The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. 52 – Lisa’s Feet

The last of the Cum Town West series. I go home tomorrow. It's over boys. We got through this.

Even shittier You like this red it yeah, well, you know what's great about this is that like I'm always the one eating on the podcast But they all the people get mad and they're like tell Stov Yo the fat shaming it's real son anytime. There's a smell Hey fatty, but you know what I like that what is true is that if anyone else is eating then Stov is also eating Oh, yeah for sure never every time every time we do the show And I'm like hey, I'm gonna order food if you want to get food or whatever. He's like no, I'm trying to be good I'm like I drank some juice earlier. You know in some blender bullshit

And he's like no, I'm trying to be I'm trying to be like good about first of all you can't be dieting if there is no diet True. It's not just a general idea of I'm not gonna order food I'm gonna order food and he's like, oh, let me get one of them dumplings. It's like Just order just order food. We know you're gonna do this every time and I understand it's addiction for you But like how fucking annoying would it be if you were like let's say you and all your friends were crack addict, right? You're like, yeah, man, we're gonna get some crack. Do you know? Let me just get a rock and it's like no you waited for me every time come on man Yeah, yeah, I worry about that as a girlfriend all the time because all I want all the time is just like two fries and I know

Girl problems hashtag girl. I know I'm trying to represent and I know that it's terrible But like I don't want a whole thing of fries. I just want two fries Well stop is the fat girl from that Chris Farley Kai of some sketch Which is the greatest sketch of all time. It's lay off lay off me. I'm starving This my most stave shirt on the side notes a great shirt came through trans for y'all Trans Siberian orchestra was good I'm just chewing directly. No to a come-towns favorites Trans and Siberia. Yeah, and orchestras, but they're not the trans in the traditional sense

No, no, I think they just like well, I guess in a contemporary sense on the traditional sense They just rode together. That's all it is. They just go across Siberia. Yeah together. Yeah, like that fucking movie You're seeing that shit. No, you know, you ever think it's how it's like kind of disappointing that like This is it. We've maxed out the genders There's not gonna be any new weird. Well, we just decided that other than fucking they can all be that's really the last frontier A thousand years from now people are gonna be having dicks off their ankles. You know, I'm like, it'll be something else Probably at some point pedophilia is gonna not normal again. Yeah, there'll be another culture. Well, I mean it is normal in other cultures Yeah, it already is very in like

Problems, yeah All of Islam. I thought they weren't allowed to fuck at all. No, you can they all like in Afghanistan They all have like child slaves and stuff. Yeah, the story is that the the army was like there were soldiers like Yeah, I just stopped these tribal leaders from raping a boy and then the colonels are like, oh Yeah, you got to let it them. Yeah, you gotta let that ride Yeah, you gotta just let them fuck all those boys and you're not allowed to talk about it. Oh shit Yeah, that one and that story came out like five years ago. So it hasn't got better 10 now Oh, you know ready for little league some of the ones that weren't murdered, I guess. Yeah, shit. Yes

There's a lot of I wonder if pedophiles get defensive about that when somebody's like this guy's out there raping and murdering children He's like, I don't know what I don't murder them Probably making me out to sound like a monster Which I am but like less of a monster, right? You're like if you're not the guy who's like trapping people in a hut behind your house. Mm-hmm. What's worse? Fucking rich kids or poor kids Poor, you know how like pedophiles they pick on oh, it's good. I shouldn't have answered that You just got both bad. You just got blog trapped, but it's it is sadder when it's poor children, right?

Sorry, that's just a natural effect of money. Yeah, I mean like if Baron Trump was sexually assaulted. Would you care? Keep in mind. He's like 10, but he's also like six foot five People don't realize how freakish a very large boy. He's an enormous child. Yeah, it's yeah He comes off the bench for the Milwaukee books. Yeah, but people don't know that he's four and a half years old And he's probably like a size 15 shoe And he can dunk looks great. It looks the great in a suit. You can definitely touch glass. Yeah, sure good haircuts I feel like what I feel bad. I don't know. I don't want it. That's Yeah, I would feel bad. I feel bad for Baron Trump. His dad sucks. He seems like he's in a rough spot in a tower

I feel bad for him and Tiffany and I don't feel bad for the other three Yeah, which is maybe unfair. I want to be the guy that exclusively goes after Baron and Tiffany Yeah, I Want to call the other the older brothers Lenny and squiggy Lenny and squiggy. Yeah They look like a little Lenny and squiggy. I hope that I feel like that gives them so much That makes me feel so much more sympathetic towards them. Well, maybe I shouldn't because then it's like they're fun They're jazzy. They're fun. Yeah, I've never I've said it in like private circles. I don't know if I should say it out loud

I can't believe you're saying something that you haven't said on the podcast before it's just in. Oh, that's that's an exclusive Fucking rough. I'm just I'm joking. Yeah Well, it fucking hurt Yeah, you're your fake joke hurt for real. Yeah, I feel like we're much nicer than Like stop and Fucking oh no problem I have about myself creatively and like the direction the podcast is going That's not fun to stop for being fat. I'm not like hurting his feelings about his real insecurities He loves being fed. Yeah

Well, I'm sorry money maker Wide-ass fucking body best fat comedians Gabler glacial is his number was one through five number six is stavros I agree. I'm not I'm not trying to say stop shouldn't be fat. Well, yeah, I wouldn't say that There's a comedian who I'm friendly with But not like good friends with by any means nice guy and we've always had friendly interactions, but he looks exactly like a

Donald Trump Jr. Or maybe maybe Eric Trump whichever blonde-haired one is I don't I think it's Squiggy yeah, and he looks exactly like him and I pointed out to other people and he's a nice guy and people like him And he's funny too So they're like he doesn't look like that and then I'd show them and I look and they have to be like that's mean Like that's okay, I mean you're right, but it's mean I I feel like Donald Trump and Eric Trump are a very they're like a type. There are a lot of people that look like them There's other people whose last name is Trump. Yeah That's a made-up last name right? Yeah, we already you know

it's funny to look at like pictures of the royal family and how They have the same facial features going back to like the 1200s. Jesus. That's how fucking out in bread They are fine like old paintings and they get the same nose They spent 200 years fucking each other just to get it set a thousand years straight thousand. Yeah That's how long the house of of of Bimbley Burke has been around damn the house house to Trey you I Think that's the British family's name really I think a tray is a metal band. Yeah, I was gonna say they're kind of like like trapped It's like one of the that's one of the guys from Neverending Story. What house a tray. Yeah, a tray. Oh, maybe that's where the band gets its name

Oh, yeah, probably yeah, the house of Trey is the the King Kingdom of England the King's house and the name of the house has gone back thousands of years thousands of when I was growing up one of one of my friends was Her family was like related. I guess they were like You know, they can't they're related to the Spencer's like to die at Princess Diana's family Which is related to Princess Diana here to the Spencer's people don't know this. That's why they killed her Yeah, it's because because she turned 50

So we came up and honked her tits. Mm-hmm. And then you're over the hill You'll you'll brought all their gifts there like you're 50. He's still like boobs I remember Spencer's gifts being a lot of like the stuff that I bought was a lot of like Ferries there were like they had these like fairy print shirts. They were like goth fairies and that was the vibe Very specific you shopped at Spencer's gifts. Yeah, it was like Spencer's gifts and hot topic They were like the same for like six months. I don't think I've ever bought anything at either one of those stores Yeah, I definitely used to go to Spencer's every time I went to the mall. Yeah, yeah I go in there and look at stuff. Yeah, yeah, because it was like you're beating off related

But I would never buy anything in there. Yeah, I would definitely I was looking for shit to jerk off to later Yeah, oh source material to remember that's even worse. You just went to Spencer's gifts That's why I would go to Oni Ann's Who's like a beautiful woman I bet it's short for Annabelle The whole house smells like yeast you don't know if it's from the pretzels or a pussy. Hey, that's why I always went to Wetzel's pretzels Yeah, I would go there Put these wetzels right now

Place called instead of pretzel time, it's pretzel dimes and it's like hot women that serve you pretzels. Okay, I'd go there That'd be sick. I'm turned on. Let's do it. Get some get some Puerto Rican mommies down there. Yeah, put the baby oil It's just butter and like a little salt crystals. Yeah, it's just all over. Mm-hmm. This is a bitch named Lucinda Yeah, is that a Puerto Rican name? I think so it might be I'm not sure though. I can't really call it It's a good name. Yeah, it's Puerto Rico mean port rich rich rich rich port rich port They changed to that I guarantee you they let them in the u.s. It gets it. They got full Rich in Connecticut use a towel. Just tell Trump that it's rich port. Yeah, he would it's a beautiful country

I found out recently most of them aren't even Spanish Some of them are black who knew that no one else knew that it was just I Asked President Xi about it. I basically any country. I don't know about I go to China and I asked the president President China tells me about all the countries. We got a great relationship. He's a beautiful man Sounds like Tony Bennett and I love Ladies and gentlemen if he said You Read that Atlantic article about the slave I did

Little Trump slave. No, no Guy wrote this like fucking long read about how he grew up with a slave in Seattle Yeah, his Filipino immigrant family had a fucking slave slave listen Seattle That was my thing. Yeah, yeah, and uh, well, it's just supremacist Meg Ryan Complaining the whole time Yeah, it was a crazy article because he just keeps the slave is the moral. Yeah There's nothing to do with the slave except I kept her but now is nice to her here's a picture of me giving her a hug

I paid her two hundred dollars a week and told her she didn't have to cook, but she still did It's like he's so he continued having a slave. He was just a better slave owner than his parents Yeah, and fucking not and all the people responding to it and they're like wow This is so beautiful and nuanced and it's like well crying. No, this guy should be in jail He's dead he died but the thing today they found that he like lied to the The obituary they had an obituary for her in the Seattle Times or whatever the fuck newspaper they have up there not slavery magazine And they said that they and they were like oh she was just

She someone asked her to take care of the family and the Philippines, which they didn't ask her They made her yeah, and then she was so devoted to the family I'm pretty much or like you'll you'll starve and then they took her to America and She had to stay with them because she like was that for a while was there illegally any who Lied to the oh he tried to justify it in the article to saying like oh well You know if we let her go back home, then we would get in trouble with immigration. So good. You should you owned a slave She got in a lot more trouble than just immigration immigration

You what the fuck I just as a white dude. It was so great to read that story I it's like well, that's one you can't put in my collar Not on me Right I'm just dusting my hands off because I said I could do it This is just like Filipino culture where everyone just has a bunch of sleep even the slaves have slaves, and it's like, okay I don't know what's going on over there. It's like on Dharma and Greg where Dharma's dog has a dog Remember that I did watch Dharma. Yeah, Dharma Greg was great. Yeah, that's pretty good

Dharma was like the fun one She had a dog, but yeah, but like her dog also had a dog and the boy Doesn't explain anything. You didn't explain anything. The second dog was Filipino Well, interestingly enough the dogs were eaten by a Filipino family Slaves yeah, look I take away from this was that all Chinese people grow up owning a slave Oh, yeah, well, you know what I mean by Chinese is Chinese style Asian people. Yeah, yeah Careful when you say Asian now Indian guys get mad. There's a word. You mean not me. I'm Asian too I don't understand why that would be it

Why I feel like that's excluding themselves. I don't know. Yeah talking about the kaipa Asian with the bangs on the sides You know how it's like little pincers. You know how they do that. They can't grow You never seen that look where it's like to like side bangs that like wrap around the frame your face So it looks like you got parentheses over your face. Yeah, I mean, I can imagine what you're saying, but I don't mark echo sweat pants Like skate shoes and yeah, yeah, but on your face. Yeah, and that's an Indian thing. No, no, no. Oh, yeah it's like a Like a Pacific Islander Southeast Asian. Okay. I just want to make sure that I'm like Stereotyping correctly. Yeah. Yeah. No, you got it. We go

Cool. Cool. Cool. My steps is we did a Filipino guy who was really in the insane clown posse sick. Yeah, oh man Hmm, which definitely means he was breakdancing a few years before that and it was like I'm sick of dancing Time for the real. Yeah. Mm-hmm. I won't be insane You guys ever think about juggalos like should you ever consider giving it a run? No by the time I was aware of it everyone like vice was already like Oh, we're we all went to the Gathering I mentioned it on the show already, but like that guy that my steps is are dated He brought over some like insane clown posse DVD

And I was probably 15 at the time and I was like super susceptible to becoming an ICP guy. You're close. I guess. Yeah Me at 15 could like it was like I was like a cunt hair away from being like fuck. Yeah They're on the fake. Oh, yeah, you just say a cunt hair. Yeah, that's an expression No, yeah cunt hair away from I have not heard that you ever heard someone call lips dick suckers Yeah, I'm gonna punch you right in your dick suckers. Maybe not like that actually. Yeah, that's a wood bridge thing Interesting. No, I'm sorry. Just I wanted to I actually didn't know if I heard you correctly. Yeah But well, it's sort of like an older respectful term from the Annabelle himself. It sounds old It sounds like a very British thing to say. Yeah, like one of the well, that's me. I use British slang

Yeah, gone here the most pristine. Yeah, I like it better than I don't know. I I guess like pube. Yeah, it's a better word than that cuz pubes a little too general. Yeah, pube could even be armpit hair It could be some real shit Yeah, I mean, it's definitely more like gender specific. Anyway, I'm sorry. You almost joined ICP Yeah, I almost joined the ICP you almost became a juggler. Well, I know he brought that DVD over and I remember watching it for 15 minutes and being like This is the dumbest shit He took you a little too close. Yeah. Yeah. Yep. She had a nice safe distance I remember like like he had like we had like a similar taste in movies and shit like he liked cool movies

So he was like, yeah, this is like in st. Claude posse. I see people guys get it sometimes Yeah, I'm saying not every day, but you can fuck with them a few times a week. Yeah Well, it is like it's it's it's music for like if you're a white dude who wants to listen to rap But you're probably like white trash and racist and you're too dumb for Eminem Hmm, that's what oh, yeah, that's a great way to put it Yeah, where it's like you you understand the angst of Eminem, but it's not twisted enough You need like a Joker element. You send it the curve like why doesn't Eminem say the n-word? He's so good at rap, he could. Why isn't he why isn't he twisted?

Why didn't he understand my darker elements that just desire a chaotic mind like chance like the trans since It's a it's like we came up with a new version of of the Simpsons called the trans since Yeah, yeah 了 Not that veya James's nutrients Brice intentions вниз trans Thank you guys there was a lot, I'm glad you guys took the lead with that one Yeah, you know what haha well

I wanted to give it to you yeah Yeah This is how I was doing the parody songs for sure You know I feel I'll take Adam took out him a long time to get comfortable doing them because he's very bad at that He's probably Honestly like the worst person in the entire world are coming up with parody songs cuz I think you listen to Paul Simon and shit all the time Yeah, the gay ass music. Yeah fucking acoustics do his talk talk parodies

Right to ran to ran parodies don't work. Yeah, man. I got this Roxy music parody I came up with There's only get my ELO parody. I Didn't think of a good time-time club one just now. Yeah, what's that? What you gonna do when you get out of jail? I'm gonna eat some cum What do you consider come yeah, you can do you get the rest Thank you No, what's your favorite band my favorite, but I don't want to I don't know you have to say it. No

Wow, I honestly don't know and I don't feel comfortable saying it Why I don't know I'm just trying to think right now I'm just thinking of trying to impress the come heads is what it is. No, no for that Perfect. Yeah, you got to just let it go. I like just embarrass myself constantly on this show and this is like very little consequence for it Oh, sure. No, I mean who cares. I'm leaving. I'm never with people telling you you're wrong Oh, and then you just ignore them. No, no, no, this is I wish that it was about the audience, but I feel like This is the panic that I get whenever someone asks me my favorite Anything book movie. There's so many I'm just like, I don't know

What was the thing I listened to last because I get like into What happens to me is I'll like get hooked on a song and then I listen to that song like over and over Yeah, I know that thousands of times and then I can't listen to it again So then I like get into it and also I feel like I can't remember things that I return to my favorite band is the five Oh goes west soundtrack The soundtrack. Why was I trying to answer seriously? What is wrong with me? I was like, oh my god. What is my favorite song? I don't know if I should have just said like the sound of my own farts

Fival grows breasts Fival becomes trance What are you doing you can't grow breasts and become a girl I want to become a lady You can't be a girl Bible, please. What are you doing? Do your father? The cats are like all right guys or something. Yeah, Richard Spencer Yeah, you're also saying we I want to write I want to do I'm gonna I'm actually gonna script it and then just do all the voices for the podcast at some point

What my spec script for the Simpsons where Homer gets red-pilled? March has to tolerate him like finding out about like the all-right and stuff He's like March. Did you know that the Jews are using cultural Marxism did turn Bart gay Stop reading those websites March, I've got great news. I'm teaching millhouse out of fuck Lisa Homer stop dad. No, it'll be good for millhouse and Lisa's to uppity I'm worried she's gonna accuse somebody of rape and she goes to her smart girl college So that's the idea for the mm-hmm, you know, I pitch in but I can't do any impressions

Yeah, there's no Resolution of the episode. It's like a rumble for the whole thing is Have you heard about this new website It's called Stormfront I can't do burns really all Smithers man. Yeah, so ahead of his time mr. Burns I'm gay you're fired Good news they finally fired that queer Right March who they queer I've been complaining about for 30 seasons. They finally Oh my stop calling him that

What I just learned that word I'd they use it they like being called that Oh my god, you're still using it in a derogatory way. They put the queue in the LG thing. I don't It's not my fault You get me fucking mad at me because Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred Sam says How many before they cancel that show? Oh Rent always reminds me how homophobic would bridge Virginia is because I uh, I was telling you before we started this shit

I used to work at AMC when it rent was out and After a movie's done. They used to give us like the billboards you could call dibs on the display shit. So I was like, yo Rent's the hottest shit at the theater right now. I'm calling rent. I'm a flip that shit on eBay. Yeah, this money and like Before I could even take the shit out of the lobby these two gay dudes rolled up on me was like, what's up with that? What you about to do with that? And I was like, it's yours 50 bucks you got to take it out of here yourself And it was like hell yeah, and then like some dudes that I worked with like saw me like what were you doing with them?

I was like, dude, is this sold these guys? They were like trying to give me shit for like doing business with gay people Wow, that's even worse than just it's not even about the movie. All right. You don't understand. It's about freedom of association It's not racist. It's libertarian Me you know, I'm a libertarian I was like, damn, I can't I can't take no money from him for real. That's crazy. Yeah, it was pretty weird I wonder I wonder where those dudes are. Hope you're all listening. Hope you still got that rent piece God damn it if I'm lucky. Yeah, I hope maybe they were hoping that you'd be like, oh, I'm like setting something up for later You just turn around and they're like burning it and they're like, yeah

That would have been nice tying Matthew Shepard to the billboard beating him to death That would be really funny if they had tied Matthew Shepard to a rent billboard instead of a fence That would be a good sketch comedy bit. I feel I could see that on a Saturday nightlife, right? Yeah, especially today I feel like it's topical Melissa McCarthy's Of the guy that beat Matthew Shepard to death. That's what I was going to actually Yeah, that's Sean Spicer. What a card, huh? Hiding in the bushes. I can't get enough of these Republicans What'll they do next?

Dude, I found this thing. This shitty ass website that's like the best Donald Trump jokes and tweets and burns about Donald Trump And it's all like it's some fucking like limp dick 50 year old poet His own website and he like put together like, you know, it's like quotes from like, you know John Stewart and like Stephen Colbert like just the fucking like liberal hit squad. Yeah, all the hits Yeah, all the fucking Trump. I don't think so, you know like those guys and then like Garrison Keeler Well, then it's like he makes up his own and it just goes off. It like goes off the rail Right. His are like just peppered in there and they're like the worst jokes you've ever read in your entire life Like Trump Putin

Can't wait to fly on his new plane Air Force one years old Boy One of them was like one of them was like a trader an old man and And a bad guy walk into a bar. Yeah, it's all Donald Trump one of them one of them was like How does Donald Trump repudiate Martin Luther King's Theory that all men are created equal answer He's not equal to Dr. King or any any human being capable of displaying compassion. It's like an angel fire site

That's how it looks with a custom cursor. Yeah And it's like older. It's like fucking older like Just dumb-ass fucking liberals that like I just imagine them at home like scrolling through the Wikipedia page for humor And they're like hmm Oh, it dates back to the ancient Egyptians does it oh, I'm familiar with human you mean The good sir Jonathan Swift Yes humor is a literary device I've employed in many of my

Conversational endeavors for example the other day. I called the the president quite an embarrassing buffoon If you had a good chuckle, yeah, if you want any idea of My ability one one time I intimated that these genitals were small which You know if you Catch my drift. I happen to notice perhaps you all have he seems to be rather attracted to his daughter he wants to fuck

Spelled Intelligent form of Feel bad for old people man. Yeah, it really is far Well, it reminds me of I just my friend growing up is like parents were like I think his dad was like a scientist and his mom is a lawyer, but they were like just you know old Like Jewish liberals and they used to like just love Bill Clinton jokes They would like to all like what what does a? Vending machine and Monica Lewinsky have in common. They both have a slot that says insert bill here

Cackling I remember being like eight and being like, yeah, it's not fucking fun I do remember my Like my dad and stepmom like just reading the Like I guess the impeachment proceedings About the oral sex and like cracking up at it Which like my parents are Dems and stuff and they are you know, they're fucking they were D&C Clinton people whatever But just like laughing hysterically because they just got to read all this like

just then being like and he took his His penis and inserted it into her mouth and she then Dut, you know, I didn't know it. I was like 12. So I know it was going on Yeah, we I remember like that friend me and my other friends who would laugh about the idea of his parents having sex because they were like Just was non-sexual kind of like gross-born people. They were never within We make fun of him by like talking about his parents having sex all the time. He's like stop My parents don't have sex We're like, we know that's why it's funny. They definitely don't have sex with each other

Man shout out to my parents for not giving a fuck about politics My mom was just like you better vote Democrat and I don't give a shit why and then when any story would come out She just like mm-hmm. Yeah, my mom doesn't vote. I don't think I don't think she votes at all I don't know if my dad voted. My dad was like, uh, I kind of like Jeb I guess He's like Jeb seems alright. Oh bless his heart. So many questions Yeah, I think he was like a fan of Jeb and then voted for Hillary Clinton. I was with Jeb for a second I was rooting for a fist fight

I thought Jeb was gonna like freak out and literally swing on this thing because he was just like he's a bitch Yeah, Trump was just calling him a bitch for months and I figured by the hundred time Well, Trump did that to all of them like knock it up. You can fucking hit dude. He was so great That was the only good part of all he had just watching them. That's what I couldn't understand It's like you guys are clearly losing like just stop trying to I know just call him a bitch back Everybody will go nuts. Yeah, all you have to do is like fight on his level, but they can't if Hillary called Trump a bitch once She would have won the whole Midwest dog. Kansas would have flipped. You know me cuz the votes were so close. Yeah Yeah, just hearing her say bitch once. Yeah, dude. He was so good

He should just I feel like the reason he's doing so poorly is because he doesn't have the opportunity to debate people Yeah, yeah, no, he needs that like like a freestyle battle. You should just be debating people constantly There should never be any kind of every daily debate. Yeah, yeah, right You know what there should be an executive order saying Rosie O'Donnell has to debate him Every day I would pay for that shit on pay-per-view you bring look. She's a vile hog You bring her you bring her here. We're debating her in the rose garden that way We don't have to smell how much of a pig she is It's to be surrounded by the roses. No, look. Hey, look, I'm not trying to be mean, but she's a hog

They just keep cutting off her mic One of them fools must be the apple in her mouth One of them fools in 1800s did that to somebody for sure cuz you know I'm saying they don't have like all the press from Around debating people. Yeah, you had to be like, hey, everybody. We're going to be in this square for a while Yeah By like riding a train around Yeah, that's how Jimmy Carter became president. He just shook a bunch of people's hands. Yeah Honestly, that's the reason that the pratt like the whole

Elections season is so long. It's cuz Jimmy Carter. I thought he sucked the ayatollah off. I thought that's how I got it Oh, maybe I haven't heard that he would he's a very generous man. True He would do it. He sucked the ayatollah. Yeah, I had told it. Come any was that the 70s one I think this new one is come any. I don't know Right. That sounds right. I'm gonna go with you on that. Did you see that when when when he tweeted? Fuck what was it? It was the funniest tweet. It's like The ayatollah being on Twitter is already fun. Yeah. Yeah, it was something about you mean Jimmy Carter. Well, it's so funny and like in

It was like Iran isn't as retarded as the United States. That's why we don't need things like free speech or whatever So much going on He said It was those words, but it was phrased in a way where he's criticizing United States for embracing free speech and by saying like negative things about Islam or Iran or whatever and it's like, you know Retarded states like the United States, you know, I think they can have free speech And then the response to it was a bunch of like woke Americans being like how dare you say retarded? Like prove to me you're right. Y'all are right. It was so funny

Perfect like the balance of all these people are terrible. Mm-hmm. It's nice when everybody's job. Ayatollah. Thanks, bro. Yeah, I I told you so that's what I would change my name, too I Told I don't know the next line, but come in. Yeah. Yeah Ayatollah, call me just call me. Yeah, just have Homer become the next Ayatollah Do you know about these Muslims? They're trying to sneak into the country. Oh my stop reading Gavin McInnes But Marge he's so cool I'm gonna become a proud boy

Oh my what is that Homer? Why are you spending so much money on the Anthony Kumi and Edward? Marge I like these shows Marge there's this guy Lewis Jay Gomez that I've been idolizing I'm gonna start taking adult karate lessons More like Lewis like how much time you're spending on podcasts What's that I can't hear you I was listening to a podcast Y'all fuck with that Comey comey shit. Yeah, I told you James Comey. Oh Maybe that's the next step I try to do a bit I took it down immediately, but I just wrote

Uh It was like a picture on Twitter like a Comey's other memo and it just said black lives don't matter Yeah, yeah, I bet he did that's why I thought it would hit you a funny about FBI memos It's like the FBI doesn't take notes when they fucking actually question a subject. What yeah, they just talk They just feel it they just talked to them and then afterwards they go and then they they jot down notes about what what happened That's uh, yeah terrible. It's weird. Yeah, that's straight up. That's probably not good Well, I guess like from a psychological perspective It's probably better to not be taking notes when you're talking to someone. Yeah, only remember the greatest hits

I don't want to hear your album cuz make stuff up. Yeah, you hear But what's what's also fucked up is like you can make stuff up But it's like it's pretty serious crime to lie to a federal agent Yeah So like if and depending and they've like hung people up on like the way they word something Sure, you say I don't recall Or if you say no rather than I don't recall like even if you legitimately don't remember like that's you What if you trouble there? What if you say like I don't even know young? Yeah, so if an agent just you say young is okay

Yeah, that's what he told me this or that yeah You know Marge, it's very fucked up All I know about the FBI is from what I watch on cop shows like and the police Like it always seems like the FBI is like they never they never want the coming they come in Yeah, they think that they're they're taking all the credit. Yeah, they always suits on right in charge here. Yeah My jurisdiction I need the files right now I've never seen a file in my life. That'd be cool show about like an FBI agent. That's a literate I don't know how to read. I just I got a feel

the feeler Read this 45 caliber Pulse it on a just a five-year-old You'll be cool to be is a Texas Ranger. Oh That's it is the difference between a Ranger and a police officer. Well, if you're a ranger Yeah, oh great. It just sounds cooler. The Texas Rangers are like Texas is like main investigative But they're like the FBI of Texas. Yeah, because you know Texas sounds much cooler. Yeah. Yeah, they gotta have special Yeah names for stuff. They got to feel better. Yeah, they basically like serve the purpose of the

They're the Texas State Police essentially, but they did investigate, you know Yeah, and they're legally allowed to kick niggas through play glass windows. Mm-hmm. That's in the Texas Constitution they can with the n-word it's I wonder how many times the n-word appears in the Texas Constitution gotta be six Six flags six n-words six n-words over Texas coincidence. Yeah This is the the change the park's name oh Oh, man, yeah, Texas pride is like a thing I've never been to Texas. So I feel like it's just something I don't fully understand

I feel like it's mostly for people who move to Texas. Yeah. Hmm. Yeah There's a lot of those like I wasn't born here, but I got here as soon as I could So I can affect the accent and become a fucking obnoxious piece of shit. Yeah, Austin was filled with that. Just clickin around in the booths. Oh, yeah, that was South Congress. It's all like fucking Los Angeles assholes. Mm-hmm. They're like, yeah, I gotta get some boots I gotta get it. Oh the number one thing I have to do is go to Allen boots and get like a fucking real Like a real Texan boot situation going on I remember I have like an aunt in Montana and I was visiting her and she was up there for a while But she was telling me about this like Swedish guy who moved to Montana because he wanted to be a cowboy

Which was like just the cutest thing and she was like, you know, he was so nice And he was just walking around but like he had the boots on and he had the pants But everyone knew he wasn't a cowboy because he didn't have a snap button shirt Oh, thank you didn't have the pearl like the little pearl Yeah, and that's what you need So I'm sure he's just like oh Wrong kind of blonde my man. Mm-hmm. That dude always eating meatballs Assembling

Pickle hairin getting fucking Lyndon berry juice all over the goddamn taxidermy A stuff must grab with a little juice He's got damn juice all over the Well, I'll tell you Who the fuck there's a Lego in my bear cape Why is he assembling furniture now on the goddamn range some other Swedish things, I guess I ain't a horse. It's a sob He's got a sob instead of a horse

What in tar nation? He's it's he's very blonde. Why is he so blonde? It's got blue eyes piercing blue Like the sea there's a German company that makes screws He's like go on self self-drilling screws. It's called company called SPACs and Their spokesman is this weird German guy that's like obsessed with being a cowboy And he's like a celebrity in Germany what for being like like that cool. I'm the cowboy And they produce these promotional videos for their like line of screws with him his name's Connie, I think or Ron Ronnie something. I'm fucking forget his name Ron. Comey. Yeah, it's Ronnie Ronnie

Kona or something and That it's the most bizarre shit in the world where it's him dressed up as a cowboy But he's speaking German to the camera and then they have to like dub over it with an actual cowboy So like nothing It's very here. Let me pull it up. I was just thinking because so we got some like promotional material from Marlboro Which I don't know where the little magazine thing you went But it's like it's so weird to me because I guess sometimes we buy cigarettes and like it's weird to me that they've stuck with the cowboy

thing for so long and that's what's supposed to like appeal to us as like to Sort of generic You know, it's like yeah, that's not why we smoke cigarettes like that's not why a lot of people like just figure out another Find your demographic Yeah Give it a night to switch the packaging up wooden box figure it out like just maybe some I don't know what it would be People just smoking on the street. That's all I need Somebody just standing outside of a restaurant smoking. That's that would trick, you know, that would be enough for me to smoke a cigarette

I'm gonna play this. All right. Oh, this is Out of friends, did you know that Spax is actually made in Germany more than 50 million Spax are produced in any metal each day That's a whole lot, ain't it? So it's quality Tight ass shirt. He's so old believe me I put a rough figure on it And I've used around 200,000 Spax in my house To me, it's obvious that Spax is the best

Some can't decide what he's wearing overalls and a black cowboy hat and then they're all the same, ain't they just some Spacks is plenty different types that you always get the best results without any stress And you know that you should never save on materials Yeah, straight up wraparounds. Yeah, I'll show you my holy shrine I've set up a new workshop And I'll show you what you can use all the different types for you can tell you can you can hear that German on him He's even like walking up to you. So this is my main Whole waffle of Spax this Spax is different to a cheap screw

The know-how that's put into it Oh, that's more than you think the head has a breaking and cutting rip for example I'll take you taking the Spax out. Yeah. How long is this? It's long because it's a promotional video made by the company But oh, okay, that's not gonna translate well at all the podcast It just sounds like a thing but go look up the information on I still feel like it's very silly Just hearing yeah, I act like you know a German with them leather overalls on Yeah, yeah, right. He's just walking around like clearly just a nice German countryside. Yeah, get out of here That's not the American West German cowboy schnitzel in the face ass

Just good good teeth Marge decided to move to Germany to help fight the Muslims that are taking over the country Stop doing this Homo, please It's me your good friend Christopher Walken. Yes, you got to stop being racist towards Muslims Homo this all the right stuff It's not good to be honest with you. It's makes me uncomfortable Got the choppers coming for us now Keeping me awake every night

Helicopters outside all the time It's I just typed in German cowboy, and I'm inundated with pornography Turn your safe search on German cowboy Ronnie Even more even more now is one of them me fucking I think my safe is on paying for that extra honey. It was something like that like conic on here German cowboy. Yeah, I'm not gonna older man movies free-point Oh

The cowboy novels that inspired Hitler, man, I I cannot be less interested in watching old dudes fuck That's probably my least touch genre of pornography. Oh, dude. Oh, dude's fucking the first One of the first like weird videos. I saw online It's these two older Japanese businessmen sitting next to each other on the couch and they're like rubbing each other's crotches That's kind of business. Yeah, and then they just start passionately making out. Yes, it's like yes, that's great It was very disturbing It was like so much worse than if it was just two guys fucking each other in the ass or is this weird It's too erotic too central. It's like too something like that

We make out and then they do a PowerPoint presentation about why they're not gay. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Well, my theory is that they were both Filipino slaves Owned by Filipino Americans who all own slaves by the way. Hey, yeah, that's now that thing. What can you do? Mm-hmm? I just I'd love a cultural thing. I can't do nothing a field day finding like woke Twitter accounts justifying slave ownership I saw one that was like this is up for it was like It was like this is for Filipino Americans to discuss amongst themselves And I was like, well, I mean I can I feel very comfortable being like no, I don't like slavery

I mean, you feel really good. I'm not involved, but I am going to judge every Filipino Manny Pacquiao's trainer white slave Manny Pacquiao slave That's it's it's cyclical circular Yeah, it's sort of like a Ponzi scheme of slavery. It's a circle of slaves. Yeah, this is the best sweet I found on it from Hannah Welch It's a white name a big ups white woman the Atlantic's My family's slave piece keeps reminding me of Estown a beautifully told story that we probably don't have the right to read Yeah, I

wrote it in the Atlantic Yeah, you don't get no wider man It's that's oh I found this in my notes also next to that tweet I had saved I wrote this to myself a sketch show where the property brothers rape lights camera Jackson It's not one of the sketches it's the whole show it's every sketch Saw sketches, but the sketch is the same I typed that into my phone before going to bed last night You put a little sleep head on right night

Hit the clapper telling yourself a bedtime story. All right Nick and uh, it's the property brothers, but Just like your eyes are all fluttering. You're like, will you tell me the same story tomorrow? I don't understand lights camera Jackson's deal, but I feel like it deserves to be violated by the property brothers Lights camera Jackson. Is that another he's like on the same channel. No, he's like on he's a Twitter guy, right? He's a boy that reviews movies. Oh Oh Okay, sounds like I was like this is some child boy. Yeah, it's definitely Hopefully a child and not an adult with 45-year-old man

Lights camera Jackson Marge. I've been getting really into the property brothers. It's good Homer. I want them to rape lights camera Jackson Homer, please It's an exasperated Marge Marge. I've become an irony, bro What would it take for Marge to leave on some real shit? Mm-hmm. Oh, you know Homer almost killed her a few times Yeah, I thought they the kids they got divorced and once I'm dating Lena Dunham like two seasons ago Oh, Jesus Christ. I missed yeah, don't make sense though. Yeah, I mean, how about it? Of course Lena would hit it next where Lisa has to get home or kicked out of the DSA because Homer has used to use the n-word on Twitter Yeah, that means if I Marge Lisa's trying to get me kicked out of the DSA because I she found out about my pre-woke period

Homer everyone's happy for you that you're woke now, but you can demand to be in black spaces But I want to be in black spaces Carl gave me permission. I wasn't Carl. That was Lenny Homer, I'm not the black one. He's right. I can do it Carl. He's right. I know I feel it's hard because I feel like your Impressions are so good that I feel bad chiming in with like a shitty impression. I'm gonna give it the old college try there Only black Simpson. Yeah Blue black barred mm-hmm barred Carl Carl the child I don't know his name when Wendell. Yes. Oh, yeah Wendell. They just let him cross his arms like a b-boy We're not gonna hire a black boy

Kick me out of the DSA Because he's listening to Gucci man, they found out I called somebody a faggot on tumblr in 2010 Now I'm not allowed to be in the DSA anymore Marge You know how important socialism has been to me for the last four months They can't take this away for me Homer with the rose emoji Oh We love you Homer. Oh, we're glad that you're woke. Well, fuck it. I guess I might as well just be racist now So now can let me join the DSA. I'm gonna start my own DS. It's just a stonecutter's episode

It's a DSA Yeah, he's got a birthmark that looks like a secret shut up Guys, what's the DSA? It's a secret how much I wish I could do Lenny Give you a week. I feel like that's a secret. That's a pretty good Lenny in my office. Oh, no People asking about the the DSA Hmm, shut up. Are you a political group? Shut up Barney do you want to join the DSA?

You have to be that trans version of Barney from the episode where he quit drinking Remember that? Well, I'm off to market That's the Barney that's allowed in the DSA This is the Marge Barney. Yeah, why was he why was he sober cuz he like got a girlfriend No, cuz there's that video of him at the party where he's like, that's what I look like when I'm drunk Oh, yeah, and he finally was like, no, that's a fuck once I do Barney. I can't go back That's the switch. That's the kill switch. No, that's yeah. No, it's gone. Oh, it is gone Well, it was fun. Well last no, that's his stage. We call professor Barney

This is what you look like when you're drunk remember Well, I'm off to market Barney you're no he goes Marge. You're embarrassing us. Oh, it's just Barney And then there you go. I've recapped that. Yeah, that was a great episode. Thank you vague approximations Nailed it though. And that is a fun riff though DSA Homer DSA Homer Muslim Ben Homer. Yeah Muslim Ben Homer is pretty great Filipino slave Also a banger Marge, I'm Filipino now. I'm allowed to have a slave

You're not Filipino, but I'm yellow Oh, you're yellow, too. That's Filipino, right? What if like what if Mac Raining was like What if my brain was like Chinese, aren't we? I mean, there are characters that are white on the show If Mac Raining was like J. K. Rowling and he just kept like revising the Simpsons or whatever and he was like, actually, they're they're all Asian and Who is like a Rachel Dole's all character and that's why Hank Azaria is playing her He's just like I have been in my entire life

If they released that The Simpsons was all Filipino right now the Philippines would shit They'd be so happy to be nice as much as I'm sure to most of it is drawn in the Philippines I had a Filipino homie in high school and All I know about Filipino people is they are aware of every Filipino celebrity Yeah, like we were like juniors in high school and he was telling me that all six of all six The the woman on the raisins box. Yeah, I would just remember him telling me the new lead singer of Journey is Filipino Like dog we're 16

The new lead singer of Journey is Filipino like us Well if I'm not Filipino then why do I have a slave? Hey, answer me that genius cut over to Millhouse Shut up Bart's friend Lola Millhouse You're doing it because you love Lisa yeah, if you want to marry Lisa you'll make us dinner I go sleep on that laundry pile. Oh Oh, man, the Simpsons are gonna send a lawyer like to all our cribs Being sued by the same homerous Filipino

That would be like my proudest I'm gonna do a city yourself served I'm gonna do a spin-off that's just called the Homer Simpson podcast. I Listen, I would listen you wouldn't even need you wouldn't even need gas We got enough money coming in now off the premium episodes that like I was thinking about bankrolling a podcast network And I had an idea to just pay to women to just talk about their feet and like putting on shoes Hey, which would crush I hello. Yeah, no if you want it Yeah, if you just want to be the woman the two women that just talk about I'll be to I'll be the two women I don't want to speak with someone

Wow my feet smell you can't you can't my feet smell worse You can't keep a conversation going for a fucking hour with just one person I can do it. Yeah. Oh with just myself But I'm pretending it's too many. Yeah, I'll copy I'll steal my idea of of hiring basically prostitutes You are right, but it's not not is just I'm a paralegal. Okay. I know the boundaries. You're good I'm a pair of legals. Mm-hmm. I think I still remember The 100% real official Homer Simpson

Hello everyone, Dan Castellanetta here voice of Homer Simpson and you're listening to the Fox presents by Tide and Maybelline Simpsons 100% copyright real trademark podcast 100% legally allowed to be used all this content belongs to us and is endorsed by both Fox Network and Tide and Maybelline and Tide and Viacom and everyone in the entertainment industry Scientology told me to do this Oh on a side note, I still tell people about when you sent me the Mom's feet was it that yeah, this is crazy YouTube video. Yeah, man. It's like random as fuck like we hadn't talked in like two weeks

Yeah, one in the morning Yeah, I found this mom's feet on YouTube is like a great search And I saw this one video where this guy's like just pulling off his mom's sock while she's asleep I remember the camera's moving around and then you just see his dick come up in the frame when he comes on her feet Like four seconds ago, wasn't there one where like Somebody got upset that someone was filming her feet. I feel like that was a thing. Must have been that's got at least only one video One a week where he's like filming and she's like, what are you doing? That's half a Vimeo March and we need to feed now women being upset that they're being yeah, Homer. Did you put a video of Lisa's feet on the internet?

No Well, I'm not uploading videos of Lisa's feet to the internet I Want to dial up Shit, all right. Well, that was a fun episode you guys were good and yeah It's come down. Yes, thanks for having us this man for yeah, all that they're whatever I'm on the internet fuck with me. Yeah guys if you enjoyed Dana and Jamel Jamel's guy's own podcast called Air Buds Yeah, and Dana's works at some jobs

Follow me on Twitter and yeah, I'm doing stuff. It's not Dana C. Bell. There you go. Yeah, I'm working on stuff and And starting next week, I'll be back in New York with two slices of pizza. Yeah Yeah, that's what he calls them. He calls them as two slices My favorite slices, my New York slices, my two large sons. Yeah, my two big my two big baby boys Can you get that done legally? Can you just make them like you're you know executors to your will and your kids? Yeah, probably Okay, well good night