The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. 48 – The Greatest Riff Of All Time

Episode Date: April 20, 2017

Sorry to all the non-premium listeners that missed out on last weeks episode. I’m burned out and didn’t want to upload the episode. I hope I die soon. Anyhow we’re back in full force, with what might be the best riff we’ve ever done on the show, all the

Where will Dubai take you now? To see where Dubai takes you now, visit DubaiPresents.com Very nice, my friend. Thanks, man. Very nice. Okay. Let's get it. Woo!

Let's get it going here. Fellas, big news week this week. If you haven't been paying attention, North Korea, Iran probably, you know. Mm-hmm. Africa, big Africa news. Oh, yeah, dude. Crazy. Cote d'Ivoire.

Yeah. Cote d'Ivoire. Cote d'Ivoire. Au Bon Pain. Yep. All the African countries. That's right. Haagen-Dazs.

Aune Ann's. Spencer's Gifts. All of these places. There's big news going on. Spencer's Gifts all of these places we got there's big news going on they should give me O'Reilly's slot

you could you could do it it's about to be I feel like I'm I'm qualified from like a problematic standpoint 100%

you know is he a better troll than you is the real question no he's a more successful troll for sure I wouldn't say he's a troll yeah he's always no he um no he's a more successful troll for sure i wouldn't say he's a troll yeah he's always no he's like he's not one of those guys it's like he's just doing

it to piss people off he sort of is no he's just a big fucking giant irish piece of shit from long island i'll give you the last word it's like he's always claiming he's giving you the fucking last word you never get the fucking last word he gives you the last word after he yells at you for fucking hours straight and then you're like well bill i just don't see all right thank you very much that was the last word you had the last word and you blew it uh now for my last word faggot the o'reilly fagged her. Jesus. I can't figure out how to... Turn the TV on.

I'm trying to put it on mute in the background, like a real newsroom. Oh, okay. Kind of like have the news going in case something bad happens. This is the war room. Yeah. Like where they shot Osama. We're solemnly watching. Why is that room so damn tiny?

Yeah, it was a small room. They didn't have enough seats. No, people are like, everybody crammed into the war room. It's like, shouldn't they plan on those dudes needing chairs? Yeah, yeah, I agree. Half the people in there, I mean, it's like the fanciest army guys. They have all the jewels. That's true.

It's the most bejeweled army men. They need to be in that room. That's true. They should the most bejeweled army man. They need to be in that room. That's true. They should have a throne of some sort. What if the other side of it is a bunch of fucking fancy shit? What if it's a huge room? That's all they show us. That would be very funny.

That would be a very good physical bit for the White House to do. The camera turns around and just Hillary's like laying on a big fucking pile of gold coins and rubies and shit. Yeah. Skulls of dead fucking yeah that's in the white house right i guess most of the rooms in the white house are just for tours oh yeah yeah use them there's like an office when was the white house built didn't england like fucked us up in the war of 1812 yeah yeah yeah the white house wasn't finished a re being rebuilt

until like 1978 they just left it all fucked up it was burned and shit wait no hold on that's the hollywood sign yeah i think you're which is the real hollywood i mean the real white house yeah that's me oh that's where the power is in the hollywood sign yeah is that where does someone live in the side he hangs out yeah mickey mouse walt disney fucking uh ari steinstein uh i wrote uh show business bird yeah you know what we're talking about you know we're getting at with this one.

Although those two guys and Walt Disney seem like they wouldn't get along too well. Yeah, I don't know. Everybody says Walt Disney hated Jews. Oh, yeah, he did. I thought there was no actual evidence of that. Then why would he create the character Scrooge McDuck? I don't know.

It was in the newsletter. He hates Jews. The band System of a down hates i'm tired of what i'm no i'm tired of surge we were taught that surgy or whatever i don't know if i don't know if they actually i don't think you saw what did what did walt disney actually say or do what did he actually say he seemed like a nice man that just wanted to fuck kids he what he hit nazi scientists so did the united states government fact checker and we hit them in the movie october sky yeah as heroes movies though yeah well nerve on braun yeah yeah

um what are you doing with your thigh there dude uh look at that milky hairy thigh the gay guys that watch the listen to the show and just want to fuck you would go crazy for this view right now. Yeah. Ooh, a little boxer. What do you wear? What kind of boxers

do you wear for the people? I wear compression. Indeed, it's compression shorts. Oh, shit. You hear that, boys? Oh, yeah. You got to stay tight at all moments.

Oh, he is tight, right? You never know where you're going to have to be an athlete. He keeps it tight. That would compress your balls a little bit. Would you sell your underwear

to some weird guy who wants to sniff it and beat off? I mean, I already sell my racism, so why the fuck not? I feel like...

If anyone wants to buy our underwear... I feel like Stavi would be the first to sell undies. Easy, quick. Out of us. I sell them right now.

Yeah. Well, yeah, we said that for Stavi's Golden Angels. We're at the $100 level. Oh, yeah. I would give you... You do get a. We're at the $100 level. Oh, yeah. You do get a pair of Game Worn, New York City MTA Subway summer undies from Stav.

I'm going to go jogging. After a long night. I'm going to take a bike ride. Oh, yeah. So local news is covering, I guess, Stevie Steve has been found dead. And I guarantee you this is a police cover-up. They shot him?

Wouldn't they just take credit for shooting him? No, they refused to give him a fair trial. And they're making it look like a suicide. Interesting. Stevie Steve. It's a cover-up. It's a cover-up on on good old stevie steve this is like your

info wars like turn for the show yeah there are already people that are like stevie steve truthers really

the guy literally videotaped himself shooting a guy on facebook live you can't even like edit it he's a crisis actor I sometimes look at

the government put out a craigslist ad that said, we just want somebody to participate. We're going to stage a video. And, you know, it was supposed to be for like a horror movie or something. And, you know, so he did it. He's trying to get his acting career off the ground. So he made the three videos.

And then the police department, the Cleveland Police Department, released the videos, you know, and videos and then the police department the Cleveland police department released the videos you know and then they planted the car wow and it's to distract people from Russia from uh

yeah from Russia yeah dude that's a big story that's what people hacking the election I love I'm serious they're just showing

the video wait no no I didn't click on it what the fuck I don't want to that's the guy that died Zuckerberg did he kill Zuckerberg next yeah well I didn't click on it. What the fuck? I don't want to know that's the guy that died. Zuckerberg.

Did he kill Zuckerberg next? Well, they didn't show the whole video. Dude, that sucked. I don't want to know that. That's the guy he shot? That's who he killed? That cute old man?

Just a nice old guy? Yeah. Oh, my God. Can we turn this off? I'm sad now. I'm really bummed. Dude, I used to click on every death

and execution video until I saw that ISIS video. And I couldn't do it. People are saying that Stevie Steve is a distraction because World War III is about to start. And it's like, who's going to be distracted in World War III? There was a guy during World War II that was like, what the fuck is going on? I'm still catching up on all those Walt Disneys and Nazis. I had no idea the entire world was at war again.

Some Irish punched an old lady, and I've been fucking reading that news article. I believe there's some guy on the radio talking about it. 30s Stevie Steve. Yeah. Danny O'Danielson. What did they have names like back then? Ebenezer. Ebenezer. Yeah. O. Danielson What did they have names like back then? Ebenezer Ebenezer

Yeah Chip Either they went real nice and old Or shit like Skip Skippy Yeah Skip, Chip

That guy We've talked about Crackle Chink Steaks Yeah, Chink Steaks in Philly There were probably guys named every There's probably Dago Jimmy. Yeah.

What's happening in Fresno? There's a shooting spree, according to the CBS News. A shooting spree. It looks like we have a Stevie Stevens copycat killer. That'd be a fun... Does the Fresno Police Department have Ks on their collars? It looked like that guy had K's. Well, yeah.

For every strikeout, he gets a K. Yeah. Looked like they have triple K's. Corey Ali Muhammad. How African Americans became Christians. Oh, so he's a ho-tap guy. Oh, shit. Is that a ring?

No, that's a tight ring. Oh, no. Those are stars. Yeah, they don't have Ks. I feel like we should turn the television off. Yeah. Oh, that guy is very smooth for an old man. Yeah, we probably should.

Oh, look at this motherfucker. This is John Blackstone. Oh, man, this is terrible. This is bad podcasting. The local news. Guys, this will sync up really well to the local news on April, what is it? 17th? I like that.

There's like one of the local news places. It looks like it was named by a Chinese immigrant. They have ads on the buses, and it's like, New York, number one, good morning. ads on the buses and it's like New York number one good morning and it's like yeah

you know it's kind of shitty news but they got good dumplings oh fuck I do want some damn dumplings yeah I haven't had well actually that's not true I've had dumplings twice

in the last three days really for where well I had gyoza which is just dumplings those are dumps yeah gyoza, which is just dumplings. Those are dumps. Yeah. Gyoza.

And then I had dumplings dumps, steamed dumplings from that Caribbean place that also has Chinese food. Oh, yeah, yeah. In your neighborhood? It's the best Chinese food in the neighborhood. Yeah, but that's who cares. I mean, me, when I'm trying to order Chinese food. I mean me When I'm trying to order

Chinese food There's like a There's a place in DC That used to be like The fried chicken Chinese food Subs That place Yums

I love that shit dude Yeah That would just be liquid Out of your ass Oh 100% Yeah But Chinese food wings Are some of the best wings

The best Chinese You know I'd fry up A piece of chicken That dirty fucked up oil Yeah The best Chinese food restaurant Is Chinese food in Baltimore. Oh, yeah, I remember Chinese food.

On Greenmount? Is it bad? Is it just this fucking haunted-ass building? No, it's functional. It's a business. Really? Yeah, I would drive past there at night, and there would be this eerie yellow glow coming out of the windows,

and it's this dilapidated piece of shit building that's gotta be a hundred years old that they've never done any maintenance on. It looks like Danzig's house, actually. Cool. Spooky. Yeah, that's where Danzig eats. This is just some of the food I eat. This is actually a meal that werewolves

would eat, which are real by the way. I'm 53 years old he's older than that now dude he's like he's gonna be in the 60s yeah yeah something like that but that chinese joint is literally just a piece of plywood he's applied wood with painted white red stencils it just says chinese food with no space in between like dude there are parts of baltimore that are just It's a third world country Like that's a step up Like there's a restaurant

In Syria That's fucking operating The same way right now Like for example Literally a block away From Johns Hopkins Yeah Which is where Chinese food is

Yeah Wow Yeah dude Is the food good? It's great It's great dude Yeah The best Mugu Gai Pan

I fuck with the Mugu Gai Pan I fuck with the guy pan I only get Jenny so's I only get fucking I liked I like it when you order it and then they bring it to you and the waiter goes yeah Jenny toes chicken it sounds like genitals chicken Jen Jen it toes chicken that's pretty good i want the dick and balls um uh yeah no i i do general sows i do sesame that's just general sows dude it's just yeah very similar but there's sesame seeds on top i went to some i went to some piece of shit place on the lower east side and i got uh sesame chicken and the guy's like fucking packing it up the cashier and then like uh you know it's very

quick you know it's like a new york restaurant everything's going fast and the guy like takes the the box of the prepared meal with the rice and the you know broccoli and opens it in front of me and then next to the cash register is like like a change cup filled with sesame seeds and he just grabs some and sprinkles it on them and closes the box. Next to the paper clips and it's just fucking sesame seeds. And that's how they make the sesame chicken. Like, badass.

Yeah, New York Chinese food, like the takeout, is some of the worst on fucking earth. Yeah, but you did. There are, like, some gems. Yeah, but no, I mean, of course.

Yeah, but it's New York City. But by and large, the takeout just sucks. It is really bad for the most part. But the good authentic shit, I go in there, dude, I get some fucking flushing, some soup dumplings. The best place is... Suck those off like they're a fucking steamy little ball sack. Those are delish. You bite it and then just...

Through the top, yeah. I love that shit. I love getting top. Well, you blow into it because it's so steamy and hot. You know how they make that? It's a gel. The soup part is a gel. And they warm it up?

And then when they steam it, it liquefies. Damn, dude. Science, dude. You hear that, guys? Science, dude. I thought they froze it. And then you just wrap the frozen ball in dough and then you boil it. No, I think it's like a gelatin.

That when they steam it whatever perhaps the best uh my favorite place is uh on mott that place what's it called woe hop where they don't even fuck around with chopsticks you just get a fucking fork oh hell yeah yeah yeah it's all about shoveling woe hop woe hop 24 hours i go to woe hop tonight at midnight yeah it is 24 hours do a late night you fuck around and go to whoa hop tonight at midnight yeah it is 24 hours we should do a late night but you fuck around and go to the upstairs whoa hop

the downstairs whoa hop I've been to both downstairs is better it's the same exact restaurant I think they're different restaurants they're different floors

of the same restaurant the kitchen is the same exact kitchen the downstairs whoa hop is better than the upstairs that's fucking retarded that's the most bullshit hipster take

it's not hipster. You think it's a different... What do you think is the difference? It's a kitchen? I've seen it where there's a line for the downstairs. Shut up. And there's...

Because people are stupid like you. No, that's not true. There's fucking idiots like you. Because they're two different restaurants with the same name. A gentleman like me and Nick would be going upstairs. They got nicer seats upstairs.

The downstairs one has the pictures of the celebrities all over the wall. So you claim that there's two restaurants named Wohop. Adam wants to sit at the Rob Schneider table. He wants to fucking sit next to the picture of Bruce Willis. I want to eat the same place where Hootie and the Blowfish ate. Yeah, I mean, what was I going to say? I wonder if that guy gets fucking mad.

He's like, oh, I'm not, my name isn't Hootie. Darius Rucker? Yeah. He gets mad that people call him Hootie? Yeah, he's like, yo, I'm not Hootie. Well, don't call your band that. Yeah, that's entirely your fault. Yeah, he's the front man.

There's something else I could call you. What? Darius. Yeah, I think you'd actually prefer that. I guess I could call him that if I really... Oh, I thought of something else. Oh, did you? What is it?

What's the word? Mr. Rucker. I used to work with a guy named... That would be respectful. Respect. I worked with a Dominican black guy named Darius Arias. Yes. Yeah.

Hell yeah. Fuck rules. What are some good names? Wait, on the truck? No. When I was a teenager. Oh. I didn't even know Dominicans before I moved to New York.

Really? Yeah. There were only Mexican people in the West Coast. Oh, right, right, right. And then in D.C. it was Salvadorians. Salvadorians. Yeah. Baltimore had a strange mix of everything.

But up here it's like there are a ton of Dominicans and Puerto Ricans. Yeah. There are these Dominican... Well, they moved here to be on the Yankees. Yeah. Los Yankees. Vamos, Los Yankees. They all falsified their birth certificates.

The Yankee Stadium. You live by the Yankee Stadium in the Bronx. Yeah, they all look like they're 47 years old, but they were born in 1996. Yeah, that's true. What was the picture of that kid that was in the Little League team? That was like 19. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fuck, what was his name?

He had a kid. He was just destroying all the little babies. Danny Almonte? That's right. He had facial hair and shit. I love that shit. They're like this little league world series feed up shitty i'm like gross man yeah shit's awesome this is literally

he's also on the box right now 10 years ago that guy thon maker they say he's 19 the guy's clearly like 23 oh the somalian guy yeah yeah he's dark as hell they have like is he somalian or he's from sudan all over the place. Yeah, Sudan. He grew up in Australia, whatever, whatever. But there's videos of him when they were faking, when they were pretending he was 16 and he's clearly 19 and he's just like dunking on four foot white children. Yeah, but his body was fucked up weird. He was like 7'2 and he weighed like 150 pounds. Yeah, he's always been huge.

Yeah. I love that shit, dude. I love just fucking fake children athletes. It's so fucking good. Yeah, he's always been huge. Yeah. I love that shit, dude. I love just fucking fake children and athletes. It's so fucking good. That's the best, yeah. Hollywood's kind of the opposite. They get adults that have like the Andy Milonakis disease. Oh, yeah.

And those guys blow up as child stars. What's up with Andy Milonakis? Has he done anything recently? Hang out with Brandon. He's got a really big steam. What is it? Not steam. What's the thing with it?

Twitch. Yeah, he's big on that. Now, i thought he got off on twitch no brandon told me that he hung out with andy milanakis and he was like dude he was like online the whole time like it was impossible to hang out with him i was like like oh are you fucking kidding me that was annoying wow wow um it's like Brandon's never looked in a front-facing camera before You can take a long hard look into the Snapchat application, Brandon So Twitch, you play video games You don't beat off But don't cam girls do Twitch too?

Is that like hot girls that play Call of Duty? I don't think you're allowed to jack off on Twitch Wow I think they'll ban you if you do. That's fucking bullshit, dude. I know my next fucking civil rights project. You could have like almost areola showing. Have you seen that shit where women will get like their nipples surgically modified to look like...

I saw one porn show that had a heart. Yeah, hearts or... What? Stars. Yeah, it was crazy. I was into it just as a beat off exercise I love this But I don't know

This microphone smells like urine I don't know It's probably the cat pistol There's cat hair everywhere By the way Yeah Nah this shit is a fucking mess dude And I'm looking fresh

I got a spot I wanna go get my dick sucked You know Yeah I probably won't You can probably like Send Ernest's shit To Locks of Love Or a company that makes Like sweaters for homeless get my dick sucked you know yeah i probably won't i'll never probably like send earnest as shit to locks of love or a company that makes like sweaters for homeless people absolutely yeah there's so

much hair on this fucking thing it's unbelievable looks like my father's pubes actually just a gray mound does your dad's pubes look like they i don't know what they look like but they taste really good thank you but they taste like cinnamon um greek christmas instead of santa claus it's just a giant old crotch so it's like a you sit on a lap and there's a huge old penis covered in gray pubes and you you know hug it yeah and then the presents come out all over your face that That was a dick. Yeah. Wow. That would... Was there like a Father Christmas in Greek?

Yes. Ours is Saint... Saint... Wait, no. Is it Saint Nicholas? Yeah. No, no. Ayos Vasilis.

It's Saint Basil. And what's his deal? He just... Similar shit, but he comes on new year's i don't know why christmas ain't shitting for greek people it's always new year's um his deal was very similar i don't know there's no i don't know why some people chose nicholas and some chose fucking saint basil i think other cultures all have the same version of that we We got Hanukkah Harry. He comes around and slides a check for $18 under your pillow

on the first night of Hanukkah. Isn't that a John Lovitz sketch, Hanukkah Harry? Maybe. Okay. Because it's alliterative. How about Hanukkah Harry Reid? That's a SNL? Here I come.

Billy Baldwin will be stealing that impression from you soon. I met Harry Reid a couple times growing up. Ooh, I met Harry Reid a couple times. Ooh, I grew up. I went to his office in D.C. To lobby for Israel. To lobby for Israel. By the way, that is not a joke.

He lit at Adam literally. Yeah, they gave us like a series of talking points. And he like obviously left a meeting to go meet the Jews, the Jewish children. Well, he's Jewish. And we're like, his wife was Jewish, but he got her to convert to Mormonism. And my parents were not happy about it. He was Jewish and then he... No, he's Mormon.

He's lying about it. He's Mormon. It's the story. No, he's Mormon. He's lying about it. He's Mormon. It's the story. No, he's Mormon. Some more storefront news. He actually has a really cool backstory. What is it? He grew up in this small middle of nowhere town called Searchlight in Nevada.

And his mom made beds or something. And he was a boxer. Who else's mom makes beds? He was a Golden Gloves boxer. His mom. Yours. Mine? Yeah, she makes beds.

Do you know why? At home, like if it's messy. Do you know why? Why do you think they might have gotten messy? Why do they get messy? From sleeping? Well, no. What do you mean?

You gotta guess. Maybe some visitors? Maybe two of your best friends. You gotta guess what your mom's job is. What's her job? No. Maybe some visitors. Maybe two of your best friends. You gotta guess what your mom's job is. What's her job? To make beds after two of your best friends visited her for cash. She paid us, by the way.

She pays us. But it's still her job. Why? It's like a comedy festival. She submits to get fucked by us. Your mom's like your mom's like the she's like the aspiring comedian and prostitutes she's really trying to get south by south by four guys listen i'm not one of those guys my my sap suck by suck fuck zap zap by all four I'm not one of those guys that's like, don't fuck my mom.

I'm so tired. Suck by fuck breasts. Fuck doesn't start with an S. Shut up. It's also sex. Fuck up. So it's like sex. Cross.

Sex by sex breasts. Some woman. It's like motocross. And then in three parentheses, and then the woman is Adam's mom. Sex with some woman. someone listen i'm not one of those guys it's like don't fuck my mom like you guys are my friends i'd be happy we're just telling you anyway i'm not friends with bad people so anyway finish your story about harry reed's mom oh no so we went to harry reed's office searchlight no no you're telling a different

story oh no he was a golden gloves boxer And then he like Came from nothing And then he got a law degree Would you say he would beat stuff up? He would beat up Mexican sex You know what else You know what gets beat up a lot?

What? A certain mom's pussy Hit him with the left Anyway With the right And then what else happened in Harry Reid's life? Well, one time, me and my friend Tommy and Alex. Your mom, a pregnancy test after every day at work.

My mom can't get pregnant. She's too old. The hairy part is her pussy. Woo! Yeah. Anyway. Who cares about that gay ass story? Yeah.

Who cares, dude? I was searchlighting for a punchline while you were telling that story. Well, I was trying to tell the story of going to his office. Whatever, man. Sounds gay. You know what they need a searchlight for? Find your dick, man. Oh, flipped it on him. He got a little ass dick, my man. So small that you need a searchlight for? Find your dick, man. Oh, flipped it on him.

He got a little ass dick, my man. So small that you need a light to see. Why would they use a searchlight? Like they're like helicopters flying around my house. Trying to find your dick. There's like bloodhounds. There's like a bunch of guys. Please stay in your vehicle.

We're looking for a very small dick. Stay in your homes. There's a very small dick somewhere around here. We're going to find it. So just chill out. Don't worry. The dick isn't yours. It belongs to someone named Adam

Friedland is whose small dick we're looking for from this series of helicopters that's so funny those chopper pilots were in Vietnam

oh yeah so talented yeah the trans one the trans one from OJ yeah I watched Black Hawk Down again recently

oh good flick dude your good friend Tom Sizemore's in that yeah he unfollowed me The trans one from OJ? Yeah. I watched Black Hawk Down again recently. Oh, good flick, dude. You're a good friend Tom Sizemore's in that. Yeah, he unfollowed me, though. What? Dude, everyone is in that movie. Eric Bana, Jeremy Piven, William Fichtner. Everyone?

Yeah. Jack Nicholson. Whoopi Goldberg. What the fuck? Yeah, Whoopi Goldberg. Robin Williams. Sir Lawrence Olivier. Yeah Olivier I'm in it I'm in the movie

You were in it? I was in Black Hawk Down Were you one of the Somalis? No it's a deleted scene where I fuck your mom In Black Hawk Down? On a helicopter while the Black Hawk is looking for your dick Oh wow That really brought that whole thing full circle

Yeah it did Hey sorry that some of us are trying to have a good fucking show here. You're all bummed out about your mom being a whore or whatever. And I'm doing good-ass helicopter noises. This is a really good memorial. We got Stav on the Michael Winslow ones and twos. Michael Winslow, that's the beauty of black autism. Oh, yeah.

He's the number one black autism I'm just the only guy I would ever go pay to see have you seen have you seen him do the he used to do shows

with Irwin have you seen him have you seen him do the whole beginning of Star Wars yeah yeah I've seen him oh god

virtuoso he can't do voices he can only do sounds yeah it's crazy he can't do impressions that's can only do sounds. Yeah, it's crazy. He can't do impressions. That's incredible. Yeah. Wow, Michael Winslow.

He's probably still alive. Opening doors, closing them. Yeah. You know what's funny to find out is that Carl Winslow is gay. Reginald Val Johnson, of course he is. Yeah. You can't have Val in your name without being gay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He also looks so gay. Yeah. Like when you think about Steve. He's gay and Uncle Phil. How much would it cost to get your name legally changed to Stavros Valhakis? I don't know. $45. Luther was gay too.

Do you want to do it? Should we all change our names legally to Adam Velfree? That would be good. If we hit $20,000 a month, we will all legally change our names. Wait, was it Vell Johnson one word or hyphenated? No, it was like Dell, but then Vell. Yeah, like of the... Which is so fun.

Dude, it's like... 20 Gs a month. I am Stavros Vell Halkis, I promise. At 20 Gs in Patreon? Yeah. That's chill. Hell yeah, Stavros Valhalkis, I promise. At 20 G's in Patreon? Yeah. That's chill. Hell yeah, Stavros Valhalkis. Dude, I've disappointed my parents enough.

I might as well fuck up their last name. Well, it's not the last name. It's the middle name. Oh, give myself a new middle name? I have a shitty middle name. What's your middle name? Dean. Oh, fuck.

Oh, yeah, dude. Adam Dean Friedland. That doesn't sound good at all. That sounds like a bad porn star, Adam Dean Fried Oh. Yeah, dude. Adam Dean Friedland. That doesn't sound good at all. That sounds like a bad porn star, Adam Dean Friedland. He's named after the guy that would come visit his mom. James Dean. James Dean. Two E's.

Yeah. Yeah, he was the leader of the pack. He used to come around room, room, room. No, Dean, the porn star that fucked... Oh, the rapist? Yes. Or he beat women or something? Yeah, he did.

He, like, beat... Or he raped... Oh, damn. Sasha... No, not Sasha Gray. The other one. Starla, I think. From Little Rascals?

Darla? Yeah, Darla. He raped Darla from Little Rascals. He did? Yeah. What about the dog with the little thing on his eye? That's how he got the thing on his eye. My dog.

That's my dog. He had mushrooms stamped by James Dean. Actually, the other kid. Alfalfa? That's cum. Yeah, that's what I was going to say. That's something about Mary. Yeah, I'm sure no one's made that joke before.

No, definitely. You've got to stay in the safe zone of original content, which is threatening to fuck Adam's mom. I don't know if that's original. It is original. I think it is. Who are we stealing it from? Most of the people on the bus. Louis C.K.?

Yeah. Did Tig Notaro already do a sketch about... Did you see that story? That she hates Louis? She'sis louis stole my clown birthday sketch it's like you're both 60 years old no no i thought she got mad stupid fight yeah about a clown birthday sketch no he's an ep on her show what's that he's an ep on her show and she hired all her friends to write for yeah i Yeah, I know the story. I don't care, is my point.

It's who gives a shit. What Nick is saying is that clown sketches are gay. Is that your stance? What is it about a clown? How did he steal a clown sketch? The joke is, what if an adult got a clown for themselves because they were depressed? Okay. And it's like the same sketch.

He did it in stand-up? No, he did it on SNL snl oh so she's mad at him oh who cares we should do a sketch he fucking put out her album that made her like super famous yeah nice yeah this is a good so she owes him everything she owes him a flat man in in a lot of ways she did order a clown for herself and that clown's name was Louis C.K.

wow and he changed her life he said you know what you might have breast cancer but there's still

a life to live out there and he changed everything for her she's very funny and then I like to he stole her

clown birthday sketch I mean yeah I don't know what happened if he stole her clown birthday sketch. I mean, yeah, I don't know what happened. If he stole it, it's fucked up. Did you watch the new Louis? I watched it. I liked it a lot. I liked it a lot, too.

Yeah, it was really good. It was pretty dark. It was pretty cool. Yeah. Yeah. Big fan. That's our review, guys. That's our review.

Also, we're taking shots at the top comedians. Other media to review. What else? What else? We should do a segment where we recommend great media. There's no time. When we have to gang record all these episodes, there's no time to do anything in the in-between. That's true. I watched, literally since the last time we recorded, I watched four and a half minutes of Indiana Jones.

I ate an entire box of cereal. And that's it. What kind of cereal? Special K. Oh, fuck that, that dude i like it actually it's good the kind of no strawberries no the strawberry one okay i'm coming to freeze dried strawberries yeah astronaut strawberries yeah they never they never had that huh you know what uh astronauts do is they what do they fly to the hubble telescope so you can use it

to find your dick i do it they take a plane oh fuck oh god i'm sorry i love this i love that we're all in on this even me here's what okay um here's what i was thinking guys yeah uh We should start pandering more to our British and Australian fans. There are a lot of Australians that like Comptown. So what's the most popular Australian shit? Saying good day, mate. Vegemite. Yeah, Vegemite.

Australian shit. I'm going to look up. Hey, Vegemite. How about Vegemate? Like that's what you call it. Wearing very small shorts. They that yeah yeah um the cowboy hat that's fucked up on one side one of their politicians accidentally say come town on tv recently i don't know i think so yeah someone tweeted that at us or something i'm googling things australians like right now this is a good

yeah yeah uh keep that let's let's do this and then we're gonna pander to them things aussies like a list a list of the things okay there's some bitch named amy who's australian oh fuck there's so much text their their grandparents were uh criminals and whores you know the story about backsteakhouse yeah yeah they're from tampa you've said this seven times maybe 10 times on the podcast they've got a picture of george eating um a snickers bar with the fork from that episode of seinfeld but that's something that they like in australia looks like that's what australians like but do they like seinfeld down there yeah it's fucking hilarious yeah but yeah he's used his good words. Every Australian I know. I really relate to Kramer.

Every Australian I know always comes to America and they're like. We call them abos. Oh, shit. Isn't that their N-word? Yeah. Oh, I guess, yeah. That's why they like Kramer. Oh, okay.

It's just a word. Yeah. Oh, stop. Stop your shit as fast. Stop. I got to say, listen, I don't like the farting But your farts have gotten better recently Yeah yeah yeah

They're healthier farts Well his asshole is much looser I've been eating a lot of He's been He's been having sex with men Australians always What? Always ask for

For cake Can I have a cake? We can't find any cake Can I have a cake? How about a character It's Bugs Bunny But his middle name is Chasing. That's his first name. Bugs.

Bugs. Chasing. Oh, I thought you were Chasing Bug. So it's Bugs Bunny, but he's like, What's up, Doc? Do you have HIV? Do you have unprotected sex? That's the joke.

That's really good. That's pretty funny. I'm pitching that to Six Flags. When they lose their deal with Warner Brothers and they need to rebrand all those characters. Bugs Chasing Bunny. Daffy. Daffy Cuck. Daffy Dick.

Daffy Cuck. Jesus Christ. I don't know what happened. Daffy Dick's not bad. Oh, I know. They what happened. That big dick's not bad. Guys. Oh, I know. He's got a big ass dick. They did have, they did have.

Oh, Adam was bringing meat. Thank you. Wow, stop. That was so fun. It was fun. I'm telling you, dude. We're turning around. This show is so good.

We're really, we've reached the peak of fucking podcasting dude why how about this no no this is a real thing i saw at six packs the transmanian devil oh yeah yeah yeah i posted a picture on yeah yeah i saw it's cool okay here's a list of things australians don't like okay let's go kiw a list of things Australians don't like. Okay, let's go. Kiwis. Ooh, fuck them. They don't like New Zealand. Guess what, guys?

We don't like them either. It must be weird to be from New Zealand. They mean people from regular Zealand. Not the fruit. You're like, yeah, fuck fruits and vegetables. Yeah, you piece of shit. All they eat is steak, dude. That's right.

They eat steak and bloomin' onions. Kangaroo steak. Yeah. They don't have cows over there. It's all kangaroo. They don't have fosters over there, someone told me. Australian for bee. Apparently, they have heaps of molly, though.

They have a lot of molly. Yeah, because we're close to Thailand. We get all the molly coming over from Thailand. You can make it anywhere. It's like... Apparently, you get great molly in Thailand. Here's another thing they don't like. But you canly in Thailand. Here's another thing they don't like. But you can't find cake.

Here's another thing they don't like. That's why when we were in New York, we'd say, did you have any cake? They don't have Coke in Australia? Oh, you mean cocaine. You gotta call like seven, eight guys. This is like one Australian guy you met that's a drug addict.

No. Do you mean cocaine or Coca-Cola? I know what they love. A bunch of Australians. What? Isn't that where they're from? They're from Australia. TNT! Oh, they love... You know what they love? S bunch of Australians. Isn't that where they're from? They're from Australia. TNT!

Oh, they love... You know what they love? Suck my dick! Don't they love ABBA? That's not from Australia. No, it's ABBA's, dude. That movie Mamma Mia is Australian, but it's all the... Here we go again.

It's all the... Mamma Mia is the Broadway play about Super Mario, broadway play about super mario with a woman yeah as a mario is uh you know he's he's just trying to sing and dance and then wario shows up and he's like rapping about what it's like to be a a banker or something what What else is Australian? The Bee Gees are Australian? I don't know. I tried to like... I honestly cannot tell you more than one. I have no idea what happens in any musical.

Okay. Yeah, you do. You like musicals low key. No, I don't. Oklahoma? Yeah, dude. Sound of Music you riffed on about the birthday party. My dick is alive with the smell of yeah I would

fuck no but the characters name I don't know man sound Maria Maria yes how do you solve she reminds me of West Side Story mmm the oh yeah hell yeah dude now that's a Maria Maria Hell yeah dude Now that's a good jam The Carlos Santana Yeah Who are those two black guys No one remembers

In Santana Yeah No no it was all features dude Cause he had Rob Thomas on a track Smooth Number one song of all time Everyone knows that For real that's the song We should have sent to space

Smooth Smooth What song did we send to space? Something fucking gay probably Something from the 60s probably Right? Isn't that when they sent it? Some bullshit

The Beatles or some gay shit like that Frank Sinatra Maybe Actually maybe Sinatra We shouldn't have let the Italians Control that satellite You know what? I'm the producer

I'm fact checkingchecking this one. Record we sent into space. We sent, like, a vinyl? Yeah. Anytime we have to Google stuff on this show, it really comes to a screeching halt. No, keep it going, you boys. Well, okay.

So what are some other ones, maybe, that we could have sent? We could have sent the song Du hast Rammstein. What the fuck is that? You don't remember Du hast? No. Du.

Du hast. Du hast nicht. Du hast nicht. I don't know that at all. You don't... Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. It's like... Du.

Industrial, like, popped up out of obscurity for, like, two hot years. up out of obscurity For like two hot years Yeah yeah When Orgy was Was hot Orgy Marilyn Manson came out of that Marilyn Manson

Nine Inch Nails KMFDM What's KMFDM? Another shitty industrial band Cock fuck Mother's dick Thanks It's uh

Listen to this gay shit Adam's mom That's my mom There's a new band called Adam A-M-F D-M-S-A-N-A-L. Adam's cousin, A-C-D-C stands for Adam's. Adam's cock-sucking-k-mom.

Boom, baby. Rock out. Slam dunk. From downtown. Ah, he's gay. He's eating up. He's eating up. Slam dunk. Here's the deal. From downtown. Ah, he's gay. He's eating up. He's eating up. He's trans.

He's trans. He's trans. He's trans. From downtown. Boom shakalaka. They're taking her penis off. NBA jam, folks. That's a classic Super Nintendo.

You can play as Bill Clinton. For real? Yeah, you remember that? There was that code. If you beat it? Bill Clinton and Al Gore? Yeah, if you put your initials in in a certain way, you can play as Bill Clinton and Al Gore. Wow.

That's so good. If you fucking, yeah. He's eating up. That was a good ass game. Yeah, I used to fuck with that. The Sonics so good. If you fucking, yeah. He's eating up. That was a good-ass game. Yeah, I used to fuck with that. The both were good. The Sonics were good. Yeah.

You can fucking camp on that game. Camp in Peyton. Here's the gay shit we said into space, by the way. Bach, suck me off. Ugh. Mozart, Beethoven. I just love the idea of aliens being like, what the fuck is this? Yeah, what's this gay shit?

Gay shit I've ever heard, dude. Yo, let's invade this planet that should be the background that should be like the the origin story for every like for independence day they should make like an independence day three that's a prequel and the aliens are like this is the this is the lamest shit i've ever heard yeah this music and then the aliens are like steaming towards Earth and it's like, do us. Do us. And they're industrial fans. Also, someone named Blind Willie Johnson, Guan Pingu.

I don't know what the fuck that is. Guan Pingu? Yeah, they're Bajani folk music by Humbo Player. Dude, no one on Earth knows what the fuck that is. Why would you confuse aliens? They should have said fucking smooth, dude. You're right. But they did have, I will give them, they had some Bulgarian folk music, but they also had

Johnny B. Goode. Oh. Recently deceased. By the piss vid boy. Piss piss vid boy. Piss watcher Chuck Berry. Yeah. Who learned everything he knows from Michael J. Fox.

Wow. No fucking Italians. It's crazy, you know? A lot of blacks. You know? Azerbaijanis. The fuck is that shit? It's like Iranian Russians.

Yes. It's like a weird country. Some flute player from... Yeah, this shit sucks, dude. I mean, that is... Like, who the fuck knows what that is? Why would you say this is the best example of what's going on on Earth? It should just be pornography.

Just the biggest, juiciest titties think it's fine. Yeah. Why the fuck not? It doesn't matter. This is our shit. You think aliens are gonna have any understanding of culture or fucking yeah dude they should have just sent lisa ann up there dude but would they even know what to do like if they saw titties would they

get hard what would aliens get hard of course they would there's a given that they have dicks of course they would or whatever you know would their alien pussies get wet or their whatever holes or, you know, their fucking ear dicks. Would they have like a big alien mouth and then a small alien mouth that comes out? You know, like a snake. Do they have a special mouth for eating pussy? Well, that's... Have you seen the film Alien?

I actually haven't. That's how... What? I literally haven't seen Alien. There's a new Alien coming out with Danny McBride. Do you see that? That looks horrible. That room is where, with all the fucked up Ripleys, it's because the alien ate her pussy.

And that's why she got, that's from Aliens 3. Oh, shit. Oh, yeah. You remember that one? I think so. Like the botched Ripley clones. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Actually, that might be Resurrection. No, Resurrection is the prison one, right? I don't remember. I mix up all the sequels. Isn't there one where there's like a jacked alien? Is that what Prometheus is? Actually, that might be Resurrection. No, Resurrection is the prison one, right? I don't remember. I mix up all the sequels. Isn't there one where there's a jacked alien? Is that what Prometheus is? Yeah, Prometheus is.

Well, that's not jacked aliens. Predator is jacked. Predator is like a dude that has dread, sort of, but it's an alien. Yeah, Predator is just a Caribbean guy. Did you see Aliens vs. Predator? No. That kind of ruled, actually. I haven't seen Predator. I mean, the only good one

is the fuck, is Aliens. The first one. No, the fucking James Cameron one, Aliens. Was that the second one? The second one, yeah. We gotta watch that shit, dude. We can watch it tonight.

Once we're done with our job. Yeah. Once we finish. Once we clock out with our job. Yeah. Once we finish. Once we clock out. Working for the day. That was good. Put in our punch cards. We'll take our lunch pails.

God damn. What a long fucking day. Yeah, fuck it. At work. Having sex with Adam's mom. For cold hard cash. How much does she give you? $4,000 for every stroke.

All her bar mitzvah money? What? Yeah. I straight up think my parents stole my bar mitzvah money. I never saw a penny of that shit. I feel like every Jewish person I know says their parents stole their bar mitzvah money. They stole that shit. I hear that a lot.

People gave me those gifts and i haven't seen the shit from it as have you ever considered they're always like well maybe it costs money to do your bar mitzvah you ungrateful piece they didn't even do a cool one dude they didn't have a themed one no i didn't have like a tight like theme dancing everyone had like different everyone had like i think i went to one that was like Dude my friend had the best theme ever You wanna know what the theme was? Hot sauce Was it a church?

Converting to Christianity Was it confirmation? Ari's theme was hot sauce Oh it was Ari? Ari's a cool guy Did your parents also steal Ari's garments for money? Maybe Your mom's like Adam I have to have sex with your friends.

I need all this money. Yeah, you won't meet for another ten years. Yeah. Well, she makes us hang out with you. Yeah, actually, that's how we met you. You feel bad for her. That's what gets me on the pod? She's like, please, our son sucks at comedy and he's gay.

A lot of people were wondering what's keeping me on the pod. I guess it's my mom. Well, you know, she has to wear diapers now because we blew her ass out so bad. And we were like, you know, I'm sorry. Is there any way we can make it up to you? And she's like, you can hang out with my son. He's being harassed by helicopters. Search party.

So we killed the helicopter pilots and then we started doing comedy because that's what you were doing. Hell yeah. I would love to kill a helicopter pilot how we doing on time dude I think we're doing good we need one

we need one good 15 minute riff and we can't go back to the fucking hot tub swamp well I think yeah that is like a fucking just throwing a life preserver off the boat. Over Adam's mom's pussy.

Just reeling Adam's mom's pussy onto the boat. Thank God, we almost lost this one. Not on Mike. Just for free, dude. Just for free. I have one for the email. Well done. It's going to be so funny when you get like colon cancer.

It's the fucking mic elements. For whom the ass tolls. For whom the dick sucks. Fuck yeah, dude. Don't ever disrespect Metallica. My favorite album of all time, Some Kind of Monster. Dude, my favorite movie of all time, Some Kind of Monster. That shit rules.

It's on Netflix again. Oh, wait, I'm sorry. Saint Anger. I meant Saint Anger. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. The documentary is called Some Kind of Monster. Yo, that shit rules it's on netflix again saint anger i meant saint anger oh yeah yeah yeah the documentary is called some kind of monster yeah yo that shit is so funny we probably talked about it i haven't seen it but i saw i told you i saw it in a bar with the sound oh that's right yeah so i just saw the scene where he's like describing something and he's looking inspired and then it's him just performing for white supremacists.

Oh, in a prison. Yeah, they do in San Quentin or something. Yeah, yeah. They can't like Kirk Hammett though. He's gay and some kind of Mexican. No, Kirk is like

the most zenned out of all of them. He's very talented too. Yeah, he's super talented and he just has a ranch like in Northern California and just rides horses with beautiful flowers. Lars is the one that really sucks. Lars is a piece of shit. He's like a ranch Like in Northern California And just rides horses With beautiful flowers

Lars is the one That really sucks Lars is a piece of shit He's like a rich kid too You know who got fucked Dave Mustaine dude He was in that band Poor dude

Yeah Megadeth Megadeth rules And they're fine It's not the same There's a part of Some kind of monster Where Dave Mustaine

So they were doing Group therapy The whole time They're making this album And then this like Therapist guy That probably made Millions of dollars off of just being paid. Oh, imagine being a fucking stupid celebrity therapist. Megadeth and Metallica specifically is like everyone just pretends to be into them.

Everyone wears the shirts now. Oh, that's an LA thing. They look cool. That's an LA thing. No, it's here too. I feel like I constantly see Megadeth In LA like It's like you're wearing A white Converse

There are all those Boutiques on Melrose That like sell like Old Crusty like Harley Davidson Or Megadeth t-shirts That like

Definitely like a fucking Crankhead used to own That happened a lot And they sell for like 300 dollars Yeah That started happening In high school

Like in Baltimore A lot of like But Megadeth sucks no they don't suck I don't know dude Dave so they brought Dave Bessane back

to do group therapy with them and the dude is so fucked up over the fact that he got kicked out of Metallica of course

they said that he sold 16 million records yeah since getting kicked out of Metallica and he feels like an absolute failure he's like dude

I was gonna kill myself imagine the gay ass podcast you would start if we kicked you off come town well it would be I would just be on Choppo 2

just a much shittier gayer version of Choppo you would be on the hell band podcast you would text your girl Sarah again you'd be like

sorry for my behavior I read some of the episode descriptions of that show someone and it's like Yeah on this one

We call Paul Ryan a total dick munching trash bag And then guess what We say that Mitch McConnell is a Fucking literal human garbage Yeah And then to top it off It's like They're just listing like

Their thing that gives them edge In their description of their podcast Is that they have They use bad words Yeah They think that that makes them It'd their description of their podcast is that they use bad words. They think that that makes them... It'd be great to actually listen to that podcast. Step it up to slurs, bitch. It'd be great if we actually listen to that podcast and the girl is like,

Yeah, I sucked Sarah's dad's dick. This is our joke. Sarah's pussy's so big that they had to spend their bar mitzvah money on pussy smallening surgery because of her big ass pussy Yo, what if they had the best show of all time? Pussy and smallening surgery Did you say in smallening?

Pussy and smallening That's what say in smallening pussy and smallening that's what I had to get on my desk also incredible yo yeah apparently someone so after I did Choppa someone DM'd me

that they listened to it and they said the podcast is they read the front page of HuffPo online dude we literally

started this podcast by watching the local news and we didn't even comment on it we were just like oh look at that guy that's a weird name oh we got a hotep guy in fresno fresno that's a weird name for a place fresno it's like fresh but then no like yeah it's like fresh contradicts itself yeah yeah fresh no fresh fresh is hey is this place fresh no no it's not oh i'm gonna take that bit on the fucking road fresno baby who's ready for some road ass comedy tweet that boy are my arms

tired from beating my wife and then beating off for her husband her uh misdirection brother you know who else brother misdirection that's my wife's name, folks. Her last name's Direction. Her name's Miss. Miss. Because we're divorced now on account of me beating her so much. Yeah, our family invented directing. Woo! A couple of...

You suck! Yeah. Hey, yeah, I do suck. Your wife's fucking pussy, you piece of shit. Why don't you come up here and say that to my fucking face? And just beat the shit out of you. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, what's that?

Beat him with the mic stand. What's that useless skin? You think I won't? You know how much this fucking mic stand bass weighs? I'll cave your fucking skull in with it. No, I only have to stand up here for 45 minutes. I can say whatever the fuck I want and they still have to pay me. Have you seen that awesome video of the guy with the guitar that just smashes the guy

with the head? What's that skin? That's how I handle hecklers. Somebody says, they say something like, oh, we only got two drinks, but it looks like we were charged for three. I'm like,

what the fuck are you talking about out there? You fucking cunt. Who the fuck is that? This is my time. Who the fuck is talking? Don't ever ask questions during my show. This is fucking art. I'm the Bill Hicks of 2017,

you fucking idiot now anyway what would bigfoot's cum taste like it's so good he's dead dude can you imagine how annoying bill hicks would be for trump i was just saying that the other day yeah because he started getting into some dumb shit towards the end started like undertaker and stuff. Oh, yeah, dude. What happened? The last, like, year and a half of Bill Hicks' life, he's coming out on stage and, like, wrestling intros and shit. Really? Yeah. Yeah.

But the fuck, you know, like, he's, like, in a silhouette and he's got the trench coat on. I give him a pass. He was dying, dude. He was probably going crazy. I think he got fashion cancer. Can you imagine how annoying he would have been for Trump? I would say probably pretty annoying. Yeah. Yeah. I don imagine how annoying he would have been for Trump? I would say probably pretty annoying.

Yeah. Yeah, I don't know if he would have been into Trump. I would imagine he would just... No, he would have been, like, against Trump, but it would have been pretty annoying. Yeah. You know, thank God we still have Bill Maher. I don't think he would just... The Bills, baby.

He would become irrelevant. He probably would have killed himself. Probably. You know? Yeah, who knows? Well, yeah. You know? Yeah, who knows? Well, yeah. You know, that's my take. I wonder how much of his whole thing is kind of contingent on him dying.

Like Martin Luther King, you're saying? No. No. Like James Dean. No, like people... Yeah, like James... Not the one that fucked your mom. James Dean's a good... People can't like that fucked your mom. James Dean's a good...

People can't like... Dionizing him. Belushi's a good example. But Belushi was hilarious. Right, but he died. Look what happened to Dan Aykroyd. Bill Hicks isn't like... It's not like he's a shitty comic.

He's a good comic. He probably just would have been Carlin, dude. Like how Carlin just released specials that were just like okay, but had a couple good ones. you know it's crazy good one is that carlin wasn't carlin until he was older than hicks was when he died oh that's wild yeah didn't he have like a regular job he started when he was like 33 damn didn't carlin work in like advertising or something oh he was always very clean carlin's like carlin's deal comic yeah

carlin he was just like a suit and tie clean clean cut, you know, fucking... That's right. Like, jokey comic. And then he owed a bunch of money to the IRS, I guess. So he had to continue releasing specials to, like, make the money to pay them. But I think there was some kind of switch to that. I mean, he's talked about it. Where he says naughty words. Yeah, yeah.

But, I mean, something happened. I think he smoked weed or something. He was like, whoa! And his hair grew real long immediately yeah and he started smoking started raw dogging instead of using condoms yeah is that from imagine like living pre-aids pre-aids oh 60s yeah yeah everyone was fucking and sucking the worst thing that could happen usually like your dick itches and you take some fucking antibiotics yeah or you get pregnant you get drafted pregnant you get sent to vietnam

that's kind of the worst thing i'm heading straight to fucking greece if that shit happens dude draft oh yeah you're too old what is a draft a draft is like up to 28 or something yeah you're not gonna get drafted i'm 28 right now morbidly obese i'm'm 4F'd. Take one look at you. You have horrible eyesight. I have a military mind, dude. I have a strategic mind, brother. You show me some guy who can kick his ass. We ran out of sandbags.

We need a diabetic to sit on top of the hill. We need to flatten this hill. Can we have some fat guy Jump up and down on it For a while No they probably make you do like Baby Backsaw Ridge Is the name of the movie Where it's a fat guy

Whose fingers are too large To fit through the trigger They're like What is he Mormon or something No they probably make you No he's addicted to candy His fingers are too slippery From various sauces

To fucking pull the trigger They make you do like Wait you're Instagram His gun is an M&M 16 He's addicted to candy. His fingers are too slippery from various sauces to fucking pull the trigger. They make you do like what your Instagram. His gun is an M&M 16. There he is. Put it on M&M 16. That's good. That is good.

Yeah. An ice cream cone strike. Is it a drone strike? Oh, I see. I see. Yep. A getting dome strike. That's tight.

That's my shit, dude. A robot sucks my dick. That's what I call it. I'm going to put a pocket pussy on a robot, and I'm going to do it up and down. I'm going to call it getting dome striked. Yeah. Doing a dome strike. That's a good one.

Thank you. What are you going to do with the drone? How about a homo-ab? Instead of a moab? The homo-ab. Homo-ab. Yeah. Like the gayest bomb ever? Yeah, the gayest bomb. The gayest bomb of all time.

The GB. The O-N-T. The gayest bomb of all time. The Jibote. Shot Spicer having to come out and announce that we dropped the G. The gayest song. Oh, fuck.

I think that's the only time I've, like, earnestly laughed at something on the podcast. Yeah. And it might be the stupidest joke we've ever made. President Trump has authorized

to show a force in Syria and he has launched today the gayest bomb of all time. The GBOT. I'm crying, Sam. I'm crying. I don't even want to tag that. I think it's just the phrase. Gayest mom of all time.

You don't even need the acronym. Hell yeah, dude. That's the funniest shit I've heard. That's the funniest shit I've heard. That's the funniest shit I've heard. You're much. Hell yeah, dude. Oh, I'm literally Fucking Like weeping

There's tears Yeah there's tears In all of our eyes Oh my god Oh fuck Wow that's the best joke I've ever told No one's gonna think

That's funny No No no one Everyone right now Is just mad And confused Oh fuck God it feels good

to be a badass dick. Oh, that one got me good. Hell yeah. Yeah, yeah. I haven't laughed like that We had sex with Adam's mom. Something else. The gayest bum of all time

is also what happens when Adam does stand up. Yeah. There's no reason to try and add to it. That's not a that's one of those things

you just have to let be i know but adam's game when you try to make it smart or pick it apart it ruins it of course yeah i was trying to figure out what it would look like in syria i don't it doesn't matter what got me is the mental image of the fucking smush mouth john spicer coming just cnn like on the ticker uh yeah i'm aware of they went to the the holocaust centers'm aware of that. They went to the Holocaust centers. I don't want to distract from the issue at hand. Trump, today the president has authorized the use of the gayest bomb of all time. The G.P.O.T.

Somebody comes up and whispers in his ear, he's like, I'm sorry, I got that wrong. It's not the name of the bomb I'm calling out. Ah, fuck. Alright, you guys were... whatever. Good night. Thank you, bye. Beads of sweat trickle down your forehead. As you reach to wipe the fearful drips, you notice your hands trembling.

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