The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. 309 – can u smell it

Episode Date: April 27, 2022

special episode with stav replacement Jasmell "What the Rock Is Cooking" Johnson RALEIGH TICKETS PLEASE COME https://www.goodnightscomedy.com/events/56776

Oh You're not allowed to participate My own thing No, no, it's not my own thing. I was about to fall sadder, but I felt like it was not Adam however he did get his little piece He did involve himself in a way that he should know anyways It's gonna be uh, we just said we made the mistake We had we had Nick Ratchever through for the last one for this Sunday

Upcoming on patreon.com slash come town. It was so nice him and his wife to come by that Took him out for a big lunch and Now I feel like I feel like I'm having a stroke. Oh, yeah podcast post lunch. Yeah Yeah, yeah above my my eye. It's just like there's like I'm being stabbed in the fucking It's like there's a you know, what do you call it a knife? Yeah In knife jammed in there Jamel you haven't done the show in years, huh? It's been it's been More than one week since you looked at me. Yeah, so it's this thing has really just completely deteriorated I was just Adam's gonna look at his phone the entire time. No, I was trying to do something. Oh, yeah

He was trying to do I didn't know you were starting my mistake I didn't realize Adam was trying to do the last nigga playing Candy Crush. Yeah, I was the last n-word playing Candy Crush He wasn't just looking at his making a movie about it. He wasn't just looking at his phone He was trying to do so the last black man starring Tom Cruise Yeah, are you saying I'm the last play Candy Crush? He's not a single other on earth playing Candy Crush right now. It's just me untied do rag on He's got the flaps out not only do I find out I'm a but I'm also the only person playing Candy Crush

It's a double whammy. I'm alone in two different ways Executive produced by Dan Snyder. Yeah, come on now Dan Snyder rebranding himself as Dan s**t He's like now no one can say my name they get fired I was feeling something that through some girl the scientific Scientific American congratulated some like German woman who won some award for her science and this poor bitch She's Viennese and her name. I don't even know if I can say it. I don't know if I can say it. Her name's Anna Schluter nigga. No. Yeah, Jamel. Can you read it for us?

Wow Really hack the system. My little brother listens to this is that Nick didn't really say it. Yeah, he was in the beeps He was just having fun. Oh, yeah, yeah read this. Go ahead read this We got here. Thanks Jamel, please for for us. Congratulations niggaz and Scientific American is reporting on your success Atcoms phase to Vienna Time for ions hidden particle interactions exposed by niggas not done set up peeling layers of Graphene Wow, okay. Well the rest is yeah, we'll get shit about that

But yeah, look at this woman Anna and that's her last name. Her name is Anna niggas Not spelled different not spelled different at all. It's just Anna I Can't even if it was like, you know, I because I would say it if her name was like And I'd like me goss or something. Yeah, it'd be fine. Sure. It's just straight up. Yeah, there was even an ancient It wasn't n-i-g-g a s That is her name And she's from Germany. She's like an important science from Austria She's how did this family survive the holocaust?

How the fuck were they looking at the rolls and they're like, yeah, we'll let the go Wait, so she's German. Yeah. Oh, so I thought she was like probably the Southeast Asian or something. No. No, wow Yeah, you know, there's two types of Austrians. Yeah Those from the black forest But you know that Chris Rock joke. Yeah, they're always trying to mess with our job. You know that It was a Hitler. You know that Hitler joke. He has two types of Austrians Damn, this thing tastes weird. What is it? I look like a little lemon poppy like lemon poppy But it tastes like they put fabuloso in it. Really after I already stress ate half the fucking thing

Those are the gifts from rushford and uh Come on the pod I Isn't Jackie Chan single. Okay. I love you. Okay. I love you Jackie Chan. Yeah, you'd really like that song Yeah, is he wearing a white uh tucked in t-shirt in the video. What's your name? What's you what's your name? What do you do for a living? I'm uh, I am a German scientist. And what's your name? It's uh, Anna Let's see you doing crowd work with Anna Phd Phd student at tu vienna researching the interaction of highly charged ions and 2d materials

Congratulations, nigga. Yeah I mean that is just That's unreal Yeah, what does it mean? Yeah, where does it come from? What is the origin? It's a family named Jamel Wow, that's great a researcher Look, you can click more about Anna. Wow Well, fuck man, how y'all been I've been all right. I've been I've been doing great since I found out about this lady Yeah, yeah, no, that'll that'll change the whole season

Um, I'm doing well Jamel and I chilled this weekend. Yeah, we had a we had a wild one Yeah, speaking of nigga, can we talk about how disappointed Adam is that I'm dating another white woman? Not another white woman He was so worse than that I wasn't upset about the fact that she's white There's another detail you're leaving out What was it? I have to look at my friends Instagram store and say oh sater night, too And I'm like, oh, they got him. Yeah, man. They got him. Yeah I don't want this. I don't want this life for you Adams Adams all for interracial dating as long as it's not a Jewish

The jews I don't want this life for you. You got to be careful around those people Jamel And then shorty saw his picture. She was like, did we go to camp together? Yeah, of course I don't think we probably did I Probably gave me a dry hand drop the counselor counselor Anna Come on, man. I wonder if there had to have been if she's Austrian because it's like, you know it's not like You know these people have been there for thousands of years

There's got to be a whole family of them. You know, it's not like it's oh, yeah Oh, yeah, there's generations. Yeah, it's a family. They're had a long line of niggas and they had to have been around during world war two I What if they changed it after world war two for what reason? Look, we just be like, we're sorry. Yeah, this is how you know what side I'm on. Yeah We're we're we're actually we're part of the good guys. We're the sorry is just a search that And that's what I'm looking for. They got a manor. Yeah. Hell. Yeah Yeah, they got schnitzel in there. Probably. Yeah, this is a hotel

Good water with the lemons in it. Yeah niggas love that shirt Look at this. So this one says fam in it, too Gastoff, Craner, Verth, fam Beep regional koochi in their visor And there's a koochi. Yeah regional regional koochi dog This sounds like a joke I heard on deaf jam. Mm-hmm. This is the Damon Williams classic

This place right next to our penis in the house styroam kaiserwald Penis in the arkendorf Mm-hmm show is Where else where else is my penis gonna be? Yeah, Lanach is a municipality and district of deutschlandsberg in the austrian state of steria And then where is it? I saw something in here about the mayor is named joseph Joseph coonberry. No, joseph also the n word

Oh, they got a mayor in the family. So they're an old they're a powerful family. Yeah, they got scientists They knew argedug Ferdinand. Yeah, this was the culture that Hitler was fighting to prison. I read this review right here You got to read that Nowhere, but niggas The food was outstanding service was out of this world And these niggas really know how to cook up a meal That's not real That's what trip advisors

That's a top review on trip advisor for gastolf kreiner. These niggas really know how to cook up a meal. Yeah, the end of sentence That's crazy. There's only 209 people with that surname And look, they're all they're all in russia or just in austria There's nothing else in eastern europe. This is big break where all these guys are in russia, too. Yeah, wow I guess down here and it was at brazil. Oh, yeah, sure. There's a lot of them in brazil. Yeah This is hilarious. I wish I had known about this before There you go restaurant restaurant niggas in austria

That's a jz song. Yeah We're gonna skate to the one song and one song only I'm glad this came up. This is a great way to just phone in the rest of the Yeah, we gotta coast off the rest. I think we got it. I think we got it That's a one take masterpiece the clan of austrian niggas. Oh, wow. This is something way different. Oh, yeah. No, that's okay I can't get soundcloud to work damn this is by kongo beats And it's just a bunch of it looks like You know west africans with sunglasses. Yeah, then there's police cars. There's four to explore police cars

I'm like, but they're real tiny. Yeah, and what's that on the the fringe diamonds framed in diamonds That's cool cops and diamonds africa trap tape volume one And there's drink The purple drink around the uh volume one. Yeah, that's good No condoms no condoms Okay, howdy i'm the sheriff of latvia Yeah, that's this is something else now. We've just we've gone completely off track. It's been moving on. I guess we're gonna talk about uh the netflix uh

tanking In the stock market that is huge. It's huge. What were they at today? Let's take a look. Let's see where the markets open It's because they won't let people share passwords Yeah, they don't want you to steal your grandma's password anymore. This ain't your grandma's pussy your mom your mom Netflix netflix changed their slogan to this ain't your grandma's pussy and they thought that would be a bold move This tank their stock the nasdaq wasn't having it. No, they did not like that very much tokyo markets Just get ready till when china wakes up. No, this is bad, dude It dropped it dropped like way overnight, but it hasn't even recovered at all now. It's just like bleeding slowly

Yeah, this is bad. We got it by low on netflix. Yeah, what's that mean? What's where where's where's carol baskin on this? This is baskin baskin and robin's the the shareholders Baskin, uh, I mean truth be told I never even really fucked with netflix. Yeah, netflix They just bought a bunch of content and it's all like Well, everything on netflix. There's never been a single netflix show that's actually good. It's just shit that you're supposed to watch So you can have conversations about it with other people. Yeah, I never watched tiger. Nobody's nobody's active Nobody's like emotionally engaging with netflix content. They're thinking about talking about it later at work. Yeah The game made me upset. I don't want to see a hundred koreans get bucked down

Fuck korean people dude. That's the if I was the CEO of netflix. That's the direction. I would say I would be like, look Fuck korean people Yeah, that's really what he's not this ain't your grandma's pussy We're taking netflix in a new direction. I'm bringing porno back and yes, we're calling it porno Oh, big boxes. None of this sex worker bullshit. These are sluts getting their pussy fucked out getting railed Maybe we pay up. Maybe we don't bitch It's coming in the mail. It's ain't your grandma's pussy. It's ain't your grandma's pussy You know what we need is a mascot netflix doesn't have a mascot

Yeah, they need it. I'm thinking a big like a pit bull wearing a vest and he's got an uncircumcised dick And he's having sex with a slutty woman I got a woman. He's got a korean woman and she's drooling. He's been over the dog's not Yeah, and the dog's name is roscoe the netflix dick type down dick dog Damn, you just reminded me My boy dick him down doula r.i.p dick him down. What happened to him?

He's a door guy at this open mic. I thought he was a doula. Oh, he didn't help women give birth No, his name was abdulla, but he went by doula. Okay, and he called himself dick him down doula. That's funny. Hey, you having a baby? Let me help. Is it mine? No, let me help you A doula, what is that? That's just like a wet nurse, right? It's yeah, I guess so show is what is it? No, wet nurse is all these tastes weird. Well, they maybe I got covered again Really? Yeah, COVID's back there last 10 minutes. Yeah the ba. What does it do? They stop doing uh, roman or greek letters Yeah, what do you mean the new variant? Oh, they they they give it new names. Yeah. Yeah, because it was offensive to greek people Yeah, yeah, they had it. We had to take these corona romeos these bullshit the romeos, huh? Yeah. Yeah

Yeah, romeo, they're giving it they're doing they should do hurricane names, honestly Like a alphabetic. Yeah, Angela Angela, Andrew Bernice variant. Yeah Yeah, and it's a loud type of hurricane variant urkel They gotta have it. There's a you realize like there's going to be a hurricane urkel. It's because they run out of names. Yeah, heracle. Yeah And there's gotta be a hurricane and the local news are gonna have to say Did I do that?

Did I do that is what people are asking in the aftermath of hurricane urkel as you can see the wreckage behind me It leaves this family homeless asking did I do that? Your son was killed in the storm last night. Yes Does it leave you asking did I do that? Like what are you talking about the show family matters? Steven urkel. Steven urkel the hurricanes namesake. Why are you doing news voice to me? You're only supposed to do it to the camera Dude, that would be really sad first hurricane in chicago in 112 years

Hurricane urkel. Yeah followed by hurricane lara Hmm Lara Lara, can I just have a piece of pussy hurricane urkel was was chasing hurricane lara's path Carl, I just want a little bit of I just want some pussy carl Get out of my house circle. God damn it. You can't fuck my daughter is just go home steve You know, it should have been steve arvy instead of steve urkel Yeah, but he had too much sauce

I Harvey's incapable physically You're three years older than I am My daughter is 17 I saw there is I saw he's a pedophile. That's that's family. That's the family matters too. I saw his uh The netflix reboot. Yeah, netflix review the family matters. That's how they come back come back harder than ever I saw steve clipped the other day It's like steve harvey imparts wisdom for life and he's like if you're a man you need five different kinds of suit

A black suit a brown suit a tan suit a blues whatever he names five suits You need three different shirts. He's like a white shirt a light blue shirt and then some other shirt And he's like that gives you 75 suit combinations Okay, all those jackets go with all those pants go with all those shirts It's just like people in the audience clapping and on a suit science man. It's important dog But it's so clear he'd like given that lecture before and like But it was like yeah, uh like wisdom for life imparted by steve steve harvey

You gotta get one of them dress shirts with um with the funny collar Yeah, with the one the pins that down the one joint. Yeah Yeah, dude. I mean that he does raise a good point. We should be wearing suits right now Imagine he saw this podcast taking place. He'd be disgusted by our presentation Paul bro. I'm gonna start dressing like a like a merchant marine that's been what's it called when they when they turn you into the Navy you just have to be a part of the navy. Oh, uh You got a name for yeah, I forget. Yeah, it's not conscription. It's like It's yeah, it's a different buggered into the end of the during the Napoleonic wars. I'm gonna dress like one of those

Yeah, you get you get sexed into the navy. Yeah, I'm gonna try and dress like an 1800s British sailor and smell as bad as possible I'm gonna start pissing myself. That's a crack in Williamsburg. Yeah You'll get more bitches. Oh, we saw the very cool Japanese guy dress like a Hasidic Jew one time on stage Yeah, we're like, this is what is this guy? It's clear that he was just like this is cool new york style That he like did not understand the slickest japanese guy you've ever seen He's never been angry or depressed once in his life. Yeah, he's just even keel. Yeah, his mood is just just not it He's been in a just not Mentality for 30 years for 30 years was very cool and his friend that he was sitting with and then they pay for it

Because then they turn 31 and then they get hit with a literal tsunami of depression And they fucking have to go out in the woods and hang themselves. Yeah. Yeah, they have to go to the suicide forest. Let me hang That's their magic school bus over there. There's a suicide forest miss frizzle takes him out there. Yeah It's a field trip technically. Yeah How about that's how I've always soda the suicide forest is the japanese version of their that's their magic school bus Who was the irk alone magic school bus? They had a little kid that everybody hated arnold arnold arnold No, I thought it was carlos carlos Carlos was the main guy though. He was just sort of the class clown kind of carlos was always trying to fuck miss frizzle

Yeah, and then she like carlos. It was a sex scandal because she was like She yeah, she was fucking the third 13 year old carlos and she had to she had to go behind the bars everyone's trying to Dap up carlos though forgetting pussy off an adult woman. Yeah, I mean for sure, but you don't understand the mental toll That it took on him while he was in a large intestine Having sex with an adult woman Yeah, I searched in uh miss frizzle nude and here's a video miss frizzle from the magic school bus And it's just a fat lady fingering herself under a table

Hell yeah, you can't even see that she has red hair because it's under a table But it's oh, I guess I guess you can't I guess the beginning of the video Arnold was like the jewish one, I think For sure Who look like miss frizzle's kid? I just need to get some more cotton rocks. All right, so I trust you guys just be nice Oh my god Does miss frizzle even wear that dress or no wears a purple dress

Actually, I'm looking at pictures of the cartoon. She's kind of hot Miss frizzle from the cartoon. Yeah, she's a little wacky, but she's kind of hot She should have definitely given car Carlos and I were in love He touched me in a way that no man my age has ever touched me Oh, yeah, they were like they did have like a bk kids club vibe whereas like every race Jewish kid age no wheelchair though. They didn't have wheels though No, because it because they would have been impossible to get them on the bus you'd need one of those hydraulic lifts And yeah, and when you're in a large intestine, you don't got time for all that man. We gotta get on the bus dog

We're already we gotta run back to the bus and he's like come on. This isn't a handicap accessible We got T sales chasing us right now Yeah We're investigating hiv Get the fuck out of here. No, this is fucked up Oh my god, the white blood cells are like this. They're getting their shit beaten up right now Oh, I guess that is miss frizzle dress. I found that I found that on sex.com. Nice. Yeah Miss frizzle cosplay. Why wouldn't you check that immediately sex.com?

Just typing this that's where all boys learned about it. I thought sex.com was was close Why is there a gizmodo article the kids of the magic school bus ranked? Who's that for how dare they that's weird I don't know what the fuck this is apparently there's a there's a lot of these miss frizzle posts and it's always big women Was miss frizzle thick? No, I think she might but she wore a big-ass dress. She might have been thick under the dress Oh, yeah, I never really let my imagination run wild like that Because they didn't you couldn't have a fat butt in the 90s like that She was persecuted damn on this ranking they gave carlos the last spot and arnold the top spot

Carlos was a latina right For sure. He was like a spicy latina. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah big caliente. He was like miss frizzle. You're so stupid Miss frizzle. That's so fucking stupid stupid fucking bitch miss frizzle sleight sleight sleight sleet sleight ass miss frizzle fucking sleight You know something like that. Yeah, so you got a little something like that right in there Well, folks, you're probably wondering have you seen the Batman movie yet? Do you have you guys seen it? I haven't man. I always I waited at least a year and a half before I watch any movie That's I I respect that because you don't want to you don't want to wade into the discourse, dude

You want to have your own independent opinions? Yeah, I want to be free. It's too fraught I did see it. I think we've talked about it. Oh, shit. What are we talking about? Oh, you're gonna do the read. I know what we're talking about. Super special super special. So why don't you tell when you go to the website and tell them Jamel, have you ever enjoyed the substance known as cradum? Mm-hmm What what do you think crazy cradum? It's like they call it It's like it's kind of like a muffin with like cream cheese frosting, right? Uh, no, it's not you thinking of a croissant. Oh, okay. My bad. Um, I think you have a Danish

Um, no, this is uh, it's a natural powder from southeast Asia And you it comes from a leaf And you can get in three different formats on super specie osa.com You can get tablets powders capsules And teabags the different they had different strains and because it's being the means he's got fucked up names like trunk bang No, actually, it's just called cradum powder. I want the banana one capsule Look into it though. This is a red Bali. Yeah, Bali the langa tanga bong a green mayang da Oh, nick was not lying

Anyway, this shit is Badoom Why would you use or buy super specie osa? That's your language. Yeah, that's yeah. Um, anyway, why would you buy so type of Chinese? And the reason you would buy nobody knows what type of Chinese they're on Close to me. Okay. You why would you buy super specie osa? It's because why would you buy super specie osa? You deserve the highest quality products. You deserve something a little treat before you kill yourself So do they strive to give you that every step of the way you get a 30 day guarantee if you're not happy

Neither or they actually piss it pisses them off and according to the FDA. This is not a claim made by the company or even me No one's blaming this but if you're trying to get off heroin, this is the better option between this And like methadone or suboxone or whatever. Oh work because this is also it's highly addictive It's really bad for you and the withdrawals are just as bad if not worse Yeah, yeah, but the but it's legal but it's just that's the point and you can buy it from your favorite cum podcast And it's also legal. That's all we need. They have boat. They have the most trusted quality in the game They subject their products to the strictest quality control standards in the industry every batch is thoroughly inspected and lab tested for impurities and contaminants They ship fast if you order by 2 p.m. Eastern standard time, they ship the same day every single day

Except on Sundays because they in church We also have several different expedited shipping methods that friendly customer service people fucking love this shit And this is the kind of shit that you need to To get pussy from like super ogx.com or something like that, but right? No, you go to superspeciosa.com No, it's either get super league.com or super ogx.com. I think superspeciosa.com also works Okay, because I'm looking at it right now. Look, we started working with these guys before they even knew what they wanted to name the company That's how good they started off with the product that they knew was fire

And then they didn't figure out any of the marketing or brand the product is so good That they let's just give a million dollars or times. Let's give a million dollars to a comp podcast Let's just figure it out. Call it y'all in front of a deli like look at a This is it literally, but if you go to their website Literally literally literally if you go to their website literally they have a resource and information center Where you can learn all about this magical leaf that can change your life And it's a resource magical, you know, it's because what I want to keep it illegal Is because they're worried that it might open people's minds, but you might think that it's illegal

But it is and when I open people's minds to the queen That's not that's not somebody that she didn't work for. Yeah, that's right They just decided That this is gonna be this bitch gets all the jewels And that's why you need drugs to come apart upon ideas like that Eat me. I forgot to take my fucking allergy pill. Your cat is killing me right now. Yeah Well, I think it's the outside check as much as fucked up too. I literally feel like I'm gonna have a fucking stroke It's weird when you get like seasonal allergies as you get older

Registers in your body is like I'm about to die Well, my nose is like burning right now. Yeah, I just get weighed. I get way dizzy my ears start raining. I feel like shit Anyway guys go to this fucking website And buy this shit by the tablets by the powders by the teas and use promo come down or come down 20 either one And neither of them work for 20% off. I think every order. I think it's not even your first order 20 penis It's not even a Introduction of penises there. They're lapping off penis for you. I am and I what if was a business? I cut off your penis

Yes, and that we are opening a business that's a I cut off for $15. I cut off your penis But for a $100 I do know to cut off your penis. Oh Oh, you're strong arm and so they go one way or the other but they have to pay Uh-huh heads or tails the indian business podcast brought to you by get super leaf Dot com listen guys you go to get super leaf dot com you learn about the products on the website you read their blogs Okay, uh, enhance your creative experience with these five

Potentiators what the fuck does that mean? I don't know. I'm gonna click on it right now And they're gonna tell me kratom has many advantages. What is the potentiator potentiator is anything they can enhance the infects effects of What is that like additional drugs? I guess more drugs so you can take it with crack Yeah, you can smoke you can be on the hunter biden kratom pipeline Um, anyway, you could oh so for instance, what's one potentiator grapefruit juice and other citruses? That makes your shit work better turmeric cayenne pepper

Herbal teas listen this this shit. It makes your life better matcha. Oh, I've heard of those you'd have an iced matcha Nice. Oh, that'd be nice With a little kratom. Anyway guys, I've I've Enjoyed kratom before in the past and it definitely made my life much better And in fact, I have not been off of kratom for about two and a half years at this point um, but guess what? I got all of it at get super leaf dot com promo code come down to come down 20 And let's start uh the show

Let's start the show folks Okay What are you watching miss rizzle ponds? Yeah, I'm just looking at porn over here on my phone I think every third episode at this point. We just started watching porn on our phones Well, I started off with the netflix saying I was doing the netflix guy And that was good. I liked him This ain't your grandma's pussy. Yeah, you guys. I'll be on Raleigh Raleigh, uh, North Carolina, North Carolina. There you go

Raleigh, North Carolina June Something also a lot of people have been asking me about the merch merch. She'll be out in the next week and a half I check out your twitter or instagram and go to the bio and you can find tickets to see me live in raleigh We're gonna get those tickets moving. I'll be in Raleigh and then portland. I think those are the next dates and then carolines on broadway And then who knows who we're gonna just but I think after that chicago I will be doing I'll be returning Lincoln Lodge. Okay That's where I started stand-up the Lincoln Lodge. Yeah. Well, I've been trying to get this bit off where

I'm trying to convince Nick is I'm from chicago No, really because if uh, if you're from chicago in LA you just instantly make 15 more grand. That's that's how it used to be here Yeah, that's all they all moved to LA. They all moved to LA and we got we're sick and tired of them We crushed those guys. We edged them out. We edged them out. We got the chicago crew out of here We put ketchup on all their hot dogs and they were like what the hell is this man? Well, you know what? It's kind of we were like the rootie. Jill. We cleaned up new york Yeah, it was run by the chicago. We just got rid of we got rid of clark. We got rid of clark and kenny and we fucking They're in jail now. Yeah, and they're doing a hard time

And it's not like we replace them without we replace them with our crew I I I'd rain those guys out of town and then I quit comedy myself. Yeah smart No one gets to do comedy put an end to it. It's like how harry potter ended. There's no good No, I mean that I I single-handedly did that. I moved in new york and now there's not a single good show in the stand-up The curb. Well, I can think except for funny moms that come on everybody every monday Except for the first monday of the month. They've been great recently real face. We'll face larry's. What was that place when we moved here? Uh, no, there was a place in the east village. That was the big we'll face larry's is the big show Fucking knitting factory. No, there was a revision not revision. I was thinking you're thinking open mics

I'm talking about the big shows camp. No, the place on second hot soup is a big show whiplash. It's a big show Cabin cabin. That's the one I was trying to get the other day. Cabin moved here. That was the show you We'll face oil can oil can harry. That was what it was called I don't remember that that was a big show and I came here and I said We're gonna clean this town up and I do all of the shows are gone because that's the thing about About chicago's is corrupt place and they're corrupt comedy game Yeah, now it's a run by the daily crime machine now. You can do you can do one of 87 shows at two boots pizza Yeah, you can figure out how to be a club comic. Yeah, I came here and I destroyed the old scene once and for all

Well played sir. Yeah. Yeah, you know, you know how he did it. He started gossiping I did he got in there and he started gossiping immediately. I said Kenny raped Clark Oh, I started the rumor. We've talked about Clark and Kenny in two straight episodes I started the very good guys and I played basketball with Kenny like a month ago. Well, you know, he raped Clark Jones. I mean, I just found out I just found out I don't know what to do I'm surprised it's a chicago guy. You never heard that man, you know, because I just stayed to myself when I was out Where are you from? You're north sides outside. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I was over by the lake west side east side

Yeah, east side. I was on the side on the side of the lake on the side west side of the lake east side of the city Exactly. It's the whole crew. The whole like those three guys are all out now right now. Will Clark and Kenny Actually, I don't know where Clark is. No, I think Clark is in Chicago. Yeah, Clark Um, but then there was like Megan and Lisa. They were also in Chicago. What's Lisa up to? I don't know. Last time I noticed Yeah, she was being canceled for something. I can't remember what it was. She was on MSNBC saying Bernie was old It's Bernie, but then immediately after that somebody dug up her tweets from like literally like six weeks prior That was like if you're Chinese get the hell out of the pet store I know what you're in there. It was like fucking just

It was like Kurt Metzger had been writing her tweets for like years It was like, uh-oh Look out here comes a Chinese lady trying to navigate the parking lot. Something happened. Beep beep Magellan Well, she shouldn't she shouldn't have come for Bernie. Yeah, and then she was like I've grown a lot since April I've changed But she weathered that pretty well. I think I think you can't get canceled ever That's what I'm saying. Yeah. I mean cancellation doesn't really exist. It's like are you in this

This work group or are you not if you like if you're writing for three different fucking sitcoms You're not going to get canceled for anything you say for sure You have to rape. I think those people have to write you meanwhile if you're like you know a guy that's like Friends with anyone that works at you know the stand or whatever If you've like the Scott Chaplin got fucking canceled for having gone on A compound media show. Oh, he went on Gavin Mcinnis because the book or the guy who books the stand Like was just asking people to go on there because he was booking Gavin

Who got no one knew and it's also you do like you do whatever you can You know, yeah, you're a comic. You're like making zero dollars. Yeah, I'll do the Nazi hour hour Yeah, comedy central took like the roast away from him because of that. They were like, oh, we can't in good conscience Very funny comedian, which it's like I wish I could know the names of the people that made the decision that decision at comedy central and then Figure out a way to hurt those people not physically But make sure that like just what kind of two-faced spinelessness it takes The fucking like a guy that's worked for 10 years on something to take that away from him

Because it's the one year in your entire life where you're pretending you have some kind of professional morality. Yeah Oh, and we came in good time. Not if you went on not if you went on Gavin show Yeah Who he was just like the guy that sold vice It was like before he became a Nazi, right? Yeah, I mean he was like a misogynist or whatever like who the fuck cares I did uh, I did idi amines podcast. Did you yeah? Yeah. Yeah. What was it called? It's it's a cooking podcast

Eating eating. I mean eating. I mean eating not mean not mean eating not mean I was gonna say what's the only cooking podcast. I know is Carl has his day. He's like a phone. Oh, yeah Yeah, no, he does was it called again yelling about pate. I think that's it. I haven't seen that guy forever Yeah, he's on l.a. too. I think yeah, well, he's always been in L. He's always been in l.a. guy That's that they they did that last king of scottland. That was like a That was a makeup for the the last samurai probably They're like we gave the last samurai the wrong guy We're gonna give scottland to a black guy. Yeah, the last samurai which originally was titled the last king of jonglin

That's what that but that was the title Eating right that wasn't the last the last king of jonglin And then they had to make last king of scottland the makeup for it Adam's gone. Yeah, what happened? Adam's Adam's calling up all of his asian ex-girlfriends to apologize to them You're gonna hear something in two weeks. Yeah. Yeah What what do you mean adam? What what happened? Just don't turn on your phone adam. What happened?

Come on. The pod's gonna get a little rough the next couple weeks. Yeah The last king of jonglin. Oh my god. Yeah, this cat is killing me right now Nicholas, I think maybe I will learn karate. I wish it wasn't funny Hey, what but it is the last king of jonglin. That's just very funny. Yeah, it's just fun. Unfortunately. That's just funny, man Yeah I can't I can't believe what's his name wrote that movie Who changed mirror that fan? Joel Kim Joel Kim. Oh, Joel. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Hey man. You got to get it back, man. You got to get comedy is hard

Comedy is hard. Yeah, the opportunities are so few and far between We really demean ourselves Why'd you why'd you why'd you say Joel Kim booster? I don't know. I was just trying to think of an asian comedian He won't like that. He's not good enough friend of ours that you can say that. Yeah He's gonna hear that and he's gonna be like fuck adam for writing the last king of scottland Yeah, for saying he wrote the last string of jonglin. Oh, I mean, I I wasn't fast. You just burned a bridge That fan that family just burned you just burned the bridge over the river quay Damn, son

Come on, man. You know, it's I You know, I I work in this business. We bear. I barely I barely know the Chicago guys enough to say that He just he was just there when it happened. That's why he's allowed to I'm very casual I'd like barely know that that other guy's gonna be like the president of Hollywood at a certain point Joel Joel. Yeah, he's gonna run the entertainment industry. Why do you say that now you're kissing his ass? No, I'm kissing his ass because he's gonna find out he's gonna hear it to the grapevine that adam freedland said that he wrote Stop saying my name like that. I'm the one who's gonna have to see him. I've never said my last name on the pod before

You're doxxing me right now. Yeah, it's fucked up. Everybody already hates me. I don't have to worry about shit No one hates you. Everybody hates me. That's not true. You know who I heard listens to the show Ellen's another one of these stories. Ellen DeGeneres. Yeah, Ellen listens to the show. She's a big fan. Yeah after she she Ellen got canceled. Ellen got canceled for just being a bitch I love that shit, dude. To be a man in the entertainment industry You have to rape like 50 people before you lose your job for a year and get an 18 million dollar severance package Ellen DeGeneres raised her voice during lunch at a PA They're like, she's done. Fuck this bitch. Get her out of here son

The toxic work environment Mm-hmm. What did they say though? What was she doing? She was like being mean to interns. Yeah, she's just a fucking like a She's just like an asshole a Hollywood person. Yeah, she's drives people. Yeah, she's just doing what scott rudin does She does she's doing probably what john steward had a reputation for the daily show Was he doing that at the day? Yeah, just being a guy that cares a lot about his product and like, you know, he's got people that work for him and he's like Demanding demanding. Yeah Which like honestly fine, you know, it's like it's a creative thing

That's the thing there needs to be like because the reason like Hollywood protected a bunch of rapists is because it is this Weird intersection between like art and business and for art It's like you do have to make some kind of like Exceptions for people's idiosyncrasies, you know, if somebody is like an artist to a certain extent If this was like, you know a factory and there was a boss like abusing employees because it's like we got to make x amount of You know Cardboard boxes by 3 p.m. Then that would be fucked up. But if it's somebody that makes something that's like unique and a creative project If you choose to go work with some fucking artists

You got a dj if you dance in your intro Come on man. It's not it's not it's not like a normal employee. She's an institution. Yeah She's I Ellen, I would I would let you hit I'd say I'd say somebody being yelled at to get what the daily show used to be is worth it You know what I mean? Not as fair you want a workplace where everybody's paid fair and no one gets yelled at and they clock out at five and they follow The union rules and you can watch it like Current daily show. Yeah, the current daily show or the amber roughen show

People show up. They write their three jokes. They go have lunch. They collect their fucking three grand a week and that's good for them Honestly, yeah, fuck it. I mean whatever if you want a job, you got a job. That's the job But you want to You want to really be the only only thing in the media holding Fucking, uh, you know, these are rack war Mongers To the fire holding their feet to the fire. Yeah, then it takes John Stewart yelling at you Yeah, he's got to yell at a couple interns. I don't really have to keep dick chaining

I honestly do not care a fucking thing about anything. I just said I'm just trying to kill time until the next Sounded good. Honestly. Yeah He was on a roll. So I don't care. I don't care dude. Yeah, that's it. This that's what I mean I got to abuse at him so I can come up with sort of opinions like that that I don't feel that doesn't Reflect anything so we can just get right to talking about what was it again? The netflix stock price. Nope the At the other sponsor Blue chew There it is blue chew.com is a website if you love sex, you'll love blue chew. Hey steve here with blue chew

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That's fucking bullshit. Is that for real? Yeah, that's why there's a fucking gender crisis right now. I'm pissed damn Yeah, look the first question is blue a boy or a girl. What's cat dog and girl? Well, obviously it's neither doesn't have genitals. This is another case on the other end The star of blues clues blue is a girl puppy who communicates to Steven Joe through barks, which they understand a girl How dare they I'm outraged. I'm pissed, bro. Anyway at blue chew.com. They have two different types of Uh chewable tablets. They have sildenafil and tidalafil, which are the active ingredients behind viagra and cialis Do you have a hard time taking pills? I know I do and 40 percent of americans agree So these are not pills

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They're turning on the making their own decisions instead of just having media shove down their throats. Yeah Um, so oh my preschooler loves blues clues. It's like your preschooler shits itself. Yeah, what do you mean? It loves Like what do you mean? It has opinions What the fuck are you talking about? You put something in front of it and then it shit itself. Yeah, make them watch squawk box. Yeah Listen guys. Yeah, my my my my kindergartner loves meet the press So Here's the deal folks they have a hundred percent licensed medical providers the prescription consultation for sedentifil and teladifil

Uh, they're professional ed focused medical support. No waiting rooms. No appointments You can get a 35 or 30 or 45 milligram sildenafil prescription or a six or nine milligrams sedentifil prescription and Uh, you can choose the amount of times that you get pills every month I like to go for 34 pills a month at 45 milligrams. Um, I'm popping these shits every single day And what's that cost and what did that what does that cause? That's right. It's only that much. It's that little a month is just Here's the deal dollars a month. Here's the deal folks. You put in promo code comes out the joke

It's a huge amount of money. Oh, okay. Not that it's the end word. It's not the end word. Okay. Cause I was like No, no, it's like 800 million 500. Oh, I'm having chest pain. So I can't really yeah Nick had too big of a lunch So we got to bear with them guys you go to bluetree.com you put in promo code come town You talk to one of their licensed medical providers. What what do you get? You get for only five dollars, but just the shipping you get your first month free This ain't your grandma's pussy bluetree bluetree.com. This ain't your grandma's pussy. What's the story wishbone? Did you read that in a book?

Mm-hmm. Did I do that is what people are saying after hurricane wishbone urkel devastated The the florida panhandle I was gonna go gavels gavels gavelston gavelston galveston galveston galveston. Yeah What you remember it is there's a gal wearing a vest. She's got a vest on Oh, yeah, she's like, how you doing? I'm a slut. Yeah, I was about to say she's I'm a truck stop whore She's a piece of trash meth slut that you can muddy fuck Disgustingly fuck in a porta potty. Yeah, and that's how you remember the name of galveston

Guys huge news that we have yet to discuss Adam's gay. I'm gay Hey, real well, we've discussed it. Is that why you mean 34 dick pills a month? Yes, my girlfriend is makes me physically ill The sight of her is repulsive and let's be fair. She is a dog. Yeah, she's an absolute straight She is a burning trash fight. That is a disgusting woman. Whoa She's just she's my best friend. So, um, my best friend's wedding. My best friend's wedding, great movie, Julia Roberts Yeah, great movie

Julia Roberts What happened to her? She's not in movies anymore. She got break. Okay. Okay. All right. Sorry. That's what I heard guys. Huge news Kenny strikes again. No, stop it. Kenny doesn't deserve this shit. It's hard to talk with that delay. He's a great guy. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Kenny Dude, they were like an when we moved here I don't like the echo as long as I'm my voice still invited to the basketball game. I don't care. Thank you. Thank you, Kenny folks

Stop. Stop. I don't want to hear. I don't want to hear it. I don't want to hear it back. Is this what they're listening to? I apologize to the audience Has bluetooth ever hit y'all and been like, hey, stop fucking around and sell the pills. No, they asked us to go harder Yeah, wait, stop it. Stop. Stop. Just turn this off. Come around. We gotta get these fucking dick pills off. Everybody dick soft in brooklyn They may have asked that at some point, but I don't really check the email anymore. Yeah, no smart Mm-hmm. I don't know if I don't know if they paid us or anything. Can you turn my voice back normal? Why he's too far away from like they can't he can't That's what people want is they want more adam on the show. Yeah

They do Now we got a lot of people who haven't asked for that. Now we got more adam Today I can I can center myself Why do niggas be like like people who listen to y'all show are like Everyone thinks they're the producer of the show. Yeah. Yeah, every fan is like, oh Right, they're all they're all comedy Q is off and as a guy that got fired from a grocery store six years ago Yeah, he's like if Adam said two less sentences the show would be an optimum performance. Well, I got I used to get people that would like fucking

Uh, uh, yeah, they would give me like people that would give me advice. So I'm gotta be like drunk at like 3 a.m. They would DM me and be like, dude What you got to do is you got and they would like tell me which direction my career should go Yeah, and it's like you're you're like a skateboarder. Yeah, dog. You already like the show You're a guy that just skateboards What do you mean? This is what I need to do you listen to the show on the computers at the library Yeah, man, enjoy Just have fun. It's a homeless guy watching miss frizzle porn. Yeah

Yeah, sure, which is that guy is doing like a more honorable thing promo code come down or come down Yes for all you pay is five dollars shipping for your first month. You get a free consultation with some woman Yeah, sexy and all of the licensed medical providers are sexy women. Good afternoon sexy That's what I say to her my doctor every time I see her I say good afternoon Sexy hey, and they took my health insurance away You got can't you got canceled out of I got canceled out of health insurance for saying hello nurse Bugs bunny style

We're doing a bug bunny style bit to mine To the moment at city md. I don't know they could take the health insurance from you Damn, you got canceled for anything and it's so funny that just the fervor and I have to I look at twitter Sometimes and it's like this has to be 95% Just bots There's no way that like I I refuse to believe that that many like americans are like We should get this guy all of his bank accounts closed and his wife should leave just people that just so viciously want to see Somebody's life ruined over like a video of them drunkenly

Like cutting in line at mcdonald's at 3 a.m And then getting into like a fight where they already humiliate themselves Yeah, and then yeah just it just happening to say the last ching of chonglin. Yeah, right I just can't believe Joel would do that There's like are people really that vicious is just waiting for an opportunity. It's like it's like what they What everyone who hates police it's like the same It's what you think a police officer is the guy that's just just begging to use his gun You know, I mean, I guess I guess yeah the answer is yes. Yeah, most of the time everybody is just a cop

Yeah, not me though. Not me. Not me. I'm a victim of brutality Are you that's that's blue chew that net a brutality? Yeah, that's what every time after you bust inside of a girl Uh after after taking a blue blue chew you You say brutality It's actually blue chew is like a cop. It was originally it's it's it was a blue lives Oh, yeah, that makes sense. Yeah, it was a bunch of cops who retired and then started their own boner pill company So to our guys over in the fourth precinct respecting cops is the gayest

Type of a subculture though. Yeah, I agree. Yeah, you know troops is fine If you want to support the military, that's fine, but the guys that are like just you know the cop Cop family be back the cops. I really love cocky Yeah, that's fucking uh That's weak Yeah, it is funny. Yeah to be that kind of guy. Yeah, but you're just doing it to Be contrarian. Are you I think so it's because it's just like well Black lives don't matter. It's it's actually cops literally never cops literally never

They never held actually they never do it. You never like the big And you know that because all of their like pr after like, you know, people really hate the cops is like Well, meet the one cop that's doing the fucking the nae nae with a four-year-old black kid Crossing up a kid Like well, okay, his gun is Maybe he should be at his job solving a crime. Yeah, maybe you could do that Clues at least be a crossing guard. Yeah, why aren't they all just crossing guards crossing guards are great Are those cops though? That's what I like about those are like old New York

racially segregates the good cops and the bad cops Oh, I mean, it's not that they're like good cops, but like actually, you know Like the Bangladesh you guys with the clothes that don't fit Those guys are all parking out like parking enforcement or crossing guards or whatever It's like a difference a whole different type of cop Yeah, and then they have their dickheads in their own right, but they're not evil They are dickheads when you're right there about to move your car. They're too late. They're tax men. They're random tax men Yeah, New York has all of these randomly assigned taxes that everybody has to pay through parking tickets or you know

Fucking during cove it they stopped doing alternate side parking. It was a bonanza It was really the coolest six months of living in the city. Yeah, you park anywhere. Yeah Yeah, it was like you're a diplomat or something bonanza and pajamas bonanza and pajamas. How about that? Yeah That's what they should call blue shoes bananas and pajamas So they made it after blues clues. It should be named after bananas and pajamas Now we're talking Adam's got Adam has to do something on his phone. I'm no, I'm looking up a headline that we need to discuss What headline? Oh, it looks like um Charismatic billionaire Elon Musk is buying uh

Twitter.com. Honestly, that would be good because it's like to feel like, you know, you got all these like These people that were like if he just went on there and just started banning Fucking or if you just ruin if twitter needs to be shut down twitter should just be shut down He should spend 50 billion dollars and end it Yeah, you know, I mean, I honestly yes, that's what he should do that would rule. Yeah I mean you should shadow ban literally everyone so that nobody realizes your tweets are just like they're getting randomly deleted or fucking Yeah, people there's certain people would absolutely lose their minds if that happened Yeah, certain socialists certain

certain socialismo Comedia tanzo Yeah, I mean that's such a oh god people People make it into such a big deal. You know, it's just it does not matter. What twitter. Yeah Yeah, it really doesn't I mean once you get off like social media, it's like Oh, yeah, there's this there's a real life underneath all of this that I've just Been blind to that. I had access to the whole time that I lived for the majority of my life. Mm-hmm That like I like willingly imprisoned myself. Yeah, you go to the movies. You see whatever piece of shit they made

Yeah, you know, you know, and then it doesn't affect your life at all And it means nothing. You don't have to get mad about it Right, you can just go see a bad movie. Yeah, that's what's in the theater You go to mcdonald's with your friends. You go to mcdonald's afterwards. Maybe smoke some weed in the park, you know Yeah, play checkers. But then where do I where where I put my memes? Where were my memes go? No, it doesn't matter dude. What about my me? What about my matter? What about my what about my video that I made where I put uh I made I put my head on the the bitch from fried green tomatoes

You know I'm saying where do I put that from a lady little green footballs. Yeah Well, who's in that movie? I don't know. Was it about the south probably fried green tomatoes taste really good I like them Stella Marcus. I think is the woman's name. Is that her name Stella Marcus? Oh, yeah, she's a good lady Yeah, Janice Subalba I think is the actress's name I think her name was Janice Subalba Yeah, I believe that was it. Hmm. It's nice. Could you get to a certain point where joke writing is just Just turning your brain off. That's how bad comedy has been

Then you can just be like, uh, what's this guy's name Hank? DeLonzo What's this Hank? Yeah, I think this guy's name is domino's pizza. That's good Like you think is bad, but it'd be really good. That is good. That is pretty good. Hey, Raleigh Mid-May, I think sometime. Yeah, go see Nick Mid-May or June or something Buy my shirts. You're doing that thing that we got emailed about, huh? What thing?

Yeah, the move. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not doing it. Why are you doing it? I don't want to do it. Come on. Be fine I don't know. It's just one day. Yeah, exactly. Um, but I'll be busy actually. I have to go to a funeral How do you know the person's going to be dead in three weeks time? Um, who stopped? No, the funeral mode. It stops funeral stops. I'm missing stops. You know, so I can say one line in a movie. Wow shameful. It's pretty fucked up with me. Um, well, It's a gemel. Thanks for joining us. That is an hour, which is all you were promised and all you should expect Out of the come town. Shout out to subolba. Uh,

To be quite honest with you this weekend's episode a lot of fun. We had a lot of fun, Nick Nick Roshford's on the show. You can go to I almost called him Nick Chandra Lay. Nick Chandra Lee. I just thought, yeah. The Chandra Levy. I always thought that would be a good name for a plantation. Like a, like a Southern like welcome To Chandra Levy. That's pretty good. And it's just slaves everywhere. It's kind of, you know, like

Like a Django sort of vibe. Uh-huh. They're really well gentlemen. Welcome to Chandra Levy. Oh, that's pretty good. Yeah. And it's a plantation. All right. Well, thanks for joining us. Jamel, you got anything you want to unplug? Uh, yeah, I got all the shit. It's broccoli house on instagram. Uh, air buds. I got a little basketball show. It's called air buds and I got a football show too. Go. Sorry. We love football. Yeah. No, we're saying if you don't know the premium episodes, patreon.com slash come town. There's snow

Probably close to 300 episodes on there. And for whatever reason, you're one of like these people that are like, I just started listening to the show. Yeah. That I really don't understand. I think it keeps, you know, going up. So, but I assume that new people are getting into it all the time. Back in the day, when we were young men, this was, uh, you know, it was like more fun to do passion. Yeah. You know, we'd like, we'd had characters and things you want to talk about. Yeah. That's like, now we just have a family is to feed. Now I just want to go to bridge. I just want to, I'm in Belgium. Yeah. I thought, I thought by now I'd be, I thought at this point in my life, I'd be living in the fucking Eiffel Tower making cheese with an orphan boy. You know, a couple more years of Dominican Garfield and you go and get there dog. Just what's the Dominican Garfield? Oh, I think you go a little something like this.

I'd be like, I, you know, right? Yeah. I am on this. I am on this. I fucking hate. Hey, I don't know anything. It's Monday. I don't know. I don't know something. Yeah. Dominican Garfield. Pretty good. Thanks to Jamel for that one and have a good night.