The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. 73 – Late Night Boys

Episode Date: October 12, 2017

Another low energy night ep for those fans that enjoy it when we can't think of anything to talk about

Well, you know what time it is folks. It's uh, it's the barbecue review out. Oh, shit. We've had, we're sitting here. We got nine different types of barbecue sauce. Yes. Case, we're talking Casey's masterpiece. Man, what happened to Casey's masterpiece? We're talking Bubba, the one with the black cow. The black guy. Sweet baby rays. Sweet baby rays. The one with the, the black guy one is Stubbs. Stubbs. That's right. Stubbs. I've been to the Stubbs factory. In Austin? In Austin. Yeah. There's a, it's named after the actual black guy. There's like a music venue there too. That they used to not let in there.

Sit out front. Damn, dude. Was there, was there a segregated barbecue? Did black people get the best barbecue? No, barbecue, the best barbecue is the black bar, is like the, the best barbecue you can find is you go to this place and it, it looks like these people recently found out that they're not slaves anymore. I think you sent me there in Austin, right? The rays used to be my spot. I used to love rays. I love Danny's too on MLK. That was a good spot. I went to some shack that looked like shit. And it was delectable. That's good. That's good barbecue, dude. It's a fucked up, you know, yeah. Sam's on 12th. That's a good barbecue spot. How's Texas different than like the Carolinas?

Texas is no, there's no, I mean, there's a sauce, there's sauce on the side usually. And it's usually like, yeah, they just fucking smoke the shit out of it to the fat like soaks into the lean meat. And Carolina's got that vinegary shit. That's North Carolina. And then South Carolina's like a mustardy shit. I'm probably wrong. So why did you ask if you already knew the difference? And Kansas City is the one that we have that's like the barbecue. That's a dry rub? Oh no, that's barbecue. Kansas City barbecue and Texas barbecue are more similar than Texas is to Carolina barbecue. And then Maryland has its own barbecue too, which is a pit beef. Yeah, yeah, but that's included in the four in the hierarchy of barbecue, American barbecue. I don't

like that because it's a completely different experience. Chaps shots out the chaps pit beef. We should have gone there. Shout out rescinded. No, this is not, that's not, I'm not approving, I'm not approving that shout out. Come town shout out. No, absolutely. Correct. The same parking lot as the golds, the gentleman's club. Yeah. The gold club. Do they let you bring the work out? You can lift weights and stare at girls. Yeah, that's the perfect gym. We're taking out all the mirrors and putting in windows where a sex trafficked woman is forced to undress at gunpoint. Do you live better with the owner with her through a Russian tears? I saw, I saw a video where it's like a guy, he takes a Viagra. No, no, he's benching with a woman sitting on his cock.

I mean, not as bear cock. Oh, that's like a type of porn. No, no, no, it's not porn. He's just, because he's getting stimulated, you know, he's got a woman, a woman's pussy near him that makes him lift better makes him lift better. It didn't like it releases testosterone. And that's why I always lift shirtless doing the bench press getting my dick sucked every time. And that's why I've seen the kind of gains that you guys are noticing. I downloaded the Gran Turismo demo, the new one comes out in a week. Gran Turismo sucks my dick, dude. Fuck racing games. That's not need for speed, dude. Yeah, well, you get that VR helmet, you plug that shit on, you sit out in the living room, you know, fucking knock all your roommates shit over. Yeah, because you have to punch. It's a

punching. I like wanted those pedals. I always wanted the fucking pedals from the arcade. Oh, I guess yeah, you can even fucking I don't think you can even play this without the VR. Oh, you can do standard, right? No, those those are color settings. Interesting. Oh, cool. Fucking interesting. Yeah, I used to like cruising USA. Oh my god, I went to fucking skate land again, shouts out to the skate land on Putty Hill. And with their fucking bullshit ass pizza that was still delicious as hell. You read that pizza that was just like flat as shit. And you could see each individual square of tiny ass cheese. Yeah, that's like cafeteria. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're talking about CC's pizza earlier. Yeah, you mentioned it.

It's a skate land. Skate land. Is it was at a roller rink? Yes. It was a chain of roller rinks in Baltimore. I think my my step sister used to I remember my dad picking her up from a but that always seemed gay to me. Oh, yeah, it was a roller rink. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Why would you even ask me if I had done that? What part what part of me do you think went to a roller skating? You didn't go to birthday parties to go like you had fucking you got to do whatever you wanted when you were I was I was never invited to any birthday parties. I didn't go to a birthday party until I was 27 years old. He's lying. You definitely went to some child birthday parties. Come on. What's your most memorable party as a child for like my birthday? Um, I think we already did

this. We did this. But yeah, we talked about it. I had a birthday party at a bowling alley and I ran into a friend of mine that hadn't seen in like a year and a half who just happened to be at the bowling alley from the YMCA day camp. Nice. The YMCA classic day camp. My main memory from that is one kid trying to blow up a used condom he found on the ground. I used a balloon. Yes. Well, yeah, it's not it wasn't like a fresh condom just opened and then discarded. You never know the fits. Not right. Yeah. And that happens all the time. All the time. By the way, I saw an ad for some Facebook company that was like, Oh, we have we have the perfect size condom. Just send you know, whatever it's like, I just want cock measurements and they make you like a they have like different

size. I don't want a different size. I don't want to know what size my condoms are. No, Magnum every time. Yeah, I know I'm comfortable with my double wide extra long magnums that I always use just baggy ass magnums a little snug. Yes. But you know, baggy pants, baggy Magnums fashion style NBA stitches on all my fucking my condoms. I saw a pack of denim condoms. No, you didn't denim condoms. I didn't know what to make of it. It was in Greece. I don't think it could have possibly been made out of them. I don't think that will protect from jeans. Like, they made it seem like maybe it was a blue condom. You guys ever use those colored condoms? Yeah, like they give away at school school. They have like red ones and like, yeah, looks like

your dick is bloody. Your dick is like pink. Yeah, it's weird. You know, bigger than usual. I feel like both you have pink dicks. I got a nice tan guy. Justing the saturation on the image for this thing. Gran Turismo is more of a photography game than a. Yeah, it's kind of a striking image. It's all it's all about the DP work. Yeah. Oh, I know a little bit about the director of photography. Anyway, colored condoms, where were we? I remember in seventh grade, they gave those away and I beat off into one thinking, well, any moment now I'll be having a lot of sex. So I better get used to what condoms feel like on my heart. I remember using a condom one time and I fucked this girl for like, maybe like 10 minutes or something and I didn't come.

So I just took the condom off and put it in my pocket and I kept it in there. How are you wearing a pocket? What? No, you were fucking. Later. Oh, later. Later. I mean, I kept, I saved it because I'm like, where am I going to get another condom? Wait, you. I just like had I used condom in my pocket. Like fucking immigrants rinsing out glad bags. Yeah. Their sandwiches. Right. Oh, that's hilarious. Yeah, dude. How was, so you fucking for 10 minutes, didn't come and you were like, all right, well, yeah, you went home. No, I mean, I went about my day. I mean, this, I had the condom in my pocket for like the next day. Because you never know when you're going to fuck. Yeah. I remember just being at work with that condom in my pocket. I used to work with a guy.

No, I just, we're going to a grocery store. I had a, I worked with a guy that had a hole cut in the inside of his pocket so he could jack off his dick while women were in line at the grocery store at a pizza restaurant or a pizza restaurant. Well, you got the high counters. You got the high counters is a good plan. Kind of. He was, yeah, he was just sort of a piece of shit, I guess. So movies reviews. Yeah, I know. So that you can't review a movie you haven't seen. Well, we can review what we think it's going to be about. Scoot over. Nick was currently was sitting on his kitchen, was sitting on a hardback chair and now he's going into lounge mode. Yeah. My good friend Ansel Elgort's in it, Jamie Foxx. Who's the sexy woman and baby driver? Is there one?

Tony Coutain. Yeah, dude. White snake. Yeah. I got a white snake for you. Nice. Thanks, man. That's like, you know when T-Mac used to throw them off the backboard? That was cool. To dunk. Yeah. That's what I just did. You gave yourself the assist. I said white snake and then I said I got a white snake for you. I thought you said it was a tan snake. I mean, come on, man, it doesn't work for the joke. Do I got to fucking teach you everything, man? It is. Oh, guys, shout out to everyone that came to the show last night. Yeah, that was a banger. It was a really, really good one. And before I forget, the next show is the 23rd of October. So people say I never tell them when the shows are,

so. Yeah, well, we did a horrific job this time. Yeah, we posted the lineup at four. At four p.m. or four p.m. Yeah, that's our bad. We're going to be better about it. Moving forward. We probably won't be better about it, but please come to the show. The show was still very fun, even though we were lazy. So what do you celebrate on Columbus Day? The Italian heritage. A couple fucking, you know, a couple nosy tribesmen getting what's, what's theirs. Right. They didn't, what they deserve. Yeah. But what part of Columbus' life are you celebrating? I don't understand. The discovery of America, which he discovered, what, like Dominican Republic or something. Yeah. He's Spanish. Columbia, dumbass. That's

why it's named after him. No, he did. Well, he discovered the Dominican Republic. No. Yeah. He did. Yeah. It was named after him. Obviously, someone hasn't seen Narcos, and they're not familiar with who Christopher Columbus is. The star of Narcos. It's, Narcos is a show about Christopher Columbus. Yeah. He was a snitch. He's a heavy-litted Brazilian guy who plays Pablo Escobar. The show is about Christopher Columbus, but he played, Christopher Columbus plays Pablo Escobar. Yeah. Yeah. Christopher Columbus was the world's first actor. He was portraying the role of the drug dealer that would happen like 400 years later. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He came, he came, you know, Christopher Columbus,

he sailed from Italy to Mexico. Right. Landed in, landed in Mexico. He started acting. He invented acting. In Mexico. Yeah. And a lot of people say he stole acting from the natives. That's why they were always nude all the time is because they were camming. Yeah. The first. First acting thing is camming. Yeah. My, my name is struggling actress. I am chief struggling actress. Please look at my wind pussy. I have pulled all the feathers out of my wind pussy. A great spirit of tokens will be bestowed upon me if I do my rain dance by placing the Hitachi directly on my asshole until I squirt. I just got the feather and fucking the headdress on these dick.

Yeah, dude, Native Americans love camming. That's their whole thing. I did not know that. Is that yeah, there's like whole unreservations. A big pussy that just no, that was the sound of tokens being deposited in their account. I get it. It sounds exactly like. Wow. I'm, I'm chief molested. What the fuck does that have to do with cars? What was it? So it just, it's playing all these like, you know, screensaver images. And this is 2012. CERN discovers the Higgs boson. That made cars faster. Yeah, I got a Higgs boson for you. The smallest particle in the world. That's what it is, right? It's an elementary particle. I think it like splits something and it makes a lot of energy. Sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can, you can, you can fucking watch it.

You can observe it and call it the God particle. Yeah, what the fuck is that about? Didn't they say they might have fucked up reality from the Higgs? Oh, is that why Donald Trump's president? I saw a tweet that said that. Yeah. Because of the Higgs boson. I like that. Yeah. Whose tweet was that? I couldn't tell you. Some fucking clown. I couldn't tell you. I think it was one of those. They warned us that after they did this, it might alter reality and they were like, wait a second, DT Donald Trump. Wow. And the entrance being the Falcons. Yeah, but if you look at like, all the stuff that people are upset about are actually good things. Like, Donald Trump being president is a good thing. Very good. Yeah. I mean, there's never, there hasn't

been a single negative consequence. Business is up. He's handled Puerto Rico perfectly. Shootings are down. He crushed Puerto Rico. Considering that there was only one, you know, shooting this year. In the last eight months. It was a doozy. It was a doozy, but I mean. It did get his money's worth. Obama was having, Obama was having fucking shootings every two weeks. Yeah. Well, actually, let's flip that around. We all know every shooting is a false flag operation. Trump doesn't have his shit together, man. He's only been able to get one false flag. Well, he's protecting people. He's not interested in false flagging. He loves credit too much to do false flag operations. That would be great if like, he just fucks up and he's like,

like, you know, people are calling him incompetent. He's like, Oh yeah, well, I'm not going to say anything, but let's just say Steven Paddock had a little bit of help. So from me. You know, he couldn't have done it without me. Stabilize itself. Right. You think, you think that this whole gun control in Las Vegas, it was going to happen on its own? No, I have to set things up. I called my buddy Steven. I know I'm from Gambler's Anonymous. I used to bed on Portuguese pussy. You don't even know what that is. I don't even remember. That's how little I care about walking out that riff. That 38% taking a check swing on that one. Yeah. The, the, what is it 35% of people that like love him no matter what? I think even if they found that out, they'd be like, Oh, you

know, he had to do what he had to do. What would he have to do to get people to hate him? Do you think if he, if there's a video of him getting his dick sucked by a baby? No, he, the numbers will go up. No, legit. I'm getting a dick sucked by a baby. By a baby is, yeah, a little fun. It's weird to say it that way. Getting your dick sucked by a baby. A baby wouldn't know how to suck. I'm not fucking a baby in the mouth. Sure. What about a seven year old? Would that ruin him? Probably. How 16? I think he's fine. If he gets caught with a 16, he'd be fine. He, he, he fucks it. He fucks a baby in the mouth and there's some pollster that's like, we have to gain control of this. We have to say that he got caught letting a baby suck his dick. The baby was

a make a wish dick. Getting his dick sucked by a baby. Put the, put the action on the baby. Yeah. Frank Luntz can come up with that. Luntz, Luntz transforms lunch. Luntz transforms from to the cookie jar he lives as normally. He looks like shit. He anamorphs into, he's like a halfway in between. Like if, if Pat Noswald was going to anamorph into a cookie jar, he's like the middle. Yeah. Like the middle one. You know, right in the middle of the cover of the book. Oh fuck dude. Yeah, Luntz baby. He looks a lot like Lutz from 30 Rock. That's my take. Yeah. Remember that show, Third Rock from the Sun? That was a good show. That was, that was okay. Yeah. I used to always be, I used to be bugged out that they said that she was a man, like in her alien form.

She was the lady. The lady from Third Rock from the Sun. Third Rock. Yeah, it was groundbreaking. A manly jaw too. Like you could, you could buy that she was a convincing M to F. She was an alien who assumed a female form. Yeah. The actual actress. Yeah. I used to think that when that guy was a kid, he was cool. JGL. Yeah. And now that he's an adult, he's so fucking embarrassing. He's such a fedora guy. He was good as the cop and uh, what was it? Bay of Batman. Oh yeah, he was in that. And then I didn't see Don Juan, but it's supposed to be good. Is it about jacking off too much? I saw part of it and here's my review. Scarlett Johansson's titties. We're looking luxurious. Okay. Show some respect. Okay.

Oh right. I'm sorry. I forgot Racine. Racine thinks she listens to this. Fuck that dude. I'm, I will not censor any aspect of this podcast. I will never say titties aren't luscious. For the sake of Scarlett Johansson. If you're listening Scarlett, go fuck yourself. Scarlett, what's up? We're going to comment on your body. DM me. Weinstein style, baby. Did you hear the Harvey Weinstein podcast? Did you hear the recording that came out today? No. Oh, it was rough. We're not at the, the rest of us don't spend our time furiously googling a Jewish rapist caught. Right. You know, yeah. Well, that's how to, how does, are they going to find out? I have a Google. Yeah. Yeah. I have a Google alert. Did they find the Google doc? Yeah. Yeah. Did they find the email

chain? Yeah. I have a Google alert set up for any time a Jew is accused of rape. Did they get the email? No, he's just like, he's just talking to this woman and he's like, don't ruin our friendship. Please don't ruin our friendship. He's like trying to get her to come into a hotel room with him. He's like, I, I just need five minutes. You're embarrassing me right now. Come into the hotel. Yeah. Dude, it's fucking, it's like, it's really sad. It's like fucked up. And he just, what? He wants massages, front massages. No, I mean, he's, he wanted some fucked up shit. Apparently he was doing like Nazi uniform. I hope I get caught sexually abusing elderly Chinese men that didn't force to massage me. Oh yeah, you said that the other day.

Would you force a Chinese man to massage you? If I could have, first of all, I know slavery is wrong, but when it comes to the Chinese, they love working. They love. They do. They love to work for nothing. It's their favorite thing. You give them a box to live in and you say 12 hours a day, get these fucking knots out of my rhomboids. And then that is, that is heaven to them. Yeah. That is the, that is peak Chinese existence. Jade in that box. Oh yeah. I don't even know what that is. Let them chew on a piece of eucalyptus. Yeah, exactly. You treat them like a bug you found. Just put them in a two liter. You get a whole Chinese family. You get put them in there with some grass and a stick. They like that. Oh yes. You know, and, and then one day they'll turn into

butterflies. That's right. And by that, I mean Japanese people. Yes. The ultimate form of Asian. It's just, yeah, that's the Pokemon. Chinese is number one. I want to be the very best type of Asian to go from Chinese to Japanese is the thing we all want to do. Fuck being Chinese. I wish I was in Chinese. Pokemon. Wow. That is, that's, that's high concept. That's one of our good bits. Are you, are you mad about it because you weren't involved? No, I'm fine. I think it's really funny. Damn dude, I'm gonna be laughing about that song. Dude, Asian people are so racist to other types of Asian people. Yeah. They got a strict caste system. Yeah. That's not, that's not news.

Yeah. So I liked it. Nobody gives a shit. It's not news. Yeah. Now people know that. No, it was on the front cover of The Times today. What happened to the break, the British baking show that guy turned out to be Paul Hollywood? No, he just for a party dressed up like a Nazi and people are acting like he's a real Nazi. You know what though? I don't know if I fuck with Paul Hollywood, man. Honestly, I don't fuck with him because of his baking show hosting technique. No, he wanted to fuck that girl in season two real hard. He was skeezy, dude. Yeah, he's a scumbag. He's got some Weinstein in him. He's pulled some Weinstein. Oh, I'm sure. Yeah. He's disgusting. I hope Adam is successful in the entertainment industry only so those accusations come out when they do and

they will. I hope you become a very successful millionaire producer or whatever it is just for the accusations. Thanks. Thanks, pal. Yeah. Thanks for the support. Thanks a lot. I mean, I do think it's only fair. That's just what I know. Every time a Muslim does terrorism, I think that all Muslims should apologize. I think every time a Jew does rape. All Muslims should apologize. All Muslims should apologize. It's time to remember the most important behavior. So on behalf of all Jews, I'm very sorry. That's an official statement. I'm sorry. It is a shame, though, because Miramax does make some fucking bangers. Well, his brother, no, it was political. His brother wanted him out. Really? Yeah, people have known he's a rapist for

fucking 40 years. It's like Cosby. It's like this was the this was the convenient time for like it to come out that he was a rapist. The Times had a story. The Times had a story like 10 years ago that got fucking squashed. Oh, right. I just I haven't been following it all. But everyone's mad at Matt Damon for doing it. Matt Damon's crushed it. Matt Damon. Jason Bourne. He snaps him next. Yeah, Matt Damon did suck him off. Yeah. That's how we got fucking what's his name. Terry Cruz came forward today. He got his cock rubbed at a party. He's like, Yeah, I was at a party last year and some executive grabbed my cock. I was like his wife. You know that's a gay Jewish guy. Well, that's the way that's not a gay Jewish guy. Yeah. I mean, there's a lot of women being harassed.

And then there's a lot of, you know, men, but there's also a lot of men's rights. Men's rights. Men have it worse. Men have it worse. Finally. Yes. Can we get to the important thing here? We have a worse. Terry Cruz got his cock touched. Yeah. Yeah. Which is way worse. RIP to Deebo getting his cock touched. Yeah. Yeah. That's not Deebo. Yeah. In exchange for his role on Friday. Yeah. He sucked, you know, some guy named Fink Finkle Fight, uh, Jewish Burr sucked him off. What was that name? Finkle Fight Jewish Burr. Oh, I know him, dude. He's a Finkle Fight. Fivish Finkle. Yeah. Fivish Finkle. Yeah, that guy's. Yeah. You don't want to accuse him. I don't want to accuse him. Poor Fival. He's dead, I think. Is he? I think he's dead.

Fuck that cock. Yeah, he's a fucking rat. It wasn't. You know what? It's time to stand up for what's right. Have you ever been sexually assaulted or assaulted or harassed? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There's this guy who took me in a hotel room and made me wash him jack off. Remember our musical duo? Really? No. No, my career sucks. I haven't been. That's true. Well, Nick does rape you. That's true. He makes me verbally. No, I'm nice to you now. Wasn't there a boy band? No. Who fucked everyone in the boy. He would fuck one kid in the boy band. Yeah, the guy that did Backstreet Boys, right? Backstreet Boys, yeah. Yeah, he fucked Nick Carter. I forget his name. Lou Pearlman? Lou Pearlman. The guy that gets accused all the time is the all that guy.

The creator? Yeah, the guy that created it. He made every popular children's show. Really? For Nickelodeon, yeah. He was on that show head of the class. He's the fat guy from head of the class. Oh, that guy? Yeah. I don't know. A bootleg saved by the bell? It's a bootleg saved by the bell. Yeah, but he was in... Imagine school where the bell never rings. Is it the fat guy from Good Burger? He was in Good Burger too? Yeah, you know what? Yeah, he wrote Good Burger. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The white guy, the fat white guy. Yeah. See, that's why Kel got fucked up, because Kel was cuter. And Kenan, Kenan's the most successful all that alum ever. But there was that lady who was fat too.

Laurie Beth Dinberg. Laurie Beth, damn, you had that pull, brother. Vital information for your everyday life. Laurie Beth, well, it's part of his Jewish rape Google. Laurie Beth Dinberg was a famous Jewish rapist. Laurie Beth Darn... She comes up on all those, like, you know, those advertisements for articles that are like bullshit, you know. What are they now type shit? Yeah, well, those, yeah, but there's one of her as an adult, and it's like, you won't believe what these child actresses look like now. And then if you look at her, it's like, yeah, I would have believed that. Yeah, right. She looked like she was 40, like, she looked way older than the rest of the kids. Yeah.

Absolutely. She was an episode of Workaholics for a sec. Laurie Beth. About Suckaholics in a show about guys that can't stop sucking dick. That's a real problem. Are they even Workaholics on that show? Dude, no, it's ironic because they're like slackers. I'm confused. That's why I was, what is going on on this show? These aren't Workaholics at all. Oh, Jane, get in here. These young men are lying. They should read, read, they should remake it with a Chinese iPhone guys. Alice. Yes. Those are real work of Foxconn guys. Yeah, those are the real work.

They're fucking rations of fucking Chinese fuzio playing card factory. Well, it's fine. It's a 12 hour long show. You're fake Chinese. Today, Wang got his fucking hand caught in a boxing machine. It's dishonorable. Yeah, right. Don't they have to put nets on the bottom? Yeah, the suicide nets. Yeah, it's foul balls. Right. Danger. This factory is falling Chinese men.

Yeah, the foul territory. Oh, fuck, dude. What? Some people have it so easy, you know, they never have to think about what they're going to do. Think it off. You know, they just get wake up, you know, wake up, roll over, sit down in the chair, hooked up to the machine. The chair has a toilet in it. Take your morning breakfast and shit at the same time. Which actually sounds pretty efficient now that I think about it.

That would be pretty sweet. I would love to eat one meal a day. It's a little bit of hard tack and dry ramen noodles. You know, you jam it all in your mouth. Use some boys' piss to loosen it up in your mouth instead of chewing on it. If you want, if that's your style. Yeah. Then you're good to go for the rest of the day. Well, once you swallow it, it pushes out the other shit that's not works. That is actually how the body works.

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Thanks, guys. I want to re-watch The Godfather now. Oh, I just did in Greece as well. Nick wants to do it because when I took guitar lessons, I fucking... The only thing I could play was the intro to The Godfather, Slash Style. And also the intro to... From Guns N' Roses?

And also the intro to Sweet Child of Mine. Yeah. Booty boo-doo, be-doo, be-doo, booty boo-doo, be-doo, be-doo. Hell yeah, dude. I fucked with Guns N' Roses. Did you? Oh, yeah. Slash had a bellybutton ring.

Did he? Yeah. Slash a point of contact for the two of us. That's a weird thing on a man. He's Jewish? Yeah. Oh, yeah. He's half-Jew, half-black.

I don't know. That's what the slash is. Cordell Stewart. Would you smash it over there, Nicholas? I don't know. Just fucking tuna fish. What, tuna mayo? Tuna mayonnaise and relish.

Put a little hot sauce in that? No, black pepper, though. That's not it. I don't fuck with relish, man. Relish can suck my penis. Relish is good. Tuna with relish mayonnaise, a little bit of black pepper. It uses to come in these little packets that had cracker.

Fish in a packet I don't want. It was like a Lunchable, like a Bumble Bee Tuna Lunchable. Yeah, I know those, but they just fucked me up. I used to love that shit. That shit, like Go-Gurt, remember Go-Gurt? Yeah. Who the fuck wants yogurt in a tube? Oh, I like the tube shape piece.

That's our subway system, is Go-Gurt. We do paddle boats down yogurt rivers. I was just there. I was in, that's the Athens Metro. Yeah, fuck Go-Gurt. That shit will get hot in your pocket and shit. Who puts a Go-Gurt in their pocket? Yeah, your lunch box.

Your problem with Go-Gurt is that you were stuffing your pockets in the Go-Gurt. You had a bunch of Go-Gurt related action. It was hot, it was too hot, dude. It was too fucking hot. Should we get warm, curdle? I don't like too much portable shit, too much portable food shit. Packets of tuna seems fucked up, fish should be served.

I suppose a can, I like the cans a little more hefty. You know, I don't know. A packet without form. I want my food stored in something with form. I hear you, and it is weird. They had that little wooden spoon, but I fucking love that shit. So you didn't like Capri, son? That's a liquid, that's a different one.

Launchables are fucking disgusting, but I love that shit when I was a kid. Yeah, that was branding though, I feel like. Yeah, well I just never had launchables. So in the rare instance that there is a launchable available to me. Yeah, I remember the same shit, I was so excited and then I got that bullshit pepperoni pizza, I was mad. Mmm, it's just a cracker.

I got a launchable, I just assumed a pepperoni pizza would be hot. It's a cracker with ketchup. Yeah, dude. I was fucking annoyed as shit. Yeah. And I told my mom, I was like, bitch, don't you ever serve me this again. What was the other one?

There was like, Build fucking boiling hot water in her face. It was ham and cheese and crackers, was the other one? That was the original launchable. Launchables deluxe. Deluxe? What's deluxe about that? That's horse shit.

Horse fucking shit, dude. No, that's charcuterie, dude. Yeah, I like a nice charcuterie plate, dude. Well, you're in the right place for that. I want to drive the Oscar Mayer Wiener Mobile. But I can't, because I don't have a college degree. What? You need a college degree.

You need a college degree. Yeah. To drive the Oscar Mayer Wiener Mobile. It's just for like promotional appearances and shit. Ah, fuck. No, dude, that's how you deliver every one of them. That's every single one. Yep.

Isn't it that Big Truck gives birth to a little hot dog? Mmm. It's a dedicated staff of people with master's degrees. MFA's. Man, I bike to, uh, was it the North? Was it called the North Cove Marina? That Marina down on, like, uh, in Tribeca. There's a Marina.

Oh, yeah, right by, like, the... There's a fucking 40 meter yacht. Four, three or four 40 meter yachts. That's where I fucking parked my yacht. Yeah. Those are fucking insane, dude. I was getting hit from... I can't, I would love to have that kind of money to have a yacht.

Yacht money? Yacht money. Well, a 40 meter yacht. I mean, like, a big ass fucking boat. Like, one of the... You own, like, an element if you have that kind of shit. Yeah. I mean, to just...

You should just sell helium to people. They're, like, insurance alone on a fucking big ass boat like that. It's got to be, like, a hundred thousand a year. Dock fees, gas, staff. Docking fees, but you have to... You need to hire a captain, dude. Captain, yeah. Put his cock in your cock.

Yeah. What was that Greek movie we were watching that one time, Nick, where there was all the guys on a yacht and, like, having, like, competitions with each other? I don't know. There was some comedy that came out two years ago. It wasn't funny. It wasn't that funny.

Well, it wasn't in English. I think you watched a Greek movie without me. Oh, we do tons of Greek stuff without you. You don't watch movies. We watch plenty of movies. I don't watch movies. I wanted to watch Baby Driver, but it's too late, dude. Yeah.

It is too late. We'll watch it fucking later this week. I want to watch it. Yeah. Hit it the fucking big screen. I got into Gran Turismo. My decision. It's pretty fucking boring.

Yeah, Gran Turismo sucks my hard penis. It's cool if you have the wheel. I want the wheel and the VR helmet. But for speed, dude, you get little upgrades. You get cool fucking... You get upgrades in Gran Turismo. Gran Turismo is like a... Is that a story mode?

What, Gran Turismo? Yeah. Yeah, you're an Italian, man. You're an Italian. You're a transian. You get points by sexually harassing women. Yeah, pretty much. You start in a Vespa.

You start in a little gay. There should be like a Paul Newman racing simulator where your son dies halfway through from a drug overdose. And then you get even better at driving. And then you get really into racing. And you win Le Mans. I love racing. Dude, he...

Salad dressing and racing, dude. Paul Newman didn't see passions. Paul Newman didn't race until he was 48 years old. Damn. He was like, done. He was already a celebrity from other shit and then decided to get into racing. He's half a Jew.

But he wasn't like... He wasn't like famous at racing. He was just famous. No, he was fucking famous at racing, dude. No way. He won Le Mans for his class. Really? Yeah.

What was his class? He had his mom drive that good at racing. Yeah. Actors. It was fucking Emanuel Lewis. It was Tony Cotain actually. It was Jeremy Clarkson from top... What's it called, Top Gear?

Yeah, Top... No, that guy would be in the good ass celebrities. How about... Are they good at racing those guys? How about bottom gear? Yes. They drive the cars. That one time, didn't they have to drive through the south

with the N-word painted on them? Yeah. Yeah, they're like... Aren't the Top Gear guys like... Political correctness has gotten out of control. Yeah, Clarkson is like an alt-right guy. Is he? Oh fuck, this sucks.

Yeah, he's like, I'm going to drive my gas car and you pussies can take trains. Did I enjoy that show? The British version, right? Not the American version. This is one of the best shows. I haven't even seen the American one. It's a great show.

I haven't even seen the American one. Is it like... Is it Mat Le Blanc? Mat Le Blanc? No, it's a comic that looks like Mat Le Blanc. Adam Ferrara? Oh, maybe. Is that the man versus food guy?

No, that's Adam. No, that's Adam Richman. Richman. One time, Elders got blocked on Twitter by Adam Richman in college because he kept DMing him and asking to see what his shit looks like. He was like, how big are your shits?

Can you send me a picture of your shits? But Elders wasn't trolling. He really just wanted... He really was interested. Yeah, I just wanted to see his shit. Elders takes some of the worst shits of all time. I don't know, no matter what he eats, it always sticks to the bowl.

It like, he fucking splats him up against the fucking sides and they streak down. It looks like fucking the Bride of Frankenstein. You guys have such a weird relationship, just seeing each other naked constantly and comparing shits. I don't compare... They're brothers, dude.

They're fucking bathroom. What do you want me to do? Not look at his shit? I don't enjoy that I see his shit. I would like nothing more than to not know that he shits. This is why all those fucking like Balkan states have to genocide each other constantly. Because these are the kind of relationships you have.

You, for a fact, will live with Elders until you move in with the woman you ultimately marry. Probably, yeah. You're not gonna get married. I'll get married. No, you won't. Yeah, he will. No, he won't.

He wants babies. No, you're gonna die alone. No, dude. I mean, I think we all know who in this room is going to die alone. That would be me. Yeah, probably Adam. That would be me. Just after his wife leaves him

when all the rape accusations come out. Yeah, what? Harvey wants to just... Wife just left him. That's the perfect way out for her. No, Harvey's gonna die alone. Whatever, dude. She was definitely covering up rapes, too.

Absolutely. Well, I don't know, maybe she... She leaves the day that the public in large finds out. Maybe she wasn't in Cosby. Everyone knew. No, she waited like a week. Camille's a ride or die, dude. Yeah, Harvey Weinstein is in Europe right now.

It's sex addiction. More like Camille Ticket, you know? She's got that Cosby money. Right. Let's go fuck up Weinstein, dude. He's in Europe at sex recovery. I think he's innocent, dude. I think he's another white man.

I'm on his side. And I've got a screenplay that if... It's about just a tough young kid from Boston that just wants to be a bartender, but he has to murder his adjoin an Irish gang. And kill a bunch of women accusing a cool Hollywood producer. Yeah. A cool innocent producer.

Right. It's an MRA version of Boondock Saints. It's called... It's called Poon... Poon... Pooncock. Poon... No.

Poon... Liar. Oh, I don't know, folks. I can't... I got nothing on that one. Did you foot off my coffee cup? What? It's on your...

Yes, it is. Just stop fucking... You know, messing with stuff. Come on, dude. Shut up. What are you upset about? Did you also just let... You used Mucinex and just left it all over the floor in my bathroom?

No, I didn't use any Mucinex. Well, who left a box of Mucinex on the floor? I have no idea. Sov, is it you? You look like the guy from the commercials. So it's probably your fault. Like the flam monster? Yeah.

My dick is too juicy, so I have to use Mucinex. I rubbed my cock with Mucinex to dry it out. To get all the flam out of your dick. My dick has a cold. Mom, my dick... That's a five-year-old that hit puberty, and his parents haven't had to talk with him yet. And it shoves...

He opens his little dick hole up, and he shoves a bunch of... Well, it's a five-year-old that hit puberty too early, and so his parents haven't had time to explain puberty yet to him. So he's saying, Mom, my dick has a cold. It's a swallowing, and it's sneezing. Whenever I think of... Charles, because guess what?

He's gay. It's fine to be a gay child. Yeah. It sneezes. What do you think of that? That's pretty cool. I think that's cool. Even when I would like a blowhole right on the top of my head.

Like a dolphin? When you want to be like in the... Wouldn't it be like... Yeah, but on your back. Okay, well, here's the hypothetical. As I have a blowhole, I get to choose where it is. What would you do with it? What do you mean by...

I said... I said... I would like to have a blowhole on the top of my head. How far would it go? Yes, it is. Scientifically, absolutely not. What would you do with it? You just like walk underwater?

I would interrupt you with like your head. You would spray fucking water in your... Should we get in your brain, dude? Yeah, I got water on my brain. It's not a big deal. Dude, no. It would fuck you up. No, water is good for your brain.

Yeah. I got Hydrocephaly. Would you let someone fuck you up? That's my daughter's name. Dolphins. My future daughter. Do it. Hydrocephaly.

Male dolphins have nasal sex with each other. They fuck each other's blowholes. Yo, for real? Yeah, they have gay... Dolphins are freaks. Nasal sex. They fuck each other. I think they suck each other's cocks, too.

Yeah, they're cool. I think whales suck each other's cocks. Or is that elephants? Elephants. Female elephants will eat each other's pussies, but they're trunks. It's pretty tight. That'd be cool to have a trunk.

Yes. I think I got a trunk over a blowhole. You got that big, big schnauz. Yeah, but I can't pick things up with my trunk. Yeah, but you can store things in there. Yeah. You got like a... What can I store in there?

Use your key. Own my nose. An umbrella. A small umbrella. My nose is... My nose is alright. It doesn't have a bump. I would be self-conscious about my nose if I had a really bad bump.

It is a bump. It is a pretty bad bump. No, it really doesn't. The whole thing's a bump. It's pretty straight. Yeah, it's good. No, it's big, but it's straight. The whole thing's a shit.

It's a pretty bad bump on there. I'd say... Show me. The whole thing... Don't lie. Don't lie. You guys are lying. Bit aside.

Next bit aside, you do have a bump. Where? Right here, man. Yeah. It's not prominent, though. It's pretty prominent. It's miniature. It's not prominent.

Everyone has a nose bump. I'm saying if I had a big ass nose bump, my nose is pretty straight for the most part. It's fucked up. I mean... It's fucked up, dude. Face it. It's too thick at the end.

Dude, me and... Imperioli, we're big nosed men. Like Imperioli? Yeah. But you're not cool like him. Yes, I am. In a lot of ways, I am. He's famous for being in the best TV show of all time.

Hawaii 5.0. Yeah. The remake or the original? It's the remake. He's like, I think. I mean, actually, you know what? No, he's got his own show where he wears a whole lot. How about Michael on Queerly Holy?

Yeah. Yeah. Yo, tone. I'm fucking sucking a dick over here. What about Michael, please fill my holy? All right. Wow. Yeah.

A lot of options with that one. A lot of gay options. Tone. Michael... Stop fucking my ass. Yeah. Michael on Queerly Holy. Don on Queerly Holy.

Adriana. You come to me on this. The day of both of my sons getting married to each other. I think you've done this. Daughter transition. Yeah, yeah. I wrote that as a sketch that got me a writing job. There we go, bro.

The Transfather. The Transfather. Which was a smash hit. In my application. What a stupid job being a comedy writer is. Yeah. Oh, yeah. It's a really dumb world.

It's so stupid. Yeah. Fuck, we should fucking kill ourselves, man. Nah, I'm doing all right. I'm mad that my bicycle ride got interrupted by a flat tire today. I had a ways to go. I'm still thinking about that 40-foot or 40-meter yacht. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

My yacht. I think it's dumb because the big-ass boats still have names, which seems like something that should only happen with the small boats. Nah, you name a big boat? Come on. I don't know. That seems stupid to me. But you don't name it like an SS.

Yeah. Why not? The big boats get like, like Titanic. They get like one-word names. You know? Like, not like aircraft carriers. No, man. Big yachts have names, like dumb names.

Like, remember the Titans. That's like a name. Daddy's little secret. That's what, that's Harvey Ponds. That's the rape, that's the rape, but. Wait, like what? What did you say, Nick? Like, usually it's ponds.

They do ponds with boats. No, I want something regal, dude. Yeah. I want like fucking name it like, I don't know, Pegasus. That's fucking cool. Put some wings on the side of that shit. You put wings on your... On the side of your boat.

On your, you know, hunt. How much has he got? A hundred million dollars? Forty million dollars? I don't know. Forty mil sounds right. That sounds right. For what?

A yacht. What size yacht? The ones you saw today. 60 meters. Oh yeah, those are probably in between 50 and 100 million. Damn. That's insane. What a thing to spend money on.

I mean, if you have that kind of money, why not? Well, this is a wealth and financial management podcast, so. We're talking crypto, we're talking stocks. Right, the people who listen to this podcast listen just for our takes on yachts. I mean, you ever get a DuPont registry as a kid? No. It's like a magazine for millionaires, and I got it at the grocery store one time when I was like six just because it had like, Bugatti's and shit in it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, pictures of McLaren's. Yes. And all the advertisements are for like, Sharpay's and like, Rollie's and shit. Damn. I just came to interview you like that. Writers. What?

NDA writers. Nondisclosure game. Nondisclosure game. Yeah. Yeah, I can't imagine being a rich man and then wanting to read a magazine for rich people. Yeah, that's for poor Mothaf on the part of pretending they're aspirational. I was literally five years old, and I was like, cool. Look at the pictures of Hummers.

You know what? Rich people are pouring his shit, too. That was back, that was back before they did the H2. That was like when you still had to be like a fucking... You get a Humvee. You used to be like a millionaire to get a Hummer, yeah. Everyone had like yellow Hummers for some reason. Didn't Arnold start that?

Arnold was really into Hummers. Arnold was the first person to have a Hummer. Well, he was governor. What a stupid fucking car. You ever ride in one? No. They suck. Yeah, they looked down.

There's a Hummer around the corner for me, this guy, like a burnt orange Hummer, and the guy has all these decals and stickers on it, and he's part of a Hummer Club, New York City Hummer Club. Oh, New York City Hummer Club. The original Hummer or the new one? It's an H2, or an H3. No, H3s are smaller? Yeah.

I can't wait until the H4 comes out and it's HIV. It's in Roman numerals. Look at all that. They weren't quite... They didn't quite get it the first couple of times. Yeah. They're like, we kept trying to make HIV, but it was a car. We ended up with a car at his last time.

Yeah, the government was trying to make the Hummer, and they accidentally killed everyone in the village. Those are out of production, right? What, the Hummer? Yeah. I think so. I forget what the... Because the original ones were made by,

I think, the American Motor Company. It was bought by GM. The H2 was made by Jeep or something. I can't remember the details. Jeeps can suck me off. Yeah, Jeeps are fucking gay, dude. Yeah. You gotta be a real asshole to drive a Jeep.

Jeep Wave is fucking losers' wave at each other, because they're both in Jeeps. Yeah. It's a well-known phenomenon. Yeah. One of my dumbest fucking little dickest friends from growing up, Tommy, has a Jeep, and he was so broke. Like a Wrangler?

Yeah, like a... Or a Cherokee. But Cherokee's just a normal SUV. I don't know. Like, the ones that have the fucking... There's no cops. Yeah, Wrangler, yeah. You know what pisses me off?

When people say Jeep when they mean SUV. Oh, yeah, when they call it a Jeep. That's the thing. People do that. It's a colloquial thing, is people say Jeep instead of SUV. Get in the Jeep? Yeah. Well, they're like, what kind of Jeep is that?

You know what? That's a Greek thing, or I guess European. They call... Because I think the only big cars they ever saw were Jeeps for some reason. Well, the Jeeps were the Jeeps. And then, fucking, I think the first SUV was Range Rover? And I think the first Range Rover was just

some fucking British guy who took his Jeep. And then, yeah, like put a new carriage on it or something. That's how Range Rover got started. Zipaki, they call them little Jeeps. Jeep. What the fuck does Jeep mean? Is that some guy's name? Yeah, it was an Indian guy.

It sounded Jeep. Jeep here? Yeah. Jeep me off. Please, could you jeep me off? I would love so very much for you to jeep me off. That's where you fucking get a rusty trombone in a Jeep. Something like that.

Have you got your ass eaten while getting jerked off? That's the only way to do it. But you just got your ass eaten by itself? Yeah. That's... Have you gotten your ass eaten? To the point where it was almost my ass. Have you had your ass eaten?

Yeah, of course. I feel like I have some catching up to do. It's only been a handful of times. Godspeed to the woman adventures into Stav's fucking cavernous ass. What shit? Mother Teresa. Yeah, I take it. Put a heart of gold.

Speaking of needing a fucking blowhole, that's somebody who would need a blowhole. No, a woman who's stuck to a face in your ass. To breathe out of it? Yeah, right. A blowhole would be great for you. It would take about 45 minutes to retract your head from your asterisks. We're already halfway into the forest here. It'd be like that scene in Ace Ventura 2 or the Rhinoceros.

It's giving birth. Yo, no joke. I've been biking and that shit fucking basically is penetrating me. Your ass? This is up my ass, dude. My cheeks are fucking straight. You should get a brook saddle. Is that the good shit?

That's the good shit. Really? Yeah. You should just fucking weld a chair to your bike. Fucking wide ass. You should get a recumbent bicycle. That's for like fucking old people and like... And people that can't use their legs.

Yeah. Paralyzed grandma's and me. And what is that? The thing when you fucking sit back and there's just dumb flags on there? Yeah, yeah, exactly. What the fuck is even the point of that? What, the flags? Pretend you're not fucked up?

To pretend you can have a normal life? To get exercise? Go places? First of all, bitch, I have a regular bike, so I know what you're fucking getting at. I wasn't getting at anything. You're asking what the point of it... You should just hold at me and I know what you meant. I was just smiling because I like...

The implication being I don't get exercise, but what the fuck is the whole... How do we get started here? I was talking about my bike that I had. Yeah, dude, you biked an hour here. I biked an hour here. I'm gonna bike an hour home and I'm ready. I biked like 20 miles today. That's good shit, baby.

Yeah. I biked... You know what? I biked the therapy and back and I biked here. I'm pretty close to that. That's not bad, dude. Yeah. The therapy on Upper West.

It's funny, too. You're probably gonna get fatter from the bike because it's like... A bike doesn't require that much energy expenditure. It's like pretty fucking easy to get around. So you think you're doing all this extra work and you're like not really. Yeah, dude, compared to doing literally no exercise. Yeah, I guess that's true. For me, though, I mean, like I used to like walk 10 miles a day.

That's probably better exercise than biking 20 minutes. You haven't been doing that recently, though. No, I walk a lot. Were you biked to the west side and then all the way up to Inwood? Yeah, I biked to... I took the... I went to downtown Brooklyn and I took the Brooklyn Bridge over. And then I went to the Staten Island Ferry.

They got lunch in the financial district and then I rode up whatever that bike way next to the west side highway is all the way up to like... That's nice. All the way up to Dykman. How far up did you go to Dykman? Yeah. What number is that? It's probably like 200 something.

Oh, shit. So you're at Inwood. That park up there is really nice. It's the top of Manhattan. Yeah, yeah. That park up there is really nice. Fort Tryon. Yeah, it was past that.

Yeah. Fuck that shit, dude. You had to bike uphill. I don't like going up hills. I like that. See, that's exercise. That's good exercise. I biked up the Queensboro.

That shit sucked me off, dude. It hurt my little... Dude, my legs are gonna get ripped as hell. You think I got big fucking tree trunks now? Just you wait, dude. I'm gonna have a beautiful definition on my fucking... I can't wait until you start fucking just devouring candy after your bike rides. Absolutely not.

And I'm eating clean. Okay, I'm meal prepped. I hit fucking Price Club or Costco with Eldest this Sunday. You know? What'd you get? Bro, salmon, cod. Man, the Costco deal on salmon? It's a good grade, too.

I want to find somebody that's got a membership. I have a membership. Give me one of those salmon filets. The Wild Alaskan Salmon? $40 a year. Because how do I get to Costco? Buy a car. Yeah, yeah.

You can afford a car. That's a good plan. For Costco. Buy a car to go to Costco. I don't know. Get a fucking car to go, dude. Yeah. Get a little mini Cooper's shit.

Stack it full of salmon filets. Yeah. Let's get $40. Then return the car. Smit wreaking of fish. Just smelling like fish. Yeah. Yeah, I don't like it.

No, I got a fucking... I kept a receipt. You go and you get a test drive. Yeah. Every time you need to go to Costco, go to a different dealership. Yeah. So where are we going?

I got to see how well the car handles fish. This part of the test drive. Yeah, well, I'm testing what I'm going to be using the car for, which is going to Costco and then returning the car after it. So either you let me do it on the test drive or I kill you.

Oh, shit. Then you pull out a big ass chopper. A fucking giant guy, dude. A 44 Magnum was one of those long ass barrels. You make him suck it off for a little while. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Desert Eagle.

Blamo. That's what you get. Yep. Oh, fuck it. I think... Would you commit a murder? How would you do it? How would I murder him?

Very carefully. Very nice. Sniper? Would you snipe him? Or would you want to be up close? I wouldn't want to, like... It depends on what kind of person I'm killing. I do, like, is this a contract thing?

Like, I have to kill... Contract killing. So it's not somebody I know. Okay, one answer for contract. You don't know them. The second one is your greatest enemy. Uh, I wouldn't kill my greatest enemy. Well, you have to.

Yeah, you need your greatest enemy to be alive so you can exist. I would... I would find a way to ruin their life. No, that's not... I think that's more potent. If he lives, he fucks your wife, he fucks your son. I don't have a wife. I don't have a son.

It's hypothetical you do. So you have to stop him from fucking your wife. I guess then what I do is I put poison in my son's ass. I don't have a wife. I don't have a son. It's hypothetical you do. So you have to stop him from fucking your wife. And then I say, do your worst.

Everything? Yeah. That's fucking smart. Please, fuck my son, said the spider to the fly. Oh, that's amazing. That's really good. Alright, Adam, how about you? I wouldn't want to feel like a man

like dying with my hands. Like a strangulation seems awful. Also, let's stop pretending you have... Right, you can't strangle anyone. The proper... You have to use tools to open a stick of butter. Do you have the butter unwrapping thing? I need to use a saw saw.

What the fuck are you talking about? You know the thing that helps you open a butter wrapper? I can't do it with my hands. I need the butter wrapper unopener. Oh, fuck. Damn, now I want candy after threatening you with it. I'm not going to eat it, dude. Whatever that shit you wanted me to put in the freezer the other day looked good as shit.

I've written fucking shit chocolate. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just fantasized about needing to take a plane somewhere so I could eat those strupewaffles the Delta offers. Fuck, dude, they're so good. Yeah, they're great. I had a real strupewaffle in Amsterdam. Yeah, Amsterdam?

Yeah, I was going to do a joke pronunciation, but then I didn't halfway through, so I just had alms. Yeah, how about this? Clamsterdam, right? That's what it was when I was there, baby. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Eating that rotten ass pussy. Yeah, get those fucking wooden shoes off, bitch.

Yeah. I'm about to eat that fucking... Pull that wooden ass butt plug out. With the clog ass butt plug. Yeah, clog makers make it. My favorite part about fucking a woman from Amsterdam is when the clock strikes 12 and your dick gets pushed out

by a bunch of tiny dancing people. And then they all go back in her pussy and you can start fucking her again. Yeah, that is a pretty cool piece of shit. Oh, I have a cuckoo pussy. I didn't, I forgot to tell you but I have a cuckoo pussy. Cuckoo pussy.

They come out of her pussy and go in her ass. Hell yeah, baby. Sweet. Damn, I want a strupewaffle. That shit is... Was Amsterdam good? You just smoked weed? I fucking loved Amsterdam.

I bet you we could do a show in Amsterdam. We could do a show in London. We had a guy from London at the show last night and he said, you should always shine London. I, I prep. Yeah. Come on over and do me a show. Right, and he had a monocle and a top hat.

Yeah, we would probably do O2 Arena, I would guess. Yeah, we could probably do that. Either that or Wembley Stadium or we could just play Big Ben at the top. The Towers of London. You know?

The fucking Metal Show in the Tower of London. Fucking Ham Palace. Fucking Ham Palace. Fucking Clam Palace. That's cool. We're just fucking the pearls off that old bitch, the queen. I want to stick my dick down the top

of one of those Buckingham Palace guards hats. Yes. The Marge Simpson hat. It's probably good. It's probably soft. Yeah, they got a hole in the top. That's why those guys can't talk.

They can't move. Yeah, because they've been fucked through their head hole, their blow hole. They got a blow hole too. Every single one of them. Yeah, that's how they choose them at birth. Yeah. Blowhole boys.

Well yes, we should go. Yeah, don't drink that, that's mine. It's mine from England. I asked you to get me... No, there's one. You know there's one. Shots out to the cuties out there, you know. The cute British boys.

Why are you drinking my medicine, dude? Shots out to the girlies that came out too. Hey, DM me. Stop chatting with your titties. Don't pull a Harvey Weinstein over here. Don't pull a Harvey Weinstein over here. Yeah, if you... I'm threatening the podcast.

We will kill Adam and then we can't do the podcast. Well, I'm considering myself dead. Adam, what happened to your plan to get a motorcycle? Really, your plan? I have to pay a bunch of taxes. He says...

He's going around for a while saying, you know, I think about getting a motorcycle like when he says it, we're all supposed to be like, cool. You know, imagining it. Imagine. You can bounce off the pavement like a damn watermelon.

It's going to fucking run away from you as soon as you try and ride the thing. It's like a fucking wild style. You got to break the motorcycle, dude. It will not respect you. I think I'd be pretty cool if I got a motorcycle. No, the lowest... The lowest tier of motorcycle

riding masculinity necessary is Russian girl. And you were a couple of levels below Russian girl in terms of... Russian girls ride motorcycles? Yeah, dude. Julia, beautiful Julia is going to ride up on a fucking my wife.

My beautiful wife Julia. Maybe I get a... She's doing vlogs now. Hello, today is my workout. You can see with the bench press, okay. Did you cut a hole through your jeans? Yeah, I cut a hole in my iPhone so I could

fuck my iPhone while watching Julia Vins videos. It's weird, I never did that with porn. Only Julia Vins. I had to destroy my iPad so that I could fuck it. Don't sharpen shit. He's getting electrocuted.

There's wires. That sounds horrible. These damn wires are fucking up your pussy. Your beautiful old Russian robotic pussy. My pussy muscles have become hard from Chernobyl.

Is she from Chernobyl zone? Julia? Where's that Belarus? I don't know. You're asking this because you already know the answer. I don't know, I was literally asking. Belarus, that means beautiful Russia. It's the Italian part of Russia.

Russia seems like a fucking nightmare. It seems like it would suck. I feel like I would do well there. You probably would. I feel like they don't get the sun there. I take vitamin D supplements. I don't need that shit. When I think of Russia, I think of

gray. Gray. What kind of food do they eat there? Who the fuck is gray? Gray. You thought of one guy named Ray. Ray Romano. I think of Ray.

Raymond. Raymond. Are you going back to Russia, Raymond? No. Is that how he sounds? He has a milk voice. I'm going to

sit in members of Pussy Rock. That's good. Is that how Raymond talks? Lowers. Lowers. Who was the dad on that? Peter Boyle. Young Frankenstein.

He was in that Eddie Coil movie. He was in a bunch of shit in the 70s and he turned down the role of Popeye in French Connection. He could have been the Gene Hackman character

in French Connection. He turned down the role because he did a movie called He did a movie called Joe I think it was where he plays a union guy in New York

and he hates the fucking hippies or whatever so he kills a bunch of hippies. That rules. And then I guess the response to the movie was people were like fuck those hippies like he didn't like that as an artist

or whatever so he's like I'm never going to be in a violent movie again and he turned down French Connection and then proceeded to be in nothing but crime movies and shit. He looked about 65 in like 1973. That's funny how guys like that go

real smooth bald on the top. Guys don't go bald like that anymore. I guess they all shave it down. Nobody has a horseshoe anymore. The horseshoe is a good look. I wish I had it. Why don't you do it? That was weird fucked up Manu Ginobli balding pattern. Oh it's like in the middle too?

From the back dude. Yeah just slowly coming up from the back. I want the front out. I would fucking rock a horseshoe. I'm going to have dumb hair at some point in my life. I'm going to have a fucking pony tail. Bald mullet. Fuck dude. That's going to be awesome.

Nah you got to just shave your head. I mean I will for the majority of my life. If you're going bald you just got to shave your head nicely. There will be a fucking You go to it. You look at the two websites that say like well look Jason Statham did it and so did uh

Who's the other guy that's bald? Bruce Willis. And then you convince yourself that you're going to have the success that those two did. I want to look like Bruce Willis. That's the problem. I get stopped. People are like are you Jason? Yeah yeah excuse me. It is me. Honey come here.

It's Jason Statham. All the way from South Africa where he's from. That's not South Africa. It's Canadian accent. Jason Statham. Jesus Christ. Woo!

Woo! Yeah. Fire it up. God damn it. I don't want to bike home it's midnight. It's midnight right now. Dude I'm struggling. I'm tired of shit. I've had such a bad headache last 20 minutes. Well I depleted

all my glycogen going for my big bike riding. What's glycogen? It's the energy that you need to live. You know? Someone skip biology. Yeah. I thought that was

ribosome, endoplasmic, reticulum. Mitochondria. Mitochondrial DNA. You fucking worm. You fucking squiggly little ass fucking pink worm. Mitochondria.

Is that like somebody's name? That was my friend Mitochondria. I don't even know whose titties I saw. I don't know. Is there any? We had a weird there's one girl on La Crosse team and she like showed us

her titties in like a weird like team bonding thing. Like the whole... You were on the girls La Crosse team? Yeah, I was the only one. Yeah, I snuck in. I played Holy. You know what I mean?

What are the La Crosse positions? There's forward. Yeah, it's rich faggot. I'm sorry, attackman. Rich faggot, date rape, date rapist. Date rape, yeah. Prep school boy. Secretly gay guy that jerks off to all his teammates. Yeah.

Token fat guy. I don't know if this is going anywhere. One black guy. Do black people play La Crosse? There's always one. They're named La Crosse. Deandre La Crosse. They don't play La Crosse.

I knew black La Crosse. I mean, most of the kids on my team were black. Did you play La Crosse? I laxed it up in eighth grade, baby. Did you play Black La Crosse? I played Black La Crosse. La Crosse is big in Maryland. Mid-Atlantic.

We didn't even have it when I was growing up in Vegas. And now you're... Where did they have like Varsity DJing? What did Vegas has? Yeah, as a matter of fact. Yeah, I'm on the dubstep team. Is dubstep still around? I think it's dead.

That seems like a Vegas thing. All the shittiest types of music are for Vegas. Industrial? That seems like it was big in Vegas. I don't know about that. It's true. I've never been there. I got a bike an hour. I ate my hard-boiled eggs already.

Get an Uber XL, dude. Throw your shit in. 40 fucking dollars. I'm gonna fucking bike like a big dick savage. Take the bike on the train. When I get that flat tire, I checked to get a lift back home. And it was fucking $100.

Jesus fucking... From way up the top of Manhattan. Yeah. That's brutal. That's like a fucking plane ticket to Cabo. Yeah, it's like a fucking... Yeah, it is. It's a one-way plane ticket to Cabo San Luis.

Which we will be giving away to one audience member next week. Funny moms. Come on, everybody. We won't be there. But check out the bar. It's cool. You know, you can ask around for us. I think I left a free game on the

Gopher pinball machine. I got the high score when we were there the other night. Put my initials in. C-U-M. Very nice. Well done. Great to represent us. Yeah, that was a fun show for real, though. Yeah.

It was a really fun show. Evan fucking crushed. Yeah. He's looking a little fat, though. Yeah, he's fat as shit. He's fat and also frail. Does it feel good to talk to Evan instead of us like someone else that really appreciates

devoting your life to physical fitness and strength? I'm not devoting my life. I go to the gym three times a week. That's devotion. No, it's funny. It's nice to like get your snide sarcastic attitude.

Why are you being so fucking defensive, dude? I'm answering your question. Before the show yesterday, some guy had nuts and Nick was like, that guy's nuts and I'm like, oh, good one. And then Nick just turns to me. He's like, I'm not fucking gonna put up with your fucking bullshit

snide fucking ego tip. I was just like... That's exactly what I said. What did you say? Dude, for your fucking snide bullshit. I jokingly said... Of course I jokingly said it. I was making fun of you

in front of people and they laughed at you. No, it was just in front of us. And Stov laughed at you. No, he said I can't imagine what it would be like to work with someone that's difficult. Evan was there and he laughed at you, too. In fact, everyone was laughing at you, Adam.

No one was laughing at you. At first they ignore you, then they laugh at you. And then that's sort of the end of your story. I thought Hollywood success and then subsequent failure. What quote is that? First they laugh at you,

then they come for the Jews. And then I said nothing because they never laughed at me. No, that's a different quote. You're mixing up two quotes. No, I think that's right. What was this thing in the Washington Post calling

Tallahassee Totes a white supremacist? What? I don't know. That sounds stupid. Yeah, my review, good article. My bad. You're listening to the politics corner. Yeah, this is like a

crossfire cell debate show. You're watching the McLaughlin group. The Sarah McLaughlin group. That'd be a fun show. That's so funny. That'd be so cute.

Sarah McLaughlin group is just a dog fight. Oh my god. Let the man kill some dogs. What about Sean Bell? That's the premise of the joke. Is that Sean Bell died so Michael Vick should be able to

murder dogs? Dude, Steve Harvey rules. That's a good point. I don't think he's a super hero. That's like a costume that he's wearing. Or he's a superhero. You know how Batman is sad?

He has to pretend he's a dick head like Bruce Wayne? Is he sad about that? Yeah, I think so. I thought the Batman struggle was that he was too much of a pussy to fuck Rachel. That's a big part of his struggle. Which is crazy.

You know he would fuck her. Woody? Yeah, dude. He knows karate and shit. He's got a fucking black suit and shit. That car. You fuck Alfred.

Hell yeah. Who the fuck is this gonna end, man? I'm so tired. Is this purgatory? How long do you think we just keep going with this fucking bullshit? I don't know. I feel like we should go until

it's been an hour and then that's usually how it goes, right? We've been doing like an hour 15 lately. Just to play it safe. I feel like it's okay for the if the episode's gonna be bad

it should at least be three and a half hours long. We should just do one merit. We should do some kind of drama. Anyhow, what was Batman's deal? I don't know. Who's Rachel? You said Rachel. Rachel! Isn't he always saying that?

That's Maggie and Jill. Oh yeah, they replaced the other one with her. I fucking hate that scene in The Dark Knight when they're like interrogating the Joker and she's like fucking, or no, the Chinese guy. They got the Chinese guy in there.

And she's like going in and out and then, I mean every movie has to do it where they explain things. But then he's like you know, Harvey Dent's like oh, if he admits to like, you know, this and we can get him on Rico.

And then she's like, Rico, that means if we can charge one of them we can charge all of them as part of a conspiracy. And it's like, yeah, everyone knows what Rico Laws are. She's a lawyer, dude. Lawyers would know what Rico Laws are. They wouldn't fucking explain. Wait, she works for Harvey Dent, right?

And that's why Batman is pissed. It's the real Weinstein, dude. Good one, Weinstein. Batman movies are all about I did one Weinstein. Nice one, Weinstein. About love triangles, you know.

Ultimately, Joker was the Joker wants to fuck Alfred. Absolutely. Alfred wants to fuck Bruce, yeah. Master Bruce. I've always wanted to have sex with you. I want you to dominate me. When your parents start, the first thing I do

I was going to do is fuck you in the ass. Master Wayne, if I could just just fuck you one time, please. Master Wayne. Master Wayne. Hey, guys. Some man just want to bend a little boy over

and burn his ass. You're the gay guy Gotham needs. Oh, boy. Where are we at? Right along. Yeah, I think we're good. Nice. We can wrap this up here.

Tuna fish review, it tastes like shit. I might eat a can of corn. Oh, you and corn. Dude, I fucking love corn. And I love canned corn. Why? It's so simple. It's so much easier than on the cob. Cob is a user friendly for you.

No, dude, I don't like it. I don't like rotating my foods. You know? That's why I don't eat fruit. Outside of bananas. I wonder if that fart picked up just now. It was a good thing. It sounded like a wheeze.

You ever see the Kirk Cameron specials? Where he goes under the water and shit? No, where he fucking explains it. Proof the God. Proof the God is real. Is there a way a banana fits in your hand? Yeah.

Yes, I have. That's just proof that God's gay. You know what I mean? What kind of God would make fruit? A gay God. A total fruit. Sweet. A straight God.

How about this? A chimp can chew your dick off and tear your eyeballs out. Isn't that proof that God exists? If we came from chimpanzees, why don't I have the ability to rip people's hands off? That's my argument against evolution.

At what point would it have been decided in the evolutionary process that being able to rip people's hands off is not a desirable trait? Yep. How did that get bred out of us? What do you have to say about that?

God? Nothing? God's against evolution. What do you have to say about that? Nailed it. Nailed it. Now get over here so I can rip your fucking hands off.

That's what I'd say to him. If we were having our debate series, Chimp vs. God. And it's not racist. Because it doesn't course to the two people. Oh, right.

Yeah. It's us on the poster. Chimp vs. God. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, it's about evolution. It's me and the older grandson on the poster. I didn't mean to put Chimp under him

and God under me. That was the graphic designer's case. I didn't mean to do that. I didn't mean to do that. It's the designer's case. I didn't... That wasn't my point. I was...

Oh fuck. Damn, I want that strupewaffle so bad. Don't put it in the preserverer, brother. You know what? It's delicious and it sounds like a German weapon. That's what I like about it. You just mowing down Tommy's

with your strupewaffle. That's what I would do. We should, I should go to bed. Yeah, I'm pretty fucking tired. All right. Bye, everybody.