The Adam Friedland Show (Cumtown) - Ep. 81 – Marquis of Queensbury

Episode Date: December 14, 2017

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Well, we had a great bit planned for the beginning of the show, but Adam We actually got that little boy with the messed up head fucked up. Yes here right now We might as well just that kid that looks like you know, yeah, we said we should just mom's birth canal was a pile of cinder blocks That shit happens people get fucked up faces if their mom's pussies are too tight. Yeah, yeah Interesting his parents name him after the worst Batman and look what happened. No, what how dare you you're trolling? No, he's the worst Batman. No, that was a cool best man Christian Bale Okay, second best Batman the cartoon one the one from the comic that's fair. Okay original Batman, okay? That's the second Adam West. No, no, no actual comic Batman. Oh, what about animated series? That one's third

Damn, I put that over animated series. It's dope number four is bat kid who turns out also racist Really people found that out recently beat cancer and then he beat leukemia. Now. He's beating white genocide Wow Interesting what what if that was to take is that like Bat kid happens now and like the whole town comes together and they're like wow We found out that bat kids dad, you know said beener in 1993 Fucking drive-thru in Tallahassee They're like it's time for bat kid to die and then we execute him. We shoot him in the head

Yeah, we don't even wait for cancer. Chris Brown is like, you know I just wanted to I wanted to wish death on this child But like the fucking did you see Chris Brown was like he like rescinded his support of Keaton or whatever good, which is like You're like beat when you're like, yeah, I know you're like one of the most reprehensible I know they're asking it stays within his race, you know, yeah, so he sort of has a respect I guess in some ways for them for what they do. I guess Which then maybe you should have kept the support. Yeah, you know, yeah, I think of that Well, that's he doesn't like Keaton because he knows no matter how hard he punches

He wouldn't be able to fuck his face up any more than That's what Chris Brown Resents about he's like that it reminds him of all of his girlfriends towards the end of a relationship Like damn You know fuck. Yeah, it's like when you get like a really nice deserted a restaurant and then you take a couple bites And it fucks the whole thing up. You don't even want to eat it anymore because of the presentation Well, I've never experienced that in my life. Yeah, you haven't but Chris Brown has When you take a beautiful woman, you know, oh

You're calling eating a couple spoofles of dessert. You're saying that's like hitting a woman Well, it deserves what you do after sex You bossed, right? Yeah, the stages of sex. We all took health class. Yeah. Yeah step one pull down your pants Step two insert yourself into a woman's face. Okay step three bust step four a little bit of ice cream sundae You fucking just give her Click I'm trying to do the click with my time. There you go. There you go. Okay. Yeah, just a couple So every time you have sex, that's what happens. Yeah, there's a man like beating the shit out of a woman on the bus after Fucking her face and then some boys crying and the mom's like son. That's that's just sex

That's when two people love each other very much and that young boy was Keaton and then he grew up to explain that situation That's just how they fucking their culture Schools like that is the most racist shit. He's like, why would you bully me for being different? We're having a misunderstanding as to how people fucking knows communities I like the idea of Keaton is like the second generation racist where it's like benevolent. It's yeah, they don't know any better Yeah, he was raised that way. No, I mean, that's his take on black people. Oh, yeah, I don't know any better Yeah, yeah, well a lot of people were defending like Patton Oswald was like Keaton didn't choose the parents. He had you know, mm-hmm Yeah, it's like yes, he did

He was an angel in heaven. That's right. Right and him and Colton burpo were deciding Which boy was gonna be the racist one with the fucked up face and which one was gonna come back to me? And they they chose wow, you know, that's true if you say he didn't choose and well, guess what you're not a very good Christian Patton Oswald. Mm-hmm, and that would devastate him in that that would ruin his career Was it a non-believing Christian Wow, yeah When's the last time you guys went to a place of worship? We like checkers. Yeah exactly checkers rallies. Yeah parties about a year and a half ago Yeah, I got a big beautiful big beautiful. It sounds like when you get a blowjob will take in a dump

That's what it should be instead of a blumkin. Yeah, she could be called a big That is true, dude. Yeah, that's the way a fucking trucker. Yeah, I just got a big view for it on the bus aka having sex Oh, you also shit every time I scream Sunday. Oh, that's part of it, too. Yeah. Yeah. Oh my god The vanilla glazes I get that chocolate. I just don't understand fucking Why would you bully somebody just for taking a dump in the middle of the bus while fucking a girl's face? I should have her just because somebody has sex different than you doesn't give you the right to make their life worse Damn Yeah, that is honestly. Yeah, I don't support Keaton, but I would support a little kid named beaten, you know, yeah

Yeah, Skeetin and beating two brothers. Yeah, they're both beat off dude. That's a wholesome family Skeetin get in here and tell me what I'm not beating off Tell them what happened in the cafeteria. They poured a bunch of come on my head What they say about your nose they said it looks like a dick. Oh Yeah, Skeetin and beating both have like donzo noses. Yeah It's not my fault that I had my dick surgically removed and placed in where my nose should have been when I was born And then I had a second dick grafted on to my original dick area instead of the more reasonable surgery of just

Adding the second dick directly to my face and leaving my normal dick as it was Because people have different lifestyles and you shouldn't bully them for getting the wrong kind of dick face surgery. Oh Man, yeah, I hate when that happens to me and I have the wrong kind of dick surgery Yeah, I made fun of you got a dick and small ending. Yeah, it was too fucking fat and and big as hell Oh, I hate when they went down a couple notches I don't understand like the point of this anti-bullying thing because it's like, you know the complaint was he's like She was like, what did I say about you? They said I said my nose looks stupid and he's like, well, there's what it does I don't know what the fucking tell you

You know, I mean like it does right you're gonna have to get used to that Keaton That's you're gonna have to fucking you're a particularly ugly person. Yeah, you know, he looks ridiculous. All of us have fucking problems Sure, right. It's not like I I've never understood that impulse of being like people shouldn't be able to say this thing That's what's also weird about the the movement become very rich and and Secretly find ways to prevent those people from having a career. Absolutely. Yes And destroy their lives. Yeah, he'll never Be a healthy adult Exactly, he'll never have spite as a motivator. Yeah, take it out on the floor. He'll never kill a homeless person

That's right. Yeah, no one's ever gonna miss him. No one's gonna find out. Do you think the cops give a shit? No, you're helping. You did them a favor. You're helping. That's one less call in a couple weeks about someone shitting a Panera bread Yeah, yeah, yeah for them. You know what I mean? Yeah, it's one less call about someone going to checkers That's right getting a view for Also, you're supposed to tell me that someone's mom can videotape them crying And we're not supposed to make fun of them for that. Also, that is the most embarrassing thing me I'm Adam. You bet. He's the only one actually gayer than us. No, you're lower than me. No, I reject this. All the black kids at school make fun of me And there's just this one faggot named Adam that I've all I have is he's the only person I can bully

Stop it. I wish there were more people like Adam. So I wouldn't have to be the biggest faggot at my school. Can't stop it Please and we just had maybe two atoms that I could call bug faggots How many atoms do you need Keaton? I don't know. Maybe Ellen could help Why don't we go on Ellen and check the man that they clone at him so I can Say faggot to two people Yeah, I didn't actually watch the video at all. Yeah of him crying. Yeah, I didn't it's stupid I mean the best thing to come out of that is that guy is like I'm Delaney Walker. I'm a tight end for the Tennessee

First of all, I wanted to read you this poem by Buddha Always always stay positive and if you remember that and it's like that's not a poem. It's a statement And then he goes, yeah, right a poem by Buddha noted poets, right Because I'm sorry to bullion has been took in place at your school. We're just like that's the answer to bullying is Just become much bigger than other people become a big-ass athlete. Yeah, that's what animals do You know, I mean look at all the look at all the other apes They'll look like they have Down syndrome and they got tired of being made fun up for it. So they became very strong Mmm, you know interesting. That's what the new war the planet of the apes is about. It's about retarded apes

I get you like that. It's about Mark Wahlberg teaching bullies. Let me stand up to other bullies. Yeah Oh, yeah, yeah, then we should have a bully Olympics. I want to figure out who the bully was Who's the best bully the best bully Dylan Klebold? Who's that the Columbine kid? No, that wasn't a good bully. He wasn't like he was kind of a bitch No, neither of them or they were like popular kids that were just were they popular. Yeah, they were like the trench coat alternative But they weren't like I mean they weren't like they say that's the kind of guy. That's cool. Everyone's those guys I mean they were like this The idea that they were like social outcasts that people didn't like is just bullshit cooked up after the shooting

They were listening to Marilyn Manson Hope people deal with the fact that relatively normal kids can sometimes shoot up a fucking school Right, right, right or have an impulse to do it their whole life. You know what it was without without the dangerous influences of Islam You know what it was? Accutane. Oh, yeah, go crazy. Yeah, they were on the they were on the same acne medication I was on in high school. Did you ever what's the most I didn't shoot up a school? Which makes me a hero. What's the most violent thing you ever did in high school? Most violent thing. Yeah I don't know nothing really shit out of anyone. No, I could I mean I wasn't I didn't puberty really settled in around 18 for me

Yeah, I was a fighting on seal my my my pussy drops when I was I'm finally got some big-ass lips I don't know how the pussy changes It does it get like I don't think we're allowed Just raising my head in health class Uh, mr. Mullen again, there's no such thing as an 11th year senior Second of all, please stop asking that question

Yeah, I read shirted my first 11 years Yeah, uh fully grown adult here. I've had sex hmm probably about like 12 times I was supposed to graduate high school But one question I've I've been wondering from an intellectual standpoint is What kind of changes do the pussy do? Many girls would like to demonstrate if any of you maybe have not hit puberty yet You would like to show off your pussy in front of the class for us What do you mean I'm not the teacher and I'm not allowed to say

Well a dick just goes from being like little and hairless to fucking bigger and hairy Yeah, that's well. I actually had the opposite my dick went from from being hair I had pubes when I was born and then they all fell out. Oh, wow. Yeah. Whoa. Wow. That's the prophecy That's the next king of yeah. Yeah, you're the chosen one If he has fucking pubes like George Washington's wig when he's born and they fall out oh my god And they fall out the fucking George Washington all those guys they had ivory pubes Whoa, yeah, they're poops that fall out because they didn't clean them So they would get elephant pubes shipped in from beautiful from dark Africa the dark black Africa

Dark-ass Africa. That's what they used to call it back. Yeah, the heart of darkness Is that a book Adam? I booked that I never read. Yeah, let's hear about books. I'm ready. It was pretty good. Everybody's read it Yeah, I didn't read it. I know what it's a good book. No, you don't It's about apocalypse now. Yeah, it's a brand new brand is autobiography That's pretty much the extent of what I know about that book is the movie. Yeah, I mean, I read it I don't fucking remember. I remember it was like how about a movie where like a Like an army guy goes crazy trying to get his dick sucked and it's called the Paralypse now Paralypse now. Yeah

Yeah, he goes native. Yeah, he keeps getting his dick sucked by the natives Yeah, he makes a fucking whole tribe about him getting his dick sucked. Why are we a war here when we could just be getting a dick sucked by He basically did that he went to Turkey and he was like, I'm gonna rape all of these people, right, right, right But I'm gonna I'm gonna say I care about Indians. So it's cool. Yeah. Yeah, oh branda. Yeah, yeah I I remember in sociology in college There was like a or maybe I'm making this up But there was like a tribe where it was like customary for little boys to suck grown men's dicks. Yeah Yeah, and that was like the fucking

That's like how you showed that your friends and like these little kids kept trying to suck the the like this Sociologist was been an awkward situation My dad told me there was a tribe in South Africa that the little boys used to walk around like hold instead of holding hands They'd hold penises. Oh, wow, your dad's favorite tribe. It's just really cute. Yeah, it is really he was working out of He was working out a documentary. Oh, yeah, he was definitely shooting watching a documentary Yeah, yeah, yeah Like when he was in college during the summer is he'd working on documentary shoes. Yeah. Yeah documentaries

See documentaries, you know, the kind you legally if you call them documentaries It was just to African boys getting fucked. You can say that it's part of their tribal heritage Isn't that what they used to do with porn? They used to like is yeah, I would look at National Geographic as a kid and be like fuck Yeah, oh, yeah, dude. Yeah Long as a long tribal titties I've beat off to right. Yeah, dude. I object off to look like wearing overalls This is hot There was some good there was your hand over like the part where she has a disc through going through her lip No, I don't cuz I appreciate all cultures. Yeah, right. I like oh you can't you can't she said a

Both into the matrix, you know, yeah, let's pretend they're industrial Hey, that's my thing if you're an industrial girl Ramstein You're a woman in her early 40s who still listens to hard-style tech Right no That sounds like a train Right, yeah, right some shit like that Ramstein was you host Yeah, that's basically what I was just doing

Like a jungle No, I wasn't I think we got a number one gold record right there Another thing I used to beat off to is there was a Greek magazine called the the mailman is what it Translated for whatever reason that's just what it was called next Nick magazines let you show titties Yeah, it would be like advertisements for like toast or some yeah, they would just be titties in England like on like the second page of Like the regular newspaper like girls tits up. Yeah, it was awesome So shouts out to the Tahit Romo for it came with it was like the magazine of

the Greek newspaper that my dad used to get before it just stopped reading and So shouts out to them for helping me beat off. I Still jack off to my first blow job From time to time to just remembering wow to having sex with a child, huh? No, I was a child Oh, you still think about a little girl's mouth sucking a dick from a newborn. She was actually older dude She was 18. I was 16. Oh, yeah, so check and mate Here it is. Here's the record. Oh, yeah, it was a little boy But the documents don't lie either way you're thinking of it. I'm so glad we got this file through the microfiche

Yeah, I went through the microfiche. Look at your dick Is this what it smells like Yes, whoo fish little sardine-ass dick No pussy no because it's rotting fish smell because it's rotting Yeah, you've been sucking your own dick is what you mean to say. Yeah, but your mouth, which is also vagina That's right. If your mouth was a vagina, would you not try to suck your own dick? I mean my mouth isn't a vagina and I still suck my own dick. Mm-hmm. Well, okay I've been I've told you I've been off the hand-beating off system for that's right like a year

I've been yeah, I've been living off my own cum. Oh, it's not as gross if it comes fresh from the tap. That's A lot of the people don't like the taste of cum is because it's on your hand first Which is kind of gross. You don't want to eat anything out of the bottle. Uh-huh. Just like how milk tastes better if you're sucking it from the other Well, I got a little funnel that I put in my dick hole and I pour a gallon of milk in there Oh, it's mark rip-a-toe came up with this That's why you squat is to increase your hip mobility And when your hip mobility is good, you can stick your own dick in your mouth and suck milk And this is what we refer to as the fundamentals of strength

They imagine having just balls full of milk just fucking big Volleyball-sized nuts full of full of milk, dude That would be hilarious. It's just like a like a clown's flower that shoots seltzer or whatever. You just shoot milk at your dick at your friends How much I would love to be able to pull my cock out press a little button It's just spray you with milk. Please you squeeze one of the nuts and then it spray out of the dick I would love to just be able to piss on people and get away with it Yeah, I guess that's what we're talking about basically don't people that get sex changes have a nut that is a pump Yeah, they do. Yeah, that sounds some of them. I mean cuz like with foul plastic. It's not like one uniform surgery

You know, there's like different doctors. They're like if I had to make a fake dick. How would I do it? They all have different methods. Oh, that's different styles. Yeah, that's what medicine is People forget that like any kind of surgery like it's not like, you know, it's like human beings weren't engineered It's an abomination against God. Well, human beings weren't scientists weren't engineered So it's not like a car where if a part's broken, there's one way to fix that part Right, it's like there's like different methods. There's one that seems to be like the best So for something, you know as nascent as like making a penis out of a vagina It's like one guy's like, all right. Well, we're gonna cut the foot off

You know roll it up like a blunt make a necklace out of toes. Yeah, yeah Just kind of get some there's all kinds of different ways. Yeah. There's a horse hair, you know Yeah, whoo, what about a horse dick? That'd be cool. Yo a big-ass horse Like a nice white with chocolate spots, I would love a horse dick a small horse dick Yeah, you can't have a big-ass horse horses. Dicks are so scary. I know that's why you gotta find a little Like a toy pony, yeah, yeah, the horse gets in his ass and then the horse goes like all the way in his ass and the guy's like Basically like tore all of his organs, you know imagine your kids watching that video Yeah, wasn't he like they play a positive yours fucker, and they're like ladies and gentlemen tonight's musical guest Ramstein

Oh It's just you getting fucked to death by a horse They're like, oh, he wasn't a good father in life, but in death. He's been so much worse Why did he why did he put this in his will that we have to watch him get fucked by a horse in death at his funeral? Here at checkers Can you imagine that your dad dies and then like millions of people Watch the video of how he died and it was getting just absolutely railed by a horse. That would be pretty funny

You're right. I guess. Yeah, I don't think that guy was a father I think he was no he wasn't I'm pretty sure he was man, and that's because I said it just to 30 seconds ago Was he? Wait, he was it was it where was it like Oregon or Washington, right? Yeah, it was in Las Vegas Yeah, I'm trying to remember the guy's name. Oh, yeah, okay. I think it was Mosha crocodile Yeah, there's a video about that getting fucked by a kangaroo It starts is one of those fighting a kangaroo videos with the kangaroo beats him up Please don't do this like he won parents

There's a code he's sucking up the kangaroo to get him Damn, dude, it's gonna be funny where your parents finally like discover the show They couldn't understand they tried listening. Oh my I This clip in particular It makes no sense kangaroo wrong country Hey, you fought and lost to a kangaroo and then he fucking sucked him off and yeah, the marquee of Queensbury rules

You lose to the kangaroo you gotta fuck Fuck yeah, dude, that's what combat. That's the gentleman's that's gentleman's combat That's the scene in the new upcoming live-action Lion King. Isn't live-action it is. I don't know we've talked about this I don't think it is how would they do that? I Think it's gonna be like on Broadway. Yeah, but then why not just fucking watch Broadway. I mean, well, it's a movie So everyone can watch it. You know in Broadway the genie's not even fucking blue Aladdin's fucking black some regular guy some piece of shit black But I was complaining about the race of the genie it should be blue put him in blue man fucking group makeup

What the wisecracker so what you want like them to cast a dead Indian? Yes Yeah, I guess is that what a genie is no no stop once I'm trying to think of soft ones a real genie No, blue man group makeup. Oh, you're you know dip him in that actually it should just be Robin Williams his corpse Mm-hmm. He hung himself. So, you know, he's actually blue. Yeah What if he's like, oh, what if I could look like the genie like a marionette? Yeah, you just have his Already got strings on him. That's you you got one string The main string is there into a blue puppet So that he could he could play the genie in the live-action Broadway

Did you guys see that movie he made before he died world's greatest dad Is that the one we like shoots people? No, it's he plays an Australian guy that sucks No, he he plays a dad whose son dies from auto erotic asphyxiation, so he plays an Australian guy Do they say what the son was thinking about yeah, he was like trying to jack off to porn and then he Wait, is this real? It's a real movie. So you think this is like a Joker situation where the movie the role killed him Yeah, maybe sure. He just and it was trying to beat off. No, he got diagnosed with Parkinson's and he was like fuck this I don't live with that. Oh, really? So you don't think and he had depression so just to be clear you don't know what disease I want to have

Markinsons disease like Mark Wahlberg. Yeah, you get uncontrollably jacked and pissed You know, but in like a 9-11 in a good guy way. Yeah, I got the rock now Do you think Mark Wahlberg could have prevented 9-11 for real of course percent? Yeah And people are just mad at him for saying that because they know it's true right. What a bit of good-ass movie, too Yeah Damn, we would have had he would have become the president of the United States I go back in time what I would do is give him a strap a GoPro to his head give him a couple box cutters I don't know if that's even a score 2001. I'd we'd bring it back with us find it. Yeah

I give him a couple box cutters. Do you guys can you imagine having to like go back to 2000 and you just don't have access to a GoPro? You don't have a smart yeah much that would suck they say in a world Where we can't just carry around a camera on our head all the time and watch shitty weird like yeah shaky as Someone else ride a bicycle Watch some 40-year-old banker that's destroyed people's lives Right around Denver on his fucking bicycle Imagine having to live in that world without this technology. They send us back to fucking stop 9-11 And we got so sad that we don't have go pros. We got I have my GoPro

That's right my invaluable GoPro that I could never live without I've I've I tape every day Yeah, GoPro being off making breakfast just just to have a record kind of like police have bodycams Oh, that's what I do. Did you watch that? No, that's shooting in Mesa, Arizona. No, which one oh my god, dude They're just like straight up execute a guy. Oh my god. That was horrible I don't want to watch this thing the one that Felix called a pussy that cop Yeah, I guess he had a gun that said you're fucked on the gun. Yeah, it was like inscribed. Oh my god He's probably he's probably some chill views towards black people. I would guess also. Yeah, but he killed a white guy

So I know I mean he's a murderer. I don't care if he's racist or not, you know That's the thing what I'm saying is what I'm saying is this is the kind of guy Yeah, of course a murderer who knows he's probably fuck. I mean, I would you be surprised if he has if he's killed other people probably not I mean like cops fucking They can cover that shit all yeah, but he didn't like secretly murder that there would be a record of it There's always a record of like a police involved shooting. Yeah, I guess It's not like he's going around shooting people all day long and they're like, ah damn they found out about it It's like a guy taking people's lunches. It's like yeah, there keeps being shootings around this precinct. Yeah

Um, yeah, he's a fucking horrible person and I'll probably get away with it, right? You think The Walter Scott guy just got in trouble. Yeah, I feel like the first cop that killed a guy That guy shot a guy in the back and lied about it. Yeah, he did he lied about it. There's a question about like You know the racial aspect of it that people are asking and it's like I don't really know, you know, it doesn't matter He killed. Yeah, it's something. Yeah. Yeah, but I I mean a part of me was like thank God it wasn't black eye You know Because that would have been that would have how horrific that would be because that one's like so much worse than the Phil Andrew Castillo one

Yeah, it is but they straight up like that one so bad. Yeah, I mean they did the same thing with Philando It wasn't a big a dickhead about it. Yeah, they did the only difference No, the Philando one you don't it starts off. He's already shot, right? That's so you don't know that's true That's true. You don't know what happened. I mean, I agree that they murdered him and like they absolutely murdered that event Like it tells you everything you need to know about the fucking NRA cuz they right right right everybody's there's two sides to every story Yeah, why wouldn't they go to bat for like a license concealed carry guy because he's black again that's like all you all you fucking need to know about that organization that and And does not stand for what I thought it did I

I made that mistake and it's like well is it really that racist of me That's doing their track record. That's right. Yeah. Yeah, you know, I know I do that with every organization that has an end Yeah, you don't even want to know why what I thought Nintendo stood for Why do you think Nick's not allowed on the NBA podcast guys? Yeah, why you know why because of what he thinks the end stands for Yeah, it's NBA stands for Nick's black associations. Yeah, I thought he was talking about his own name this whole time Stealing Nick's black associations The things you associate with black people

Fuck man. Well, you know, we haven't just we haven't discussed. It's our baby boy's birthday. Yeah I said the N double ACP. It's the N double N. CP Yeah, and and and Color people. Yeah And I'm not gonna I'm not gonna tell you what it stands for but maybe some of the smarter audience members Nice Necessary not bad People that's right cover. Yeah. Um, yeah, I'm gonna some cover here. It's Nick's

Nick's 29th birthday today everyone. Mm-hmm So how does it feel from all the fans to you Nick a happy Many happy returns. Is that do you speak for all the fans? They asked me to say Ernest is throwing up underneath the couch. It's for your birthday. Yeah That's a little present for you There he goes It sounds weird this time. It sounds fucked up. He loves throwing up dude. Yeah, he's such a good boy We should kill him. He's such a good boy. He is a good boy. We should put him out of his misery

I feel good for him doing the things that he likes. You think throwing up is what he likes to do I bet you it's it's fucking pain. I don't think Ernest does anything. He doesn't like doing I Think he's just trapped in his fucked up body, dude. Yeah, so you're saying he's trans. He's trans. Yeah Yeah, how do you know if your pet has body dysmorphia? Oh, what the fuck was that for you? He was like, yeah That's not like a guy crying dude Yeah, what if Ernest is about to turn back into the man he was that's those are the sounds that Ernest makes Yeah, I mean crying a good man crying. Yeah

Well, what should we do tonight? We're going to Dave and Buster's or what? Oh, I got some Dave and Buster's for you My cock Wow Selma Hayek Hayek right? Oh Harvey Weinstein. Yeah, this bother named Salma That's her name. It's not Selma. No, that's the place where MLK Have I just named her name for like 30 years? Yeah, dude. How did you beat off to her? I don't know. I didn't read Yeah, you don't read while I jack off. Well, how did you even Google your name go college professor? Yeah, I am What are you some kind of yep college guy? I just saw that movie Cruel intentions and the black guy in the movie says to Selma Blair's character

He's like I'm writing a musical right now. I'm Martin Luther King and Selma Blair turns to him as she says He's my favorite Yo, you know what I just watched behind behind the candelabra. Oh, yeah, yeah, I love it with my mom, dude My mom came to what's his name Chris the lover. Yeah, I guess I don't remember what's the lemon. Yeah Yeah, but what I don't remember. I think Chris, but I don't remember Shit, I was fucking high as shit. Luba Ratchy invented libertarianism, right? Yeah Stay out of my bedroom. He's actually Ron Paul. Stay out of my wallet. He's Ron Paul's dad It's Ron Paul. It's Liberace Paul Ron Paul Rand Paul

Yeah, he was stunned dude. He was coming through with like big-ass minks and like yeah, yeah Bentley's and shit Yeah, he fucking ruled and he was getting getting boys plastic surgery to look like him to look like him Imagine why the fuck I was a big fancy gay instead of a self-loathing closeted one That would be so cool a lot nicer. Well, he was self-loathing in closeted He he'd never admitted. He was gay and he died of AIDS and he like deal and he well I mean he was super gay. He was gay as hell But just never never publicly said right and he would sue newspapers that said he was gay and he like he His he also hated thought all gay people were going to hell except him

He said he had a vision that God came down to him and because he was so good at playing piano Like there's a program if you're an exceptional gay guy, I guess God needed a guy with AIDS is really good at being That's the thing about having to bring the AIDS with you To the two gay guys that got passes for Liberace and Roy Cohn all facts go to heaven starring Bert Reynolds Dom Delouise I Do love Dom Dom Delouise. Yeah, he's great playing itchy in that movie. Oh, that's right. That's right. Yeah, yeah He was probably my first fat

Inspiration my life has been a not Chris Farley. No, it was he was before Chris Farley Dom Delouise was one of your heroes. What am I? Child yeah, no joke once I realized what did you even know Dom Delouise in my all dogs go to heaven? But he's just like a weiner dog. He's in some other shit, dude I was very aware of Dom Delouise little kid a Mel Brooks movie more than Chris Farley Chris Farley was later. I'm telling you Dom Delouise was the first one Chris Farley was the first fat guy where I was like Wow, it's cool to be fat and and I have very fat memories attached to Dom to Chris Farley because my mom was a waitress at a Greek restaurant Icarus and on Saturday nights if I waited long enough

She would bring trays of leftover fried calamari and you'd watch us and I would watch SNL and eat fucking fried Damn, should we get calamari for your birthday, Nick? You wanted seafood recently you want to get some seafood? Yeah, I don't know what we should do Let's get a fat dick lunch big dick lunch. Maybe with our cocks hanging out Yeah, I got some I got errands to run today. I might postpone shit till the weekend bitch You're a damn bitch. Yeah, we should get steaks. Why should we get steaks? To celebrate your birthday or something. I got shit I gotta do today. I'm sorry. All right. Fuck it. We got it. We got we got business moves We got to make it. That's what at 330. The two of you are Mongoloids. I'm not okay. First of all, do not use that word

Oh, yeah, who got do not use that. We got in trouble for that. Felix. Oh, really? And someone else said it was funny dude. What the fuck? Who got mad at Felix for saying Mongoloid? He called the the the murder cop Mongoloid. Oh my fucking god. Like excuse me. Oh my god Wow, really? There's no place on the web for people who talk like this. I Am the president of the DSA is being with target I won the election. I'm guessing the correct amount of jelly beans And now I demand that Felix step down

From chopper wrap house One of these days I'm gonna say Mark my words Damn dude, you can't even call a murderer a Mongoloid anymore. Yeah, it's offensive to Arthur What are we gonna do next? Cancel divo, you know, yeah rid of the divo show. Yeah, exactly. Get rid of the annual DSA divo show Just because of a word. That's right. He's uh, where's that song go? Mongoloid

Not even close. Yeah. Yeah, that's it. He's a Mongoloid Y'all know that diva song. You know that Mongoloid song about the Motherlord good Mongoloid It's every diva song I don't know any other diva. We're dressed like science guys Yeah, they're they're cool

There's a Mongoloid place Where every fucking late new wave song, you know, mm-hmm. There's the only two I know, you know, you know what I mean Be 52s and the dead Kennedys are the same band. Yeah, we've talked. Yeah, Jello has the same voices that guy You know, he named himself after Bill Cosby because he loves rape. Yeah Yeah, it's true Jello, California Umber Alice Fuck what was Dom Deleweson that I remember as a child? Shut up. I love that you don't know you were just aware of a I was I think my dad

Yeah, I think my dad was making fun of me for being fat and I call me Dom Delewes Although he was fat he is kind of fat now, right? He was fat he had a heart attack then he lost a bunch of weight and started like getting his dick sucked Getting some strange in the woodshop So that joke you do is a lie that he didn't get his life back together No, it's that's that is the joke when he got in shape Right. He did the opposite of getting his life together. He just fucking we started cheating because he got in shape Which is like, I mean look I can't blame my mom. I wouldn't want to be married your mom either

Hey, whoa, whoa brother. My mom's a wonderful caring woman. You know who would you fuck your mom? Um, if I was if I was no right now, would you fuck your mom? Yeah? Hmm. That's interesting. I would not but yeah, why can you blame your father? Okay? Because she's my mother would you fuck that doesn't make any sense. Would you fuck your mom? No, but my mom doesn't fuck anybody Adam. Would you fuck your mom? Absolutely? Okay? I would also then we would all fuck Adam's mom We need to find a cure and that's the first step Try just try it. My don't know if it's gonna work, but try it Lorenzo's oil. Yeah, they did the first curie tries his fucking his son. I Really remember that movie a lot from as a child too for whatever reason I watched it a bunch

Isn't that uh, who's in that new Richard Busey? I mean Richard Gary Busey No, no the other guy that looks like a handsome or Gary Busey Nick Nolte Nick Nolte. Yeah, right? He's in Lorenzo's oil, isn't he? How about Dick Salty, you know, mm-hmm? He's a rapist pirate Word Dick Salty, baby Dick Salty there you go character for the show Me love to rape Don't say the r-word. Don't say it. I'm a I'm a retarded And then I'm the head of the the

Caribbean DSA Anybody that says the hour word isn't allowed any of the rubies that we stole from the natives This is what I was saying earlier. There should be dick communism where if you have a big-ass dick Mm-hmm two inches of it gets sliced off. Yeah, how about this someone with a small split up to pussy for everybody? Oh, that's also good. Yes, pussy communism and dick communism. Yeah, you know, but I'm no not dick Everybody get no no. See everybody stay the same. No, no hold on slick Let's do this 70s communist

Andre cousin says to say yeah, Andre's car Andre's radical cousin. We just convinced all the women to Give up the pussy Yeah, because it's not about wealth and equality because the only only reason people care about money is so they can get that pussy Preach if you look at the underlying, you know tap, I call it tap at all. I call it tap at all Oh tap at all you're trying to tap at all Doss tap at all. Mm-hmm It's a book what are you looking for put your fucking stop doing that. You're you're distracting me. Sorry the communist vagin breast. Oh, you know Yeah, the communist vagin breast

That's my favorite book dude, yeah, it's just a bunch of pictures of fucking different titties Yeah, and pussies. It's gonna be great when this like communism is cool bullshit dries up. Yeah, there's probably a fair amount of people That are just doing it because it's the cool shit to do, right? I mean, that's literally everybody's both of you guys No, we got there in the communes join the DSA. Yeah, because I think that shit's good But I'm not what shit you're gonna go into a single meeting You know, I'll give him some money in support. That's better than that doing shit I give my money to places that I like fully understand what they're doing like No, yeah

No, it gives a lot of money to charity. I don't give a lot of money No, not not comparatively compared to us. You do. Okay, I give I give to I've given to two different people that have stopped me on the streets Just because I feel that's not cherry. Those are homeless. No, no, no, like we have to sign Yeah, I give a lot. It's tax deductible. I'm just writing down guy that smelled like shit I feel like a real dummy, but I gave Keaton's mom ten thousand dollars. Oh Yeah, only after I found out she was right, of course, of course, of course like now You better spend this on swastika tattoos, of course is the international good No, they're bad anything with international

Name god damn it. Yeah, you Except the international truck company international house of pancakes international aspect. I give to the international I'm into them for like I'm gonna see I'm gonna tab it. I am to see international bad. I'm nasty international. Good. What's that? It's like just bunch of I would just to see if I get audited It would be very funny to put down on my taxes that I gave a million dollars to retarded kids. I Don't know where they went. Yeah, you'll look the same. I don't give you receipts They're drawing. Yeah, I have a drawing in fucking feces. This is the way you take this as a receipt. I

Help retarded kids. So, you know, no one's allowed to criticize me. Absolutely. Look, I just think you should be in it Republicans are winning because idiots get to just you know Support and not have to think and that's what I am. I'm a very liberal dumbass motherfucker I don't want to I just know what I believe in and you know other people can figure it out I'll give you a little scratch, you know, let's get some universal health care You know, let's get some sexy-ass refugees over here. I'm starting to think universal health care is a bad idea. Really? I want to die, dude Yeah, I don't want it for me. I want to go out quick. I want to fucking I want my heart to explode it, you know

This year preferably let's do a bunch of coke till we have heart attacks be perfect getting married to some French African woman Oh, fuck. Yeah, dude, you know, that'd be awesome this ball. We're like super dark ball Oh, yes, then no one can say I'm racist because I had her shipped over here to be my wife Like we can center on a plane I'm like it has to be No a wooden one And that's you better have a basement We're gonna Oh, yeah, my bitch over here on the

And then I write an article about it on the good man project. Yeah, I fucking you know that website the good man That's a real thing. Yeah, it's like how to be a cuck bitch and respect your daughter I actually don't even know what it's about. I like glance that it once or twice But somebody actually display name the gay man project. That's awesome Which is a salute. It's perfect. You know what it is. It's an elegant solution Absolutely, dude. I mean It's exactly it's the same Beginning letter, you know, just a wine set of OOD, you know, that would have been better if instead of the final solution

They came up with an elegant solution to the Jewish question, right, you know Well, I think Al-Qaeda is working on that right now. Um, they Offer whatever whichever one they are actually coming back a little bit. They offer $20 any Jew that kills another Jew It would cost less than the Holocaust it costs probably a hundred bucks. Yeah, you'd be left with like four Jews. Yeah That's good comedy. You need comedy writers and guys to make bagels. Exactly. So you save like 20. Yeah, and that's it Mm-hmm, and that would be an elegant solution To our the biggest problem of our world

No, I'm saying back then. I'm not a problem now. Wow. That's people don't consider that I don't know if this is a hack bit, but like have you ever considered that maybe Hitler killed all the bad Jews? That's why people are like, how did that happen? It's like you didn't know which ones he was talking about They got rid of them. We were left with the good ones. That is true. Technically. I'm not sure. Yeah, you don't know You never met them. I didn't meet them. Yeah, and you know, it's really everyone who went off to those camps could have been the one That's like I'm stealing candy from a baby and no one can stop me And all the other ones are like can we just write jokes for TV? Yeah, the ones that they were like you both give these guys a pass for a little well

We know one of them who died. We had a diary of one of them who died Eli was L No, who fucking who was a right? He was a ray grab the gas. He grabbed a girl's ass. Can we trust anything he ever wrote? I don't think so. No, he's well you got to consider this and Frank seems like she was like pretty normal or whatever But she lived in Amsterdam not a single mention of like fucking Big doings, so she was probably like the least Nurture person she was very unchill. Yeah, I bet you love tattling on people for smoking weed Oh and for hiding from the Nazis. Yeah, she tattled on herself. She got caught, right? Yeah, that sucks. She's dead Poor in poor in yes, I've we on the live show on Monday

We were talking about the Diary of Anne Frank about the part where she feels her own titties and then stop got really that's you're like Fuck I sure read that. Yeah. Yeah. I didn't know there was so much beating off in the diary of Anne Frank That's literally the only part I remember. There's that and then the period when she got her period Yeah, which I also thought was hot dude. I thought that was sick So how much space did they have to like maneuver around so funny when you're like an ad invention of like sexuality in any context You're like I have to jack Yeah, yeah, oh damn my cousin's reading. Are you there? God is me Margaret. I'm about to beat off I got that from the library and I like then had a bunch of questions for my parents and then my mom

Brought me back to the library and like yelled at them. Yeah Must my son fuck. I'm sorry. I lost the voice my son will never learn about women women's pussies He will only use them as a sexual object Yeah, she taught me well. She taught you just take the pussy. She said when you come up on a bitch You just need to take Wessie a horse. Mm-hmm. That's what your dad said. That's what my mom said Oh, oh and your mom. No, my dad actually told me to respect my mom told me to respect women. My dad did not I

Don't remember my parents ever giving me like a gendered talk about anything actually. I never got a sex talk I never got any kind of like Yeah, my parents are always like just like please stop being a piece of shit Never like treat women in the respect it was like stop fucking, you know throwing rocks Start there Yeah, if he can ever have an intimate relationship with another human being That's a win the women yet Yeah, I was bad I'm still a bad guy

Yeah, but come on some things never change sometimes you meet other bad guys. Yeah, I started podcast with him Become the world's preeminent You know a star a voice of authority on being a bad guy. Oh, yeah, that's us man Yeah, we're all wearing leather fucking jackets on motorcycles right now. Yeah, that's the best type of noodle That's a noodle. Oh Okay, I said it stops me like I like Yeah, no, I can really get into this Personally, I'm really getting into fucking chow fun. Yeah, that's cool. Oh the big

Asian to begin with Asian for sure I think they don't honor as much as I love a nice fucking Italian is a little too heavy, but I like it a lot Yeah, I will say a child a rice noodle. I like a I like like a silvery Noon rice noodle. I like that like a vermicelli No, no, that's too thin. I'm talking flat Wide but thin like chow fun. Mm-hmm a good low main noodle a good ramen noodle Executed correctly. The last I will take that over pasta. I don't know. I've gotten less. I've gotten away from

Italian pasta and Italian noodles in my old age and I've mm-hmm, you know, I've migrated towards asianic noodles Jeez, let's see what other kind of noodles are there Do Indians have noodles? I it's mostly rice. No, no, they never come back as a noodle if you fuck up Oh shit, that's the lowest level. I Would like I got to look at a chart of the whole cast system because I forget Mm-hmm, you know, yeah, it's like the doo-doo people. Yeah bottom, but then underneath them is like cow And then it has number monkey and then butterfly. Oh shit really Yeah, so if you're in the lowest cast, can you fuck a cow? No, no

No, that's why cows are sacred because it's like I think cow is like directly under untouchable or maybe they're better than untouchables Because you can fuck untouchables. Yeah, but you can't eat them You just can't touch them. I don't think they can eat cows They don't eat cows. No No, what's at the top the Brahma? Yeah, the Brahma bull. That's what the rock is the calm so Boston guys Mr. Phoenix is that what Brahman? Yeah, what is that Boston Brahmins? That's the type of guy It's like it's like an accent. It's an accent. It's like the old New York. Mr. Feeney like that. Yeah, it's like mr. I'm gay. Yeah, mr. Matthews come suck me off. Yeah, that kind of thing

Yeah, we did that on the show the old New York accent guy. It's like I'm I'm trunks now. Oh, yeah, I've become trunks Yeah, after everyone says Teddy Roosevelt like that, you know bad ass any I guess he was but he talked pretty Pretty talk like that made. Yeah. Yeah. No, he didn't. Yeah, huh? No We had a blackout voice like this. No, that's what you imagine confusing FDR and Teddy. No, no, no, no No, no, no, I know exact in fact when I hit listen to Teddy Roosevelt I thought wow this sounds way more like FDR. They're recordings of him speaking. Yeah That's what that's what did it because everyone assumes he talks like this because he has that mustache and shit

Yeah, and he looks like the guy from Mythbusters, but he doesn't do he was a genius to who Teddy. Yeah Yeah, he used to read like two books a day. That doesn't make you a genius All books back then were like fucking pulp books about like fucking he's probably reading like shit about like going to Africa and shit and like Yeah, you know shooting elephants for ivory, but he was actually doing that shit. Yeah, and he was doing it too He's like opinion was that every man should go to war to build character Well, that's what people used to think why Churchill thought that Churchill was a fucking war monger Yeah, of course you'll ever go to war. He seems too fat like it was like it But up until the 20th century every generation of men. Yeah, I did go to war at least little skirmish

Absolutely like pacifist prior. My dad says something to me like that like oh, you'll never go to war So you'll never understand like being a man. I was like you never went to war you fucking pussy Like my dad's in the Greek army. Yeah, my dad served in the army, too, but you know you had to you had to start Yeah, you did basic training and I went to college. Yeah. Yeah My dad the basic train then went back on the streets, baby Yeah, maybe we should go participate in an armed conflict so we can get maybe that should be the next step for us You want to yeah? We'll see if vice documentary series, but instead of journalists. They just straight up give us guns and cocaine

Okay, and let us go to Africa to make it better Yeah, let's go to Liberia Because everyone sort of speaks English. The Liberia was founded by Liberace, right? Yeah, that's right Yeah, that's the first that's the first libertarian Republic of Liberia The Liberacean Republic of Liberia. Mm-hmm. Just see Mario Batali got accused. Oh, yeah He's a sexual who under the radar. I know it's like there's so many now You know, there's also there is a David Copperfield's a pedophile damn what yeah, he'll make your hymen disappear

Basically anybody who has a private island. Yeah, if you have any kind of compound even doesn't he fuck Claudia? No Compounds are for racists Islands are for pedophiles. That's true. I want a compound. That's right on an island Double the rare double is Branson. You think a pedophile? Yeah, why would you name your company virgin unless you're like trying to hot? Yeah, well, he says I've never had sex incorporated especially not with children Not pedophile

Richard, I don't know if we can go with I don't fuck kids Is there something shorter maybe that we could use He said he started that because he was 16 when he started his record company. Yeah, yeah, that was his first company Yeah, but he definitely fucks kids with Obama when they that's what they parents Obama That was his first day after he was the president a little boy's boy pussy. Yeah Yeah, you didn't see that whole picture Obama's first two things he did was go on vacation I know that was brutal and then come back and then give a speech to Wall Street It's so funny is like everybody's like, you know, Donald Trump drinks 12 diet coaxed a day and it's like

Who cares nobody gives a shit? That's such a non-issue and then like also at the beginning of the Obama administration We're like, isn't it cool that Obama smokes? Everyone's like thought it was great that Obama was like smoking cigarettes on like the the patio Well, dude, yeah young young cool youngish cool black guy smoking cigs over old-ass grandpa drinkin Join soda pops. It is very funny. It is cool kids drink soda It is very funny kid out there listen to this show, you know, you're 10 years old. Yeah, exactly Don't drink water. They drink drinks. Oh, duh. First of all, you say thank thank your mom and dad for buying you Come-Town premium. That's right

Number one, you're on a great start. Oh, yeah, emotionally now now we're trying to match you physically with what you're doing yourself psychologically Yeah, if you live a child listen to this show, you might as well just feed them fucking soda No, I do straight up and we know Christmas is around the corner So stocking suffers if you are parent you could get your oh, you know, you should you know You should get them some stavey baby merch I got two t-shirts out there boys and girls a stavey shop. I got a real stocking stuff right here I'm talking about my dick ladies. Let me put my let me fuck your shoes

Yeah, I'm trying to fuck some socks. Yeah, but by my merch. Yeah, he's a nice guy, but he fucked all my socks Did you guys ever beat off into a sock that was like a go-to move I never did you use socks is like fucking right I'm cleaning tools to work with this guy heroin addict junkie told the story cut a hole in his pocket so he could yes Yes, yes, yes, but he told me a story one time that when him and his friend were like 13 They would put socks on each other's dicks and jack each other off because it wasn't gay because we weren't actually touching Yeah, sometimes we put on condoms and fuck each other in the ass You know safe a hazmat suit, but you cut a slit out and pull your dick out in a condom It's totally straight cover it in latex. You think there's like bio shock fetishist that fuck

Outside of that little hazmat suit if we get so hot inside one of those. Yeah, you're fucking It would create a little habitat you're not touching skin to skin. It's just get like so. Yeah, we get so steamy in there Oh boys. Good news. What picture on his double back on their decision to raise prices without asking really? I knew it Damn swag. I knew it. Damn the dick is big. Well, congratulations to we did it us for our brave stance that we took and Nick's Really good email. He wrote you guys. Yeah, we messed up. We're sorry and we're not rolling out the fees change By the way, somebody came to the show the other night and they they didn't know that there's a premium feed if you listen

A lot of people don't know that you don't know this we do two episodes a week There's another episode. There's twice as much come town Yeah, that's on that's on you go to patreon.com slash come town and you can subscribe for five dollars a month and get Additional four episodes plus like video content. Well, you can get the whole archive. That's true of premium episodes Yeah, so please do that for and then every Sunday a night. There's a new premium that comes out. Yeah Also as an aside, we had our last show in New York of the year. We're back to the 22nd of January. Thank you Great. Oh, yeah, awesome Amazing. Sorry if you didn't

Get there early enough because I think yeah, we sold out a lot of people were turned away and We were very touched by the amount of love and support even that guy that That that was yo and also didn't like me. Hold on. Hold on. Let me read this. Okay creators and patrons First of all, I don't want to hear could the word creator anymore. That's yeah, that's awful I prefer Entrepreneur, you know, I'm only created our art truck art truck manure entrepreneur art and dash Triprana and what you shall refer to me as we heard you loud and clear We're not going to roll out the changes to our payment system that we announced last week

We still have to fix the problems that those changes addressed But we're going to fix them in a different way and we're going to work with you to come up with the specifics as we should have Done the first time around many of you lost patrons and you lost income No apology will make up for that. But nevertheless, I'm sorry It is our core belief that you should own the relationships with your fans. These are your businesses. Okay, you're fans They're saying the right shit. This is all right. Yeah I'm gonna have to I'm gonna just ad lib some extra stuff in here. I'm gay and I'm an idiot Can't believe you'd admit that

I Spent hours and hours on the phone with creators and so is the patreon team your feedback has been crystal clear the new payment system are Disproportionately impacted one to two dollar patrons. We have to build a better system for them Aggregation is highly valued and we underestimated that Fundamentally creators should own the business decisions with their fans not patreon We overstepped their bounds and injected ourselves into that relationship. Okay. It's a business. Yeah, I mean they're owning up to it Yeah, that's great. And they're saying exactly what the fucking problems were. Um, Trayvon Martin was a thief Wow, that's huge! He didn't steal anything. He was just wearing a hoodie

I'm just gonna scroll past that part This may be controversial but baep 2 was better than the first one. No! Why what's wrong with these people? Yeah, they don't understand. Tell them to- this is F'd out Quit while you're ahead. Okay? This is f'd out. this is f'd out.-Yup this is F'd out. Yo, this is freaking f'd out dude this is freaking effed man I'm freaking having sex oh also also yeah guys probably the only podcast better than ours gotta do a plug huh let's plug

yeah we should plug a faking it radio there are two guys that I guess are just fans of Baltimore come on don't like tell them these people the actual name of their show is it too late now yeah it is too late but like nobody watches that show it's they're gonna have like a flood of fucking people I mean I don't even know these guys I don't either I do this shit with Tom Myers I've known Tom Myers like 15 what a plug is bad for getting a little traffic no god damn well you're just fucking laugh no these guys because it's funny this is like that's like borderline like all right it's called something else no there's

other people that we do that shit that yeah it's called guys we fucked well it's called two dope queens and the time I'm sorry because again I've known Tom a long time Tom's been doing comedy has like a public persona like it's very easy to find Tom other people have mentioned Tom before in the context we have right right not like discovering right like you know two people that well you're gonna edit it out or no no I'm not gonna edit it out cuz I'm fucking lazy but in the future like be mindful of like the fact that a lot of people listen to the show and it's not cool to like I guess because there's

ways around if you want you can make fun of somebody just be vague about it and then like the real psychopaths will figure out who the fuck you're talking right right you know don't just like put just a good yeah don't it's a bad podcast it's good it's really good and I love it but I guess I it's I don't love things for real anymore I guess I can only like yeah I can't like good things it sucks the only good thing I like anymore is the National Basketball Association stop and I went to wait that's what it stands for I thought it's a well gang we also have a show at fucking in DC on the 22nd big big show

at the black cat all three boys will be there we'll be having a nice fat show for you so please come out to that and if it sells well and even if it doesn't probably will probably hit the road yeah dude I'm excited to go on the road we got a woman doing spots we got a book it baby 2018 is gonna be the year of us going out to this beautiful country fucking spothead yeah oh yeah yeah yeah yeah I'm not talking I'm not talking about the posty sarcoma this time a lot of people used to call me spothead when I let my AIDS get to I let my AIDS flare up sometimes I get off prep for a while just to see I like to I call it riding

the razor's edge I get my t-cell down count the now like 15 yeah oh yeah I've never felt more love oh yeah I love just getting high off having AIDS well there was a that's why they do it that is a prep that we were doing surfing remember we're saying how they were you saying Nick it's a guy who take what is he takes prep so that he just in case he does some gay shit yeah that was that was the thing I was you know I'll take that shit just in case I'm not it do not do not say this to me also I'm in Boston this Saturday the 16th still some tickets left please come out your laugh boss of blues no I'm doing

the small room at the house of blues your headlining yeah damn I gotta start doing more headlining spots yeah I gotta I gotta build a new hour though so I don't I fuck well that's why we should go on tour we'll do like a half hour yeah I see if I'm gonna see if somebody will feature me for sure thing is I never I never went on the road with anybody I was just in with clubs and I don't have a relationship with clubs anymore dog let's just go on the road email well instead of featuring for someone let's just go the three of us we have enough people that we all do a half hour we do feature time yeah I was like

dear club owners and bookers very few of you are familiar with this man Richard Spencer but I think he is 2014 we don't know what's going on wow you were on him that early he's got a whole like white supremacy prospects like Colton actually was one of them Colton burpo or was the key Keaton Keaton burpo buster and Skeeter yeah what the guys we had a lot of we had a lot of half-hearted jokes on this episode I thought yeah yeah I thought beating and Skeeten was the best joke in the episode how about buster Skeeten buster I already had a pretty nutted up that's true on the nut on the nut index he's up there

buster Skeeten buster Skeeten that guy that guy wow remember that thing where the building falls on him and then he comes you should host a show on Turner classic movies are you like remember when Charlie Chaplin he's like he's trying to but the Murphy bed won't close oh yeah that's pretty good remember fuck yeah there you go thanks for listening everybody the mirror thing he does and he's like it's a guy it's another guy just tricking him to make him think it's a mirror instead of him there's a memory of like being like a little kid and white men can't jump came on like Fox I

used to love that prime time fox and I was watching in my uncle's house and my uncle lived in like Jersey outside of Philly and the movie started and my parents like we got to go home and I'm like but I'm like I just started watching this and like it'll still be on when you get home because of the time zone change and I was like really and they're like yeah of course it'll be two hours earlier when we get home to Maryland yeah and then we got there and of course it was like later and I was like what the fuck you just lied to me they were like yeah we're not gonna stay there so you can watch white men

some fucking seven-year-old women my dad did that to me with the Simpsons it was like on at like 830 on Sundays and like I guess my bed time was 830 or something and so he's like yeah I'll get them to change it dad just comes up from the basement and his like shirts off and he's got boxing gloves on and it's just a bunch of cum all over his mouth he's like it's bedtime turn the telly off don't come down in the basement oh no I lost again zero and a hundred my dad has gotten beat up by a lot of kangaroos all right folks