The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. 310 – Hello speaking

Episode Date: May 4, 2022

Yes this is she

Okay How'd you do that do what a cool rap noise. Oh, I think the mic rubbed against my jeans. Oh Sick, dude. Wow, you're scratching Wow, that's real hip-hop Pretty cool shit, that's why that's what I get one. We're in my are we recording. Yeah. Oh shit Guys, we have a special. Well, you'll you can hear about it on the premium episode of patreon.com slash Comtown Well, that's not out yet. I know it's coming out next. But if you're listening to this, you want to find out what? The way this we always record the premiums first because we want to get we want to make sure that we

You know the episode with energy because a lot of people are like man This show's gotten really bad But if you go on patreon.com slash come it's about as good as it was maybe a year ago or no I think it's about the golden era. I think golden age. Well, whatever you personally define the golden era as Check out patreon.com slash come town. If you haven't there's three years Or sorry, six years worth of premium episodes Jesus Christ Yeah, I'm third. I'm we're in our 30s. I just turned 35

It's fucked up Fuck Anyways, you can go back and listen to the there's whatever dude the Jusson Sarah And you know, we're we're young men. We got our hold our whole dicks ahead of us and You know three years check it out a lot of episodes on there. That's good I also want to plug a guy will be in Raleigh Coming up if you go to either Twitter Slash NYC Guido voice. Uh-huh. I think I'm pretty sure

There's a young lady that manages all that for me now. So I don't even oh you get a woman of color to do it for you Yeah, I just I figured I create a job. I got a woman of color managing. That's great on my social media So I really don't have to do anything all day except read free books on the Kindle. Uh-huh That's great. Yeah, which you know, people could say you've changed, you know, you're old now Yeah, yes, you're 100% correct. Yeah, you're supposed to change. You're supposed to change You're supposed to mature. What the fuck do you want me out here? I like I was a 26 skateboarding just fucking hanging out in Bushwick skateboarding just like getting massive amounts of pussy We all remember me a cool skater guy. Oh my god

Really cool games Nick social butterfly just going to parties every night, you know You just have so many friends. I had I was like just such a cool guy. You're really a man about time dude It's really it's like cuz I feel like that's the other thing to everybody can we call stuff? Yeah, we will Jesus Christ Sorry, I cut you off We're trying, you know All right, yeah, I'll just call stuff. No, no, no, you're right. You I didn't mean to cut you off You are I didn't mean to cut you off, dude. I don't want to kneel young situation right now. No, no, no, I respect you We will do you're my favorite comedian and my best friend. We will absolutely do it your way

We got a call stop because he's got coronavirus we explain that on the premium episode yeah But he can't come in He's got a quarantine because he is sick with Karuna. He sounds like shit Hello, my dick is hard. Yo, sorry, it's a little bit late. We started the episode and I was like going on like I was like Literally right in the middle of a good riff. No, come on, dude and Adam's like wait Wait, can we call stuff? Well, cuz I you know, I wanted the three of us How fucking dare you you just you just honestly you just committed the two cardinal sins against me and Nick Nick interrupting his rift me making me do this podcast more than I'm right exactly

And the only reason I was riffing the literally the only reason is like, you know, I'd be nice to stop But I can eat up the how delighted he'd be to hear that four minutes are gone You know what I can't you know what I can't wait to do guys literally right in the middle of it Wait a minute. I said, can we call stuff? I wanted him to hear this great shit Wait, you know, I don't need to hear it. I can say you can catch me up later In fact, Adam, when are you gonna learn? He does the riff without me then we spend another five minutes Yeah, he can do the riff again. He could do the riff again, and then we get double the fucking mileage out of it It's been five what is it six years, what are you?

We've been on this we've been on this podcast for 15 years. Do you want to talk about your project? You're starting once this ends shut the fuck up. No, I'm just a minute because I'm not gonna shit on it But it would be funny to riff out how that would go So you're gonna shit on no, we're not gonna shit on I mean, what do you mean shut up dude? You have a thing you want a project of turning his penis into a pussy. No, okay? All right, he's gonna talk about if you want to talk about the project. It's you guys He's got a quote-unquote project. He's working on. Okay. If you big project is another pod catch That's not shooting his own matron and just doing this and I say what it okay

Can I say what it is without you making fun of it? Yeah, okay? Oh, we shouldn't do this that honestly. I'm trying to protect you Adam. Don't do it. Okay, please don't reveal No, no, no, okay. Just give me a chance. Let me elevate it. Okay. You guys are executives at Netflix I'm gonna give you my pitch. Okay. Yeah After this podcast is over My goal is to bridge the divide between the Israelis and Palestinians through humor You know what I changed my mind that's a beautiful plan I'm gonna do a show in the Janine refugee camp. Are you saying are you gonna put?

Are you gonna put clown wigs and clown noses on hella fight or helicopters as you're as you're shelling? You're not gonna be on the podcast You're producing it you're like booking people you're not actually gonna be on this this podcast It's supposed to bring people together. No, Nick What I'm gonna do is I'm gonna bomb so hard on both sides of the fence that it's gonna bring them together They're gonna hate you so much that they're gonna forget their differences I don't understand why I wouldn't go exactly how you'd expect is That the Israeli army would just use your podcast to blast into Gaza to torture people

Yeah, yeah instead of death leopard over and over again Yeah, and some guys like please I just want to see my kids. Yeah, it's a movie called zero original jokes It starts off with What's his name Jason Clark who? They actor in the beginning of zero dr. I don't remember. I haven't seen that movie That movie just like the cold open is a guy just fucking like waterboarding somebody. I I only saw it once but my one of my number ones is in that movie Jessica What do you mean when you know, but you got a really fucking stop

You really try and retcon your whole fucking life Pretend you've always liked girls that look like Jessica, you know, it's crazy. It's like we this was this was just this is Exactly where the riff was going before he Can we call stop? This is miss up his coronavirus. I want to hang out middle-aged guys middle-aged guys retconning themselves Those are we talking about you get them you like you just live your whole life as a fucking loser and then you get You get too old been a loser you get to old be cool, and you're like damn. I was cool. I was I was cool dude shut the fuck up Nick during COVID you got into manga and anime

at 35 Yeah, that should would be cool. I wish I could I wish I had the attention span I wish I had the intellectual capacity to understand attack on Titan Now that one's kind of fucking born the same my roommate show me that you're a kept the same shit kept happening They use my problem with anime. There's 800 fucking episodes that all could be chopped down make it four seasons But instead it's like eight fucking it's like 14 seasons. It's all fucking 60 episodes This girl made this girl made me watch this girl made me watch it She was like she was like if if you don't if you don't like this then like there's like they're like this shit ain't happen

That's a deal breaker. Whoa, she made me watch it and she's like if we watch this first episode And you don't like if you're not like mine does not blown and then we watch it and it's about like okay There's this gay ass little village And they're cut off from the world because they're surrounded by giants and a little boy wants to be a soldier And then the Giants breach the wall and kill this whole family, you know, and it's like if that is not The most like boring Listen, I'll here's the thing she's generic. It's generic, but generic down for that I'm down for a nice listen. We talked about this. Actually, we will talk about this on Sunday's episode

I Like it. I love revenge revenge is one of my favorite fucking John. Yeah, that's fine Yeah, let him become but you're right It is like the the go-to and it you know plot point of every one of those Fuckin like, you know, it's like bay it's Star Wars. It's you know, whatever the fuck you want to say. That's every show Yeah, it's just there's no real emotional depth to that. I mean, it's like it's oh your mom got killed by Giants and now you got I'm sure the Giants mean something Right, right, right. There must be some metaphor or whatever but at the surface love

You don't you don't respect me enough as a viewer of your shit to not like Serve me some like, you know sentimental garbage You know, and here's the other thing I watched a bunch of that show It just takes too long like it's like one whole season before they fight a fucking giant And you don't and they're trained and the Giants are fucking a year like nude and you don't see their penis You don't see their pussy. You don't see the penis. You don't want to fuck the Giants are not like sexy big giant Tests is they're like they got weird fucked up like smiles. The only anime. I ever liked was the cool devices series What's that? What's that? They're different like it says it's a I think they're unrelated

But each one like there's like the only overlapping theme is that a woman is raped by you know Like a like some kind of like monster a blender. Yeah Yeah, or like those are the cool device technical Yeah, like a tentacle raping sort of a printer rapes her yeah Right a lamp rapes. It's like all that devices that it's like obviously. Okay, that takes that takes the revenge thing to a much further Love when you can't relate to being raped by a toaster. That's also an octopus Yeah

I'd like to watch that and try not to come you know, right? Of course. I wouldn't last 30 seconds There we go. See the OG's we've talked about cool devices. Yeah, cool devices is a series of hentai pornographic videos released as as OVA The series consists of 11 mainly unrelated episodes referred to as operations and as most noted for its very extreme sexual content Most of which centers on BDSM and similar fetish themes. Wow as well of its high production values My I told you guys a story about how my mom because we love Dragon Ball Z obviously and my mom Wanted to be cool and bought my brother like rented from the library because that's where we got all our fucking

This is a this is a poor life hack. Everyone knows about this I would hope where you can get free Movies from the library public library. You don't have to go to blockbuster. Anyway, my mom would always get us movies and shit And she picked up my brother What she thought like we watched Dragon Ball Z and then we also watched that I don't know if you guys know Ronan Warriors that one was sick and then she just got him just it looked like you know some just Looked like anime or whatever and it was straight up fucking. I don't even know why they had it in the library It was straight up and my brother's like like in nine years

Yes, dude and my brother's like nine or ten and he thought he was just gonna watch like, you know Some cool fucking, you know guy with superpowers or what and it's literally like a guy I fucking like it's it's not quite Beautiful machines or whatever the fuck yours is but it's it's it was like a guy fucking some like young and it's always like It's almost always child porn. Yes. Yeah, this is this is this is the sample cool devices episode This is the kind of anime I'm into operation eight slave warrior Maya one The first of a two-episode story arc and based on from a manga series of the same name This is what has a literary underpinning this episode begins the story of Maya Miss

Utani an average Japanese college student who has transported to an alternate dimension and Invertingly fulfills a prophecy Maya has transported to another world where she meets two lizard-like creatures who use trickery to convince her to take off all of her clothes Cool devices operation eight slave warrior Maya, okay, I'm just gonna do a little research myself She said she's dead lizards trick her into taking off her clothes and she's sold into slavery to lord S. S to Lagar and is used in experiments to turn her into a sex slave She escapes and evades recapture by using a hidden power within herself to slaughter her opponents This display of power gets the attention of two warring human and alien factions Mario's my is recaptured subjected to more sexual experiments

And then she's transformed into a hermaphrodite No, they give her a cock. She's trained in her hermaphrodite and then she's transferred transferred into a dominate or she's transferred to a Dominatrix who has given instructions to break her will and turn her into a sex slave keep in mind She's been now three different iterations of sex slaves, dude. I'm looking. I'm watching this actually on On Hulu H-A-H-A I'm sorry H-A-H-O Netflix they're like stock price dropped like 60% overnight

What if they're like we're get we're getting a password sharing and also we're putting the cool devices series on the main She's getting her fucking pussy popped by some guy with the iron hands right now Yeah, in captivity, Miami it's another slave Lena who is not used for sex and then in parentheses until the end of the episode Nice I'm honestly this bitch is kind of good. She's kind of hot Honestly, I'm looking I'm watching this a robot's got pussy juice all over his head I love this. Yeah, so it's a robot that's finger-popping or checking her out. Yeah, and she's being raped and she's so wet She's like stop They escape but they're quickly caught Lena is punished through sexual intercourse

Meanwhile, the dominatrix implants a parasitic alien mass in the Maya's uterus through her mechanically stretched vagina to lower her inhibitions Enforces her to copulate with Lena Dude they got it they got her hooked up There's a there's a tube in her pussy and the little losers are like hey my bad We you we just saw that you were a nice piece of pussy pie and we know we could get a Nice they're just like our bad You were just gonna be expensive and now they're now they're tugging on the on the metal that's in her pussy right now They're just hanging out. They're not even sexually doing it. They're just like, oh, this is kind of nice. There's a nice machine

Are you trying not to come right now, so you know, I'm really not that aroused by this I also did beat off this morning. Maybe three hours ago as soon as I work I was very horny this morning. So I did jack off. I was a I had a very specific vivid Memory of two different girls. I fucked and I was like, you know what this is cool My brain has kind of made this a mash-up. I'm just gonna go. Oh, natural I'm just gonna beat off. Did you did you text them to ask their permission to jack off to that? No, but I was a little rapey vibes to me I'm about to I'm actually listen, I'll be texting them as soon as fucking COVID Mike. I get a negative test

I forgot, you know, I just remembered I forgot to fucking add cool devices to my letter My letterbox They have porn on letterbox now cool devices Dude, they really are just what I can't how is everybody gonna know that I watched a movie Dude, what is going on here? Everybody's gonna think I didn't like that. I'm not like a cool guy who's seen mad movies if I can't I gotta be on it Yeah, if I can't have cool devices

Yeah, they're not gonna know you're a cinephile. Yeah, then do this bitch straight up has a sword She's slicing these fuckers up, dude Honestly, she hasn't she got a finger popped by the robot to check her pussy out, but I haven't seen her get fucked fully yet So I'm just kind of going through this kind of I know it's in a mecha suit. I Know it's a cartoon, but I don't like hearing about women being mistreated like this. Oh Oh, she's back. They got the they got the thing in her pussy again Dude, Japan is awesome. When was this made probably like 1996 No, they got they got things tied up to her fucking tits now to think she's got the whole thing going

Oh, oh, yeah, I see the car her pussy Her clit is growing into a cock Yeah, oh Dude, she's got the power. She's got huge tits They're making her tits bigger and they're making her clit kind of honestly not that big of a dick honestly It's kind of like a regular size cock. You know, it's it's I'm reading. I'm reading. Oh, never mind I spoke too soon. The cock is turning huge. I'm sure it's coming now. I'm sure you know what it didn't turn huge It's just busted

I'm re I'm reading a Japanese person's description of this and it's much better Maya is like a combination between She-Ra and Prince Adam where she starts out as a plain and simple young woman Who might still be in her late school years and just in time ready for graduate? She eventually becomes the most powerful woman in the universe another She's Hillary Clinton right another pun LMAO Which I don't know maybe a Tom Meyer style pun there Yeah, when she finds that mysterious sword she pulled out after getting herself sucked in by a magical portal inside the bad guys castle Beats me why the heck it would be locked inside

Awaiting for the hero while she was held prisoner there. This is one of those scenes that will continue to confuse us for years to come Since we won't know anyways Here are some of the screenshots of Maya's cool Transformation does her look scream She-Ra or he man or all of our fans out here. Oh Now they got a they got her cocking like a little I'm on episode. This is a two-parter They have her cocking like a little plastic or a little glass device. I think she's shielding it Interesting and they turned her nipples an even brighter shade of pink. Oh Mm-hmm. Oh, okay now a woman is fucking her. Maybe that's why they gave her a cock. You're crazy woman. This shit was banned in Canada

This is what drove Jordan Peterson in city She's like I've been waiting for years for the eighth installment What happens to my is pussy and cool devices This is my understanding of the yin-yang symbol This is now this is the third way is to be Guys you're gonna want to go to patreon back. Oh, we're pussy or cock disappears patreon.com Slash come down to understand the context of that riff. Yeah. Yeah for now She's eating now though. There's an evil red-haired lady eating Maya's pussy. Yeah, she seems to really be enjoying it

Mm-hmm. Oh now we're good. So I don't get what's going on I think they're there they kind of share a cock or they kind of one can take the cock off the other one It's kind of like an it's kind of like or maybe when she's in distress Her cock appears because right now she's now she's just getting finger popped and getting her pussy It's crazy. No cock. This is just wait. This is just Japanese schizophrenia Yeah This is what the like a sexless Japanese guy and you develop schizophrenia. This is I'll never forget when we went into that I just saw a story that said

Oh Her clit is turning into a cock. This is awesome while she's getting her clit So basically the evil lady is pulling a cock out of her click Wow, very interesting stuff. I'm sorry to interrupt. I just want to oh, that's right I'll just say when we know interruption happens. Sometimes it's not bad, you know Well, you know, if there's a reason if you know if you're watching something if it's time It's not the end of the world. Yeah, it's also to if like Oh, do it once in a blue moon and it's not every single day constantly

Okay, now now just getting jacked off This is the best show I've ever seen in my life I wish girls were like that in real life, huh? I know I wish girls had awesome tits and big juicy cocks It sounds like the perfect woman Oh best of both worlds complete anime DVD cool devices one two eleven On Amazon you love box. That's a hundred and ninety-nine dollars 199 that's a In these in this economy you find you take away factor for inflation. This would have been 20 bucks last year

So this is this is one folks. This is Mullins deal of the century Mm-hmm. So check it out. You're one up for you're gonna want to make sure you first subscribe to patreon comm slash come town Sign up for that and then with your leftover two hundred dollars go to Amazon and pick up the complete anime DVD cool devices Operations one through exactly and if you have any money left consider purchasing a gun and Doing a political assassination of just Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito. That's something to consider We're not saying do it, but that would be bad about it. Oh, right What happened consider doing that? Oh, we talked about it Sunday. This is the problem with us Recording out of order, but you know the Supreme Court. Yeah, we didn't happen. Hold on. I'm gonna I'm gonna challenge that we didn't actually talk about it

No, we went deep briefly mentioned it. So now dude, we did it. We did a full legal Because Adam as we all know was a man. I'm an anti-abortion. Well, I'm saying we could also do that now Right, that's true. Yeah. No. Yeah, so the fucking Supreme Court did some shit and now you can't get abortions and you know Or maybe you gotta know who's a supreme the supreme cunt the supreme cunt the supreme serving cunt Which I love as a phrase by the way serving cunt I didn't get into that last one you mentioned you mentioned serving cunt Yeah on Sunday's episode Adam. Mm-hmm. Yeah, and I gotta say that's one of my favorite phrases. Oh, yeah It's so yeah, I Believe what it means is that a trans woman is so feminine that she passes as having

Right. They also say that's fish But it's been it's been co-opted to just now you just look good if you serve cunt Yeah, now now it's me and the rest of the Karens took it So you like Adam, for example, if you were wearing like, you know, beige like chinos and like I Don't know like some kind of oversized Japanese raincoat and And loafers that an old man should wear You and your friend you and your friends would be like Adam you're serving cunt right now. That's an example

But anyway, yeah, go ahead Did you have some thoughts you wanted to say about the matter? You know, it's fun. I'm looking at this now Kumiko Nishihara played Slave girl Maya slave order by And to be like She's a Japanese voice actress. So this bitch is like in Japan. You're like, you're like, hey, I'm you're like Garfield You know, right like your Barney Your party and then you're going and then you take your lunch break and then you're heading back to the office to record six hours of you being raped By a mecca

Like okay, I take a tool. Okay Very good, take a tree Now we want to hear what it sounds like when your clit is turning into a big juicy cock More a gushy cool more a gushy Yeah, this you have to also put her pussy up to the microphone and make the gushy sound No, she has to make it real Or do you think there's separate pussy Pussy voice actresses. No, they're like pussy. No, they're like Foley artists. They're like guys that are like

Yeah, they're like putting their like fingers and mayonnaise Yeah, they're going to make it sound like gushy pussy They're making mac and cheese. Yeah, they're finding wet leaves the Halloween like, you know, this was his guts Oh, yeah, these are his eyes. They're yep. They're they're peeling grapes And stepping on them that will probably sound like gushy pussy slave warrior Maya Dude, this is so funny This bitch, she's just like it's the premiere of the Simpsons movie Watching

Yeah, bio net worth age dating wiki who's she dating that voice actress lady I'm gonna move you know, you know a woman voices Goku in Japan What? That like I guess it's virtuous to have a high-ass pitched voice So heroes often sound like bitches And evil guys have cool sinister deep voices Dan, that's the opposite word is here with a Hero's supposed to have a deep voice and these villains a homo

homosexual, yeah We're going to steal the magic Yeah, James and Domi has a great bit about how every Disney villain is gay. Yeah, I mean, it's it's true Every villain of all time is gay I That's true. Yeah, the emperor um fag Which emperor and the Star Wars? True Palpatine Yoda's a fag Palpatine seems like he could rape children though of all kinds

That's a type of gay Some some so somebody's on supporting the don't say gay bill or whatever it is. Mm-hmm I you know, I'll support the don't call me gay bill I'm more of a libertarian You can say whatever you want, but if you call me gay you're going to jail pal That is libertarian action, it's very libertarian of you you call me gay guess what I'm gonna stand my ground You're doing hard time. Yeah, you call me gay or you make me tell you how old my girlfriend is You're gonna have a problem pal. I think we should give teachers the right to shoot any student that talks about LGBTQ stuff in school

The teacher should be is that your is a compromise is that your compromise? Yeah, I think teachers should be armed and if a student brings out the teachers aren't allowed to teach that stuff But if a student brings it up then she's allowed to in defense of the other children to shoot them Yes, you know very if you want it at privately at home You want to groom your children to be lgbtq? I'm gonna do a cool bit now where I'm like how many letters they what's the next lgb? lgb tmo lgb bacon lettuce to me How many letters do these fucking homos in the alamnop? I remember it was just HOMO. That's right Those are the only fucking letters that and they you know fucking if you want to do that in the privacy of your home

I guess what I also have a problem with that, but right when I'm complaining about the schools I'm gonna pretend. It's just the schools. I got a problem If you want to be gay in the privacy of your home go for it until we've made right now for right now this log It's until this one's done and then and then guess who's coming to knock it Guess who's about to stand their ground in your house I'm gonna fucking knock on the door walk in and if you ask me to leave Blam a libertarian style. Yeah, or whatever Politics now is just killing people you don't like I think that's you want the people you don't like should go to jail

Mm-hmm, or you should be assassinated. There should be a session to be killed You shouldn't they shouldn't have a job or any way to they shouldn't have health care and the people you do like well They better be fucking stay on their P's and Q's They better be on their lgb P's and Q's Oh, I think I think we have to talk about a fun product. I think you got to suck my dick. What do you tell what come on? I'm not in the room right now, so I can't really gauge it, but I do think Nick's right Adam Yeah, we're talking about the Ridge wallet and no stop. I didn't say the fridge wall But that would be pretty cool imagine that a wallet with little spaces for

Yeah, you can have a little fucking diet coke in there Yeah, it opens up a little yeah, it's got the little door. There's a light, you know your money Your money is stored kind of laterally on shelves. It's cold the money's cold too. Yeah, actually, you know what? I would I would walk around with that if Ridge wallet made a miniature fridge Then you could open up a little door and there's little tiny sodas and like little lunchables in there In fact, if they made an entire Victorian dollhouse filled with you know stuff and you you know, I would buy that wallet Absolutely, I would buy it as well a Victorian dollhouse filled with miniatures Adam is I'm on the website for No, you're not

We know you're not Unbeknownst to the galaxy Palpatine spirit lives on He secretly masterminds the first order. I went to I the instinctually went to his Wikipedia page to see if it says that he's gay Uh-huh. Oh, I let I let Slave warrior Maya keep going and now it looks like she's sucky I can't tell I think she's sucking her own and she can't stop the taste is so delicious to her And she's addicted to it. So maybe they gave her a dick To train her to suck other top

Yeah, just just the theory anyway go on I didn't see I really feel I can't I could ruin people because imagine you're Jacking off to this all the time and you've never had sex at all. Yeah, a regular pussy could never do it for you Yeah, you can't turn in your watch. You're just gonna fuck This is happening. Yeah You're like, where's the where's the machine? Yeah, where's the cool device that takes me to another dimension and gets me like drunk off pussy juice and rips my skin off Right. I will say From what I can tell there's not that many machines. I think it's a little bit of a misleading

No title Or a device. He's not that many devices. That's fucked up That's neither here nor there. What's what is it? You know, it's a really great device the ridge wall Wallet and there's a tire line of products which includes everyday carry products as well Which sounds like a gun, but it's not they have key cases pens knives phone cases They have travel bags commuter packs packable bags weekenders duffels Let's not get into the argument again about the backpack stop These are forgotten about it until you brought it up. These are slim expandable low profile. This is what the

The modern gentleman uses not a big fat wallet like your grandfather with a pocket Constitution in it. This is minimalist design. I love it. You can get a ridge wallet in various different formats aluminum titanium carbon fiber premium There's a gold one. I believe Right. Wow. We're gonna just feature it on here. That's so for a hundred and fifty dollars They have the Victorian dollhouse basement floor not on ridge wallet, but no This is on Ridge Walls website enhance your child's Victorian dollhouse with the basement floor extension

Stairs connect the basement floor to the entrance on the first floor Children or adults can continue their imaginative play with additional space for dolls furniture and stuff friends And you want to check that out of Ridge wallet calm. I had no idea they were doing so much Yeah, no, it's why it's mainly wallets men's apparel stuff and then Yeah, it's all house Victorian Victorian dollhouse for boys. Yeah, of course. It's not it's not. Yeah It's not just for girls for boys. I'm gonna move to the Bay Area and start a startup where it's a Victorian dollhouse for boys company, but the every piece everything in the dollhouse has a canonical address So every door every dollhouse in the world

You can know what other dollhouses and I produced nothing, but I get Hundreds of millions of dollars VC startup in the investor money Yeah, and then I and then I just take the money and leave That's a great idea. And then and that's That's that's how I understood. That's what I think hard work means in America That's my understanding of being a hard worker that respects the cultures and Values and doesn't ask for my student loan repayment You know, I took I should have read the contract

You know exactly that's on me and now it's on me to work hard and pay that money off and I can need to do that by Participating in this giant Ponzi scheme With my high-tech dollhouse for boys plan and you know what average wall at Ridge wall dot com And I think that's a fucking beautiful. Here's the thing guys go for it. You go to Ridge wall dot com You read that they have over 50,000 five-star reviews on their website. You read each and every one of those make sure that you're ready to go by an RFID blocking front pocket wallet That's right. Once you've come to a conclusion as a responsible logical consumer

You check out You put in promo code is the promo code Yeah, either come down or come down you put in promo code either come down or come down 20 at checkout You can suck me down at Ridge wallet dot penis suck Nick down at Ridge wall Go online and suck me down at the website This is the number one rated wallet in the world That's so fucking true. It's Victoria's secrets supposed to be Queen Victoria. I Think it's a bitch named Victor. I don't think was a queen which one was one of them. I never got cock in her life

Oh, is that Elizabeth the original Elizabeth? Yeah, that was the original I don't know Queen Victoria definitely had you know Queen Victoria is an ugly bitch, dude I'm on her Wikipedia right now. Yeah, she looked like shit Well, they all look they all look so she was cousins with this bitch looks horrific She's cousins with Zara Nicholas and King Leopold Although all the Royals around that time were cousins with each other. Yeah, so that's why Queen Queen Victoria looks like This bitch looks like the penguin. She looks like King George She looks like Danny DeVito

With a sharper nose this bitch has a sharp nose. Yeah. Oh, dude. Ew. Oh My god, these motherfuckers thought they were better than everyone. That's so funny dude being a king is hysterical They were better do that palaces. I Know, you know, they look like shit if you were a queen You should have be able to fucking we have big titties these fucking sexy shit or you know Whatever know how to do affairs of the state. Yeah, well, it's gotta be one or the other if we had a queen I don't think did either one if we had a queen. Oh, maybe she did stop You ever see George five and Nicholas the second. I'm sure you've seen that

I don't think I have look at King George five then look at the sorry Nicholas the second Okay, I'm looking at George the fifth. Is that the guy who quit before? Oh my god. It looks fucking exactly like Yeah, they're the same guy All of these motherfuckers. They're all like they're all like brothers and sisters with each other. Yeah, they're German And they just got they all just got fucking little kingdoms. Well, yeah Well, that's the the age of empires ended because all of these these motherfuckers made like millions of people die to settle They're like penny familial disputes. Damn. I want to play AJ empires Dude, it's good. I downloaded it. You've been playing dude. COVID has turned me into like I've never been a computer guy

Right, we all know that I would we didn't have the internet since I was a fuck Like we got into my house when I was like 13 or 12 or it was fucking dial up, right? So I wasn't really not on the internet heavy At any point in my life, but because I had COVID and somehow George my roommate didn't I've been staying either in the office or in my room. I don't go to the common areas So I've been doing a lot of like hanging out at the computer Bro, I downloaded AJ empires. I was getting highest fuck. I was watching movies on the computer I was just having lunches here. It was like I get

I totally understand and one thing you fat internet loser lifestyle You want to do on the computer? Is go to ridgewall.com and I was on ridgewall.com for hours on end looking at all the wonderful products and thinking wow Once I cast negative for COVID and I have places to be and money and credit cards to hold I'm putting my shit in a fucking awesome fucking carbon fiber ass ridge wallet Or something I'm getting a speckled. I'm getting forged ember an aluminum infused carbon finish That's what I'm getting. I'm getting the real tree camo one You can't pull that off. Yes, I can do

You don't have camo and I have like a gummo kind of vibe. No, you don't you're a fucking no, you're a piece of shit No, you're No, actually you're you actually have hummo and hummo on like a hum job You hum on my nuts. Yeah, which I never understood why they called giving head a hummer Um, because it's the cool like the coolest car That's not but they get getting your dick sucked existed way before the hummer did I make I make by thousands of years. I make girls home when I'm getting sucked No, you don't yeah, I make them hum the the israeli national anthem

Okay, so go to ridgewall.com promo code come down or something or maybe there's no promo code Didn't you buy did you say you bought a prostitute on birthright? No a russian prostitute. He did. He did. He did That's so fun. Yes. I didn't go on birthright Go to birthright and he literally did bro. I didn't go on birthright probably the most fascist thing You can do is go on birthright. Jesus christ. Nick. You're a piece of shit I'm here to support you but you did go on birthright and if it wasn't technically birthright It was something that was basically the same thing. I went to a strip club in tel Aviv Didn't you go? Didn't you have to take like little classes about how pure and perfect israeli was or something?

No, I mean we we had a listen. We all wore similar uniforms to the nazi youth and we did marches every morning But it's not the same thing. We all wore khaki short shorts And khaki shirts and did did goose stepping or whatever it's good. Anyways going on birthright It's gotta be one of the fascist things you can do Yeah, absolutely do that. Oh my god, bro. Do that and then be like, ah, this isn't enough I gotta buy a sex slave also. I didn't do that. I said I've talked about this on the show before I went to a strip club in tel Aviv when I was 18 years old

Why were you in israel adam? To get pussy because regular girls weren't gonna fuck me. But why did you go to israel? Because I did a gap. You're in israel. I've talked about this at great length. You can make me defend being 18 No, but you're over here. Wow. I didn't have the right opinions when I was 18 years old. Hold on. So hold on That's not what we're gonna attack you all. I know. First of all, you want to excuse that But then in the same breath turn around and say that people are responsible for their student loans and they should have understood the contracts What? No, I didn't say that Nick, I had you didn't go to college. You went on a whole rant. I

I graduated. I graduated 70 thousand dollars in debt And you went on a whole rant about how you worked very hard on calm down to pay off And everyone should have to work even harder than you. Yeah, that's not true. That's not true Say that all the time anytime it comes up and we're all hanging out with our friends that have debt You say it's people. I didn't work this hard Being the third guy on a podcast listen to see other people get their fucking Loans for giving just like that. I Know we're on the golf course. I was there because one of the retarded children I take care of

Works there and I had to bring him to work as a caddy. You were there Yeah, you were there putting cigarettes out on one of the other retarded one of the other retarded Because he gave you the three iron instead of the yeah, but with your friends Eric Prince and uh Jared Kushner Jared Kushner. Yeah, thank you for reminding me of your friends Well, they're my friends and you said you you said I think this afternoon I shall get myself a palestinian sex slave And then after I'm going to put you some student loan debt And instead of forgiving it I'm going to pursue it with extreme prejudice I believe I will purchase some some black medical debt and pursue it with extreme prejudice

Listen I I believe this afternoon I shall enjoy myself The fine sweetness some of us. Uh, almost like a sweet summer berry Black medical Black The profits of black chemotherapy Listen, I've said this before and I'm not embarrassed to say it

I was I was heavily invested Oh, cove it I was heavily lightheaded Well, I'm glad you're feeling better. I was I was heavily invested As a as a as a bar mitzvah gift my grandfather gave me an incredibly I guess it amounts to one to two percent of the mobile home industry in this country And then because you did such a good job reading the Torah and then when Bernie ran

Again, it's Hillary. I realized that it wouldn't get me. I couldn't get pussy unless I sold it. So Right, right because you didn't want to be a landlord dude. Life is life is a highway man. You got it. You can't you Listen, I you can't be like don't flip flop. You know, you got to learn. You got to learn. You got to learn, man You got to fucking learn. Yes. Yes. I was a Zionist Hitler youth as a child Yes, and look, but what's important is that you guys go to ridgewall.com and also what's also important Is that you come on see me and my friends do stand-up comedy my dates coming up here for the end of this tour

Washington DC next week all shows are sold out, but we're trying to add maybe a thursday or sunday show Then i'm going to be in san diego. We just added another thursday all the shows are sold out um and then Philadelphia Uh, oh and then of course the the fucking Uh, fuck I have to add this to my calendar. I don't remember when it is But i'm at providence. I'm at the comedy connection because I couldn't go due to having corona virus So I will be there

Uh in providence all tickets. It was sold out All tickets is scheduled from this weekend. It's now it's going to be on uh, june 9th through the 12th And then i'm going to be in philadelphia june 16th through the 18th and much more importantly go to my youtube channel Stavros halkis stavi baby. Um, I will be releasing my special. It's very close. The editor is taking forever I want to fucking shoot this guy with a gun, but we're so close Uh, I think I don't want to give a date yet, but i'm pretty positive it will be the last One of the last two weekends in may cross your fingers subscribe to the youtube channel It's coming out on youtube. I just want people to see it

That's that those are my plugs fellas. Where are you going to be guys? I'm sure I believe you're in boston this weekend I'm in boston this weekend. I'm in raleigh in uh, may and then portland and then carillon's on broadway and then chicago I'll be in chicago. I think now i'm adding buffalo at the beginning of july then chicago then after that I'll be in indianapolis and then i love it phoenix. Yeah, so this is gonna be a busy summer I'll be all over the road dog the mold dog road dog And guys next I swear to god We've been having some supply chain issues, but next week I will be dropping

My uh, my my fashion line my merchandise second of all i'm announcing west coast dates in the next couple weeks and uh, also if you're in the new york city area We have funny moms every monday except for the first monday of the month that come on everybody at 8 p.m They've been great recently. Um, so come get sucked as stavros would say Go get your little dick sucked. Get your little dick sucked Yes, sir. What else? Uh, don't we have do we have another read or just one read for this one? There was there was just one for this one Just oh, that's a real shame because we really we would have been gliding to the end

Our sponsors have a well, but hold on that would you have to understand that just because there was one read He means we did it in 30 minutes Oh true true true so Truth be told we got 10 more minutes That's huge. That's really big Uh, anyways, that's awesome. Where were we so adam on the golf course? And he's He's wearing he's wearing this

The severed hands of african children his shoes as an issue. Yeah, he has them He has the rig of mortis so they're like claw shapes. So they make him He's standing at about 5 10 with these platform I was using them kind of as high heels. He's using them as high heels. He's wearing these Sort of african hand high heels One of them. I've never seen those shoes. Those sound evil and despicable. They are they're like so one of the first Hand is like a limp. This is not true. This is why behind that imagine a hand like setting up to shoot a pool cube Yes, yes, and they're they're sewn together to create sort of the sinister kind of gay

But gay in two different ways Then there's two the strap on the top is two hands doing like the shy emoji finger touching thing. Yes And that's how it claps He's wearing the severed it's four each shoe is four severed hands off african children With french manicure. You're saying this is in minecraft. This is this is parody. No, no, this is adam on Donald Trump's golf course. This is not true. They retarded adult that I take care of out of the goodness of my heart works Yeah, you're slave. You're slave. How's he my slave? He doesn't do anything. You don't pay him He's I don't know what does he do? I don't pay him to do what I try now

He fills your heart with laughter and love. No, I do that myself. No, you He gives you a lot of love if there's anything if there's anything you can say whatever you want to driver You can say what anything you want about me, but one thing that is 100 true that everyone will agree with I can say a lot about you filled with laughter and love I bring joy to the world Weekly on this show by right by weekly because we got it's a hard world out there and guys like me Are the reason that retards like that can get to their job at the trump golf course where you Yeah, prance around in your gay little slave hand shoes, right, right, right? Yes, sir

And and talk about buying up black medical debt for fun Because it reminds you of a summer boys and berry. Yeah dripping with the juices dripping down. You know, it's bad debt You know, you'll never collect on it But the idea of desperate black people owing you something and you having power of them just delights you to some I just do it. So I know I do it. So I feel more comfortable listening to hip-hop music Make sense name one name one hip-hop song. Um, the real Slim Shady Eminem Oh

Okay name another one. Um, I uh Eminem Shit pretty fly for a Jedi Come on, we say you have to all you had to do was name Eminem songs Or take it you know, do you don't even have to you don't even have you don't even have to like have a diversity in there Because you could have gone in a much funnier direction If that as it continues eventually you're just okay. Give me another fucking like Engelbert Humperdanker. Give me another Give me another chance. It's over man. No, it's too late It's too late time to time to recover by buying up more black medical debt. I will

Now guys, you know one thing that is and look I got to say I'm having a great time over the phone And I think uh, I think fans of the show will be horrified to figure out There's a new way that we've figured out to literally phone the episodes in and I'm having a great time I think the next thing is we we got to get two of us on the phone and one of us With the real one and then eventually all three of us. We're just recording. Yeah, uh phone call at some point Well, what we should do is what we should do is here's how this here's how the show ends Is you have no more free episodes you got to sign up for the patreon And then when you sign up for the patreon, all you get is a lottery ticket every week. If you're the winner

Then we will call you if you answer shows over If you don't answer, we'll leave a we'll leave a one hour voicemail Just for you and that's a special episode That's fucking and you can choose to upload that if you want. Yeah Yeah, no, you can't easily fucking dmca you yeah If you even dare dmca lbtq how many goddamn letters these folks got how many fucking letters these motherfuckers need man I only need one. What's next? D d i c k s u c k i'd like to pal

I want to I dream about it. That sounds cool to me. That'd be great What I was going to say though is one problem with us being uh separated by distance is that we haven't We didn't get a chance to talk about what we were going to have for lunch Yeah, that's and you guys already ate lunch. So I would love if you Think in small ball here because what we can now do is have three separate conversations about our different lunch choices What are you? That's huge now. We don't have to agree on anything. So stop you had oatmeal earlier What are you thinking? I had oatmeal for breakfast. I'm thinking sushi something fresh Something light fresh fish. Maybe maybe a three lunch. Maybe a three roll combo. You know, that's a classic

Maki roll one of the classic lunches that there are the problem is my favorite spot in Astoria, and I won't say the name Um They don't do a three roll combo. They do like a little box set, but it's like, you know, man the bento I really kind of want bento. I want three. I want three rolls. So I might just have to I might have to bite the bullet And just pay full price for the rolls. Yeah, get them all a cart. Yeah, I think I might be done with with Japanese food I feel like I just kind of like No, don't say that I haven't had really good Japanese food like forever Because sometimes once you have really good Japanese, you know what? I if I

I'm really the only place in New York and it can eat his date the day go hand roll plays In the Fulton market Yeah, the decal money that plays as good. You got you Nick. Once you do some west coast dates There's such good fucking sushi over there. Yeah, you do you do some Seattle Even LA has incredible sushi like you just got to get out more pal. It's good. Good railroads too. They have good railroads Yeah, and they have great real bomb asperitos too dank asperitos Vancouver had some great sushi in Vancouver while I was out there

And trains really have a fraught history What do you mean? That is true. They've had a wild rebrand in the last 10 years of being like, no, we're just for autistic people Yeah, that's right. Oh really really trains Yeah, that's your thing is autistic people. That's that's the rare pr campaign jews have lost These trains have been rehabilitated. Yeah, I can't I fucking I can't stand this shit. You know what really pisses me off I Somehow in the last 15 years, I could literally became okay to just be a nazi Like that would just be I think people are accused of and then before I maybe it's died down a bit

But leading up to trouble you could be like, yeah, I'm a fascist nazi And then people have to be like well, he's got different opinions You know, it's like I don't want to ruin my family over politics, but but For whatever reason just hitler's mustache cannot be rehabilitated. It's a fucking yeah It's a mustache that many people have had which honestly just for as a matter of convenience I would like to have myself. I feel like I would look good with the hitler mustache Absent the fucking, you know the connotations that it implies

Charlie chaplain why why can't we say it's a charlie chaplain dude? I'd look slick I'd look good, you know and I actually I don't want to I don't want to step on that I don't want to you know, obviously. I'm not accusing you of anything No adamry here, but I have a bit about how adam it's crazy. It's crazy that Neo nazis won't wear a hitler mustache, but they'll just put a swastika on their forehead That's that's sort of the I haven't I haven't seen that bit. Mm-hmm. I'm not accusing you of anything I'm just letting you know what you mean adamry. I don't want you to think I If I post it or I do it on stage. I don't want you to think

That sounds different to me too, even okay. Okay. Yeah, just letting you know. Well, I'm glad you guys I'm just saying Well, hold on Me and stop both have a clear track record of writing our own jokes We can agree on a moment of parallel thinking For what is on it quite honestly if you're somebody that is looking at the world and you're you're mostly thinking What can I get out of if you're a deep thinker if I can't uh, and see you're just gonna try and take shots What you're a little shot taking you fucking pieces. You're gonna have to You're gonna have to make a couple of phone calls to blue cross blue shield and say give me your tequila files

You know, I don't have health insurance. I know yeah need to do a lot of the a lot of your uh, for lack of a better word victims Oh the medical lack of a better word. I forgot that He searched he tried to find the better way I tried to be I tried to be generous. Yeah, I appreciate the effort. I appreciate the effort You're a good guy, dude. I tried to be yeah, I'm thinking salmon avocado roll. I'm thinking spicy tuna roll I'm thinking white tuna roll and then maybe a little sweet potato roll wild card. Nice You know what? I would like anyway. I was thinking about this the other day Yeah, sushi rice seaweed on the outside in the middle

A little piece of pumpkin pie And some Reese's pieces. Oh, that'd be nice. That's your kind of sushi and it's yeah spooky Japanese. That'd be cool. Yeah Yeah, I like that sushi from hell That's fucking awesome a Reese's cup is kind of kind of a sushi to some extent The peanut butter is the fish and the chocolate is the rice. Yeah Okay, if you can imagine it You know, I dream to imagine every day. I know that's something that you would like You know, I love you know, I love that

I kind of got a hankering for a Halloween candy now I like referring to all candy is Halloween candy just means eating too much candy. Yeah, right, you know Well, you're wearing a you're wearing a gimp mask. Well, it also implies fun size too. Mm-hmm Right, that's nice because that's what you can see you can look at the candy and you're not mad because it's smaller than your penis Yeah, yeah, you see you take all the Snickers you take out of Snickers It's got a little dick vein, but you take a king size. You're feeling really bad about yourself. It is true If it's Halloween, if it's Halloween candy, you can enjoy it and you can say ha ha my dick is bigger than you candy bar Yeah Snickers does have like a vascular cock vibe about it. Absolutely. I haven't considered that you have

In your subconscious. No, I've never thought about the dick vein But I do like that they got like Treadmarks on the bottom as a kid. I always pretended I was eating a tire like a tire. Yeah, yeah I was like and then I'd see cars and I'd be like damn. I want to eat that tire Yeah That's what I think anyways folks patreon.com slash come town check out the you know, whatever the rest is this or the beginning I gotta say I love doing these calling shows. Yeah, it's been fun I'm thinking we're gonna just you know, maybe switch to maybe half Collins

Honestly, you know, it's worked nicely. We'll see because the audio quality sounds about the same It's easier. It's easier to pay attention when it's like because you know, it's supposed to be consumed in an audio only format We're hanging out in person. It's very easy to just say and do nothing No, I get lost in stoppers his eyes when it's a phone call. It's like, yeah, you got to be, you know, it's the phone Honestly, I'm paying way more attention. Me too. Then I then I would be in person So something to think about maybe, you know, when I'm on the road, maybe we do this instead of fucking banking eight episodes Next week, maybe we bank six and save two for ourselves. Yeah, we'll do that and then also too The final stage is instead of adam being here or on the phone. We just have him write letters and we read adam's letters in the show

Adam can write a letter and we can read adam's letter throughout the show. Oh, that'd be nice. That's a great idea Yeah, look, I'm even I'm even I'm willing that, you know, maybe I can get a well, who knows Uh, let's not get crazy. I was gonna say maybe get a better microphone. I'm not doing that. No, what? Honestly, I'll tell you what there's no reason to because the better microphone the bottleneck is the like production once this once this goes into like, uh You know, like an editing software or something that I'm supposed to know how to use which I never will I see And you know what in the past when I cared more people like just fucking hire somebody to do it I did and it was just as bad and people complain. So Uh, uh, right. Yeah, there's no reason to buy something nice. What might be what would be good is

Either another board or maybe like, you know Yes a way where if I now I see that yeah Or you know vice versa or something, you know, I love that another board is a great idea I have a board on my computer if I'm doing it from home actually Yeah, um, you know, this setup is super easy. You just plug the phone directly into the board I don't know why we didn't do this before. This is a good way to have guests, too Yeah, this is a great way to have what didn't we do with that one guy who publishes a bunch of gay books? Oh, yeah, douglas brain

Douglas give me brain a dickless brain. I think Of zero inches books Yeah Yeah, I think that guy's name is dickless dickless brain Um, yeah, what was that book he was even trying to promote about I can't remember I don't remember. There's a cool guy. I don't fuck it. Who cares late capitalism God damn, I got a shit dickless brain. You're always welcome back on the show people go to zero books.com Check out their latest. I'm sure it's something about, you know, some chinese lady saying that we need health care

That's cool. I agree with that chinese lady. Yeah, I agree with it, too But I don't need to read a goddamn book about it. Yeah Yeah, I don't understand. Yeah, I don't understand. I don't get the idea where you're supposed to sit around reading books of opinions you already have Yeah, I got the opinion chief. Yeah, I'm good. Yeah. No, I'm gonna go play age of empires and order sushi Like most brooklyn podcasters. I I decided to be a socialist once I saw how much money chappo was making I started my own podcast. It's the same thing. I became much much Much less informed. I became a shittier comic. I forgot why I even moved to New York I decided that the reason that happened is because I'm better than all the other comedians

I'm actually better than them anybody anybody that's successful is successful Not because of their talent that doesn't exist at all because they're chuds and they're pandering chud grifters Even though I'm me Who did not vote until 2018 and never cared at all in their entire lives? I'm the one I'm persecuting And so check me out. I'll be on tour with with uh, all right. All right. All right. All right Thanks a lot guys. All right. I have to pee