The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. 51 – I want to go home

Welp just another week and then I can go home folks. Just one more week.

Can you do the radio and you're a big radio? Yeah, purse like I'm not on the radio in LA sports 710. Yeah, oh, yeah, that's me doing traffic Yo, there's a lot of fucking cars out there, so oh four or five stay clear of it It's still sad. I really don't understand the point of traffic reports. I don't And it's like so you just get a phone How do you have a car? You don't have a phone especially in Los Angeles where like they could be giving you traffic reports Like 60 miles away from you. Mm-hmm. Why do you need to know about what's going on? Yeah

Always fucking I hate receipt. I've never heard a traffic report that was relevant to me. Yeah, I Think it's just to keep helicopters in business. Yeah, it is You know, it probably is you you say that but it's 60% It's probably got to be the helicopter unions. How many news channels are there like eight? I was laughing about you guys know about the the ALPA the pilots union. No I hate like they're in a dispute there in like contract negotiations with spirit and all the like pilots have been like engaging in like an illegal work slowdown and like

Yeah, there's like a restraining order from the court against like the pilots because they were just like not flying planes and it caused a riot in Florida Yeah Which is like I'm pretty pro labor, but like just do your job I know I'm so I'm fucking don't be a goon You know and cause a fucking riot, especially when you fly for spirit You know how ready all those passengers are to fucking murder somebody if like you not doing your job causes someone to join Isis then like That's on you. I feel like that's not on the pilots. I feel like I'm so anti-airline right now

Like whatever anybody does to just fuck with it. I'm here for it. Yeah They're like mad about their compensation package, which is like already huge I mean I they should get whatever they're they're asking for but like it's not a strike They haven't reached the end of their contract, right? They're just being I mean they're literally acting illegally to I know I just feel like if fuck up air travel. Yeah on the most trash airline. Yeah, right No, I understand but I can't I sort of support them just because like when I've worked shitty jobs that I hated I Did a bad okay airline pilot isn't a shitty job This is minimum compensation has got to be like fucking a hundred thousand dollars a year

I don't know and I know that because I sold a car to a pilot one time and I saw his fucking how much money he makes So they all make that same amount is that I'm still buying a car from what 18 year old you. Yeah, you sell cars, bro. Yeah, briefly. Yeah Yeah, you were a hustler row used to sell cell phones. Mm-hmm. Well, that's that was my that was my it's like I went from cell phones to To working at a gas station and then I went into the car dealership. I'm like, look, I already got sales experience and I know gas Yeah, wait, why do you need to know about gas? You don't really. Oh, cool. They're like, oh, so, you know where they do they love me They were so excited to hire me at that dealership. It was like a family dealership or whatever

And then I was just like always showing up drunk and fucking looking like shit. Mm-hmm Just just a real disappointment to that poor family. I think they went out of business. Oh I remember one time when you were back in DC We like went to some pizza place and you're trying to get a job at like probably the most depressing pizza place I've ever been. Yeah, I'm like my career pizza, man. Yeah. Yeah It was bleak and the guy was like I can't pay you minimum wage Like give you minimum wage from the 90s. Okay, I'll think about it Yeah, dude. I got I worked at Papa John's

Domino's okay some place called Johnny's and Then Jerry's subs in pizza. Oh, I worked at Wegmans pizza. Yeah woodbridge. That's cool Yeah, one that Wegmans is the one that people respect though, right? The thing the thing about pizza is that like the guys that get in there and just stay there for the rest their lives And it's like sort of depressing, but it's also such an easy job And you just like eat pizza all day and get high and like the mm-hmm behind the store Yeah, you know ones didn't really have to get high area, but you get high after you left You go to like one music festival a year that there's always somebody that's like going to Bonnaroo or something

Mm-hmm, you know, yeah, I remember being lectured at Domino's because I didn't smoke weed They were like, oh by the way, like everyone smokes weed here. So feel free to just get high It was it was that slice of pizza from the Pizza Hut early 90s commercials That gas station not not the gas at the I worked at a car dealership, too. I was in my head about that shit Uh, Lindsay Chevrolet, and that was the sweetest gig I used to steal gas. You remember Coons. Oh, of course. Yeah How did they get away with that? I have no idea. They're still rocking. This is a place, too called a blue knob automotive That was like a mid-Atlantic dealership. I used to see that whatever the little stamp is they put on cars Yeah, blue knob automotive. Yeah, which is like a blue dick tip

I live down the street from a lube masters. Mm-hmm. It's Lou. Oh, yeah, how about this pube masters? Jiffy pube now in there. I want those quick pubes that you guys promise Every 3,000 miles. Mm-hmm Or like a Chinese guy going to Jiffy lube. That's a fun character. Oh Imagine him trying to say the name of that place Dana. What was that hilarious story you told the other day? No, you got to tell us. No, I don't want to shouldn't have told me. I know I should not have told you Okay You're not in any jeopardy here. I know it's not even I mean it's very funny

Well, basically, there's a very nice lady from Taiwan that works in my office and we were talking about the listeners out there Taiwan is it's over there. Yeah, it's a part of China. Yeah very similar to Japan or Korea You know, it's it's another China that that broke off Mm-hmm when Regular China decided to become even more Chinese. Yeah, like I'm not doing extra chopsticks. Yeah, I hear you Yeah, so Taiwan you get there's

They get two fortune cookies. I think is the cultural difference between the two with every purchase try cleaners Have you ever seen those racist businesses from Taiwan? Oh, yeah Oh, yeah, they're so like isolated. I guess like culturally that they like don't understand like Racism like American racism towards like black people. So they just think it's like funny They have like a toothpaste called like darky toothpaste with like a blackface guy on the toothpaste Well, that's why that was like the point is because like you can have your teeth as white as like a black guy And just a lot of like really offensive store names. Yeah, I can't you know the one I'm talking about

I can't remember what it is. It's just it's I can't remember if they use the n-word It's just that's just literally the n-word king. Yeah, and it's like I think it's a chicken No, it's a shoe store. It's like a cultural store shoes and chicken. Yeah Well, then there would be no other name for that store It's aptly named if there's shoes and chicken and mixtapes. What else are you gonna call that store? They got a combo package. Yes, maybe maybe the problem is king. You know, maybe it should be emperor But That's right on point, you know, that's what I was wondering if either of you guys have ever been called the n-word

I know Nick. I'm pretty sure you have just somewhere in your travels Yeah, but Dana that would be interesting. Maybe you're on a bus and some lady was like It's weird because for white people like being called the n-word is like that scene in the matrix or Neo discovers You can dodge bullets You like think it's gonna be a problem and then you're like trinity help Like oh, I guess I'm the one People are saying the n-word that you just stopped all the n-words It's I don't think I have the one man born inside the n-word

Who is the power to control it? Yeah, and then lots of other people which is because I'm pretty sure like the architect guy from the second matrix That's he probably looks exactly like the guy that invented the n-word. Absolutely. Yeah, that's weird to think that a guy came up with it That there was some like southern businessman. It's like fellas. I got an idea for you I want this knitted on a pillow I got uh, I almost got arrested cuz I caught a cop the n-word one time. Really was it a black cop? Yeah, it's like a older black dude, and they don't really play that. Yeah, depending on who you talk to You know depending on which barbershop you went to either you down or you're not and I was working the door a soft day

Yeah, oh, I thought you were like went up to a black cop I was at the women's marching just got a little too. Yeah, I got a little too riled up Mm-hmm outside of there and I just very interesting left the first parking enforcement dude. I saw have it I probably said this already on the show But like I was laughing about like you go to the women's March, and you're like yeah slut walk You're like what I thought you said that was the name. I thought you wanted to be called that It's not a fan. You said it wasn't offensive anymore. You told us to say slut walk in a pink sweater Yeah, you have pussy hats on your head. Yeah, cuz you're big sluts

That's how it works. Well, what it was how like kid you remember when like kids were doing sex bracelets Yeah, what if it was pussy hats instead? That would just be fun now. Are you talking about when people would wear a bracelet? Yeah, yeah, yeah, no. Yeah, and it was like, okay. I've got a yellow bracelet that means I suck dick now I've got the green one. Oh, I thought you had to break them and then whichever one you broke They had to do the thing. I think different schools just had different rules. Generally. It was sex hacks and colors I remember some drunk girl when I was 15 She like came who is she was like always a bitch to me and then she was like drunk and like was hand like

Do like you have to break this it means you have to fuck me or whatever. Oh my god I remember being clattered. Teens are disgusting. It's so gross that teens have sex and it's Basically like yeah, and then like a co-ed like jail or something. So yeah, and they've got like different rules Yeah, yeah, another ecosystem right and every jail has different rules exactly and then you get out and you're like Oh, you guys didn't do this and you're yeah, what happened at your jail? You ever do that you ever do that shit where you like open up your laptop in the more like as I use You know my laptop at work So is it working and you open it up and then you forget what you were looking at like the night before?

Like as you were going to sleep. Well, I don't use my laptop at work. No Your own your last browser, I went to sleep looking at like pictures of all the execution chambers in the United States I thought this is gonna be about I thought this is gonna be about porn or something where it's like you like it weird No, and I'm like, I wonder why I'm depressed Yeah, doing serious research No, I have like a morbid fascination with the death penalty. It's very creepy I think it should I think it's barbaric and it should be illegal, but a part of me wants to be executed. Hmm. Is it is definitely a It's a pretty cool way to go out not a lot of people. Yeah. Yeah, I feel like being strapped

It's such a horrifying way to die. Yeah is being strapped, especially the electric chair Yeah, well, I feel like I've read so many articles recently about the fucked-up Injections with the like almost expired drugs that they don't even really know how it works Yeah, and they're just trying to kill more people just to do this shit Yeah, and that to me is so much worse than the electric chair because it's just like that you can lethal injection has the highest Failure rate out of any method of execution that has ever been so awful They had this like progression of of the death penalty being like, you know, we were hanging people and then they stopped doing it because a Couple of people got decapitated and it's like it's pretty gruesome when fucks up

Oh, really the guillotine is like the best way to yeah The firing squad right, but we can't yield any concessions to the French, you know They already feel like they invented ever that's the thing. I hate about the French I don't know if I've brought that up before but anytime the French make anything they had to like this is the It's the French computer. That's a bunch. It's called the computer. It's a French press, you know French fries. Yeah, they hold on to their shit for a laugh It has to be the French for a French toast. That's why we call it the French guillotine. Yeah, every time you have to specify Well, that was done during the revolution. So yeah, they didn't even know they were France anymore. They didn't have

They didn't have a like Yeah, you know, they didn't have a king. You just killed them with this thing. It occupies this weird historical period Very cool. Yeah, my friend was just eating pirouettes with no vision. Mm-hmm. Well, anyways So then they they came up with the chair because somebody saw someone accidentally get killed By an electric everybody like a fence or like some live wire and they're like that would be a great way to murder a prisoner I was like the first thought that guy had was that was that back in the time when they were like we want to make this Painful or was it guy where they like this will be better for the prisoners? No, I think like the because of the cruel and unusual punishment clause. It was like always it. Oh, yeah

They have to pretend that it's yeah They have to find a way to make it as not painful as possible. So then shake your hand Yeah, the electric chair and then the electric chair yielded to the gas chamber, which is like Horrifying because they drop like a gas. It's a pellet that goes into I don't know It's like funny like a hydrogen chloride pellet or something or that's the gas that it makes Mm-hmm, and then people just they're like just breathe the gas just breathe in this guy like As long as you can like screaming and shit. I thought they just sprayed like yeah a bunch of fabuloso. Yeah Yeah

It's basically drowning people is what what the fucking gas chamber is, but I think it's more painful than drowning because like Drowning supposedly once you get to a certain point you just like drift off But if you're like breathing in a gas, then it's pain. Yeah, that burns your lungs. Yeah, then it's well It's also it can it's absorbed through your skin too. Oh, so even if you're not breathing in you're still being like subjected to like this I'm awful poison. Mm-hmm. Yeah, just being dipped like yeah in cone. Well, they've the first time they tried to do You make me sound delicious, yeah, right make sure none of your shit spills out That's what they actually all the methods are they're trying to figure out a way to kill someone without them shitting when they die

Because that's disrespectful to the executioner in the warden and the family everybody has to watch Everybody has to watch that shit So here I got a solution put a diaper on them. Yeah Let's bring that was back the electric diaper. Yeah, that'd be a cool death penalty I always feel like what there's probably be like one of those like southern closeted wardens It's like oh, we've invented a new method of me sucking his dick to death. I don't like doing it, but it's The only way in God's Christian jail To make sure this man dies without torture is I personally

Have to suck his dick until he dies hard everybody close your eyes Okay, I'm not sure if this is really the right way No, everyone gather the family around to watch. We got a gay man walking on the green mile We got a gay man walking gay man walking on the green mile Balls it hurts balls John coffee being sucked off by Fucking angry Tom Hanks like you got you got a swallow to come

Percy refused to swallow it. Yeah, I thought the sponge was wet. He's just getting like a very toothy blow job Stop putting your teeth on it Percy And that movie is called the gay mile That's a hit baby or the queen mile. Maybe I like me mile. Yeah, that's kind of little cross over appeal Yeah, well anyways back to Dan Carlin's hardcore history Yeah, the first time they tried to do Death by gas they just tried to like pump gas into the guy's cell That just didn't work. They're like, oh, yeah, we're just gonna use a hose and try and kill him this way

That's late. They just didn't want to take him to the execution chamber They didn't have one yet Then they had to make a hermetically sealed chamber to gas people in but then they did, you know Lethal injection lethal injection is like it has like a seven point eight percent failure rate or something So you have like a one in ten chance. I mean, I'm sure it works, but it just takes like an hour Well, fuck it fucks up a lot. Yeah, miss the vein or whatever and they can't get like I feel I think that you can't get like Medical professionals to participate because of the Hippocratic oath. Mm-hmm. So it has to be like just jail shitheads

Mm-hmm, and then they can't get now. They can't get one of the the drugs That's why Arkansas has been like killing. Yeah, they killed like 11 people or they're trying to kill like 11 people before the drugs Expire is that still though? It's not up yet. No, I think it's over. Yeah, I think it was just last week I should was a hustle man. Like, you know, like one guy died one time and they were like, okay, let's kill everybody Yeah, let's just keep doing it. What else are we gonna do with these? Yeah, five things we bought Utah still has a Firing squad. Yeah, that's what's up, which is actually believe it or not. The only thing that has never had a botched execution That's yeah, that makes sense. Bullets undefeated. Yeah, easy to kill someone with a gun Yeah, the only thing I don't like about that if you look at the chair they use it's terrifying

They make you sit in the chair school chair. No, it's like it looks like like Darth Vader's like Regeneration oh my capsule. Yeah, it's this scary Black chair with sandbags all around it to catch like any stray bullets Just tie a guy to a fucking post like the old days I feel like if you're gonna kill somebody by firing squad, they should get to design their own military outfit They wear in lieu of the final meal Mm-hmm, which Texas had to stop doing do you hear that story? No. Yeah, they just stopped doing it because one guy's like I want two buckets of chicken. I want an ice cream sundae. I want a full pizza Hawaiian pizza

I also want pepperoni on it. I want a lasagna. I want chicken carbonara He like ordered this enormous meal. I couldn't just not give that guy. Well, they brought it to him and he's like I'm not hungry And then they're like final meals are canceled everybody That guy went to heaven the one The one guy who fucked around with the last meal. Yeah Why not man? I mean if they're gonna let you order anything. Yeah, right? Why can't we do that as? Is not felons, you know how coupons have limits?

Yeah, if you get the last meal dude gets to buy a fucking eight buckets of chicken. Yeah, let me get the same Let me get the group prom rate Round the clock last meal group on yeah, I need last meal level group on what would your last meal be I I'm gonna say pussy before anyone else makes that joke doesn't that's all your warden's wife's pussy Yeah, the warden's dick demand to suck the warden's dick I'm sorry warden, but he asked he it's his right to completion boss. Yeah We got a gay man walking Everybody's wearing lace. Yeah, I

Don't know if that movie's good or not. I can't decide green mile thoughts I it's one of those movies where like I try to watch it and I'll fall asleep I've fallen asleep at every point in the green mile. Is that a Stephen King movie? Oh, I don't know that seems very Stephen King-ish. Well, I was just gonna I think I already told you this, but I tried I watched Um, again, what is it called Princess Mononoke this week, and I did fall asleep in that of course Yep, so you guys are right too strange very pretty Just put me to sleep. You gotta be on acid at a minimum to even try to be Japanese or obsessed with Japanese culture I feel like you gotta be real into like animation because I did tell people I worked with and I wish I hadn't they were very

They seemed really sad that I didn't love it. Yeah, I worked I worked at the the BSO the Baltimore Symphony Orchestra doing like telefunding in the basement and Everyone I worked with was it was all these old-ass women and Did I tell you that story about that? There's that one old lady I worked with it was like very friendly and Like one day I was just sort of chat chatting with her casually. I told you a story. Oh my god, dude And she's like, well, yeah, I recently moved back to the city. I was living in Salisbury, Maryland for a while and You know, I had to leave there because of some personal issues and I was like, oh, that sucks I'm like Salisbury's kind of boring though. She's like, yeah

Well, you know, I mean I left because my home was invaded and I was beaten and raped and left for dead And I was because it's like a Jesus Christ, she's like, yeah, they broke in and they not they Cracked my skull and they raped me and I'm pretty sure that the the mayor's office was involved Government conspiracy to break her so she's like so I couldn't go to the police department because of you know being raped by the mayor You know or whatever Turns over my shoulder. Oh, hey Janice. How are you doing tonight? You know like completely breezing past this horrific SUV story But yeah, when I was working there

Like I guess George to Kai was coming to like the Lyric Opera House to I guess read memes or some bullshit And this fucking nerd I worked with Who was is easily one of the least attractive people I've ever seen in my life this poor guy He's like looking at the brochure and I guess like as like the shittiest lowest level employees We got like some kind of discount or whatever. They were describing it to me They're like, yeah, you can actually go see all of these programs. I immediately threw in the trash No interest in maintaining anything and evolving the opera, you know, the fucking that's right I go see movies action movies Steven Seagal, you know that kind of stuff hard. I'm not George to Kai

I'm not gonna see that's different than that. I'm gonna defend the opera and hard target You're thinking of gives them hard to kill Oh, yeah, I'll make that mistake a lot of the time. Yeah George to Kai though you get finds a season the brochure and he says, oh George to Kai I had to like go to the bathroom to laugh at That happens a lot Do you have to go to the me having to like leave a room to go laugh at somebody that's nice of you to leave over the room No, yeah, it's really shows your maturity. I'm proud of you. Yeah, I told this story on the podcast

I'm not gonna do it again. It'll piss off the people listening to the show They get real mad when I repeat a story and it's all I know how to do. Yeah, that's true Having been your friend for Many years now. Yeah, I feel like I mean my main benefit is that I don't remember most of the stories that you tell No, that's good. Yeah, because eventually it's it's really like diminishing returns with the stories It'll be like man like nine years ago. Is it this Burger King? And I was looking at the manager The ugliest guy I've ever seen They all start like that

Now this is a real story the manager the Burger King and just like you look like a Burger King man Look like Napoleon Dynamite. I'm like, man, this dude never gets late and he turns around He's got a huge hickey on his neck. I was like, I just learned a lesson Wow, don't judge a book by its cover Yeah, but I thought I did I continued to judge the book by its cover. I just saw more of the cover That could have been a bruise inside cover the forward. Yeah. Yeah, it was just a different Yeah, hmm and the about the author was has anyone done this observational bit you can totally judge a book by Because it's a book. Yeah, so it's for it's for cool years. That's who reads

That's not where I thought you were going to take that bit. Yeah, all of my bits go to To homophobia town. That's true. Yeah, so I guess we should get into this James Comey thing Oh, yeah as the leading political podcast on the West Coast who we might be actually, I mean We're not political there's no NPR in the West Coast. We don't we're not I don't have NPR here. They just play like trance beats. Yeah, there's nothing real Yeah, right. It's like it's just a guy that you know fucking went to yoga. It's all traffic reports I used to surf but now I do yoga Welcome to NPR San Diego

Oh, everything's pretty chill from over here. Yeah, something like that. I guess that's a good take on NPR Sorry, that's a hell of a joke right there. I'm sorry. No, it's my mom. I also got nothing for that. Yeah, I think we're all sorry I'll be I'm sorry as well. How about how about Terry? Not so gross right or extremely fresh air, right? Because it's better here the air is Where's here? Okay, the not so fresh air How about the fresh Prince of Bel-Air hey, that's takes place here fresh air, but it's the French French press the French press the Bel-Air Bring it back. Yeah Is it gay to dance with your father we're talking about Luther Vandross, that's a good one is that I feel that's a weird

If your dad was dead and you could bring him back when I dancing would be the last thing I would want to do with him Yeah, take that Luther Vandross Oh, is that a song? Yeah Luther Vandross was in the closet for like all of his career Mm-hmm, and then like he was about to die and then he made a song about dancing with his dad And that was like technically him coming out. I guess. Yeah weird way to come out Yeah, really you'd think that if he'd spent his whole life thinking about it Maybe don't bring up your dad look at Vandross does he strikes me as a guy with no hobbies either

Yeah, I think he just did shows and just sat in one room alone in the dark. Yeah, you know I mean, I think a lot of people don't have hobbies Yeah, and it's especially when you can't be gay outside. It's like yeah, you just sort of like Are you gonna you can go begin rollerblading perfect example of being gay? Yeah, that's that is it. Yeah, yeah to roll a blade with my father A rollerblade with my father again They're just like cut off short. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, sip on fucking Francia with my father again

And do a bunch of other gay shit. Come on guys. We're just some gay guy things Wearing cool clothes. Yeah, we did it. Yeah, we're cut off shorts Francia Close redecorate the house boy. They love that crown molding. Yeah, something of that I think they're the only guys love those coping saws. They can't get enough of them Yeah, so James Comey was fired by Donald Trump I feel like I am the only person in My my friend circle that does not give a shit about this Yeah, cuz what's it? I mean, he's just gonna keep firing people that say he's bad

And that's just gonna happen for three more years. I even think he's like say that it's that he's bad I think it's like the issue is that They probably wanted to fire him a long time ago and then they didn't and then this is a way to do it where they get to Look like they made some magnanimous gesture towards Democrats by Defending Hillary Clinton. I mean, that's what is weird about it is the defense of Hillary Clinton but Cuz like it's like a bullshit play to make it look like they have principles, but it's so It doesn't make it. It's so clearly not a principled play. I know I don't think it's like that

I feel like he's just like a crazy like you know really Sort of angry man who does whatever he wants whenever he wants and he just hit a breaking point Good analysis. We'll be back on the McLaughlin group Later tonight Tony Blankley tries to suck his own dick. You sound you sound and look just like that dude Yeah, oh I have I did it two weeks ago on the podcast when I was talking about

Adam's mom fucking dogs. I don't know how we got into that but I Don't remember that Marge. Did you know that Adam's mom fucks dogs doesn't take much? Yeah. Yeah It's cool. Great. Is that close? I can't in my head. It sounds perfect. Yeah All right, you know, what's your take on the comies? Maybe I should just call this the Homer Simpson podcast I rambled for a while. Yeah We got to talk about this James Comey thing. Oh me. That's not what like a comb for your hair Though I caramba It's me. Hey everybody. It's me family guy a

a Perfect cross in between. Yeah The family guy Simpson's hybrid where I was doing like like a dundal comer. That's fun. Yeah, it's me dundal comer Is that a fun character? Yeah, that's solid goals. Yeah, the dog Homer is Keep that one going. I my only take on the thing is I I enjoy watching white people argue with each other It feels like it's never been at this level in America Yeah, it was just whites versus whites for sure. It's pretty good. That's good. Yeah, I like that I want to check out dude. I want to make enough money to get this is my new my new thing is getting into

I want a teak plantation. All right. Mm-hmm. All right go grow Like basically I have a teak forest. Yeah, and I just grow teak trees somewhere down down in the south few hundred acres Maybe a little less. Yeah, a couple hundred acres couple other acres like it down get a teak farm Didn't get the manner. No, of course. You need an estate out there. Yeah, basically. It's like I was thinking about Django and That plantation and how like terrifying that scene is when they're going up to the plantation but like not if you Identify with Leonardo DiCaprio's character Then that's a movie about like the coolest life you could possibly have. Yeah, you know, it's like going to Cribs Yeah, right

Yeah, so I want I feel like I kind of but you can't own that I was looking at plantations You can think of there's one you could buy for like 52 million dollars In South Carolina, it's just like 11,000 acre plantation. Is it listed on rad pad? Yeah, it's on Airbnb For 52 million dollars But it's like first of all if you have 52 million dollars people already hate you, you know Yeah, and sure you're already kind of you can't buy a plantation. Yeah Imagine being a fucking billionaire and they're like, yeah, I'm just gonna buy this I'm gonna get this plantation and nobody's gonna find out or criticize me when I buy a 52 million dollar plantation

But they I mean people do that all the time. I don't know who buys plantations. Well, it's not sold. Is it? Yeah Oh, that's a great point. Yeah, you can all it the only way you can buy a plantation now is For the most wokest of activity. Well, I was saying yeah They list them on there and it tells you when they're from right and some of those like built in 1910 And you're like, alright, but some of them are like built in 1809 you're like you don't admit that It's after 1865 just say like, oh, yeah, we don't have the paperwork. So I think it's from like the 80s I think this is like one of the newer. It's like a tech plantation. That's so many made it back in like the 70s

So it's definitely not like a someone of those plantations Yeah, right. Oh, yeah, this house filled with hooks. That's also on the property. Yeah, don't look over there It'll be a sun room right by the time you buy. Yeah, you get it this this like Sandbox looking thing on the front yard with that's door on top But yeah, I don't know what that is. I think maybe a dog lived in there But a very happy dog definitely happy dog Grass-fed. Oh, no, those are owls. Yeah, there's a you're just hearing owls coming screams and stuff

That they'll never go away. Yeah, it's a Autobahn would you take a deal on a crib if you knew it had ghosts? Absolutely. Yeah, I would love to live in a ghost house. Yeah, why not? Yeah, yeah, what in fact I googled the haunted houses to buy I was like fantasizing about buying a haunted house Yeah, what can ghosts even fucking do to you? Well, first of all, they're not real. Yeah No, but you ever go to that hospital that like abandoned hospital in like Glendale, Maryland. Nah, is it gonna abandon? Tuberculosis

Sanitarium that like friends of mine would go to and they were like we're gonna eat mushrooms and go to that abandoned insane Assignment, why do people always want to eat mushrooms and do extra? Yeah, it's like just worst idea so terrible being around more than 12 people on mushrooms. Yeah justice frightening Yeah, being in like a poorly decorated house on mushrooms is bad Yeah, any of it if it's not like a beautiful day outside, right? Don't do it. Yeah. Well, they So people go to it in the middle of the night and They wander around they're like oh, it's fucking haunted or whatever But you're just hearing other people in like breaking into this. Yeah

Hospital and like running around it. I'm like, it's fuck. It's ghosts or whatever Just one of your friends getting mugged. Yeah, right exactly being being raped Somebody imagine getting raped in that hospital. So I was like I was raped and they're like oh by a ghost I would have to stop hanging out with all of those people. I would love to be the SVU detective That's like gonna have to chop this one up to ghosts He's not doing his job. Yeah, he's a really good detective, but he believes it goes so Sometimes he prematurely writes off these cases North Korea guys feelings good bad North Korea good or bad Tony Blankley stop sucking your own dick. I

Think I'm still I'm on board the fact that I figured that the administration would have heard the last episode And cranked up the heat. Yeah, okay. Yeah, Nick said it's time. Let's get him But since we didn't bomb him yet, I think we're good. Yeah, I think we'll make it. Yeah, I think they'll make it Yeah, I think eventually I think by the end of the Trump administration Everyone in North Korea is gonna have a laptop It would be great if Trump just keeps saying like dumb threatening shit until there's like a coup or something and then Trump gets credit for toppling North Korea with speech alone

That'd be the funniest outcome. Yeah, I mean everyone was saying that back when the election happened It's like the funniest outcome is that if Trump is like an amazing president Yeah, the economy and shit right well because every so often they'll say something where you're like, do you want universal? Are you gonna put universal health care on the table cuz like maybe he could cuz he's so easily persuaded. Yeah You just have to get the right people in there Just send some famous person in there to try and convince him flatter him a little bit I would trade health care for the plantation to be honest with you I feel like I would I would become one of those people that pretends. It's the 1800s and

And just avoid medicine, you know See you I would have some immigrant I hire to shave my face with a straight razor on the porch all day long Yeah, and just die of like eye fungus or would you know a wooden chair? Yeah, right wrapped in some blankets Yeah, right I get one of those hearing trumpets, you know What's that a gay man on the Green Mile I Mean if we could all get that instead of health care, that would be one. Yeah hearing trumpets Yeah, seersucker suit. Yeah, just awful dental hygiene from dipping all day long

Right off the ground We don't have good health care and we don't have we don't we aren't old white men on plantations and it's like I want one or the Other yeah, would you what would you rather have a gun or universal health care gun gun? How big is the gun because if it's a 20 any any any fucking gun you want dude any gun I want Yeah, I get the 40 cow. What gun would you get if you could only get one gun? I would get like a Magnum like you know like a straight-up dirty hairy fucking at 44 Magnum Yeah, yeah with the with the barrel. That's like a long. Yeah. Yeah. Have you ever seen like a Desert Eagle in person? No, or like one of those big-ass gun. They're enormous. They look it looks like a fucking joke

Like I don't know you're bigger than your forearm. Oh, yeah Do they like the size of your head? Do they have gun ranges in New York City? I think there's one indoor one, but they've basically made it like impossible to get a gun in or like carry a gun around in New York City Yeah, I bet there's just a town in New Jersey. That's all gun ranges You can't even carry a knife in New York City like any kind of knife. They're all butter knife Yeah, well, they use this antiquated law that made gravity knives illegal which gravity knives They were like a thing that existed like the 50s, which is this big-ass knife that like unfolds like a huge switchblade basically Okay

But because they don't exist anymore gravity knife is now this just vague Umbrella term for any knife that a police officer can flick open with like the force of gravity So even if you have like a Swiss army knife on you, they'll like open it a little bit and then like, you know If they want to charge you and there's nothing new with length It's like knives that you can buy it like REI or whatever And they'll like they've like fuck up people's lives with this bullshit legislation What if I want to cut the plastic things off my soda, man? Yeah, no, yeah I mean if you have like priors or whatever it'll destroy your fucking life

Yeah, when I was doing that truck job I used to carry a knife on me and I was always worried about it Yeah, you know like, you know you fucking did do something wrong on a subway platform Then they you know search you or whatever This for that's crazy because it's killing cops It's a goddamn shame man won't let a white guy carry a knife no more. Yeah, I know what is happening That's why you gotta come to Los Angeles. Well, no, that's why I gotta get my plantation. Yeah for sure Do whatever you walk around covered in knives 200 acres knives only. Yeah Mm-hmm. Yeah, they've got a bunch of gun ranges in Burbank

Yeah, I was looking at the the plantations for sale and one of them was called Cuckold crossing. No, it wasn't it was it absolutely. I fucking it was what's your internet? It is What what love of what oh What below the dub-dub okay in the password All lowercase Fresh coffee Everyone's gonna hack your Wi-Fi. Let's go. That's okay. We should change it anyway

And you're not even working. Yeah, I'm my computer In this building. I don't know. Yeah, cuckold crossing hundred every individual has their own Wi-Fi. It's Crazy, I feel yeah, we're all gonna die soon. Yeah from cancer. This is just internet waves pulsing through Yeah, you're crotch right now every part of your body if you're listening to this. Yeah. Yeah, you're covered in fucking pulsars That's cool. At least we're all gonna die in like the same way. That's fair Maybe I'm only in health care. Yeah, maybe we'll all just maybe they'll find a cure because everybody's dying of it Yeah, what was funny is because they were like No

Cell phones don't cause brain cancer or whatever and then like last year they were like, okay cell phones cause a little bit of brain cancer It's not really there. Yeah, it does. There's like a higher But what the way they did the study is they like blasted Cell phone radiation at mice until they got cancer. Oh, so they were but the Theoretically it shouldn't be able to cause cancer because of the wavelength of of the cell phone radiation Uh-huh. I feel like phones update so fast. They never got to finish the research Yeah, of course not like there's scientists that are still working with like cuckolds cross-tech motorolas Colton County, South Carolina Oh, yes, sold so many boxes somebody spent millions of dollars on cuckolds

Well, that's you know, we're scrally. Yeah, we're scrally, right? It'd be great if that guy like immediately that guy's wife fucks somebody And he's like, come on This is the last thing I thought would happen cuckolds crossing. How are you gonna do me like this? You're a sully the name of cuckolds crossing Yeah, look at this. It's gorgeous. Yeah Is there a painting do they have art of people fucking and get all the art? Yeah, it's all the artwork there is just Just fingernails embedded into the walls

Man, it's it's they why is why do those places still exist? They serve they're like well, we have to preserve it for historical purposes You know, I mean it there's a conservation effort. We have to keep these beautiful old plantations around it's like just Fucking just it has nothing you there's no mention of slavery. It's not like they're keeping Auschwitz around. They're like, it's a beautiful house Yeah, what if someone wants to live in beautiful Auschwitz some millionaire can spend fit the two million dollars Yeah, the son turn Auschwitz is a cuckold Right They cut the bulk Vulcan cuck or whatever the German. I don't fucking goddamn. I wish I knew German

It's got to be next. I feel like you got No, a little Mandarin. I know a little bit of Mandarin. No, no French cuckold I know a little bit of Mandarin. No, no French cuckold. I live in Spanish Spanish I'm like if I'm like if if fucking If Jason Bourne went to like one day of training and he was like, yeah, this isn't really for me They just taught you all the verbs. Mm-hmm. You just yeah, I'm not really in like conjugating or you know, that's you know memorizing Social security numbers or I'm trying to find people some Icelandic should like some ooh Oh

Nordic, do you want to go to Iceland? Yeah, that'll be cool. I was looking at moving to Barrow, Alaska It's the most northernmost point in the United States. Oh, yeah, that'd be I think that would suck. It only has two days a year the Sun comes up in January sets in November Or something like that. So the Sun's just up Sun's oh, I see and then there's polar midnight months. Yeah Mm-hmm. I would get old so fast. Yeah, everyone there is on meth. I presume. It's like the average temperature year-round is like two degrees Who even lives up there guys like me, you know, true people who couldn't get a plantation

So they went to go live with Inuits at the top of the world outcasted Brutes. Mm-hmm. I Would die so quickly Yeah, literally immediately, I would probably freeze to death I think you could like I mean, I don't know. I feel like you could just use the same bits Again makes new friends. You know what I mean? I think you could like dominate the the best comic Best comic in Barrow, Alaska. Yeah, I agree. I think you could do it I worked I worked skyline in Appleton and and the guy that was like opening was like

you know, he lived in some bullshit town in like the middle of Wisconsin and You know, I was like asking him like Like was it we just do comedy by yourself in this town? He's like can't imagine. He was like, yeah, you know, I figure I just stay in was how and you know, I'll get good and was How and I was like, no, man, you should get a move somewhere where there's other people to do comedy He's like, yeah, but you know, I figure I'd stay in was how until I'm good enough to a fucking move you know and He's like, you know, I'll make the big move and I was like, oh where like New York, LA, you know, he's like

Minneapolis Madison. Yeah Now, right. Yeah, he was he was waiting until he was goodie and good enough for Minneapolis If it's so great folks, why does it have mini in the name riddle me this you fucking Fargo pieces of shit Fargo the movie pieces of shit or TV show both. They're both good Easily you could reference either It's it's crazy that like the amount of shows on now

That aren't very good that are like Barely original ideas and then someone said out there like yeah, I'm just gonna copy that movie You know, I'm just gonna call it the same thing and they're I'm gonna talk the same and the character is gonna be just Derivatives of characters in the movie and it's like the best show that's been on TV in like 10 years Some shit just works man. Yeah, yeah, not enough people talking about that Midwest rage. Yeah. Yeah How about a show called Fago and it's about juggalos. Oh my god, bro You and McGregor is like three different types of juggalos

He gains 300 pounds. Mm-hmm. Yo, that actor got so fat for no reason in season two of Fargo Do you see that? No, which is the guy that played like Todd on Breaking Bad He was like the main guy on Fargo season two Mm-hmm, and he gained like a hundred pounds for the role and it's like just cast someone Dave I don't know. That's how I've always been so fat that Like actors gaining and losing weight, but I think they just do it because it makes them feel good about their craft That was it. I think so about their craft mac and cheese It's like finally they have an excuse to eat a bunch of food and then people, you know, make them feel good about it because

It's hard to gain and lose weight. Yeah It's easy to gain weight, but it's like hard to lose it. It's a good bit. That's a great bit on Instagram Just losing weight. Yeah, I'm telling everybody what I'm a famous actor I'm gonna go fat movie thin movie fat movie Yeah, until they you know throw me in jail True. Mm-hmm. Yeah, they're cuz you're gonna be too good of an actor if you do that It is it does feel like an excuse sometimes. Yeah, or people can just like be like I did it I got fat as shit and then they're like, oh, what's my line again? I mean, that's a big idea to be like the shittiest performance in the

World, but you're getting like 400 pounds. You're like, you don't understand. I'm not just a patient. I'm an English patient Like that's not it's not A lot of weight all right, who's this Schindler guy and where's what's this list everyone keeps talking about? Oh, Schindler's grocery list. Yes. Can you please memorize your lines? No, I'm busy eating For the role. They're like, you know, it's literally you're supposed to be in Auschwitz. We don't know why he gained so much weight I'm an actor. Yeah an assistant bringing you cheeseburgers. Yeah, you're in those like those Nazi camp pajamas. Yeah Just the acting to get super fat For every movie

Adrienne Brody gained over 700 pounds for the pianist Couldn't even sit down at the piano Just struggling to breathe Yeah, Eddie Redmayne gaining 400 pounds to play Stephen Hawking They're like, do you know who Stephen Hawking is? And Benedict Cumberbatch just gets super fat for the was it the imitation game? Yeah Alan Turing. Yeah, the Entomans game He's like I'm fat and gay I'm already making the t-shirt

Entomans game starring Benedict Cumberbatch Alan Turing mm-hmm that guy like custard, huh? Oh, hey, did he who knows? I don't even know that was a gay thing. Oh, it could be you're telling me about gay.com's got their own music playlist Oh, yeah, they every year they drop of a playlist every season. I had the gay.com Year 2000 winner playlist and the cover is just it's like a cartoon cover, but it's like just a dude in a ski suit That's like half-open and he's got some hot cocoa. Mm-hmm, and he's got skis on Like yeah, whatever. Yeah, I'm gonna take this. Please you see it on snow or is he just sort of walking around with skis on I think he's just walking around with skis on. Yeah, just showing them off

I'm showing off the games skis. I mean ski suits are fantastic And I wish that you could wear them all the time feels like I'm wearing nothing at all Nothing at all He was right. Yeah, that was like the way I mean pantsuits are just great. I wish I could wear all black Like like real shit. Yeah, I mean mm-hmm. I want to I just want to You go black crewneck sweatshirt, right gray sweats For the pants, right orthopedic black Reeboks. Yeah scully Right, and then you're just Mick from Rocky

Forever and ever. That's yeah, that's a great look right. Can you wear the new balances? Does the Klan still have new balances? Oh, yeah, that's theirs. It's not the Klan. It's the the Proud Boys. It's the Gavin guys They wear Fred Perry polos and new balances I'm keeping my own fuck that your new balances. Yeah. Yeah, don't let him take it because that's some DC shit I saw a guy was in DC a couple weeks ago, and I saw a black dude in new balances. Yeah, okay. We still got him Yeah, yeah, I don't think I think that that's they're the best mage here for sure They last forever you can get by a pair of 504s and wear those shoes for nine years Yeah, yeah, I got these 99 twos to be black Steve Jobs. I was doing a bit. Oh, yeah black Steve Jobs

So I got the same shoes he wore and all the fucking press conferences What would black Steve Jobs invent I think he the I the Iobides He's still using a nextel for sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah He's bringing back chirp Steve Jobs you can scream at people anywhere and he's like check this out You're you're all you know blown off work that day You want to talk to your friend is also blown off work Damn I did that shit like a few years. I forgot what black Steve Jobs even oh used as a bit. Yeah. Yeah, okay I think I was just like it's just Steve Urkel. Yeah, Steve Jobs. Yeah, okay

I think I was just doing dance moves with this new phone. You can fuck Lara finally. I Can finally fuck Lara Remember when they actually let him fuck Laura that was like the last year of the show. Yeah, it was that works Like fuck it I mean he was like save the world didn't he so you gotta let him fuck after that That's that's a powerful message for kids that if you just continually harass and pursue a woman That's told you know a million times. Yeah, eventually she'll run out of options And then she'll have to date you

Yeah, you have to be a scientist though. Yeah, it only works for scientists. Yeah, you gotta be a scientist You can't just like science division. I love you Lara That happened on sister sister too, right one of them dates Roger Roger, but he got hot So yeah, he just we started wearing cool shades over like one summer. No, he like You know, he's like like a foot and a half. Yeah, and he was named Batman. That was his like art of musical Yeah, it was immature. It was the name of the group and Their manager was like, uh, who's that white dude that was running in sink and shit. Oh We're creepy guy. I don't wear the letterman. Yeah. Yeah, there's like a black version that guy Chris Dokes

Okay, he was like, I don't know if he was fucking any of them, but then there was another boy group that he managed Like a later because that was like the 90s. She had another group called B2k. Oh, yeah. Yeah Yes, he was like fucking one of the dudes from B2k Really? I came out. I forgot who it was. It wasn't razz B Razz B. It might have been Razz B. Marquez Houston better known by the stage name Batman. Yeah, I didn't know he had a stage name I thought that he because I remember when he came out with the song, but it's weird that they let you do that Just be Batman. He's be Batman. Yeah, that seems like I feel it. Yeah I feel like he must have been able to and then the real Batman's in court. Yeah, this is a defamation of character

I'm not a black guy. I was never a nerd. I was always cool. I Never had breeds Man, what it must be easy to have a twin, you know, yeah, just guarantee to a guarantee to career in Hollywood It's not a single group of twins Previous thing that I saw when I came to LA was I was like working I'm running a photo booth at this club and the guy who like I guess he was Manager or something for the photo booth company and these two girls came by who are twins and very scantily

Clothed or whatever and he just turns to me. He's like twins nice And I thought he was joking and he wasn't joking and then he like why would he say that to a girl? I don't know. Yeah, I don't know I don't understand what like other dudes do that to me. It's like some like it's always some sexless fucking nerd that Will will be like oh boobs You know, I'm like, who the fuck are you? Why are you trying to relate to me?

That's why I thought it was a joke for a sec and I was like, oh, yeah, great, you know and then he was like all over them and he was like and he kept like making eye contact with me and like Being like I work with this Puerto Rican guy. Sometimes a cat calls women and it's so funny Because like I can't do it, but he can and you can't really tell him he can't because that's like his culture Yeah, and yeah, and like Spanish dudes always say mom basically It was a mommy. Mommy. Yeah, mommy mama Cita. What's mama Cita little mommy? Okay Little mom

That little mom, excuse me. I'm at that's what happened on the bus Sometimes just dudes. I think man. Damn one of like the first times I took the bus in LA. There was this dude It's I don't know what age any of these fools were but it seemed like it was like an older guy And he was with like two younger kids and he was like extra hype on the bus like He was like letting everybody know he wasn't gay Like Hey, I ain't down with that gay

I miss riding the bus man There's so many good bus stories. I remember I was on the bus one time and there was this like Extremely day laborer looking dude and this was back in the next cell days and He's sitting on the bus and like I'm like across from him and the bus is packed and his phone starts ringing and You know, he's like a fucking five-foot-two Guatemala guy covered in plaster, you know, like and his phone starts Ringing hands. Yeah, and his with fucking ringtone goes off and it's like I'm toxic Yeah, like toxic as his fucking ringtone and he's like

Hello Deliverly got He had to buy a visa gift card. Yeah, I mean, that's a great song That's not gonna so good and it does. Yeah, I remember It's so good on the bus with my friend Brianna one time and Brianna was like Like very fat black woman. We were like talking the whole time and there's like other people were tired It was like these other like black dudes and Puerto Rican dudes or you know, whatever else I have a Dorian dudes on like the bus and then she got off the bus

I was like, all right. See you later and then she leaves and they're all like at the window staring at her They're like, damn. They're like, are you are you fucking that or whatever? I'm like, no And they're like, oh, what why not, you know, they're like blown away Fucking this like like this is my 350 Like what I just knew That's that's why I like sometimes Like I don't care that much about like catcalls or anything because it's like you can just feel like the loneliness and the sadness of people

I'm dying coming Me ma'am, I'm dying man with the legs. I'm so lonely. Oh, you've got nice hair I'm so alone keeping me through today. If you don't respond to me. I'll have to become gay They're making me become gay. That's what I hear when I get cackles Has anybody ever done a bit where it's like a old like just a middle-aged white guy catcalling on the street like, you know Like white white guy. Yeah, like proud to stand like yeah Yeah, like BuzzFeed did that bit as like an informational video. Yeah, like why cack-calling is bad It's like all it's all just white guys

Oh, they're like When that girl walked down the street or whatever. Yeah, no because they didn't have any white guys in the video And that was a complaint. Oh BuzzFeed comedy did like what guys are really saying when they cack-call and it's like a bunch of white guys being like Hey girl, I have to yell at you because I'm like full insecurities and it's like, why is that white guy talking like that? Oh, it's because you know exactly who's actually Calling is that the problem? Why's that white guy got a do rag on? What's up shorty

My name Glenn Oh, it's so offensive. It's like if you're gonna like make it just make them what regular white guys. I don't understand Here's a BuzzFeed video about not paying child support. It's like I'm paying that shit Yeah, they could not they should have done it like hey ladies white guys talk about your butt behind your back Yeah, yeah, they should just do it like that. Yeah Yeah, it's so much creepier white guys like talking about it afterwards. Yeah, it's much worse I don't know that whole conversation gets like it's so easily gets into like fucked up territory Which is why I think people stop talking about it. Mm-hmm because they were like, oh well the reason there's no white guys

Is because they're you know at work Well, of course, there's no white guys in it. They're all the jobs They're all working jobs that are hanging out outside all day every week. Yeah, I Feel like it should be more acceptable to just like Scream at people on the street like whatever you're thinking about them, of course You know like it's legal. You can do that. Oh, of course, it's legal But like somebody screams happy Cinco de Mayo bitch at me yesterday, and I was like Not a bitch

That was the end of it, you know, I'm not like all right. Well, I need to start a non-profit To deal with the issue of Cinco de Mayo harassment Well, maybe you should yeah, that would be a good way to fund more money into my pockets I mean somebody yelled at me one time. You only gotta put a stop to this First of all, it's cultural appropriation to say Cinco de Mayo. Do you see Mike Huckabee's tweet? Oh We're about eating a whole yeah tub of salsa He's like happy Cinco de Mayo. I'm gonna drink an entire jar of salsa watch speedy Gonzalez cartoons Oh my god, right and take like a nap on a cactus whatever the last one was is I think I

Yeah, and watch a woman fuck a donkey because the nap on a cactus is too fun. Oh my god he's He's just terrible Get knife down. That's another good god. I'll take from me. I could be as terrible that guy's yeah I didn't even know he stinks. P. You know what I say about him I thought he was like kind of a regular dude, and now you tell me he's My Dude in terms of personality in fact might be yeah might be personality wise. Yeah, just on TV issues

My favorite politician. He seems pretty he's the funniest guy in the world. Well, he's definitely like I appreciate his creativity Yeah, and he's so bad. He's so bad at writing jokes bring speedy Gonzalez back Yeah, that's like a good specific that not everyone could think of that I wouldn't have thought of it Yeah, if I was thinking of my congressman Yeah, Alderman, you don't got no fucking comedic timing. I don't have any funny Congress people They can't do improv games with the fucking no none of them fools. Yeah, no, no, yeah That's the problem of Congress is it's not funny. Yeah, you need to do more improv Clowns they're not very funny

That's why we got to get more more comedians. Yeah. Well, I feel like the entire government's just gonna be celebrities in the next 20 years. Yeah He's gonna and he's gonna win it's the whole government is gonna be every single celebrity So like every president will be the rock. Yeah, Congress will still be like it'll just be John Cena The entire Congress will be John Cena. Just doing the fucking whatever that thing where he shakes his hand in front of his face Yeah, that's every hearing right everyone's dying because they don't have medicine The C-span cameras Everything's a turnbuckle. He's getting on top of it and doing the fucking hand over the thing

Have you seen the video of him announcing the death of Osama bin Laden? No, whoa, such a good video. We have Compromised to a permanent end Osama bin Laden and then everyone's like USA USA which you know to be honest with you is the only way any news should be delivered Yeah, like in a wrestling event. Yeah, I think it's honestly, it's kind of fucked up that Trump didn't let Cena fire Comey. Yeah, we have compromised to a permanent end the career of James Comey Then the undertaker puts him in a casket, right? He's like use James Choke slams him. Yeah

Is this a joke? Is it a joke? I saw a wrestling thing when I was a kid at like USA arena Where it was the undertaker versus Yokozuna remember Yokozuna. Yeah, just like this like soon You know, I thought there was only I thought that Yokozuna was like the Yokozuna I didn't realize that Yokozuna was like a weight class in sumo. Oh shit. Yeah. I thought I thought he was like That was like Japan does the sumo thing. This is the guy And it wasn't just some fat piece of shit like he was like Mexican, right? Probably. Yeah, there's no way He was actually Japanese. Yeah, but I just saw the undertaker like choke slam him into a casket They made like a special casket. I was never into wrestling, but the one thing I do remember is when

Like was it the undertaker dragged big shows dead dad like for behind-his-car or maybe it wasn't the undertaker It was somebody something they're always doing something. I remember that's where I learned of the term Terminal in relation to disease was from wrestling. Nice. This is dad had terminal cancer Then it's the kind where you die for anyone that says that wrestling is dumb Okay, I learned a word. You ever get in trouble for doing suck it. Oh, yeah Yeah, me that I'm talked about that. Oh sure. I met fucking X-Pok two years ago for real. Yeah. Oh shit. Yeah, how's he doing? Well, it was weird because I went on Kurt's podcast and I was doing a character and X-Pok was there and

Like to everyone else. It was clearly a character, but I was I just Didn't I thought it was real. I said I was a transracial student from the granola College of the mountains Oh, that's great. Good for you. And then I identified as many different races other than white and you can't tell me I think this is like right around when the doles all thing happened But afterwards X-Poks like hey, are you really like a transracial? It's like no, man. It's a I'm a comedian. It's a bit doing for the show

He was like, oh, okay, cool. I wish I'd seen that sex tape. He did memories. I've seen it. Yeah, you can see it's so online I gotta get that. Yeah, hope it's on porno. Yeah, it's weird I've never watched any celebrity sex tape. I've just accidentally seen parts of them. Yeah, that's why I can never do it Cuz it's like, okay, I'm watching porno to come I Want to laugh separate from my pants being off is like it's just not celebrities don't fuck good Yeah, they're just celebrities. I saw dog the bounty I was it I was at a birthday party and dog the bounty hunter was there, too

And why every dude with a sex tape got a mullet? That's true. It's a lot of wrestlers right a lot of wrestlers basically old 80s rock dudes Yeah, we were talking about JCVD earlier. Do you know you seen time cop? Yeah, and I probably said this on the podcast too before but I love in time cop where they You know the beginning of the movie. It's like 1994 right and then they jump to 2004. That's the time frame. Yeah, so in 94, you know, it's like When they film the movie JCVD no mullet right no mullet at all, but then they cut forward to 2004 and he's got a mullet

Well, they were they were like, oh, it'll come back It's gonna come it'll be back by then for sure the writers have many meetings. Yeah It did try to do a little comeback probably around like 2007 remember people had like euro mullets. Yeah, I think it Kanye had a weird Like a shaved shag. Yeah going on. Yeah, well, they went so crazy Like if you look at old pictures like Stamos or like you work any shitty comedy club Oh, yeah, and all the headshots on the wall where like everyone is like it's all men wearing eyeliner with like the fluffiest The most like it's got to be that's got to be like a $900 mullet. Yeah, that you paid

Yeah, and then it's like, you know, Dirk Dirk Rogers That's comic in Alabama The guy died of like testicular cancer in 1998 Fucking I mean, it's the fucking headshot walls and comedy clubs is a sad story It is the most fun part. This is looking at this. Do you ever get a wise acres? No, no Dude that wise acres wall the fallen soldiers. Yeah, all right Hey, then what my favorite one was just it was a guy in front of a drum set and then just said the drum comic I Can't imagine

How many how bad of a fucking show that was to see It's just not a comment is a different thing It's a good chef is I owe the chef comedian. Nope. It's a chef. I mean that sounds great Going in You know drumming funny like you start out with one rhythm. You end up with a different one. It's crazy I want to be the steel drum comedian. There you go. Do it. Yeah, there isn't one now Yeah, they used to be a dude who used to play the steel drum in front of the giant in Columbia Heights Yeah, 14th Street, they had they had like a

an RIP to some road dog that who's like heart exploded Like the article about it Yeah, pretty much like a beloved member of this community. I Gotta get old. I used to look at a Richard Belzer's head shot at the improv all the time. Yeah, like I want to 1981 yeah, yeah, and it's like him just by the fucking they got some fucking old head shots there Yeah, yeah for like a a club I got to redo some of those shot for shot. Mm-hmm. That's got my plan black and white With a vest on yeah, you know, I mean, it's like a very elaborate

Pierre Cardin. Yeah, it's cool. Some of them have like a Bill Burr's old head shot when he was Billy Burr Low Billy Burr. Yeah. Yeah, those are always weird to see I guess we should end this one on a banger. So I get a sketch Not prepared, but we're gonna go to Wikipedia and then hit random page Okay, and then we're gonna riff on it. Sounds good. This is throw up the lab. This is a My Nathaniel Tarn so now they know Tarn is an American poet essayist anthropologist. So All right, sounds like he sucks. Here's mine Nathaniel Tarn. What in Tarnation?

Who is that? Okay, well, that's You guys we'll be back next week for the final come-town west yeah before I return to Saudi Arabia where I do come town far East Yeah, we're gonna make stop become Chinese. Yo, dude, we gotta tell the story we get back with stop lost his front tooth He's got some weird disease just eating pussy. Well, I guess I mean he already looked like a baby, right? Yeah, bald and now he's got like a missing tooth It's so funny. I mean he's fucked dude. I mean I hate myself, but I can't imagine You know be you just wear a bonnet now. Yeah, he should lean in mm-hmm the Gerber grown up

He's gonna have to convince women to breastfeed him. That's gonna be How he handles his horniness, you know, he's willing to so that's a start I feel like it's unfair to talk about him without him being able to sit here and just go no No, bitch. No I'm not refuting any of these things because he's Hilly oh, yeah, I don't listen to the show. Oh good. I don't listen. I don't listen I'm not gonna listen to the last few minutes. Yeah Jamel. You can kiss my ass. I'm not gonna hear myself say that yeah to me, right? Yeah, I don't I don't what what kind of psychopaths you have to be to listen to yourself on a recording to like relive a

Conversation that you had already. Yeah, right. Honestly, bro. I do I listen to everything line for line And I have a dry erase board. Do you and then I take notes and then I take pictures of the notes Then I wipe the board off. Mm-hmm That's it, you know, I've done I've tried to do dry erase boards multiple times in my life Really trying to gauge No, no, cuz sometimes I mean if it's for like, you know People take comedy stuff very seriously. If you're like doing that for your jokes, I couldn't be like that's stupid I've listened to every come town. I've been on and did a hundred push-ups. How about Nathaniel Tard?

That's already better Yeah, let's go ahead and we're gonna vandalize this Wikipedia page right now for Nathaniel Tarn and change it to Nathaniel Tard Oh, it's jailbroken and uh, yeah, and And I'm gonna get here's what you guys can do and Nathaniel Tarn the inventor of the chicken Tarn Zanku chicken Nathaniel Tard. Yeah, it's an American poet and but Tard Was educated also retarded. Yeah. Yeah, I'm gonna edit this and then they're gonna change it back And then you guys the listeners are gonna go on Wikipedia and continue to change it back than Nathaniel Tard Until they have to lock this article so it ruins some nerds day

There'll also be a poll text 875 with the word. Yes, if you think Nathaniel Tarn should be gay and retarded Yeah, or no if you think you should just be joke either or f a ggot Would like to hear more I'm gonna do a fine and replace on this new note Control F. Yeah paste. Yeah, baby control F replace place Tarn

Nailed it And we're gonna save This is nice, this feels like a Bob Ross how to vandalize wikipedia session You know, he was like a di right What like a drill instructor? I did not know that. Yeah, that's why he went into painting because You got tired of yelling at people and you want to do something calm I'm like that dude, I feel like after podcasting I'm gonna go into Yeah, there we go. This is perfect Nathaniel Tard born 1928 in Paris is an American poet essayist anthropologist and translator

Perfect. Well, that's yeah, that's an evening. I guess guys. Thanks for hanging out. Yeah, thanks You know if you guys want any more of this incisive political commentary brief recaps of wikipedia articles I've read on the death penalty and You know the sprinkling of a plantation talk that kind of stuff if you want to subscribe to the podcast tell your family about it, especially if you have any You know older folks and your family. Yeah, this is for vets. This is for war vets

Yeah, yeah, actually we're gonna start a new spin-off for for veterans to help them get over PTSD Where we talk very calmly and then Well, yeah, it's all of a sudden and then it will condition them to no longer be afraid of loud noises Great plan. Yeah sign off for it. We already getting tax breaks. Yeah, okay. Well. Yeah, perfect. You guys are great. Thank you