The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. 74 – Happy Halloween

Episode Date: October 19, 2017

Im going back to los angeles for the weekend. I missed it after all.

Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Bada Tonight access Hollywood He's at Harvey Weinstein's victims Are they all lying? Let's hear from a man Adam Friedland who is sucked off by Hollywood's sexiest producer Well I was invited to a party in the hills He's lying There are a bunch of guys that were hairless. It's not entertainment tonight. It's access Hollywood. No, it's entertainment tonight I don't know. Isn't it the same show? It is one has Mario Lopez and one has two old white people What happened to Mario Lopez is underwear line. Did he have one?

He had his own underwear line that I remember him announcing on the view. Ooh, and I Was you know, I remember when I was a young man And I was you know struggling in comedy and I fantasized about a time where I would have enough money Yes in this business to live in nothing, but Mario Lopez clothing Consuming branded bikini briefs consuming nothing but Mark Wahlberg's bodybuilding line But he created himself using the power of South the racism And positive visual is the red good instincts about who's a terrorist and who isn't the secret ingredient is the Retinas of Vietnamese men. Yeah, ground it up and powdered you if you drink it with while wearing a turban

It'll actually make your head explode It's so much blood rush to your head that you're fucking your brain You know Mario Lopez underwear makes your cock shiny, too I feel like it makes your cock shiny and just fucking it's high-cut, too I feel like I feel like I see your thigh bones has hair hair plugs in his pubic He has a like one of the bikini wax landing strip style very nice, you know, but still curly Yeah, he always wears like one of those cock rings that goes around your dick and your balls. Yes. Oh, yeah

Yeah, a fire pink color That's like a bondage thing, right? Does that help you get hard or what? You know what? I like to think about imagine how much AC Slater would fucking hate Mario AC Slater would not fuck AC Slater military brat wrestler Jock, yeah, he fucked was he was he fucking the buddy was nice the nerds or was screeching fucking Mario Lopez the guy that got jacked by punching his way out of the closet He put those like, you know when baseball players have the little rings around the bats Yeah, he would put those around the guy's cock. He jerked off

Oh, I'm swinging three dicks You're in the hole You think he fuck you think he's get is he gay? I don't think he's ever had sex. Oh a man that beautiful Yeah, that's a waste of a body. I don't know It's a way listening body my theory about Mario Lopez is you've never seen him when he's not smiling And I'm sure he's a very ugly sad person. Oh, interesting. Yeah, I bet you he looks to people Some people you think that they're attractive just because they're smiling all the time. Mm-hmm me included I know there's a smiley energy of people Mandy Moore

She smiles always smiles always smile. I bet you she looks like absolute absolute shit I'll tell you something give that bitch a paper cut. We'll see what she looks it You know, we just discovered we just discovered like hack street harassment like men telling women to smile Yeah, look, I'm not trying to fuck with you, but It would help Well, I I know the kind of people that live in Soho lady. You're trying to be a fucking actress I mean, good luck on your addition for I hear Mandy I think Mandy Moore's a choreographer now. I think she did la la land apparently. Yeah, I think so or that's another woman named Mandy Moore

But what are the odds? Yeah, what were your power and Darren's Darren's dance groups. He might have done the go choreography Do you remember the guy that did the Choreography for in sync and backstreet boys and all those the guy that raped them Yeah, an infomercial out called Darren's dance groups where like he would teach you how to do all the dances Oh, I don't remember that I made I wasn't actually a product. He just bought that hour Of television to teach people how to dance. Yeah, he believed in remember. This is 100% free. I'm not selling anything Call right now. Please talk to me. Talk me off the ledge in 20 minutes

We're gonna be talking with one of the boys I mentored and we're gonna see exactly how the process works We have a limited time only folks. Please continue watching watch me dance. There is answers Um, well, okay, so Mandy Moore. I think what were your power ranks? It was Britney Spears Christina Aguilera and then Mandy Moore You know, did she ever crack the top for you guys? Was there ever a time where like in terms of who you wanted to fuck in general, dude? Sexually and all I know about me. Wasn't she in that movie saved that was actually pretty funny. That was pretty good That's a good movie. Yeah, she's a good actress Yeah, wholesome one of the way the others weren't for girls. It was ever good save drop dead gorgeous and mean girls

Me girls rock. I'll take gorgeous was just a Christopher. Guess me though. I've never seen drop dead gorgeous. It's a Christopher. Guess me It's really yeah, is it like about pageants about pageants. Nice You see that that's called content. Hi. It's the working title the working title was breasts and show That was that was one of my one of my early crushes nice Elaine and Parker Posey, dude. You're really going down on the limb. Yeah, what are you talking about hot women? You know, I liked well Kelly Bundy, absolutely. Kelly Bundy Maybe my first crush and Mona Lisa Vito

from My cousin Vinnie. Oh Oh, fuck, which isn't that one piece that moral me when there is a sign felt episode where George has a shot at Marisa That for me was like That was like the miracle on ice the 1980 Olympus is rooting for George Get all up in those guys George and then you can do it. We can do it, man And then like like always you let me down. You don't get to be George bitch. I'm George. Yeah, were you bald as a baby? Yeah, I was always had very little boy. Yeah, I always had thin hair and I and that's why I always said to myself

I'm not going bald. I was like, no my hair's always been thin There's like a new hair possible. I am on you are putty. Yeah, I'm putty from Adam's lane No, cuz I want to fuck Elaine. Yeah. Well, you kind of do No, you're not cute enough to fuck. All right, stop is George slash Newman. No, I'm just George No, you're new. There's another fat guy that's Newman. I'm the good fat guy What was Newman's deal? He loved the male. Yeah, he was He hated Jerry he was a letter carrier. He was a good character and I think he fucked Cramer's mom. I think that was a subplot and he got eaten by a dinosaur while he was taking shit

Yep, that's that that's that season Larry David left and it got really weird. Yeah Jeff Goldblum and yeah So, okay, so that's we've covered that you wanted to fuck Britney Spears number one Um, I had a maybe more face jack off to some there was some picture in like trans world Skateboarding of Britney Spears of Britney Spears. It might have been her album color cover actually that was a good one And the first one where she's like squatting No, the first one she's in uh, she's in the schoolgirl outfit. Yeah, but she's like sitting down. Yeah Oh, yeah, cross-legged jacked off that one. I was like 10. Mm-hmm. I checked off to that

I did I checked off to all her videos the red leather jumps in everything in trans world skateboard. Yeah, it's just the trucks Pictures of the little world industry a little flame I thought it was a trans people of course you were trying to be an ally by beating off everything in this magazine a trans world skateboard There's the video where she's like on a cliff and it's like It's supposed to be like a touching but her abs are looking mighty good You're off to her abs, bro when you're 13 you're beating off every part of a woman single was she's used every part of buffalo My man, baby, you know after every part of buffalo true the the first

Single baby one more time. Mm-hmm me baby one more time The second one was sometimes I run sometimes I hide and then in between the two videos She got double D fix, right? Yeah, she showed up at that second video wearing a white Crop top mock turtle short sleeve. That's a nice and she had them She had no titties in the first one, huh? And then she had enormous to the titties on that out and that was a that was a very pivotal moment of my life You know what it's a red leather jumpsuit spoiled the double D's Not enough

I'm serious I know she doesn't have any tits at all. She looks terrible. I Only because she's like a deformed. Yeah noble mutant. He wants to fuck a weirdo. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I listen I listen. I always listen. No, you were listening. Well, but don't you like that? You're not serious about double D's not being big enough. Uh and more. Yeah, you got you're gonna have a huge ass, too I mean, I'm not saying it should be against the law Culture sure. Yeah. Yeah legally you should be able to walk the streets. Yeah, you know, you know do whatever you want

You should be accosted by the privacy of your own right with two consenting little titty-to-dolls what it do in the privacy Their own home. I like to go up to women who are breastfeeding when they got like, you know, they're Fully packed bags, you know, you know, I go up to them and I say you better keep them like that You know or else and they think I'm talking about the kid, you know, keep it cute and she's like they grew up so fast I'm like, no they get smaller after you're done They fucking deflate and get sad and then the smile slowly fades in my face And she realizes that there's a hole cut in one of my pockets And your left hand is moving furiously

Your knuckles are threatening to bust through the seams of your khakis Get in here, you don't have a boarding pass I'm like one of my friends is a back area. That's me in through the employee entrance when I come into the breastfeeding area You're a beautiful hard-field Jackson It's a lot harder. I can stress upon these beautiful southern bells how important it is to keep your big full bags To keep them milk jugs Keep them fucking topped off. Top off that titty for me. Ladies, can you pump milk back into a titty? How about that for me making sure they stay big? Yeah, take some fucking home. They'll come out the grocery store. That's really

I had to unfollow Randall and oh, no, why post some pictures of Her and like I guess one of Fetty Wops friends And it's like it's like the team together forever Even you know that thing right absolutely together until you foolishly get a tattoo in like A long gated cursive on your fucking forehead You know this is max bitch the garbage man No, I'm not mad that you got a boyfriend. Yeah, I don't follow your account to see anything I don't want you are mad. It's one of the Remy boys. I'm mad. I'm mad. She's coming up in my feed

That's not pictures of medically large ass Monty Monty's fucking Randall in that cock suck a lady puts on every track That song was so much better with Drake. Is that the guy that says the numbers? That's his job I know this is gonna be hard for you, but I need you to say at least four 1738 like that for they're like technically I mean it's two You know so just keep doing your thing now go for Randall Go bust the nut and one of the creases in her ass Lower tier fucking that's so dude. I'm sorry the girl you're in love with has a boyfriend I'm not in love with with either. You don't love them hose. I didn't get mad at any time someone as a boyfriend me too without my permission

100% You know although you know what I want to be a I would love to be a side bitch That's my destiny, dude for another guy. No, you just fuck some yeah fuck some guys Being the daily driver, you know what I mean? Oh Just sort of sex in exchange for a base level of emotional support. I'll get you to work Mm-hmm, you know and back. No, I don't like that groceries. No, I want I want fun little getaways with somebody else's I Can't wait to be a fucking Feelings after a while you think so dude. Yeah, I've been in that situation

You're not you're emotionally fragile. Maybe I'm an alpha dog No, you think you've been in a situation where you've cocked another man But you all you are is in a situation where you're not good enough to be the one in the relationship No I've been another man multiple times and it's it doesn't but you know here comes here comes the fake empathy. Let's hear it go This is my favorite part Where here's me doing something bad, and then I go actually it doesn't feel good I was stealing from this homeless black lady

To steal money I actually deserve this No, sake I probably want to get booed up dude sometime soon, you know I just want to I just want to fucking hit a fucking pumpkin patch the girl Become a gay icon, you know hang out with me and Mark Wahlberg hanging out together Getting sucked off by men. We're the straight guys that they all wish they could be Spotting each other saying racist shit locker room because in there you understand Billy Billy Bush violated

The Mark Wahlberg Yeah, that fucking rat if I ever see Billy Bush in the streets, it's on site I'm fucking you up Billy. Honestly worse than what his uncle did in Iraq. Yeah Invaded the privacy of Donald Trump. I agree. I agree about the Levant Yeah, yeah, is that one of my brothers you name your geographic area after a shitty sedan The Buick law actually there is that's an SUV. Really the Maserati Levant. Oh Maserati makes an SUV they have a SUV called a look like on tape. I'm about to buy two It's named after Iraq. I think so and wait is the Levant Iraq in Iran. It's Iraq and Syria Iraq and Syria. That's right

That's fun Nick this smart. No the Levant is the area in between the Tigris and the Euphrates. Yes, right? No, that's the cradle of civilization. Okay, and it's not it's a area in between the Tigris and you sure you Frades is the Levant And then the whole area is Mesopotamia. Yes No, no, Mesopotamia is between the Tigris and then maybe Mesopotamia motherfuckers in between rivers It's the same word with this stupid ax. Yeah So here comes the Greek version of that word I mean the Greek version, huh? That's not being bilingual. Yes, it is bitch. No, that's having it just so happens that in this case

It directly translates to being the same exact words Okay, in that case, I fuck I am like 90% literate in Spanish, you know, no, you're not yes I am no you just say that most of the words are the fucking same Mario Lopez. Yeah. No. Yeah, motherfucker. Mesopotamia Damia, you can't say like a day laborer. Mesopotamia. Mesopotamia. Mesopotamia. No, there's no R. Excuse me. And I know it's my job to clean it, but I am supposed to clean another bathroom. Not this one Wait, isn't the way you say Greece in Greek? Hellen. Hellada. Hellada. Hellada.

Yeah, okay, because of what? Hellenic. It was Hellenic Greece. I don't fucking know, dude. I don't know where Greece started. That's Greeks, not even Greek. What does that mean? Yeah, you know, like Homer, he wasn't Greek. Yeah, Alexander. Yeah, he was. Don't you fucking dare try to take it from us. Fuck all those cocksuckers. Those fucking those fucking Slavic motherfuckers calling their country Macedonia. That shit wasn't Macedonia, bitch. Okay, no one knows who the fuck you are. You're some bootleg version of Serbia. All right, let's look up where he's from. He's from Greece. Let's stop be right about. He's from Philly, dude. Fuck both of you. I'm right constantly. I'm the only I'm the only one who knew what the mean and an average was.

No, you didn't. Yes, I did. No, you didn't. Yes, I did. No, you didn't. 100%. I'm gonna edit this part of the show. The first ever editing. You heard that right, folks. Edit this dick. I edit it. To make it larger. I edited a guy's name out one time, but people immediately found him. Oh, yeah, because I remember it was. No, because you said it later and it didn't. Yeah, we definitely said it later a bunch of times. It wasn't even the first time, I don't think. I think you edited it like the second time. Folks, I got the PlayStation VR. Yeah, well, let me play because you'll break the PlayStation very racist. You're like an idiotic child. I'm not an idiot. I'm not like, yes, you are, dude.

Stop, back me up on this. Would Adam break the PlayStation? 100%. Why? Because your wrists are too weak to hold the computer. My wrists are solid. Absolutely not. You break the recorder all the time. I've never broken the recorder. You don't game over it. You never game, motherfucker. Gaming is not a part of your heart and soul. You got a pretty shitty haircut this time around, too. Yeah, I asked for it. It's the first time you've had a bad haircut. I don't mind it. It's not bad. It's not bad. I just didn't want to get the hipster long on top short on that. You got what? You got a shittier version of it. The lesbian fitness instructor? Yeah, you look like you're about to fucking try and sell me a membership at BrickBodies right now. I feel like the lesbians have taken it. They all have Richard Spencer's now. No. Yeah, they do. No, they don't. They have your shit. Yeah, it's not very good, but it'll grow. Whatever. I'm not that vain, actually. I like to feel ugly. You like to feel ugly.

You're exactly the same as the girls that post on Twitter. They're like, pizza in bed. Yeah, I bet someone's dying to marry me. If there's a guy out there that's like, what? Excuse me? There's pepperoni on those fucking fat ass titties? Relatable by having like a completely correctable and fucking not even that big of a flaw. I can't cut my own hair. What are you talking about? I used to cut my own hair for years. Okay, that's cool. I can't do it. You look bad. It's not that bad of a cut that I got. Don't tell the fans that. That was when you were fucking looking to shovel this hell those years. Nah, man. I cut my own hair. I looked sharp. No, you had that fucked up patchy ass sea captain beard. You were in a little fucking hat everywhere. I wasn't cutting my hair then. I was cutting my hair when I was in DC. Oh, you had fucked up hair then as well. No, it was pretty bad. I remember. That's the only way to cut your hair. Your hair gets always varied. That's how they do it. Sometimes you came in with like a fucking bulk, like a high bulk cut type thing. Anyway, the other day I was in bed eating pizza. You just fucked up. The animals don't need to cut their hair. They always look cool.

Yeah, what the fuck is that? Why don't animals have to cut their hair? They make it off? Because they got fur. I got fur. But some dogs have you have to cut. True. Yeah, good point. Anyhow, PlayStation VR is really fucking cool. What games do you have for it? Arkham Asylum? No, just Resident Evil and then the demo disc that I came with. I downloaded some shit called Static, which is like a puzzle game, which sort of feels like a portal ripoff. Probably. And portal was a lot of fun. And I kind of lost my patience trying to figure out a puzzle with a stupid thing on my fucking portal. Is that the same guy that made braid and stuff? No. There's got to be a portal porno where you just do the little thing and it's a glory hole, right? That was an electric retard cartoon where it's the guy gets the portal gun and he shoots a portal to the inside of like a boys locker room. And then the one on the outside wall of the school is just jacking off. The electric retard was so funny. Was that a web comic? It was a web comic by this Australian guy and it got like banned in Australia because they don't have freedom of speech.

And so they're hard to find. They're online, but you can only find a couple of them. The dark web. I loved it because it was like horrifically obscene. Of course, yeah. Everything now has to be like, but what is it satirizing? What's the point? How does this actually punch up? And it's like it doesn't. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It was always like, you know, two like sort of normal panels and then the last one would be like horrifically racist or like sexual violence. It was like, I forget. There was one where like, it's just an old like Jewish couple sitting in the house. I love where it's going. Like a 60 story tall Hitler that's completely nude just fucking shoves his dick into the building. And then takes the grandma and then fucks her in half. It was all drawn in MS paint. Like there was no like effort went into it. It was just like this guy's like fucked up head.

And then the guy who made it turned out to be like a pedophile. So that portal thing where he's beating off to a boys locker room. That's what he wanted. He wished was possible. You got to you got to respect the art, dude. You got to respect the art. It doesn't matter. Yeah, there was like, I remember there was like a picture of the guy that drew the shit. And it was like him sitting on a couch with this fake like beak nose thing and his pants were completely off. So his penis and balls were exposed. That's his author picture. I mean, it was really fucking funny. There was fucking one of my favorite ones is like it starts off the first panel as a kid. And he's like digging in his backyard and he finds treasure.

And then the second one is he runs in and it's him like explaining to his dad and the dad's like sitting in a chair reading a newspaper and like, you know, smiling while the kids like excitedly saying like, Dad, I was digging out in the backyard and I just kept digging and digging and digging. And like I found underneath like all the soil, there was like a treasure box and I opened the box and inside it there was treasure. And then the next panel is the dad holding the kid down and jacking off on his face. The kids crying. What the fuck? What? It just doesn't make any sense. Good God. That is hilarious. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it was it was a very funny cartoon. Good for that guy. You don't often hear a pedophile with a sense of humor. I feel like, you know, that guy was usually beaten out of them.

Jared was funny. Those commercials were always funny. He has electric personality. Jared is always lit up a room. He was so charismatic. I just loved it that Subway picked like a guy with zero energy, zero appeal, and then they were like, this is the guy for 15 years. No, dude. And then he's a rapist of children. I mean, you cannot go worse in terms of commercial guys. That's why like fucking advertising and marketing people are all like absolute fucking retards and none of them should have their jobs.

Yeah, it's all random. Completely fucking random. Fuck, but I'm jealous of the fucking Sonic guys. That's a fucking nice life. If you just hit that lottery. Those commercials aren't bad. But I'm just, I'm just saying I'm jealous of just like, that's a good fucking life, dude. Flo, Flo's probably a fucking billionaire, dude. Flo's a UCB person. But you know what? Why that would suck is because like, that's it. You're done. That's your thing. Yeah, but she's got it for like 20, you know, not 20, but she's got it for like 10 years going.

Yeah, but I mean, it's not like, you're right. You're right. You want to be a fucking comic and it's like, that's done. That's not going to happen. Pete Holmes got the E-Trade baby. Yeah, but Pete Holmes was already kind of a celebrity. And it's a baby. It's just his voice. Yeah, he was already doing well. I mean, he was a celebrity. He was doing well in comedy, but no one knew the fuck he was, I don't think. Yeah, he didn't have that. But also, I knew it's a baby. Yeah, because you were a comic. But it's, you know, it's a baby. If it's your face and you're like the guy. Right, it's a voiceover thing, yeah.

Anyway, I want to be one of those guys. Get a commercial agent. I would love to. Anybody out there? Sign me. Talk to Ian. We got to get Ian back on the pot. He's been asking every day. Well, that's why he's not coming back on. You hear that Ian, you motherfucker? You know how it was nice to you on the phone earlier? I guarantee you Ian doesn't listen to the podcast. Yes, someone tweet Ian and tell him we were talking shit about him.

And then he's banned. Any comic that comes up to you and say like, man, congratulations on all the success. A, they don't listen to the show. They do not mean congratulations. They mean, why isn't my podcast? What they mean is, is Rook to F5. That's all that fucking means. Yes, this has set me up nicely in four weeks.

I got the Baby Driver 4K Blu-ray. Did you watch it? I did. I liked it a lot. I wanted to watch it. It was good? What's that to my best friend, Ansel Elgort? Not my best friend. He is mine. We're good friends.

I don't like him. I kind of thought he was sort of gay. And there was a bunch of gay shit in the movie. There was a lot of dancing and choreography in Kevin Spacey. Kevin Spacey is truly gay. They make up for it with violence and cars. Yes. That's pretty cool.

No nudity though. What? Four thumbs down in that category. No nudity? Yeah. Baby Driver. No titties whatsoever. I was apprehensive about seeing the movie because of the title too. I mean, first of all, I'm not a baby.

I'm a big kid. I don't do baby stuff. I go to the bathroom on my own. I play grown-up video games. And I was incredibly disappointed to find out that it had nothing to do with being a baby. Adam was actually afraid of the title. A cow? I don't want to be on the road.

I was so scared. I got a wife, but I can only travel in my crib. Adam's even scared to have a race car bed. That's too much for him. Adam got hit by his race car bed. That's how stupid of a baby he is. That wasn't stupid. Anyhow, there's a lot of cool.

Actually, the chase scene that that movie opens with is really fucking cool. I got a fucking peep in. It's the director. What's his name? Baker Wright. Yeah. He made some pieces of shit. Hot Fuzz?

Hot Fuzz is great. That's a good one. I didn't like the fucking... What's that movie where it was like an alien game? It's all aliens or some shit? What about the aliens? That was weird. What was the movie?

Scott Pilgrim. I didn't like that. Oh, that was good. You don't like that? I thought that was corny. I thought it was corny. Well, there was definitely a lot of corny elements to this movie. But I mean, it was fun as well, Pace.

I enjoyed it. Yeah. It had a lot of famous motherfuckers in there. John Hamm with his big old cock was in there. John Hamm. Jamie Foxx. Jamie Foxx. They had a dick off in the middle of the movie.

John Hamm. John Hog. It has a bigger dick. The Jamie Foxx? I think so. I don't know. The size of his penis on the Tonight Show when I was a kid. Really?

Yeah. What did he say? What is it? What is it? Al Pacino. Sent of a woman? No. Al Pacino.

Jamie Foxx. Football movie. Oh, oh, oh. And he gave it Sunday. That's a great one. And it was fucking, I think, was it there he was telling the story about fucking someone seeing his dick or whatever and being blown away? I think he was talking about like a woman seeing his dick or whatever.

He's probably in the movie. People say he's gay. Yeah. Jamie Foxx? Yeah. People say, I don't say. Well, me and him have the same birthday. It wouldn't be surprised.

Oh, so he is gay. Everyone born on that day is gay. That's not true. You know what I found out this week? So yeah, he's definitely gay. That's not true. Oh, yeah. So yeah, we can move forward now on this subject.

Hollywood penis factoid. Hollywood penis fact tidbit. Celebrity cock minute with Adam Friedland. Celebrity penis tidbit. Milton Burl had a 13. Everyone knows that. I didn't know that. Everybody knows that.

Adam read that under the cap of one of his gay snappers. Special gay snappers from California. Everyone knows that, Milton Burl. Tidbits. Everyone knows Milton Burl has a big dick. Everybody fucking knows that, dude. How does everyone know that? Because it was, you know what I think it was in that it was in Comedy Central's 100th

Greatest Comics. They talked about Milton Burl, I think was on the list or it was mentioned. It was mentioned in some kind of fucking comedy special that Milton Burl had a huge dick. There was no dicks in the movie. Anyhow, all the driving scenes in that movie just reinforced my decision to buy the new Gran Turismo wheel. The official wheel. For $800 Gran Turismo wheel.

Which will immediately become a Gran Turino wheel as soon as I get my hands on it. Because I'm racist, folks. He's drive the car in the movie outside of that blast at the end. I don't know. Yes, he does. I've never seen it. Oh yeah, he does. No, he drives the pickup truck.

He doesn't drive the Gran Turismo. Yeah, but when he goes to tool up at the end to save the Hamung kids. What the fuck are you looking at, pussy? The Hmong? It's not Hmong, you fucking. That's how you have to talk when you get the Gran Turismo wheel. Don't fucking bother me, I'm gaming. I'm playing video games right now, you fucking spook.

Woo! Yeah. I feel like that movie wasn't written. Clint Eastwood just dictated it into the inside of a bud heavy. The whole thing in the bottle in front of him is like, are you getting this in there? I liked it when we have Clint on his Budweiser mic. You gotta say spook and then dragon lady and I want it all in the picture. What's Clint up to these days?

Is he still making movies? He's probably still making movies. It's incredible he did that thing where he talked to the empty chair like 12 years. It was like forever ago and he's still making movies. It was like six years ago. Yeah, six years ago now. Which is not 12 years ago. It's literally half that.

It was hyperbole. No, it was the wrong number. Yeah, 12. Whatever, six years ago. Yeah, my dick is, you know, that's a bad example. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know, that would be exaggeration. I'm trying to think of something.

If you say your dick was four inches. Yeah, or you could just admit that I was employing a rhetorical device called hyperbole. Why don't you use a particle device called your fucking brain? Nice. Got him. I'm on fire tonight. You're doing good. I'll light you up.

Yeah, thanks. Thank you sir. Why don't you stay out of my fucking sights, dude? I got a beat on you. I'm sniping him. Anyway, I'm saying, no scoping your ass, bitch. My man ain't even got to look through the little fucking things. I was playing the new battlefield and I think I kind of want to buy a sniper rifle.

Just a half. A real one? That never ends well. I don't understand my people. Absolutely not. They're like, yeah, I'm going to buy a fucking sniper rifle in case, you know. Is that a big epidemic? No, I just feel like it happens.

Yeah. That's how it starts. Certainly it starts with, ah, just see what happens. Yeah. I mean, it would be pretty cool to own a sniper rifle, but like, what are you going to do? Do not look through the fucking scope around your neighborhood. Not go to the fucking water tower. You get a sniper rifle, you go up on your roof.

Above a middle school. Right. Do you remember that? You put the black hawk down soundtrack. On your fucking headphones. Yeah, yeah. The dead of summer dog days. It's hot as shit.

You go to sleep for four days. You go up on your roof. You look through that fucking scope and you convince yourself that you're in a Levant. Yep. That's what you do. How did it get such a gay name? Such a gay French name. I don't know.

They let the Italians name it. They let the Montserrati factory sponsor. No, it's probably the French. What? The French, the French had a much better. The French had Syria and Lebanon. For a while, French was like England. Everyone had to speak French.

Yeah. And we really fucked their asses. Africa still does. Yeah. Those motherfuckers love speaking French. Mali? Yeah, they love it. They are so happy the historical reasons that they all speak French.

Don't they? Gaultez-vois? Sierra Leone? That country, Liberia was started by American freed slaves, right? Monrovia. I thought Monrovia was. No, it was Liberia. That's why it's such a fucking shit.

Monrovia is the capital. But the... That's why it's a shit. Do they speak English there? It doesn't sound like English. Yeah, but their names are all like Robert Thompson. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like from like this 18-somethings.

All those names are from like, you know. Yeah, well, they all have like 50s white guy names. What was the guy's name? Charles something? The like dictator? Good luck, Jonathan. No, no, that's Nigeria. That's such a good name, dude.

And was good luck, Jonathan, even a bad guy? Yeah, he was a bad guy. I think so. I thought he was like... He looked like Hamilton. He's older. He never gave power away. I think, is he still in power?

Who cares? He might. Good luck, Jonathan. Well, wait till you say bad luck, Jonathan. That's that guy. That's good. That's a good take. Folks, not like bad luck, Jonathan.

Damn, your scope is coming for everyone today. Yeah. Good luck, Jonathan. Bad luck, Jonathan. Your retarded brain. Nice. Got him. Bitchass.

Good night, Hank. Bitchass. Hello, I am a good luck, Jonathan. And I am here to say, Adam is gay. Yeah. Okay, goodbye now. A lot of people ask me, good luck, Jonathan. Where did you get your name?

Good luck. And the answer is, 40 years ago, I slept with a woman without a consent. And the police never found out. Everyone in Nigeria's name could like Frank. Could like Billy. And to this I say, I must have pretty good luck. One of my friends laughed and they said, for now on, your name will be rapist, Jonathan. I said, but please, I have to get the job.

They say, okay, we will call you good luck, Jonathan. Take that good luck, Jonathan. This is that other Nigerian guy, Tokyo sex Wale. Whoa. Who's that? Some African politician named Tokyo sex Wale. That is unfucking believable. That's so cool.

That rules so much. Damn, Tokyo sex Wale. A lot of people ask me, Tokyo sex Wale. Where did you get your name? And 40 years ago, I went to Japan and I had sex with a woman without her consent. But she was very fat. Have you ever watched Nigerians stand up? No.

Nigerians are cool as shit. Pretty funny. Oh, they really are. Yeah. Nigerians love college too. At UMBC it was all Nigerians. Nigerians are fun loving people. They're fucking shitty to do business with.

Yeah. Why? A lot of emails. They'll be like, all right, I'll do a job for $20 and I'll hand you $15 at the end. And then you're like, it was $20. What is this based on? Based on numerous jobs I've done for Nigerians. When?

I've done consultant work for Nigerians. Contract killing days. Yeah, contract killings. Now selling phones to them and shit. Yeah. They're shrewd. 15. Yeah.

Every type of race has their own way of bargaining. But the Nigerians way is just like playing dumb, I guess. That's cool. They're like, oh, I thought you said it was 15. It's like, motherfucker, you know it's not 15. You know it's $20. You can argue with me if you want. I'm not going to cut you a deal.

Jews wasting everybody's time. For what? Like a Bratz cell phone case? Yeah, for a Bratz cell phone case. Dude, I would get so horny when I saw the Bratz, dude. A pair of sandals. Did you think the Bratz were hot? Oh, yeah, baby.

I got hearty. Those big ass guys. Bro, I used to get fucking hard, dude. So I can imagine Pepper Ann's perfect body. The head of Jack Skellington. The Bratz were kind of like... Pepper Ann. She's too gay for seventh grade.

She's too ugly to give. No, I can't. Whoa! Oh, fuck. God damn. Pull up. Yeah. We've done plenty of that genre of humor.

That wasn't a good one. That wasn't a good way to go with that song. We'll say that. I did fuck with Pepper Ann, though. And Recess. I watch that show every day after school. Recess. Pepper Ann was annoying as shit, dude.

I liked her. I liked her black. Stronger body than you. Yeah, yeah. It's more fucking... More pronounced pecs than you. I don't like Pepper Ann. She's going to beat me up.

She needed to settle down and listen to the adults in the room. I don't know. I don't know. Recess ruled also. Misogynist. Yeah. You are. You are.

Recess was good because it was a society. I loved that, dude. I had dreams of living in that society, dude. I wanted to be in there. Just being a member of something. Of being... Yeah. Of the television gang.

Of... Yes. I liked being the fat kid who was like shrewd. The main character, I guess. Who's the fat kid that was shrewd? They had a fat main character. Mikey? No, not the blonde one.

The main guy who had like a backwards cap and a bomber jacket. No. What is it? No. His name was JT or something. Spicoli? Yeah, probably. Was it TJ?

Yes. Was Spicoli the girl? Spicoli was the girl. His dad was a molester biker. What? I don't know if he actually molested her, but I always assumed that that was part of the story. Yeah.

I wanted Spicoli to be my queen. Wait. Wasn't Spicoli from another show? Wasn't that a character? No. No. It was like the Tom Boy. It was like the Tom Boy.

Oh, yeah. Spicoli. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, good call, good call. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Spinelli. Yeah, I wanted Spinelli to be my girl, dude. Yeah, she was hot with the beanie and the leather jacket. Yeah, she was a little Tom Boy.

What's the black kid's name? Lamarcus. Tokyo Sex Molly. Do you remember the black kid from the... Tokyo Sex Molly is such a good name. Do you remember the black kid from the BK Kids Club? Nobody gave a shit about the BK Kids Club. No, I don't.

I actually don't even... I barely remember the BK Kids Club. I only remember because we talked about it and then I Googled it. Yeah, right. I mean, I remember seeing wheels. We've talked about wheels. Are you seeing it as a fucking adult? Yeah, but it's like...

I didn't go to Burger King that often. That was like such a fucking... Burger King sucked dick. Yeah, it does. Burger King sucked my cock. Were you a Burger King kid? No, I wasn't. What was your fast food of choices in China?

Taco Bell, dude. Oh. Taco Bell. West Coast shit, dude. Remember before Gidget, the dog, they had the cartoon dog and cat? I do not... That's a throwback. That was a refad campaign.

I do not remember that. They had an animated dog and cat. The commercials would end with the boom, like the fucking bell. Yeah. Red Robin. Yeah, it was a dog and cat. No, I don't remember. I never fuck with Taco Bell.

I didn't have a taco until I was in high school. What? That's what happened. I swear to God. You didn't eat a taco? No, dude. All the foods, the only exotic food I had was Chinese food. Gyros?

Of course, Greek food. It was all Greek food and pizza. I did not have a fucking taco. I didn't have sushi until I was in college. Dude, you're so undefined. I didn't have Thai food. Later in life, I became worldly. You've discussed this.

Now Asian food is my number one. It was my favorite dinner when I was a little kid. Your father's penis? Wow. That's the last countdown's over. It would almost be worth it. Nick has to go to therapy. I'm taking some time off.

I'm going to anti-oppression therapy with my father. My father is shut up. I'm enjoying this too much. It was baked beans with little pieces of hot dog in it. That's the white trash. That's the hobo special, dude. That shit's just great. When people are fucking over a trash can warming their hands,

they're warming up beans with little hot dogs in them. Dude, baked beans are some of the best goddamn things on this earth. Hey, man. I'm just saying. I tell you, you get a little piece of land, some baked beans, and a little piece of pussy pie to suck on here and there. That's fresh piece of pussy pie. Monopita.

Maybe take a little dip into the old noodle in there. You know what I mean? You say, hey, sweetheart. Get over here. I'm done with my beans. You fucking... Oh, daddy's full of beans and he's ready to fuck. There's no room for beans and cum in my body, girl.

All the beans are pushing out the gas and cum. What the fuck? Hell yeah, dude. Your balls just get bigger and bigger the more beans you eat. Just the idea of a fucking middle-aged guy just farting it with a boner. He's full of beans. Daddy's full of beans. He's ready to fuck.

These poor middle-aged women, they have to fuck those middle-aged guys. I mean, I took a bike ride through South... I have not spent much time in South Brooklyn. You know, I kind of just operate north of wherever. You're always headed sort of in the direction a man has. We're in South Brooklyn. I'll get to that. So the point is, is I took a bike ride down Tompkins until it ends.

So I forget what that turns into. I think like Brooklyn Avenue maybe. And yeah, it takes you down to like Empire or something. So just like whatever is East of Bay Ridge is where I went down to. Oh damn, okay. And then I went over to the Verinzana. Holy shit, you're down there. Yeah, yeah.

So I went down that whole area. Bensonhurst? His seeds just continue from South Williams Road all the way through. Really? Yeah. If you go down ocean, all the way to like Coney Island, Brighton Beach, it's all juice. Yeah. And it's like, they really are.

Time to get the flame thrower out. Yeah. It really is. No, well, in pernicious disease. In affected, my beautiful hometown of Brooklyn. That's really weird. That's like the Sad Hosses down there. They couldn't make it in Dubsburg.

Gravesend and shit. I mean, that just sounds like a place you could have died. It literally does. Best. My, one of my favorite pieces of places around there. L&B Spamoni Gardens. Spamoni? The girl from recess?

No. Yeah. That's what it is. Have you had L&B Spamoni Gardens? No, I haven't. Oh, is that the shit you said you were going to get us and you didn't get us? When? You said I'm going.

Oh, yeah. You know what? He did get us, but it was all fucking cold and shitty, which is like, regardless how good it is. Oh, yeah, that's right. I got you a fucking half pie and you guys, like, I brought it back and you guys were shitting on me. Because it was cold.

It was frozen. I mean, pizza's only good when it's fucking fresh. All right. It's like down there. It's food. It has. It literally has a shelf life. It's really nice to.

Yeah. It was like three days afterwards. It's really nice to bike down a Brighton, go to the beach for a bit, and then on the way back, get L&B Spamoni Gardens. I think the owner just got murdered in like a mafia thing. Oh, that's how you know it's a good pizza place. That's how you know it's good. Yeah.

That's how you know it's good. Yeah. The owner definitely just got murdered. Got got? Yeah. What'd he do? I don't know. Did he just get murdered?

But it's very good. It's a Neapolitan square. Neapolitan. I'm like, I'm still square style. Neapolitan. I've got maybe two months, left more of of dieting. And then. Fat boy.

And then I can, and then I can start having cheat days or whatever the fuck. Oh, yeah. You haven't had pizza in so long, probably. Oh, yeah. No, I, actually, you know what? I had a slice of pizza because like really if it fits my calories, my macros, I can eat it. So.

How can you tell what a slice of pizza is calorically? A slice of pizza is roughly like 250 calories to 300 calories. My man's got my fitness pal. Yeah. I mean, you can use my fitness pal, but also I know from working at pizza restaurants. Yeah, you forget talking to a pizza man. Yeah.

Oh, I forgot. Yeah. He can look at the calories. He can eyeball it. Yeah. I mean, because I had like half of that pizza that I ordered for when we did that shoot. Oh, true, true, true.

Oh, yeah. Because I didn't eat all that. Because I didn't eat all that. Rockers. I didn't eat all that. So I could just eat that. Now like I blew my like macro portions out of control. I mean, I'm way too much.

I'm very happy that day. Way too much. But calorically. Well, I was also doing cocaine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, but you kept saying like I'm so happy. I'm productive. I'm just going to have a slice of pizza.

Well, I had like four. He didn't say that. He didn't keep saying that. Later on that night. Yeah. Oh, when you guys were yipping. When things were wrapped up and finished, I felt good. Oh, yeah.

You know? That was fun. Yeah. The next thing we're going to do is shoot that VR porn, we said, GoPro. What I want to do is I want to get a drone, right? I would love to. With two stereoscopic 360 degree cameras,

well, fly it around the neighborhood and then watch a video on the PlayStation VR. That sounds pretty cool. And then it would be like I'm flying around my neighborhood. That is cool. Looking at people's windows. Maybe put a couple guns, couple bombs on there. That sniper rifle I'm going to buy.

That sounds fun. Yeah. Kill your enemies. I love to kill my enemies. If you could get away with murder with someone in this neighborhood, who would it be? Adam. Yeah, he doesn't live here now.

We're neighbors now. If I could kill someone in this neighborhood? Yes. Nick. You can't. You can't. Sorry, bitch. Why?

Because I already killed you. Yep, you're dead. You didn't kill me yet. Plus the guns, the trigger is too much for your finger. You're free for a few weeks. Well, I wouldn't use the trigger. You would try and set up a simple machine, a pulley. Obviously, I'd hire a couple.

What? A couple of guys. What kind of guys? What kind of fellas? Couple of the fellas. Yeah, who are we going to blame it on? Gun guys, you know? Watching Planet Earth 2.

I think I'm done with the Planet Earth shit. Why, dude? I don't know. I've seen enough animals. I mean, it's a fucking hack, but getting stoned as hell and watching Planet Earth is incredible. Yeah, but there's a good other shit to get stoned and watch it's better.

What? What? This fucking looks on this TV? Yeah, it looks awesome. I don't know. I just love getting fucking stoned as shit with my boys, watching a couple girls get fucked in the ass. No pussy, no vaginal shit, yo.

That's a weird part of early adolescence. I ain't trying to see no fucking female pleasure. Early adolescence. I might rewatch Baby Driver again, get high enough that I can't remember anything from seeing it before. I'd be down. I feel like if I buy the Blu-rays,

I have to watch them at least five times to justify. I get what you're saying. I rewatched Independence Day this morning. Let's watch it Wednesday. I got a spot after this, but I'd watch Baby Driver Wednesday. A weird part of early adolescence is when your friends call you over, and they say, I got porn. And then six boys look at you.

Tie your hands down, and they open your mouth wide. And they put two cocks in it at once. Stop it, stop it. Adam's friends had sex with his mouth. And they're like, Adam, give us that throat pussy. And you're like, I don't want to. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. And then you're like, psych, I love it.

And then at the end, you're like, thanks, boys. That's exactly as the email said. Thank you for following my directions. I remember there was this Mormon kid down the block from me, and he called me up one day, and he was like, come over and see this baby. What? And I was like, what?

I don't want to go over and see that. He's like, you got a spook. I called my parents' house. I went over, and it was a poster of a woman with her legs spread open, and her fingers spreading, her pussy lips open. And he's like, check out this baby. Did he mean the woman's pussy, or was there a baby coming out of her pussy?

He was like, he was trying to use the code black. Black woman's 80s haircut. I kind of look like Fantasia. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, she's illiterate. Yeah, yeah, she can't read. Much like myself. Fantasia's good, though.

She's a good singer. I think it's just like, I think I just need to shower. I think my hair is just a mess. I'm due for a haircut. I'm thinking about shaving my head completely. Oh, fuck. Oh, that's cool. Look at your chrome dome.

Chrome dome? Once I'm sub 10% body fat, I'll do that. I can't do that, because I have this massive mole on top of my head. That's not, you look stupid as shit, too. I would look dumb. I don't have a strong head. Yeah, only true Alphys could pull off.

I look better with long hair. Adam's head got squeezed into a dumb shape by his mom's pussy. Oh, yeah, that's not true. I was caesarean. It's because your dad's tiny penis, never stretch it. I was caesarean section, the right side. Yep, that's it. Yeah, our dad's big ass dick widened our mom's pussies,

bitch. Our dad's have huge dicks, and they fucked our mom's hard with them. Shit, I couldn't come out of my dad and my mom's ass. You're so fucking loose. I had the choice, because my dad's massive dick. Yeah, your mom's tight ass pussy. I do appreciate you guys admitting that my mom does have a

perfect pussy. And your mom's have destroyed pussies. Sorry. Sorry, you guys' mom's arty. That's a crazy thing for guys to argue about whose mom has a nicer pussy. It's like pretty normal to argue about whose dad is stronger as a bigger dick.

It's not normal. Whose dad has a bigger dick. What the fuck are you talking about? That's a really normal thing, right? That is normal. Adam and his sister used to argue about whether their dad or their mom had the smaller genitals. They're getting fights about it.

What are you two arguing about? Well, we're arguing again about whether mum or you has the tiny penis or vagina, like go to your room right now. That's not what I sounded like. Yes, it is. This is what you sound like right now. Wait, I thought that's what his dad sounded like. This is also what his dad sounded like.

God bless us, everyone. Oh, fuck, dude. I love just sitting around the fucking lunch table with my boys playing paper football. And whenever I missed a field goal, my friends would be like, that's why your dad has a smaller dick than my dad. He fucking has a whole lot of dick. My dad came on job day to the school, and he's unemployed,

but he showed everyone his dick. That's cool. And now they cancel gym. We're not allowed to have gym anymore. My dad got his dick stuck in the basketball hoop. Boys, I'm trying to get the Blade Runner 4K Blu-ray desk. No luck?

Not the new one. The original one. I know. The new one was weird. It's like, who was supposed to be Will Ferrell's character, you know? Who was supposed to be Napoleon Dynamite? Isn't it a sequel?

It's a Blade Runner? Yeah, it's the Blades of Glory. Thank you. You're doing a bit of it. No, I did not see it. I want to see it, though. It's a sequel to Weird Al Jankovic's Running with Scissors, the real Blade Runner.

You can't find it? Yeah, I can. Like on Amazon, it does that see all buying options thing. And then you go, it's like Hong Kong Chinese video, dot com, or whatever. It's like, I don't trust it. Stealyourmoney.org. Yeah, right.

Like, fucking Chinese people. Chinese people are always trying to scam. On the internet, they are scammers. You know what? God bless them. I'd say that. Yeah, no, Blade Runner, I want to find it. But it's out now, right?

The 4K? It's been out for a month. OK, but it just sold out immediately? Yeah, I guess. Yeah, that's the thing that 4K guys would love. Yeah. People with 4K definitely love the Blade Runner. That's like the only one of the, that's like the first movie

that I'm like excited to actually watch on this TV. I mean, look at all the other bullshit that I fucking bought. John Wick, I've seen a million times, which looks cool. Mad Max looks better than anything else. And Mad Max was like not even shot in 4K. Yeah, Mad Max looks good as hell. Have we mentioned this before? You've been to that museum in Astoria, the Moving Image Museum?

I have not been. They have the original set from Blade Runner. Oh, for real? Yeah, it's pretty sick. I got to go there. I live right by. Maybe it's in Long Island City? It's very close to me.

I think it's in Astoria. It's very close to me. It's in that part of a story that people call Long Island City. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's not. Yeah, yeah, it's a pretty cool place. I've only been there once. How about Hog Island City?

Bong Island City. Bong Island City, it's sick. Strong Island, Boston Strong Island. When's the last time you smoked bong? I have a bong just sitting on my fucking end table right now. You smoke it? I haven't, it's been a month maybe? I don't know.

On special occasions, I bring the bong here. I like once a week, I'll take one hit of like resin and I get comfortably high. Yeah. You know? It's because you're a damn lightweight bitch. I just don't like getting like really high, like getting high enough that I can think of dumb shit that

makes me laugh. Yeah. You know? So I can get us out of this bullshit podcast and you can sell a TV show based on things like Andre's Steakhouse and Rude Nigga Sundar with rapping Indian 12-year-old. Well done.

My classic sketches that I had written for you to save us to bring us to the spotlight mainstream Hollywood. There's a Twilight Zone where every episode ends with the guy's pants falling down. That's good. Yeah. That's a good bit. That has legs.

That's pretty good. Get Weinstein on the line. Imagine for a second a different world where time stood still and a man's pants got caught in an escalator and were ripped off and everyone saw his penis. Is this our world or is it the Twilight Zone? Doo-dee-doo-doo-doo-dee-doo-doo suck my penis. My dick is big.

Honey, hurry up. We're going to be late for the white power meeting. In our normal 50s life. Oh no, my pants. I'm sorry, John. We're going to have to let you go since everyone's seen your penis. But it's not fair.

It was just one time. The escalator did it. I didn't even expose my penis to everybody. I'm sorry, but we can't have penis exposers in our church. But I go to this church every week. I've given you hundreds of dollars. That's like millions of dollars in normal money. In today's money.

In the future, you know, you scale it up. Well, Mr. I'd really love to sell you this car, but we heard about the penis. Looks like it's going to be the bus for you. You can always ride the penis bus when it goes on a bus. Oh, and we've seen everyone's dick. That's now the turn. You know what?

I guess this is just who I am now. Jimmy Stewart. I'm a penis-showing man. He grows his hair out. He becomes a hippie. That's good. My wife can't, and then he's in color. And that's the plot of Pleasantville.

Yep. Right? Basically, literally, yes. I think when you come, you come into color. You beat off when you come. What was the premise of that? The only black people I've seen? Yeah, yeah.

All the black people were in color in Pleasantville. Yeah, I think it's like once you felt an emotion. Yeah, yeah. Once you got a bone and you went color. Yeah. Right? Wasn't there a scene where the mom jerks off or something? Yeah, when she goes, then she has to wear gray makeup.

I think I beat off into that movie, too. Pleasantville? Mm-hmm. Who's the daughter? Who's the daughter in that? Reese Witherspoon? Reese. What's up, Reese?

And Toby McGuire? Legally blonde, making me legally hard. I used to hate her in legally blonde. What? Yeah. What's this bitch named after Candy? What do we got here? A bitch named after Candy?

Shit, how about that, dude? That's good, Reese. Reese's. That's nice. Thanks. Spoon kind of you eat with it. Yeah, right. It's worthers.

She's really close to Candy and food in general. Well, Reese's is. Reese's, she's in. Mm-hmm. It's true. Yep. Who else? People with Candy names.

Mandy Moore? It's kind of like Candy Moore. Candy Moore. You know? Revenge of the Nerds? Nerds, yeah. Yeah. Baby, Ruth.

Yeah. Babe, babe. Baby, Ruth. That's for babies, though. I don't eat that shit. I only eat 100 grand. It's not. It's for adults, too.

Because that's what my ass is worth. Yep. 100 grand. That's what I got on me at all times. Yeah. I got 100 grand worth of fucking Dave and Buster's tokens. You got to keep $1,000 on you at all times because they're trying to kick you out of this country.

Yeah, just in case. You got to always have $1,000. I could never pull off a bribe. I would get too nervous. You go to jail. I would never try to bribe my friends. My friend's dad, like if you know how to do it, this is a public school teacher at Philly.

And he kind of like got like was like done with it all. And he was like, I'm moving to Mexico. He like told his whole family's moving to Mexico. He packed up his packed up his fucking GMC Jimmy. Oh, the Jimmy was tight. And he got to the border and then at the border. Actually, Jimmy's was gay. I take that back.

All right. They're on the border. Yeah, they weren't that good. They were shitty, shitty SUV. My friend Jimmy. They get to the border. And he's like, they're like, I'm sorry, senior like your car is too shitty for Mexico.

And clearly, they were just asking for a bribe. And he was too offended by the whole situation. He loved his Jimmy too much. That he just turned around and moved to Florida. Really? Yeah. That's pretty funny. Yeah, yeah.

I mean, it was like, it's really, I think, beautiful kind of like lyrical kind of story. Like that old man with his shitty ass car. Yep. Your car is too shitty for Mexico, sir. It is very lyrical. Yeah. It reminds me of Usher's Let It Burn.

You got it. You got it bad. When you did his car. Isn't that what Justin Bieber sung to Usher in that parking lot when he was a little boy? They got him signed? Yeah. Man, imagine that.

I think so. Being exploited as a little boy in a parking lot. By your parents. Yeah, and with your dad. And it turns out good. Yeah. You know? Yeah.

Justin's doing great. Justin is doing. And he probably wasn't molested. Like most young, like most child stars, I think probably have to suck off some old Jew. It's true. But because it was Usher, a guy who fucks fat women and gives them herpes, allegedly,

instead of fucking boys, he kind of lucked out, you know? Yeah. All the boy bands, they fucked that one guy. Lou Pearlman? Yeah. I don't know if you fucked them all. I think he picked one and fucked them. I just think he ruined their money.

No, no, no. He definitely fucked them. He just stole from him. He 100% fucked them allegedly. Lou Pearlman? Yeah. Someone fucked them. Maybe.

Some fat bald guy fucked them. It wasn't me. Shut up. Yeah, yeah. What? It wasn't me. Oh, you fucked them. Before you say, before you say, I did it.

You just started a boy band, dude. I don't want to fuck young boys. I'm worried I'm going to be late to Best Buy to pick up my movies set up. Well, we should stop the episode, dude. No, we still got to do another. I got my Apple Watch TM set to buzz my fucking arm when we're done recording.

OK, nice. So we need one more bit to round this one out. OK. There's a lot of people who are mad about the lack of bits. No, I fucked them, dude. We got good old bits, dude. People like the last step, didn't they? No.

Who cares? Who hated you? Fuck them. Yeah. They said you were bad. Yep. And they wrote letters to your parents, because I gave them.

I said, you got a complaint? That's not appropriate. It's one, two, three. You leave them alone. Las Vegas, Nevada. All right, let's, OK. All right, let's get Limber. Let's loosen up.

Let's, let's, let's get, let's do like a classic. Let's do like a classic come town. OK. Why don't you repeat something that I've said? I call you gay. OK, so it's the Twilight Zone. And that looks good. That's pretty good.

How about this, we just end the episode by telling people to check out the Shane Vader video where Bane is asking. That's pretty good. Doing Dan 9 in bits. Yeah, yeah, that's great. That's hilarious. Should we shout out to Shane?

They're, they're a really good filmmaker. Yeah, there. Is that the correct pronoun? I know I've misgendered Shane on the show before. I think Shane is she, actually. And she made a big stink about it to Adam. She didn't make a stink about it to me. Oh yeah.

She made a shirt that said, I'm trans and I listen to come town. Yo, for real? Let's get those. You alienated our only trans fan. First of all, we got 400,000 trans. Which we call the force field. Most of our fans aren't. The shield.

The shield is criticism. It's true. It's our beautiful trans man. If you want to come to us, you got to go through about 400. Right. We have a whole army of those, you know, those like British Buckingham Palace cars. Yeah. Trans version of them.

They can't talk. We have it. No, it's like 300. They protect the palace. We got a Leonidas trans. We got there and they're all jacked. Yeah. I bet you we got, yeah, there's got to be.

We got a Steve Harvey one. Oh, that'd be pretty cool. Is it a woman that becomes Steve Harvey? No, y'all would I would love a version of Steve Harvey that's trans, but they're it's like something that's happened to them and they're incredulous about it. Like, y'all, I can't even believe this shit, but I'm a girl now.

I identify as my pronouns. Oh, Lord, what am I thinking? My name is Steve. Yeah. I said to myself, Steve, Steve Dunn, jump the dick off. All right, thanks. Bye.

Thanks so much.