The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. 34 – We Gotta Get Rid Of The TV

Episode Date: January 4, 2017

Chapo Genius and all around good boy Wide Dick Willy Menaker joins us as we watch She’s All That and slowly come to the realization that the TV is going to destroy the podcast.

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riffed out already, to be honest with you. I don't know how much of an episode this is going to be, but it's starting, and we're already 13 seconds down. Oh, yeah, dude. We can do this. Yeah. Just how many more seconds left? Let's get a seconds clock going.

This movie is 14 minutes long. Eventually, the show is just going to be us watching movies and mostly silence. That would be so fucking tight, dude. It's movies I actually want to watch And you go to say something I'm just like Just shut the fuck up dude I want to see this

Yeah I would love to just Not even mystery science See it at the theater It's just me like Going to the bathroom And asking for clarification On the plot What happened dude

Wait what happened Yeah confused science theater It's just real science theater I voted for Congo, though. Yeah. Oh, Will Meneker is joining us today. We got Thick Cock Billy in the mix. Why Dick Meneker?

It's true. Oh, hell yeah, dude. Thanks for having me, guys. Thanks for being on. They had a killer sesh here in the Park Slope Mansion. And now we're doing our show. Hell yeah, dude. But with a little twist element.

We're watching She's All That. We tried doing this with the new Netflix show, Chasing Cameron. Oh, dude, that shit is so good. But that's just a good show. It's about Cameron Dallas, the Vine star. He has his own Netflix series now. It was a disaster. It was awesome, dude. the Vine star he has his own like Netflix series now where he and it was a disaster

it was awesome dude we couldn't watch the show all these 11 year old girls are so wet that it just makes they're crying and they're wet

and they don't understand what's happening to their bodies and Cameron's like the only joke we got out of it was calling it bug chasing Cameron

no Cameron Dallas Buyers Club Cameron Dallas Buyers Club yeah yeah yeah that was the other yeah yeah yeah sponsored by the Podesta Group Cameron. No, Cameron Dallas Buyers Club. Cameron Dallas Buyers Club. Sponsored by the Podesta Group. Felix and Brendan and Amber are also here, but we only have four microphones. They're just chilling.

They're just chilling in Cedar Rapids. Best Vine of all time, dude. Gabrielle Union's in this movie. I totally forgot. Looking real good. Future wife of D. Wayne time dude Gabrielle Union's in this movie I totally forgot looking real good future wife of D. Wayne Wade

Gabrielle Union still looking good as hell dude she looks the closest what the fuck is she wearing on her head it's a she's part of a uniform

she's wearing something dumb ugly for a second I thought that was just some bizarre blossom hat and that very well could have been well she's

they've already established how arty she is so this could be just another word for her dude she it's so annoying how hot she she is. Yeah. This could be just another word for her. It's so annoying how hot she just is at the beginning of the movie.

You say that about every woman though. That's not true. Name a woman. I don't know. That guy in the background. Yeah, he's hot. He's cute.

He's not the hottest. This guy right here. That guy, honestly, okay, all right. I was doing this a bit earlier but I will look at that guy and I will tell you what I i could do with him you would you would fuck any mom or any any uh any woman in a movie that's been in a hollywood almost certainly yes i think i would what about

the mom and gil i'm like that well i like to tell people like no i like to tell people i can fuck him i would like to tell people like uh i people I would totally fuck that girl from the commercial and they're like which commercial and it's like just pick any commercial because it always holds up right right

no you're absolutely right remember you used to be really hot that girl from the Wendy's commercials from like 10 years ago the new Wendy the little girl

yeah yeah yeah no not actual Wendy it was the woman in the office you know because they had to get rid of the real Wendy well they got some UCB redhead to cover it.

I'm all in, dude. That's my fucking angle. Flo from Progressive is UCB. Of course, dude. Have you seen? You know the ones that she did with her whole family or her being like, let me let loose. Let me show what I can do. Yeah.

She's like doing a terrible impression. I got to do my character. Yeah. She makes so much money. She's rich as hell. Yeah. She's so much money. She's rich as hell. Yeah, she's insanely rich off that shit. I want to be in insurance. That's how you...

We got a court and insurance company, guys. What's his name? No, you know what we should do? We should become the Pep Boys. We should make them like... What's it called when they turn them into people? When you make cartoons people? Anthropomorphize?

Anthropomorphize. Well, they're already... That's like when you make an animal look like a human. Right, right, right. What's people when you make cartoons people anthropomorphize well they're already that's like when you make an animal look like right right right what's it when you make a cartoon or when you roger rabbit it's called magic size it's called the ghost shell what was that fucking movie uh it's called who framed roger rabbit is the movie you're thinking of which uh by the way is one of the top five noir films of all time. I actually unironically agree. Yeah, yeah. I say that. Oh, boy, do you know fucking Jessica Rabbit?

Come on. Beat off to a cartoon, no problem there. Ding. But also have looked up cosplay porn of Jessica Rabbit. Yeah, there is a porn star that's named Jessica Rabbit. Yeah, yeah. Well, it's okay now that we're the Pep Boys. Yeah.

We're also cartoon characters. Oh, dude, we can fuck any cartoon character. Yeah, I'm going to send a little email over to the Pep Boys marketing department from the Comptown email account. We got to figure out schemes to make money, boys. I think also- We're Pep Boys. Have you ever imagined any of your beloved advertising mascotsots fuck yeah check it out we're fucking

snap crackling pop you need a muffler bitch we got fucking mufflers yeah let's go shake down other fucking cartoon characters what the fuck is the pep boy i guess those are probably three guys that existed they're the bro they're the is it the marks brothers brothers yeah all right no they're like they're like cheap rip-offs of the Marx Brothers. I think they were the three guys that opened the first shop. Well, one guy looks exactly like fucking...

It was originally called the Pep Shop Boys. The Pep Shop Boys? Yeah. Oh. Pep, Pep, Pep Sounds? What the fuck is this? Yeah, it's sort of

a barbershop quartet, except there's three of them aesthetic, right? A barbershop three-tat. Yeah. Exactly. Yo, this fucking shit is crazy, dude. All right, yeah. quartet except there's three of them aesthetic right a barbershop three tat yeah exactly um yo this fucking shit is crazy

all right yeah we gotta try not to pay attention all right so there's a midget over here for some reason is this still high school

there's a midget there's two midgets it's art this is an art project this is freddie prince jr. is trying to ingratiate himself to uh his pygmalion by

hanging out with the... That's stop. No, that wasn't me. That wasn't me. I'm cuter. I'm cuter than that guy. I'm way cuter.

I'm way cuter. I'm way cuter, bitch. Yeah, look at that. It looks literally like Simon Eric Wareheim. No, it does not. That guy looks nothing like me. That does look exactly like me.

That guy looks nothing like me. With just a touch of Penn Jillette. Yeah. The facial hair. Well, I don't really like their magic but i love their politics yeah not a fan of the magic well you know they're not good magicians they're oh you gotta tell us they're not bad yeah i don't think they're that good no one's good at magic david blaine is the greatest magician david blaine like he fucking just threw up a frog

that's not magic dude he swallowed a frog you picked his shittiest trick well bitch defend it out of all of the things he's done it's not shitty dude

it's tight it's not magic though it's biblically like frog he also threw up he made a fucking frog appear he just swallowed a frog he also threw up gasoline Harry Houdini swallowed

all the lockpicks and regurgitated them and that's how he got out of most of those well that's why that dumb bitch is dead dude that's why Houdini died because the lockpicks and regurgitated them, and that's how he got out of most of those. Well, that's why that dumb bitch is dead, dude. Yeah, that's why Houdini died, because he sucked. No, he died because he got caught by a fist.

No, but David Blaine has trained himself to swallow a frog and then regurgitate it alive. It may not be actual magic, but nothing else. That's my only beef with it. He also puts a fucking ice pick through his arm. Wait, is this the trans guy from The Wedding Singer? Who, you? This guy. No, this guy on the stage. No, is this the trans guy from The Wedding Singer? Who, you? This guy. No, this guy on the stage.

No, you are that guy. Is that the Arquette brother? No, that's you. No, that's you. That's you. That's not me. Yeah, it is. He's got the same gay mouth you do.

First of all, he's got that big gay wet mouth that you have. Adam's mouth has two sets of lips. So he can kiss himself because he's gay? Okay, you say that to me, but if you say that to a person who naturally has larger lips, I'm going to stop that sentence, dude. Shut up. You do have gay mouth, and you know it. What do you mean gay mouth?

There's a certain thing that is gay mouth. There's a certain thing that is gay mouth. Like, RG3 has gay mouth. It's wet lips. It's big, wet lips, and it's like... It's mouths that is gay mouth. Like, RG3 has gay mouth. It's wet lips. It's big wet lips. And it's like... It's mouths that are always wet. Yes, dude.

They look gay. I'm serious. My friend George has a gay mouth. You know George? I know George. He's got a big gay smile. I've kissed him and it was not gay. We've all kissed him.

Stav just thinks any man that's more attractive than him is gay. Yeah. No. It's any man I want to kiss has gay mouth. That's how it works. Well, we have kissed. No. I stand by my gay mouth theory.

This is the scene where Freddie Prinze Jr. goes on stage at the art show and shows them that he can do hacky sack, and all the art kids are blown away because there's no way any art kids would play hacky sack. Yeah. That's out of the question. I told you about that dude I dude i know from iceland who's who was the he brought the first hacky sack to iceland whoa really yeah yeah yeah because it's

such a small place what is this sister and her boyfriend his sister and her boyfriend like they still have a statue to him yeah yeah he's like uh he's like a god there basically um but yeah it's like 200 000 people in iceland so his sister and her boyfriend went on vacation his or his sister's boyfriend brought him back a hacky sack he was the first hacky shack in my whole country and yeah he's like a really good artist too he like does all these like sort of primordial man but like playing basketball and farting and stuff he's like he's like this is like a a man doing a slam dunk and farting at the same time. They're like buyers.

It does sound stupid. I went to his show. No, it's really charming, actually. I went to his show and then there was this woman that was like, so what's your opinion on the state of patriarchy? I feel like your art says a lot about it. And he's like, no, I think that farting is funny. And I think that...

He's right. Yeah, yeah. He, like, completely, like, killed her question. Yeah, fuck people. Sorry. But Haggy Sack is really fun. Did you guys use to hack back in the day? Fuck no.

I did devil sticks. Oh, hell yeah, dude. You did poi. Yeah. This big poi guy. No, I never did any of that shit. Like, that was, like, for... Haggy Sack was, like, was like For like kids who went to

Boarding school But like listened to fish That was my Hacky sack was huge Where I went to like At my community college There was a designated Smoking area

And people were always Playing hacky sack there But there was also Devil sticks going on And then often poi I've There's a lot of burning man What was poi again?

Poi is just like Balls at the end of socks And you spin them around And they What? Usually you set the balls on fire oh nice it's all like

Burning Man stuff okay yeah what the fuck is this why is she she's got face paint on dude why does she have face paint on this is your first inkling

that she's hot when her entire face is covered in like kabuki makeup yeah dude she is so hot wow

she's so fire just take the glasses off you disgusting bitch but also yeah yeah So hot. Wow. She's so fire. Just take the glasses off, you disgusting bitch. I hate bitches that can read, dude. That's a big pet peeve. Take the fucking glasses off. Take them off. She's such a slob. Oh, my God.

What if the angle was that he can't date her because she's extremely racist? And her father's a Nazi. It's like American History X. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What do they got you reading in high school these days? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, Native Son, actually.

American Teen X. Oh, man. American History X is such a stupid movie. Yeah, it sucks. It's so fucking stupid. I've never seen it. There's a guy

who's a hardcore Nazi and then one nice guy in jail is what what changes his mind yeah because they like talk about basketball he's like yeah magic johnson's the best player he's like no way larry bird i also like emin my favorite rappers eminem yeah yeah eminem and yellow wolf those are my favorites yeah personally i think the best black guy is Eminem. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, fuck.

Yo, Eminem really needs to take down Trump quick. You think he will? He's the only white guy that can. He's the only guy on our side that can, right? Who, Eminem? Slim Shady. Right? Yeah, you're right. No, keep going with this. This sounds good.

Here's what I think the Democrats should run against Trump. You know what's an even better level is you say that Everlast is the best rapper. Jump around. House of Pain. Because of Whitey Ford Sings the Blues, you say Everlast is the best musical artist of all time.

They should perform at the inauguration, Everlast. The House of Pains should reunite. They should jump around and inaugurate. That would be so fucking awesome. You see a man at the liquor store begging for some change. You tell him to get a fucking job. There's no safety net for people like you. You might know what it's really like to be called a racist.

To be considered deplorable. He's wearing like a Pepe mask while doing the song. Well, I mean, I've been having this whole, I've had this fantasy now about the inauguration that he can't get any A-list acts.

But there's certainly a lot of, there's like some B-list acts he could definitely broadcast. Yeah, Dan Ninen. That would be so tight. Which I guess people were asking, they want some explanation of Dan Ninen because he's come up on the show. Right, right.

The reason I don't really talk about him is because he's, it's honest, he's fucking boring at this point. Right. Like, you know, I mean, Dan Ninen was funny three and a half years ago. Yeah. I mean, he's still funny. That's cool. He's still funny if he's new to you, but, you know, he's a limited gimmick.

So, Dan Ninen. Yeah, like I said, I'm glad we spent 20 minutes talking about him on our show today. Well, I mean, it's boring for me because I've known Dan for like five years. Yeah, I just found out about him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I don't know. People were asking about it. So Dan is this half Indian, half Japanese comedian that was born in 1952.

Where does he buy his sushi? At 7-Eleven. Oh, because he's half Japanese. He's half Indian. Is he his red engine? Did you ever hear Joe Robinson going off about that bit on the Rob and Joe show?

He's just like, you know, they don't sell sushi at 7-Eleven. They sell it at Walgreens, but they don't have it at 7-Eleven. They sell it at like Walgreens, but they don't have it at 7-Eleven. Does he have hearing aids on? Macaulay Culkin's little brother's got hearing aids in this movie? That's deep. Oh, she looked good. Excuse me, Ted.

I'm ugly. Why is she suddenly seven years younger than she was in the last scene? Anyhow, so Dan Ninen is an old guy who started doing open mics in D.C. in probably like 2005. And then sort of rubbed people the wrong way and eventually just sort of, he found that the best path for a career for him was going to be to lie to people, lie to clubs and bookers and say that he's like so-and-so's opener or whatever. and bookers and say that he's like so-and-so's opener or whatever he used to uh he just like got robert shimmel's schedule and would call clubs when as soon as they booked shimmel and like be like hey this is rob shimmel's agent i'm trying to get the booking information for his opening opener dan ninen and the clubs would be like well what do you mean his opener and then he'd be like oh yeah no he has an opener that he brings with him that has to be there so if you could get the

hotel information and then he would book dan and after like a couple months of that I guess yeah Schimmel Schimmel was like who the fuck is this guy you know why do they keep booking him

and then and so Dan lost that deal and then he moved on to Russell Peters I'm David Brenner's opening yeah yeah yeah

well apparently I don't know if this is true or not but I'm sure it is knowing Dan but when Robert Schimmel died Dan emailed Schimmel's brother and was like

yeah Robert was a fucking asshole and a piece of shit what? that's terrible oh yeah Dan's a sociopath he's a fucking piece of shit well y'all said that Russell Peters

yeah he does that the Russell Peters thing where he you know I think Russell talked about it on What the Fuck or something. Dan also tried to pay like $5,000 to have Marc Maron have him on What the Fuck.

There's a really good episode of What the Fuck where he reads the letter and he doesn't say Dan's name, but he's like, I'm a corporate comedian. I've made more money this year than you will make in your entire lifetime. Jesus Christ. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you're too much of a coward to have me on your podcast. I love it. So my exposure to Dan

was through Joe Robinson, I guess. And Joe was doing that Kurt Shackelford Hyatt room. The Hyatt. And he meets Dan and Dan was hosting and Dan's talking about, I make $300,000 a year doing stand-up

and then Joe's like, then why are you doing a $10 spot in the lobby of a hotel? That doesn't make any sense. Laugh right at the Hyatt. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a $50 spot, thank you. All right, well.

So then fucking Dan, because he's super defensive, is like, fuck Joe Robinson, fuck Rob Mayer, ha, ha, ha. Here's a picture of me and my Tesla. Here's me in the Acela waiting room. I don't know why you think that's a brag, but he shows up too early for his train. It's not like a flight. me and my Tesla. Here's me in the Acela waiting room. I don't know why you think that's a brag, but he shows up too early for his train.

It's not like a flight. There's no security. Just go there and get on the fucking train. And he goes to hang out in the clubhouse with no one else, by the way. Just the one. Yeah. Also, if you shit talk Dan,

he'll put you on his enemies list and he'll just email you constantly. He really hates JL Coven. Damn. Despises him, so he'll bring him and Josh Homer up all the time as guys that he's doing better at. Homer's got some juicy elbows, dude. All right, so are we going to talk about Dan? Yeah, we're talking.

I'm just looking at titties on the TV, dude. It's not my fault. You put a movie with titties on this fucking screen and I'm supposed to pay attention? Rachel Lee Cook got some jumbo yum-yums in it. She does, dude. It distracts us.

Anyway. They did, dude. That's the first unsheathing of her titties. It's a big moment in the movie. Damn, she is fucking hot, dude. All right, Nick.

All right. Yes. Back to Dan Ninen. I'm only doing it because people laugh. Yeah. I preface this with I don't give a shit about Dan if he fucking bores me. Look, all I'm saying doing it because people ask so I preface this I don't give a shit

about Dan he fucking bores me look all I'm saying is you can't be mad if I look at titties every once in a while I get it hey

you know it's a it's a PG-13 movie it's pretty fucking saucy I don't understand how a 30 year old man come on first of all

I'm 27 I'm 27 A cup breasts and they're not A cups they're fucking big old titties and you know what even if they were A cups what's up I understand how a 30-year-old man is going to not be able to look at A-cup breasts in a pair of overalls. And they're not A-cups. They're fucking big old titties. And you know what? Even if they were A-cups, what's up?

If you got some juicy A-cups out there, I'm with it as well. No one is going to fuck you. Can we put on Kongos to stop and look at the gorilla? Yeah. Amy, you want raindrop drink? Yeah. I'm trying to look like some gorilla pussy, dude. You know, gorillas have abnormally small dicks.

That is true. They have like, well, I guess it is normal for gorillas, but they have like abnormally small dicks. That is true. They have like, well, I guess it is normal for gorillas, but they have like three centimeter long dicks. but it's abnormal because they have like the biggest disparity

between the size of the animal and the size of their penis. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's why they're fucked up for. mindset?

Yeah. They have an extremely small dick. Armadillos have four inch dicks. Whoa. The size of them. That's a big-ass dick.

Damn, dude. Hey, that's average size. Now I kind of want to go out there and fuck an armadillo to prove it wrong. To establish dominance over it. Have you ever seen an Argentinian duck? No. An Argentine duck? They have that corkscrew penis that's nine inches long.

Really? Yeah, it shoots out like a fucking rocket. Yeah, it looks like an umbilical cord. It's like Scorpion from Mortal Kombat. Yeah, yeah. Get over here! I wish I could do that with my dick, dude. Just fucking...

That would be right. Ducks have the... Ducks have the... That would be unconsensual. No, it would be consensual ducks have the cloaca they have the one whole policy what's that for shitting and pissing and fucking fucking means whatever gender you identify as you can always fuck the duck it's true yeah that's good to know dude it's a real target policy uh i'm trying to get it all up in that cloaca, dude.

Yeah, pigs have a weird dick. I remember watching a video of a pig fucking a woman one time. Why? It was on E-Fucked. What? Yeah, yeah. You guys were talking about this on a couple of shows. What is E-Fucked? E-Fucked was a formative...

E-F-U-K-T.com. Yeah. It's still around, but... It's really, really despicable. It's not what it used to be anymore. It was scary really bad. E-F-U-K-T dot com. Yeah. It's still around, but it's not where it used to be anymore. It was scary porn stuff. Because you were talking about how you saw in that one a guy just fucking a blowfish. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was my favorite video on there.

Well, it's two women in bed, and they're shoving eels in their pussies, and then it kind of like tracks right, and then you just see a guy next to the bed, and he's shoving his dick in this big rockfish's mouth aren't they quite poisonous though yeah but only if you eat them oh okay yeah they're not poisonous they're not they're not venomous okay the best one is the fat virgin and the two porn stars and then they take out his pathetic penis and then they one of the porn stars gives him literally one suck and he just starts like spraying it. Really? That's awesome.

He just starts geysering all over himself. I missed that one. Yeah. Really? The pig one was great because I didn't know. It's very funny. The pig's dick looks like its tail, which is what's, it always surprises me

when I think about like, if I was going to think of a funny way to draw a pig's dick without knowing what it was, I'd be like, yeah, it would be the tail. That would be funny. And then you see a pig's dick and it's the tail and it's it just sort of you know it makes me question like you know evolution or if there is some kind of intelligent design that that would happen no it's a good bit what's that yeah that would be a good bit to design a pig's dick right yeah it doesn't make sense why that animal would have a dick that looks like that and other

animals don't. So how did the woman like it? Oh, she had to wear a burlap sack on her back because the pigs will scratch and bite the fuck out of you. Oh, God. But I guarantee you, she's on a couple of sitcoms now. She's starting to get some real work. Mom, I just need one more check

and I swear things are really working out here in Santa Monica I've got really cool roommates and I've got a couple of short films and things she's like Laurence Fishburne's daughter remember that

or she did porn she's like I'm gonna turn into acting I'm gonna transition to acting well Sasha Gray tried doing that she was in one real movie right yeah she was in a movie that was directed by

or written by Brett Easton Ellis and Paul Schrader yeah there's a piece of shit no she wasn't in that she was you see Ronda Rousey was a male porn star yeah Ronda Rousey in and the last fast movie was so fucking bad at acting and I feel like she's using the entourage movie she thinks she's gonna have an acting career and it's just not going to happen. She needs one. She got her shit fucked up, dude. What happened with that?

She got knocked out? Ronda Rousey. Ronda Rousey, who's Turtle's girlfriend. Why do you have to have a cool way to say it? That's how you say it. I know it isn't, you fucking bitch, and you know it. It's a South African... Shut up, Ronda Rousey.

Just say your fucking name. Ronda Rousey was... Say Rousey, bitch. Yeah. You're not even getting it wrong. You want to have your own personal... Say Rousey, say her fucking name Ronda Rousey was say Rousey bitch yeah you're not even getting it wrong you want to have your own person say Rousey bitch I've said Rousey her name is Ronda Rousey

Ronda Rousey Ronda Rousey um what did you say you were saying Leonard Cohn yes yeah it's Roy

Roy Cohn's uh Roy Cohn's nephew what about Ronda Rousey yeah What about Ronda Rousey? Yeah, what about Ronda Rousey? She was in the Entourage movie, and she had a very romantic plot line with a turtle. Did she fuck turtle? Yeah, it was very romantic.

Do you see it? Well, she was so bad in that Fast movie, I really doubt she'll have any kind of acting career. Granted, I'm wrong about literally everything. Anytime I've ever tried to predict anything, I was wrong about it. The other one... With the exception of consumer electronics. I've been pretty right about those trends over the last ten years.

There's an MMA lady, Gina Carano. What's her name? Carano? Gina Carano. She's been in a couple movies, and she's hot. I have to be off to her. She was in Haywire, directed by Steven Soderbergh, who also directed Sasha Gray in The Girlfriend Experience.

Sasha Gray, I don't really see her having much of a career in acting. No. She's in a couple other movies. Yeah, I know. She's probably done better than most, you know. I think she has like a record label now or something. That's true. Tracy Lawrence.

Yeah, she was great. The best actor porn crossover is clearly Mr. Sylvester Stallone. Sly Stallone, baby. The Italian Stallion. Oh, him and Frank Stallone, by the way. I follow them both on Instagram. Oh, yeah, me too. They both got to go to New Year's Eve in Mar-a-Lago with the Trump family.

My favorite. What? Yeah, yeah. Frank Stallone. Follow him on Instagram, by the way. I definitely will. He loves Donald Trump. It I definitely will he loves Donald Trump it's private

he loves Donald Trump that's awesome the best is the picture the Instagram of Sly, Frank and Trump is they're all doing like boxing fists

like Sylvester Stallone just played a boxer in a movie like they're not actual boxers but they like kind of feel like

they are I feel like the only way Frank Stallone should be allowed to tweet is by writing on his own headshots that are left in Italian restaurants. And that should be his exposure to social media. Oh, this is the unveiling, by the way. This is where she's hot.

Oh, yeah. Before we realize that she's hot for the first time. Sixpence Nunn the Richer. Wow, dude. Kiss me. Hell, yeah. Four foot seven. She looks better in overalls and glasses.

She looks generically hot now. I like indie chicks. Yeah, me too. Why is the whole family there? Isn't that his family? No, it's her family, I think. That's a comedy. No, it's his family.

Do you see that part, the comedy part of it, where she trips? Yeah. Everyone's like, nice. She's still retarded, though. She still doesn't know how to walk downstairs. This movie was obviously parodied in Not Another Teen Movie, which starred the now current Captain America. One of the biggest fucking movie stars in the world

came from a parody of this movie. That requires acting, though. What? That's not like a crazy transition. That was an acting one. He was funny as shit. And really, the only guy to get out of any kind, sports arena into acting and do really well is The Rock. Yeah, because The Rock's charming as hell, dude.

I was thinking about this the other day. Like, The Rock is the only, he's the only thing America has going for us cinematically. Right, right. Like, there's no other action stars. Like, all the Star Wars movies, those are all British people. Right. The original Star Wars, at least they were American, right? Right.

That's all gone. It's The Rock and Vin Diesel are like the only American movie stars. Absolutely. And The Rock smokes him, too. Yeah, I mean, Wahlberg's hanging on, but he's too old now. And he's not on that level, though, either. The Rock, there's something special about him, dude. But yeah, who do we have?

Is there anybody even coming up? Well, The Rock's uniquely charismatic. Does Channing Tatum fight? No. No, Channing Tatum doesn't count. He's kind of just a pretty boy. I guess fucking what's-his-face, it's in all the Guardian shit that everyone tries to make super famous.

He's tough, though. Yeah, he's not. That's what I mean. He's just too, like, The Rock is good-humored about being an action star, but Chris Pratt is just too self-referential, and he's always winking. Chris Pratt just does Seth Rogen's jokes. Right. In a hotter way.

Everybody does, you know, and like all the commercials now just use Seth Rogen's sense of humor and it's fucking annoying and it like has penetrated so much of like screenwriting.

Like the Force Awakens when, you know, what's Adam Driver's character's name? Darth, Darth Dingus or whatever the fuck his name is.

Yeah, Darth Girls. He destroys that whole village, and then Oscar Isaac's like, they've captured him. And then they're looking at each other, and then Oscar Isaac's like, so do I talk now, or you talk, or whatever. And it's supposed to be this comedic moment, and it's like, just shut the fuck up. It's so stale. Well, they're just trying to make him Han Solo. In all those movies, everyone has to be this comedic moment and it's like just shut the fuck up. It's so stale. Well they're just trying to make him

Han Solo. In all those movies everyone has to be the same. It's like he's supposed to be like the wise ass wisecrack.

It was a cliched way to go about it. It's not a funny line. There's a scene with like Fassbender could be but he's not

actually he's not American. He's not American he's German Irish. He's got a huge dick have you seen that dick yeah nice fat hulk

and he fucks his sister right doesn't he fuck his sister okay I hated that movie well hated it I've never seen the movie but I hear he fucks a lot in it

no he doesn't I went in expecting it to be just a non-stop he doesn't fuck he doesn't fuck that much he really doesn't doesn't he fuck a gay guy you see that golden dick

he gets head from a gay dude like that and that was the moment in the movie where they're trying to show you like how desperate oh my god so uh what were you saying about uh we went last week we all went to go see the uh the boston bombing movie oh hell yeah i haven't seen it yet and uh we're went to go see the Boston bombing movie. Oh, hell yeah. I haven't seen it yet. It's now the third movie that he's done with Peter Berg. It's all based on some sort of disaster or atrocity that's happened very recently. Oh, yeah.

They started with the Lone Survivor movie. Hell yeah. And the Deepwater Horizon movie. That was a good movie. Lone Survivor, I fucked with. I saw the Deepwater Horizon movie, too, a good movie. Lone Survivor I fucked with. I saw the Deepwater Horizon movie too, which is like a more cinematic disaster than the Boston bombing,

which was like two pressure cookers exploding in a marathon. Yeah. So I was talking to Adam about this the other day. Like, I think they should continue with this trend.

Oh my God. And my idea for the next Peter Berg, Mark Wahlberg property is just the Pulse nightclub shooting. And it's either Wahlberg could go for Oscar Pulse nightclub shooting. And it's either Wahlberg could go for Oscar glory and play a gay Latin man

who survives against all odds or one of the SWAT team guys who's like, we gotta save these gays in Latin America. No, it's gotta be that. It's gotta be his redemption. He's a homophobic SWAT team guy

and then he saves everyone in the nightclub. Oh, yeah. And he could do press for the movie where he's like homophobic SWAT team guy. Yeah. And then he saves everyone in the nightclub. Oh, yeah. And he could do press for the movie where he's like, growing up in Boston, I didn't think gay people were humans, and I would attack them on sight. But now I know that this is America. Yeah.

Have you ever seen him on Inside the Actor's Studio where he talks about that assault? No, no. I saw it like 10 years ago. Yeah. And he sort of just laughs it off. With that guy, like James Lipton or whatever? Lipton, yeah, James Lipton.

Oh, James Lipton's the king, dude. He's so good. And he talks about assaulting that Vietnamese guy? He briefly mentions it, yeah. What does he say? I can't, I mean, again, I saw it like 10 years ago. I didn't know what I was doing. That's where I learned about that.

That is like, you know, he had like a violent, you know, past or whatever. And you watch it and you're like, what the, shouldn't you be in jail? Nah, dude. violent you know past or whatever and you watch it and you're like what the should you be in jail nah dude wait didn't you say that kanye when he got in that car accident that like made him oh yeah kanye fell asleep first of all he was selfishly pursuing this production career yeah and uh fucking fell asleep while driving because he was you know spending all his time in the studio and drifts into oncoming traffic. What do you mean selfishly, though? Any creative pursuit is selfish.

He was working hard. He could just go have a regular job. He came from an upper middle class background. He worked at The Gap. Dude, he was a once in a generation talent. He would actually be robbing all of us by not pursuing a music career. All right. It's still a selfish pursuit.

He would actually be making collages like the lead actress in this movie is. Yeah. So he fell asleep while driving, like crosses into oncoming traffic and fucking just gets in a front-end collision with some cab driver. And then was like, you know, lawyered up and made it so that he didn't have to pay the guy anything

and like destroyed this guy's life and his business. That's terrible. And then, and then he, that, that accident and like through the wire. Propelled him to.

Yeah. Right. That was like the first single that, you know. Off of the college dropout. Yes. And the rest is history. Yeah.

And it was because he destroyed that poor, I'm assuming Pakistani man's life. I don't know, dude. I won't have. I hate you Kanye. And that man was Aisha Sidd Pakistani man's life. I don't know, dude. I won't have any... I hate you, Kanye! And that man was Ayesha Tzadiki's father. You know? And she has no idea. It's sort of like a Gangs of New York situation.

Like a reverse... I don't remember the plot. I don't remember Gangs of New York. It's more like Traffic. Yeah? Yeah. That was a good... Oh, wait. Traffic is another movie that sucks. What do you mean? Traffic? Good movies. I like Traffic. You like That was a good... Now you want to talk about good movies. There's another movie that sucks. What do you want to talk about? Good movies. I like Traffic. You like Traffic?

I like Sicario, too. I don't like that either. I like Sicario because it was just like, I started watching it, and I'm like, oh, it's just Traffic again. Oh, right.

We got Benicio. No, what's stupid about Traffic, it's got a good cast, right? But that whole subplot with Michael Douglas' daughter where she snorts coke once and then like in the movie a week later

she's literally like getting poked out in a crack house like it's like this doesn't happen it's unrealistic but it does

I mean when you have to like that was a great movie but there's not enough time to develop that just that scene though the ass to ass

yeah yeah oh yeah in uh just that when he tells them only that scene is good David was the voice of the US Navy would come on Navy accelerate your life ass to ass great voice yeah yeah yeah he's one of my favorites but you can't I could never see

those Navy commercials I know dude those aircraft carriers without thinking about him and him making Jim McCormick suck his dick we do more before 6am

than most people do all day I'm not taking it out for air Cinderella fuck dude what a line I'm not taking it out for air Jesus Christ Oh man

That fucking mischievous ass smile he has When he tells her they have to go ass to ass Yeah He is the perfect like Like fun villain Yeah I was just saying I want to watch Dead Presidents again

That's great I love that movie I used to have it on DVD I love that movie It's cool The guy What's his name Bokeem Woodbine He's great Yeah That's great. I love that movie. I love that movie. It's cool. The guy, what's his name? Bokeem Woodbine?

He's great. Yeah, he's great and he's in Fargo and he just doesn't age. He's one of those weird people that doesn't age at all. Yeah, dude. Like a black person? Well, more so than normal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, he looks great. No, they don't age, bro. He's looked like that since the early 80s.

Gabrielle Union, she's in this movie. She looks exactly the same. Is that how old he is, Bokeem Woodbine? He's pretty old, yeah. He's got to be in his late 40s. Who's this guy? What does he look like? The dude on...

He's in Fargo right now. He's in Fargo. He's awesome. A big Kansas City gang member. Yeah, I like that he got a lot of note for that character in Fargo because he was awesome. Yeah, I've always liked him. Dude, that show was great.

It really was. That was one of the only shows I really enjoyed. I thought season two was a little bit better than season one, but I liked them both. Yeah, I thought they were both great. I love Billy Bob, but I thought his plotline was a little too Jason Bourne for me. It was like he was just too good at karate and knowing which door to open and stuff like that. But the second season I thought was awesome. I liked them both i didn't see that's adam's film uh tv reviews tv guide tv guide i don't watch any new i just was watching rupaul's drag race for

the first time that shit is awesome dude but i don't watch any like good tv except the sopranos which i've been watching well Well, you started watching fucking the Clayton Dallas... What's it called? Wait, I want to know more about this show. He's like a Vine teen. Here's the setup. So, Cameron Dallas is one of these Vine kids.

He was actually originally an Instagram kid. Was he in the Vine apartment in LA? No, no, no. He was part of this thing called MagCon, which was put together by this older man that was like obviously he clearly feels like he missed the boat on being a vine boy because he's in his like late 30s and he like you could have been a pretty boy when he was he was like he's like one of these guys he's like a pretty pimp yeah so this guy he started

this thing mag con where he like gets all these boys together and parades the boys in front of young girls. And collects all the money. He's like the Lou Pearlman, the blimp entrepreneur. He's like sort of Lou Pearlman meets Justin Bieber's dad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Have you ever seen pictures of Justin Bieber's dad? He's like a fucking monster energy drink kind of like. Real Federline vibes.

Tatted up. Yeah, K-Fed type dude. Yeah. That's great. Yeah, he's a pimp. So he was pimping out the children. The children got upset about it because they weren't getting enough money, so they stopped doing the MagCon,

and they went with another guy that pimped them out even harder and exploited them even more. So they went back to their old pimp. So they went back to their original pimp, and they said, look, we've always been your bottom dollar bitch you know we want to we want to kiss the ring we want to turn that ass out but then they fucking night daddy by doing grapevines i'll put that boy pussy on the stroll for you um so yeah then they go on like a European tour

and it's basically their exploits you know what I mean it's just like Cameron Dallas got equity in this MagCon thing so now he's the boss

of MagCon along with this other guy yeah now I'm like a Vine star and also a CEO so like I got a you know I have a lot of pressure

in my life and his mom is just like just oh yeah they show these kids backgrounds and it's like they are they don't you know they have kind of A lot of pressure in my life. And his mom is just like, just wishes she was 17. Oh yeah, they show these kids backgrounds and it's like, they have kind of tragic backgrounds. It's like,

my mom was a drug addict and my dad was the guy that got her addicted to drugs. And so I had to live with my green ma and green pa. My poo pa and pee pa. And I was raised by pee pee and poo poo. It's chilling to learn the pathos that's behind jokes about your mom not having the bagel bites ready.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They all look... It's as if she was in recovery. Yeah. They all look sort of feminized, too. They're all very beautiful. They're sexy little boys, for sure. Yeah, they have gay mouth.

They do have gay mouth. got a real Adam Friedman situation going on yeah yeah yeah well me and Cameron you know I mean that's that's always sort of been what handsome

is traditionally handsome just a little bit of feminine feminization for sure for sure Elvis Elvis looked like a little bit

like a girl I don't know if Elvis had gay mouth cause he kind of curled his lips of course he had full lips he had gay mouth I don't know if Elvis had gay mouth. Of course he had full lips. I don't know. I don't know yet. I'd have to take a look again.

The best was the guys that were considered handsome even though they were objectively not like Bogart or Jerry Orbach. Yeah. This guy looks like

absolute shit. That's how strong the patriarchy used to be. They just got to pick some guys that women had to fucking think are handsome. Bogart looks like an amazing fucking apartment guy. the patriarchy used to be, dude. They just got to pick some guys that women had to fucking think are handsome. Yeah,

it looks like an amazing fucking apartment company. We gotta get back to those levels, dude. Wesley, talking about all the Vine boys

getting pimped out, it reminded me, this is a good Comptown Film rec to close out the year. Have you guys seen a documentary or heard of

the documentary that came out this year called Tickled? Oh, yeah, I've heard about it. I saw the trailer, but I was going to see it, and then I heard it was pretty disappointing. No, I enjoyed it. It was entertaining because the concept is that there is this basically one guy in Long Island who has been impersonating women and people online for years.

who's been impersonating women and people online for years. Years, basically blackmailing teenage boys and young men into tickling each other on videos. Hell yes. He is the mastermind of this entire boy-tickling network. Hell yeah, dude. And rules it through intimidation and blackmail. It's done through Christianity sort of Like as like

Kind of Like How does he blackmail him He gets like dick pics And shit Well no Like well he blackmails him Because he's like

Then threatens to like Show all of these pictures And hours of video To like their friends Employers Schools Colleges The name makes it sound

Like it was like It should have been A Brendan Fraser movie That came out in 2001 Yeah Post Georgie Jungle I've Gotta find these boys Yeah like it was like it should have been a Brendan Fraser movie that came out in 2001. Post-Georgia jungle. I've got to find these boys. Yeah.

I got to find them. It's pretty nuts though. I'm going to check that out. I want to see that shit. Speaking of B-Fresh, you know what movie I saw the other day? Monkey Bone? Bedazzled?

Bedazzled. Is that the one where he's the devil or whatever? Herlis is the devil. Herlis's the devil Or whatever Elizabeth Hurley Is the devil Elizabeth Hurley's the devil It's a good movie And he has to be like

A famous basketball star But his dick is really small Yeah with his tiny dick Yeah He has to be the most Sensitive guy in the world But he can't stop crying Yeah yeah yeah

It's very good That shit sucks Elizabeth Hurley is a Fucking 10 Oh she's a dime marina Yeah yeah She looks really good In that shit

You ever see I remember seeing Tabloid pictures of her with like 35 Nicorette patches on her body. Yeah. Yeah. Apparently she smells

like six packets of cigarettes a day. Hell yeah, dude. She probably does. She kind of looks evil, which makes sense for her being Satan. Is that a British thing, maybe?

Looking evil? Yeah. Well, they either look like big-time pussies, or they look evil. They look like they're up to something, or they have that fat, like, scone face. Yeah, them boys up to something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They plot. They scheme.

The British. Sorry, real quick. This is the point in the movie where Rachel Leigh Cook reveals to Freddie Prince Jr. that her mother died, and she makes collage art about it, and she's gone back to being really unattractive. She went back to that fucking ponytail. If I have to see that bullshit one more time.

You fucking bitch. Her collage art sucks, though. Yeah, she sucks at art. It's trash. She's actually depicting Muhammad Every one of her paintings is Muhammad Why is she Why is she being a piece of shit to him

She doesn't know She's not aware yet Of his like scheme You know She's defensive She can't let people in dude She's got a background She has a past

Come on man What's the past Being artsy Her mom died because of her art Her art killed No they were in the car together Then her mom died because of her art. Her art killed her. No, they were in the car together, and she was doing collage art in the back,

and the mom was like, just put that away. She just squirted paint on the windshield. She painted a picture of a beautiful sunset on the inside of the windshield for her mom, before her mom went to work. And then her mom fucking went right into a semi her mom ran into kanye west so it wasn't it wasn't his and then he spit it through the wire

yeah yeah dude yeah it's like in team america where they they talk about uh the cast of cats raped that's why he hates actors because he was raped by the magical Mr. Mistoffelees. We gotta go see Cats. That is such a funny fucking movie. Is Cats back on Broadway? Yeah, it is. It's in the Neil Simon Theater. So if the theater says, Neil Simon, Cats. So they're all Jewish this time.

What are we gonna do? I wanna see Cats by David Mamet. Where's the fucking litter box You piece of shit You stupid I'm trying to I'm trying to cough up A fucking hairball And you're down my ass

Why don't you get a job You fucking cunt Shelly Shelly I had him right there Shelly I tell you I tell you I was licking myself Right outside the cabin

I was licking my arms And my legs I was gettingicking my arms and my legs. I was getting real clean. And then what happens? Right as soon as I feel smooth, I get this tickling in the back of my throat. And I know I'm just going

to boff up a big one. We really legitimately should go see Cats and review it for the pod, dude. It's a business expense. I want to see opera. Oh, I shouldn't have said that. I want to go see Joseph and review it for the pod, dude. It's a business expense. I want to see opera. Oh, I shouldn't have said that. I want to go see Joseph.

And by opera, do you mean that short for Phantom of the Opera? Oh, no. Which, by the way, I brought this up before. I've never seen Phantom of the Opera, but I was reading the Wikipedia page a while back. I had no idea that his name isn't the Phantom of the Opera. It's Eric. That's that character's name?

In the opera, that's just a guy named Eric. It's just my friend Eric. Yeah, yeah. They don't call him Eric, though, in it, do they? We should go see Joseph in his amazing Technicolor dream coat and then get kicked out for yelling, where's the coat? Show the coat the entire time.

Show the coat. Coat. Bring that coat out! Let me see that motherfucking coat! Oh, the real world. Shit, I didn't realize he oh the real world shit I didn't realize he makes the real world why the fuck do people watch I

never understood the real world sometimes girls would make out with each other yeah yeah like in the real world Vegas season that there were two girls making out for

like two seconds on one episode so you know I watched the whole thing yeah it's funny I like bitch about like Vine stars and shit and like you know how they literally do nothing and they have all this fame but that's exactly what the real world was oh yeah yeah yeah it's just fucking people those guys would have

been on the real like cameron whatever he was gonna figure out a way to be you know that's all it is now vine hansen oh shit you guys ever listen to Hanson? Yeah. Oh, this is where two kids are battle rapping each other. It's the only two black people. No, Usher's in this. Lil' Kim. And the president's helper in the West Wing. Who's the beatboxing guy? This Wario character.

Why are they smoking so many stokes at school? Yeah, dude. That's weird for a 90s movie. 90s movies were aggressively anti... Oh, because he's the bad guy. Yeah, Pell Walker's the bad guy. The bad guy smokes cigarettes. And that was an art nerd?

No, 90s movies were aggressively anti-cigarette. Right. Those things will kill you, that fucking shit. But fuck, man. Every other decade, they're so pro. Every black and white movie, everyone's smoking cigarettes. They look so fucking cool. Yeah.

And it's not like they didn't know prior to the 90s. Yeah. Oh, they knew. Yeah. But they, honestly, I don't know. Up until, like, up until, like, the 90s. It's like, how did he become an actor? He's fucking bloated.

He's pumpkin head. Should be in a bowling league. No, he was in other shit. This guy was in other shit. Yeah, I know. He's now on Daredevil He's Kevin's Oh yeah He is on Daredevil

Was he in Power Rangers One of the bad guys One of the bullies Isn't he Kevin from Home Alone Or Kevin's older brother From Home Alone No Is that Buzz

Yeah isn't it It might be Buzz Is it I don't think so He is the beta Beta friend on Daredevil The one who Daredevil fucks his bitch, right?

I don't think so. No? No. But he could. The girl wants to fuck Daredevil but she doesn't. And then that opens up the thing for him to fuck her.

How fucking annoying would it be if you break up with a girl and then you see her on the street and she's walking around with some fucking daredevil blind guy and she's like oh he's like a great listener like you never listen to me you know he can't like you know and because he's blind because he's fucking blind yeah nice man he's a good listener because he's blind yeah his other senses including listening and then he just grabs her pussy he's a good listener because he's blind yeah his other senses including listening and then he just grabs her pussy

and he's like yeah this is my service bit she's gotta wear that weird full body leash yeah you have to have a sign

that says don't talk to me I only suck dick and let this man know when to cross the street So yet again That would be pretty annoying I hope fucking Trump makes that happen That you can get a service bitch

If you're blind Wait there's a pubes joke in this PG-13 movie Is that where they put the pubes on the pizza They put the pubes on the pizza This movie that literally just happened What's going on here? Who's Taylor Vaughn? Oh, prom queen.

Uh-oh. Freddie Prinze is regulating. Kill all artists. Dude, I need this shirt. The bad guy in the movie is wearing a shirt that says, Kill all artists. It's got a gun on it. That's so sick.

That's so punk rock. That's exactly what the punk rock guy would wear. Was it like Pete Seeger or something? You used to have a sticker on it. Oh, this sick. That's so punk rock. That's exactly what the punk rock guy would wear. Like, you know, was it like Pete Seeger or something? You used to have like a sticker on it? Oh, this guy! Dylan Klebold! That's him! Wow, this was before Columbine. This is an early roll for Dylan. What else was this guy in?

This fucking creep. Do you think, like, Dylan Klebold and Dylan Roof are going to go to a special heaven for guys like Dylan? Oh my god. You're definitely going to the same heaven as them. They're like, what the fuck? His name isn't Dylan. It's like for making that joke, you get it.

Freddie Prinze Jr. is making a guy eat pubes He's his own pubes Looks like saffron threads You know what's funny is like They're probably fake pubes But then some guy from like the props department Like they fucked up his union hours or something And then they became real pubes

Hell yeah Why are they afraid of him? something and then they became real pups. Yeah. Hell yeah. Why are they afraid of him? This guy can easily beat up Freddy Pets. Yeah, he's got a tattoo. There's two of them. Yeah. Well, he's got status, dude. Oh, they're mean to Simon? That's why he's making them into pups? They're not learning any lessons here. They're just

getting bullied. Right. Look at that. They're gonna fucking kill that deaf piece of shit. Oh, I forgot he was deaf. Yeah're just getting bullied. Right. Look at that. Look at that fucking kill that deaf piece of shit. Oh, I forgot he was deaf. Yeah, he's got hearing aids. Yeah. Do you see that trashy Asian lady? I don't know what you're saying about trashy. Watch, dude. She's hot.

He's using his bullying for good now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, that's the guy from Len in the background with the bucket hat. If you steal my sunshine. Here, look. That's a trashy party shirt. What if it said a kill all artists

and a shirt that said kill all deaf kids? With a gun. What year was this movie made though? I think 98, 99. This was right at the cusp before everything got dark. Yeah. Yeah. Well, you wouldn't be able to wear that shirt to school.

No. I had a Rage Against the Machines shirt that made me turn inside out, because it had, like, Zapata with a gun on the front. I bought a fucking Che shirt on vacation in Mexico with my parents, and I thought it was Rage Against the Machines. But I was, like, 12. Oh, dude, I was such a piece of shit. mexico with my parents and i thought it was a ridge against the but i was like i was like 12 oh dude i was such a piece of shit when i was like a senior in high school i had one of those the che guevara shirts i thought i was cool as shit dude oh yo you can buy these shirts

a kill all artists shirts yeah hell yeah oh let's get that wait one of them is uh 430 dollars oh that's if it's20, I'd buy it. Tom Sachs, is that like a fancy designer? Let's just bootleg them, dude. Fuck that. Yeah, we can definitely design these for ourselves. Jokeshirt.com. Nice.

Let's see if we can probably get it for a little while. Shout out to our sponsor, Jokeshirt.com. Go there, use promo code COMETOWN to get the Kill All Artists shirt for free. This is close enough. And if they don't send it to you, please send death threats to them on behalf of me. It's for $21. Not worth it. Oh, yeah.

People are ordering those Funny Moms t-shirts. Oh, yeah? Yeah, I'm sending them out. That's crazy. You'll be getting them this week if you order them. What Funny Moms t-shirts? The Jordan. The Jordan.

Where's my 2x bitch they couldn't find enough oh you guys should have listened to Chapo and we got a lot of Chapo are you guys selling these not yet oh okay these are gonna

be an ultra limited edition your dad my failed dad Christmas present I was actually the best present ever he actually made bootleg t-shirts that's awesome fuck you guys got any

2x's for the kid yeah me and my dad are doing the thing where we just sort of talk to each other once a week and pretend like we got something for each other and that we just don't know how to mail it on the holidays. Me and my parents are doing the thing where they forget the name of my podcast that I'm on.

They're like, how's the boy, the boys? Well, why did you tell them? Did you ever tell them? They found out. I told you that. Yeah. Yeah. Remember they disowned him because the podcast is anti-Israel?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're pro Bibi Netanyahu. Well, we'd support a one-state solution where the entire world should be Comptown. Yeah. We actually, Israel, we want Israel to be Comptown. Well, no, no, no, no. Yeah, yeah. The entire world would be Israel, and then Israel would be Comptown.

Actually, my plan is to sell Israel to the Anthony Cumia Network and turn it into one big podcast, dude. Where Eastside Dave jerks off retards all day long. Jerks off acidic retards? Jerk them off, Dave. That's in the That's now That's in the second temple now

Oh yeah Whatever the most sacred place is That's what we said The Wailing Wall The Wailing Wall is the name of Gavin's new show Yeah Fuck yeah dude

Fuck what was I gonna say Well you liked Star Wars Didn't you Let's talk about this Cause that shit Rogue One Yeah I thought it was pretty good I didn't see it yet But talk about this, because that shit. Rogue One? The new one, yeah. Yeah, I thought it was pretty good.

I didn't see it yet, but stop. I thought it was a million times better than The Force Awakens. That's great, because I didn't like Force Awakens. Yeah, Force Awakens was fucking... I thought Force Awakens was terrible. More like Force puts me to sleep, folks. Well, if you haven't seen it, I don't want to talk about it. Folks?

Not bad, dude. Folks? Yeah, we got it. That's nice, dude. All right, I just want to make sure. Yeah. Everyone heard it. Not bad, dude. Folks, put some... Yeah, we got it. That's nice, dude. All right. I just want to make sure. Yeah. Everyone heard it. Not bad.

Yeah, no, I mean, I want to go see Rogue One. Or at least, I can't find a screener. Of Rogue One? Yeah. Yeah, the screener season's been tough this year. It's been bad. I normally watch all the movies around Christmas, New Year's. Can't Phil get that shit? Yeah, make Phil get them for us.

Well, no, Phil's industry now. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, so he should have access. He works for Sony, dude. That's more of a reason to have him, dude. So have your friend Phil, who works for Sony, who could never be fired for giving us screeners, copy the screeners and upload them to the internet, which he already does. He's had any problems lately with things getting leaked.

Oh, yeah. It doesn't matter. I have a PlayStation. When North Korea hacked Sony, he was just like, dude, work is so stressful. North Korea hacked us. I was like, why do you care? He's like, the whole company might shut down. There was a good chance that Seth Rogen almost destroyed the entire company.

Hell yeah, dude. Wait, it was Seth Rogen's fault? Yeah, because of the interim dictator. He did that movie. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Which wasn't even worth it. Yeah, it wasn't worth it. Everyone was like, oh, oh, we're going big one in North Korea. Which wasn't even worth it. Yeah, it wasn't worth it.

Everyone was like, oh, oh, we're gonna, oh, go to North Korea. Oh, we're gonna smoke a lot.

Wait, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm sorry? I'm fucking sorry. What if, what if,

Jim Henson presents Seth Rogen. Man, I would love to be Seth Rogen rich dude I've been thinking about being rich recently I hope it never happens for you

oh I forget dude Paul Walker tries to fuck her so he can win the bet oh no they're getting exposed right now Paul Walker has oh

Paul Walker is so conniving in this. I'm glad he's dead now. I'm so angry. He's... Whoa, whoa. Uh-oh. The plan was not cool. What the fuck?

Dude, I'm sorry. I'm enraptured by this movie. Can we watch Varsity Blues next? Hell yeah. We should watch the Cameron Dallas show next. Or Congo. I would Dallas show next or Congo. I would really love to watch Congo.

After we wrap this objectively terrible end of this podcast. Whatever, man. We're going to have, you know, I feel bad, but it's also like the TV was purchased

with the money we made from podcasting. Right, right, right. So it's like, should I really feel bad? It's kind of the audience's fault for giving me that money.

I feel great. You've been great. It's mostly Stav's fault, I'd say. And then probably mine next. And then Adam's been surprisingly good this one. Usually he's the worst one in the show. We talk about your fan Bob who sounds off in the comments and hates Adam.

Bob is the funniest i love bob so much i don't care what he thinks about me and uh the one where he's like i get two hours a week away from my demon wife i'm team bob yeah he added me on facebook when i did race wars and i thought it was like you know somebody doing an old guy character and I messaged him and I was like, what's your deal? And he's like, just a Race Wars fan.

I'm like, but are you really like an old ass man? Or he's like, well, that's, you know, I guess relative. Oh, yo, look at this painting. Oh, she's a clown. James Cameron ripped her off. That's the Na'vi right there. That's Avatar.

I love that that movie came out and immediately Fleshlight had an Avatar pussy. They're making two or three more of those. Has there ever been a movie that's... Two or three more Fleshlights? Avatar movies. No, Avatar movies. Has there ever been a movie that's made more money

with as little cultural impact as Avatar? It's crazy. No, no. I mean, it's insane. Does anyone like that movie? There's literally been no movie that's made more money with little cultural impact as Avatar. It's crazy. I mean it's insane. Does anyone like that movie right now? There's literally been no movie that's made that much money.

That's crazy because nobody cares about Avatar. And it's a garbage movie. It sucks dick. It's terrible. I never saw it.

The first one you go and see it and what makes it such an immersive experience is the 3D glasses. But for the second one it's going to be even better because it's going to be in 3D. It'll probably be in 4K, but you can also bring your avatar flashlight. And you can fuck the avatars.

That is five dimensions. That's the fifth dimension. The fifth dimension is coming. That's why fucking Stephen Hawking is obsessed with special relativity. You joke, but you remember in Avatar, right? Like when they hook, when they fuck. Yes. They had their like tails.

Their ponytails. Their ponytails, like tentacles. Like actually it's like port with one another. Exactly. It's a USB thing. That's interesting. It's docking. However.

They're docking, yes. Also in that movie, when they like tame those like flying dinosaurs or whatever, they pour into them as well. Oh, yeah. It's the same orifices they use to like, dinosaurs.

Yeah, to fuck dinosaurs. That's awesome. I didn't realize that. Odd. Very strange. My favorite scene in that movie is when the mech pulls out a knife.

When the robot has a knife, it doesn't have guns. The robot has a, I mean, weapon guns the robot has a i mean weapon of last resort yeah i guess i don't remember that kevin pollack is in this movie yeah but norman norman wilkerson had the funniest line about that movie because uh uh what the fuck did he say he was like so what it's just like black people meets the cover of every yes album and it does look really prog rock.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can't believe, yeah, I thought, I heard that that once it came out he was going to make like seven. Like he had this crazy,

Well, he designed a language. He had like a linguist make a language for him. And yet the font they used was like papyrus. Wait, how funny is that that he basically used papyrus?

Yeah, yeah, that's so bad. It's hilarious. He commissioned a linguistics professor like they're a guy that did screen printing yeah make me some

shitty merch for my movie I need a language printed up I bet you're paid better than being a fucking professor or whatever the fuck

they use he's such a Spurgo James Cameron you should watch do yourself a favor watch his best director acceptance speech

for Titanic. It's so funny. Yeah, when he asked for a moment of silence. Like a... Victims of the Titanic? Yeah, victims of the Titanic. What? And it was like during Bosnia.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. All that was happening, you know, was a moment of silence for the Titanic victims. What a monster. And then at the end, he's like, and then he's like just not crushing the speech. And it's going really bad. Then at the end, he's like, and then he's like, just not crushing the speech. And it's going really bad. Then at the end, he's like, well, I guess there's one thing left to say.

I'm the king of the world. Terrible. Grown. Terrible. Yeah. Terrible. Dude, what's his name? Fuck.

Yeah. The guy who directed Shame and then 12 Years a Slave. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Steve McQueen. Steve McQueen. Yeah. He should have done that then 12 Years a Slave oh yeah yeah yeah Steve McQueen Steve McQueen yeah

he should have done that for 12 Years a Slave yeah yeah there's only one thing left to say I'm 12 years a slave free but

like okay so he's asking for a moment of silence for the victims of the Titanic yeah the worst one of the worst

boating accidents ever. Yeah. He couldn't get away with that now because people would get mad at him and be like, Hollywood,

just only recognizing white victims. It's literally only white people died in the Titanic. Some of them were poor so it was me and a lot of them

were rich too. Then you can accuse all those people of stealing Cedric's bit about how no black people, no black bands are going to be playing as the ship goes down.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, which is a great bit, by the way. I think it's a hilarious bit. What's the bit? They got the bands playing as the, maybe it's Steve Harvey,

but they're like, what black band? I think it's Cedric. Yeah, it's like, what black band do you know is going to be playing as the ship goes down? It's like, you know,

fucking Kool and the Gang is like, pack up the shit, we're getting the fuck out of here. Yeah, it was on Kings of Comedy. It's from king special it's it's part of the bigger bit which is about how like black people anytime they see people running they run away right he said he also has that joke in that one about how uh uh black people he's like do you black people can't play hockey because it's a sport where they let you fight. He was like, there'll just be one dude

on the ice. Looking around for people. Dude, Cedric's amazing. Cedric, I think is a very good comic. I like him a lot. I think he's very funny. Before you guys came up,

we were watching the Werner Herzog volcano documentary. And in it, he talks about there was this French couple that like, all they did was film volcanoes

but film them like extremely close up in a way that's just stupid. Yeah. Like they got amazing footage but it's just like, it's just suicidal. Right.

And he's like, you know, they filmed volcanoes for many years at great risk to their lives. Of course, they were eventually killed by a volcano

of more than 40 other people. So, of course, I had the thought that this would be a great bit for a black comic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What black people are you going to kill by nature? You can really do that. I guess they just never get killed by nature. And that's the trade-off. That's why we have to do it.

It's because, you know, a tornado, a tornado's not going to do it. White guys, Javi, jumping out of airplanes, shooting animals. Hurricane Katrina. That's the one. That's the one.

It's Hurricane Katrina. Yeah. But what? Hurricane Katrina, what killed so many people wasn't actually the hurricane. It was the levees. Yeah.

It wasn't really the... It was a man-made disaster. Right. It was the Army Corps of Engineers. It was also the police afterwards. Yeah. It wasn't really the... It was a man-made disaster. Right. It was the Army Corps of Engineers. It was also the police afterwards. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was fucking beating everyone. Just raping and beating

their way through fucking New Orleans. Yeah. Shooting all those people. Damn. That's when you could really... You could really let loose as a cop. Yeah. Imagine being a racist.

If you ever heard a story about a black guy getting eaten by a killer whale, you'd be like, that can't be right. Yeah. Yeah, Jamel used to have a bit about canoeing. And, what is that?

Mountain climbing. And mountain climbing. Oh, that joke is so funny. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, shout out to our friend Jamel Johnson, who has started listening to the podcast and loves it. Oh, yeah? Nice.

We've got to have Jamel on. Jamel's hilarious. Oh, yeah, for sure. We will. I'm trying to get him to come out here. This movie suddenly got way too fucking loud.

Yeah, why is it so loud? Is this Chemical Brothers? No, it's Fatboy Slim. Oh, shit. If you're going to a school dance or the dancing was this coordinated. The whole school knows a Bollywood-style dance routine

that they do at prom. And every girl is just so hot. Yeah. And Usher is just so hot. Yeah. And Usher is the DJ of the school. He's just DJs during the... Wow.

Everyone's doing Thriller now. This is awesome, dude. Yeah, Usher. Usher, dude. Go off, dude. Now there's a man who fucks.

Usher Raymond. Yes. Usher Raymond not a virgin. They should do this in high schools where they force the theater department to coordinate all the dances months in advance. It's a fucking four-story party.

I love it. Yeah, yeah. These rich fucking L.A. kids. This is the Four Seasons. Oh, wow. Paul Walker must try and, like, biff her, right? Like, rape her or some shit? I think that is Buzz from Home Alone.

I think it is. It probably is. He's also in... You know, that guy's in Blue Ruin. He plays the friend that gets the guns for... His dude? Yeah.

Whoever is Biff from... Or Buzz from Home Alone. Oh, really? I don't know if it's the same guy. That was a fantastic movie, by the way. Yeah, because he's gained, like, a million pounds. Oh, no. Yeah. Anna packard's got a very small role in this movie uh will have

you ever seen rad the bmx movie i think i mentioned oh you've talked about on the show i don't think i have we talked no we talked about in person yeah we talked about a tip top yeah we should watch that maybe that's a good one what about uh gleaming the cube the christian skateboarding movie yeah yeah gleaming the cube that shit rules what's the Cube, the Christian Slater skateboarding movie? Yeah, yeah. That was awesome. Gleaming the Cube? That shit rules. What's the movie, The Cutting Edge, where the hockey player gets- Oh, that was great.

Loses his sight and he has to become a figure skater? What? Really? Yeah, no, he uses the skills he learned on the ice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He'd probably be a good listener. He takes it to the Olympics in the couple's figure skating club. Oh, he catches a woman?

Yeah. I love the premise of Happy Gilmore. It's like, what if a guy who played golf wasn't a complete pussy? Yeah. It's like, because he's so strong.

Everybody who plays golf is too weak to fucking hit the ball hard. It's like, Tiger Woods benches like three plates. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah.

He was strong. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yo, he's still strong. You saw his shirtless Christmas. Look at how many women he's cheated with. You have to be very strong to do that. That's how strong you get. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yo, he's still strong. You saw his shirtless Christmas daddy. Look at how many women he's cheated with. You have to be very strong to do that. That's how strong you get.

Yeah. Every waitress at a truck stop you fuck. It takes CrossFit to cheat on your wife. It is a sign of strength, dude. No weak guys fuck, except for Adam. Man, Paul Walker was great. I'm the only one. And you know how I do it?

How? Being on the bottom every time being a bottom every time yeah being a bottom that's what i said somebody messaged me somebody said that uh wait someone said a second wait somebody messaged me and they they were like yo i was at a party with somebody that fucked adam one time and they said that adam was doing all this gay shit before they fuck like trying to turn his he was like let me make my body into the shape of different states and he was like pretending he was idaho and fly and then i was like that is quite literally the gayest shit i've ever heard in my entire life you definitely did it no way you definitely did no way you 100 i would tell you if it was me i would not be

embarrassed you did it i've said enough on this podcast and off this podcast to you guys real quick i have to cover also because i guess people couldn't find that i forget where i mentioned the fbi story and i guess people were bugging me about it but uh the fbi came to interrogate me for being a isis sympathizer because my piece of shit philly uncle was going around saying that uh you know i I was an ISIS sympathizer. That's incredible. Because you knew what a caliphate was. Because I just explained what a caliphate was to him. He was like, how do you know all this stuff? You told me he literally asked you

what the deal is with ISIS, and you explained it to him, and then he reported you to the FBI. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's incredible. I don't know about that. Hey, having knowledge, I don't know. He's got too much information.

It doesn't sound good to me. You got to call the FBI on him, so that's what happened. He's telling the guys down at Wawa that... Did he get mad at newspapers and shit? Yeah. My nephew wrote Fuck America on Facebook. I think I'm a tournament. Oh, yeah, that's the other thing.

They just lied. I think they lied to the FBI and said that I wrote Fuck America on Facebook, which is a crime, and I might call the FBI and tell them. What if me and my shitty family just waste the FBI and said that I wrote fuck America on Facebook because I did which is a crime and I might call the FBI and tell them what if I'm me and my shitty family just waste the FBI's time reporting each other back and forth yeah you should fucking report him like meanwhile like those

FBI agents are like like at the bottom of their pile of work is like six Saudi nationals joined a flight school right didn't want to didn't weren't interested in learning I love off or landing yeah dude they're scary though like I had to meet them oh my god fuck yeah you kidding yeah I mean it's about getting a voicemail with a flat-top shit my hair cuts with FBI guys um one guy was like a

cooler hipster looking guy but FBI hip? they're like REI hipsters oh yeah more white people and then the other one I think I think the other one was like a mid-Atlantic guy that came up because he had sort of

like a an accent I guess but you know they were wearing like Patagonia you know like North Face Vest

really they weren't wearing black suits? yeah what? it was it was Will Smith yeah and then Will Smith. Yeah. You know?

Yeah, and then Will Smith did a rap and then he beat the shit out of some guy there. Hey, fuck, you know, I think they're the guys from The Sopranos.

Yeah. That's my... Will Smith was just looking at his reflection and trying his sunglasses on while Tommy Lee Jones questioned me. So, yeah.

That's the episode. I'm real sorry about putting the movie on. So yeah, that's the episode. I'm real sorry about putting the movie on. No, fuck that. It was fun. No, no, it was fun. I'm kidding about it, apologizing, but I do think it was a bad idea to put a movie on. Yeah, it is.

We won't do it next week. I will never be able to focus. I should have learned that lesson last week. I mean, I'm guilty of it, too. It's impossible not to comment on this, but how that's going to translate to audio when someone's in the middle of the story and then you're like,

a blue shirt? Who would wear that? I think people will appreciate me being sidetracked by titties. You're going to have to do the math. But right now, the podcast is at one minute, or one hour,

nine minutes, 15, 16, 17 seconds. And the line in the movie is, Dean, the key, so something at the end.

So if you sync up, download She's All That, and sync it up based on that information. Watch it along with us. Watch it along with us. Oh shit. Paul Walker's about to try and fuck his girl.

It's like if you put on Wizard of Oz and Pink Floyd together. Will, thank you so much. Thanks for having me on. We've been waiting to have you on for a while. Thick cock Billy, right?

Why my dick Medicare? If anyone's a non-chop... I'm pretty sure they all subscribe to Chapo. ONA type dude. Yeah, if you're an ONA guy, listen to Chapo. You're one of the people that if you're an ONA guy, listen to Chapo. You're one of the people that accuses us of being leftists,

even though we're not. Don't fucking mention anything like that. Yeah, they definitely listen to my show. Yeah, yeah. Listen to their show. No, it's very funny. Oh, that would be so awesome. It's well produced.

It's better than most of Lewis's properties. Yeah, all of them. Yeah. So, yeah, listen to Chapo. Buy one of the shirts. It's like a low-T version of us. Yeah, yeah. It's like betas that know shit.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Unlike us alpha dogs. Yeah, the T stands for thinking. Yeah. Yeah, we're the thinking. We're the thinking pops. We're that marble statue of the guy with his fist under his chin. Wait, did you tell me you were making fun of Wardell for liking the show?

And he's like like politics is cool now yo yo politics is lit Brandon's a fucking bitch fuck Wardell dude thinking he's smart he's dumb as shit he's like yo

I'm running Naruto on Hillary Clinton you know he's been doing these jokes since he was 16 his brain never knew anything there was never a point in Brandon's life

where he was smart and now he's trying to be smart and he can suck my titties well so suck Stav's titties Brandon Wardell I never knew anything. There was never a point in Brandon's life where he was smart, and now he's trying to be smart. Yeah. And he can suck my titties. Well, so suck Stav's titties, Brandon Wardell. What about, should we plug the show? The live show? Yeah, you know, I've been talking to the other Lewis, the Caroline's Lewis.

I sort of soft confirmed that February 22nd date. Cool. If you want to handle that, actually. I can. Yeah, just handle that. Okay. Yeah, our next Brooklyn date is going to be the fourth Monday of the month. We'll remind you again on the podcast.

Again, thank you, everyone who came out. Do you have any Chapo-specific stuff you want to plug rather than our... Oh, not really. We're going to be in D.C. for the inauguration. We're not doing a live show, but we're definitely going to be hanging out somewhere. So follow us to stay updated on our D.C. for the inauguration. We're not doing a live show, but we're definitely going to be hanging out somewhere. So follow us to stay updated on our D.C. trip.

Cool. At Wonderland Ballroom, you should line something up there. That place is loud. Funny Mom's is an old venue for Funny Mom's. Oh, cool. Yeah. Yeah, they really love me there, how I never really respond to many emails. But, you know, I...

Their Philly cheesesteak egg rolls are fucking amazing. They are? They're so good. The eggplant fries are also dope. Oh, yeah, those are good as shit. I love that bar, dude. And also, I saw on Facebook, Patton Oswalt was there last night doing stand-up.

Dude, it's one of my favorite bars in the country. Wonderland? Wonderland, yeah. It's cool. I like it a lot. I like it, like, out of nostalgia. Yeah. Well, it's just got... It's, like, fun. It's, like, a very fun bar. Even when I wasn't there doing comedy, it was, like it a lot. I like it out of nostalgia. Yeah. Well, it's just fun.

It's a very fun bar. Even when I wasn't there doing comedy, it was a fun bar to have. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For sure. And DC doesn't have a lot of great bars. Yeah. That's true. Yeah, that's true.

We can't stop that. We're going to do Wonderland and Comet. Comet Ping Pong. Comet Ping Pong. Well, that's a great bar. That's another really good bar. That actually is a fun bar. Comet Ping Pong I used to go see shows at bar. That's another really good bar. That actually is a fun bar. Comet Ping Pong,

I used to go see shows at when I was in college. I used to go fuck children. I used to go see shows there when I was in kindergarten. It was like a work-study program. You did some stuff and they let out the jokes for free.

For some reason, I can't remember any of the shows. It was like eight-year-old Vietnamese boy whores firing ping pongs out of their assholes. Someone told me recently that ping pong is culturally inappropriate. Really?

It's like saying chop-chop. Appropriative. Is chop-chop bad? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Really? Yeah. You're supposed to say table tennis.

Wait. Chop-chop is bad? You're not saying chop-chop unless you're Hong Kong food. What's wrong with chop-chop? I think chop-chop is like when the British were in China. Chop Chop was like what you would say to your coolie servant. Or you would chop their dick off? Yeah.

That's what it meant. Chop Chop or I'll chop your dick off. A little bit of knowledge is a dangerous thing. Stop telling stuff. I got to learn more like a British Raj slang they got a lot of good ones alright well yeah guys you just got a free extra 13 minutes

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