The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. 63 – Scaramucci News Episode

Episode Date: August 3, 2017

we do an analysis of the new press officer Tony Scaramucci. usually we don't do the news on this show but this guy seems important so were gonna spend the hole episode talking about him because people are gonna want to know more about this guy. has anyon

This will be an Adam-free episode. No, nice. Have we started? No. We already started. Can I just take a quick shit? No, man, you're the one who wanted to start, fuck you. You said let's start. You literally said that ten minutes ago.

Okay, but like I- Maybe twenty minutes ago. I took this pill and I now need to poop. Whatever, man. If you leave, you're replaced permanently on the show. It's now Amber's on both. Yeah, hand the microphone to Amber, please. You want me to prairie dog?

Yes. This entire episode. First of all, you fucked it up. Me and Nick had a cold open. Me and Nick had a cold open and now we can't- We will still do it, but it won't- Yeah, we had a cold open like a sitcom would. Like a scripted TV show.

Do it. Okay. Are you ready? Yeah. Charlie. Oh yeah, Charlie sucked my penis. Charlie sucked my penis. Oh, it's Charlie.

You guys remember that viral hit? I think that came out last week or something. It's pretty recent. Charlie bit my finger. Charlie sucked my penis. You wouldn't know it's fucked up? That video is from five years ago. No, I thought it was like longer.

No, it's from five years ago. Charlie bit my finger. Those kids are like grown-ups now. Yeah, they are. They're the king and queen of England. What? Whoever starts being gay the earliest becomes the king of England. Oh, wow.

So with Charlie- Adam's the king of England? Yeah, he is. What are you talking about? Adam's the princess of England. He's the princess of the doctor on the way out of his mom's pussy. He's the princess of England. That's not true.

A whole new world, don't you dare suck my dick. That one's gonna be good for a while the other day. A whole new world, don't you dare suck my dick. A whole new boat. He's just getting carpet head? Oh yeah. Magic carpet head? Yeah.

And they do carpet bombing. That's where they ride the carpet around and then he takes a shit and her pussy. You ever hear that sex move? Yeah, that's what we did to Afghanistan for the last 11 years. Whoa, dude. Shit, I'm sorry. Oh, we got Chapo Trap House. Sorry.

Sorry. You gotta get a little politically out of the pot again, yes? 11 years too. Bernie Sanders, dude. That's an accurate amount of time. Yeah, it's like 16 years. Like a retard. No, when do we go?

Fuckin' 1. 2001. Yes. We went right after. 2002. Yeah, we immediately invaded Afghanistan. And then Iraq 2003? I thought they were both good.

Not only was it a good joke, but you also had it accurate. Well, I meant that the carpet, the shitting and the pussy has only been 11 years. Oh, okay. That's one of those sex things that middle schoolers come up with. Like the dirty Sanchez. Oh yeah. I was a camp counselor and the kids, I was like, let's do your names. Also known as a tattletale.

Yeah, yeah. I was like, let's do our names when the city we're from. And then the guards elected me as the counselor of my particular bond because they knew I could be trusted to tell them who had been eating dried rats outside of their normal prison rats. And you better believe I tattled. So the kids, I was like, well, we're the oldest kids at camp. So we're the leaders now.

So you can select the third fact and they were like, let's do sex positions. Nice. And these like 14 year old kids told me some of the most gruesome and hilarious sex positions. The Tennessee pile driver. It's where you're fucking a girl through a wall and you like literally fuck her so hard you explode through the drywall. Oh yeah. A lot of people have done that.

The white dragon where you're getting head and then right before you bust, you shove your dick right down her throat and she coughs up the cum through her nostrils. Jesus Christ. I made one up in high school. I bought the little rascals. You know that one? No. That's when you fuck eight, eight, six year old boys.

It's a sex group called the little rascals. And a pit bull. Yeah. And a pit bull in the circle. That's a really good one. A whole team of them. Yeah. And then your honor, I'm sorry.

I'm just a little rascal. Yeah. Your honor, excuse me. I was spending a lot of time on urban dictionary. In college, one of my friends put a sex move on urban dictionary called the backstage pass with it, which had two Z's and the usage and ascendance was girl, show me that pose and that as is the backstage pass. It's like, yeah.

It's when a girl squats down and shows it was really bad. I don't know. It wasn't mine. Yeah. Do you guys know the Terry Shiavo? Yeah. Well, no, that's okay. Continue.

It's when you fuck Terry Shiavo. We used to call it getting drunk. We took your dick down her feeding tube. We used to say we're getting fucking Shiavo tonight. Oh, nice. Blackout. Yeah. I had a Terry Shiavo joke.

That's how long I've been doing stand up. Is that shit happening while I was doing comedy? Damn, dude. Bush administration stand up. Yeah, dude. Yeah. So I'm old school. What was it?

I don't know. Something about how she died doing what she loved. What was it? Because she was bulimic or whatever and then eventually they pulled her feeding tube out. Oh, that's not bad. I thought she got in that way as she was bulimic. That's not bulimia. That's anorexia.

Wait, really? Yeah. I thought she was in a car accident or something. There's a motorcycle accident. No, no, no. She had a stroke from being bulimic or something. I thought she had a motorcycle accident. That's Gary Busey.

Gary Busey is on life support right now. No, Gary Busey had a motorcycle accident. We got to get them hearts going for Gary right now. I don't want that tube pulled out. Get them heart for Gary. Yeah. Send a picture of your heart penis to Gary Busey. The Darwin?

It will match every dick pic. Do you know the Darwin? What? You put your limp dick in a girl's mouth and then it evolves into a boner and then it chokes and kills her and then you say survival the fittest bitch. Nice. Yeah. I hate these.

That's rude. Yeah. I hate all these. You know there's the glory hole? No. Then it's you capitalize glory. So it's like the movie glory. And that's when you stick your dick through a hole in a bathroom and then you beat a black

man with it on his back until a single tear rolls down his cheek. Denzel Washington. In the movie glory. Is that the one where they're, no that's obviously Amistad. It's about the black battalion in the Civil War. Matthew Broderick is their captain. A lot of black soldiers fought for the Confederacy. They loved it.

They loved it down there. They loved it down there. Think about that. Yeah. I agree. That's sound logic. Think about that. Oh of course.

Gavin makes that argument. Did you see the Cernovich video from today? No. It's really good. I'm sorry. I don't subscribe to r slash politics underscore cool. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't see every video that comes out. What happened? Some kid, some kid came up to him and he's like. I was watching heavyweights. I took your pills. Really? No.

But I love that movie so much. I want to watch heavyweights. I actually did nothing. I thought it would be a funny thing to say that I was doing instead of literally anything. And then it was. Wait. So I was watching heavyweights. That I wasted the day.

But I literally just got high and looked at things at home depot. That's why. Because when I said let's do one and you were like nah, how about three? That's what you wanted to push it back for? No. Because I had already gotten high and I was like too high to do the show. That would have been fun. Oh yeah.

Stoner Nick. Welcome Stoner Nick to the show. Yeah. The new cool Cali Vibes. Oh. Nick Mullin. Oh yeah. He's got a bunch of Doritos.

Nick. We're talking strains of weed today. What's your favorite? You like an indica? You like a heady satira? Yeah. I like that. I like that neon robo cop.

Oh shit. That goofy, that goofy the dog. You know what I'm talking about. Damn. That blackface mombo. That's my shit. Blackface mombo number five. Yeah.

Let me get some of that F-A-G-69 dude. That hardcore shit. You see that movie Blackface Mom? That retard diesel. I'm trying to get that extra chromosome. That fetal alkalisol syndrome. Pussy juice. Style.

You know. Oh yeah. Girl with a fucking. That's real body high. Yeah. Girl with a stoma so wide. You can stick your dick in it. That's the whole name of the strain of weed.

All of that. Girl with a stoma. Instead of, it's like girl. Because it started there. Girl with a dragon tattoo was a type of weed. And then they crossed that with a retard juice. Which was originally an offshoot of Beetlejuice. Remember we used to smoke Beetlejuice.

Oh yeah. They crossed Beetlejuice with just retard. There was a weed that started giving people down syndrome. Yeah. It was made by the government dude. Yeah. It's government weed. That's shit.

Government grows in the Pentagon. Dude. Yeah. That's shit. Government dude. There's this grow light in the oval office dude. Yeah. Under the eagle.

If you tap the eagle's beak three times. Right. It flips. This is the weed that Bill Clinton used to make Monica Lewinsky pass out so you could fuck her in the mouth while she was asleep. Yeah. It was actually it was not a cigar. It was a fat ass blunt.

Yeah dude. I love it. Oh shit. That would have been pimp dude. Yeah. Clinton did that. Oh yeah. Put a blout in her.

Inner puss. Inner snatch. It's great having not smoked weed in forever. I can take like one pole and then I'm fucked up for. Dude. I literally stopped for a month and I'm like that again. Yeah. Like I can take one.

It doesn't feel good. I don't particularly enjoy it. It's not fun. Yeah. I feel trapped. You know what I still have like anxiety and panic. Like yeah but it's because I'm high and then it just gives you an excuse to feel as shitty as you normally do.

That's true. I feel like it's what I use it for is to when I'm anxious and I'm freaking out I smoke weed and I'm like well there's nothing I can do now. I'm high. So I might as well watch movies and eat fucking Chinese food. Hell yeah. Watch UFC. I just watched the UFC event.

Who won that thing? Johnny Bones Jones. Bones Jones. It was a great. It was a really good event. He kicked him in the head. I saw that. That kick in the head.

Yeah. How are you? I used to be and now I'm back dude. I'm back at the booth. What do you mean you used to be? When I was a little. Well no. When I was a little.

The UFC is like three years old. I'm going to start covering the rodeo for the podcast for all the rodeo people. Rodeo heads. Yeah. Yeah. I love rodeo heads. I love that man. Just a red neck.

Karma police. Rest is man. He stole my truck. He stole my truck. And that bitch is now fucking somebody else. My dog. My job sucks. Hey, if you're going to cover the rodeo, maybe you and Adam can just carpool there because

he's a fucking rodeo clown. Yeah. Yeah. That's a good burn. You know, when it's good, it's good. You know, Adam is the guy from Dallas buyers club was AIDS. Very nice. Yeah.

Nice. That's the type of rodeo clown he is. I love it when the kids getting bullied like by a group of friends and then he starts that he adopts the strategy where he's like, Oh, nice guy. I am getting. Yeah. I am affected. That's my new strategy on the show.

That's literally what just happened to you with those DMs. Which ones? You're the one you're describing for the show. Yeah. Yeah. I made fun of someone that he liked DM me. It was like, nice dude. We don't want to be rude and say who it was, but a guy made fun of Chapo on Twitter.

Oh, nice. And the tweet tanked. And Adam will not have anyone make fun of his favorite show. Yeah. The show aspires to be on. Yeah, dude. I'm the 10th member of Chapo. Who are you going to?

Who are you trying to replace? I'm the Joe Jackson. Who are you trying to amber? Obviously. He's out of there. You got to get that badge on the show. You are. They do need a more feminine version.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You need a real queer on the show. A real rodeo queer dude. Yeah. Chill. Yeah.

That's cool. You white knight for Chapo. No. I mean, come on. You guys know that I'm a fraud. I've lied my way into left Twitter. I don't know what praxis means or any of that shit. I don't know what they're.

I don't know what dialectic means. You know, all the crossfits have like names like crossfit, low recite or crossfit. Do it. You know, or whatever. Yeah. The one in DC I saw was crossfit praxis. There is praxis rules. No.

It's just the way you apply a theory. There's one. There's one called in DC called humble beast. Yeah. Now I can't remember. Now I can't remember. It's named after my dick. I can't remember it was actually crossfit praxis or something equally stupid and praxis

is the one I used to make fun of it. But DC has like a very nerdy crossfit. Yeah. Crossfit dialectic. Yeah. It's something like that. Yeah. I went to a New York City nightclub folks on Friday night.

Uh-oh. Yeah. Well, hold on. This isn't going to turn into that Adam Friedland story out. I don't, I don't want it. You already get the one thing about the guy that DM'd you. You already said that. You said the story.

I didn't even say that. First of all, I don't know why you're not going to shit. I literally need to go to the fucking bathroom. You're not going to shit, bitch. But you're going to kick me off the show and put amber on it. Yeah, we are for good. Yeah, for good. Whether you shit or not.

Oh, let's trade. Let's just make a trade. I'm supposed to trade the chapo. When's the podcast trade deadline? A couple days. We want amber and we want feel like six times a year. Yeah. And then we want consider, we want producing considerations.

Yeah. We want Brandon to put a couple like some sound effects in. Yeah. Can you trade me to hell bent? And we still call you gay. We call you on the phone and you Skype in and we make you make fun of you. Oh, cool. Yeah.

Like a drive time radio. Yeah. Yeah. That's cool. I'll take it. I just want to feel like included. All right. So amber with hell bent.

We don't send you to chat book because that's what you want. No, obviously. Yeah. We put, you're getting busted down to the, the vager league. Whatever. The W. The W. M.

I. L. B. L. B. L. B. L.

B. L. B. L. B. L. B. L.

B. L. B. L. B. L. B. L.

B. L. L. B. L. B. L. B.

L. B. L. B. L. B. L. Br D.

L. B. L. B. L. B. This was the worst one. I put it on a nice plate.

You put it on a plate. This is the yeah. They look delicious. I bought a half a dozen donuts. Put it out for birthday boy. I want them so much. He keeps saying birthday boy. Oh yeah, happy birthday, Saf.

My birthday's February 11th. What's your sign? Aries? Aquarius. Aquarius, nice, because you get wet, dude. Oh yeah, I get it wet. I both do sherm and I get pussies wet. I get both kinds of wet.

Nick, what's your sign? Oh, I don't know. I don't know the zodiacs. The game? Uh-oh. Those are for women. I don't know. I don't even know what my birthday is.

I don't know what color my eyes are. December something. Yeah, I don't know my birthday. The fans can figure out what your birthday was too. The birthday's just listed on my Twitter. Is it? Yeah. Why are you threatening to have people look into me?

Yeah, dude. That's what that means. You little fucking weasel. You don't think I know what that means? Oh, well, I'm sure the fans can. You're implying you want people to stalk and harass. Damn, I want that fucking crawler, dude. Yeah, eat it.

No, fuck you. I don't want. I do want it, though. It's going to be good. Fuck, dude. I'm hungry. Yeah, well, you missed out. The Simpsons donut's already been eaten.

I know. I know. I'm so happy. I was so happy. Amber took the Homer, because your boy was about to fucking. Homer and Homer's head turns into that donut? Yeah. That treehouse of horror?

Oh, yeah. Is that when he goes into, like, the real world too? Don't pick at it. But I'm so delicious. Remember when he was 3D in the real world? Yeah, that was a cool one. Homer squared. That was great.

Or Homer cubed? I think cubed. Yeah, it was Homer cubed. That wasn't very good at all. God, that shit rocks. When I was a kid in Vegas, there was a house that they made into the Simpsons house. It was like a contest.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember that. And I remember being, because that was at the height of my Simpsons fandom. It was in Vegas. Right when the show got started to get shitty. And I remember being like, he's been as a kid, like, why would you want that?

That house was so fucking butt ugly. Yeah, because it was in my family friend's neighborhood. It looks like a crude drawing. Yeah, that was terrible. That was the point of it. Wait, it was a house that people got into the Simpsons. It was a shitty house. And it was literally the house from the Simpsons.

I just thought it was a museum. No, you get the Simpsons house. It's probably a museum now. It's probably a museum now, because it was such an ugly house. Isn't there something in Austin that's the Flintstones house or something? I don't know.

That sounds like something you came up with in a diabetic. No, first of all, I was in. You're in. I was in. I've got too many sugars going on. Why does it sound like that? Where's that Flintstones house? It's me, Candy Lips.

It's me, Candy Lips. I'm on a sugar vacation on another plane. I'm a minor character from Adventure Time. I've elevated myself to high levels of consciousness by way of fruit roll-ups. I'm at the free base fruit roll-ups. Transcended reality, thanks to these York Peppermint patties.

First of all, those sucked. I would never. I would never. I saw a stop chopping up lines of sweet and low. He said he was going to lose him some weight. He's been sounding with Swedish fish, making him swim upstream like salmon water. Wait, what's sounding?

Up your dick hole. Yeah, you've been shoving Swedish fish up your dick hole. Would you suck a Swedish fish out of a guy's dick? Wait, yeah. Hm. What a trade-off. Another one of my world-famous hypotheticals. Yeah.

What is that? A lot of posing cards, dude. I hope someone does like what I want to think about it. That would be a good supercut of our show if someone did every single one of us. No, we should shoot a game show that Stav has. I write the fucking game. People are like, no, of course not.

I was like, damn. Oh, fuck, all right, well, anyway. I don't think anybody gets the money, then. Good night. Oh, fuck. Boys, I moved into a real motherfucking room. Oh, today's not storytime, apparently. That's how we got two boys in real rooms.

You got to clear with Nick. Shut up. No, I don't. If you have enough charisma, you can tell a story. I have tons of charisma. Zero charisma. That's not true at all. You're a black hole of charisma.

I am told constantly that I am lying to your mom. I didn't say charisma again. He's been saying charisma a lot. Has he? Yeah, he just learned the right way to say it. First of all, it's charisma. Yeah. OK, that's the actual word.

I said it was a Greek word before you did, so there's no reason for you to even say that it's a Greek word. I'm sorry. I already told people. I apologize. I already apologized. Tell me anyone. I already said I'm sorry.

All right, you're suspended for two minutes. Oh, Satan, not today. You're suspended for two minutes. Not today, Satan. Uh-uh. Uh-uh, Satan. It's 409 you can't. He's using black girl magic.

Not today. Quick, get his hair wet. That's the only antidote. Touch his hair. One of those spray balls for cats. Touch his hair. Everybody touches hair. We all touch his hair at the same time.

It'll destroy his power. That would be so funny if Stav like started using black girl magic. It was like slapping his weave. I came in the apartment. Just going to use that tap on the cornrows. What was I going to say? Yeah, we got real rooms.

I got, I think the whole squad's in real rooms now. I'm actually temporarily homeless for 10 days. Yeah, and you were the only one with a cool apartment. I'm about to have an apartment, yeah. And now, me and Icy. You little, Icy little bitch. You're moving out of my place today. To displace more people from Brooklyn to make a legal hotel.

Tell the story about the place you're living and the family that was living there beforehand. It's not a family. It's a cop, actually. That's living there. Old black woman. No, it wasn't. No, it's not.

It's a white cop. And it was a rent-controlled apartment. She's been riding the bus since the protest day. Nope, it's a cop in the struggle. No. She rode a bus into Brooklyn directly from the plantation. No, it's a police brutality. The free-duty plantation in South Carolina.

No relation. I mean, there might be. I don't know. I did a Black Lives Matters eminent domain, and I took away that cop's home. Oh, is that what happened? No. My rich friend bought a, or your rich Jew friend

steal a home from the blacks in Brooklyn. I don't think that, no, that didn't happen. So it's a cop? The cop that my unit is occupied by a cop. Who else lives in that building? The rest of the units are empty. The cop is the last one to take. I had to shoot in a cop's apartment for some commercial.

In Manhattan. That apartment was crazy. No, I'm Queens. Yeah, it was some police sergeant, and we went into this place. I didn't know it was a cop's place, so I'm helping, I don't know, pre-light the fucking apartment, whatever it is.

And you go in, and there's all these taxidermied animals around the ceiling. Like the fucking, you know, like that, whatever that, Hunter's Denny's in the adventure or two, you know? In Africa. But this is just an apartment. It's like a fucking two bedroom apartment. Where was it in Queens?

In Queens, yeah. In a story or what? Wait, no, you know, maybe it was in like Flappish or something. I thought, yeah, I thought you said it was, I don't remember. Either way, it's in there. Maybe it was in Sunset Park. Oh, OK. Oh, OK.

Cool. Now I can't fucking remember where it was. Maybe it was in Bay Ridge. The place with the worst dumplings in the world. Guinea Gulch. Yeah, it was in some fucking place where a cop would live. And then there's also in the living room, like those rena center couches, you know, like a big ass fucking joint.

Shiny ass couches. The big leather fucking couches with like nine cup holders. Yeah, I love that. Yeah, that kind of shit. And levers for reclining. Yeah, like, you know, when like, what? What for reclining? The idea of like a man gave from when you were a kid.

Like, yeah, we felt like a big screened projection TV. No girls. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, just like a disgusting giant sectional. Yeah, yeah, nothing can be moved at all. And then a signed copy of Blue Bloods poster TV show. Signed Blue Bloods poster. By Dunnir Walberg.

And then signed. And then I think 24 or something. Yeah, yeah. Oh my god. This guy, who they got? Selig signed that? What's that? Who signed it?

Selig? Selig and Blue Bloods are in Chicago, D.D. It's funny because like, Blue Bloods is a story about like a cop family. And it's like, you know, a cop dad and his son's a cop. And now his grandson's a cop. But his dad was a cop. And his granddad was a cop. So the cast is like this 35 generations of cop family.

And there's, you know, it'll be the old like patriarch cop. It's like, ah, this isn't how it was in my day. And then an even older man will come around from the corner and be like, what's that, sonny? Because you don't know how it was in my day. And then a literal corpse will come out from behind him and be like, who's that? Being some prehistoric cop language.

It doesn't. There's fucking like the cop family goes back to, I think, 1680. Nick, you got cops in your family, probably. No, I don't have a single cop in my family. Really? Yeah. Wow. My cousin was murdered by the police, actually.

Really? Yeah. That's cool. Yeah. That's crazy. Well, he had a gun. And I think you waved it at him. I was running away, and they shot him in the back.

Wow. Big Irish family, no cops. Yeah, no, not a single cop. But you have like feds in your family, though, right? I have an uncle that worked at the Pentagon after being in the army, and he was probably the one that reported me to the FBI. To the FBI.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Filly uncle. Should we get him? Should we fucking retaliate? Yeah, we should get him, dude. We should threaten DOD officials. Dude, yeah, we got the power of podcasting on our side, dude. Yeah.

Yeah, we got it. Come nation. Stav, what? Come on. Dude, someone's going to get pink eye one of these days. Shut up, dude. No, you shut up. You're going to get pink eye to match your pink hole.

Yeah, you're a pussy. Thank you. Remember when I called you a rodeo clown, bitch? I'm a clown. Now that it came back, I can appreciate that burn for what it was. Actually, rodeo clowns are really tough. The clowns are really going for lunch at McDonald's

because you're Ronald McDonald, the clown. Hell, yeah, dude, you fucking. Yeah. Oh, hold on. I think I got some balloons here for you. Maybe you can tie in the animals. Wait, when he said he's moving earlier and he's got to bring his dog with him, it's like,

well, be careful because she's made out of balloons. Yeah. And she might pop on the way over to your new place. That was good timing. You fucking bitch. Yeah, you got that in right at the right moment. Hey, buddy, you want, hey, I got some extra white face paint. For what?

To have my come in here and white face paint. Tell your clown mom that I got a big tent for her over here. Oh, it's his asshole. No, it's the Democratic Party. Sorry, sorry, guys, sorry. Stop it, guys. The big tent is sorry. When you wake up in the morning and your dick

is making the sheets stand down. Oh, nice. Yeah, dude. Good, good one. Yep, yep. That's the circus your mom belongs to. I love you guys, man. Yeah, dude.

We're such good friends. Bitch. We're best friends, all of us. We're so close. When did you guys, you guys' uniforms come yet? The clown uniforms? Oh, no, not yet. The official.

Tuesday. It was supposed to come yesterday. It's not that there's not more clown related businesses. I know. I thought, oh, this is going to be a good one. I know. What else do we have? We got McDonald's.

Oh, that's it. They're the only ones with a clown. The jack in the box. That's not a clown. No, it's literally a jack in the box. Fucking idiot. Fucking dumbass. Come on, it looks like a clown, though.

Come on. It's got a fucking red nose and shit in it. You dumb piece of shit. It's a jack. Hold on. There's more clowns in media. Adam, let me ask you something. Yeah, the Joker, dude.

Yeah, whoa, do you see that synergy, dude? Crazy. Synergy? Yeah, because you said why so serious. I said the Joker. That's the only other clown people can think of. Yeah, I guess so. But he is.

Maybe, technically. Besides you. And the clowns in Washington. Nice, dude. That's hilarious. They should really have. Dude, stop on Chappo to just say the clowns. I was in love with you.

Over and over again. Haven't been the worst episode possible, like second only to the Brandon Wardell episode. Yeah, exactly. That's the baseline, like you can't go lower. Oh, yeah. You can't be the worst. Absolutely not.

It's funny that that's the worst one. Of course. What the fuck does Brandon know about anything? Nothing. Yeah. Except being a clown, maybe. Uh-oh. Do you guys see each other at clown school

where you went to college? Is that why you and Brandon are friends? Brandon did not get an education in any way, and we came together in the same tiny car. Yeah, tiny car. That's good. Brandon couldn't pass the literacy requirement for clown college.

Whoa, dude. Bring a fellow clown. That's got to be against the clown code of ethics. No, you got to be able to read an eighth grade level. You know, it's funny, like in 9-11, when they brought in all the firefighters all the way out from Ohio and like in DC when up. To help out.

It'd be like, you know, those clown firefighters that they have in the circus. Like even those guys showed up. They'll just bring in that ladder. Whoa. Yeah. So, well, yeah. Now that I have a room, I'm looking forward.

I've got to interior decorate it. Yeah, I'm going to help you out with that, dude. I want my design game to be. Get one of your Chinese girlfriends to do Feng Shui in there. Can you? That'd be good. What's Feng Shui mean?

It's like the order of things. I think it's like ordering things the correct way for like the energy flow of the spirits. That's so gay. Of the ancestors. No, it's not, dude. Yeah, it is. You're honestly, at a certain point in your life,

going to get really into it. What, Feng Shui? I can assure you. No, it doesn't appeal to me. Yeah, it does. No, I'm more about the purchases. I know you're about purchases. But when you get your own apartment,

you're going to get really like fucking. I had my own apartment when I was 21. I know, I know. But when you get one. It's $600 a month for a one bedroom apartment. That's pretty good. Imagine that existing still. Yeah.

Damn, dude. All of his furniture was pizza boxes. Yeah. Stacked high. No, I got a good deal on a couch and love seat set at Goodwill for like $50. What? It's pretty good.

Really? I could do better. No, you can't. Yeah, Craigslist. Especially, stop. You should be looking right now. Because this is a big moving day. Stop it.

You're listening to Adam's Deal Corner on the Come Down podcast. Stop roasts. Stop roasts. Listen to me. 50% off, 80% off, 90% off. It's a big moving day today. It's the last day of the month.

You should look on Craigslist. Seriously. That actually is a good. And this is a big moving month, too. He knows deals. Your boy knows deals. What am I going to do? These prices are so crazy, you're

going to think I'm mentally retarded, folks. Come the retarded Jeffs. Hey, come on down. Every town has that guy. Furniture clearance sale. Every town has that guy. So low, you'd think I'm retarded. Yeah, there's like a coked up, like, fucking deal guy

in every single town. He's there so drool on most of the furniture, yes. But ignore that. I'm retarded. Is there a what on? Is there some drool? Oh, drool. Drool.

I thought you were saying droor. I thought you said gi-drool, the rush. Gi-drool. Look at this fucking gi-drool over there. I thought that's Italian. Yeah. No, it's Italian. Gi-drool?

Yeah, they say in sopranos. Gi-drool. Yeah, I'm trying to get my shit. I'm ready to fuck luxuriously now that I have four walls. You should, I think, what kind of mattress are you fucking with? I have a full. I already have. A full?

Yeah. You should go queen, dude. You're an adult. Dude, I wish I had just bought the nice mattress at Ikea when I got my bed. What do you have? I spent the money on the bed, and I'm like, fuck. I can't believe I'm buying a bed instead of just making it.

And then you have to get the mattress. And I was like, I don't want to spend another $400. I'm building a bed. Yeah. So then I just fucking, I paid the money for the cheapest Ikea mattress. Oh, dude, what are you doing? Oh, that's fucking stupid, dude.

Upgrade, brother. You should get a nice mattress. I had worse an upgrade. I was coming from a flat piece of wood that I've been sleeping on for years. Seriously, dude, you spent, OK, back to Adam's deal corner. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Adam's advice quarter.

Guys, you spend a third of your life as a human being in bed. That's not really. I sleep in a nice mattress. I sleep like four hours a night. OK, fine. I'm like, are you one of those guys? I'm Mr. Production. Nick is one of those guys.

That's John Gruden. I wake up at 4 AM. I go for a 7 and 1 half mile run. I come back. I do another 18 and a half mile. I do a 9K. And then, you know, I fucking, I write encrypted threatening emails to North Korea.

I try to make that situation worse, because I'm hedging. I got a bunch of money wound up in Samsung's competitors. So I figure you create a war on the Korean peninsula. You can destroy Samsung. Suddenly, all the Chinese LCD manufacturers I'm investing in become a great option. I'm getting that Chinese TV. Yeah, because I told you, because I've been spreading money

into those companies. No, because it was the consumer because the reviews. No, it's entirely me manipulating the markets. No, it's consumer reviews. I'm what you call smart money. No, I just spent a lot of time on consumer reviews. And by that, I mean that is my nickname that you are to refer to me as for the rest of our motherfucking

smart money over here. All right, y'all looking at small money. Hey, brother, small money. That's me. You're like a Muslim investor. I live right next door, too. There's an old black guy that wears these fuzzy white Kangol hats.

Hell, yes. Yeah. And I want them so bad. Get one, dude. Why can't you? Because they're his. He weighs you. Imagine if that guy saw me walking out wearing the same.

Well, you could get the fudgy. I'm wearing it. Oh, no, it's a coincidence. That's even more interesting. Wait, is it a fuzzy like gentrifying the neighbor is one thing, but you're going to just like take your swag. Wear the same clothes as a seven-year-old black man. You were ready to do that.

No, I don't. What the fuck are you talking about? What do you think the tracksuits are about? What do you mean? What do I think? I've been wearing tracksuits for decades. Tracksuits are cool, dude. How many decades?

Literally decades. How many, too? Since that old black guy was like a middle-aged black. A slightly less old black guy. Wait, fuzzy Kangols. Is it Newsboy or Bucket? It's Newsboy. You should get fuzzy Bucket Kangols.

Those are tight. I'm trying to go Bucket. I might go Bucket, but then long-sleeve ringer, pukashell necklace, bono sunglasses, cargoes, and air walks. That's a look, bro. That's a look. 98 forever, baby.

That's a look, brother. Yeah, only take pictures of myself and a fisheye lens doing some weird thing with my hands. Like fake gang signs on your fingers? Yeah. Everything's a neon green background. Oh, yeah. You know?

Damn, dude. I remember I wanted a neon green Pontiac Sunfire. So bad, dude. Wow, that was my shit. Yeah, dude, I want a cool Cavalier. When I was 14, dude, that's what I wanted, dude. That was in my dreams. You know a car I used to sweat a lot?

I want it when the RSX, when the Integra. Plymouth Prowler. Whatever the Integra. No, no, no. The Integra. What's Integra? Import. Like an Accuracy Integra.

It was the RSX. That was like the next, I don't know. I don't know, in the fucking Japanese market with those cars are cool. The Asian kids in my high school were obsessed with this. When I Integra became the RSX. The Asian kids in high school loved Accuras and break dancing. What about Infinities?

Infinities are cool. Infinities are Japanese. I like those. I want one of those now. You can't race those, you know? They're not race cars. Accuras are like more like zippy race cars. Totally race anything.

Me, race any car. Race any car. Jinx. Synergy. I actually said it before you. Nothing synced up about it. We're on the same cycle, dude. Nice.

Never. Never in my life would I be synced up with you. Shut the fuck up. Beach ass. Copying me. Oh, that's true. I said it before you. No, you didn't.

I said you could race any car before you. The wrong thing. And then I started disagreeing with you. Run the tape back. I'll run it back. Hold on, hold on. Change your opinion and say the exact opposite. I'm just saying Accuras are more common street racing cars.

I'm gay, I'm Adam, it's me. Here's me saying the thing a second after you. There it is. Whoa, did you hear that? Just listen to it. Damn. Hold on. Let me run it back a little bit.

I fucking love technology. Let me run it back before we were officially required. Yeah. Yeah, I'm very gay. I had made it. Adam, don't say that. We're about to record in five minutes. It's exactly 425 minus 3rd.

It's exactly 3.55, 55 PM. I don't care. I want everyone to know I'm gay. I take that as a compliment. Calling me gay is a compliment. Adam, what if the recorder accidentally somehow went into the past, like that movie Arrival? Pretty cool.

We got like an Inception thing going on. That makes this what I like to refer to as a high concept podcast, not today Satan. Who said that about Satan? How did the gayer guy than me sneak in here? What are you doing? A bit now? All right.

Well, there we go. It's back to normal. We're back to the normal tape. Yeah. So Nick was right about saying whatever. Once again. What were you talking about? You were listening.

You were listening. I love it. I love it. I feel vindicated. My eyes just lit up saying about a way to call you gay. And I forgot everything we were talking about. It's a compliment, guys. Oh, boy.

Yeah. I'm thinking about getting into biplanes. That could be my old guy thing. Biplanes? I'm thinking about the metric system. And an eccentric millionaire. No, I could see you getting into helicopters. No, not helicopters.

Biplanes. That's a lot of storage, though, bro. Yeah, I'm going to have a facility where Western PA. Would it piss you off? You guys off like, I think it would piss you guys off a lot. It's something you're going to do. If I only use the metric system, would that really piss you off?

Yeah. I'm surprised you don't already do that. Is your dick even measurable in inches? That's a really funny hipster thing. Sorry, the rest of the world uses it. We've got to think outside of our America. That is what you do when every time you mispronounce something on purpose, you're essentially doing that.

I don't do it on purpose. No, that's like a stupid, you don't even know if it's ironic or not, sort of dad joke thing. No, I don't do that. You said lever earlier. You know it's lever. A lot of people call them lever. You know it's lever, you fucking asshole.

My parents are from another country, OK? They pronounce words differently. Fuck you, mine are more than yours. I was raised in another country, and I had a different accent for a while when I was a child. I had an accent going into fucking pre-K, bitch. OK, I had an accent going into kindergarten. I talked like a fucking South African.

She was African. Yeah, I was like, yeah, this is my mommy, and this is my diddy. And you were just pointing to other children, other boys. Diddy, this is my diddy house, and I am the mummy. He put a birthday hit in my ass, the cone, and it went all the way up to the rubber band. This is so fucking good.

Oh, please put a cone in me, Ace. Stop eating Stav's food. Please, thank God, finish that. Stav can't eat it, dude. I'm going to get him one of those, you know, water dispensers and a hamster cage, but it's just filled with icing. What kind of icing?

I don't know, some Betty Crocker shit. Don't do cream cheese icing, please. That's your weakness? Don't do that one. Or don't do anything with hazelnut. Fuck, dude, Eldest got ice cream, and I've been just taking a little spoonful every night. I love your illness, dude.

It's a fucking addiction. I can't help myself, dude. We're traveling in LA. Eldest is also fat. Yeah, yeah. Eldest is just tall, so he could pull off. Yeah, it's so annoying. He's stretched out.

It's so annoying, but he's fat as shit. He's fat as shit, yeah. It's so annoying how much easier it is to fuck when you're tall. And he can still wear skinny jeans. He's like a fat guy that wears skinny jeans. But he chooses to. It's so funny how much you're just a fat woman,

and the way you complain about your interactions with women, you have the same exact complaints as a fat woman. Oh, no, it's annoying. It's fine. These tall bitches. It is annoying how much easier it is to fuck when you're tall. Lindy Stav, dude.

Lindy Stav. Yeah, you and Lindy are very similar. Lindy East over here. Oh, damn, dude. Lindy Eats. Don't fucking burn me by calling me Lindy East. We're going to roast you, dude. We're going to rotisserie you.

That sounds delicious. Adam's gone. Amber. Amber, hop on the mic. Hop on the mic. Quick, before he comes back. Yes, all right. There you go, Adam's off the show.

Adam's off the show. Welcome, Arne. It doesn't matter. No, I helped him out here. Fuck you, Adam. Fuck Adam. Call me Lindy East. I think that's going to fly.

I am your defender, but right now, they're on a roll. And Adam gets in trouble for it. No, no, he said Lindy East. Yeah, which is. Oh, you said Lindy East. Which was the worst one. How about Lindy Waste? Waste or, oh, like, large waste?

Like, kaka. How about waistline? Yeah, that's also that. It's both of them. OK. Oh, that's not going to work. Actually, that will fuck up the recorder if you plug that shit in. Don't plug it in, you motherfucker.

No, they're really on a roll right now. I feel like Amber's contributing a lot to the show right now. I agree. Why is he silencing women? Yeah, dude, be a fucking team player. What should I do then? Just kind of hang out. You know, you can play Crash Bandicoot or something on the PS4.

Look, there's another donut you can eat. Yeah, just eat the donut. I know that this really hurts my feelings. No one can hear you, man. You're off the mic. Yeah. Most people eating does not hurt my feelings, but. Adam, we can't hear you.

He said that this hurts his feelings, guys, in a gateway, by the way, in case you were wondering. Well, I guess if I have to concede to male tears here. Yeah. Yeah, go ahead. Give him the mic back. When's the last time you cried? I don't know.

Have you ever? Oh, yeah, that's true. Yeah, they cried at the end of a fast seven. No. Paul Walker? Yeah, yeah, seven, seven. Yeah, seven was good, dude. I cried at the end of passing Furious Seven.

Hell yeah, dude. When did I cry? Not, I mean, not a lot. It was just like, you know, the duration of the movie. Paul! Where's Paul? I forget who it was. When I was a kid, there was some other kid

telling a story about his mom being like a bitch and crying at trailers, or crying at movies, and she cried at the trailer to gladiator. Oh, no. Like, preview to gladiator. Hell yeah, dude. Dude, that should have said, they killed his family. Dude, that should have, that used to piss me off

when I'd look over at a movie and my mom was crying. My mom would, my mom just falls asleep. Fucking hate that shit, dude. Shut up. I know, I wouldn't. Oh, my god. I'll get mad. Oh, my god, damn it.

That is so fucking funny. Well, I'm so gay. No, totally, dude. I used to hate that shit. I can now wait. Damn, the poor woman that marries you, dude. Have you ever seen your father cry? I'm not going to fucking marry anybody.

You're right. I'm so glad I've never seen my father cry. Yeah, I've never seen my dad cry. Apparently, he cried when the dog died, but I wasn't there for it. My dad would cry every time we'd leave Greece. No, I've seen my mom cry, though. For leaving.

Yeah, I mean, the Greek guys suck each other's dicks to say hello. That is true. Of course, they're going to cry. That's not going to do the crying, though. You cried when Eldis cut off access to that ice cream. No, I would, though, yesterday. He saw Winslet Starved.

You've been taking tiny, tiny table spoons of my ice cream. I love that Eldis is home. Yeah, he sort of is. He sounds like a lot like home. Stop it. You've been taking tiny table spoons. I'm a hype. He doesn't know.

He's going to be so upset when he sees that half a pint is missing those vintage areas. He's going to be legitimately mad from your one food. Who's been eating my table spoons? Sov, when's your last cry? Last cry. It was recent, but I can't remember why. Probably because because.

You're fucking shilling his paper. Go ahead, Nick. It's paper, because Bobby didn't return your phone call. No, no. He cried at Bobby's baby's birthday cry. I do love Max. I do love his baby. Oh, you love Max?

He's fake. In case the audience isn't familiar, Sov is on a first name basis with a baby. What's wrong with having baby friends? I like babies, man. Yeah, let's list off all the babies you're friends with. The one that's the son of the guy who you're trying to get work from, Sophia.

That's it. That's the end of the baby. No, it's Sophia. My brother's got a daughter. Yeah, right. What's Sophia's last name? Copeland. I'm not going to tell the fucking people.

I don't want people to look it up. You don't even know that baby. Can't look up a baby, dude. Yes, you can. How? The last thing, you could live up the fucking. You could look up their fucking. Get that baby fired from the titties.

Yeah, get that baby fired from the strip club where the baby works. Fuck you guys. I cried for a really gay reason. You guys are welcome to make fun of me. Let's hear it. No, let's talk about, let's not. So his story just bombs.

That's funny. All right, go ahead, tell it. I was on the train, and one of those single string Chinese violin guys was playing old Lang Syne around New Year's. And I don't know why, but I just started crying. It was really emotional. Yeah, that's a really funny story. It's not funny, dude.

I was being open with my friends. Oh, you're being open? Yeah, like your asshole with men. Guys, it's just opening up. And Stav's ignoring the show to look at historic photos on Facebook. Wow, Stav, you're on Facebook? But his picture is season B.

How's it feel, boys? It feels really bad, actually. I'm always the dream. I'm looking at stuff that's important for the show. No, you're not. You're almost never. I'm DMing. No, I'm never DMing.

You always are. I'm not even on social media anymore. You're on Instagram. Somehow you're DMing. I'm DMing with the fans. I'm DMing with that guy with PTSD that has to message me all the time. Shut up.

He's a good guy. Yeah, he's a good guy, but he has PTSD. Whatever, dude, he's happy, dude. That means he's disabled, and therefore an enemy of our ableist podcast. That is true. Dude, I want to make it clear to everyone who listens to this. I fucking walk, motherfucker.

I take the stairs everywhere I go. I'm an able-bodied individual, and I'm proud of it. You're proud of it. What the fuck? We have able-bodied pride. We have handicap pride parades. I just see him wheeling these motherfuckers down the street. I have never seen one of those.

Once a year, we got to have the fucking handicap pride parade. Where's the parade for people who can use their legs? Don't say that to every other parade, because it's not. Yeah, there are typically a lot of amputees at the Puerto Rican Day parade. Of people who can walk entertainment television. Yes. Channel, because people would say it's fucked up.

If you had a show where people were just walking around all the time, just close-up shots of knees bending the right way. You would literally go to jail. You'd be arrested if you made that show. Channel, so. You know what is annoying? The footage of fat people walking whenever there's a food stall. Without their heads?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's just like a huge man's ass. And it's like, obesity is the epidemic. I love that search. Having diarrhea in their pants probably right now. Food for parades, dude. They're incapable of properly wiping. My poor people, dude.

I'm a fat, I'm a fat fucking activist now. Fat pride. It's funny to think that like there's like. Fat is beautiful. There's like 11 inches in between the end of Stov's ass and his actual asshole. And so the cross section. I would say closer to six.

No, where he has to like wipe that he misses all the time. I'm a very clean asshole. He can't get all the sides. You know what I mean? Yeah, I mean. Back him up here, Adam. Yeah, I don't know. I kind of want to teach.

I kind of want to stop a lesson here and be like, you know what, Nick? That's not nice, you know? And stick up for my friend, Stov. Oh, well. Nick is making fun of him. Shut up, bitch. Yeah, that would be a fucking bitch ass thing to do.

All right, stop back me up here. Yeah, I 100% agree. You fat fuck. You fat ass piece of shit. Hey, what the hell? You long ass crack motherfucker. I do have a long ass, bitch. Just because you got a tiny little ass.

You know? Dude, I fucking stop. You got a small little crack on his ass. I was looking at Randall and his pictures the other day. Oh, yeah. Big ass Randall and our ex-boyfriend. Love Randall and there's a comment from some guy that I got her.

It's the funniest fucking shit. Hold on, let me see. What is it? What's the comment? From Johnny Morris, Beckton White, 252. My wet dream came true. Oh, holy shit, god damn. I'm a busted nut all over that.

Fat, white, perfect, voluptuous, gigantic, thick, bazooka, bubble, bubble, goddess ass, god damn. I'm horny. Just look at this picture. 220% perfection, baby mom. Jesus Christ. Hell, yes. That wasn't enough for him.

He had another comment after that. I love you, baby. I don't give a fuck what anybody says. 220%. Keep it up. Do your thing, baby mama. Hell, yeah. And then another man responds.

Everyone write pretty ass, love your body, and blah, blah, blah. And now just imagine, how the fuck you could be able to fuck this woman? How? Ha ha ha ha ha ha. So true, dude. I always wonder, you know when like porn stars like put them

like a clip of them sucking dick on their Twitter? Sure. And then they have like 2,000 retweets? Like who's retweeting that on their page? Like people that are really about that life. I mean horny like retarded guys? It's retarded guys. There's a lot of retarded, big fans of porn stars.

Like Lisa Ann sucking a dick on their page? Yeah. You know? And it's like an innocent thing, you know? They're interacting with their favorite stars. My favorite is the ones that are like, I would be good to you guys. Oh yeah, yeah.

Your body is unreal. That's definitely not a bad thing. If I was your man, I would keep a smile on my face every time I slept behind you. I can only hope that your in is just as beautiful as your outside. Besides your butt, you are very beautiful. Ha ha ha ha ha.

I love these guys shooting their shots in fat ass Instagram models. This is going to work, dude. Whose ass is medically huge? Yeah. How many followers does she have? I don't know, like a million. That's awesome.

Yeah. Is she doing like fucking ads and shit? No, she's going to blow. She's not going to do anything with this. You know the reason she's trying to start a music career? No, she was on Tosh. She's on Tosh. I saw that, yeah.

Damn. So you would smash, Nick, huh? Oh, 1,000%. Are you kidding me? Have you seen her ass? How could you not? I don't understand how you could not. It's all poses, dude.

If you started just wearing sweats at Target, she would not look hot. It's like she's naked and making her ass look good, but she just looks like any lady in suburban America. No. Are you out of your mind? What are you talking about? Her ass is like, I think it would be like a geometry issue

to get your ass, your dick in through those cheeks. But you can get it in the pussy. You couldn't butt fuck her easily, dude. Those fat ass cheeks will drip down. Did the doctors figure out what's wrong yet? I'd crush them cheeks, wink, wink face, and then the dice. The dice emoji. Hit me up with a follow.

I'm gambling. I'm gambling. I might get herpes. Question, how do you not have a big belly? So true. When's the last time you rolled the dice and rolled off? Your friend Dank Lord. Can we fuck, please, Wilson dick pic?

Can I fuck you from behind as I fuck your ass crack? The old hot dog and the butt. Oh, here we go. The hot dog and the butt. Go on Come Town and fuck Nick Mullen. Wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who said it?

And then the emojis are the wrench, the train, the eggplant, the squirting, and then the wink. I love it. Who said it? Let's shout them out. HMLM 2020. Shout out to him. Shout out to HMLM.

69 for 20. Yeah, dude. If you guys, if you could also get my beautiful wife, Julia Vince, to come on the podcast. Yes. Ignored my request. Does she speak English? Yeah, she speaks English pretty well,

unless somebody's translating on her. She lives in Russia. In Russia. Yeah. We'll get her over screen. Well, no, we can't see her now because of. Oh, sorry, guys. I want Julia to beat me to death.

I want Julia to strangle me to death. Have you ever seen, like, Muscle Girl porn? I want to accidentally look at Julia on the train and then have her, you know, say, I must crush you, and then break my, just wring my neck. Just murder me in front of everyone on the train. I saw, like, a female tear my face off with her rippling deltoids.

I saw a female bodybuilder porn once. And the wait. Emotionless the entire time. The way the weird fucking doll face, not breaking eye contact. Not a single twitch. And then she does have, like, a 16-year-old girl's face back to the rest of the train, where her eyes move first and then her head catches up.

Would you fuck her, like, bicep, like, between, like, if she, like, folded her arm down? First of all, it's not what I wouldn't. There would be no consent on my part. You're having rape fantasies. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is that what it is? But the good kind.

I mean, you can fantasize and not want to. That's a fetish. That's an accepted fetish. Sure. No, yeah, I don't know. She does have a pretty face, though. She has, like, she looks like a 16-year-old, like. She looks like she's 20, and she is.

Is she 20? Yeah. She's, like, 20, 21. How much can she, uh, still lift? So you find 16-year-olds very attractive, Adam. 600 pounds. 500, 600 pounds. 600 pounds?

Yeah, she has, like, huge numbers. 600? Dude, she's jacked, if you see. I've seen the pictures. She looks fake. She's like Chun-Li-Thais. Yeah, she looks like a fucking, like, a photoshop. Yeah.

I think Russian teens, though, get put on, like, HGH and shit. Oh, yeah. There's just, like, Russian teen bodybuilders that look like they're fucking almost 30 years old. Right. Yeah. Yo, speaking of fetish. Does that age your face?

Hard for us. Well, you get, if you're on HGH, you can get, what is it, acromegaly, which is the growth. It's, like, it usually happens if you have a pituitary tumor. Which, you know, like, all the super tall people have it, like, Yao Ming has it. Yeah. Tony Robbins probably has it.

My sister was on HGH, Keith. Yeah, but she wasn't. She had a pituitary deficiency when she was like a kid. You know, the pituitary tumor that causes it, like, the amount of HGH they give you if you have a growth deficiency doesn't match the amount of GH it would be in your body if you had, like, some fucked up thing happening to your pituitary gland.

So acromegaly makes your hands enormous and your jaw real big. Like Tony Robbins. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's gigantistism, right? Like Andre and the jaw? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What about your hard cock? No, sorry, stop.

There's never going to be a cure. God damn it. There's never going to be a way to fix your disease. It's, first of all, my penis is fine, but I'd like to, you know, plump it up around my, it's just ugly. It is, first of all, it is not. If anything, it's aesthetically beautiful.

Yeah, it's pretty fucking terrible, dude. It's not a small, if I thought. It almost ruined my Fourth of July a couple years ago. Oh, yeah, that's right. Nick came and helped me do a fucking boomerang with my dick out. I like to imagine this guy's British. Sexy big bottom you have, my dear.

That's a good skin tone, my dick. Your dick is, is like red, right? They're all, yeah, women really like a nice palette. You have like a red dick, color palette, it's not red. It's darker though, right? It's olive, baby. Yes. Is olive?

Yeah, if anybody wants a little Mediterranean dick, if anybody wants to suck my little Mediterranean pinky, I start calling my dick my pinky. Suck my pinky, Adam. Ah, fuck. Anyway, what was I going to say? I feel like we were talking about something. No.

Oh, yeah, when did you raw dog last? And it was a mistake, Adam. What do you mean? It was a mistake. Like, it was a fucking- Why would it be a mistake? Because you're caught up in the moment. Oh, because you get a STD?

Is that what you mean? Or pregnant? You rolled the dice. I've gotten someone pregnant before. And I know that, yeah. You've got to go plan B, dude. How many men have gotten you pregnant, Adam? It's not possible.

You know, but the first part of pregnancy. What are you talking about? You know the first part. How many of us are certain? Don't they call if you baked? Don't gay guys call barebacking breeding? I just think it's called cream pieing. Cream pie?

What is cream pie, technically? It's when you come in the pussy and actually it goes out. Yeah, and it comes out. I mean, just coming in it is cream pieing. Yeah. This is what Adam says. That would look like any other woman in the mall. Oh, my god.

You're out of your fucking mind. Let me see. Your ass is so weird. No, it's not weird. Yeah, it is weird, dude. It's weird, dude. It's not weird. It's like you put two different people together.

You guys just don't understand extremes. This is why you never had it in you to be real alcoholics. That's true. I don't know. Food addiction. And whatever, ambrosia looks delicious. Whatever cheese that is, fuck. It's literally a cracker.

Oh, that looks delicious. No, there's some kind of good cheese. I can tell. Thank you. Yeah, it looks nice. A soft cheese. A cracker eating bitch. I would love, first of all, I love cheese.

Dude, that's not hot. It is. It looks like her ass is melting into the floor. It's disgusting. I don't know. That shit rules. You know what I do find hot though? Good comments, dude.

Good god dang it. I mean, crazy. I like a nice watermelon pie crusty. Her but a bean bag, you know? Some powerful thighs. You see those vids? In the buff girl porn videos, they fuck the biceps. They like the guys.

I don't want to fuck a buff girl. They make the girl bend her arm back, and then they fuck her between her forearm and her bicep. What is that? That's crazy. That's like what the fetish is, is that dudes that are into that. They just want to fuck power.

Yeah, yeah. They just want to fuck an arm. They just want to fuck a powerful arm. Yeah, I mean, I'm not into that. No, I want to fuck soft things. I clicked on the vid, though. I don't want to fuck hard things. I like soft.

Would you fuck the three-titty woman from Total Recall? That's what Randall is. No. She's got more ass. No. It'd be like if she had three ass cheeks. That's the comp. I would not be into three ass cheeks.

Her ass is really big. But there are so many fucking suburban ass moms at fucking Walmart. You're both wrong. You're out of your fucking mind, dude. I look like that. Nick is wrong to want to fucking mind. You're wrong about this theory.

No people look like that. People have huge asses. Dude, but her top looks normal. We just live in New York, where people are like, don't have that big of ass. See, you're just mad because I'm actually being body positive and not just being horny. I think you're being horny.

I'm being horny, but I'm reserving my horniness for a special case when it's based on principle. Absolutely not. No, but it's called a very principle type of horny. Absolutely not. It's a weird, it's a strange, you fucking idiot. No, this is what, this is, it's called preference.

Textbook weird horniness. It's like you just want to fuck something so strange and you can't help it. It's just, yeah, you want to fuck a tumor, literally. No, not, okay, first of all, Julia, not a tumor. Julie's very strong. Yeah, exactly. That makes sense.

You want to fuck something strong. Or disgusting, like Randall. So you admit it. He admits it. I admit it, it's disgusting. I don't admit that it's not attractive. There's, the two aren't mutually exclusive. I like a nice trashy gal if you're once in a while.

Well, it's like, have you ever felt big tits before? Kinda like a nice pot belly woman. Looks like she got kicked out of the Navy. That's my sort of thing. Have you felt like a, I like a belly, but not a pot belly. Yeah, kicked out of the Navy for drinking. Those types of gals. Yo, one of the women that was fighting in the UFC

yesterday straight up looked like Bobby Kennedy. It was awesome. She just had Robert Kennedy. She had like a fucking gladiace to the getting shot to death crew. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Will be killed. Robert Kennedy?

Yeah, yeah. Both Robert and Jeff Kennedy. I thought JFK was Jeff Kennedy. Yeah, you remember Jeff Kennedy, JF Kennedy, Kennedy, Kennedy, the Libertarian lady. Mm-hmm. Oh, yeah. Is she Libertarian or she just goes on Fox News?

I think it's the Libertarian show. No, she has a show on Fox News. She has a show? She used to be on MTV. The show's called Kennedy. I don't know. I don't even know the cable. Yeah, you only watch Rachel Maddow, your source.

I watched that. The human being you were cloned from. I watched that for personal reasons. Remember that taxes shit? I wish she was like, I have these taxes. What a dump. And it was like a page from this taxes in 97. The smoking gun is a fucking tax return

that was clearly planted by someone from the White House. She keeps catching elves. Like, it's the last like six months. The Russia shit, she like keeps fucking up. Yeah. And now it is the most highly rated crime time news show on cable news. She's probably gonna get taken down

for being like sexually aggressive towards some other woman. I think she's interrelationship. Oh, there we go. It's about time. No, she's too powerful. Powerful people can't help but be fucking horny. And we can't have some of that? You don't want to eat.

Fuck. Yeah, stop trying to eat cheese. That looks good, dude. Cheese looks good. You're like a big rat. I'd accept that. Like a big, fat, overweight rat is pulling your whiskers. I think we got it when you said big.

You didn't have to explain it. You're always late for something. That's not what rats do. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, my God. I need to eat more of that cracker. I'm late for my appointment.

What kind of appointment? With the, I don't know, the eating place. Wow. Woo! That's almost as good as just calling out of a clown. That's a good bit. Damn, we're really, we're, this is the new era, dude. We're back to basics.

Not none of these funny, smart jokes. I had a good one on the last one, I feel. Probably somewhere in there. I said something clever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now I'm back to, sorry, but I got high last night and then this morning. So I'm not operating.

All high episode, boy. I can't stop laughing about the idea of a bunch of old black women sitting around watching local news and there's a story about a little boy that's missing. And then one of them says, hmm, somebody die. Suck that boy dick. She's just fanning herself. They're all just, mm, mm, mm.

That little boy done, God fucked. That poor child. That poor, that baby done. That baby got his little penis there. That baby, somebody die. Suck that boy dick and suck the baby dick. I don't know why, that's so funny to me. I love it.

It's an image immediately in my head. Yeah, I've been saying it over and over again for like two days now. I can't, I can't. It's in one of those like churches in Baltimore that was just an abandoned building. Somebody die. Suck that boy dick.

Somebody. Yeah, it's the black, it's in that church that Junior wanders into. Remember in the Sopranos where Junior has that fucking episode? Yeah, when he's going mental. He goes to Newark. And he goes to the old fucking building

and it's a black church now. Yeah, it's a senile. Yeah. Good old June. Good old Uncle June. Which by the way, you went to see fucking sing twice. We can go. We can go.

No man. It's every Friday morning. You know what's so funny is you got that picture of you being an asshole to him. Oh yeah, he hated talking to him. Of course he hated talking to you. It was rude as hell. And it's like, yeah, you're just an asshole.

Yeah, that's. I'm not an asshole. It's like the guy that doing something for content. Dumbass is going to go laugh at this guy. No, I asked him if I could post it. Aging old man. I showed it to him and I asked him if I could post it. And he said, yeah.

He said it was funny. Doesn't mean it's not rude. He didn't say it was funny. No, he told me he has tremendous respect for my work. He did not say you didn't ask him. And I quote. He thought you were Rachel Maddow. Miss Maddow, I have tremendous respect for your work.

No, no, he was chill. I told him I came from Brooklyn to see the show and he was like, he appreciated it. No, he didn't. I want to go, man. The fuck? We talked about this three years ago. Do you remember?

Wasn't three years ago, but yeah. No. Before I moved, motherfucker. It was about a year ago. Yeah, remember it was before you were 30 years old? Before you were a 30-year-old guy? I can't remember anything from before I was 30. A 30-year-old man that goes around doing goof-em-ups

on Instagram with aging Sopranos actors. They're going to go harass some senior citizen. Oh, yeah. I wasn't harassing anyone. Really pro Trump is Johnny Sack. Oh, really? Twitter, yeah, yeah. He loves Trump.

So is Sylvester Stallone's brother. Frank? Yeah, I follow him on Instagram. The point is you betrayed me by going twice, dude. That's fucked up. Yeah, OK. We talked about it years ago, and I was so excited. Not an invite anywhere.

Well, we can go any Friday morning. I drove my mustache too far, and it looks weird. It looks fine. It came up off the top of my lip, and now it looks weird. It looks fine. Yeah, you look fine, dude. Just shave it off, dude. Do something new.

Do something new, dude. I got to have the mustache, man. Grow your hair all the way out. It is all the way out. No, I get shoulder length. That would be cool. That would be cool to Bob. Yeah, you did get a little.

I had a Bob. It looks like French girl bombs. I got a Bob. That's that picture that I post all the time is when I got a Bob. Yeah, but do it better, Nick. You didn't get a Bob. Your hair just grew out for a while. No, I got a Bob.

You went to a haircut place and said, cut my hair in a Bob. No, I said that I. So no, you didn't get a Bob. I had long hair, and I said, can you cut it off my shoulders? So we cut the back part, and the front part was still long. So you didn't get a Bob. And it became a Bob. That's a different.

It was a Bob. So you got a haircut. Look at a picture. That's not a Bob. Both that haircut. It was a Bob. 100% it was a Bob. Bob's more symmetrical than that.

You don't know what the fuck you're talking about with hair. Yes, I do, motherfucker. Oh, OK. Oh, all right. Sov says at home, googling hair. Yeah, if anyone thinks about hair, it's me, motherfuckers. I think about what I would look like with every haircut there ever was.

Every day of my life, I wish I could have hair. If you could have hair back, but the only type of hair you could have is a Jerry girl. 100%. Are you out of your fucking mind? Forever. Yes. You could never end the g.

You can't shave your head. Dude. You're stuck permanently with a Jerry girl. Absolutely. Yeah, why wouldn't he do that? Anything's better than that. Because you would look, I mean, you already look like a rapist, but you would really

look like a rapist with a Jerry girl. You would not be getting laid if you had a Jerry girl. No one would interpret it as a funny bit. If you had a dripping ass Jerry girl. You're out of your mind. I could pull off a Jerry girl. Come on. Who among us could pull off a Jerry girl?

Stop. What if, just for fashion, you wore Judges Wigs? I would do that. That would be pretty cool. I'll throw on Wigs. And then you have like a big ass lollipop. Yeah. That little sailor's outfit.

And you tied a bow around your neck. Yeah, dude. You would look so bad. I would look incredible, motherfuckers. You look like a Labradoodle. I would get fucking gold chains. You look like a Bulldog Labradoodle. I would look like fucking Euro Trash.

You would be like, oh, that fucked up dog is having trouble breathing. First of all, that sounds adorable. A fucking Labradoodle Bulldog. Thank you. Thank you for that compliment. Is it Bulldyke? Is that what those are called?

Hey, dude. Bull-Bull-Bull-Doo-Gull? Bull-Bull-Doo-Gull. Bull-Bull-Bull-Doo-Gull. Well, you know, she's a Bull-Bull-Doo-Gull, so she likes to shit in the car. That's the thing that's specific to their breed. Dog, I'm getting a fucking Jerry girl, a fucking gold,

bigger hoop earring, better than Adams, a gold tooth, and chains. And I'll look like just Euro Trash. One of these heels, I'm going to get rose gold. A stud hoop. I'm having my entire body removed and replaced with PlayStation VR. It's pretty cool.

I'm going to get fucking uploaded. Nick is only going to fucking exist in the cloud. Honestly, that is your fucking destiny. I would love that shit, dude. If I could just become a virus. Oh, fuck, dude. I hope that happens by the time you do that. What happened to Nick, dude?

He's fucking malware now. He's malware, dude. He's the human fucking. I don't have a dick anymore, but the trade-off is I can speak Russian. Would you trade your dick for Russian? Another one of my hypotheticals, boys. That's good.

Tommy Pope posted the lineup of our unwrapped showcase when we were in Montreal fucking five years ago or whatever. And look at this headshot of you. It didn't even look like me at the time. Oh my god. You look so gay. You look like a fucking college wrestler. You look like you were sucked off by the fucking Fox

shop before. Yeah, your neck looks weirdly strong in it. I used to be pretty jacked back then. Who else was on it, everyone? I want to see who was on that lineup. Yeah, it doesn't look like you. It doesn't look bad. That was my old headshot.

Yeah, you look like a high school wrestler. I just said college wrestler. Yeah, Adam is in one ear, out the mouth. I know. He's with this guy. Oh, shit the fuck up. Oh, Steve Friedland. Is that your new strategy, just saying

that you know that you did it? That's not true, dude. Nick does the Gary Shandling bit once every episode. Which one did he do? It takes full credit for it. I've never even seen it. I don't even know who Gary Shandling is. Shut the fuck up.

I literally don't know who you're talking about. So you're making some shit up, and you're literally watching Gary Shandling or Ricky Gervais' interview. I was watching Charlie bit my finger when you shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up. Walk in, you go, oh, is this Charlie bit my finger? Yeah, he bites his finger and completely spoils it for everybody.

We didn't know what the fuck was going to happen. We didn't know what was going to happen. You had to show off all the homework you did before you got over here by having some film wrap up. Oh, yeah, I already saw this. Have you seen it with the commentary by Ang Lee? It's great. Oh, it's one of the best you've ever saw.

Ang Lee directed that. This is Adam's movie opinion. Mention anything in the criterion collection. Oh, it's great. It's the greatest movie I've ever seen. That's not true. That's 100% true. Which ones don't you like?

Armageddon. It's in the criterion collection. It is. Yes, it is. It's spy number 40, I think. Yeah, why is it in the criterion collection? Because it is like it's a good movie. Because the criterion collection is about like movies

that define a genre. And that's like a disaster movie. Well, Armageddon is the peak Michael Bay big budget. That's true. You know, songs with Aerosmith. Which really defines the 90s in terms of those blockbuster movies, is movies where they say fuck you to the idea of hiring a consultant.

Part of the reason, and Amber's going to roll her eyes because I was just bitching about arrival last night. A while, dude. I was pretty fucking mad. Because I thought arrival was fucking terrible. And I watched Passengers last night, which critics hate it. What's Passengers, the one with Jodie Foster? No.

No, stop. What's the one where Jodie Foster does a fucking alien? That's panic. You're thinking of Taxi Driver. No, no, no, no, no, no. Wait, so. Contact. Wait, what is that movie?

I haven't seen it. So Passengers is Chris Pratt and Jennifer Lawrence. But there was Buzz about it two years ago. Because that was the movie that came, or it was a greenlit right after Jennifer Lawrence is like, women don't get paid enough in Hollywood thing. So she got $20 million for that movie as opposed to Chris Pratt's $13 million or whatever it was.

For a sci-fi romance movie, which is like. Was it Dennis Villeneuve, the same guy? No, no, no. It was some other guy. Dennis did Arrival. And he's doing the new fucking Blade Runner. Yeah, yeah. I think he's good, though.

He didn't write Arrival, did he? I think he's good, too. But the problems I had with Arrival is. He made Sicario, too? The problems I had with Arrival, the same problems I had with Inception, is that it's not actually a smart movie. I never saw it. There's plenty of plot holes.

If you want to fucking nitpick the way people will nitpick about other movies that don't try to be smart, they're just trying to fucking entertain you. Like Armageddon, you're saying? Like Armageddon, yeah, exactly. But Armageddon was a different kind. Like Arrival, they were like, OK, we're going to make this like, what if a linguist actually did interact with

these fucking aliens? Like the 90s, the thought process was like, oh yeah, we're not going to hire consultants because they're not good storytellers. So we don't give a shit how this actually works. What would be a badass movie? Oh yeah, we're going to take oil rig guys and teach them how to become astronauts.

And it's like such a fuck you to reality just for this dumb setup, but it still ends up being a pretty entertaining movie. If Armageddon came on now, I would sit down and watch it just because I know it's a big, loud piece of shit. And it costs a lot of money. Yeah, it costs a lot of money. I fuck with that. I agree with you.

I think that the 90s were also a time for a lot of disaster movies, right? That was a hot thing. And Deep Impact, Armageddon, they came in here. Dante's Peak, Volcano, what are the other ones? There's fucking whatever. I don't know, who cares? Yeah.

So that's why I was in the criteria on collection. Probably something like that, I guess. And what I'm saying is they should put passengers in there. So you liked passengers? I thought it was much better than people gave it credit for. It's not good by any means. But it's like. Who made it?

I don't know. You keep fucking asking me that. You don't know. I forgot that I asked you. Ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha, bitch. He's the bitch, I'm not the bitch. No, it's you, I am not the bitch.

Uh oh. Nick's the bitch. I'm not the bitch. No, it's you. You are absolutely the bitch. Why am I the bitch? I will fucking cut your mic so goddamn fast. And never turn it on again.

Why? We're going to give your mic to Phyllis, the shittiest of the cats. Why would you do that? the one with no personality. That's who's getting the mic. She knows how to use the bathroom, doesn't throw up, but she doesn't have a personality. She's a feminazi. Ernest's personality is just being a fat guy, though.

Ernest is just old and disabled. Yep. What a good cat. And his ears scabbed up from scratching. Yes, his ears are all fucked up. Was he getting in fights? Uh, no. You like, choose on his ears or some shit? Ah, he can't fit his fucking...

He gets sunburned on his ears. He just sleeps at that window. A and D, that's the shit I put on my balls. Stop gets, stop literally gets diaper rash. I know. I brought that up. I got in front of the story. Mm-hmm. Like Scaramucci. Right, guys? Did he get in front of the story?

Did he, like, before he was... He missed his child. I'm Italian, by the way, before anyone tries to reveal that negative secret about me. I would never call him Italian. Uh, so now you gotta move at him? What are you gonna do? I have to move, dude. I gotta go. Alright. I'm not moving furniture. I'm moving...

I'm just emptying my bedroom out to give to my sister. I'm leaving all the furniture in my bedroom. Oh, you got... Yeah, you just gotta pack, like, three drawers. Yeah, but I'm trying to, like, organize my life, get rid of clothes that I don't wear anymore. Like, yesterday. Yeah. All of your mail-presenting clothes. You gotta get rid of them. Yeah, I've worn, like, more of a unisex. Just keep the unisex stuff for now for the next three months.

Oh, you're Thomas, the Tank Engine Dressist. How would you guys feel if I only used the metric system and exclusively wore Karate Geese? Would you think that was cool? Yeah, it sounds hilarious. The metric system thing is actually realistic. Who's that thing we were joking about about the guys on the Varsity Karate team? Yeah, Varsity Karate. Four years.

This is where I walk around with, like, Letterman jackets, but then, like, no shoes on. Just in-between classes. Like, oh, yeah, everybody wanted to be, like, the Varsity Karate guys. It's like a Friday Night Lights with Karate. The Karate team. It's so fucking dumb. If there was a Karate team, it would just be... It's better than any sketch you've ever come up with.

Nah, dude, what about the one where Ben Franklin fucks? Yeah, that's hilarious. Thank you. He did that in real life. Yeah, right, let's pick a guy and then make him horny. That's a good format for a sketch. Thank you. You're not making him horny. He already was horny. Yeah, it's called heightening. All right? Heightening?

Yeah, heightening to the reality. Maybe you're familiar with it. Should I do those teeth whitening strips? Yeah, put on your asshole. I want to do that soon. That's a Brandon Walsh bit. Yeah, you just stole that from Brandon Walsh. Fuck, I'm sitting too close to Adam.

I don't think that he stole from him. Adam's quietly whispering other people's bits at all times. Like, why don't they make the whole box or play it out of the black box? What if you put Chris White Traps on your asshole? What if... What's the deal with Ovaltine? Oh, yeah, the Ovaltine. That is a classic bit.

Well... Pretty good app. This room is a really good app. We need one more slammin' bit. Okay. If we need to sit here in silence for the next 15 minutes. Until I think of it.

I made a promise to myself. Let me look through my phone. And to uphold and defend the rights and the privileges and the freedoms of the... and that is a credo I've adopted from the uniformed men and women of the combat

proud services of the United States Uniform Tactical Combat Units. Who let John Cena in here. That is the best video that's ever existed. I went back and watched that video. You got it pretty much spot on. We need to know the podcast.

I thought you were just riffing. That's exactly what he said. That is a credo that I've adopted from the men and women of the US Armed Forces. And I'm proud to say that we have compromised to a permanent end. Compromised to a permanent end?

That's so good. Yeah, and then it cuts to those people that are like confused. I don't know. He salutes at the end. He salutes. No shirt. No shoes, no Osama. Let's think of the next great American bit.

Alright, here we go. How about like a Mucinex Mods? It's like a Mucinex commercial. And so it's like a like a white, maybe white or brown version of the Mucinex monster. And he's like, hey, I'm moving in here. And then, you know, it's like the wife

Mucus is there and she's like you know, you're making too much noise already. And then he's like, you know, nah, this is where I live. He's like getting comfortable and like scratching at the walls. And then it's like you know, you think it's the Mucinex guy, but he's like, yeah,

I'm John McCain's brain tumor. That's political. It's a political bit. Yeah, that's good. Yeah, I like that. Brain tumor guy. I think that's, I think we got it. And then the brain tumor is like, I hate poor people. Fuck out.

Hey. Yes. That should do it, boys. Kassadia. He's saying Kassadia for some reason. The brain tumor of John McCain is like, I can really go over

Kassadillian. Oh, it's an Italian brain tumor. You've never seen Mucinex? Yeah, it's a Mucinex booger or something, piece of mucus. Wallace and Gromit, but they're both John McCain's brain tumor. Oh, and they go to the moon?

Yes. Oh, cool. All right. John McCain went to the moon. Did he? Yeah, he's one Vietnam. He went to the moon. Yeah, that's how bad he was at flying. He was supposed to be at the moon. I like people that don't get captured.

What the fuck? That does rule. It is fucking hilarious. Well, I don't know. I don't know, because he got captured. Personally, I like people that don't get captured. He was just fucking date-raping people on yachts during Vietnam. John McCain's dad?

No, that's like, there's some Donald Trump quote where he's like, he's like, my version of PTSD is all the pussy I got. He's like, I should get, yeah, VA benefits for the SCDs that probably got him all the pussy. There's some quote like that.

Oh, man, that fucking rocks. When he was dead on Iraq, he was right on the Vietnam War. Yeah. He keeps getting it right. He's right about this trans and the military thing. You know, when he's right, when he's right, he's right. You know? Yeah, I don't know about that. It's too distracting. You don't know about that.

I'm tired of this idea that being a draft dodger is a bad thing. Why are you dingin' Trump on that? I agree, dude. Why should we attack him for not fighting in a stupid war in Vietnam? Right, exactly. I agree. That's what I was just saying. Actually, I'd pre-warned that before you.

No, no, no, no. I want to suck a man's cock. All right. All right. I have to move on my build up. The best podcast in the world. This is our 25th episode, by the way. It's the 25th episode.

Someone said we're coming up on 69. What? Yeah. We've had way more than that. I'm talking about on the podcast app, on the iTunes. Yeah, but I lost count at one point, so it dropped off like 15 numbers. No, it's numbered next to each other.

Yeah, but I messed up and I did it wrong. No, it's the iTunes numbers. I don't think it does. No, you didn't. I really don't think it does. You used to put it in the titles, but it actually numbers in iTunes. I'm going to look right now. My name's not in the show description, by the way.

First of all, your name will never be attached to the show. Great. Yeah. Um, it looks like we're on 62. We're on 62, because it's numbered. Thank you. But we've already done more than that. Ooh, big surprise. Adam loves counting. A new type of homework for him to do.

To show everyone how smart he is. Guys, I have to move. I literally have to go home and move. All right, fine. I have to be out of my place. Well, guys, where's he moving to? The circus? Uh-oh. Got to pack up your tiny little car. You're going to give your tiny hat

your flower that shoots seltzer. And you're going to fucking move into a goddamn... Yeah, don't forget you. What? A circle on it that's on fire? Yeah. Your pies with shaving cream? Yeah. With a stupid flower on your head? Don't forget that shit, bitch.

Guys, I really have to move. Your red nose? Yeah. Yeah, nice big pants you fucking idiot. The fucking little thing that goes a-gong. A-rooga. Or whatever.