The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. 314 – im gonna im gonna

Episode Date: June 3, 2022

I just gotta get it together

Why am I echoing? Why are you echoing? There, is that stop it? Talk? Hello? It did stop it. Yeah. Okay, let's get back to the...

So folks, this... Which one is Adam? Check, check. He is... I don't know, three? There you go, that fixed it. That should fix it. Yeah.

So folks, this is kind of the companion piece to the premium. We literally recorded seconds ago. We're going to try and start rolling immediately. Like, not even... You just stop, stop, start. Stop, start. Yeah. So...

So you're at Papa John's, you take a pizza home every night. Oh yeah, because we were having a conversation about... Adam said that... And you're going to want to go to the patreon, patreon.com, cometown to get part one. We should start doing this. Yeah, yeah. We do release part two for free. Yeah, part one.

Part one. Part one. If you want to see how we got here. How we got here. Because I tell you, literally 30 seconds ago we were talking about the Evaldi shooting. Yeah. And now we've landed on... Is it normal to eat an entire large pizza?

Which I think it isn't. By the way, it was a medium pizza. It has been covered. Dude, I've never gotten... That's... First of all, they should call that shit a diet pizza. That's a diet pizza. It's not a medium pizza.

No, it was so small. That's... I'm on my weight watchers stuff. Yeah. I really... Because Papa John's fucks you in a way that... Like... I don't want to step on his bit, but Rameen Nazar used to have a bit about how they call it

a personal pizza. Yeah. You know? Like, the joke was like, yeah, go on a pizza or whatever, he's like, can I get a personal pizza? And then they're like, what do you want on it? And he's like, it's personal. Yeah.

But I always thought... After that... That's good. I always thought it was such a funny name for... Rameen Nazar. Check him out. I don't even know if he does comedy. Check him out.

A partner had a joke that said, any pizza can be a personal pizza if you're sad enough. Which, you know, is true. Yeah. But you don't want to fuck a partner. No. She's nice. I have no problem with a partner. Another DC...

Look, honestly, we were part of a hilariously... A lot of people from that DC are making a living. You know what's funny? I remember... Because, yeah, I mean, I guess I started with a partner to a certain extent. But when I met her, she got stung in the eye by a bee that week. So her... And her fucking eye...

Like mine looked the other day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It just swelled up real bad. And, you know, I've known a partner for fucking 20 years. Yeah. Whenever I think of her, my mental image will be that fucked up eye thing that happened to her. Yeah.

The first time I saw... I didn't even meet her. I was like an open mic, or trying to get into comedy. And I went to good old Kurt Shackelford's Topaz. Yeah. And it was like her, Hampton Seaton, fucking Nick Turner. Yeah. Jason Sines.

How's he doing? Is he better yet? I think so. Yeah. Do you guys' legs back? I don't know. But he looks better. I don't know.

Yeah. What was I gonna say? But, yeah, anyway, whatever. The point is, back to the pop. Enough of reminiscence. Let's go back to the Papa John's point. Papa John, you were out of the bathroom. I was shitting.

And by the way, folks, I was shitting in Adam's bathroom. Adam decided to take shots at you and say that... Just because... And by the way, you know why? Because he's not following the golden rule. Yeah. He shits in your fucking apartment all the time. I have to because of an emergency.

Yeah. He's mad. I'm shitting. And by the way, that's not gonna be the first shit of the day. Yeah. He is gonna get a couple of shits in his bathroom. Oh. You wonder...

Look, you know me. You know I'm conniving, manipulative. Yeah. Of course. There's always a plan. Of course. Always a plan with me. Yeah.

And... But in the end... Geyser sucks, eh? I have everyone's best interests in mind. I see me, though. You're the benevolent. I see you, evil. You're the philosopher king.

But at the end of the day... There's a plan to make sure it works out for everybody. Everybody gets their piece of the pie. Right. And I'll tell you this. And Adam wants to do the show at his house now. Yep. You know me.

Normally there'd be pushback to say that. Of course. It's absurd. We do it at my house. You gotta bring the equipment over. You didn't hear a word from me. Not word one. Not word one.

Yeah. And I'll tell you why. You notice that us doing it here happens to coincide exactly with me finishing around the antibiotics. Mmm. It is a war zone in my gut right there. Oh, yeah. And it will be for months.

Yeah. Until this yogurt works out. And if you think he takes badge, I might even... He's not even in the room now. He's not. I might literally fucking find the most expensive chair in here and just shit myself. That's true. You owe him one.

Yes. You do owe him a shitted chair. Just all with the bad bacteria coming out of me. None of the good ones are there. The good ones have been killed. The bacteria have been... Yeah. Yeah.

They've been sacrificed so that you wouldn't go blind. Yeah, right. Yeah. Now you got nothing but... That kind of bacteria. Exactly. That's it. Anyway, so you're in the bathroom.

So I was in the bathroom. You know what I'm saying? He's got a nice setup. Yeah. Nice bathroom. Nicely decorated. A lot of stuff. A lot of good...

I got to say this. Adam knows how to live. You got to upgrade your toilet paper, Nick. I don't shit at your place much, but Adam has you beat toilet paper wise. Yeah. You got the one ply. You're living too good to have the cheap toilet paper. I will say pillowy toilet paper.

I've always been a one ply guy. But you know, my entire bathroom is discussed and there's beard hair everywhere. I know. Cat piss on the floor. That's what I'm saying. Take a little note, try and get a little of the good life. You deserve it. Yeah.

Anyway, I'm shit. And I would have liked a wet wipe. Doesn't Adam feel like the guy who would have wet wipes? Yeah. You know, I've been using them on my eye. I got special eye wipes and jeez. It feels like changing a baby's diaper. I'm going to wipe my fucking eyelids now.

Your eye is like a little girl's little baby's pussy. I think I said that on the show, but it's weird because it's like, you know, like you get old. You get into your 30s and everything just fucking falls apart. And like, you know, when you're younger, you're like, yeah, you know, you can't keep like this. And you're like, I just think like hangovers get worse. Of course.

You can't keep like partying the way you used to. And it's like, sure, like that's out. But then there's all this other stuff. Like you gotta fucking wash your hands after you go to the bathroom or you'll go blind. What? What? I can't even the entire. I used to shake off shit particles.

Like it was nothing. Literally, dude. I feel like fucking eye infections all the time. I feel like it would just, you know, my eye would hurt for a couple of days and then we would go away. Yeah. You know, and then it's like, it's crazy. You can in frontier times.

It's like, I would have just died. Yeah. You'd be so dead. I would have been dead from an eye. With a dumb, big ass eye. Yeah. In your casket. Yeah.

You look so stupid. Like the guy from, what's, wasn't there a video game with a little skeleton guy? He's like a big guy. I don't remember. It was like a PlayStation game. It's not. One of us is going to come up with that, it's going to be you. But anyway, I will say that shit did rock it out of my ass.

But you know, it was an overall good shitting experience. And I will say, one Papa John's peat does not too much. Adam's out of his mind. He's out of his mind. Yeah. I would say, well, he was just trying to take shots of you while you were gone. Well, we'll wait. We'll wait until he gets here to really.

Yeah. I'll tell you what it is. He's got the confidence of coming off and running two episodes himself. He's like, I don't need these guys. Yeah. I don't need these guys who fucking, who turned me into the poo poo man. What do you think about just letting Adam do the podcast? I pitched that idea to him and he's like, I don't think stop would like that.

I'd love it. Yeah. I'd love. In fact, if you guys just want to do the podcast starting, you know, in a week, you let me know. Dude, I told him, I was like, because he's, you know, he's like worried about what's going to happen. I already said it.

It's like, I'm built to fail, baby. Yeah. You know, there's there. I don't love it. I don't love it. I mean, hate it, but it's just, you got, you can't, you can't deny your nature. Yes, you can. I'm like a little like, I'm kind of like weird little bioluminescent cretin at the bottom

of the ocean. I don't know. I don't even know what daylight looks like. Yeah. Yeah. I've just got my little light and I can't help but, but shine it and see, see the dark path in front of me and know that it'll never be any different. But yeah.

No, he's like worried about what he's going to do. And I was like, dude, we'll just, we'll, I literally will change the Patreon, patreon.com slash come town, by the way. Slash come town. Also Raleigh, June 9th through 11th. Please buy tickets. Portland the week after that, weekend after that, both in Helium. Good night to Raleigh.

Great clubs. Great clubs. Go see it folks. Let's buy tickets. Also Carolines. I got to start pushing Carolines too. That's the weekend after that. Okay.

I don't have no idea how those tickets are. They're so, they're so good. Yeah. It's fucking New York City, babe. Now I just want to get this shit over with. It's been so stressful trying to sell these tickets, I just want the fucking tour to be done with. Yeah.

I can't wait for the tour to be out. My, my fucking nine month long tour concludes in Philadelphia and Rhode Island. But more importantly than that, this Sunday, June 5th, eight o'clock Eastern, five Pacific. My first special live at the Lodzium, full hour special. I think it actually clocks in at about 54 minutes. But it's going to be, it's fucking, it's out. I've worked very hard. I'm out.

I'm out a nice amount of money. Please watch it. I want. And for those of you who have seen my, it's on my YouTube channel, I post every day there. I post some fucking crowd work clips. This is all material for the most part. There's maybe 10 minutes of crowd work in there. But for those of you who've been wanting to see actual thought it out jokes, it will be

there. Actual thought it out jokes. Actual, actual, actual thought it out jokes that I, that I've done, that I've done planned out. Just crushing with crowd work and being like, anyways, where was I? Oh, right. How come they got two windows at the drive-thru? Yep.

Why, why don't you think about, yeah, just fucking assholes. I'm thinking about to get my food at the first window. And now what? This one's for the fucking money. And they got another one for what? Fucking sucking a dick. You're all selling crack in there. You got to fucking, the money can't, the same guy can't exchange the money.

It's too complicated. Now this, it's, and that just continues for 50 minutes. And I'm like, so anyway, anybody here ever see their fucking grandfather's penis? Mick Flurry, what the fuck is that? It's like, they make it sound like a fucking snow storm. But it's fucking ice cream. It's ice cream with a little M&M's in them. And why, if it's supposed to be called that, why don't they fucking have a snowman on the

fucking outside of it? Oh my God, it's so fucking true. Anyway, there might, in fact- Thought it out jokes, June 5th. Thought it out jokes coming out. There is actually a chunk of, about Baltimore. You might hear that voice on my debut special live at the Lodger. Go fucking watch that shit.

Just stop recording your fury. I mean, you're like, how dare you burn that material? Dude. That's- The Mick Flurry is my- How dare you burn the Mick Flurry? No, they're just going to hear like two abrupt cuts. Yeah.

And it's like you going into that, and then it's like, so yeah, Adam, why did you say a pizza? I ate too much pizza. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then Adam just responds as Ian finds in. Ian's here. Yeah, no, I was telling him, he's worried about, you know, the future. I was like, dude, well, look, fucking December 31st, 2022.

We changed the name of the show to the Adam Friedland show, and fucking that's what you get from now on. That sounds awesome. They just, I'll change the branding, and it's Adam, and you know, he can keep all the fucking money to himself, whatever he wants to do. You really don't want any of the money, huh? Well, if I'm not doing any- I'm going to need my piece.

If I'm not doing any of the work, no, you know me, that's my mentality. Yeah, that's- You don't do the work. You don't get paid. I don't believe in- I don't believe in- You built the show. Anyway, whatever.

Adam's not going to take me out of the Friedland show. I'm not doing it. I'm not, you know, I'm not doing it. Well, that's very magnanimous of you. Adam will be- Adam will be- That's the way the world should work. No.

I'm not, I'm taking the hit because everybody else should. Adam will have to kick up to me. Yeah. As part owner of the Adam Friedland show. As executive producer, I will be needing my cut. What's your cut? I don't know. Where do you start?

In the negotiations? Keep my- 75%. 75%. What do you think I'll come back with? Three. Then we have to meet in the middle. The fucking Adam Friedland show, that'll be awesome.

Damn, he said he needed five. He's been gone for fucking quite some time. Yeah. He's been gone for 12 minutes. That's all right though. You know, we got, what do we got? Three more minutes until the ad. Yeah.

No, that's fine. Anyways. Dude, did you think, did you're not ever hurt and do you worry you have cancer? No, no, no. It happens all the time. I would not worry about that. Unless it gets like hard and starts growing, then you got nothing to worry about. Okay, good.

Even if you find like, sometimes you can get like a cyst or something, but like, you know, it's really, but you should also, I mean, you have insurance, like go to the doctor. Yeah. I'm going to go to the doctor to get fixed up. How's it been hurting for a while? No. Just every once in a while, get a nut pain. Yeah.

You know, honestly, it's probably just sitting the wrong way. Yeah. Having too heavy nuts. Yeah. Too heavy nuts, threatening to rip out of my test to my ball sack at any moment. When I switched over, we had a, I'm not going to say it because they didn't ring up, but we had clothing spots. Right.

Right. Right. I have been wearing nothing, but they're close and see, but they don't really offer very much support. I had to get used to when my fucking nuts hang again. Oh, that's interesting. Right now I am wearing more hangy boxers and perhaps that's the problem. Yeah.

Because it's like they're being tugged on basically and the wires got weak. I need to firm up my fucking nutwine. Thought it out, Joe. June 5th, YouTube. YouTubebaby.com slash Stavi baby. Slash Stavi baby. Go do that shit. Go see us live.

And then buy Adam's little t-shirts with his little paintings on them. Yeah. I don't know if I'll ever get this store back up. I've worked with a print shop because they offered me like a shit deal, kind of. I'm sure you could find it. That deal itself was not bad. It's just that I was like, they wanted me to be locked into a contract for two years and it's like, I got a room.

Yeah. I need the ability to get up and leave. That's what I ran into with the last print shop. It's like, you can't like, promises me nothing. Never. Never. What's the fucking thing? That you can't drop everything when you feel the heat around the corner.

Heat. Yeah. That's what you got. That's how you got to treat the print shop. Yeah. By the way, speaking of heat, I saw Den of Thieves. You ever see that? No.

Oh, I'm fucking scandalized. You have to see it. It's good. It's incredible. Maybe I'll. Gerard Butler. Isn't insanely good in this movie. Dude, he has, that guy rules.

He's a guy. He's a fucking rock. He's a guy that was a shitty actor. Yeah. Got hot one time. One time. Ripped for 300. That was computers.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Can you imagine being the fucking like computer nerd dork that has to make those guys look even hotter and a bit more pussy? Yeah. That has to make the abs big and his dick bigger. Yeah.

And you're just like, you just clock out at your fucking CGI job and drive back to your fucking. You're like, I'm going to work for Pixar. Studio apartment. Yeah. I'm going to make stories that inspire children. You've been putting, you've been putting fucking abs on some drunk, bloated millionaire actor.

Yeah. Yeah. You've been removing his bald hairs. They keep slipping out of the speedo. Yeah. And then you go back to studio city and your fucking Toyota Tercel in order another entire large pizza for yourself. Elders recently purchased a used Toyota Tercel.

Awesome. Yeah. That's the car, dude. What kind? I don't know. I don't know. Year. I have no idea.

It's cute though. And it's funny because it's such a little car and he's the biggest motherfucker of all time. He's just in his car. Boy, that laughs at everybody. It's the boy who fucks. But yeah, you're our butler fucking rules. Yeah.

And you know what? This has inspired me to go into more of his filmography. Yeah. I think I'm going to check out the Olympus has fallen. You've got to get into the romantic comedy stuff too. You've got to watch PS. I love you. Is he in that?

Yeah. Awesome. What else? Law-abiding citizen might be the first one I check out. Yeah. That looks fucking sick. He's in that movie Gamer. Remember the predecessor to Ready Player One?

Yes. Yes. Yes. Ready penis. Ready penis. But. That's a really good one. Yeah.

No. Oh yeah. No. He goes off. He's sick. Adam. Dude, you'll love it, dude. Oh.

If you love Gerard Butler. Yeah. This is honestly the best Gerard Butler performance. I'll check it out. He's drunkish. He's clearly like fucked up. He plays obviously like a rogue dirty cop type guy who's like hard living and like he clearly is getting fucked up every night.

Dude, everything about him is just post-production. Yeah. He's this slovenly drunk fucking Scottish moron who's not good at acting. Dude, he's so... He's bad in like the perfect way. Yeah. I mean, and then he just gets like literally with 300s, like literally just through all these filters or whatever.

I mean... Yeah. Because Zack Snyder is a closeted homosexual. He looks awesome. Yeah. They just fucking, yeah. Like everything is just processed. Actually, you know what?

I'll take that back. Zack Snyder is not a closeted homosexual. Yeah. Zack is like Evan. Yeah. Where it's like just those muscle guys that love other guys' bodies in a truly heterosexual way. Yeah.

I'm like that. Yeah. You and Evan probably were texting each other guys with their shirts off. Yeah. We absolutely... Yes. But anyway, yeah, so shout out to this fucking jar of brothers. Shout out to fucking Den of Thieves.

Truly a fucking masterpiece. Yeah. Anyways, you were in the bathroom and Madam's taking shots saying large pizzas disgusting. And all I was saying is that when I worked at Papa John's every day, I make myself a large pizza. I take a couple extra garlic cups. Definitely take way too many of the pepper and genies. Yes.

Take that home. Hit the beer store. Get a 40. Drink an entire large pizza. Yeah. 40 of choice. Well, as a teenager, I drank a lot of sane eyes and I think when I was older, I switched over to something a little more mild like called 45-year-old English.

Yeah. Yeah. Were you ever a Mickey's guy? I drank Mickey's, but no, I was never... The only kind of 40 guy I was, I liked sane eyes because they're the most alcohol. Right. Right. Right.

Because to be honest, the most of my 40 drinking is a teenager. Of course. As an adult, you kind of... Yeah. That's embarrassing. Yeah. Absolutely. You get a pair of tall bullies instead.

Yeah. Like a gentleman. Yeah. Like a fucking... Yeah. I was a Cobra guy for a while. That was my... Just because it looked sick.

Steel reserve, I'd say. Steel reserve is the one that would... That was a little much for me. So my most fucked up vomiting at parties happened because of Steel Reserve. Yeah. Because I think that was actually the most alcoholic one, wasn't it? I was under the impression that sane eyes was because it was disgusting. Sane eyes taste like cat piss.

Yeah. But... No, dude, I fucking... That's nice, though. What kind of... What was your toppings of choice? Well, I would make myself like a barbecue chicken pizza with pineapple. That was usually my favorite.

Little sweet. Yeah. Mr. Sweet. Some of the balance out the sane eyes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Adam doesn't really know about...

I mean, he... I'm curious to know what the treat meal was at the Freedland household. Yeah. You know? I mean, he talked about McDonald's. He said, hey, I have the bag here. Yeah. To check what time he ordered it.

Oh, perfect. 8.51 a.m. This is so funny that he's like, I need five minutes. Yeah. This episode is almost halfway over. He got a sausage, I get a biscuit, a chocolate shake for breakfast. 8.51 probably got here by 9. Would have been nice to have been asked.

I forgot I had to look up the reads. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know. Let's see. Drive. Google Drive.

Come down. No. That's wrong. Let me see. Okay. Damn. I got a... Oh, I also have heartbreaking news.

What happened? The Pizza Hut in Dundalk is closed. Oh, no. But there's a Pizza Hut now in Bed-Stuy. Can you do that? Can you sit down? Or is it a window operation? I don't know.

I don't know. It's on... I was just like, what's the read? I don't know. I guess we'll do a free advertisement for the Pizza Hut. The free advertisement for the Pizza Hut. I was on R U Garbage recently. I love those guys.

And we were taught we got heated about Domino's V Pizza Hut. Well, they're different. They're different things. That's absurd because they're different. I know. It's not in the same category. I know. And my argument was the highs of Pizza Hut will never be matched by Domino's.

It's like this. So, subway blimpy, same genre. People try to do Subway versus Quiznos, and it's like they're different types of restaurants. They seem similar, but they're completely different. Subway, blimpy... I'm trying to think of other sandwich places. It's really not that many sandwich places. Jimmy John's is sort of there.

But Quiznos is in their whole thing. It's not like you don't go to Quiznos and you're like, let me get this. Let me get that. You fucking me. These are the sandwiches. Right. Quiznos don't fuck around. Yeah.

And Pizza Hut's same thing. It's a sit-down restaurant. Papa John's, Domino's, Gaddy's, God... The fuck is Gaddy's? Gaddy's was another chain. They're all built on the same model of like... I will say Pizza Hut, I believe, made a pivot towards being more of a fast food place. But at the same time, I just think they're crusts or a next level situation.

Yeah. Although apparently they switched to frozen. So I'm... Look, I'm interested to check out what they got going. My bookie. My bookie. My bookie. My bookie.penis, if you want to bet on the NBA finals, which by the way, that's the only

way to watch these finals, because it's Celtics versus Warriors, two of the fucking just truly... I mean, how do you root for either one of those fucking teams? The fucking Celtics, asterisk after asterisk, the Nets suck dick. The Nets suck dick. They had no one. Kyrie... Kyrie and KD played like shit. Yannis was by...

Look, Middleton's in that series. Kyrie, more like Ky get a refund. Ky get a refund on that contract, you know? The Middleton was out... With Middleton, the Bucks beat the fucking bitch-ass Celtics every fucking day of the week. And then they face a Miami Heat team, Tyler Hero is out, Kyle Lowry is a shell of himself. They're starting fucking...

They're starting fucking Max Trues. Kyle, allow me to get my money back. Thank you so much. Jimmy Butler, his dick is so hard, he takes it to seven. And he's... And there are Jimmy Butler three away from potentially losing in the last second. People sucking these Celtics off, they're fucking lucky cocksuckers. Same thing with the Warriors, they've faced the nuggets that have been missing their two

best fucking players all fucking season. You can bet on this in my book, Daddy. And you can bet on all this by the way, this is all on my bookie-dad, A.G. My bookie-dad, A.G., your premier sports betting sexual website. It's... You get your dick hard. And the Warriors, then John Moran gets hurt, okay? The Suns fall apart, that was the one hard team they were gonna have to face, Chris

Paul fucking melts down, Devin Booker shows himself to be a bit of a fraud here, he's gonna have to prove himself in playoffs of the future. They lose to Dallas, a Dallas team that's ahead of schedule, that unless Luca's playing heroically is not gonna fucking beat the Warriors, the Warriors get a lucky fucking path to the finals, the Celtics got a lucky path to the finals, we got two frauds, they should call this the NBA fraudinals, not the finals. The fraudinals. The fraudinals.

Yeah. And either but, and San Francisco can suck my dick, Boston is a dog shit city. At my bookie-dad, A.G. At my bookie-dad, A.G. You can affirm all of these beliefs by betting on these games. And so to watch these games, you're gonna have to bet. You're gonna have to bet on my bookie-dad, A.G. Because there's no, there's no rooting in G.

Million dollar prop bets. We got... They got million dollar props. They got prop bets, they got the super spread. They got... Jason Tatum, you can bet, did Jason Tatum shave his penis or not? You can bet on all that. At my bookie-dad, A.G.

The premier only still legal and in business sports betting website that is still advertising on New York podcast. And the only ones left not getting all their money from Peter Thiel. That's the thing. People are like, people are like, I got him this week, not gonna go into it, but they're fucking insane. Oh, they're all funded by Peter Thiel money. If Peter Thiel is listening, I will absolutely do that.

Sell us to sell us. You give me fucking 10 million dollars? P.D. I will fucking... We will do one more year of this show. Every day say that student loan debt is the responsibility of who, you know, whatever. We'll say, fuck student loan debt forgiveness, fuck healthcare, whatever dumb psycho bullshit you want us to say, done.

10 million bucks. It's gotta be a fat check. Yeah, 10 million minimum for me. You probably want 10. Easy. 10 million also. Adam will... We'll do it for 30 grand.

Yeah, Adam's doing it. Adam just wants another bar mitzvah, frankly. You throw Adam a bar mitzvah with all the fixes? Yeah, you get him a fucking... You get him a clown. You get him a DJ playing fucking Ignition Remix, you know. He's good. He's good on that, but we will take that.

How dare you fund Red Scare before you fund this show? Is he funding those dumb fucking... I have no idea. I have no idea. Frankly, I don't even really know who Peter Thiel is. Well, the thing is, any fucking gay loser loves that show, and that's who Peter Thiel is. Yeah.

He's a fucking weird self-hating gay guy, so of course he likes that show. And if he wants to pay us to not say these things... We won't say him. We'll say he's cool and he gets pussy. Yeah, I'll say whatever. And then, you know, whatever... But Peter Thiel, we'll put you back in the closet. Right.

We'll fucking stuff your ass back in there, yeah. I'll pretend that I saw you getting pussy in a completely organic way. I won't even bring it up. We'll lay it enough time pass where people won't remember this. I'll call you the master of pussy-getting. I'll say I fucked a girl who fucked you, and she said your dick was awesome, and you made her fucking splooge over and over again, and that you're really not gay and not evil. I'll say all that stuff.

I literally would do anything. Yeah. Anything. And what I would do... To have an escape from this that guarantees that me and the people I care about are taken care of. And you can bet on that at mybookie.ag. Mybookie.ag.

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The NBA fight, betting on basketball is fun. Football's still far away. Baseball regular season? I mean, you do got to be a little bit of a degenerate to be betting on regular season baseball. But, hey, I'm sure some of you just, your wives just left you, some to keep the pain away. Yeah, you can just go race rats somewhere.

Yeah. Listen, Formula One. Who's getting into that shit? Because of that Netflix show. You can bet on that. Bet on whatever the fuck. Bet on whether Lewis Hamilton is getting pussy tonight or not. He's a cute kid, that Lou Hamilton.

What else? So anyway, mybookie.ag, fucking bet on it, fucking spend all your money, guaranteed. You will win guaranteed. That's the fucking mybookie, guaranteed to win. You will win. If you bet, and if you don't win, that's your fault, you did something wrong. But it does have the guarantee. And you get a nice little amount of fucking, they match something, they give you a little

bonus. Look, go, fucking bet there. Don't be a fucking dumb asshole. And fucking bet, you know, what are you going to bet with a fucking bookie and get your legs broken by some fucking marinara stained WAP fingers and no. Go to mybookie.ag, mybookie.ag. There's some cool guys over there. Okay, I think we did the read.

What do you think Adam is doing? I have no idea. But now what could he possibly be doing for this long? This is absurd. It's crazy. And he could be like, Hey, I'll call you in 40. Like, that's the other thing. We're going to take a break.

We're not going to do three in a row. We're going to take a break. Probably get a little lunch. Well, even though my guts are pretty fucked up. Yeah, I kind of just want a coffee and we'll roll into number four. I'm good with that, bro. Maybe I'll get some toast. It's a beautiful day.

I don't know if we can. We did the allergy corner yet. Are we talking about it? Let's talk about it. Did you take any allergy medicine? Because when you walked in here today, your eyes were leaking. Now that I'm back inside the air conditioner, it's a little bit better. You do look better.

But when you fucking came here, when you texted the thread, you're like, is anybody else allergies bad? I thought you're being dramatic. And then you came in here. Eyes looking pinker than fucking fresh pussy nose drooling like Adam's asshole when it smells a big dick. Yeah. But now you look better.

It is good. My allergies always come across with cough. I was a big coughing kid. And then I started taking Clarence, I believe, or Zyrtec. Zyrtec cleared that shit right up. But I used to pretend I had a chronic condition trying to get out of school because my allergies were so bad. And it worked, honestly.

Really? Got out of school for allergies? Well, I was coughing like crazy, and then they took me to a bunch of specialists. And they're like, yeah, I think your son is a fucking con artist. It was kind of sick, actually. That's awesome. I got out of like too much school. How does that work?

I've never had a, I've never had a, like a, did the allergy test. Yeah. I took a big ass allergy test. I really wasn't allergic to shit, except like, you know, regular seasonal allergies. But I had a weak ass little bitch ass lungs growing up. I had asthma, and then I had, they were very affected by, they were very affected by allergies to the point where I was honestly nonstop coughing unless I took Zyrtec or Clarence or whatever.

But before they knew that, dude, I was, I was doing it up, trying to get out of school. Yeah. I was like, I'm sick. And, and you know anyone that called in a bomb threat ever? I always thought that was awesome. No. To be that bold. I never did.

I knew a kid who pulled the fire alarm. That was also awesome. I was sick. He got literally expelled. Those guys, those guys, they, they end up in like bad kid Valhalla. A hundred percent, dude. The kids, the kids at like second grade, the, like the teachers like sit down in your seat and they're like, fuck you.

And you're like, dude, I'm like, somebody's getting beat at your house. Right. I'm like over here just putting glue on the desk. Yeah. Yeah. I'm breaking the rules. Putting a, drawing a smiley face on the desk. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Drawing a little dick in the book. Yeah. Right. Exactly. But like if anyone saw me, I'd be like, oh, I didn't mean it.

I didn't mean it. Oh, it was just pointing at the retarded kid. He did it. He drew it. Yeah. Yeah. Right. No.

But yeah. The fuck you do to the teacher kid. Just fucking blasting that and then leaving the school. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Fucking walking down the street. Kicking his desk over.

Yeah. A fucking nine year old that just like goes to McDonald's by himself. Just like gives the principle of finger and just fucking. Yeah. Has a fucking full, not even a happy meal gets himself a McChicken. Fucking heroes, dude. Awesome. Yeah.

And all those guys, they, I mean, they go to jail. Jail quickly. Yeah. Fucking yeah. Within years of that. Yeah. Very rarely do they make it out. Yeah.

But they're also like getting pussy like 11. Yeah. Right. They're also just like drinking. Getting pussy to completion and having like a son. Just nodding. Having like a 19 year old girlfriend when he's 11. Yeah.

The first time they ever come is just into a pussy. Yeah. Yeah. I don't even know what it is yet. Damn, dude. Those guys were heroes. They let the one kid, I was in the fucking little, I was in the little smart class. Like they would just pick five, five people that weren't retarded.

Yeah. And put them in the, actually we were actually next to special ed. It was, you know, you know, the fucking little fucking, whatever it was called, gait. And, but one kid was so bad that they took him out of regular and just like let him play Oregon Trail. Yeah. In our little, where we had, we had the one, we literally had three computers in my fucking broke ass school.

Shout out to John Roura Elementary School. Damn, I think I broke that. We're kind of in the chair. Good. What kind of computers were they? They were fucking, they were the ones with like the little green shit. Yeah. But do you remember what they were?

Were they Apple twos? No, but I remember that the printer literally had that like... The printer? No, every printer had that. No, the little fucking... The dot, the circles. On the sides. Yeah.

Every printer had that. Really? Yeah. They all, they're all spooled that way. Um, but anyway, they let this fucking kid just play, in the one new computer, he got to just play Oregon Trail if he didn't say a curse word or try or hit a teacher. And I was like, what the fuck? I remember being, I remember being in third grade and being like, wait a second.

This cocksucker just doesn't throw a chair and he gets to play video games all the time. Was that that? They weren't quite that old. They were probably a generation after that. No, okay. This is probably 95, you know, 96, I'm seven. Wait, so like that maybe? Yes.

Yeah. Yes, exactly. Actually really close to that kind of thing. Yeah. Um, and the one we were allowed to play on was just text-based games. There was no like... Yeah. You know, there was no fucking like little bison you could shoot.

Austin used to have, oh, you know what I did too? I said, I don't know if I'll get a response, but you know, because the show's ending at the end of the year, I sent an email to the office of like curatorial services or whatever at the American History Museum, seeing if we could donate the sound board and the recording equipment. That would be fucking awesome. That would be amazing. If they could have like, you know, the two 2020s podcasting, it's like the sound board

from Come Town, it's just next to Archie Bunker's chair. That would be amazing, dude. That picture they took of us outside of Funny Mops years ago. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Come Town. That would be...

It sounds bad. Well, it was. It was. It was. We didn't even read the email. Yeah. It went right to the trash. It went right into the garbage.

The sound board is in the garbage. Yeah. But you just said that someone is going to offer to pay you $50,000 for it. I hope so. Peter Thiel can fucking buy it. Peter Thiel. You straight good guy. Now I tell you, when I was a little kid, I would go to the American History Museum.

Have you ever been there? Yeah. Did you go there before 2007? Yes. It used to be awesome. That was like the best museum in the country and then they closed it for a long time to renovate it and they just took shit out of it and they renovated it and didn't add anything. They used to have an information age exhibit that was awesome.

They had old tube fucking computers and shit like a whole wall. I'm always fascinated by those gigantic computers that have less power than a fucking tomagotchi that they were going to space with. Yeah. It's insane. It's like what the technology was is like on a processor you have all these little electron gates that function as transistors basically. This was a gone off 1-0, you know, bits are, but it used to be like a fucking actual tube.

So something that was this big is now microscopic, so that's why that was like. So it went from my dick to your dick. If you're looking back at history, yes. If we're talking about like we're going, yeah, but we're looking at starts. No. We're looking at history. It starts with my dick. We're in the early computers.

We're looking at retrospect. The current computers are early in a sense that we're looking back in history. So we're, yes. We're looking at it from starting at history and going to today. Historically, they started at my dick, big tubes. And now they're at your dick, little microchips and you said yes earlier and you can't take it back. No.

I don't think you're understanding. If we're saying, if we're saying it's like that, then... Which it is. No. And we are saying that because it is like that. Mine is sort of, it's more powerful. It is powerful, but it's so tiny. It's funded by dark money.

That's, everything you're saying is true. Mostly used by the government too. And it's so big that it is... It's not big. That's, this is the first time... ...penetrated everybody's life. No. And every aspect of society.

No. So you can't go anywhere without being in the mundane. People are scared of it. People, if there's a force, they're scared of it. Because it's... Your goddamn right is too small. Because it's penetrated every aspect of it. You can barely feel it.

You wake up in the morning and my dick is in your face. It is kind of like the internet and computers because it has penetrated life, but you don't really feel it. Yeah. Because it's, so it's kind of just out ethereal. Yeah. Whereas like I said, my dick is a big tube. Yeah.

You just got to play the hit to get back to the basics on here. Oh, fuck. Damn, dude, my ass is on fire, but I am hungry. The fat man's dilemma, eat more and continue to shit painfully. That's the mood. Or don't eat anything. Maybe get a kombucha, maybe get a fucking water, flush my stomach out. I'm pretty sure I have hemorrhoids.

I've never really, just my asshole hurts and that must be what that is because I was straining for hours last night off that. And for everyone that wants to know what I ate to make me shit like this, part one is coming out Sunday. Yeah. This is kind of like Memento. It is like Memento. We're going to start podcasting like Memento.

In fact, it's a lot like Memento because Nick wrote, I am not gay on his arm. Don't suck that guy's dick no matter how much he says he's your boyfriend. I would love to get all those tattoos, just get a bunch of Memento tattoos. You do not have a boyfriend, don't suck Maurice's dick. It's just like a Hispanic janitor. Maurice is a great name who just figured out your disability and tricks you one out of every three times. Just fucking that guy.

You're my fucking boyfriend. We're gay. You're the bottom. How many times do I have to tell you this? Look, look at this polaroid of you sucking my dick. He's like, wait a minute, is that a gun to my head? He's like, no. Come on.

He's like, don't suck the Joe paint. Joe paint. No matter how convincing he is. Minute how long of Adam needing five minutes? This is honestly, it's truly hilarious. You're about to do the second read now in a second. He's like, I need five minutes. Whatever, man.

It's honestly nice because it does feel like five minutes. That's true. This thing breezes by when Adam's not here. He needs a break. He needs to prepare. He's in his office furiously writing bits. That would be great. He comes out.

He's like, I got it. My dick is like tubes from the, I don't know, the idea just came to me. He's got the living room bugged. Your dick is like computers and it's an original Adam Friedland thought TM. Oh, fuck. Maybe I'll have a bagel with just butter. That's cool. You know?

I hope my eyesight goes back to normal soon. What's wrong with him, man? You still can't see. I'll get like double vision in it. Interesting. I don't know. I don't know. I guess I have to go back to the ophthalmologist at some point, but it'll just like fucking

twitch all the time. How long do you have? Are you done with antibiotics? The antibiotics are done now. Nice. But they're still, they told me I have to go back or, so I got a bunch of scar tissue they got cut out. Damn.

You're about to have fucking eyelid surgery? Yeah. Fuck yeah, dude. Yeah. Blue told me he did that. He went to a plastic surgeon, though. Really? Yeah.

Why? What happened? He's got, he's, he just gets like horrific styes. Really? Yeah. A bunch of, like a bunch of, yeah. Damn. He was like, yeah, I had to get like wipes because I got like shitty Puerto Rican shitty

eyes. Racist towards his own eyes. Yeah, right. Ridge wallet. Oh, our friends are back. Our homies over at Ridge Wallet. Ridge Wallet named after the condoms that you use for her pleasure. Ridge.

Ridge for her pleasure. If you ever want to drive a girl wild, put one of those titanium wallets in her pussy. Ridge for her pleasure. A great company started by a father and son. I mean, that's Americana, folks. You know, they started a small, they had a plan, they had an idea and now they're millionaires together. Isn't that beautiful?

I love my Ridge wallet. It's a great wallet. I, I rocked it for a while. Now I have the case, phone case one. I like the little bag. It's my little day bag whenever I'm on a little, you know, I'm the, I'm the 10,000 step bastard. I'm trying to get back to fitness slowly by walking again and, you know, actually, you know what?

I'm around the 15,000 step bastard. I'm not quite 20 because my fucking fat feet hurt and I soak those bitches sometimes, but I'm the 15,000 step bastard. And when I'm running around Queens doing errands and every once in a while, I want to keep my keys somewhere. I want to fucking, you know, maybe I pop into a shop. I buy a little pre-cut pineapple as a little snack while I watch NBA playoff basketball. I have the Ridge backpack.

They're not just wallets, folks. They got backpacks. They got little knives. What else they got? A whole fucking line of shit. Probably those hooks or there's like carabiner shits. Fuck. Yeah.

It's a really awesome place. I think I'm trying to remember if they have a promo code or not, see the Comtown or Comtown 20. Let's take a look at the website. Let's take a look. Ridgepussy.com. That's the, that's the, that's the fucking secret line. If you go to Ridgepussy.com, you can buy pussy right off their website.

Oh, and look, it's a Father's Day. No, it's Father's Day. It's Father's Day. They go hard on Father's Day. That's, I was wondering, Mike, they place their ads. I guess people buy these for their dads, which you should. You know what? I might get one for my dad.

Yeah. They got travel. They got key cases. They got everyday carry. One for my dad so I can put his zero dollars in it. Yeah. His Panera. We could all do that for our dads.

His Panera fucking loyalty card. It's the one thing in there. Oh, it looks like they have a new red. That's cool. For AIDS. Yeah. Which I, that was my, one of my first, one of my first cell phones was the red razor. The Motorola Red Razor.

Fucking awesome, honestly. Yeah. They got the red one or our original durable coating. Let's see. Wow. It's a key cases. That's pretty cool. I do like that a lot actually.

I might go key case. Yeah. I got too many fucking keys. Oh, you got your, you're on your janitor shit. Well, I think there's three keys to my apartment. I got my car keys. That's way too many. I have two facilities that I frequent that require.

Sure. The gay sex auditorium. The bath house and the gay sex auditorium. Yeah. You know about me and my facilities that I keep. I like these key keys. These are fucking new. I haven't seen these in a while.

Every day carry. That means guns. The problem, the problem with the, with this is I have fat keys. I have that, you know that in New York, but I'm sure they work for those two folks. I'm sure they work for those. That's really nice actually. Because it feels like a knife, but it's just keys. Yeah.

That is awesome. And they got, they got little fucking packs. You want your fucking daily driver kit and they got, you can match your keys to your wallet like a cute little bitch. They got fucking pens now. Oh my God. You can write out all your, you can write out your fucking enemies list. Yeah.

The Ridge fucking pen. And then you could fucking, I would love that. Although I'm too old for an enemies list at this point. Richard Nixon had one. He's older than you. Yeah. Fucking kill them, dude. That's true.

That is true. I think I died young. Young and beautiful. It is funny that he just had like a whole life after being a disgraced president. Yeah. Like he was like, I saw like a picture of old ass Nixon hanging with like the Jets. Yeah. And they were like hell yeah.

Honestly, I would love to hang out with the disgraced Richard Nixon. Well, he didn't, wouldn't he die like 93? He was older than my dick, dude. He was older shit. Nixon death. I wonder when his wife died. Do you think he was getting pussy at it like in like 89 when he was 89 1994 is when he died.

Wow. Yeah. That's fucking. How old was he? I don't know. I remember him dying. Yeah. When I was a kid.

Yeah. I don't remember Nixon at all, dude. As a fucking kid. Richard M. Nixon, 37th president dies in 81. Okay. He looks fucking. Yeah. He's Joe Biden's age.

Joey B. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So he died in 94. When did his wife die? Nixon wife death. 93.

So he had a year of getting pussy probably. A year of getting pussy. For sure. Yeah. For sure, dude. Viagra had had it come out in 94 was that 96? No. Okay.

Let's look that up. No. That was because Bob Dole was a guy. Remember? Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. I don't know.

Maybe if any of that's a year, you know. 98. Oh, damn. Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait. They patented in 96. It came out in 98. So he, it's okay. So maybe Nixon was, was just getting, maybe he was just getting his dick sucked, his limp

old dick sucked. This is truly wild. Whatever is going on. Yeah. What is going on with him? Yeah. So maybe something bad happened. I don't know.

And I'm not rooting for it. Yeah. But it's possible. I already have to piss again because I drank all that water. Well, good. You can go, man. Because of my damn allergies. Can I?

Do you mind? Yeah. I don't give a fuck. Damn. I'm going to piss. I'm going to piss. So okay. Let's read about Pat Nixon here, folks.

Honestly, not that big of a piece of ass, if I'm going to be honest with you. In fact, look, Jackie Onassis, people talk about hers being really hot. I, I always felt her eye, there was something weird about her eyes. But let me, you know what? Let me look at Pat Nixon young, because I'm seeing her at 80. That's not, that's not when the pussy's ripe. Obviously, we all know that. The pussy is overripe at that point.

I'm going to be honest, Pat Nixon could honestly, could never get it. Her face is too fucked up. She's got a long jaw, just a sharp, sharp nose, sharp chin. I don't really like, I'm not a chin guy when it comes to getting pussy. I don't want that shit jutting out. I mean, I suppose it's a case by case basis. Yeah, dude, even, even when they're really young, Nixon looks hot. This bitch is looking, I mean, not hot, but it looks good.

She's looking fucked up, honestly. She looks like the mask. And their baby looks fat as fuck, honestly. Which is cute, I like a fat baby. Okay, so, yeah, the younger pictures of her look even, oh, the profile's horrendous. This bitch is looking like fucking the, like the moon. She looks like Jay Leno. She looks like the bananas and pajamas.

Okay, so she's out. Let's see what Lady Bird Johnson looked like when she was young. Was she, was she fuckable? Because you know, you know what's his face, um, Lyndon, you know Lyndon was slinging cock and he had a big ass dick, oof, Lady Bird kind of looks, she honestly looks a little like Lyndon. Yikes. These bitches were trash.

Now I see why everybody did want to fuck Jackie O, because it's kind of like the, it's kind of like, you know, it was just like an era shift. She brought us into slightly fuckable. It's like, you know, how you watch, you watch, um, uh, footage from the NBA in the 80s and it's like, no one is that good in today's, in the modern era. So Lady Bird was a fucking dog. I'm going through, uh, president, first ladies and first ladies lives, apparently, uh, Lou CK and what's his name?

Shane Gillis just did this with the presidents. Oh really? They went through and they said what they could remember. I don't know. Shane told me that. Shane told me that they did that on a six hour podcast. Damn. I said, can you imagine the kind of psycho that would listen to a six hour Shane Gillis

Louie CK podcast? Six is too long. I mean, but that's gotta be, that's gotta be the, of all the types of podcast listeners, the guy that's going to sit down and strap in for six hours of president history. Yeah. With, with Louie CK and Shane Gillis. Oh, that's a strange guy. Yeah.

But you know what? They, if you stretch it out over a while, doesn't sound so bad, 20 minutes here, 20 minutes there. Yeah. Anyway, that's not what I'm doing. I'm going through who's fuck, which first ladies are fuckable. Um, who is that, who, who did, uh, okay, we already covered Jackie. Uh, Reagan's wife, obviously was super head, Jimmy Carter.

Let's look at Jimmy Carter's bitch, Georgia Carter, Jim, Jimina Carter, yeah, La Shonda Carter, Rosalind. That would be awesome. Yeah. Yeah. He's has a big fat black lady. Yeah. Rosalind was all right.

She was all right. Better than the other two bitches. I'll tell you that much. Yeah. You know, I never understood it. I don't know. I don't understand a lot of things like both Kennedy and Jackie Onassis are ugly people. Yeah.

But that's what I'm saying. Compared to these bitches, she was hot. I will say, like her immediate predecessors, she could kind of get even though there was something off about her eyes. Yeah. Hey, both Kennedy had fucked up eyes. He was like walleye, dude. He had one eye all bugged out and went all the other place.

Didn't he get his ass? Did that happen from being at war or whatever? He's be at back pain from war. Gotcha. So like in private, he was always like, oh, yeah, I got to sit down on the couch. You got to get on top. My ass feels like it was blown out. No, I can't fuck you from the back.

You've got to suck my cock. I love that the whole suck of being nine penis. Fuck being nine penis. Fuck being nine penis. What the fuck? And he's like, who gave me this copy? Why is this? This is not German.

Fuck being nine penis. Suck being nine penis. I don't know why that. That's really good. Yeah. This is giving me strong dick-muss-buss vibes. Dick-muss-buss. I don't even know what that is.

Just walking around Montreal. Dick-muss-buss. Dick-muss-buss. Oh, I think that was Nixon. It was Nixon. But I forget it was like, we were looking at like Nixon campaign shit while walking around Montreal. Interesting.

We came up with dick-muss-buss. Dick-muss-mother-fucking-buss. I swear to God, if at this point he tries to sit down and get on the couch. That would be funny. If he does, though. Adam. Everything okay? Adam?

It's going to be some bullshit. He's going to be a phone call about like the exterminator not coming tomorrow. He's going to treat it like, no, he was supposed to come tomorrow. Something must have. I'm going to give him the benefit of that. It is funny to be in Adam's apartment. He's in here. No, he's not.

Oh, he left? He left, yeah. I thought he was in the bedroom taking a phone call. I mean, I just walked by there. He's not in there. Is the door open? It looks closed. Is it closed?

It's closed. He's in there. I think it's cracked open. When I walk by the piss, I think. Interesting. I don't know. I don't really know. Who tapes cookies?

Is there anything in there? No, but I'm thinking. Oh, yeah. I can't yet. I know. I'm sorry. My ass is fucked. What kind of world?

I thought it was open. I know. But like, what kind of world do you live in where this is possible? He opened the tapes, but not the Doritos. That you can have this much beef jerky sitting here. You know what it is. This is, he came back early from his long weekend to do the podcast. It's road snacks.

I think it's road snacks, but I also think it's just no girlfriend snacks. Just a boy's night. He comes in, watches basketball, but he doesn't even crack the Doritos. You know what really hurts? The whole reason I got that Papa John's pizza is because what I really wanted was a little cool ranch Dorito. Not at my grocery store, not at my bodega, not at the other bodega. Oh, you went to three places.

Went to three places for cool ranch Doritos. It's all within one block, you know, grocery store around the bodega, across from the bodega. Like you're picking something up for your pregnant wife. Did I also have breakfast cereal in my backpack? Yes. That I bought from the grocery store? Like I had, I was told you I had a depressive episode. I needed to fucking, you know, I needed to feel good.

I love that. I couldn't find them anywhere, what do we see here, completely unopened, large Doritos bag. I mean, it's like Adam's mocking me by not even cracking them open. This beef jerky's pretty good. Oh yeah? Yeah, it's real dressed down. Is this pepper?

Is it chewy? It's good. Try it. You get a piece. It's kind of shit. You can always, anywhere, every, every, all over the country, there's a guy that has a local business making his own beef jerky and taking it to the gas stations in the area. It's true.

This is good. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Good consistency. Yeah. I'd like it just a little chewier. Fuck. Closing up.

Got pepper. Yeah. Pepper got me. I'll clean you out, man. Yeah, I'll pile on your fucking head. Yeah. That is a good jerky. That's old trapper, peppered beef jerky since 1969, naturally smoked, old trapper smoked

products, Inc. Forest Grove, Oregon. Wow. From Oregon. Very nice. Well, I guess that's where he was in. This must be a small local company that's owned by a Chinese, yeah, distributed by Lucky Xinhua.

Yeah, we're really fucked. We got a war with China, but we have any products? Nah, dude, we're so fucked. Nothing. Like a handful of shit from the other Asian country. This country is going down. Like, I'm sure everyone has felt that way in different parts of history, but we just know leadership, fucking a school shooting every fucking day.

Everyone's there. No one can get fucked. The economy is about to just fucking completely blow. It's going to crater. And everyone knows, literally everyone knows that we're facing like a once in a lifetime horrific catastrophic economic event. It's going to be like, you know, it's going to be the Great Depression. It's going to be that bad.

People won't be able to afford food. There's probably going to, I said it before, there's probably going to be like a big energy crisis this summer, fucking weeks without power. You know, that's going to cause, that's going to cause like riots and shit. We're probably what, a month away from that. And when it doesn't happen, it's because they knew I was on to it. Yeah. And like, we got to change the plan up.

The genius is logged on. Oh yeah. The speculator genius is logged on and he's on to our plans. He's going to short the power grid or something. That's what happened. I don't even know this, but I was queuing on, you know, your JFK junior. Yeah. And if you look, lined up all the queue drops, they end abruptly right when my girlfriend

cheated on me and left it. A lot of people don't know that. A lot of people don't know that. That is in fact the truth. Yeah. That's what happened is I was humiliated and I was like, I couldn't do my art anymore. Yeah. And I was like, fuck it.

I'll just send all these people into the Capitol smart. And if you see, there's a guy in the vents and a guy Fox mask. Yeah. That was Nick. Yeah. Overseeing at all. Yeah. What are we at here?

Minutewise. 57. Oh, beautiful. I know. I love it. Adam, really, it's, I mean, I wonder what's going on. I'm telling you, I know him. It's going to be bullshit.

Probably. It's going to be. It's at least something that could have waited one hour. Yeah. Interesting. Well, let's begin a nice long three minute wind down. Yeah. The cat in the hat live action movie.

Never saw it. It's gross. Did you see it? I remember. I remember like, you know, like every child I love Dr. Seuss and then every live action attempt they had. It was good. I didn't see the Grinch.

Grinch is good. But I'm like, what the fuck is that Jim carries a cartoon. Mike Myers is not cartoonish. He's his own thing. Yeah. It was weird. Like he wasn't the cat in the hat. I believe Rosie O'Donnell did a cat in the hat Broadway thing.

I remember because, as you know, as a child, that was a big Rosie O'Donnell Rosie hold on. You said all that shit about team sports earlier and I'm like, fuck, I wish there was an option for that. It doesn't really exist as an adult. It's tough. I mean, you can play like Wreck League shit. Yeah.

But a lot of I feel like a lot of those people are, you know, pick your own team. Yeah. Yeah, I know, man. I just feel like like what I'm saying is I want to go this summer, I'm going to go work out with my brother. Yeah. I'm going to find a gym and just shoot basketballs. Yeah.

Just because that's what I used to do when I was 14 and it was the best time of my life. Yeah. Wasn't worried about getting pussy. Yeah. Pussy was nowhere to be found. Yeah. Just hanging out with the boys. Yeah.

Shooting some hoops. Yeah. I was playing middle school basketball. I had been yet to be cut from the high school. You were 14 in middle school or whatever, 13, whatever age I was in eighth grade. How old are you in eighth grade, 12, 13, whatever, that's the year. And it was just going out, hanging out with all the fucking degenerates from Greek down. Fat Bill, little Bill, Bill P, Chinese Sam, Sam, Bill China, Bill and the China shot.

I wish we had a Chinese bill. That would have been awesome. If all my friends were named Bill, I'll tell you what, folks, you can hear about all of this on next week's premium episode. That's true. Patreon.com slash come town.