The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. 33 – Ugh. Wardell

Episode Date: December 29, 2016

I guess Brandon invited himself on the podcast again. I was too busy making smoothies to pay attention during this one. I’m sure he brought up some idiot vine star that a man his age (32) shouldn’t be obsessing over, ironically or otherwise.

Where can I get help hiring people with disabilities? There are hundreds of thousands of Canadians with disabilities who are ready to work, and many local organizations are available to help you find qualified candidates and make your workplace more accessible and inclusive. Visit Canada.ca slash right here to connect with one near you today. A message from the Government of Canada. I'm gay! I'm gay I'm gay

I'm gay I'm gay Woo We're doing a Quick level check here Hell yes bitch We started the podcast And then Brandon And Adam both left the room immediately.

Fucking pieces of shit. I don't even know. There's only one bathroom, so I don't know why they both had to get up. I think Brandon is sucking off Adam in the bathroom. What are you doing in my kitchen, Brandon? I have a little penis. Wait. It's probably because I'm gay.

Oh, dreidel, dreidel. Oh, no. Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel. I sucked you because I'm gay. Oh, dreidel, dreidel. Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel. I sucked you because I'm gay. I fucked my mom and dad. I have a little penis. That's the beauty of Hanukkah is that if you miss the chance to do the Christmas album,

you still have eight more days. Eight days, eight tracks. That's like a... Oh, shit, the cats are about to fight? Hopefully they will And kill each other Are there any more Hollandica songs

Eight days Eight tracks That'd be like a good Ted Nugent tour Hell yeah dude Ted Nugent The sex with underage Filipinos tour

Does he do that He did He had like a fucking I think his wife was like Fucking He married like a 14 year old, like some kind of exotic Asian. Well, I don't believe in the government telling him what to do.

Is that libertarian to be a pedophile? I think it is. Yeah. It's the most libertarian thing you can do. Keep the government out of my bedroom. You know what I mean? I'm trying to fuck beautiful Malaysian children

And I'm not trying to pay taxes on them Fuck no dude I'm not paying taxes on these little baby condoms I put on them and suck them off I want those shits for free I believe in small government But like small child Small government penises

Little ass kids do you think people suck off little kids and get any enjoyment out of that don't they yeah don't they fuck

what are they doing for work no but you think pedophiles are sucking on it I don't want to suck off this kid but I will

if I have to but a little kid's dick doesn't even get hard like really I mean it gets like that little kid's dick doesn't even get hard like yeah it does i mean it gets like that no it gets hard but you don't it doesn't you don't you remember remember like creepy best interactions right yeah right those were kind of the best but what are you doing it for for the sport before i could come i remember you'd come i would come soft

well i don't know if it's i don't know if it was necessarily an erection, but I remember at, like, my preschool graduation... Hell yeah. I, like, had this... There was this teacher that I was so... I was, like, so into, and I kept, like, moving my legs. I kept, like, moving my legs, like, on stage

because I was, like, looking at her. Like, I was, like, trying to... You were just beating off with your legs? But, yeah, I don't know if it was just, like, if my dick, like, just felt funny or if I, like, had, like, a prepubescent erection. No, if my dick just felt funny, or if I had a pre-pubescent interaction. No, you wanted to fuck your teacher, dude.

Yeah. I think, anyway, yeah. I think we've discussed little kids' penises. Nick is sitting at a desk for everyone at home. Yeah, this is a new cum town. Nick has a laptop and a desk. Yeah. Well, the desk was already here, and I already had the laptop.

We just have more space in the living room. The desk has been cleared off. So I'm trying to sing where I'm a producer now. Yeah, we're on the... Well, the desk was already here and I already had the laptop. We just have more space in the living room. The desk has been cleared off. So I'm trying to sing where I'm a producer now. Yeah. So this is the booth I can keep an eye

on the levels and stuff and I don't have to contribute anything. Well, we can talk about little kids. I made a smoothie and now I don't... Do I need a straw?

I just chugged my shit straight out the blender, dude. I can't. It's too much... It's too frothy. What did you put inged my shit straight out the blender, dude. I can't. It's too much. It's too frothy. What did you put in there, dude? Ginger, apples, lemon. Look at this.

Look how thick in the cup. Yeah. I don't like that, dude. That's a bad combo. I'd go kale, spinach, tomatoes, carrots, apple. How much water do you put in there? I put a nice amount of almond milk in there. Yeah, put almond milk.

I put a cup of water and some orange juice. Water, dude. Come on. I don't have almond milk. Get some almond milk. I'm going to make my own with the Vitamix. No, you can only make almond butter with it. You can make almond milk with it.

I don't think so. You're really excited about the Vitamix and the group text. Yeah. Vitamix is good, dude. Yeah. That's that good shit. I'm a new man since that Vitamix, dude. That's that good shit. I'm a new man since that VitaMix, dude. Jesus Christ.

Cats just almost fucking assaulted Brandon. What if they fucked Brandon's face up? What if the cats fucked Brandon's face up? I wouldn't call the hospital. That's libertarian, too. You can't have a hospital. They're going to throw up on me this time. Maybe you're the problem. I know it. What's that? Maybe it's something about me. You can't have a hospital. They're going to throw up on me this time. Maybe you're the problem.

I know it. What's that? Maybe it's something about me. Brandon's sick as his cats. You're so beta that the cats get fucking sick. I'm like the opposite of a cat whisperer, where cats just fucking cuck me. Yeah. Well, I see cuck you.

Got my cats in the garage. Yeah, hell yeah, dude. We're marrying. What's the... So... Uh, fucking... I fucking hate going to the post office.

Why don't we get stiffed up, Tommy? What does he say for adamandeve.com? I fucking hate having sex. Hey! That's why I get

dildos to shove in my ass. You know Listen Barack Obama Thank you for doing the show But I gotta get something off my fucking chest He cut off the Obama interview To plug dildos

He was like I'm sorry Mr. President Put that in your ass Pow I just shit my pants Thanks for coming on the show President Obama I'm sorry, Mr. President. Put that in your ass. Pow, I just shit my pants. Thanks for coming on the show, President Obama. Can I make coffee in the Vitamix? I don't think so. What if you put the whole beans in there, you grind them up, then you put water in,

then you put it on soup, and then it's the entire process. Yeah, but then you wouldn't be able to filter out the beans. Unless you poured all of it into a coffee filter. You just drink the motherfucking beans. Yeah, then you just do it. Yeah, then you do a pour over on top of it. You pour it over the cup. Does it boil?

What's that? No, it doesn't boil. It'll boil. It'll boil? It'll get hot as shit, dude. How does it do that? It's just the kinetic energy. Exactly, dude. It's so fucking fast. Yeah, don't lean that against as shit, dude. How does it do that? It's just the kinetic energy. Exactly, dude. It's so fucking fast. Yeah, don't lean that against my TV, please. Don't lean it against the TV.

Get that fucking shit off my TV. Woo! Yo. God damn it. You immediately come over and fuck up my purchases. Disrespect my expenditures. Your TV's broken now. Seriously, just look at me right now.

Look at the amount of money I've wasted and I surrounded myself with. What is this? Like $2,000? This is a $500 blender. How much is the TV? $1,000. Pretty soon, Nick's going to be on the fucking deck

of the Starship Enterprise. All your gizmos and gadgets I'm gonna Skype myself into the show from that Titanic remake that they made

that India made did you see that no not India but some Indian country and I know that sounds racist how's that what

Bangladesh you know what I mean a country that's you know it's not India but it's India South Asia Sri Lanka I love how much

these cats disrespect brandon get on this chair and shit on my face well one of these countries they like they're like we have to make another titanic yeah and they like remade they made it like completely to spec they remade the titanic wait oh the yeah and it's like launching next year what yeah well i mean i guess they'll have fucking... But you gotta imagine, because that movie has to do really well internationally, because it's such a bullshit accessible story. Right.

And it's not like a great script, so it translates easy. Right, right, right. It's not much to think about. It's like the poor guy gets to fuck the rich woman. Yeah, which is awesome. So I imagine that translated into, again, not Indian, but Sherpa Indian or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Whichever country. Maybe it just wasn't. It's not India. It's got to be India, dude. What other country has that kind of cash? They just spent all their money. Bangladesh. The president of Bangladesh ran on that platform of, like, we're going to remake Titanic, people.

We're going to empty out the fucking treasury. And one lucky poor man gets to fuck my wife. Yeah. Well, my wife plays Rose. The most beautiful woman in Bangladesh. He just likes getting cucked. This is all just a fucking huge cucks role play for him. I mean, every Judd Apatow

movie is like Paul Rudd fucking Judd Apatow's wife. Judd Apatow's just like, hey, Paul Rudd, can you fuck my wife again? It's Australian and Chinese. Whoa. That sounds like a nice combo.

I don't know where I got Indian. Being racist and wanting to do the voice? Yeah. What's a Chinese-Australian guy? I'm sure it's all, it's got to be nothing but the Arabs

that are going on this trip. Huh? Oh, yeah. It's only Arabs. That honestly sounds like Dubai more than anything. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It seems like... That's the kind of dumb shit that they do.

They love to waste their money on dumb things. Now, back to my Vitamix. It's a fucking ice big. Ice big. Ice fucking huge. No, dude. It's got to be Chinese and Australian. I fucking hate Titanic.

I hate that whole movie. I love the titties. I hate that scene in the beginning where he's like... The titties were nice, dude. Is it F. Murray Abraham? Yeah, man. Fifth grade. He's the guy that's like,

this ship is perfect. Not even God himself could sink it. You know? This is such a perfect ship that even in the third act of the movie nothing bad will happen yeah that movie

fucking sucked dick I don't know how old the lunch table I remember the lunch yeah the lunch table in fifth grade I like everyone

that Monday after Titanic came out they're like yo you see Rose's titties and she had some beautiful fat titties as far as titties look I would have been thrilled to see, yo, you see Rose's titties? And she had some beautiful fat titties. And she has some nice ones. Look, I would have been thrilled to see any titties, but fucking Rose's titties.

What's Kate? Kate Winslet, dude. Well, I had like the, my mom had like the VHS, like the movie on like two VHS tapes. And so I would like, I'd pop one in and pop one off yeah i'd pop one into my ass no i never i as we discussed i didn't jack yeah brandon doesn't beat off later but i would like just you know i'd appreciate titties but so you would just get hard and and not even touch your dick look at my boner you would look at it and suck it just I'd just wait for it to go away. I would get hard and I'd slam my boner.

That's how I feel about your career, Brandon. Just look at it. Want it to slowly dissipate? Dude, just speed. You can speed it up up Suck off his career And it'll go away faster How would you suck off my career? I don't know

I'm trying to figure that out Put your entire mouth around you Maybe you're the Maybe you're the dick in this metaphor Please expand this premise For an hour Alright, I got it Hold on

Maybe we just Here's how you suck off your career How do you suck off my career? We film you sucking us off and release it as a sex tape one night in brandon do you know do you know what brandon's life is like in la dude it's like he's got like the older brother character robes man good one baby bro yeah one, baby bro. Good one, baby bro. And then he's got a turtle.

He's got a turtle. Sexiest turtle. Sexual Jumanji. Sexiest turtle. Okay. Who's got a tequila company that he's investing in. Are we still talking about Titanic? This is a character in Titanic?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, we're talking about Brayden's life. Oh, yeah! I started reading a fact about how to remove the foam from my smoothies i don't like your new producer setup dude this is like adam on but with a computer yeah it's true a computer and a desk and a desk i might go get my office chair out of the room all right go ahead what no i'm i'm helping i'm doing yeah i mean i looked at the titanic thing i fact what's that what does it say about the foam? What's that? What does it say about the foam?

It's caused by insoluble fiber or some shit. I don't want to fucking learn science. I just want to drink vegetables so I don't have to fucking make a salad. I know. That's absolutely the only reason I eat a fucking damn smoothie. Yeah. Dude, just fucking blend that shit up. Never have to eat fucking gross ass

vegetables you can just eat bacon and eggs and then drink fucking veggies real quick that's what i do every morning i have a healthy ass smoothie and then i eat like five strips of bacon are you a smoothie boy oh fuck yeah dude dude you haven't been paying attention to the happenings dude i got a damn vitamin mix i got one first nick kind of copied me actually i think is the i had one i had one first shut the fuck up no you didn't you didn't have one your roommates had one i had access to one first and you never brought it up you know i've never heard you talk about me because i'm not a big braggy pants like when's the last time you made a smoothie bitch last time i made a smoothie before i was making every time i've been in adam's apartment shut up it's true every

fucking time what did he make? Don't answer, Adam. What kind of smoothies? Don't look at him. There was like, it was fucking, he took out some like freezer berries. Yep.

I remember that one. This is what you do, guys. True smoothie head hours. You go to Costco, you get the frozen fruit. The big ass bags of frozen fruit That's fucking sugar dude You're making sorbet

I'm making healthy ass Nah son Motherfucking No no You add the fruit You just add the fruit in for taste Yeah for taste You put a bunch

You know you should use kale Instead of spinach I use kale and spinach No you should use just kale Rather than spinach Why? Dark leafy greens? Well spinach has

Oxates in it to fuck you up If you eat too much of it I'm not eating too much dude I'm spinach has oxates in it to fuck you up. If you eat too much of it. I'm not eating too much, dude. I'm eating a handful of spinach a day. Fuck you up. Well, you're going to get fucking oxate poisoning. No, I don't think fucking spinach poisoning is going to be my issue. What do oxates do?

That's what happens. I think a couple other foods are going to get to me first. Spinach poisoning. You get spinach poisoning and then your fucking forearms get huge. Fuck yeah. You only want to fuck skinhead. A guy named Bruno fucks your wife all the time. get huge fuck yeah and uh you only wanna fuck skinny ass ugly women that guy named Bruno

fucks your wife all the time your big fat friend keeps trying to get you to buy cheeseburgers for him olive oil was hot olive oil was not hot bitch I would've fucked olive oil olive oil was not thick AF

olive oil had a big ass fucking chin no she was not thick she was not thick I'm about to look up olive oil right the fuck now she looked like shit

she was ugly she was skinny as shit have you seen the Robin Williams all bodies are beautiful yeah pull up olive oil have you seen the Robin Williams? All bodies are beautiful. Yeah, pull up olive oil. Have you seen the Robin Williams, Robert Altman Popeye?

Yeah, it's a piece of shit. Have you seen the Elliot Gould, Robert Altman Popeye? Dude, she's got big ass feet, big ass hands. It's called one eye to pop. Have you seen the Elliot Rodger Popeye? That was my favorite one, dude.

Oh, man. Shouts out to Elliot roger big the elliot would have been so funny if he did it was on r slash cringe like three days before he killed you stabbed all these people is that real yeah that's like that's i thought you're making a joke foodie was talking about watching the elliot roger videos yeah before it happened really and then being like oh no whoops yikes i should have said something but i don't know like the whole r slash community fucked up on that one yeah well you know because there's so many there's so many elliot rogers online that don't right right right right you know yeah yeah yeah yeah r.i.p rest in peace yeah r slash cringe like fell off though um i've never i've never gone i'm not a big reddit boy i used to be a real cringe head

yeah yeah i used you were the kind of guy that would shit on reddit and then just exclusively go to reddit for entertainment as a in your d in the virginia days dude yeah you remember used to beat to reddit what's that no i still do yeah there's like so many subreddits that are but except pornhub gave gave me a free uh premium account so what's pornhub premium what's that what is that i mean it's just pornhubpremium.com and like shit they have more stuff it's well it's all the stuff that they normally have no ads no ads

what's your login bro but then also like fucking like like real premiums shit my username is sexualjumanji

can I have it also on a premium and my avatar is alexjones give us the login bitch I'll share I'll share my yeah

hell yeah dude I got Brandon just vaulted himself into number one friend of the show Give us the login, bitch. I'll share my... Yeah. Hell yeah. Dude, I got it. Brandon just vaulted himself into number one friend of the show. I veto that. That's not happening. He's giving us the Pornhub, dude. What's that? He's giving us his Pornhub premium account.

Who gives a shit? You pay for pornography? No, I would never pay. No, they gave me a free premium account. But who cares? What the fuck is the worth of that? Who's... A lot. What? What the fuck is the worth of that? A lot.

What? What the fuck do you get out of Pornhub Premium? Oh, I mean, a lot. I hope you're sponsored by them and we're fucking up your endorsement right now. By shitting all over Pornhub Premium. Why the fuck would you ever want that? They got some browsers vids, full vids. You can download all that shit. Adblock doesn't work on Pornhub.

I've used Pornhub with Adblock. Don't on Pornhub. I've used Pornhub. Don't use Pornhub. You have so much pornography. Every porn site has ads. You know what? It should be... Paying for pornography and downloading child porn should be the same crime. You should go to jail for the equal amount of time doing either one of those things.

I would never pay for porn. But I would accept a free premium. Sure. Absolutely. Do they have is it kind of like Netflix where they have like different providers

like you get that good browser shit or the There's some of that. Okay. Yeah. Okay. You know I was thinking you said child porn.

There's a lot of premium exclusives. I love it. See Nick? If you agree don't say anything but you're holding the microphone. Hold on. See, Nick? If you agree, don't say anything, but be holding the microphone. Hold on.

I guess Nick agrees. If you agree, wipe your mouth with a paper towel. I keep spilling juice everywhere. I just discovered, I was saying outside, I just discovered this guy. I was on X-Hamps or Pornhub or something, and there's this guy. You know which one it was. Who does Interviews

With porn stars At like conventions It's like this little Creepy Italian man Who wears suits And he's like I'm here with The most beautiful

Woman in the world Lisa Ann He's like Isn't she beautiful And they do like A really like Fucking awkward interview Someone

One of the fans find that guy for me he's like a paparazzi he's a porno paparazzi yeah he's like a porno yeah like he's me the italian faggot I love beating off my favorite thing

to do is go to the cafe and have a cappuccino beat off I gotta find this guy you were talking about cringe earlier yeah yeah yeah there's one of like the top videos was that dude losing his virginity to a porn star oh yeah yeah yeah do you remember that one suck yeah one that was on e-fucked first oh hell yeah he fucked is the throwback dude that's classic i feel like this should be this should be you know it's fucked up that millennials get lumped into the same category, because there's definitely a generational gap between people that are

from the mean internet, the way the internet used to be. That was our internet. That was my internet. It informed my personality. Were you on something awful? I'm a borderline psychopath. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then this new internet that's like, you're not allowed to hurt anybody's feelings ever.

That's why you log on is to be nice. What the fuck are you talking about? You're using this the completely wrong way. Dude, the best video I ever saw on E-Fucked was this fucking guy. It was a couple and it was just like these creepy white people that hired some like black dude to fuck, you know, it was like a cuck. creepy white people that hired some like black dude to fuck you know it was like

a cuck and the guy so the black guy sitting at the edge at the top of the bed and the husband I guess is fucking his wife like to warm her up

or whatever and so the guy's head their head is by the guy's dick and the guy's fucking his wife and he keeps inching closer

with every pump he comes closer he inches closer to the guy's dick. And he just starts sucking off the black dude. Who's like waiting to fuck his wife. So he's fucking his wife. The guy is fucking his wife before the black guy fucks her.

And as he fucks his wife, he sucks off the black dude. Yeah, he comes up. Like fucking coming up for air and starts sucking off. Like with every pump, he gets a little suck off. And the guy's eyes are the best. It's the best fucking face i've ever seen in my life the guy's just like it's like the fucking it's like the uh the uh is he like smiling no he's like fucking weirded out he's like he's like oh he doesn't want to know no no

it's like the fucking waka it's like the waka like okay meme, he's making those weird side eyes. I'm just like... He's just getting his dick sucked. Could you imagine thinking you're going to fuck someone's wife and some guy starts sucking your dick? The black guy's making a face. Yeah. Oh, yes. The black guy's making a face. He's, like, so not into getting his dick sucked.

It was awesome. Yeah, dude. Check out that vid, guys, if you can find it it's brought a lot of joy to my life my two favorites were uh on effect uh there's one that was like you know it's uh two women on a bed and they're shoving eels in their pussies yes electric eels in their pussies and then this camera slowly tracks to the side and the shot gets wider and then it just this guy from the edge of the frame comes in and he's got like a blowfish

and he's just fucking it in the mouth. Slowly, he's just standing next to the woman and he's like shoving this dumb fish's head over his dick and it's inflating

because it doesn't know what else to do other than to get bigger. Probably making the experience more pleasurable for the man. Like, why don't I have spikes on the inside? I didn't think about this. I was worried about being eaten and something much worse happened.

That's like a perfect lesson for life, you know? Absolutely. We all have our spikes in a lot of ways. And then what happens? The IRS comes and they stick their dick in your mouth. Absolutely. That's why we're all libertarians. Cancer or something.

Cancer is that dick going into the blowfish's mouth um fuck oh and then the second one my other favorite one was uh it was some website where it was like it was like glory hole surprise or something or like uh you know a guy would be like you know wait what could the surprise be like what do you think is coming out of that so it'd be'd be, like, you know, a guy that's, like, you know, like, all right, let me, you know. He's, like, it'd be shot from the girl's side of the glory hole. And, you know, it'd be a guy, like, you know, she's, like, pass the money underneath. And he's, like, let me see, like, a titty or something. So she, like, put her titty up the hole. And then the girl starts sucking the guy's dick.

And then she, like, trades off for, like, a guy. But the guy always has a mustache. So, like, the guy will, like, feel like the guy's dick, and then she, like, trades off for, like, a guy. But the guy always has a mustache. So, like, the guy will, like, feel like the man's mustache. And then Hulk will be like, oh, fuck! Wait, was that real? Yeah, yeah.

Oh, that's awesome. Yeah, let me see if I can find it. We should do that. We should do pranks like that, guys. Yeah, that's great. Dude, that's, like, I think impractical joke is to the Sal. I think, uh's like impact i think impractical jokers to the extremely practical jokers oh fuck yeah that was glory hole surprise on mtv2

yeah rob posted by rob deardex lori whole surprise what it's just him showing those videos being like what chanel just giggling for no reason adding absolutely nothing to the show oh yeah that's it oh like it's it's just uh that whole show is like rob being like oh man like oh uh oh like good job falling and then you know what's gonna be like that's gotta hurt rob it's just it's just out my balls the tv show literally it's completely out my balls i wrote on it for two days one time hell yeah ridiculous it was like do you get anything do you get any sketches on it was was... They, like... You, like, yell out jokes at that. Like, Andy Haynes, like, hooked me up with it.

And it was, like... Yeah. I, like, wasn't doing anything that week, and I was like, oh, I want money this week. Yeah. Can you let me in the room? But, yeah, I think Rob Dyrdek didn't like me. Yeah. Well, I wonder why, dude. Yo, I would have just walked in there fucking kicked foot.

Yeah, Rob... You and Rob Dyrdek are the same guy, except Rob Dyrdek can, like, actually skateboard. He has, like, one actual talent, and it's misapplied. And you have zero talents. He also is the founder of... He owns Monster. And DC Shoes. Yeah.

Yeah, he's a very good businessman, too. Yeah, he's a great businessman. Holy shit. Now I'm just watching porn. Yo, I can't find this Italian guy that interviews interviews the porn stars i've been like sounds like another classic adam friedland lie i can't find it about content that doesn't exist it's real we're just pitching a sketch no i'm here with the most beautiful girl in the world this is a spanish uh porn producer named Torbe or something. I can't remember his name, but he's this chody.

He looks like he's got a Ron Jeremy thing going on, but he doesn't have a big dick. He's just some chody guy, and he fucks all these high women. He's like, I make porn. He's Borat? Yeah, basically. That's so awesome. Everyone who's not from America is Borat. Yeah, you could just make porn.

People would fucking... I knew a guy... I know a guy... Yeah, where is that? Where's that smell coming from? It's the cat shit again. Where is it? From the litter box.

Right behind you. Right behind you. Dumbass. Pick him up, dude. Suck off the turds. Let's put the cat shit on Brandon. Show prank. We're going to treat you like an intern here.

We should get an intern. We should get an intern that could just go fucking buy smoothie supplies for me. That would be awesome. While I'm sitting here next to my sweet laser printer. Yeah, we should get some Jewish girl from Westchester that goes to NYU. Yeah. They'll work so hard. Why don't we just dress you up

like a Jewish girl? I could do it. I could be Rebecca Schwartz. Nah, we can't because she's going to fall in love with me and I'll seduce her and fuck her. Change your name to Jerry. Your name's Jerry now. I used to do a bit like when everyone was... That fucking cat shit got here now. Yeah, that shit smells so bad. I used to do a bit when

everyone was like, ISIS, the new terrorist group with... Now it's licking its own asshole. Yeah. Oh, gosh, dude. Anyway, what were you saying about it? I used to do a bit where it was like, ISIS, the new terrorist group with great social media presence. And I was like, yeah, that's all because of Rebecca Goldstein, recent graduate at NYU.

She's like, yeah, I got an internship. They don't pay me yet, but it's for a startup and they're growing really fast. They're called ISIS. And, oh my God, this cat. Great broadcasting. Hell yeah, dude. Do you have an internship?

Yeah, I interned at the Peace Corps headquarters in D.C. when I was in college. And I used to just go through people's i was in the office of medical records i was just filing but i just read how people got fucked up on the peace corps oh shit and it was pretty sad i mean there you know there was like a lot of um because they really put you out there alone you know you're like in indigenous villages and stuff like all alone and there were a lot of girls that were filing for abortions through workers' comp.

Because they were so lonely out there that they had sex with a local guy and then they got pregnant. Through workers' comp? You get a workers' comp abortion? I guess so. Yeah, I guess so. That's a good deal. Yeah, dude. Yeah, yeah.

I mean, that's maybe... That seems kind of crazy. You just get dicked down. What? Look, the cat shit literally right behind Brandon. I didn't even make it to the fucking... Yeah, just shit on the floor. Yo, can we please clean this up?

It's like stifling. We have to wait until the show's over, dude. Yeah, dude, there's no time. We're in the middle of the show. You know how unprofessional it would be to get up and go do something else in the middle of the show? Just open the window. Last time I was here, it ended because the cat threw up. The cat threw up everywhere.

Yeah, they're pretty terrible cats. I didn't think you had to deal with house-breaking cats. Yeah, I want a nice little cute cat. That's what I want. I want that cute little cat My mom's cats are tight as shit dude They just fucking You know

Talk about your dad Oh my dad Yeah Christmas break He's brought it up before Did I I don't think I even did No no no

But talk more about it The Like I You tweeted about Yeah yeah yeah You put Hercules is gay Like My little brother trolled.

Yeah, we just trolled my fucking father all Christmas. He was my little brother. Yeah, I tweeted this, but he put Alexander the Great was gay on Google Translate and played it in Greek. And my dad was just like, what the fuck? First of all, he doesn't know what Google Translate is. He has no idea that you can get a computer to read something for you. He thinks the computer just hates Greek. Yeah, he thinks it's like some...

And then he was like, who said that? He asked my brother who it was. And it was like... And then eventually he asked if it was Siri, because I guess he knows what Siri is. He was like, was that Siri? Is that what Siri is? Just makes fun of fucking Greek people?

And then my little brother put, then he put, Alexander the Great fucks little boys. And then he said he had a little penis. So by that point, I think my father

finally got it, but, yeah, it's fun trolling my fucking dumbass, my dumbass dad. He has so much Greek pride for no fucking reason. Well, he got a lot to be proud of.

Yeah, dude. He's got a successful son. That's right. You know, that's now a podcast legend. Does he know about podcasts? He has no idea what the podcast is. He doesn't know about the podcast? No.

Oh, man, I wish my parents didn't speak English. He did come see me at McGo and uh after years of telling me to quit comedy he was like oh yeah you could keep doing comedy he liked it he liked it yeah yeah he thought it was funny he thought it was funny but i don't think he understood half of the shit what is this with people's parents telling him to quit comedy i guess i was such a fuck up as a teenager that the one thing i was like you know doing something they were glad you just weren't setting something on fire my parents literally and i like it was it was so ridiculous they got so mad that they literally said they were gonna sue me that is the most jewish how the fuck are you going to sue me yeah they said they were going to sue me

because your education they made a deal with me before undergrad that i would be going to law school that's fucking what kind of deal i don't know what kind of deal i was like all right okay sue me guys you sound very you sound like you're being very reasonable this is good we're about to go to law school yeah when when we went to that drake concert in dc where you got grinded on by a child. By a child. Adam told the story of funny moms, but he fucked a teenager. Yeah, we're going to upload it.

It'll be on the premium episode if you want to hear that story. Yeah, Adam fucked a teenager. I did not fuck a teenager. The live show will go up today, and then this episode will go up tomorrow, I think. Okay. Okay, cool. And Brandon, you said we have to edit out your set. Yeah, edit out my set.

Why? Did you bomb? No. No, I had like a 7 out of 10 set that I don't want on the podcast. Let's just put on the podcast, let's find like a little kid talking about being gay. And when we introduce Brandon, it'll be like a little kid being gay. Make sure that cat doesn't jump up there. Wait, Brandon, are you friends with that kid now? Push that cat doesn't jump up there wait Brandon are you friends

with that kid now calling all the basic bitches wait low Anthony yeah yeah you're friends with him I know him yeah dude that kid rules

calling all the basic yeah calling all the basic bitches I remember Brandon sent me this video from world star like four years ago of him twerking

of him twerking and the name of the video was like seriously parent yo son oh yeah father yo kids father yo kids gay ass little child twerks to Rihanna's the day where the video was like, seriously, parent your son. Oh, yeah. Father, your kid. Father, your kid.

KS little child twerks to Rihanna's birthday cake. And this little gay boy. The video is like, well, Anthony being like, hey, guys, so I'm wearing my school uniform. I'm praying to God, and I'm a little, you know.

Oh, yeah, he was super Christian. I'm a boy who loves Jesus and loves to twerk so I'm gonna just do a little twerk for Jesus and he like

plays birthday cake that kid rules I mean his other video don't put your name on his other video that have you seen his other video that I was obsessed with

Brandon and I Brandon showed it to me he has like this 10 second video where he goes with his leg and he's like flipping his leg around. He's on his bed.

He's like, calling all the basic bitches. Yeah, basic bitches. Calling all the basic bitches. There's a new announcement. You're basic. Yeah. I remember that video.

That video pissed me off so I'm going to put it on. Obviously. Sounds like Black Stewart. Black Stewart from Ed TV. No, I just, I was, yeah, his voice wasn't

broken at the time. Oh no, he's a white kid. Oh no he's a white guy yeah he's white yeah he's like a yeah he's like a gay white kid yeah like who went to like christian private school and he was doing like twerk videos for god yeah it rules yeah he rules he's super he's like he really he found his fucking audience where is he how old is he now he's like 19 where's he living la now is he trying to be a guy? He lives in L.A. Like, he's friends with, like, Ariana Grande and shit. No way.

Everybody, like, loves him. Yeah. He rules. Yeah, Lil Anthony is like, he really, like, fucking figured it out. Good for him. Fucking Rebecca Black figured it out. Like, she's huge now on YouTube. Yeah.

She's super around. Brandon's saying all this so that he thinks in his mind there's hope for himself. All these gay YouTube stars. All these gay YouTube stars. All these gay internet children. How do you fucking have a YouTube hit? Yo, you know who's still around and I'm so happy for? Danny Trejo. Jesus Christ.

Why wouldn't he be? Why wouldn't he be? That Harambe video was really big for him. He had a great 2016. He was with some faggot. Yeah. I don't remember who it was. Oh, stop.

Don't. Brandon's here. Don't say that. I'm sorry. Yeah, Brandon's in the phone. It's homophobic, for starters. And secondly, you know, he's sitting right there. Yo, how old is Rebecca Black? Can I can i fuck oh yeah rebecca black it's like

very of age nice whatever fucker she's not even attractive it's just like an okay looking girl you're just excited at the idea that she was a child at one point yeah i'm gonna beat off to that video i'm gonna play it in my headphones while i fuck her. No, I don't know. I think she had some kind of... I think I did see a recent picture of her, and I was like, nice. No, I think she's like a babe now. Yeah. See, Nick?

Brandon says she's a babe. You know who's really hot now, guys? The baby from... Dinosaurs? I am right here. I'm the baby. You gotta fuck me. I'm the baby.

Suck my penis. You gotta fuck me. I'm the baby. I'm the baby. Dude, I felt so bad for that dad, dude. He used to get the shit beat out of him by that baby. Yeah. Like slap him in the face.

You know, I couldn't tell the difference between that show and Roseanne. Yeah, yeah. It was, like, sort of the same thing. Yeah, they were the same show. They looked the same. Now, the mom wasn't fat

in Dinosaurs, was she? Wasn't the whole point that it was Dinosaur Simpsons? No, it was like Roseanne. Yeah, that was the point of the show. It's like,

it's Dinosaur Simpsons. The son was Dinosaur Bart. No, he was He was older and cooler than Bart Yeah He had the same hairstyle as Bart Everyone did It was the 1990s

That's what people's hair looked like Wasn't he a triceratops No he was a stegosaurus He had spiky hair Yeah there was all types of like Trans species type shit Yeah They were fucking and sucking

Well a lot of There was a lot of that In children's entertainment And it was because There was so many. After the huge success of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, they had like 19 different spinoffs. Or not spinoffs, but knockoffs.

The shark. They had a shark one. Street Sharks. Street Sharks was good, dude. Street Sharks was probably the most successful of all the ripoffs, but there was a bunch of them. Like Biker Mice from Mars was a show that was on Fox Box. Damn.

Yeah, there was a couple other ones yo i fucked the street sharks yeah basically like there's three types of children shows and they just remake them over and over right yeah like japan does that like power rangers uh that's like the one show we have here but there's like 800 different shows that are basically just Power Rangers in Japan. Chaim Saban is the guy that... Well, they imported it. Saban? Saban, yeah. Saban? I always said Saban.

He's like a big donor to... He was a big donor to Hillary. They imported it, I guess. That Power Rangers one. The whole campaign was founded by Power Rangers. There's a fucking... There's a version of Spider-Man. That's why she lost.

There's a version of Spider-Man that was shot in Japan in the 1970s Oh I've seen that shit It's hilarious Spider-Man Spider-Man Spider-Man Spider-Man

And then like you know he's doing Spider-Man shit Also it's great because the mask The eyes are more Chinese They made them even pointier. And then like fucking. So you're watching the intro to the Spider-Man Japanese. And then all of a sudden there's like a Gundam. Spider-Man also has a Gundam.

They fucking couldn't just not put a Gundam in Spider-Man. It's so good. Italian Spider-Man, that video. I haven't seen it. You haven't seen it? I don't know if it's, like, fake or if it's... Because it's too awesome to, like, not be a little tongue-in-cheek, I think. I saw it briefly, but it's just, like, some fat guy with a gun and a Spider-Man suit.

It's pretty good. He's got, like, a mustache. He doesn't even wear the mask half the time. It's good shit, baby. Spider-Man. Spider-Man. Spider-Man. Spider-Man.

Spider-Man. Spider-Man. Spider-Man. Spider-Man. Spider-Man. Spider-Man. Spider-Man. Spider-Man.

Spider-Man. Spider-Man. Spider-Man. Spider-Man. Spider-Man. Spider-Man. Spider-Man. Spider-Man.

Spider-Man. Spider-Man. Spider-Man. Spider-Man. Spider-Man. Spider-Man. Spider-Man. Spider-Man.

Spider-Man. Spider-Man. Spider-Man. Spider-Man. Spider-Man. Spider-Man. Spider-Man. Spider-Man.

Spider-Man. Spider-Man. Spider-Man. Spider-Man. Spider-Man. Spider-Man. Spider-Man. Spider-Man.

Spider-Man. Spider-Man. Spider-Man. Spider-Man. Spider-Man. Spider-Man. Spider-Man. Spider-Man.

Spider-Man. Spider-Man. Spider-Man. Spider-Man. Spider-Man. Spider-Man. Spider-Man. Spider-Man.

Spider-Man. Spider-Man. Spider-Man. Spider-Man. Spider-Man. Spider-Man. Spider-Man. Spider-Man.

Spider-Man. All the hearts on Brandon's Facebook Live just went away for the fake Japanese. They didn't like it. It's all otakus. It's all otakus and IG love. They're fake Japanese. That's worse. That's cultural appropriation. That's all they have.

When I make up a language that sounds like Japanese, that's fucking art. It's an original creation, and it's respectful. But when you dress, when you decide to go around smelling like shit and clutching your anime body pillow, that's culture. If you fuck cartoons, that's cultural appropriation. Dude, I had a fucking suite mate that had jade chopsticks. A suite mate? Yeah, in college. Is this in your time in London?

Yeah, a flatmate. Yeah, one of my flat mate shut up we took the lorry down to the educated dog we down to uni we went to uni to play footy with the other fucking shut up i won't be fucking talked down to by fucking college was two college jobs absolutely mental in it i didn't drop out of college i just didn't go So I didn't fail anything High school and college Drop out respectively Yeah me and Sav finished I actually didn't

True champion You didn't finish No I didn't get my And me and Brandon Are way more successful Than the both of you Yes How dare you bitch

I'm executive vice president Of Mullen Media I'm the head of the union I'm the union boss And I mobbed the fuck up guys I just like that last exit to Springfield when Homer

like imagines himself as like the union leader and they're like yeah and eventually you'll get in with organized crime and then he has that fantasy where he's going around

as the Don and he's just giving him donuts and he's like molto bene eating the donuts. That's such a fucking good show. The Simpsons, great show. Shout out to the Simpsons, kids.

You might want to check it out. Stop fucking looking at the camera, you goddamn narcissist. I'm not looking at anything. No, you keep looking at your own reflection in the periscope. I can't see it. It's so small. You're looking at yourself and doing poses and shit. Hey, kids. Hey, kids.

Hey, kids. Check out this new dance move I made up. Nice, man. I'm going to whip, and I'm going to nae nae. Yikes. Damn, somebody said, I wish Stav had a different laugh. Well, guess what, bitch? I don't.

Suck my dick and lick my ass cheeks. Hey, Brandon, if you're periscoping our podcast, you're going to have to pay us money. Yeah, guess what, bitch? I don't. Suck my dick and lick my ass cheeks. Hey, Brandon, if you're periscoping our podcast, you're going to have to pay us money. Yeah. Did you license this?

Yeah. Yeah. I didn't license this. Nobody agreed. First of all, you're going to say you're going to nix our ability to upload

your set and then you're going to periscope our podcast for free. Wait. What's the agreement? $1,200. Yeah.

You owe us money. You owe us $1,200. Yeah. You owe us money. You owe us $1,200. Each. No, come on. Don't be ridiculous. Don't be ridiculous. Just $400 each. You know what?

For a friend, $397. That's fair. Or you can give us all head on camera. Oh, that's so much easier. No, because that would be like that would be good that's good content yeah that would be really good brandon's sucking a dick and he's like oh this is great content dude you see this gay sex j get your camera this is great content who is that boy that you just fucking the fat boy sexual jumanji i don't know who this is he's a boy brandon

takes pictures though he's a gamer he's oh yeah have you met sex yet we've never met we follow each other on twitter you follow each other i love him he's hilarious yeah he fucking rules yeah he's a cute little he hasn't fucked right he still hasn't fucked i'm gonna get that guy to somebody's gotta fuck sexual jumanji in 2017 yeah i started well dude this is great content suck him off oh yeah i gotta suck off sex do it for the culture dude i'm doing this for the culture so for all the comeboys out there brandon found a fat adorable virgin in where minnesota or something milwaukee milwaukee and did you move him out did you fly him out to la i didn't fly we were gonna we were gonna split the cost me and robes we were gonna

fucking fly him out to la and robes was like good one baby bro he ended up just like buying a ticket to la but he's just some like gamer that like fucking loves to he's a hype beast too oh, he's a gamer who also like loves like wearing bape. And he's funny. He's funny. He's got funny tweets. He can...

He'll post funny tweets. But yeah, he'll also like complain about like his mom buying the wrong soda. Yeah, which is awesome. But that's all part of it. That's all part of what's awesome about him.

Yeah, we got... If you're a cum boy and you see Sex J, you have to suck his dick even if he doesn't want you to. So that's out there, guys. Yeah, rape Brandon's friend. Cool.

So that's settled. Oh, yeah. Remember when you thought that song we were listening to in the car was about rape? Oh, yeah. Yeah, that song was about rape. Brandon's other friend, his pop punk L. pop punk la friend made a song about raping a passed out girl they're like isn't this cool dude it's like pop punk and i'm like this song's about raping how's the song go it's it says uh she's too drunk to fuck no she's he's like i only

hit her up when i'm taking what the dead kennedy song no like she's too fucked up to fuck me and i'm too fucked up to give a fuck yeah yeah yeah i think there's like not fucking yeah that's what i thought too but there's definitely i thought that was the point but like yeah well i mean even if it's a song about not fucking like even if it's a song about not fucking he should have just read his own lyrics and been like holy shit what the fuck am i saying yo that's uh yeah um this yeah it's like that's illegal to rape in hollywood Yo, that's, yeah. Well, it's illegal to rape in Hollywood.

I will be your father. That's their chief export is broken psyches from years of sexual abuse. I just wanted to be an actress. It's all suppressed. Man, I wish, there's an alternate timeline where Brandon is definitely sucking off like some fat Jewish producer. For a role. It's not an alternate timeline, it's a subconscious. Yeah, yeah. He's moved all that shit the ceo of viacom i just i just blacked out for four and a half days i just got really drunk and

blacked out for seven and a half weeks dude that's a normal thing to happen brandon told me about when he when he moved to hollywood he got off the plane he had a bindle and like a stick and a little and a little uh johnny apple seed bindle and a limo pulled up an old man was in it and he's like you want a career kid you're a cute kid you want a career kid and then brandon he's brandon had to open up it was uh it was bob odenkirk he gave him a drug bob odenkirk he gave him a drug yeah oh yeah brandon fucked andy dick also andy dick licked my ear once at a festival five years ago. His ear and then his asshole. In that order.

And then he fucked him in the ass also. And that is true. If it's true, just laugh, Brandon. Or be silent. Wait. Dude, Brandon. Why did you laugh? Wait.

Dude, my ex-girlfriend, like brandon when he was a child used to be hanging out at our apartment and like he wouldn't understand the social cues that we were going to sleep like we would literally be getting into bed and brandon would be like anyway can i show you this next video on the internet and then and then like my ex-girlfriend would just be like brennan get the fuck out of our house and he'd be like no no no no no i'm sorry no no sorry no no sorry sorry no oh sorry call please no that's absolutely true no i mean yeah but i just kind of black out i i just black out everything pre no it. No, it was cute, dude. Every negative emotion. You were way cuter when you were a freak like that. Now people are saying that they're mad that Sam wasn't on the podcast.

I can't figure out what these fucking people want. Well, we just shouldn't have said. Wait, you told people that Sam was supposed to be on the podcast? Sam called me and he was like, I'm in town. Let me do the podcast. And then we tried to figure it out and we just couldn't do it. So you announced it? Yeah.

Well, I said it on the podcast. We were like, yeah, Sam might come by. It just didn't happen. It didn't work out. And then people, I said, I was like, oh, we couldn't get Sam on. And then people were like, you fucking cunt. You piece of shit. Because that's how people react to anything.

They're like, what do you mean they made C-3PO's arm red? I hope George Lucas gets ass cancer. I'm just fucking, I'll go see the movie, but I fucking hate him. I'm going to buy $1,000 worth of merchandise. Yeah, yeah. So, yeah, I guess people were mad that Sam was even going to be on the show because of the World Peace thing. Right. And then I said, then we had Felix on for the Christmas one, and now people are like, where the fuck is Sam?

Well, yeah, we shouldn't have teased it. Whatever. Yeah. Whatever, dude. We have very big penises. Yeah. I don't know. We got video content coming soon.

Mm-hmm. You know, we promised that. That's happening. We're going to figure out a fucking schedule and make that happen. And then we're going to lose all our fans when they see, you know, how severe my reserved affect and spectrum behavior actually is in real life. We're going to see how bad our posture is. Yeah, yeah.

My fucking terrible posture, my inability to control my face. It's going to be great. Or maybe they'll think we're cute. Yeah, they'll think I'm cute. I'm cute as shit. Okay. I'm cute as hell. Boys.

What's up, girls? Holler at me if you're trying to fuck. Dude, the Periscope ruins this. You think so? Yeah. Why? There's only like three people in it. How many were in it?

Nice. What's that? Brandon shut off the Periscope. 13, 39. Nice. Damn. What? That's a lot of people. Yeah, you felt what?

That's good. That'll drive some of these puppy filters to our podcast. When we did the road Periscope, I don't ever Periscope, but we did one on the road, and it was like Wow 27 people Yeah You and Rob and No me and Adam Or me and Stav

Oh yeah We had to drive down to DC To do Like I said Sam Morrill shit Oh yes yes What was it Just the big hunt

With Sam Morrill Oh Three Three all Huh Three all boys No I think Sam took a... We came back with him, but who gives a fuck?

We just drove down solo dolo. We went to the fucking Amish market. That was a good fucking day, dude. Damn, I want Chinese. I mean, fried chicken. But actually, I don't. We had so much fun at that Amish market. My favorite thing to do at the Amish market is make elongated eye contact with the Amish girls.

Because they're not allowed to fuck. So if you just look at them very fuckily, they get really uncomfortable. Which I know is just harassment, but it's more of an anti-religion thing than anything. I'm not doing it because I would actually fuck them. I do it because I like to fuck up their... You want to set them free. Well, I want to just fuck up their culture. I love their food, but it's a weird thing that they do.

It is a very weird thing. They get a pass because they're old-timey, and people think of them like vintage furniture or Victrola or whatever, but they're human beings with a weird ideology. Yeah. I don't know what they're doing, but I'm sure it's wrong. We visit their shops, so we're like, oh, it oh it's cute yeah they're little novelties yeah they're not they're novelty people we should try and seduce yeah i'm sure they all voted for trump like the amish the

hasids and the amish all voted for yeah the khasis voted for trump oh yeah i remember like somebody oh oh it was darcy posted that, that thing where it was like, oh, look at this, this Williamsburg map of voters. Oh yeah. She thought it was hipsters. Right. But it was only,

it was like a, it wasn't all of Williamsburg. It was just like the, the old Jewish part. And she was like, I can't, I can't believe you guys. And then one of you was arguing with her.

I don't know if it was. Yeah. I don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck about politics, dude. I'm a fucking... Brandon's a little politics boy now. Yeah, he's got a Chapo head. He asked to be on Chapo,

which turned out to be the worst episode of that show, by the way. I don't know if you guys are aware. I never listened to it. It's the most apolitical episode. And people were threatening to cancel their subscription. Yeah, people were mad in the comments. Yeah. But, like, by the time I subscribed to Choppa, like, they had deleted all of the comments

on Patreon, so... Damn, I wish I had. But, like, people sent me screenshots on Twitter of, like... Yeah. Oh, yeah, there's some people mad. People were really mad about our Kurt Metzger episode. Yeah. Which was surprising.

Kurt's, like, the... In terms of the intersection of biggest name and guy I'm, like, good. Yeah. Which was surprising. Kurt's like, Kurt's like the, in terms of the intersection of biggest name and guy I'm like good friends with. That was like the ace in my sleeve of like,

oh, well, we can always have Kurt on and Kurt's great. I think Kurt's like the best comic in New York. And then it was just weird and we just fucking talked about Russia

for like an hour and a half. Let's kind of have the Norton thing. Yeah, the Norton thing. But Jim's always been kind of like, it's weird because he's helped me out a lot, and he's like never been mean, but he's always been sort of icy towards me,

and I don't understand why. What was the Norton accent? And I thought that was just how Jim was, but then I did Jim and Sam, and people were like, why is Jim being like, you know, cold to you? I'm like, I have no fucking idea. Apparently Jim was the one that asked for me to be on the show.

Interesting. I mean, he gave me a job. I wrote for his TV show. Maybe he does like you. Maybe that means he likes you. Yeah, that's like a flirt. Maybe he wants to kiss you. Yeah, I don't think it's that.

I think Kurt vouched for me a decent amount, and that got me the job on the show. And I think I did a good job on the show, but he didn't particularly... I don't think Jim thinks I'm funny, but I think enough people around him say I'm funny so that Jim's like, all right, I'll help this guy out. Right, right, right. But he doesn't give a shit. Kind of like what I do with Brandon. You know?

It's a very similar situation where I understand a lot of people like him. I personally think he's a very similar situation Where you know I understand a lot of people like him I personally think he's a shithead But I'll let him be on my show And I won't ever look at him Yeah that's what the desk is about Off pod You were trying to get lunch

What's that? I'm exposing you Hold on Let me pause the recording for a second Do not ever bring up how nice i am ever once i swear to god i'll fucking kill you and we're back oh that's cute guys i want to get pho for lunch did you actually stop recording of course not

oh okay you fucking idiot come on dude it's a clear bit I don't know yeah of course you don't you're a fucking moron he barely fucking

it looks like he maybe touched the button it's called acting you fucking child I'm a brilliant actor that was such a clear radio bit pause recording real quick

I'm sorry dude I didn't mean to But just sometimes You know like All the fucking thing You're so fucking stupid That you know I gotta yell at you

For the thing But anyway dude I can't wait for lunch Yeah it's like a I can't wait to go out to lunch You fucking dumb asshole man Alright You're a fucking idiot dude

It's like Shut up You fuck up the bit and like people you have to say to me turn the thing back on they get it no they don't dude they can see it they're closing their eyes and they can see it can you theater of the mind can you pause i just want to say one more thing can you pause you pause hold on but now because now i'm considering lunch we talked about it what are we going to blend for lunch can you pause it can you pause it once sure i love that this this thing will never pay for itself no i'm not going to spend

500 on vegetables in my entire life i you know i did spend a lot i've been spending a lot of dude fruits and vegetables i love when people are like oh produce is getting expensive and it's like yeah i order seamless like three times a day. Right, right, right, right. Try to fucking buy groceries. Anyway, dude, can we- With like an immigrant? Like some kind of fucking immigrant with a bunch of dead chickens in their kitchen? No, dude. I go Seamless, breakfast, lunch, second lunch, dinner, night brunch, supper.

I have supper and dinner. Oh, very continental. Yeah. Is it continental? I thought that was more of like a plantation yeah huh yeah put in brandon's code so you can make another million dollars fucking losers i've got like i i just eat so much free uber eats because i've like posted my code a bunch of times i just i put it in my bio and i like had them show it on MTV once. Very nice. It's Eats, 7...

We're trying to get sponsored, dude. I fucking... 7BAT4. Fuck Brandon, fuck Brandon, fuck Brandon. Brandon's a bitch, Brandon's a bitch. I tried to get Fleshlight. I sent an email to their business development. I was like, yeah.

And they were like, oh, yeah, I'll review the information. And then I guess they saw the name of the podcast and just completely blew me off. How is that their fleshlight? That's like the one podcast they should be lending their name to. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, they sponsored Moon Tower. What about Adam and Eve, dude? I don't know.

I'll figure it out. Put that in your ass. Dude, you make so much money off sponsorships. Adam and Eve, pow, I just shit my pants. If you have a top 100 comedy podcast, which we do, you can get fucking, you can get like $5,000 an episode. No.

Yeah. Really? Yeah. Off live reads and shit. God damn. You fucking posted that. What'd you post? Jesus Christ.

A picture of Sumner Redstone. Of Sumner Redstone. That got noticed. The owner of Viacom. Oh, yeah. And it sucked off Brandon. And Brandon sucked off. He posted a tweet where it says, this is the guy Brandon sucked off when he moved to Hollywood.

And Adam was showing me that Chrissy liked it. Yeah, Chrissy was at the show last night. She's cool as shit. I'm glad. Oh, can we bully Brandon for a minute? But of course. Yeah, she loves us, dude. Brandon was saying he doesn't want his girlfriend

to be friends with us I know I never said that I want I want her to be friends with all of you she thinks we're she loved

each and every one of our sets she was at the show longer than you were no she didn't no she was the one that didn't want to want to come to the show well she came

and she loved why are you putting her on blast she eventually came because of Darcy don't put her on blast take it take it like a man. You know?

Throwing your girl under the bus, dude? It was her. It was her. Throwing your girl under the bus, dude? You know I put on for my boys. Well, Brandon, the thing is that each individual one of us all had sex with her six times. Yeah. It's the triple six, dude. Sign of the beast. Sign of the Beast.

Fuck of the Beast. I fucked her. You fucked her when I was in the bathroom of the meatball shop. I rappelled down from the ceiling. Should this become a metal podcast? Should we just be metal guys? I feel like they do well.

You're listening to Sign of the Beast live from Jimmy's garage. Today, we're here with the lead vocalist from Dying Retard. I'm gay! I love cars! Nobody sings like that anymore, dude. I'm gay!

It's all like grindcore, like growly. Oh, no, no, no. I have sex with more than the bodies hit the floor. Hell yeah, let's do it. Yeah. Sumner Redstone. Who invented that? Who's the first guy to start singing like that?

Wait, are you talking about Sumner Redstone's... I want to sound like a dog that you walk past his yard. He played Let the Bodies Hit the Floor when he got Brandon to suck him off in the woods. Brandon, he was crying. He was like, I'm so new to New York and you made me put on these jean shorts that are riding up my ass. Is that Drowning Pool? Yeah, Drowning Pool.

You know what's funny? The lead singer of Disturbed. Oh, yeah. Oh, wait. The guy that's like that Jewish guy that's like- Have you heard Hello, Darkest Mild Friend by the Disturbed cover? No, no. I'm sure it's terrible.

Oh, my God. I think Let the Bodies Hit the Floor just reminded me of that Pruane 2 Forever video. Which one? Where he has a fake fight with his dad of that Prue and 2 Forever video. Which one? Where he's like, he has like a fake fight with his dad. Oh, that one is so embarrassing. His dad is like such an alcoholic father, John. Yeah, yeah. Jesus. All of the

Prue and 2 Forever videos are gone. I don't know who Prue and 2 Forever is. His big video was like, it's all those people putting porn comments on YouTube. Get that shit. What's his name? Dryman?

David Dryman, the disturbed guy who loves Israel. Oh, he's a Zionist? He's a complete Zionist. And he's like, without the disturbed... Once you take away his soul patch and all the black leather and the band, he looks like a fucking actuary. Yeah, well, what about Gene fucking Simmons, dude? Yeah, oh, no, all kiss. It's the same situation. He's just an Israeli guy. Yeah, well, what about Gene fucking Simmons, dude? Yeah, no, all kiss.

It's the same situation. He's just an Israeli guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, that's what fucking the disturbed guy is. He's like, if you criticize Israel, you should be put in jail. He's like one of these guys. Well, yeah, the opposite band of that is... Wake up!

Sergi? What is it called? What happened to Israel? They're really like losing any kind of PR spin that they used to have. This UN thing, nobody is on their side. It's like Fox News is in their corner and nobody else gives a shit. Well, yeah, they're now aligning themselves with Trump. They're going hard with Trump.

Really? Yeah, which is going to be really confusing for the PEPES. I don't know how they're going hard with Trump. Really? Yeah, which is going to be really confusing for the Pepes. I don't know how they're going to handle it. That's the only silver lining of BB now going full alt-right is like, what are the Pepes going to do about it? Strange bedfellows, you know? It's strange times we're living in. So, can we buy SodaStreams now?

Yeah. SodaStreams are the new balance of Seltzer. What's the Israeli shit? It's SodaStream. It's SodaStream. Okay. Let's do it. Yeah, yeah.

Well, I just got the Vitamix, so I'm not... How much is SodaStream? It's like $90. Really? Yeah. Whatever. But yeah,

I don't want to talk about that. You're not talking about that? Why do you want to talk about it? About Israel? No, about SodaStream. Oh, no, no. I don't care about SodaStream. Oh, you don't want to talk about Israel? I don't want to talk aboutastream. Oh, no, no. I don't care about Sodastream. Oh, you don't want to talk about Israel?

I don't want to talk about Netanyahu. Why? Bibi? You're the one that knows. I asked you specifically. I brought up the disturbed guy. Did you see that, Bibi? Have you already done Bibi?

Did you see that, Bibi? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, guys. Bibi Aiden. Hey, guys. I'm going to... I don't want any Palestinians To have any soda

Guys I'm going to kill Palestinian children I want to shoot rockets And kill Palestinians I'm doing a can crush For Scarlett Johansson Happy birthday Scarlett Okay bye bye-bye.

Oh, look, this is a bus, and it's taking everyone back to Gaza. Goodbye, bus. Bye from Placerville. Oh, fuck. Goddamn. Nicely done, boys. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know anything about Israel now.

It seems like they're fucking up. They went crazy on Twitter or whatever. Yeah, I used't know anything about Israel now. It seems like they're fucking up. They went crazy on Twitter or whatever. Yeah, I used to be an expert on Israel, but not anymore. Yeah, me too, Sam. Well, I was just here for a little bit. Dude, my friend who's an Israeli guy who lives in America, who Brandon thought was French, he's like, this French guy just came up to me and said,

are you a star from Twitter? He tweeted it out, and I was like, that guy's not French. Anyway. Yo, Brandon, can you came up to me and said, are you a star from Twitter? He like tweeted it out and I was like, that guy's not French. Anyway. Yo, Brandon, can you do me a favor and pick up that cat turd

and put it in your backpack? He was like, what's with all the Israel stuff on the podcast? I was like, oh, is it bothering you? He's like, no, no, it's funny.

But like, you know the joke Nick made about the small targets and the snipers? Like, this is true. He's like, I know Nick was making a joke, but this is true. This is actually, they do have smaller targets.

You know, it's funny. I kind of have like more respect for Israel now that they just have to be like openly evil about it. Right, right. You know, when it's like, if they can't really frame themselves as victims in that situation anymore, they'd be like, just let us genocide these people. We want to do it. Right, right. jews in the world yeah he's a hardline right wing like psycho i'm not like defending you know but like clearly there's a nut job but what he's been able to no no what he's been able to do is spinning like a dreidel okay i'm done i'm done i'm done i'm done i'm done i don't want to fucking what do we talk about i don't know man i've been hearing about like a two-state solution my entire life tuesday solution i'm 87 years old okay and it's not gonna work okay babe okay all right so

what do you just genocide let's fix you know it's i feel the same way about the native americans in the united states it's like you know people are like well you know look at all the oppression people face and then then you know which is real and but then they say like uh and how we genocided the Native Americans. And it's like, no, they're still alive. We're continuing to oppress them. Worse than any other ethnic minority in the United States. Yeah, right.

It's currently going on. So it's like, we might as well just, it's like ripping off a Band-Aid, just get rid of them. No, Nick, shut up. Just come on. There's like 500 of them left. Put them out of their misery. We'll build a new museum, an even bigger one that's not just in the basement of the fucking bankruptcy office downtown.

They got a brand new museum. We fucked them so hard. They all have diabetes and alcoholism. We've just finished the job. Okay? We don't have to hear about the sports team sing anymore. You get to keep all the names. And they honoring them yeah that's true i was saying too you know it's kind of dumb that they complain about the sports team's names because that's like literally the only thing keeping

them relevant people would forget that native americans existed if it weren't for for the redskins come on there's better casinos don Donnie hates them. I was trying to think of a group that Donnie didn't offend. Trump? Yeah, but a non-white male group. And I was like, oh, did he say anything about the Native Americans? And he's like, and then I remembered, yeah, he blames them for the Trump Taj Mahal closing in Atlantic City.

That's awesome. But the Taj Mahal is also an Indian casino. It's just the wrong type of Indian. Yeah, yeah. Well, he confuses. How funny is it that the Taj Mahalists are like, we're going to start an Indian casino. It's just the wrong type of Indian. Yeah, yeah. Well, he confused. He's like, I'm at my own Indian casino. How funny is it that the cosmologists are like, we're going to start an Indian casino. And they just get it wrong.

Oh, he went dot instead of feather. God fucking damn it, these Indians. These red engines. Oh, fuck. How are you doing on time over here? We're done,

so you can stop whenever you guys want. Is it lunchtime? I was going to go until... My new rule is we keep podcasting until I'm done with my smoothie. So I've got about 12 ounces left. How long have we done? An hour and ten. Ah, fuck it.

Let's stop. That's a good one. Hour and five. Yeah. All right. Well, thanks for listening, everyone. Let's stop. That's a good one. Hour and five. Yeah. All right. Well, thanks for listening, everyone. When's our next show,

Adam? Our next show is the fourth Monday of January. We'll be sure to let you know. The 23rd. Yeah.

Yeah. Me and Stav will be on Legion of Skanks on the fourth. That's right. If you want to listen to Legion of Skanks. We're doing the

mashup show. Reminder that Comptown has bought out Gas Digital. Yeah. So any one of Lewis's shows, if you like Louis Gomez, you're a fan of him, make sure to sign up for our premium episodes if you want Louis to be able to support his son James.

Because that's the only way Louis gets paid is if you buy our premium episodes. Also, we're doing the mashup show at The Stand. At The Stand on the 29th, if you want to be in style. It's a great lineup. Yeah, we're doing the mashup show at The Stand on the 29th if you want to meet in style. It's a great lineup. Yeah, it's a fun show. It's a really stupid fucking idea. You have two comics go on stage

at the same time, which I think they just stole from Rory Scovel and John Doerr. That was like their bit that they would do on Conan. Yeah, they did on Conan. Yeah, so they stole the idea from them, but then they make comics

that aren't good at that go up and do it so me and stav will be going on stage at the same time for some reason and but we have like a good rapport yeah we'll be fine yeah just do that whatever you're doing right now with your shirt fucking pussies i'll do it no we know you'll pull your dick out we have a problem with you pulling your stomach out. I'd rather see your dick. Also, by the way, like, right before... I remember right before you did the... Dude, my camera can't focus.

Right before you moved out to New York and you, like, did the Instagram, I remember, like, how into, like, diet and fitness you were. You were, like, going so hard. Yeah, I had a couple weeks. And then you did, like, the Instagram account. He's always been into diet and fitness what's that so he's more like body conscious than anyone i know um i mean i'm trying to get back into it i'm just trying to fuck i just want to feel because i thought i thought i i felt like

i thought you were done because it's like good for your your brand now no it's just easier i just have a real fucking food addiction like i'll just eat like garbage and it fucking feels better than doing drugs dude like i love a nice chicken wing and a fucking fried rice and just get a nice coma going finish it off with a fucking ben and jerry's watch an episode of sopranos come on man what's better than that shit they really know how to fry up a piece i feel like there's one more thing is there another thing to plug yeah i think i think I'm on red-eye at some point. Oh, yeah. Again, just thank you for everyone that came out. The shows are getting better and better.

Shouts out to all the comeboys coming out. You guys are animals. Our fans, you know, they really just... Just a bunch of big-tea animals. They unlocked the gates of the mental institution. They let our fans out. And you guys are a real bunch and yeah that's crazy oh also yeah caroline's live show february 21st let's just 22nd 22nd

yes oh really yes it's the monday did you work that out with lewis no oh what do you mean did i work it out with lewis did you talk no because they have something i checked the calendar they have something else on the 21st all right well i Well, I'll email Lewis. So never mind. Actually, you know what? There might not even be a Caroline's Live show anymore. So don't come to that unless I change my mind. All right. Great.

All right. Well, that's that. Bye, everyone. It's the most wonderful time of the year at Seneca Resorts and Casinos. Book with us by February 29th and receive a free gift, valued at up to $30. Room rates start at just $55 for Seneca Allegheny or $65 for Seneca Niagara. Enjoy luxury four-diamond accommodations,

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