfather owned a sombrero and now you're no now you no longer identify as a white guy after 36 years of doing so. Hey, that's nice, dude.

Finding culture, learning languages. I want to learn. I want to marry a foreign bitch and I want to learn her language and I want her to learn my language. Yeah, you know, we both know it's not funny to learn Chinese, but it would be very funny is to learn Hindu. Yeah, and then do that Spanglish thing just moving in and out of Hindu. Yeah, you're watching Indian stand up comedy. I have not. It's very fun. It rocks. Yeah, because they have all the mannerisms of American comedians, but then they just dip in and out of English. They have a bunch of borrowed words or whatever. So like Chuck to the back of the land, go and see him less. Chuck Hound and they can end up on like PlayStation five. Yeah, whatever.

That's pretty good. Yeah. They all speak perfect English, too. Over there in India. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe I'll have I have to say, I mean, I think it's a cool place, but I don't. I don't really want to go that bad. Yeah. Seems hot. Seems hot. I'm afraid of having to, you know, to shit like I have some getting diarrhea and my and is that racist of me to say I'm afraid of getting diarrhea in India. I think it's people say the same thing about Mexico. You can't fucking drink the water. So Montezuma's revenge. Umar, Umar Khan. Yeah. Pal, friend of the show. Umar Khan, Khan suck my dick. Umar Khan suck my dick on his wedding on his fucking honeymoon. This fucking guy has horrific food poisoning. Oh, damn. I think you only

do anything. He gets pussy from his wife once because he's shit in the whole time. He should have shit in her pussy. He should have shit in her pussy. That's a good point. I didn't think of that. But yeah, and he did a resort. He wasn't like fucking on the street. We're having food. I don't fucking know. I don't remember, but we talked about it. And that sounded horrible. It's not safe. It's not safe to leave this fine country. There should they have pills you can take where your fucking stomach won't get fucked up. Yeah, like a modium or something. I mean, something neutralize the poison before it fucks your system. Immodium to suck my dick. Yeah. Emo need them to suck my dick. Oh, I'm a need them to

suck my dick. I'm a need them to suck my dick. I'm a need them to suck my dick. Yeah, you're done. Tuesday's hearing in front of the Senate Judiciary Committee is the first of two days of questioning for syrup. Oh, sorry, Supreme Court nominee to top my mistake. Katanji Brown Jack Katanji is a sick name. Yeah. Maybe she get a Katana. That's an Indian Indian name. Katanji. Is she like part Indian? No, it's just an Indian name. It's a Hindu name. Katanji. Well, that's a sick name. Yeah. But if you say it that way, it makes more sense. What do you mean? Good. Don G. Good. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, okay. I like Katanji. Yeah. And her full name is

good to Katanji. What is it? Brown Jacks. Brown Jackson. Brown Jackson. So she got it. Honestly, that sounds like a that sounds like a defensive backs name. Hell yeah. That sounds like a corner for fun. I don't understand this. It's a question is Benji Brown Jackson. How does this work? They just fucking like, so we heard you were a fucking bitch. No, literally. Like what's like no other job is like fucking the boss of the company is like, I think I'm going to fucking hire this person. And then middle management's like, yeah, so you're kind of a slut in college. Tell the camera, why don't you say to the cameras? You got your pussy fucked out. Didn't you? You gotta ran through. That's not what a fucking

that's not what a regional director of marketing does in my mind. They don't get the fucking laid out. And in your words, my pussy fucked so raw, I had to shove. I yield my time. Me, how did I get here? Oh, a bunch of redneck fucking retards voted for me. And now I'm here. I helped the gun up to a judge's head. Yeah, viral video. No, I had never voted in my life. And then there was a black president and I took out, I use the money for my nine pizza restaurants that I own to take out local ads, calling him an ape. And in exchange for that, I put you on the map. I became the congressional district that's nine farms that are defy the date back to the plantation era. And now I'm here asking you why you got

your P hole sauce just fucking just and by the way, I'll ask the question. Yeah, you don't get to ask counselor. Yeah, you fucking Nick. You fucking I didn't know you're gonna say Nick's name. I thought you're about to. Huh? I thought you're about to. Oh, interesting. Oh, damn it. Fuck. Super special. So Oh my God, how could we forget because we're just having too good a time when they're awesome. Cratom. Super special. So yeah, so it's the same company, but they got two different. They're like, I was like, we can just do all the rage at once. And he's like, no, it's important to brand stay separate, which I'm serious really important to fucking drug addicts. They're like, what the fuck, man? How much

was the trust? It's really important to guys who are like, did you get my hair on there? Like, no, I told you no more heroin, but I did get you some super special. So that's right. All right, here we go. Super Sprox are true world leaders in the production of performance bikes. Brock. Oh, I got the wrong website here. Damn. Producing best sprockets in 1956. Super Sprox are true world leaders. Is this the right thing? No. And original buy metal sprocket super Sprox. Is that just something you look up on your time off? No, it's I think it auto it auto corrected. So that's not what you want. It's super spesiosa. You love Super Sprox, dude. That's your favorite website. No, I definitely wasn't building

my own dildo bike. The original Peloton just calling Peloton. It's like, yes, I was wondering. I want to get the top of the line model, but I was wondering if you had, oh, let's just say the classic commodification. I'm sure you know what I'm talking about. I think you know exactly what I'm talking about. Super Spesiosa offers basically guys, it's the highest quality creative you could buy. You could buy it in teas, powders, and creatively capsules. Did we say with diet smoke that the promo code is come down or come down 20? Yeah, we did. Yeah. And did we say you get $20 million off? Yeah, they pay you. We said it, but it was only after you did a big thing about the teacher at school and the beep. Right. He did the

beep yak bag. I wish I had that commercial to watch. It was hard. So we did say it. Just some little Bart Simpson-esque it is just ripping that out like tag your head. That's how it opens. Yeah, well, you're a f***ing faggot. All right, well, missed another one. So anyway, yeah, we did talk about just all the kids just shredding on a guitar, just some guy going all the way down, cuss out your friends and let them know how gay they are with the new cuss boy, the cuss boy extreme. And then it's just although there's like a bunch of buttons on there that are like and and then the asterisk and then the asterisk I just my pants because I'm a try out all the buttons and different combinations. Yeah,

that's just a grandpa being like, what the hell did he say? Stop it. What did he say? You're like, don't let your grandpa's hearing it get up with all the cuss words you're going to say to his old bitch. Kids rule. Kids rule. Adults rule. Okay, so basically guys, if you're buying Kratom and you're not buying it from an American Kratom Association GMP qualified vendor, you're a fucking idiot. You really fucking are with all this crap that's in the drugs these days. You got to keep yourself safe. So fucking true. So you go to this website called super speciosa.com and you get a powder, a capsule, a tablet or a tea bag. You'll get a tea bag. I'm still laughing about the cuss boy. Cuss boy is great.

I like that the cuss boy interrupted two different ads. This company bought just all the other kids being in breakfast. Something that would like clearly not work. It would just be weird. You can still hear the kids saying it. It just makes you mark it that way. It would sell because you know what? You know you say that. But how funny was it when you got your hands on a beep? I mean, I'm doing it now. What I'm saying is you would have loved it. Yeah, like I think I don't remember what it was. Maybe it was a computer. Maybe it was one of those sound board things or one of them was a beep. Me and my cousin used to back them back in the 10 keyboard back in the prank back in the 10 10 to 20 days. Remember that

shit? Sure. My cousin would call each other and we would sit on the phone and just like use the phone buttons. Yes. Yes, of course. That's a classic. Yeah, well, you're a boob. Yeah, dude. And then just fucking just dying laugh. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Or that boy would work. Yeah, or like burping at each other on the phone. Then my mom would get the phone bill and be like, what the fuck? What the fuck? Like I was talking to my cousin. We were talking to each other. Shut up. We weren't on a party sex chat line. Yeah. Okay, basically guys. Did you ever? It feels like you probably got on one of those. Me Adam, you ever call a sex line? No, because it was a one nine hundred number. So I knew my parents

would get billed. I thought about it, but I never did it. But you're unscrewing the microphone. If I was by a pay phone super special to let's Oh, this is cool. I feel like Bob Barker. I didn't know there was a tiny microphone in here. Wow, that's sick. I'm jealous. We're going to spin the wheel. And whatever we land on first, we got we got a Mrs. Adam Friedland here. She's from Des Moines, Iowa. She has that. Tell us about this. You got the tiniest penis in the entire world. No, that's not true. All right, spin the wheel. Spin the wheel. I want to see what it looks like. He landed on $300. What could you buy for that? Certainly a night with a woman. Okay, maybe. Interesting. You'll have

to forgive me. I'm from the 50. This is weird. Remember to screw back on. I don't like it. Remember to have your pets penis to faggots. Anyway, super specialist has got a 30 day guarantee. And if you're not happy, then neither are they. They want to make your experience as satisfactory as possible. That's why you have to read. I just don't care. They test all their products. The fastest shipping their friendly service. They have a lot of threads on this. They have really friendly service. Real customer reviews on the website. You can check them out. They are. There's a guy named Demetrios. You probably know. He's my cousin. He said truly everything was above board. Oh, I love that. It's a weird review.

Yeah, none of this was fit was illegal. Yeah, it was a white by super spaciosa. You deserve the highest quality products and service. We strive to give you that at every step. There's a 30 day guarantee. If you're not happy, then neither are we. We want to make your experience with us as satisfactory as possible. We offer a 30 day penis to guarantee on all penis. That's true. Trust equality. We subject our penis to the strictest penis control standards in the industry. Every vagina is penis inspected and lab penis for impurities and vagina fast shipping penis asked by 2 p.m. penis vagina ship the same penis as balls except on Sundays. Oh, yeah, the day of our Lord. We also penis cock vagina ass shipping

methods available for penis. Great. I really like this product. These are definitely real reviews. Yeah, they are from Fran are I really like this product. Thank you Fran are five stars are Bill J feel very confident in the quality of the red man die ordered couldn't be happier with the overall experience with super spaciosa will be ordering one of the green strains next. So folks that I mean if it's there, I mean it speaks for itself. It's true. So you go to the website energy emanating off these reviews. You go to the website you put in the promo code come down or come down 20 and you get a great deal because you know what I always thought was funny is an expression and ain't over till the fat

lady sings. Yeah, you know, and then ironically, a couple of years ago, we started letting fat women speak a lot more. That's true. And and society ended. Oh, what was a man was Lizzo went platinum. Yeah, it was the fat lady song. Yeah, fucking it's like the fucking country's dollars collapsing. Or was it or was it Adam's favorite girl? Who that that British bitch, the ugly Adele? No, Adele's not ugly. She's hot. She's hot. The other one, dude, Susan Boyle. Well, I don't know if she was fat. I think she was just a think she was just a man. She's not a woman. She did not look good. But I think they are the four horsemen of the apocalypse. I think Nick is right. So if you want to find out more,

you go to super special. She wasn't that fast. She just had a fucked up face. Yeah, she's wearing like pajamas. It looks crazy. Anyway, go to super special.com put in promo code come down, come down 20. Damn, they got my bitch. They got my bitch made over these days. Susan. Susan. Yeah, but you can't save. No, Susan Boyle. Yep. Susan Magdalene Boyle is a Scottish singer. She's Scottish. She's saying from ladies are allowed. Yeah, I dream to dream this great song. Oh, shit, dude, I'm about to get you. Susan Boyle's I'll be home for Christmas album next Christmas. Thank you. Such a funny looking lady. She looks bad. But I guess you go to Scotland and they all look like that. That's not the Scottish bitches

are fucking. There's one bitch with the most piercing blue eyes you've ever seen in your life and big fat titties and she's redheaded. But everyone else looks like she's Scottish. That's just what I'm guessing. Oh, you don't know. I've never been to Scotland. I've never seen a girl like that. But I hope she exists. She does hit me up. Susan Boyle. I'll cut my dick off if I ever have to see that lady. Susan Boyle. I have Asperger's from the Guardian. Damn. So I think I'm thinking about that. That fictional Scottish woman I just created and I want to fuck her. Yeah, she's great. Huge tits curly hair right here. Dude, curly and red. That would that would do something to me because I like red hair. I like curly

hair. That's a classic combo. Orphan Annie. Me too, brother. Well, Mike, this is because this is my had a sixth grade biology teacher. Yeah, who had red hair and huge tits. I think in 100 years, there aren't going to be red heads. That's one of the stupidest things I've ever heard in my fucking life. Jake had just had two fucking redheaded kids. What you're going to kill them? The police will. If I was born ginger in this country, I would be dead. We're going to have a one child policy. Really? Yeah. Fuck. Yeah. You know that song the ginger is the beep of the world. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Dude, I need me a red, a strange type of redhead. Like when you're not thinking of like an Asian redhead. Well, that is that

is impossible. It is. You think it's not. I saw a fucking commercial where it's got to be mixed. No, dude. No, they just died. No, that's you guys. The thing is, you guys don't want to admit we're all one people. It's true. The human race that exists. There's a commercial that showed like African rather naturally redheaded Asians. Yes. Answer. No, that's not true. All right. Well, here's I saw a commercial four years ago. Yes, people are found throughout Asia. Thank you. So this is what you're talking about. No. Yeah. Okay. Well, this is these are the example. No, not fucking those guys. That's the answer. These are the answer. Those are huge. Stop. Can Chinese people ethnically have red hair? Can

they? The answer. No, that's not true. I think you're wrong. I'm not wrong. He saw it on a commercial. Was it a Wendy's China commercial? Hi, I'm Dave Thomas and this is my Chinese daughter. What about like this fucking kid? That's you want to fuck that? I don't want to fuck a kid. You want to have fun? I just searched. No, I don't want to fuck a child. Sov wants to have fun with three year old. I don't. I just saw a picture of a Chinese kid with a red. He did look cute. Not in a sex way. Thank you. It was a cute cute. Yeah. My grandma had red hair and she's northeastern Chinese. She lived on a tiny remote farm city 12 hours away from Harbin, which is very, very close to Russia. Maybe she has some Russian

descent because her eyes are like a normal non Asian person. Okay. Well, I don't know about. I think maybe there is some one quote. She's mostly Han, though. And it's because first of all, this is this is a Chinese person saying this. So you don't you don't get the censor me. Yeah, you don't get to tell me how to get the sense of her. I get the sense for you. You don't get the sense for me at all. DNA reveals these red hair Chinese mummies. Do you want to fuck a moment? I'll come from Europe and Asia. Fuck. Yes. Oh, and Asia and Asia. I think probably like we grew people have redheads because they're Turkic and they're not. They're not Han. Well, fucking sign me up before with some of those bitches.

I don't give a fuck. Find me the biggest hit in Uighur and we're going on a mission to break her out. No, but you know what? You know what would get you out of it is that they're Turkic descendants. And so therefore you have to smash with a turk. This is a little as far as being redhead and weird in Japan. How will, for example, teenagers react if I already go to school. They make fun of my hair like it. Here's the top answer on Cora. You'll probably do as well or better than your home country. Japan, gingers have absolutely no association with being an underclass of any kind. Having a soul being the most likely stepchild, the cop of beating, etc. The cop of beating. Yeah. My. Should I get rid here?

Should I have? Yes, many in Korea and China. No, that's wrong. The Chinese call them red hair devils. But the red hair devils are in Europe. Whatever. I don't fuck. I'm just saying this is what you want. No, that's fake. No, first of all, don't ever call you fake. I absolutely fuck who she's you. Let's either die. You know, it's one of them. I am a natural redhead of Korean descent. You're a reddit. I guess it's Europe. I literally I it's for the life of me. Oh, fuck. The links don't work anymore. If you if you put a gun to my head and tell ask me which kpop female star is this? I would. Dude, all these girls pictures are gone. Wow. The CCP is trying to hide trying to censor this dude. The party doesn't

want to wait. It's weird that they go. They call it CCP instead of PPC. PPC Coca Cola. Yeah, this is what it stands for. PPCC. Yeah, PPC Coke. Right. They do drink. They do be drinking that out there. CCP PPCC. The CCP PPC. Well, this guy looks hilarious. That's the kind of guy that does that does like stand up. That's the guy that moves here like two years. He's like to the king of Chicago. They're like, Oh, you got to see you got to see Jim Benaga. You got to see Jim Benaga. Dude, that guy's he's the kill back in Chicago. You're a joke writer. Yeah. You know, cool. Call you sneaker guy. Love sneakers. You're just a Conan love sneakers. Benaga. Yeah, Jim Benaka. What was Benaka from a Ventura? Was that

like a mouth spray? Yeah. Spray. We're about to kiss a girl when I was a kid. That was a big thing back in the day. Yeah. When I was a kid, when I was a kid, I wanted Benaka more than anything. Girls are into it. That's such a cool move. Yeah. Dude, why don't we fucking spray our mouths anymore? Well, because it's like a comic. It's like, it's like, you know, it's like having a spritzer thing. It's like a joke. I was like, if I had that Benaka, I could crush. Yeah. Yeah. Imagine maybe just hitting like that as a fat kid having the hate lines and then just spray your fucking the Benaka in the mouth. That's awesome. Yeah. That would be awesome. I'm about to look up Benaka now. Yeah. The closest you could get

was the this move. Right. But that's not the same. It's not the same. Benaka spray mouth. How to kill myself. Oh, but Benaka B. I. N. A. Yeah. They still sell it apparently from Amazon. Pack of six for 19 bucks. It's a little price. If you ask me, that sounds high. Yeah, I got replaced by the Listerine strips. Those strips suck dick. Yeah, but it was it was a good gimmick. They had a moment but they were they sold shit. Yeah. I'm gonna put that on a gray hoodie. Her smile is insured. Benaka. Nice. The strips were fucking dogs. I mean, look, gum is the real answer here. Yeah, it keeps your breath fresher for longer. Did we just have gum technology outpace Benaka technology? Is that what happened? I do feel

like gum is better now than when we were kids. Yes, gum used to lose its flavor in fucking three when they invented the hard shell. You know, I love when it got professional. I love big red big reds fucking rocks. I love big red. I love it. More than both of you. I like big red bitches. I like Clifford sell bitches like a Clifford type bitch. I want to Clifford. I want to 80 80 foot. Would you fuck a dog that was Clifford size? I don't know if I could physically. Let's say we really put you up on a little platform. One of those like construction platforms like a guy like working on a telephone pole. Yeah. Yeah. Would you put your whole body in there dick first? Because your dick would be in the pussy, but

when it is part of what feels good about pussy, the contrast between the dick and the rest of your body, like if your whole body is in a pussy, does it feel good? It's not about feeling good. It's about power. So you would have power over the Clifford dog. If the dog respected me as an alpha pack leader from there on out, I would consider it. Okay. Yeah. Because I'm thinking, well, part of it is the contrast, but part of it is how how tight a pussy is, I guess. So if you went to a big ass pussy, but if you could wrap a little bit of the Clifford dogs pussy around your dick, like take a little bit of the dog. That's 16 19 project lady. What's that? You know, the Hannah Jones or whatever. I don't

know. That doesn't matter. She's a Twitter. Well, if you don't know, she is. Anyway, folks, so if there was a female dog, would you wrap some of its pussy around your dick to make it feel more like a human's pussy? Or would you just walk into the dog's pussy and Jack we're talking about fucking a big red dog? Yeah. Just fuck it. What do you mean? Well, would you would you put just your dick in? Or it's if it's big enough, would you put your whole body in? Well, I'm big. It's big for a dog. So it's not the day. It's it's like three stories. Big red. How big is bigger than the house? You've never seen Clifford the big red dog. I don't remember his proportions. It's as big as the house, bro. Clifford's

gigantic, but it's such a pain. Yes, the amount that dog must eat and shit and shit. How big its cock must be? Oh, my God. Oh, yeah, he's huge. Your wife is looking at the cock just salivating. Just being like, that's a real man. But it's a dog. But it's a dog. So maybe this bitch wants to fuck dogs. Yeah, she's fucking. Which all white women do want to do, by the way, that's true. That's on the record. That is on the record. Oh, fuck. All right, boys, then you deli sandwich place got me sleepier than usual. Yeah, I'm sluggish as hell. You just suck my dick to wake yourself up. I either got to sign up for a job. I got to hit an exercise bike 20 minutes to get my heart rate up. Get my exercise. So I can

so I can keep doing this show forever. I got to stay alive so I can keep doing this as always guys as always guys. Thank you. That would be one of the best parts of dying. Thank you. Never having to do this fucking shit again. Bye.