The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. 42 – Will “Smith” Menaker

Episode Date: March 2, 2017

Wide dick will joins us again to chat about star trek. What’s that? This episode is late you say? Actually, it’s not asshole. It’s called time zones and maybe I’m on god damn vacation.

We're starting this one off mid-conversation. Big Dick Will Menaker's back. Big Thick Dick. Wide. Wide Dick. That's the alliteration. It's the girth. Big Dick Bill.

Will she go rhyming or alliteration? Should it be Wide Dick Will or? It's Billy. It's Billy? Yeah. Big Thick Dick Bill. Billy. Wide Dick Billy, dude.

We got into a conversation. I was telling Will we were watching one of the Holodeck episodes of Star Trek Next Generation last night. With my sexy ass little, that Greek woman with the nice juicy tits. She's in every episode. Martina Sirtris? Yeah. Counselor Troy, you mean?

Hell yeah, dude. He was not familiar with Counselor Troy. No, dude. I missed a lot of that. She is, you know, she's the empath. So she gets to dress sexy and just be like a therapist for everyone. That's what I love is her character was created to explain empathy to the fucking autistic morons. They're like, what do you mean caring about other people?

They're like, well, she's an alien. They're like, oh, I guess that means this. She has an alien ability to discern people's moods and emotions. Right. They had to create an other world character to explain that. And she had to have juicy ass titties for them to pay attention to. Well, that's what she used to feel their emotions. Every Star Trek iteration has the sexy woman.

Sure. And they fucked up. I think we mentioned this on the show before, but when they did Voyager, they were like, we're not going to do that this time. We have a female captain. Torres is kind of hot, but like a spicy latino way yeah she's the spice she's like the fucking hoop earring klingon she's half klingon she's half klingon without be like that's too much well that's how that's her name i always thought she was more like oh torres half puerto rican half klingon which jesus christ you know what honestly

i think that might be real. I think there's women like that in the Bronx that are legitimately half Klingon. They have those fucked up foreheads. They do honor killings. I got a FISA warp drive. I don't have properties. Then the ratings are down, so then they just

invented out of whole cloth the sexy robot, the Borg. The sexy Borg 79. Jerry Ryan? Yeah. We've talked about her, too. She's so hot. Which then...

She's insanely hot. Because she did so well for Voyager, they added her onto other shows on UPN. They had a guest starring episode with Jerry Ryan on Sentinel. She was on Boston Public, too. She was on Boston Public, but that was Fox. She was on the Wayne's Brothers show. Yeah, they would add Jerry Ryan to other shows. Slight digression. The actress, Jerry Ryan to other shows. Quick digression.

The actress, Jerry Ryan... Was married to a congressman. She was married to a Republican congressman from Illinois, I think. Who took her to sex clubs. Yes. Yes. They got divorced because he took her to some sort of sex club in Paris and made her do things she was uncomfortable with.

Oh, God. Damn. That sucks, Jerry Illinois. Jerry, if you're listening, I know you are. I'd never treat you that way. She's probably so fine right now. I love, too, the way they stereotyped the sexless Asian Ensign Kim into being like falling over his dick for the robot character in that show.

Didn't you troll him on Twitter once? I did. Yeah, I got into a big argument with Garrett Wang, the guy that plays Ensign Kim. What? of a big argument with uh garrett wang the guy that plays ensign kim what because i was explaining to him uh i was like well uh you know i was like i asked him i was like is space china different than regular china and he was like what do you mean i'm like in the star trek universe space china that ensign kim comes from and he like dot added me and he's like, Ensign Kim is Korean. And I was like, he most certainly is not.

I know for a fact that Ensign Kim is not a Korean character. Kim is a Korean name, but that's because the writers didn't give a shit. They just named the Chinese guy Kim. And he was like, Kim is a, you know, a Korean surname. And I was like, again, the character's not. And then I went through YouTube and I actually found a video of Garrett Wang

at a Star Trek convention panel explaining that Ensign Kim is Chinese and that the writers gave him the wrong name and I was like yeah well here's

you fucking saying that is such a good dunk and he was like what's your problem man no but honestly he's right what's your problem, man? No, but honestly, he's right. What is your problem? Who does all that research to troll Ensign Kim or whatever his name is? I just happen to know that.

Garrett Wang. Garrett Wang. I do all the fucking research. Which, by the way, Garrett Wang. Hilarious name. Yeah. No, I used to ask him about Gates McFadden and if she was okay because her Twitter is pretty fucking crazy.

She's a doll of herself as Dr. Crusher. Crusher? That she plays with. Crusher could get it, too. She's fire. Yeah. She was. The original hook for this was how Star Trek, the writers of basically every one of the

Star Trek series, rung so much out of the holodeck conceit. And then at least every season there would be one all holodeck episode that were always miserable. Just terrible in every way. It's because they got lazy about writing space shit. So they were like, ah, fuck it, let's just write Maltese Falcon. The exit button got broken. And you know what?

It's lazy writing because all of the characters are these like God characters where it doesn't matter how the story progresses because they always know they can leave the holodeck. Right. So they present like, you know, the conceit of this one was that there's some, you know, like a jade monkey or whatever that this mob boss needs and Picard is like the private eye that has access to it. But they never have to address any part of that story,

because Picard's like, they think I have something they need. Isn't that funny? There was ones where they're laughing when the guy gets shot. Which, by the way, they go, we brought along our fiction officer, and it's like, so that guy's just going to be dead at the end of the episode. You're never going gonna see him again well there was one where uh where data kept doing uh holodeck scenarios where he would play as uh like

sherlock holmes or something and again this is sort of like a shout out to the show's fan base of like you know using games to teach you about literature but like it was like some conceit the conceit of that episode is that like again they get stuck in the holodeck and they go through some sort of uh cosmic radiation and it makes the moriarty character self-aware and deadly and like can actually kill you in the holodeck yeah and again just like don't have a holodeck yeah yeah no the only time it was actually useful, I think, was on Voyager with the Tuvok Pon Far episode, where the Vulcans, they have to fuck. They can only fuck every seven years, but they have to fuck or they die.

Or they just go insane. They just go crazy. They just go fucking crazy. That's mean. It's that seven-year nut just builds up in my brain. Their balls must be so heavy on year six. Wait, wait. T-Bog was the black Vulcan?

Vulcans are no fap. Save it till marriage. Guerrilla mindset. They're autists for sure. They're guerrilla mindset guys. But then they have this building. Very logical. Breaking point of seven years because you can't be no fap that long.

But in Voyager, the idea behind the show is that they get trapped in the Delta Quadrant. So they're so far away from anyone they've ever seen before. And so they hit the seven-year mark and there's no one for Tuvok to fuck, so they have to just let him fuck in the holodeck. And I love... I always like... Because, you know, I mean, it's a room that it's a hologram, right? And then they have enough ability to manipulate the physics of the hologram so that you can touch the hologram.

Have texture and stuff. But anything that's produced in the hologram isn't made out of whatever substrate material that the hologram creates. So if you're, all I'm saying is there's got to be just buckets of cum on the floor of the hologram. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The floors are caked in. Yeah, like there's some like, you know, Starfleet Ensign, like the Wil Wheaton character, like part of his duty would be actually just like mopping down the hologram.

Like fucking Travis Bickle's cab. Well, Wil Wheaton's such a perfect good boy on the show that he actually lives solely off cum. He's a 100% clean celestial celestial being he's a goody good boy touch with the universe i like the idea that uh there's some kind of video feed without the hologram so you just see the guy fucking in space like in air you just see like his dick fucking pumping and there's no pussy around it yeah i want to see that shit, dude. I want to see the feed, the uncut feed without the holograms. Yeah.

Just wearing a Sherlock Holmes outfit. Yeah, he's still in costume with his dick out. Yeah. And I love, too, that the dumb shit that they're obsessed with in the holodeck is always things that baby boomers like. Yeah. Like the idea that in the year 2630 that somebody's tom paris on voyager he's always working on a camaro like a 1970 camaro and then fucking that's sort of like the equivalent

of nowadays like hobbyists build their own trebuchet manuscript yeah yeah yeah 15th century no but not only like being interested in it as a part of history, but because he's like, this thing, man, it's got fucking 240 horsepower at the wheels. It's like you're literally traveling faster than light to a different galaxy. You're getting moon pussy left and right, my man. You care about fucking horsepower. Well, the one iteration of Star Trek that I thought sort of did the most or at least acknowledged that the holodecks would mainly be used for pornography and just jacking off is Deep Space Nine. Deep Space Nine is the only good Star Trek.

That's my favorite series. But like Quark's bar, he's always renting out the holodeck. But it's clear that he's just like a sleazy flesh monger or whatever. Well, the Ferangies are jewish yeah it took them a while to just be like ah let's just do a jewish and then they went all out like the nose would be too obvious so give them giant ears i don't know about that. Oh, fuck. Anything can be had for a price. Gold press latinum. They're so ghoulish.

Oh, yeah, they were into coins and stuff. They loved gold coins. Seriously, no, they really were obsessed with gold coins. You do a spinning top game to win the gold coins. The sexy girl on DS9 was pretty... Dax was pretty moderate. And she was probably the hottest of all the Star Trek women. Dax?

Yeah, definitely. Yeah. And the captain was Obama. Yeah, the captain was Obama, who was old friends with Dax, so they had this weird homosexual relationship. Well, the conceit with Dax is that she is a hybrid of... A symbiote.

She looks basically like a human woman with some freckles on the side, but her body is host to this alien worm that contains the memories of all of its past hosts. So she's like an amalgam of 10 or 12 different people's life experiences. And Sisko was boys with whoever that worm infected like. Oh, shit. Basically, Dax is a woman that got herpes from Cisco's friend from college.

He's like, good to see you, old man. He calls her old man all the time. Does that mean she knows how to fuck so good? Yeah, exactly. She knows how to suck one. Guys know what guys like. That's why it's called Deep Space Nine. Back Walls Nine.

We said all the way in. Back Walls Nine. Oh, fuck. We definitely said Dick Suck Nine the first time we talked about DS9. It's a good show. I didn't know that Odo, I found out recently, because I don't remember seeing it on the show, that he just sleeps in a bucket. Yeah.

He just turns back into a bucket of cum. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hell yeah, dude. Which is so disgusting. My girlfriend's watching some fucking show that's like horny Harry Potter right now, some show called The Magicians. Okay, hell yeah, dude. And I've been in it, because I don't give a shit about any of that.

But it's like, you know, it's fucking, they're like, it's some fucking kid with his stupid emo haircut. And then he finds out he's a wizard for real, you know. Literally, they just stole. Yeah, I know. But he's like 19 or whatever. He's got an emo haircut and a messenger bag and like a fucking colorful tie, you know. He rides a longboard to work. Yeah.

And I guess I like, I caught an episode she was watching the other day and she's like well now they're in the magical world from the books and it's like okay i guess this is it's very similar to harry potter all the same thing but then they visit this like goat character this homosexual goat character like a pan figure a pan figure that's supposed to be a god that created this magic world and i'm like half paying attention and he hands a cup of his cum what to the the magicians i'm like is it what the is that just his cum she's like yeah she's like it like makes sense in the story what do they all just have to take a sip or something they give it to the fucking girl who's supposed to be the hero and she has to drink his cum what it's literally his cum it's he beats off

dude they fucking had the props department create a jar of cum it looks like cum yes it looks like cum and she has to drink the jar it's magic so it tastes like frosting yeah and it's well yeah it's like that's what my vampire slayer supposed to be like Buffy the Vampire Slayer, but there's a cum drinking element, which I guess you were supposed to assume that British scientist that was helping Buffy was doing anyway. Yeah. He was sneaking his cum in.

Like that dentist. Definitely. Sorry to answer the phone. I was busy reading about a demon From 500 years ago Apply this to your skin No actually I never got into Buffy I really don't give a shit

About Joss Whedon at all Yeah Me neither I never watched it But I wasn't really into Buffy But that guy Angel The woman he fucked David Boreanaz

David Boreanaz is Angel Yeah but his girlfriend I call him David Boring An is angel yeah but he his girlfriend I call him David Boring Anus my man got a boring ass look at him he got no wrinkles

looks like a little cheerio that's kind of a cute ass yeah that doesn't sound boring at all honestly

you could have some fun with that ass no charisma carpenter who played someone in that shit Oh boy did I beat off to her Big motherfucking time In the angle

She was unbelievable Well Allison Hennigan Became hot from American Pie Yes Because for some reason Everyone interpreted that Oh the flute girl She put a flute in her pussy

Yeah Which does not make you hot No it makes you weird It makes you weird as shit I don't know I think that's pretty cool Nor would I imagine that that's very pleasurable no it's all knobby like it's like it's all fucking

like yes it's cold piece of metal that's like thin and covered in go to Spencer's get a dildo all over the place like maybe you suck a foot in your asshole maybe that would be a little yeah yeah how did it feel well I just love that Jason Bezos' character in that movie is like wait you have a pussy yeah that movie sucked that movie does

also very bad what's the cause yeah he tries to fuck the hot girl but he comes too quick or he can't get hard what is it

he just busts like immediately he comes in his pants that's a win as far as I'm concerned that's sex he fucked her he comes in his pants on Skype in win As far as I'm concerned That's sex He fucked her He comes in his pants

On Skype In front of his whole school Which That technology did not exist Yeah It barely works now Yeah They're like

Yeah he's video conferencing With the entire school Also why would you Ever do that You're about to fuck For the first time Well that's like a Return of Kings thing

They say you should videotape All your sexual encounters What In case a woman Accuses you of rape oh so like in case a woman just to prevent a woman from falsely accusing you of rape just videotape her without your consent well i just love the idea of sexless men with fucking 19 security cameras all pointing at their bed in their mom's apartment. You know, they're like, Mom's like, Richard, why is the electricity bill so high this month? It's like, Mom, leave my cameras alone.

Just to protect the both of us. I only fuck in a panic room. Well, I make the woman sign a charter written in cursive and sealed with blood and wax at the end um i remember one time i was looking for weed in my college it was like one of those terrible college

houses that ever you know just eight people lived in it was just you go in and out or whatever i just barged into my friend's room and i just found uh i was looking for weed on his desk and shit and i like he had like one of those books like a hollow book there was a fucking video camera pointing to his fucking bed this guy definitely it was like one of those like like you know uh when they record a babysitter without their knowledge yeah this guy was definitely I would never want to watch myself fuck god no oh god no I would love to I would love to see what I got in the mix. You have nothing. I got nice moves.

You would videotape it, and you would never get hard again. Dude, as soon as you saw the lack of movement, just your fucking fat ass dimpling, undimpling. I have a beautiful ass, number one, especially for a fat man. But I think I would surprise you with the tenacity with which I fuck, the heart. I'm a scrapper. I know I'm not fucking... You've got coachability.

I've got coach... I definitely have coachability. I'll do whatever it needs to get done. It would look like your thighs were trying to give your stomach the Heimlich maneuver. Dude, my thighs would look like... Look at this shit, dude.

Look at these muscles, dude. I don't know if that's muscle. You'd play back the video, and then it would be like, computer, enhance. And then you'd play back the video and then it'd be like computer enhance and then like you'd see the woman checking her phone or something adam yeah yeah yeah it'd be like she's just rolling her eyes enhance oh unenhanced you can see her texting her friends i think it's the same uh to what i adam i've talked to you

about our one of our favorite Instagram guys. What is it? The Nick 420 California? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. The guy who like, Nick Weed. Nick Weed. Yeah.

The guy who just like literally does an Instagram video of him like smoking weed every fucking day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was just like, I would like, it's the same thing. Like if you showed me a video like of every time I did drugs, I would like kill myself or go straight to rehab. Absolutely. Dude, I remember, I remember when my friend started skateboarding when we were like fucking like 11 or 12 and then my

friend got like a video camera and was like yeah we go let's do jackass let's shoot ourselves skateboarding and it's like i'm gonna go home yeah just fucking like how the lack of coordination ollie's yeah i think you can like ollie stairs. Yeah, I can ollie onto a curb. Dude, not you just falling down stairs with a piece of wood underneath you. That's exactly what happened to me. I was playing basketball, and I was, like, part of the Greek Orthodox Youth of America Basketball League. Do you play on carpet court? Yeah, literally in my gym at the fucking church that was like bullshit carpet.

But I was at this fucking tournament and I stuffed some kid. And I was like, oh my God. And my mom just happened to be there with a fucking video camera. I was like, this is going to be fucking awesome. I just imagined myself like fucking getting four feet off the ground. Just like spiking it in this fucking kid's face. And I was a centimeter off the ground the kid was like five three you know there was like nothing impressive about it whatsoever yeah

it maybe you guys are onto something if i watch myself fuck it would probably be it would be so terrible yeah i mean i do a bit about watching myself eat pussy it's the absolute worst thing in the entire world um i'd like to watch myself eat pussy no like i'm watching fun how did you how did you accomplish that because well i was filming her going down on me and then i started going down on her and i couldn't i didn't have like the dexterity to film and eat pussy so she took the camera and then i just watched myself just like so emotionally eating a pussy. Just like there was so much earnestness and like love in the way that I was eating her pussy. And it was just like to see myself that vulnerable. From that perspective, it probably looked like you were nuzzling your face into Dan Hedaya's back. I look like a fucking like a board secretary pinching a phone in between their cheek and their shoulder.

No, sir. We're out of stock. No, they won't be in stock. I don't know when they're going to be back in stock, sir. But that's because you don't enjoy fucking, dude. Yeah, I don't enjoy anything, though. Exactly. That's what I mean. You have no joy in your life.

That's true. That's why. You know, the medical term for that is being really fucking cool. Being too cool for school. Yeah. But, Stav, back to your friend who was surreptitiously, I assume, videotaping himself having sex with women, you know, which is a crime. Totally.

No, I don't like that guy at all. I was trying to steal his weed. For the record, he was barely a friend. The sort of obsession with guys filming themselves. Is that a crime? Yeah, for sure. Yeah, for sure. To record someone without their permission?

Well, you can do it in public. Because it's like an expectation of privacy. Like, if you go outside and just start taping somebody on the street, that's illegal. I think basically filming you having sex with a woman without her consent is basically assault. Yeah. Also, there's no... I'm saying, I believe it's fucked up to do that. I don't know if it's illegal or not. I think it's illegal. I'm pretty sure it is. Yeah. Also, there's no... I'm saying, I believe it's fucked up to do that.

I don't know if it's illegal or not. I think it's illegal. I'm pretty sure it is. But yeah, the obsession with guys who are obsessed with recording themselves having sex,

and I'm wondering if you guys have seen one of my favorite films of all time, Autofocus. Oh, yeah. For sure. The Bob Crane story.

I've seen it, yeah. Okay, it's directed by paul schrader and it stars greg kinnear and willem defoe hell yes in a 100 true story of the life and times of hogan's heroes star bob crane and his descent into sex addicted madness and like swinging and ben like this is at the very dawn of like videotape technology and shit and he just became like obsessed with filming himself and like recording and photographing himself having sex with like hundreds

of different women in this weird like homoerotic codependent relationship with this guy who is his best friend who eventually killed him if you say that shit and it's like I kind of want that for myself. Really?

A homosexual codependent relationship? A weird, borderline homosexual relationship. With an additional heterosexual deviancy element to it. Where it's all just convoluted, and the emotions are questionable. The morality is as well. That's what I want for myself. I also kind of like the idea

of the other person murdering me. The best scene in the movie, though, is that they're reliving their exploits or whatever and they're watching it on his TV through some ancient video camera and they're just fucking a bunch of women and there's just bodies everywhere. This is sort of early on in the relationship of them doing this shit

and uh greg kinnear the bob crane character is like wait wait what the what's that wait wait stop stop stop set the tape for a second and he just whose whose finger is that in my ass and then the full in the folk actor goes uh that was me and he goes what the fuck man bob bob it was a group grope come on Willem Dafoe character goes, uh, that was me. And he goes, what the fuck, man? And he just goes, Bob, Bob, it was a group grope. Come on. A fucking group grope.

Yeah, that's the Will Meneker movie recommendation for this episode. That's so good. It's Autofocus, directed by Paul Schrader. Did they ever fuck? Him, the gay,

was that his gay as he got? No, no, but like, yeah, like they would just like, Willem Dafoe wanted to fuck him though. Yeah, definitely. And they would just like jack off Dafoe wanted to fuck him though yeah definitely and they would just like jack off watching each other fuck other people like on video and stuff

so you know again it's all it's all a gray area it's all good yeah it's better if it's subtext have you seen John Wick 2 yet I have

is it good yeah thanks dude I want to see it dude it's a it was a very satisfying sequel hell yeah dude do you feel like because you have the dog you appreciate it, dude. It was a very satisfying sequel. Hell yeah, dude. Do you feel like because you have the dog, you appreciate it more?

Dude, before I watched, I re-watched the first John Wick like the other week, and I hadn't seen it since getting a dog, and I gotta say that shit was even more fucking lit, man. I'm in the same boat. It makes it so much more satisfying because like, I mean, the plot of the first John Wick is so beautiful. It's like beautiful. It's like some asshole kills his dog well my wife in return he literally kills a hundred people my wife died right before that movie came out so you really appreciate my wife i do remember that bitch i married for three weeks yeah it was she died he's so much more upset about the dog well i used to live next to when i'd grown up i lived next door to a vietnam vet who had this

fucking van the shitty like late 70s dodge van and on the back it just said a sticker that said uh wife and dog missing reward for dog and i remember having to have my father explain that joke to me because there's like a fucking spectrum ass eight-year-old, I'm like, but I don't understand why there would be a reward for the dog and not the wife. My dad's saying because he values the dog more than his wife. I'm like, but that doesn't make any sense. He's like, well, that's the joke, son. He said, women are trash.

Or like the biker patch that is like, if you can read this, the bitch fell off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That guy was a biker, too. Of course he was, dude. I remember him being one time, because my memory of him from my childhood is just a pair of aviators surrounded by gray hair. It's this big, huge beard, and he used to keep jars of piss in the garage, and he had a fucking stingray that was always underneath a car car.

When were you in the garage and he had a fucking stingray that was always underneath like a car car when were you in his garage uh well he they had a kid so i mean like you know i who i wasn't really friends with but you would have met i went over there yeah a couple times um but yeah i remember him one day being like oh i'm gonna take you right on my motorcycle and i went home and i asked my dad i'm like can i go ride on their motorcycle my dad's's like, no. Yeah, of course not. No, he's a man. Yeah, just take you somewhere, I don't know where, like get alone with this weirdo.

Yeah. So you could suck your dick on a little motorcycle? Yeah. You know, people videotape themselves as weird. That guy used to be his wife.

We used to hear them like fighting. Oh, nice dude. Because they were like back porch face the front of our house. You could hear them just like nine o'clock in the morning fucking beer cans hitting the recycling bin.

And that is where you do a lot of wife hitting is the back porch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The back porch is the Well, that's why you build a deck, dude. Yeah, yeah. And you build a deck

instead of a family. Yeah. It's always weird to me when people like okay, they videotape themselves fucking but people that why are there people like okay they videotape themselves fucking but people that why are there so many people

that videotape women going to the bathroom that was a Chuck Berry's big thing he had a whole chain of restaurants that were literally just a front

to him videotape women Chuck Berry the guitar guy oh yeah the rock and roll godfather he's the most famous guy but a lot of people do that shit dude

there should be a scene where it's fucking Marty McFly videotaping a woman you're not gonna believe this by the way that scene in Back to the Future

very racist because it once again implies that white people invented rock and roll yeah yeah yeah well that's why he went back to the future he went back in time

to steal rock and roll for whites yeah Rock and roll Well that's why He went back to the future Yeah He went back in time To steal rock and roll For whites Yeah No I love that scene Specifically for that reason Because it's such a Fuck you Yeah

It's so fucking It's so fucking Some suburban nerd Yeah yeah Chuck Berry got done For that man Like he had a whole Chain of restaurants

That were just literally Just so he could have A hidden camera In the women's bathroom That's incredible And he had like a whole Fucking like restaurants that were just literally just so he could have a hidden camera in the women's bathroom. That's incredible. He had a whole fucking library. All the permits you had to get. That guy loved watching women's shit. The whole library of videotapes, man.

You know how much work that is to watch women's shit? Bizarre, yeah. I don't know. This is only sort of related. I've never fact-checked this, but there was a Johnny Rockets in D.C. and my friend Brendan was telling me about that they got in trouble because the manager there, a black woman like came in and applied for a job at johnny rockets and like the dipshit fast food manager was like well it wouldn't really fit the theme if you know like a black lady was working here of the 1950s yeah oh right like sort of

throwback diner like yeah rockabilly yeah yeah yeah and so oh my god huge lawsuit yeah that's incredibly illegal yeah and then like three years later the guy did it again

or a different guy at the restaurant did the same thing hell yeah with like another discrimination lawsuit so awesome because they're like

we're not allowed to say we can't hire you but like we can't hire you yeah I'm imagining that same conversation happening at Colonial Williamsburg well there is one job but pay's not great can't hire you but like we can't hire you i'm imagining that same conversation happening at colonial williamsburg well there is one job the pay's not great yeah no yeah there is a position

you know that eric andre bit about colonial williamsburg so fucking funny it's really fucking boring oh no he also but he also, but he also, well no, he did the Civil War reenactment. He would go through Civil War reenactments. As a slave. As an escaped slave. That was a great bit. I told you guys, right, have I mentioned on the pod when I went to Gettysburg for the 150th

at Hettysburg? Yeah, I remember you told me you went to Gettysburg and my joke question follow-up was like, did you go on Ecstasy? And you were like, yeah. Yeah, yeah, I went on that. You took E and you're like yeah yeah yeah yeah and then you took e and went to like the most hallowed battleground yeah we went for i went with my ex-girlfriend and her husband now now husband now husband did you see that by the way animatronic uh like fucking like general lee thing that they have they have like this weird like uh room it's like a theater

with this like animatronic play that happens. It's like the Disney's Hall of Presidents or whatever. Recording this on President's Day. Shout out to all the presidents. What I love about Gettysburg is that it was a decisive victory for the Union, but if you go to modern day Gettysburg, it's like

oh yeah, the South definitely won. There's nothing but fucking rednecks that love the trucks and the confederate flag well that's fireworks yeah yeah yeah they love fireworks that's how i feel about the vietnam war it's like yeah we lost but who's who's cleaning who's fat lady's feet now you know what i mean it's like yeah the vietnamese fuck you yeah uh yeah anyway but i was on uh uh drugs there we were walking around and there was like you know it's obviously you see the fucking confederates and it's like if you're gonna bring your fucking whole family dress them all up in confederate uniforms including like your five-year-old kids like you just hate black people yeah yeah you just hate there's no way you're very open-minded

yeah yeah it's like it's fucking it's no way you're very open-minded. Yeah, yeah. It's like, it's fucking... It's accurate, dude. The only reason... Meanwhile, Adam is like, this Confederate flag feels so good. I was walking around... What's the thread count on this flag? It was so fucking hot outside.

It was the 150th anniversary. It was 4th of July because the Gettysburg Battle happened over four days, but it was over 4th of July. At the gift shops in Gettysburg, they sell, like, the little Union soldier hats and the Confederates soldier hats, and they sell the old fucking Civil War era stars and stripes, which is the fucking-

Circle. The circle and shit. And then they also sell Confederate flags, which are not historically accurate. Oh, really? Stars and bars? Yeah. There was the battle flag of Northern Virginia, which looked like the stars and bars,

except it was a square, kind of a battle flag. Yeah, yeah. But the Confederacy had a bunch of different flags, but that one was just, that's culturally they decided this is the flag of the South. Leonard Skinner did that.

Yeah, yeah. Well, they have that everywhere, but I thought it would be so funny to just go to one of those gift shops and when someone's not looking, just put a stack of big Nazi swastika Third Reich flags in there for sale, and put some rice tags on them, and see how long it would take before someone's like, I don't think these are supposed to be in the store. I guarantee you they'd move a few of those.

Oh, of course they would. Yeah, that was a part of the Civil War. My favorite flag I've ever seen is the one that... I saw it. I can't remember where I saw it, but it's a Confederate flag. You know, the Leonard Skinner fucking Duke's a hazard flag. Yeah, yeah. But then there's a swastika in the middle of it.

Oh, yeah, I've seen that. It's like, hell yeah, dude, crank it to 11. Yeah. Hell yeah. My favorite shit is on Eastbound and Down where he has the Confederate flag. Boogie board flag weed boogie board hell yeah myrtle beach like i want that i want that so bad that's so funny i'm like all right fine confederate flags are fine if they all have weed in them i want confederate flag i want calvin pissing i want tasmanian devil i want weed flood i want you know what's really funny is uh if you i Googled this one time because I was like,

this would be hilarious, but I was like, what if there's a gay Confederate flag, like the rainbow with the stars and bars? And then if you Google it, someone made it already. Someone did that bit already. Anyway, but when we were on Ecstasy, it was so hot. We were sweating. We were like, this was a terrible idea. And they were like, let's go over those woods like on the far side of the battlefield for some like tree cover so we could

like rest up so we go there and that's where like all the union cavalry was with all their horses and they were like just like getting the horses some shade because it was so oppressively hot and in the middle of it there's like a black family and they're all just like clearly not sanctioned by the reenactors they were just wearing bonnets and stuff and they just like made a campfire they were like barbecuing and stuff and we're talking to this guy who's like one of the cavalry guys he's like you know they're not supposed to be here and i was like well you know technically you should think about what you know the poetic

you know aspect of of you complaining about you know them I just like the idea of like it's blazing hot out you're tripping balls

and you're like this is a bad idea let's go get some shade and then you end up on like little big top where like 5,000 people died oh yeah excellent energy

for your eye yeah why are we doing that? Well, yeah, and that's what I was going to say. Gettysburg is such a boring tourist destination because it is just fields. It's fields. Yeah, it's just a big open field. It's just a big bunch of open fucking fields and then a couple of shitty gift shops. And it's like the only reason to go is if you think ghosts are real, which they're not.

Well, to see the reenactment, it's pretty insane. I've never seen a reenactment. Yeah. See. Is it actually cool? Yeah, there were like tens of thousands of people there. There was like people from Spain. That shit's gay, dude. Are you kidding me?

There were people from Spain there in like Confederate outfits, and they were like, yeah, we're here for the Confederacy. Because we always need to find new uses for our swords. Because Spain does not have enough uses for their swords anymore. Yeah, I'm like, you're from Spain, and you came here to be in the Confederacy? because Spain does not have enough uses for their swords anymore. Yeah, I'm like, you're from Spain and you came here

to be in the Confederacy? He's like, yeah, there were the Spanish people who fought for the Confederacy. So we like came from... Spaniards are fucking racist, dude. Are they?

Oh, yeah. Yeah, dude. In Real Madrid games, they would fucking throw... Oh, yeah, bananas. They would throw bananas at Eto'o, remember? Yeah yeah yeah

There was a Spaniard In my like Eighth grade class And he was like He sat next to me And we were talking One time I was like

Do you like miss Spain Or like how are you adjusting Cause you know You've only been in the country For like a year or whatever And he was like Yeah you know Spain's a lot better than America

And I was like Well in what ways He's like Well you know It's not contaminated Like America is I'm like What do you ways he's like well you know it's not contaminated like America is I'm like maybe like the water yeah yeah the racial well you know I mean like everyone in Spain is like Spanish there you know they're the right race well you're so used to be so good dude they

had like they owned so much shit and now they suck. Yeah. What was it? The Spanish Armada? Yeah, they did used to be good when Franco was in charge.

It was so good. How did they fuck that up? Was it? No, but they had a run right before Britain and everyone had a run, right?

They had a huge run. Yeah. They had all the conquistadors and shit. Yeah, they like fucking conquered the new world. They were really good at sailing. They were all the conquistadors and shit. Yeah, they like fucking conquered the new world. They were really good at sailing.

I was on the other podcast about Ponce de Leon and how he was Puerto Rican. And just imagining Ponce de Leon as like a modern day Puerto Rican. I think it might sound a little. They should get Al Pacino to play Ponce de Leon to do his Spanish accent. Well, his character just has his name written in fucking old English. We're going to have parades every single day. A fucking little Guadalupe on the dashboard. They love parades, those folks.

Talking about European racists, it's so weird. Have I talked about how the stereotype of black people in Greece is that they all like to fuck men in the ass? For some reason, that's the fucking... I thought that was the stereotype about Greek people. Yeah, I know. Maybe we flipped it. I don't know why. Maybe it's because that's just how racism works. And everybody shits on Greek people and they're like, yeah, they just fuck each other in the ass.

And if you're in Greek, you just need to think that about black people and they're like yeah they just fuck each other in the ass and if you're in Greek you just need to like think that about black people they're even lower than you no but black people yeah and they all sell they all sell bootleg CDs which is actually true

that there's a lot of Africans that sell bootleg CDs in Greece or at least that was that was a booming business when I was like 11 and I was still over there Lloyd Banks

Young Buck and 50 Cent it's weird when I was 11 and I was still over there. Lloyd Banks, Young Buck, and 50 Cent. It's weird. I don't know if you guys, speaking of, again, European racism. Yeah, let's get into it.

Did you guys see the shit this morning from the Prison Planet guy about Sweden? This whole thing about how Donald Trump said this thing. It was in the extension of the Fox report that Trump was like a...

Yes, yes. And what he was doing is he was like I will pay like you know any leftist journalist who's like making fun of Sweden

to like go live in Malmo like the most dangerous city in Europe and like be hosted by these people and he just like took some screenshots

and clearly he just did a Google image search for like thugs Sweden yeah yeah yeah and like one of the pictures is literally just like some teens

on a corner like looking like they would ask you for a cigarette. It was like the least threatening thing imaginable. Like just like some kids and like scrawny kids

in like track pants just like sullen on a street corner. I didn't see that. I love that. Racists are such pussies. Have you seen any of them? That's the basis of racism.

The guy from that Fox News article though, the one that Trump like was basically citing or saying. carlson i thought well no it was because it was maybe it was on tucker carlson's show but the report was from amy horowitz who has these videos where he like uh he'll be like i'm here in time square talking to fucking you know white liberals or whatever and uh he finds like one girl that's like, yeah, I think voter ID laws are racist because it affects black people's ability

to vote or whatever. He's like, hmm, let's see how black people feel about that. He's like, well, I'm here now in Harlem and he's like, oh, you're a black person. Do you think it's racist that you should be allowed to vote? They'll be like, no. They'll be like, well,

liberals think it is. By the way, here? They'd be like, no. And they'd be like, well, liberals think it is. By the way, here are the teens. Oh, wow. That shit is so funny, dude. I don't know. They do look kind of threatening. This one guy's got Liberty Spikes. There's graffiti there.

Those aren't Muslims. Hold on, dude. This is like three different types of teens. How are these guys hanging out? This could look more staged. It's a breakfast club type situation. It's a fucking Hot Topic guy. types of teams. How are these guys hanging out? This could look more staged. It's a guy with a... It's a breakfast club type situation. No, it's a fucking Hot Topic guy,

a like, a Dundalk Yo-Boy. Hell yeah, dude. And then a fucking Krust Punk. There's no... This is the kind of cultural mixing that I can't support. It's why the Krust Punk would be hanging out with the fucking tough guy from Degrassi.

Yeah, different kinds of cliques. Wait, are these guys even Muslim? Yeah. Well, one of the pictures he used is like a guy pulling up his shirt and had like tattoos on his stomach, but you can literally see him wearing a rosary.

Oh, fuck. Speaking of, you guys said Teddy Carlson. Well, how do you know they weren't anal beads? That's true. Because they were on his neck and not coming out of his ass. They could be the massive influx of homosexuals. the fuck speaking of you guys said how do you know they weren't anal beads because they're on his neck that's where i like to store them i like to smell around my neck i will pay you a million dollars to hang out with this punker from syria wait this is crazy look at this shit will that

guy will that guy actually pay for anyone, dude? No, of course not. His avatar is hilarious. That is a weird mix. On Twitter. Anyway, what's up with Tucker Carlson? He just wears bow ties and that's his thing? Didn't he stop wearing the bow ties? Yeah, I think he switched that up.

Bow ties, that was his branding 10 years ago. That's how he broke into the business. Because he was like a younger conservative, which like, you know, to find a guy under the age 25 that's willing to be like actually black people are stupid it's a rarity and he wore bow ties

and that's you know how he got and then bow ties are trustworthy he took it from Bill Nye I think did that guy Horowitz was he the guy

that did the Chinatown video for Bill O'Reilly Jesse Waters that's like Bill O'Reilly that guy is such a's like Bill O'Reilly's sidekick. That guy is such a piece of shit. I've seen a couple of Ami Horror Ways. All my suggested YouTube videos are like... A sewer, I'm sure.

It's all same-line videos. And then like, Trey Gowdy destroys Ray Picton. Jesus Christ. That's so good. The Trey Gowdy videos are the fucking best. Those are my favorite. He's the guy that ran away from the town hall.

He looks so uncanny. He looks weird. But we talked about it. Him and Kasich have this weird thing where they have the facial. They look like Billy Quiz Boy. Not like him, but whatever the Billy Quiz Boy's problem is. Where they just have some sort of aging deficiency. Where they look like a four-year-old just sped up time.

A progeria. Yeah, 65 years old. But yeah, the Trey Gowdy. It's always like he'll have some immigration activists that are like, these people just need to have a job and a place to live. And he's like, okay, what about Sandra Williamson? She's like, what are you talking about? He's like, well, she was raped and murdered by an illegal immigrant.

And actually, we actually have her rape kit here. And we're going to pass it on to her. I want everybody to smell this rape kit. It's about her dreams. It's about her dreams and aspirations. Oh, fuck. Yeah. yeah yeah he looks terrible yeah actually well you for how old he is he doesn't look bad how old is he i mean he's probably like 55 look at this haircut yeah this is that's the problem is he doesn't know how to get haircuts you know and casek is the same thing where casek has like a eight-year- old boy's haircut I think he looks cute what's Kasich up to

is he still governor now I don't know he's fucking quietly asking everyone to be reasonable yeah yeah yeah

yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah fuck dude I was gonna bring this up back when we were still

talking about people videotaping them having sex still in my head but you know if you're like me you've been you know I've been checking out a lot of sort of like People videotaping them Having sex Yes please It's just Still in my head But You know If you're like me You've been

You know I've been checking out A lot of sort of like Amateur like Swinger porn recently Okay I've been on that tip Amateur what?

Like swinger porn Swinger okay Like you know Like regular husbands and wives Yeah yeah yeah Orgies Sure Or like you know

Whore their wife out Or something like that Yes I just gotta say If you do that That's cool I just got to say, if you do that, that's cool. I enjoy it. But turn the TV off.

I can't tell you how many of these videos I've watched where it's like some guy's wife getting spit roasted but in the background you can literally hear

like the 11 o'clock local news going on. And clean your living room too, people. Come on. I'm just putting that out as a PSA. I feel like the lighting's bad on a lot of those too. I think the message is going to get out. and clean your living room too people come on I'm just putting that out as a PSA

I feel like the lighting's bad the message is gonna get out yeah swinging seems like a bad idea to me oh terrible just don't be in a relationship

well wait you guys were the ones who were saying you said on the podcast once that you wouldn't mind if people fucked your girlfriend I wouldn't mind there's a difference

between that and swinging yeah right inviting a bunch of strangers over to your apartment a bunch of horny strangers to come over. So you and your fucking low-T friends can get together because you're somehow not cool enough to join a bowling league. So you have to fuck each other's whole lives.

So you have to use your wife's pussy as bait for friends. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I don't know. Kurt does that. Kurt and Karen, they're swingers. I don't know, man. Billy, you think you ever get in there, dude? Swinging?

You think the porn is a... I think maybe it's a gateway drug. Is it a gateway to you swapping? Yeah, something like that. Are you into the idea of wife swapping? Well, no, I'd have to get married first. For me now, it doesn't appeal to me at all. But I need to see a ring in porn.

You know what I'm saying? Or else I can't... There's that added frisson. There's something about it. I need to see a wedding ring. I love that or else I can't there's that added frisson there's something about it I need to see a wedding room I love that there's a genre that's like

like Romanian orgies or whatever and it's just a room with people all fucking each other on a pull out couch like a big large sectional oh no no

that's it's so gross it's so gross I feel like I'm looking at a magic eye it's like a puzzle I don't know who to beat off to. Don't focus your eyes.

If you don't focus your eyes, it's not Romanian. It's a sailboat. It's a cool skull. It's Czech, dude. It's not Romanian. They love orgies. Czech has some great porn, dude.

Yeah, they Czech. Czech casting? The Czech love, yeah, they love casting cash. They love orgies. They love gangbang. Yeah, they love to cast. They yeah they love casting they love orgies i love gang is that would be like yeah they love to catch they love to their mouths love to write checks and then cash them oh yeah i love i love those casting videos because it's just such terrible

acting where it's like oh no we have to have sex now and it's like you know i always thought it would be like a fun sketch it's like you have a birthday party for a guy that's in the closet but it's like a big fat guy you know like a flamb? You have a birthday party for a guy that's in the closet, but it's a big fat guy. Like a flamboyant big fat guy. Like you. Like a cool guy that everyone respects. A big fat flamboyant guy, and it's his birthday. He's clearly very gay, but he's in a closet or whatever.

And they bring out a big cake for his birthday, and he's like, oh my god! And then the stripper comes out of the cake, and he's like, oh. I thought I was going to eat the biggest cake in the world. That's funny as shit, dude. You should do that. How fucking disappointed would you be if you just thought you were going to get that giant cake?

And you are gay, yeah. And there's a woman inside of it ruining the cake? Just like Seagal in Under Siege. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He wanted to eat that whole cake too. Now he has to babysit some fucking woman the whole rest of the movie. Doesn't she pop out and pull her titsge. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He wanted to eat that whole cake too, but now he has to babysit some fucking woman the whole rest of the movie. Doesn't she pop out and pull her tits out?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a good long scene of tits in Under Siege. And it takes her fucking five minutes before she realizes the room's empty. She's doing all these gunshots, and I guess that's very similar to that. We mentioned it on the last one, is in Bloodsport,

the scene where Jean-Claude Van Damme has fucked a reporter lady, and she's waking up the next morning, and she wakes up to Jean-Claude Van Damme getting dressed. But the way they directed the scene is like it's her waking up, and she's like, oh, and Jean-Claude Van Damme's over there. So the shot cuts to Van Damme. And the way they directed it was she's supposed to be waking up and seeing him while he's getting dressed. But they just shoot Jean-Claude Van Damme. So his cue, he stands there on his mark with his pants, his underwear underneath his ass, looking over his shoulder. And then the director goes, and action.

And then he finishes. But the edit point is like a microsecond off. is like a micro second off. So it just gives you the impression that he's been standing there pointing his bare ass at this woman while she's asleep until she wakes up. Do you think,

if you got it, flaunt it. It would be so cool if Jean-Claude Van Damme, when he asked his wife to marry her, he like did a full split and then opened the ring box. Or the ring was on his dick.

Oh, that'd be cool, yeah. When there was the, I fucking love blood sport though yeah it's such a good movie it's a hilarious movie when the terrorist attack happened in belgium after the paris attacks yeah i made an image that's john claude van damme doing the splits in between the twin towers and the eiffel tower and he's shitting onto a Quran in the toilet. Satire. To bring everybody together. Did anyone call them the Perorist attacks?

Sorry. Apologize. You know who's the real terrorist? Paris Hilton, folks. That whore. One night in Paris. We've definitely talked about that porno, right? It's not very good.

I give it two thumbs down. That reality show is great. Yeah, we have dumb rich people go and humiliate people from rural America. We don't even know who we're mocking anymore. Was that The Simple Life? Yeah, The Simple Life. With Lionel's daughter. Yeah.

They had to just get jobs like a fast food place yeah yeah and then they'd like fuck dudes like at local bars yeah come on what dude i didn't do anything all right did they fuck on that show of course yeah they used to like make out with like just like local guys with like their lips full of dip and stuff just be like so confused they're like yeah these ladies come from new York and I'm making out with them. You know, pretty cool.

It feels like her whole body's made out of elbows but she smell real nice. Yeah, she smell good. She smell good to me. She smell good but yeah.

Oh man. They do fist fuck a cow on that show. Oh yeah, they have to inseminate a cow. because they're like, oh,

well, we're farmers but like, I don't know how much of American agriculture is still actual farms and not like you know a monsanto futuristic prison it's just a simple life you're out on the farm And they're in some Big fucking warehouse Like going Sicking their

Entire arm Into a cow's pussy There was A huge run of Like horse and cow Like Jerking off horses And putting your whole fist

In a cow's pussy Yeah jackass That happened in Like the early aughts I feel like Yeah yeah Freddy got fingered Freddy got fingered

Like To Like Collect a bull's semen You have to stimulate Their prostate I feel like Freddy got fingered Freddy got fingered Like To Like Collect a bull's semen You have to stimulate Their prostate So you have to stick Your whole arm

In their asshole Yeah yeah And then collect it But I think with a cow With a lady cow I think you have to do Something similar But like you put like a

A pipette Into the vagina Nice And then you also stick Your arm in their asshole Oh yeah dude Just like I just don't believe We don't have the technology To put a fake arm into the vagina and then you also stick your arm in their asshole as well. Oh yeah, dude. Just like,

I just don't believe we don't have the technology to put a fake arm in the cow's mouth. Whatever is being accomplished with the human arm, there's no way.

We've been to the moon. Or just let the cow, why can't the cows just fuck? You know? There's enough room and technology to allow the cows

I don't think they've ever figured out how to fuck, dude. I think it's been for 2,000 years. First of all, I don't even know where cows are indigenous from. I don't know where we got them. They're buffalo, right? I think they do this with horses particularly because a stallion can actually kill a mare

if you're not careful. With that good dick? Yeah, exactly. Dick so good you die. Yeah, yeah. But when you're invested hundreds of thousands of dollars in a horse or whatever, you die yeah yeah but like when you're invested like hundreds of thousands of dollars in like a horse or whatever you can't take chances like sure sure interesting but the cows it's whatever yeah cow like we we kill them every fucking day you could

also it's also automation you know it's probably quicker let the animals fuck you could fire all the people whose job it is to fist and fluff the cows? Yeah, I'm a fluffer. I suck the bull off before he fucks the cow. Well, he doesn't have to use his mouth, but he chooses to. And, you know, I say, hey. Those are the jobs. If you find a way to make the job fun, I say go for it. Me, I bring a little Bluetooth speaker with me.

I listen to the Allman Brothers while I jerk the cow off. Some guys just like to suck the cow dick. That's what a simple life is. Yeah, we have fun around here. No, those are the jobs that are coming back to America. Absolutely.

Hell yeah, dude. We gotta stop letting these Malaysian fucks suck all the cow dicks. Some Malay son of a bitch is fucking elbow deep in cow pussy right now. Get the hell out.

Oh, fuck. I like Monsanto on Facebook. Oh, nice. And Monsanto's been getting into it to the same degree that Raytheon has the like woke postings. Yeah, that's hilarious. Raytheon does it all the time.

We're like, we're teaching girls science. I love it. It's fucking like, you know, I always share them. We're giving girls in Yemen up close

lessons in physics and combustion. Yeah, right. We're helping them get tans to become more beautiful even though they don't have to. Well, I remember the natural gas companies, they've been trying to open a PR front because everybody thinks fracking is bad.

So they're doing memes now where it's just like, that fuel wind, someone tells you natural gas is bad, and it's just like some girl rolling her eyes. and someone tells you, like, natural gas is bad, and it's just, like, some girl rolling her eyes. That people, that feel when someone says fracking causes their water to catch fire. I think it's cool, though, to have water. The Raytheon ones are good. The Monsanto ones are good.

And what I love is, too, is because Raytheon still shares all their other shit. So it'll be, like, you know, a video of, like, a classroom, and they're teaching girls science, encouraging girls to get into STEM or whatever. And then, you know, fucking morons are like you know like like uh becky starfish you know or whatever they're dumb like you know facebook name is like i love this this is so great or whatever and then the next video is like the fucking mark 2 v18 icbm targeted laser guided system and then the comments in those are always like you know

a dude that's just a fucking hat or a mustache taking a picture right up your nose you're a fucking moron who just hates everything about Obama

in the last eight years your Facebook profile picture is just your mustache and your fucking rosacea and your swollen ass rosacea nose and your stupid hat and they comment on all

those radio on icbm i saw one guy one time that's like america is the you do not fuck having a fucking seizure while commenting on how great the missile systems are. Oh, fuck, man. Yeah. Oh, God. No, those are great. But I fucking love all that, the cause marketing from literally the most evil companies. Which I was doing as a joke,

not to like, you know, hey, listen up to this thing I photoshopped four years ago. Yeah. But I did that with all, like when Tostino's made, they did a tweet, which they stole, by the way, from someone on Etsy. Tostino, the like pizza roll company. Yeah. But I did that with all, like when Tostino's made, they did a tweet, which they stole,

by the way, from someone on Etsy. Tostino, they're like pizza roll company. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They had a tweet where they took the word gender roles

and crossed it off and it says pizza rolls. Oh, nice. And all these people were quote tweeting it like, well, I know what I'm having for dinner. And it's like,

you stupid fuck. Yeah, yeah. Don't, don't do that. They stole that tweet from like some pillow that some girl was selling on like etsy yeah they just stole her idea they probably compensated her really well yeah i'm sure oh yeah for sure she's retired now so i did a bunch of them where it's like you know mcdonald's and then like uh we're heroes we let retarded people work here and put it in like every

different language or like, you know, Occidental Petroleum. Like a woman should be able to dig wherever she wants. Or like, you know, Dole, like unions crossed off or same-sex unions.

Similar unions, yeah. Yeah, like Coca-Cola and Bolivia unions? No, thank you. Same-sex unions. It was two bananas. Along those lines, a similar genre is something I've been seeing popping up recently, where it's intended to be these heartwarming stories of perseverance and discipline among young people, where it's like you know this is this is michael

like michael has been collecting recycling every single day and working two jobs while going to school to put himself through college don't ever say you can't work hard enough like jesus more i'm just like this is such a terrible indictment of our? He's literally collecting trash so he can get an education? Right. What the fuck? He has working three other jobs? He has shittier economics than a hermit crab. He does what a hermit crab does, plus two more jobs.

Yeah, there is an Uber thing. A bottom-feeding crustacean has a better economic outlook than this human being. Yeah, there was... It cost us more money to produce this video than he

makes in six months yeah we're not doing anything to change that there was an uber thing it's like uh cheryl's 11 months pregnant and still driving her uber that's oh god yeah it's like jesus christ man that's horrible give her the best part she was raped in a lift i know you think by the way, what happened with Uber with that? There's some controversy now about some like,

you know what, it came up in my news feed and then my news feed refreshed, so I don't know what that story is. They're in trouble again though. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Some HR shit, some women get harassed all the time running for Uber or some shit like that. In like the corporate side? Yeah, I think so.

Not just by their drivers. Yeah, not just by their drivers. In the office too. Yep. Which is chill. Yeah. I can't wait until just by their drivers. Yeah, not just by their drivers. In the office, too. Yep. Which is chill. Yeah.

I can't wait until they just cut people out completely. Well, I mean, we were talking about the guys who are going to lose their jobs fisting cows, but a real thing is that very soon, in the next decade or something, is self-driving cars. 30 million people are going to be out of work in the next decade or so. The cab drivers, that'll be a problem, sure. And, like, inner city, you know, courier services are one thing. And especially in Manhattan, I feel like it'll still always be faster to have a bike courier than somebody on a fucking car.

So for local deliveries and stuff in the city, the real impact is going to be truck drivers. Long-haul truckers. Long-haul truckers who are fucked and that'll devastate the economies of so many fucking small towns. Yeah, it's 20 to 30 million American men having a truck. Is that when the fucking

universal basic income comes into the mix? Well, you know, probably not. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But wouldn't that be cool? Here's why the trucker thing is really fucking important, is because not only does it fuck over the infrastructure,

but it's 90%, 90 fucking percent of all borderline racist New York podcast and radio show audiences. Oh, fuck, dude. It's a huge problem. I didn't realize what an actual issue this was. These guys are not sitting in the cab of their truck

muttering slurs about everyone else on the road all day long. What do you think? They're going to listen to Kumi's show at the mall in the food court when they're out of work?

No, of course not. Their ears are swollen from fucking forehead edema. They can't fit earbuds in there. They need the speakers inside the cab. They have cauliflower ear from hate crimes

they've committed over the course of their lives. That guy, that homeless guy, my friends were just hanging out with one night in Rockville that had like, he's like, I won the lottery and now I'm like illegally parked behind the old jeepers in this semi I bought. This guy bought a semi he doesn't know how

to drive and he's just telling his guys like yeah i just love buying electronics and shit i was like why are you hanging out with this guy he's found him they're buying wheat they're buying i think well you gotta go right we're we're almost out of time here oh yeah uh i can keep going i can keep going okay yeah sure yeah i didn't know if you were on a time crunch No no Yeah we're having fun Yeah that guy was just Just had this truck that he bought Yeah yeah yeah

I'm assuming semis cost like $200,000 Well here's the question like See I'm worried about it because of the horrific economic impact Of putting 10 to 20 million people out of work But I'm also concerned because I feel like What do you trust more when you're driving on a highway and you see a giant fucking tractor trailer? Some guy that you just described

who's probably sniffing crank because he's been up for 72 hours driving, or just a fucking computer driving one of those things? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That freaks me out. Absolutely. The thing with it, you can say that computers are safer than the drivers

because of like, well, you know, human error causes them to fuck up. But that doesn't mean that there's not going to be fuck ups. And in the cases of human error, there's more accountability. Right. So if you have if you have a man that fucks up and drives his semi into like, you know, a fuck and kills a family or whatever, he's an independent contractor. It was that man. There's a clear answer. This is his responsible and obviously you know you're not going to get your family back through

litigation or whatever but that's just how justice works and that's the options we have available to us if it's some huge patchwork of like automated systems and bullshit uh you know a fucking automated truck drives and through a you know a schoolyard and kills a bunch of kids, then it's like, whoa, who's a... We're going to bring the algorithm to court. Exactly. There's no accountability. No, wouldn't the company be fucking accountable?

The company, but it's a corporation that's protected by... Yeah, so they take a fucking ding from the lawsuit, but those companies are going to be fucking huge. Right. If you don't think it's going to be one or two companies that control all of the domestic trucking routes with these automated systems. Look at mobile networks. There's four companies in America that control all the mobile networks.

And Verizon will continue to do shit that should just be – I mean, it is fucking illegal. They get fined for it where they'll just decide to discontinue service in an area or something they've fucked up and they won't fix it. And they'll just charge to discontinue service in an area or something they've fucked up, and they won't fix it. Right. And they'll just charge people more money, and eventually they get fined by the FTC. And those fines are immediately passed on to the consumer through a section on your bill that says additional surcharges, and they never see any fucking consequences for it. So you're going to have enough of big companies that are able to put out these trucking lines and just literally kill people and fucking write it off as an expense because it's a lot different than the consumer automotive market where there's a lot more competition. You don't necessarily need a car.

It's the backbone of fucking everything in America, all of our internal shipping. If you bring those people to court, they're not going to fuck them over to the extent that they can't do business anymore. Right. There's no way to boycott trucking companies. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like they all just fucking – Yeah, like as you said, Nick, considering like every piece of food you eat is delivered with a truck everywhere in America. You think the government – let's say one of the three companies that gets to control all of those shipping routes or those trucking routes accidentally, oh, we killed 10,000 people.

They're not going to say, okay, well, shut it down. You're going to go out of business. No, they're going to assess some kind of fine or there will be class action lawsuits. But that's the scary shit is that computers will probably be fine until they really fuck up. I could see some fucking chip fucking up or some shit. No, I think it'll be worse at the beginning, and then the fucking system will learn from the mistakes. I think that's how the computers work.

I was talking with somebody about Y2K the other day. They were like, yeah, remember how everyone thought that was going to be a big deal and it wasn't? And it was like, it kind of was. There was shit that fucking happened in Y2K that it wasn't as bad as people thought it would be. But in England, there was a computer program that, like, determined genetic typing for all these couples.

And the computer program spit out, like, oh, yeah, your son's going to have Down syndrome. You better abort. And there's all these people that got abortions. Holy shit. There's all these women that fucking had their kids aborted, and they're like, ah, we forgot to carry the wand. I'm sorry.

Holy shit. And that was fucking Y2K did that shit. There's all these women that fucking had their kids aborted, and they're like, ah, we forgot to carry the wand. I'm sorry. Holy shit. And that was fucking Y2K did that shit. It's like, you know, but ATMs weren't spitting out money, so I guess it wasn't, there was nothing happening. But yeah, automation is dangerous. I don't trust that shit, dude. I mean, but maybe we're just old mothers. Isn't this how people probably talked about cell phones and shit?

I mean, they are probably giving us cancer or something. But there is something scarier of cars. They're so fast. It's so fucking... Yeah, but what added convenience do you get out of fucking automated trucking systems? We don't. Well, the argument is that the goods will be cheaper. Cell phones benefit everybody.

It connects people. And yeah, sure, similar arguments were made about any kind of thing. Every technology, yeah. When Pulp Fiction came out, people were saying, oh, this is going to,

everyone's going to be stupid because they're reading all the time. Right, right, right. Instead of, I don't know. The movie? No, even the actual genre. Isn't that what they said

about literally writing and like philosopher? That's what they said about the printing press. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When silent reading became a thing because you used to have to read out loud and people started reading in their head and like philosopher like. That's what they said about the printing press. When silent reading became a thing because you used to have to read out loud and people started reading in their head and they're like don't do that. That's what fucking trash people

do. Yeah. So I mean yeah sure. But certain things make you smart and certain things make you dumb. Like TV definitely makes you dumb right? No. Reading makes you smart. I think if you're just a dumb person it's easier to watch TV all the time. Right. If you don't have to think critically about stuff. You don't challenge yourself.

But now there's TV that's not completely fucking dumb anymore. That's true. But it's easier to just check out. At the same time, any kind of visual medium is inherently more passive because it's just being piped into your head. Because you don't control the tempo. Yeah, exactly. Whereas you're reading a novel, you're reading it, but you have to sort of create the world

in your own head. You have to use your imagination more than just sort of like passively receiving it. That's why it's not impossible, though, to passively consume literature, and plenty of people fucking do that. That's why I only listen to radio plays. That's all the media I consume.

Fear of the mind. Fear of the mind, bro. I think big corporations and technology are just basically filming themselves fucking the American people. And then they're watching it back and bringing it back. Great old time laughing about how dumb we all are. I don't know. The bigger argument, it's not that, oh, well, automation is unsafe.

It's that it destroys jobs. And when it destroys jobs, it destroys people's lives. And it fucking hurts the problem of income and wealth inequality even more like they have automated mcdonald's now in new york and you probably don't see them because they're not in fucking union square they have them all up in harlem right they have them in the places where they want to fire people immediately right and where the people need the jobs right well that's also weird because like uh you know mcdonald's in particular really everywhere has like almost become like de facto social services for like large segments of

the population you know so like what are they gonna do when they're completely like untethered from uh any human contact yeah they're gonna write the next great novel they're gonna write the next great song they're gonna make the the next great dance Walmart too No apparently Walmart started hiring more people Maybe I'm wrong We actually talked about this on my show But there was an article that came out a while ago About what a huge drain Walmart is On local police departments

All over the country They actually have to have Like a cop who's paid with taxes Who has to stay in the Walmart To just keep processing all the people They arrest in Walmart all over the country. They actually have to have like a cop who's paid with taxes, right? Who has to stay in the Walmart to just keep processing all the people they arrest in Walmart

because these stores are like just massive open spaces. They don't hire enough people to actually do real security for the business There's three people

working in a massive warehouse. There's three people working there. When I was in New Hampshire with Felix and Justin, I was in a Walmart and there was dog shit in the aisle which was amazing dog shit it's crazy the other thing is that they'd

also let people because they're they need their employees to do this they let people stay in cars you can like in a parking lot 24 hours a day overnight RV part yeah there's initially was for all the people because they're like they thought it'd be nice for old people like the fucking you know uh who aren't going to cause any trouble and then i thought they reversed that because of vagrants and shit yeah but like vagrancy but it's just basically like and then like like so much in in you know like modern american life like everything is like just sort of it's just like sort of these strip malls off highways but there's no real like community or main street

and there's no, there's no eyeballs on the street. I mean like, you know, urbanologists sort of study this. Like there's a word,

like eyes on the street is a thing that they think cuts down on crime because it's just like if people are out and about and it's sort of like a main street or a high street

in a town or city, it's different. But like now they're just these sort of, people just sort of like completely like a Macy desiccated sort of people just sort of like completely like desiccated like areas of just commerce

so there's like nothing going on I mean you could probably get like raped or killed in Walmart I'm sure it happens dude I was just

in Oklahoma that's exactly how that shit was it was like there's nothing no one and the closest thing to like a main street

or a downtown was Walmart like that shit was bustling like that's where people go to fucking hang and shit like that.

Yeah. In Texas, there was a Walmart that had a police, like, substation in the Walmart. So it was beyond just one officer.

The Walmart had its own police station. And it's also not just that. They also just pay their employees shit. I'm sure they're all on, like, a lot of them are fucking

on welfare. I'm sure they don't care if they're in, like, Yeah. It's just like, that's other ways the government fucking subsidizes Walmart,

bitch ass. What was Oklahoma like, stuff? You out there uh doing a date yeah i was i was doing a casino um it was cherokee nation cherokee nation great gig shouts out lacy um but the actual place was fucking kind of depressing i mean it was especially casinos make me sad yeah they're super sad like what he's He's neglecting it. I did it last year. We went hiking in the Ozarks the morning after, and it was amazing. Yeah. It was beautiful.

Yeah, well, you went with Ari. I went with fucking Bobby. Bobby's not going fucking. I would have loved a nice hike, but it was just- Let's all quietly laugh at that. Fuck you, bitch. How much fucking activity did your bitch ass do on a day-to-day? When?

What do you do? I was doing pull-ups when you came in here. I did. I'll do push-ups right now, dude. Yeah, sure. All right, dude. I'm about to finish this. You're fucking half nude.

You're like lounging. I'm doing push-ups. You look like you're about to eat peeled grapes. Straighten that back out, dude. Shut up, Will. Everyone, I just did 40 push-ups. That was the grossest push-up I've ever seen. You know what?

Fuck off. The cord is short, so I couldn't do a really good one, but... We need to get you back in pants, dude. Too much of these sweats. This is great radio right now, everybody. Damn. I just did a clap push-up, everyone. Yeah.

That was like John Plotman. Those video broadcasting studios, so we can force you to do exercise and then also jack off a midget and reach the final level of New York broadcasting. Yeah, we need to... So what's that? You got like a midget-sized pussy, too? That's interesting.

I'll just get sunglasses. Yeah, I don't know, man. It was tough. And it's like the food, all the food. Like, it's hard to be, to not eat like shit at a place like that. In a casino. Yeah. Yeah.

But even the people that like live there, it's like. Well, that's why San Antonio is the fattest city. Because you go there and it's like, the way Starbucks is here. Yeah. It's like that there with fucking Olive Garden. Yeah, dude. It's incredible. It's everywhere.

Yeah. And like Red Lobster and all those like, you know, what's that tier of chain restaurants called where it's like sit down casual? Fast casual? No, no. Yeah, that's like Panera and shit. I don't know. What are you talking about? Red Lobster.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Chili's. Applebee's. And it's as far as the fucking eye can see. You drive around San Antonio and it's all these fucking elevated highways and chain restaurants. And then people dress like cowboys on hover rounds. They're easily 500, 600 pounds. It's insane how fat they are down there.

They all want to be fat cowboys. Which is like, first of all, no one would ever let you on a horse. That would be fucking animal cruelty. You have to ride a buffalo. A fat person riding a horse is one of the funniest images. It is very funny. No, they all look like those twins. Yes, I was just going to say one of my favorites of all time, the twins, the big fat twins

on the little scooters. What are they called, the Williams twins, the Wallace twins? I don't know. Yeah. We ate at Red Lobster when we were in D.C. and I got to say it was the best dining experience we had there all week. Really? Yeah.

Well, D.C. is all like fake ass bistros now. Yeah, it's all those shitty bistros, which I hate. and I gotta say it was the best dining experience we had there all week really yeah I love those yeah it's all this yeah exactly it's all those shitty bistros which I hate but man those fucking biscuits

are so good I did it up big I got the Admiral's platter which is just all fried just fried everything and if you finish it

you're actually commissioned as a four star Admiral you're in the Navy now I did it so I didn't get my lapels You're actually commissioned as a four-star admiral. Yeah, you're in the Navy now. I did it, though, so I didn't get my lapels.

Do they get stars in the Navy or like little anchors? It's stars, yeah. They get stars still? Yeah, all the top-tier officer ranks in the United States Armed Services, I think, are stars. It's the same in kindergarten, too. If you get stars for being good. And as a video hoe, like a five-star bitch. Oh, yeah, that's true.

Yeah, that's the highest level of bitch you could be. Was that five-star bitch that Gucci showed? I was saying to Nick and Stav yesterday, and I'm glad you're on the podcast now, but as an alumnus of the Chepa Trap House, I am now technically a pundit right yeah yeah and they should respect me as such dude no you should never i've never disrespected everyone you hear that i'm msm i i i was doing like uh i'm mainstream media dude msm

pundit i was bored the other day so i was doing that like curious cat thing we're just like anonymous questions from people who follow you on Twitter. A lot of people were saying, we love the Adam episode, but just once again, I'd like to remind you that Brendan Wardell is your worst guest ever. Never have him back

on. I will burn down a hospital for every he makes on your show. You have to stop talking shit about him. You got his feelings hurt because now people don't like him and he's blaming it entirely on us. Yeah. Whatever, man. Who cares?

I care. I like Brandon. I'm not trying to be mean to him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It is funny. Nobody likes Brandon. We don't have to lie about it. No, I'm kidding.

Brandon's great, guys. Please stop bullying him. Please stop hurting his feelings. We don't want to get blamed for it anymore. Yeah, fuck. Well, just don't do it. Yeah, it is funny.

But internet hate is hilarious. How much hate did Adam get? Any nice hate for Adam? Oh, this is funny, actually. Someone got mad at Adam because just some random person was just like, hey, like the show, but I got to say, like, not too happy about, like, you know, on the most recent episode when you sexualized a teenage girl.

And I was like, what? And it was when we were talking about Popcorn's girlfriend. We were talking about Instagram savage and legend Popcorn.

And, like, I was making the point that, like, he's this sort of, like, goofy, he's this sort of fat, curly-haired white kid

who, like, thinks he's, like, a rapper. But, like, on his Instagram, like, he is, like, ho like on his instagram like he is like hooking up with like hot women and i didn't really for a high school kid popcorn yeah

yeah i love the spectrum of like shows you can't say that they're hot though you have chapel on one end and then i did legion of skanks the other night where lewis brought a homeless man onto the podcast tried to steal his cocaine and tried to put his false teeth in his mouth. God. And he's like, just give me your fucking teeth, dude. Jesus. That is so fucking disgusting. That's so bad.

Can you imagine? That's insanely gross. He's doing that just voluntarily for not even a great laugh, probably. I mean, I'm still laughing about it. I think it's pretty funny. What, do you literally put the teeth in his mouth? And then people getting mad about saying that Popcorn's girlfriend is hot. Yeah. Like, if we said, oh, dude, I want to fuck Pop's girlfriend because she's 16, you know?

Exactly. We didn't say we wanted to fuck her. We just said he did all right for a fat, chubby, curly-haired, you know, Kentucky white boy. Good for him, man. Yeah, whatever. Shout out to Popcorn. I'm not going to apologize for his sexualizing. Popcorn is white Letarian Milton.

Of course, yeah. Letarian's gotten his life together. I know. Which is not surprising. Yeah, of course. If you G out that hard as a fucking eight-year-old girl. We got to get the hood shit out of your system early. Where the fuck else

Is he gonna go Except Harvard Yeah That's why like I said I'm glad Sort of glad Pop Did his home invasion And assault with a deadly weapon

When he was 17 Yeah He'd waited a little bit longer And shit would have been A lot more dire for him He would have gone to Adult prison And they would have

Not liked his rapping Oh absolutely Yeah Fucking Letarian was so hard As an eight year old Like Obama would have never If it was Letarian Obama would have not liked his rapping. Oh, absolutely. Fucking, Letarian was so hard as an eight-year-old. Like, Obama would have never, if it was Letarian, Obama would have never said, if I had a son. If I had a son.

It would have never happened with Letarian. He'd look like Letarian. He'd be like, I don't know Letarian. I've never met Letarian. I don't know who Letarian is. Please do not compare me to that boy. That boy beat up his grandmother for chicken wings. God, he was awesome.

What does he do? He stole a car. He stole her car. He stole his grandma's car smashing it because he couldn't see above the dashboard because his friend came over

and his friend was smoking cigarettes. And he smokes with cigarettes. He smokes with the cigarettes and they want to go to the mall. And he smoked with cigarettes. Because I want to do hood rat shit with my friends.

I want to do hood rat stuff with my friends. Dude, that's the kind of so cool. That's what fucking unbridled childhood freedom looks like in a perfect world every boy would be able to absolutely oh my god yeah we need a holodeck for boys and that'll be it there's a holodeck for boys

thanks big dick billy yeah you got anything you want no no just uh always a pleasure uh any day without cum is a waste of that's right that's right yeah chapo trap house i'm sure there's a lot of overlap anyways but if you don't listen check it out it's great uh you guys are fun thanks