The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. 64 – Tier One

Episode Date: August 10, 2017

Sofrep combat operators only. Do NOT steal my valor or i WILL be tactically forced to officially fuck you up

I Started a while ago. Oh, really podcast. Mm-hmm. Did we get the thing where I called Adam a Jewish? I said, yeah, you're a chap. No, no wish no American pussy. No one was holding the microphone So it's just a little bit of silence. Oh nice Well, anyway guys, well, I had a really good one I like it. I like it because like I don't know how to remove the noise floor Mm-hmm. So it's kind of like when you start the podcast and there's silence It's like you get that warmth of a vinyl record. Oh, yeah, people think about you know. Oh, yeah, you got I'm

You gotta listen to us that are happening. Oh, yeah falls coming up The fall is coming. Well, we are a year. We are trying to get all of our pods on vinyl We're almost 30 now. You gotta listen to us on analog. Take back on all the relationships you've been through how they got fucked up I don't give a shit anymore. Yep. They don't care No, I just want to you just want to Take a nice train ride out to the aqueduct smoke a little cigarillo and bet on some ponies Yeah, we should go to we should go there. I have to go by myself Well, Adam will go. It's a personal thing. Are you gonna get into gambling? I'm already in the game

Have you ever been in the gambling? No, I'm not really I did I used to gamble as a 13 year old I used to gamble on football games in Texas hold them when everyone was in like in the hold them I have a friend who's a degenerate gambler and he lives in Connecticut and he met his new girlfriend at Mohican Sun Wow, and she's also a degenerate gambler. So nice sounds like he's gambling on love. There was a heroin addict It was my boss. Yeah, I was a teenager at what job had Jerry's subs in pizza Oh, yeah, and he was a he was also in the really in a scratch off lottery and he was like, no, dude There's a fucking way to, you know, yeah, I got a scratch off. He did a scratch off lottery Not dog if you do it with pennies instead of quarters you win 25% more. Yeah, that's really sad. Oh, yeah

Gambling is really sad. Yep. Yeah, my I mean I've talked about my crazy grandfather who lost all his What didn't go to birds went to the fucking lotto and he never won he won I'm really everybody's grandfather was a degenerate gambler. That's just what grandpas do My other one was an alcoholic. He wasn't a gambler though. Yeah, my grand my grandpa was he'd like I remember for my like Eighth birthday, I think I can't remember which birthday was but he got me like a free desk calculator from the Taj Mahal in Atlantic City It's like something they just gave him for coming all the time because he lost four hundred dollars. They were like here's a three dollar calculator. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He said that's hilarious. So one was again. Yeah, I had a gambler an alcoholic. We know you have one rapist grandfather What about what else do you have who's on the other side? My dad? That's that's a type of gambling, you know

gambling with the law Okay, so gambler slash rapist, who's the other one Um, what are you talking about the other grandfather? Yeah, give us. Yeah, give us a little background I heard he was a very weak man and he got bullied by his wife. I Never met him. I just heard it. I just heard about his weakness. That's hilarious So so you so we know what you inherited from my both of them my mom's Mom used to do this thing after her husband died when my parents were dating or like a young couple where she'd like and she had a man's watch in the house and she would leave it on the bedside table my god next to

Just a simulate other side of the table to like make my parents think that she was getting dick What yeah, why she was weirdly is that the one she was notoriously divorced a bunch No, no, this is my mom's really was also notoriously cheap and she'd like she'd have us over for dinner She was she was the most cheap person in the family. Oh She'd buy a piece of meat and like the running joke would be like she'd take it out of the oven as you know When you cook meat it shrinks. Yeah, she she would always say oh you should have seen the size of it Before I put it in that's what I say about my dick. Yeah, it's hard. It's like a it's like a little pot roast It shrinks when it gets hard

but like it would be hilarious but I'd have to go over to her house for dinner because she moved to Vegas before she died and She'd give us like, you know, three peas like a carrot Jesus It was like Yeah, she really lived up to the Jewish high old country Jewish Oh, that's awesome. I mean even though she was South Africa and it was like she was here freaking it was like that that generations Which country the bank? Haha. Yeah. Yeah Is that where they lived at the bank? That's good. No, but like that whole generation is almost completely dead now

You know, I love in Philly. There's the US Mint where they make the pennies and then directly upwind is the Jewish American history We got its great location right next to the bakery That's so funny just walking through that neighborhood Yeah, I was all drunk at like 11 o'clock in the morning when I made that discovery. That's beautiful. Yeah, Philly Yeah, yeah, I was like this is the funniest thing I've ever seen Hey, come here. I gotta tell you something I'm down part of the field. I'm not part of the field trip. I could be I went to school

Let me relive my childhood via your field trip. I promise I won't breathe in any of the kids mouths You're just alone in the back of the line Now I went in the mid there was literally no one in there. Hmm. I did I'd walk through it My that's a that's like a very shitty place to tour. It's the US Mint in Philadelphia Did you take pennies? No, you can't do any of that. You fucking sorry. I was just asking you for you go in You go up an escalator There's a single hallway filled with a couple of plaques and windows into like the you know Where they stamp out the sheets and pennies and cut them or whatever and then

Uh, and then you go down another escalator that exits through the gift shop and that's like that's pretty much it Nice, you know, there's not like penny t-shirts. They have they have the gift shop and when I went into the gift shop That'd be a nice gift for me. I wanted to get shot. It's shut the fuck up. Okay Shut up, please. I'm sorry. He went into a gift shop. Can we figure out how this ends, please? I know it's not even that good of a story, but you have to like keep making this t-shirt joke over and over again I just made it once. No, you said it two or three times. He said is there a penny t-shirt? That would be a good birthday present for me. I like the range of Adam This is me trying to save money. This is me thinking I'm funny

It's the different modes of Adam. It's true. I am like they're pussy. I'm like that Inside out. I got all different types of things inside of that. It's good mostly man I like that movie in and out where we're Kevin Klein. He's gay. He's not he thinks he's gay And then he turns out he's not gay. He just he likes drama Is that the plot of a movie the plot of the movie is is like there's some gay guy that becomes famous Mm-hmm, and he's like I just really want to thank my high school English teacher Who's the first gay person? I knew you know back in my small town in Maine or whatever and Kevin Klein plays the teacher and he's like He thinks I'm gay

Really? Yeah, and everyone's like, yeah, we all thought you were gay and he's like maybe I'm gay and he starts sucking cops Yeah, he goes on like a little truck stop tour ice. Yeah, getting gawked out by a couple of convoy boys A bunch of Bathrooms, you know hell yeah, and then you know he does enough burning the candle on both ends gets diagnosed with HIV He gets fired from the job at the school. He actually gets AIDS. No, I'm making I'm making a much better movie So it's just a movie by a guy who sucks cock. I'm imagining a movie called the teacher nice directed by me Yeah, but you know it's Oscar worthy. Oh, of course brother in fact the name of the main character is Oscar winner Opens the movie opens and it's it's it's in sepia tone, right? Of course, but then there's neon highlighting

So it's a it's a visual style. We say what is this is the past. Is it the future? It's a little bit of both guys It's about the dichotomy of you know, whatever Yes, yes, we we see a bathroom. There's a trans person just covered in fucking needles like a porcupine Okay, okay. God hypodermic needles sticking out of them. They're overdosing and then a Republican is having sex with the trans person's mouth Oh They go don't tell anybody about this. I'm a Republican senator and they leave and then And then a black guy comes in he says something racist about Chinese people

Oh, and someone says you can't say that you're black and he's like, yeah, it makes you think doesn't it? Whoa, but he can be racist. They're not all friends. They're not all friends. Yeah, what? Yeah, I thought all minorities were friends and then a white girl moves to Bushwick and a Puerto Rican guy teaches her how to have sex Wait, that's a movie. Yeah. Yeah, these are all movies I'm creating the greatest in crash. I guess I'm creating the greatest movie of all time If you would just allow me to direct, please Not fucking interrupt your job is to bring people bagels from wherever your secret little places That's your job on this product. Do you have a secret bagel place? Of course

I have a secret bagel place. Can I know where it is? Yeah, he volunteered there with a little organization known as the IDF His secret bagel place. Yeah, a pair of troopers I love this idea for this movie. Yeah, anyhow. Yeah, and then Oscar winner is the gay guy in the middle of it. Beautiful Played by, uh, I don't know. Let's say that dude from 12 Years a Slave Chichino, Chinewe Chipotle Chinewa Achebe Chinewa Chipotle is a Chink's Fallage Oscar winner. That's the guy who wrote Chink's Fall apart. Yeah. Wait, wait, Maharasah Ali

Is that the guy's name? No, that's Moonlight. The Maharaji Yogi He was the guy that gave the Beatles LSD for the first time. Really? Was it an Indian guy? No, I think that that's after the LSD. They wanted to like learn how to trip. What do you call it? What do you call an Indian guy that does acid? What? That's what it might be to micro.head. Is that too bad? A little bit of acid. That's good. Yeah, no that checks out Um, yeah, the mint does seem like a shitty-ass place to take a field trip. Oh, dude My favorite shit was this wasn't a field trip. This is me by myself as an adult man drunk at 11 o'clock in the morning Why were you in Philly? Uh, I was working helium. Oh nice. Yeah. Hell. Yeah, bro

That used to be one of my favorite clubs ago, dude I've never done it. I can't anymore. Why? I'm banned from Philadelphia For what reason? Yeah, they kicked me out. For what? Um Believe it or not. I was somehow too racist Dude, that was fake, dude. That's not possible. It's real. You were too racist. I was I got too real An old Philadelphia. Damn, bro. You got kicked out of genus for being too racist. I said Ben Franklin's gay Don't you never talk about no Franklin like that

Don't you never talk about benny francs like that? Ben Spanklin, Ben Spank Banklin. Oh nice. That's he it's him beating off. He invented remembering things to jack off you No joke, Franklin probably had a pretty good spank bank For like back in the day. You keep trying to sell this Ben. I love Ben Franklin. Ben Franklin. I love him. He was He was a horny man. He was a horny guy. I'm sure he was. He's a fat horny guy You know with glasses bald, which I have now claimed on this episode. I'll claim that I'm bald But next episode I'm going back to the bit where I say I'm never bald

Uh, I have a lot in common with Ben Franklin, dude glasses. I'm gonna have a bald ponytail at some point. Ben Franklin was a fucking idiot, dude. Take it back Whether he was an inventor postmaster general one of the shittiest. Uh, first of all, you like stamps motherfucker He invented the bifocals bifocals bisexuals the idea to not just allow parcel service to be privatized immediately Setback now postage in the united states. Absolutely. No, I get get that libertarian take out of here libertarian Nationalized fucking worse service USPS you compare it to any one of the other ones. They have no accountability the republicans Yep, and now usps is subsidized that all the the big carriers get their arms twisted into

No, I feel like there's a there's an argument against this, but I don't know it My college girlfriend loved the postal service and she had a lot of facts So I'm gonna text her and the next episode I'm gonna come back at you. She's gonna be like, oh that fat faggot It's trying to find another excuse to talk to me again. And this time he's using the post office I got into an argument with a libertarian tell me some reasons why the post office is good Yes, and then whatever much taller not bald not fat guy is currently he is fat currently Reaching depths that you could only dream of absolutely not inside of that sweet

I fuck with beautiful finesse and artistry. Absolutely. I do. That's what I'm looking forward to with my new room Because my old room dick just like smooches the tip of the pussy. First of all, I of course My dick does smooch. He's that's part of the that's part of it that Adam has seen my dick and he said it's bigger than he thought it was gonna be That doesn't mean anything. It means something buddy. I'll take it I thought it would be like a car accident down there, but it was nice and smooth You know a good skin tone Yeah, it's dark. It's dark. It's olive skinned

You know, um, yeah, and I and listen I I know my angles. I know what I'm doing in there You know, I'm excited to maybe fuck You know really let it because before my old room the walls would shake because it was a fake room And you know, I'm getting it in So now I got a full wall. Maybe I'll put my feet on the wall. Maybe I'll fuck like one foot up on the wall, dude Acrobatics does Ryan have a lot of sex in your house? He I have not heard him fuck once really I've heard eldest fuck. Maybe he has quiet sex Ryan I wonder how he I wonder how shut fucks. I've lived with a couple of the last three years

I haven't had heard them have sex really. Yeah, I don't know about if it's an acoustics thing It's probably an acute. They're on the other side of the apartment. Yeah. Yeah, I put a microphone in the room. Yeah Oh, I have cameras in there Just to make sure they're okay. Yo, it's they're like adam. Is this a baby monitor in our room? You're like, yeah, they're like, what the fuck is this doing in there? And you're like, it's for a baby Like we don't have a baby. I'm like, yeah, but what if you do so you're gonna want it at some point It's not like I have any ability to monitor now. There's no baby in there I lived with that guy John in DC who used to hear, you know, me and my ex-girlfriend have sex

We had no walls in that place. Yeah. So no walls while you're hitting them back walls in my ride, brother Yeah, um, so I mean my rent was you know $600 instead of $1,000. That's tight. So and you fucked loudly for a guy to beat off every time I have sex with my girlfriend That's a good trade-off. I think he was beating off to that. I think there was a chance he was really He was the dude that was like when we were like waiting in line to get into a bar once He just like turned to me and he goes, I love to wait He loves waiting What the fuck is that? Yeah. Yeah Howard. That's your activity is killing time. He likes wait. Yeah. He's like I like post offices

Supermarkets. I love waiting And I was like, yeah, it was really strange and then like he he was also the admin of the seltzer fan page on facebook I remember that guy. Yeah, he would he'd definitely beat off to you fucking. Yeah. I mean if it saved $400 The only thing I remember about that guy is there was one night we did some show like uh, there was only like funny moms or something and like Mottie had to wear a costume. Yeah, so he put the costume on. Oh, I remember that He's like Mottie like changed shirts to put the costume on in some like hallway next to the stage And then fucking hours later like six hours later. We're at your apartment hanging out smoking weed

And I'm sitting there next to John And then Mottie who's across from me And I'm not so I was pretty fucked up. So I wasn't saying anything and John had not said anything and then he just says to Mottie like Hey Mottie, uh, you got pretty nice abs, dude I saw you changing earlier And it was like the only And then Mottie's like autistic. So he's like

What does that mean What do you mean I have a nice abs didn't know how to respond to it And me and Sarah were the only people that saw it and we just started like crying. Yeah, it's so funny What time I saw him in the living room like just looking at this piece of paper and I could tell After like a few minutes. He was drawing and I was said, what are you drawing? And he said, um, I'm drawing a mattress, but very zoomed in And also we didn't talk about it enough, but Yeah, what the fuck is that just a block like what the fuck

The very zoomed in um also Like he should be on this the fact that he was the admin of selzer We got a fire we got a fire stop and bring on he just created He just created the he just made a page for selzer. Yeah, and then linked all the information from the wikipedia Yeah, and he was just the admin. Yeah, it's like when when facebook started having like pages, right, right, right? He just took it. He heard about that. He said well, and then I said John We don't have selzer in the house like I've never even seen you drink selzer. He's like no, I think it's okay Yeah, he wasn't even a fan. That was the best part. He wasn't even that much into selzer water

But he just felt inclined when he found out you can make a page to make the selzer What's Johnny up to these days? I don't know. He lives in DC. I don't know what he's doing He was like some sort of fed or oh, is he a snitch? No, no federale. He was he was pretty woke dude. He was like, uh, oh really? Yeah, he was like kind of occupy woke nice, you know, but uh I remember I was making fun of occupying. He was like actually it changed my life. So and I was like, all right I'm not sorry. That's first of all supporting occupy isn't woke. It's not like a woke thing Well, that's like a drum circle everyone like a lot of people fucking supported occupy

That's not the what the woke that's we're now letting woke mean too many things Because it's a specific shitty behavior. What can woke is multiple applications, but I will say that was like a precursor A lot of people that were occupied bros became woke bro. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It kind of it kind of splintered off Yeah, I think I wouldn't say so. No. No, you don't think a big faction that were people that were kind of like sj No, yeah, I don't well a lot of sj dubs are like people that just Take that terminology and language in order to call out people that don't like You know, so it's like You know, if you don't like hillary you're a racist right sexist, you know, it's just people using

Terminology right came from academics. You're right because I guess I guess the occupy people were actually doing something Well, they didn't even know what they were doing, but they were doing. Yeah, they were actually like actually the best They don't know what they're doing. That's like fox news bullshit No, at the same time No, because fox spent a lot of time trying to get the message out Like the mainstream media is a whole that occupy was just a bunch of fucking dirty hippies that don't know what they want They just don't want to work and they have a problem with the economy. No, that was the at the same exact time At the same exact time they were pretending like the tea party was this coherent, right?

No, that's a large movement that was happening. That was in the the tea party. I remember when they were passing Obamacare in 2008. I went down to the capital when I was living in dc and there was literally 23 people Yeah outside. Michelle Bachman was talking to them. Damn. Remember that fucking idiot? There was like 20 gay ass husband There was like 20 or 30 old people like fat old people They were protesting and then there were like I remember seeing on the news There was like guerrilla cams going through the crowd to make it look like like fucking a thousand people were there And that same day there was a march for illegal immigrants on the mall And there has to have been 20,000 illegal immigrants on the mall and not a single news network covered

Well, fuck it. If illegal immigrants want coverage, they can start their own news network. Thank you I I know but actually nn, but it's si occupy Occupy what we found was that they had a decentralized power structure Yeah, and they couldn't make any clear demands So it was it was that they they couldn't figure out they wanted a lot of shit They wanted a lot of shit, and I mean I thought every single I would make that as well. That's a bullshit criticism No, no, no, but about any kind of like social unrest and say, oh, we're gonna clear demands is decentralized Oh, no, hold on. That's the kind of bullshit. They lob it like black lives matter or anything. That's not true

It's absolutely true. I don't think they have great messaging. That is true That was part of the problem. The most productive thing to come out of occupy was the terminology 99 percent That is something that's still used and that came out of occupy movement Yeah, and that actually like putting context like wealth disparity and it was like a very like positive messaging like I think they did release like some kind of 23 point. Yeah at some point eventually But it was it was late in the you know, it was after months dude. I was sympathetic. I went up to new york I was living in dc. I went up to zucati park and like I checked it out You know zucati and then it was just like a ton of chinese tourists like on the periphery taking pictures

That's it. It was like cops and chinese tourists and then you know fucking You know, whatever people people are there it I'm not saying that it was a bad thing necessarily saying it's a bad thing. You're saying well, you're anti-occupied dude That's what i'm not anti-occupied dude. Did you know adam that kind of bane? It's kind of like an occupy bane. Did you ever have you ever considered that? I don't know if you've seen the Have you ever considered dark night rises, but um that analogy? I don't like that movie because the implication is that people who are jacked are bad That's true and need to use you know those like training. What are those bane masks that people use for training?

Oh, yeah, yeah, they cut off your oxygen is the amount of oxygen you have available to you So it like helps your lungs grow or something? Well, no if you have like a limited amount of oxygen being pumped into your bloodstream Your body will create more red blood cells to adapt Whoa, so then when you take the mask off, it's able to yeah, I mean it's like high altitude training. Yes similar Like thinner. Yeah, yeah Um, no, but I actually speaking of chris nolan. I I don't I haven't I'm like What I do is I put a weightlifting belt around my neck. Yes. Yes, and then it does make me stronger

But yeah, I do come. Yeah Which is the most important part of going to the gym. I love I I love those fat guys that just wear weight Belts everywhere or like the back back the brace. The brace is everywhere. What are those pants called? What do you mean? What do you mean? We're like a lifting belt everywhere. Yeah. Yeah. I mean laborers that have to wear it or yes I love that look. Oh, yeah, all the all the fat contractors might use that. We're going around home depot. Yeah, exactly Yeah, all the factory guys. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's a good look. You keep the fat stomach up and you know It's like a bra for your fat shit

Yeah, I saw dunkirk though and that was sick. I'm trying to see it. It was really good and I I I don't like chris for nolan movies, but it was like My always my objection is like when when I saw interstellar was like he was trying to like Like display love, but he doesn't understand love because I think he's autistic Mm-hmm. And like the only love he understands is like I think she's No, I think it's like sibling love, but like it's it's or is he married? I think he's I just don't think it's just like at the end of interstellar like when the The lady when the daughter is like an old lady and then her dad comes back to visit and they see each other for like

20 seconds She's been like waiting her whole life to see fucking Matthew McConaughey again Oh, damn, and he's like traveling through time to see her and they're like, oh, what's up? And then she like dot, you know Like that's like not that big a deal. It's like he doesn't understand. I think being a human Yeah, but in her but dunkirk was sick because it was minimal It was middle that war and it was just really sick like Like dog fighting dog fights in the air was like and he's technically a great director And he works with a great director of photography and like he's like it was I thought it was pretty dope dude

I really enjoyed it. Tom Hardy was sick. Oh, what does he play the like fighter pilot the dope fighter pilot? Yeah, yeah, I fuck with Tom Hardy, dude. Yeah, I like Tom Hardy a lot. I want to be who played bane, you know, he was What? Nick, how are you doing, man? I feel like I'm right. I didn't see dunkirk. Oh, oh, sorry, dude It's all right. I just didn't see it. So yeah, well, you would like to good report on you can't see movies anymore Because uh, you have to see them on your tv to justify all the money you spent Yeah, I mean you can't go to the theater. I want remember I said, let's go see dunkirk and you're like wait till it comes out on blu-ray Yeah, I mean, I'm seriously why not

Because it'll be fun. I don't have to worry about getting bed bugs and some bullshit in new york theater where it costs $17 and then You know, I did. I went to the Alamo. Everything's a fucking draft house now, which was cool in austin when it wasn't super expensive and Now it's $15 for admission of the draft house. Oh, it was $20. Is it you dunkirk? Jesus. The amount of fucking money you have to spend on a movie now is like I'm just not doing it. I mean Let the theaters die. I don't give a shit. Yeah That's why they have to do that. It has to be draft house because like the concession stand is a fucking joke Yeah, no one's dollar popcorn, which like you think is like. Oh, this is just them ripping you off It's the only way the theater can make any fucking money right right right because the studio's

Keep all the money from the ticket sales. The studio's made it clear Four years ago. They were like we need to get it to $20 a person to take it Jesus fucking when I was 15 it was $8 for an adult ticket. Yep So not even a man. It was it was $5 for a matinee. Yeah, six. I did when I was 21 or 21 I went to a theater in Detroit And it was 75 cents for a fucking matinee. What the fuck? Yeah, that's like those are like dollar theaters though, right?

Yeah, it wasn't for like I love a nice dollar theater dollar theaters are dope. It smells bad in there Yeah, I love it. Popcorn's like there's no god jacking off in the bag. Yeah. Yeah Ben O'Brien went to see twilight and dollar theater and it was like in fucking in like beltway movie six Shots out the beltway movie six and it's just like all white trash girls and blankets like that. They they were wearing likes like What's that? What was the guy's name the main character? Yeah, it was like they were wearing snuggies with his face on it Yeah, that's how you got to go see one of those movies. I remember my mom took me to see Birdcage in a dollar movie theater. That's such a good movie

Just because Nathan Lane I didn't think I don't think she knew how gay it was Really that movie is so fucking and Stuart little and that's same in beltway movie six Stuart little. Oh, yeah Yeah, I mean it was named after that his last name is actually because of your penis Dude, I got fucking yelled at at the alma though when I was seeing dunkirk because Ari and I selected seats in the front. We thought they were in the back Oh, I hate and then we moved back to an empty seat like once the trailer started not like once the you know

The movie was starting and then they they made me go down to the front desk and like switch our code On our tickets because it's all like reserved seating. That's fucking. Yeah, and I like almost missed the beginning of the movie It's like it's fucking stupid. Whatever. This is boring What do you have any other complaints? Um, are you any other bad? I went to I went to see uh I think captain america 2 or iron man 2 or something I went with norman for his birthday a couple years ago And it was in texas and it was at some like because the alamo

Draft house didn't have a science eating at the time. I don't think so. This is the first place You went with the science eating. They had leather recliners. Hell. Yeah, and then also like they bring food to you Which is just so fucking excessive. You shouldn't eat while reclined. Oh, yeah I disagree. You're eating on your fucking chest. I disagree. It's disgusting. It's a just like the whole process is gross Point of life and we went to uh, yeah, we went to this fucking Some other kind of draft house and it's a science seating And we get there and there's a family with an autistic boy next to us It's like 12 year old autistic boy that has to quietly explain to himself everything that's happening in the room

So, you know, he's like that's the bad guy Now the bad guy's gonna come back Now you're gonna go over there Now he's upset. He's upset Now the girl's upset too Now they're doing better, you know, the entire fucking movie and at one point some guy like Five rows in front. Oh, yeah, and then hit the mom and the sister he's with The mom just leans over and goes

David let us know when you're done and they just leave him there halfway Fucking walk out. Jesus. I'm gonna leave there, you know, I mean sweet slow boy You gotta get I mean, it's gotta you kind of see where they're coming from. They get 40 minutes without everything narrated Yeah, I guess so they leave my mom sleeping. Yeah Some guy four rows in front of him fucking sneezes and he goes bless you Like did halfway across the movie theater got bless you I mean that movie fucking sucked anyways, but which one was it? I don't know It's like either iron man or captain one of those awful fucking the one where mickey rork is the fucking villain

I guess dude. Those movies fucking suck. I'm never gonna go see another superhero movie. They're all the fucking same It's all paint by numbers. Although dude the one where Thor fights hulk that's about to come out That looks no that looks it's gonna be stupid. I haven't seen anything about it But just like the premise alone Yeah, two super super strong peach people punching them each other across the city over and over again That sounds incredibly fucked. It's actually an alien fighting ring. So you sound pretty fucking stupid, right? Yeah, and it's a god versus a guy that gamma radiation gets yeah, that has a camera And they got a little they got a little hat on the hulk. Nobody gets a hat. He gets a little hat. What kind of hat?

It's cute dude. It's like a baseball cap or crown. Oh, that's cute Uh, these those movies suck. Well, they're all fucking they're all fucking terrible movies The event and that's the thing is like Logan came out and everyone was raving about Logan ruled. They were like, oh Logan's amazing. Logan's just not a piece of shit and it kind of falls apart halfway through It's like, you know, you can watch Hugh Jackman work his way through a fucking Diana ball hangover and regret his dark past for the first 45 minutes and it's like Yeah, okay, the girl's a wolverine. You know, there's no surprise there You know, this is just gonna be a girl wolverine. So what they don't really ever have any kind of relationship

Really sort of do no, they don't know each other. That's that's the closest. They don't yeah, but there's nothing There's no relationship that really builds between the two of them. It's like like you got to help me I won't do it. Okay. I will which is the plot of every fucking movie Nobody and any movie nobody ever says sure when somebody asks them something of them and say no They're reluctant. They come they come back around. Yeah, and it's it's it's not like, you know what? I mean because I'm nitpicking but like Logan was just fucking okay And those movies are so all those fucking movies suck so much now that all it takes is one okay movie And people are like, this is a fucking masterpiece

Yeah, dude, but come on. I would rather just watch Hugh Jackman do fucking steroids and lift weights You know, just make that movie Make that fucking movie Let's find out what Wolverine's real healing power is is being able to recover in 24 hours From 700 pound deadlifts because he's got so much HGH in his fucking forearm Dude, come on. Actually, you know when we talked about last time you cried it might have legitimately Logan You find love at the end finally, you know kids are such good kids. They're such good little black kid

They're so cute like shots people a little fat black guy. Oh the fat black kid is adorable. Oh, yeah, yeah And then the little the little fucking Mexican Uh, wolverine girl. She was great. Oh, she was cute. And he finds family, dude Why are you why are you sad? I thought I thought why didn't that affect you emotionally was having like those? Yeah, his brain was fucked up brain fuck ups and then everything would go like Yeah, and it's slow and he's fighting. Yeah. Yeah, and they're slicing people up. You know, that's my rebuttal to all your Well thought out points stop I saw the um the

Avengers movie What didn't make sense to me about that was like they had wildly different skill like one guy was a god Yeah, one guy's an iron man like mech. Yeah. Yeah. The other one is bow and arrow. Yeah, that of course That's like what the fuck Jeremy Renner is just good at bow and arrows like what that's nowhere near as bullshit Yeah, why is he gets to be in the crew? Yeah Scarlett Johansson is is just like a spy, but no, she's like They would both get their shit split immediately. Yeah her the regular guys Captain America's tight, you know, he's a good old american boy. Yeah, he's a puncher and he has a hard He's punched and his shield is mad. He's like hard as shit, dude

Captain America doesn't have any weapons besides the shield, right? Yeah, but he punches which is just that's like America Like we're like we don't we don't you know, yep. We're just never been the aggressor. We've never been the aggressor anywhere Yeah, yeah, we've never just preemptively defend ourselves in like, uh, Syria If you rock what I like about captain america is that's like not the highest rank in the military It's sort of just in the middle Yeah, he's not a lieutenant or a general lieutenant is lower than cap. Oh, I don't know Yeah, so be quiet and let me do the bit rather than trying to take it away from me

Hey, here's the premise. So oh, I'm sorry. Let's add. I'm starting to do the joke Do your joke. No, go for it. Yeah, he's not a lieutenant. You're right. All right, so Captain America is that That's like that was a good bit. I was looking forward to that and as I'm gonna I'm gonna be the I'm like the greek chorus And I'm gonna take the part of the listener and I'm mad you ruined that big I feel bad. I do feel bad. I'm excited to feel bad. Nick about to go on a little roll there. Do your bit No, it's over. The fucking momentum's gone. It was gonna be good. I'm sorry, dude I shouldn't have I shouldn't have said lieutenant. I know

I know that you know all the jobs in the army and I don't know sergeant jobs Uh, corporal cook. There you go. Stop's got it. Um, the none of those are the officer ranks, though Okay, sergeant. So private is the lowest private is the lowest then What then it depends on whether you're talking about What about lieutenant or the army? What about left? Let's just say the british. Say lieutenant. Well, that's all I say I say at the british I say it the british way Oh, damn. Just like you said lever you fucking cock. I'm still mad about that lever you piece of shit

Um, sergeant grand grand wizard. Yeah dragon Tenth prestige grand wizard Okay, uh Grand poobah grand poobah. We gotta bring the poobahs back. Who was there ever a poobah? Of course, there's a grand poobah from where where was he from palestine? He came up with the uh, holocaust? Nice. No, that's real history. Really? Hitler met and met with the grand poobah Palestine and he said here's our like we got some ideas. We got to do the holocaust to trick jews into coming here

So that we can kill all of them. I don't know. I think he was a grand mufti. No, there's a grand poobah No, there's grand mufti. It's a grand poobah. The grand muffy. Mufti. Uh, mufti. You think the mufti mufti dived? Um, huh? Yeah, he probably not. A mufti doesn't eat pussy. Yeah, probably fucks young boys What about what are other jobs in the army though? Um, it's captain and then the biggest one is a gent five star general, right? Yeah, it goes captain major and then Uh, general major's good. That's so captain's third from top major america captain major colonel Captain major lieutenant colonel colonel general is at the top nice Uh, lieutenant one star general two star generals. How do you get more stars?

Once you're at the general you just move up and then they have like if there's subdivisions in that so it's like You have brigadier general. I think that's a good one. That's like a one star general. I think damn and then I don't want to stop at brigadier. Do you have brigadier general then like lieutenant general then general And then general of the army and I think general of the army is four stars And then there's five star general is that in the joint chiefs? There's five star generals which are only george washington and pershing I think and that's that their title is general of the armies of the united states. Hell. Yeah, dude I think wait so like patin was never up there. Patin was a four star general. He was four

Yeah, they don't does not in during world the world war two era. There was a shit ton of four star generals Yeah, and so they went back and created. I think the five star general rank for washington And then I think pershing who's pershing pershing was the general around the turn of the century in world war one I think he was the the head of the allied forces Land forces in like world war one in the europe how hard was world war one? You just dig a trench you shoot fucking Crows until they're dead. You can get disease though get trench foot Yeah, but you could also gondry the giant too big to fight in world war one the british. They have marshals

They've fueled marshals. That's cool. Yeah, I love their stores great deals. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah I'm I'm a four star ross I'm a tj max General max tj max is like the robot soldier from the future Kind of fucking laser eye. Hell yeah, dude. Yeah. Oh fuck. Yeah All right, what about in the navy rolls the bed the bath and the beyond? The navy's got funny ones. It's like this is almost as good as the alphabet. Yeah, no, it's worse Trying to remember military ranks

Dude, I had fucking like military nerds hit me up with the alphabet one. They're like piss me off You don't remember the fuck, you know, it's like I don't you don't remember from from secret green beret training, dude Uh, no, they failed alphabet. I didn't fail alphabet. They specifically train you to forget all that shit So when you're captured you're plausible like jason born Yeah, smart. First of all, look, I work for the cia special activities division. So I'm not even technically military Where are they sending you next dude? It's you got it. You got to fucking destabilize the country's podcast to create and inspire the All-right to subvert, you know, the black muslim president that the state actually hates Trump who's a distraction

Interesting from the real president who's black and muslim. Yeah. Oh fuck. There's a secret president Of course, obama is still the secret president I didn't know that expanded all this executive power and then we let some moron get in that you'll get more mad about than obama while obama Passed a law last year in plain sight of everyone that says he's president forever I didn't know no, it was signed with christian children's blood. Oh Fuck. Mm-hmm. This is all real. I didn't know that the most finding ink. There is Yeah, the globalists all like made him they like sat him down. They were like, we need you to be president for life smart

Yeah, smart And so and so he hired you or the cia hired you to stop me hired. I don't work for anybody. Oh fuck just one last job Mullen, we need one last thing if you're doing one last job cia calls you they say we need you to do one last job Right first thing you got to do assemble the team, right? So who your boys you know, we're the team first ball There's no team. No, this is some bullshit. You gotta go around movies, dude I'm gonna talk about the reality of being a tier one operator You have to understand that like once you get through an elite enough level You know, it's not about the guy next to you because you can't trust anybody. Oh because they might be double agents

You have to be a superior operator Which means i'm well trained in every type of combat snitching You're trained in snitching. Yeah, you have to snitch. Yeah, a lot of people you have to understand that being honorable It's like in ancient japan, you know the uh Once the samurai were outlawed they became ronin and they had nowhere to go and there's a couple of the odd jobs here and there But most of them were murdered by villagers because they had this code

But the ones that decided to become shinobi And embrace the dishonorable dark art of ninjutsu Those are the ones who survived That was some of them even becoming turtles. Oh shit, and you know, uh Mike shinoda shinot from the dj from lincoln park. He's shinobi. He's actually shinobi I didn't know that this is a lot. We're learning a lot guys. Yeah So anyway, so wait, so you you're saying that you don't have a team you never said we're the we're the team

You never go to like some guys workshop and he's welding and you're like stopper right there And then he like lifts up the welding mask and he lives at you and he's like come on I know how to weld. Why would I go to that guy? Because he's in your team. I don't need a team. I know how to weld nick found me I was getting my dick sucked on a hammock Drinking a drink with a little umbrella on it. Yeah, you don't have to go see like no And he was only stop's only there to weigh down the sub and he was like vacations over when we need the submarine to sink Everyone's got their part. I'm a team player. I got nothing wrong with that. Well, I mean I 15 degrees down bubble

Stav get that sandwich in your mouth I am I Lieutenant's lieutenant stav get that sandwich in your mouth 18 degrees down bubble I I will say that I am I just fart it's like it's like a hot air balloon reverse, you know, I shit a little bit into the ocean every time What are the IDF ranks? So number one is tattletale. Yes number two is rank two is lyre Well, it's elite tattletale. Yeah, there's tattletale. Tattletale first class. Yeah

Baby sniper right lieutenant child killer Yeah And it just goes by different flavors of saffron hummus. You don't know what there's lieutenant pine nut Uh, yeah, there's uh, yeah, there's a fucking uh, sir. Brigadier. Brigadier. Brigadier deal finder Yeah, there's even a penny saver. Yeah. Yeah. There is a coupon. Lawyer Orthodontist Orthodontist is the four-star general dude producers guild

uh rep And then there's the highest rank the highest rank in the IDF somebody's nephew Don't forget jack, which adam is a jewish american pussy call back I have a hard dick. I will say that um, Um, you know Since you work alone, right? Yeah, he does. I'm on the team. You're a tier one operator stops on the team establish that No, he's not. I'm the weight submarine guy

And also the pussy eater and fucker. There is no team, dude There's a team task force bravo by the end of this question by the end of this movie You'll learn the you're gonna be logan at the end Teams are a lot of you're gonna give your life for me and adam you have to assume that No matter what you're gonna get captured. That's why you'll never have a kid. I've been captured. I've been captured on every mission. I've ever played They kind of planned for that And then the way you get out in the 1980s They realized the best method of like exfiltration or whatever is to just make your your super soldiers so incompetent

That the enemy intelligence eventually has to admit that they're not actually intelligence operatives Oh, that's starting to change because out of warm beer who we sent over to spy on north korea. Yeah. Yeah, steal that Steal that that choking hazard post or a public bathroom because we wanted to know what their version of the heimlich maneuver was Oh, you know, they put him in a labor camp and he went into a coma and eventually died of botulism here But we got him back And that means that they never really picked up on the fact that he was actually corpse But smart. Well, we got back a man in a vegetative state, which is in the eyes of the u.s. Army mission mission accomplished

He had a lot of mission of farmers rolled up into his asshole. That's what you don't know So we got his body back and there was the choking hazard There was a poster of kim jong-un dunking on michael george. I love all the fucking dunk takes when that story happened people are like You know, that's what happens to a white rat guy. That's why a white boy wants to go over there and mess with another culture It's like stop appropriating their culture. You are a retard. You are a fucking idiot Well, he was from like uva, right? No, he's from uh, Living ohio, I think I think it's from uva But yeah, everyone's like, yeah, he's some sort of frat douchebag. We got cracker as man. That's white boy. Yeah

Yeah, I mean, why would you steal a fucking thing from person or why would you go to north exactly? Just don't go to north korea. Go to south korea. It's tight, dude They got fucking great korean barbecue great internet. They got the fastest internet very fast internet Can become a big millionaire down there in south korea? Yeah, and they had they had some lg ol ad tv's The next purchase for come town coming soon Oh, well ad tv you got you got a uh, kia optimus. They got a ton of those when I was Day woos when I was over there. Lana's soju soju tastes good soju's dope You know and they had something called juicy bars. I went over there to uh, when I was I was doing like show

um marine based shows um, and uh, they had juicy bars, which is just a bar where They were those guys asking about me. They're sort of prostitutes. Yeah, they're they recognize me from being on the team officially Um, and uh, you work nick works alone Well, he says that but by the like I said by the end of this mission He will that's a lot of people a lot of people just listen to this show and they haven't seen me in real life And they don't realize that one of my eyes is actually a sniper scope. Yep. Absolutely comes out of my head

I have it jammed in my face. So you see like a crosshair every time you look at it Yeah, one eye is one eye is just a regular eye that sees everything in matrix code and the other one is uh It's a sniper. It's a sniper scope. That's tight and actually his dick is a sniper Yeah, and his balls are the the trigger. Uh, he clanks them together And I also have like a cool scar that goes down my face like over your eye over my eye. Well, I look like uh, uh In platoon The scars on uh, which one that guy not willam, uh, tom barringer tom barringer. Yeah I don't remember what he looked like. They modeled that guy after me

Tom barringer. Yeah, what was your first war that you were like, uh in was it spanish-american war? I mean, that's all classified. That's all classified. Yeah, I know that as a member of the team But I'm not gonna say it either and I when I say it's classified. I don't mean my participation in one of the wars You've listed. I mean these there are secret wars that are going on that people don't know about Oh, yeah, we've been um, remember the dutch war we were in. Oh, oops. Yeah Whoopsie. I've actually killed more basque children Than cuckoo clock accidents, which seems like a arbitrary. That's the number one thing to kill. Absolutely cuckoo clock accident Well, most cuckoo clocks there are just a knife from switzerland. You know how we think it's also the basque the swiss basque

That's who fucking who loves the separatist. I tell you they love those damn cuckoo clocks Um, it's my impression of a cuckoo clock. Okay, so I'll just say I'll say this like If you ever like I'll tell you I'll tell you a couple years ago Uh, I had to go to russia Because uh, yeah, I remember when we uh, there was this old soviet. Yeah, there's this old soviet Uh Yeah, actually well an ex-soviet general that was in the russian military and he stole this like uh satellite that basically fires like a giant

electromagnetic laser Whoa, I was gonna fire it at london. So I had to I had to go meet up with one of the women that worked at the satellite installation Is that like an emp like where it like shuts off? Yeah, yeah all the electronics and I had to go I had to go muscular. Yeah, I had to meet up with this woman that worked at the satellite It's a space station where they controlled it and then what she looked like. She was hot and I had sex with her We had sex. Yeah, I had sex. She got kidnapped by it turns out. Yeah, it turns out that that that that general was actually working for an ex

British intelligence guy who had who had turned Oh, yeah. Oh, so he's a bad guy. He became a bad guy. Yeah But me and him it worked together years earlier when we blew up a chemical weapons facility when he was a good guy Uh, well, we thought he was a good guy. I guess he was always in a double agent because the uh That russian general recruited him at that time You know But he yelled a grudge against me because I changed the the timers on the bombs at the chemical plant from six minutes to three minutes Hilarious. Yeah, classic. Well, I thought he was dead. So, you know, I was trying to save my ass

So I was having sex with his russian women Woman and then we we drove around at my bmw for a while That was a big part of it. Yeah, I remember that But yeah, and then because I fucked the bmw dealer's wife There was another hot woman even hotter than the first woman actually what did the first lady turn out to be a bad guy? No, no, no I thought it the first lady on a mission Obviously ends up being a bad guy. You haven't seen yet. That's all movies man. Yeah as real tier one operators. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. I continue

Continue. Sorry. I didn't mean to cut you off. Yeah, then, you know, there's another hot lady who I had sex with off-camera What do you mean off-camera? I mean in a different part Of my life. I mean in a different part of the story. Yeah, yeah, this story that happened Well, I was videotaping everything Wait, so you were trying to pitch this off. We were trying to pitch this onto true tv So you guys have this whole thing if he was there. I wasn't aware of it. I don't know. Yeah See, that's how good I am. I was too busy having sex and putting on my fucking tuxedo. Oh, that is true. Stav is a master of disguise You put on like a burka dude. You look like a mermaid lady

Nick, you know that first lady that first super hot lady. Yeah, there's just a panda in russia everywhere Panda you kept seeing in Moscow At this point we're in cuba Yep, and then uh, and then I have sex with that girl one more time and nick by the way the second girl or the first girl Well, we we go to the first girl. I didn't have sex with the second girl Yeah, I was on camera. I kill her in a in a fight where she has a grenade launcher and uh And a machine gun of some sort and then she gets The helicopter she's attached to strangles her in the tree. Yeah, and what's the what was the line that you said after she died?

Oh A good I always enjoyed a good squeeze a good squeeze. That's what I said. Yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah continue Uh, no, it's not from the movie golden eye. That really happened. Yeah that I mean I mean it happened. Yeah. Anyhow, so we go into the base and we turn off the golden eye Are you driving an asthen martin in this one? I keep forgetting what's Right as you already said bmw. What's that? Did you do any gambling or anything? That was a different? Um, no installment. I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. Yeah, I killed the guy. I killed the guy who was the trader

And you know, I threw him his back brakes and the British guy or the russian And I met up with my obese friend from texas who works for the cia who wasn't me. Yeah different guy No, in fact, I think that was stop No, it was a different guy I was the panda as portrayed by fucking uh, what's that guys billy wane davis? No, that's a comic. No billy the guy from varsity blues. No, the guy guy What the fuck is his name? joe bob joe don baker

Joe don baker is who plays stop joe bob. No, that wasn't me Wait, I remember I did a mission was this guy. Let's just break it. I remember I did a mission where um I played cards and then they whipped my balls with something at one point and then I fucked two women your balls I don't really remember exactly. I had I think yeah, I think they they took like a seat They cut the seat out. Here he is. Here's my balls Oh Yo don baker, I know Yeah, he's like he's like uh, he always calls he calls james bonds jimmy. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I'll tell you jimmy

Uh, if you want to fuck that girl what I would do is always give him a fucking advice. Uh, yeah Yeah, yeah. Well, uh, that wasn't me. I was someone else. I was also james. So you killed you killed the I was a different james bond with a bigger dick. We're the movies over the movie. What that's the end of the movie What do you mean movie? I mean, that's what we call our mission. That's what I call the story That's what every mission is called a part of my training is I sort of live my life vicariously through my own life I have to I have to delude myself into thinking that I'm confusing my own life With movies that I've seen that way. That's the only way I could accept the danger inherent to the mission

And all the murder only killing you've done Uh, yeah, it would keep you up at night. Otherwise, really, how could you dream because you have so much trauma And as it stands, I I sleep probably 17 hours a day. So We woke you we woke we woke you up to just do this podcast. You go right back to sleep. Right. Yeah Be asleep. I just get high and I go back to sleep Yeah, but I'm not on missions, of course. He sleeps in one of those astronaut sleeping bags like on the wall I want to sleep in a fucking chamber like a Hyperbaric chamber like Michael. I've decided when I die. No cremation. No, no, uh, I don't want to be buried. I want to fucking

a tomb Like a building. I want every atom alive. I want I want I want all of them. Yeah Yeah, we would add him in a cat costume. That's not fair. And he's gonna be sealed in the room with me. You can interrupt his bits for eternity. He's so boring With all my precious jewels and rubies. I want all of my slaves sealed in my tomb with me We're gonna pre-record Nick about to tell a story and then you saying some dumb ass interjection and him yelling at you I want to be thrown in the ocean just like my hero Osama bin Laden Um, I well, how do I want to fucking be buried?

That's not actually what we did by the way. What happened? We fucked his corpse till it disappeared. What do you mean? What do we do with the corpse of Osama bin Laden? He got away Yeah, he got away. He got away on them. I was first of all, I was on that boat where he's back at Torah Bora I was I was on the boat. They said I was about to go kill Osama bin Laden myself and they were like Look, this one looks pretty open and shut. Why don't we let the fucking why don't we let the kids handle this one? And they sent in seal team six Who are honestly like the most unprofessional pathetic, but they're they're literally pathetic In my experience as a professional mercenary

Well, they got the name seal because they're like they're like circus Well, because they listen because all they listen to is kiss from a rose. Yeah Seal was the first member seal stands for sucking and eating ass lesbian The way a lesbian would I gotta say they lesbians probably eat ass good. No, they don't dude. They're too focused on the pussy Yeah, but I feel like they're eating a lot. The ass has no appeal to them. It's a hole I don't think they can't they don't appreciate penetration. So the ass is literally meaningless to them I think they appreciate plenty of pussy is is something they sort of associate with pleasure, I guess

But the asshole is meaningless to them No, yeah, it's all a lesbian come boys pound off in the in the comments Is it true that lesbians bodies turn into ash pillars if their skin touches sunlight? Yeah, absolutely All right, I wasn't sure that's actually how I defeated one of my enemies It was a lesbian enemy. Yeah, but it's Hillary Clinton And they can't see their reflections in mirrors. That's right in garlic and garlic Like they hate it And then once a month when their lover is going through menstruation

Oh, then they feast snack time. They feast on the pussy. They just put a straw in their pussy and suck A big twirly straw. Yeah Yep, these are all facts about lesbians that we all know. I remember real true facts Well, yeah, I mean that's that's the nice thing about public school sex ed you learn stuff about this And trump is trying to get that out of the fucking curriculum and wants to get that out And frankly, I'm not I will not stand for it. I want my son I want my son to know about this kind of stuff about sex Stav's never gonna have kids gym teacher. His balls are overheated from his thigh

His fat thighs. I have beautiful. He's completely sterile No, no So I've got that. I'm sorry. Stav comes air. I got a bit of stale air like somebody punctured a tennis ball That's who comes out of there. I have a nice juicy load. Thank you very much Yeah, it's healthy You know, I doubt it. It's pretty good. That's not what I read in your dossier. Dude. Did you wait? You broke into my dossier. I didn't break into it. It's a it's a manila folder. That's fuck. You're right I just leave it out pretty not secure. It's got it. Not only does every name it has your picture on the front

So case I well, who's dossier is this who's classified? Oh, it has his name in his picture My dossier is sealed because I thought I thought that you would think it would be a computer file. Yeah, some sort of encrypted In a file. Yeah, it's just in a filing cabinet It's a like the way you would store an old expense report and it just it's a it's a piece of paper And I just it's a black and white picture of you wearing a turtleneck as as all dossiers Oh, that's true. You got a black turtleneck and I'm looking away. I'm looking slightly off camera. It's from above. Yeah You could be fat Steve Jobs for Halloween this year. That's not bad. Yeah

Um, oh, we should do it. We should be fat Trayvon What a great halloween costume You know what'd be so funny is like a fat guy getting in trouble for Doing like a blackface halloween costume and then all these like woke media outlets are like wow This guy thought it'd be funny to do fat Trayvon and then the guy's like I was just doing Trayvon And then the BuzzFeed guy gets fired also for fat shaming Oh, that's good. That's two birds once. Yeah. Yeah, and I think that fat guy would teach everyone an important lesson Just like stuff teaches me important lessons

All day long to suck this dick till I come. That's your number one lesson and right now you're failing Um, what's our gonna be our team halloween costume guys. I think let's be tlc. I don't celebrate halloween Let's be tlc. I don't I don't celebrate halloween as a sober person. I don't celebrate holidays anymore Dude, we'll we'll all dress in costume. The real religion is booze You know, yeah, that's you know all these all these people don't care about sinca de maya They just want to get drunk. Listen. We'll just do a fucking bunch of nobody's shit about Hanukkah No one cares about that's just an excuse to you know, lie a little candle up. No Yeah, that's Hanukkah. That's just an excuse to perpetuate anti greeks

I can't wait to get back get revenge on the jews for what they did to my people during Well, it's been about uh, 3 000 years and you guys still haven't had a comeback. We're gonna That ass well, we're still waiting I thought Hanukkah was when the pharaoh fucking said you're not allowed to have You're not allowed to have lamps anymore and then Antiochus the greek governor. Yep had pillaged the temple in jerusalem. Nobody cares Put all his uh, nobody gives a shit greek idols of Nobody gives a shit about the answer young boys peeing In uh, I'll tell you what it actually is all the greek idols that you guys worship. Well, my name is joshua tidbit

That's another rank in the IDF Is tidbit knower. Yeah, that's intelligence. This is just tidbits actually Yeah, fuck yeah fuck juice for Hanukkah, dude And you just rub it in our face by giving each other socks and other dumb ass presents What's the best Hanukkah present you've ever gotten my parents never did Hanukkah What we'd like like candles and then they'd write me a check. So you did Hanukkah. Yeah, it's got money Fucking American kids. He just had a shitty Hanukkah. We didn't do Hanukkah. We just lit the candles and then they gave me money American kids got eight presents

You know, we didn't have it was kind of a rub. We didn't really do Christmas grown up We just sort of had the tree and then I would get $500 for my way to big ham dinner My parents never gave me $500. They gave me like $25 And American kids all my friends would get fucking eight presents over eight days And I would just get a fucking cold check. Oh, this is funny that you say American kids Trying to give yourself a different cool ethnic identity. You're American. My parents aren't American. You're American, bitch Yeah, all you have to do to be American is be fucking born here I'm American, but I'm saying people with American is what being an American is

Our family isn't what is is uh, Jewish So try to weasel your way out of it. That's the thing you can't do. Basically if you have You are American. There's no American aristocracy. So if you hate rich people and you suddenly start making money Guess what? That's you motherfucker You can't dial it back and say oh, I do say American pointing a knife at me. Yeah, you do have a knife at right now That is true. That was pretty menacing I you know what I saw a Spanish guy doing it on the bus. Yeah, and it's fucking That was scary. Yeah

The way you get away with it is you hold a piece of fruit in the other hand. That's true And then nobody nobody then yeah, and kind of my key little pieces Let me let me doze you some puppy Just playing doing butterfly knife tricks. You're a rich American. You're American, but I'm not I'm not rich You're rich now, motherfucker We're all rich and we're all pieces of shit. It's true. We're bad people. We are bad people. I never said we're not Yeah, we're not rich yet though That's the attitude. That's the fucking attitude that makes it a problem. What? Well, I'm not rich. I have money now, but I'm not rich

Well, we're I mean by the standards of what wealth what constitutes wealth. No, we're not rich There you are. I mean the big you're rich this year. Oh, I'm rich Yeah, you're doing great But you're making you're making like a base salary off the shelf like 60,000 a year probably less than that Yeah, no, it's that much It's like 50,000 a year. I mean, it's it's it's great. I'm not complaining about it skip boss, man But yeah, no, I mean it's it doesn't put me in the 1% No, for personal incomes. First of all, you have other money coming in you had another job

So for a single person making I mean the the average the average not household income But personal income is somewhere around 30,000. So you are you are a rich person. Sorry I'm still negative 60,000 dollars. So in terms of in terms of in terms of wealth in terms of wealth So I could uh, so I could do beer bongs with kids from long island For three years in college. I uh, yeah, well, I've been making a little bit of debt I'm rich because I've been making thousands off my personal club appearances I'll just show up at the club, you know, like I'm cardi B. That's a good. That's a good people

I have no idea how much money I've made in cryptocurrency. Oh, yeah Yeah, you're a man. Do you just follow the numbers on your cell phone? No, I've I've have investments in crypto No, you're rich. Dude. I've made like Well, I mean, I don't want to say on the podcast but something like 40 million dollars Yeah, we'll edit this out later. It's on paper You know, I mean, yeah, it's in the calculator after taxes. That's what like 38. Who cares, you know, it's actually like 20 No, I know I know as a rich person the government takes way more than that, dude

It's a fucked up system. I know the taxation is theft now that I have money So like I'm I'm happy to pay taxes to live in a good society Did you make an S? Have you been making estimated quarterly tennis? Okay. All right, but it's it's yeah I actually fuck. Did I this you didn't the 16th of july was your last deadline? You fucking piece of shit. I did I planned to I did Fuck My uh, I got to I'm fucking on my shit. I pay my taxes I got to I don't try to cheat anybody out of them either. You sort of you write off pencils

Yeah, those are fucking office supplies. I need to get you to help me write my right shit off this year, dude You should probably shouldn't I'm gonna get fucking audited Right off everything but I mean the the thing is is writing stuff off is different than like That's the kind of cheating on your taxes. I don't think it's a fucking problem Yeah, I the shit that rich people do is they'll like buy a piece of art for like 200 bucks And then donate it to they'll get it appraised by some asshole for like $20,000 Donate it to a place and then write off the $20,000 appraisal price So you you make an invisible profit and then you write that there's all these shitty ways

Yeah, they know you turn yourself into a corporation invest all your personal income in it And then when the corporation grows you take your money out as capital gains, which is taxed at like really damn Yeah, there's all these ways. You can just be a fucking piece of shit. This shit sucks and keep money from the government It's really the people that are or the fucking worst are people that have personal incomes of like six figures and up In somewhere like if you're making like a hundred thousand to two hundred thousand a year Uh, like people that are would be qualified as like mass affluent or whatever They're the showiest. They're the most bitter because most of the time they like You know did work their way up to that point. So they're like fuck poor people

I fucking worked and got to where I am And they're like not capable of seeing like a lot of that is just luck and circumstance Right, of course It doesn't I mean fucking privilege doesn't mean that your dad was rich privilege means you You fucking knew a guy at the place you work dad. You're the one person that got that, you know promotion It's fucking you really don't do as much as you think you Oh, absolutely. But those people get fucking slammed on like the marginal tax rate Meanwhile, the people that make like a million a year have like wealth advisors that are like, oh, yeah, we'll figure it out

So you only pay 10 percent, you know in taxes. That's fuck dude. Yeah, I say yeah I simplify the motherfucking tax code. I think the new varishes are Disgusting with their studded diamond studded watches. I think the the way to be a classy rich person Is to make it from your grandfather's dad Um, you know for him to pass it down and for you to be a professional philanthropist. Well, which means I mean I make Excluding my crypto Profits I make about eight hundred and fifty million dollars a year Yeah, and 90 of that is comes from the federal government. It's contract killing that I do for the federal government

So, I mean, of course, I'm going to pay my fair share of taxes because that money just comes back to me when I go To murder some Chinese guy that threatened a railroad company You know for reparations You killed a Chinese guy just obstructing Amtrak That's the kind of shit, dude Well, you kill them with the train Look, who do you think the government's going to try and kill some high-profile political figure? No, it's the little guys that are just sort of annoying

Because nobody's going to suspect that it was a highly trained mercenary Interesting, you know that pushed that homeless How do you get like, uh, like how do you correspond with the government? Yeah, dude, the government hates homeless people. You don't think that's fucking obvious Yeah, they smell they got me around to clean up the streets take over, you know Get up the scraps that father winner couldn't take care of Do you know that uh A homeless vagrant at union square begging for change. Yes makes on average

$5,000 an hour. Those are my favorite local news stories This man pretending to be disabled when he's only kind of disabled Right, right. He's still living in the streets After pretending to be homeless, he leaves in his brand new Toyota camera And drives all the way to his home 45 minutes away in a lower middle-class suburb Where he lives off food stamps and thinks about killing himself home It's bad enough that this man tugs at your heartstrings for pocket change in 95 degree heat But we can't let him get away with it. So we're going to bully him into killing himself

Tonight at five o'clock On eyewitness news. Yeah, and then a commercial for fucking Monsanto comes on Yeah, yeah, we need more subsidies to create a new type of bumblebee that already has the cancer in the honey You don't have to wait until it gives you cancer. You can just eat the cancer Whoo USA USA You suck my dick. Yeah, I am gay. Yeah, I was reading about there is so in 2012 when the Chick-fil-A thing happened Yeah, the gay thing the gay thing. Yeah Chick-fil-A said If he's a faggot, you ain't getting sandwiches

Southern company Well, it was a cow on a billboard that wrote I hate faggots, but the G's were backwards. Yeah, well faggots is what cows call chickens Yeah, these faggot chickens are these fucking queer chickens Yeah, yeah, beautiful metaphor. Well, the CEO the CEO fucking, you know, did the whole You know same said I support the institution marriage. Other people were boycotting Chick-fil-A. Of course it backfired, you know, whatever That's neither here nor there. There was this guy Ironically named Adam Smith that made a video of him going through a drive-through and he's the CFO of some fucking biotech firm and he goes uh

He goes through this drive-through and he's like I'm gonna I'm gonna give it to him. I'm about to do it. And then he's going there There's this stupid dickless protester people going to Chick-fil-A and asking for free water And then they lose money on the cup so people would go to Chick-fil-A And uh, oh my god, the lady at the drive-through nice lady, you know She goes he's like, is this my free water? She goes, yes, it is and he goes, okay, you know, I'm getting this for free today she's like

No, you know, and he's like uh because Chick-fil-A is an awful evil company and she's like, well, you know I disagree. I think it's an okay place to work, you know, and he's like, how do you live with yourself? You know the woman who fucking works Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's obvious Obviously this guy's in the fucking wrong and he's a retard and she handles it pretty well He drives off posts a video on facebook within 24 hours. He's fired He's lost his job like completely backfires Good. Fuck him. Um, well good. Fuck him to a certain extent. This was in

Conservatives hopped on it and then people like you like vindictive liberals, you know Who just won an opportunity to shame somebody. I mean, I also jumped on it. This man's life is ruined now He got he moved to part Portland got another job immediately was fired. I mean, why go to Portland though? You know, you know, he's still what do you mean? Why go to Portland? He's like a guy that's like if he He's protesting the homophobic statements. He's not he's just some fucking pro same-sex marriage liberal It has the Portland's not the fucking problem You know, it's not it's this is this is a guy that's being hounded by conservatives and then also Just this online fucking mob that likes, you know, any opportunity they have to oh, I can hurt someone and feel like a good person

He oh wow. It's a way to it's a way to fuck up somebody's life. But also feel like I'm doing the right thing Which is all that's happening in the case nobody gives a shit about that fucking woman I mean, they did they wouldn't be continuing to fuck up this guy's life And so they did and then he eventually he had to write a book because he's like living in a fucking RV about Shame about being shamed and you know, the guys are morons. So he doesn't really take any personal responsibility In that situation and so I don't know if the book's bad or not But all the reviews for it on amazon are like one star. I don't even read this shit. I'm not giving this guy any money And it's like what what is the what is the fucking point anymore? No, I don't know if the book is good or bad adam

But the it might be they're leaving negative reviews Because they want to continue to fucking like Right, right, right, man for a two minute video he made where he's kind of an asshole He's kind of an asshole. He's also just trying to be I don't get what Those people are the same as don't unplug the wires for my speaker. Stop fucking touching those Get your fucking hands off those speaker terminals. Are you serious? I'm serious, dude. Don't fucking touch those Don't don't do that. Keep your fucking hand off anything. I wasn't even touching it. You couldn't even I can see it moving Your hands behind it. It was don't touch it. You weren't touching it. Just don't fucking touch it

Yeah, I didn't touch it. I'm sorry. I'll point that fucking knife right at your goddamn eye God, I hope I hope you fucking slit his throat on what grounds was he fired from his job Like what grounds do they give him to fire first of all a couple years ago? If you publicly shame someone online They would fire you for any reason that it's just we don't want this negative publicity. It does not matter I feel like maybe returning a corner with that his employment was like at will or something They could just let go of him for no reason. Yeah, dude If you're if you're at the executive level of a company, you're a representative of that company no matter fucking what

I mean, imagine the CEO. Yeah, anybody that's that high up the shit that you do outside of work reflects on the company No matter no matter fucking what so if for him to go be an asshole regardless of how he's being an asshole or Whatever nuance look you want to take at that situation if it makes the company look bad because people having a negative reaction to it You're gonna get fucking fired Yeah, it seems like he should have maybe explored A wrongful termination lawsuit As a as an attorney myself I think that that was probably

Kind of flimsy grounds for dismissal. No, it isn't It's not I mean that he made a video on facebook. Look, what does that have to do with this job? What did nick just I heard what he just said. Yeah, if you're an executive you don't fucking have that kind of it's a biotech company Yeah, they can fucking they sexually harass people and stuff. You can do whatever you want to make people not be gay anymore Yeah, he's like I'm trying to actually find a solution. What are you doing chick-fil-a? Well, my favorite part of the video at the drive-through is he's about to pull away But you know, he's taping it. So you see the while he's driving you see the car stop. He's like, I'm not even gay by the way I'm completely heterosexual

He's like there's nothing homosexual about me, but I just think is wrong what your company's doing Oh, that's so stupid. That guy does suck. So those are like, you don't really like gay people. Yeah, like you're clarifying FYI, I'm not one of them. The thing is it's like a lot of people are fucking shitty People shouldn't be homeless and unable to feed their family because they're shitty Yeah, I agree. Every CEO of every company is probably I mean, they don't probably make public statements about being homophobic But they're probably shitty people, you know, yeah, most CEOs. Oh sure, but that's the thing is most Actual rich like super fucking rich people. They shut the fuck up. No one knows who the fuck they are, right? It's true. They drive a Prius. They're anonymous. They live in like a, you know, a bigger, you know, whatever house

But then they have tens of millions of dollars in the bank and you have no idea. Well, that's that's not true They don't live in normal houses. They live in fucking just separated from the rest of society. Yeah But I mean not in New York. Not in New York. They do. Yeah in New York. They live in normal Maybe in your apartments and shit, but it's not like, you know It's not like the houses that fucking, you know, Mark Wahlberg lives in right, right? Yeah. Yeah, they're just like nice big houses There are a lot of very wealthy people that are not like flashy money people. Yeah, you're right I mean, like it's kind of that's a sign of someone that's not yet wealthy. Oh, yeah, baby That's why I'm gonna get a gold tooth like us with our vitamin mixes

You don't have you don't you first of all, I'm losing while I have to buy one for my new apartment. Oh, there you go It's my roommate. Welcome. I'm getting into knives now. That's my new thing Someone was saying you can't order butterfly knives in New York City You can't have any knife in New York City every fucking night. I need a Swiss army knife Here's how it works If you get caught with a knife any kind of fucking knife a cop's gonna take it And they're gonna they're gonna do this thing where they open it a little bit with their fucking hand And then they're gonna keep doing this with the wrist over and over and over again until the blade he's flicking

He's flicking his wrist and then they're gonna say, oh, this is a gravity knife So you're gonna go to jail gravity knife is a thing that hasn't existed since like the 1950s This is a giant like fucking eight eight inch knife. Hell. Yeah, then you swing and it comes out Oh, those those are the it's like huge fucking. Yeah, it doesn't exist anymore So with the button the police have been able to like just loosely redefine gravity knives, which are like Outlined in the law as being illegal as anything that they can fucking flick their wrist and open So you're really not safe carrying any kind of knife whatsoever in New York

Don't worry about like, you know, people say, oh, if it's less than three and a half inches, you're fine It's not if they add them's dick if they want to find the way to fucking Three inches if they want to find a way to arrest you for it. They will. Yeah. Yeah So I should put away this machete That's what I love about that fucking piece of shit. First of all, every instagram ad is fucking the most obnoxious shit in the entire world Yeah, it's always like a subscription services for like fucking bow ties. Yeah, it's all like it's all like You know, the bespoke post one somebody had a comment on one of those. It was like the funniest shit somebody was like Yeah, this is great. If you've never had a friend with bad taste, you got married and you had to be part of the wedding party

Because it's all that it's like fucking, you know, premium leather suspenders and like a fucking straight razor kit, you know I was just all this bullshit. You don't fucking need. Unicycle maintenance tools. Yeah. Yeah, that kind of shit I hate that bespoke Bespoke post company something. What's bespoke? I don't it's that kind of shit, dude It's just like it's like a little you get a cigarette holder in a fucking yeah steampunk shit. That yeah, exactly Like bro steampunk. Yeah, I know the vibe. You know, very like 2010 hipster Yeah, I guess which has now been like dispersed to the culture at large. Yeah, and now people are like, yeah I really like, you know, like red-winged boots and fucking. Yeah. Yeah, that kind of dumb shit

Like uh, Mumford and Sons. They're not good boots. I want to get boots. No, man. It's Sombas. You wear only Sombas The only shoe anyone should wear. I want boots for the winner Uh, where do I get a nice boot? The boots I have that I skimmed out of the garbage I think the only boots you should be allowed to wear like whale skin covered in fur and then String wrapped around the entire thing like a like an Inuit Those seem warm. You should have like a very e-gluey look I wouldn't be opposed. I just do they you know, what do they what's the traction like as a rev? No, not yet. Really? I think it arrives today

Goddamn yours. Yours arrived. I'm jealous. I'm so happy I'm on boots, man. Both Adam and stuff got pocket pussies We're gonna tape them together and we promise they don't make they don't make child dick size pocket pussies in America because they're Why would that be a problem? What do you mean? You could a child could have sex with a woman No, it just wouldn't feel that hit the back wall. No, they needed to buy child vagina pocket pussies So they've been waiting for them to clear customs Because you gotta get a land you got to get them from japan. That's a good idea to address where they invented pedophilia Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, that's not right in front of me dude. I land you're gonna claim a different culture invented pedophilia

Yeah, that's fucked up. Yeah, that's Democracy and pedophilia. That's our to those are two big ones. How are you gonna do that? You know Why isn't pedophilia a greek word? It is case closed Case closed. No, it's japanese You ever look up the names of like japan like video game like american video games in japan But like games that are made by japanese people. No, they like just fuck up their own language to make like Like super mario brothers is like a super mario bruzero Soniku jaheji hagu

one of them Like that's a japanese name of it. It's not whatever the japanese word for hedgehog. Yes. Yeah, I love that Dude, they just talk like a racist version of themselves. That's tight. Yeah, I wish more countries did that dude. They submit dude That's right. Japan has has bent to the knee ever since. Yeah, that's not true, dude Ever since that fucking ever since that ever since that Yeah We can't take credit. They know what the fuck's up. We're in americans. I know I didn't do anything Yeah, it was nix family nix irish family

Okay, they're all responsible. Did you have relatives to fought in world war two? No, of course not What your grand your grandpa wasn't in world war two? Nope. No What was he a deserter? No, one of my grandfathers was born in like 1931 The other one was so he didn't go to korea. The other one just like sort of fucked around. I don't Really? Yeah, actually, you know what he was born in like 1920. So he would have been like 15 when the war ended. No 25 So that's prime. Yeah. No fighting age. He just didn't he deserved it. What he didn't deserve. Wow. He was in the navy

He just I don't think he did anything. He didn't do anything. Oh, so yeah, he fought but he didn't nix. I just Yellow billied. Yeah, you got coward in your blower. No, both of my grandfathers were in the military. Oh He just didn't do anything. Yeah. Well, one of them is like a weird guy He was like kind of a con man. So I don't know anything about him Hell, yeah, never drank his entire life. He had a secret family in Louisiana. That's cool. Yeah He's a flim flam man. My other grandfather was like a navy pilot. Oh So he but he didn't fight not in world war two. No, he like what about korea? Uh, no, he was deployed in like the Baltic tracking submarines. Uh, yeah, my grandfather was in Italy

Doing a cartography like maps. Yeah, so drawing pictures. No, no, he's like doodling. Yeah doodling and raping But he didn't rape. You said he did an earlier. I'll try and call me yellow I'll fucking cut your ass up, dude. Come over here. Oh, don't to put the knife down My grandmother. It's not funny. I'm gonna turn your socks red Come here. That's my Achilles tendon That's my Achilles tendons from greek mythology. So I'll witch ass up with my my swiss army knife My grandfather got caught in the what's the deal in a war with bulgaria after world war two Don't say it. Don't say some stupid bit about the swiss army adam

I know that's where you're gonna go. What's up with the swiss army? They just have like gadgets Is that what you're gonna say something along those lines? Well, no the popes guards are called this this And they just look like clouds They're just they're like clouds That's that's an interesting question and one that that we need to look into further. There's no There's no swiss army, but the the popes guards are called swiss. I bet there's a very There's a barely interesting reason. That's not a good joke for that So you should look that up and then tell us we'll get back to you on the next. Thanks, man

Thanks for doing that Can you put the knife away? I just no dude. I've been a weird episode with a lot of people love the james bond stuff Was good the thing about a knife that's good is that you know It gives you not the same amount of power that a gun has right But enough power that you can wave it around the room sure sure and people aren't allowed to say anything about I think like When I was sitting abroad they were like british kids and I think that their street violence is Is better than american street violence. They have a lot more stabbings and like i'm gonna take your loaves off

bruv. Yeah. Yeah, because because they don't have guns because in america we have guns and they don't have guns I'm gonna death this boy up. Yeah, I'm gonna get in there and pop his drums. Come here boy. Slice off your bell end Pop it give him a chel-chelsey smile. We're gonna make him jewish. Come here Get your willy on the table We're gonna give him a man chest air cut We're giving him a man's bowl cup Mike It's a new top air cut We're talking about your willy

They cut it off. We're going to slice up your bullocks mate We think of that adam. Yeah, what do you think of that? We're gonna slice off your ball Cut your fucking dick off and then your balls We're gonna slice up your balls so they look like a tiger got to him I would love the idea of just doing this to like a stranger waiting in line I wish I had that power. I don't know. I just think that if you yeah, you motherfucker. I'm gonna cut your dick off I'm gonna cut your balls off

And the police show up and they're just there every week. I'm always at that Chick-fil-A doing the same thing You're doing it for gay rights, though. Put the knife down Nick. Come on We got a what is it called 50 51 150? 50 50 150? Yeah, 51 50. Is this in california? Gay man on the loose When the in california the cops are allowed to just take you directly to the mental hospital Whoa, they're allowed to you're being crazy. Yeah, you can just go to the you get instead of jailing people You can get fucking and then are you there indefinitely? Um, I don't know but the cops can commit people

They should have 51 50 is too much. That's too much power to answer your question if you guys cut off my dick and balls We'll cut off your dick slice up your balls Slice up my balls. I think that it would just I would be pretty pissed and maybe need to take a week or two off the podcast I would be ticked. We'd finally have a trans member on the show and nobody would be no be allowed to say that we're Fucking racist anymore. That's you're supposed to be stuff Stopped trans in a way that his body produces a bunch of estrogen. Yeah, because because you are what you eat You know you eat estrogen pills. I mean pussy fuck Dude, I didn't know you even needed to take it that far

I figured it was just your weight pressing on your small testes. You're small. I got big fat balls But I did usually my mom's my mom's chocolate women's vitamins your mom's pussy. No Ew, what the fuck you guys know I ate her vitamin so I was born. He ate his mom's I ate her John. So he got so fat. Yeah, what? Well, how would that make me? Yeah, they're like, I think this is the umbilical cord, but it might just be a twizzler I don't I've never seen this before Yeah, I'm sorry, but your son is uh, Is pre he's premature. No, he's he's pre diabetic

He's not premature. He's actually was in there a little too long I was just eating candies. Uh, ma'am. I'm sorry. You have a rare disease that's known commonly as Intamin's pussy No, I'm not a doctor. I just I know the door code my wife gave birth two weeks ago. So I come in here I'm trying to get on snl is so I'm doing more of like a man on the street Sort of Oh, yeah, I'll leave. Yeah, no problem. Yeah You actually can't call the cops because it's not illegal to say things people. So

It's first. Yeah, enjoy your fat baby. You dumb bitch Yeah, I would oh, you know lorn. Well, then uh, my name is uh, erin glazer Hey, I'm a triple Yeah, put up. Put up shot. I'm a triple threat. I do improv. I do stand up and I rape girls Um Yeah, I took that one from you. You took a bit from me. I took it from you. How's it feel you motherfucker? Because we said rape at the same time is cute. I thought that's what synergy Oh, you just sliced that synergy and I think that's business solutions

Dude, I love slicing slicing feels good. I can't wait to just go to go to fucking time square on new years I get people a couple little nicks Can we call this the the the knife episode? They just confessed that's premeditated knife crime, dude Yeah, yeah, you confessed to a fucking crime on first of all, I would never time square is for torus You know the real murderers go to fucking. Yeah. Yeah the lower east side He's run up to the new world trade center and started giving it a couple slices on the wall. That's a good place It's not as bad as what they did on 9 11 Puerto Rican Isis Uh, made a couple of slices on the new world trade center today. Yeah, we had you looking at me

We want to establish a global caliphate, bro So we don't we trying to like stab everyone that's like not down with our jihad You know what I'm saying? That's not bad. That's not a bad character. It's cool. Puerto Rican jihad Puerto Rican Puerto Rican Isis. Yeah, bro, like I'm saying like ever since I've been much a hadine, bro Like I've been like, you know, you getting a lot of pussy, you know from virgin girls They just want to join Isis and be brides and shit. Oh, yeah, dude Yeah, pussy. It's like, uh, it's like, uh, they put like it's like playing gta They put like a gay guy and like, uh, in like a low rider, right?

And then the water's already up to his neck and then they just lower the hydraulic Wow. That's how it sounds on the water. Gay guy's like, no, please stop! That's how they goal All right. All right. That was pretty good. Yeah. This is a long one. Oh shit. How long did we do? So an hour and a half I think yeah, we're done. Bye guys